Plus 148 May June 2022

TROYE SIVAN’S HIV FILM BECAUSE YOU’RE MORE THAN YOUR STATUS

HOUSEWIVES’ GARCELLE BEAUVAIS BOOTY HEALTH 10 WAYS TO LET GO OF ANGER

TRANSPARENT STAR

MAY/JUNE 2022 hivplusmag.com

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SPILLS THE TEA ON SEX WORK, HOLLYWOOD HARASSMENT, AND LIVING WITH HIV

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CONTENTS

ISSUE

14 8

28 ON THE COVER

28 AN OPEN BOOK Trailblazing trans actress and poz author Alexandra Billings leaves no stone unturned in her fascinating new memoir. And now she’s ready for the next chapter.

FEATURES 16

HEALTH WITHOUT CARE The immense barriers one trans woman has had in the health care industry.

20 SIEGE OF TROYE Troye Sivan stars as a teen waiting for HIV test results in the film Three Months.

24 DANCING IN THE DARK HIV+ author Dwayne Ratleff shares his troubled childhood in Dancing to the Lyrics.

26 FAUCI FOR THE CURE “America’s doctor” is still fighting to end our pandemic.

36 A DANGEROUS MAN Texas Gov. Greg Abbott cries “child abuse,” while stripping trans youth of life-saving care.

OUR COVER STAR Alexandra Billings photographed by Luke Fontana on the cover; above photo by Aaron Jay Young

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CONTENTS

TREATMENT & PREVENTION

In this special section we focus on STI prevention and “booty” health.

38 CHARITY BUMS Learn how baring your buns could help save lives.

40 PATOOTIE PAP Find out if you need an anal Pap. 41

BOOTY BARRIER The first FDA-approved condom specifically for anal sex.

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EASY PEASY Getting the new HIV injectable treatment just got easier.

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12

MAT T WIN KELM E YER /G E T T Y IMAG ES (4 8); COU RTESY PAR AMOU NT PLUS (20); COU RTESY AN DRE W G LORIOSO ( 12)

BUZZWORTHY 6

BEST ACTRESS & ALLY How Jessica Chastain’s Oscarwinning role helped her become an HIV advocate.

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FUNDING FOIL The new federal budget for HIV programs has activists worried.

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HARD TO SAY GOODBYE Honoring two social justice heroes we recently lost.

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SEX, LIES, AND HEALTH CARE Tell the truth...are you honest with doctors about your sex life?

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DAILY DOSE 10

COOL UNDER PRESSURE A nod to the strength and perseverance of Black women.

UNDETECTABLE 12

U DESERVE IT The U=U movement continues to change lives.

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WELLNESS

42 IT’S A MAD WORLD Tips on combatting anger in an often hostile world.

44 IT’S ME TIME Self-care takes practice. Here are some tips to get you started.

PARTING SHOT

46 SISTER SOLDIER Haitian-born actress and Real Housewives star Garcelle Beauvais is also a longtime HIV ally.

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chief executive officer & executive editorial director DIANE ANDERSON-MINSHALL editorial director, print NEAL BROVERMAN

executive vice president, publishing director JOE VALENTINO

editor in chief DESIRÉE GUERRERO

vice president, brand partnerships & sales STUART BROCKINGTON

EDITORIAL senior copy editor TRUDY RING contributing editors KHAFRE ABIF, MARK S. KING mental health editor GARY MCCLAIN contributing writers ALEX COOPER, DANN DULIN, TAYLOR HENDERSON, ASHLEY INNES, LILLY PARTIN ART executive creative director RAINE BASCOS digital photo editor NICOLE ARSENEAULT PRINT PRODUCTION production director JOHN LEWIS production editor JD GLASS PRIDE MEDIA EDITORIAL editorial director, digital MIKELLE STREET editor in chief, the advocate TRACY E. GILCHRIST digital director, advocate.com ALEX COOPER editor at large JOHN CASEY associate editors DONALD PADGETT, RACHEL SHATTO staff writer MEY RUDE editor in chief, out DANIEL REYNOLDS creative director, out BEN WARD digital director, out.com RAFFY ERMAC editor in chief, out traveler JACOB ANDERSON-MINSHALL digital director, pride TAYLOR HENDERSON director of podcasts & special projects JEFFREY MASTERS ADVERTISING, BRAND PARTNERSHIPS & SALES vice president, ad operations STEWART NACHT manager, ad operations TIFFANY KESDEN senior director, activations & brand partnerships TIM SNOW creative director, brand partnerships MICHAEL LOMBARDO manager, integrated sales KAYLYN BLACKMORE junior manager, advertising & brand partnerships REEMA THARANI associate manager, brand partnerships ANNA CARIAS coordinator, brand partnerships JOSE CARDENAS coordinator, sales & advertising administration CARINA BUIE DIGITAL vice president, technology & development ERIC BUI social media manager CHRISTINE LINNELL social media editor JAVY RODRIGUEZ CIRCULATION director of circulation ARGUS GALINDO FINANCE/ACCOUNTING vice president, finance BETSY SKIDMORE accounts receivable controller LORELIE YU accounting manager PAULETTE KADIMYAN OPERATIONS director of human resources DRU FORBES chief of staff DUSTINA HAASE-LANIER ADVERTISING & SUBSCRIPTIONS Phone (212) 242-8100 • Advertising Fax (212) 242-8338 Subscriptions Fax (212) 242-8338 EDITORIAL Phone (310) 806-4288 • Fax (310) 806-4268 • Email editor@HIVPlusMag.com FREE BULK SUBSCRIPTIONS FOR YOUR OFFICE OR GROUP Any organization, community-based group, pharmacy, physicians’ office, support group, or other agency can request bulk copies for free distribution at your office, meeting, or facility. To subscribe, visit HIVPlusMag.com/signup There is a 10-copy minimum.

FREE DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTIONS Plus magazine is available free to individual subscribers — a digital copy of each issue can be delivered to the privacy of your computer or reader six times per year. We require only your email address to initiate delivery. You may also share your digital copies with friends.

To subscribe, visit HIVPlusMag.com/signup NEED SUBSCRIPTION HELP? If you have any questions or problems with your bulk or individual magazine delivery, please email our circulation department at Argus.Galindo@pridemedia.com Plus (ISSN 1522-3086) is published bimonthly by Pride Publishing Inc. Plus is a registered trademark of Pride Publishing Inc. Entire contents ©2022 by Pride Publishing Inc. All rights reserved. Printed in the U.S.A. FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER

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EDITOR’S LETTER

BY DESIRÉE GUERRERO

COU RTESY DESIRÉE GU ERRERO

F O R T Y-T WO P E R C E N T O F transgender women

in the U.S. are currently living with HIV, according to the latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention — among them, 62 percent are Black, 35 percent are Latina, and 17 percent are white.

Numbers don’t lie. These disheartening statistics ultimately prove that trans women, especially women of color, are being systematically mistreated in a harshly racist and transphobic society. Research shows that trans women have some of the biggest barriers when seeking adequate health care, as activist Tanya Asapansa-Johnson Walker discusses on page 16.

Trans women are also some of the most vulnerable in terms of finding secure employment and housing, which is why many must turn to sex work for survival. Our cover star, trans actress and author Alexandra Billings opens up in our interview and her new memoir, This Time for Me, about her time as a sex worker (page 28).

She hopes to dispel the many myths and stereotypes that people have around trans women and sex work.

Billings says that while many trans women do it for survival, not all are forced into it. Nor is every trans woman a sex worker.

“I’m only speaking for my story,” says Billings. “I don’t mean to make light of anybody’s trauma, but for me I made a very clear decision that, OK, yeah, I can do this.”

She also discusses being a long-term survivor of HIV in the book. Billings has been in the trenches of HIV

activism since the early days of ACT UP and a longtime proponent of HIV health initiatives. As a mixed race trans woman, she is dedicated to using her platform to shed light on the disparities facing this community.

But Billings isn’t alone in the fight. Women of color have long been the silent soldiers in the fight against HIV, regardless of their own statuses. While countless unnamed thousands are doing the work in their communities, more well-known figures are also showing up for the cause — like Garcelle Beauvais of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (page 46). The Haitian-born beauty has been a longtime advocate for those living with HIV and has helped raise thousands for HIV research and programs.

In this issue, we really want to celebrate and honor the strength and endurance of women, especially women of color and trans women. In HIV advocate Ashley Innes’s moving essay on page 10, she cites Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson as an ultimate example of perseverance and dignity — even while under constant unjust attacks from the farright. Innes also has a few things to say about Texas governor Greg Abbott’s attack on trans youth in her commentary piece on page 36.

We also want to highlight the U=U movement, now six years strong and endorsed by over a thousand major health organizations, including the CDC and World Health Organization. In case you haven’t heard, U=U stands for undetectable equals untransmittable. This scientific fact means that if you are HIV-positive and on treatment with an undetectable viral load, you have zero chance of passing the virus to a sexual partner — even without using a condom. See guest writer and HIV advocate Dann Dulin’s inspiring article on how U=U changed one HIV-positive man’s life, and how it’s continuing to change the world (page 12).

Hollywood is also starting to catch up in terms of HIV representation. On page 20, read about how Three Months, a coming-of-age film starring Troye Sivan, is bringing a fresh, more hopeful perspective to the HIV narrative. And check out how Jessica Chastain’s Oscarwinning turn as Tammy Faye Bakker in The Eyes of Tammy Faye has turned her into an outspoken HIV advocate (page 6).

We still have a way to go in the fight against HIV and its stigma — but in the meantime, I’m certainly glad we have women like Billings, Jackson, Asapansa-Johnson Walker, Innes, Beauvais, and Chastain on our team, using their voices to help others.

Peace & Blessings, DESIRÉE GUERRERO EDITOR IN CHIEF

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A-LIST ALLY WHY JESSICA CHASTAIN, WHO WON AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR HER ROLE IN THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE, TOOK HIV ACTIVIST STEVE PIETERS TO AN OSCARS LUNCHEON.

BY DESIRÉE GUERRERO recently won the best actress Oscar for her critically acclaimed performance as Tammy Faye Bakker in The Eyes of Tammy Faye, showed some true allyship in her choice of date to a pre-ceremony Oscars luncheon.

In the spirit of the woman she portrays in the film, Chastain showed up to the event with prominent HIV activist Reverend Steve Pieters.

