Here! Magazine Fall 2014

Fall 2014

Victoria B.C.

T h en & Now t n

p

t s a

pre

se

the pioneer and the student

f ut u re

When Death Divides: A Story of Grief Across Cultures Life’s Milestones Around the World

{ { Write Enough { IfbyILorna Crozier

& Positive { Families Communication

a l a n g u a g e & c u l t u r e m a g a z i n e for newcomers to Canada

suggested answers to activities on pages 10 and 11 page 10 1. Family collocations that could be used to descr ibe the family icons include : single - parent t wo - parent traditional non - traditional extended 2. 1. grand 2. surrogate 3. foster or step 4. common law 5. foster or step 6. half7. great

Your federal and provincial representatives

Here to Help

Randall Garrison MP

Maurine Karagianis MLA

Lana Popham MLA

250-405-6550 Randall.Garrison@parl.gc.ca

250-479-8326 Maurine.Karagianis.MLA@leg.bc.ca

250-479-4154 Lana.Popham.MLA@leg.bc.ca

ESQUIMALT – JUAN DE FUCA

ESQUIMALT – ROYAL ROADS

SAANICH SOUTH

page 11 1. Yo u r s p o u s e c a l l s y o u f r o m w o r k t o t e l l y o u h e /s h e w i l l b e home in half an hour and he/ she arrives home an hour and a h a l f l a t e r. T h i s i s a w e e k l y e v e n t.

Yo u -S t a t e m e n t: Yo u n eve r c o m e ho m e w h e n yo u s a y yo u wil l!

I -S t a t e m e n t: I g e t a n x i o u s when you come home later than y o u s a i d y o u wo u l d b e c a u s e I 'm wo r r i e d s o m e t hi n g h a s h a p p e n e d t o y o u. I wo u l d l i ke y o u t o c a l l m e if you are going to be later than p l a n n e d s o t h a t I d o n' t wo r r y a n d w e c a n s t a r t o u r e v e ni n g t o g e t h e r i n a p o s i t i v e w a y.

2 . Yo ur chil d t e lls yo u a t 9 p.m. t h a t s h e s i gn e d yo u up to b r in g cup c ake s to s ch o o l to m o r r ow fo r t h e cl a s s p ar t y an d yo u d o n’ t h a ve t h e t im e to g e t t h e in gr e di e n t s o r m ake t h e m.

I -S t a t e m e n t: I f e e l f r u s t ra t e d w h e n y o u d o n' t t e l l m e r i g h t a w a y a b o u t w h a t y o u h a v e vo l u n t e e re d m e f o r b e c a u s e i f I c a n' t d o w h a t h a s b e e n p ro mis e d, I f e e l l i ke I am let ting you and other people d ow n. I wo u l d l i ke y o u t o t e l l m e as soon as you can about what y o u n e e d f ro m m e s o I c a n gi v e my b e s t !

Murray Rankin MP VICTORIA

VICTORIA – BEACON HILL

Carole James MLA

Rob Fleming MLA

250-363-3600 Murray.Rankin@parl.gc.ca

250-952-4211 Carole.James.MLA@leg.bc.ca

250-360-2023 Rob.Fleming.MLA@leg.bc.ca

MPs+MLAs-Here!Mag-1408.indd 1

VOTING HELPS

2014-08-21 3:06 PM

Global Village Store

Vote Nov 15, 2014

Beautiful fair trade gifts at fair prices A friendly place to shop, and to volunteer

3 . Yo u t h i n k y o u r p a r t n e r w a s too harsh with your child af ter h e /s h e d r o p p e d a n d b r o k e something.

Check us out!

I -S t a t e m e n t: I f e e l t h e m e s s a g e y o u g a v e o u r c hi l d w a s n' t h e l p f u l and may have been hur t ful b e c a u s e I t hi n k i t w a s j u s t a n a c c i d e n t. I wo u l d l i ke u s b o t h, a s p a r e n t s, t o b e c o m mi t t e d t o t e a c hi n g hi m h o w t o s l o w d o w n and be careful so that he can gain confidence and avoid accidents.

VICTORIA – SWAN LAKE

www.lisahelpsvictoria.ca

527 Pandora (Market Square) 250-380-1530 Mon-Sat: 10-5 Sun: Noon-4

O U R M U LT I C U LT U R A L C O M M U N I T Y V ic tor ia has a vibrant and growing multicultural communit y! T he se organizations celebr ate culture and diver sit y with annual event s like the D ragon Parade‚ Flamenco Fe s tival‚ G re ek fe s t‚ Fe s tival M ex icano‚ and the Highland G ame s and Celtic Fe s tival.

T hey also of fer supp or t and ser vice s to their memb er s and newcomer s‚ including language supp or t‚ he alth and wellne s s ac tivitie s‚ net wor k ing opp or tunitie s‚ and wor k-relate d sk ill development.

Preparing for the

Canadian Citizenship test?

can help!

Victoria and Vancouver Island Greek Community Society

Join us as a participant or mentor To learn more information:

Victoria Canada-China Friendship Association White Eagle Polish Association

Settlement Services

Institute for Canadian Citizenship (Victoria Chapter)

www.citizenship101.ca PHONE: EMAIL:

follow us @citizenship101

250.361.9433 ext 247

facebook.com/citizenship101

citizenship101@vircs.bc.ca

youtube.com/101citizenship

Ukrainian Canadian Cultural Society of Vancouver Island Victoria Highland Games Association Sons of Scotland Hungarian Society of Victoria The Royal Commonwealth Society Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association Victoria Native Friendship Centre Victoria Korean-Canadian Women’s Association Victoria Filipino-Canadian Association Victoria Filipino-Canadian Caregivers Association Victoria Filipino-Canadian Seniors Association La Société francophone de Victoria Victorian Croatian Community Leonardo Da Vinci Centre India Canada Cultural Association Jewish Federation of Victoria and Vancouver Island Victoria African Caribbean Cultural Society Victoria Nikkei Cultural Society Vancouver Island Thai Association Mexican Canadian Community Association of Victoria Newcomers Connect

ICA’s Settlement Services program connects

individuals and organizations across cultures. To help immigrants

and refugees reach their goals, ICA provides information, support, and tools to assist with housing, healthcare, education, human rights, Canadian law, family concerns, citizenship, and more.

