PJ Library | PROOF Magazine August 2017

A PJ LIBRARY MAGAZINE

AUGUST 2017

the SHABBAT issue

MEET THE MAKERS: CREATING CONNECTIONS. BUILDING COMMUNITIES.

(PAGE 9)

SHABBAT EVANGELISM FOR A NEW GENERATION (PAGE 12) UNPLUGGED, CURLED UP, AND VERY ANALOG (PAGE 14)

CONTENTS

4 8

9 10 12

PJ Library Family Study Bringing Peace, One Shabbat at a Time Leslie Kimmelman Meet Your Makers: Creating Connections.

Building Communities.

Amy Ravis Furey, MSW Community Connection: Calgary, Alberta

Shabbat Evangelism for a New Generation Aliza Kline

PROOF A PJ LIBRARY MAGAZINE

MANAGING EDITOR AND ART DIRECTOR, PROOF MAGAZINE Jillian Farrell ADDITIONAL SUPPORT: Allison Biggs, Graphic Designer & Project Manager, PJ Library Daniel Ginsburg, Writer & Editor, PJ Library Shira Kogut, PJ Library parent Cynthia Mann, Program Officer, PJ Library Sarah Martin, Evaluation Manager, PJ Library Will Schneider, Director of Advancement, PJ Library Naomi Shulman, Content Officer, PJ Library Kathie Wainer, PJ Library Coordinator, Calgary Jewish Federation Jana Zalmanowitz, PJ Library parent Renee Zborowski, Operations Manager, PJ Library PARTNER SPOTLIGHT CONTRIBUTORS: Jen and Fred Fox Marilyn Libin

14 1 6 18

Unplugged, Curled Up, and Very Analog Lou Cove On the Shelf On Shabbat, Screens Need Rests Too Sarah Lefton

0 Partner Spotlight 2 Gift of Community 23 The Winnie Sandler Grinspoon

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Arnold Penner Irv Potter, Chair, B’nai Brith Mens Camp Association Wendy and Matt Waxman, Rosalie Katz Family Foundation Photography by Asher and Oak Photography and Stefanie Cohen Photography We welcome suggestions for stories. Please send ideas or author inquiries to proof@hgf.org.

THE

FOREWORD 96%

of PJ Library families surveyed say PJ Library supported their family in having conversations about Jewish traditions, values, and customs

When I first saw the survey results that we share in this issue, I was thrilled to have confirmed that PJ Library is reshaping a generation of Jewish families. What I love about the results is that we now have much more data to describe what we have been hearing for years: PJ Library is a revolution for the Jewish community.

For example, we are often asked what PJ Library offers intermarried families. Our answer: PJ Library. An estimated 35,000 PJ Library families (28%) are intermarried.

The impact of PJ Library varies between families, with the program being more likely to influence intermarried families than in-married families in a couple of areas. Eighty-three percent of our survey respondents say that PJ Library has increased their confidence in engaging with their children on Jewish topics. We were excited to learn that the number grows to 94% when you look at only intermarried families. Similarly, we see that intermarried families are more likely to be influenced to celebrate Jewish holidays and learn more about Judaism. Even the flaps on each book, which give information to parents about Jewish concepts, are more widely read by intermarried families.

Another piece of information that I found encouraging is the number of parents who feel that PJ Library has been a valuable parenting tool.

My wife and I started receiving PJ Library books when my son was 6 months old. At the time the only needs he had were food and comfort. It was our need—to help him understand he was Jewish— that PJ Library addressed. The study confirmed that we are not alone as 91% of parents told us that PJ Library is a valuable parenting tool.

It gets even more impressive when families report that PJ Library plays a role in influencing families to make Jewish decisions like enrolling their children in Jewish preschools, camps, day schools, and weekend programs. I expect these already encouraging numbers to increase as more families age through PJ Library and make their next Jewish engagement decisions.

Read on to learn how many families tell us PJ Library has influenced them to celebrate Shabbat, use a tzedakah box, and talk about Judaism as a family. PJ Library is spearheading a new normal for future generations of Jewish families—generations who will grow up feeling proud to be Jewish.

WILL SCHNEIDER Director of Advancement

Every three years, PJ Library hires a team of evaluators to learn about PJ Library families and their experiences with the program. With more than 25,000 responses to our 2016 online survey (conducted by Informing Change), we heard from 20% of all PJ Library families in the United States and Canada and reached the highest level of common standards for confidence level and margin of error. This, along with further checks for sample representativeness, gives us great confidence in the reliability of the findings and their illustration of the PJ Library subscriber base.

PJ Library Families As PJ Library continues to grow, we strive to understand who PJ Library families are and what they think about being Jewish. For the first time, PJ Library collected information to better understand what families look like and how family makeup can impact their satisfaction with PJ Library. We learned more about the diversity of the PJ Library community.

34%

of families speak a language other than English at home

38 Average Parent Age

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It is very

important to me that…

…my children identify as all or partially Jewish.

82%

…my family is part of a Jewish community.

69%

7%

MULTIRACIAL HOUSEHOLD

4%

6%

3%

ONE OR MORE CHILDREN IN THE HOUSEHOLD HAS A DISABILITY

SINGLE-PARENT HOUSEHOLD

ONE OR MORE HOUSEHOLD MEMBERS IDENTIFY AS LGBTQI

an estimated

35,000 PJ Library families are intermarried

The study finds that PJ Library is more likely to influence intermarried families than in-married families.

PJ Library has influenced our family’s decision to …

89% 64%

67%

66% 51%

41%

58% 48%

62% 55%

In-married Intermarried Celebrate Jewish holidays*

Learn more about Judaism*

Cook Jewish food

Celebrate Shabbat

Use a tzedakah box

The study defines in-married families as those with two Jewish parents and intermarried as those with one parent who is Jewish and one who is not. *Met levels of statistical significance.

