Happiful Issue 98

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING

Creative

sparks

Out-of-the-box ways to approach expression

ISSUE 98 £5.99

Walking on eggshells?

Treading carefully with unpredictable parents

Reading between the lines How to engage with real truths, not fake news

PLUS

Age with confidence Practical advice for preparing for later life

Breaking free Learn to let go of emotional perfectionism

A bird does not sing because because it has a song Chinese proverb

24 | Issue 96 | happiful.com

Photography | Nur Demirbaş

it has an answer. It sings

Strike a chord Have you ever created something from scratch, something you’ve poured so much of your heart and soul into that it feels like an extension of you – but were petrified at the thought of letting anyone else see it?

‘What if they hate it? What if they don’t see what I see? What if I’m no good after all?’ A battle of self-depricating messages can rage inside our minds.

Regardless of what we’ve made, we may put undue pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and so become hesitant to try something in case we fail, fear embarrassing ourselves, or hide the result in case nobody even cares.

But consider this: Vincent Van Gogh is heralded as one of the most influential figures in art, and notoriously only sold one painting in his lifetime. Leonardo da Vinci is often referred to as a ‘procrastinator’, due to his propensity to leave his works unfinished. While Frida Kahlo poured her lifelong chronic pain into her works of art.

Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge

And really, that’s the point of art. There is no such thing as ‘perfection’. In an illuminating sentiment, Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw said: “You use a glass mirror to see your face. You use works of art to see your soul.”

There’s no right or wrong way to express ourselves, so I hope that in these pages you find the courage, and inspiration, to try. Whether it’s redefining street art with yarn bombing (p16), or finding inclusive spaces to express yourself (p32).

Creative pursuits don’t come without considerations though. A blank page can be daunting, but creativity also has the power to turn our stress into fuel for inspiration (p54).

We walk you through ‘scripting’ (p20), which is a manifestation journaling technique that uses your creative energy to help turn dreams into reality.

But recognise there’s a fine balance between aspiration and comparison, which we dive into with the pros and cons of dreamscrolling (p45).

Plus, we unearth the burden of emotional perfectionism, to help you break free from it (p42). Perhaps with that liberation, you might be able to use creativity to channel these feelings – and recognise that much like art isn’t ‘perfect’, you don’t have to be either.

Happy reading,

A story can be read countless ways. A picture can evoke a myriad of emotions – unique to each of us. And just because one person doesn’t appreciate what you create, doesn’t mean that countless others won’t be in awe.

At Happiful, inclusivity, representation, and creating a happier, healthier society are at the forefront of our mission. To find out more about our social and environmental pledges, visit happiful.com/pledges W | happiful.com F | happifulhq X | @happifulhq I | @happiful_magazine

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

T | @happiful_magazine

16

Purls of wisdom 16 Sew much fun The unlikely street art boosting wellbeing across the globe

23 The ‘invisible million’ Positive steps to help you prepare for old age (without children)

42 Emotional perfectionism What if you open yourself up to the entirety of the human experience?

45 Dreamscrolling Is getting lost in online aspirational content good for our mental health?

48 Changing tastes Inspiring mealtime flavours and habits from across the globe

60 Know your news Why media literacy matters, now more than ever

Culture

Positive pointers

7 Happiful headlines

20 Script your success

11 The wellbeing wrap

Manifest through journaling

38 Romanticise your life 58 Reclaim your ‘scary hour’ 78 Home is a state of mind Tips to make a temporary place feel like your safe space

Relationships 12 Eggshell parenting How unresolved family dynamics can create rifts later in life

29 Fading friendships Signs it’s time to say goodbye

52 AI’s impact on the environment

54

67 Riveting reads 76 May we recommend...

64 Wellbeing

54 Let off some steam Exploring the close connection between creativity and stress

64 Reiki hangover recovery 80 A hard day’s night Tips on switching off after work to maintain a balanced sense of self

26 Happiful

R EG U LA R S

26 Myths, debunked

27

Food & health 35 ARFID uncovered

Truths about being transgender

The restrictive eating disorder that is more than just ‘picky eating’

30 Ask the experts

70 Strawberry salad

Are you ready for retirement?

