Happiful September 2017

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September 2017

24

Features

THE UPLIFT 6 NEWS Diagnosing depression through Instagram; how we read faces

24 DENISE WELCH The nation’s favourite is feeling fresh at 59, thanks to sobriety, positivity, and overcoming the darkness

11 THE WRAP Weird, wonderful and welcoming news

33 GUILT-FREE HAPPINESS Unlocking simple ways to help the planet, so you can relish being happy

12 CHANGE THE WORLD Meet Atlas of the Future – they map the changemakers of today

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40 PLANT FOR PEACE A charity transforming the opium trade in war-torn countries 42 THE INVICTUS SOPRANO Laura Wright on fusing music and sport, and working with Prince Harry 47 FOOTBALL & MENTAL HEALTH A special report on its hyper-masculine culture, both on and off the pitch 74 IN A PERFECT WORLD What if our planet was a TV show?

Life Stories 56 ANNA How a traumatic pregnancy changed her outlook on life

HAPPIFUL HACKS 18 TOXIC LOVE Removing the poison and starting afresh in a healthy relationship

33

I made it my mission to inspire and motivate other people to change their lives

60 ANDREW A politician campaigning for better mental health services

19 GAMBLING Expert advice on resisting the urges of a dangerous addiction

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20 CURB YOUR ROAD RAGE How to cool your head instead of hotting up your horn 22 FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE? Recognising our primal instincts

67 EXPERT ADVICE 70 WELLBEING

63 MARY Found comfort in poetry, while keeping her mum’s spirit alive 67 JAKE Started the mental health charity Chasing the Stigma

14 THE EXPLAINER What is the true cost of the so-called “attention economy”?

71 NUTRITION & COUNSELLING 72 WORK-LIFE BALANCE

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73 THERAPY & EMOTION

EDITOR’S MESSAGE Every morning on my way to work, I meet an old lady with a face like thunder. We pass each other around 8am in a small park where she walks her dog – also a bit of scowler.

It’s just me and her.

Jake Hamilton Editor

This woman has obviously declared war on the world.

She wears a frown of righteous indignation and her foul temper seems contagious. I don’t want to catch it, so I pretend to look at my phone, or stare at the horizon, or fidget in my bag – anything to avoid her unpleasant gaze.

One morning, after receiving some good news, I walked to work with a spring in my step. Thunderface was coming the other way. Feeling guilty, I stopped and complimented her dog. Her eyes lit up and she gave me the most beautiful smile. “You’re always in such a hurry,” she said. “I’m afraid to wish you good morning.”

Crossed wires.

This month, we have a 12-step guide on how to be happy, without feeling bad for feeling good. Research shows that an act of giving – rather than the habit of taking – has greater mental health benefits for everyone concerned. It also leads to surprising outcomes. So let’s pass it on.

Even a kind word can change someone’s day.

Enjoy the issue!

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O N L IN E

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EDITORIAL Jake Hamilton | Editor Rebecca Thair | Writer Amy-Jean Burns | Art Designer Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Fe Robinson | Expert Advisor CONTRIBUTORS Gemma Calvert, Bonnie Evie Gifford, Maurice Richmond, Noel Bell, Ellen Hoggard, Becky Wright, Duncan Stone, Anna Parker-Naples, Andrew Gordon, Mary Crooks, Jake Mills SPECIAL THANKS Joseph Sinclair, Joy Goodman, Alice Theobald, Krishan Parmar, Amanda Clarke, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Tara Economakis, Natasha Alonzi, Mariette Jansen, Ben Pianese, Claire Routledge, James Harding, Sandra Hewett, Kat Nicholls MARKETING & PR Matt Holman | Marketing Manager matthew@memiah.co.uk Amie Sparrow | PR Manager amie.sparrow@memiah.co.uk Maurice Richmond | Digital Marketing & PR Assistant maurice.richmond@memiah.co.uk Lauren Richardson | Digital Marketing & PR Assistant lauren.richardson@memiah.co.uk Ross East | Marketing Executive rosseast@memiah.co.uk DIGITAL MARKETING & BRAND AMBASSADORS Mel Marney, Carl Burton, Emily Attewell ADVERTISING & EVENTS Ali Yates | Advertising & Events alison@memiah.co.uk MANAGEMENT Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Advisor & Co-Founder Steve White | Finance Director Happiful c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley Surrey, GU15 3YL Contact Us hello@happiful.com

This magazine is FSC certified. Please help us preserve our planet by recycling Happiful. Why not pass on your copy to a friend afterwards? Alternatively, please place it in a recycling bin.

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EXPERT PANEL Introducing the professionals behind Happiful magazine who help to ensure we deliver the highest quality advice

MARIETTE JANSEN

SANDRA HEWETT

TARA ECONOMAKIS

NATASHA ALONZI

Mariette is a psycho-educational teacher/psychological coach, specialising in work-life balance

Sandra is a fertility counsellor working in two NHS ACUs in Surrey, FdA MBACP (Accred) MBICA

Tara is a clinical psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, DipAdvHyp (N-SHAP) MNRHP UKCP

Natasha is a nutritional therapist with a passion for helping others reach their optimum health, CNM Dip mBANT CNHC

FE ROBINSON

GRAEME ORR

RACHEL COFFEY

BEN PIANESE

Fe is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor. Fe advises on our content, MUKCP (Reg), MBACP (Reg)

Graeme is our specialist in relationships, MBACP (Accred), UKRCP Reg Ind counsellor

Rachel is a life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation, BA MA NLP Mstr

Ben, from Massaggi Therapy, specialises in sports massage and treatment for physical and emotional stress

Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited.

The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values.

Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837.

Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

Photo | James Harding for Happiful

The Uplift | News

Positive news that transforms the world

6 • happiful • September 2017

Positive ISSUES

Instagram algorithms have a 70% success rate

AUDIENCE

INSTAGRAM: FAST FACTS The total number of Instagram users is more than 600 million.

More than 95 million photos and videos are shared every day.

Selena Gomez has more followers than the populations of Italy and Argentina combined.

Analysis reveals that 5pm on Wednesdays is the best time to post for higher interaction.

Sources: Instagram, Wikipedia, Pew Internet, Social Blade

There are at least 280 million #selfies posted on Instagram.

The #love hashtag has been used over 1 billion times.

Instagram made £459 million in mobile ad revenue last year.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram can diagnose depression ‘better than doctors’ – study Research suggests the way we use social media can predict the decline of wellbeing in young Instagram can be used to diagnose depression more accurately than doctors, according to researchers from the University of Vermont and Harvard University, In a paper published this month in EPJ Data Science, Dr Christopher Danforth and Dr Andrew Reece discovered that an algorithm used to flag key signs in participants’ Instagram posts could diagnose depression 28% more effectively than doctors.

The study looked at nearly 44,000 photos posted by 166 participants, 71 of whom had been diagnosed with clinical depression.

Researchers found that while depressed participants posted more images with faces in them, healthy individuals’ photographs tended to have more people in them. Depressed individuals were also less likely to use filters on their posts.

The algorithm used by scientists accurately identified depression 70% of the time, compared to just 42% by US doctors.

This isn’t the first time that research suggests social media can be used as a predictor for mental health.

A 2013 study by Microsoft Research analysed how Twitter could be used to measure and predict major depression. Another study by researchers at the University of Michigan and University of Leuven found that Facebook usage could be used to predict a decline in wellbeing in young adults.

The study authors have said that they have not created a diagnostic tool, but a “proof-of-concept for a new way to help people”. In a recent blog post, Dr Reece said: “These and other recent findings indicate that social media data may be a valuable resource for developing efficient, low-cost, and accurate predictive mental health screening methods.”

Fellow researcher Dr Danforth spoke of the potential applications for such research. “Imagine an app you can install on your phone that pings your doctor for a check-up when your behaviour changes for the worse, potentially before you even realise there is a problem.” Happiful magazine will revisit the connection between mental health and social media in greater detail in 2018. Bonnie Evie Gifford September 2017 • happiful • 7

The Uplift | News

SKIN

Support groups exist for people with interior monologues

Slap it on properly (even in September) Brits have been applying sun cream all wrong

INTERIOR LIFE

Should we listen to voices in our head?

Support groups are cropping up globally in a controversial movement to embrace inner dialogues Although one in eight people report hearing a voice that isn’t theirs within their lifetime, it’s now claimed that “hearing voices” can actually be a coping mechanism, and engaging with voices might benefit your mental health.

Support groups for those wanting to embrace their inner dialogues have started across the globe, including over 180 in the UK, such as the Hearing Voices Network.

These groups offer coping strategies, such as scheduling time to interact with the voices, and wearing headphones to appear as though you’re talking on the phone. The argument is that hearing voices doesn’t necessarily lead to psychosis.

One member, Lisa Forestell, who’s heard voices her entire life, said she wants to keep her voices because they help her focus. Lisa’s voices also help her feel more open to other people’s perspectives. She says she’s better at handling conflict because her voices act as an early warning system for internal stress.

However, there is also concern for the safety of people hearing voices. In a recent US study on schizophrenia, research found those experiencing hallucinations (including voices) were more likely to commit violence.

Co-author, Jeffrey Swanson, says the likelihood of violence was low, saying there’s “a big difference” between patients who are aware the voices are only in their head, and those who aren’t. Rebecca Thair

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WRITE WHAT YOU... HEAR? Charles Dickens wrote: “When I sit down to my book, some beneficent power shows it all to me, and I don’t invent it… but see it, and write it down.”

A 2015 study found those in creative professions were 25% more likely to have genetic factors that increase the risk of biopolar disorder and schizophrenia. Perhaps creatives have a different way of looking at the world?

Research presented recently at the British Association of Dermatologists’ annual conference suggests we’re all missing a spot when it comes to sun cream. Some 57 participants were asked to apply sun cream on their faces, then researchers took pictures of their faces using a UV camera. Remarkably, participants left an average of 9.5% of their faces exposed: 14% missed their eyelids, and a whopping 77% missed the skin between their inner eye and nose.

This matters.

Five to 10% of all skin cancers occur specifically on the eyelids. Worryingly, having being informed about the dangers of skin cancer around the eyelids, participants were then asked to re-apply the sun cream. They still missed an average of 7.7% of their face. So best be careful if September looks sunny.

LSD

Psychedelics may be ‘transformative’ Australian Researchers suggest psychedelic drugs could have a “transformative” impact on people living with anxiety, depression or addiction. A study in Adelaide states that psychiatric disorders are very difficult to overcome, but psychedelic “medication” may offer new perspectives. “Psychedelics can assist in enlightening people about the processes behind their subjectivity,” says lead researcher Dr Chris Letherby.

Positive ISSUES

COUPLING

FOUR TIPS

HEAL YOUR HEART Quit smoking 79,000 deaths were caused by smoking in England in 2015. Quitting reduces risk of heart disease by 14%.

Monitor weight Being overweight or obese can raise your cholesterol levels, increase your blood pressure, and put you at risk of type 2 diabetes.

Getting hitched could help your mental health New study finds positive health effects of marriage. Unsurprisingly, other studies beg to differ Researchers from Aston Medical School, Birmingham, and the University of East Anglia found having a loving partner can encourage you to take better care of yourself.

A study of more than 900,000 adults in the UK looked at individuals with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or type 2 diabetes, and found survival rates were better in married people.

Dr Paul Carter, who led the study, looked into the causes of death and found that married people in their 50s, 60s and 70s with high cholesterol were 16% more likely to be alive at the end of the 14-year study than singletons.

This was also true for diabetes and high blood pressure.

In a previous study, they also discovered married people were 14% less likely to die following a heart attack and, on average, spend two days less in hospital than single people.

Regular check-ups Some 600,000 people in the UK have a faulty gene putting them at risk of developing heart disease. If you have a family history of heart-related issues, get a check-up, if only for your peace of mind.

Blood pressure High blood pressure can increase risks of heart disease. Simple lifestyle changes, such as exercising, reducing caffeine and salt, and upping your veg intake, can help.

Dr Carter believes the results suggest that “marriage offers a protective effect”, most likely due to “having support in controlling the key risk factors for heart disease”.

The happiness of marriages was not surveyed, but researchers suspect the quality of the relationship is the key factor, rather than a legal marriage certificate. Further research is intended into the protective effect of supportive relationships by looking into the effects of friends, family and social support networks.

Marriage, however, is also linked to an increased risk of weight gain. A new study by Dmitry Tumin in Social Science Quarterly suggests the positive effect of marriage on health is diminishing, and potentially non-existent. Tumin did find that older people’s health improved with marriage, but only in relationships that had lasted 10 years or more, and only in women. Rebecca Thair September 2017 • happiful • 9

The Uplift | News

SOCIETY

OUTREACH

We know wealth and happiness when we see it

Helping psychosis in women’s prisons A London initiative is supporting 10 women’s prisons

Do you have a rich face?

Researchers claim you can tell a person’s bank balance in a matter of seconds – just by looking at them How can you spot wealthy folk? For some, it may be a Louis Vuitton handbag. For others, a flashy car. But who’s to say that bag is genuine, or that red Ferrari isn’t on loan?

Scientists say they might have the answer, and it’s written on our faces. In a new twist on first impressions, experts at the University of Toronto found people can “reliably tell” if someone is richer or poorer than average just by looking at a “neutral” face, without any expression. The ability to read a person’s social class only extends to their neutral face, and that smiling or expressing emotions have no bearing.

How can this be?

Nicholas Rule, Associate Professor, and PhD candidate Thora Bjornsdottir, wrote in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that they believe happiness and wealth don’t necessarily go hand in hand. The research used portraits sorted into groups based on their total family income, with the average being $74,500. Students with a family income of less than $60,000 were classed as “poor”; those with family earning above $100,000 were placed in the “rich” group.

Another group of students then used their gut instinct to examine the portraits and decide who was rich or poor – with a 53% accuracy rate.

On wealth and happiness, the researchers concluded: “They mask life-long habits of expression that become etched on a person’s face even by their late teens or early adulthood, such as frequent happiness, which is stereotypically associated with being wealthy and satisfied.” Maurice Richmond 10 • happiful • September 2017

WHAT’S IN A FACE? Dominance Research claims the narrower or wider the face, the clearer we see aggressive personalities, in just 1,200 miliseconds.

Findings show a person’s facial widthto-height ratio is an “an advertisement of aggressiveness” and that higher levels of testosterone are related to wider faces.

Sexuality Strangely, some studies claim certain facial features are associated with sexual orientation. In a Canadian study, gay and straight women differed in 17 out of 63 facial features. The researchers also found gay women “had noses that were more turned up”, more puckered mouths, and smaller foreheads.

Character Research also links facial features and personality. One study analysed 800 Han Chinese faces. “Agreeableness” fitted with lifted up eyebrows, while “extroverts” had noses that appeared to press against the face. On the face of it, however, more studies are required.

HMP Bronzefield, in Surrey, is set to become the tenth prison in the UK to benefit from the “Hearing Voices” group support for women. Planned to run until at least 2020, Mind in Camden’s prison project, Women’s Voices Unlocked, aims to train staff, provide specialist support, and develop a sustainable network of peer support groups for women in prisons, forensic secure units, and immigration removal centres.

A 2013 Ministry of Justice report revealed that one in every four women in custody report symptoms indicative of psychosis.

During an independent evaluation of the model in 2016, at least 54% of women prisoners surveyed were “very satisfied” with the support they received, while 72% of respondents reported that closure of the project would have a negative impact. Bonnie Evie Gifford

THE GRIND

Men at work (need support) Work-related stress is the number one cause of mental health problems among British men. A study among 15,000 people and 30 companies (including Pepsi), conducted by the charity Mind, found 32% of men said their job is the most likely cause of mental health issues, compared to 19% of women.

Disturbingly, men are also less likely to talk to their boss about their problems.

Need to talk? Call Mind on 0300 123 3393 or text 86463

Positive ISSUES

The

wellbeing wrap Weird, wonderful and welcoming news

More men get the sugar blues Researchers at University College London studied the eating habits of 5,000 men and 2,000 women with mental health issues. The results found a strong link between high sugar levels and depression in men – but no association between sugar and depression in women.

More research is being undertaken, but it’s food for thought.

Helping animals with PTSD Got a problem?

Write it down More evidence suggests that keeping a diary can improve both mental and physical health.

Coping with relationship matters, depression, anxiety, or stress can be reduced by writing down your worries, a study claims in the British Journal of Health Psychology. Want to try it? Just find your method (blog, paper, phone), your goal (what you want to write), and be honest – write for yourself.

BOTTOMS UP! A fantastically popular new study conducted by the University of Oxford reveals that women with bigger bottoms are not only smarter, but “a large hip circumference” promotes health, lowers cholesterol, and improves anti-inflammatory agents.

Death is not to be feared New research in Psychological Science suggests the closer we get to the end, the more positive we become.

Comparing blogs of terminally ill patients with volunteers pretending to be terminally ill, they found the patients used “love”, “happiness” and “grateful” more than nonpatients. Scientists say this is our psychological immune system working to rationalise fearful situations.

Scientists are trying to work out how to treat posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in animals. The symptoms – biting themselves, licking off their fur – are well known, but talking therapies are vital for PTSD in humans. So how can we help animals?

Positive reinforcement – treats for good deeds – is one way, but can backfire if animals think they got the “answer” wrong. And medication only goes so far.