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Parenting with PJ Library The impact of PJ Library on parents is at the core of what makes the program a success. Through guides on book flaps, online resources, and local engagement programming, PJ Library empowers parents to create their own Jewish practices that are meaningful and resonant. Many parents are reading and learning along with their children, and using PJ Library to guide them in making Jewish decisions.

Survey results indicate that PJ Library influences families to make Jewish decisions.

PJ Library has influenced to some degree my family’s decision to...

28%

ENROLL CHILDREN IN JEWISH SUMMER DAY OR OVERNIGHT CAMP

40%

VOLUNTEER TIME TO HELP OTHERS

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17%

ENROLL CHILDREN IN A JEWISH DAY SCHOOL

28%

ENROLL CHILDREN IN JEWISH AFTER-SCHOOL OR WEEKEND PROGRAM

91%

of parents say PJ Library has been a valuable parenting tool

Community Connections Local organizations make PJ Library possible in nearly 200 communities in the United States and Canada. The organizations, many of which are Jewish federations and Jewish community centers, use PJ Library to connect local families through engagement programs and gatherings.

Being connected to the local community gives PJ Library families new ways to meet other families, engage in Jewish cultural experiences and values, and connect their children to Jewish traditions.

For parents who have attended events for Jewish families with young children:

75%

are very likely to recommend these events to a friend

72%

connected socially with other adults, further extending their social networks

83%

are interested in getting even more connected to local Jewish organizations, activities, and /or people

For more information about the 2016 PJ Library Family Study visit pjlibrary.org/familystudy

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BRINGING PEACE,

ONE SHABBAT AT A TIME

BY LESLIE KIMMELMAN PJ LIBRARY AUTHOR

SH AB B AT SHAL OM. Just saying these words brings a sense of calm to me. Growing up, calm wasn’t always easy to come by. I lived in a noisy house with my parents, three sisters, and a big dog.

We were all loud. We were always on the go, each of us overscheduled. I attended Sunday school and midweek Hebrew school, and I went to synagogue on major holidays. But only occasionally did “holiday” mean Shabbat. Although my parents did a good job of imparting Jewish values and challah was always in plentiful supply, I can’t remember ever lighting Shabbat candles and saying the blessings. Still, we did slow down a little bit on Saturdays. The day included lots of reading. Books were treasured in our family. (Two of us ended up as writers. All of us are still avid readers.) And there were long, what we called “father-daughter walks” in the park and around the neighborhood. My sisters and I took turns getting my dad’s undivided attention.

Saturdays were eagerly anticipated.

Fast forward a decade or so. I’d just moved to New York City and was working as a children’s book editor, though not yet a children’s book writer. I knew almost no one. I joined my neighborhood synagogue. Mostly, I’m embarrassed to admit, because it had a large indoor pool that no one seemed to use, and I was a dedicated swimmer. After a few swims, I started to feel guilty about using the pool but not participating in the Jewish community in any other way. Before long, I was attending Saturday morning services.

They were held in a small, beautiful chapel and felt very intimate; I remember a few mornings when it was a struggle just to get a minyan. The quiet services gave me the inner peace that can be difficult to find in a big city. Afterward, weather permitting, I’d walk to the park, sit on the grass, and read for an hour or two.

I came to depend on my Saturday morning ritual to recharge me for the coming week. I never became an active member of the congregation, but felt welcomed nonetheless.

When my husband and I began our family, we joined a temple (no pool, alas; we were in a different neighborhood) and then sent our daughter to a YM/ YWHA for preschool. It’s hard to remember precisely, but I’m pretty sure it was from there that she came home one day happily singing the “Bim Bam, Shabbat Shalom” song. Inspired by her enthusiasm, as well as by some friends whose Shabbat table always had room at it for our family, we began lighting candles every Friday night. We would march around the table as we sang “her” song, holding the last note long enough for each of us to scramble back to our proper seats at the table, ready to begin the blessings. The parade eventually included two children, two adults, and one very enthusiastic dog that trotted after us, wagging her tail madly and barking along. After the candles were lit, we’d clink glasses and exchange hugs and kisses, dog included. It was a joyful commotion.

One of the good things about being a writer is being able to create your own reality. My children are grown now, and their childhood dog is no longer with us. In my book The Shabbat Puppy, I bring her exuberantly back to life. Why shouldn’t a puppy experience the magic of Shabbat? I also resurrect the father-daughter walks from my childhood, although in my story it’s a grandfather taking walks with his grandson. To me, Shabbat is inextricably linked with being outside and appreciating Earth’s gifts, so that’s central to the book as well.

Peace. Nature. Family. Shabbat.

Life can’t get much more awesome than that.

L E S L IE K IM M E L M A N is the author of dozens of picture books for children, including a number distributed by PJ Library. She has worked as an editor and writer for Sesame Workshop for the last 20 years. For more information, visit lesliekimmelman.net.

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MEET THE MAKERS: CREATING CONNECTIONS. BUILDING COMMUNITY.

BY AMY RAVIS FUREY, MSW

FORMER OUTREACH AND ENGAGEMENT MANAGER, Jewish Federation of Greater Kansas City PROUD PJ LIBRARY PARENT

THE “MAKER” MOVEMENT has arrived. Makers are those who create, innovate, and design for themselves. Parents of young children are drawn to “do-ityourself ” solutions and ideas. In a world of mass-produced products, being a maker allows parents to craft something meaningful and relevant—even in the realm of Jewish identity formation.

