Happiful May 2022

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING

A breath of fresh air Why you should walk nature's rainbow

ISSUE 61 £5.99

HABIT OF A LIFETIME? Journal your way to healthier routines

Pickin' up good vibrations?

Your empath energy must be protected

THE INTROVERT ANGLE | SANDWICH GENERATION | RADICAL HONESTY

Text PAUSE to 8140 0 or visit se14 mind.org.uk/Pau to find out more.

Pause is your regular dose of creativity and mindfulness delivered straight to your door By texting PAUSE to 81400 you will be charged one message at your standard network rate. Charity no. 219830 and registered company no. 424348.

2 | Issue XX | happiful.com

A little serenity It’s safe to say, there’s a lot going on right now. And I think we’re all starting to feel it...

The ‘normal’ pressures of the world appear to be looming over us larger than ever before, and the angst you might be feeling is compounded with the uncertainty of no clear light at the end of the tunnel.

You might be asking: ‘When is the pressure going to ease off?’

Sometimes the harder we try to hold everything up on our shoulders, the further it feels we’re sinking into the ground, as we bury our fears and anxieties under a brave face.

Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge

This is when it’s so important to find your own calm amidst the chaos.

As Buddha said: “Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.”

Ensure that, as much as you want to give and support others, you still think about your own needs and boundaries, and protect your own energy, too.

For some, that might mean taking a step back, giving yourself space, and listening to songs where the lyrics hit the right note in expressing exactly how you’re feeling (p42). For others, it could be taking proactive steps to craft the life that you deserve by resetting your sleep schedule (p45), or diving into our habit-tracking journaling pages (p84).

We can’t solve every dilemma, deal with every challenge, and face every fear all at once. We’re only human.

Is the world perfect? Far from it. Is everything running smoothly in our lives? Right now, probably not.

So, instead, why not allow ourselves the peace we deserve, even if it’s for just a moment?

Accepting this doesn’t mean things have to stay this way forever, but acknowledging how we feel enables us to face it head on, and take charge of the things we can control.

Take a deep breath. The storm will pass.

So, what do we suggest? Create your own personal paradise – a moment of respite from the storm.

At Happiful, inclusivity, representation, and creating a happier, healthier society is at the forefront of our mission. To find out more about our social and environmental pledges, visit happiful.com/pledges W | happiful.com F | happifulhq T | @happifulhq

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR

I | @happiful_magazine

A new approach

How to handle First Time buyer Stress

17 It's time for radical honesty Why we should drop the white lies

20 How to reduce screentime Do you want to readdress your relationship with tech?

30 Colour therapy, explained 35 The crypto craze

What you need to know about crypto and its link to gambling

83 Over to you

38

*NEW *

This month's journaling prompts

42

Relationships 14 The sandwich generation What to do when you're caring on two fronts

56 Hardly working

Improve the relationships at your job

67 Life as an introverted man A closer look at a different style of masculinity

75 Finding her happy ending One woman's journey with disability, sex, and relationships

Positive pointers

78 Six myths about loneliness

Grace Victory on how to protect it

Culture 8 Good news

Uplifting stories to make you smile

13 The wellbeing wrap 50 Happiful recommends 71 Good reads

22 Empath energy 42 Sing it out

Lyrics that perfectly capture mental health challenges

53 Wedding I dos and don'ts 61 10 quick wellbeing wins 81 Forward motion

Eco-conscious driving tips

48

Try this at home 16 Spot hidden signs of anxiety 41 The art of mindfulness 60 Five eco-friendly apps 82 Reframe negative self-talk

25

Wellbeing

67

25 A new challenge

How can mothers-to-be with eating disorders prepare for pregnancy?

28 Tackling stress every day 38 Movin' on up

How to deal with first-time buyer angst

45 Reset your sleep cycle

It really can be done in just three days

72 How to spot anxiety in kids

Learn the warning signs to watch for and how to step in

Food & health 34 Dip into this 48 Breakfast boosters

Recipes to start the day off right

61

58 Low on spoons?

What to do when your energy reserves are depleted

64 Eat it to beat it

Simple dietary tricks to help acid reflux

*

Expert review Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively.

There’s a multitude of things we can do to improve our wellbeing, and a large number of them are cost free – they just require subtle changes to how you behave. Technology plays a huge role in how we feel, and sometimes this can be negative – head to p20 to explore how to reduce your screen time. When we are continually using a device, it takes us away from the ‘now’. This creates a detachment from our reality, negatively impacting our connectedness with the self and people around us. It’s wonderful that technology is enhancing our lives on so many ways, but it must be used in balance.

RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred)

Rav is a counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 10 years' experience.

Our team

Expert Panel Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue DEBBIE FLETCHER

FIONA AUSTIN

DipCouns Cert MBACP

MA DipPsy

Debbie is an integrative counsellor and clinical supervisor.

Fiona is a positive psychologist specialising in anxiety.

EDITORIAL Rebecca Thair | Editor Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer Grace Victory, Bhavna Raithatha | Columnists Lucy Donoughue | Head of Multimedia Ellen Lees | Head of Content Janette Owen | Sub-Editor Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

PATRYCJA TOBOLSKA BSc Hons PGDip MSc

Patrycja is a nutritionist encouraging positive change.

BHAVNA RAITHATHA

ART & DESIGN

BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)

Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product

Bhavna is a psychotherapist, coach, supervisor, and trainer.

Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead Rosan Magar | Illustrator Tamlyn Izzett | Graphic Designer

COMMUNICATIONS

Alice Greedus | PR Manager

HEATHER DARWALL-SMITH

AARON JUDE MCCARTHY MA

BA MA UKCP

Aaron is a certified executive coach with experience working across industries.

Heather is a psychotherapist and author with a specialist interest in insomnia.

CONTRIBUTORS Kate Orson, Harvey Morton, Hope Virgo, David Bone, Rosalind Ryan, Andrew Harvey, Amber Tennant, Jenna Farmer, Hasret Tekin, Sophie L Morgan

SPECIAL THANKS

Debbie Fletcher, Fiona Austin, Daniel Bunce, Heather Darwall-Smith, Patrycja Tobolska, Aaron Jude McCarthy, Shannon Western, Keith Howitt

SHANNON WESTERN

HASRET TEKIN BA PGdip MBACP MPTUK/PTI MAST

BSc MSc ANutr

Hasret is a child & adolescent therapist specialising trauma.

Shannon is a nutritionist who specialises in disordered eating and women’s health.

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING

Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC® label

ISSUE 61 £5.99

guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to HABIT OF A LIFETIME?

A breath of fresh air

Journal your way to healthier routines

Why you should walk nature's rainbow

regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that

Pickin' up good vibrations?

Your empath energy must be protected

content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values.

Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely.

It is provided for general information purposes only. We work hard to achieve the highest possible editorial standards, however if you would like to pass on your feedback or have a complaint about Happiful,

MANAGEMENT Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

SUBSCRIPTIONS For new orders and back orders, visit shop.happiful.com, or call Newsstand on +44 (0)1227 277 248 or email subenquiries@newsstand.co.uk

CONTACT Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL Email us at hello@happiful.com

HAPPIFUL FAMILY Helping you find the help you need.

Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource, Therapy Directory

please email us at feedback@happiful.com. We do not accept liability THE INTROVERT ANGLE | SANDWICH GENERATION | RADICAL HONESTY

9 772514

Cover illustration

by Rosan Magar

373017

HAPPIFUL.COM | £5.99

61

for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

CBP006075

Reader offer

£71.88

£59.99

For 12 print issues!

Pay for 10 magazines, get two free Happiful delivered to your door before it hits the shelves

Find help CRISIS SUPPORT If you are in crisis and are concerned for your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email them at jo@samaritans.org

Competitions and prize draws!

Head to happiful. for more com se and supprvices ort

Visit happiful.com

GENERAL LISTENING LINES SANEline SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm: 0300 304 7000 Mind Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk Switchboard Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: 0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt

p25

SUPPORT WITH EATING DISORDERS Find information and support for those with eating disorders and their loved ones at beateatingdisorders.org.uk

p64

WORK WITH A NUTRITIONIST If you want to learn more and create a personalised plan, connect with a professional using nutritionist-resource.org.uk

p75

DISABILITY INFORMATION AND COMMUNITY Find practical advice and emotional support by visiting scope.org.uk

One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each individual is a journey – what works for one of us will be different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you on your way. Bringing together various arms of support, each of our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your wellbeing – from counselling, to hypnotherapy, nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy. Download our free Happiful app for more.

Prices and benefits are correct at the time of printing. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com

Photography | Katharine Lightbown

The Uplift KIDS

Hospice offers bereavement training to primary schools Death and grief can be difficult things to comprehend, especially for children. With that in mind, a Derbyshire-based charity, Treetops Hospice, has reached out to offer training for primary school staff, so that they can help pupils understand death, and be there for them when a loved one dies.

“How a child experiences grief depends on many factors, not just their age,” explains Treetops therapeutic services manager and head of children’s services Jules Kirk. “Their reactions can be affected by their cognitive ability, 8 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

emotional literacy, wider family and social dynamics, and their culture and beliefs.

“In our training, we explain what children believe about death at different ages. Younger children have a limited concept of time, for example, so they often view death as a temporary absence of that loved one. Older children understand that death is irreversible, but sometimes believe that the person who died can still see or hear them.”

The Lanes School, in Beeston, Nottinghamshire, is one of the

first to sign up for the training, and teaching assistant Elaine Allcoat shares why it’s important: “Schools play an important part in every child’s life,” she says.

“Supporting pupils after any trauma, including bereavement, is a vital part of our job. We don’t want to ‘get it wrong’ because it is so important. The training really gave us confidence and guided us in how to tackle these difficult situations. We’d recommend schools take up this opportunity.”

Visit treetops.org.uk for more.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

TECH

Ground-breaking app sparks memories for dementia patients Coming up with an app idea down the pub may sound a cliché, but in the case of Memory Lane Games, that’s exactly what happened.

Long-time friends Peter Quayle and Bruce Elliott were chatting about their mums’ love of old family photos, when they thought about how they could turn these images into a game.

Memory Lane Games was born – a free app with more than

1,000 quiz-style games using old photos to trigger memories and spark conversation – designed to be played by dementia patients and a relative or carer.

Peter (whose mum has vascular dementia) explains that the app provides easy-to-use activities for reminiscence, which is recognised as a key dementia management tool by the NHS. To personalise the game, users can

add in their own family photos and trivia.

After partnering with the Alzheimer’s Disease Association of the Philippines (ADAP), the app is now being prescribed by the country’s doctors. “Our ambition is to deliver free reminiscence activities, localised, for every country in the world,” says Bruce.

Visit memorylanegames.com Writing | Kat Nicholls

ANIMALS

Pets linked to a paw-sitive effect on our brains Many of us can already attest to the ways that pets enrich our lives. But, now, a preliminary study presented at the American Academy of Neurology’s 74th Annual Meeting has uncovered a link between long-term pet ownership and a slower decline in cognition over time.

Looking at 1,369 adults with an average age of 65, 53% of whom owned pets, researchers used cognitive tests (including subtraction, numeric counting, and word recall) and data to develop scores for each individual participant.

What they found was that, over six years, the cognitive scores for pet owners decreased at a

slower rate than those who didn’t own pets – with this difference strongest among those who were long-term pet owners (five years or more). The study also found that the cognitive benefits associated with pet ownership were particularly strong for Black adults, college-educated adults, and men.

“As stress can negatively affect cognitive function, the potential stress-buffering effects of pet ownership could provide a plausible reason for our findings,” says study author Tiffany Braley.

“A companion animal can also increase physical activity, which could benefit cognitive health.

That said, more research is

needed to confirm our results and identify underlying mechanisms for this association.”

But, for now, it’s fair to say that having animals on the brain is a pretty good thing.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler happiful.com | Issue 61 | 9

10 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

SLEEP

Is the ‘wrong side of the bed’ a real thing?

You’ve heard of the phrase ‘I got out the wrong side of bed’, and typically couples will tend to stick to ‘their side of the bed’ – with the exception of those who prefer to ‘starfish’. But is there some credence to our bed habits?

According to data collected by The Sleep Charity, there might be more to picking a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ side of the bed than we first thought.

In a survey of 2,000 UK adults, the charity found that men were more likely to opt for the left side – whereas women tended to choose their side of the bed out of habit.

Meanwhile, 15% of men said that they were guided by superstition when choosing where they wanted to sleep, compared with 10% of women – a superstition that is believed to have originated from ancient Rome, where Romans were careful to get out of bed on the right side.

Beyond that, the poll also highlighted several other factors for choosing the right or wrong side of the bed, including closeness to doors and windows, and a better view of TVs. “There are so many factors that help us determine which is the right side of the bed for us,” says The Sleep Charity deputy CEO Lisa Artis.

“We recommend trying out different positions and conditions to determine the perfect sleep environment for you.”

So, that sounds like a debate we can finally put to bed.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 11

Take 5

How did you do?

Search 'f reebies' at shop.hap piful.com to find th e answ and mor ers, e!

Put your puzzling prowess to the test with this issue’s brain teasers

Codebreaker

Thinking caps at the ready – can you decipher this puzzle? It’s like a crossword with no clues. Instead, it’s a game of logic, as every letter of the alphabet is used at least once, and is represented by a number in the grid.

Uncover a letter at a time to reveal answers all over the grid – good luck!

HINT: Wellbeing 24

T T

25 2 15

R N

6

6

L I N 17

A

B

11

O

2

Z

20

8

8 2 E R 6 5 20 E R E T R 6 N Q 15 I L 10 E 9 I T 6 T I 2 N T I 2 16 7 7 T R 8 21 T 15 R E E 6 L I N 17 E 5 T 2 7 I E I 2 7 15 5 5 2 18 R R T 17 N E R 7 8 24 E L 14 18 6 R E I 6 7 8 2 5 Z E 6 E 8 18 E 13 5 R E 7 7 N 22 I N 9

C

D

E

8

F

G

H

26 N

18

P

Q

R

19

3

I

J

K

4 S

T 12

U

V

L

M

1 W

X

Y

Z 23

The

wellbeing wrap Finland has been named the world’s happiest country for the fifth year in a row

Burger King opened its first vegan store in its flagship Leicester Square branch (as part of a month-long trial)

Scientists have revealed that a contraceptive pill for males has been found to be 99% effective

Online searches for solar panels are up by a fifth in the face of soaring energy bills

The ‘Pay, Don’t Stay’ movement created

by Sarah Brown, from Utah, encouraged people across the globe to support Ukrainians by renting their Airbnbs – with no need to actually visit. The booking money raised $2 million in just 48 hours!

Out of luck?

A study from the University of Bath has revealed that people who believe in fate, or that luck is random, are more likely to be anxious. Whereas those who view themselves as personally ‘lucky’ were deemed to be happier.

The ulti-mutt celebration

In anticipation of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee in June 2022, London’s Women’s Institute (WI) members have been getting crafty in their celebrations. The group has been knitting mini corgis, Queen Elizabeth’s favourite pooch, called ‘WInnie’, hiding them around the capital for folks to find. If you want to get involved by picking up your own knitting needles, the pattern for WInnie is suitable for all skill levels, and can be found by visiting thewi.org.uk

A ‘classic’ connundrum

Can you really judge a book by its cover?

Well apparently, a lot of us do, as a recent survey by TV channel Dave found that 48% of men and 44% of women lie about having read literary classics – often too daunted to turn the page but keen to impress others. The books we mostly bluff about reading?

War and Peace, Hamlet, and Moby Dick.

Scotland may become the first part of the UK to approve the concept of ‘water cremations’ (aquamation burials). This innovation could dramatically cut greenhouse gas emissions, as well as offer people more choice in how to say farewell to their loved ones.

The right to roam

A law of wanderlust is written into the Swedish constitution, which entitles all people access to nature.

‘Allemansrätten’ (which translates to ‘the everyman’s right’) means that you can explore, camp, cycle, or even ski on any land, with minimal exceptions.

Now we’re ballin’!

A football-loving 12-year-old from Leeds is proving that physical differences don’t mean you can’t live your dreams.

Wayde Drew, who was born without a left forearm, has now become the star goalie for his local team, Saxton FC.