Immigrant Welcome Centre

Since 1978, ICA has helped more than 20,000 newcomers.

For more information or to register: Tel: 250-388-4728 Email: info@icavictoria.org www.icavictoria.org

Please contact us at community@heremagazine.ca if you would like to highlight your organization or event in Here! Magazine.

Looking after the future.

www.heremagazine.ca Publisher | Functionall Books Editor | Fiona Bramble Copy Editors | Christy Sebelius‚ Renée Layberry Contributing Writers | Erin Renwick‚ Kedsanee Broome‚ Alex Creighton‚ Shrikant Shenwai‚ Marli Sanchez‚ Ayne Meiklem‚ Elizabeth Gaynor‚ Heidy Lopez‚ Irama Castellanos‚ Olga Minko‚ Lorna Crozier Illustrators and Designers | Josephine Aucoin‚ April Caverhill Design and Layout | Fiona Bramble Production | Black Press Get Here! Magazine for your home or organization: subscribe@heremagazine.ca Advertise in Here! Magazine: ads@heremagazine.ca Here Magazine

160 Eberts St. Victoria B.C. Canada V8S 3H7 info@heremagazine.ca

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Full subscription price for one year is $18.99 plus applicable taxes.

Printed in Canada ISSN: 2291-8582

“

Letter from the editor

Most people in the country are descendants of immigrants. This is part of our heritage.

The diversity allows for this country to not belong to a particular ethnicity or religion.

This is important.

Everyone should have a place in Canada.

—Colin Boyd Shafer

(page 20)

#winning Monk Office and Here!

Magazine congratulate our intrepid QR Code Contest winners—Brian, Rachelle, Robert, and Lucas! On August 19th, Simon HirdRutter, Manager of Monk Office’s Fort St. location, awarded our Summer Issue contest winners with an “education grabbag” prize, brimming with awesome office and school supplies. A big thank you to Monk Office and to our enthusiastic readers!

Monk Office Manager, Simon, with prize winners, Brian and Rachelle.

Here! Magazine's Director of Community Partnerships, Kieran Wilson, with Simon Hird-Rutter.

Welcome to our fourth issue! It’s hard to believe that almost one year ago, our first issue launched itself into our vibrant community and landed in Victoria’s mailboxes and public spaces. Since then, we have been continually moved and amazed by our newcomers’ stories. Their optimism and perseverance is a model for all of us and we are grateful for the gift of diversity and broader understanding that Victoria’s newcomers bring to our community. We have also heard from many more established Canadians who are thankful for the opportunity to connect with our newcomers and the larger community through Here! Magazine. A common thread that continues to weave itself through this tapestry of sharing and learning from each other is the connectedness of our community, be it purposeful or accidental.

Newcomers have told me that making those connections and networking is one of their greatest struggles as they try to establish themselves and their families here in Canada. Victorians often talk about the “one degree of separation” that seems to link us, but these relationships are not immediately apparent to newcomers for many reasons, including language and cultural barriers.

There are local groups and organizations that can help newcomers connect and network better—Newcomers Connect, Victoria Immigrant and Refugee Centre Society, Inter-Cultural Association of Greater Victoria, Volunteer Victoria—and that amazing resource: you. The connection is there, waiting to be discovered in a small gesture or a casual suggestion. The connection might be long-established or brand-new. Be open to it.

This issue is stuffed with stories and surprises of connectedness across time and distance. Through a cross-cultural lens, we explore the inevitable and universal circle of life, family relationships and struggles, and life’s milestones around the world. Elizabeth Gaynor’s and Marli Sanchez’s immigrant portraits of then and now recall the hopeful, determined and often difficult path all immigrants travel. The Ties That Bind, a new series highlighting family stories from conflict zones, is a raw and poignant glimpse of the loss and uncertainty some of our newcomer neighbours struggle with daily.

Cosmopolis Toronto’s stunning and ambitious project, led by photographer Colin Boyd Shafer, “to photograph someone born in every single country of the world who now calls Toronto home”, is a powerful testament to the Canadian mosaic. Each portrait and story remind us of how small moments can mold a future not yet imagined and how Canada can be the place where all the seemingly unconnected pieces come together.

Fiona Bramble, Editor

Second-generation Irish-Scottish Canadian

CONTENTS

Features

Volume 1, Issue 4

When Death Divides Us: A Story of Grief Across Cultures

14

by Erin Renwick, with art by April Caverhill

Then & Now: the Pioneer and the Student

16

Elizabath Gaynor and Marli Sanchez share their stories of very different paths to Canada.

Life’s Milestones Around the World: A Visualization

by Josephine Aucoin

18

Regular Columns 8 newhere

Welcome Shrikant Shenwai from Nagpur, India. 733 days ago, Shrikant and his family arrived in Canada by way of Singapore. Shrikant is an engineer by training with a strong passion for technology. Find out what he loves (and thinks is strange!) about Canada.

9 renthere

Alex Creighton of Devon Properties walks us through the next step in renting an apartment and reveals a few surprising facts.

10 learnhere

Word mentor and family mediator Ayne Meiklem gives us some tools and positive language to communicate effectively with our loved ones as we explore the many types of Canadian families.

12 homehere

Kedsanee Broome discovers some cross-cultural differences in planning for the future and imagines her distant retirement—in two countries.

13 readhere

If I Write Enough‚ a new poem by Lorna Crozier.

23 hereinCanada

Test your knowledge with our Citizenship Quiz #4 and read what people have been tweeting about #Canada in the summer of 2014.

New Series The Ties That Bind 22

Newcomers share their personal stories of fear and uncertainty for family members living in conflict zones around the world.

20 6

Special Photo Feature

Cosmopolis Toronto w it h Colin Boyd Shafer heremagazine.ca

Cover photo: Elizabeth Gaynor at her Quick, B.C. homestead, 1955

M

any of us came from somewhere else. Some of us arrived 100 years ago‚ some of us 100 days ago.

Now we are here‚ working‚ living‚ and learning together. We may have arrived in different ways and may have come for different reasons. We may be going down different paths, but one thing is the same: here is home.

These Capricho slip-on shoes can be found at Himulco Shoes at 2571 Cadboro Bay Rd., Victoria, B.C., owned and operated by Gabriel and Marli Sanchez (see page 17).