PJ Library parents in Kansas City, Kansas, many of whom consider themselves makers, jumped at the opportunity to create a do-it-yourself Jewish experience with the support of PJ Library Get Together Grants.

The grants, offered by PJ Library, awarded PJ Library parents up to $150 to create a Jewish experience for themselves and at least two other PJ Library families.

Empowerment: PJ Library Get Together Grants allowed for the cultivation of leadership and confidence. Most parents have only had the chance to show up and participate in Judaism, rather than design the Jewish experiences they want to explore. PJ Library allowed parents to grow from passively consuming their Judaism to becoming a creator of it.

Experimentation: Families were given the opportunity to try on new traditions and activities, often with new groups of people they might not have engaged were it not for the framework of the PJ Library Get

Together Grants. As parents with young children, we are drawn to authenticity, the customizable and unique. We are looking for the right fit when it comes to weaving ancient Jewish traditions with our modern lives.

For interfaith families, checking out a new way to celebrate a Jewish holiday, perhaps by connecting it with a secular tradition, was quite popular—think hitting the pumpkin patch with Jewish friends on Rosh Hashanah or a New Year’s Eve Shabbat dinner.

For families with two working parents, the grants were an opportunity to experiment with a time that was customized for their busy schedules, such as a weekend, evening after work, or the chance for some self-care with adults-only night out.

Making a Community: The creation of community is essential to the strengthening of our Jewishness. Without others around to “do Jewish” with, the sense of peoplehood and connection is lost.

More than anything, the grants helped to make a more vibrant Jewish Kansas City. While most people like big parties, and I often program with the goal in mind to fill a room, families are also looking for intimate gatherings.

In Kansas City, because of our smaller-sized Jewish community

or the “there’s no place like home” attitude, there is often a disconnect between native and newcomer.

Smaller groups give people a chance to make new friends and deepen old connections, or perhaps finish a conversation with a new friend last started when they were chasing their little one around at the large PJ Library Hanukkah party.

PJ Library Get Together Grants helped to build and cultivate warm and welcoming communities that go beyond just seeing a familiar face at preschool drop-off, to forming critical connections to being Jewish and building Jewish community.

A M Y R AV IS F UR E Y served as the outreach and engagement manger and director of PJ Library at the Jewish Federation of Greater Kansas City, where she created robust programming and concierge services connecting young Jewish families to each other and to the Jewish community.

Amy is married to Brian Furey. Together they have two children, Michael, 9 and Emma, 6.

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COMMUNITY CONNECTION:

CALGARY, ALBERTA In Calgary, PJ Library has served as an extraordinarily successful engagement tool. The program currently reaches more than half of all eligible families, and a new initiative supported by the PJ Library Alliance* has taken the program’s impact to an even higher level.

PJ Library Get Together Grants— awarding families up to $150—empowered PJ Library parents in Calgary to create Jewish experiences for themselves and their Jewish friends, from Hanukkah parties to Havdallah services and beyond. “It was a pleasure to see how enthusiastic and creative Calgarians were in applying for the grants,” Kathie Wainer, PJ Library and Shalom Baby coordinator, said. “The Get Together Grants succeeded in encouraging young Jewish families to ‘do Jewish’ in their own way.”

The process also confirmed what PJ Library in Calgary knew about their community: • The community is spread out and diverse.

A cross-section of the community participated, including intermarried families, Israelis, Russians, native Calgarians, and immigrants.

• People who live outside of the Jewish epicenter do want opportunities to engage.

• Families love opportunities to involve the whole family, including parents and grandparents.

• Parents are looking for meaningful social interactions that lead to deeper friendships for themselves and their children.

GET TOGETHER GRANT PILOT RESULTS MORE THAN 3,000 PARTICIPANTS 285 APPROVED FAMILIES 10 PJ LIBRARY COMMUNITIES across the United States and Canada

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In Calgary, PJ Library Get Together Grants were successful on many fronts: • The grants engaged families who are minimally connected to the Jewish community—some of whom have since come to other PJ Library events.

• They appealed to intermarried families in a non-threatening, inclusive way.

• The opportunity motivated families who wanted to be more involved to step into leadership roles as community organizers.

• They encouraged already engaged families to think differently about “doing Jewish.”

The PJ Library Alliance is a partnership of funders who invest $1 million or more in PJ Library. Please contact Will Schneider, will@hgf.org, for details.

*

IN THEIR WORDS "Hanukkah has always been one of our favorite holidays. We lived in Israel for 12 years, and every year we would decorate our house and host a party. We moved to Canada a year and a half ago, but times have been tough, and we didn’t think we’d be able to afford to have a party this year. Then I heard about the PJ Library Get Together Grant. We were so excited! It was bashert [Yiddish for destiny]; we would get to have our party.

We decorated the house; made dreidels from marshmallows, chocolate Kisses, and pretzel sticks; fried up some latkes (with sour cream, apple sauce, and sugar, so each could do as they do in their own home); and picked up some Timbits (doughnut holes).

We even set up a little PJ Library section in my son’s room for kids who needed a little bit of quiet time from the more than 30 people who celebrated with us.

As we crowded into our living room to

play dreidel, light the candles, and sing Hanukkah songs, I looked around the room at all our wonderful new friends. I watched my son laughing and playing with his new friends and I thought how lucky we are to be Jewish.

This kind of community initiative does not exist in many ethnic communities. The generosity of Harold Grinspoon and others like him makes the Jewish community so special. Standing in my living room celebrating thanks to the generosity of PJ Library enhanced my Jewish pride even more. It’s a pride that I feel whenever my son says the blessing on the challah or when we settle down together to read our newest PJ Library book. Thank you PJ Library for helping us pass Judaism and Jewish pride on to our son."