In honour of International Women’s Day, to inspire the next generation of female leaders, Barbie launched 12 dolls based on trailblazing role models across a range of industries. Included is TV producer and writer Shonda Rhimes, who wrote: “Proud to be among the 12 amazing women, all of whom are breaking barriers in their respective careers.”

Home is where the woof is

It’s no secret that pets hold a very special place in our hearts, but a recent survey by Wag! has revealed that bond goes even deeper. With offices reopening, 41% of participants said they will miss their dog more than their partner or children when they return to work.

Given that 93% of respondents saw their dogs as a mental health support, it’s no surprise that our canine companions are such an essential part of our lives.

What is the sandwich generation?

When caring responsibilities pull you in two different directions, how can you best look after your own wellbeing?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I

n 2022, our personal timelines are looking dramatically different to those of the generations that came before us. People are living longer, and many are choosing to have children later in life. These two trends offer a lot to be grateful

14 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

for – before us lies more time with our loved ones, more time to explore the world around us, to pursue our dreams, to enjoy our hobbies, to learn, and to indulge in new experiences. But, at the same time, these circumstances have led to a transformation of

the caring landscape – and, today, many people in middle age are now finding themselves caring on two fronts.

Dubbed the ‘sandwich generation’, the number of people who are caring for elderly parents, as well as their own

relationships

children, is on the rise – with the ONS reporting that 1.3 million people in the UK now have this responsibility. And we need to talk about it.

Caring is a huge undertaking, both physically and mentally, and in the same report from 2019, the ONS went on to reveal that 27% of ‘sandwich carers’ showed symptoms of mental ill-health while caring for both older relatives and children – with their risk of experiencing this increasing the more time they spent caring each week.

While the numbers are distressing, it’s fairly easy to see where that risk comes from, as counsellor Debbie Fletcher explores.

“Those in the ‘sandwich generation’ will inevitably be balancing the numerous demands of being both a parent and a child,” says Debbie. “You may be caring for an elderly parent one minute, and dealing with a challenging child the next – on top of other responsibilities like holding down a demanding job, or running a household.

These demands themselves, as well as the pressure of being pulled in different directions, can be overwhelming. This can result in your own wellbeing ending up at the bottom of your priority list, if it is on your list at all!”

Debbie rightly points out that being part of the ‘sandwich generation’ can, of course, be a positive experience – especially when it comes to taking care of parents, where you can experience a feeling of ‘giving

You may be caring for an elderly parent one minute, and dealing with a challenging child the next back’ to them for a lifetime of love and care. That said, there’s no use denying the challenges that come with this position, too.

“Sometimes, the experience of being ‘sandwiched’ overpowers the ability to cope,” Debbie adds.

“If this happens, then it is vital that you take steps to build your resilience, find support, and maintain your wellbeing.”

In the general population, around 61% of people are happy with the amount of leisure time that they have. Among sandwich carers, 47% of those who look after a relative outside the home are happy with their leisure time – and for those providing care within their home, that figure drops to just 38%. With all that considered, it’s easy to see how taking steps to protect your wellbeing can be put on the back burner.

If this sounds like you, Debbie offers some important reminders: “Firstly, I tell my clients to remember what you are told at the beginning of a flight: put on your own oxygen mask before you help others. If you don’t look after yourself, you will not be able to continue to look after others. You are not being selfish.

“Secondly, if it is at all possible, share the load with others. Do not feel guilty if you need to delegate.

You do not have to do it all yourself, and even a little help can make a big difference.

“Thirdly, consider if there are ways you could reorganise your time. Perhaps you could ask your employer for less or more flexible working hours. You could outsource some of your tasks, or your children could take on more household chores. These are just a few examples, just think to yourself: how can I make my life work better for me?”

The elusive and aspirational idea of ‘balance’ can often seem far beyond our reach, especially when we’re dealing with the dayto-day realities of juggling all the responsibilities that are piling up.

But for those in this position, small actions so often make the biggest difference.

“Share your thoughts and feelings with family and friends,” Debbie advises. “It is remarkable how helpful this can be, and you may even find friends in the same situation. Finally, simply be kind of yourself. You do not have a magic wand, and you can only do what you are able to, and that is enough.”

Debbie Fletcher is an integrative counsellor and clinical supervisor.

Visit counselling-directory.org.uk to find out more. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 15

Symptoms of anxiety that no one talks about Understanding the symptoms to watch out for can help you to address the root cause sooner. Here, we are sharing five warning signs of angst that people often aren’t aware of

Shame spirals That inner critic really comes alive when we’re feeling anxious. We might worry about meeting expectations, letting someone down, or making a mistake.

These thoughts often cause us to spiral into a cycle of guilt and shame as we put more and more pressure on ourselves, which creates further anxiety.

Brain fog Feelings of anxiety use up our energy, meaning our reserves are reduced for tasks we can normally just crack on with. On top of that, it can take even more effort to stop the anxious thoughts invading and taking over our minds, resulting in feeling less sharp, trouble concentrating, and often grogginess.

Tinnitus Ringing in your ears (tinnitus) and chronic anxiety can be closely linked in a vicious circle, with emotional stress sometimes leading to tinnitus developing (or getting worse), or the tinnitus exacerbating existing anxiety.

Nausea Anxiety can make our body go into crisis mode, activating our fight or flight response.

This induces a rush of hormones causing our heart and breathing rates to increase, our muscles to tense up, and more blood to be sent to our brain. These hormones also impact the digestive system, often creating a ‘butterflies’ in the stomach feeling, which can lead to nausea and even vomiting for some people.

Sensitivity to light During periods of intense anxiety, for example in a panic attack, your fight or flight mode comes into play, causing your pupils to dilate, as well as the muscles in your face tensing. This can result in being more sensitive to light, as well as aching in the eye area. But remember, if you’re experiencing any problems with your eyes, it’s always best to speak to a professional to get them checked to be safe.

a new approach

Can I be honest with you?

A little white lie never really hurts, right? Well, actually, telling fibs can impact your physical and mental health. Perhaps it’s time to embrace radical honesty instead?

I

n our society, we are used to telling white lies. Maybe you don’t want to go to a social event so you make up an excuse about being unwell, or if you don’t agree with someone you bite your tongue, and don’t share your true feelings.

This can help to keep the peace, but it can also get in the way of having real, authentic relationships with others. If you never express your true feelings, you might end up continually having someone crossing your boundaries, or doing things you don’t like but feel powerless to stop.

Research has also shown that repeatedly lying can cause stress, depression, and even physical illness. A US study from the University of Notre Dame, Indiana, looked at the effect of consciously trying to stop telling lies, including ‘white lies’, for 10 weeks. The results? Participants

Writing | Kate Orson

had fewer mental health issues such as low mood, and fewer physical health ailments such as headaches, than a control group that didn’t focus on lies.

Honesty can open up a conversation, and we may end up hearing something honest in return.

This can deepen and enrich relationships This is something that Michelle Traub knows only too well. Michelle is a writer, compassionate coach, and author of Online Dating for Sensitive Women. Michelle says she ‘“grew up as a people-pleaser, telling people what they wanted to hear

and being agreeable to keep the peace”. But it was only when Michelle completed a masters in Integrative Healing that she became aware of how this attitude was affecting her life.

“I realised it had led me to attract narcissistic and manipulative people, who used my kindness against me. My body started to turn on me by developing autoimmune diseases. My health decline began in my teens, as I started to experience chronic fatigue.

My immune system continued to be under attack for more than a decade. All the while, I was unknowingly surrounded by narcissistic individuals, including a husband who consistently dismissed me and my beliefs.

If I tried to speak my truth, I was shut down or overridden.

I didn’t even realise what was happening.’’ >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 17

When Michelle left her marriage, her health dramatically improved, and she attracted more healthy relationships based on honesty.

Not everyone has such dramatic consequences to suppressing their truth, and everyone’s situation is unique, but all of us can probably live more fulfilling lives by telling fewer lies. So, how can we do it?

Perhaps the first step is to become aware of the ways in which we lie. Many of us have been primed since childhood to be polite and please others, and perhaps in a pattern of telling untruths without being consciously aware of it.

One way to begin to notice is to check in with your body when conversing with others.

Our bodies can house our stories and register what’s going on in our unconscious mind.

Consciously, the lies might not register if you’re used to telling them, but your body might feel uncomfortable with what is happening, and the truth that is being suppressed.

Start to notice how your body feels in interactions with others.

As you tell your boss it’s no 18 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

problem to work late yet again, or you tell a friend that you’re happy to look after their child, what physical sensations do you feel?

If you notice tension or tightness, butterflies in your stomach, shorter breaths, or a nervousness in your chest, it could be that your real truth is different to the one you’ve verbalised.

One way to bring conscious awareness is to keep a journal of all the times you catch yourself not being truthful. Judi Ketteler, author of Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Power of Being Honest in a World That Lies, kept an honesty journal to bring awareness to her lying.

Each time you catch yourself in a lie, write down how it made you

feel. What were your thoughts or physical feelings? What are your fears around telling the truth in that particular situation? What are you losing by hiding your truth?

How could you express yourself in a way that more genuinely reflects your inner mind?

The next step is to dive in and start being more honest about what you are thinking. One thing to bear in mind is that we may be lying because we do not want to hurt people.

Of course, honesty doesn’t mean being blunt and hurtful just for the sake of it, but means simply expressing your thoughts and feelings more accurately so your needs are met. This can be

a new approach

intimidating, especially if you are undoing a lifelong pattern of suppressing your truth.

Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of the Center for Non-Violent Communication, referred to the concept of ‘scary honesty’ because of how terrifying it can feel.

A way to soften the blow of your honesty is to recognise the difference between what Marshall called ‘jackal’ and ‘giraffe’ honesty.

Jackal honesty is a language of demands; blaming, criticising, judging, and demanding. Giraffe honesty is more clear-sighted; like a giraffe and its long neck, you can see the full picture, and recognise that thoughtful communication is clear and less likely to hurt others.

With giraffe honesty, you can focus on observing, connecting, feeling, and requesting. So, if there’s something you need you can ask for it, and express why, rather than attacking the other person.

Using ‘I’ statements can help with giraffe honesty. When we use ‘I’ statements, we deliver our message with a focus on our feelings and beliefs, rather than our judgements on the other. For example: ‘I feel frustrated when

Honesty doesn’t mean being blunt and hurtful just for the sake of it, but means simply expressing your thoughts and feelings more accurately, so your needs are met I come home and the house is messy,’ as opposed to: ‘You always leave your mess lying everywhere.’

The last thing to be aware of is that being honest also means listening to what others have to say in response. Honesty can open up a conversation, and we may end up hearing something honest in return. This can deepen and enrich relationships in ways you might never have imagined.

Modelling good honesty goes against our culture of white lies.

It’s like a permission slip that lets others know that the times are changing, it’s OK to share what we really want and need.

The first time I heard a friend say to me that she couldn’t meet me because she was exhausted, emotional, and struggling, it was a relief. Instead of me wondering why she really cancelled, and if she really liked me, I knew that this was someone I could be close to, this was someone I could be true with. So, the next time I felt overworked and overwhelmed, I cancelled plans, feeling zero guilt.

Closeness can come from sharing our realness, rather than trying to always make the other person happy – and the more real we can be, the more genuine happiness we can cultivate, while inspiring others to do the same. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 19

Five effective ways to reduce your screen time It’s something many of us struggle with, but here’s how to cut back on the amount of time you’re spending on your phone Writing | Harvey Morton

M

any of us don’t see a problem with screen time, what with it being such an essential part of life in the modern world. And technology and social media can have a really positive effect on our live.

But what feels like a normal and

8

5

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

necessary part of our day can also have negative consequences.

Psychologists have linked social media apps with increased loneliness and depression – partly due to the way it prompts you to compare your life to that of others on social media, and partly because connecting virtually doesn’t fulfil our needs as social creatures in the same ways as meeting in real life. The rewards we get from connecting on social media are like playing on a slot machine, while meeting in person connects us to society on a much deeper level.

All that considered, experts suggest that the ideal amount of time to spend on social media per day is two hours, so that you can maximise your happiness. Think you’d like to bring the amount of time you spend on tech right back down? Here, we explore ways to reduce your screen time.

1. Turn off notifications The obvious impulse when our phone makes a sound is to check it. But smartphones give you the power to turn these notifications off, and keep the distractions to a minimum, plus iPhones now have the ‘focus’ feature to set a time for your round-up of notifications to an allocated window.

8

5

a new approach

You will be surprised how much difference it will make, especially when we unconsciously pick up our phone to check it more than 50 times a day, on average. If you want to know your personal average, you can find the screen time function on your mobile phone. There are tools in this part of your phone that are there to help you reduce your reliance on your phone, so it is worth looking into further.

2. Don’t take your phone into your bedroom Some people do sleep with their phones by their bed. The excuse for having the phone so close is that someone may need to contact you overnight in an emergency.

But there are two points to consider here. First, if something is so urgent, the sound of the phone going multiple times will be enough to wake you in a quiet house wherever you leave it.

Second, it could be worth putting your phone on sleep mode and selecting which numbers can call and notify you even though everything else is silenced.

By leaving your phone at the bedroom door, not only will you cut down your screen time, but you’ll also create a serene, techfree space to relax in – which can also help you drift off faster.

3. Turn your phone from colour to grayscale Part of the phone’s problem is the addiction to screen visuals. The ‘Go Gray’ movement encourages people to change to grayscale, as these feelings of addiction will be reduced. Our brain is attracted to colourful and shiny things, so reducing the attractiveness of the phone increases your chances of breaking your urges to scroll.

You can do this by looking in the settings of your phone. Whether you do it for just an hour a day, or make a full-on switch, give it a go and see how it affects your urges to pick up your phone.

4. Tell your friends the time you switch your phone off

Nobody wants their friends to feel as if they are being ghosted. However, they will probably be highly supportive of you reducing your screen time, and hearing this will mean they won’t make assumptions about why you are not responding immediately.

Decreasing expectations that you are instantly available is an important protector of your mental health.

5. Swap online conversations for real-life meetups While the internet and our DMs are great ways to connect quickly with people, meaningful relationships are created and sustained when we meet in real-life. Make it a priority to schedule coffee with a friend, or use lunchtimes to chat to colleagues rather than staring at your phone. It makes all the difference.

If you are worried that switching off your phone will lead to friends worrying, tell them you are doing it.

Decreasing expectations that you are instantly available is an important protector of your mental health happiful.com | Issue 61 | 21

How to protect your empath energy

Empathy is a powerful tool that connects us and brings us together, but it’s vital to still enforce boundaries with this behaviour, to protect ourselves and others from taking on too much Writing | Grace Victory

E

verything on Earth is made up of energy.

You can’t really see it with the naked eye, but every piece of furniture, every animal, every tree, every human is vibrating and emanating in a particular frequency.

Have you ever strolled past someone and just felt good vibes?

Or walked in on your parents arguing, and felt like you could cut the tension in the air with a knife? That’s energy. That’s the vibration that is being put out into the world and it can be felt, sometimes deeply.

There have been times in my life when I’ve looked at a random stranger and I could almost see happiness surrounding them.

Of course they were smiling, but their aura was so, so bright that their energy completely elevated the surroundings when they walked past. Alternatively, I have felt dark and heavy energy, too.

My therapist burns incense after every session as a way to cleanse

22 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

the space so his clients don’t absorb somebody else’s pain. My own energy has vibrated so low before that I could feel a density in the air. It was uncomfortable.

Empath energy is something we all have inside of us. It’s our ability to relate, connect, and understand the feelings of another. To be able to put yourself in another person’s shoes if you will, and have the ability to imagine how the other person feels. Empathetic energy is needed within society to acknowledge privilege, pain, and purpose, and some examples of how empathy can be shown are through compassion, acceptance, and actively listening.

However, having empathy without boundaries can sometimes be a form of selfsabotage, and can show a lack of self-care. Without boundaries when we are experiencing empathetic energy, we tend to carry the pain and anger of

the other person as if it is our own. Rather than of standing on the side-lines, supporting and understanding, we instead absorb energy that isn’t ours to take on. And what help is that to anyone?

We don’t need to become enmeshed in what someone else is going through to be a good person, and we don’t need to completely sink into someone else’s pain to be seen as a good friend. We are both of these, and can only be both of these if we implement healthy boundaries, especially when it comes to empathy.

You may hear within spiritual places, or read self-development books, that talk about ‘being an empath’ – which is slightly different to empathetic energy.