Generally speaking, we humans just need to be kinder to animals.

Love me, love my iPhone

Researchers in South Korea suggest we feel more anxiety when separated from our phone.

A large majority of 301 participants saw their phones as extensions of themselves where personal memories (photos, videos, texts) are stored. When separated, we feel “hurt”.

Read more on page 14.

How to live longer?

It’s obvious A study in Health Affairs tracked people in their 50s who didn’t smoke, weren’t obese, and didn’t drink heavily. The findings?

People live seven years longer. The reality?

They also found 80% of people in their 50s had smoked, been obese, drank heavily, or all three.

HAY FEVER Researchers say a cure for allergies, including hay fever, could soon be found. Scientists are examining “good” and “bad” cells to fight immune infection.

Oh, joy!

GOOD MONTH BAD MONTH HAY FEVER There’s still no cure for hay fever, which means 13 million people in the UK are preparing for runny noses, itchy eyes and endless sneezing as weed pollen increases during September. Oh, joy.

Procrastinators of the world unite!

Psychology professor Joseph Ferrari says there’s a distinction between procrastinating and being a procrastinator (or “proc”).

The former is a phase we all go through, but a proc consistently worries, thereby reducing his or her confidence. Ferrari’s research found one in five – or 20% of the world’s population – to be procs.

The psychology of humour Laughter, they say, is the best medicine. A recent study from the University of Warwick rated 5,000 “funny” words in the English language among 800 volunteers. The funniest? Booty. Other hilarious words included twit, waddle, tinkle and nitwit. The least funny? Rape, death, trauma, torment and nightmare. Researchers concluded the psychological properties of humour relates to how we choose language to express our feelings.

September 2017 • happiful • 11

The Uplift | Happy Business

The mapmaker Of The Future Editor Lisa Goldapple is raising the profiles of people who are working to build a better world – by charting an Atlas of the Future Interview | Jake Hamilton

Hey Lisa! So, what is Atlas of the Future?

Essentially, it’s a resource for hope. I don’t love the word “platform”, but our ultimate aim is to “democratise the future” by providing a platform for a world we should all be invested in. We want to shine a light on people who are putting their talent and energy into solving tomorrow’s challenges.

How did it come into existence?

We started Atlas of the Future in 2015. We were inspired by how the National Geographic Society came into existence more than 125 years ago, and wanted to apply to the future what they apply to the Earth and nature. And, of course, who doesn’t love a map?

Do you predict the future?

We don’t pretend to predict the future, but we never realised how necessary this optimism would be! As part of a tiny team working with amazing people, I’m constantly encouraged by the positive responses from journalists, media outlets and sustainability experts to how problems are being solved and how to participate.

Why is Atlas of the Future important?

It’s not about us. The Atlas is a showcase for important innovations, so we are humbled by the people behind them.

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We believe a space is needed for people to speak “human” and we want to help people understand there is super-cool stuff in the world making things better. As our backgrounds are in media, we wanted to make a contribution. And you can too, by submitting a project.

Give us an example.

Sure, there’s a vegan mayo CEO scrambling the future of food; a Devon dairy farmer’s daughter who started a little environmental revolution; or a wonderful wizard of Minecraft who teaches people how to experience art, culture and politics.

What does ‘democratising the future’ mean?

Someone once told me you should say complicated things in a simple way, not simple things in a complicated way.

We want everyone to be able to understand the important things that affect us all, and that inspire more people to be part of creating a sustainable future that will truly benefit everyone, everywhere. It’s very important to break down barriers and improve future literacy. We do this by making developments in science, technology, culture and across all areas of human endeavour that are more understandable, more universal and accessible – and fun. There is so much joy in raising the value of the future-focused folk whose work will impact society.

Mindful SOCIETY

Atlas of the Future

Projects

we love

RoboFarming

Amazing. What’s the criteria for joining?

Presently, we have more than 350 projects from across the world. We want to have a big front door, and to be welcoming, but it’s important to stick to our three main criteria: 1 The project must be real (not science fiction).

2 It must be innovative and find original solutions to the world’s problems – however big or small.

3 It must contribute to the greater good.

We believe a space is needed for people to speak ‘human’ and we want people to know there’s super-cool stuff in the world making things better

Japan’s Spread Vegetable factory will open the first farm run entirely by robots. The cyber-farm aims to grow 500,000 heads of lettuce a day by 2020.

The “Agribots” will automate the entire planting process.

Eggless Egg

The vegan CEO with $120m in capital who cooks up scrambled eggs, pankcakes and muffins... all without eggs, in order to change minds and eating habits.

Hello Tractor Send a text to order a tractor – a response to the huge tractor shortage in Africa.

How does the Atlas help these projects?

Other than raising the profiles of projects and the people behind them, we are working to add a “call to action” to each project and aiming to run a pilot about making connections between projects. We hope to connect people behind projects with similar objectives in a network with another level of mapping. For example, Aware Girls in Pakistan and Skateistan in Afghanistan both work for empowerment. The connections might result in unusual pairings, where we see a real opportunity for a practical and inspiring exchange – like Uganda’s Living Goods and Brazil’s New Hope Ecotech.

Now the big question: can we survive as a species?

We’re at a really critical moment, as the world needs to change more quickly than ever before. As we push from 7 billion to 10 billion people within a few short decades, businesses are already growing new models, but governments and civil society organisations also need to change. The better person to answer your question would be author John Elkington (also nicknamed “the grit in the corporate oyster”). In partnership with UN Global Compact, we’re working with his team on a new web platform called Project Breakthrough – an online showcase of “exponential sustainability”. That means breakthrough thinking to the power of 10. So, hurry up, everyone! We all have a role to play.

And is the next generation on board?

It’s really encouraging that so many young people want to work in the field area of social good. It’s the old corporations who now have problems with attracting and retaining talent, because more and more young people want to make difference. atlasofthefuture.org

September 2017 • happiful • 13

The Uplift | The Explainer

The Explainer

What is the

Attention Economy?

Silicon Valley treats your attention span like a valuable commodity.

In other words, the more you engage with their products, the more powerfully they control your life. That’s why you can’t turn off your social media accounts – because they’ve got you hooked Writing | Maurice Richmond

T

his Is Only The Beginning – do you remember that advertising slogan? Chances are that 29 June 2007 doesn’t ring any significant bells, but it was the day Apple released the first generation of the iPhone, which has served as the blueprint for how we interact with each other ever since, and sparked an unprecedented change in our relationship with technology. Back then, the iPhone featured a jaw-dropping touch screen, a camera and Wi-Fi connectivity. A year later, Apple boss Steve Jobs opened the App Store and so began a who’s who of social media giants queuing up to showcase their shiny new babies to the world. Behold, the “attention economy” was born.

The Theory What is the attention economy? Well, you may be reading this article on a smart device that’s punctuating your interest with notifications from your Twitter, Facebook or Instagram feeds. You may

14 • happiful • September 2017

even want to put this article down and swap to Netflix, or spend 15 minutes scouring YouTube to find that cat falling down the stairs. Whatever your desire, it all boils down to your attention span, and how it can be grabbed by someone else.

Business strategist Michael Goldhaber began speculating about the attention economy more than 20 years ago, claiming: “No one would put anything on the internet without obtaining some attention.” Let’s apply that to social media, which vlogger Will Schoder says can be split into two categories: the attention grabbers and the attention engineers. Meet Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat – your engineers. Now say hello to YouTube, Netflix and BuzzFeed – your grabbers. More on their tactics later.

A recent survey in the New Statesman attempted to explore the relationship between what makes us “like our likes” and what fuels our desire for followers.

One response from an anonymous 17-year-old provided an alarming image of modern affairs: “Likes are always

an indicator of social standing,” said the teenager. “As someone who gets anxious and occasionally struggles with self-esteem, the amount of likes on my posts can be both hugely uplifting or depressing.”

And that applies to everyone. An extraordinary 89% of those taking part in the survey admitted the number of likes corresponded with making them happy. However, here comes the down curve: 40% confessed this happiness only lasts as long as the likes keep coming in.

Tellingly, you could also be one of the 70% of people who are given a “sympathy like”. Ouch. But regardless of intention, the likes act as a rewarding stimuli which make you want more, and more.

The Science Addiction expert Judson Brewer, an Associate Professor at University of Massachusetts Medical School, wrote in the Huffington Post that “when we talk to someone face to face, our brains have to try to add together such factors as

Trending UPDATE

How many ‘likes’ do the British like?

rvlsoft / Shutterstock.com

A New Statesman survey revealed that most Brits don’t have particularly high expectations when it comes to affirmations. Some 64% said they are happy with up to 20 likes from a Facebook post. Only 1.4% expected more than 1,000 likes. Pfft!

context, non-verbal facial and body cues, and tone of voice, which leaves plenty of room for ambiguity and subjective interpretation. In real life, there is no simple, quantifiable point system (the “likes” on Instagram); we can’t assign one like for a smile, another for tone of voice.”

Is that what prompts us to check our phones every 4.3 minutes? Are we actually in search of that mythical dose of dopamine – a neurochemical otherwise known as the reward molecule that’s triggered in the brain whenever we get a like? In fact, the brain is affected in the same way by a like as it is by a hug from a loved one.

If you managed to read this article without being diverted by your Instagram feed, then we’ve succeeded in capturing your attention

The Economics To put it bluntly, the Mark Zuckerbergs of this world need you for as long as possible to make their business models work.

They don’t care that you’ve just liked your best friend’s wedding pictures. It’s the ads around those pictures that make Facebook tick. It goes deeper, too. Your viewing history is taken

into account, thus prompting ads which “may interest you” to be displayed. The aim is to stop you from closing your news feed. The engineers want your attention. US Comedian and commentator Bill Maher is no friend of the engineers. He hit out at Facebook for “tailoring” the news it displays on its feeds, and for being responsible for the decline of newspapers that, he claimed, are providing “real news outside of subjects you are interested in”. Maybe Maher has a point. How else are we going to find out new things if we’re hooked on Facebook?

The Takeaway Recently, the Guardian surmised that Facebook’s 1 billion daily users are sharing less with one another. It’s not that we are sharing less overall – we’re still sharing cat pictures and hilarious videos – rather, a dedicated FB team is trying to work out why we are sharing less about ourselves. If you managed to read this article without being diverted by your Instagram or Twitter feeds, then we have either succeeded in capturing your attention, or you have already shunned the grabbers and engineers. The point being, you alone have the choice to be economical with the attention economy.

September 2017 • happiful • 15

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Life LESSONS

Happiful Practical answers for everyday problems

18 QUICK FIXES >>>

September 2017 • happiful • 17

4

TANGIBLE TIPS

How to move on after a toxic relationship Learning to let go of sadness and love again can sometimes be difficult, but never impossible Writing | Rebecca Thair

N

o one intends to get sucked into a poisonous relationship, but no matter how sweet things may start out, sometimes they turn sour. Whether it’s the adrenaline-rush of the drama you crave, or the passion of making-up after yet another argument, it’s a vicious and unhealthy circle for both parties.

Often you won’t realise how deep an impact the toxic relationship and its negativity had on you. Hindsight can be a blessing, but until that comes, trusting someone new can be easier said than done.

When you do meet a new “special someone”, it can feel like a spotlight is shining on those dark memories of your ex, and the comfort of familiarity doesn’t look so inviting in that light. You might not want to go back, but you can also be afraid of starting anew. Here’s how you can open your heart again, and learn to go with the flow:

2 Wipe the slate clean

When you’ve been mistreated by a previous partner, it’s easy to put all the crimes of your ex on to someone new and assume they’ll be just the same. In fact, survey results from Your Tango prove that exes like to linger on the brain, with 81% of singletons saying they think about their ex too much.

18 • happiful • September 2017

This doesn’t mean unloading all the pent-up hurt from your toxic relationship on your new SO immediately. But be open to sharing your feelings and letting them know you might be sensitive to certain things.

Honesty is good for your wellbeing.

R S Feldman found that 60% of us lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation, but a study by A E Kelly found that people who made a conscious effort to be sincere reported significantly less health problems, with fewer headaches, sore throats, and feeling less tense. Open communication gives your new partner a chance to demonstrate how someone who cares about you will take your emotions into consideration, and do their best to take care of them.

That definitely sounds like less of a headache, right?

4 Don’t let fear hold you back

1 Make time for yourself

When you’ve come out of a bad relationship you need time to heal and rebuild yourself. That doesn’t mean you should say no to happiness if someone new comes along sooner than expected. The main thing is to make sure you’re feeling self-reliant, confident and in a good place as an individual. Don’t be afraid to take time away from a new relationship to have a night in by yourself, or hang out with friends. Being happy in yourself will contribute to a far healthier relationship going forward.

3 Be honest

You can get jealous and paranoid over the mention of a female colleague, or read too deeply into the 43 minutes and 12 seconds it’s taken for him to respond to your message. But try to have an open mind. Give him the chance to be everything your ex wasn’t.

Getting your heart broken sucks.

Being in a relationship where you’re made to feel worthless is worse. But missing out on a chance to be happy because you’re afraid? That’s unforgivable. Don’t let previous experiences dictate your future chances of happiness.

Instead, see it as a self-development experience. In the words of the one and only Elsa: “Let it go.” As hard as it may seem, take the love antidote and let all the old poison out of your system. And don’t let a former toxic relationship infect your future happiness.

5

SELF-HELP IDEAS

If you have been affected by this article and want to talk to a professional, visit Counselling Directory to find a counsellor in your local area.

Combat your gambling urges The thrill of a win can become addictive, but the odds won’t always be in your favour. Here’s how to curb those gambling urges before they spiral out of control Writing | Noel Bell

P

roblem gambling can be defined as an activity whereby individuals are unable to resist impulses to gamble, thus leading to serious adverse personal or social consequences. The British Gambling Prevalence Survey in 2010 was the first study in this series to be conducted after the full implementation of the Gambling Act 2005. This showed that 0.7– 0.9% of adults aged 16 and over were “problem” gamblers. So, how can you stop, and stay stopped, if you have developed a problem with gambling?

There is no ideal time to stop.

Invariably the best time to stop is now.

Stopping problem gambling can be extremely difficult, but once you have stopped, the ongoing task is to maintain abstinence. For most problem gamblers, if not all, an abstinence-based approach to recovery is needed in order to enjoy a full and wholesome life, free from active addiction. A healthy self-care regime is needed to maintain abstinence. Here’s five ways of curbing gambling urges:

1 Stay busy and beat boredom

It’s important to keep your brain active and focused on achieving tasks after you stop. Problem gamblers are used to the high octane energy of active addiction, and typically struggle with periods of boredom in their lives. Therefore, try to set daily activity lists in order to stay busy, as this will act as a buffer to resist the temptation of gambling.

strengthen your resolve before special events such as cup finals, boxing matches, or annual horse races. It would be best to avoid the increased hype in the media surrounding such events, especially when bookmaking firms offer special offers.

4 Keep boosting your stress management regime

Gamblers become single-minded in their pursuit of the next bet. They will invariably have lost interest in old hobbies, so it’s important to rekindle old passions once you stop gambling, as they will boost your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Problem gamblers have often reported that stress can be a major contributing factor in a relapse from gambling recovery. Finding healthy ways to cope with stress will be a huge factor in maintaining abstinence. Healthy coping strategies could be physical exercise, practising meditation, or talking to a trusted friend.

3 Watch out for ‘special’ events

5 Practise gratitude

2 Re-engage with an old hobby

Research by RA McCormick and JI Taber in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology in 1988 shows that problem gamblers struggle with the management of impulse control, and with delaying gratification. It can be beneficial to

Maintaining a daily gratitude list will help to boost your serenity levels and peace of mind. You will be less likely to need to search for excitement if you cultivate a grateful attitude. Give it a go, it works, it really does.

September 2017 • happiful • 19

6

TRAFFIC LESSONS

Neutralise your road rage!

Carved up at the crossroad? Brake-tested on the back lane?

Learn how to control your descending red mist

F

Writing | Maurice Richmond

igures from Tyreshopper found a staggering 80% of Brits have fallen victim to road rage in the past year alone. Worryingly, the same poll shows 66% of traffic deaths are down to aggressive driving. We can all be guilty of experiencing that temporary loss of reason when a perfect stranger’s driving skills gets us riled up and yelling out the window. But what can we do to defuse the situation? Here are six things to consider.

20 • happiful • September 2017

1 Don’t teach drivers a lesson

It’s not our job to teach people we perceive as “poor drivers” a lesson, least of all while sharing the road with them. True, some of us are sticklers for standards, but we need to remember we are all human, we all make mistakes, and none of us is perfect – especially on Swindon’s Magic Roundabout. If you still have the urge to take things further after somebody’s apparent mistake almost caused a dangerous traffic incident, then simply grabbing footage on a dash cam and handing it to the relevant authorities could be a happy medium.

2 Think of the kids

They cut you up, your mum and dad. But remember, the next generation of drivers are usually in the backseats of our cars. What sort of example are we setting them by effing and jeffing at someone in the next lane? Children learn and pick up on adult habits, which means the road rage will just roll on and on. Science calls it mindfulness, but it’s basically “setting an example”. Being mindful improves our cognitive functions, lowers anxiety and reduces distracting thoughts. Patience, too, is a virtue – or so we tell our children. Maybe it’s time we started to practise what we preach?