" My husband Terry, our son Nate, and I

of a Havdalah service, dusted off the Havdalah set (courtesy of my bat mitzvah), and enjoyed an evening of song, play, conversation, warmth, and light.

The next day, the emails flew around as we congratulated ourselves on an evening well-enjoyed, and someone suggested we make it a monthly tradition. Since then, we have had a Purim-themed Havdalah hosted at one of the other family’s homes, where a bumble bee and a giraffe were amongst those wishing everyone a shavua tov [Hebrew for good week]. Our next gathering is scheduled and much anticipated by the kids who now see the braided candle come out and start a round of “lai lai lai lai” to say good-bye to Shabbat and usher in a new week. Thanks PJ Library for helping us build our community!"

moved to Calgary from Toronto about a year ago. We knew that, because we were moving to a smaller Jewish community, we would have to more actively seek out Jewish opportunities and connections.

When I heard about the opportunity to host a mini-gathering sponsored by PJ Library, I immediately thought of Havdalah.

Nate is 2 years old. Friday nights are always a little rushed for any kind of Shabbat celebrations, and on Saturdays we are always looking for something for both adults and kids to enjoy. Days are short in the Calgary winter, so what better way to bring a little light into our home than with Havdallah?

We invited three other families. Each had a baby and a toddler and were equally as happy to have something kid-friendly to do on a Saturday evening. We ordered in a meal, printed off kid and adult versions

SHIRA KOGUT, PJ LIBRARY PARENT

JANA ZALMANOWITZ, PJ LIBRARY PARENT

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Shabbat Evangelism for a New Generation

BY ALIZA KLINE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, ONETABLE

Shabbat is the gift that keeps on giving. I don’t know about you, but my life often operates at what feels like an accelerated rate. Sometimes I am not sure I can keep up.

I am grateful to PJ Library for inviting me to write this— forcing me to carve time out of my workweek to reflect on the sanctity that I find in my weekend.

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Professor Dan Ariely, an Israeli-born behavioral economist at Duke University, speaks about Shabbat in the context of ego-depletion and replenishment, which resonates for me. Ego-depletion refers to the exhaustion we feel every time we have to make a major decision.

Even contemplating a major decision is exhausting.

Sound familiar? Without time off from decisionmaking, we cannot replenish our egos.

Enter Shabbat.

A fixed time each week where I have the license, or the obligation, to live in the present. To set my work and political stress aside and chill out—just for a few hours. I am not naturally inclined to sit still. Ever. But the timing of Shabbat is not up to me; it’s coming every Friday night, ready or not. My family expects Shabbat dinner, and for us that means a white tablecloth, challah, and a simple dinner of fish, greens, and “Shabbat potatoes” (a.k.a. roasted). It means we are all looking at and talking with each other—no other appointments, no homework, no work-work, and you don’t even have to eat your veggies to get dessert.

I have become a Shabbat-evangelist. I am a true believer. Now I devote my time and energy

to understanding and helping overcome barriers to Shabbat practice for the reportedly “most stressed out and lonely generation in America”: millennials.

Simply put, they might be the ones who need Shabbat the most— for the connections, the comfort of ritual, and the stress relief.

According to the Pew Research Center, those in this age group “have fewer attachments to traditional religious institutions, but they connect to personalized networks of friends, colleagues, and affinity groups through social and digital media.”

These are the pre-PJ Library folks, exploring different ways of living meaningfully, making their first “adult Jewish decisions” about personal practice. It turns out that thousands of young adults who aspire to host Shabbat dinners get stuck on rudimentary hospitality concerns like, “What should I serve?” or “How do I pace the meal?” or “How do I get my guests to actually show up?”

How might we provide hosts and guests with the tools to make Shabbat dinner part of their lives while lowering barriers to participation, making it more appealing and achievable for young Jewish adults? If Shabbat is so good, how do we encourage this generation to embrace it and make it their own?

Millennials time-shift most things, rarely working 9-5 or watching TV shows at a fixed time; they access what they need when it’s most convenient. Shabbat is counter-cultural, it’s special, and it’s fixed. That “fixedness” can provide a relief to young adults constantly

making choices about how to spend their time. Friday night = Shabbat dinner. Phew.

And it’s becoming a thing.

This past February, Shabbat dinner was featured in Vogue magazine no less, with young adults extolling the virtues of sacred time: “Shabbat—the concept of spending quality time with friends and family while taking a break from scrolling on Instagram— is for everyone. It is an ancient antidote to our modern ailments.”

This sentiment echoes findings that our team at OneTable have gleaned from young adults who are creating their own Friday night dinner communities.

Take it from Julie, a 32-year-old host living in southern California: “I've recently started attending Shabbat dinners with a group of friends, and have hosted one of my own. I had pretty much abandoned the thought of being religiously involved, until these recent Shabbat dinners. It's so nice to feel a part of something so joyful. We sing, we pray, we talk, we relate. Where so many of us have left our families behind to pursue our dreams in Los Angeles, Shabbat has given me a sense of home, community, and quite unexpectedly, spirituality.”

What happens when volunteer hosts create their own welcoming, enjoyable, and memorable dinners for their peers? Imagine a movement of thousands of young adults, feeling like they not only have a place at the table (literally and figuratively) but that they can create this space for others.

OneTable, like our peers at PJ Library, Moishe House, and Hillel, offers a model based on trusting the people we serve to

create meaningful moments for themselves and others while offering structure, support, and encouragement.