Reverend Steve Pieters and Jessica Chastain attend the 94th Annual Oscars Nominees Luncheon

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Pieters was famously interviewed by Bakker in 1985, and they discussed the HIV epidemic that was devastating the country. The move was a bold one for Bakker at the time, whose key audience was primarily right-wing and Christian, and solidified her role as an ally to both the HIV and LGBTQ+ communities.

This is a side of Bakker that Chastain, who also worked as a producer on the film, says she hopes people will see more than Bakker’s famous taste for heavy eye makeup.

“I believe that Tammy and Steve Pieters saved lives that day, through that interview,” said Chastain on Entertainment Weekly’s podcast, The Awardist. “I felt ashamed that this woman hadn’t been acknowledged for that, and instead had been criticized for how she decided to present herself in terms of her mascara.”

In the film, Pieters is played by actor Randy Havens, who reenacts the interview alongside Chastain. In both the riveting scene and the real interview, Bakker shows compassion for Pieters and his situation as an out gay man living with HIV. That this occurred during a time when HIV was an often-deadly condition and stigma was at an all-time high, showed an extra dose of bravery and activism from Pieters and Bakker.

At the Oscars luncheon, Pieters enjoyed an afternoon hobnobbing and taking photos with Chastain and other A-listers, including Tammy Faye costar Andrew Garfield (who plays Tammy’s former husband, Jim Bakker, in the film) as well as stars from other nominated movies like The Lost Daughter, Being the Ricardos, and Parallel Mothers.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye is now available to buy or rent on multiple digital platforms in addition to streaming on HBO Max.

FR A ZER HARRISON/G E T T Y IMAG ES

JESSICA CHASTAIN, WHO

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BUDGET BLUES

EXPERTS WARN THE UNDERWHELMING NATIONAL BUDGET FOR HIV PROGRAMS COULD DERAIL EFFORTS TO END THE VIRUS BY 2030.

President Joe Biden

NICHOL AS K AM M/G E T T Y IMAG ES

M

any have expressed major d isappoint ment over a r e c ent ly-pa s s e d fe der a l spending bill that allocates funding for HIV testing, prevention, treatment, and research programs for areas in the U.S. most impacted by the virus. Instead of supporting the $245 million increase proposed in President Biden’s original budget, the final bill only increased the funding by $70 million, according to a press release from the HIV+Hepatitis Policy Institute.

“After having to deal with COVID-19 these past two years, we were looking forward for our nation’s HIV prevention, care, and treatment programs getting back on track in ramping up their efforts to end HIV,” said Carl Schmid, executive director of the HIV+Hepatitis Policy Institute, after the announcement was made in March. “Unfortunately, the smaller than expected increases for the second year in a row will severely hamper these efforts and endanger our nation’s goal to end HIV by 2030.”

The final bill also includes an almost $175 million in increases for other domestic HIV programs — over half of which are dedicated to AIDS research at the NIH. While this is a good thing in many ways, HIV advocates argue that, currently, the funds are much more needed to promote prevention and treatment in underserved areas.

“We are especially disappointed that efforts to dramatically expand PrEP access to prevent HIV will not be able occur in the coming year,” said Schmid.

In addition, there was only a $1.5 million increase allocated to combatting viral hepatitis, which was also a major disappointment to advocates and experts.

“If we are to implement the national strategic plan to eliminate hepatitis and do it by 2030, as the president supports, we are going to need a significant commitment of resources and the leadership to make it happen,” added Schmid. “Unfortunately, that is not going to be possible with this consistently low level of funding.” —­D G H IVPLUS MAG .CO M

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SESAME STREET’S EMILIO DELGADO WAS A LIFELONG ACTIVIST AND ALLY WHO HAD RECENTLY JOINED THE BOARD AT THE BAYARD RUSTIN CENTER FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE. EMILIO DELGADO, the Mexican-American actor who

played Luis on Sesame Street for 44 years — and who was a lifelong LGBTQ+ ally and social justice activist — has died at age 81.

Delgado passed in March at his Manhattan home, as reported in The New York Times. The cause was multiple myeloma, his wife, Carole Delgado, told the paper.

He was a beloved regular on the PBS children’s program, having joined the cast in 1971; Luis became the longest-running role for a Mexican-American on any TV show. His character owned the Fix-It Shop, where he repaired a wide variety of objects. The show portrayed a romance between Luis and his colleague at the shop, Maria (Sonia Manzano), and they married on-screen in 1988, in an episode that was a huge hit with viewers.

Delgado was devoted to offering positive, nonstereotypical portrayals of Latinos, and he worked for social and racial justice in other ways. He recently joined the board of directors for the Bayard Rustin Center for Social Justice, a New Jersey-based organization that works for LGBTQ+ equality and other progressive causes.

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“I am so very inspired by the mission and communit y-building of the Bayard Rustin Center for Social Justice,” said Delgado, “and how the diversity and cooperation that Sesame Street built is now being carried forth into the future by the good works of the BRCSJ.” He was both a trailblazer on Sesame Street and “an activist on the actual street,” according to his biography on the center’s website. He had been a supporter of the United Farm Workers and a protester against the Vietnam War. Born in Calexico, Calif., Delgado had family across the border in Mexicali, Mexico.

He studied theater at the California Institute of the Arts and enjoyed a busy career as both an actor and singer. He appeared in TV shows like Canción de la Raza, Law & Order, Hawaii Five-O, Falcon Crest, House of Cards, and Lou Grant. He also sang at venues such as Carnegie Hall and the Hollywood Bowl, performing with Pink Martini.

He was artistic director of the Barrio Theater Ensemble of East Los Angeles and appeared in various stage productions, most recently in Quixote Nuevo, an adaptation of Don Quixote, at the California Shakespeare Theater, Hartford Stage in Connecticut, and the Alley Theater in Houston.

Sesame Street, Delgado once told the Houston Chronicle, was the first TV program that “showed Latinos as real human beings.” He continued, “We weren’t dope addicts. We weren’t maids or prostitutes, which [was] the way we were being shown in television, in film. Here, on Sesame Street, there were different people who spoke different languages and ate interesting foods, and they were all Americans.” —T R U DY R I N G

COU RTESY BAYARD RUSTIN CENTER

A SAD FAREWELL TO SOCIAL JUSTICE HEROES

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COU RTESY AIDS SERVICES DALL AS (MAISON); SH UT TERSTOCK

buzzworthy

TRAILBLAZING DALLAS ATTORNEY AND ADVOCATE DON MAISON WILL FOREVER BE A PART OF HIV AND LGBTQ+ HISTORY.

A F T E R A B AT T L E with esophageal cancer, longtime HIV advocate and civil rights attorney Don Maison passed on February 21, according to Dallas News. He was 74.

Maison, who was also the longest-serving former president and CEO of AIDS Services of Dallas, was a civil rights lawyer in the 1970s and ’80s who represented LGBTQ+ Texans fighting for fair treatment.

Originally from Michigan, Maison moved to Dallas after dropping out of a seminary school in Illinois. After realizing civil rights and social justice was his true calling, Maison obtained his law degree at St. Mary’s University School of Law in San

34%

of people are uncomfortable talking to their doctors about their sexual activity.

Antonio and moved back to Dallas in the mid-1970s.

Once in Dallas, he joined the growing LGBTQ+ rights movement and represented those who, much like himself, were targeted by police because of their sexuality. In 1980, Maison was the top legal defender of gay men arrested for “public lewdness” in a police sting the previous year at a disco.

While at the helm of AIDS Services of Dallas, Maison took a rundown property and transformed it into viable housing for hundreds of men, women, and children living with HIV. During his off time, Maison could often be found at JR’s Bar & Grill, the local queer hangout that he affectionately referred to as his “church.”

Maison himself said that both his best and worst quality was “not letting go.” Never one to take the backseat, especially in terms of speaking out for civil rights, Maison bravely took on the police, big business, and the fight against HIV and its stigma in order to improve the quality of life for thousands of Dallas residents.

“Don was remarkable for his sense of social justice. It was what he lived and breathed,” said longtime friend Ellen Sweets shortly after his passing. “There’s an old spiritual that Mahalia Jackson sings that goes, ‘I’m gonna live the life I sing about in my song.’ That’s what he did. He lived the life that he talked about.” — D G

13%

have lied to their doctors about their sexual activity.

The majority of people surveyed said they lied to their doctors about their sexual activity in order to avoid embarrassment, judgment, and lectures.

Source: a recent survey from USA/Rx of over 3,000 people across the U.S. to uncover what drives people to lie to health care providers about sex, drugs, and mental health.

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IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY®

This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee)

MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:  Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section.  Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections that may have been hidden in your body. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY.  Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY.  Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat.  Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain.  The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (6%), and headache (5%).

 Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. Your

healthcare provider will test you for HBV. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months, and may give you HBV medicine.

ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults and children who weigh at least 55 pounds. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains:  dofetilide  rifampin  any other medicines to treat HIV-1

BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider if you:  Have or have had any kidney or liver problems,

including hepatitis infection.  Have any other health problems.  Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY can harm your unborn baby.

Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY.  Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed.

Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:  Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-

counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist.

 BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other.

Ask your healthcare provider and pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all your other medicines.

These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.FDA.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

GET MORE INFORMATION  This is only a brief summary of important information

about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.

 Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5  If you need help paying for your medicine,

visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, GILEAD, the GILEAD Logo, GSI, and KEEP LOVING are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: February 2021 © 2022 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. US-BVYC-0008 01/22

US_BVYC_0008_BIKTARVY_A_7-875X10-5_Plus-DEva_r1v1jl.indd All Pages 19213 US_BVYC_0008_BIKTARVY_Plus-DEva_r1v1.indd 2

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).

.

#1 PRESCRIBED

HIV TREATMENT * *Source: IQVIA NPA Weekly, 04/19/2019 through 05/28/2021.

D’EVA LIVING WITH HIV SINCE 2009 REAL BIKTARVY PATIENT

KEEP LOVING.

Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.

BIKTARVY® is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in certain adults. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.

Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you.

ONE SMALL PILL, ONCE A DAY Pill shown not actual size (15 mm x 8 mm) | Featured patient compensated by Gilead.

Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the previous page and visit BIKTARVY.com.

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d a i ly d o s e

BLACK WOMEN ARE JUST ENOUGH

SH UT TERSTOCK

THE ROADBLOCKS JUDGE KENTANJI BROWN JACKSON WAS FORCED TO OVERCOME DEMONSTRATE HOW ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE SUBJECTED TO DISPARITIES, FROM WORK TO HEALTH.