3 It’s not about making time

Driving is pretty simple. You have a steering wheel, some pedals, a couple of indicators and three mirrors. That said, as the clock ticks down towards the time we “want” to arrive at a destination, things get complicated. When traffic builds, panic sets in and logic goes out of the car window. Short cuts and quick moves are taken to catch up for lost time. But really, perhaps we should be leaving 30 minutes earlier for longer journeys. Why get mad at other drivers? It’s not their fault.

80%

of Brits have fallen victim to road rage in the past year (4 in 5 abusers are men)

4 Slow and steady wins the race

High speed road rage makes for great YouTube hits but the relationship between speed and anger is undeniable.

We get stressed. We speed. We make mistakes. And then the rage takes over. According to the NHS, stress accounts for 40% of all work-related illnesses. Naturally, this stays with us when we get behind the wheel. A 2016 Brake and Direct Line survey found that stress at home and at work made 71% of Brits lose concentration while driving. We must learn to break this cycle. De-stressing and slowing down can do wonders. Remember the adage: “Everything matters, but nothing matters very much.”

5 Make practical changes

66%

of traffic deaths

are down to

AGGRESSIVE

DRIVING

We keep forgetting that it’s not all about the other driver’s reaction. The seeds may well have been sown by something we might have done. Did we tailgate the bloke in front? Did we hog the fast lane travelling slowly? Or maybe we made a gesture we shouldn’t have? Looking in the mirror (figuratively speaking, mind) and asking ourselves these honest questions from time to time certainly does no harm.

6 Know thy neighbour

A recent American TV advert showed a classic case of road rage. A pickup truck driver gets cut up by a 4x4 driver, the former swerving in front of the latter. The mystery 4x4 driver appears, and is none other than world boxing champ Evander Holyfield. The lesson? When you confront somebody, you have no idea what you could be letting yourself in for. Be a good traffic neighbour – offer the benefit of the doubt, or just be kind and let the rage go. Safe travels.

September 2017 • happiful • 21

3

PRIMAL REACTIONS

Recognise your fight or flight (or freeze) responses When facing imminent danger, our instincts take over.

We can’t control these feelings, but we can learn from them Writing | Ellen Hoggard

A

s humans, we have evolved a “fight or flight” response to potential dangers. It’s what helped our hominid ancestors decide whether to do battle with predators, or flee quick-sharp up a tree. However, when under stress, or when our safety is compromised, we’ll typically experience one of three physical reactions: act impulsively, escape the situation, or freeze up. Is one of these responses more effective than the others? And why are they triggered when we feel under threat?

Let’s find out:

22 • happiful • September 2017

FIGHT

When facing danger, you’ll know whether you can defeat it or not.

A wasp on a computer screen? No problem. A Doberman in an alley?

Maybe not. Similarly, if you’re faced with considerable amounts of stress in your daily life, you’ll feel a rush of adrenaline. If you believe you have the power to fight it, your body will release hormones preparing you for battle. This is the fight response.

While it’s unlikely we’ll come face-to-face with a deadly predator in our daily lives, the fight response can still be triggered by other factors.

So, whether you’re involved in an attack, an accident, or a disaster, or if you’re feeling anxious about a presentation, interview or social occasion, evolution and instinct will still kick in at the precise moment. Your muscles tense, you start to sweat, your heart beats faster – you act on impulse to save and preserve yourself. You fight.

FLIGHT

We developed the flight response as a way of escaping an overwhelming threat.

If you’re unable to fight, you need to get to safety, and fast. Your blood pressure rises and your blood sugar increases. The adrenaline you feel pushes you to flee the situation. In the event of a disaster, this means running from danger, or hiding, seeking cover, or finding higher ground.

The flight response can also be triggered in daily life. If you’re confronted by a colleague or in the middle of an argument that you find yourself losing, you may want to walk away, without saying a word.

This happens more often than we think.

Who hasn’t felt the fear while walking down a street and seeing a large and rowdy group of people coming the other way? Usually we reach for our phone and pretend to take a call – surely no harm will come to us if someone is on the other end of the line? Even body language can indicate the flight response – like folding your arms to cover your body – to hide your vulnerabilities.

FREEZE

Often forgotten, but possibly the most common when facing trauma, is the freeze response.

Chances are, you’re picturing yourself dealing with a situation in the best way by either running for safety or readying to face (fight) the problem.

In reality, a very common natural human reaction is neither of these. It’s to do nothing. You freeze.

This is your brain reacting to fear in the most primitive way, like being taken by surprise by something you see in the corner of your eye. Freezing is your primal, desperate attempt to stop the predator from spotting you.

When facing danger, it’s common for our minds to slow down and assess the situation. Blood is diverted from the brain and thinking becomes incredibly difficult.

Do we have a choice?

People who freeze in trauma do not choose to, and often beat themselves up afterwards for being “passive” when in reality they have no more control than a rabbit caught in the headlights. It’s the same with our fight-or-flight reactions.

People very rarely have control and are therefore not to “blame” for their instinctive responses. The most simple advice is to breath deeply (to trigger your parasympathetic nervous system), to ground yourself in the moment by deliberately noticing things you can see, hear and physically (not emotionally) feel, and to reassure yourself that this will pass and you will shortly be back in control. No one is immune to the physical reactions we feel when facing danger.

Research shows that people don’t know how to react to a crisis until it happens. As for the miraculous survival stories we read about in the media, it’s often despite their actions. It’s mostly down to luck.

Flood, fawn or fatigue?

US psychologist Curtis Reisinger reckons we have three more responses

FLOODING Being flooded with sudden emotion

FAWNING FATIGUE Submitting to a Sleeping so as large threat or to manage the a captor crisis situation

September 2017 • happiful • 23

Left – Top by Hobbs | Right – Coat by Joseph Ribkoff

24 • happiful • September 2017

(JUST LIKE)

STARTING

OVER

Actress Denise Welch holds a special place in the nation’s heart.

As the vivacious star of Coronation Street and Loose Women, her persona is known to millions. But her private life has seen battles with depression, addiction and suicidal impulses. In this candid and uplifting interview, Denise explains how she survived the ‘blackness’ – and why her future is shining bright

Interview | Gemma Calvert

Photography | Joseph Sinclair

uddenly, Denise Welch has a song she wants to play the Happiful crew, during her photoshoot at a Thames-side studio in east London, on a disappointingly bleak Monday morning in early August.

When the opening chords of a beautiful acoustic ballad fill the room, Denise gazes out the window and her ice blue eyes momentarily glaze. The voice we are hearing belongs to her global superstar son, Matthew Healy, lead singer of The 1975, and the song, “She Lays Down”, is his raw and heart wrenching account of Denise’s battle with clinical depression, a condition sparked by his birth 28 years ago. The depression left Denise at her lowest ebb, drinking herself into oblivion and using cocaine to numb the endless internal anguish.

It’s the reason why we are gathered here today.

A few months earlier, I met Denise during the promotion for her latest success, playing Mrs Otter in the West End musical adaptation of The Wind in the Willows at the London Palladium. When conversation turned to Happiful, she offered an interview about her mental health battles, which began when she was 31, a couple of days after giving birth to Matthew, her first child with her now ex-husband, Auf Wiedersehen, Pet actor Tim Healy.

“I remember sitting on the settee and blackness starting from my feet, working up my body, and I was immediately in a thick, black suicidal depression. It’s the most frightening thing that’s ever happened to me in my life,” says Denise, now 59, who has since learned to spot the physical warning signs of an onset: a metallic taste in her mouth and a sudden tingling in her palms.

What happens afterwards?

“I feel nothing,” she says. “Depression depresses every single thing in you, so you lose the ability to have emotions of any kind.

26 • happiful • September 2017

At its blackest, you are void of feeling. It’s the reason why Matty called his song ‘She Lays Down’ because when he was older I told him I used to lie down next to him as a baby and pray that something would happen to make me love him. Depression robbed me of the ability to love.” Like most new mums, Denise’s emotions heightened during the first 24 hours of motherhood – she wept when happy, tired and reading cards of congratulations.

Other sensations, however, became abnormal.

This was 1989. Denise had an “out of body experience” on the car journey home from The Garden Hospital, in Hendon, north London, then an all-night panic attack, triggered by the slightest whimper from her newborn. The next day she mistook breaking news on the radio about the Hillsborough disaster for a dream.

Then depression took hold.

For three weeks, Denise lived in her dressing gown (getting clothed, she says, was “terrifying”) and only left the sofa at her flat in Highgate once every four hours to feed her son because her mum, Ann, a trained psychiatric nurse, who spent six weeks caring for Denise, understood the importance of sustaining a strong mother-and-baby bond.

“If I ever smell Milton sterilising fluid, it takes me back to those dark days,” says Denise, scrunching up her nose at the memory.

At times, she questioned whether Matty was even her baby, and was later diagnosed with being on the verge of a postpartum psychosis – a severe mental illness that affects one in every 1,000 women in the days after childbirth, and is typically characterised by hallucinations, delusional thoughts or beliefs, and erratic behaviour. “Some women believe their babies are possessed by the devil and put them in the microwave,” says Denise. “I didn’t have any bad feelings towards my child, but the way I felt was horrendous. I couldn’t move. I lost nearly two stone in four weeks, I couldn’t eat anything.”

The memories of this time – the isolation, the abject terror, the absent love for her beautiful child – clearly hurt her, even today.

“I still get upset when I talk about it,” she says, hurrying away tears with rapid blinking. “It’s not just because I feel sorry for me, or the person I was, but mostly because I feel sorry for women who don’t have the support network that I had.”

Support, however, can sometimes only do so much.

“Even with a very supportive family, all I wanted was for someone to give me an injection to make everything go away,” she admits. It’s been reported in the media that Denise attempted suicide within days of giving birth by flinging open the door of a moving taxi en route to a doctor’s appointment. “I wasn’t rational enough to do that,” clarifies Denise. “I remember trying to open

Left – Coat by Joseph Ribkoff | Right – Blazer by H&M, top by Jigsaw, trousers by Joseph Ribkoff

I don’t miss anything about alcohol.

I never ever want to have another drink. I feel so much better, mentally and physically, entering my sixtieth year

September 2017 • happiful • 27

I’ve learned to live with depression.

It’s like a very unwelcome guest who I tolerate because I know the guest will leave

Left – Coat by Joseph Ribkoff | Right – Top & Trousers by COS, jacket by Joseph Ribkoff

28 • happiful • September 2017

the door of the taxi because I wanted to physically hurt myself to take the pain away from the depression.”

The story, either version, is heartbreaking.

A few days later, when Denise was prescribed antidepressants, she began to see “the light at the end of the tunnel”. But it wasn’t until 18 years later, after a consultation with London hormone depression expert, Professor John Studd, that her depression was correctly diagnosed as hormonal, rooted in a chronic oestrogen deficiency that she now treats with replacement therapy. Denise says it’s the “one thing” that has properly alleviated her depression. It’s also why Denise believes the menopause is “fantastic” for her mental health.

Years ago, during her Coronation Street days playing Rovers Return landlady Natalie Horrocks, Denise resorted to selfmedication to try to cope with being overworked, and to alleviate her depressive despair. “My schedule was so massive that I was led to believe that I couldn’t take time off. People with physical conditions took time off, but I didn’t want to say to anybody, ‘I’m depressed,’ so I worked through two nervous breakdowns on the show, and the only way to get through them was self-medicating,” she explains, also adding she was certainly not “the person the press had portrayed”.

Who was that person?

“A woman who was drinking and doing drugs all the time.”

How often did she turn to drink and drugs?

“Cocaine sometimes, if it was available. I wasn’t the type of alcoholic that woke up in the morning and swigged gin from a bottle I’d hidden in the cupboard. I never drank during the day with my children. I could go days without drinking, but when I drank to get initial relief, I couldn’t stop because I was terrified of the comedown.”

When Denise decided to come clean about her depression, it was against the advice of her agent at the time. She went public during a live interview with Lorraine Kelly for GMTV as part of the breakfast show’s “Get Up and Give” appeal, which had mental health charity Mind as one of the beneficiaries. Her admission immediately struck a chord with the British public.

“Lorraine later hand wrote me a letter telling me that, of all the appeals, they had the most viewer response from me talking about my illness. That gave more power to my elbow to always talk out,” says Denise, who became a patron for Mind in 2013, and is an ambassador for HomeGroup, which supports housing schemes specialising in mental health recovery. Earlier this year, she also co-produced and starred in Black Eyed Susan, a

psychological short drama about what it’s really like to live with severe depression.

“When I decided to speak out, I didn’t care if I never worked again,” she says. “I’d have given anything to have had somebody in the public eye who I could relate to, who had grown-up children, who was working, who was having a normal life, but sometimes had those episodes – that’s why I continue to be an advocate for mental health.”

Denise’s biggest turning point came in 2012, in her words, her “annus horribilis”.

It was the year her mum died of cancer. She and Tim also announced plans to divorce following 24 years of marriage. And, of course, she entered the Celebrity Big Brother house. She made great telly, undoubtedly, and triumphed as the series winner, but the reality TV experience was a troubled one for Denise, who describes being “bullied” by other housemates and feeling “desperately lonely and vulnerable”. Drinking also led to a series of embarrassing, publicly playedout antics that prompted fellow housemate, Reservoir Dogs actor Michael Madsen, to label her “emotionally disturbed”. All told, it was a painful sharpening of Denise’s drive.

“Celebrity Big Brother was the catalyst to turning my life around,” she admits.

Within five months of leaving CBB, Denise had turned her back on alcohol. Crunch point came after she got so inebriated at a party after a performance of her stage show Steel Magnolias that she “smashed up” her new boyfriend, artist Lincoln Townley’s, Knightsbridge flat.

“I had no recollection,” says Denise. She stretches out her legs on the sofa, accidentally brushing my thigh with her bare foot.

(Perhaps the memory is possibly too distracting?)

“The next morning, I saw a look in Lincoln’s eyes that made me realise that he couldn’t be sober and live with me,” adds Denise.

Lincoln, a former high-functioning alcoholic, had been sober for two months at the time. “Our relationship was so good, but alcohol was ruining it,” she says.

Then came her decision to quit.

“I never had a drink after that night.”

Is there a part of her that sometimes misses alcohol?

“I don’t miss one thing about my life before then,” says Denise with steely determination. “I don’t miss anything about alcohol.

I never ever want to have another drink. I feel so much better, mentally and physically, entering my sixtieth year than I did my fortieth and my fiftieth. My mental health is a million times better. I’ve learned to live with depression and it’s like a very unwelcome guest who I’ve got better at tolerating because I know the guest will leave in a short space of time. I still get episodes of depression, but they are shorter and less intense because I’m not compounding them with alcohol.” Her age, on the other hand, is something she welcomes with open arms.

“Friends of mine, like I am, are approaching 60 and fear it, but I feel like I’m only 60. I feel like this is my second chance!”

September 2017 • happiful • 29

As she talks, it’s evident how Denise’s alcohol abuse – regular short-lived escapes from depression – chiselled away at her closest relationships. She explains how she and her younger sister Debbie, 55, are back on track after their bond became strained by her years off the wagon.

Then there’s Lincoln, the internationally famous contemporary artist who Denise married four years ago. At 44, he is 15 years her junior. And like her, he remains sober.

“We have an incredible relationship, a relationship that I’ve always wanted,” she smiles. “I was very lucky that somebody who is 15 years younger than me was also ready to turn his life around.

If we’d met earlier, we wouldn’t have been in the same place. The timing was just right, so we really cherish what we’ve got.”

As for her sons, Denise speaks with relief that her youngest, Louis, 16, now lives in a “sober household”.

But what of Matthew? Has he ever blamed himself for being the baby that triggered Denise’s hormonal imbalance all those years ago?

“He’s never felt guilty,” says Denise.

“All Matthew used to feel was worry and concern, but he has since said that under no circumstances would his band exist if I wasn’t where I am now.

He is constantly travelling around the globe, so knowing that his mum is in a loving relationship, and is friends with his dad, and is sober, means he no longer worries. And yes it’s true, I am completely responsible for the success of The 1975!”

The vibrant, confident, five-yearssober Denise you see on the cover of Happiful is the real Denise – funny, fabulous and full of conversation.

During hair and make-up, she gasses about the housemates in the latest series of Celebrity Big Brother, raves about Lincoln’s forthcoming art exhibition in Brisbane, and regales the team as she recalls The 1975’s embryonic days when she cursed Matt and his bandmates for making a racket in the garage – “If only I knew how successful they’d become, I’d have shut up!”

Denise clearly likes to speak her mind, especially about mental health. She was dismayed when Piers Morgan recently undermined Will Young after the singer bravely went public about his post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Morgan tweeted: “Will Young does not have PTSD. He has WNTS – Whiny Needy Twerp Syndrome.” Denise told her own Twitter followers the Good Morning Britain presenter “must stop undermining mental illness”. Morgan retaliated, saying: “Like so many celebrities these days, you use ‘mental health’ as a brand-enhancing fashion accessory.” She subsequently wrote an email of complaint to Helen Warner, ITV’s Director of Daytime.

When I ask about the Morgan incident, Denise faces me straight on. She means business. “Who the f*ck is Piers Morgan, who doesn’t suffer depression and is not qualified medically to

30 • happiful • September 2017

comment on it, to say that Will doesn’t have PTSD, but ‘whiny needy twerp syndrome’? What does that do to someone who is about to talk to another person about their mental health issues for the first time? I was horrified by his comments.”

