Health & Home (May-June 2018)

Examining excellence Two topnotchers share their Secret

Making Mommy proud

Nag no more Falling for Cebu’s waterfalls

God seems so slow

Disposable relationships?

The problem with flitting from flower to flower

CONTENTS

May-June 2018

18

36 Questions to a Deeper Love

By Janet R. Tolete How to share yourself

20

For Keeps: #RelationshipGoals in an Age of Disposability

By Sheryll Ann M. Castillo Making love last

23

You Turned My Life Around

By Candy

36

The Arthritis-Red Meat Connection

By Sue Radd

That steak and your knees’ ache

6

Sunk Cost Fallacy: Why We Hold on Even If It's Bad for Us

By Rose Fres Fausto

The problem with sayang

10

9mm: From Caliber to Chalk

By Michel Q. David Cop. Mom. Ma’am.

How to Make Your Mama Proud

By Kirsten Ricce F. Feolog

Bring out her precious smile How Not to Nag

By Karen Holford

24

Ten Amazing Waterfalls of Cebu (First of two parts)

By Angel C. Juarez

Yet-to-be-famous gems of the South

26

“If Best Is Possible, Better Is Never Enough”

By Leonardo C. Heyasa, Jr.

Dr. Jerald Pelayo and intellectual greatness

12 14

The feeling of being dumped

And still get things done

16

28

Praying All the Way Up to the Top

By Nathanlie M. Baldoza

A topnotcher dentist up close

32

The Bonding Brain

By Rowena R. Antemano

The mother-baby connection

34

The Birth Doula

By Rosana Padua

A Loving Dad

Supporting pregnancy

and childbirth

On earth and in heaven

38

By Scott Wegener

Grades and What They Should Mean

By Teofilo C. Esguerra, Jr.

42

Alternative ways to assess students When a Fast-paced Life Meets a “Slow-motion” God

By Rod Arters

46

God doesn’t need time; you do The Power of Thought

By Julián Melgosa and Michelson Borges

Optimism and your health

Coming up… Special Education • Breastfeeding Beyond Two • The Addict’s Brain • Surviving College •

How to Think Positive • A Stealing Son • Eating Mindfully

SUBSCRIBERS SECTION

COLUMNS

By Angelina T. Tajud

3 Subscribers Section

By Angelina T. Tajud

Childhood Friend

Childhood Friend 4 Passion and Purpose

By Lucile B. Tañalas

Throw Love?

5 iContact

Compiled by Dexter O. Quiñones

8 Consult Your Lawyer

By Atty. Silvino L. Sumagaysay, Jr.

Of Being a State Witness

30 Personal Answers

By Arnold C. Serra

Suicidal Husband

31 Dear Doctor

By Linda L. Varona

37 Food for the Family

By Miriam R. Estrada

Potluck 101

40 Echoes of Life

By Wendale Grace A. Jordan

Teenagers and Social Media

41 Word for the World

By Jan Elexiz Z. Mercado

Disposable Relationships

44 Children’s Corner

By Janet R. Tolete

Why Does Fire Dance?

ABOUT THE COVER For happiness or caprice, for security or convenience, some ties end simply and abruptly. Is this healthy? In this issue, let�s see.

Photos and illustrations in this issue are from shutterstock.com unless otherwise credited.

photo courtesy of Dr. Angelina Tajud

My Children Are Beyond Overweight

I

first saw a copy of the magazine back in 1968, when I was just 7. When we were in Pagsanjan, Laguna, my father’s aunt brought and shared a copy to my parents.

She did it consistently. My parents and siblings loved the magazine, and it eventually became my favorite, too.

Sadly, Auntie died when I was in high school. Along with missing her, I also missed the Health & Home copies she shared with us.

But by God’s providence, my older sister, Ate Tess, married a Seventh-day Adventist and in their home were copies of my favorite magazine!

When I became an Adventist myself in 1994, I met Ate Ner Calasicas, a Health & Home sales representative, and started subscribing. I did so because I found it highly informative.

The whole magazine, from cover to cover, refreshes the soul and keeps the spirit alive.

With my copies in the living room, I find it easy to share the magazine with my friends who come and visit us. Health & Home is part of our mini home library, especially now that there are bound copies. The quality paper and the hard cover make the magazine more valuable and fitting as a beautiful collection at home. (My book edition collection, however, only covers 2000 to 2017.