So far so good. With more than 70,000 seats at more than 5,000 Shabbat dinners in just under three years, it turns out that Shabbat is indeed catching on—and is good for you. Since participating in Shabbat dinners, 37% of hosts and guests have done something special on Friday to end the workweek; 33% have found new ways to connect with friends; and 25% have become more mindful of how they spend their time on weekends.

According to Jennifer Miller of Bloomberg Businessweek (pjfor.me/sellingjudaism), “If there ever was a moment when Shabbat was poised to become the new yoga practice, it’s now.”

The idea of Shabbat becoming as popular and accessible as yoga for this generation of emerging adults is reassuring. It’s one of Judaism’s most prized and easily shared possessions.

Thank God Friday is just a couple of days away. For me it will bring a pause and a chance to breathe, enjoy time with my favorite people, and feel grateful for the gift of Shabbat.

ALIZA KLINE likes to design things; serving as the founding executive director of both OneTable, a new online and in-person hub for millennials to end their week with intention and create unique Shabbat dinners, and Mayyim Hayyim Community Mikveh and Education Center in Boston. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her family.

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UNPLUGGED,

CURLED UP, AND VERY ANALOG

BY LOU COVE

Confession #1: I love technology. I love how it forges profoundly rich connections for us, makes the world accessible in unexpected ways, entertains, automates, and informs us.

But when Shabbos comes, my iPhone (and laptop and tablet) goes. It is what some have taken to calling an “analog” experience, and it is one I treasure.

Confession #2: I’m not a particularly observant person, and I wasn’t raised lighting candles on Friday nights.

But the notion that an ancient Jewish tradition requires that we unplug once a week feels particularly relevant in the 21st century.

It is a notion that inspired some of us to try and spark a modern movement.

When I turned off my phone at sunset on Friday, March 19, 2010, tens of thousands joined me. Many were doing so in observance of Shabbos (Yiddish for Shabbat), but countless more were trying it out for the very first time in response to Reboot’s call for a “National Day of Unplugging.” Reboot, the think tank and incubator for modern Jewish culture that I was running at the time, is always looking for innovative approaches to Jewish ritual, tradition, and culture—as well as looking for high-profile allies to join in. It didn’t hurt that for our first attempt at creating a national holiday, Katie Couric—then the anchor for the CBS Evening News—encouraged all her viewers to join in.

“You've got mail?” she asked on her Thursday evening broadcast. “More like you've got an addiction…

Put down that blackberry, connect with loved ones, take a walk outside.”

The idea just feels right, especially when we end up curled up on the couch after dinner reading a book with our children.

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But what does unplugging from technology have to do with ancient ritual, anyway? After all, they didn’t have smartphones back then. So, nu?

Who knew?

It turns out that the cure for our uniquely modern affliction was discovered 3,000 years ago.

And it all comes down to sparks.

The original directive that forbids the “burning of fire in all your dwellings on the day of Shabbat” (right after you light a candle to welcome the Shabbos Queen) is found in the Torah and generally understood to include any action that might produce a spark.

As society and technology evolved, interpretation of this prohibition was applied to the act of heating a metal pot (cooking), and then heating metal at all (though Maimonides viewed the heating of metal as a subcategory of lighting a fire only if it was intended for metalwork). However, more conservative views prevailed and eventually the heating of a metal filament (i.e., flipping a switch that caused a spark

as it illuminated an incandescent lightbulb) was added to the melachot, or 39 categories of creative activities prohibited on Shabbos.

While many Jews still observe this strict set of injunctions, others go about their Friday evening and Saturdays cooking, cleaning, driving, and Facebooking.

Still, there is no question that the desire for some kind of reprieve is nearly universal. As we become increasingly dependent on our devices and online communities, we also seem to be seeking a way to escape from being perpetually tethered and always accessible.

Seven years on, the National Day of Unplugging (NDU) has become a fixture of the calendar. For tech-addled adults, a digital detox is a much-needed respite. And for those of us with children in our midst, it forces us to face very real questions about how the increasingly digital nature of our lives is impacting our children.

“The research I did for my book told me this is not what kids need,” says David Sax, author of The Revenge of Analog, a New York Times Top 10 book of 2016. “They need to be rolling around in the basement and playing.”

Sax, a PJ Library parent based in Toronto, isn’t a Luddite: “We were on a five-hour flight with our 4-year-old daughter and you better believe she was on my phone watching Frozen three times over.”

But he and his wife have established clear limits on when and where their daughter is on a screen. And when the tech is off, the books come out.

For families who unplug, reading isn’t just a way to fill the time: It’s a matter of good physical and intellectual health. In 2014 the American Academy of Pediatrics announced a new policy recommending that all parents read to their children from birth. And the following year, the journal Pediatrics published a study that used functional magnetic resonance imaging to study brain activity in 3-to 5-year-old children as they listened to age-appropriate stories.

The researchers found differences in brain activation according to how much the children had been read to at home.

For Sax, PJ Library adds another layer of analog delight. “The best thing about the PJ Library program for my daughter is the fact that she actually gets something in the mail. It’s a rare joy that most of us adults see as a chore, but for children born today,

receiving their own monthly gift with their own name on it is kind of magical. She jumps up and down and tears open the envelope, and we stop and sit on the couch and read that book right then and there, regardless of what time it is or what else is going on. That’s the kind of moment that makes an impression, and one that we all share in together, because we all need to sit down and read the book about whatever mishigas [Yiddish for craziness] Sammy Spider is up to.”

What’s more, Sax sees the benefits of PJ Library as extending long after the phones are turned back on and the latest book is put back on the shelves. It’s the "library" part of PJ Library that has a long-term benefit for his family, not just as a way to connect, educate, or entertain—but to cement a Jewish identity that his daughter will take with her into adulthood and share with her own children.

“When you get a digital book, you read it once and then it disappears,” Sax explains.