Morgan aside, there’s no question that Denise is enjoying a fantastic new lease of life. Her eyes are sparkling and her hand gestures exude an enthusiastic energy when she talks about the future. As for regular exercise, Denise, a trim size 12, keeps fit with regular gym sessions, and is currently focusing on core and abdominal work to strengthen her back, which has been troublesome of late. “Every little counts,” she says.

Only now does she feel ready to give talking therapy a second chance, following a bad experience a number of years ago. “I saw some psychotherapists who wrongly believed my depression was because of my childhood and they were wrong, because my parents gave us a great upbringing, to the point that when I’ve felt poorly, I’ve driven to the north-east to visit the places where I was raised,” explains Denise, who grew up near Whitley Bay, Tyne and Wear.

“I’d drive past my old house, to Whitley Bay and past my nana’s house – places filled with happy memories, like my nursery, which had a blue wall. It’s one of my earliest memories and I always have that colour somewhere in my house.

Right now, it’s the colour of our spare room carpet, even though it doesn’t go with anything else in the room!

When I see that shade of blue it gives me a lift in my tummy. I guess it takes me back to my happy place.”

Denise credits the “incredible support” of her loved ones for getting her through her depression, which she nicknames “my thing”.

What, then, would she advise someone trying to help a loved one through “their thing”?

Denise answers honestly. “When I was in the first depression, my mum got me through because she’d say, ‘you will get better’.

If your partner has depression, say to them every day, ‘you will get better’. No matter how bad they are, say, ‘you will get better’ – because I clung on to that.”

Denise relinquished alcohol three weeks before the death of her mum, in May 2012. She was the woman who inspired “Nana”, The 1975 song that precedes “She Lays Down” on their second album I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It. Denise sighs softly when I say that her mum would have been utterly delighted by what her daughter has conquered over the past five years.

“That’s my one regret, which I don’t normally voice,” says Denise. “Mum lived for three weeks knowing that I’d given up drinking. I would have given anything for her to see where I am now. I know she would have been proud.”

Left – Top from Next, trousers by Mint Velvet | Right – Coat by Joseph Ribkoff, trousers by Mint Velvet

Styling: Krishan Parmar Hair: Amanda Clarke using Paul Mitchell September hair products Make Alice Theobald 2017up: • happiful • 31 using Cosmetics a la Carte, Bambi lashes & Pinks Boutique Skincare

20 | 21 | 22 October 2017 Alexandra Palace, London N22 7AY

DON’T MISS...

Entrance ticket includes

FREE ENTRY to the OM Yoga Show

Find love at any age in three easy steps with Julia Keller Friday 20th October Workshop Room 1

15:45-16:45 FREE Discover The Work You Were Born To Do with Michele Yeomans Saturday 21st October Workshop Room 1

12:15-13:45 FREE

Drawing on Mindfulness with Mike Medaglia Saturday 21st October Workshop Room 2

11:00-12:00 FREE

Allow the Joy and Beauty of your Fabulous Spirit to shine through! With Fiona Radman Sunday 22nd October Happiful Stage

15:00-15:30 FREE

To book entrance and workshop tickets and to download a FREE show guide visit www.mbsevents.co.uk 32 • happiful • September 2017

P i c t u r e t h e s c e n e . Y o u t u r n o n t h e T V a n d t h e r e ’ s a h a r d - h i t t i n g d o c u m e n t a r y a b o u t w a r, o r a n e w s s t o r y a b o u t a r e c e n t d i s a s t e r . Y o u r m i n d s t a r t s t o w a n d e r .

Yo u t h i n k b a c k t o t h e f r i v o l i t i e s o f y o u r d a y : s h o p p i n g i n t o w n , m e e t i n g f r i e n d s f o r c o f f e e , s h a r i n g j o k e s o n s o c i a l m e d i a .

W a t c h i n g p e o p l e s u f f e r i n g , y o u s t a r t t o f e e l g u i l t y f o r a l l t h e t h i n g s t h a t m a d e y o u h a p p y t o d a y .

M a y b e y o u ’ v e j u s t c h a n g e d t h e c h a n n e l t o a v o i d t h a t O x f a m a d v e r t , o r c r o s s e d t h e r o a d b e c a u s e y o u ’ r e a v o i d i n g t h e B i g I s s u e s e l l e r . I t ’s p r o b a b l y t h e w r o n g t h i n g t o d o , b u t y o u d o n ’ t w a n t t o b e c o n f r o n t e d b y g u i l t a n y m o r e . B u t n o w y o u ’ r e t r y i n g t o a v o i d t h e ‘ r e a l i t y o f l i f e ’ – w h i c h m a k e s y o u f e e l e v e n m o r e g u i l t y . Yo u ’ r e i n a l o s e - l o s e s i t u a t i o n .

I f y o u e v e r f e e l g u i l t y f o r b e i n g h a p p y w h e n y o u ’ r e w o r r i e d y o u c o u l d b e d o i n g s o m e t h i n g m o r e t o h e l p , y o u ’ r e n o t a l o n e .

R e a d o u r H a p p i f u l g u i d e t o t h e s m a l l s t e p s y o u c a n t a k e , t h a t d o n ’ t c o s t y o u v e r y m u c h i n e i t h e r t i m e o r m o n e y , w h i c h a d d u p t o s o m e t h i n g p r e t t y s p e c i a l i n t h e b i g g e r p i c t u r e .

12 Steps To

Guilt-Free

Happiness Writing | Rebecca Thair & Becky Wright

>>>

1

KICK OFF WITH KINDNESS

The simple act of giving has a wealth of benefits for your mental health. While Kickstarter helps people develop products and businesses, there are a lot of social enterprise ventures and inventions that can change our world for the better.

By supporting one of these projects, you can feel happy knowing that you’re contributing to the bigger picture and supporting innovation and progress in the world.

G I b a

Fans of mindfulness might want to support a new product such as the Do Epic Happy 2018 Planner.

The creators wanted to combine the practicality of a goal planner with the benefits of mindfulness, to reduce your daily life stresses, and get you on track to a happier, healthier you. As well as helping your productivity with practical elements such as public holidays, to-do lists and calendars, it includes adult colouring pages with Mandala patterns, dream boards and daily gratitude pages. What more could you want from an organiser?

Head to kickstarter.com and search for “Happy planner” to get on board with the project.

2

MAKE PAYDAY PAY-OFF

Feeling the pressure to give money can be a huge burden.

Sometimes, when we’re asked to give money, we do so to avoid embarrassment – no one wants to be the “tight one”, do they? But, that can mean we give money out of obligation, rather than because we want to.

But, what if you could give money to a cause you actually cared about every month? And you could do it tax-free too? Payroll Giving is a way of giving money to charity, without paying tax on it. Paid through PAYE from your wages or pension, you can ask your employer to set up and run a scheme for your workplace.

Are you an employer?

Contact a Payroll Giving agency to set up a scheme.

Make deductions each time you run payroll. The donation will be taken from your employees’ pay before tax, but after National Insurance.

3

CHIP-IN WITH CHARITY It’s easy to feel guilty for not donating every time there’s a bucket collection outside our local supermarket. But in reality, we can’t give money to every charity. The thing is, donating doesn’t have to be a chore. And it doesn’t have to be all the time. But if there’s a cause that really resonates with you, you’ll feel better in knowing that while you can’t donate to everything, you are helping something. It might be donating to an organisation like ActionAid: an international charity supporting the most disadvantaged women and girls in more than 45 countries. Or something closer to home, like UK-based Sane, which looks to improve and support the lives of those affected by mental illness. Visit actionaid.org.uk or sane.org.uk to donate and help them continue their amazing work.

V E c k

61% IN 2016

of all Brits donated to charity

£9.7 billion

raised

Donation statistic source | Charities Aid Foundation’s annual report

4

JUST GIVE...

Sites like Just Giving and GoFundMe allow you to help people all over the world with donations of whatever size you can afford. These can range from memorials for loved ones, to helping grant the wishes of people in need, like Jonathan in Ramsden Bellhouse, Essex, who’s quality of life could dramatically improve with a medical assistance dog. Or there’s Ryan from Bristol who’s outgrown his current electric wheelchair, and needs a new one to go “cruising the streets of Keynsham” again. Visit gofundme.com or justgiving.com to search for a cause that connects with you.

5

GIVE THE GIFT OF READING

Bookworms out there will know the joy that discovering a new story brings. While it can be hard to discard our favourite novels from our bookshelves, imagine how good you’ll feel knowing that someone else is experiencing the joy of reading your favourite book for the first time.

Plus, the money raised from selling donated books goes to a good place.

Charities, such as Oxfam and British Heart Foundation will gratefully receive your donations. You can donate your books to a cause you feel connected to, and clear some room for new books on your shelf, too!

If you can’t bear to prise yourself from your favourite books (we can’t really blame you), why not join Book Aid International’s Reverse Book Club. By supporting this charity with a donation, you’ll be helping to send new, relevant books to libraries in Africa every month. The books you help send will make a lasting difference to people who really need books.

36%

SPE

IN A STUDY

27% reported that

said a book

u

a book inspired them to make a

inspired them to travel

life decision

6

CHALLENGE YOURSELF

For those not feeling quite so brave, there are lots of options closer to home. Many charities now run their own fundraising sporting events, whether you fancy a night-time walk, a muddy obstacle course, or even ballroom dancing. Visit a charity you’d like to support’s website to find out more about their local sporting fundraising events.

Book statistic source |University of Liverpool’s Centre for Research into Reading, Literature and Society

Why not put your fitness to the test and complete a sporting challenge for charity? These days you can throw yourself into virtually any sporting challenge; take a look at Sport For Charity or timeoutdoors.com for a whole array of activities from road cycling to trekking, or even kayaking! If you’re adventurous, or have caught the travel bug, these charity challenges could take you as far as China, or even Peru!

7

AK

p

MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD You may not have time to organise an event yourself, but you can support a cause by attending a peaceful protest or march. You can find out about these on sites like eventbrite.co.uk, or keep an eye on social media.

But, if a protest isn’t quite what you’re after, there are plenty of other ways to participate in raising awareness for an issue you’re passionate about. Getting creative is one way to make your voice heard, through music, art, or writing. If you want some inspiration, listen to Bruce Springsteen and Joe Grushecky’s protest song against President Trump, “That’s What Makes Us Great”.

Sometimes a picture can say a thousand words. With the Black Lives Matter campaign, artists in America have effectively shown how equality has stagnated, with images that appear to be from the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s, except they’re actually from the present day. With images able to go viral on social media, your art could reach millions of eyes. It’s possible to make your voice heard without saying a word.

8

GET ACTIVE ONLINE

Nowadays, you can help people in need from the convenience of your keyboard. Take Amnesty International. Their work means you can help create change. This one requires emotional investment, not financial. It can be the simple act of sending an email or putting your name to a petition, but it all has the potential to make a real difference to someone’s life, no matter where they are in the world. You can even do some good just by sending a text message – as part of Amnesty International’s Pocket Protest campaign.

While it’s great to be concerned with world affairs, sometimes it’s the issues at home that we feel more empowered to do something about. If you’re passionate about an issue and want parliament to hear your voice, start a petition. If it gets 10,000 signatures, the government will respond, and if it gets 100,000 signatures, it will actually be considered for debate in Parliament!

9

CLEAN UP YOUR COMMUNITY

We’re all aware of our burden on the Earth, and we all know the obvious things to reduce our waste and conserve energy. But, what are the less obvious ways we can help the environment?

Take littering – a divisive environmental issue. You are either part of the problem, or part of the solution. Almost £1 billion is spent by local authorities across England to clean up our communities, which could be spent much more wisely. So, get involved and clean up your local area. Whether you go solo, or recruit your friends, family, or colleagues, or even take part in some of Keep Britain Tidy’s initiatives, you’ll feel better for it, and the environment will thank you.

62%

OF PEOPLE in England

A C

drop litter If picking up rubbish isn’t your bag, why not reduce your waste from home? Stop getting all that junk mail. Contact the Royal Mail for an opt out form to stop receiving all those leaflets, or unaddressed promotional materials that you resent having to pick up off your doormat anyway. While you’re at it, do you really need that printed bank statement, when you can view it online whenever you like? Perhaps it’s time to adjust your communication settings online.

o

10 LOOK AFTER THE LONELY

Litter statistic source | Keep Britain Tidy

A simple way to make a massive difference in your community is by volunteering with the elderly. According to Age UK, 200,000 older people haven’t spoken to a friend or family member in the past month and 3.9 million older people see their TV as their main source of company. But the good news is that there are plenty of small actions you can make that have a huge impact on the life of an elderly person. It could be as simple as stopping to chat to a neighbour or inviting them round for a cup of tea. But if you have a bit more time, perhaps volunteer at a local retirement home to hear some of their amazing life stories. Or even just having 30 minutes spare a week means you could be a phone-befriender and check in on someone with a call. You never know what a difference that lifeline of contact could have on an elderly, isolated person. Visit ageuk.org.uk to find out how you could get involved.

11

HELP THE HOMELESS With the question of whether you should give money to a rough sleeper, most charities are of the same standpoint: it’s better not to. While your intentions might be good, there’s a chance you might be funding drugs or alcohol, or putting the person at risk of exploitation or mugging.

THE

BIG ISSUE

costs less than a

medium latte

T

u t

But, fortunately, giving doesn’t stop at money. Giving your time, to go over and speak to someone, might really brighten their day. You could buy them a hot drink or sandwich – and if they don’t take it, they don’t need it.

If you don’t feel comfortable approaching someone on your own, you can still help out. Visit streetlink.org.uk to report seeing a rough sleeper. Streetlink can refer them to suitable agencies. They’re linked with No Second Night Out, who say 60% of rough sleepers are new to the streets, and aim to make sure that anyone sleeping rough for the first time doesn’t have to do it again.

12 INVEST IN ANIMALS

Brits have a reputation as being a nation of pet lovers. Our spirited concern to rescue and preserve the dignity of animals is what led Britain to be the first country in the world to start a welfare charity for animals: the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (known to us now as the RSPCA).

As a nation, we’re pretty protective of our animals. So, we can be deeply affected when confronted with animal cruelty – it’s those Dogs Trust adverts that get us. So, we’d bet you’ll be glad to hear that helping out animals is a lot easier than you’d think. For instance, if you’re a dog or cat lover but can’t have one of your own, you’re in luck. Did you know that there’s actually a need for dog walkers? And for cat groomers, too? In fact, there’s a whole range of roles available with the RSPCA. You just have to factor in the travel costs to your local centre – but taking care of the animals is free! Go to rspca.org.uk/getinvolved to help some furry friends near you.

Good Cause of the Month

Plant for Peace

Swapping opium poppies for pomegranates One man is on a mission to grow communities in the aftermath of war, by planting the seeds of change with local farmers Interview | Rebecca Thair

What is Plant for Peace?

According to Global Research, over 200,000 hectares of opium poppies were cultivated in Afghanistan in 2016.

Every kilogram of opium can produce 100 grams of pure heroin. Plant for Peace is transforming that agricultural market by introducing the farmers to growing fruits such as pomegranates instead, and restoring the agricultural industry after it was destroyed by war. In fact, the revenue the farmers are expected to make eclipses that of the opium trade – being three times the amount they would make by growing poppies for heroin.

Plant for Peace’s founder, James Brett, says: “Drugs have had a profound effect on my life, and drugs were continuing to have a profound effect on the lives of the Afghan people trapped in a cycle that could only be broken by creating alternative livelihoods for their horticulture produce.” Plant for Peace works to create a demand for the fruits through introducing the farmers to the global market by making nutrition bars from the produce.

How did it start?

With 90% of the world’s heroin made from poppies grown in Afghanistan, Plant for Peace currently focuses their work in that country, with James singlehandedly persuading 22,000 farmers to grow fruits instead of poppies.

40 • happiful • September 2017

In 2007, Dr Julia Wright from Ryton Organic Gardens in Coventry invited James to give a talk in the capital, Kabul, for the farmers. James saw the vast fields of opium poppies, and the harsh living conditions of the people there. “Survival was tough there,” he notes. “This resonated with me. I had also tasted the toughness of life and I felt a compassion for these people.”

The knowledge that some of the best pomegranates and other crops in the world were being grown in Central Asia, and could be grown in Afghanistan too if the farmers were simply connected to the international food industry, led James to realise he could help.

During his visit, James met opium farmers who were holding a banner with the words “Pomegranates are the answer”. One of the farmers agreed to grow the fruit instead of the poppies, and together they “planted 1.4 million pomegranate trees with lots of other farmers, and eventually put together a National Agrarian Horticulture strategy for Afghanistan”.

James’ efforts in Afghanistan prospered: “The pomegranate is revered in Afghanistan, and this enabled Plant for Peace to hold seven gatherings addressing over 55,000 elders, who all supported the notion of converting from opium to high value horticulture crops.” James discovered the main reason he gained the support of the

Sowing SEEDS

A brief history James Brett, founder

James (right) with a local farmer in Afghanistan

James was empowered to turn his life around by helping people he’s never met in countries crippled by war and conflict

farming community there when an elder told him: “You are the first person to come here without a badge, a gun, or a uniform. Thank you so much.”

