TOWARDS A QUIETER MIND

by THE REVEREND DAVID NICHOLS, ASSOCIATE RECTOR

This line from the opening paragraph of St. Augustine’s Confessions will have the ring of familiarity for many of you. I have pondered Augustine’s words a great deal since I was reminded of them in a recent conversation.

At times restlessness, distraction, anxiety and covetousness can crowd out the rest of one’s interior life. I suspect you know the feeling of the racing mind at bedtime or the heart that longs for the next shiny new thing as soon as you’ve acquired the last one. Lately for me that’s been a Boston Whaler. (Picture my wife’s eyes rolling.) Then, there are the concerns about the innumerable legion of problems faced by a world inhabited by billions of people.

Despite efforts to curtail my intake, I consume too much news. It buzz- es through my head, even during peaceful moments. As if that weren’t enough, there are worries closer to home — the immediate needs of our families and fears about their safety and future, the remembrance of those we love and those we have lost, the fond memories of good seasons in life clouded by the melancholy of that season passing.

This buzzing of thoughts and half-visions that swarm the mind in moments of quiet are all too familiar. Perhaps this is why we modern day folk are so apt to avoid quiet — to grab the smartphone and chase away the empty, terrifying silence. Yet, this is not just a modern problem. As easy as it is to blame technology or to point the finger at bad politicians, feckless Silicon Valley bros or consumerism, the problem lies primarily in the fallen human heart.

The early desert monks and nuns certainly knew of distractions from prayer, and it wasn’t because of smartphones, commercials or the constant stream of world news. They certainly knew of a noonday demon who sapped energy for work and prayer. St. Augustine would also have known all too well the many thoughts which disquiet the mind. In his early days, he sought pleasure, romance and the loftiest heights of his intellectual career in Imperial Rome. Inclined toward worldly pursuits, he was never satisfied with prior accomplishments.

After converting to Christianity, Augustine came to understand that our hearts are forever restless until we find sanctuary in God. We cannot, by our own power, find the peace that we so desire. Secular notions of mindfulness, helpful though they may be, are not enough. We need time to think about and process the course of our lives, to be sure — to turn off the screens and think quietly about our memories, hopes, dreams and worries. I know I don’t allow myself that time, which explains the intrusion of all the noise when I am in the car or as I prepare for bed.

And yet, for a truly quiet mind — for a heart not constantly restless — we also need time at prayer. Perhaps you know that on some level. And yet, what should you do? Prayer often seems difficult, especially in the beginning. I am no master of prayer life, but I will offer here two practices that I believe can begin to lead to a quieter, more peaceful mind. When I am driving and my thoughts dwell on the things I don’t have or on the worries of the world, I pause and say a brief prayer. I don’t scold myself for thinking these thoughts; I just try to release the covetous, anxious feelings and instead offer thanks to God — thanksgiving for the blessings I have already been given and gratitude for what God has done and for what God has promised. This doesn’t always make the anxiety or the desire for other stuff go away, but it helps. This practice acknowledges for me the fundamental reality that our hearts are restless until they rest in God. It reminds me that what peace I do possess comes from God. The cumulative effect of offering each tiny prayer is not perfection or total contentment, at least in my case. I still want the Boston Whaler, but prayer reminds me that — much as I might enjoy it — I will still have a restless heart if I get one. My heart will be restless until God is all it wants. My second piece of prayer advice is to seek time in silence with God. We need to feel the love of the maker, the sustainer of our reality, the One who — more than anyone else including ourselves — knows and desires the best for us. There is little in life more sweet than sitting silently in a beautiful place and casting one’s mind up to the heavenly country where God and the saints dwell.

I am learning that this is okay. I say a very short prayer and try to re-focus. I give it the time that I have. Sometimes two minutes, sometimes 30. I never regret it.

You might think you cannot sit in silence with God. That you simply cannot turn off those racing thoughts. I would offer that even when the active thoughts of the mind are distracted, there is value in allowing space for the soul to search for its maker. There is peace — even short glimmers of bliss — in sitting before the Lord and doing our best to have our hearts dwell in Him. The soul might find closeness to God even as the mind races.