“PJ Library is different. Every Hanukkah we go back into our PJ Library books and return to those stories. It is through the physicality that you build the deeper relationship and learning. It lives on in the bookshelf, and it reinforces what we’ve already learned about who we are and where we come from.”

Tradition requires that we unplug. Reading with our children when we do can ensure that this sacred tradition—and so many others—lives on.

The spark of this idea—that we should take a break from technology to connect with the people and principles that matter most, and to do so in the real world, not the virtual world—has managed to ignite childrens’ imaginations, inform their Jewish sense of self, and become a consistent discipline I hope will carry on throughout their lives. That is a spark that even the most observant among us would allow.

L O U C OV E is a senior advisor to numerous nonprofits, including the Harold Grinspoon Foundation, and is the former executive director of Reboot, a network of young Jewish media professionals and cultural creatives. Lou has fond memories of Shabbos afternoons curled up on the couch reading PJ Library books to his children when they were young.

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ON THE SHELF Here are a few of this years' PJ Library books that we hope will expand young readers’ minds and bring families together with a great story.

YAFFA AND FATIMA: SHALOM, SALAAM

BY FAWZIA GILANI-WILLIAMS PJ Library Subscriber Age: 5 This retelling of a famous Jewish folktale about two brothers helping each other has been recast in some key ways. First, the story is now about two female friends. Second, one is Jewish, and the other is Muslim. And yet they are sisters in a deeper sense. The PJ Library Book Selection Committee was moved by this inspiring tale of peaceful neighbors who look after each other in times of hardship and plenty.

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THE FOREVER GARDEN

BY LAUREL SNYDER PJ Library Subscriber Age: 6 This interpretation of the famous Talmudic story of Honi and the carob tree exemplifies the value of l’dor vador —passing down tradition and wisdom from generation to generation. We plant orchards knowing that we may not live to eat the fruit; it is enough to know that our grandchildren will benefit from the harvest. The PJ Library Book Selection Committee was struck by the beautiful, spare writing and the exquisite message that is Jewish to the very core.

FASCINATING: THE LIFE OF LEONARD NIMOY

BY RICHARD MICHELSON PJ Library Subscriber Age: 8 Leonard Nimoy is best known for his portrayal of Star Trek’s socially awkward alien, Mr. Spock.

What many people don’t know is that Nimoy filled out Spock’s character and personality with details from his own upbringing as the child of Jewish immigrants who themselves felt like aliens in a new land. The PJ Library Book Selection Committee was indeed fascinated by this 2017 Sydney Taylor Honor book, and believes readers will be too.

I DISSENT: RUTH BADER GINSBURG MAKES HER MARK

BY DEBBIE LEVY PJ Library Subscriber Age: 8 When young Ruth Bader was growing up, girls were not expected to be lawyers. They were expected to be wives and mothers. Well, Ruth wanted to be a wife and a mother, but she wanted to be a lawyer, too. And when people tried to stand in her way, she dissented, all the way to the Supreme Court. The Jewish community is rightly proud of the first Jewish woman on the court, a.k.a. the Notorious RBG. The PJ Library Book Selection Committee was thrilled to send out this excellent biography, which won the 2017 Sydney Taylor Book Award for the best Jewish children’s book.

THE NIGHT WORLD

BY MORDICAI GERSTEIN PJ Library Subscriber Age: 3 “And there was evening and there was morning, a first day.”

The first chapter of Genesis focuses on the wonder of night giving way to morning, as does this beautifully illustrated book

by Caldecott medalist Mordicai Gerstein. The Jewish calendar’s particular way of marking time beginning in the evening encourages children (and grown-ups) to look at the world differently from the way we might otherwise see it. The child in this story approaches the night world with a sense of what Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel called “radical amazement.” As the world darkens, its sense of mystery opens up.

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ON SHABBAT,

SCREENS NEED RESTS TOO

BY SARAH LEFTON FOUNDING DIRECTOR, BIMBAM

WHAT DO MY KIDS, AGES FOUR AND SEVEN, KNOW ABOUT SHABBAT? • We get to have grape juice with dinner!

Sometimes grape juice spritzers!

• Challah for dinner, and challah french toast for breakfast!

• We get to put coins in our cute tzedakah box!

• Family time all day Saturday—at fun places like tot Shabbat, a nature hike, or at friends’ houses.

There is one thing they know about Shabbat that they are less rah-rah about. We have a no screen time rule.

NO SCREEN TIME? ARE WE CRAZY? It might surprise you to hear that choosing not to watch TV one day a week isn’t about observing halacha, or Jewish law. We started doing it haphazardly, when our first child was 2 years old.

With great ceremony on his birthday, we released ourselves from the American Psychological Association-approved “no screens for under-twoyear-olds” guidelines. (By the way, these guidelines change from time to time and as of 2017 are less rigid than they were “back in my day.”)

For us, no screen time is about being present and together as a family, and making the day different.

Shabbat is a time to rest and appreciate the special and wonderful things about the world and each other.

It’s a day apart: a holy time. The Hebrew word for holy, kadosh, actually means set apart.

At BimBam, I produce a show for preschoolers called Shaboom! It is chock full of Hebrew vocabulary and teaches everyday Jewish values like visiting the sick (bikkur cholim) and welcoming guests (hachnasat orchim). My kids love the shows Image from One, Two, Three, Shabbat. Copyright © 2016

by Naomi Shulman. Illustrated by Nora Hilb.

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and watch them during the week along with other great, kid-friendly content. Sesame Street has fantastic literacy segments. Peg + Cat makes math approachable and cool. Daniel Tiger is teaching my daughter about washing her hands and trying new foods.

