Palliative and Hospice Care Give Deb and Rick Time to Love, Hope and Live

By Susan Newhof

Rick Anderson was a talented drummer playing in a band the night he first set eyes on a pretty girl in the crowd named Debbie. He was 24, she was 18.

“He told me later he said a prayer to God that I would be his girlfriend,” recalls Deb of that life-changing evening. The two fell in love and spent the next 49 years together sharing everything – their love of music, raising their children, running a family dry cleaning business, and eventually walking an unexpected path after Rick was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

On a late summer afternoon, she is remembering it all, from their sweet beginnings to Rick’s peaceful passing.

“We were trying to live a normal life,” Deb says, of the months that followed Rick’s diagnosis. He began taking a pill form of chemotherapy. He retired from the family business, and he happily continued playing in three bands. But sometimes he was in pain. Bad pain.

“I knew he could take pain pills every four hours,” Deb recalls, “and I was constantly checking to be sure we had enough.”

She knew they needed help managing Rick’s condition, but making the call to ask about hospice or palliative care seemed too great a leap. A conversation with Gerald Harriman, DO, the trusted physician who had taken care of Deb and her family for many years, changed her mind. She knew Dr. Harriman had left private practice to become medical director for Harbor Hospice and Harbor Palliative Care, and on the strength of her long-time faith in him, she asked if he would evaluate Rick for palliative care.

“Dr. Harriman came to see us,” remembers Deb, “and that visit helped give us a life again. He prescribed a combination of medications and a flexible plan for using them to keep Rick comfortable and mobile. The meds also helped with side effects like nausea and lack of appetite. And Dr. Harriman continued to check in when Rick went to the hospital to have surgery.”

“Palliative care was incredible,” she adds. “It took a load off my shoulders. Rick continued treatment and we worked as a team with Rick’s specialists, Dr. Harriman, and the staff of Harbor Palliative Care. We had everything we needed.” After Rick had been on chemotherapy treatments for about 20 months, the drugs stopped working. His doctor tried another drug, but it did not help.

“I didn’t want Rick to go on hospice care because of what it meant…that Rick was going to die,” says Deb. “But Dr. Harriman explained that hospice care is about a

person’s quality of life, not quantity. We accepted that. The Harbor Hospice team was open to anything we wanted that we thought would help. They listened to us. They understood what we needed – oxygen, a different wheel chair, anything. When Rick’s legs stopped working and he became bedbound, Dr. Harriman developed another plan to keep him comfortable. We didn’t know – and didn’t want to know – how much time the staff thought Rick had. There was always hope around the corner, and everyone respected that. They were all so kind and loving.”

Deb recalls the conversation she had with Rick when it occurred to her that he might not want to leave her.

“I told him he could go when he needed to,” she says quietly. “I told him I would be ok.”

Not long after that, Deb went to awaken Rick to let him know the hospice nurse was on her way, but he had slipped away. She remembers the nurse holding her and comforting her.

“Hospice was never a bad thing,” says Deb, reflecting on the hesitation she had felt at first. “In fact…it was wonderful. I went into it kicking and screaming, but we needed help, and the Harbor Hospice team was here when we needed them, any time day or night. We got the most amazing care right here at home, and we got to do it our way.”

Tragically, not long after Rick passed, Deb’s mother, Nan, required surgery and developed a life-threatening condition called sepsis. Knowing the peace and comfort Rick experienced in the care of Harbor Hospice, Deb felt confident recommending the same care for Nan, and they arranged to have the Harbor Hospice team come to her home. Within a few weeks it became clear that Nan needed more assistance, so she moved to the gracious Leila and Cyrus Poppen Hospice Residence.

“She was comfortable,” says Deb. “The staff there took care of everything. When we came to visit my mom, we could just relax and be with her, and if we had a question, a staff person was right there to help. She died two months to the day after Rick.”

“Hospice care offers a quality of life for as long as you can have it,” offers Deb to those who may hesitate to consider it. “It is a life extender. We didn’t talk about death. We talked about life. I cannot express my gratitude enough for the time Rick and I had together because of palliative and hospice care. The Harbor Care team taught us how to live for today. I didn’t care about tomorrow and yesterday was gone. I woke up every day thankful.”

Deb continues to work at the Child Abuse Council as prevention director, teaching adults how to protect their children and teaching children how to protect themselves. She has been with the organization 25 years and loves working from home – the same home she and Rick shared for decades, the home that is filled with his music and often with their family and friends. She is surrounded with the tangible memories of a wonderful life with the man she loved deeply, and in that precious space, she finds comfort.

Writer Susan Newhof champions the wellbeing of people, animals, and the earth by speaking out against discrimination, promoting humane treatment for all creatures, and supporting environmentally sustainable business and agricultural practices.