Colour not exactly as shown.

heremagazine.ca

7

newhere

733 days

Shrikant Shenwai

CEO of Wireless Broadband Alliance B eing so far away from my ageing p arent s‚ my in-laws‚ and the re s t of the ex tende d family b ack in India is ver y dif ficult. B e side s mis sing my family‚ I mis s the foo d and fe s tivals!

V ic tor ia has a small but ver y ac tive and fr iendly communit y of p e ople from the Indian sub - continent. V ic tor ia Hindu Par ish ad‚ a lo cal non-profit group‚ re gular ly organize s cultural and so cial ac tivitie s. That helps us s tay conne c te d with the Indian culture‚ cus toms‚ and many fe s tivals.

S omething s trange th at I ’ve notice d ab out Canadian culture is th at sometime s p e ople are to o p olite to say a dire c t “no”.

LISTEN TO SHRIK ANT TELL US WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT VIC TORIA’S REPUTATION A S A HOME FOR THE NEWLY WED AND THE NE ARLY DE AD!

8

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“

reason for coming here: for our children to go to university. getting here: a 24-hour flight across the Pacific. first emotion upon arriving: thinking how beautiful and pristine it was! favorite thing to do here: head out for a walk and enjoy the beautiful trails. most helpful person here: Mark Chawla‚ whom I met through an online forum.

Mark and his wife Stella were extremely helpful when we initially landed in Victoria. Later‚ many of our new friends from the local east Indian community also helped us settle down. languages spoken at home: mostly Hindi‚ but my mother tongue is Marathi‚ one of 22 key languages in India.

My adv ice to s omeone a bout to immig rate to Canada would be this: inve st in net work ing and ma k ing ne w f r iends. It is re warding and your life become s a lot more f un! D on’t be shy. Canada is a welcoming and immig rant- f r iend ly count r y.

hometown Nagpur‚ India mother tongue Marathi

renthere

applying for a rental unit After you have viewed a rental unit and have found the place where you want to live contact the landlord or landlady as soon as possible to confirm that you are interested.

They may have other people looking at the unit and you don,t want to delay and have it rent to someone else.

When you make the appointment to meet the landlord to apply for the suite, make sure you ask them what information they will need from you. Not all landlords ask for the same information, but it helps to have:

1. A list of the places you have lived for at least the past two years, including the dates you lived there.

2. Your previous landlord’s name and phone number and/or email

address. If you do not have a rental history you should be prepared to supply other references; these can be personal or, if you are working, from your employer.

Alex Creighton has over 30 years experience in property management with Devon Properties and her family-run property management company.

3. Information or documentation showing how you will pay the rent and that you have a stable source of income. If you are working, having proof of your income, such as a pay stub or copy of your T-4 slip, is a good idea.

4. Personal identification (ID); your passport or other picture

What can improve my chances of having my application accepted?

Ensure you have references available for the landlord to check and make sure you have full contact information for them to make it easier. Make sure you are able to provide some form of proof of your income as well.

identification should be sufficient.

www.TenantsBC.ca

2.7%

Rental Application

rage is the ave nt e m rt a ap te in vacancy ra .C.* B a ri to Vic

This is an application to rent: _____________________________________________________________ Name: __________________________________________ Date of Birth: __________________________ Tel: ______________________________ Email: _______________________________________________ Current Address: ________________________________________ City: ___________________________ Dates of Tenancy: _______________________________________________________________________ Name of Landlord: _____________________________ Landlord Phone: ___________________________ Reason for Leaving: _____________________________________________________________________ Additional Occupants:

Will the landlord actually call my references?

Name: _______________________________________________________ Age: _____________________ Name: _______________________________________________________ Age: _____________________ Name: _______________________________________________________ Age: _____________________

Most landlords do; it’s safe to assume that they will.

Pets:

YES

NO

Describe: __________________________________________________

Smoking:

YES

NO

Describe: __________________________________________________

Can the landlord discriminate against me for my age‚ race‚ children‚ or any other reason?

Occupation: _______________________________________________ Wage: _______________________

No—absolutely not.

The only time children can be denied tenancy is in a building that is designated “55+”. The landlord can limit the number of people in a suite; for example, 5 people in a 1-bedroom apartment could be deemed unreasonable and the landlord could refuse the tenancy.

Employment Status & Income Verification: Company: ______________________________________________________________________________ How long have you worked at this company? __________________________________________________ Other income description (eg. Disability, Income Assistance, Savings): ____________________________________ Vehicle Information: Make: ___________________________ Model: _________________________ Year: ________________ References:

$841

average rent for a 1-bedroom apartment in Victoria

average rent for a 2-bedroom $1084 apartment in Victoria *source: CMHC Rental Market Report 2014

1.

Name: _______________________________________ Phone: _______________________________

2.

Name: _______________________________________ Phone: _______________________________

Relationship (previous landlord, employer): __________________________________________________

Relationship (previous landlord, employer): __________________________________________________ I hereby state that the information contained herein is true and I authorize my References as listed above to release information regarding my employment and/or past/current tenancies. I also authorize a credit check to be conducted.

Signed: _______________________________________ Dated: ___________________________________

An approved application is the first important step but it is not necessarily a rental contract. You may still need to complete an actual tenancy agreement form.

NEXT ISSUE:

Moving into a rental unit heremagazine.ca

9

learnhere

families Family relationships can be described in many ways. (suggested answers can be found on the inside front cover)

Describ e t he f amil y icons on t his p ag e using some of t he wor ds in t he box in t he bot t om

l e f t - hand corne r.

M a t ch t he corr e c t wor d b e l ow t o i ts numb e r e d cir cl e t o cr e a t e a common f amil y co ll o ca t ion. Use e ach wor d onl y once. co mm o n - l a w

1.

su rr o g a t e g r and st e p -

mother father son daughter

adoptive

niece n e p h ew

f ost e r h al f -

mother

g r e a t

father

3.

mother

2.

}

biological

T WO - PA R E N T T R A D I T I O N A L (N U C L E A R) N O N -T R A D I T I O N A L EXTENDED FOSTER ADOPTIVE STEP

a ll shapes and sizes

10

heremagazine.ca

families come in

S I N G L E PA R E N T

father

4.

br o t h e r

wife

sist e r

husb and

-in-law

Canadian

BLENDED

au n t

mother

so n d a u g ht e r

6. br o t h e r

uncle

sist e r

g r andso n

5.

granddaughter grandmot her g r and f a t h e r

7.

adopt ed

so n d a u g ht e r

and communication

“

It does tend to be with family that we take communication short cuts—likely because there’s an inherent laziness in dialogue with those we feel “know us best” and assumptions they can read between the lines or won’t take anything the wrong way.