But we leave one day a week available not to cram ourselves full of new ideas, but rather to enjoy life and each other for who we already are, no improvements necessary. Less watching, more being.

Shabbat is our time to practice our skills—to welcome our friends for lunch, to bring dinner to a new parent, to sing Hebrew songs, and to celebrate together. The learning can start again on Sunday.

No screen time on Shabbat means that we really are together all day as a family. We try to do something that is fun for us all to do together. We’ve been to a family yoga class. We love taking hikes, and sometimes we go to family swim at the gym. We camp with other families and try to show up together at important social justice events. I’m hoping that as my kids grow older, we will take on some meaningful world improvement projects together.

No screen time on Shabbat also means that at nightfall, after we do a short Havdallah ceremony, the kids run, like Pavlov’s dogs, to the couch and whip out the remote for one Shabbat is a time to rest 22-minute show before bedtime. They aren’t cured and appreciate the of their love for vegging special and wonderful out, but they associate things about the world it with “common time” and each other. rather than special time.

Screen time: It’s all about choice.

Running BimBam, the largest Jewish video production company, and its two YouTube channels (BimBam and Shaboom!) means that I watch a lot of online video. I got into this business because I’m passionate about it, and I’m super discriminating.

I’ve been following and doing original research on learning and digital media since I was in college, and I’m up on the best practices of my heroes at Sesame Workshop, PBS, the Fred Rogers Center and the newer online players like Khan Academy. I know that kids can learn not just facts and figures but also

real social and emotional skills from watching welldesigned programming.

The truth is, I don’t actually worry that much about screen time, A.) because I am thriving in this world after growing up watching more TV in a weekend than my kid probably watches in a month, and B.) because we’re pretty involved in making choices together.

While our 7-year-old doesn’t let us tell him what he can watch anymore, we have limited his screen time choices to certain channels. We steer clear of shows that push values (and toys) we don’t like, and we stay away from live TV with ads. We co-view as much as possible and try to limit the amounts either child watches at one time. Finally, we’ve taught the older child the value of picking shows that his little sister can watch as well. We are committed to not letting her grow up too fast, a phenomenon that is so real that the children’s TV industry actually talks about it in industry panels.

So while we don’t worry about screen time as much as others, our Shabbat practice of turning the TV and the tablets off has stuck. Even though we do lots of things that more observant Jews wouldn’t do on Shabbat, like driving and cooking, we have stuck to the habit of shutting down for the day.

That certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t question it every now and then. Is using my phone different than watching Netflix? What about a family outing to the movies? Just recently we joined another Jewish family with young kids at a Friday evening screening of Singalong Moana. We definitely checked in about the Shabbat timeline, and we made it feel like an awesome choice by bringing a challah into the theater and singing our hearts out together! It was really fun and a great start to the weekend with friends.

For us, these are not questions about technology and religion and legalities, but of family time. Are we whiling away the time in our separate silos, or are we interacting, and experiencing the world together according to our values?

My hope for families is that they enjoy the wonders that glowing screens have to offer together, don’t worry too much, and make great choices as a family that support their shared values.

S A R A H L E F TO N is the founding director of BimBam. Before creating the organization as a response to her own mediocre Jewish education, Sarah produced early online experiments for the New York Times, the Village Voice, and others. She graduated from NYU’s Interactive Telecommunications Program, where her master's work looked at the use of Geographic Information Systems (GIS), augmented reality, and virtual reality for film and TV applications.

She lives in Oakland with her family and dabbles in ceramics and urban sketching.

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PA R T N E R

SPOTLIGHT

Rabbi Phil Warmflash (CEO, Jewish Learning Venture), Co-Founders and Chairs of the Pajama Ball, Fred and Jen Fox, and Michael Paul (Board President, Jewish Learning Venture)

FUN! FABULOUS! IMPACTFUL! When we thought about PJ Library, its effect on our family, and wanting to give back, these three words came to mind. We love PJ Library and want to make sure that every eligible child who wants to receive books can participate in this amazing program.

The idea of the Pajama Ball to benefit PJ Library was born.

We both come from philanthropic families with a strong emphasis on Jewish giving, so giving back is natural. However, we wanted to create a new kind of fundraiser to engage our peers and get people excited about the great work PJ Library and jkidphilly are doing. We wanted to have a classy, yet comfortable event to attract new people and inspire new funders to get involved—not just to write a check, but to spark their interest in becoming more active in the local community.

PJ Library is such an innovative program, so we wanted the Pajama Ball to reflect the same level 20

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of uniqueness and to raise awareness about the program. We feel grateful to both PJ Library and jkidphilly for supporting our vision and helping to make the event a reality. We had close to 200 attendees at the event, many of whom were firsttime donors. The evening featured breakfast-fordinner, Slumbertinis and other specialty cocktails, a raffle, dancing, and of course… pajamas!

PJ Library and jkidphilly offer such meaningful programs to families here. The programs resonate with our family and so many others because the Jewish connection initially “meets families where they are,” and that’s usually outside the four walls of traditional Jewish organizations. We’re thrilled to be partners with PJ Library and jkidphilly.

JEN AND FRED FOX PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA

Since 1931, B’nai B’rith Men's Camp Association has been supporting the development of a vibrant Jewish community in the Pacific Northwest, starting with the operation of B’nai B’rith Camp, our resident camp on the Oregon coast, and continuing through our annual week-long men’s camp. PJ Library was a natural extension of our mission of helping Jewish children in the Northwest expand their Jewish experiences. While PJ Library was available in the Portland area, getting it to children in other parts of the state was more difficult. We are proud to partner with PJ Library and our local communities to bring this wonderful experience to Jewish children throughout the state.

