2017 Adoption Issue

4 >> FAMILY ADVICE Bonding tips, travel advice, favorite firsts and more!

6 >> FAQs Answers To Your Top 5 Adoption Questions!

8 >> FEATURE STORY

THE KIDS WHO WAIT LONGEST

For children 5 and older, a family can be a dream come true.

CELEBRATING THE CLASS OF

2017 HOLT ADOPTEE GRADUATES!

Holt International Adoption Magazine | 2017—2018

in this issue

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6 FAQs

Holt’s adoption advisor answers families’ top 5 most frequently asked questions.

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8 The Kids Who Wait Longest For children 5 and older, a family can be a dream come true.

14 Special Need Spotlight Opening your heart and home to a child with Down syndrome.

22 Graduates Congratulations to all of our 2017 Holt adoptee graduates!

28 Preparing to Be There

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How the Child Prediction Path parenting tool helped one family meet their child's needs.

35 Waiting Children These children need loving families.

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Cover Photo: Two-year-old Willa Fuson was adopted from China in July 2016. See more about Willa and her family on pages 4 and 5!

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Holt International seeks a world where every child has a loving and secure home. Since our founding in 1956, we have worked toward our vision through programs that strengthen and preserve families that are at risk of separation; by providing critical care and support to orphaned and vulnerable children; and by leading the global community in finding families for children who need them and providing the pre- and post-adoption support and resources they need to thrive. Always, we focus on each child’s unique needs — keeping the child’s best interest at the forefront of every decision. Visit holtinternational.org to learn more.

Holt International Magazine is produced in print and online by Holt International, a nonprofit child welfare organization founded on Christian principles. While Holt International is responsible for the content of Holt International Magazine, the viewpoints expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the organization. Copyright ©2017 by Holt International. ISSN 1047-764

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[ FROM THE PRESIDENT ]

Phil visiting children living in Holt-supported foster homes in the Philippines.

E

very year, as I read through the Holt International adoption magazine, I experience many different emotions. I feel uplifted by the stories of loving adoptive families who are now home, and whose children are thriving in their care. I feel determined to find loving families for the featured waiting children. I feel enlightened by the insights of adoptees and families. And without fail, I always feel inspired and amazed by the impressive achievements of our graduating class of Holt adoptees.

Holt received a record-breaking number of submissions this year from adoptees who recently graduated from high school, college or graduate school. From states across the U.S., and born in countries as diverse as Mongolia, Romania and Thailand, the Class of 2017 Holt adoptee graduates is a particularly impressive group. I hope you feel as inspired reading about their achievements — and their plans to take on the world — as I do.

This year, I also felt especially heartened by something I discovered in the article on page 6, in

Phil Littleton

•

which Holt adoption advisor, Caitlin Howe, answers families’ top five most frequently asked questions. I paused when I came to question #4: “Who are the kids in greatest need of adoption?”

As a child-centered organization, Holt always puts the needs of the child first. We only seek adoptive families for children who truly need them. And more and more — as children waiting for families are increasingly older or have special needs — Holt seeks families who can and will step up to love and care for these precious children. In other words, we need families who will adopt children in greatest need of adoption, and it heartens me greatly to see that among the first questions families ask Caitlin is which children need them most.

As you begin your journey to a child who needs you, I hope you also feel inspired, uplifted and enlightened by the stories in this magazine. As this year’s graduates leave their families to go pursue their dreams, a new generation of Holt families and future Holt graduates is forming — a generation we hope you will be a part of.

Adoptive Father of 3

•

President & CEO

“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me.” — Mark 9:37 3

before & after

HEAR FROM FAMILIES! If you’re beginning the adoption process, you probably have a lot of questions. Some of your best advice will likely come from Holt families like these who have already been through it before!

Once a child comes home to a permanent, loving family, their transformation can be amazing!

G E O RG I A G O LY Z N I A K 3 Lives in Wisconsin Adopted in 2016 from China

JAC K RO B I N S O N 6

This is a photo from her first few weeks home. I would do anything in those

Lives in Texas Adopted in 2013 from Korea

early days just to make her smile.

Looking at this photo now, I remember feeling like I was still “auditioning” to be her mama. I so longed for her to simply “like” me. Love could come later.

Now, there’s no doubt. She is all mine, and I am all hers. There was so much “hard” in those first days. Love can be hard, but it is always worth it. That face. So sweet it hurts.

H A N N A H W I L L I A M S 10

K AT E LY N F U S O N

Lives in California Adopted in 2008 from China

Sharing about 2-year-old Willa Read more about how the Fuson family prepared for Willa’s arrival in “Room Remodels.”

travel tips! “ “

When you travel across the world to meet your child for the very first time, there’s a lot to think about. Here are some tips to consider as you prepare for the big trip!

A kid-size backpack full of “newto-her” toys, treats, a travel pillow and a few fun activities kept us all sane through our long, LONG travel day.

Our daughter loved coloring, crafting and brushing her baby doll’s hair the most.”

Bring a front/back carrier for bonding and getting around easily, movies downloaded on a device for sleepless nights from jet lag, snacks and an adventurous spirit — there’s so much to do and see!”

NICOLE DEESE

Sharing about 3-year-old Alaina

Sharing about 6-year-old Lucy

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MINDY HOSTETTER

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Bringing an older sibling (age 14) with us when we traveled to bring home our 9-year-old son gave him a connection with an almost-peer.

His immediate comfort in this relationship not only delighted his new big brother, but allowed us to ease into bonding and attachment as parents.”

RIANN SCHELL

Sharing about 10-year-old Milo

Waiting is one of the hardest parts of the adoption process. But check out how these two families took advantage of the wait by preparing their homes for their new addition!

ROOM REMODELS

Favorite firsts No matter what age your child is when he or she comes home, there are so many “firsts” to experience together!

ADOPTION ADVICE From other Holt families!

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“Consider older child adoption. Be as informed as you can, talk with those who have done it,

T H E F U S O N FA M I LY

Tennessee, Adopted Willa from China “While preparing her room, I’ve been moved to tears several

and pray about it.

times at the adoption-gospel parallels. I can’t help but think

It’s definitely not for

about the love the Father has for us, as I long for my little girl.

everyone, but it may be for you.”

The theme [of Willa’s room] is adventure, it’s China, it’s travel,

There are so many other wonderful ‘firsts’ that will unfold once your child joins your family ­— whether it is something small like celebrating the first Christmas together or the first time you take a walk as a family, or something more monumental and beautiful like the first time you hear your son’s little voice say ‘Mama’ or ‘I love you.’ There are too many favorite firsts to count!”

QUINN HOFMANN Sharing about 6-year-old Ben and 3-year-old Sam, both from Korea

it’s Willa James, and mostly, it’s Jesus.”

TOM COURT Sharing about 10-year-old Huayi from China

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NOTEBOOK — one

It’s so hard to narrow it down to just one favorite, but I’d say introducing him to the Texas bluebonnets was pretty incredible. Our family has been doing bluebonnet pictures ever since our oldest was a baby, and it was such a joy to get all three kiddos in them. He loved running through the fields and smelling them all.”

location to keep all

ALLISON EZELL

“I have one simple tip that will save you a lot of time: BUY A

Sharing about 2-year-old Brooks from China

of your paperwork, ALL the copies, all the updates, everything.

Trust me, there will be LOTS of paperwork.”

T H E FA B R O S FA M I LY

California, Adopted Reynold from the Philippines

KRISTIN PEDDICORD

“[Reynold’s paperwork] says that he enjoys playing with

Sharing about 5-yearold Claire from China

theme, and we hope he isn’t terrified by the giant Spider-Man

superhero action figures. So we decided to go for a Marvel we put on his wall! We hope he’ll think it is cool. So now we’re ready. We have a room that’s just waiting for a little boy to come live in and breathe life into.”

“

When we brought our daughter home and she played with her older brothers for the first time. They hit it off right from the start.”

K AT I E D O R S C H N E R Sharing about 6-year-old Semira from Ethiopia

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Your

Top 5 Questions Answered

A Q&A with Holt Adoption Advisor Caitlin Howe

When families first inquire about adoption, they are often overwhelmed by the amount of information that is out there. It is my pleasure to help families get down to the basics and provide clarity so that they are able to move forward confidently in their adoption process. To give you a head start, here are answers to the top 5 questions that families ask when they first call in.

1. How do I choose a country program?

Not all families begin the process knowing which country they hope to adopt from, so if you fall into this category, know that you are not alone. Each program has unique facets to consider, such as the timeframe from application to placement or the care children receive in country.

I also like to encourage families to explore what cultural resources are available in their hometowns that can provide a link for an adoptee to their birth culture. But well before choosing a country program, first make sure that you qualify for international adoption. All countries establish their own eligibility requirements, and age, marriage length, family size, medical conditions, income and even body mass index can come into play. I encourage families to visit our parent eligibility webpage — holtinternational.org/eligibility — and take a look at the differences between each country. Comparing your family with the requirements listed can help initially determine

where you might fit. Not all requirements are cut and dry, however, so please contact Holt directly before applying if you have any questions!

2. What does Holt mean by “special needs”?

The definition of “special needs” can vary from agency to agency so it’s a good clarification to make. Because all international adoptees will need extra support to transition to a new country and culture, we consider that all children have some form of special need. But most often, when we refer to “special needs,” we are talking about factors that make it more difficult to find the right family for a child who is waiting. These include factors like being older in age, part of a sibling group or having medical or developmental needs. Children waiting for families have a broad spectrum of health and developmental needs, and often these needs are minor, correctable or treatable needs that will not require intensive lifelong treatment.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

— Psalm 27:14

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At the beginning of the process, we encourage all families to research and assess what health needs they might be open to. On the adoption application, we also ask all families to acknowledge that their child will likely have at least some minor special needs. But saying yes to special needs does not mean that you are agreeing to any and all medical needs. This is an initial acknowledgement that you recognize that the child you are matched with will require unique care, and may need some medical and professional support.

3. Do I need to have a homestudy before applying?

Families have the option of completing a homestudy before or after they apply to Holt. If you live in a state where Holt has a branch office, our staff will initiate the homestudy process after you apply. If you live outside of a branch state, you will choose from among Holt’s national network of supervised providers to complete your homestudy. Our Hague accreditation mandates that we only work with agencies that we have a supervisory relationship with. Not all agencies, however, will work for all country programs as our China and Korea programs require certain accreditation for the homestudy that other countries do not. To learn if you live in a Holt branch state or see a list of the agencies we work with, visit holtinternational.org/homestudy.

4. Who are the kids in greatest need of adoption?

and children with significant special needs. Not all families feel capable of parenting older children or children with involved special needs. It is also a persistent myth that more girls need families than boys. In truth, just as many boys need families as girls, and because the vast majority of families request a girl, boys end up waiting much longer for a family. All children — regardless of history, health, gender or age — deserve a permanent, loving family and we hope to continue to increase awareness and provide this for children all over the world.