Being an empath is having the ability to actually feel what someone else is feeling, instead of just understanding it and being able to relate. But whether you’re an empath or experience

@GRACEFVICTORY

Photography | Krystal Neuvill

them, but if we lack boundaries we cannot do that; we will hold their hand and sink with them, which is what we don’t want. Our boundaries keep both parties safe.

So how do we express empathy, and how do we do it with healthy boundaries?

Expressing empathy: • Acknowledge their pain.

• Be supportive and encouraging.

• Actively listen.

Healthy boundaries: • Recognise their feelings and your own.

• Only give what you can without sacrificing your own mental health.

• Affirm out loud, “I am letting go of everything that isn’t mine.”

empathetic energy, the emotional and spiritual hygiene of having boundaries still stands.

In order to maintain a sense of balance and grounding within our relationships, we have to implement practices that allow us to let go of things that don’t belong to us: our boss’s rage, our partner’s insecurity, our friends’

money worries, for example. If we soak up these feelings, they become us and we often carry them without noticing.

A part of having empathy for someone else is that we can support them and help them through what they’re going through. Empathy allows us to hold their hand and walk beside

It is absolutely possible to acknowledge someone else’s pain without it deeply affecting your own life. That isn’t to be harsh or distance yourself from what other people are going through, it’s more to appreciate that we are all only human. We cannot continuously pour into someone else without leaving ourselves empty.

Love Grace x happiful.com | Issue 61 | 23

Leave the roads; take the trails

PYTHAGORAS

24 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Photography | Warren Wong

wellbeing

When a new life brings new challenges For mothers-to-be with eating disorders, the emotions, fears, and uncertainties of pregnancy can be magnified – and triggering Writing | Hope Virgo

A

s I sit sipping a glass of ice-cold water, overlooking the San Francisco skyline on my final trip pre-baby, I can’t help but reflect on the past few months, and feel a slight sense of apprehension about what’s to come.

I look down at my bump, growing by the day, and my brain is in turmoil. What will happen to my body? Am I going to be able to exercise again?

What if the baby isn’t OK? What if I am not OK? What if I don’t connect with it?

I think back over the past few months. In November, I was on the bathroom floor watching the test timer. Waiting… In that moment, I didn’t even know what I wanted.

I thought back to my teenage years, tainted by having to live with an eating disorder; my hospitalisation in 2007 at the age of 17, where I had to accept I had a problem, and accept the help to understand it.

That year in hospital certainly set me up for life, and left me with some amazing skills, but I knew I still had a way to go.

Over the years since, I know my recovery from anorexia hasn’t been linear. Somehow, even when life got harder, and I felt the anorexia pulling me, even through those relapses, I managed to come back. And what kept me going was dealing with uncertainty, communicating, and knowing my motivations.

Even though having children wasn’t my only goal in life, it was

certainly a driving factor in my own journey to get to this space.

The timer beeped. Cutting through the noise of my brain. I looked down. And sure enough it read: ‘Pregnant’.

The first few days were a blur of emotion. Despite knowing I wanted to have a family, there is nothing that really prepares you.

The body changes, the heightened emotions, the uncertainty – yes, these are things everyone goes through. But when you throw in an eating disorder, what should be some of the simplest things – such as navigating the dos and don’ts with food – become more complicated.

While I had this huge sense of relief that my body was working, there was a part of me that wasn’t actually sure how I felt. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 25

Hope portrait | JenAllenPhotography

founder an author and Hope Virgo is Hope w llo Fo ales. of #DumpTheSc o_ rg vi pe ho @ on Instagram

I would be lying if I said I have found it easy being pregnant, but the thing with eating disorders is they use every chance to suck you back in. So, I knew that I had to be proactive in fighting it.

As my body began to change, there was so much fear, uncertainty, and moments when I wasn’t actually sure I could do this. The old me would have used the eating disorder to cope.

Those behaviours that had for so long given me a sense of value, purpose, and numbed my emotions… but this time around, with a baby growing inside me, I knew I had to find every ounce of strength to keep going.

The reality is, whatever the mental health issue, whatever the type of eating disorder a person may have had, it doesn’t just disappear in pregnancy. But for those looking on, things can look OK, and we often then assume everything is fine.

26 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

wellbeing

While research is limited, we know that pregnancy can be extremely triggering for many with eating disorders – not just because of the uncertainty, but also because of the messaging about weight and diet.

Dr Agnes Ayton, chair of the Faculty of Eating Disorders at the Royal College of Psychiatrists, says: “Eating disorders are potentially life-threatening but treatable mental illnesses, so it’s important that pregnant women can get help as soon as possible. Pregnancy is a time of heightened risk for women with eating disorders because of both the physical and psychological changes involved.

“Health professionals need proper training on eating disorders. They should be able to support pregnant women with a history of disordered eating by talking openly about the risk of relapse, and preparing them for the changes that will happen to their body. Services should provide closer monitoring, discuss healthy approaches to nutrition, develop a relapse prevention plan, and refer women to more specialist help if needed.”

For many, having a family might not be a goal, and for others it is not possible, but the reality is, for those who go down this path it can be really tough. Pregnancy is different for everyone. And that’s OK. There are no heroes, and no villains, and we each have our own journey.

There’s a lot of fear and shame wrapped up in fertility and pregnancy, especially, if we don’t feel how we’re ‘supposed’ to feel.

With all this in mind, here are a few things that really helped me, and a few top tips from Tanya Lloyd, of the Baby Planner (Instagram @thebabyplanneruk).

Whether you have had an eating disorder or not, these are things I would definitely recommend!

There’s a lot of fear and shame wrapped up in fertility and pregnancy, especially if we don’t feel how we’re ‘supposed’ to feel Top tips

• Tanya says: “Keep the due date pressure at bay. People can be incredibly loving, but also accidentally intense. Add a week or two to the date, or simply inform people you are not sharing the date.”

• Surrounding yourself with the right people is key. Tanya says: “Throughout your pregnancy, anything that doesn’t make you feel good should be kept at bay.

Whether that is a challenging mother-in-law, or the thought of perineal massage – focus on good vibes only.”

• Think ahead and work out what’s important post-birth.

For me, I knew having good food, and time outside, was key, so I had to make sure I had a plan to make this happen! It’s important to give future you something to look forward to.

• Know your worth. Speaking up in pregnancy about our mental

health, and the support we need, is so important! It might feel uncomfortable, but it is so worth doing.

• When you are pregnant everyone thinks they are an expert, but as Tanya says: “Pregnancy exposes you to unsolicited advice in a way that you could never imagine.

Know that it happens, and that most people have loving intentions. If you experience it, you can decide whether to silently roll your eyes, or have a discussion about it, depending on what makes you feel more comfortable.”

• Find ways to communicate, remembering that not everyone will get it, and that’s OK. For me, I found a handful of people who I could be really honest with, which helped a lot.

• Have a plan in place for afterwards. A lot of my fears were about what happens after.

I was afraid of relapsing, of going back to old behaviours to manage my mood and emotions, so I knew I had to think proactively about what this would look like from a care perspective.

• Be mindful of what you are looking at online, to ensure your sources are trustworthy. I used the NHS website and the BabyCentre app.

• Affirmations are so helpful.

Interrupt unhelpful thoughts, and respond in kindness. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 27

Stress management in everyday life

Bhavna Raithatha

BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)

Bhavna is a psychotherapist, coach, supervisor, clinical incidence debriefer, and trainer. Find out more by visiting counsellingdirectory.org.uk

S

tress affects everyone, from young children to the elderly, as we live in an increasingly stressful world. People are expected to do, think, and give continuously. There is no time to stop and process how you feel about it, no time to rest and refuel. This perpetual motion leads to many different types of stress and, if left unchecked, can cause serious ill-health.

What is stress?

Stress is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances”.

According to psychologist Dr Gillian Butler, in a paper published 28 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

From mounting pressures at work, to financial worries, or concerns around your health, there are myriad of ways stress can build, so it’s essential to address before things escalate. Our expert columnist Bhavna Raithatha explores how stress develops, and offers practical solutions to help manage the tensions in your life right now

by The Royal College of General Practitioners, stress is defined in three ways: • Stress resulting from pressure – the greater the pressure, the greater the likelihood of a person being affected.

• Stress as a response to noxious or aversive stimuli – for example the global response to the war in Ukraine.

• Individual differences, circumstances, coping mechanisms, resilience, and the interaction of internal and external factors affect how people respond to stress.

What causes stress?

Stress can be caused by a multitude of factors on their own, or when

they interact with other factors in a person’s life. For example, being overstretched at work, home, or both, or ill-health leading to not being able to work, financial hardship, relationships, etc. This includes the impact of these events on a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem; individual experiences and reactions vary greatly.

Stress-reaction is also down to how an individual has learned to deal with stress in their lives.

Learned helplessness is a result of defective or completely ineffective coping strategies, because this individual didn’t learn how to appropriately identify and respond to stress at a young age. When a person

EXPERT COLUMN The psychological face of stress

Endocrinologist Hans Selye proposed a stress reaction theory he called General Adaptation Syndrome. This theory stated that there are three distinct responses to a stressor: 1. The body responds with an alarm reaction.

2. This causes the release of adrenaline into the body to prepare for fight or flight.

3. If the stress continues, the body becomes fatigued causing exhaustion, illness, an inability to cope.

Often, the body is able to deal with most stresses at ‘2’ and continues to function normally until the next episode of stress.

Stress management

is exposed to large amounts of stress on a regular basis, they will experience a sense of disempowerment and accept their ‘fate’. This is often exacerbated by events out of the person’s control, combined with psychological fatigue.

How does the body respond?

The mind and body respond differently to various types of stress.

Emotional reactions may include: • Anger • Withdrawal from day-to-day activities • Anxiety, or panic attacks • Fear • Shame • Vulnerability

• Depression • Burnout, in severe cases Behavioural reactions may include: • Engaging in or increasing addictive behaviours, such as drinking, smoking, drugs, or sex • Arguments or fights • Withdrawing from work or relationships • Changes in regular patterns, e.g. eating, drinking, sleeping • Self-harm Cognitive reactions may include: • Decreased attention • Increased distractibility • Irrational thinking • Inabilities to function

The most important approach in stress management is perhaps the most powerful, and that is to adopt the right attitude. Our thoughts create our realities, and so if we are able to become aware of our thoughts, we then have the power to change them.

There are many practical things you can do to address stress: • Exercise • Mindfulness • Journaling (look out for my article on in a future issue) • Laughter – watch a good comedy, or get together with friends • Get out in nature • Talk it through with a therapist • Eat well – help your body • Sex, which has innumerable psychobiological benefits • Try to improve your work-life balance. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 29

Walk the rainbow You may have heard of colour therapy, or how different hues can lift your mood, but utilising this concept by finding all those colours in nature can boost their effect, giving you double helpings of happiness Writing | Rosalind Ryan

P

utting a bunch of fresh flowers on your desk, or wearing some brightly coloured jewellery, can be an instant mood booster, but the reason for this goes beyond simply adding a splash of colour to your daily life. The colours themselves can have a powerful physical and psychological effect, leading us to feel calmer or more confident.

When you combine the impact of these colours with the power of Mother Nature, the effects may be even greater. So, walking through a green field could have twice the effect on your wellbeing compared with simply surrounding yourself with green cushions or blankets.

It’s time to discover, and embrace, the power of colour in the great outdoors.

30 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

HOW COLOURS CAN HELP OUR HEALTH “People are a lot more intuitive about colour than they realise,” says Sarupa Shah, a colour healer and business coach from thesoulagency.com. “You might find yourself wanting to wear a specific colour, or buying some new bedsheets in a different colour, but you’re not sure why.”

Sarupa explains that our craving for certain colours is similar to why we crave particular foods; our bodies and brains are sending us a message. For example, yellow is associated with mental faculties and concentration, so you might find yourself reaching for a yellow jumper if you’re studying or writing a presentation.

We instinctively seek out certain colours in nature, too. Fiona Austin is an anxiety specialist and psychotherapist who runs programmes helping us reconnect with nature. She says, “We need colours, like reds and oranges, to see if fruit is fresh and ready to pick, while blue is known to be calming. That’s why looking up at a big blue sky can help us feel more relaxed.”

Once you know what certain colours can do – and where to enjoy them in nature – you can create a colour prescription.

THE BIG BLUE Blue may be our most important colour, as we’re surrounded by it – imagine our vast open skies and wide blue oceans. “It’s a very

healing colour; it soothes and calms,” says Sarupa. “Think about why doctors and nurses might wear blue scrubs. It signals to us that we’re safe.”

In fact, research shows that installing blue light in train stations can help prevent suicides (noted in a study published in 2013 in the Journal of Affective Disorders), while a study from the University of Granada, in collaboration with the School for Special Education San Rafael, in Spain, found that people who lay in a room that was bathed in blue light returned to a state of relaxation more quickly after a stressful situation that those who did not.

Fiona says, “During treatment, I might ask people to lie down and just stare up at the sky.

Most of us spend all day looking down – at computer screens or our phones – but looking up at that huge blue canvas is incredibly uplifting.”

Staring at the sea can have a similar effect, and spending time at the seaside is known to boost our mental health. A 2019 study carried out across 18 countries found that those who live by the sea have better mental wellbeing, but even just visiting the coast is enough to boost your mood.

If you can’t get to the seaside soon, listening to waves while you meditate or imagining a big expanse of blue can help. >>>

Blue is known to be calming. That’s why looking up at a big blue sky can help us feel more relaxed

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 31

THE GREEN MACHINE Green is another key colour for our wellbeing, thanks to its psychological benefits. Sarupa says, “As a colour, it’s known to be relaxing. I might use it with clients to help reduce their anxiety levels before something like a job interview.”

And although green may not be your go-to colour in general, its effect in nature is undeniable.

A vast and growing body of research shows that being in green spaces can lower our stress levels, reduce our risk of depression, improve our mental wellbeing, and drop our blood pressure levels, while exercising outdoors can raise our self-esteem and happiness levels far more than hitting the gym. A 2016 study even found that prisoners who took part in gardening programmes decreased their chances of reoffending by 20%.

“Coniferous trees release terpenes, chemicals that give them that ‘Christmas tree’ smell.

Studies have found terpenes have anti-inflammatory and neuroprotective effects, and boost our white blood cells,” Fiona says. “We may not know the science, but we do know we feel better when we walk in the woods.”

If you can’t get outside, looking out the window at a green landscape or simply having pictures of forests on your walls is known to boost your wellbeing.

32 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

You find a lot of orange in sunrises, which also signify the beginning of something new IT’S ALL YELLOW We associate yellow with warmth, sunshine, flowers and happiness, or smiling emojis at the very least. Fiona says, “Yellow is a bright and uplifting colour. It’s almost impossible to feel down on a sunny day.”

But, that said, too much of this hue can have the opposite effect. “Yellow can be overstimulating, so you might feel nauseous,” warns Sarupa.

In general, yellow gives us confidence and clarity, so pop a bunch of daffodils on your teenager’s desk if they’re revising, or use an image of a field of sunflowers as your screensaver at work. Why not

get outside and into the real thing over the weekend? Even eating a banana will go some way to getting more yellow in your life.

Orange is another warm colour, linked to creativity and inspiration. “You find a lot of orange in sunrises, which also signify the beginning of something new,” says Fiona.

The light emitted by a sunrise can also trigger melanopsin, a type of cell in the retina, to kick-start our body clock into action. If you’re feeling ‘stuck’, mentally or physically, try watching a sunrise, or using a dawn-simulator alarm clock for the same effect.

FROM RED TO PURPLE AND BEYOND There are many theories that surround the colour red; it means danger, sex, power, or anger. “In colour therapy, red signifies purpose and action. You could try wearing red if you need a boost,” says Sarupa.

Red is also ‘our’ colour – we’re made up of red blood, after all – and studies show our brains react to red in certain ways. Seeing red (literally in this case) makes us react more quickly and more forcefully, and it also makes us more competitive. But it makes us more susceptible – research reveals waitresses who wear red make more money from male customers.

To harness the power of red in

nature, treat yourself to a bunch of red roses, enjoy a bowl of red berries for breakfast, or take a walk in a colourful autumn forest.

Further down the spectrum lie the purple colours. Sarupa says, “These are good for meditation, and are linked with spirituality, particularly with endings.”