These assumptions, however, really get us into trouble. So, like anything else, kindness, charity, manners, and yes, even good communication need to start at home!

IStatement

I f e el... (state your f e e l i n g s)

G o o d communica t ion is imp or tant in ke e pin g all r el a t ionships h e alt hy. L ike A y n e‚ m any f acilita tor s w ho te ach ef fe c t ive communic a t ion us e var i a t ions of t h e “ I- S ta te me nt ” mo d el to h e lp p e op l e s h ar e t h eir e mot ions wit h t h eir love d on e s w it h t h e go al of r e s olvin g conf lic t.

I f e e l ve r y hur t

(s u g g e s t e d r e s p o n s e s can be found on the i n s i d e f r o n t c ove r )

+ when... (state the behaviour you want to stop)

whe n you sna p at me like t hat

(state why you feel the way y o u d o)

(state your future e x p e c t a t i o n s)

b e c ause I ha ve b e e n wo r kin g hard t o c o o k t his nic e dinne r f o r us

(s t a t e w h a t positive result will occur)

2 . Yo ur chil d t e lls yo u a t 9 p.m. t h a t s h e s i gn e d yo u up to b r in g cup c ake s to s ch o o l to m o r r ow fo r t h e cl a s s p ar t y an d yo u d o n’ t h a ve t h e t im e to g e t t h e in gr e di e n t s o r m ake t h e m.

I -S t a t e m e n t: and would like you t o share w ha t ’s ups e t tin g you inst e a d

+ so that...

Yo u -S t a t e m e n t: You never come

I -S t a t e m e n t:

+ and would like...

1. Yo ur s p o us e c all s yo u f r o m wo r k to t e ll yo u h e/s h e w ill b e h o m e in h al f an h o ur an d h e/s h e ar r i ve s h o m e an h o ur an d a h al f l a t e r. T his is a w e e k ly eve n t. home when you say you will!

+ because...

YOUR TURN! Create your own I- S ta te m e nt ” to respond to these situations:

so t hat we c an e njoy e a c h o t he r ’s c o mp any and re la x.

3. Yo u t hink yo ur p ar t n e r w a s to o h ar s h w i t h yo ur chil d a f t e r h e/s h e dr o p p e d an d b r o ke s o m e t hin g.

I -S t a t e m e n t:

Word mentor Ayne Meiklem has been practicing mediation since 1996. She currently provides mediation services to couples experiencing separation and divorce.

Ayne says that the emotional climate of this work is often highly charged and requires a great deal of attention to how we use language— including tone‚ intonation and delivery— to express and clarify our thoughts.

In her mediation sessions‚ Ayne lays out two important guidelines before anyone starts talking:

1. I ask that we avoid starting any

sentences with ‘you’ because when the other person hears ‘you’, they immediately stop listening and prepare to defend a perceived attack‚ so they actually don’t hear the rest of the sentence. If we start with ‘I’ instead‚ the sentence at least gets heard.

2. It’s natural to want to jump in and

make corrections according to our view when hearing someone retell events that we were present for and saw differently. I ask that we don’t do that but rather allow the other person to finish, and in your own turn, express how you saw things.

Family Justice counsellors work in Family Justice Centres located in communities across the province to provide services to British Columbians going through separation or divorce.

There is no charge for their services. www.justicebc.ca heremagazine.ca

11

homehere

Minding the Gap

by Kedsanee Broome

I remember a conversation with my husband’s friend on a social night out after a year of living in Victoria.

John: How are you‚ Aoy? Me: I’m good thanks...feeling more at home here.

John’s facial expression at that moment was clear to me. He didn’t say a word but he smiled; his smile told me that he was truly happy for me because I had managed to make a home in a new place. He knew turning a foreign place into a home takes time, courage, and effort.

However, this conversation raised questions within me: Will I feel at home here for the rest of my life? Do I see myself retiring here? What retirement plans do I have in place? I don’t actually have any answers to these questions. To me, it would be

ideal if I could spend half a year in Canada and half a year in Thailand.

I remember my first experience meeting with a financial advisor who introduced me to saving for retirement. It was extraordinary to me, not because the young, energetic man gave me all the financial information I needed, but the whole idea of having a personal financial advisor was new to me. I asked my husband while waiting to see him, “What are we going to do in there?” I felt confused and excited at the same time. I did not know the necessity of consulting with a financial advisor, but I sure felt like an important person with lots of money. When I told my family in Thailand about the meeting, they asked, “What is a financial advisor?”‚ “Do you need one?”‚ “Are you investing in a business?”. They even commented, “You must have a lot of money to have a personal financial advisor”. Where I come from, people only have a personal financial advisor if they invest in a business—and not just any business, but a big one.

Since the meeting, I have learned a great deal about retirement, something I had never given much thought to before. Not because I am too young to think about or plan for it, but because I grew up in a country where people don’t normally do that. There is no pension plan deduction on a payslip in Thailand—no contribution from an employer toward an employee’s pension, either. The only plan people have for saving for their retirement, unless you work for the government, is personal savings. My dad worked in the Thai military, so he knows he will live on his pension when he retires. My mum has no job, but she invested her money in a shop rental in a market; she knows she will live on that income. They both also know that their children will look after them when they get old, another factor I must consider when thinking about where I will live in my own retirement. The senior care home business is not popular in Thailand since seniors tend to live with their children, who will take care of them.

Living here, I have learned to pay attention to my payslip more than I did in Thailand. It is because Canada tax rates are high. I have learned where the deductions go on each paycheque. It makes me wonder if the deduction toward the pension plan is enough for a happy retirement. Even though I pay higher taxes here than where I came from, I do appreciate Canada’s high standard of health care benefits and social welfare. It helps me feel secure and stress-free when thinking of my health as I start ageing. Having a sense of security about my basic needs such as safety, a nice home, good health, and a clean environment is essential to my plan for retirement.

Canada has it all—and that makes me want to live and retire here.

At this point, I don’t actually have answers as to where my retirement home will be.