5. How long is the process? How can I make the process go faster?

The average timeframe from application to placement for international adoption is 2-3 years.

Some agencies list the timeframe from paperwork submission to the time that they are matched with a child, but Holt lists the average time for the entire process. If a shorter timeline is a priority for your family, we do have programs that fall much closer to the two-year mark. There are parts of the process where families can help to determine the pace, such as by how efficiently you complete your homestudy. Greater openness to a variety of special needs can also reduce timeframes.

Remember, however, that flexibility is important throughout the process and that time spent waiting is not wasted. The waiting period is a great time to prepare, research and find ways to engage with your child’s birth culture and learn more about the unique care that adoptees need.

When it comes to the children that have the greatest need for adoption, we find that it is more challenging to place boys, children 5 and older,

We recognize that this can be a very overwhelming process. But we are here to help! We host monthly informational webinars that cover the basics of adoption and provide more information about Holt as an organization. For additional guidance and support, we can connect you with a mentor family that has already been through the process. Or you can reach me directly at caitlinh@holtinternational.org and I can provide further resources and set up a time for a phone or video consultation. Looking forward to connecting with you!

Caitlin Howe • Adoption Advisor

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FEATURE STORY

The Kids Who Wait Longest For children 5 and older, a family can be a dream that slowly fades.

But older children are just as deserving of love, and have lots to give in return.

Billie Loewen • Creative Lead

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n the morning of October 21, 2015, Elijah woke early and tiptoed across the cool tile floor through the bright morning light that poured in through the window, past the other metal-framed beds in his room.

He checked the window overlooking the front quad for the first of a hundred times that day, looking for a car or a van to pull through the gate.

Nothing … yet.

As Elijah’s friends stirred and woke from their beds, they played and wrestled and pulled on clean clothes.

Elijah hugged his friends, a group of three brothers close to his age who had come to their orphanage after their mother died. They wondered together what Elijah’s family might be like, the same way they had wondered together for years as one and then another of their friends left their care center in Pune, India.

Elijah sat in his normal place at breakfast, at a bench in the center of a small yellow and orange table, and ate a silver tray of food with his hands.

A big lopsided happy grin spread across his face involuntarily and his excitement grew. Mom. Dad. Big brother. Plane rides.

Elijah checked the front window again and again, looking out from the third story through rough iron bars into the front courtyard where guests entered — the same doors he’d watched other children’s moms and dads enter many times before.

At almost 6, Elijah was old enough to

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know that today was an exciting day — the day he’d meet the mom and dad he’d dreamed about — but he was still too young to realize how rare it was that a child his age would have this chance.

Elijah couldn’t have known that most of his friends would continue to dream about a day that would never come.

In adoption, children 5 and older with no physical or cognitive disabilities are still considered children with special needs — primarily because their age puts them at a serious disadvantage for being

physical, behavioral or intellectual ways.

Families that adopt an older child will need to help their child heal from trauma through unique parenting techniques, help them to learn a new language and help the entire family learn to embrace a new culture, among other things. While all of these skills can be taught during the adoption process, they do require parents who are dedicated to their child’s needs.

Regardless of the reasons, the truth remains: when a child living in institutional care turns 5, their chance of joining a

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There is no shortage of families who are willing to adopt babies or toddlers. Older children have waited years for a family of their own. They have watched friends go home with new parents while they continue to wait.”

matched with a family.

They are at a disadvantage for many reasons. First and foremost, is family preference. Many families prefer to adopt a child as young as possible.

However, just like kids with physical or cognitive special needs, older children do need families with certain skills and knowledge to help them overcome the unique challenges they face. These challenges often come as a result of living in a care center — instead of a family — for a long period of time, which can impact them in a myriad of social, emotional,

permanent family diminishes significantly — both in their birth country, and through international adoption.

In countries like China and India, where adoption is still a fairly new concept, most domestic families will only adopt a baby.

But despite the fact that globally there are more children 5 and older waiting for families — many of whom can and do express that they dream of joining a family of their own — preference for children younger than 5 still dominates in Western countries with a long tradition of adoption as well. In the United States, most

STARTING TOP LEFT, CLOCKWISE: Elijah at the beach building sandcastles. Elijah and brother Noah play at the pool. Elijah meets his mom and dad, Belvy and Travis, for the first time in India. A family photo of Elijah, left, with dad, mom and brother Noah. Elijah and Noah with their dad on the last day of school. Elijah, right, and Noah, left, explore a pineapple plantation during a family vacation.

holtinternational.org 9

“He knew we were coming,” Belvy says, “so he was excited. His expression was like, ‘Oh my God, my family is here.’”

“To see him smile and run up to us and hug us in that moment made all the waiting, paperwork and hoops we jumped through so worth it!” Travis says.

Though Belvy is Indian-American and speaks Hindi, Elijah only spoke Marathi, so most of their first joyful interactions were nonverThese kids need families who are willing bal. to commit to them, no matter what.”

“But for the most part, you know what he’s thinking,” Travis says. ages are generally eager to join a family.

They spent a few hours playing games “There is no shortage of families who and touring Bharatiya Samaj Seva Kendra are willing to adopt babies or toddlers,” (BSSK), the six-story care center where Kris says. “Older children have waited Elijah had lived for five years — just one of years for a family of their own. They have watched friends go home with new parents the several different orphanages throughout India where Elijah stayed before while they continue to wait. I have visited joining his family. orphanages where older children have reFor Belvy, her first meeting with Elijah cited poems, sang songs, danced hip-hop, and brought their artwork to share, hoping was very different than her first meeting that I will find a family for them and final- with her oldest child, Noah, whom she had traveled alone to adopt six years prior. ly it will be their turn.”

Noah was not even 2 when he traveled Travis and Belvy Huckaby remember home. At the time, Travis was preparing to the first time they saw Elijah. deploy for his job in the Air Force and he “His face lit up,” Travis says. adoptive families continue to request to be matched with a child as young as possible.

For the children who remain behind, waiting for a family can create a longing that younger children will never know.

Kris Bales, a Holt social worker with more than 14 years of experience uniting children with families through adoption, says that older children living in orphan-

“

couldn’t get the clearance to travel.

When they decided to return to India for their second adoption, Belvy and Travis say that they were totally open to any child, as long as he or she was younger than Noah, who was 7 at the time.

“We had no reservations about adopting an older child,” Travis says. “We figured whatever experiences he had before he met us will not define him and that ultimately we were going to provide him a great family, which all of us needed.”

The first time they saw Elijah’s picture on their computer screen, Belvy and Travis knew he was their son.

This time, when they traveled to India to bring Elijah home, Travis was eager to be present for the experience he had missed with his first son.

“I was surprised by a lot of things. The orphanage was nicer than I expected,” Travis says of BSSK, a long-time partner organization of Holt. “The kids were fed really well. It wasn’t like the media portrays orphanages. But, I remember there were so many kids who needed families.”

“There are a lot of children who need love and need a home,” Belvy says. “There are a lot of older kids. Lots of older kids.”

For older kids like Elijah, however, trends in international adoption offer a

OLDER CHILD ADOPTION ADVICE From families who’ve done it!

ADDING AN OLDER CHILD TO YOUR FA M I LY C O M E S W I T H A UNIQUE SET OF JOYS AND CHALLENGES. BUT AS EXPERIENCED FA M I L I E S W I L L T E L L Y O U , E X P E C TAT I O N S A R E E V E RY T H I N G .

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S O M E C H A N G E S W I L L TA K E T I M E . . .

Every experience has been different and challenging, but God has blessed us in remarkable ways each time we’ve stepped out in faith. Time and again we hear adoptive parents make statements like, ‘We cannot believe after 6 months/1 year he/she is still doing this ...’ To think that a lifetime of ingrained behavior will be changed so quickly is painfully unrealistic. It is painful for you, as parents, and painful for your child, who will see your disappointment and feel like a failure. Remember to have honest and realistic expectations for your child and carry them daily to the Lord in prayer.”

JEFF & SONGAE ARMSTRONG, TEXAS Jeff and SongAe have five adopted children and one biological child, Matthew (19).

Caitlin (17), Mark (14) and Faith (12) were adopted from China at ages 14, 13 and 12. Luke (16) and Rachel (14) were adopted as babies from Korea.

glimmer of hope.

Over the past 20 years, as more and more children have joined families domestically in their birth countries, fewer babies and young children without any identified special needs have gone to families through international adoption. Even children with fairly minor special needs are coming home at older ages. In general, this means that more older children are able to go home to a family of their own.

In 1997, more than 1,059 children joined families through Holt International, but only 57 were age 5 or older when they arrived home. Over the next 20 years, international adoption began to decline and fewer children came home overall. By 2016, about 350 children joined families through Holt, but of those, 86 children were older than 5.

As more older children have come home, Abbie Smith, Holt’s director of clinical services, says the science behind how to parent older adopted children has changed significantly, too.

“We’ve learned a lot about older child and parent bonding and attachment,” she says. “There are a lot more resources today. As social workers and psychologists, we’ve learned much more about what is a good older-child-to-family match. We

“

also know that when parents focus on developing secure attachment, all other things take off, like language growth and academic achievement.”

Just as “older children” is a broad term that can mean children of many different ages and life experiences, families who may be, as Abbie says, a “good match” for an older child come in all shapes and sizes.

“Experienced parents, empty nesters and those who have adopted before are often a good fit for an older child,” Kris explains. “We have also successfully placed older children with first-time parents who are willing to prepare themselves for the challenges these children can bring.”

Generally, Kris says, families just need to be flexible, patient, compassionate and able to display a sense of humor. Older children need parents who are dedicated to providing what they need to heal from early losses and reach their full potential.

“These kids need families who are willing to commit to them, no matter what,” Kris says.

Although older child adoption is becoming more common, the pace is not fast enough to keep up with the number of children who are waiting for families.

O T H E R T H I N G S W I L L C H A N G E R A P I D LY . . .

The child you meet in their birth country will not be the same child in one year… or even one month. Our prior adoptions should have kept this fresh in our minds. But what a reminder to find the child who anxiously filled his pockets with snacks and in a frenzy flipped every hotel room switch and opened every door, 14 months later is baking muffins with mama and can sit quietly with a book.

The child who had never heard English is now singing hymns with his grandparents. What a gift that you will change and grow together.”

R I A N N S C H E L L , WA S H I N G T O N Adopted 9-year-old Milo from China in 2016. Milo is 10 now, and his family includes brothers Monte (15), Malcolm (12), MyLinh (10, Vietnam), Moses (7, Ethiopia), and Mercy (5, China).

“

ABOVE: Elijah while still in the care of Holt’s long-time partner BSSK in Pune, India, just prior to joining his family.

SOME SHOULD NEVER CHANGE.

Embrace your child’s heritage and the life they had prior to entering your family. By doing so you help them to feel secure and whole. Realize that the experiences they have already had have a profound effect on how they react to their current reality. A lot of love, nurturing, patience and guidance does wonders for the transition.”