Purples are also found in sunsets, which is why watching one can feel so powerful. “They still captivate us, even after millions of years,” says Fiona. Add an outside meditation session or gentle yoga to the end of your day to double the effects of the cooler colours on your health.

There are so many benefits to be found in the bouquet of colours

outside, yet the truth is we still don’t know all the links between colour and our wellbeing. Humans couldn’t see violet for thousands of years, so what other colours may be hiding at the end of the rainbow?

The future looks bright, or even ultraviolet, for our health.

Fiona Austin is a positive psychologist specialising in anxiety.

Visit counselling-directory.org.uk to find out more. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 33

Homemade hummus INGREDIENTS 1 can of chickpeas 80ml extra virgin olive oil 3 tbsp tahini 1 garlic clove Squeeze of lemon juice Optional to serve Crudites (carrot, celery, peppers) or pitta bread

Take a mindful moment in the kitchen to whip up this tasty dip This recipe utilises ingredients you may already have lying around, and while hummus isn’t the most expensive item to pick up in stores, by creating your own at home, you’ll have the bonus of knowing exactly what is going in it!

Research has linked this tasty dip to certain health benefits too, such as fighting inflammation, improving blood sugar control, and supporting digestive health, plus making something from scratch can be incredibly rewarding, as well as a mindful experience. Let’s get cracking…

34 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

METHOD 1. Drain your tinned chickpeas and rinse thoroughly. Look to catch the aquafaba (starchy liquid the chickpeas are stored in) as you can use this later.

2. Using a blender, blitz the chickpeas and olive oil until it reaches a smooth consistency.

3. Add in the tahini, garlic and lemon juice, along with a tablespoon at a time of the chickpea liquid and mix well – alternatively you can use normal water if you weren’t able to save the aquafaba.

When you’re happy with the consistency (smooth and easily dippable), you can stop adding the aquafaba/water (around 30ml).

4. You can adapt this recipe with any additional seasonings you want to try to create your own perfect flavour blend. Use chopped carrot sticks, celery, bell peppers or toasted pitta bread to dip in. Enjoy!

a new approach

The down-low on crypto As trading and investing in cryptocurrency is becoming increasingly popular, how can you tell when a relationship with a new financial venture is becoming unhealthy?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

B

itcoin, ethereum, binance coin, cardano, dogecoin…

If that list means more to you than just a collection of random words, then you probably already know about cryptocurrency and its growing relevance in our modern society.

For those unfamiliar with cryptocurrencies, they’re digital currencies that are not produced by banks or governments, but which can be traded like a commodity and be exchanged online for some goods and services – and, today, they’re becoming increasingly present in our lives.

According to Bloomberg, digital currencies have a value of

around $2 trillion, with investors and traders rushing to get in on the action. But the precise value of cryptocurrencies fluctuates regularly, and so they are often seen as an investment in tech stock – which means that people can both lose and make a profit, in a similar way to investing in stocks and shares – except cryptocurrencies are not regulated in the UK, which means people are not covered by consumer protection laws if their funds are lost for any reason.

But with success stories and adverts for crypto trading platforms sneaking into our lives by way of everything from billboards to sponsored content on

influencers’ feeds, crypto seems like a viable way to make money in 2022. Although as the big wins can equally come with big losses, should we be wary of a possible link to gambling? Andrew Harvey, from Addictions Counselling Nottingham, thinks so.

“These activities can share similar processes to other behavioural addictions, for example, gambling, which we know, for some, is highly addictive,” he explains. “The behaviour can provide feelings of positive reward, escape, chance, excitement, and a ‘fix’ – all of these things contribute to its addictive and compulsive nature, for some. Like gambling >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 35

“

It’s very easy to mistake luck for skill

addiction, the negative consequences can be farreaching and devastating.”

When it comes to crypto, the risk of developing an unhealthy relationship with it is heightened by a number of factors – the first being that, unlike with traditional gambling sites, there’s currently no lower age restriction on trading crypto, and the internet is flooded with advice on how to work around the established sites, like Coinbase and PayPal, that do ask for age verification.

36 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

The second risk comes from the volatility of the market. Because cryptocurrencies are a fairly new asset, they don’t have the stability of traditional assets, like stocks or bonds. Additionally, those fluxes in value are very sensitive to all manner of things, from news cycles to institutional pressures, and panic buying and selling.

Many resources warning about the risks of investing also reference the ‘cryptocurrency bubble’ – when people invest in a specific asset without really

knowing what it is, simply because they see others doing it – which also boosts an asset that, ultimately, doesn’t have a lot of real value behind it, only adding to the volatility. With all that considered, even experienced traders are taking risks constantly when trading, and it’s very easy to mistake luck for skill.

Despite this, there are positives to cryptocurrency trading, and its growing popularity can’t be denied. So, how can we stay safe when trading, and what are the

a new approach

Where to find help If you’re worried about your relationship with trading and gambling, the following services are there to help you: GamCare Discover support for problem gambling for yourself, and for a loved one, and connect with an advisor via their 24/7 free helpline on 0808 8020 133, start a live chat with an advisor, join a group chat with others in similar situations, or browse forums – all on gamcare.org.uk Castle Craig Castle Craig is a rehabilitation clinic in the UK, and one of the only ones that offer specialist treatment for cryptocurrency addictions. You can find plenty more information about this specific addiction, what causes it, and how to find the best help, by visiting castlecraig.co.uk

signs that your relationship with risky financial endeavours has become unhealthy?

“Things that might indicate compulsive or addictive struggles could include an ‘over’ preoccupation with the activity, loss, or a lacking of control, ‘chasing losses’, feeling irritable if not able to engage in the activity, dishonesty in relation to it, and concerns expressed by others,” Andrew explains. “Any of these may indicate a problematic pattern of engaging in these forms of trading. Unfortunately, like other addictions, for the person struggling it can be hard to spot these things when it has become an issue.

“One way to understand your relationship with trading is to stop for a while, and see how that feels; is it difficult? Do you find yourself dealing with difficult feelings that you might have been distracted from? Do you pick up some other activity or substance as a substitute? The answers to these questions can sometimes help you understand more about your relationship with trading.

“If you are trading to change the way you feel, you might want to seek healthier ways to do that,

and/or address the source of your difficult feelings.”

Andrew recommends approaching cryptocurrencies with caution, making sure that you set limits in terms of time and money, and if you find yourself going over those limits, he suggests taking some time to question why you’re doing that, and assess whether it could be a warning sign.

Beyond that, be aware and realistic about the risks.

Take time to thoroughly research whatever it is that you’re considering investing in, approach stories about quick and easy money with scepticism, and if you find yourself exhibiting some of the signs that Andrew outlined, take a step back, and reach out for help if you need it.

The world of cryptocurrency can feel like a minefield, and it can take time and patience to get your head around the various risks and processes.

But while the landscape is uncertain, one thing’s for sure: cryptocurrencies aren’t going anywhere any time soon.

For more information and support for gambling addiction, visit counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | Issue 61 | 37

How to handle first-time buyer stress Purchasing your first home can feel like a huge undertaking, but we’re breaking How to handle it down into manageable steps to help you over that threshold First Time buyer Stress Writing | Amber Tennant

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

£

££

B

uying a first home is a milestone that many aim to achieve. Yet, it can also come with lots of ups and downs. To name just a few, as a first-time buyer you might struggle to find a suitable property or mortgage, have trouble with difficult sellers, experience delays in a property chain, or have a

38 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

£ survey that reveals some problems with your property.

With so many potential challenges, it is easy to see how the process can feel overwhelming.

According to a survey by the bank Aldermore, more than half (52%) of first-time buyers questioned said they were made ill by the stresses of the process.

Here, we look at practical ways you can help yourself feel less stressed when buying a house for the first time:

1. Think of the bigger picture It’s easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day stresses of buying a home, and lose sight of the bigger picture.

wellbeing

Perhaps you’re looking forward to having a place to call your own after living with housemates or parents. Maybe you’re moving into a bigger space after having children, or perhaps your relationship is progressing and you’re buying a home with a partner. You could also take a moment to remember why you love your future home, and picture yourself there. It might be that your chosen place has a lovely garden, or that it’s more conveniently located for your social life.

Whatever your motivations for homeownership might be, keep them close in your mind and use them to help you manage the more stressful moments.

2. Seek support from friends and family There are many people who can support you through the highs and lows of buying a home, and looking to your loved ones for support can really help. Family members and friends may be able to provide some words of reassurance and encouragement, or simply a cup of tea and a friendly face during stressful times. If you’re buying with a partner, you can also seek comfort and support in the shared experience.

3. Do your research and speak to professionals One reason why the home buying process can be stressful is that it is mystified by jargon we may not fully understand at first glance.

With lots of new information to make sense of, breaking down the

various stages involved will go a long way to reduce any stress and worry. This is where doing your own research and speaking to professionals may come in handy.

A mortgage broker, if you decide to use one, can help you understand the process of applying for a mortgage and advise about the different products available. A conveyancer can explain the legal and financial side of making a purchase. Don’t feel afraid to reach out too, if you’re feeling unsure.

4. Make a to-do list When buying your first home, there’s so much to think about.

You can help yourself feel less overwhelmed by creating a to-do list of actionable tasks, such as booking a removal van, making a list of furniture, planning budgets and so on. Once you have everything you need to do in one place, you won’t have to worry about forgetting anything.

5. Take breaks, and keep a routine Making time to do something you enjoy can help relieve stress by giving you something to focus on that is non-home related, and allowing you a break from any challenges you may experience.

Following a regular routine can also give you a sense of predictability, which can be helpful when going through something unfamiliar. For example, going to bed and getting up at similar times each day or making regular plans with friends.

It could also be helpful to have a dedicated time during the day to

Whatever your motivations for homeownership might be, keep them close in your mind deal with any home-buying tasks, to make sure it doesn’t take up your whole day.

6. Understand it’s OK to feel nervous or worried Buying a house is a significant financial and personal commitment. It’s OK to feel daunted by such a big step, so don’t give yourself a hard time if you feel a little worried.

Remember, stay focused on the end goal, lean on loved ones for support, speak to relevant professionals if you need information and advice, and stay positive – before you know it you’ll be picking up the keys to your very first home. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 39

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON

40 | Issue XX | happiful.com

Photography | Brooke Cagle

try this at home

A mindful moment: outdoors art We’re sharing four mindful artistic activities you can try while engaging with the natural world Writing | Rebecca Thair

G

etting crafty can do wonders for your wellbeing, from reducing stress, and helping to express yourself, to improving your self-esteem with a sense of accomplishment.

And the thing is you don’t have to be a budding Picasso to reap the benefits; it’s not about the outcome, or a gallery-worthy creation. This is about how art makes you feel, the joy of creation, and the exploration of your emotions.

And combining these benefits with the wonders of nature just gives the whole activity an added boost. To really get mindful about it, consider your posture and how you are interacting with the artwork. Can you feel different textures, the sun on your skin, or the breeze brushing over you as you work? Follow your instincts about what you want to draw, sketch, paint etc., and don’t put any pressure on yourself if you make a mistake, or it doesn’t look how you planned.

This is expressive; this is about connecting with the world around you deeply and intuitively for a moment.

1. Take a sketchbook. A simple notebook and pencil could transform your next wander through the woods. When something catches your eye, settle down in the peaceful surroundings and connect with them. Try to take in every little detail you can to see that natural element in a new light.

2. Use a camera. The art of photography is that you can really focus on what’s in front of you and forget the rest of the world, and anything worrying you. Consider the composition of your shot, and what feeling you want to evoke – do you want to take pictures of the same space at different times of the day to see how the mood changes?

3. Focus on colour. Whatever medium you prefer to use, you could experiment with the hues of the natural world by drawing or painting what you see, but in a colour that reflects how it makes you feel, or your emotions at the time. You might find the way

you look at what’s in front of you changes when you see it through a new perspective.

4. Try crayon etching. This can be a fun pastime that harks back to childhood, so could be a great family activity to get everyone involved. Simply collect a range of leaves on a woodland walk, then place a piece of paper over them and rub a crayon across the page. The imprint of the leaf, with all its intricate veins, will show through, allowing you to appreciate all its details that might usually pass you by. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 41

at ge rics th ng ly song lyrics that gett 10 so ght alth ri mental health right ental he m There is much comfort to be found in words that so effortlessly tap into whatever it is we might be experiencing, and the power of song is something many of us are familiar with. Here, we round up 10 song lyrics that get it right Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

‘Help me, it's like the walls are caving in / Sometimes I feel like giving up / But I just can't’ Shawn Mendes, ‘In My Blood’ In a 2020 interview with Apple Music, shared on YouTube, Shawn said about the song: “Growing up, I was a pretty calm kid. I knew people who suffered from anxiety, found it kind of hard to understand, and then when it hits you, you’re like, oh my God.” A powerful ode to the experience of feeling gripped by anxiety, ‘In My Blood’ is also a song about holding on through the hard times.

Research has found that our dopamine levels can grow up to 9% higher when we’re listening to music we enjoy

‘It doesn’t matter when you bloom / It matters that you do’

Phoebe Bridgers, ‘Motion Sickness’ Inspired by an abusive relationship with a famous, disgraced music producer, ‘Motion Sickness’ captures the destabilising and complex feelings that can come with being in a controlling and coercive relationship. With a dream-like yet relentless sound, this song is an empowering exploration of a devastating romantic dynamic.

The Secret Sisters, ‘Late Bloomer’ In a feel-good song that’s guaranteed to uplift anyone who has ever felt like a ‘late bloomer’, this track perfectly captures the feeling of lagging behind the people around you, while repeating that important reminder of the value of moving at your own pace.

‘​​Bad times turn to good memories, smile / Even when I'm gone and you remember me, smile’

the first instance where his mother, Gloria Carter, came out – and the song ends with a moving spoken outro by her where she touchingly speaks on the experience of coming out later in life.

‘I have emotional motion sickness / Somebody roll the windows down’

42 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Jay-Z, ‘Smile’ In this track, Jay-Z reflects on the bad memories he has from throughout his life, and considers the way that they have made him who he is today. The song was also

positive pointers

‘Well I’ll keep moving (moving on) / Things are bound to be improving / These days, one of these days’ Jackson Browne, ‘These Days’ Most of us can relate to the feeling of being world-weary at times, when the daily grind gets you down. ‘These Days’ perfectly captures that lethargy, but with a hopeful twist that believes that, one of these days, things will get better. Though it’s been covered by many artists over the years, the original was written by Jackson Browne at the age of 16, yet it still resonates with many today.

‘Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about? / You’d better cool it off before you burn it out’ Billy Joel, ‘Vienna’ Truth be told, we could have picked any line from ‘Vienna’, the masterpiece – and personal favourite of Billy Joel’s – is an anthem for slowing down, and going easy on yourself.

Inspired by a trip to Vienna, in a 2008 New York Times article, Billy Joel said: “We treat old people in this country pretty badly. We put them in rest homes, we kinda kick them under the rug and make

believe they don’t exist. They [the people in Vienna] don’t feel like that. In a lot of these older places in the world, they value their older people and their older people feel they can still be a part of the community and I thought ‘This is a terrific idea’ – that old people are useful – and that means I don’t have to worry so much about getting old because I can still have a use in this world in my old age. I thought ‘Vienna waits for you…’” >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 43

‘(Hard times) Gonna make you wonder why you even try / (Hard times) Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry / (These lives) And I still don't know how I even survive’ Paramore, ‘Hard Times’ This, perhaps deceptively bouncy, song was inspired by lead singer Hayley Williams’ experience with depression in 2016. Working through the thoughts that can come with being in this emotional space with a driving rhythm, many interpret the track to be replicating a tendency to overcompensate happiness when you’re feeling anything but.

‘I'll make you OK and drive them away / The images stuck in your head’ Elliott Smith, ‘Between the Bars’ As many of Elliott Smith’s songs were, ‘Between the Bars’ is inspired by his own struggle with addiction. Many interpretations of this song see ‘alcohol’ as the narrator, speaking to Elliott, and exploring the cruel power of addiction. Famously used in the soundtrack for the Oscar-winning film Good Will Hunting, this simple but touching track has a unique power to move.