D I D Y O U K N O W that Black women are the most educated demographic of people in the United States? Many of you may not have known that based on the narrative that has been created about us. Society doesn’t like to tell you how educated and accomplished we are, and if they do it is always called into question by someone. Society will take all our positive attributes and spin them into something else.

They will tell you that Black women are not assertive but aggressive, not bold but hostile, not confident but arrogant. Not enough and too much at the same time.

Black women continue to be the most devalued group of people in America, even though we make the world go around and have been for years. Black women go to work, take care of their kids, their kids’ kids, their significant other, their parents, the elderly couple up the street, the people at church, and then if we have anything left…ourselves.

Since the days of slavery, we have been taking care of other people and putting ourselves last. We have had to exist in multiple settings and constantly adapt to our surroundings. We must keep calm and maintain our composure as we face discrimination and mistreatment.

We saw this play out recently as millions watched Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Supreme Court confirmation hearings. She has more accomplishments and qualifications than all the other justices, yet she had to deal with gendered racism and ridiculous questions that had nothing to do with her ability to hold the position. On Fox News, Tucker Carlson questioned her LSAT scores. In the hearings, Ted Cruz asked her if she thought a baby depicted in a book was racist.

Marsha Blackburn asked her to give the definition of a woman. None of these questions, among many others, have anything to do with

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BY ASHLE Y INNES

AN NA MON E YMAKER /G E T T Y IMAG ES (JACKSON); COU RTESY ASH LE Y IN N ES

the scope of her job. Despite the nonsense thrown U.S. Supreme Court at her, she remained calm and poised. Compare nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson during that to Brett Kavanaugh, who cried and raised his her confirmation hearing voice when asked questions that he didn’t like. A before the Senate Judiciary Committee Black woman could never do that without facing ridicule. We must keep it together and persevere.

Black women always persevere.

The same remains true when it comes to HIV. While HIV prevalence among women has decreased in recent years, Black women still account for 60 percent of new HIV diagnoses among all women.

In the transgender community, it is estimated that 50 percent of Black trans women are living with HIV. Even with advances in HIV treatment and prevention and success in reducing new HIV diagnoses, Black women remain vulnerable. There is no doubt that misogynoir (the hatred of Black women) and transphobia contribute to this. There is no doubt that these women have faced stigma and discrimination. And there is no doubt that these women have persevered.

I encourage Black women of all identities to be mindful of the narratives that people create about them or that we create about ourselves. Know that we are assertive, not aggressive. We are bold, not hostile. We are confident, not arrogant. We deserve to be seen and heard. We deserve success and opportunity. We deserve love and good health. We are not too much. We are just enough.

ASHLEY INNES is a writer and HIV advocate. Follow her on Twitter @Ash_Innes.

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u n d e t e c ta b l e

IT’S ALL ABOUT U

ARMIN RIMOLDI/PE XELS

MANY HIV-POSITIVE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SET FREE WHILE MANY NEGATIVE PEOPLE HAVE RELEASED THEIR FEARS ABOUT SEX THANKS TO THE U=U MOVEMENT.

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by da n n d u li n

U=U.

Andrew Glorioso

COU RTESY AN DRE W G LORIOSO

Huh? Could it be a math equation, possibly Greek letters, or is it a secret code?

The above may look familiar to you, but for many of us it may not. What in the world does this mean?

Well, U=U is an HIV movement that means undetectable equals untransmittable. The campaign references people living with HIV who take daily meds and who have an undetectable level of the virus. They are not infectious. They cannot pass the virus along to someone else. Zero risk. That’s worth repeating: zero risk.

The campaign also impacts stigma around HIV. We know that talking about an issue, bringing it to light, does lower shame and discrimination. U=U can also put an end to the HIV epidemic. It breaks down barriers for more testing, brings care for those who aren’t receiving it, and creates an opportunity to get those who are HIV-positive onto meds.

In a capsule, think of U=U as treatment as prevention. If everyone got tested and, if need be, went on antiretrovirals, the epidemic would end!

In 2016, innovator Bruce R ichman, a former law yer and an international philanthropist , also an HI V-positive man, launched the U=U concept under the Prevention Access Campaign. For the previous four years, the unshakable activist had studied, read, attended HIV conferences, and kept a keen eye on science, such as clinical trials and research studies — specifically three major studies: HPTN 052, PARTNER, and Opposites Attract.

U=U visibility has been cast worldwide as it’s been endorsed globally by over a thousand partners, including the World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. At the 10th International AIDS Society Conference on HIV Science in 2019 in Mexico City, Dr. Anthony Fauci called U=U “the foundation of being able to end the epidemic.”

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“I struggled with feelings of rejection and wor thlessness,” laments activ ist A ndrew Glorioso, a PrEP program manager at DAP Health in Palm Springs, Calif., who’s also HIVpositive. “U=U has been a game-changer not just for myself but for many people struggling with the stigma of being positive. Knowing with confidence that I can’t infect someone else is one of the biggest burdens lifted that comes with this disease.”

Glorioso grew up in rural Pennsylvania. “I was your quintessential small-town gay boy.

It was the early ’80s and you still had to be in the closet.” He was on the verge of coming out when he learned that he was HIV-positive.

This was 1986, and Glorioso was 20. In those 14

early days receiving a positive diagnosis meant, with utmost certainty, death. “The doctor told me that I probably wouldn’t live more than five years,” remembers Glorioso. “It was devastating, and I spent a lot of time depressed, ashamed, and isolated. I never thought I would see 30.”

This year he will leap joyfully into his 57th birthday.

Glorioso began working in the HIV field in 2000.

“It was a way to give back to all those people and organizations that had helped me with medical and social services over the years,” he says. It became Glorioso’s life’s work. He’s helped people living with HIV and also those at risk of becoming positive. “I’m proud of that,” he says.

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“No one who’s living with HIV wants to infect someone else, and U=U has proven that if you are adherent and mindful of your HIV treatment, you don’t have to live with fear hanging over your shoulder,” Glorioso continues. “Even if I do get rejected because of my status, I don’t take it personally, as I know there is no shame in being HIV-positive.

Being able to say with confidence that I’m undetectable and that I can’t transmit HIV to someone else is freeing. It has allowed me to live my life in ways that I never thought I’d be able to.” (Indeed, Glorioso’s chest tattoo, Luceat Lux Vestra, means “Let Your Light Shine.”)

“HIV is just a virus. It’s not a judgment,” he says, and then reflects, “U=U has allowed many people living with HIV to move past their diagnosis…myself included.”

Nowadays, after talking to Glorioso, when I see U=U flashing on a digital billboard, I no longer see it as some alien language. I deem it a revolution that keeps us and our friends and family safe.

U=U positively means unprotected sex is possible, if you choose. However, be mindful of the numerous other STIs lurking out there. Be responsible — and continue to protect you and you and you!

People support the U=U movement at a recent Pride celebration in London

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You enlisted in the U.S. military in 1981, years before “don’t ask, don’t tell.” How visible was queerness in the military?

It was there. However, most gays and lesbians were in marriages of convenience, living in a two-bedroom apartment off base so that they could live with their partners. Plus, you could hide being lesbian or gay in an apartment off base better than you could in the barracks on base. Basically, everyone was in the closet. They would give you a dishonorable discharge if they caught you having sex with another gay person or kissing. They had gay people who were hunting down other gay people to out them and get them discharged.

How did gay and bisexual people find each other if everyone was in the closet?

When you got to the gay club. They had gay clubs everywhere you went. We used to all go to Frankfurt and [service members would] be acting all butch and everything. And then the next thing I know when they get in the club, “Oh girl.” Oh, they would just carry on. They would start flaming in the club.

How aware were you of your trans identity at that point?

W H E N I T C OM E S to the immense barriers that trans people face accessing health care in the U.S., we’re not only stuck, we’re going backward.

An unprecedented number of state legislatures across the country are seeking to ban trans youth from accessing life-saving medical care, most notably in Texas, where Gov. Greg Abbott has instructed the state’s Department of Family and Protective Services to prosecute the parents of trans kids as child abusers.

These attacks are not new. At a U.S. House Financial Services Committee hearing in 2021 entitled “There’s No Pride in Prejudice: Eliminating Barriers to Full Economic Inclusion for the LGBTQ+ Community,” activist Tanya Asapansa-Johnson Walker made this statement: “From 1990 through 2010, it was virtually impossible to find doctors or other medical providers to assist with my transition.... I’ve been laughed at, misgendered, dead-named, and at times declared mentally ill. One of my doctors called me schizophrenic and prescribed me pills for a condition I didn’t have.”

Walker, a U.S. military veteran and trans woman, suffered some of her worst abuse in 2017 after undergoing a second surgery for lung cancer.

Nurses and hospital staff were not just hostile, but purposely neglectful of her delicate health, Walker says.

Years later, Walker and Cecilia Gentili were plaintiffs in a lawsuit filed against the Trump administration after it rolled back transgender protections in the Affordable Care Act (President Biden would restore those protections after his election). We spoke to Walker about military life, the current state of transgender health care, survival sex work, and HIV.

I couldn’t transition in the military. I couldn’t. I didn’t have access to anything. When I was stationed in Fort Belvoir in Virginia, I would go to the clubs where the drag queens were because we were considered drag queens back then. We weren’t considered transgender. Or we were considered transsexuals. And we considered ourselves that in our own minds.

What was the trans community like when you moved to New York City in the late ’80s? Was it easy to find other trans women?

It was easy when you went to the city. A lot of the girls were homeless. They refused to stay in the men’s shelter because in the men’s shelter you couldn’t wear your clothes.

They said, “This is a men’s shelter. You have to wear men’s underwear, men’s this, men’s that, and you cannot come in here with those women’s clothes.”

I was homeless at one point, and we lived in abandoned buildings. People were dying from AIDS. Our girlfriends were dying from AIDS. We had to take care of them in abandoned buildings because they were afraid...the hospitals weren’t a safe place for LGBTQ folks. People that were sworn to not do harm are working in the medical field, in the hospitals, working today, doing harm to our people. And a lot of us are falling through the cracks.

Can you share some of the issues you’ve experienced in health care settings?

I was really mistreated by the staff who were misgendering me, harassing me, even by the social workers. When they would be in conversation about me in the room, they would use the wrong gender pronouns and I had to keep correcting them. Even some of my visitors had to correct them and the nurses still did it.

The night nurses wouldn’t come into the room. I had to crawl on the floor to clean the room myself. They wouldn’t clean the room. And basically, they would just throw stuff in the room. They refused to give me my HIV meds and treated me really like I was an animal. In this hospital right here in New York.