KAREN & MICHAEL BARNES, MISSOURI Karen and Michael had two biological children and then adopted 11 children from the Philippines. The youngest children were 5 when they arrived home. Five of their children arrived home at age 14 or older.

Several adoption programs — India, China, Vietnam and more — have faster adoption routes for families open to a child over 5.

India has recently seen a surge of healthy girls older than 6 waiting for homes, while in China, the process to adopt a boy or girl over age 5 is six months to one year faster than the process to adopt a child under age 3.

The reasons adoptive families may still show a preference for younger children vary, and are often tied to fears about raising older children. Families may feel apprehensive about adopting an older child because of language barriers, the impact of long-term institutionalization on a child, a longer transition and bonding period or just simply because they will miss out on a child’s “firsts.”

While these fears aren’t unfounded, there are many resources, trainings and support to help families feel prepared to handle the unique challenges of adopting an older child — such as research-based parenting courses that come on DVDs. “All adopted children have experienced trauma,” Abbie says. “When a child doesn’t start life receiving the love and care a parent provides, it reshapes the brain. If they are neglected or abused, that can also change how the brain develops. The longer a child lives in an orphanage, the more their adoptive family will need to help fill in the developmental gaps — basically, the parental nurturing that the child didn’t receive in their formative years. But, the important thing is that all trauma can be healed if you are willing to learn new parenting techniques and learn about the impacts of trauma.”

Resources and trainings abound to help overcome language barriers and a slew of research-based books, video series and in-person trainings are available to teach families techniques to develop a strong and healthy bond with their older child.

As for missing out on a child’s first days, Travis and Belvy say not to worry.

Regardless of how old a child is when they come home, you still get all their “firsts.”

“You still get first English words.

You still get the first tooth or the first grades,” Belvy says. “And, you get the first ‘I love you.’ You get all the fun stuff.”

When Travis and Belvy arrived home to Alaska, Elijah saw snow for the first time.

“He asked us what it was,” Belvy says.

“He was excited to play.”

Travis says when they go somewhere new, whether Chuck E. Cheese or Walmart, he has to remind himself it’s the first time Elijah has seen something like that.

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TIPS FROM A PRO! Advice from Holt’s adoption-competent counselor!

ABOVE: Abbie Smith, Holt’s director of clinical services. BELOW: Noah, left, and Elijah, right.

As Holt’s director of clinical services, Abbie Smith has helped dozens of older children join loving families prepared to parent their unique needs. Abbie also advises families considering an older child adoption, and she’s helped them work through fears about the process. Here, Abbie shares some of the most common fears families have expressed about adopting an older child.

I’m worried an older child will be permanently traumatized from their time living in an orphanage.

It’s true that starting life without the loving, nurturing attention of a family can have serious consequences for a child. But how that manifests is different from child to child. If you are willing to learn new parenting techniques, we will arm you with the training and knowledge you need to be successful.

I’m worried an older child could be violent to a sibling who is already a part of our family.

Parents must always be cautious about protecting all of their children. In general, families with young children in the home might be best prepared to parent an older child who has a documented history with younger children. That’s a good indication of how they would respond to a younger sibling. We will prepare you with practical safety tips and universal precautions.

What about language barriers? How will I be able to communicate with my child?

There are so many hand-held translators, cell phone apps and language-learning courses now! You’ll also be surprised at how quickly your adopted child will learn to speak English and how well other children in the home will learn to speak their new brother or sister’s native language.

Won’t an older child be sad to leave their country, foster family and orphanage friends?

Yes. While many older children can articulate in great detail their desire to have a family and home of their own, they will still experience grief. This is especially true for children who have lived with a foster family.

You will need fortitude to help them grieve and to help them stay in contact with their former parent figure.

Will an older child fit in with a new family?

The older a child is when they are adopted, the more of their culture and ideology they will bring home. It’s not about the child fitting in to your family or replacing one culture or way of doing things with something new, but the entire family embracing what your son or daughter will bring to your home.

“It’s awesome,” Travis says. “It reminds us to keep looking at life from his perspective. It’s fun to watch his face light up.”

The only first they missed, Travis says, was diapers: “I wasn’t sad to miss that one!”

Overall, though, the joys of older child adoption are endless. Travis says one of his favorites has been watching his boys become brothers — a bond that started before the kids even met.

“In India, all Elijah talked about was his older brother,” Belvy says.

“He really loved the planes. He’d ask how many plane rides until we meet Noah?” Travis says.

On their first meeting, Belvy and Travis gave Noah and Elijah gifts to exchange, but otherwise, it was as normal as any two children meeting for the first time.

That’s not to say everything has been easy, as Belvy and Travis both say that while Elijah never looked back to his orphanage, his emotional state in his first months home went through wide swings from day to day. There were a lot of hard days when Elijah consciously and subcon-

sciously worked through tough emotions and grew to trust his family.

But a year and a half later, Elijah celebrated his kindergarten graduation in May with a small ceremony that both Belvy and Travis attended.

“Elijah’s doing great in school,” Travis says. “He’s got teachers and friends who love him. The progress he’s made is amazing. He’s grown and changed so much in the last year and a half.”

And, as a family, they’ve grown, too.

“We’re a family like we’ve been together forever,” Belvy says. “It’s like Elijah has been there forever. He shares mannerisms with me and Travis and Noah.”

Noah and Elijah like to play sports together. They read and wrestle and act like normal brothers.

“Noah is more athletic,” Travis says.

“Elijah loves to dance and sing. He’s a big ham — definitely the entertainer. When he gets excited, he just starts dancing.”

Travis says that now that Elijah’s English has expanded, he sometimes shares memories from before he was adopted.

“The other day, he was telling us about

how he ate onions in the orphanage,” Travis says. “Noah came home so young, he doesn’t remember anything about India.

But Elijah can talk about what it was like before he was with us.”

Because Elijah was still fairly young when he arrived home, Belvy hopes that Elijah doesn’t remember some things that many older children in orphanage care feel every day — feelings that they are unloved, unwanted or unworthy.

“Older kids understand and question ‘why does no one want me?’” Belvy says.

“So if you are thinking of adopting an older child, I’d say don’t be closed. Give your heart regardless. They need the love. They will still be a normal part of your family.”

“The only difference is the older kids can use their words to express themselves,” Belvy says. “They want to be loved.”

To learn more about older child adoption, call 541-687-2202 or request free information online at holtinternational. org/requestinfo.

SPECIAL NEEDS ADOPTION FUND Because finances should never stand between a loving family and a child who truly needs one.

Learn more at: holtinternational.org/adoption-snaf

holtinternational.org 13

The Best Thing They Have Ever Done The Hostetter family opens their hearts to a little girl with Down syndrome.

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ABOVE: Mindy and Alaina during their first week together in China.

Page 15: STARTING LEFT, CLOCKWISE: The Hostetter family, including Caroline,12, Garrison, 9, Bethany, 6, Lincoln, 4, Alaina, 3, and parents Robert and Mindy.

Caroline takes a selfie with Alaina.

Alaina, Bethany and Lincoln at a wedding. The Hostetter kids having fun together at the park! Alaina swinging at the park.

14 holtinternational.org

hen Mindy Hostetter brought her sweet 3-year-old daughter, Alaina, to meet her grandmother for the first time, she braced herself for a less-than-positive reaction. “[My grandma] always says exactly what she thinks … I thought, ‘Just be prepared. She will probably not understand,” she recalls.

But to Mindy’s great joy, her grandma fell just as in love with Alaina as everyone else in Mindy and her husband, Robert’s, lives.

“This,” her grandma said, “is the best thing you have ever done.”

She is not alone in that opinion. Across the U.S., the Hostetters are among a growing number of families who have experienced the joy and beauty in adopting a child with Down syndrome. China, in particular, has seen a significant growth in the number of children with Down syndrome joining families overseas. But not because of a sudden surge in the number of children with Down syndrome. And not because more children are being abandoned.

“There’s always been an overwhelming number of kids with Down syndrome — all over China,” says Jessica Zeeb, child match coordinator for Holt’s China program. But for years, orphanages weren’t taking the necessary steps for children with Down syndrome to be considered for adoption. “They thought they weren’t adoptable,” Jessica says.

Our China program staff saw otherwise. Confident that families would be open to children with this developmental special need, our staff began requesting files — and successfully matching children — from several of our partner orphanages. That’s when the tides began to turn. “We were able to go back to the orphanages and say, ‘Hey look! These kids are place-able. Can they be placed in foster care to receive early intervention?” says Jessica.

In response, orphanages began placing more children with Down syndrome in the care of foster families — providing the critical, one-on-one attention all children need to reach developmental milestones. Many children are also now receiving the physical, occupational and speech therapies that children with Down syndrome often need to thrive.

“It’s an extra head start,” Jessica says of these early interventions. “They just need a little extra love to reach their full potential.”

In care at an orphanage until she joined her family, Alaina missed out on early intervention in China. But once home, the Hostetters immediately began working to access therapies for Alaina.

As children with Down syndrome have lower muscle tone than typically developing children, physical therapy will help Alaina build the strength she needs to reach milestones like walking, while oc-

“AS ALAINA GETS OLDER, MINDY HOPES SHE WILL ALWAYS BE INCLUDED, AND SHE WILL BE ABLE TO FIND SOMETHING THAT ‘SHE LOVES AND USE HER GIFTS.’”

cupational therapy will help her develop her fine motor skills.

“She’s already been fitted with orthotics — cute little ankle braces that hug her heel and support her foot and ankle,” Mindy says.

Although experienced parents — with four biological children still at home — Mindy and Robert had no direct experience with Down syndrome before deciding to adopt Alaina, and coordinating resources to help their daughter thrive has required extra time and energy. But overall, Mindy says, parenting Alaina so far is not too different from parenting her other children.

“There are challenges, obviously, it is challenging,” says Mindy. “Things take a little more time … There’s a little bit more that you have to be intentional about.”

Once Alaina reaches school-age, the Hostetters will need to advocate for their daughter through the local school system — developing an individual education plan to help her reach her full potential.

“My kids go to a small Christian school, so my heart’s desire is that she’ll be able to attend school with them,” says Mindy.

Most important, though, is that they can “support and encourage and teach her to do what she wants to do.”

Part of what has set the Hostetters up for success is their willingness to seek out people and resources in their community. Before Alaina came home, Min-

dy and Robert attended a one-day Trisomy 21 conference in Philadelphia, where they heard from educators and therapists and audiologists and — perhaps most valuable of all — other parents. “They were very willing to give advice,” says Mindy, who emphasizes that finding a community of people experienced with Down syndrome was among her first priorities when considering whether to adopt Alaina.

Holt’s China team is now actively recruiting families for children with Down syndrome, and Jessica says we are looking for people like the Hostetters who will be good advocates for their child and who are good at accessing resources — “who will go into their community and school and meet with doctors and find what’s available to them.”