44 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

‘Don’t hesitate / Time heals the pain / You ain’t the problem’ Michael Kiwanuka, ‘You Ain’t the Problem’ In this toe-tapping fusion of soul, funk, and rock, Michael Kiwanuka opens up a rallying call to let go of shame and self-blame, to let yourself off the hook, and to keep on persevering despite it all.

‘Time goes by and I can’t control my mind / Don’t know what else to try, but you tell me every time / Just keep breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’ Ariana Grande, ‘Breathin’ In 2018, Ariana Grande told Vogue: “I think a lot of people have anxiety, especially right now.

My anxiety has anxiety… [but] I’ve never really spoken about it because I thought everyone had it, but when I got home from tour it was the most severe I think it’s ever been.”

This song explores her own experience with anxiety, and serves as a reminder to keep on breathing through it.

wellbeing

Reset your sleep schedule in three days Whether you’re coming out the other side of a long weekend, the clocks have changed, or you’ve been making the most of your time off with some well-earned relaxation, discover how to reset your body clock fast Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

S

leep: it’s essential.

Getting a good night’s rest allows your body and mind to recharge, helping you to feel ready, refreshed, and alert for the day ahead. Without good quality sleep, we’re not only left feeling grumpy and unfocused, we could actually be putting our health at risk, too.

One in three of us suffers from poor sleep. But when a bad night’s sleep turns into a regular occurrence, we put ourselves at risk of a number of physical and mental health problems. If you find yourself watching the clock and longing for a nap, chances are, you aren’t getting enough shut-eye.

Knowing we need more sleep, and actually resetting our schedules can be two very different things though. Long

weekend nights can lead to our bed and waking times slipping further and further back. Well-earned days relaxing during our time off can result in us not feeling tired come bedtime, while the clocks going back each October or forward in March can leave us feeling groggy and confused.

But as tempting as it is to break the healthy habits we’ve built, psychotherapist Heather DarwallSmith explains that creating a routine is key to getting a better night’s sleep.

“My golden rule is to have a consistent wake-up time, combined with light exposure, movement, and a protein-based breakfast. Our body clock responds to several environmental cues – sunlight, mealtimes, and exercise.

“Waking up at the same time every day is about training the brain to reset its sleep timing and

build a consistent rhythm in the body. This consistency means your circadian rhythm and sleep pressure align to create the opportunity for sleep each night.”

Another important factor is to cut yourself some slack if your routine is disturbed.

As Heather explains: “A rigid night-time routine can be problematic in trying to fix sleep issues. People panic if they can’t fulfil that routine because of an unexpected late-night, travel, etc. Make sure you allow yourself time to wind down after the day, give yourself time to get the sleep you need, but focus more on your wake-up routine.”

To help you get your sleep schedule back on track, the sleep experts from MattressNextDay have shared their guide to reset your body clock in three days. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 45

Learning to step away from screens is essential to improving sleep DAY ONE Wake up: 10am Bedtime: 11pm Today’s plan: Exercise and hydrate If you’re getting started over a bank holiday weekend, it’s best to begin on a Saturday. To help you feel ready to fall asleep on time, try to fit in a 30-minute workout.

Research has shown that moderate exercise can not only boost your mood, but can help those experiencing sleep issues such as insomnia to fall asleep faster and for longer, experiencing a better quality of sleep overall. Exercise can also act as a natural stress reliever which, in turn, can help you to feel calmer and ready to switch off at the end of the day.

Be sure to drink plenty of water as well. Even mild dehydration can leave you feeling sleepy and lethargic throughout the day, with research showing it can negatively impact our ability to complete tasks that require our concentration, coordination, or more complex problem-solving 46 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

skills. Keeping a bottle of water with you can help to remind you to keep drinking, while helping you to avoid the pitfalls of hidden caffeine boosts.

Ensuring you cut down on screen time before bed can also be key to helping reset your body clock more quickly. Heather explains: “Avoid blue light (especially from your smartphone) between 11pm and 4am. Light exposure at the wrong time confuses the region of the brain that tells us to wake up. Stepping away from screens is essential to improving sleep.”

wellbeing

DAY TWO

DAY THREE

Wake up: 8am

Wake up: 6–7am (or as early as you need for work)

Bedtime: 11pm Today’s plan: Sunlight, limited naps, and limited alcohol For day two, kickstart your morning by opening your curtains to get some early morning rays.

Bright light signals for your brain to stop producing melatonin (the sleep hormone), which makes you feel drowsy. Getting outside for as little as 10 minutes can help to increase your vitamin D levels, which plays an important role in our mental and physical health, particularly with regards to supporting healthy brain function and our immune system.

Vitamin D not only helps keep our bones, teeth, and muscles healthy, it can also play a huge role in regulating your mood.

Not getting enough can lead to an overall sense of tiredness, aches, pains, and not feeling well.

While napping isn’t ideal, catching a quick 10–20 minute snooze if you need to is OK. Just make sure you’re doing it as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the closer bedtime creeps and the more likely you are to disrupt your sleep schedule. By limiting yourself to 30 minutes or less, you reduce your chance of entering deep sleep, and waking up groggy.

Alcohol can reduce your REM sleep. By limiting your alcohol intake, you reduce the likelihood of it disrupting your sleep and causing excessive tiredness the next day.

Bedtime: 10pm Today’s plan: Good food, limited caffeine, calming night-time routines What you eat can have a huge impact on how you sleep. Diet and sleep quality are closely linked.

Get your day off to a good start by having a balanced breakfast with healthy fats and lean protein for an early morning energy boost.

Limit your caffeine intake by cutting back on coffee or switching to herbal tea to avoid relying on short-term energy boosts that may leave you feeling groggy.

Your cortisol levels (the stress hormone) can leave you feeling more awake, so it’s important to maintain a sustainable, relaxing night-time routine. Stretching, mindful meditation, yoga, or having a hot bath can all be simple ways of unwinding without screens.

Heather Darwall-Smith is a psychotherapist and author with a specialist interest in insomnia.

To learn more about good sleep hygiene and how to handle problems with sleep, visit counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | Issue 61 | 47

Rise and shine!

Two breakfast recipes to help you start your day the right way Writing | Patrycja Tobolska

I

t’s good to start your day by providing your body with the fuel and nourishment it needs, and breakfast is your first opportunity to do this. But when breakfast time rolls around, we can often feel stumped as to what to actually have. The good news is that I’ve got two recipes

to share with you that are both simple to make and perfect for on the go.

‘Cherry Bakewell’ overnight oats

Method: • Add the frozen cherries to a small bowl.

• Next, add the porridge oats and yoghurt.

• Gently combine the ingredients, making sure the oats are well covered with the yoghurt.

• Mix in the almond flakes.

• Sprinkle some brown sugar on the top.

• Cover and chill the oats in the fridge overnight.

• Remove from the fridge when ready to eat.

Serves 1 Ingredients • 80g frozen cherries • 30g porridge oats • 3 tbsp Greek yoghurt (or plant-based alternative) • 1 tbsp almond flakes • Sprinkling of brown sugar TIP: I like to add a bit of brown sugar as it slightly melts overnight and gives a nice caramel colour, as well as a bit of crunchiness and sweetness.

48 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

TIP: For breakfast, always try to include at least one portion of fruit and/or vegetables, and choose higher fibre and protein sources (e.g. yoghurt).

Dark chocolate flapjacks Ingredients • 100g 70% dark chocolate • 150ml milk of choice • 2 tbsp honey • 140g porridge oats Method: • Put a pot of water on the stove. Once boiling, reduce to a low simmer.

• Break the chocolate and put it in a heat-safe bowl that will fit tightly over the top of the pot of water. The bottom of the bowl should not touch the water.

• Add the bowl with the chocolate on top of the pot, stirring until melted.

• Slowly add the milk and honey to the melted chocolate, stirring gently.

• When smooth, remove the bowl from the pot.

• Place the oats in a small, non-stick baking tin. Pour the melted chocolate mixture over the oats, making sure they are well covered.

• Press the mixture down firmly so that it fills the tin and is an even thickness.

• Cover and allow to cool overnight.

• Once cool, cut into squares and place in a sealed container until ready to eat.

food & health

The healthy bit Oats are high in vitamins and minerals, but also are a great source of fibre and protein.

The soluble fibre helps reduce cholesterol and blood sugar levels, as well as promoting healthy gut bacteria. Another benefit of a diet rich in fibre is that it can prevent constipation and lower your risks of developing colorectal cancer.

Dark chocolate (minimum 70% cocoa) is rich in minerals such as iron, magnesium, copper, and manganese, to name a few, and the cocoa offers a powerful source of antioxidants. Of course, chocolate is also high in calories, fat, and sugar, so remember to eat it in moderation. A daily 20g portion (about two large squares) may be incorporated into a varied and balanced diet.

Frozen fruits are healthy and affordable. Usually picked at peak ripeness, they are packed within a few hours of harvesting to maintain their nutritional value.

Fresh, frozen or tinned, they all count towards your five-a-day!

Cherries are packed with various nutrients, including vitamin C, potassium, and copper, and are a great source of fibre. Cherries are also high in antioxidants and antiinflammatory compounds.

In general, frozen fruits are a great alternative, as they stay fresher for longer and can help you reduce food waste and trips to the supermarket.

Patrycja Tobolska is a nutritionist, helping clients lead a healthier lifestyle.

Find more on her profile at nutritionist-resource.org.uk happiful.com | Issue 61 | 49

Happiful recommends

From the podcast that’ll have you reflecting on your life so far, to the course that will broaden your horizons, open your mind to our latest top recommendations

3

Donate to or volunteer with Strut Safe Strut Safe is a new initiative that offers a free phone service for people in the UK to call while walking home alone – with volunteers staying on the line until callers are safely home. Relying entirely on donations and volunteers to run the phone lines, support is needed to grow the service. Could you help? (Head to strutsafe.org)

1

PAGE-TURNERS My Tiny Kitchen Garden

by Felicity Hart If you have limited space, or no outdoor space at all, but have always dreamed of growing your own food, then this is the book for you. From covering the basics of micro-gardening to plant profiles that’ll help you choose what to grow, get your green fingers ready for this fruitful read.

(Out now, £8.99, Summersdale)

2

ACT OF KINDNESS

4

LEND US YOUR EARS

‘The Way We Are with Munroe Bergdorf’ Join activist and writer Munroe Bergdorf and her guests each week as they reflect on their personal journeys of growth. Exploring how the events of their lives have shaped the people they are today, tune-in to this celebration of the things that make us who we are. (Available on all podcasting platforms)

OUT AND ABOUT

Cloud watching If, when you read ‘cloud watching’ you brushed it off as something whimsical and unexciting, think again. Sitting back and watching the clouds go by can be a wonderful exercise in mindfulness, as well as a deeply relaxing pastime – whether you’re eight or 88 years old. Take some time to really sit back and notice the world around you, or sign up for the Cloud Appreciation Society, share in the wonder of our skies, and find cloudspotter groups near you. (cloudappreciationsociety.org) 50 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

5

PLUGGED-IN

Carissa Potter Carlson You know that moment where you come across something that perfectly captures a thought or feeling you thought no one but you had? Artist Carissa Potter Carlson’s Instagram feed is dedicated to creating those moments, so that we can all feel a little less alone. From the hopeful to the honest, these simple illustrations pack a powerful message.

(Follow @peopleiveloved)

culture

6

TECH TIP-OFFS

Daily Bean An easy, digital way to track your mood and the many variables that can affect it, Daily Bean prompts you to fill out a log each day so that you can trace your wellbeing from one day to the next. Customisable to your own needs and circumstances, and with a paid version that offers in-depth stats and trends, this app is a new way to get an overview of where you’re at.

(Available on from the App Store and Google Play Store)

9

SQUARE EYES

7

LESSON LEARNED

British Sign Language If you’ve ever been interested in learning British Sign Language, now is the time. Since the start of the pandemic, British Sign has introduced a ‘Pay it Forward’ scheme, where you can now study a 20-hour CPD certified course, and pay what you wish, starting from just £3. Work through the course at your own pace, and help make the world a more accessible place. (Visit british-sign.co.uk)

8

GET GOING

Tai Chi A traditional Chinese martial art that is performed in a very slow and graceful manner, Tai Chi is an excellent way to get moving while bringing some mindfulness into your life. Follow tutorials online, or learn routines that you can pick up and take with you wherever you go, and enjoy the unique pleasure of this ancient activity. (Search for Tai Chi tutorials on YouTube)

Making Fun The premise is simple: each episode, kids pitch the team of makers a wild build – from a giant dinosaur that shoots tacos from its mouth, to an oversized guitar that doubles up as a boat – and the team then have the task of making their dreams a reality. It’s whacky, creative, and perfect for the whole family. (Available on Netflix)

10

TREAT YOURSELF

Drop of Colour painting kit The perfect way to channel your creativity, the painting kits from Drop of Colour offer all that you need to create a painting from scratch.

Including brushes, high-quality paper, and paints, as well as a reference image and step-by-step instructions, this kit has everything beginners and pros alike need to grow your artistic skills.

(From £14, dropofcolour.com)

WIN! WIN A DROP OF COLOUR PAINTING KIT For your chance to win a Drop of Colour painting kit of your choice, simply email your answer to the following question to competitions@happiful.com Cerulean is a shade of which colour… a) Yellow b) Blue c) Red *Competition closes 19 May 2022. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only.

Good luck! happiful.com | Issue 61 | 51

YOUR MONTHLY MUST-HAVE DELIVERY

Never miss an issue DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING

A breath of fresh air Why you should walk nature's rainbow

£71.88 Now ! £59.99

ISSUE 61 £5.99

HABIT OF A LIFETIME? Journal your way to healthier routines

Pickin' up good vibrations?

Your empath energy must be protected

THE INTROVERT ANGLE | SANDWICH GENERATION | RADICAL HONESTY

9 772514

373017

HAPPIFUL.COM | £5.99

61

ISSUES FREE

Subscribe for a year and get Happiful delivered straight to your door Pay for 10 issues, get two issues completely FREE Plus postage is now included!* • We’re proud to say that our magazine is 100% recyclable • For every tree used to print our magazine, we ensure two are planted • Supporting our print magazine allows us to distribute a free digital edition – ensuring anyone who needs help can access our articles, without financial barriers *UK mainland and NI only. Additional charges may apply for postage elsewhere. For orders to the EU please visit happiful.newsstand.co.uk Prices and benefits are correct at the time of printing. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com.

positive pointers

12 I dos and don’ts to make your wedding day less stressful When somebody says ‘wedding’, what comes to mind? Big poofy dresses, family, friends, sleepless nights, runaway budgets – wait, what?

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

A

wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Yet so many of us feel stressed, overwhelmed, and unsure where to start when it comes to planning our big day.

When I got engaged back in 2017, it took months for the reality of it all to really sink in.

Then, the nerves hit. Just the thought of people staring at us all day and being the centre of attention, let alone the thousands of tiny things that could go wrong, left me lying awake at night. But things don’t have to be the same for you.

From a bride who’s been there herself, here are 12 dos and don’ts to help make your wedding day less stressful, and, instead, the joyful occasion that you deserve.

1. Do… have big conversations early Before you get swept up in dreams of a big white wedding

and tropical beaches, make time to have ‘The Big Conversation’ with your partner. Setting a budget isn’t sexy, but it’s the foundation for everything that is to come.

Sit down and talk about what you each want to get out of your big day, and what you can realistically contribute financially. You can’t know what’s best for your big day until you start communicating.

Once you have a clear vision of the budget and what’s most important to each of you, decisions and compromises along the way will become much easier.

2. Don’t… break your budget Once you’ve got a figure in mind, don’t give in to temptation. Bigger bouquets, designer dresses, higher-tier wine packages, an extended honeymoon… there’s always going to be something bigger,

shinier, and more appealing. But that doesn’t mean you should risk blowing the budget for each new idea that catches your fancy.

Keeping a close eye on your finances can save you energy, stress, and money, and means you’re spending only on what really matters to you.

3. Do… take time to create a vision board Creating a vision board isn’t just about how you want your day to look. It’s all about how you want your day to feel. What do you want your wedding to embody? Is it about you as a couple, or a chance to feel close to your family? Will the guest list be in the single digits, or is everyone invited?

Ensuring your vision matches up with your partner’s can help the decision-making process to feel more cohesive, helping you feel less overwhelmed when it comes to all those little details along the way. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 53

You can’t know what’s best for your big day until you start communicating 4. Don’t… try to please everyone Everyone is going to have an opinion about your wedding.