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In 2020, you were one of the plaintiffs in a case brought against the Trump administration. It feels like you’ve had no choice but to become an activist in order to access these basic health care needs.

Yes, I did. I’m looking at these younger folks coming along who are being discriminated against in health care already. I thought that this was a moment for change.

Cancer is very scary. It’s very sobering. You feel like every second you’re going to die, but you try to be happy and you try to live. You try to be as productive as you can while you’re above the ground.

The doctor said, “You have a one in five chance of survival.” So it was really scary for me. Cancer’s like a force outside your body just sucking the life out of you. That’s what I felt like. This thing was just sucking the life out of me. And it was just outside of my body, just pulling all my energy into it.

What you describe about cancer “sucking the life force out of you,” did you ever feel that way about living with HIV?

I felt like everybody was dying anyway.

Everybody, most of my friends were HIVpositive already. They had AIDS or were HIV-positive and everybody was just dropping dead like flies. We had to take care of people with Kaposi sarcoma in abandoned buildings because they couldn’t go to the hospital for care. People weren’t out with their families.

They didn’t know their family member was transgender or gay. So some of the folks we had to take care of in abandoned buildings right here in New York City; tried to bring them food or do the best care we could while they were dying.

Everybody felt like they were dying. We were just trying to live it up, do some drugs to try to self-medicate the pain of losing your friends. Some of the families took their bodies to other states or whatever. We didn’t have the money to go. It was a really sad, hard time for us. And some of us were homeless. A lot of us were homeless. We had nothing but the streets.

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You’ve talked about doing survival sex work. Was HIV a big topic of discussion among sex workers?

No. You had to make your money. You had to make your money to eat, to survive, to pay rent, if you were living in a hotel, trying to live in a hotel, or whatever you could afford.

So it wasn’t a real topic. There wasn’t a lot of prevention dollars back then and there’s really not a lot of prevention now.

HIV activist Tanya Asapansa-Johnson Walker

Were you part of a community of sex workers or did you feel like you were on your own?

We felt like we were a community. We looked out for each other when we could. If one of the girls was out there...she’d be using drugs, like crack or some other drug. We’d help each other out. She’d be out there, starving. We’d take her out to eat, give her money for her pockets because she couldn’t do the sex work.

So we helped each other out the best we could.

Did you have a mentor figure who helped you or explained how to keep yourself safe while working?

I did have one, but there was no way to keep yourself safe. You got into cars with strangers.

Mostly we did street sex work. When you do it, you’re in a desperate mode. You got to have money to buy more clothes, more makeup, blankets to keep warm in abandoned buildings. Or if you get a hotel room for a couple of nights, that was good. You could pay for that.

We had to risk our lives. You couldn’t be afraid to die. You had to get in those cars, and you had to do what those men wanted. And some of them just wanted you to talk. Sex work is talking as well. Sex work wasn’t all about sex, and the dates that weren’t about sex paid the most money. One guy was talking to me about divorcing his wife. Another guy asked me if he should commit suicide. I had to talk people out of suicide. Sex workers do a lot of work that people don’t realize. We’re like social workers as well.

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I had lung cancer in 2013. But in 2017 when I had lung cancer again, they removed my top lobe. There was a gay guy. He used to sneak into my room at night to check up on me because he knew they weren’t checking on me. And he’d be like, “Oh, your oxygen levels are low. I’ve got to call somebody right now.”

They would not come in the room.

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THE ADVOCATE ’S INTERVIEW PODCAST IS HERE.

LiSTEN TO LGBTQ&A ON APPLE PODCASTS, SPOTify & STiTCHER.

fEATuRiNG

BRANDI CARLILE, PETE BuTTiGiEG, LAVERNE COx, SHEA COuLEé, ROxANE GAy AND mORE. @lgbtqpod

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Perspective

A Fresh

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Troye Sivan’s coming-of-age film about HIV, Three Months, is refreshingly filled with hope rather than despair.

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Troye Sivan (left) and Brianne Tju portray Florida teens navigating love and sex in Jared Frieder’s Three Months

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out pop star, is no stranger to the big screen — the actor has appeared in Boy Erased, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and more — but he recently made his leading man debut in the new coming-of-age film, Three Months. The 26-year-old is pretty selective about the films he appears in, but he couldn’t be happier to be a part of this one.

“I fell in love with the script and I fell in love with Caleb pretty much immediately, he really jumped off the page,” says Sivan. “It can feel a little bit frivolous sometimes to make a pop song or make a movie especially when the world is melting down, so anytime I come across something that I think has the potential to, first of all, be a great movie and would be fun to make, but also [has] the potential to actually affect some change or show people themselves on the screen... it was just very, very exciting to me.”

Set in 2011, Three Months follows Caleb (Sivan), a Florida teen who receives a text from a one-night stand that he just tested positive for HIV. Now Caleb must get tested — but as it could have taken up to three months to confirm a definitive result at the time — he spends his summer, before going off to college, anxiously awaiting the results. Those three months are not without drama: his best friend and coworker Dara (Brianne Tju) is hooking up with their boss (Judy Greer) and Caleb quickly falls for another boy (Viveik Kalra), who is also waiting for his test results.

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One of the biggest missions of the film is to address the fear and stigma people have with not only contracting HIV, but also living with it.

At one point, Caleb’s love interest says he would rather he get cancer than HIV because at least he wouldn’t feel like his diagnosis was his fault. Three Months is chock-full of heartbreaking moments that highlight the fear of judgment that comes with contracting HIV, especially juxtaposed to the modern reality of living with it.

Writer and director Jared Frieder hopes the film educates queer and straight people alike that “HIV is no longer a death sentence when you have access to modern medical care. One of the last hurdles we have is to

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really fight the shame and the stigma against it because it’s so prevalent in our culture right now.”

“I think a lot of people don’t know that undetectable means untransmittable,” Sivan agrees. “For me, I just had such poor sex education.” He hopes this film “sparks conversations that aren’t previously had. For example, I’m well into my 20s now but my parents didn’t know what PrEP was until we started talking about the movie. And I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m on this medication that you take every day.’”

“[There’s] just so much ignorance, you know? And so, I really hope that this is a little resource for people,” adds Sivan.

As a native Floridian, this story has always felt important for Frieder to put out into the world.

“In the public school system there, we were not taught about the historical homophobic context of the global pandemic of AIDS in the ’80s and ’90s,” Frieder explains. “And a lot of the shame that I felt around my sexuality and gay sex and HIV was sort of rooted in that homophobia. And it’s really important that we have a dialogue and a conversation about it, especially because right now in the Florida house they just passed a ‘don’t say gay’ bill, where literally now in public schools you can’t even say the word gay. It’s still happening and it’s 2022.”

The content could be quite heavy, but Three Months feels refreshingly hopeful. Usually, when HIV is portrayed in movies and on TV, we’re used to the doom and gloom. In this film, whether Caleb ends up living with HIV or not, “he’s going to be OK, he’s going to live a long, happy life. He’s going to find his joy,” says Frieder. “He’s going to find love and, as his grandma says, maybe even more than once. He’s going to pursue his dreams and just see his picture of happiness come true.”

Sivan summarizes, “I think it’s important that these heavy, intense, sad, HIV movies exist. But it’s also like, where are we today?

And let’s acknowledge that, you know, let’s celebrate that!”

SO-CALLED EUPHORIA In Three Months, also costarring Viveik Kalra (above with Sivan), adolescence is depicted as confusing, challenging, and thrilling

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chronicled his chaotic early days in the memoir, Dancing to the Lyrics, which received 2021’s Best Indie Book Award in the LGBTQ Coming of Age category.

“Every time I read something about Baltimore, particularly the 1968 riots, the writers often have had the opinions of individuals sitting in a soft cushion a comfortable distance away from the events,” Ratleff says.

“I was very young, but I was in the city where it happened.

My [complaining] would eventually turn into writing.”

Ratleff, who moved with his family from Ohio to Baltimore, Md., when he was 5, says his childhood city possessed a strong community that existed alongside very real mid-century urban ills like racism, poverty, and crime.

Ratleff himself was dealing with a stepfather who systematically abused his mother, exposing him and his two sisters to regular explosions of violence. In Dancing to the Lyrics, Ratleff describes how his troubled family life ran parallel to Baltimore’s own problems — the city would be engulfed by deadly riots following the April 1968 murder of Martin Luther King, Jr. As the cover of Dancing to the Lyrics depicts, Ratleff wasn’t the most masculine child, but many elders accepted his femininity. He says it was mostly the church-going folk who chastised him for being different from other boys. Besides navigating homophobia and violence, Ratleff had another cross to bear — he was illiterate

LEFT Dwayne Ratleff; BELOW The awardwinning Dancing to the Lyrics book

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of Dwayne Ratleff’s 1960s childhood was not like the one director John Waters parodied in Pink Flamingos and Hairspray, or the dystopian wasteland depicted by HBO’s The Wire, or the hit song “Baltimore” from jazz icon Nina Simone. It was a flawed yet magical place, where horse-drawn carts sold fruit and vegetables, and paper boys sang while they hawked the day’s news. It was a city that shaped the future author and longtime HIV survivor. Ratleff

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until his preteens. The fact that he learned to read at such a late age, only to bloom into an award-winning author, is not lost on Ratleff.

“There were many obstacles to writing this book,” he says. “But the more obstacles in your path, the greater reason to start the journey. As I did not learn to read or write until I was 10 or 11, I never felt comfortable with my writing ability. In addition, I lost the partial use of my left hand in an accident and could no longer type. But the need to tell my story banished all those concerns and with one finger I began to type my story. Despite the award I won for my book, Dancing to the Lyrics, the real reward was learning I was very good at something I always feared I was very bad at.”

Ratleff hopes to follow up Dancing to the Lyrics with another book, possibly about his HIV diagnosis. Decades after having left Baltimore as an 11-year-old, Ratleff would test positive in early 1990, though he feels he actually seroconverted in 1982.

“The day I found out, I was very calm, not shocked at all,” Ratleff recalls.

“The full impact hit me a couple of days later. It was Super Bowl Sunday. All of the sudden I am walking on the streets of San Francisco, and I started to cry uncontrollably. The 49ers had just defeated the Denver Broncos to win the Super Bowl. While I was crying everyone was on the street celebrating, laughing, and smiling. The juxtaposition could not be more surreal.”

“Suddenly a car full of young straight men pulls up alongside me and yells at me, ‘Yay 49ers!’ One of them notices me crying and says, ‘Leave him alone, he must be a Bronco’s fan.’ It was perhaps misguided sympathy, but it was sympathy nonetheless. It made me laugh briefly on a very dark day.”