Prospective parents will need to prepare for medical conditions common in people with Down syndrome, and for communication to be challenging at first as children with Down syndrome have anatomical and physiological differences that affect their ability to develop clear speech. For children who have stayed in an orphanage, like Alaina, speech may be further delayed. Mindy says Alaina is not speaking yet, but she’s learned some sign language and she’s working with a speech therapist.

As Alaina gets older, Mindy hopes she will always be included, and she will be able to find something that “she

loves and use her gifts” — a hope that’s currently much more likely to be realized in the U.S. than in China. “If they stay in China, most children with Down syndrome will be institutionalized for the rest of their lives,” Jessica explains.

“There are so many things that people with Down syndrome can do in the U.S. that they don’t have in China yet.”

In the U.S., many adults with Down syndrome live in supported group homes, hold part-time jobs and lead semi-independent lives. But as with all special needs, people with Down syndrome vary in their abilities. “She could be home with us forever,” Mindy says.

“We processed that really early and said yes to that.”

But no matter what the future holds, Mindy and Robert feel very blessed to be Alaina’s parents, and to watch her personality emerge. “She was very sweet and calm in China,” Mindy says. “I just remember thinking, ‘Wow, she is like an angel child.’ … But she does fuss and she has opinions and she has this little stubbornness about her.”

But mostly, Mindy says, “she is just an absolute joy.”

Robin Munro • Managing Editor To learn more about adopting a child with Down syndrome, contact Caitlin Howe at caitlinh@holtinternational.org.

Understanding “Abandonment” How could a parent ever abandon their child?

If you’ve had this thought, it’s okay. This response is out of a heart of compassion, justice and love. But the reasons parents cannot parent their children are far more complex than they seem. As an adoptive parent, it’s especially important to understand these complexities so you can give both your child and his or her birth parents the respect and dignity they deserve.

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Some countries have a formal relinquishment process, which allows parents to place their child for adoption without facing legal consequences. In some places, parents can meet with a social worker who

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What is Abandonment?

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place where they will most certainly be found helps to ensure their child will be taken in, receive the care they need, and possibly be placed with a loving adoptive family. This occurs

When a child is found “abandoned,” it’s almost always in a very public place. This is not by accident or coincidence, and it’s important to know why. Leaving their child in a

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What is Relinquishment?

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provides guidance and support as they choose whether to parent or place their child for adoption. In several countries, such as Korea and Thailand, Holt has helped develop these kinds of birth parent

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most often in countries such as China and Mongolia, where there is no legal way for parents to relinquish their child to someone else’s care.

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support services — ensuring that if a parent chooses adoption for their child, they have made an informed decision to legally surrender their parental rights in a place of support and understanding.

Why Do Parents Abandon or Relinquish Their Children?

Although every parent has a unique story, and a different reason why they cannot parent their child, there are some common themes.

Stigma | Many cultures are still unaccepting of single parent families.

In countries like Korea and India, single parents face intense stigma and are often shunned by their families and communities. If they choose to parent, single moms and their children will likely face discrimination in every facet of their lives.

Legal Consequences | If, out of desperation, a parent feels they cannot raise their child and they

live in a country without legal relinquishment, they often feel their only option is to leave their child somewhere to be found. To identify themselves would mean severe legal consequences.

Poverty | If a parent is living in extreme poverty, they may part with their child in the hope that they will have a better life in someone else’s care. Holt empowers these parents with the tools they need to generate income and rise above poverty, but some parents separate from their child before they receive the help they need and deserve.

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Special Needs | Parents of children who have special needs face even greater obstacles. In many impoverished communities, parents do not have the resources to provide needed medical care, therapies and special education, and their child may need urgent care that they cannot afford. Whether their child has a severe heart condition or a developmental need like Down syndrome, a parent may separate from their child in the hope that they receive the care they need to lead as healthy and full a life as possible.

What’s important is to not judge or assume to know a birth parent’s motives and to recognize that permanent separation is a loss for birth parents as well as adoptees — one that needs to be acknowledged in an open and accepting way.

16 holtinternational.org

Talking About Birth Parents Things For Adoptive Parents To Consider

Every adoption begins when a birth mother makes that most difficult of decisions. And no matter what path you choose to adopt your child — whether through an open domestic infant adoption or through an international adoption with little to no information about where your child came from — birth parents will be a presence in your child’s life because they are part of your child’s story. As you consider welcoming a child into your family, also take some time to consider your child’s birth parents, how you will talk about them with your child, and how you will honor the role they played in your adoption story.

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Here are a few thoughts to start with

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In almost every case, birth parents choose adoption because they are unable to parent, not because they don’t love or care about their child. Choosing adoption is often the greatest act of sacrifice and love a person can make.

Whether they are known or unknown, birth parents will be a part of your child’s life and who they are.

Whether they share their feelings or not, adopted children do think of their birth parents and do have questions. It’s important to create space so kids feel safe to ask questions and for you to answer their questions as honestly as is age appropriate.

It is okay to not have all the answers, and important to accept that you may never have answers to all of your child’s questions.

As parents, we tend to try to fix things. But when your child is grieving, it’s important to let them experience sadness and to convey that these are very normal feelings to have. If you convey that your child should be happy now because they have wonderful adoptive parents, they will likely bottle up their feelings of sadness.

The most important thing you can do is to support your child, to give them space and time to express their thoughts and emotions, and to let them grieve the loss of their birth parents.

When your child reaches an age when they can begin a search for their birth family, you can initiate the conversation, but it’s important to let your child take the lead on how they want to move forward.

Talking with your child about their birth parents may be uncomfortable. But to truly be present for your child, you will need to process and come to terms with the role your child’s birth parents played — and continue to play — in your child’s life. Embrace the discomfort, for the sake of yourself, your child and your child’s birth parents.

FOR MORE THOUGHTS ON BIRTH PARENTS, CHECK OUT THE FIVE-PART SERIES “THE FORGOTTEN VOICE OF ADOPTION” AT HOLTINTERNATIONAL.ORG/PAS/NEWSLETTER.

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the secret of their lives Most of the children here don’t know they are HIV+. It’s too risky.

Their teachers don’t know.

Their neighbors definitely don’t know because if they did, all 28 children would have to move again.

They’ve moved eight times in ten years.

If their teachers knew, they would be kicked out of the pricey private school they attend because they don’t have to inform the principal of their disease — a disease that killed many of their parents, robbed them of their life in their villages and that most likely passed to them at birth.

“The kids are happy now,” Mr. Huang says, his worn, tired face and spiky, graying hair hinting at his age.

When children pass through the room, they stop and his eyes soften, greeting them lovingly.

“They are too young,” Mr. Huang says. “They don’t understand their fate.

As they get older, they will learn. The discrimination will start. They will always have to keep their secret.”

I

t’s fear and misunderstanding that land children here, an HIV group home run by Mr. Huang and supported almost entirely by Holt donors. In China, few people understand that it’s extremely difficult to contract HIV, and that it’s entirely manageable with medication — so the disease carries a heavy stigma.

For these children, leaving China is truly their best hope of leading a full, normal

18

and open life. Mr. Huang hopes that every child in his care will one day join a loving family in the United States.

It’s a warm, fun day right before New Year’s celebrations begin, and the kids are giggling and laughing like the most normal, healthy kids in the world.

Holding a barbecue this evening in one of the apartment’s garages, the kids have opened the door and blasted Chinese pop

music on a cell phone. They sit on little step stools around three charcoal grills, eyeing the hot dogs and kabobs waiting to be grilled.

The kids seem happy. Four of them — two pre-teen girls, a teenage boy and a toddler-aged boy — are preparing to join their families in the United States in the coming months and that is also cause for great excitement.

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n the garage that’s been converted into a big study room, two young girls in pink are giggling and whispering to each other as they build an intricate toothpick house to send to a former housemate who lives in the U.S. now. Another teenaged girl is working through her math homework, but pauses to laugh at the younger girls. Upstairs, in their bedroom, three boys are laying on one bunk bed, their feet hanging over the edge, flipping through a magazine together and laughing at the pictures. On the stairs, a 5-year-old girl is sitting on one step and her 7-yearold housemate is helping her tie her shoes.

Outside, another 11-year-old girl is riding a bike as fast as she can through the alley between the two apartments, while her 8-year-old friend with long, straight black hair and a big dimpled smile chases after her, smiling ear to ear.

The kids are not as shy as many children who live in orphanages. They are bouncy and full of laughter and silliness. It’s easy to picture them with families.

Until 2015, few children with HIV joined families through international adoption. But, since 2015, more than seven families have adopted children with HIV through Holt.

In 2015, a special group of doctors, social workers and trained advocates traveled to China to meet a group of about 12 children with HIV, spend time getting to know them and, once home in the U.S., share with potential families what makes each child special and wonderful. Through their efforts, every child in that program has since been matched with a family.

Today, children waiting for families live in one of two six-story apartments located across a courtyard from each other. One living room features a wall covered in photos of children with their American families. The other wall features kids who are still waiting.

Of the 28 children living here, there are eight children waiting now — children who are young enough to be matched with an American family and very nearly cleared for adoption. They range in age from 4-10.

At another, similar group home in a different province, HIV+ kids as old as 13 are waiting for families.

“The sooner and younger we can find these kids a home, the better,” Mr. Huang says. “There is no life for them in China. It

will be a life of pain. They will never have a family here.”

Here, children with HIV receive adoring care. Caregivers are hard to find. They come to the group home by word of mouth.

Some have HIV themselves, but nobody talks about who does and doesn’t have the disease. However, the secret they keep together seems to bring them all closer.

Every child here has already experienced loss and pain. They’ve already lost their family — sometimes because they died, sometimes because of stigma.

For one 7-year-old girl, that loss is still fairly new.

She’s been here less than a year. While some of the girls she shares a bedroom with know why they live here, she doesn’t.

Most of the kids she lives with don’t.

When they turn 12 years old, if they haven’t been matched with a family, Mr. Huang talks to them about their disease.

Mr. Huang wishes that his neighbors and the children’s teachers could know what he knows — that when taken properly and regularly, antiretroviral drugs make it nearly impossible to spread the disease.

He wishes they’d know that the disease can’t be spread by physical touch, saliva or through the air.

In the United States, most families who adopt children with HIV follow universal precautions for handling blood and fluids and ensure their children take their medication every day. When properly followed, these guidelines significantly reduce the risk of spreading the disease. In fact, in many ways, HIV is no longer the dire diagnosis that it once was. When managed well, HIV has little to no impact on a child’s ability to lead a normal, meaningful life — from marriage, to having children of their own someday.

But in China, these kids will face discrimination in every aspect of their lives — from the schools they are able to attend to the jobs they can hold. People will literally avoid sharing their air out of fear.

At least for now, one young male caregiver tells us, there is no future in China for these kids.

“China is no place to have HIV,” he says.

“Maybe one day that will change, but until it does, life here will be hard.”

Billie Loewen • Creative Lead

If you are interested in learning more about adopting or advocating for a child who is HIV+, we would love to hear from you! Email Jessica Zeeb at jessicaz@holtinternational.org.