A delicious way to reach five a day

32 Community corner

73 Life with epilepsy

Waltz this way to meet the group offering accessible dance classes

PRINT EXCLUSIVE

40 Anxiety on your mind Chaz lets us in on her week of anxiety-easing holistic habits

56 Expert column Take back control with awareness of your ‘window of tolerance’

68 Michelle Elman An invitation to ‘unlearn’ everything that’s holding you back

38 Try this at home

15 Affordable mood-boosters 51 Word puzzles 72 Spot the signs of perimenopause

83 Creative impressions From character studies to emotional release, get ready to write in our journaling pages

* Expert review

Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively.

The majority of people will live their lives without accessing their full range of emotions.

This is the reality of how we engage with our emotions as humans. In a world where there is so much inauthenticity, seeking a deeper connection with the self and increasing your awareness of your emotional world will help you move towards authentic living – find helpful insights on how to achieve this on p42.

RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred)

20

Rav is an integrative counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in spirituality and working with males.

Happiful Community Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue WILLOW WOOLF

RIVKA JACOBS

MSc BSc Cert.ANutri Cert.Hyp

AdvDip.Couns. NCPS

Willow is a nutritional therapist and integrative health coach, who values person-centred care.

Rivka is an integrative counsellor helping people connect with themselves compassionately.

Our team EDITORIAL Rebecca Thair | Editor-in-Chief Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor Fiona Fletcher Reid | Features Editor Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers Bea Appleby, Michelle Elman | Columnists Ellen Lees | Head of Content Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

SEMA RUBINS

TINA CHUMMUN

BA (Hons) DipM ICF ACSTH

MSc UKCP

Sema is a life and career change coach with a special interest in retirement.

Tina is an accredited psychotherapist and trauma specialist.

ART & DESIGN Charlotte Noel | Design & Commerce Manager Rosan Magar | Illustrator & Videographer

COMMUNICATIONS Alice Greedus | PR Manager Emily Whitton | Marketing Coordinator

GEORGINA STURMER

SOPHIE MILBURN

BA (Hons) MBACP

Prof Dip.Psy C Dip.CST Cert.Hyp CS

Georgina is an integrative counsellor helping clients create a more confident life.

Sophie is a counsellor and hypnotherapist, specialising in stress and anxiety.

CONTRIBUTORS Maxine Ali, Elizabeth Bennett, Caroline Butterwick, Kai Conibear, Laura Cooke, Jenna Farmer, Jayne Higgins, Chaz Kafetzis, Holly Treacy-West Samantha Redgrave Hogg, Sema Rubins, Katie Scott, Victoria Stokes

SPECIAL THANKS Isabella Barrand, Sue Boulter, Tina Chummun, Patience Dengure, Dr Sally Eccleston, Leanne Jones, Rivka Jacobs, Dr Radwa Khalil, Ted Lawlor, Rachael Lines, Jodie McCormack, Sophie Milburn, Georgina Sturmer, Leanne Prain, Rebecca Harrington, Nicola Swanborough, Claire Paphitis,, Donna Whitbread, Dr Belynder Walia, Willow Woolf, Weymouth Knitoholics

ISABELLA BARRAND

JODIE MCCORMACK

BA (Hons) MBACP

FdA MBACP

Isabella is an integrative psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in private practice.

Jodie is a therapist and supervisor, helping women heal after difficult relationships.

DR BELYNDER WALIA

BEA APPLEBY

GHR

Bsc (Hons) Dip MBACP

Amy-Jean Burns | Chief Executive Officer Claire Vince | Chief Operations Officer

Dr Walia is a psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, and author of Fix Me.

Bea is a humanistic counsellor, working with adults and couples.

SUBSCRIPTIONS

JAYNE HIGGINS

DONNA WHITBREAD

PGDip NT MBANT RCNHC MIFM

BSc (Hons) AdvDip Dip NCPS

Jayne is a nutritional therapist, helping clients understand the root of their symptoms.

Donna is an integrative counsellor specialising in trauma, attachment, and LGBTQIA+.

MANAGEMENT

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The Uplift THERAPY

Culturally-adapted CBT improves postnatal depression recovery rates A new study has found that culturally-adapted cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps British women from south Asian backgrounds recover from postnatal depression quicker than with standard care alone.

CBT is one of the most widely known therapies used to treat postnatal depression, but there is very little research into how effective it is for women from the global majority.