The rest were either left in our old house or were given away to friends.)

It’s nice to remember that God has placed beside me a reading material with which I grew and have not outgrown. My own children had Health & Home as reference material from their primary years to college. Now it remains a family favorite.

We, parents, want good things for our children. Amid our fears of our kids being exposed to uncensored internet, here is a reading material that needs no censorship—packed with values and good advice for basically all aspects of life; be it health, social, spiritual, love relationships, family, food, etc.

I hope you can have the Health & Home experience and share it with your children, too.

Angelina Trinidad-Tajud, D.M.D., Ph.D., is assistant to the dean of the School of Dentistry at the Centro Escolar University (CEU) Manila. She also happens to be the mother of Alexa Eline T. Tajud, the 2017 dentistry board examination topnotcher featured on p. 28.

Health & Home May-June 2018

3

Grace

in the Act

9mm: From caliber to chalk

By MICHEL Q. DAVID

N

othing is permanent in this world but change.

What I hold now in my hands tells much about this truth.

After high school, my father and I had this unforgettable conversation.

“What course would you like to take?” Father looked earnestly at me.

“I want to become a medical doctor,” I said with enthusiasm.

“But we can’t afford it, it would take so long, and you still have three older siblings who are still studying,” he replied in a serious tone. “Choose another one.”

“Computer engineering?” I felt it was the career of the future.

“We can’t even afford to buy you a computer.”

Running out of options, I returned the question to him. “So what do you want me to study?”

“Take Education. It’s the only course we can afford,” Father said matter-of-factly.

And so it was.

Being a teacher was not my first choice, but Father’s. Yet, I understood that parents know best.

Eventually, the course developed in me a love for the noble profession.

In 2004 I graduated with a degree in Bachelor of Elementary Education (BEED) from Republic Central Colleges as a working student.

There were few vacancies in public schools at that time, however, so I ended up teaching at a private school. Feeling that the compensation was not enough to support a family, I resigned after two years.

“To serve and to protect”

I was bent on entering government service for I saw it as an opportunity to lift my family out of poverty.

My eldest sister, who was already a member of the Philippine National Police (PNP), then inspired me to apply as Police Officer 1. I made it and then started seven years of a colorful career as a policewoman.

Different assignments were given to me: patrolling, pursuit operations, buy-bust operations, intelligence gathering and undercover operations, and cases of child abuse and domestic violence.

What I liked most was when I was assigned in the Police Community Relations (PCR) branch. Our task was to look after the welfare of the community such as peacekeeping and information drives. This was where I particularly excelled and showed potential as a teacher.

We joined Brigada Eskwela (National Schools Maintenance program) before the opening of classes, conducted seminars to raise awareness about criminality, and distributed flyers to gather the community’s support for police programs.

In 2011 I was awarded the Best PCR Police Non-Commissioned Officer (PNCO) at the provincial level. I also have earned a Master of Business Administration (M.B.A.) while in the service.

My efforts paid off, but I knew in my heart that all was not well.

36 ?

Questions to a Deeper Love

By JANET R. TOLETE

I

n 2015, a New York Times essay1 became viral. The female author tested a series of 36 questions that were supposed to generate closeness with her male friend. They ended the question-andanswer with a four-minute staring-into-each-other’s-eyes session. The ending? They became a couple.

Other people in various stages of relationships have also tried answering these 36 questions together, and most of them agree that this “sharing game,”2 as the study authors first called it, was fun (and awkward at times) and beneficial (resulting in better relationships, whether platonic, filial, or romantic).

What’s in these questions?

A social psychologist who’s been studying love for decades, Dr. Arthur Aron, along with his fellow researchers, is behind this list of three sets of 12 questions. The science is quite simple.

Participants go through a process of “sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure.”3 In other words, the exercise allows each person to reveal more about himself/herself to the other person, and vice versa. In the end, the pair experiences being vulnerable and trusted at the same time.

Health & Home is sharing with you these questions with the prayer that you will achieve a deeper connection with your loved ones—not just your spouse, but even your family members and friends as well.

Who knows? This little activity may even help rekindle the flame of a dying marriage.

How is it done?

Sit down with your partner, facing each other, and answer these questions. Alternate on who should answer first. Listen to each other’s responses. Don’t skip any question and answer them in order.

This usually lasts 45 minutes to an hour, so don’t hurry your answers. Maintain a normal conversational pace. Enjoy!