LEFT: A girl at the HIV group home. Her features are obscured to protect her identity.

TOP: Mr. Huang examines a child’s cut on her leg. Her face is blurred to protect her identity.

BOTTOM: An 11-year-old girl rides the bike given to her by a donor.

holtinternational.org 19

ADOPTEE SCHOL ARS

HOW ADOPTION HAS

SHAPED MY LIFE William Crago • San Diego, CA

William will be attending Grand Canyon University in fall 2017, and he is one of three 2017 Holt Adoptee Scholarship recipients!

View all three winning scholarship submissions at holtinternational.org/magazine.

20 holtinternational.org

M

y name is William Quinn Samuel Kwan Crago. I have five names and five siblings. I was adopted from Seoul, South Korea when I was less than 6 months old. My mom, dad and sister traveled to Korea to meet me and bring me home. They say that I screamed on the plane until I fell asleep, and then woke up with a smile.

My older sister, Claire, watched over my every move. Claire was adopted from China when she was a year old. When she was 3, she begged our parents for a baby brother. She was clear, no sister, just a brother. When she asked for a baby sister, four years later, my parents adopted Emily from Korea. I remember being so proud to have a little sister to take care of.

She was funny and happy and always wanted to keep up with us. My parents taught me to be proud of my heritage. They were respectful of our birth countries and tried to keep us in touch with our cultures.

They also kept us in touch with other adoptive families. My sisters and I thought that being adopted was just as normal as being a birth child.

When I was 7, I asked for a brother. Not a baby one, but a bigger brother; one that I could play with. When I think of big sur-

prises in my life, I think of my brother. He came from an orphanage in India, he was supposed to like to play soccer and cars.

He was supposed to be fun and easygoing.

Instead, he was very sick and very small.

He had an NG tube for a year, and he had to wear a backpack with formula that was pumped into his stomach 14 hours a day. I was disappointed that he wasn’t the brother I had requested. But my family and I worked together to help him get better and to help him get stronger. Tutors and teachers helped to catch him up, and gradually his social skills improved. Today, he plays soccer really well. I like to think I had something to do with teaching him those soccer skills on the field and in our backyard.

In 2013, we brought home Shaelani, who was 4, from China. I had to bribe her with ice cream at first because she wasn’t too sure of me. She was the spoiled baby until mom and dad brought home my sister Libbi last year, also from China. While Shaelani is still the baby in the family, Libbi needed a lot of attention and time. Libbi came home at 13. She remembered her life in China and spoke no English. She was not so sure of us at all. She has had a lot of adjusting to do, but she sees her siblings,

and I think it must give her comfort that she isn’t in this life alone. She’s been home over a year now, and seems to be fitting in and liking us much better. She had a really rough start in life and no one to love her until she was 10. I can’t imagine being 13 and starting all over in a new country with a bunch of people that you don’t know. She had to learn to trust us and she is still learning how to love our big family.

This is my story. It’s who I am. I have been raised to appreciate diversity and different cultures. My parents moved us to San Diego four years ago to give us the opportunity to be in a more diverse city. They have taught me to value being a Korean-born American. I value my background, and I value who I am now. I have learned that family stands together through challenges. My brother and my newest sister are living proof that if you don’t give up on a human being, they can overcome their obstacles. I am who I am because of my experiences and because I am adopted. My adoption and my family have shaped my pride in my heritage and that heritage helps to define me, William Quinn Samuel Kwan Crago.

TOP: William (far right) with his family. From left, Vincent (India), Claire (China), Emily (Korea), Shaelani (China), Libbi (China) and parents Jill and Ralph.

BOTTOM: William stands behind his five siblings.

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C LA S S OF

HOLT

2017

GR A D U AT E S

Congratulations

to the Class of 2017!

This year’s Holt adoptee graduates include adoptees from China, India, Korea, Mongolia, Romania, Thailand & Vietnam.

Emilee Alexander: Wyoming, MI; classical ballet, modern dance. Plans to join Ekklesia Contemporary Ballet company in Killingworth, CT. (China) Kadambari Altena: Sioux Center, IA; cross country, school leadership, church leadership. Plans to study elementary education and Spanish at Northwestern College in Orange City, IA. (India) Grace Anderson: Millstone Township, NJ; Model UN, book club, boys tennis manager, tennis, tennis spirit award, best medium delegation for model UN, second place Seton Hall University’s sustainable development challenge. Plans to study international relations at American University in Washington D.C. (Korea)

Emilee Alexander

Kadambari Altena

Grace Anderson

Lydia Anderson

Mary Baker

Nathanael Barker

Hannah Basham

Andrew Beeghly

Jenna Bickhardt

Ian Biluck

Marleena Bock

Jade Boehmer

Brianna Brennan

Shanna Brown

James Buchanan

Joanna Calhoun

Lydia Anderson: Centralia, WA; volleyball, golf, top 25. Plans to study education at St. Martin’s University in Olympia, WA. (China) Mary Baker: San Diego, CA. Plans to study public health at Santa Clara University in California. (Korea) Nathanael Barker: Colorado Springs, CO; Outstanding Senior in Orchestra and Orchestra Musicianship awards, wind ensemble, symphonic band, advanced jazz band, Ovation Youth Orchestra, Advanced Bluegrass Ensemble, ultimate frisbee club. Plans to study worship arts at Northwestern College in Orange City, IA. (Thailand) Hannah Basham: Bowling Green, KY; archery, National Honor Society (NHS), Beta Club, Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). Plans to study art at Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green. (Korea) Andrew Beeghly: Weldon Spring, MO. Plans to study kinesiology at Missouri State University in Springfield, MO. (Korea) Jenna Bickhardt: Knowlton, NJ; Art Honor Society, Spanish Honor Society, Math Honor Society, NHS. Plans to study art, media and technology at Parsons Paris, the European campus of The New School in Paris, France. (Korea) Ian Biluck: Delran, NJ; honors college, STEM Scholars, Phi Mu Delta, Dean’s Undergraduate Research award. Bachelor of Science in biology and a minor in psychology from Rutgers University in Camden, NJ. Plans to pursue a master’s degree in biomedical science from Lewis Katz School of Medicine – Temple University in Philadelphia, PA. (Korea)

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Marleena Bock: Chambersburg, PA; NHS, National Honor Society for Dance Education, Key Club, Leadership Franklin Country Graduate. Plans to study elementary education and dance at Messiah College in Mechanicsburg, PA. (China) Jade Boehmer: Richmond Hill, GA; AP scholar, NHS, Beta Club. Plans to study biology at Georgia Southern University in Statesboro. (China)

April Cannalte

Julius Cassin

Claire Crago

Lauren Carrico

Abigail Combs

William Crago

Brianna Brennan: Camas Valley, OR; Delta Phi Omega sorority, Incorporated NASPA Undergraduate Fellowship, National Resident Hall honorary, Unified Greek Council, Asian Pacific American Student Union, Oregon State dodgeball club, intramurals, community relations facilitator, resident assistant, American Pre-Veterinary Medical Association, Center for Fraternity and Sorority Life. Bachelor of Science in animal science from Oregon State University in Corvallis. (China) Shanna Brown: Valencia, PA; cheerleading, Interact club, class council, high honors, children’s ministry. Plans to study human services and business management at Geneva College in Beaver Falls, PA. (China)

Abigail Combs: Chattanooga, TN; top 10 percent of class, NHS vice president, FCA, class officer, volleyball. Plans to study nursing at Belmont University in Nashville, TN. (China) Claire Crago: San Diego, CA; Bachelor of Arts in elementary education from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, AZ. (China) William Crago: San Diego, CA; soccer. Plans to study biomedical engineering at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, AZ. (Korea) Caroline Davis: Richmond, VA; Faculty Medallion for Visual Arts, National Art Honor Society, art club, Beta Club. Plans to study communication arts at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond.

(China) Elizabeth Davis: Eugene, OR; Master of Social Work degree from George Fox University in Tigard, OR. Plans to move to Tennessee with her husband and teach preschool. (China)

James Buchanan: Riverside, CA. Bachelor of Arts in business administration from California State University in Fullerton. (Korea)

Marina de la Cruz: Lake Stevens, WA. Plans to study business at Western Washington University in Bellingham. (Korea)

Joanna Calhoun: West Monroe, LA; student of the year, “triple threat” award, drum major, all-state band, all-state orchestra, Louisiana State Fiddle champion, tennis, praise team, Louisiana Legislative scholarship. Plans to study physics and music at Tulane University in New Orleans, LA. (China)

Ryan Disdier: Montgomery, NJ; Who’s Who in American Colleges. Bachelor of Arts in communication from University of Scranton in PA. Plans to work for the Philadelphia 76ers. (Korea)

April Cannalte: Racine, WI; high honors, National Society of High School Scholars. Plans to study social work or law at Gateway Technical College in Racine, WI. (Korea) Lauren Carrico: Springfield, KY; Art Honor Society president, Beta Club, NHS, cheerleading, senior salute, early college graduate. Plans to study nursing at Campbellsville University in KY. (Korea) Julius Cassin: Galloway, NJ. Bachelor of Arts in molecular biology and computer science from

Caroline Davis

Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. Plans to work in computer science. (Korea)

Elizabeth Davis

Emma Doll: Redding, CA; softball, track and field, volleyball, basketball, Link Crew, Associated Student Body (ASB), yearbook, senior scholar athlete award.

Plans to study engineering at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, AZ. (Korea) Mary Dornon: Madison, WI; Sigma Xi, house president. Bachelor of Science in biological sciences.

Currently working as a pediatric neurobiology research assistant and plans to attend graduate school. (China) Aliea Ednie: Jackson, WY; FIRST robotics captain, PTLW Engineering, NASA HUNCH program, NHS, Key Club, GAP club, tennis. Plans to study engineering at the University of Wyoming in Laramie. (China) Lily Engel: Eau Claire, WI; NHS, high honors, 12letter athlete, diving, gymnastics, track. Plans to study biology at the University of Minnesota in Twin Cities.

(China) Haley Finley: Gloucester City, NJ; cross country, swim team, lacrosse. Plans to study chemical engineering at Arcadia and Columbia Universities in Glenside, PA and New York, NY. (Korea)

Marina de la Cruz

Ryan Disdier

Emma Doll

Mary Dornon

Elizabeth Gaule: Minneapolis, MN; cum laude graduate, Tommie Ambassador, Delta Epsilon Sigma, Silver Wings, Theta Alpha Kappa. Bachelor of Arts in economics and business administration with a concentration in marketing management from the University of St. Thomas in Saint Paul, MN. Plans to pursue a career in digital marketing. (China) Will Greenwood: Lamoni, IA; football, basketball, track and field, first team all-district football, KAAN All-Star Football award, academic all-conference all-sports, honor roll, academic team, homecoming king, student council. Plans to attend Iowa State University in Ames.

