Brand Me Part 1

Brand Me

How safe are you as a communicator?

I think that as a communicator I am too safe.

This is because I want people to like my work and to not create something too controversial that will cause them to not like what I create or have a changed opinion of me because of it.

I personally want to be liked by everyone or to at least have people not have an opinion of me rather than them dislike me and I feel the same way about the work I produce.

Throughout my past projects, I have felt frustrated as my original ideas for the final outcomes have been strong but I have been too worried about following through with them. In the end I am usually left with less than half of what I actually wanted to produce from the research I collect. I have decided that I am going To push my boundaries with this project in hopes to create something that I really am proud of that shows me and my brand as who I am and not who society will socially accept.

Do you take risks?

I have noticed a huge contrast between how I do things in my personal life compared to how I do things through my uni work.

I feel that I do not take the necessary risks in my uni work and projects which is why I am often left disappointed with my work and myself. I feel as though I am very apprehensive around uni and even how I am in the uni setting is very different to how I actually am and the ways I usually act. I can become quite anxious around the thought of uni and especially having face to face sessions.

Within my personal life I feel that I probable take too many risks which has often left me in unpleasant situations, usually because of something I have said to someone. In general, I feel that I just don’t really care enough aboutwhat people say or think because I have found that I have opinions on my friends and who I surround myself with but they don’t seem to care so why should I? I have also realised that saying what i am thinking isn’t necessarily a bad thing because usually there’s always someone else thinking the same thing.

Why do I not take risks in my Uni work

I think that i like keeping things simple, especially things that are being viewed by others. In general I can be quite closed off as a person. I have been this way since i was a child. I feel that the only person you can really trust is yourself and even then i feel i can let myself down.

I think that staying safe allows my work to be viewed and liked by many different people and that as long as these people like the work, I don’t need to. This has left my work lacking depth and to be really boring, especially knowing what it had the potential to be.

I feel that everything you believe or think can and will be argued by others so it is just best for everyone to not portray these thoughts as that is not a conversation I want to be had about the things which i produce.

However, after looking into myself this project and presenting this to my peers, i have realised that this is the wrong attitude to have. I need to feel proud of my work and show off the best that i have and can create. i have found that the clothes that I like some people really hate and that doesn’t stop me wearing them and feeling confident in them.

Why do i take risks in my personal life?

I believe that we only have one life and it needs to be lived to the full extent. I don’t want to have regrets over things I should’ve done or said while i had the chance.

I hate when life gets boring and I don’t like being in the same routine for too long. I like things to be exciting. I feel like living the same boring day over and over would lead me to feel trapped in my own life.

I also feel that i just don’t care in my personal life. If people don’t like me it really doesn’t bother me, i probably wouldn’t like them either. I can’t live my life for other people, i need to live it for me. I’m not a people pleaser and i never want to be, they don’t care about what they do or say bothering me so why should i care about bothering them?

How does this affect the process?

This affects the process by making it a draining experience for me, in the beginning of the project i am really excited about what I could produce but by the end i am deflated and underwhelmed.. It is a constant battle between what i want to create and what i feel I ‘should’ create to please everybody.

i often find that I don’t want to show off my work or even talk about it to my friends because i know that in the beginning i will talk about all my ideas and the final product is like a shell of the original idea and does not make the impact I intend to make. throughout this project i am going to use my ideas to the extent that I intend to. I want this project to be something i am proud of and a true reflection of my views and beliefs drawing from this research i am conducting on myself currently.

What do I think that my message has been throughout my work?

I think that my work reflects the message to Look Behind the Beauty. Through thre Comme des Garçons module, the quote ‘for something to be beautiful it doesn’t have to be pretty’ - Rai Kawakubo really stuck out to me . I feel that this resembles life and the aspect that not everything in life can be filtered and have the imperfections removed. I feel that it is important to look at the more difficult times in life as well as the good times.

