3 minute read
Wines
Grape Expectations by Max Crus Can of worms in a can of paint.
Hey Max, can you see the Black Panther? Inquired Ms L. just a little too loudly.
Luckily we were at Bunnings, looking at paint colours, and not an airport lounge.
If you thought wine writing was a pretty cool job, how about being a paint-naming specialist or whatever they’re called?
Somewhere in the world it is someone’s job to look at a shade of any and every colour and put a name to it. It might be just one person, or perhaps a team, but somewhere, someone came up with Black Panther for a particular shade of, yes, black.
Few people have seen a panther in the fesh - or is that fur? so it is hard to judge just how accurate Black Panther is, and perhaps panthers themselves may like a say in the matter, as surely there may be many shades of panther, but thatís not very useful in a paint shop.
Ditto Black Fox. Is there really such a thing or is this just in the imagination of the colour cops at Taubmans, et al?
Okay this may not sound like much fun and fraught with the thought of law suits from animal rights groups, which is perhaps why paint names have blended and trended to such things as Black Night, notwithstanding Deep Purple may be interested in that one, both bone fde colours.
But how about Daves Grey? Would older ugly people appreciate the humour, or not?
Billiard Ball apparently is a colour, another black, yet there are no black balls in the game of billiards. Clearly truth is not Paramount, which is a different colour altogether.
All Black could get messy too, but Trendy and Tornado are likely safe.
Ditto Black Jack, Black Earth, and Black Sea. A slow day at the offce or an apprentice let loose?
And these are just a few from the black end of the spectrum. How about venturing out into the less fashionable and slimming shades like Hi Ho Silver, Silver Service or, wait for it, Invisible!
That should sell like hot cakes, a shade of orange as it happens, as is Premonition.
Clearly in the paint world, nothing is just black and white, and spare a thought for the poor paint pickers at Pantone.
What a job eh?
Okay, so when it comes to choosing between wine writing and
sniffng around for
paint names, and obviously alcohol is involved in both, which would you rather, free wine or free paint?
Castle Rock Porongurup Skywalk Riesling 2022, $25.
Castle Rock have almost as many rieslings as there are wine-coloured paints at Bunnings. In the citrus spectrum and closer to eastern state riesling, a bit brighter than its brethren. Exactly the opposite scores to last vintage. 9.5/10.
Castle Rock Porongurup (WA) Riesling 2022, $30.
There’s another three names. Castle Rock would be a grey surely? The midpriced riesling in the range and more softer stone-fruits than citrus, another couple of lovely colours, and characters, and dry as a paint-pickers wit.
9.4/10.
Lovers of big Barossan brutish wolves will prefer this, under a label the colour of a dark Havana Sunrise as opposed to the Remus’s ‘Daves Grey’, but we didn’t. 9.6/10.
Sons of Eden (Eden Valley) ‘Remus’ Old Vine Shiraz, 2018, $70.
What colour would Remus be? Black wolf perhaps? In the tale of two valleys’ shiraz this takes top spot by the breadth of a paint brush bristle. Less brash, more forally fragrant and cerebral.
9.7/10. Grampians Estate ‘Streeton’ Reserve Shiraz 2020, $80.
I wonder what Sir Arthur would have thought of ‘Army Greens’, or ‘Mermaid Tail’ on his palette? Perhaps he could have simply picked ‘Emerald Forest’ for this label instead of making his own. Big but soft as Streeton’s landscapes, a perfect accompaniment. 9.5/10
Grampians Estate ‘St Ethel’s’ Great Western Shiraz 2020, $50.
St Ethel’s label is defnitely ‘Dowager Grey’, and an apt wine for the title. A wine of high social standing and for our palate more accommodating and rounder than the Streeton. 9.6/10.