From those initial seeds being sown, Plant for Peace now creates food products from the fruits grown and is launching them in retailers. James believes the ability to contribute is what drives a country and its people to greatness. “This is how the pomegranate is assisting the war on opium. It is helping the people to feel whole again, something I feel as Plant for Peace delivers its message.”

What’s the product?

The fruits grown create 100% natural superfood bars in three flavours: mulberry and apple; mulberry and chia; and mulberry cocoa orange. The ingredients are packed with antioxidants, minerals and vitamins, and the bars are suitable for vegans and vegetarians. Additionally, for every bar sold, they plant a fruit tree in Afghanistan. In fact, the new fruit trees to be planted are predicted to contribute $1.3 billion to the Afghan farming industry by 2025.

James says: “These bars are more than just a healthy snack.

[They] are proof that putting aside politics, anything is possible. With every purchase of the bar, we will plant a tree with the goal to plant approximately 2.65 million this year.”

What can I do to support Plant for Peace?

With the Plant for Peace bars now available in shops, you can support them through buying a snack. James explains that purchasing the Plant for Peace products:

James Brett’s inspirational story of helping others and wanting to create a better world becomes even more remarkable when you view his difficult past. He was sexually abused as a child by his grandfather, and following the tragic early death of his mother when he was just 15, became addicted to drugs. The series of events that followed saw him end up on the streets, before heading to a young offenders’ institution. Despite all he went through, James was empowered to not only turn his life around, but to help people he’s never met in countries crippled by conflict. Through his own recovery and resilience, he’s created something that will have a lasting and meaningful impact on war-torn regions, and has the support of the local farmers, military leaders, and the entire nation of Afghanistan.

Plant for Peace board member HRH Princess Basma bint Ali of Jordan said: “I have always believed that without hope we have nothing. When James Brett began explaining to me about Plant for Peace, I realised that, here is a courageous man who has turned the notion of hope from an ethereal concept into a living reality.”

1. Creates demand for the farmers’ produce – a market.

2. Creates economic sustainability for farmers – an income.

3. Buying a £3 multipack – a tree planted and donated to a farmer in Afghanistan. This generates $700 of fruit throughout the tree’s lifespan for the farmer.

4. Opium can’t be grown in orchards.

5. Tree-planting creates carbon offset.

Alternatively, you can help to spread the word about Plant for Peace across social media. Raising awareness sells more products, and, in turn, means they can plant more trees.

What does the future hold?

James has big plans for the future. His vision? “To create the largest social-impact, carbon-offset, smallholder farmer supply chain network globally, by duplicating the Plant for Peace model in countries of conflict around the world.”

James says: “The experiences I’ve had in my life are what has enabled Plant for Peace, so I’m grateful that my life has brought me to do this.” The way people have come together to support his vision and create a better world is incredibly inspiring. “Wherever I go, people unite to help Plant for Head to plantforpeace.org Peace achieve its goals, regardless to find out more, or head of culture, religion or race.” We to your local Sainsbury’s, think that’s an incredibly positive Waitrose or Holland & outlook for what our future world Barrett to get a box of four could be.

Plant for Peace bars for £2.99.

September 2017 • happiful • 41

Feature | True Grit

Laura Wright

The Sporting Soprano The 2017 Invictus Games ambassador (and favourite singer of the Royal family) explains how she became inspired by the fighting spirit of our wounded armed services personnel Interview | Rebecca Thair

Chances are you’ll have heard Suffolk-born Laura Wright’s heavenly vocals when she’s performed at some of the biggest events in the world over the past few years. The soprano, 27, has made a name for herself as the first-ever official anthem singer for England Rugby, combining her two passions: music and sport. After being signed to a record label at just 15 years old, and a period of septic arthritis left her confined to a wheelchair for a year, she found the motivatation from a stressful childhood to be a keen advocate for positive mental health and wellbeing as well. The healing and unifying power of music has led her to embrace her position as an ambassador for Prince Harry’s Invictus Games, which celebrate the sporting achievements of veterans across the globe and highlight their undefeatable spirit.

It’s no wonder the cause resonates with Laura, who embodies that same unconquerable positive energy. >>> 42 • happiful • September 2017

Sporting SOPRANO

September 2017 • happiful • 43

Feature | True Grit

‘I work with

SportsAid who channel the idea of sport helping mental health’

Hi Laura! Can you tell us how you first got involved in music and then sport?

I started singing lessons at 14 because my friends enjoyed them, but I was more into my sport. My music teacher said I should enter a music competition called “Chorister of the Year” with BBC Radio 2, and I won! After that, I auditioned for a group called All Angels and we got signed to Universal. Then seven years ago I sang at my local football club, Ipswich Town, and was asked to sing at Sir Bobby Robson’s memorial game. I had no idea it was going to be televised until I got to the pitch. Sir Bobby’s wife was there, and all these old players were in a circle around me, and I sang “My Way”. That was my introduction into how music could bring people together in a sporting environment. Since then, I’ve tried to carve out a bit of a niche for myself in that world.

You’re a fullback for Roslin Park Ladies rugby team. How do you juggle rugby with your singing career?

Because timing’s really hard, I haven’t played with them in a while.

I started when I was about 20, while studying opera at the Royal College of Music. I had three older brothers who played rugby, so I was just desperate to have a go, like, “I’m a girl, but whatever, I can play rugby!” Being quite a girly girl, I liked the idea that any personality can play a sport that’s predominantly known as being more of a male sport. I struggle to fit it all in now, but sport is a massive part of my life.

You encourage women to break gender stereotypes with sport – how does that go over?

Interestingly enough, whenever I’m at a concert and say, “I used to play a bit of rugby and still play now,” people laugh. Genuinely they chuckle! It’s probably to do with me wearing a dress at the time, but I say there’s nothing wrong with playing that kind of sport. I sang at the England Women’s Cricket World Cup and they won, and it got watched by more people than a Premier League football game – so, point proven! The England women’s cricket team have proven that if you’re an expert in your field, people will flock to come and see it.

“

I was about nine years old when I got septic arthritis, and was in a wheelchair for nearly a year. It has massively shaped me, but it was really hard for my family as well

44 • happiful • September 2017

What else is needed to support women in traditionally male-dominated sports?

Lots of different things need to be happening simultaneously for everything to fall into place. We need the teams, we need the money to put into the sport to create the opportunities, and then we also need other women to support each other. The women’s XVs England rugby team are going into the world cup and their contracts are being terminated afterwards by the RFU, because they want to put the money into the sevens. In what world would you see that happen in the men’s side of the game?

You’re England Rugby Teams’ first official anthem singer.

That must be a privilege when you’re a fan of the game?

I felt so lucky. Some people lap it up as performers, but when I go out, it’s not about me. Obviously, I’m thinking about my performance and I want to sing well, but everyone’s there to watch the sport. If you can get everyone to become this big team that supports the team, that’s where it becomes really exciting. I used to wear dresses and be really glamourous, but now I just wear a rugby shirt and jeans because I feel like one of the supporters then.

You do lots of work with charities, including some quite close to your heart, like Arthritis UK. Tell us about your connection with that charity.

I was about nine years old when I got septic arthritis, and was in a wheelchair for nearly a year. It has massively shaped me, and I think it’s why I’m quite driven now. But it was really hard for my family as well. When I talk about mental health with other projects I’m involved with, that’s why I’m concerned about making sure there’s a safe environment for the family and everyone around that person. When I first talked about it, my mum had to tell me quite a lot of the things that happened. She said: “You had to have quite a lot of operations. At one point, we were told to be sure we spent some time with you.” At that age, you don’t have the fear, but the older you get, the scarier it gets.

You also had alopecia as a teen, due to stress.

Yes, one of my best friends told me. It started on the crown of my head so I didn’t notice it. When you’re younger, you don’t really know what stress is, or know how your body will react to it. My body’s way of dealing with stress at that point was for my hair to fall out. I think it was because I had my GCSEs, but I was also in the group All Angels, recording albums, travelling around the world singing, and I didn’t realise that I’d taken on too much. As adults, we have ways of dealing with that with mindfulness and tools to help with anxiety, but when you’re younger no one really tells you how to cope with it.

Top: Laura meeting the Queen; right: with her fellow ambassadors of the Invictus Games; below: Laura with Nicole Scherzinger; bottom: Laura playing wheelchair rugby with Invictus

“

My body’s way of dealing with stress at that point was for my hair to fall out How did you take better care of yourself?

It sounds simple, but it was learning to say “no” to things. I’m one of those people who’s a bit of a people-pleaser. You constantly want to be a better person and to help things that you care about, but learning how to say no and to look after yourself, and giving yourself some space is nothing to be ashamed of.

You’re an ambassador for this year’s Invictus Games in Toronto! How did that come about?

I’d written a piece of music, and my manager at the time heard about the Invictus Games. Prince Harry had seen the Warrior Games in America and was bringing them over to the UK, so I proposed my song to be part of the ceremony. Prince Harry really liked the song, and then I adjusted a few of the lyrics after spending time with the competitors. I adapted it to reflect the games as best as I feel it could. With anything for charity, I want to know about them, their cause and the people who benefit from them. So, I went to lots of training sessions, I played wheelchair rugby, and tried to understand how beneficial the Invictus Games are and continue to be. This isn’t just sport, it’s rehabilitation. After being involved in the first games, the song has become their anthem.

What’s it like to know your music is helping armed services personnel through recovery and rehabilitation?

That’s where you sit down and think: “That’s why I do what I do.”

I remember saying out in Orlando, Florida, that if one person watches this opening ceremony or one of the games and says, “I’m going to do that,” that’s what it’s all about. Americans are very good at respecting their veterans and rehabilitating them back into everyday life. In the UK, we’re lacking in that, and that’s why it’s so amazing Prince Harry has pioneered the games.

September 2017 • happiful • 45

Feature | True Grit

Laura’s carved a niche for herself as a classical singer, passionate about a variety of sports

How do you find playing wheelchair rugby, considering you spent time in a wheelchair yourself?

I tried not to think about it too much because I’d probably burst into tears. When you’re faced with ex-servicemen and women who have a high amputee level, you sit there and you’re grateful.

I was really lucky to be involved and have a go at the sport. They proper go for it! Because you’re in the chair, you’ve got no fear. If you get hit, the chair gets hit. What’s nice is seeing the spirit of the games: win lose or draw, you share it with your team mates.

“

I played wheelchair rugby, and tried to understand how beneficial the Invictus games are and continue to be. This isn’t just sport, it’s rehabilitation

You’ve sung at quite a few Royal events now. How does it feel to have the family’s support?

It’s an absolute honour to be honest with you! We sit there in amazement at the public interest in their lives and I think they handle it so well. They dedicate their lives to raising funds, or profiles, or causes that need help. When you’re asked to be involved, you think what greater honour is there than to have those people present when you’re performing. Of course, I get a lot more nervous if that’s the case, but you come away thinking: “That’s something I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.”

2017 has been a watershed year for mental health, especially with Princes William and Harry speaking up. Is that something you’d like to continue with in the future?

Yes absolutely, I’d love to be involved with the Prince’s Trust in the future. I work with SportsAid who channel the idea of sport helping mental health and wellbeing, and that’s where I feel I can really contribute – on the sports side of things. I’m actually doing the Ride 100 for SportsAid. I’m always looking The Invictus Games for challenges, so if I did a take place in Toronto, marathon again I’d probably 23–30 September.

Find out choose Heads Together or a more about where Laura mental health charity. Also, I will be cycling across Zambia will be performing at next year for the Wildlife laurawright.co.uk Foundation in order to help or follow her on Twitter baby elephants being released @thelaurawright back into the wild.

46 • happiful • September 2017

Sporting FOCUS

SPECIAL REPORT

Has Football Scored An Own Goal?

We hear lots of good intentions when it comes to mental health and football, but what is actually being done to help professional players and managers? And why are footballers still afraid to speak out about mental health issues? Happiful examines the culture of hyper-masculinity that persists on the pitch (and in the locker room), and uncovers some ugly truths about the beautiful game

I

Writing | Dr Duncan Stone

n 2015, after re-signing Aaron Lennon on a threeyear deal worth £4 million, the Everton manager at the time, Roberto Martinez, delightedly informed the press: “We know we are getting a player our fans know inside-out.” It’s a statement that proved to be tragically false in April this year, when the ex-England international was detained by police under Section 136 of the Mental Health Act. Mental health has become an increasingly prominent topic in football in recent years following the tragic suicides of German international goalkeeper Robert Enke in 2009,

and Wales manager Gary Speed in 2011. Suicide remains mercifully rare, but Lennon’s committal to hospital does represent an extreme example from within the world’s most watched football league.

Official statistics suggest as many as one in four people in the UK will suffer a mental health problem in any given year, so it would be inappropriate to make any direct association between Lennon’s illness and his job as a footballer.

Undeniably, however, it was his fame as a footballer that marked Lennon out for special attention. Attention that was, in many cases, less than sympathetic. >>>

Feature | Mental Health in Football

The reporting of Lennon’s committal by certain sections of the media was malicious to say the least. The Daily Mail was widely condemned for emphasising Lennon’s wages in a tweet which read: “£55,000-a-week England footballer Aaron Lennon is detained under Mental Health Act after stand-off with police.”

Such irrelevant reporting was criticised by ex-Everton captain Phil Neville and the former Labour Party spin-doctor Alastair Campbell, who has previously battled with depression and alcoholism. And yet, the notion that millionaire footballers are somehow immune to mental health problems and ought to simply “man up” remains the default opinion of well-known media commentators and, it must be said, a wide section of the general public.

Mercifully, Lennon returned to pre-season training with Everton in July, but the public remain as complicit as the media and the game itself, especially in the mental and physical harm sportsmen and women inflict upon themselves and each other.

As the game appears to get inexorably richer, footballers are treated less like ordinary members of society, even if the vast majority earn a fraction of the riches bestowed upon the best Premier League players. Indeed, beyond the rarefied atmosphere of the Premiership, far more players – especially in Scotland – are employed on a part-time basis. Footballers of all standards are, nonetheless, regarded as “role models”, who are constantly expected to demonstrate unrealistic standards on and off the field.

Supporters, who often invest a great deal of their personal identity in a club, now enjoy previously unknown levels of 48 • happiful • September 2017

access to players thanks to social media. Sadly, much of this access is used to criticise poor performances or behaviour.

Indeed, Lennon was accused of being a “miserable bastard” for failing to smile in photographs following his transfer to Everton. Yet the public remain ignorant of the everyday realities and pressures of professional football that threaten or suppress a player’s true self.

A hyper-masculine culture

Previously a professional with Portsmouth, Dr Martin Roderick, author of The Work of Professional Football: A labour of love?, explains that the “culture of fear” recently exposed in British cycling has a long history in football: “From a very young age, players are subject to highly precarious employment practices. Nobody, player, coach or manager, is comfortable, and voices of dissent are silenced – if they ever emerge.”

In a results-driven business, a player’s true self (and their physical and mental wellbeing) is habitually sacrificed for extremely short-term goals. Managers and players are only as good as their last result, and the pressure to win encourages a culture of hyper-normative masculinity.

Physical “toughness”, which frequently requires players to play when injured, goes hand-in-hand with mental strength and an implicit image of heterosexuality. Young or old, wealthy or poor, gay or straight, fit or injured, contented or depressed, Roderick emphasises that many players, no matter how successful, wear a mask of conformity: “You have to look like you want to be there.”

Sporting LIFE

As the tragic case of openly gay footballer Justin Fashanu, who killed himself in 1998, or the more recent conspiracy of silence in relation to widespread child abuse implies, such an environment leaves little room for those who do not fit such a clichéd sporting identity. Thankfully, the attitudes and influence of “old school” managers such as Brian Clough or Bill Shankly, who infamously referred to “poof bandages” and called injured players “bastards”, are in decline.

And yet, old habits die hard.

Younger managers, including the ex-Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager, Richie Foran, who helped launch Scottish Football’s “Support Within Sport” campaign, worryingly reverted to the “man up” language of old when fighting a futile relegation battle last season.

Scotland the brave

The “Support Within Sport” initiative, which aims to identify and treat mental health issues among players and coaches, was launched in 2016 following research by Dr Katy Stewart, of the Hampden Sports Clinic (HSC), into the incidence of mental health issues in male players across the 42 clubs in the Scottish Professional Football League. The survey, which was funded by the UEFA Research Grant Programme, asked two simple questions: 1. “Have you, or a fellow player, experienced a mental health problem?”

2. “Who would you want to talk to about a mental health issue?”

64% of 600 Scottish football players revealed they, or a teammate, had experienced a mental health issue The results revealed alarming levels of anxiety and depression within Scottish football, with 64% of the 600 respondents revealing that they, or a teammate, had experienced a mental health issue. A supplementary questionnaire identified 40 players suffering a significant issue at the time, and 15 of these were immediately referred for more intensive treatment available, free of charge, under the programme.

Although a number of contributory factors were identified, Dr Stewart’s research revealed how one of the key triggers of mental illness stems from the precariousness of football employment. Managers and players need to be extremely mobile in order to secure work, and frequent moves, often at short notice, to various parts of the UK or abroad, can lead to loneliness and depression.