I like to use this through my work to show that just because something looks beautiful doesnt always mean that it is good. I think of diamonds in this aspect, they are beautiful and everyone wants them however mining for diamonds is incredibly dangerous and has taken lives. Nobody thinks of this when they see a diamond though, they are just stunned by the beauty and not the awful stories which are behind them.

What is my message today and Why? Q2

I think that my message wil remain the same throughout my work. I think this message has and will always be something I live my life by . I think that my past training in mental health has shown me that everyone has a story and its usually not a nice one, no matter how good they look.

I have always believed that looking good gives the illusion that everything is good. Often when i have been feeling down or having a bad day I wuill do my hair and makeup, this changes how i look at myself and how others look at me. I have come to realise that everything in life is just an illusion and that we only ever see what people want us to. Due to this we will never truly know or understand the full story. Suffering with my own mental health has really taught me that just because everything looks good means everything is good to an outside perspective. This has taught me to always loook towards the bigger picture.

How does this impact my work?

I like to look at the bigger picture when creating my work. I feel that when done correctly, this helps with my digital storytelling and portraying a - usually dark - story through the images I produce.

I like to use backgrounds to show something deeper in the image and have done to give a subtle nod to the real situation in which the image Is taken.

Ii feel that gaining a sense of the narrative before going into a shoot really helps with the production and post production steps as I have a concept behind what i am creating.

What are the beliefs that I have?

I have many beliefs that make me the person that i am and the morals that I have.

I am not a religious person, I feel that personally I can not commit to a religion.

I believe in live and let live. I believe that people should live and do what they want to, I do not see the point in commenting on how others live their lives if nobody is being hurt.

i also believe that what we are shown is never real and that everything is an illusion. All images or videos that we see are heavily filtered and real life is not like this. Real life has flaws and imperfections that can not be erased so easily.

i believe that life is for living and that we will never live this life ever again. We can never live the same day twice so why keep things safe.

Positive or Negative beliefs?

I feel that my beliefs are overall positive.

Q3

This has really changed for me in the past few years When things changed for me, I realised that not all bad things are truly bad, sometimes they can be a blessing in disguise.

I realised that in life a positive outlook is all that we really have to hold onto. We only have limited days and living in a negative space will only make you want the days to go by quicker. I think that there is no point living a miserable life.

I believe that bad things happen to everyone but that doesn’t need to define you and that it is not necessarily the end of the world. I try not to dwell on things too much as this just leads to feeling upset and being negative.

I don’t see the point in torturing myself and others over things that can be worked through with the right attitude.

image - Thebe Magugu AW21

Political Beliefs

I don’t really follow politics as i find it boring however i have seen political conversations through social media.

From what i understand the government seem to have no intention to help us livingin the UK with the issues that have been present for years. Every election someone new gets voted in and were always in the same boat and the boats sinking quicker every year that passes.

Q3

I think that the rich stay rich while the rest of us live a sad life of struggling until the day we die penniless. Even the small side jobs such as social media posts and even selling cliothes through Vinted and depop are now being taxed.

I feel that the public service workers are under paid causing the services to not be up to standard, continuing to put us at risk. The police no longer have a sense of authority and i personally feel that they can not all be trusted and the NHS workers are cold and heartless. These issues are nit new but still there is nothing being done to solve them.

I feel that the government really need to find their priorities and get them in order to actually help us instead of leaving us in the lurch while their lives and quality of life is only getting better.

Other Beliefs

I am avery spiritual person. I believe in manifesting and working towards what i want.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and that the best is yet to come. I feel that feeling pain is a route for personal growth and that this is the time which really defines you as a person. I feel that this mindset helped me through my depression and has brought me to the head place i am at now, two years later.

Putting my own experiences into perspective has helped me to realise that this was a vital step which i had to take to be where I am now. Leaving the nursing course which I had worked hard to get into was a major stepping stone for me. I had a choice in that moment to give up entirely and go back to my pharmacy job which I hated. I made the choice to change to a course which I am passionate about and have learned more about myself than I ever knew I could and to feel excited about a uni project instead or absolutely dreading it. I understood the risks that came along with this and went for it and I am at one of the happiest points in my life i have ever been.