Whether that’s insisting that the next-door neighbour’s daughter just has to come, critiquing your food choices, or questioning your colour palette. And, chances are, nobody’s going to think about how sharing that opinion (often loudly) is going to affect you. Before you start to feel the pressure of so many different voices, try to remember: this is your big day.

Ultimately, the decisions are down to you and nobody else.

5. Do… prioritise self-care Having a sustainable self-care routine isn’t about getting rid of the bags under your eyes or getting that perfect ‘wedding glow’ for photos. It’s all about making small changes to boost your wellbeing. Try experimenting to find out what works best for you. That could mean sitting alone with a cuppa before the day has begun, or spending the last 15 minutes curled up alone with a good book and no social media. Give different techniques a try to help optimise your me-time.

54 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

positive pointers

6. Don’t… worry about doing everything right now The average engagement lasts 18 months. You may want to dive head-first into planning, but try to be gentle with yourself.

Unless you’ve got a final payment deadline looming, or are about to lose the venue of your dreams, chances are, you can take a step back and put off selecting the perfect shade of green for another few days if you’re in need of a breather.

9. Do… speak with an expert If your nerves are really starting to take a toll, there are numerous avenues of support to help you boost your confidence or rediscover some calm.

Hypnotherapy can be a great tool if you feel as if your anxiety is getting out of hand, helping you to uncover what’s causing these deep-seated feelings, and to learn healthy coping mechanisms to get you through it.

7. Do… take time away from planning It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement, but that initial buzz can turn into an uncomfortable pressure if you aren’t careful.

Setting expectations too high for yourself, or approaching it as something to please others and appear ‘perfect’ is going to turn it from a fun celebration into a chore. Making time to enjoy yourselves as a couple can help to ease any growing anxiety, and remind you both of what’s really important: spending time together.

8. Don’t… worry about being selfish People like to throw around the terms ‘Bridezilla’ and ‘Groomzilla’, but the thing is, this is your day.

It’s literally a celebration of your union as a couple. As long as you aren’t putting unreasonable financial or emotional pressures on loved ones, it’s OK to focus on what will make you both happy, and forget the rest.

11. Do… remember you have the final say This is your big day. That means you get to decide on what happens. It’s never too late to change plans, ditch table decorations you’re having second thoughts about, or tweak the guest list to invite just one more friend for the evening. But you shouldn’t feel pressured to make changes for anyone other than you (and your partner).

12. Don’t… risk looking back and having regrets

Marriage is a partnership. Start out how you mean to go on: share the load with the one you love 10. Don’t… do a diet/detox The wedding industry may be obsessed with dropping a dress size, but, honestly? That mentality just isn’t healthy. Preparing for your wedding is stressful enough without the additional pressure of counting calories. If you want to reevaluate your relationship with food, working with a nutritionist can help you to find a more balanced, varied diet, and to boost your energy levels. Don’t rely on quick fixes to try to get a specific ‘look’. Focus on your health and wellbeing first.

Is there anything that you’ve been hesitant about? Are there any areas you’re worried may be missing, or you wish could be different if only…? Building in time for reflection can help you to identify if there is anything you are clearly going to regret doing or not doing. You’re already spending so much time and effort planning your wedding. While it’s unrealistic to think that everything will go off without a hitch, it’s OK to take time to think about the big picture and to make any changes while you still have time.

Admitting that you’re feeling anxious, worried, or even scared about wedding planning doesn’t mean you’re scared of commitment. It’s OK to reach out and ask for help and support. Marriage is, after all, a partnership. Start out how you mean to go on, and share the load with the one you love. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 55

Ask the experts

How can I improve my workplace relationships?

Executive coach Aaron Jude McCarthy shares advice on navigating relationships at work Read more about Aaron Jude McCarthy on lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Q

With remote working becoming the norm, it’s tough to feel connected to colleagues. Do you have any suggestions for staying connected when working remotely?

A

When working remotely, video conferencing software is an excellent tool for keeping in touch with co-workers

Q

Some relationships at work can become difficult. Do you have any tips for navigating this?

A

If you’re having problems with a colleague, attempt to speak to them directly. Set up a meeting or coffee conversation, and bring instances of what has

and staying connected with your boss. The ability to view and communicate with your team in real-time will enable you to feel more connected to them. To interact with coworkers, you may also use messaging tools such as Slack, Whatsapp, or HipChat. This will help you to remain up to speed with what’s going on in the workplace, and easily exchange ideas and files with your colleagues and co-workers.

Additionally, make it a point to communicate with your co-workers frequently, even if you aren’t directly involved in the same project. This may assist in keeping everyone on the same page and preventing any miscommunications from occurring. By following these suggestions, you will be able to maintain contact with your co-workers, and continue to produce results when working from a distance.

been upsetting you. Instead of blaming, approach this talk as an improvement to your working relationship.

If the discussion goes well, you can both agree to make concrete modifications. Then, frequently check-in and be prepared to alter your own behaviour if required. Uneasy interactions do not always go well. If talking to your colleague doesn’t work, you

may need to notify your manager or HR. This should be the last option, but it is occasionally required to maintain a healthy and productive workplace. In any case, keep it professional and avoid making it personal.

Difficult professional relationships may be challenging to navigate, but with a little effort, they can frequently be resolved.

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

relationships

Aaron’s top tips for building positive relationships at work: 1. Make an effort to get acquainted with your co-workers. Take the time to learn about their hobbies, backgrounds, likes, dislikes, and family relationships to name a few examples.

Q What is one thing managers can do to improve communication among their team?

A

One thing that managers can do to improve communication within teams is to urge their team members to respectfully speak freely and honestly with one another, even when it is unpleasant or difficult to do so. They can also make certain that they are taking the

time to listen to what their team members are saying, rather than just waiting for their opportunity to speak out.

Managers should also establish an atmosphere where communication is open and effective, which will result in a more productive team as a result.

A team’s ability to communicate effectively is critical to its success.

Managers may assist their teams in achieving better success by enhancing communication between them and their teams.

2. Show genuine care and interest in others’ wellbeing.

Make an extra effort to assist others or provide a hand when they are in need. Differences should be respected.

Recognise that everyone has their own unique set of ideas and beliefs, and make an effort to learn from them rather than judge them. Cooperation and collaboration with others should be encouraged. Work together to achieve shared aims and objectives.

3. Be a good communicator.

Concentrate on paying attention, communicating clearly and concisely, and attempting to avoid confrontation wherever feasible. By following these suggestions, you may improve your working relationships with your co-workers. This will make going to work more pleasurable and productive for you and your colleagues.

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 57

What to do if you’re low on spoons We all can find ourselves low on energy from time to time, but what can we do to protect our remaining energy reserves from outside influences?

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

U

sing spoons to describe energy levels has become a popular way to explain how draining certain tasks or activities can be.

Originally used by the chronic pain community to describe energy and stamina, it has since become a more widely used metaphor for effectively explaining your limits.

The basic idea is that the number of spoons you have dayto-day may vary, and each task or activity you encounter will cost you a certain number of spoons.

And for some people, once their spoons are used up, that’s it.

So, what can you do if you find yourself running low on spoons?

We share six ways you can try to replenish your energy, and protect your remaining spoons.

1. Switch up your environment Retreating to the comfort of home when we’re feeling low is only natural. A familiar environment offers a sense of 58 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

safety, and security. Yet getting outside could have a significant impact on our overall wellbeing.

Spending time in nature can help alleviate stress, anxiety, and even anger, as well as boost our self-esteem. Making the most of nature doesn’t just have to mean going on a walk. Try forest bathing, gardening, or even simply spend time watching the world go by from a park bench.

There’s no right or wrong way to enjoy – and benefit from – nature.

2. Do something you love

For me, that’s embracing my creative side, or indulging in a bit of forward-planning. I might not have the energy to write a new article, but chances are, I do have the spoons to research or map out my ideas. For others, indulging in an episode of your favourite show or podcast might help you to switch tracks and relax.

Disengaging with that little part of your mind that wants you to feel guilt, and engaging

with something that brings you joy or fulfilment, can help you to feel ready to face other tasks or responsibilities.

3. Acknowledge and honour your feelings

Pushing through and trying to find hidden energy reserves isn’t always the best answer. If your mind or body is telling you something, it’s a sign that you should do your best to listen.

It’s OK to have days where you’re running low on spoons. Take a step back, and put your needs first. There are rarely plans that can’t be cancelled and rearranged for a later date. If you struggle with putting your needs first, journaling can offer a surprisingly impactful outlet.

Writing down how you are feeling can help you to track past ways you have coped with challenging situations or low energy levels, as well as to acknowledge ways that have – and haven’t helped you to feel rested.

food & health

5. Make time for self-reflection

There’s nothing more frustrating than having big plans that you have to cancel at the last minute.

And having to cancel those plans because of how you’re feeling? It can leave you frustrated, angry, disappointed, and guilty. Avoid getting caught up in negative emotions by taking time to reflect on the situation.

Think about past similar situations. What would happen if you kept pushing yourself? Are you doing what’s best for you?

What is specifically causing you to experience these feelings?

Reflection helps us to better understand ourselves and how we cope with different situations.

6. Snuggle up

4. Sustain, don’t drain

Engaging with something that brings you joy can help you to feel ready to face other tasks

Surrounding yourself with pure positivity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When we focus just on the positives, it can feel as overwhelming as when we are surrounded by those who focus solely on the negatives. Ensure you are with people who can offer you balance and space when you’re feeling mentally (or physically) drained, rather than pushing you past your limits.

Hugs don’t just feel good, they’re scientifically proven to be good for us. Every time we hug, touch, or sit close with someone we care about, our bodies release oxytocin. This helps us to feel more relaxed, reduces anxiety, promotes happiness, and creates a sense of closeness with those we love.

One study published in Holistic Nursing Practice even suggested that some forms of touch may be capable of reducing pain, while another study published in the journal Emotion, revealed that touch offers a multitude of ways of communicating without words. Who would have thought a simple hug could be so powerful?

Perhaps it’s time for a snuggle, so the only question is: who’s going to be the big spoon? happiful.com | Issue 61 | 59

5 of the best eco-friendly apps Innovative apps to help you support the planet with the click of a button My Footprint: Climate & Nature

Created by conservation charity the World Wildlife Fund (WWF), this handy app provides you with a wealth of detail on the latest facts and info on climate change issues, as well as enabling you to calculate your carbon footprint, and see how different areas of your life contribute to this. With this knowledge, you can then take part in challenges of your choice to help reduce your footprint, sharing your progress with friends and family, as you join an online community working together to try to do good.

HappyCow

60 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

For the fashion conscious, this app is a must-have that gives you the power to check the impact of brands on issues that mean most to you.

With more than 3,000 brands currently listed, and the option to request others to be added in time, this is a handy source of sustainable shopping information.

NoWaste

Digitise your fridge with this app that keeps track of what’s in your pantry, and reminds you of expiration dates. A useful tool, this can help you to use up foods before they spoil, plan meals more effectively, and even reduce unnecessary expenditure with a clearer overview of what’s in your cupboards.

Too Good To Go

With the aim of reducing the monumental amount of food waste from shops and restaurants, this app helps connect users with local businesses that have unsold produce to be collected for a fraction of the cost. All you have to do is search, place your order, and go pick it up!

App icons | play.google.com

This app allows users anywhere in the world to find local vegan-friendly food options, including takeaway choices, gluten-free, and a range of cuisines. The community aspect allows users to share reviews and recommendations, which can be helpful when planning meals out for anyone wanting to cut down on their meat consumption.

Good On You

wellbeing

10 quick wins for improving wellbeing at work Give your working life a boost with these quick and easy wellbeing wins to transform your 9 to 5 Writing | Kat Nicholls

W

ork can get overwhelming at times and, let’s be honest, it’s easy for workplace wellbeing to fall off the agenda. There’s always something getting in the way, whether it’s battling your inbox, dealing with difficult customers, or trying to meet a deadline.

Taking care of yourself can feel like one task too many on an already overloaded to-do list.

Here’s the thing though: when we prioritise wellness, those other tasks don’t feel quite as stressful.

This is because we give ourselves room to process, decompress, and feel energised again. So, rather than seeing ‘wellness’ as another task on your list, consider it as a tool to open up some space.

Not sure where to start? Here are 10 quick wins you can implement right now...

1. Set reminders to move

This one’s for those of us working at desks and spending big chunks of the day sitting down. With commuting out of the picture for many, our step counts are dwindling dangerously low, and when we’re ‘heads down’ on a project, getting up for a stretch is the last thing on our mind. This means we may need a little help from our tech.

Try using your phone or calendar to send a reminder to move your body (we love the Stand Up! app). Alternatively, if your work sees you up on your feet a lot of the time, use a reminder to stretch it out or have a quick sit down if you can.

2. Make break-time more fun

We all know breaks are good for us. Breaks help to reduce stress, improve productivity and even encourage creative thinking – so why is it so hard to take them sometimes? If this is something you struggle with, we recommend creating a little incentive for yourself by making breaktimes more fun.

What can you do on your breaks that will make you more inclined to take them? Maybe it’s a daily doodle, a call with a friend, or catching up on your favourite TV show. Whatever it is, make it something you’ll really want to do, and never miss another break again. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 61

3. Set (and communicate) your boundaries

The landscape of work has changed in the past couple of years, and a lot of us are working in new ways. Throughout this upheaval, our boundaries around work may have blurred. For example, where you once left the office bang on time, maybe now you work from home you notice work creeping into your evening.

Consider this a call to review your boundaries around work.

Take a few minutes to write down your boundaries (such as, “I finish work at 5pm”) and remind yourself how these will support your wellbeing.

Finally, communicate them with others. If you work different hours now, let your co-workers know when they can reach you (and how). If your housemate keeps interrupting you when you’re working, explain to them that you’re busy but can chat to them during breaks. Remember, boundaries only work if we uphold them.

4. Change your environment

If you’re able to change up your working environment from time to time, give it a go! Being somewhere new can stimulate our creativity, and give us a motivational boost. This will depend on your role, but consider co-working spaces, heading to a 62 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

5. Recognise your humanity

cafe, or even taking a notebook and going to your local park for some big-picture thinking.

If you can’t leave your workplace, give it a spruce.

Add some new pictures and plants, or reorganise your desk.

Tiny tweaks can make a big difference.

We are not machines that powerup, churn out work, then powerdown. We’re humans with lives outside of work and we’re affected by what’s happening in those lives. It’s also OK if you don’t feel on top of your game every day, and it’s OK if your colleagues don’t either.

Remind yourself of your humanity during conversations with colleagues, ask them how they are, and check-in when big global events are happening. Tell people how you’re feeling, and be honest when you’re struggling.

wellbeing

We are not machines that power-up, churn out work, then power-down.

We’re humans with lives outside of work, and we’re affected by what’s happening in those lives

10. Plan tomorrow, today

6. Have non-work-related conversations, too

With the previous tip in mind, try to instigate some non-work chats from time to time. If you’re no longer working side-by-side with your colleagues, isolation can quickly kick in. And when the only talk happening is centred around work, it’s easy to lose any sense of connection.

Use your instant messaging tool to find out how people’s weekends are, ask a colleague if they fancy going for a coffee (in-person or virtually). As well as keeping you connected, this opens the door for conversations around mental health.

7. Switch up your snacks

If you’ve fallen into a snacking rut, you’re not alone. Reaching for a sugar boost at 3pm is common, but how does this make you feel in the long run? If it’s not making you feel great, try adding some variety in there. Opt for fresh fruits, nuts and seeds, dark chocolate, or peanut butter on toast to give you a longer-lasting energy boost.

8. Share wellbeing tips

Have you done an online fitness class you loved? Tried a new lunchtime recipe? Found a new technique for dealing with overwhelm? Don’t keep this information to yourself; share it with your colleagues! When you encourage a culture of sharing at work, you can learn from each other, and everyone benefits.

9. Take sick days when you need them

If you’re home-based, it may feel as if you can still work when you’re sick. After all, you’re not going to make anyone else sick, right? The problem is, when you don’t take time off to rest, you run the risk of making yourself more unwell.

You deserve time to rest, whether you’re feeling physically or mentally unwell. Call in sick, take the time you need, and return when you feel ready.