Such social isolation may even be experienced within a club environment. Long-term injuries are an obvious contributory

Mental Health Spending According the Centre for Mental Health, although the Health and Social Care Act 2012 gave mental health equal priority to physical health, mental health accounts for 28% of the burden of disease and yet receives only 13% of NHS spending.

factor, but others, such as Lennon being denied a first team squad number by Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino, are similarly isolating and damaging to a player’s self-esteem.

Such ingrained practices will undoubtedly continue in football, but the results confirmed the urgent need for a robust system within the professional game to deal with their effects. Thus, the HSC, together with the Professional Footballers’ Association of Scotland (PFAS), established a programme of welfare specifically designed to look after the professional game.

A call for urgent helplines

The PFAS programme established a 24-hour helpline that provides immediate access to an experienced sports medicine doctor. And, if necessary, the player can be referred to a specialist dealing with addiction, general counselling, and experts in both sport and clinical psychology or clinical psychiatrists and psychologists within a week.

Recognising that making a phone call is still an enormous step for some players, the HSC and a group of students from Strathclyde University have also developed an app called “SUPPORT”, through which players can access self-help advice or send a message directly to a doctor.

In England, anecdotal figures have emerged. Like the PFAS, the Professional Footballers Association (PFA) also operates a 24-hour helpline. Michael Bennett, the PFA’s Head of Welfare, has disclosed that 160 players had requested help in 2016.

The number of past and present players seeking help, Bennett adds, is “growing year on year”. But as more than 60% of those seeking help in 2016 were former players, the numbers suggest the prevailing culture of football still stops current players from coming forward. (Continued on page 52) September 2017 • happiful • 49

Feature | Mental Health in Football

As part of our football feature, we contacted every club in the Premier League and asked three questions:

The Happiful Football Survey

By Maurice Richmond

What does your club do to support the mental health of your players?

What community-based mental health initiatives do you have?

What more can be done to support mental health in football?

BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION Support “We’re an open club with approachable staff who are committed to the holistic wellbeing of all players and staff. Our staff are encouraged to be aware of warning signs, and to know they can pass on any concerns.

We offer staff the option of external counselling at times of grief or turmoil. We have invited speakers to present to staff to help them appreciate that mental health is a human condition. In terms of player monitoring, we have a daily digital check-in concerning their health and wellbeing – while all staff are provided nutritious food and information on why good nutrition is proven as important for good mental health.”

Sue Parris, Education and Life Skills Manager

Community “Our official charity, Albion in the Community (AITC), runs sessions and projects aimed at supporting people’s mental health and wellbeing. Three regular free football sessions take place in Brighton and Worthing. They enable participants to experience the positive benefits of playing regular sport in a pressure-free and 50 • happiful • September 2017

supporting environment. The charity has held mental health awareness tournaments aimed at players from its Albion Goals programme – a series of free, weekly football sessions that support adults with a range of problems, including mental health. The sessions are delivered by AITC’s coaches with experience of working with players with mental health problems, or who require additional support to overcome barriers that may prevent them taking part in regular activity.” Richard Morris, Albion in the Community PR and Media Manager

The Bigger Picture “In football, mental health can become wrapped up in the concept of masculinity.

It’s not ‘manly’ to admit how you feel, to talk about feelings and to admit that emotions are affecting life or performance – because being picked to play the next match, at any cost, is all that matters. A better approach is to consider what mental health looks like, what constitutes a threat to remaining mentally healthy, and what can be done to support the mental health of players in the short and long term. A commitment from all

clubs [should] acknowledge they have a duty to educate and support players as much with their mental health as is currently a given in terms of physical health. At Brighton, our philosophy is about developing the person alongside the physical player and how interdependent the two are.

This requires the stigma around mental health to be addressed and understood, with an acceptance that mental health issues are a human condition, which most people within their lifetime will experience rather than it being assumed to be an abstract illness which only the weak-minded suffer from.

It needs a comprehensive framework to prevent where possible, prepare as a matter of course, and support where needed.”

Sue Parris, Education and Life Skills Manager

Sporting LIFE

ARSENAL “We take the wellbeing of all our employees extremely seriously. We employ a wide range of specialist staff and have access to independent expertise to ensure we have a broad programme of support which is tailored to individual needs. All staff have access to a confidential Employee Assistance Programme, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. At our academy, there is a holistic curriculum in place that addresses a wide range of issues. Mental health and wellbeing is taken just as seriously as performance, and it is viewed as part of the whole development of an Arsenal player. Arsenal in the Community runs programmes to support local people, too. We host weekly football sessions for people with a mental health diagnosis. The sessions take place in The Arsenal Hub, providing a safe and comfortable indoor space. We also work with local medical services who support the participants as much as possible. The Arsenal Foundation also supports a number of organisations who promote health and wellbeing. A recent donation was made to The Stress Project, a local charity who provide yoga and relaxation sessions. Our donation will provide free sessions for people with mental health diagnoses.” Arsenal spokesperson

HUDDERSFIELD TOWN “Our Academy players are well supported by a bespoke lifestyle programme which includes sessions with ‘If U Care, Share’ and Sporting Chance. That is led by our Head of Education & Welfare, Karen Crosland. We provide details of the PFA safety net to all our players; the subject is also covered during the player induction process. We provide contact details for local mental health services and various counsellors to players.

The players also complete a wellbeing survey every morning. Karen is on site every day for every player. She is qualified as a mental health first aider and also as a clinical hypnotherapist We also have the support of the club chaplain, who has sessions with the players about how we support each other. We are currently in the process of expanding our charity – the Town Foundation.

One of the club’s new roles is a full-time Head of Health and Inclusion, and one of their tasks is to seek initiatives with mental health charities and organisations.” Huddersfield Town spokesperson

CRYSTAL PALACE “We have a sports psychologist engaged with all players, including the academy. They flag any mental health concerns to the club. In addition, the Premier League have a mental health awareness ambassador scheme, which we will be engaging with this season.

This trains staff to become more aware of risks and some early signs and symptoms of mental illness.

Our player care provision will include mental health awareness presentations to players, and signposting organisations, such as Sporting Chance.

The PFA also provides of support for any mental health issues.

We have a well-established partnership with the charity ‘Mind’ in Croydon that has been in place for seven years. We deliver two weekly football coaching sessions. The first hour runs at a moderate pace for those with lower levels of mobility, and the second hour is for our more advanced players.

Two FA affiliated football teams that compete in local grassroots leagues have grown out of these sessions. We also run an annual tournament where we invite other like-minded teams to compete for the winner’s trophy, which you can read more about at palaceforlife.org.” Crystal Palace spokesperson

HOW WE APPROACHED THE CLUBS Following the media coverage of high profile players like Aaron Lennon and Steven Caulker, Happiful wanted to know more about the kinds of psychological support that exist within the English Premier League. We approached all 20 top-flight clubs and asked them three questions.

Each were given a week to reply. We received answers from five clubs, or 25% of the league. We remain convinced that mental health issues are treated very seriously by all football clubs, yet silence from so many Premier League powerhouses raises more questions than answers.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

“The club provides comprehensive support for players’ mental health tailored to individual cases, where players are able to speak in confidence to club professionals who can offer direct provision and also enlist external support such as that provided by the Professional Footballers’ Association.

Furthermore, the club provides holistic support to those who may experience mental health issues in the community through working with a range of partner charities. This is done by either signposting people to their services or by receiving referrals to our programmes which offer support such as working with a mentor, re-engaging and learning new employment skills, and regaining confidence through initiatives such as our over 50’s Reignite programme.

In addition, we are currently working with SEAP, a mental health charity, to train a number of our staff in advocacy qualifications.” Tottenham Hotspur spokesperson September 2017 • happiful • 51

Feature | Mental Health in Football Continued from page 49

Guilt by association?

Governing bodies, superficially at least, appear keen to bring about a cultural change. The Football Association (FA) in England, like the Rugby Football Union, Lawn Tennis Association, and the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB), have signed up to the Mental Health Charter for Sport and Recreation. Regrettably, the Charter – like similar “awareness” initiatives including “Time to Change” – relies upon players and coaches to look out for each other rather than provide pro-active structural support.

As valuable as raising awareness and encouraging peer support is, the Charter represents what Isabella Goldie, Director of Development and Delivery at the Mental Health Foundation, calls “the cheaper option”. An all too familiar route, as governing bodies have a long history of simply paying lip-service to issues such as racism, bullying, homophobia, doping, gambling, alcohol addiction, and even corruption.

Just as the Scottish Football Association and Scottish Professional Football League have showed no interest in supporting any of the PFAS wellbeing programmes, Rio Ferdinand has widely criticised the FA for failing to deal with racism head on.

Graeme Fowler, a mental health ambassador for the Professional Cricketers’ Association (PCA), also believes that football, despite the good work of the PFAS and the PFA, has failed Lennon: “Football is an incredibly wealthy sport. But [Lennon] had been left to his own devices. They have not come up trumps for him. There has not been a great support network.”

Cricket is one sport with a long association with mental illness. The very nature of the game (it has been argued) leading to a number of suicides and even a book – David Frith’s By His Own Hand – was published on the subject.

Cricketers experience the same pressures as footballers, but

Is ‘one in four’ accurate?

The Mental Health Foundation states 50% of the experiences that may later lead to mental illness are established by 14 years of age. By 21 years, 75% of mental health problems have been established.

In its recent Mental Health Awareness Week survey, 70% of young people under 34 said they had experienced a mental health problem.

The well-worn statistic that “one in four” of us will experience a mental health episode in a given year seems a gross underestimation in the young.

52 • happiful • September 2017

there are crucial differences in scale that have helped cricket confront the issue of mental health following the infamous withdrawal of Marcus Trescothick from the 2006/7 Ashes series.

Ian Thomas, Head of Development and Welfare at the PCA, passionately believes the provision of mental welfare cannot be a tick-box approach: “We have to take it very, very, seriously. Putting posters on the wall is not enough.” But, he concedes, with only 18 professional counties employing some 420 cricketers at any one time (and some 3,000 retired members), the issue is easier to deal with compared to football. In figures that suggest the true scale of the problem in football remains unknown, 79 players were supported by the PCA in 2016.

Whose responsibility?

While support is manifold, Thomas is at pains to stress that the PCA “wouldn’t be able to deliver their Personal Development and Welfare Programme without the ECB’s support”. Within months of the Trescothick incident, a 24-hour helpline was established and the PCA, who launched their “Mind Matters” initiative in 2012, operate addictive behaviour clinics, online tutorials, a mental health members’ app, educational talks, and resilience workshops at each county for current professionals.

The Mind Matters initiative has succeeded in making the counties, and all their staff, more accustomed to talking about, or dealing with, mental health issues. But most significantly, the scheme has helped to establish clear lines of responsibility.

Sadly, this is something yet to be established in football.

As former Burnley player Clarke Carlisle pointed out in the Guardian earlier this year, for all the various initiatives “there is no legislation for football clubs to follow. The Football Association has not put in place measures for the psychological and emotional wellbeing of their employees.

It’s in the contracts that they should take care of any injury – physical or mental – and pay for the rehabilitation, but there is no stipulation about the base level of care that is needed.”

Sports governing bodies have a long history of simply paying lip-service to issues such as racism, bullying, homophobia, gambling, addiction and even corruption The entirely avoidable consequence of this is that football players are at the whim of their managers, or their club, as to the nature of their mental health treatment. Frequently, as England player Steven Caulker’s experience with Queens Park Rangers suggests, players often reach rock bottom before seeking help. “Disaster recovery,” Carlisle emphasises, “should only be a percentage of the support that is out there.”

Sporting LIFE

The Football Association has not put in place measures for the psychological and emotional wellbeing of their employees

Together, alone?

For all their signing up to various charters and empathetic press releases, it seems the official bodies that control the game, and reap most of the financial rewards, either kick this sensitive issue down the road or abdicate responsibility altogether. Indeed, the only external finance received by the “Support in Sport” initiative in Scotland is from the bookmaker William Hill, via its Corporate Social Responsibility Programme.

By failing to support welfare initiatives in more practical terms, the football authorities are, in fact, replicating the national trend. Barring a short period between 1997 and 2010, investment in mental health services has been in steady decline since 1979. Culminating in the 1990 National Health and Community Care Act, under-investment went hand in hand with the increasing delegation of responsibility for mental health services by central government. This placed the principal responsibility for “community-based”, rather than institutional care, on local authorities, charities or even a patient’s family. In spite of the sport’s fabulous wealth, the same may be said for football.

Fantastic former players

The stark truth is that it has been a select band of ex-players, charities and trade unions that have taken the lead. While the Premier League provides universal mental health training to all their academy staff, it is clear, as Evans states, there is “little duty of care towards the employees” in football when compared to cricket. Ex-professionals such as Clarke Carlisle and former Arsenal captain Tony Adams – both of whom have battled mental illness – are not only the greatest

advocates for better mental health provision in football, but also the development of improved treatments. Adams, one of the first footballers to reveal the extent of his mental illness, established the Sporting Chance Clinic in 2000 with the proceeds of his 1998 autobiography Addicted.

Sporting Chance is now the largest provider in the world of education and treatment for professional athletes from a variety of sports, and it highlights that mental health illnesses do not always manifest themselves, as is frequently assumed, upon retirement.

Similarly, Carlisle has launched the “Clarke Carlisle Foundation for Dual Diagnostics” – the first of its kind in the world. Unlike the resource-deficient NHS, which forces patients to choose which one of the many related conditions to treat first, Dual Diagnostics promotes the idea that all aspects of mental illness (depression, anxiety, addictions, self-harm, and so on) be treated simultaneously from the beginning.

As Saffron Cordery, Director for Policy and Strategy at NHS Providers, has recently highlighted, the success of anti-stigma campaigns have resulted in more and more people coming forward for help. But, in the absence of adequate financial investment – Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt says there will be 21,000 more nurses, therapists and consultants working in mental health services in England by 2021 – there is “a growing gap between the government’s welcome ambition for the care of people with mental health needs and the reality of services they are receiving on the front line”.

The shortage of funds notwithstanding, NHS Trust leaders are struggling to find sufficient staff to deal with the emerging “pandemic” of mental illness, let alone develop innovative September 2017 • happiful • 53

Feature | Mental Health in Football

Football players are at the whim of their managers, or their clubs, as to the nature of their mental health treatment

treatments, regardless of Hunt’s recent announcement. As Carlisle reveals: “Everything in place is based on centuriesold models of sanatoriums, and [treatments] are not up to speed with modern society and modern living.”

We are all footballers now

While it is a truism that football, like other sports, does not exist in a social vacuum, it does seem that modern society (and modern living) increasingly reflects football rather than the other way around.

The precarious nature of short-term, performance related, and transient employment witnessed in the football business is now increasingly common in businesses as diverse as the Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley’s Sports Direct and the UK’s elite universities.

Unlike football however, where employers are legally obliged to provide (no matter how ambiguously defined) for the physical and mental care of their employees, the zero-hours contracts that define the UK’s burgeoning “gig economy” guarantee little in terms of work or wages, let alone statutory sick pay, holiday pay, pensions or health care. Undoubtedly, 54 • happiful • September 2017

mental health is the societal problem of our time. But do we expect too much from an underfunded NHS when dealing with problems that frequently have such obvious underlying socioeconomic origins?

It’s here that football and society diverge.

Football has the money, but those in charge appear reticent to make the cultural changes required. Whereas government seemingly has the desire to help, yet a self-imposed age of austerity means there is insufficient money to provide the services needed. There is clearly room for improvement in both football and society.

Yet, for all the precariousness of a relatively short career, professional footballers do enjoy a privileged position.

Players who are unfortunate enough to suffer mental illness do, at least, have almost immediate access to the vital health services denied to those who rely on the NHS. We can only hope the rest of UK society can enjoy the same level of provision in the near future.

Dr Duncan Stone is a historian with an interest in the relationship between class and culture, and the role of sport in contemporary society.

Real INSPIRATION

Real people. Amazing journeys.

September 2017 • happiful • 55

Anna’s story ‘I was distraught. All of my dreams about how I would be as a parent to three young children went out of the window’

I went from being housebound in a wheelchair to walking Hollywood’s red carpet Voice actor Anna Parker-Naples experienced symphysis pubis dysfunction while pregnant with her third child. But meeting with a hypnotherapist led her down a wonderful new path in her life

56 • happiful • August 2017

18-month-old toddler, constantly on the go. But here I was – stuck – unable to do anything for them, spending my days in bed, unable to get up and move around.

I’ve always had a positive view of life, but this was a challenge beyond my usual sunny disposition. I felt like my world had capsized, and I was scared for the road that lay ahead.

Photography | Ravinder Crone

O

nly nine weeks into my pregnancy, I found myself in horrendous levels of pain in my pelvic area. Within just three days, I went from walking and being totally active, to needing crutches, then a Zimmer frame, and finally to being confined to a wheelchair. My four-year-old daughter had just started reception class at school, and I had an active

Real INSPIRATION

I was experiencing symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD) which, although it can be quite common in pregnancy, was normally only felt in the week preceding birth as the body prepares itself for labour.

With so much stress in my life at that point (our house had been flooded, and it had taken months for our insurance company to take action, and pay out for accommodation for us), my hormones had gone into overdrive, and created a seriously intense level of pain for me.

The doctors involved commented that they had never seen a case like mine, and were concerned that it would be permanent, since the extent to which my ligaments were stretched meant that the bones were jarring against each other, causing potentially long-term damage.