How has this impacted my work?

I feel that my personal beliefs have are embedded in the messages I portray through my work. I feel that my work can be quite dark. This is because i like to focus on the middle of the story, the part where things have gone wrong and before it gets better. I feel that the struggle is just as important as the success and is often overlooked. I feel that highlighting this part of the story is important to me as this is where an important choice is made - to give up or to carry on.

I also feel that i portray men in my work in a more feminine way. I feel that this ties into my belief to live and let live. I think i want to tap into the side of men feeling the pressure from society to act ‘masculine’ when it’d not what’s important.

Who are my 5 closest people? Q4

My Mum

I feel that me and my mum have a complicated relationship, she shows me tough love which I need and which has helped me become who I am today. While growing up we would argue constantly over the smallest of things but now that I’m older we have a really strong relationship and i know i can always go to her when I need her. She has always been honest with me, even if it is not what I want to hear which has allowed me to be able to judge situations I get into and has given me a strong sense of being abe to acknowledge when I am in the wrong which i have come to realise that not many people have.

She is probably one of the strongest people I know, it seems that when things go wrong Or she gets knocked, she gets back up and dusts herself off and carries on for the family. i have an unconventional family with 4 siblings who each come with their own troubles and she seems to know exactly the right advice to give each of us and things always work out.

I feel like i need to be more assertive like how my mum is. Although she is the calmer one of my parents, she doesnt let people talk down to her or tell her what to do. She says what’s needed to be said and will not let herself be walked all over which I wish I was able to do with the confidence she does this with.

I appreciate my mum so much and everything that she has had to give up, what she has done and what she continues to do for me and all of the family ❤

My Dad

Growing up I always was, and even now I still am a daddy’s girl. My dad has always been the ‘good cop’ out of my parents. I used to say ‘if i ask mum she’ll say no so i’ll ask dad’ which even now is still the truth.

My dad has never cared what people think about him and I feel that I have picked this up from him. When I was young he used to embarrass me, usually on purpose, but now it doesn’t bother me. I have learned that he does what he wants and isn’t bothered about others opinions. He likes to dress kind of eccentric and he gets this from his part in the Punk era. Even now him and his friends dress up and go to concerts together. Due to this music has been a big influence in my life. He has always been rebellious and encourages us to be. His youth was revolved around anarchy and doing whatever he wanted. although he never let me do whatever i wanted, he wouldn’t be phased by some of the things that my mum would go mad about. Although he’s loud, he’s never really raised his voice at me and when he has he’s apologised afterwards.

Q4 My Dad

My dad works really hard to be able to provide for us so that we can always have what we want and need. He works long hours but still finds the time to talk to all 5 of his kids.

I’ve come to learn that my dad just enjoys pissing people off, he loves to see peoples reactions to what he does or wears and then just laughs at them.

i feel that my love for fashion came from my dad. growing up he would always let me wear whatever i wanted and never saw a problem, even if i looked a mess. His clothes are a part of his identity and has always encouraged me to express myself through ny clothes .

Sam is my boyfriend.

We met at a time where life was really good for me, i had justmoved to uni and was experiencing a new stage of my life. Although things were perfect for me when we met, things for me went downhill quickly. I took him to meet my family and they loved and still love him. When my Nan became ill he would come with me to visit her and that summer when things got really bad he still stayed with me and visited her with me. I am so grateful that he built this relationship with her and got to know her because now that she is gone I can talk about my memories of her when i am away from Bradford with someone who knew her.

He has always supported me through what i wanted to do like my course change and has always been so positive with things i want to do. Hes very ambitious and works towards what he wants in life and what he wants to come from life. I feel that since being with him i am more motivated and can create a clear path to where i want to be and how to get there.

the has stood by me through so much and without knowing it has helped me through so much.