There’s nothing worse than finishing work for the day and spending the whole evening thinking about what you need to do the next day. Reduce your mental load by writing up tomorrow’s to-do list before you finish work, so you can rest safe in the knowledge that your tasks for tomorrow are written down and ready for you tomorrow.

Which of these tips feels easiest for you right now? Whichever one it is, implement it and see if you notice a positive difference.

Keep going, gradually bringing in more of these tips, and see how they impact you. What works for you? What doesn’t? There’s rarely a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to wellness, so it’s up to you to cultivate a practice that suits you.

We spend around a third of our lives working, and we deserve to feel well while we’re doing it, so it’s time to push wellness up the agenda.

If you’re struggling with work-related stress, you may find it helpful to chat with a therapist. Learn more at counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | Issue 61 | 63

Eat to beat acid reflux

After a big meal, do you get a burning sensation in the chest, or the feeling of a lump in your throat? It might be more than a bit of indigestion – and there are some simple dietary changes that can help ease those acid attacks Writing | Jenna Farmer

E

ver found yourself struck with a burning sensation in the throat or chest? Or have issues with burping and indigestion that make you feel as if you’ve got a lump in your throat? These are all common acid reflux symptoms, which, while not usually serious, can be extremely uncomfortable and impact your mental health.

A study of patients with reflux found more than 40% of them had anxiety, and 34% had depression. Part of this may be due to worrying about symptoms and dealing with painful flareups (which can make socialising or eating your favourite foods tricky).

While many with reflux need to take medication (usually a proton pump inhibitor, which reduces the production of acid), others can find diet changes useful (whether tried alone or

64 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

alongside medication). This may include avoiding certain trigger foods, changing the times you eat, or knowing what foods to turn to when reflux flares. Here are our top tips for eating to beat acid reflux.

into the oesophagus,” explains nutritionist Shannon Western.

Switching to herbal tea may be a helpful idea, but you may want to hold the peppermint for now – some people find this aggravates their reflux rather than helping it.

1. Consider your morning brew carefully

2. Swap your takeaway

Your morning cuppa could get your reflux off to a bad start.

A recent study of more than 250,000 women with reflux, found a correlation between those who had the highest intake of coffee, tea, and soda, and reflux, while replacing these with water reduced the risk.

“High caffeine intake of more than the recommended upper intake of 400mg per day (around four coffees or six teas) can cause the muscle into the stomach to relax and open, which allows acid to move up

Many people notice their reflux worsen after a takeaway or a fancy meal out, but why is this? Well, reflux symptoms have been shown to happen more often when people ate food that was fatty, fried, or spicy – something that we can often find in our favourite takeaways.

“These can trigger reflux because they cause the sphincter into the stomach (a muscular ring) to open up and let stomach acid come up the oesophagus,” explains Shannon.

That’s not to say takeaways are out of the question, but you

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Some changes that might be helpful are ensuring you eat in an upright position, making sure to chew food properly, and don’t leave too long between eating might find some swaps could be useful: if spicy foods are a trigger, could you try a milder dish? If fatty fried foods make your reflux worse, then could you opt for a lower-fat takeaway, such as sushi or grilled fish?

disease), citing a gap of four hours-plus the most useful.

While this isn’t always possible, scheduling dinner earlier in the day, or eating your biggest meal at lunch, with a smaller supper, might help.

3. Eat your dinner earlier in the day

4. Give ginger a go

With busy days, many of us might find ourselves not sitting down for dinner until late in the evening. This can cause night-time reflux to strike – one study found that increasing the gap between dinner and bedtime can help with GERD (gastroesophageal reflux

While spicy food can be a trigger, one spice that is thought to be helpful in the battle against reflux is ginger. Ginger is known for its anti-nausea properties, which is ideal since acid reflux can often cause feelings of sickness (and even vomiting, in rare cases).

It’s also known to support the digestive tract in general: brew

up ginger tea with fresh ginger and lemon, or add a few pieces to your stir fry.

5. Adopt a Mediterranean diet The Mediterranean diet has been proven to have many health benefits – from helping to prevent cognitive decline to slashing your risk of a heart attack. But could it also help you tackle reflux, too? There’s some evidence to suggest it might actually be as beneficial as common reflux meds. One study compared those treated with PPIs to those who adopted a plant-based Mediterranean >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 65

diet (alongside alkaline water) and found the latter was actually more effective. A Mediterranean diet focuses on wholegrain, fruits, and vegetables, and avoids processed foods and red meat.

6. Calcium-rich foods could be helpful We’ve all heard the remedy of sipping on a glass of milk when reflux strikes, but why is it so effective? Well, it’s all to do with high calcium content – which is why calcium carbonate is often the main ingredient of antacids we take to neutralise our stomach acid. Dietary calcium can help, but be mindful of the foods you use – for example, full-fat milk is packed with calcium but you may find the dairy or high fat content exacerbates symptoms. There are many other calcium-rich foods that don’t contain dairy if that’s on the list, such as fortified plantbased milks and almonds.

7. Understand your gut bacteria The bacteria in our guts are closely connected to reflux, even though symptoms occur much further up in the digestive tract.

Firstly, it’s important to know about H. pylori – a bacterial infection which is connected to 66 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

High caffeine intake can cause the muscle into the stomach to relax and open, which allows acid to move up into the oesophagus acid reflux. H. pylori can develop from childhood, and may stay in your stomach for decades without causing any problems – but, for some, it can go on to cause stomach ulcers and reflux symptoms. It’s important your GP tests you for H. pylori if your reflux is ongoing, and antibiotics can be prescribed to quickly treat the infection.

Even if you don’t have H. pylori, you might find probiotics rather than antibiotics worth trying – while we don’t know much yet about reflux and probiotics in particular, they can help support the overall health of your digestive tract.

8. It’s not just about what you eat As well as considering the types of food you eat (and when you eat

it), Shannon advises that how you eat is just as important.

“Some changes that might be helpful are ensuring you eat in an upright position and avoid lying down close to finishing a meal, making sure to chew food properly, and don’t leave too long between eating (i.e. eating at least every 3–4 hours),” she adds.

Diet change may not replace medication, and it’s always important to have a chat with your GP before making any big changes, but can be a great help when reflux strikes. However, if your symptoms don’t ease or suddenly worsen, do make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible.

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who specialises in writing about gut health. She has Crohn’s disease and blogs about her journey to improve gut health at abalancedbelly.co.uk

Shannon Western is a nutritionist who specialises in disordered eating and women’s health. Find out more by visiting nutritionist-resource.org.uk

relationships

Not a ‘broken’ man, just an introvert Society expects males to be loud, swaggering, confident alphas. But there is much to celebrate and admire in a quieter, thoughtful, empathetic version of masculinity Writing | David Bone

T

ry to imagine a conversation where an extrovert is told: ‘You’re a bit loud aren’t you?’ or ‘You talk too much’ within the first few minutes of meeting them. It’s almost too rude to contemplate.

Alternatively, envision a world where a member of the public would pay for ‘self-reflection building’ or ‘reticence classes’ to make themselves quieter.

Unthinkable, isn’t it?

However, I have been told ‘You don’t say much, do you?’ or ‘Why are you so quiet?’ even as an adult, often delivered with a clear and perceptible undertone of negativity, combined with a quizzical gaze.

As a man, to be labelled as introverted is one of the least ‘alpha’ traits that you can possess.

In the lexicon of unmasculine phrases, it probably ranks above ‘light-weight’ or ‘meek’, although not by much. In your teens, when you’re already awkward and vulnerable, it’s a social death knell.

During my own teenage years, and well into my 20s, I had the feeling that I was somehow fundamentally broken, particularly when compared with my more boisterous male peers, who appeared to be the exact opposite to me.

Why was I quiet? Why did I abhor presentations at school?

Why was I happiest in my own thoughts, and why did I prefer

small gatherings to social situations where there were large numbers of people? If I wasn’t familiar with someone, why didn’t the conversation flow easily?

I knew that this didn’t put people at ease. I knew it made me seem aloof. (Some of this is introversion, but some of this is that you just have nothing in common with certain people, and that’s OK as well). You can guess the (non)-affect this had on the opposite sex at school.

Even to this day, in social situations, I prefer to hover about on the periphery of the proceedings, rather than being in the centre; a wallflower version of Batman. A silent guardian, a watchful protector. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 67

The hero the party deserves, but not the one it needs right now. My natural habitat is the ‘green room’ of the kitchen, rather than the ‘main stage’ of the living room.

These issues can be further exacerbated by the way ‘masculinity’ was, and still is, portrayed in the media, where it can quickly morph into the damaging toxic variety.

In this theatrical version, the male of the species must exude an almost overbearing confidence; full of swagger, sure of himself. He’ll get that job and that partner. He’ll ace that presentation in front of the 68 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

clients from Zurich, dine with his future in-laws, and then meet with a gathering of his clones, all the while looking like a chiselled Adonis.

If you don’t meet this, then you’re simply less of a man.

Introversion is a pariah in this scenario. There’s a reason that Calvin Klein adverts haven’t featured a man on a chair with a book and a cup of camomile tea.

Indeed, to be an introverted man is to face a degree of mild societal ostracisation, mixed with a degree of perceived inadequacy. If you aren’t loud, people don’t tend to notice you’re even there. I have slipped out of meetings without any of the attendees noticing my absence.

The majority of workplace seminars are geared to more extroverted people. They rely on clear and confident public speaking to get your opinion across, although on occasion there may be some fluorescent Post-it notes available.

Luckily for me, two events happened. I discovered the fantastic book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain (Thanks, Susan!) and it all really fell into place. I possessed the traits of an introverted person.

They were normal, and I should be comfortable with them. I had a unique set of skills that were useful, required by wider society, and ones that I could be proud of.

After this, I discovered a number of supportive and ultra-relatable Facebook pages: ‘Introverts are awesome’,

It’s perfectly reasonable to be quiet and confident in your own mind, abilities, and beliefs ‘Introvert problems’, as well as the blog ‘Introvert, Dear’. Here were supportive, friendly, little communities of people who were having identical experiences to me – and roughly half the comments and posts were from other men. There are now thousands of articles, webpages, and think pieces on introversion; resources and opinions I wish I’d had when growing up.

The ground has shifted so much, at job interviews I now mention that I’m an introvert; listing the positive traits that I can bring: more expressive with the written word, more empathetic (so much so, that I’ve even felt ‘secondary embarrassment’ on behalf of strangers), the ability to focus on tasks, good listener, and many, many more. In the two jobs where I mentioned this, I ended

up getting hired by the company, so perhaps it’s something employers are actively looking for now. Also, depending on what field you are in, there are bound to be a few introverts about, even in management.

Basically, you are what you are. To an extent, everyone can modify their behaviour to fit the social environment. I’m sure the most gregarious extrovert would tone it down for a funeral.

Likewise, I know introverts can manage feats of extroversion when necessary. We need extroverts as well. They are the party masters, the organisers, the social butterflies. I can even talk to women nowadays, and they don’t stare at me as if I’d just asked them for a sponge bath.

But I also don’t believe that you should attempt to totally overhaul your personality to fit

in with some vague feeling that you aren’t talkative enough, or feel bad because you feel nervous about public speaking. The old saying about banging square pegs into round holes comes to mind.

It’s perfectly reasonable to be quiet and confident in your own mind, abilities, and beliefs, rather than adhering to the false, toxic, swaggering, exuberant male archetypes shown in the media.

Basically, know thyself, and remember that as a man, there is no one masculine ideal. The sense of mindfulness, peace, and acceptance that comes from this simple epiphany is liberating.

I’ve genuinely never looked back, and I’m far happier with this acceptance than with battling my own introverted nature to fit a noxious ideal that would have made me depressed had I reached it. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 69

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall NELSON MANDELA Photography | Joice Kelly

70 | Issue XX | happiful.com

Happiful reads...

From learning how to overcome career challenges to a must-read historical fiction, we share four books you won’t want to miss this month Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

S

ometimes we can be our own worst enemy, and feel like nothing we do is ever quite good enough. We might put ourselves down, or fixate on every mistake, and never cut ourselves any slack. But imagine how it would transform our lives, and how good we would feel, if we became our own best friend instead. We

The Kindness Pact

by Domonique Bertolucci Out now

are taught from an early age to show kindness to others, but why are we never taught how to show it to ourselves?

This quick read by happiness expert Domonique Berolucci explores the ways you can feel good and harness kindness

through eight simple promises to yourself. Packed with humour and words of wisdom, Domonique draws on inspiring stories from her career as a life coach to support us in our own commitment to kindness.

You Coach You by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis Out now Whoever told you there was a straight path to success was wrong. Our career path can be full of potential and new opportunities, but that progression also comes with uncertainty. Written by career experts, this book will help you discover how to overcome career challenges, and unlock your full potential with the tools to be able to coach yourself.

Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson Out now Every family has its secrets, right?

The passing of a mother reunites two estranged siblings on a journey to discover their family secrets and inheritance, but will they reclaim their relationship and come together to fulfil their mother’s last wishes? Black Cake tastefully bakes the way for romance, secrets, and betrayal, leaving you wanting to read more.

Book covers | Amazon.co.uk

Must reads The Sustainable (ish) Living Guide

by Jen Gale Out now If, like me, you’re someone who wants to put your all into saving the planet but finds it difficult to make time to do so, this guilt-free guide is for you! Written by a mum of two (who is already juggling a lot of balls), it offers eco-tips and family-friendly suggestions for living sustainably in your everyday routine.

happiful.com | Issue 61 | 71

How to spot signs of anxiety in children Learn about the warning signs of worry and stress in kids so that you can step in to offer support Writing | Hasret Tekin

A

nxiety is simply an activation in our nervous system that we also call the fight or flight response. It warns us against imminent physical danger, such as a car coming towards you as you are crossing the road, or when perceived psychological danger, such as a big exam, is approaching.

Some childhood anxieties can be completely age-appropriate.

For example, very young children, under three years old, may have separation anxiety – they may cry when separated from their parents or carer, and become clingy. Some children, 72 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

particularly preschoolers, may develop fears such as being scared of the dark, or not wanting to use the toilet seat. And schoolaged children may feel anxious, particularly if they are in a new situation or a new environment – such as when starting at a new school, or before a presentation or exam. These are all part of their normal daily life, and it’s OK to feel this way.

But, anxiety becomes a problem for children when it starts to get in the way of their everyday life. This might present as them refusing to go to school, or starting to experience psychosomatic symptoms like

headaches and stomach aches, or beginning to avoid big events.

You may notice some changes in your child’s behaviours recently, and are wondering whether your child is experiencing anxiety or not. You might be asking what the signs of anxiety in children are, and how can you support them?

Here, we explore some common signs to watch out for.

1. Excessive anxiety and worry Your child may lack the confidence to try new things or seem unable to face simple, everyday challenges. If this is the case, and you know a change such as a house move is coming

wellbeing

up, prepare your child by talking to them about what is going to happen and why.

2. Inability to control fear or worry Having a lot of negative thoughts, or constantly thinking that bad things are going to happen to them, starting to avoid everyday activities, and having overly high expectations for their schoolwork, homework, and sports performance can be signs that they’re not able to control their worries. Try not to become overprotective or anxious yourself. Practise simple relaxation techniques with your child, such as taking three deep, slow breaths – breathing in for a count of three, and out for three.

5. Sleep disruption Having difficulty sleeping, waking in the night, starting to wet the bed, having bad dreams, and difficulty settling down for bed can all be signals of anxiety. Children of all ages find routines reassuring, so try to stick to regular daily routines where possible. Worry jars are particularly helpful for children, where they can write down on paper anything that’s worrying them, and put these thoughts into a jar. Pintrest has a lot of creative ideas on this. Then you go through the papers/worries together at the end of the day or week.

7. Avoidance Refusing to go to school, meltdowns before school about minor things such as clothing, hair, or shoes, and meltdowns after school about homework are things to watch out for. Encourage your child to manage their anxiety and ask for help when they need it. If your child is anxious because of distressing events, such as a bereavement or separation, look for books or films that will help them to understand their emotions.

3. Restlessness Constantly fidgeting or squirming can be an external sign of anxiety. Having some sensory or fidget toys may help your child to calm their minds, and redirect their energy, and there are plenty of different options available to purchase easily online.