All I know is that I will continue to work and save some money toward my RRSP for my future. To strike a balance between saving and enjoying day-to-day life in Victoria, I find activities I like in the community at affordable prices. There are also accessible places for camping, picnicking, and hiking in many parks and beaches all year round. I also love the fact that my children are growing up in a safe place where education and social benefits are superb—a place that is rich with trees, space, clean air, and has full access to outdoor activities. Maybe this is all we truly need for retirement.

How about you? What is your retirement plan? Where do you plan to live in your retirement? I’d love to hear from you: mindingthegap@heremagazine.ca

12

heremagazine.ca

Kedsanee (Aoy) Broome immigrated to Canada from Thailand in 2004 and is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors, specializing in cultural diversity. She is a mother of two and wife of a Caucasian Canadian in a mixed-cultural marriage, raising her children in two cultures.

readhere IF I WRITE ENOUGH

Is it okay if I have you cr ying while you devour the whole dark chocolate bar we used to share‚ while you hoe bet ween the garlic where I weeded on my hands and knees?

May I have you cr ying for a year?

My words will keep the cat alive as well‚ small blue - eyed Buddha at your feet‚ too calm to paw the fish that rise in the pond at the call of your fingers.

I watch you from the roof we used to climb to view the yard as if it were a master gardener ’s draf t we looked at‚ flowers where he’s written flowers ; a katsura where he’s written tree ‚ you where I print beloved . How small ever ything seems from where I am. Outside myself‚ for the first few weeks‚ I bur y my face in the shirts you pin on the line —wind lif ts pillow slips of sky where my clothes would hang— I stand close enough that you reach out.

You cr y again. Months go by.

I ’m thinner now than I want to be.

The summer af ter‚ you lay a second setting‚ the cat ’s still there‚ the evening’s warm as flesh‚ fish candlelit— no‚ lit up like wicks soaked in kerosene‚ that yellow spurt before the black smoke rises up the glass— on the table t wo white plates without a pattern‚ the silver polished to a shine.

Though I look closely at the spoons and knives‚ I cannot see my face. from The Wrong Cat to be released by McClelland & Stewart in Spring 2015

Lorna Crozier was born in Swift Current, Saskatchewan. As a child growing up in a prairie community where the local heroes were hockey players and curlers, she “never once thought of being a writer.” She has authored 14 books of poetry, including Inventing the Hawk— winner of the 1992 GovernorGeneral’s Award—The Blue Hour of the Day Small Mechanics, and Book of Marvels: A Compendium of Everyday Things. Her newest collection, The Wrong Cat, will be released by McClelland & Stewart in Spring 2015. Ms. Crozier was a Distinguished Professor at the University of Victoria until 2013 and is an Officer of the Order of Canada.

P h o t o S e r v i c e s U n i v e r s i t y o f V i c t o r i a

If I write enough about my dying will I go first? You ’ll plant the basil in the wide - mouthed pots in June‚ not May‚ without debate; on the patio lay the table for one‚ use the cutler y my father won at curling‚ tarnished because I never found the time.

C anadian Literature books‚ poems & stories by Canadian authors

thinking about the poem What kind of relationship do “you” and “I” have?

What does the patio and garden space mean to them?

What remains constant and what changes over the year?

What does “I” hope for “you”?

Listen to Lorna Crozier’s reading of If I Write Enough

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Art by April Caverhill

When Death Divides Us

So when the funeral director asked May if she would like to see her father-in-law‚ even though she was unsure what her family would think of her decision‚ she said that yes‚ she would. She left her husband and brought to the temple‚ where it will mother-in-law in the office‚ and she rest for seven to ten days before took some time to see her father-incremation. law‚ to tell him that she loved him— During this time‚ the family and something that she was not able to community are welcomed to the temple. The body is dressed and laid do when he was alive. For May‚ this last visit was essential to her own in an open casket‚ with one hand grieving process‚ and outstretched. Each allow her to griever can pour Grievers are helped would move on in the coming a small amount of through their sadness weeks and months. water in their loved with prayers and After May and her one’s hand‚ and has wisdom, and they family left the funeral one last chance to are given time to see home‚ they no longer say Goodbye‚ or I and accept that their had access to her forgive you‚ or I’m father-in-law’s body. sorry. family members are In order to provide truly no longer there. There was no wake‚ and no chance to see teaching and him again before the wisdom around grief celebration of life and cremation. He and death‚ the monk speaks every evening to the friends and family that was gone.

May’s experience is not unique‚ have gathered. Grievers are helped and it is not difficult to understand through their sadness with prayers and wisdom‚ and they are given time how there could be conflict or confusion between new Canadians to see and accept that their family members are truly no longer there. coming from non-western cultures

A Story of Grief Across Cultures “Each of us has his own rhythm of suffering.” —Roland Barthes The day after her beloved fatherin-law died‚ May* sat in the funeral home beside her husband and mother-in-law. Her father-in-law’s body had been transported from the hospital to this place‚ as is common practice‚ right after he was pronounced dead. He was now laid out behind a door somewhere in the building.

The funeral director sat across from the three of them and asked if anyone wanted to see the body. No‚ thank you‚ said her mother-in-law.

No‚ said her husband.

In the Buddhist community of Bangkok where May was raised‚ death is openly talked about from the time that children are very young as a part of the natural cycle of death and rebirth. When someone in the community dies‚ their body is

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*May's name has been changed for privacy reasons.

and their Canadian friends and Before long‚ leaders in both the families.

Northern and Southern armies began When we look to the rituals in to employ men who were trained other places and religions around as embalmers in order to preserve the world‚ we see that secular North the bodies and ship them home.