18 Health & Home

May-June 2018

SET 1 the choice of anyone in 1 Given the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

you like to be famous? In 2 Would what way? making a telephone call, 3 Before do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? would constitute a 4 What “perfect” day for you? did you last sing to 5 When yourself? To someone else? able to live to the 6 Ifageyouofwere 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? you have a secret hunch 7 Do about how you will die? three things you and 8 Name your partner appear to have in common. what in your life do you feel 9 For most grateful? you could change anything 10 Ifabout the way you were raised, what would it be? four minutes and tell your 11 Take partner your life story in as much detail as possible. you could wake up tomorrow 12 Ifhaving gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

For Keeps #RelationshipGoals in an Age of Disposability

By SHERYLL ANN M. CASTILLO

S

controversial as the previous ones.

She just got tired of their frequent arguments, so they decided to call it quits. But even if the decision to break up was mutual, she still felt sad for putting up so much emotional investment in a relationship that was not bound to last.

Falling in and out of love The era of consumerism has paved the way for a throw-away culture. How easy is it for people to buy electronic gadgets any time a newer model is introduced in the market? Since when has

a regular change of wardrobe become a necessity? Do we really need to replace brand-new cars every five years, and secondhand ones, every two years? Gone are the days when people would save up for something and keep it as long as it still functions or remains repairable.

I must admit that when financial resources permit, I too would sometimes fall into the disposable trap. I look at things thinking of satisfying only a present need, assuring myself that “I’d be able to buy another one anyway.”

This kind of mentality, however, may have effects beyond economics. Researchers have found that tendencies to dispose objects and social ties are related.1 Statistical data seem to echo this

models not subjects of article

he came to my office wearing jeans and shirt. While she had managed to look very presentable (with a light makeup and neatly combed hair), I noticed that her eyes were puffed up.

“You had been crying…” I said rather softly as I closed the counseling room.

When she settled on the chair, the tears that she must have been holding for quite some time started to fall profusely.

“I feel so heartbroken. I do not know what’s wrong with me.

Why?” After a brief silence, she began to tell her problem. This is not our first encounter. In fact, this is the first of the third cycle of our sessions. She just broke up with her boyfriend, for the third time; actually, her third relationship in a span of two years.

At least this time, the issue was not as

20 Health & Home

May-June 2018

“If Best Is Possible, Better Is Never Enough”

By LEONARDO C. HEYASA, JR.

T

he room was quiet.

Except for a few early comers who were making last-ditch efforts to study, the room was basically still. But his mind was not. Since the night before he had been wrestling with something.

He felt uneasy. It was not about medical concepts and theories that he failed to understand. It was about the presence of God that he could not feel.

God, where are You? Why do You seem so far?

Opening his Bible—the one thing he brought for the board exam—he asked God to speak to him. Finally, he came across God’s promise in 1 Kings 20:13, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Have you seen all this great multitude?

Behold, I will deliver it into your hand today, and you shall know that I am the Lord’” (New King James Version).

Greatly relieved, he smiled to himself. “I’m sorry, Lord, I doubted You when You are there all along,” he breathed.

Closing his eyes, he saw people from everywhere—old friends, loved ones, classmates, schoolmates, acquaintances— praying for him. It was such a wonderful feeling he wanted to close his eyes forever. But he had

an exam to finish, so he took his pen and started answering. The rest was history.

Dr. Jerald Lalaguna Pelayo topped the 2018 Physician Licensure Examination (PLE) with a rating of 88.17 percent. Yet, it was not a first for him. He also topped the Nursing Licensure Exam back in 2011.

Life at med school

With his good academic record, Jerald studied as a scholar at the University of the East - Ramon Magsaysay Memorial Medical Center, Inc. A product of relatively unknown Mountain View College in Valencia City, Bukidnon, Jerald remained somewhat anonymous among his class composed mostly of the brightest from famous universities in Manila—until he ranked second in the first long exam. It was then that his classmates googled his name.

With the ability to simplify complicated concepts, Jerald found himself tutoring some classmates in his first year; then, his juniors in the years following.

These were for free, although one guy insisted on paying.

Time in medical school was not a luxury and many tried to discourage Jerald from “wasting” his precious hours doing tutorials.