I was distraught. All of my dreams about how I would be as a parent to three young children went out of the window. To boot, I’d put my acting career on hold when I had children, and had fully expect to return to the stage after this last baby had made its way into the world. It sounds dramatic, if you excuse the pun, but I felt that my whole sense of self had been rocked to its core.

I found myself at the lowest ebb I had ever been emotionally, not to mention the morning sickness I was plagued with. I found it degrading not to be able to get myself in and out of the bath, or to even get myself something to eat and drink. Our house was not designed for wheelchair access, and as a family we had to quickly adjust to this new future. Although many wonderful people came to our aid to help us in our predicament, offering childcare, ready-cooked meals, and even hoovering our floors, many of my good friends disappeared by the wayside. I felt useless and unappealing, and to some extent abandoned. I got to a point where all I thought about and talked about was how much pain I was in.

After the baby was (safely) born, I was determined that I would get back on my feet one way or another. Many years before, I had visited a hypnotherapist to discuss some poor sleeping patterns I was experiencing, and hypnosis had helped quickly.

I never dreamed that hypnotherapy would help me heal in this scenario, I just thought it might make me less stressed and unhappy, and at the very least, talking with someone about how I was feeling, who wasn’t involved in my everyday life, seemed like a positive step to take.

What happened that day, in that room, changed my life. I didn’t undergo a state of trance, or go into a full hypnosis. We just talked. Little did I know that the way I spoke and thought about my situation was having such an impact on me. Through NLP (Neuro-Linguisitic

I was encouraged to change my language from mentioning and dwelling on pain, to thinking about healing and levels of comfort

Programming), I was encouraged to change my language from mentioning and dwelling on pain, to thinking about healing and levels of comfort. After that one session, I put in place a strategy for not discussing what my body was doing, and changing negative thoughts about how disabled and limited I was, into what opportunities there were around me.

The effect was astonishing. Not only did I begin to notice that there were long moments where the pain was not so prominent, I began to find other things to think and talk about. I began to see that there was hope, and that the doctors may not be 100% right. Only I could know how I felt moment to moment, and seeing myself as healing, rather than as stuck in pain, was hugely freeing.

Around that time a wonderful thing happened.

A voiceover producer had found an old CD of mine that I had compiled at the start of my acting career, and rang to book me for a job. Although in discomfort, with the help of my family I managed to travel there on my crutches, rather than in the wheelchair. What I learned about the voiceover world that day gave me enormous inspiration. I discovered I could work remotely, >>> September 2017 • happiful • 57

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Real INSPIRATION

I made it my mission to inspire and motivate other people to change their lives, and their thoughts about themselves

from my own home if I invested in a small studio area and quality microphone. As an actor, that was exhilarating. If I never made it back on stage, I could still perform from my own home and from my wheelchair!

Voiceover work became a beacon of hope and I threw myself into it as a way to express myself creatively, and to reclaim a sense of self, and I fitted in recording for commercials, animation and video games around being there for the children, recording internationally for many top brands and companies.

Gaining confidence in the booth gave me something positive and exciting to focus on, and kept my thoughts well away from my discomfort and physical struggle. Slowly, surely, I recovered. I am now fully able to run, walk and jump around with my children.

Something remarkable happened though. I began to focus on voice acting for audiobooks, as it gave me much more creative expression and satisfaction than commercial work.

I quickly found myself narrating international best-selling titles by the most amazing authors, for publishers in the UK and in the US. I am now a multi-award winning actor, having been nominated for four awards in Hollywood, strutting the red carpets in a cracking pair of high heels.

The voice acting industry also set me on a path of coaching and personal development. I observed how often people would be hard on themselves and not see their own talents and abilities. I could relate to that.

I made it my mission to inspire and motivate other people to change their lives, and their thoughts about themselves.

So many people feel held back and limited, or unhappy, overwhelmed and stressed, believing they have no control over what happens to them. My own experience tells me a different story. I’m now a motivational speaker, life coach, master NLP practitioner and hypnotherapist.

The best way for me to make a change in this world is to effect as many people as possible, so I’ve recently launched Inspiring Mummy Club, which brings all of those elements together under one umbrella. My personal journey has been incredible, and I choose for it to have meaning. I’m passionate about encouraging other mums to get out there and achieve their dreams, because, believe me, if I can do it, so can anyone else.

Our Expert Says Rachel Coffey, BA MA NLP Mstr, writes:

“Anna’s story is truly inspiring. It shows us how, with focus, determination and a little outside help, we can turn around what might seem to be an impossible situation. With a new outlook, Anna focuses on how she could move forward, rather than dwelling on the negative, which had been fuelling her feelings of pain and isolation. Anna’s story is a powerful reminder that we all have the ability to move on and create the life we deserve.”

September 2017 • happiful • 59

True Life | My Story

My psychosis brought me to the brink of suicide Politician Andrew Gordon experienced such terrifying psychosis that he almost ended his life. Instead, he won an election and now campaigns to improve mental health services for all

P

eople often say politics is “crazy” or “insane”. Some even say that politicians have completely lost contact with reality. I am a local politician in a town called Basildon, Essex, and I am proud to say I was diagnosed with a loss of contact with reality long before I ever became involved in politics.

My journey from “psychosis to politics” is a long one, so it’s best to start at the beginning.

When I was 14, I became unwell and experienced my first episode of psychosis, which is a mental health condition that causes people to perceive or interpret things differently from those around them, and can involve hallucinations or delusions. People often ask me, “What caused it?” and I think the answer to that question is still challenging.

With mental illness, I would argue there is very rarely one single cause, but a multitude of factors that come together. I would also say that some people are simply more vulnerable to experiencing mental illness than others. I believe I fell into that category.

60 • happiful • September 2017

Andrew’s story

A number of significant life events, a few traumas and a complete lack of understanding of mental health caused my wellbeing to deteriorate significantly. I started to believe I was an ugly, fat, worthless cretin. My whole being was evil. I was scum and would amount to nothing.

These hateful feelings and thoughts were powerful, and I had complete disdain for myself which, for a 14-year-old lad, is quite sad. At the time, I was also being bullied and I think I took the anger I had for the people who hurt me out on myself, both physically and emotionally.

Andrew meeting the Princess Royal

They say sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you – I think that’s incredibly wrong. Words are very powerful, and it was words that I used to torture myself with. I broke myself down and my mind became so chaotic I would on occasion punch myself in the head or whip myself with a belt because that was less painful than what I was experiencing in my mind.

Things were going downhill rapidly and I started to simply stop attending school, I socially isolated myself for months on end, and as time went on, I became more unwell, eventually leading to me hearing voices. I began to believe I was possessed by the devil, and interestingly Google can be a powerful tool to fuel this; “how to exorcise yourself ” is something I would often search for at two o’clock in the morning.

Something had to give and unfortunately that something did; I convinced myself that Satan was going to come and kill me and I had to escape. I became more and more distressed and my mum had to lock me in a room while she tried to call for help – the sad reality being that there was nobody out there to help her or me because at the time there was not any out-of-hours crisis support for young people in mental distress.

I was so consumed by psychosis at this point that I jumped out a window, vaulted over my back garden fence and ran a considerable distance before I was taken home in the back of a police car. It’s not the only time I have ended up in the back of the police car, and I have a running joke with colleagues on Basildon Council that, out of all the councillors, I have been picked up the most

by the police, not because I was a criminal, but because I was unwell. It’s an interesting reflection on mental healthcare I feel.

Once the police brought me home, I then faced a Mental Health Act assessment which involved two consultant psychiatrists and a social worker deciding if I should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act. The conclusion was that if I agreed to the treatment plan (involving agreeing to be voluntarily admitted to an inpatient psychiatric unit) I would be demonstrating enough “insight” to not be sectioned.

At this point in time I had stopped attending school, had few friends, and felt psychotic, depressed, and was self-harming (and self-loathing), and about to be admitted to an inpatient psychiatric unit. However, looking back, it was actually a pivotal moment in my life. This moment was where I finally sought the help I so desperately needed, and I began a long journey through mental health services.

I spent a year in an inpatient psychiatric unit, where I underwent intensive therapeutic and medical interventions. It was a difficult place to be as a young person, and not the place I imagined finishing my GCSEs. I was also placed on a lot of medication, pumped full of Risperdal by an inter-muscular injection. The impact this had on me was quite profound. I put on an incredible amount of body mass. I started hyper-salivating, and I developed a twitch in my right leg.

My mind became a prison.

But what the medication did do was stop the crippling and disturbing thoughts from consuming me, and it allowed me to start doing little things. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to complete my education so I never achieved any GCSEs, but I started volunteering on various projects and I built up my self-esteem.

I would punch myself in the head, or whip myself with a belt, because that felt less painful than what I was experiencing in my mind I was eventually discharged into the big wide world at 17. I still had few friends and an active mental health condition. Slowly but surely, I built up my self-confidence.

I was certainly getting out more and more but I would still be very vulnerable, and I still was in and out of hospital because of my illness. I struggled to find work but I felt I was heading in the right direction. >>> September 2017 • happiful • 61

True Life | My Story

One event shaped the rest of my life. I received a letter saying that my social security would be stopped because I was not “unwell enough” – it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I remember quite clearly shaking in a ball on the floor, crying, punching myself in the head to attempt to make the distressing thoughts go away. I convinced myself that death was the only answer to my problems.

That night, I became so distressed that I put a wire around my neck and stood on a chair. My memory is a blank at this point. But clearly, I was not successful.

I turned my life around. I became a politician and use my time in politics to fight for better mental health provision, both locally and nationally If I had killed myself, I would have been just another statistic, another inquest and another young man, lonely, isolated, jobless, and sad through no fault of his own.

Suicide is not a selfish act. It is not an easy way out, but a human response to a horrific set of circumstances. Behind every statistic on suicide there will be a story. Thankfully, mine never ended at that point.

I turned my life around. I managed to start work, got some qualifications under my belt and took life head on. During this time, I also won an election and became a politician. I use my time in politics to fight for better mental health provision, both locally and nationally.

When I am working to improve mental health services I sometimes think about my journey, and I ask myself these “if only” questions: • If only my school supported me, dealt with the bullying correctly?

• If only I was able to see a mental health professional sooner?

• If only when I was in hospital, the education system helped me achieve my fullest potential, and helped me attain qualifications?

• If only when I turned 18 I was not completely abandoned by services?

• If only adult community mental health services worked more closely together, with a focus on building my social networks?

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xxxxxx

Spreading the word across the airwaves

• If only the Jobcentre didn’t put me through a humiliating assessment and instead supported me into work?

• If only employers did not discriminate against people with mental health conditions?

• If only society realised that every single one of us has the ability to save someone from ending their life, by not being afraid to talk about mental health?

There are lots of “if only” questions in my journey, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without those experiences. One thing that was always very important for me was using my experiences to make a positive difference. Life is tough, if it kicks you down, it will keep kicking you until you force yourself to get back up. It is relentless and has no mercy. But life also create characters that have an indomitable will.

People who have life, just keep going.

The most powerful asset you can have is the ability to learn from the unfortunate experiences, and be able to come out and say: “Things were tough, but I kept going.”

Our Expert Says

Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

“Andrew’s story is a humbling reminder that mental health is not just the responsibility of the person with the condition, or their family. It is an outcome of social and environmental factors, just as much as our genes or history, and it is a social responsibility for all agencies, and individuals, to contribute positively to. I hope we can learn systemically from stories like Andrew’s, and make sure we do not let people down in this way again.”

Mary’s story

I fight the pain of my mum’s death every day When her mother died, poet and author Mary Crooks thought her whole world had stopped.

Through writing, and love from her family, she found a way to keep her mum’s influence alive

I

remember the phone call as if it were yesterday. My older sister, Annie, called me to tell me my lovely mother had fallen down the stairs. She had performed CPR on her and mum had been rushed to hospital.

She was now in a coma and it didn’t look good. Could I get on a flight to Scotland as soon as I could? Mum had been given the last rights by the priest. Except it was too late to get a last-minute flight, and to drive would take at least eight hours. Fear flooded my whole body.

Would my mum survive? I needed to get to her. Yet all I could do was stare up at the stars, wondering, was this the end? Would I ever see my beautiful, vivacious, loving, kind and gentle mother again? Would I ever get to kiss her lilywhite skin one last time? Or hear her melodic voice say: “Mary darling!” Outside in my garden, in April 2013, I was struck by just how quiet everything was. It was as though the world had stopped spinning.

It was only earlier that evening I’d had a missed call from my mum. Her message went to voicemail. I listened to it later but was feeling unwell so went to lie down. I will forever be haunted by my actions. Every time I think about it I cry, thinking to myself: “Was she ringing to tell me she

When my wonderful mother passed away, I was told that her heart beat faster when my dad spoke to her and kissed her goodbye was ill?” I will never know. Instead, in its place, was the most wonderful voicemail. “Mary darling! Don’t worry about a thing. Everything will work out. We all have long lives. You must think about Freya-Lily and the baby you are carrying.” My daughter is called after my mum: Lily. I was almost three months pregnant with my second baby.

Her last words on my voice mail? “I will love you forever, Mary.” And just like that, the voicemail was over. I would never have another conversation with my beautiful mother ever again.

On the 20 April 2013, my wonderful mother passed away.

I was told that her heart beat faster when my dad spoke to her and kissed her goodbye. She was gone to the angels.

Somewhere far away from here. >>>

September 2017 • happiful • 63

True Life | My Story

I know the unbelievers will say, ‘Oh please!’ but I honestly feel her around me. Sometimes I feel something icy touch my head, but it doesn’t scare me. It makes me feel calm and happy

Mary, a published author, with her husband, Darrin (right)

When my sister called to tell me that Mum had died. I remember standing outside in my garden staring up at the stars thinking: “This cannot be true. You are having a nightmare. Mum can’t be dead.” I think shock set in then as I didn’t really believe she had passed away. I wouldn’t believe it until I had seen her.

When my sister Jackie and I flew up to Scotland on the first flight of the day, we got to the hospital and it was then we saw it was true. Nothing would ever be the same again and we all knew it. As loving as our dad is, there was a softness about Mum that we all yearned for. Yet she was no more. That kindness had disappeared too.

My only comfort was that I have never intentionally argued with my mum. I tried my best to be strong. I had my husband and my baby Freya-Lily who had just turned one in that March. She was 13 months old when mum died, and I was pregnant with my second baby. I was trying my hardest to keep it together, but inside I was in great despair. Even writing this now, as cathartic as it is, brings tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. It is true that as soon as your mum dies, a part of you dies. It is a huge loss and even four years on, the pain is ginormous.

It threatens to eat you whole. I fight it every day. I try my best to be positive and make my mum proud. Some days are harder than others, but my family keep me going.

It was a good while after my mum’s funeral that I began writing poetry. At first it was angry poems, but as the years went by the poetry became softer. I write about all sorts of topics: love, life, loss, death, anger, lack of self-confidence, hatred and basically anything we deal with in everyday life.

I feel sometimes my poetry is helping others just as much as it is helping me, and that makes me feel happy.

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I published my first book, Love Life Poetry: A Dreamer of Improbable Dreams in December 2016. I self-published, as my lovely dad has suffered many strokes since my mum passed away and I wanted him to have a gift that may help him to get better. He keeps fighting back and is a real-life Superman. I dedicated the book to my Mum, Lily (R.I.P), and my Dad, Tommy. The poem, Real Life Love Story is about them. A poem about their love.

I notice since my mum passed away, anytime I talk about her with my husband, our living room door opens by itself (my husband, Darrin, says there’s a draft), the kitchen light goes on and off (my husband says it’s faulty), the tap does loud drips (my husband says we need a new tap). What he cannot deny is at Christmas time there was a red butterfly that appeared in the hallway. It appeared out of nowhere.

I have never seen a butterfly in December, have you? Red was my mums favourite colour.

I know the unbelievers will say, “Oh please!” but I honestly feel her around me. Sometimes smells (lavender), sometimes I feel something icy touch my head, but it doesn’t scare me. It makes me feel calm and happy.

Now, when the tap goes off or the door opens, my husband says, “Hello Lily!” He doesn’t really believe in the afterlife, but he seems to have turned over a new leaf. Or maybe at least half a page!

I hope my poetry brings peace to people and makes them smile. It’s an amazing feeling to do something I am so passionate about. It’s hard finding the time to sit down quietly and write as we now have three children: Freya-Lily (5), Noah Thomas (3), and Malachy Caiden (3 months).

We know we are blessed with healthy, beautiful children. I have a wonderful husband and a roof over my head.

Real INSPIRATION

I usually write on the go and write what I am feeling immediately. I love that I get to do a job I adore. Writing is never a chore to me, only a passion. I do it alongside my freelance television camera work. It’s hard trying to juggle so many things, but nothing great ever came easily. You must work hard to achieve dreams and I feel that mine are finally becoming a reality. On my poetry page, people can commission poems for their loved ones for a fee. They choose what they think it is worth. It’s a unique gift to give someone you love! It allows less well-off people to treat their family and friends to a unique, once in a lifetime gift as well.

What does the future hold for me?

I hope my dad’s health continues to improve, that my children, husband and I are healthy and happy, that my family and friends are having a fine time too! I pray that I get to move back home to County Mayo in Ireland. To write near the waters’ edge. To become financially free. To be able to support my family without stress or worry.