IRV POTTER CHAIR, B’NAI B’RITH MEN'S CAMP ASSOCIATION BEAVERTON, OREGON

“PJ LIBRARY WAS A NATURAL EXTENSION OF OUR MISSION. . ."

I first heard about PJ Library (and founder Harold Grinspoon) from a newspaper article my daughter sent my wife and me. The article highlighted what PJ Library was doing to teach young children about Judaism through receiving and reading Jewish children’s books every month. We decided to sign up our grandchildren, and they loved the books. When I saw how they affected my grandchildren, I was sold on how PJ Library taught young children about their heritage. I went to our local synagogue and offered to pay the required cost for the community to receive the books. Since that time, I have become a true financial supporter of PJ Library, and a friend and great admirer of Harold Grinspoon. We can never thank him enough for what he has done for the future of the Jews all over the world. My way is to contribute to expand PJ Library.

THANK YOU, HAROLD. I AM PROUD TO WALK BESIDE YOU. ARNOLD PENNER NEW YORK CITY

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PARTNER SPOTLIGHT continued

We decided to triple our gift to PJ Library the morning after I read Sadie’s Sukkah Breakfast to my 4-year-old daughter this past Sukkot.

She had delighted in Sadie’s and her brother’s adventure, but was crestfallen to learn that we would not be building a sukkah on the sidewalk in front of our New York City apartment. The next day, I woke up to a ruckus coming from her bedroom where she and my two-year-old son giggled as they feasted on Cheerios in their sukkah made of blankets. It was in that moment that I truly understood the magic of PJ Library: inspiring children to discover the joy of centuries of Jewish traditions.

WENDY AND MATT WAXMAN ROSALIE KATZ FAMILY FOUNDATION NEW YORK CITY

In my mind there is no one activity that can change and influence the future of the world and of our religion than reading. Anything that we don't understand, we read. Anything that we can't explain, we read.

As a former teacher, I value reading. As a Jewish person, I value our religion and culture. Those are the basic two reasons for my support of the wonderful PJ Library program.

Many people, both Jewish by birth or Jewish by choice, do not feel that they are knowledgeable enough about Judaism to teach it to their children.

PJ Library provides the tools for effective teaching.

They can read to their children about Jewish holidays and customs in a most enjoyable, relaxed way. The reading aloud not only teaches Judaism, but provides a wonderful opportunity for bonding and discussing Judaism between parent and child.

What could be better than that?

MARILYN LIBIN CALGARY, ALBERTA

THE GIFT OF COMMUNITY

BY WINNIE SANDLER GRINSPOON PRESIDENT, HAROLD GRINSPOON FOUNDATION

We were approaching the year of bar and bat mitzvah. Every child in the class would be celebrating his or her Jewish coming-of-age ceremony over the next few months. We the parents met to discuss how we should celebrate this milestone with a class gift for each child.

We agreed it should be something tied to Jewish tradition. Ideally it would be practical and usable, and not too expensive, but also be beautiful and unique. It should be something that would remind the kids of this transformative moment in their lives, and of their friends and families who celebrated them as they took their place in the community. It should be something they might enjoy not only as tweens, but also long after the b’nai mitzvah year was over.

We settled on a clever little candle holder. When unfolded in one direction it became a Shabbat candle holder, perfect for two Shabbat candles; when flipped over it became a Hanukkah menorah with places for all nine candles.

The sides of the holder were a colorful depiction of the Jerusalem skyline. Best of all, it had room for a plaque. We inscribed it with these simple words: From your JCDS Friends Class of 2009 In our family that little candle holder is a fixture.

We used it to celebrate Hanukkah on a trip to London in 2008. This past winter, it traveled with us across Vietnam and Cambodia during all eight nights of the holiday.

The best part about that little traveling candle holder is that each time we use it, I am reminded of the people who were dear to us in those years.

As parents, we were a team, taking care of one another’s kids, driving carpools, cheering at sports competitions, and hosting movie nights and sleepovers. We celebrated each child’s bar or bat mitzvah ceremony together, witnessing the special moment when each of our children accepted the responsibilities of Jewish adulthood. I think of my own daughter’s ceremony and how she powered through it with a fever of 1020 with her friends by her side. Each bar and bat mitzvah was unique, as was each of our children.

That 8th grade class of 2009 also experienced deep sadness together. Tragically, two of the parents from that class died before their children reached middle school. I think of how we banded together to support one another through the initial days of mourning and the difficult days thereafter.

Looking back, I realize just how much we leaned on each other as we struggled to figure out the right words of comfort and ways to help.

Our children learned early on that unthinkable things do happen. They learned how to be there for their friends during funerals and shiva and for an entire year of reciting Kaddish (the Jewish prayer said when mourning). By the time their bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies came around, all of those children knew firsthand of the support that a community brings.

The children of that 8th grade class are now graduating from college, completing army service, entering the work force, and starting their adult lives. I hope that when they think back on their b’nai mitzvah and those middle school days they remember the good people who were there for them. I hope they see the many gifts they received that were way more precious than their beautiful little candle holders.

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A Program of the Harold Grinspoon Foundation

67 Hunt Street, Suite 100 Agawam, MA 01001 413-276-0800 www.pjlibrary.org

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"I am proud to be Jewish."

96%

of PJ Library parents surveyed

“ We value and appreciate the role that PJ Library plays in our family and raising our daughter. The music and stories enrich our cultural identity and help us embrace our heritage, our history, our stories, and our foods, as well as the flavor of where we come from and how important that is to who we are as a people. Thank you for all you do.”

PJ LIBRARY PARENT IN THE BERKSHIRES, MASSACHUSETTS