(Korea)

Aliea Ednie

Lily Engel

Haley Finley

Elizabeth Gaule

holtinternational.org 23

Laurelin Haas: Muscatine, IA; summa cum laude, student marshal, George Washington Carver scholarship, Boren scholarship. Bachelor of Science in community and regional planning and environmental studies from Iowa State University in Ames.

Plans to work in the Peace Corps in Albania. (China)

Will Greenwood

Laurelin Haas

Julia Hanzo

Emma Hedwall

Julia Hanzo: Covington, LA; cum laude graduate, cheer, campus ministry, ambassadors, honor roll. Plans to study kinesiology at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. (China) Emma Hedwall: St. Edina, MN; cum laude graduate, Delta Gamma. Bachelor of Science in international business and management and a minor in French from Drake University in Des Moines, IA. Currently working at Caldera, Inc., a French software company in Burnsville, MN. (China) Alex Henderson: Hillsboro, OR; golf, track and field, basketball. Plans to study business at Portland Community College in OR. (Korea)

Alex Henderson

Maggie Henderson

Tara Holm

Alexandra Hudak

Maggie Henderson: Sioux Falls, SD; Regent’s scholar.

Plans to study engineering at South Dakota School of Mines and Technology in Rapid City. (China) Tara Holm: Cedar Falls, IA; dean’s list. Associate of Arts in liberal arts and general studies from Hawkeye Community College in Waterloo, IA. Plans to continue work and education. (India)

Abby Jasman

Troy Johnson

Eva Jones

Trent Jones

Alexandra Hudak: Scotch Plains, NJ; NHS, student government, town/business association scholarship, National PTA scholarship, NHS secretary, prom committee chairperson, dance team captain, tutor, assistant dance teacher, French exchange student, veteran’s dinner volunteer, youth group, coordinator of high school blood drive, Camp Friendship volunteer, senior citizen day coordinator. Plans to study business, French and art history at the University of Alabama honors college in Tuscaloosa, AL. (Korea) Abby Jasman: Dakota Dunes, SD. Bachelor of Science in marketing and economics from South Dakota State University in Brookings. Plans to work for Daktronics in Houston, TX. (Korea)

Hope Kemp

Alexis Kiger

Charles Kirby

Emma Langston

Troy Johnson: LaGrange, IL; club soccer. Plans to take a gap year to work construction in Scotland.

(India) Eva Jones: Thayne, WY. Plans to study nursing at Central Wyoming College in Riverton. (Mongolia) Trent Jones: Council Bluffs, IA; soccer, wrestling, ConAgra Foods Leadership scholarship. Plans to study education at Grand View University in Des Moines, IA. (Korea)

Sophie Larson

Evan Latimer

Kristin Lee

Kimberly Leftwich

Hope Kemp: Santa Clarita, CA; high school diploma and associate’s degree in general studies from Lone Star College in Tomball, TX. Plans to earn a bachelor’s degree in graphic design. (Korea) Alexis Kiger: Larose, LA. Plans to study nursing at Nicholls State University in Thibodaux, LA. (China) Charles Kirby: Billings, MO; Boy Scouts, band, fishing club, Montana Conservation Corps, Presidential Volunteer Service award. Plans to study mechanical engineering at Montana State University in Bozeman. (Thailand) Emma Langston: Sanford, NC; Plans to study engineering at North Carolina State University in Raleigh, NC. (China)

Sara Lewandowski

24

Nadia Linton

Greta Long

Jaszamin Lutz

Stephanie MacFarland: Quincy, MA; MA young female soccer referee of the year, MA Governor’s Scout community service award, swim team captain, soccer, United FC, violin, Southshore Philharmonic Orchestra, Bible quizzing, scout crew. Plans to study biology at Eastern Nazarene College in Quincy, MA. (China)

Stephanie MacFarland

Melissa Malcom

Jenna Mares

Luke Martin

Melissa Malcom: Atco, NJ; bowling, Gold Satori award. Plans to study applied mathematics and computer science at Rutgers University in Camden, NJ. (Mongolia) Jenna Mares: Columbus, NE; NHS, Discoverer award.

Plans to study special education at Doane University in Crete, NE. (China) Luke Martin: Petal, MS; tennis, football, honors graduate, prom committee, Spanish club, JROTC, ACT scholarship recipient. Plans to study mechanical engineering at Jones County Junior College in Ellisville, MS and Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. (Thailand)

Molly Martin

Nathan McCall

Mikayla McDonald

Makayla Moen

Molly Martin: Raleigh, NC; magna cum laude, Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship. Bachelor of Social Work from North Carolina State University in Raleigh.

Plans to pursue a master’s degree in social work.

(Thailand) Nathan McCall: Nevada, MO; football, basketball, tennis, show choir. Plans to join the U.S. Army.

(Thailand)

Bo Murray

Emily Overend

Michael Perona

Aimee Perrotti

Sophie Larson: Beaumont, CA; NHS, tennis, scholar athlete, CFS treasurer, league honorable mention.

Plans to study cognitive science at the University of California, Irvine. (Vietnam) Evan Latimer: Colorado Springs, CO; marching band, wind ensemble, French horn quartet, drum major.

Plans to study music education at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley. (Korea)

Garrett Petrucci

Emme Quandt

Kristin Lee: Redlands, CA; cross country, track and field, salutatorian. Plans to study biomedical engineering at the University of California, San Diego.

(China) Kimberly Leftwich: Red Bank, NJ. Plans to pursue work in the medical field. (China) Sara Lewandowski: Omaha, NE. Bachelor of Science in radiologic technology from the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. Currently completing a mammography externship. (Korea)

Amy-Kate Reece

Natalie Ruckman

Nadia Linton: Rochester, NY; Rochester Philharmonic Youth Orchestra, violin, Rochester Institute of Technology, digital photography excellence and creativity award, volleyball. Plans to study biological anthropology at George Washington University in Washington, DC. (China) Greta Long: Moline, IL; choir, drama, NHS, Illinois State Scholar, Presidential Academic award. Plans to study music therapy at Illinois State University in Normal. (Romania)

Sean Salemink

Rebekah Salsburg

Jaszamin Lutz: Richland Center, WI; track, cross country, flagline, swing choir, band, choir, theatre, Amnesty International club. Plans to study marine biology at the University of Wisconsin-Richland. (China)

Mikayla McDonald: Stafford, VA; summa cum laude graduate, French Honor Society, First Team AllConference soccer, cross country. Plans to study biology at Shenandoah University in Winchester, VA. (China) Makayla Moen: Eau Claire, WI; NHS, wind ensemble, Memorial High School band semper fidelis award, outstanding wind/percussion player, Chippewa Valley Youth Symphony, Macy’s Great American Marching Band, Wisconsin School Music Association, honors band, University of Wisconsin Eau Claire Honor Band, Concordia College Honor Band. Plans to study music education at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. (China) Bo Murray: Eugene, OR; NHS, religious academic honors, soccer, track. Plans to study data sciences at Oregon State University in Corvallis. (China) Emily Overend: Kronenwetter, WI; curling, NHS, volleyball, Key Club, Raising AP Scores mentor. Plans to study psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. (China) Michael Perona: Martinsville, NJ. Plans to study business at Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania.

(Korea) Aimee Perrotti: Tuscon, AZ; NHS, honors student, softball. Plans to study biology/pre-med at Grand Canyon University in Phoeniz, AZ. (China) Garrett Petrucci: Mendham, NJ; football, 2017 football scholar athlete award, track, track captain. Plans to study at Virginia Tech University in Blacksburg, VA. (Korea) Emme Quandt: Shawano, WI; swim team MVP, student council, Spanish club, math club. Plans to study bio-chem/pre-med and Spanish at St. Mary’s University of Minnesota in Winona. (China) Amy-Kate Reece: Vancouver, WA; Master of Arts in sociology from the University of Texas at Arlington. (Korea)

holtinternational.org 25

Natalie Ruckman: Lee’s Summit, MO. Plans to study electronic arts and animation at Missouri State University in Springfield, MO. (Thailand) Sean Salemink: West Liberty, IA. Plans to study business at St. Ambrose University in Davenport, IA. (Korea) Rebekah Salsburg: Orlando, FL; first degree black belt in taekwondo, dance, art. Plans to attend Valencia and the University of Central Florida in Orlando. (China) Grace Schwarzer: Cincinnati, OH; honors graduate, youth circus performer. Plans to attend Pacific University in Forest Grove, OR. (Korea) Emma Sherman: Hanford, CA; academic honors, CSF, NHS. Plans to study genetics and genomics at the University of California, Davis. (China) Shelby Shin: Round Rock, TX. Plans to study nursing at Harding University in Searcy, AR. (Korea) Tristen Stogsdill: Sacramento, CA; valedictory scholar, honor roll. Plans to study digital art media at American River College in Sacramento, CA. (Korea) Daniel Thompson: Stewartsville, NJ; high honors graduate, top 8 percent of class, NHS, Key Club, baseball, track, cross country, altar server, youth group leader, math tutor, Camp Friendship volunteer, Relay for Life team leader, Habitat for Humanity volunteer.

Plans to study biomedical engineering at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA. (Korea) Juliana Tichenor: Houston, TX; magna cum laude, NHS, swim team, water polo, 2016 and 2017 Texas State Water Polo Champion, National Charity League Inc., Presidential Bronze award, bronze and silver Girl Scout awards. Plans to study engineering at Texas A&M University in College Station. (China)

hockey captain, head of Glee Club and a capella, robotics. Plans to study biomedical engineering at Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Worcester, MA. (China) Cassidy Wittrig: Lebanon, OR; valedictorian, NHS, ASB secretary, soccer, basketball, softball. Plans to study biochemistry/pre-med at Northwest Nazarene University in Nampa, ID. (Korea) Paige Worthington: Menifee, CA; Student Venture, California Scholarship Federation, pom team, Presidential Gold Honor Roll, School Merit scholarship, Excellence in Biomed award, biomedical academy scholarship, community service project scholarship, Menifee Women’s Club scholarship, student athlete award, Trig-Star, Veterans of Foreign Wars Excellent Spokesperson for Freedom, top 4 percent of class.

Plans to study speech pathology at California Baptist University in Riverside. (China) Emma Yambert: Knoxville, TN; NHS, top honors, graduated with distinction, choral ensemble, piano, soccer. Plans to study business management at Baylor University in Waco, TX. (China)

Grace Schwarzer

Emma Sherman

Shelby Shin

Tristen Stogsdill

Daniel Thompson

Juliana Tichenor

Haley Tomlinson

Braden VanDyke

Meadow Rose Wick

Cassidy Wittrig

Paige Worthington

Emma Yambert

Haley Tomlinson: Kensington, MD; scholar athlete, diving MVP, Chinese Honor Society, yearbook editor.