Ratleff credits both his proactive nature and simple happenstance for his longevity. Though he was told after his diagnosis he would likely die in less than five years, he would prove his doctors very wrong.

“Luck kept me alive long enough for advances in treatment to develop and for me to take charge of my health,” he says.

Now living in Palm Desert, Calif., with his husband and dog, Ratleff is taking time to recharge before starting his new book. As someone who’s survived a violent upbringing and an HIV diagnosis when it was a death sentence, Ratleff offers this advice for others seeking similar resilience: “I feel fortunate that I have moved on from the many traumatic experiences in my life. It may not be as simple as it seems, but you must turn your worst enemy into your best friend. That person very often is yourself. You are only truly alone when you, too, abandon yourself. There is far more to it than that, but that is a crucial step.”

Baltimore skyline

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DR. FAUCI ISN’T GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL THERE’S A CURE FOR HIV “America’s doctor” discusses new treatments — an injectable every seven months! — and his burning passion to stay in the fight.

Anthony Fauci, the chief medical advisor to the president of the United States

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his spring, the media picked up on a story that President Joe Biden’s chief medical advisor — and America’s doctor (at least to me) — was toying with the idea of retirement. Appearing on ABC’s This Week with George Stephanopoulos, Dr. Anthony Fauci reassured George and the rest of us that he will stay on his job until the COVID-19 fight is over.

When I spoke to him recently, and knowing his love for baseball, I asked Fauci if the Washington Nationals called and offered him the job of general manager, would that prompt him to leave the National Institutes of Health where he’s been for over 40 years?

He laughed then said, “I gotta tell you, in another life, I would definitely want to be more tightly connected to sports, particularly my favorite sport, baseball. But I’m staying where I am because of the unfinished fight we have with COVID, and also because of the unfinished fight we have with HIV and AIDS.” While there has been so much focus on COVID during the last two years, Dr. Fauci wanted me to be sure to emphasize, in the strongest terms possible, that he has “not pulled back one bit, and not in the least,” on his “enthusiasm, passion, and efforts toward HIV/AIDS.” “This is very personal to me,” he explained.

Fauci is heartened by the fact that as of today there are better treatments, preventions, and hopes for a vaccine, and for these reasons, he’s not taking his foot off the gas pedal.

“Look how far we’ve come, and though we have more

work to do, we now have an injection available that some HIV-positive folks can get every seven months that will keep them undetectable, a long-acting PrEP injectable that works better than Truvada.”

I asked Fauci if injectables are the future. “Absolutely. We’ve gone from a cocktail of pills to one or two pills taken twice a day, to one pill a day, and so yes, things are progressing whenever you get an injectable. We know we can do it in two months, so there’s no reason to believe we can’t do it every six months. It’s not a prediction, but based on all of the science and research.”

Part of that research coincidentally comes from what’s been gleaned from developing the COVID vaccines.

“Obviously it’s a different vaccine but using the mRNA platform and successfully transforming all of that and having it applied to vaccine research for HIV — and using the structure, the approaches, and discipline for HIV vaccinology.”

Along with the science, Fauci said that satisfying public health needs is

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also crucial to the fight. “We need to address disparities of treatment in society and make sure we’re testing and treating in poorly served areas, which are usually the minority populations,” he said. “You have 13 percent of our population being African-American, yet well over 40 percent of HIV cases are African-Americans, and that needs to change with better access to treatment and prevention.”

Then there’s the question of an HIV vaccine, and how soon we can expect one.

“As you know from our previous conversation, there’s been difficulty making a truly and highly safe vaccine. It’s been problematic,” Fauci explained. “I don’t want to say failures, because every notable non-success we’ve had, we have also learned something from each trial.

Once we do have a vaccine that has a high degree of efficacy and other methodologies, we will end the HIV pandemic as we know it.”

I wondered about all of the strains we’re seeing with COVID and if there would ever be an opportunity for an outbreak of a new, more virulent strain of HIV that is resistant to treatment.

“The HIV strains are completely different from the SARS COVID-2, which replicates in society so rapidly.

With HIV, we have been dealing with the same strain for over 40 years so you don’t see that rapid change like COVID, with HIV. With COVID, we’ve had the original, Delta, and Omicron, and more to come, most likely. We just don’t see these multiple strains with HIV.” I asked Fauci what he thinks of the younger generation being blasé about HIV since they’ve lived with various prevention and treatment methods.

“It’s very dangerous,” he warned.

“This generation is very fortunate to have highly effective therapies and very lucky to have very good medicine for pre-exposure prophylaxis. While it’s still a very serious disease, there are very effective interventions.”

Fauci added that it’s unfortunate that some are lulled into complacency: “This generation hasn’t seen all the wasting away and dying that scared the hell out of all of us years ago. And most people in this generation don’t know anyone who has died from the

Dr. Fauci gets a hug from fellow HIV advocate/pop royalty Sir Elton John

Fauci speaks with former U.S. president Barack Obama

disease. People who are 25 to 35 don’t have a clue what happened when people were dying all around us and the fear and terror of an HIV diagnosis.”

“Yes, it’s no longer as bad as it once was, yet we still have over 36,000 new HIV transmissions annually here in the U.S. and it’s still a major disease globally, and people are still dying from it. And the science and the disease don’t get as much publicity as they used to,” he said.

“We still have challenges ahead, and we have not — or will not — give up, and I am going to remain 100 percent involved, fighting for more support for research, and continuing the fight to find a cure.”

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Pioneering trans actress and poz activist Alexandra Billings reflects on her amazing life in a new memoir — and is already busy living the next chapter.

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I N H O L LY W O O D for decades, actress, singer, author, teacher, and HIV activist Alexandra Billings has long been blazing trails. She became one of the first out trans actresses to play a trans role on television, in the 2005 TV prequel Romy and Michele: In the Beginning. She’s appeared in numerous films and TV shows throughout her career (including How to Get Away with Murder and Grey’s Anatomy) and received critical acclaim for her scene-stealing role as Davina on the hit Amazon series Transparent. She also showed her musical theater chops when she starred as Madame Morrible in the Broadway mega-hit Wicked in 2019.

Arguably her work in Transparent has been some of her most groundbreaking. In addition to being the first out trans actress to do a full-frontal nude scene on TV, she also influenced the show’s writers to include HIV narratives in the series. “[Transparent costar Trace Lysette] and I don’t have to join the revolution. We are

the fucking revolution,” said Billings in a 2018 interview with Plus, commenting on Hollywood’s responsibility to tell queer and trans stories. “We’re loud. We’re big. We took up enormous space. What are you going to do?’”

In person, Billings is a funny, frank, and charming woman whose razor-sharp wit and undeniable wisdom makes you want to sit and listen to her speak for hours. Even in her most off-the-cuff and humorous remarks, you feel there is always something to learn — which makes sense since, in addition to building a remarkable career across screen and stage, she’s also been passing on her knowledge, in one way or another, for over 30 years.

However, Billings, 60, says she wasn’t just magically born with all that wit, wisdom, and charm (OK, maybe the charm). It mostly comes from living a life so rich in experience, with amazing highs and traumatic lows and everything in-between, that it makes your average telenovela seem like Leave It to

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LEFT TO RIGHT Actresses Zackary Drucker, Alexandra Billings, Trace Lysette, and writer Our Lady J from Transparent

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Beaver. And now she is detailing much of her fascinating story — from her past sex work to living through the AIDS epidemic of the ’80s and ’90s, to the harassment allegations on the set of Transparent — in her new book, This Time for Me: A Memoir.

“I actually didn’t come up with the title,” says Billings with a laugh. “I had a whole other one. I wanted to call it The Accidental Revolutionary. I wanted to call it that, but it sounded kind of weird…. I had a couple of ideas, which everybody hated.”

Fortunately, she says her co-editor, Joanne Leslie Gordon — “really, the organizer of the whole book” — eventually came up with a title for the memoir that all could agree on.

“It was out of nowhere” she recalls. “We were having a meeting and she said, ‘This time for me.’ And I went, ‘Holy crap. That’s it!’ Because it’s a line from Gypsy. Gypsy is a very important show in my life, where my dad and I sort of came back together as a family.

You know, it’s a role about familial life and… obsession. And so, it was perfect.”

She explains that in her upbringing, she often felt caught between two worlds — the joyously queer world of art and theater that surrounded her through her father’s work, and the harshly rigid reality of cold war America.

“This was back in the late 1960s,” a time when being “anything except white, cis, and male was just bizarre,” she recalls. “If you were anything other than that, you were marginalized — which is still sort of true to this day. But back in the ’60s, gender norms were very specific, clear-cut containers in which you lived, and you did not vary…. And if you did, you were ostracized in a way that usually resulted in some kind of violence, whether that was emotional, spiritual, or physical. And this was taught to all of us, to everybody, especially in this country.”

“So when I went to [see] my dad during those college musical days, those summers were spent around queer people who were in eyeshadow and who wore dresses, and the women dressed like Marlene Dietrich and were in top hats. And people were giving each other hand jobs under pianos. It was insane.

And, you know, I was 13, 14 years old, going, ‘Well, this is the way to live! Obviously, this is the way we need to do things.’”

“So moving out back into the world…the judgment was not only shocking, it simply didn’t compute. It didn’t make sense to me,” she continues. “It was like going to the Mad Hatter’s tea party. Everything was upside down. Everything was spoken in gibberish. I didn’t understand what anybody wanted me to do…. It was complete madness. So, to be honest with you, it was traumatic, of course, but I think early on I developed a way — as most marginalized people do and certainly queer people — I developed a way to survive.”

Though Billings has historically been very open about many of facets of her life, including being a long-term survivor of HIV, this memoir will be the first time she’s put it all down in one place. A process, she admits, that was at times more painful and less therapeutic than she’d anticipated.

“The horrifying thing is... that I still love him very much” Billings says of former Transparent costar Jeffrey Tambor (right), pictured before allegations of harassment against him became public

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Billings at the 2016 Primetime Emmy Awards

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“You know, the funny thing is,” she says, “I had all these wonderful friends that were very kind and holding space for me in a way that was filled with such grace and kindness. And they would say to me, ‘Oh wow, Alex, [writing the book] is going to be so cathartic.’ And I would say, ‘OK, because right now [it’s] painful and achy. And I don’t like it.’”