Life doesn’t stop for anyone. We must try our best to keep moving forward. To keep the love within our hearts and to always give each other a helping hand Maybe next time I will write a supernatural novel. I have always loved writing about things like that. The poetry makes me try my best to be positive and to look on the bright side of life. After all, we only get one life. We may as well try our best to do good, be kind and enjoy ourselves.

We will always have our memories but life doesn’t stop for anyone. We must try our best to keep moving forward.

To keep the love within our hearts and to always give each other a helping hand. I know my mum would like her memory to be one of pure, joyous love. For that is what she brought to this earth, and now it lives on inside all her children and grandchildren. Her blood runs through our veins. For that we shall be eternally grateful.

Mary’s adorable children

On my wedding day, my mum gave me the best advice.

She said: “Mary darling, always look at that wedding ring and remember what it means to you, your love and your husband. Never take that ring off your finger! If you have an argument never go to bed angry. Always forgive one another.”

That was my lovely mother down to the ground. She had the biggest heart. She was super forgiving and she respected her marriage and family. If I can be half the woman she was, then my children will be very lucky indeed. In the end, the most important thing in life, is the love we hold within our hearts. Keep the love!

Our Expert Says Graeme Orr, MBACP (Accred) UKRCP Reg Ind Counsellor, writes:

“News of her mum’s serious accident throws Mary’s world into chaos. Unable to rush to her side, she reflects on all her mother means to her and the difference she makes in her life. When her mum passes away, it brings disbelief, a feeling that part of her has died as well. She finds it difficult to cope with the feelings of loss. Yet as the emotion threatens to consume her, Mary finds healing in writing poetry – an outlet for her feelings. Through this recovery, she connects to the future, remembering all that her mother gave in the past for their happiness.”

September 2017 • happiful • 65

True Life | My Story

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66 • happiful • September 2017

Jake’s story

I was convinced that taking my own life would make my family’s life better Jake Mills suffered depression alone, and in silence. Through talking and sharing, he gained the strength – and the vision – to help tens of thousands of people in the same situation

I

didn’t think I would ever be someone who talked about being depressed. I certainly didn’t think I would be someone who tried to take their own life. But, after depression got me and turned my life upside down, I didn’t really feel like I had any control.

I didn’t know what depression was, never mind that I had it. I didn’t know it was treatable. I didn’t know there was a way through it, or that there was an alternative to the internal hell I was living. But then, why would I if nobody had ever taught me?

If nobody had ever sat me down as a child or an adult and said: “Listen, life can get tough and sometimes it can affect your health.” Or if nobody had ever reassured me that, “If that happens, it’s OK. There are ways to work through it,” then how would I ever know? >>>

September 2017 • happiful • 67

True Life | My Story

That’s the issue we face. Every person in the world has mental health, and just like our physical health, our mental side is likely to suffer from time to time. The difference is, if we become physically ill, we know the process to get better, we trust that it’ll work and that we’ll be taken seriously. If we become mentally unwell, we don’t know, and we certainly don’t trust the process.

I suffered alone, in silence. I was convinced it was nothing more than growing up and taking on responsibilities. This was life and I had no choice about it.

I felt a burden to my family, to my friends. I didn’t want them to worry about helping me because I didn’t think I could be helped. The more they‘d ask what was wrong, or offer to help, the more it would push me away. The guilt I felt thinking that their lives were being affected by a hopeless, pathetic excuse of a man like me, made me want to cut myself off completely.

I spent months trying to channel my thoughts but they all just swirled around my head. Throw emotions, paranoia and insecurities in there and my head soon became a mixing bowl of utter poison.

I couldn’t hear my own conscience. All I knew was that I was drowning and I couldn’t see a way to stop it.

I went to see a counsellor and that just made me feel worse. An hour a week simply wasn’t enough. I was

Depression can make the inside of your head a living hell. It can convince you that you have no worth, no chance, no hope. But it is wrong

opening up and then leaving feeling worse than when I went in. It took three different doctors before I was offered antidepressants.

I felt so alone, despite the support around me.

I’d never thought about suicide before. I’d had what could be best described as dark thoughts, like looking over the side of a bridge and realising how easy it would be to jump. But they were never anything more than a slightly distorted imagination.

Until one day when everything became too much. After months of trying to hear a clear thought, I got one; it was the answer to everything and so obvious, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought about it before. “Kill yourself.”

The more I thought, the clearer it became. I had no reason to doubt, so I did it. Or at least I tried. I’d never prepared for it so I had nothing to hand. No weapons or drugs. I found a CD, which I snapped and used to cut my wrists.

Half-way through, I was stopped in my tracks by a little boy walking past with his dad. I didn’t I thought about want him to see me, but as soon as he was out of my family and my sight, I continued.

At that moment, my girlfriend came around girlfriend. I was the corner and found me before it was too late. convinced that if Sitting alone in my car with the clearest I took myself out thought I’d had in months, I thought about my family. I thought about my mum. I thought of the equation about my girlfriend. I was utterly convinced completely, their that if I was to take myself out of the equation completely, their lives would be better. lives would be better They’d be sad at first, but after the funeral they could get on with their lives without me dragging them down. I honestly thought it would be the best possible thing for them.

Hand on heart, it wasn’t until afterwards, when it could have very easily been the end, that I realised just how wrong I had been.

Depression can make the inside of your head a living hell, and make you your own worst enemy. It can convince you that you have no worth, you have no chance, you have no hope.

But it is wrong.

68 • happiful • September 2017

Real INSPIRATION

Jake with Jeremy Corbyn (above) and (left) speaking up for mental health services

I spoke out about my experiences on social media purely because, after living with secrets for months, and telling lies to everyone, I didn’t want to hide any more. Keeping things hidden is what made me sick in the first place, so if I was to really recover, I felt I had to release it all.

Nobody should feel obliged to speak publicly about their mental health difficulties. Although I’d always encourage people to speak to someone, it doesn’t have to be on social media for the world to see!

After speaking about my experiences, I was contacted by so many people telling me that they’d felt the same. My story was picked up in the press, and the more coverage it got, the more people came to me asking for help. I realised that I had a responsibility. My story could help others but, more importantly, rather than just talking, I had to do something.

I realised that millions of people are going through the exact same thing at the exact same time, each feeling they’re the only one. Not only that, they don’t know what to do about it.

I also started to learn about the thousands of charities and community groups across the country, all offering lifesaving support, whether counselling or a cuppa and a chat, but not enough people knew about them.

I know about them now, but not when I needed them.

Help was too hard to find. There was no joining-up of support; even the services didn’t know about each other.

That’s what I wanted to change, so I vowed to do something. I wanted to bring all the help and support

together in one place and make help as easy as possible to find. I wanted people to know there is always someone to talk to. There is never any reason to suffer alone in silence.

Now, almost four years later, I have formed a mental health charity, Chasing the Stigma, and we have created a national database called the Hub of Hope (hubofhope.co.uk).

It’s a place to go to find the support that’s around you, wherever you are in the UK. It’s there to prove that people are ready and waiting to support you. It isn’t there to replace doctors or counselling, but to work alongside them. It’s there for when you’re sitting on a waiting list or when you’re waiting for your next appointment. It’s there to say you never have to be alone. Because whatever you are feeling, whatever you are thinking, somebody else has felt and thought it, and there is always someone to talk to.

Our Expert Says

Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

“What a powerful account of the horror of suicidal thoughts and actions. While we can never truly know the unique experience of another person, Jake’s realisation that he was not alone, and that no one is alone, was a key turning point. I urge anyone who resonates with Jake’s story to reach out. Why not use The Hub for Hope to find support near to you?”

September 2017 • happiful • 69

True Life | Ask the Experts

Ask the Experts

Troubled? Confused? Need advice?

Our Happiful professionals are here to help

WELLBEING

What is misophonia?

A brief overview of the overwhelming sensory condition

Misophonia is a debilitating medical condition where sufferers develop an extreme sensitivity to everyday noises, usually eating and breathing sounds. Misophonia is often triggered in childhood, typically after an emotionally significant incident. The “trigger” is often a family member and the afflicted becomes hypersensitive to a certain sound that person makes or draws attention to. Their reaction can range from irritation to anger, and even violence. There’s no increase in auditory activity, but rather an enhanced limbic (emotional) and autonomic nervous system (ANS) response, producing an overwhelming discomfort and a “fight-or-flight” reaction. The primitive part of the brain overtakes the cognitive. Conscious control and the ability to discriminate between genuine threats and harmless ones disappears. Neuronal networks between the ear and the brain detect unpleasant or threatening sounds first in order to avoid them, and activate a reflex response to prepare for danger. Sufferers of misophonia don’t just hear sound, but feel it. That painful sensation leads to a cortical and adrenaline rush and its resultant overpowering emotion.

The neurophysical model This model considers the interaction between the limbic, ANS and auditory systems. The limbic system controls our 70 • happiful • September 2017

emotions and is connected with all five sensory systems. The ANS is responsible for regulating functions in the brain and body over which we have no direct control. In misophonia, connections between the auditory, limbic and ANS are enhanced. Reactions to specific sounds are governed by conditioned reflexes.

The biochemical model This questions whether misophonia could be an inherited neurological disorder, perhaps from a damaged gene or overactive nervous system.

Psychological models This looks at the connections with compulsive disorders like OCD, or the learned emotional response of a phobia.

Various medications have been prescribed and many therapies suggested (hypnosis, cognitive behavioural therapy, sound therapy etc.). Sequent Repatterning Therapy, developed by Chris Pearson, has been producing some excellent and long-lasting results. Although few published results are available, the good news is that brain plasticity makes relief for these sufferers possible.

Written by Tara Economakis, DipAdvHyp (N-SHAP) MNRHP UKCP. Read more: hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

Practical ADVICE

COUNSELLING

Can infertility counselling help my anxiety?

Understanding the benefits of professional help

NUTRITION

I keep fretting about my child’s diet A guide to fussy eaters and how to help them Encouraging kids to eat well is a struggle for many parents. Fussy eating can lead to a lack of nutrients, resulting in fatigue, low immunity, eating disorders and other mental health problems. Here are a few possible reasons children develop fussy eating, and ways to help improve their choice of foods: Zinc deficiency A lack of zinc can lead to a loss of taste, smell and appetite. Sprinkling ground pumpkin or sunflower seeds on your child’s breakfast can help increase zinc in their diet. Beef, seafood and multivitamins are also good sources of zinc.

Digestive problems Stomach acid helps digest proteins, so if this is low, protein food may linger in the gut, causing discomfort.

The child may associate this with protein-rich foods and stop eating them. Apple cider vinegar on salad dressings, papaya and pineapple all help. Staying hydrated helps, but avoid large glasses of water at mealtimes as this may dilute food.

Food intolerances If children are intolerant to wheat and dairy, they may not be digesting them properly. Large food particles can escape into the bloodstream, causing an opiate-like response to the food.

This feel-good response can lead to cravings.

A nutritional therapist can advise on testing for intolerance and give advice for possibly eliminating a food from the diet. Chemicals such as MSG are found in processed foods and children may become addicted to these. Try to home cook their favourite foods and get them to help.

Written by Natasha Alonzi CNM Dip mBANT CNCH. Read the full article: nutritionist-resource.org.uk

Discovering you’re unable to conceive a child without medical intervention can be extremely distressing. Fraught with uncertainty, anxiety is common, but also guilt, shame, jealousy and resentment.

Research shows that most people handle the stresses of fertility treatment without counselling.

However, it could help them cope better through the process and life without children, if that’s the outcome.

The end of treatment (voluntary or otherwise) can be traumatic and yet a relief. Even pregnancy can be worrying as some families are created by donor conception, which has emotional issues such as genetic connection, and telling the child.

For couples, counselling is a chance to talk openly together. For single people, it may be the only outlet to express fears of the challenge ahead.

Counselling can help you consider your choices throughout the treatment and make more thoughtful decisions.

Although fertility counselling isn’t relationship counselling, some couples want to talk about issues that arise or how their relationship has changed.

Counselling offers the chance to explore the meaning of family, and look for purpose in a child-free life. It invites you to be hopeful and supports you in times of anxiety and distress.

All fertility clinics in the UK will have a qualified counsellor who’s a member of the British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA).

Written by Sandra Hewett FdA MBACP (Accred) MBICA. Read more: counselling-directory.org.uk September 2017 • happiful • 71

True Life | Ask the Experts

BALANCE

1 in 4

Brits are stressed at work.

45% of all working days lost in 2015/16 were stress related

I’m overwhelmed by work. How can I manage it?

The seven challenge areas for finding a work-life balance There are a lot of challenges affecting a person’s work-life balance. Each one adds to stress, which contributes to emotional and physical imbalance: 1. Unrealistic demands Unreasonable demands at work and arrangements eating into personal time can add a lot of pressure. Be clear about what you want from work. Are the demands justified in light of that? For every challenge, think about what you gain from it and what is the price you pay? This gives you a good structure to make a choice.

2. Lack of control Feeling frustrated by a lack of control makes things worse, so it’s best to find a different internal response. Accepting the situation for what it is won’t sap your energy, and makes you more efficient.

3. Unsupportive relationships Unsupportive relationships at work can create an unproductive environment. At home, they can create frustration and unhappiness. Think about your people management and expectations; are you asking for support?

Are your expectations realistic?

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4. Lack of resources Not enough resources, or not the right ones, affect how life can be organised. Try to find a creative solution.

Something has to give, and it shouldn’t be you.

5. Unhelpful attitude Resilience in challenging circumstances determines how well someone is coping and finding a way forward. One of the healthy ways of building resilience is meditation.

6. No skills Surviving and managing challenges are professional and life skills. When you recognise weaknesses in certain areas, take action to develop them. This will make you feel more in control.

7. High-stress levels Stress is a personal response and you can take control of it by learning skills that will help you to reduce stress, such as mindfulness, meditation, and learning to be kinder to yourself.

Written by Mariette Jansen, psycho-educational teacher/ psychological coach. To read the full article, visit: lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Practical ADVICE

THERAPY

EMOTIONS

Why do I keep flying off the handle?

The end result is a general detoxification

Exploring the causes of anger (and how it can be managed)

What is manual lymphatic drainage?

Therapy that provides a natural body detox Manual lymphatic drainage (MLD) is a gentle detox therapy that drains excess fluid from the body to improve overall functioning of the lymphatic (immune) system. MLD is often used to treat lymphedema, characterised by the blockage of lymph nodes in the arms and legs, which often leads to a sensation of “heaviness” and general discomfort. MLD was pioneered by Dr Emil Vodder in the 1930s, who noticed patients with severe colds had swollen lymph nodes. He devised a treatment using circular hand movements to release toxins and bacteria from the body.

Lymphatic massage is applied gently in the direction of lymph flow in order to unblock any obstructed lymph vessels, allowing the lymph flow to transport waste from the body. The therapy is applied in gentle strokes towards the heart. This technique lightly stretches the walls of the lymph vessels and encourages lymph drainage, leading to a general detoxification of the system.

There are four MLD techniques that may be used during treatment: 1. Stationary circles: continuous spirals using fingertips over the neck, face and lymph nodes.

2. Pump technique: oval strokes using fingers, thumbs, palms on skin.

3. Rotary technique: circular motions, palms facing down. Wrists apply and lessen the stroke pressure.

4. Scoop strokes: palms facing up, fingers outstretched to resemble a scoop. Twisting strokes are applied to the skin to encourage waste disposal.

The end result of MLD is a general detoxification of the lymphatic system, unblocking lymphatic channels, a release of energy, and a sensation of general wellbeing.

Written by Ben Pianese from Massaggi Therapy. Read the full article: therapy-directory.org.uk

Anger is a perfectly normal emotion.

We don’t choose to be angry, but how we channel this emotion is down to us as individuals. It can manifest itself verbally or physically, and both reactions can be harmful to those around us. We may feel unable to control our outbursts, but learning to manage them is possible.

Anger is a natural emotion, but it can become a problem if it interferes with our daily lives. Anger can impact our overall wellbeing and cause significant physical health issues, such as raised blood pressure and cardiac problems.

Anger is often linked to depression, since mood and emotions work sideby-side. When feeling low, you’re more likely to experience sadness and anger. This can impact the way you communicate with others. You may become more judgemental and have feelings of exhaustion. Anger may be triggered by major events in your life, such as health or financial changes.

There are many ways that anger can be managed, from self-help books, to antidepressants, to therapy. These can help you to understand what triggers your anger and how to manage it more effectively. The biggest step is to admit that there’s a problem, and that you want to do something positive to address it.

Written by Claire Routledge Dip Couns Reg MBACP. Read the full article: counsellingdirectory.org.uk September 2017 • happiful • 73

True Life | Final Thought

In a Parallel Universe Our September cover from a different dimension Healthy Ideas Have Changed The World

PREVIOU S WINNERS !

NASA UPDATE: ‘We live in a complex game show called: I’m a Sentient Being...

Get Me Out of Here!’

Gautam Florence Na Buddha ightin Socrates gale Gandhi Chris & Ke m

WHAT ARE THE RULES?

Halt Racism End Poverty Love Everyone Put the Bins Out on Monday!

GLOBAL NEWS!

Planet Earth is a Reality

TV Show Created by Aliens NASA Makes Incredible Discovery After UFO Appears

74 • happiful • Septenber 2017

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