Yet, he was undaunted. For him,

Praying All the

Way Up

to the Top

K

By NATHANLIE M. BALDOZA

nowing that a lot of people were praying and that someone even went fasting for me, I knew I would be Top 1!” Dr. Alexa Tajud answered when asked if she had an inkling of ranking first in the May 2017 Dentist Licensure Examination (DLE) after taking it on May 3-5, 2017 (written phase) and May 30June 2, 2017 (practical phase).

“That may sound superfluous and presumptuous but I really prayed and studied hard for it,” she explained matter-of-factly.

“I was inspired by Pastor Randy Skeete who spoke at an AMiCUS [Adventist Ministry to College and University Students] seminar for students about educational excellence. He said, ‘When you make studying a way to give back the glory to God, you will be rewarded. In any branch of study, we could find the fingerprint of God. If we only study for a grade, it becomes a burden, but when you study for the Lord, it becomes a joy. We serve a great God and He expects excellence in everything we do.’ ” The line “We serve a great God and He expects excellence in everything we do” kept ringing in her ears even after the seminar. It resonated in her studies, particularly in getting rid of behaviors that lead to complacency and mediocrity and in motivating her to always do her best.

28 Health & Home

May-June 2018

“One of the largest notes I had posted on my wall during the review period was ‘Never Be Complacent, Do Your Best For God’s Glory,’ ” shared Alexa. She went on to say that she makes sure that everything she does in her chosen profession is the best that she can offer to humanity.

“If I recognize that I am lacking in one field, I give more time to that particular area for me to be better because I know that I serve an excellent God,” she revealed.

And just like any other student, she went through a lot of distractions like watching animes, movies, Korean drama series, and social media, especially Facebook. But unlike some of her peers who were hooked and had a hard time breaking off from these diversions, Alexa succeeded in doing away with some routines that she knew would hinder her from reaching her goals and full potential.

“During elementary and high school, I never pushed myself to excel in academics. When I entered college, however, and by God’s grace, I found friends who were devoted to their studies. They inspired me to excel, to be like them. I told myself, ‘If they can, I can, too.’

I realized that we should be the head and not the tail to be witnesses of Christ,” Alexa maintained unreservedly.

WORD FOR THE WORLD

By Jan Elexiz Z. Mercado

Disposable Relationships A

n old couple married for decades were asked, “How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?”

The couple answered, “We were born in a time when if something was broken, we would fix it and not throw it away.”

So what does this say of our times?

Judging from what I see on social media, in the news, and on television programs, I get the impression that moving on from one relationship to another is normal, or even desirable, for some.

Changing and exchanging intimate relationships now looks like changing one’s wardrobe or shoes, whichever metaphor one finds more suitable. Once a person no longer feels like wearing it, he or she can simply dispose or change it.

Young people now have an interesting phrase to express their skepticism over longterm relationships—“Walang forever” (There’s no forever). The underlying message is: When a relationship fails, just move on and find somebody else to attain the happiness you are looking for.

Well, I’m not against moving on from a past relationship, but what about trying to fix the relationship first before easily letting go?

Is it because finding a new partner or a friend is much easier than preserving a current commitment? Does resolving conflict or accommodating personality differences get in the way of pursuing happiness?

Or, is it because a lot of people are already doing it so breaking up and moving on should be something fashionable or expected?

My Bible tells me that relationships are a gift from God. He doesn’t want any person to be alone. And since a relationship is a gift, we must take care of it, nurture it, and fix it when it gets broken.

In the New Testament, Paul mentioned numerous things on how should we treat one another: “Love one another with brotherly affection” (Romans 12:10).* “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you” (2 Corinthians 13:11).

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a

complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:12-14).

Paul reminds his listeners to always love, comfort, forgive, and encourage one another. I believe that the people in Paul’s time were experiencing the same problems we are encountering.

There might have been a lot of misunderstanding, fighting, and quarreling but Paul urged them to forgive and love one another.

He wasn’t advising them to just throw the relationship away when something wrong happens.

I believe this counsel is timeless. It is what we still need to do in our generation today.

Moving on is important, but saving relationships should be paramount. And in order to save a relationship, we may just need to lower our pride and let love, forgiveness, and peace that flow from the heart of God fill our hearts. *Scripture references are from the English Standard Version.

Jan Elexiz Zoleta Mercado is a certified marriage counselor and a Seventh-day Adventist pastor based at the Adventist International Institute of Advanced Studies in Silang, Cavite.

Health & Home May-June 2018

41

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