Despite the relentless and well-meaning promises from others that the “catharsis train” would be pulling into the station at any moment, Billings jokingly admits, “Well, I don’t know, I’m still waiting for that damn thing.”

Still, she says that recalling her many life experiences in the book has been eye-opening in many ways, and has given her a new sense of self-awareness.

“I think what’s interesting is that now, years later, I’m giving these interviews and talking to people like you and talking about pieces of my life in a way that gives me perspective — I don’t know if maybe this is the catharsis, but for me this is very self-reflective. And I’m able to look at my behavior, good and bad, and finally take ownership of it.”

While Billings doesn’t want to spoil all the juiciest parts of the memoir just yet (as of press time, the book was not yet released), she did reveal that she would go into greater detail about what she witnessed and experienced on the set of Transparent, in terms of the sexual harassment allegations against former costar Jeffrey Tambor.

“The horrifying thing is — and horrifying because it’s so painful — is that I still love him very much,” she recently confessed in an interview with The New York Post. “I don’t love his behavior, but that’s true of a lot of people. He still hasn’t totally admitted to everything that he’s done. I don’t know that he ever will, but that’s up to him. That’s between him and his god, not me.”

Billings also goes deep into her life as a sex worker, which she says was important to her to help destigmatize the profession and humanize those who participate. She also wants to illustrate that every person’s

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story is different when it comes to sex work. Not all trans women are sex workers— and while she acknowledges many are forced into it for survival purposes, that is not the case for all.

“There’s literally like three chapters dedicated to that [period of my life],” Billings says with a laugh. “When I was a sex worker, I didn’t have anybody running my finances for me. I didn’t answer to anybody. It was a decision that I made.”

Billings adds that she kind of “fell into” the profession, “because it didn’t even occur to me that someone would pay you to sleep with them,” she continues. “I was just sitting at a bar. And this guy…dressed kind of like he was going to Disneyland — in his 40s, white guy, a little balding, tubby, [wearing] a big, white, flowered Hawaiian shirt with shorts on.

And he goes, ‘How much?’ I was completely confused. Finally, I figured out, Oh, he wants to give me money to go have sex with him! I thought, OK, I mean, it’s 3 o’clock, I got a couple hours to kill. Why the hell not?”

“So it literally happened by accident,” she explains. “I wasn’t starving. And I’m only speaking for my story. I don’t mean to make light of anybody’s trauma, but for me I made a very clear decision that, OK, yeah, I can do this. And when it stopped serving me, I stopped doing 34

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Billings attends the TransNation Festival’s Queen USA Transgender Beauty Pageant

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CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT Billings graces the covers of A&U, Variety, MetroWeekly, and Plus

it. And the only reason I say this is because we hear a lot of people talking about sex workers; about how we were forced to do this…. In the grand scheme of things, were there other elements forcing me to do this? Yes, probably.

But…if you put a microscope to each event that happened in my life, this was a decision that I made.”

Ultimately, Billings says the reason she wrote the memoir is the same reason Hollywood needs to keep producing narratives around POC, LGBTQ+, HIV-positive, and other marginalized people — so we can simply

understand one another better, and therefore create a better world.

“Art is a reflection of the human experience,” she says, “We’ve got to start talking to each other, even when we don’t agree with each other. It’s about an exchange of ideas, not, ‘You’re wrong, I want to change you.’ You don’t deserve that. Listen to what I’m saying — we’ve got to talk to each other in a way that is about what your accomplishments mean; about who you are on this planet and that what you’ve done so far means something. And now we just want to add to it.”

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c o m m e n ta r y Texas Governor Greg Abbott

health care matters that have literally nothing to do with THIS ADVOCATE HAS SOMETHING them. Recently following an opinion piece written by the TO SAY TO THE TEXAS GOVERNOR Texas attorney general Ken ABOUT HIS ANTI-TRANS EFFORTS. Paxton, Gov. Greg Abbott sent a letter to the Department of Family and Protective services calling on them to investigate any reports of minors receiving gender-affirming medical care. The directive is also asking licensed professionals and the general public to report the parents of transgender children supporting their kids in accessing services. Just like the abortion bill that was passed last year, Texas Republicans are involving other people in situations that do not directly impact their lives.

According to the ACLU, Abbott’s letter has no legal standing and can’t change current laws or take away rights of Texas families (it was also put on hold by a judge). Backed by decades of research, multiple medical associations agree gender-affirming care is medically necessary for trans youth. These situations should be addressed between parents, their children, and medical providers.

Once again conservatives are not following evidence-based research and wanting to dictate orders based on what they think is right or wrong. For the life of me, I don’t understand how this is small government. I don’t understand how this protects children.

And I don’t understand how this is for anything other than selfserving political gain. Abbott doesn’t care about these children or 36

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by ashle y innes

minimizing child abuse. He cares about his reelection and playing to a transphobic base who hides behind their bigotry with the false use of God. Governor, if you think abuse is so wrong where are you when these children grow up to be adults and face the barriers that you allow to exist? When they make their own choices legally and are still living their authentic lives as transgender adults, where are you to protect them from abuse?

Where are you to ensure access to housing, jobs, health care, and physical and psychological safety? Transgender people are facing violence and discrimination on a regular basis.

In 2019, Texas had the highest murder rate of transgender people in the country. Most of them Black, and most of them women. Is that not abuse? But that appears to be the type of abuse that Abbott is fine with; abuse that it is OK to stay silent about. The type of abuse that upholds the status quo. It upholds a white supremacist, patriarchal, anti-LGBTQ society. It rejects anyone that is different and makes people uncomfortable. Well you know what makes me uncomfortable?

The fact that transgender youth report significantly increased rates of depression, suicidality, and victimization compared to their cisgender peers.

The Human Rights Campaign reported in 2020 that 43 percent of transgender youth have been bullied on school property, compared to 18 percent of cisgender youth, and 29 percent of transgender youth have attempted suicide, compared to 7 percent of cisgender youth. It has also been reported that providing support to transgender kids makes a significant difference. Research shows that transgender youth with supportive families have a 52 percent decrease in suicidal thoughts, a 46 percent decrease in suicide attempts, and a significant increase in selfesteem and general health. But tell me again about how parents are abusing their children.

The reality is Abbott represents a society that lives in judgment and fear instead of compassion and understanding. He is signaling to parents to dismiss their children. To choose rejection instead of affirmation. To choose hate instead of love.

How is that minimizing abuse? Only love and affirmation can do that.

If you are a transgender youth, know that you have people who are fighting for you every day. If you are the parent of a transgender youth, know that your affirmation is everything to your child. You are not abusing them; you are loving them unconditionally. And in these situations, love and affirmation save lives.

LGBTQ rights supporters gather at the Texas State Capitol to protest Republican-led efforts to pass legislation that would restrict the participation of transgender student athletes

ASHLEY INNES is a writer and HIV advocate. Follow her on Twitter @Ash_Innes.

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t r e at m e n t/p r e v e n t i o n

W H E N ’ S T H E L A S T time you thought about your Perla, who’s built a brand around documenting beautiful butt health? Though the state of your rear end’s health booties in beautiful locales (check out his Instagram to is probably not always at the forefront of your mind, it is see what I mean), says the experience of baring it all can something to be aware of – especially for gay and bi men, be liberating. trans women, and those living with HIV, who can be at “I think everyone has been self-conscious about their higher risk for developing certain colorectal issues. body at some point in their life,” he says. “It’s natural to According to the American Cancer Society, colorectal feel nervous about showing off your body to the public. I cancer is a cancer that “starts in the colon or the rectum. think people will feel a sense of relief seeing the positivity These cancers can also be called colon cancer or rectal that comes with showing it off!” cancer, depending on where they start.” Colon cancer “My butt started a whole new career path for me,” and rectal cancer are often grouped together and called adds Perla with a laugh, “so I have grown to have a deep colorectal cancer because they have much in common. appreciation for my butt…. Showing off my butt still gives An estimated 900,000 people worldwide died from me a rush though.” colorectal cancer last year, with 53,000 in the U.S. alone.

NYC-based drag artist (and Drag Race season 12 favorite) This is a number the nonprofit Cheeky Charity is working Jackie Cox says the campaign “is hugely important to me hard to reduce by promoting things like regular screenings personally. Colorectal cancer rates have been increasing, and early detection and treatment. “Our butts have been taboo for too long!” exclaims its website.

With its recent #MarchYourButts campaign (which kicked off in March in honor SOME SEXY CELEBS ARE BARING THEIR BUMS TO RAISE of Colorectal Cancer AWARENESS AROUND COLORECTAL CANCER Aw a r e n e s s M o n t h), FOR CHEEKY CHARITY’S #MARCHYOURBUTTS CAMPAIGN. Cheeky Charity is hoping its unorthodox

BY D E S I R É E G U E R R E R O approach will generate more awareness around colorectal cancers. The fun and flirty campaign is encouraging folks to bare especially in younger people and in those who engage in their bums (or keep it clothed if you like) for the cause, anal sex. As someone who is both sex-positive and healthand then share their booty pics on social media with the conscious, what better reason to raise awareness, encourage hashtag #marchyourbutt. early screenings and detection, and support my community?”

While many of the photos showing up from the Of the booty pic itself, Cox says, “I hope people enjoy campaign are certainly sexy, it’s not quite as scandalous seeing it! I love being cheeky anyway, so why not do it for as it sounds since you’re supposed to cover your bum with a great cause?” the org’s cute heart-shaped booty logo to promote the As an experienced booty photographer, Perla also cause. (But if you’re not the shy type, why not make that offers some advice for getting the perfect posterior pic. logo as small as possible?) Cheeky Charity also has an “After taking butt photos for the past 5 years I’ve easy-to-use photo editor on their site to place the logo in noticed that a mid-to-lower angle will give your butt the your pic, so no need for any Photoshop skills. volume you’re looking for,” he says. “As for lighting, make So far, some notable influencers and celebs have sure the light is shining on you and you are not back-lit.” jumped aboard the booty train to lend their support, For more about the campaign (including the booty including travel blogger Jeff Perla (@TheTravelinBum), photo editor and prewritten text for your social media who has partnered with the org to help raise awareness, posts) as well as useful info, links, and other resources as well as Rupaul’s Drag Race alum Jackie Cox. about colorectal cancer, visit CheekyCharity.org.

MAT T MONATH

GETTING CHEEKY FOR A CAUSE

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RuPaul’s Drag Race alum Jackie Cox bares all in the name of booty health

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DO YOU NEED AN ANAL PAP SMEAR?