Americans are unique in their hands- Now‚ bodies could be preserved off approach. In traditional Jewish and viewed for quite some time after culture‚ for example‚ the body is their deaths—but only if they were laid out on the floor and covered‚ prepared by trained professionals. candles are lit‚ and the body is never This practicality was the seed that left alone until after burial. Muslims led to a multi-billion dollar industry‚ traditionally wash and shroud the which sees most North Americans bodies of their loved ones with clean turning the bodies of their loved and scented water‚ and then wrap ones over to private companies to them in sheets of clean white cloth. be embalmed and cared for prior to It is also traditional Hindu custom their funerals. to dress and care North American North Americans culture is such now for family members have not always before cremation. that the very idea of North Americans turned their loved washing‚ dressing have not always ones’ bodies over to and caring for the turned their loved funeral homes to be dead bodies of our ones’ bodies over to family members embalmed, dressed, own funeral homes to be seems nothing short embalmed‚ dressed‚ and cared for before of radical to many and cared for before cremation or burial. people. There is‚ cremation or burial. however‚ a growing Prior to the American Civil War‚ movement of people who advocate most North American families held for home funerals‚ believing that wakes and funerals for their dead their intimacy‚ so similar to that relatives in their own homes. experienced in many non-western The bodies were cleaned and cultures‚ can help immensely in the dressed by their closest family healing process. members‚ then laid out in front According to Heidi Boucher‚ a parlours for grievers to say goodbye leading death doula in California‚ before burial‚ and‚ interestingly‚ to “We have done a really poor job of make sure that the dead person keeping the death ritual as part of actually was dead‚ and was not the life cycle; when families can be going to be buried while still alive involved‚ whether it’s dressing‚ or (hence the word ‘wake’). bathing or putting on the necklace After this first grieving period‚ she loved so much‚ these rituals really funerals were arranged by friends help with the grieving process in and family and held at home. In this letting go.” much more rural time‚ many bodies Growing up in a Buddhist were even buried right on the family community‚ May did experience the property. This custom was private death ritual as a part of the life cycle. and very intimate‚ allowing families Not only that‚ but the process of to grieve their loved ones in their own letting go had always been personal‚ homes and with their own community. highly ritualized‚ deeply ingrained‚ In this way‚ death truly was a part of and nearly the same for everyone. life in the community.

There was a script to follow‚ and During the Civil War‚ however‚ everyone knew what had to be done. soldiers were fighting and dying a Contemporary‚ secular Canadian long way from home. By the time culture‚ however‚ has no definite the soldiers’ bodies made it home script‚ often making it very difficult again‚ they had already begun to for everyone involved to navigate‚ decompose‚ making it nearly impossible especially someone who is new for their loved ones to see them again. to Canada. According to Robin

Heppell‚ owner and chief consultant at Funeral Futurist in Victoria‚ there is “more conflict between agnostic families pertaining to the different choices of services since there are so many variables and service offerings to choose from.” He goes on to say that “ethnic or cultural families usually have the benefit of the funeral customs well laid out.”

Going through the death‚ celebration of life‚ and cremation of her father-in-law could not have been more different from the “well laid out” customs that May had known. Where there would have been a weeklong wake‚ there was just a quick viewing in the funeral home. Where there would have been a funeral‚ there was a celebration of life in which friends and family told stories about her father-in-law when he was living‚ but did not talk about death‚ or grieving‚ or how to move on. Where there would have been community members present at the cremation‚ there was no one.

It was an incredibly difficult time for May as she tried to navigate these unfamiliar customs while dealing with her own grief and that of her family members. During the period after her husband’s death‚ May’s mother-in-law did not discuss how she felt‚ nor did she begin to make arrangements for how she was going to manage life without her husband.

May describes seeing her mother-inlaw and knowing that she was feeling deep grief‚ but being unable to help.

“If she were my mother‚ I would have put my arms around her‚” she says.

May’s husband didn’t discuss his grief or talk much about his father’s death either‚ and it seemed there was nothing May could do except be there beside him when he needed her. After all‚ cultural differences are not everything; every one of us‚ in some way‚ grieves our dead‚ and we all need someone to sit beside us through our grief.

Contributing Writer

Erin Renwick heremagazine.ca

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Immigrating

“

Then

the pioneer Scan the QR Code for direct

I was born an Irish exile in a one-room cottage in a Yorkshire town. I am an exile still, in a Canadian city. There are millions of Irish exiles around the world. There are too many of us to be able to return; it seems, though, that our souls are never at rest. Songs and memories take us back; the longing for something lost is ingrained in our souls.

audio and hear Elizabeth share the struggles of leaving extended family and a good home behind in England to conquer the wilds of Northern British Columbia.

Elizabeth Gaynor Halifax, Yorkshire, England

Entering the St. Lawrence Seaway was like entering Fairyland. Ours being the first ship to enter the St. Lawrence after the winter‚ there were still ice floes to be seen and snow on the ground in the villages we passed.

Every place we came to had a white clapboard church. It was like viewing a huge Christmas card.

When we arrived at the port of Montreal we were met by friends— Rose and Peter. We were dizzy on hitting dry land, but so grateful to have someone there for us. We had a couple of days to pass before the train left for the west, so our new friends took us home, made us welcome, and gave us a quick tour of Montreal. It was amazing to see the old buildings and cobbled streets. Somehow it was like going back in time. I don’t know what I had expected it to be like but in my mind’s eye it was a “new” world we were going to. This had a much older air about it than the place we’d left, as though it was trapped in the seventeenth century! We were assured

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that we were heading for a much different Canada.

Telkwa was where two rivers converged; the main street— consisting of a drugstore‚ a general store where everything from nuts to bolts to groceries was sold‚ and a hotel—ran alongside the river for one block. The drugstore was run by a woman everyone called Powder Puff Kate‚ a name earned during the Klondike Gold Rush‚ so she said.

There was a café kitty-corner to the hotel block‚ another grocery store called “Phillips” and a John Deere tractor dealership. There were very few people‚ besides ourselves‚ wandering around the streets—not that there were many streets to wander around.

No cobblestones here—just dirt roads.

The first night in our new house we slept on the floor, with only our blankets to cover us. It was cold and miserable. There was no water or well on the property, so that was our first priority the next morning.

It was a long, lonely day. Luckily I had brought a sewing kit along in our luggage. After all, I was a Girl Guide and trained to “be prepared”. How one could ever be prepared for what we had fallen into, I don’t know. I spent a couple of hours sewing sheets together along three sides. Then the children and I took them along to the straw stacks and stuffed them with straw. That night we were a bit more comfortable and a little warmer. We were also too exhausted to bemoan our fate, and just fell asleep in each other’s arms.

t w o

Passages have been excerpted from Elizabeth Gaynor’s memoir, The Tear and the Smile. Elizabeth now lives in Victoria B.C. and counts in her Canadian family four children, eight grandchildren, eight great-grandchildren, one greatgreat grandchild and various in-laws and out-laws. Elizabeth will be turning 90 years old this November.

p a t h s

& Now My family and I came to Vancouver for EXPO ’86, and had a beautiful trip. We drove the Coquihalla, went up to Jasper, and visited Banff, Lake Louise, and Victoria, of course.