Plans to study communication sciences and disorders at the University of Vermont in Burlington. (Vietnam) Braden VanDyke: Byron Center, MI; senior class president, co-president of NHS, valedictorian, youth group worship leader. Plans to study political science and economics at Hillsdale College in Hillsdale, MI. (Vietnam) Meadow Rose Wick: Berkshires, MA; high honors with distinction, science and engineering program, field

ASK US ABOUT Homeland Tours Adoption File Copies

HO LT S UPPORT S A D O PT E E S F O R L I F E

Birth Family Search Citizenship Information Adult Counseling Family Counseling Other Adoption Resources

Lear n m o r e a t holtinter na tiona l.org/a d op tees

ADOPTEE SCHOL ARS

LEFT: Nathan with his birth mom in Korea.

RIGHT: Nathan stands between his birth mom, Minee, and his birth parents, Kenda and Jon.

Korean-American: One Adoptee’s Story of Discovering His Identity

I

n both negative and positive ways, adoption has shaped my physical, social and cultural identities. Growing up my entire life in a small, 95 percent white town with white parents who look nothing like me certainly impacted how I viewed myself. Having no knowledge whatsoever of a Korean lifestyle, the Korean language or the culture in general, I ultimately identified my race as white throughout elementary and middle school: I played football and basketball, only had white friends, and only ate American-style cuisine for breakfast, lunch and dinner every meal of my life. This stigma of appearing phenotypically different than everybody else around me never really bothered me. Rather, I just considered myself one of them, because those were the family, people and friends that I grew up with, went to school all 12 years with, and played sports with.

Speaking with a distinct Southern Ohio country accent paired with the fact that my name is Nathan Campbell pretty much confirmed my unknown and mysterious ancestry.

However, everything changed in December of 2014. Two months prior, on my 18th birthday in October, I had filled out the paperwork in hope of finding information about my birth mother. This is something I had wanted to do my entire life — mostly out of pure curiosity and wishing to visit the country where I was born. With statistics, unfortunate stories and long waiting periods against my odds, by the grace of God, I received an email from Holt with letters from my birth mother written in Korean that translated to the fact that she had been waiting for this day her entire life and actually wanted to meet me. This miracle would change my life and identity forever.

One of the first things I soon found out about my birth mother was that she knew zero English, which made things difficult and frustrating. I believe that the majority of the change in my

identity grew from this barrier, because it gave me a relentless motivation to learn the language. After briefly self-teaching myself the language, I started to become interested in Korean culture; things like K-Dramas, skin care, Kakao Talk and developing a craze for Korean food. Meeting my birth mother for the first time was an experience that I cannot put into words: A connection that I have never felt before and developing a mother-son bond through our cultural differences and my broken Korean. Although I felt frustrated that I could not communicate clearly with her — and really just out of place in Korea despite looking like everybody else for once — it pushed me to learn more.

As of now, I have visited Korea twice in order to see my birth mother, once with my adoptive family and a translator, and the second time by myself. I have also completed two semesters of Korean language at my college and am continuing to study on my own. The adoption process took my identity on a roller coaster. In reality, looking unlike my parents in the States is nothing compared to going to your home country and feeling like even more of a foreigner. Despite these obstacles adoptees must face, I have come to realize the importance of both identities and embrace both cultures. I appreciate the journey of finding my true self and cannot be more grateful for both my adoptive family and Holt for making everything possible. I truly consider myself Korean-American; not just white or not just Korean, but a mixture of both. Discovering myself and this process is not over as I will continue to build a relationship with my Korean family while at the same time be grateful for all that my adoptive family has provided me with. I am adopted and proud!

Nathan Campbell • Davidson, NC

Nathan Campbell is a rising junior at Davidson College in North Carolina, and is one of three 2017 Holt Adoptee Scholarship recipients! His submission included a multimedia presentation. To view his submission, visit holtinternational.org/magazine.

PARENTING TOOLS

PREPARING TO BE THERE

Once your family is matched with a child, your social worker will walk you through the Child Prediction Path — a tool to help families anticipate and prepare for their child’s needs before he or she comes home.

O ABOVE: Taken just a month after Henry came home, this first family photo shows Henry comfortable and having fun with his family.

RIGHT TOP: Playing with stickers is a great game for bonding!

RIGHT BOTTOM: In Vietnam, Henry’s family shows him photos of their home in Minnesota.

28

n 3-year-old Henry McNutt’s first night with his adoptive family, he kept his shoes on and stayed by the door of their hotel room in Vietnam.

He cried, reached up and tried to turn the door handle. His body language was frantically, heartbreakingly clear: He wanted to leave.

He grieved. But he was not alone.

“I tried to be as compassionate as I could,” says Henry’s dad, Jason, recounting this first night with his son. “I leaned up against [the door] and kind of mourned with him that he couldn’t leave — that he couldn’t go back. So we slept right there in front of the door.”

Although Henry’s mom, Sara, studied child psychology, and their family had been through the adoption process once before, some of Henry’s behavior was completely new to them. Watching Henry continue to stay by the door or even bring other family members their shoes — wishing them to get ready to leave with him — Jason and Sara found themselves in uncharted territory. But even though this behavior was unfamiliar, they were well prepared and knew how to react. In fact, before they even met him, Henry’s parents had already anticipated much of what Henry would experience in their first days and weeks together at home in Minnesota.

Attend a free Holt info meeting or webinar to learn more about how Holt prepares families! Visit holtinternational.org/getstarted.

“We had a lot of ideas on how to interact with him and build some early connections,” Sara says, “like feeding him snacks every couple of hours, blowing bubbles with him and being silly with stickers by sticking them to one another.”

How did the McNutts know what Henry might be experiencing and what they should do? One of their most helpful tools was the Child Prediction Path, created by adoption expert Kay Donley Ziegler.

The Child Prediction Path is not a magical tool, but it is a tool that can help adoptive families in some ways “predict” how their child will adjust to a new life.

In essence, it is simple: a Word document information chart with rows and columns addressing already known areas of concern and resources that the child is currently receiving as well as resources the family should look into before their child comes home. The family usually makes a first attempt to fill this out based

on what they know from their child’s file. need to look into before they travel and gives them a place to have all that info Then there’s the opportunity for famiin one spot for easy access once they get lies to go through the chart with their home.” social worker, who helps them fill in the Henry has cerebral palsy and before gaps and gives expert advice about their child’s potential emotions and behaviors, he came home the McNutts made sure to research development professionals and how they should react as parents in their area who, if needed, would give throughout this transition. him the highest level of care. They also “The purpose of the prediction path talked about Henry with their family is to review with families the specific pediatrician, so when it’s time for his information we have and know about first doctor’s visit, they have a trusted the child,” says Celeste Snodgrass, a doctor who is already familiar with HenHolt social worker in South Dakota who ry and his medical information. Having walked the McNutts through their adopthese small things figured out ahead of tion process. “[Then we see] how that time help make the transition home as information hints at potential behaviors and issues — how those things could play smooth as possible.

“It’s hard,” Jason says about the first out when the family travels and during couple of weeks they’ve been home with the adjustment period.”

Henry. As is normal for adoptive families While the prediction path identifies potential areas of difficulty, it also brings and children at this stage in the process, they’re experiencing the ups and downs to light the child’s positive behaviors, or of attachment, grief and adjusting to special care that they received while still the new normal in country, and for their family. gives insight into Sometimes, Henry ways families can “The best thing to me was wants to snuggle use these positive that it’s a really good reminder or hold his mom aspects to help or dad’s hand. their child adjust ... that he’s healing.”

Other times, he’s to their new home. not interested.

While in care in Some days are happy and full of joking Vietnam, Henry had developed strong, with his brother and sisters. Other days, healthy bonds with the caregivers at his he may seem somewhat despondent. orphanage. And while forming early attachments is ultimately very beneficial — But little by little, he’s adjusting. And helping Henry form strong, loving bonds through it all, Henry is learning that he can trust, and that he is loved as part of with his family — in the short term, it a family. made saying goodbye difficult for him.

“The best thing to me was that it’s “Some very helpful tips [from the a really good reminder of not just this Child Prediction Path and Celeste],” says is what’s happening and a good way to Sara, “included asking his caregivers to address it, but a good reminder that give Henry permission to love us, and he’s healing,” Jason says. “He’s adjusttaking photos with them.” ing and transitioning and it’s going to The predication path also helps adoptake as much time as it will take. [The tive parents be proactive and access the prediction path] was really helpful to me resources they will need once their child because it doesn’t let me off the hook, comes home. but gives me the freedom to be loving “When a family comes home, they and caring to him. So when he’s ready, don’t necessarily have the time or the I’ll be there.” energy to research the right doctor or therapist,” says Celeste. “Going through this prediction path helps families idenMegan Herriott • Staff Writer tify which resources and contacts they holtinternational.org 29

SPONSORSHIP

Not Just a

Success Story Vietnamese adoptee Clare Larson reflects on her life, her family and her hopes and dreams for the child she now sponsors in Vietnam.

30 holtinternational.org

I

n January 2017, Holt’s sponsorship team received an unusual email from a woman named Clare Larson.

“In 1993,” it read, “I was fortunate enough to be adopted from Vietnam at 9 years old and went through the Holt adoption agency.

At 33 years old with a career in management consulting and a student at Cornell’s Johnson MBA program, I am finally able to give back.

I would like to sponsor a child from Vietnam.”

Our team soon reached out to Clare, who began sponsoring a little girl who lives with her single mom and grandparents in an impoverished district of northern Vietnam — the same part of the country where Clare lived for the first eight years of her life.

Her name is Tuyen, and she is about the same age as Clare was when she came into orphanage care as a child.

“My parents had passed away by the time I was 5 and my maternal family couldn’t take care of me so I spent two years in an orphanage,” says Clare. “From there, I came to America.”

Today, over two decades later, Clare leads a very outwardly successful life. But most importantly, she has a loving and devoted family — a mom and a dad, who made every effort to make up for the lost time she spent in an orphanage, and a brother she adores.

“I’m very thankful that I’ve had a supportive circle and a family that loves me,” she says.

But Clare stops short of characterizing her life as purely a “success story.”

“It’s a story of finding what you need to feel secure with the past and make the best of the opportunity provided looking for-

ward,” she says. “It’s a testament to [the idea that] whatever you were born into, it’s possible to grow and come out in a very positive light.”

After graduating college with an engineering degree, Clare returned to Vietnam for the first time since she left at 9 years old.

She visited the orphanage where she lived for two years and caught a glimpse of a different future if she had not left Vietnam.

“I saw children who would never have a family, an education … or an opportunity to live up to their potential,” she says. “I saw a very bleak future if I hadn’t been adopted.”

In her family in the U.S., Clare found love, support and encouragement. She went through therapy, took piano lessons, and her parents worked to ensure she had every advantage in school. “[My parents] put in so much time and effort in my development,” she says.

But for children like Clare’s sponsored child and the ones she saw in her orphanage — children who are growing up in poverty or without a family — the deck can feel stacked against them. Although they may love and support them, their families often can’t afford the fees, uniforms and supplies they need to send their children to school, or provide therapy to overcome special needs. By sponsoring Tuyen, Clare hopes to empower her to overcome the difficult circumstances she was born into — most critically, through education.

