DON'T PUNISH YOURSELF TO BE PERFECT

"When I heard the confirmation that I was suffering from, or had suffered from, suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, PTSD and OCD, the relief was temporary."

Approaching my 30th year, I made some changes as I was about to get married and my absent dad passed away in the UK. I was also sick of my job.

When my partner and I started to talk about having a family, I couldn’t imagine putting my child through a similar existence.

I then visited a GP who looked me in the eye and asked: “How long have you felt like this?” I paused. “For as long as I can remember.”

His usually relaxed face turned serious. “I know a great psychiatrist I would like you to see,” he said. It took every ounce of energy for me to bring myself to do so but, eventually, I sought professional help.

When I heard the confirmation that I was suffering from, or had suffered from, suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, PTSD and OCD, the relief was temporary. I then wanted to know the pathology of this.

Feeling particularly dark and depressed had generally occurred since childhood roughly every few months and rarely changed especially after a heavy night of drinking.

Depressive or potentially harmful periods decreased in my late 20s as I “succeeded” (at least superficially) at work, but anxiety started affecting me multiple times a day. As a child, I was anxious before talking to groups of people and I retreated into a shell.

Romantically, I imagined it all stemmed from one incident when I was four and attempted a Singing In The Rain solo in a school assembly, only to have the room burst into laughter. But it clearly went far deeper than that.

At 16, while working in a supermarket, I would hide in the toilet during my breaks. I would be riddled with anxiety the night before a school or work presentation so I called in the next day sick to avoid it.

But it presents somewhat differently now. My anxiety is short and sharp.

I will worry about my sons hurting themselves or panic if I am two minutes late for work. I will obsess over existential questions of “why the hell we are all here” and “what we are doing”, but minutes later be achieving something fairly substantial at work or with my charity.

I will quickly get on the runaway train and escalate an argument with my wife from step one to 10 in a matter of minutes, ruminating over my imagined outcome. Then as quickly I will appear the most chilled guy in the room.

And that is part of what started Mr Perfect, a grass roots charity with a vision to create a judgement-free society for men and their mental health.

The movement gained momentum, spurred when the cloudy spells turned into storms and

on by a chat in the pub with mates. It seems these weather systems of mine are here

Mr Perfect as a platform and community has been successful, we think, because we could not be more inclusive if we tried and conversations can glide seamlessly through work, mental health, and creative mind into positive, mostly selfless

football, struggle, relationships and comedy. All with a supportive, judgement-free ear to listen.

To back this up, men have regularly sent messages after the meet-up to explain why it works for them. Many suffer from social anxiety and were overwhelmed by the friendly and calm approach to the BBQ meet-ups, particularly the There have been many blips in my own journey - after all, I am not perfect - from stopping my medication without advice, to stopping my doctor appointments, to finding professional help again into hurricanes.

for life, they linger, and that’s okay. However, with the right strategies I can turn my experience into something impactful for others.

Life is still a daily battle, and anxiety is a big part of it. But I am working on channeling my overactive lack of masculine bravado.

pursuits. It is definitely more enjoyable and far less exhausting.

Terry Cornick is founder and CEO of Mr Perfect, “Mental Health's Mate”, a grassroots pre-crisis charity that creates community and connection by bringing men together at BBQs in local parks across Australia, to reduce isolation and encourage better mental health.

He is dad of two young boys, 2 and 4: “My most important job and priority”. He lives on the Sydney’s northern beaches. His "day job" is as a consultant in healthcare and health technology. mrperfect.org.au