Prayer and meditation are not a self-help program to perfect peace. But we cannot go wrong in seeking a solution to a troubled mind in God: the way, the truth and the life. When we turn to God with our restless hearts and minds and acknowledge that God is the only source of true peace, we have found ultimate truth.

There is nothing on our phones that will ease our restless hearts … no earthly success, no possessions, no miracle product advertised on the radio. It is only the Lord God.

This may sound lofty, like the experience of an elite few that have mastered meditation. I can assure you that does not describe me. I am not one practiced in contemplation who can meditate for hours or — if I am honest — sometimes even for a few minutes. But I am amazed at the experience of beginning the journey of silence. Of sitting (preferably outside in my case) and simply being quiet. Of directing my wild, distracted mind toward God. Toward the source of all that is. Often I can only manage for a handful of seconds at a time before the distractions come back.

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” Seek the Lord, in prayer and in silence, and I believe you may be surprised at how near the heavenly country turns out to be, waiting for your visit.

For probably the past 10 years, I’ve felt the call to join the mission team to Holy Cross Anglican School in Belize. This April, with barely any thought about the decision, I signed up to attend. My travel partner was my 14-year-old son, Richard. He is a kind, thoughtful young man and is always up for a new adventure.

St. Michael’s has sent a mission team to Belize for 16 years, and since my return home, I’ve been asked many times about the trip. I always answer the same way, “The mission was amazing! Our St. Michael’s youth and the youth that we met at Holy Cross Anglican School were the highlight of the trip for me.”

Six teens from St. Michael’s joined us on the trip: Ellery and Baker Fer-

by ROBIN KENNEDY

guson, Kahle and Bayliss van Staveren, Connor Jordan and Richard. And I saw God in every single one.

children. The sparkle in his eyes and the peals of laughter from the children were infectious.

If you want to witness the hands of God, observe the focus of 14-yearold Eagle Scout candidate, Connor, while he leads others in constructing and painting four new wooden benches for the school. Each bench was painted with a Bible verse that was meaningful to Connor:

"But seek first the kingdom of God."

—Matthew 6:33

If you want to witness the face of God, just look into the eyes of 16-year-old Kahle playing soccer in the dusty school yard while being chased by dozens of happy

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

—Philippians 4:13

"Our faith can move mountains."

—Matthew 17:20

If you want to witness the love of God, watch 14-year-old Baker help a girl with a hurt foot who was attending our Vacation Bible School. She saw the problem, asked for help from an adult with the First Aid Kit, then comforted the girl. For that entire morning, Baker attended the child, helping her walk, play and hunt for Easter eggs. But most importantly, Baker supported her emotionally, and I have no doubt both girls will always remember that example of kindness and love.

If you want to witness the will of God, sit back and allow the youth to guide the adults. 16-yearold Ellery noticed hurtful words written on the walls of the girl’s bathroom at the school and asked the adults about repainting the walls. The following day, both the boy’s and girl’s bathrooms were repainted! I am certain the students felt the impact of the clean, white walls when they returned to school.

If you want to hear the sound of God, listen to 14-year-old Bayliss join John McHenry in leading the children who attended Vacation Bible School in singing songs of praise. Several children volunteered to teach the group new songs. Hearing the joy in their voices as they shared their music with us raised our spirits.

If you want to witness the peace of God, listen closely to the daily reflections of the mission team as we gathered as a group each evening. We prayed and sang together. We also shared observations from the day and grew closer as a group.

And lastly, if you want to be filled with the faith of God, know that the Lord’s work was at hand when my son, Richard, whispered to me on the last night of our mission trip, “I’m not ready to leave Belize yet. There is still work to do. Can we come back?” rooms, built benches, constructed infrastructure at the priest’s house, organized the school library and led Vacation Bible School for 30 children. We also played hard and had opportunities to attend Palm Sunday services, visit a zoo, go cave tubing and snorkel in the barrier reef. We ate delicious ceviche, pupusas, stewed chicken, soursop ice cream, beans and rice, and even rice and beans. (Yes, they are two different dishes!) We had time for fellowship with our evening reflections and dinners together.

The trip to Belize proved to be a life changing trip for Richard and me. For what we witnessed, how we made an impact and what we shared, both of us returned home with a renewed faith and focus to serve God.