I fell in love with Canada, and had the greatest time of my life. I loved Victoria so much that, with the help of Mom and Dad, I managed to come back in 1987 to study English at the University of Victoria. I enrolled in the ELP (English Language Program). My husband, two children and I immigrated permanently in 2011, for the adventure, the opportunity for my children, and the possibilities offered by a first world country.

We had booked a hotel room with a kitchenette for the first two weeks; all we knew about Victoria was that UVic was here, that the Empress Hotel was in front of the Parliament Buildings, and that the Butchart Gardens were the most beautiful gardens in the world. We needed to learn about the city, decided to buy a bus pass, and used B.C. Transit as our city guide.

The whole family took the bus for several days. We took any bus, rode it until the end of the route, hopped in again and came back—with almost every route. In a matter of days we had discovered Langford to Sidney and our kids were fed up with the bus.

Scan the QR Code for direct audio and hear Marli tell the incredible story of meeting Dan, the cousin she never knew she had!

t o

the student

Maria Marli Sanchez Russek Torreon, Coahuila, Mexico We struggled to find a good apartment and after many hours and days of walking and looking, we were discouraged. We had no references, no friends, and no nothing. Then we met Jeff. Jeff Wilson was the manager of the building we live in now. We rang the bell and asked about the suite available for rent. He asked a few questions and got to know us a bit, then let us rent the apartment. He gave us a chance. Jeff is the person who helped us the most when we first arrived‚ along with my cousin‚ Dan Russek; I met him by serendipity and he has been our family. The way I met Dan is an adventure itself.

My education is a degree in business administration—I studied at ITESM Mexico—and I am also a trained Paramedic—I studied at the Mexican Red Cross. My husband and I could not find suitable work here that reflected our education and experience, so we opened our own business, Himulco Shoes, where we offer Mexico’s finest shoes. Outside of work, my main activity is being a wife and a mom.

Canada is a great place. Maybe I had an idea of perfection—“the promised

C a n a d a

land”— and here I discovered that it’s the attitude of the people living in a place that makes the difference. The only strange thing we’ve noticed is that some Canadians dress according to the calendar, and sometimes not exactly according to the weather!

If I could give any advice to someone planning on immigrating to Canada, I would say: come with an open mind.

As Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Marli lives in Victoria B.C. with her husband Gabriel and their two teenage children, who, when not in school, learn about Canada through programs like Encounters with Canada. Marli and Gabriel own and operate Himulco Shoes on Cadboro Bay Rd.

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*Some research suggests that the finger next to the "pinky" or smallest finger is called the fourth finger in North America, and the third finger in the United Kingdom.

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s p o t l i g h t:

colin boyd shafer | photographer

talking with colin What was your path to Canada?

I am the first Canadian in the family and was born in Kitchener‚ Ontario. My mother was born in the United Kingdom and my father was born in the United States.

What inspired Cosmopolis Toronto?

Several things: I have an interest in migration—I started a project called Everyone Has Hope‚ working with refugees in Malaysia‚ and my Master’s degree focused on the Stateless Rohingya of Burma; my longing to come back to Toronto and spend time with Grandma and do a project in Canada; and finally‚ I think we say ‘diversity’ quite often but rarely— maybe never—are there ‘real stories’ about the individuals involved.

Why did you choose this platform and medium to tell immigrants’ stories?

I am a portrait photographer‚ and wanted to do a project that was large in scope.

This is a medium I am comfortable with.

What is the symbolism of asking your participants to have their hands “touching something that connects [them] or is important to [their] country or nation of birth”? Have any of the chosen objects surprised you?

I think it is important to recognize that we all have a past. Canada prides itself on the fact that it is not a ‘melting pot’ and instead people can retain their cultures if that is something they are interested in.

I am constantly surprised by the objects chosen. My participant born in Jordan held a statue of two people doing the Argentine Tango‚ and my participant born in Cyprus held a Japanese painting. There is a diversity within the diversity.

Who or what is next for you?

I hope the project can be exhibited Canada-wide. This will eventually be a book and hopefully educators can further incorporate this into their classrooms. I have a few other portrait projects on my mind....stay tuned!

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This page, from bottom right clockwise: Yvonne (Singapore), Esther (Papua New Guinea), Milan (Czech Republic), Abdel Raouf (Palestine), Mbalia (Sierra Leone). Opposite page, from bottom right clockwise: Hannes (Iceland), Mohan (Nepal), Alina (Luxembourg).

cosmopolistoronto About Cosmopolis Toronto The Big Idea • The Cosmopolis team aimed to

photograph the whole world, one Torontonian at a time.

• The goal was to create an accurate picture of diversity through the unique individuals that make up Toronto today.

• The team hoped to share compelling personal stories and create engaging and positive opportunities for dialogue among people from various cultural and social backgrounds.

The Portrait • Participants were found through word

of mouth, media coverage and on social media platforms like Facebook.

• The first photograph taken is of a participant where he or she feels most comfortable or “at home” in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) and the second is of a participant holding something or someone that connects them to their past.

• The portrait shows the very place the person feels at home in the city. This is incredibly important, and it provides visual evidence of the varied spaces where people find comfort in the city. The spaces are often beautiful surprises and express each person’s individuality.

“

I ’m not ent irely sure what home means. Some people have one home and others have mult iple. One of my par t ic ipants, Fat ima, who was bor n in Pak istan, said ‘ home is not per fec t ’ and that really resonated with me. Toronto is not a per fect dream-lik e place, but it is a place where most people can f ind comfor t—so I think comfor t is a big par t of feeling at ‘ home’.

Visit cosmopolistoronto.com to use the interactive map‚ see more portraits, and discover the places and stories behind the people. Catch a glimpse of the man behind the camera at colinshafer.com. heremagazine.ca

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the ties that bind While immigrating to a new country can be a fresh and exciting start‚ it often means leaving extended family behind—a bittersweet experience. If the home country is in conflict‚ the normal sadness of separation can develop into fear and anxiety for those who have left; many feel powerless to protect and help their loved ones ‘back home’. In the first of a series‚ Victoria’s newcomers share their personal stories of fear and uncertainty for family members living in conflict zones around the world.