Ana is my friend. We haven’t really known each other for too long bit in that.Time we have come to realise that we are very similar people. We met through the uni and our nursing course in 2021 and both left that course to peruse another one at the end of first year. Although we both enjoyed the course and found it quite easy, we both realised that we wanted more and a career that we were passionate about and surrounding a subject that we enjoy. She moved to International Tourism Marketing and i moved to Fashion Communications and Marketing. We have both faced the same comments made by people still on the Nursing course about how we weren’t strong or determined enough but that really isn’t the case for either of us. I feel that our friendship is able to thrive in the way that it does because we have lots in common but also because we share a lot of the same values and have the same morals.

Liv is my longest friend.

Liv

Growing up I didn’t have any siblings my own age so when she moved in a few houses over i had somebody to spend time with. In this sense, we are more like family.

We have been there for each other through our hardest times and things such as deaths in one family have upset us both as we were always so close, practically inseparable.

We attended different high schools but this didn’t change our friendship or how close we were.

When I moved to Chester we stopped seeing and speaking to each other as often but when we are in the same city we meet up and are able to talk as though we were never separated. We had a huge influence on each other growing up because of how close we were and the amount of time that we spent together.

What sort of people do I surround myself with?

For this question i feel that I have two answers.

Moving into uni accommodation meant that I was thrown into a group of people and had to live with them without even knowing them. This meant that from the get go I didn’t really have a choice in who i was surrounded with and by the time I got to know them it was too late, we were already in a friendship group with them. Some of the people i have met through this have been really good friends who I feel have really helped me in my own development and others not so much. on the whole I feel that the people i surround myself with are so negative. They never seem to be happy with what they have and this sparks a lot of jealousy and envy in certain people that has nowreally affected how i feel towards them and has really made me question if these are the people I want to be surrounded by.

Then I have my own friends who I will meet up with separate from the group. I feel that the peopleI choose to surround myself with are a lot more positive and want to have fun without it turning into an argument or a pity party for themselves.These are the people who i have heavily gravitated towards and enjoy being surrounded by. Personally I don’t really like to take myself seriously, i like to have a laugh and the people i choose to surround myself with feel this way too. I have noticed a huge change in myself when I spend time with these people, I am more confident in myself and can feel that I am happier, their influence is so positive on me and i wish I could spend more time with them.

Overall, this research has helped me to better understand who I surround myself with and the changes that I need to make t to have a positive influence.

How does this impact me?

I feel like this has actually impacted me in a positive way.

I feel lime this has helped me realise that my own mindset and behaviour does have an impact on the people I surround myself with whether i want it to or not.

It has also healped me realise that maybe I am surrounding myself with the wrong people but this doesnt have to be the case. I have recently distanced myself from the people in my life who I feel have a negative impact on me and already I feel so much happier.

I have realised that some people just don’t want to enjoy life and like having something to complain about and want others to feel sorry for them but that’s not what I want and seeing this has really helped me to realise that if I don’t like the way things are, only I can make this different.

II feel that although these are the people i see the most, this is why I wouldn’t consider them my closest people and that’s okay.

How do my peers see me?

Q5

I feel that my peers see me as apprehensive when in the uni environment. I feel this could be because I don’t really know the girls on a personal level and this makes me feel nervous around them. I also feel that starting this uni course in 2022 was really the first time I attended the uni. On my first course I think I went to around 5 lectures the entire year I was a part of the course and maybe getting myself out of the routine of attending a uni lecture made me nervous about going back.

My friends see me as confident and even at work I am seen as confident so I’m unsure why I feel this way in the environment.

What aremy Strengths and Weaknesses? Q6

Strengths -

I am resilient. I have had many times where I could’ve given up but I always carry on, even when it makes me feel uncomfortable or nervous. I have always been taught that things aren’t just going to happen, I need to make them happen even if I find it difficult but it’s the persistence that makes it happen.