WHEN MOST SEXUALLY ACTIVE PEOPLE CONTRACT HPV, AND 91 PERCENT OF ANAL CANCERS ARE THOUGHT TO BE CAUSED BY IT, THERE’S A REAL NEED TO GET TESTED.

BY J D G L A S S ACCO R D I N G TO T H E U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 91 percent of anal cancers are caused by HPV: human papillomavirus, the contagious STI that nearly all sexually active people will get at one point or another during their lifetime (unless you’re vaccinated against the high-risk versions).

But despite that alarming bit of news, you can get tested by your doctor to not only detect anal cancer, but also to prevent it. An anal Pap smear is a screening test that takes cells from the anal canal and sends them to a lab for testing. This test doesn’t detect HPV but instead looks for cancerous and precancerous cells.

Because the test is not very common and somewhat invasive, it’s typically reserved for high-risk groups like 40

trans women and gay and bi men. Dr. Kristina Hendija, a general practitioner, told The Body, “Among those considered at high risk are HIV-positive people and [people that regularly have anal sex]. Immunocompromised people and women with vaginal or cervical cancer will also benefit from an anal Pap smear.”

During the exam, a doctor uses a cotton swab in the anal canal for a few seconds, then does it a second time.

The first, according to Dr. Evan Goldstein, who also spoke to The Body on the topic, “is to “determine which specific HPV strains the person harbors (low or high risk, specific to its subtypes),” and the second is for the “actual precancerous/cancerous risk via extracting cells for analysis.”

The sample then goes to a lab, where it’s examined under a microscope. And there’s more these tests can tell.

Goldstein says an anal Pap smear “allows for external anal evaluation, which can diagnose many undetected ailments and/or localized issues.” Basically, everyone who engages anally with partners should ask for anal and oral swabs when being screened for cancers and STIs. However, anal Paps are not typically included in a traditional sexual health check-up, so when you go, you’ll have to ask your health care provider if they can do one, or look up free clinics that offer it.

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T O H TS H IG A STR One of the global leaders in HIV

treatment, ViiV Healthcare, recently announced that getting your first dose of Cabenuva now will be even easier. The new long-acting injectable HIV medication consisting of cabotegravir and rilpivirine used to require that the treatment combo be taken orally for a month prior to your first injection to assess tolerability. After clinical trials showed similar safety and effectiveness with or without the oral lead-in, it is no longer required. — D G

REAR-END RUBBERS FDA APPROVES THE FIRST CONDOM DESIGNED FOR ANAL SEX AFTER A STUDY SHOWS THEY HAVE A FAILURE RATE OF LESS THAN 1 PERCENT.

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TH E U. S . FO O D and Drug Administration recently announced that it has authorized the marketing of the first condoms designed for anal sex.

The condoms will be marketed as the One Male Condom, according to a statement by the FDA. The condoms are made to help decrease the transmission of STIs during anal sex while also serving as a contraceptive to reduce the risk of pregnancy and transmission of STIs during vaginal sex.

This is the first condom specifically designed for anal sex that the FDA has approved.

In its announcement, the FDA said that unprotected anal sex has the “greatest sexual exposure risk of HIV transmission.” The agency said that other FDA-approved condoms can continue to be used as a contraceptive and to reduce STI transmission.

“The FDA’s authorization of a condom that is specifically indicated, evaluated, and labeled for anal intercourse may improve the likelihood of condom use during anal intercourse,” Courtney Lias, director of the FDA office that issued the approval, said in the announcement.

The company behind the One Male Condom, Global Protection Corp., asked the FDA last year to allow it to put anal sex in the intended use section of the item’s product label, according to The New York Times.

The request was based on a study that showed that the condoms product failure rate was less than 1 percent (.68 percent) during anal sex. For the product, the overall percentage of adverse events — such as symptomatic STI diagnosis, discomfort for wearer, partner discomfort, etc. — was 1.92 percent, according to the FDA. Other companies may now also apply for similar approval if they meet similar criteria as the One Male Condom did.

“I don’t think this is viewed as something that should be restricted, but rather something that opens the door for other companies to rigorously assess their condoms and show that they also perform well for anal sex,” Aaron Siegler, an epidemiologist at Emory University who helped lead the above study, told the Times.

The paper notes that the FDA has previously stated that condoms need to have a less than 5 percent failure rate. Earlier tests and studies for anal condoms showed failure rates much higher than that.

“I think most people would be surprised to know that condoms are not approved for anal sex,” Davin Wedel, president and founder of Global Protection Corp, said. “With this new designation from the FDA, consumers will have important information about the safety and effectiveness of condoms for anal sex.”

This is also a breakthrough in marketing condoms for queer populations, Dr. Kenneth Mayer, the medical research director for Fenway Health, a community health center in Massachusetts that treats LGBTQ+ patients, told the Times.

“It’s a great thing if the package inserts could indicate anal sex because it might create an incentive for the companies to do more marketing,” Dr. Mayer said. “You don’t see condom ads on gay social media, for example, so this would incentivize that as part of the conversation.”

“And it’s not just gay men,” Dr. Mayer added. “It ’s not that heterosexuals who engage in anal sex are unaware that condoms exist, but there’s been very little education, so it’s somewhat out of sight out of mind.”

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ANGER ADDICTS WE LIVE IN A CULTURE OF RAGE. IT’S ALL AROUND US. HERE ARE 10 WAYS TO REDUCE ANGER IN YOUR DAILY LIFE.

H E M A K E S M E S O M A D . I can’t believe he did that. I should give her a piece of my mind.

Wouldn’t it be nice if other people held up their part of the bargain?

Or at least acted right? But sometimes they don’t act right. Right? And when they don’t, it’s only human to get mad at them. That’s all there is to it. Whether we let them know we are mad or not.

When you’re living with a chronic condition like HIV, you may find that your patience can wear a little thin. And that the behavior of other people — especially people you care about — just doesn’t match up to what you expect, and know they are capable of. After all, you’re dealing with a lot. Don’t they get that? And can’t they step up to the plate and be there for you? At least behave themselves?

How about considering this: What’s it doing to you to walk around with all that negativity? It doesn’t do much for your own emotional and physical health, for one thing. And angry feelings can leave you feeling alone at a time when you need support.

UNDERSTANDING WHAT MAKES US MAD AT OTHERS STARTS WITH UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES

Okay, I got it, you may be thinking: But people can still make me really mad. What am I supposed to do about that? First, look inside of yourself.

• Take a look at your expectations. Why can’t people act like they should? We all have expectations for how we think other people should think, feel, and behave. These expectations may be based on how they have treated us in the past, or how we think they should treat us. But let’s face it. People can be unpredictable, if not 42

downright surprising. And when they don’t act like we think they should, that can bring up a lot of feelings. Including anger.

• Take a look at what else is going on in your life. Fears, frustrations, and disappointments can build up over time, and turn into anger.

You know what I mean, all that stuff that life throws at us, whether we asked for it or not.

And so much of it is out of our control. Like coping with HIV. Often, we are not aware of how much these feelings are building up, nor are we aware that our minds are looking for a way to let them out. But then: wham!

Somebody does something to annoy us and whoosh! Finally, a target for all that pent up anger. But does the situation merit all that anger? Most likely, no. But it sure feels good to get mad, doesn’t it?

• Take a look in the mirror. This personal exercise can sometimes be one of the most difficult. Sometimes what makes us most angry in other people are the qualities they have that we share. Self-absorbed? Check.

Procrastinate too much? Check. Act without thinking? Check. Watching someone else behave in a way that reminds us of our own

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imperfections can really push that anger button. But ask yourself this: is it myself I am most annoyed with? But maybe I don’t really want to look at that part of myself? If so, it’s a whole lot easier to zero in on someone else.

See how getting mad at someone else may be more about you than about them?

Now, what can you do about it? Well, you can start by using that knowledge about yourself to change your perspective on the people around you. Here’s how: • Focus on what you like about the other person. Whether it’s your partner, a friend, your boss…there’s something good about pretty much everybody. Right? So how about stepping away from what makes you mad about them and identify something about them that you can appreciate. And then, whatever it is, put it at the front of your mind. See? They’re not such a bad person after all.

• Let go of the need to be right. Somewhere in all that anger is your need to be right and for the other person to be wrong. And that need to be right can be a reason to justify feeling angry toward someone, as well as for behaving in a way that can increase the conflict. Is it really that important to be right? And if you are right, just what does that get you?

• Sit down and have a talk. One of the best ways to resolve angry feelings is to talk it out with the person you are mad at. We don’t always have the opportunity to do that, and the other person isn’t always willing. But when possible, getting it all out on the table can go a long way toward letting the feelings out as well as finding a common ground between the two of you. Do your part by being willing to listen and — one more time — be willing to let go of the need to be right.

• Focus on the big picture. As the old saying goes, don’t turn a molehill into a mountain.

The best way to avoid this is to keep your focus on the big picture. The good times you’ve shared with this person, the times you’ve helped each other out, or made each other laugh. In the big picture, is what they did to bother you such a big deal?

Reminding them of the good times can be a step toward healing the rift.

• Consider letting it go. If you can’t resolve your differences, can you agree to disagree?

I don’t know if two people ever completely agree on anything, or if two people ever completely meet each other expectations in every situation. Everybody has their own baggage, their own quirks, their own way of being in the world. That’s what keeps life interesting. Can you be okay with that? Or if the person you are mad at is just nasty by nature, or is a stranger you had an unfortunate encounter with, do they really deserve any more space in your brain?

(That is, unless you are collecting a hefty rent or payroll check from them.)

• Reconnect with your own foundation. Your life — what’s going well, what makes you happy, and what you need to do to take the best possible care of yourself — is the most important thing. While other people’s behavior can be hurtful or frustrating, and make you feel really mad at them, your emotional well-being doesn’t have to depend on how other people behave.

Remind yourself of what’s always in place in your life, regardless of how other people behave. By doing this, you’ll find that you’re that much less likely to get rankled when they act up.

• Try an act of kindness. Anger drives a wedge between you and the person you are mad at. Showing kindness can build a bridge between the two of you. An offer of help, a few words of understanding, a smile.

Even if the other person doesn’t respond, chances are you’ll feel better for having made the effort.

• And most of all, have an attitude of compassion. Starting with yourself. Life isn’t always a party. Some days it’s downright hard. And when it is, we don’t always behave at our best. Or we may take things hard when someone else isn’t behaving at their best.

Cut yourself some slack and let yourself be human. When you do, you’ll find it easier to let other people be themselves.

Sure, other people can make us mad.