H e i d y L o p ez, n ow li v in g in Vi c t o r i a, is p i c t u re d h e re w i t h h e r m o t h e r, I ra m a Ca s t e l l a n o s. I ra m a h a s jus t re t u r n e d t o Ve n ez u e l a a f t e r a s u m m e r v isi t w i t h h e r d a u g h t e r.

Venezuela

08-06-2014 Heidy: The situation in Venezuela is touching every Venezuelan in some way. Some people have suffered the loss of a loved one just because a thief wants to get his or her cellphone‚ or something else; then after getting what he wants‚ the thief just kills them with his pistol. It’s as simple as that! In the time I am telling my story‚ there probably has been at least one murder related to robbery.

Other people have lost relatives just because when they needed medical attention‚ there was no medicine available‚ or there was no room available at the hospital‚ or perhaps they went to the hospital for something simple like a cold but ended up with a serious infection because the hospital was unsanitary.

Food is another issue. Milk‚ coffee‚ corn flour (a Venezuelan staple), and meat cannot be found every day and shopping for groceries is not an easy task. Long lines and long hours outside grocery stores has been the day-to-day of most Venezuelans for some years and the situation is just becoming worse.

Irama: You can find people fighting over chickens or corn flour in the grocery store—if you are lucky enough to get inside the grocery store and have something to fight for!

We live in fear everyday. We know when we leave our homes to go to work, we may not ever return home.

The hospitals do not have the basics to treat people or operate. A scarcity of medicine to treat cancer‚ HIV‚ or heart conditions as well as a shortage of antibiotics‚ syringes‚ antiseptics‚ and even adhesive bandages is something normal nowadays.

“

A high level of violence and lack of personal security is killing Venezuelans.

We live in fear everyday. We know when we leave our homes to go to work‚ we may not ever return home.

Heidy: I feel fear for my family and all Venezuelans; I cannot sleep just thinking about my family there. I feel sad and frustrated because it is so difficult to help them. It is so difficult even to travel to or from Venezuela. Access to money has been restricted and airlines are closing their operations. I would love to visit my family again in December but there is a risk that I can’t make it back to Canada.

Who knows what the situation will be by the end of the year?

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Ukraine

07-17-2014 My name is Olga. I live in beautiful Victoria‚ on Vancouver Island‚ Canada. What about you? What thoughts did you wake up with today? When you talked to your family members‚ what were the meaningful things you said to them?

Today I was talking to my dad‚ who is the strongest man I know‚ the man who can conquer the world for his family‚ and it was the first time I saw him scared and helpless. Mom and I could see him on Skype and he was not the same. As we were talking‚ he kept turning his head to the window. As we were trying to ask him if he packed his bags and if he is ready to leave and come to Canada‚ he said‚ “There are gunshots outside‚ it’s starting again”. All I can think is that he has to get from the apartment (where there is an internet connection) to the house—a 7-10 minute drive— meaning he has to go out where the gunshots are.

We could clearly hear them. And for some reason I catch myself thinking they are fireworks; they In the last few can’t be gunshots. weeks, our How strange is that? conversations Every time there was are not about: ‘How are a neighbourhood you?

What did you do celebration in the today?

Did you finish same yard‚ some building the fence young adults would start using fireworks. around the house? How We used to joke that was the trip to the they were “shooting lake?’ Conversations again”. we have now: ‘Are you

“

This time is different. safe? Are the family and In the last few weeks friends alive?’ our conversations are not about: “How are you? What did you do today? Did you finish building the fence around the house? How was the trip to the lake?”

Conversations we have now: “Are you safe? Are the family and friends alive?” He used to tell stories how he met with his friends or was busy with housework. Now he’s telling us how many houses were destroyed and how many people were found dead on the ground.

It’s 2014. I live in beautiful Victoria and my hometown is being leveled to the ground; there’re a lot of conflicting emotions. Do I enjoy the view of the mountains or embrace the grief that Ukraine will never ever be the same?

I was born in beautiful Lugansk‚ city of chestnuts and roses‚ located two hours from the Russian border in Eastern Ukraine. My roots are both Russian and Ukrainian; I always thought that I had the best of both cultures and have never divided them because once you grow up with two they become part of you. What is going on? Who is responsible for what’s happening?

I don’t know. All I want to know is when it will stop.

hereinCanada

Newcomer or not‚ answering some of these questions is a challenge! Taken from the Richmond Public Library’s online Practice Citizenship Test‚ the questions are samples of what newcomers need to know before they take that all-important next step of becoming a Canadian citizen. See how well YOU do!

a nad #Ca

answers below

SO YOU WANT TO BE A C NADIAN CITIZEN, EH? TEST 1. From where does the name “Canada” come? a. b. c. d.

From From From From

the Inuit word meaning country. the French word meaning joining. the Métis word meaning rivers. “kanata”‚ the Huron-Iroquois word for village.

2. Give an example of where English and French have equal status in Canada. a. b. c. d.

In schools.

In the workplace.

In the Parliament of Canada.

At City Hall.

3. How many Canadians have been awarded the Victoria Cross (V.C.)‚ the highest honour available to Canadians? a. 56. b. 96. c. 1‚024. d. 42.

4. Name three additional rights protected by the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. a. Freedom of speech‚ right to own land‚ and right to a fair trial. b. Mobility rights‚ multiculturalism‚ and Aboriginal Peoples’ rights. c. Right to ski anywhere in Canada‚ moving rights‚ and right to public assembly. d. Right to vote‚ right to speak publicly‚ and security rights.

5. Which of the following is NOT a feature of Canada’s system of government? a. A federal state. b. Parliamentary democracy. c. Constitutional monarchy. d. Dictatorship.

6. Which was the last province to join Canada? a. Newfoundland. b. Alberta. c. Saskatchewan. d. British Columbia.

1. d - From "kanata" the Huron-Iroquois word for village.

2. c - In the Parliament of Canada.

3. b - 96.

4. b - Mobility rights Multiculturalism and Aboriginal Peoples, rights.

5. d - Dictatorship.

6. a - Newfoundland.

answers:

Read our curated Canada-themed tweets at our Storify page: storify.com/HereMagazine and follow and share with us on Twitter: @heremagazineCA and Facebook: heremagazine.ca

more practice at: www.yourlibrary.ca/citizenship

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