For children like Tuyen, Clare says, education can be a way out.

After 10 years as the victim of a human trafficking ring, Tuyen’s mom managed to

escape, and she now sells grocery items to sion,” she says of her aunt. “She came every support her daughter. But she barely earns Friday night and took me home for the weekenough to pay for food, much less Tuyen’s end … But being left at the gate on Sunday school fees. nights was beyond difficult.”

“The [sponsorship] funds are for food and Today, Clare understands her aunt’s deciresources so that she can go to school,” Clare sion. “Knowing my life now,” she says, “I can says. “I’m hoping that she finds a way out.” look back and be grateful.”

In the countries where Holt works, includBy sponsoring Tuyen, Clare hopes to honor ing Vietnam, sponsors are the key to helping the impact her parents have had in her life. children like Tuyen overcome the obstacles “I wanted to do something to give back — they face. While maybe not to the some sponsors extent of what my “Living in America, I don’t think we realize support children parents did,” she how fortunate we are until we have lived in a who have lost says, “but in some their families — small way.” third-world country … and we’ve been in the children growing Clare says emotional shoes of a child left behind.” up in orphanages sponsoring Tuyen or waiting for an is an insignificant adoptive family — most sponsors support financial commitment in comparison to the kids like Tuyen, who need help with food and difference it will make in her life. “Living in clothing and school fees while their families America,” she says, “I don’t think we realize work to achieve stability and self-reliance. how fortunate we are until we have lived in a Ultimately, our goal is to ensure children can third-world country … and we’ve been in the thrive in the loving care of their families, emotional shoes of a child left behind.” and Clare also hopes that Tuyen will find a Tuyen may never seek an MBA like Clare. way to escape the poverty of her family — She may not even go to college. If she does, without losing or separating from her family Clare hopes to help with her expenses. But in the process. no matter what path Tuyen chooses in life, “My hope is that she stays with her famiClare hopes Tuyen will use her beginnings as ly,” Clare says of Tuyen, “so that she can have an avenue to a bright and positive future. that stability and love.”

“Whatever she plans to do in life,” she Clare can still remember the loss she felt says, “I hope she takes advantage of opporwhen her aunt took her to the orphanage tunities provided to live to her potential.” after her parents died. “Putting me into an orphanage could not have been an easy deciRobin Munro • Managing Editor

LEFT: Clare with her mom and dad at her college graduation in 2009.

MIDDLE: Clare poses for a picture with her mom during a family vacation in Aruba.

RIGHT: Clare’s sponsored child, Tuyen, is about the same age that she was when she came into orphanage care as a child growing up in Vietnam.

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT CHILD SPONSORSHIP, VISIT HOLTINTERNATIONAL.ORG/SPONSORSHIP.

On the morning she first met her daughter in China,

Liz Larson could feel the weight of both the joy she would feel as well as the potential fear and pain her daughter might experience.

“I feel sad for her,” Liz said, waiting in the hotel just hours before she would meet 2-year-old Ellia. “Her world is about to be flipped upside down. She’s only 2. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t understand why it has to happen. Someday, I hope she will. It’s going to be a scary couple of weeks for her so I feel sad for her. I hope she can feel safe with me.”

But Liz was ready to plant seeds of trust.

As a counselor with a specialty in trauma, Liz Larson had spent her entire professional career preparing for that moment.

“Kids and trauma is something I’m really passionate about,” Liz says. “I really believe in the brain’s ability to rebound. It’s also the most important thing for adoptive families — educating themselves about trauma.”

As all internationally adopted children have endured the trauma of losing their families at a minimum, it’s critical that every adoptive parent understands how trauma impacts children — as well as how to help their children cope. The first steps begin on the very first day.

To the right, Liz shares practical things all parents can do when they first meet their adopted child to begin forming a strong emotional attachment — and lay the groundwork for healing.

32 holtinternational.org

Tips from Liz Larson: Remember Emotions: Your child is overwhelmed right now. Meltdowns are common and expected.

If your child will not accept comfort from you, stay nearby and attempt to comfort them periodically. Offer distractions, like toys, candy or music. You may just have to wait until they calm down. Speak in empathetic tones and help them learn words to express their feelings by saying things like, “I know you are sad that we can’t go back and see your foster mom. That makes me sad, too.” Your child may grow calm if they see familiar faces and places, so share photos from their life if you have them.

All of the following can be ways children show fear or anxiety: shutting down, raging, acting on-the-go constantly, clinging to an adult, pushing an adult away, aggression, crying, sleeping too much, refusing to sleep, clinging to specific toys or snacks, refusing to remove specific items of clothing, shoes or a backpack, trying to leave the room, becoming upset when they need to leave the room, or scratching or hurting themselves or others.

Our job as parents is to be calm, safe and loving so that our child comes to trust us and feel safe with us. STAY CALM, even though it is so hard to do when your child is struggling. We are trying to create the impression that we are unconditionally safe and can be trusted. Avoid yelling, showing frustration, berating or walking away in frustration. Even though they can’t understand you yet, your tone speaks volumes. Later on, when your child is calm or occupied, take time to work through your own feelings or have a good cry.

During your first days together: Meet their needs: ONLY parents should be giving food, comfort, daily care and affection at this stage, if at all possible.

Say ‘yes’ as often as possible to anything your child wants!

Mirror your child’s tone of voice, facial expressions and movements, like you would with a newborn.

Make eye contact when possible and hold it as long as your child is able. Try peek-a-boo if your child is nervous to look at you.

Take turns sticking stickers on each other. Put stickers on each other’s nose or forehead to help create eye contact.

Take turns blowing bubbles or batting a balloon back and forth.

Offer snacks like Cheerios or small crackers so your child comes back to you for more repeatedly.

Carry your child whenever possible to teach them they are with you and to create the security that they will not be handed off again.

Additional Resources: The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis | Attaching Through Love, Hugs and Play by Deborah Gray | Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray

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The Adopted Life: A Review Holt’s senior director of adoption services — and adoptive mom — Susie Doig reviews episode one of “The Adopted Life.”

M

y husband and I adopted our son from Thailand when he was 13 months old, and our daughter from Thailand when she was 17 months old. My son is now 10, and my daughter is 7 and tonight we sat down and watched the first episode of “The Adopted Life” web series together. The series features Angela Tucker, an adult adoptee, interviewing other adoptees about their experience as transracial adoptees. I had watched the episode ahead of time in order to know what to expect, and was touched by the open and candid discussion between adoptees about their shared experience.

As my kids and I watched the video together, my daughter called out questions that kept popping into her head – questions like, “Do white kids get adopted?”, “Why does she want to learn to speak Chinese?” My son was much quieter, and only spoke to say “the same” when one Chinese adoptee shared that she feels like she should be able to speak Mandarin because she is Chinese. After watching the video, my son was quite emotional, deeply touched by the expression of many of the thoughts and feelings that he keeps inside himself. As a mom, watching him respond on such a deep emotional level had a huge impact on me. As much as I work to create an environment where adoption is talked about openly and often in our family, there are still lots of thoughts and feelings about adoption that my children hold inside that don’t have an easy outlet for expression. We talked

about how it’s normal to have big feelings about adoption, and that it’s OK to feel sad at times.

I explained to my kids that I had been asked to write about adoption in the media, and how I volunteered to watch this video with them and then write about it. My son said he would write about it, too, and my daughter decided to create a comic called “Life Being Adopted” to express her thoughts and feelings.

What did I learn through this experience? That all of us — adoptive parents and adoptees, and I believe birth parents as well — have a lot of feelings to process about being part of an adoption.

The more viewpoints we can expose ourselves to and have meaningful discussions about, the more we can explore our personal feelings about adoption and not keep them bottled up inside where we are left to manage them by ourselves. I hope my son feels comfortable sharing his writings about adoption with me, but whether he’s ready to do that or not, I feel good that he has a way to express his feelings and that this web series is a way to connect him and my daughter with the lived experiences of other adoptees. It can be lonely growing up feeling different in so many ways from other kids. “The Adopted Life” gives voice to the adoptee experience from multiple perspectives in a way that normalizes and brings community to adoptees, regardless of where they are located or where they may be in their own journey with being adopted.

Susie Doig • Senior Director of Adoption Services VIEW THE FULL WEB SERIES AT THEADOPTEDLIFE.COM/EPISODES.

Waiting Children THESE AND OTHER CHILDREN NEED ADOPTIVE FAMILIES. Theo

Brooklyn

6 Years Old

3 Years Old

China

China

Theo is a gentle, bright and smiley little boy. He greatly desires a family of his own. Theo has cerebral palsy and several orthopedic issues, but with daily therapy he has made great progress. He uses a walker and can do some fancy moves — pulling himself up on it and swinging his legs!

Theo gets along well with his friends, works hard in school and loves animals. A Holt staff member recently met Theo and can share many photos and videos of him.

Brooklyn is a sweet girl who likes dancing and painting.

Her physical development is described as normal, however she has several challenges to overcome. She may have a syndrome called “VACTERL association.” A spinal X-ray and an ultrasound of her kidneys were both abnormal and she has esotropia. Brooklyn can walk steadily, go up and down stairs, say several words and build tall towers with blocks. She currently lives in a foster home and gets along well with her foster family.

Jaylenn

Hailey

5 Years Old

6 Years Old

NE Asia

Vietnam

Jaylenn is a fun-loving boy who needs a family that he can play games with and be silly around. Jaylenn has Rt. Pachygyria, a congenital malformation of the cerebral hemisphere, which causes him to have a slight gait and difficulty keeping his balance. He has weaker strength in his left hand, but it doesn’t keep him from picking up toys and playing! Jaylenn needs a family with access to any medical and therapeutic resources he will need to reach his full potential. A Special Blessings grant is available to help Jaylenn’s family bring him home.

Hailey is an affectionate and sweet girl who loves being held, given hugs and cuddled. She often smiles and is talkative with everyone.

Hailey has vision impairment and her motor development is a bit delayed in comparison to her peers. She has also been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Hailey is meeting developmental expectations in language and social skills. She speaks clearly, remembers children’s songs and loves to sing. Hailey needs a family that has access to good medical care and can provide the resources and therapies that she needs to grow and thrive.

For information about adopting Theo or Brooklyn, contact Jessica Zeeb at jessicaz@holtinternational.org.

For Jaylenn or Hailey, contact Kristen Henry at kristenh@holtinternational.org.

holtinternational.org/waitingchild/photolisting

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“Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans.”

— Isaiah 1:17

ADOPT FROM INDIA Girls Age 6+ Need Families!

About Holt’s India Program: • More than 35 years placing children • Stable and predictable program • Recently expanded parent eligibility

Looking for married or single parent families open to older kids, ages 8-15, or kids 4+ with special needs.

holtinternational.org/india

Our Vision: A world where EVERY CHILD has a loving and secure HOME.