A total of 18 missionaries traveled to Belize – six youth and 12 adults. We each had different skill sets, different backgrounds and different gifts to share. Yet we all shared the same desire for personal growth, the inclination to help others, the willingness to practice patience and flexibility, the calling to build relationships within the St. Michael’s community and the passion to strengthen our faith.

We worked hard at Holy Cross Anglican School. We repaired a roof, painted everything from walls to bike racks, created signs for class- from top left: Attending Palm Sunday services at the Anglican Cathedral in Belize City, repairing the roof of the computer lab, practicing songs for VBS, teaming up for a soccer game, installing a new gate at the computer lab, Connor Jordan's completed Eagle Scout project, painting benches, a VBS puppet show, snorkeling in the Belize Barrier Reef off Amergris Caye

One of the few items I brought home was a small wooden cross that sits in the window of my office. During Vacation Bible School, the teens performed puppet shows to bring Bible stories to life. As a prop to depict the crucifixion, they built a cross using two scraps of wood secured by a single screw. The arms are uneven and a bit wonky. The wood is dinged and speckled with paint splatters and pencil marks. With all its imperfections, the cross is, well . . . perfect. Just like you and me. Serving as a missionary and witnessing the youth of St. Michael’s in action, I was reminded that we humans are also dinged up and wonky, yet we are perfect in God’s eyes while bearing witness to and carrying out His will, His faith, His love.

Robin Kennedy has been a member of St. Michael's since 2005. She has served on the Vestry, as ECW President and co-chair of the Annual Fund. She joined the staff last year as Parish Care Coordinator.

Iam a member of the Boy Scouts of America and it has been my plan to get my Eagle Scout before I turn 16. Part of the requirement for the Eagle Scout rank is to plan and lead a service project that helps a community. You may often see such projects in the form of benches or bridges along nature paths.

I had been thinking about attending the mission trip to Belize, which my dad went on a few years prior. I also wanted to make a special memory of completing my Eagle Scout project, so I quickly seized the chance to combine both.

I asked Holy Cross Anglican School what they needed. At first, I drew up plans for raised pathways or bookshelves, but to my surprise, I learned that what they really needed was benches. The students did not have enough places to sit around the playground during lunch break. So, I drew up new plans and did my best to figure out what I needed to complete my project.

The biggest challenge facing me was all the variables I had to think about, including cost, resource availability and working conditions. Another variable is working with non-Scouts. Scouts have a strong work ethic, and I was not sure if the youth who were supposed to help me would have the perseverance to focus the entire week.

Once I arrived at Holy Cross, we decided where to put the benches

by CONNOR JORDAN

and how much wood I would need. We secured the wood from a nearby lumber yard and with the help of Mr. Freddy, the school’s facilities technician, the other youth and I built all four benches on the first day.

On the second day, I ran into a problem. The paint we ordered was not delivered. I went to the hardware store with John McHenry, the mission trip leader, and sorted it out. We applied the first coat of green and yellow paint that day and the second coat the next day.

The highlight of the day was getting the Belize students involved. Mr. McHenry thought it would be nice to let the kids write their initials in the concrete. I hope they will remember the mark they left on their school.

The benches provide a pop of color against the white walls of the buildings. To make them even more special, I had the idea to put short Bible verses on the benches. With the help of several adults, we stenciled these verses: “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13), “Our faith can move mountains.” (Matthew 17:20), and “But seek first the kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33).

By the fourth day, I was worried. I expected the project to be done in two days, but the benches needed to be anchored to the building for security reasons. Also, the ground was too uneven to place and anchor the benches. To solve this issue, we decided to set the benches in concrete. We mixed the concrete by hand, which was hard work, and poured it into the mold to let it dry.

It was an honor to work with our mission team in Belize. I underestimated the abilities of the youth and adults who helped me finish my project on time. I got to know all the youth in ways I did not expect. Teamwork is a crucial aspect to getting any job done, and I am thrilled I got to work with them. I am also glad I could make a difference in the Holy Cross community by interacting with the students and improving the only school in the village. And I take pride in giving them a place to sit and take in all the wonders of God’s creation.