But what’s the cost — to you and to your relationships — of walking around with that anger? Mend fences. Build bridges. Take care of your emotional health!

Mental health editor, GARY MCCLAIN, PH.D., is a therapist, patient advocate, and author in New York. He specializes in working with those diagnosed with chronic and catastrophic medical conditions.

(JustGotDiagnosed.com)

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DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOU NEGLECTING SELF-CARE LATELY? HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO BE A HAPPIER, HEALTHIER YOU.

BY LI LLY PA R TI N

M A N Y O F U S have so many duties in life that we neglect to look after our own needs. This is especially true for those who are responsible for a large number of people, at work or at home. Self-care is a vital element of stress management, even if it’s difficult to prioritize when you have so many other things on your to-do list.

HOW SELF CARE CAN HELP YOU When we’re physically and emotionally exhausted, we’re less equipped to handle the challenges that life throws at us. Or, to put it another way, when we are physically and emotionally at our best, we are more robust and capable of handling life’s stresses. A massage, a hot bath, or some other type of pampering rejuvenates you on the inside and out.

Taking time to maintain self-care provides a number of advantages.

• Improved physical health. While self-pampering may not necessarily result in significant gains in general health, like a good diet and exercise, the calm it provides might stimulate the relaxation response. As a result, prolonged stress is less likely to harm your health. In this way, self-care benefits you both inside and out.

• Feeling better emotionally. Taking time to look after yourself can serve as a reminder to you and others that you and your needs are equally important. Taking care of your body may help you feel better about yourself and your life, as well as show others that you respect yourself. This can lead to long-term sensations of happiness.

• Being a better caregiver. People who ignore their own needs and forget to nurture themselves are at risk of experiencing greater degrees of sadness, low self-esteem, and resentment. People who spend all of their time caring for others are at danger of being burnt out, making it more difficult to care for themselves or others. Taking care of oneself on a regular basis can help you be a better caregiver for others.

STRESS MANAGEMENT THROUGH SELF CARE Self-care may be approached in a variety of ways. Making time for sleep, prioritizing good meals, keeping a balance of leisure time in your schedule, and making time for friends are just a few of them.

Having a self-pampering session on a regular basis in your own house is a simple but frequently forgotten type of self-care. Taking a few hours to relax at a spa is a great method to relieve stress.

• Provides a needed break. Having a break in a tub of warm bubbles or under the warm hands of a skilled masseur may make you feel as if you’re fleeing from a difficult situation and taking a mental and emotional vacation. This activates the relaxation response, allowing you to return to your daily life feeling refreshed and calm.

• Allows you some “alone time.” While various people have differing degrees of introversion and extroversion, most people need time alone to function well. It’s far simpler to relax by 44

yourself and slip into a state of silent meditation, enjoy some self-reflection, or let your troubles work themselves out in the back of your mind without requiring all of your focused attention.

• Produces relaxing feelings. Giving your body particular attention is a natural stress reliever. Spa-related activities like massage and warm baths have been found to soothe even little colicky babies, in addition to keeping your skin supple and your body in excellent repair. As we become older, such activities remain useful instruments for relaxation, but we sometimes forget to use them.

WORKABLE SELF-CARE TECHNIQUES When you’ve decided it’s time to start caring for yourself and your body, set aside some time to do so. Make an effort to set a time when you won’t be disturbed. Try one or more of the self-care methods listed below: • Take a brisk walk. Exercise may be beneficial to your mind as much as your body. Though you may not always feel like you have time to go to the gym or do intense exercise, a brisk stroll may be a great way to take care of yourself.

• Engage your senses. Engaging your senses is an excellent method to relax and discover inner calm. Consider soaking in a hot bath, lighting a scented candle, listening to relaxing music, or sipping herbal tea.

• Get a massage. This one is really relaxing.

If regular massages with a professional are out of your budget, see if you can exchange with a friend or your spouse, or utilize an electronic massager.

• Take a hot bath. Soak in the tub with bubbles, oils, and fragrant soaps ‘til you’re wrinkled.

• Maintain your oral hygiene. Dental hygiene is necessary to keep teeth and gums healthy. Brushing twice a day and seeing the dentist on a regular basis are part of it. Oral health, on the other hand, is more than just preventing cavities and gum disease. There is a link between a person’s dental health and their overall health. Oral health problems are increasingly being recognized as global health problems.

• Make time for socializing. Maintaining social ties is an important aspect of self-care. Make an effort to see friends and family on a regular basis.

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• Deep-condition your hair. Put on a deep-conditioning treatment for your hair in the tub and relax while it works.

• Deeply cleanse your pores. Using a clay face masque, you can pull pollutants and tension out of your skin.

• Take care of your skin. Rich, luscious, lotions smell great and feel silky smooth, especially if you exfoliate your skin in the tub first.

• Take care of your nails: File and buff your nails to help them recover from the battering they’ve received from your busy life (particularly if you bite your nails).

SH UT TERSTOCK

Self-care that is more comprehensive and i nvo lve s h e a lthy lifestyle choices is also vital. For long-term health and stress management, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and getting adequate sleep are all essential.

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Garcelle Beauvais attends last year’s amfAR gala in L.A. honoring TikTok and Jeremy Scott

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DANIELE VENTU RELLI/ WIREIMAG E /G E T T Y IMAG ES

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by n e al b rove r man

REAL TALK

GARCELLE BEAUVAIS, THE HAITIAN-BORN STAR OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS, IS USING HER PLATFORM TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, INCLUDING FOR THOSE LIVING WITH HIV.

After moving from Haiti as a teenager, Garcelle Beauvais almost instantly starting working, snagging modeling jobs and roles on Miami Vice and Coming to America.

She would become a mainstay of TV in the 1990s, with roles on The Jamie Foxx Show and NYPD Blue. Now, the mom of three is juggling a podcast (Going to Bed with Garcelle), cohosting the popular talk show The Real, and making history as the first Black cast member of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In between, Beauvais finds time for philanthropy, including Black and HIV causes.

Here’s how she balances it all:

You have a lot of history of philanthropy and giving back to causes. Was that instilled in you as a child?

Not in that way. We didn’t know about doing charity work. My mom was always in the mindset of helping the less fortunate, but it wasn’t in a strategic way. If we had extra food, especially when we were in Haiti, [we’d give it away to the less fortunate].

Coming to the States, that’s when I realized I had a platform and it’s not just for me to look cute and promote my stuff. I have to give back because when you do that, it’s a community thing, it’s a village thing, we all have to help each other as much as we can.

You recently wrote a letter to President Biden on his administration’s treatment of migrants. Are you hopeful he takes a more humane approach?

Oh gosh, I hope so. Not only with Haiti, but I see what’s happening with

LEFT TO RIGHT Sheree Zampino, Beauvais, Dorit Kemsley, Sanela Diana Jenkins, Erika Jayne, and Kyle Richards attend Elton John AIDS Foundation 30th Annual Academy Awards Viewing Party

LESTER COH EN/G E T T Y IMAG ES FOR N EU RO B R AN DS

You’re acting, hosting, doing a podcast, starring on a reality show. So many people are struggling to return to their routine — what’s your advice?

For me, it’s all about seizing an opportunity. I feel like I still have an immigrant mentality, like if an opportunity comes, I have to take it because I’m so grateful. It’s prioritizing. Once you get that opportunity, that window, seize the moment; jump back in. Some people think if they jump back in there might be mistakes, but we all make mistakes anyway — who cares? And hopefully if you jump back in it’s something you

love — you’ll be motivated, you’ll wake up in the morning, [and] take all the steps you need to make sure you show up with intention.

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the Ukrainians fleeing their country and I think that’s what America is about. We can’t turn our backs on people when they need us the most; it’s not very American. That’s what I really wanted to resonate in my letter.

Prior to Trump, I felt like we were a different America, we helped each other out. That’s what I want us to get back to.

You’ve been a champion of amfAR and the Elton John AIDS Foundation. Why are those causes important to you?

For me, it’s been a longstanding thing. I remember growing up, if someone was gay, they’d whisper it and I never understood it. Like, why are you whispering that? Boys and girls in Haiti who were gay were not treated well or seen as equal. For me, it’s always been, who cares who you love, who cares who you are as long as you are a good human being. I’m always telling my kids I’d love them if they were gay and they say, “Mom, we’re not gay.” And I say, “Well, I’d love you anyway!” I want them to know acceptance is important.

What do you think will end the stigma?

I think it’s talking about it more; being more open-minded.

I talk to my glam team and they all tell me stories about how one of their parents won’t accept them and they can never bring anyone home. Parents are missing out on these great, short years that we all have to love our kids.

There’s been so many advances in HIV treatment and prevention. Are you hopeful for a cure or vaccine in our lifetime?

That would be amazing, absolutely. That’s what’s great about charities like the Elton John Foundation; he does not give up. He’s a beacon of hope. With the funds, one day there will be a vaccine. If we can figure out COVID, come on!

You recently emceed an event for the Association of Black Women Physicians.

Why is this organization important to you?

I have a group of Black actresses; we have a group text.

We’re always going, “Do you have a Black dermatologist?

Do you have a Black gyno?” It’s not so much about them 48

truly being Black, but our skin is different. When I go to the doctor, I never see pictures on the wall that show the color of my skin. We want to support these Black physicians and make sure we have more Black kids going into med school, so we can have representation in our doctors’ offices.

Did you feel any pressure being the first Black cast member of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

Oh yeah, that was huge. A friend of mine had to talk me off the le d g e r i g ht b efor e it s t a r t e d airing. Whenever you’re the first of anything, there’s pressure and people are looking to see how you’re doing it. I really just wanted to be organically, authentically me. And I think I’ve been able to do that. But the first season for sure, there was pressure. Is she going to be angry?

Is she going to flip tables? Although those can be fun TV moments, that’s not who I am.

TOP LEFT TO RIGHT Loni Love, Beauvais, Nneka Onuorah, and Meagan Good pose during the 2022 15th Annual ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Luncheon BOTTOM Beauvais arrives for the world premiere of Marvel Studios’ Eternals in L.A.

RICH POLK /G E T T Y IMAG ES (ESSENCE ); AMY SUSSMAN/G E T T Y IMAG ES (E TERNALS)

How extreme is anti-HIV stigma in Haiti?

It’s worse [than in the U.S.]. Some people who are super religious will say it’s a curse from God. Didn’t God teach us all to love one another? It’s definitely different. I certainly think, and hope, it’s a little better these days but there is still a stigma to [HIV].

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