Hope: A Physician's Journey

by Dr. Nhung N. Tran-Davies Reprinted

- Issue 5

I can clearly remember how taken aback I was to be still breathing when the first month of the newyearcametoaclose.

A heavy weight lifted off my shoulders because it wasn’t just any January. It was the first month of a new year, after having been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer just a couple of monthsprior.Ididn’tthinkIwouldlivetoseeanyofthenewyear,forthatmatter. And so, to know that I had survived and that I was indeed going to see the sunrise on the first day of the second month of a new year brought a huge sense of relief, wonder, and hope. I believed then that I could do this, that I could get through this. For the first time in my 50 years of life, I wastrulygratefulforeverysecondofeveryminuteofeveryday.

Being a Family Doctor and knowing how poor the prognosis can be for Stage 4, I didn’t know if I was going to live. Nothing in my 20-year career as a medical doctor, not even my experience of delivering sad news and caring for palliative patients, prepared me for confronting my very own mortality.

I plunged into the depths of despair after my diagnosis because of my children still being so young. I want to be here still to see them graduate, blossom, reach their dreams, and find their true loves. I want to hold my grandbabies. There’s still so much to do and more of the world to see,morewalksinthewoodsanddancesunderthemoonlightwithmyotherhalf.

Surprisingly, my patients played a huge role in drawing me out of the despair. Little did I know how quickly they banded together to become my ‘doctors.’ It was their turn to take care of me, they said. And that they did with all the delicious food, warm blankets, and countless other gifts they inundated me with. They were indeed instrumental in lifting me through the darkest moments.

Now, twelve months into this journey and two major surgeries out of the way, I realize that I’ve learnt a thing or two, especially as a physician looking through a patient’s lenses. How can I not, after having been wheeled around half-naked on surgical gurneys, being poked and prodded, and subjected to countless needles and bloodletting, scans, doctor visits and numerous rounds of nauseatingchemotherapy?

Facts and science are at the core of medicine and my medical practice. As physicians, we must follow evidence-based best practices and “do no harm.” That is why I was so surprised when, suddenly, I found myself in the position of seeking out alternative/herbal therapies. Well, it was more so to appease my mom. She had overheard friends talk about a product that could boost the immune system and cure cancer, and that was enough for her to nudge me on. I tried to stand my ground on the lack of strong evidence, but sensing the hope this potential remedy was giving her, I finally conceded (deducing that, at least, it would cause no harm). I realized then that even if it had a one in a million chance of helping, I could not or should not deny that hope, that possibilityofcure,tomyfamilyandfriends,andmostofall,tomyself.