I am hardworking. No matter what gets in front of me I will always give 100% to it. I try my hardest with everything and it has paid off for me.

I can work to a deadline. I know I can work towards a deadline. I feel that I struggle more if I don’t have one. Although i can work towards a deadline, I have been in situations where I have left it until the last minute but I know that I still get it done. I am a fast learner. I can pick things up quickly and when I don’t, I keep at it until I do. I feel that the persistence I have to gain new skills and knowledge is what has helped me through the uni course.

Weaknesses -

I have really bad time management for projects. I always attend things on time but when it comes to work i have to do I often leave it to the last minute. This has caused me so much stress and so many nights where i have stayed up to complete my work.

I am really bad at public speaking. I feel that this has caused me to not fully explain my work in thepast and even still now. I feel myself stuttering which throws me off

I feel that I lack confidence. I have noticed when presenting my work I have no confodence in the work. I feel that this is because I want everyone to like it. However, I feel like i am gaining more confidence when it comes to presenting my work. I just need to remember that nobody cares that much and if they don’t like it, it really doesnt matter to me.

How

have these identified themselves?

Q6

I feelthat my strengths and weaknesses have identified themselves through the work that i produce and how i do it.

I have realised that I do have strengths when it comes to my uni work and that i need to draw on these more when doing my work instead of focusing on my weaknesses and being put off.

Over the past 18 months i feel that the weaknesses especially have identified themselves and have become clear to me and i can tell this by the way I feel when i have to carry out activities involving what my weaknesses are.

What do I do when things don’t go my way?

When things dont go my way I try to change them so that they do.

I have realised that I need to work for what I want and that criticism can be helpful to achieve what you want to achieve.

I believe that we make our own luck and that I can be in control of most situations when I have the right mindset. I have realised that I can change the outcome of certain situations with working towards the outcome I want.

Although not everything can be changed, the outlook on the situation can be and I feel this is an important step for when things go wrong.

How do I think my childhood has influenced who I am today?

I think that my dad has really influenced who I am today. My dad has never really complied to the social norms of any generation and he is happy to do what he wants to do and face the potential backlash of this. His life and the way he lives it has been heavily influenced by the punk community of the 70s/80s which I think is where his attitudes and his outlook on life have come from. being a part of this community enabled him to express himself through his appearance and what he did and to be different. He has always encouraged me to do what i want to do and what i need to do to be happy and enjoy my life. I have noticed that as my dad gets older, he cares less and less about the opinions of others and more about what makes him happy which is an important lesson i learned from him.

I was also heavily influenced by my Nan while growing up. My mum and dad worked a lot so my Nan and grandad would look after me so that my parents were able to work.

My nan wasn’t a typical grandmother, so didn’t like to cook or bake or do anything regular grandmothers liked to do, she lived her life the way she wanted to and believed that life was for living - something i believe in now. She had a very vibrant social life and would always go out with her fiends and family. In some ways I feel that my nan knew me better than anyone. When I got accepted onto the nursing course, my nan said that its not what she imagined me doing and that she didn’t think id enjoy it and she was right.

My mum was more grounded than my other influences growing up. I always thought of her as the boring parent but i now realise that this is what i needed in my life. It created a balance for me that I feel I still have now through the lessons i have been taught. She is very level headed and has created a stable environment for the family that was needed for so many of us. I don’t feel that my mum has had the biggest influence over me and this could be because I spent my childhood rebelling against her.

I have 3 older brothers and growing up i was constantly being compared to them whether it was school work or just who I am in general. I think this is why I really want to make an impact and be so much different to the 3 of them. Although they didn’t have a huge influence over me growing up, i feel that i have a balance of all 3 of them in very different aspects of who I am.

Why?

I feel that I can see their influence on me in the way that I dress, look and am. Their influence, especially my dads has made me whoI am and has given me the confidence in myself to do what makes me happy. I am a combination of all of the different lessons these people have taught me.