Anxiety becomes a problem for children when it starts to get in the way of their everyday life

If your child’s anxiety is severe, persists, and interferes with their everyday life, it’s a good idea to get some help. A visit to a GP is a good place to start. If your child’s anxiety is affecting their school life, it would be worth talking to their school as well. Parents and carers can get help and advice about children’s mental health from Young Minds’ free parent helpline on 0808 802 5544, from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.

4. Agitation and irritability Anxious children may become irritable, tearful, or clingy – or have angry outbursts, including tantrums and crying. Reassure them and show them that you understand how they feel. As well as talking to your child about their worries and anxiety, it’s important to help them find solutions. Teach your child to recognise signs of anxiety in themselves.

6. Somatic symptoms Anxiety can often come with physical, somatic symptoms, such as headaches, stomach aches, and muscle tension. If your child is old enough, it may help to explain the physical effects anxiety has on our bodies. It could also be useful to describe anxiety as being like a wave that builds up, and then ebbs away again.

Hasret Tekin is a child & adolescent therapist specialising trauma.

Find out more by visiting counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | Issue 61 | 73

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples MOTHER TERESA

74 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Photography | M.T ElGassier

Sophie L Morgan:

Intimately speaking At just 18 years old, a car crash resulted in Sophie becoming paralysed from the chest down.

Due to a lack of representation of disabled people, Sophie had no idea what her life had in store – and whether sex would ever be possible again.

Now an author, presenter, and award-winning disability advocate, Sophie is giving a voice to disabled women, sharing her dating journey, and her search for her happy ending Writing | Sophie L Morgan

W

hen I was 18 years old, I’ll admit, I was horny. The kind of horny that meant I was practically insatiable.

I loved boys, I loved the smell of them, I loved the feel of them, I loved nothing more than being on top of them.

As a typical naughty teenage girl, other than playing sports or getting in trouble with my girlfriends, my priority was to be in the arms of a boy.

The day I received my A-level results, I went to a party with my friends to celebrate. On the way home, I was so distracted by a boy sitting beside me in the passenger seat, a boy I had longed to be with, that unfortunately, due to my lack of driving experience and the fact I was speeding, I lost control of my car and crashed.

It wasn’t until a few days later that I woke up in hospital and found out the full extent of the damage I had done to myself.

In the crash, my skull had been fractured on impact, my nose crushed by the steering wheel, my jaw dislocated and eye socket crushed, but worst of all, at the place where my seatbelt crossed my chest, my body had twisted in the wrong direction and my spine had been damaged. I was told that I was paralysed from the chest down, and that I would never recover any movement or feeling from there down, ever again. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 75

76 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

You don’t nearly die once, not to make the most out of living twice again, and men treated me so differently from how I had been treated before my crash.

Since my car crash, I’ve had a number of relationships, I even got engaged once. But none of them have been easy. Being with a disabled girl appeared to give men a licence to behave like they were heroic, lapping up praise from strangers for being with someone like me.

But behind the scenes the relationships were, at times, toxic. There was the partner that laughed at me when I fell out of my wheelchair, the one who would take my wheelchair away from me when we had a fight, the one who left me in the sunshine to get second-degree burns after we had a row, the one who convinced me he should have sex with someone else as I couldn’t satisfy him.

Some of the relationships were good, but many were unhealthy. And it was due to the fact that those ableist ideas about what a disabled woman like me deserved, had never been resolved. Quite simply, I didn’t think I was good enough for anything better.

And then, a couple of years ago, the day that lockdown happened, my latest relationship ended.

Being single at 36 was not what I had in mind. But it turned out to be a blessing, as I decided to write a book, a memoir about what had happened to me.

In writing it, I looked back at my past and realised how unhelpful and damaging my beliefs have been. I have come a long way and today, I feel stronger than ever before. I refuse to indulge those ideas anymore. After all, as I wrote in my book, “You don’t nearly die once, not to make the most out of living twice!”

Starting all over again is difficult for anyone, and combine that with past negative dating experiences, the prospect was even more daunting.

One thing I’ve never done in all these years is online dating.

I was in a relationship when that began, and I thought I had dodged that bullet. I would watch my friends successfully and unsuccessfully grapple with the realities and consequences of

Photography | Edo Dream

But, on hearing this distressing news, my main concern wasn’t about walking again, or about running, kicking, or dancing, all I could think about at that moment was whether I would be able to have sex again.

I had never met a paralysed person before. In fact, I was the first physically disabled person I had ever met, and therefore I had no idea what was possible for a woman like me and, I realise now, I did have some very harmful ableist ideas about disabled people – some of which were soon solidified when most of the boys in my life began to reject me.

At that time, my rehabilitation revolved around me regaining my independence, learning how to transfer into a wheelchair for example, or learning how to catheterise, and how to look after my paralysed body, and I was so consumed with these tasks that I found the rejection too much to deal with.

I decided to do all that I could to put thoughts of my love life, and certainly my sex life, to bed for the time being, and concentrate solely on getting home again and rebuilding my life. But the rejection cut me deep – more deeply than I cared to admit – and would take me years, decades even, to recover from. Especially when I did finally start dating

relationships

putting themselves online, from the sidelines, hoping that that would never have to be me.

As a disabled woman I am rarely hit on, hardly noticed, so being ghosted, I thought, would take on a whole new meaning. Being judged so superficially would pack a more painful punch.

But having finished writing my book and feeling braver than ever, I have decided to take the plunge and go online dating.

Despite having the same fears any of us have when putting ourselves out there, selecting a handful of the best photos to show ourselves online, writing a profile that will attract the attention of the right person, I am going for it, choosing to believe in my worth and enjoying the process.

Because, disabled or not, we all deserve love, intimacy, passion, and pleasure. We all deserve a happy ending, and I’m off to find mine!

‘Driving Forwards: A journey of resilience and empowerment after life-changing injury’ by Sophie L Morgan is out now (Sphere, £16.99). happiful.com | Issue 61 | 77

Six myths about

loneliness

Despite advances in technology, and travel, more and more people are feeling alone. Here, we’re debunking six misconceptions about loneliness, and providing key steps to manage and improve it Writing | Rebecca Thair

S

ocial ties are what unite us, providing validation, and making us feel seen and heard. But when those ties are broken, we can be left feeling completely alone, even in a crowded room.

And this is why it’s so important to really understand the impact of loneliness, to cut through the shame and stigma that so often keeps people from reaching out for help, and to shine a light on what it really means to be lonely.

Let’s face this together.

MYTH: Loneliness is the same as physical isolation.

FALSE. Being alone and feeling lonely are two completely different things. Some people can be perfectly content with just their own company for a set period of time, but the concept of loneliness goes deeper than physical surroundings – though that can be a contributing factor.

78 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

Feeling socially disconnected from others, not seen, or that no one ‘gets’ us is what leads people to experience loneliness. That emotional or mental understanding that ties us to our family, friends, and communities means that we can enjoy alone-time, knowing that we can connect with others when we choose to. But when that tie is severed, it can feel like we’re adrift, all by ourselves.

MYTH: You can’t feel lonely in a relationship.

FALSE. Loneliness can appear in different areas of your life: you might be yearning for a deeper emotional understanding; stronger social connections; or to be part of something bigger, with a shared purpose in a community. And, while we can care deeply for someone and spend substantial amounts of time with them, no one person

can, or should, be expected to meet every single one of our many needs.

Remember, you don’t need to feel guilty about being lonely.

Just because one area of your life might appear to be going well, doesn’t mean you can’t need more from something else.

MYTH: Only older people get lonely.

FALSE. The truth is you can feel lonely at any age and stage of life.

Some people may assume that due to advances in technology, younger generations are more connected than ever, but numerous studies have shown that isn’t necessarily the case.

A 2019 YouGov survey in the US found that one in five millennials reported having no friends at all.

Additionally, the ONS shared that 10% of Brits aged 16–24 felt lonely often or always, compared with just 3% of those aged 65 and older.

relationships

Relationships can help us create purpose, meaning, and make sense of the world MYTH: Loneliness isn’t that big a deal.

FALSE. Firstly, anything that affects your mental wellbeing is a big deal, and is absolutely worth addressing. We all deserve to live meaningful, enjoyable lives, and if you feel disconnected from those around you, it’s not something that should be brushed off and ignored.

The fact is that loneliness is not only distressing, but has serious health impacts too. Loneliness is reported to increase the risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and strokes, and could even reduce life expectancy by 26% – comparable to the effects of smoking. Plus, those who feel lonely are more likely to experience depression, and are at a greater risk of cognitive decline. >>> happiful.com | Issue 61 | 79

MYTH: It’s easy to tell when someone is lonely.

FALSE: We may have preconceived ideas of what a ‘lonely person’ looks like, but there’s no one-size-fits-all image.

There’s so much stigma that comes with the idea of saying you feel lonely, that people often cover it up pretty well and feel they can’t ask for help. Someone might be outgoing and the life of the party in social situations, but still feel disconnected. It’s vital we drop the judgements, and create a safe space for people to open up.

MYTH: There’s nothing that can fix feeling lonely.

FALSE. Several studies have revealed that social connections can keep us happier and healthier, so don’t be disheartened if you’re experiencing loneliness right now. There is a way out; relationships can help us create purpose, meaning, and make sense of the world. It’s all about figuring out what you need. So, here are three steps to take if you’re feeling lonely: 1. Say it out loud. Or in a message. Whatever you do, vocalise it. This can be a scary thought, but the only way things can change is by acknowledging how you’re truly feeling. The act of verbalising can in itself be a release, and then once it’s out there, both you and your loved ones can start to proactively address it.

80 | Issue 61 | happiful.com

2. Really think about your needs. Recognising a feeling, and then understanding why we feel that way can be two different things. Take some time to homein on where the disconnection is stemming from – e.g. do you not have someone who really shares your interests, or feel able to open up and discuss your emotions with? Once you understand that, you can put plans in place to address it.

3. Take the next steps. While it may be easier said than done, having shared how you are feeling, others can step up to help as well – you could put in more regular catch-ups or calls in your diary with friends. Or you might want to have a fun date night with your other half to run through some question prompts that can help you reach a deeper emotional understanding.

For those needing to connect over shared interests, you might want to look online for classes in the community, or Facebook groups you can join and connect with others who share your passions. A loved one might even want you to introduce them to one of your hobbies.

And if you want to feel more entrenched in the local community, you could get involved in volunteering projects or days, to meet like-minded people, and do good at the same time!

Experiencing loneliness can be extremely distressing, and the irony is that so many people feel the same way – but shame and stigma can mean that no one is talking about it. So remember, you may be feeling lonely, but you are most certainly not alone.

Driving change Five green driving tips to help you support the planet Writing | Rebecca Thair

I

t’s vital that we all take the wheel when it comes to claiming responsibility for the eco-impact of our travel. While it’s no secret that taking a stroll is both our most eco-friendly and, often, enjoyable option, a walk in the fresh air isn’t always possible, and, for a lot of people, it’s not realistic to ditch driving entirely.

With governments across the globe pledging to reduce carbon emissions, there has been a surge in options for electric and hybrid vehicles. The initial investment for an electric car can be substantial though, and with the current cost of living crisis, this could mean it’s a future step for a lot of families, rather than an immediate solution.

In the meantime, the good news is there are many simple changes we can make to the way we drive that can have a signficant impact.

The key thing is to start taking small proactive steps to reduce our emissions. So with that goal in mind, here are five easy ideas you can implement today to drive positive change.

1. Plan your journeys

Whether it’s roadworks, traffic jams, or a long-winded diversion, thinking ahead and checking your route before you set off can save

time and money. Plus a warm engine is a more efficient engine, so, where possible, try to combine trips by grouping errands together to optimise your travel time.

2. Embrace carpools

When public transport isn’t an option, a really simple solution is to ensure you’re maximising your car space. Could you set up a carpool to work with colleagues in the local area, or for the school run? Crack on some tunes and let the drive-time karaoke commence!

3. Change gear

Choosing the right gear ensures you use fuel as efficiently as possible; what you’re aiming for is smooth, gentle acceleration, so the basic rule is that you should be using the highest gear possible within the speed limit. A lot of cars signal on the dashboard when you should change gear, but you can also listen out – does your engine sound like it’s struggling?

Time to change gear.

Utilise your momentum too, allowing your car to gently decelerate rather than slamming on the brakes where possible, and anticipating where it’s safe to naturally reduce your speed without coming to a complete

halt, negating the need to stop/ start so much.

4. Cool it with air conditioning Adjusting the temperature of your vehicle might be instinctual, but whether you’re cooling yourself on a summer’s day, or turning up the heat on a chilly night, this uses a significant amount of energy.

Instead, embrace a natural breeze by simply rolling down the windows, or keep a few extra layers in your boot for when you need to wrap up.

5. Check your tyre pressure

This is something that should be practised regularly for your own safety, but you might be surprised to know that properly inflated tyres increase fuel efficiency as well. In fact, it’s been reported that Brits could be wasting £1 billion on fuel a year due to their tyres not being inflated properly, impacting the fuel economy of the car, as well as increasing wear to the tyres themselves. happiful.com | Issue 61 | 81

Reframe negative self-talk Here are some simple suggestions for how to turn that negative critic inside your head into a positive supporter instead

No matter what I do, nothing is ever good enough.

I am growing at my own pace.

Each day is a new opportunity to learn more.

No one really likes me.

I can’t control what others think or do, only what I believe and how I behave.

There’s no point trying, things always end badly.

I am a useless failure.

You never know what the future holds.

I am lazy and selfish.

My needs matter, and I deserve rest.

I am proud of myself for having the courage to try.

I don’t deserve love or happiness.

I have many unique and wonderful qualities. I am worthy and valued.

Build habits

Get into the habit

Top tips!

• Try not to change too many things at once. This this can help your focus and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.

• Forming a new habit takes time; try not to be discouraged if things don’t progress as quickly as you hoped.

• Repetition is key, so keep in mind what you’re working towards, and why you’re doing this.

• Remember the bigger picture: a habit is about changing your lifestyle for the long-term.

Whether you want to create a healthier routine, or cut back on some negative patterns you’ve fallen into, really considering your habits, and whether they are serving you, can be a great first step.

Use the exercise below to tune-in to different areas of your life, shading in the satisfaction scale based on how pleased you are with those elements, and then take the time to reflect on either behaviours and actions you want to change, or new habits you’d like to form to improve this.

Sleep

Wellbeing

Movement

Relationships

Personal development

Self-care

1 10 1 10 1 10 1 10 1 10 1 10

My ideal morning routine Create your dream routine for how you begin each day by adding in healthy habits you want to include, and the times to perform them, to structure your mornings. Activities could include meditating, journaling, having breakfast, doing some stretches or mindful movement, reading or listening to a podcast, drinking water, spending time with a loved one, getting ready…

WAKE UP

START MY DAY

Mood tracker

Key: Use a colour to represent each emotion

Can you spot any patterns in your mood that could be affected by your current habits – either positively or negatively? Or perhaps use this as a space to see how your mood changes as you actively work on new routines.

This could be a great way to maintain motivation!

Calm

Hopeful

Restless

Happy

Anxious

Sad

Energised

Tired

Frustrated

1

2

3

5

4

7

6

14

8

10

9

15

16

17

11

13

12

19

18

21

20

28

22

23

24

25

26

27

Tidy house, tidy mind

Weekly

Create your own cleaning schedule to declutter your home, and enable you to thrive in your space, without the distractions or pressures of a mounting to-do list.

Daily

Bi-weekly

Monthly

Books to read Design your ideal personal library, with all the titles you can’t wait to sink your teeth into. Which tome will you pick up next?

Stay on track Use this space to gather your thoughts about the bigger picture and long-term vision for why you want to adjust your habits. This can help you stay focused, and give you that motivation boost on days where you’re struggling.

Goals

To do

Rewards

When I need motivation

Habit tracker It’s time to put your plans in motion. Use each row of this wheel to note a habit you’re working on for the next month, and record your progress through each day/spoke. Can you roll with it?

1

2

3

4

5

9

29 30

8

31

6

13

7 28 2 26

1 0 1 1 12

5

4

25

14 1

16

17

2 18 1 9 0 2 1 2 2

23

2

THE UK’S POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH APP

DAILY INSPIRATION | THERAPY & SUPPORT | YOUR MAGAZINE The Happiful App Happiful App is a product from the Happiful family, which includes: Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource and Therapy Directory. Helping you find the help you need.