“Mothers from ethnic minority backgrounds who experience postnatal depression have less access to community mental health services than others,” said researcher and senior lecturer from King’s College London, Kylee Trevillion. “They report cultural insensitivities when engaging with healthcare services.”

To advocate for this, researchers developed a culturally adapted version of CBT (CaCBT) to test

whether this would help British women from south Asian backgrounds (Pakistani, Indian, Bangladeshi, and Sri Lankan) recover faster.

All 732 women who took part in the study received usual care: GP care; referral to talking therapies; and medication, if required. Additionally, half of the participants received the culturally-adapted therapy as 12 group sessions, which lasted 60–90 minutes each, and addressed nine culturally specific

topics – such as the positive role of religion, spirituality in mental health, and lack of confidence.

Sessions were delivered in the participants’ preferred language.

It was found that more women who had received CaCBT recovered (49%) than those who just received the usual care (37%), indicating that it can successfully aid recovery.

The next step is to scale-up the study, and look into how to sustain treatment long-term.

Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird happiful.com | Issue 98 | 7

8 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

RELATIONSHIPS

A happy partner could be key to lowering stress levels We’ve all heard that laughter is contagious, but what if positive emotions could be catching, too? According to new research published in Psychoneuroendocrinology, our partner’s happiness levels could lower our own stress.

The study, which analysed data from 321 older couples aged 56 to 87, from Canada and Germany, found that when individuals reported feeling more positive than usual, their cortisol (stress hormone) levels were found to be lower – as were their partners’.

In some cases, they found that the participants’ partners’ emotions had a stronger effect on their cortisol levels than their own emotions. For those who were feeling positive emotions themselves, the positive effect of their partner’s mood was shown to have an even greater impact.

Interestingly, research also revealed that negative emotions don’t have the same effect. This means that, particularly for older couples, if your partner is unhappy or stressed it won’t cause any significant increase in your cortisol levels.

While we should never pressure our partners to be constantly happy, this could be the excuse we’ve been looking for to start creating more opportunities for shared fun; not only does it maintain our relationships, but it also boosts our health.

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford happiful.com | Issue 98 | 9

HEALTH

Study finds smokers are twice as likely to quit when support is combined with therapy People receiving mental health treatment are more likely to quit smoking when cessation support is integrated into therapy sessions, new research has revealed.

The study, published in the journal Addiction, found that combining smoking cessation support with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for depression and anxiety produced promising results, without disrupting mental health treatment.

Dr Gemma Taylor, who led the research, highlighted the

significance of these findings: “People with depression and anxiety are twice as likely to smoke, and quitting is one of the most powerful ways to improve both physical and mental health.”

The trial involved 135 participants divided into two groups. One group received 12 sessions of smoking cessation support during their CBT sessions, while the control group had standard therapy and were only given information about quitting afterwards.

Researchers believe this approach could help reduce physical health problems for people with mental health conditions. Hazel Cheeseman, chief executive of Action on Smoking and Health, said: “The NHS is letting down people who both smoke and live with depression and anxiety, by addressing these issues in silos.

By combining treatment, people will see both their physical and mental health improve, with longterm benefits to them, and the healthcare system.”

YOUNG PEOPLE

Teenagers are prioritising purpose and wellbeing in careers, survey finds New data suggests that the way young people think about work is changing, with an increasing number prioritising purpose and happiness ahead of financial gain.

In the 2025 BBC Bitesize Careers Survey, of 4,000+ teenagers between the ages of 13 and 16, 28% selected ‘feeling good about what you do’ as the most important part of a job. A further 26% selected ‘happiness’, and 18% chose ‘money’. The study also found that almost three in five young people would be unwilling to pursue a job that they did not enjoy, even if it paid well.

10 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

This marks a shift from previous years where there has been a more equal emphasis on all three factors – in 2023, results were ‘feeling good about what you do’ (28%) ‘happiness’ (26%), and ‘money’ (23%).

In particular, young people are setting their sights on becoming doctors, teachers, vets, and engineers. They also report being drawn to organisations such as the NHS, Apple, and NASA. This comes amid unprecedented challenges for young people in recent years – pandemic disruption, climate anxiety, and

the cost of living crisis, have potentially contributed to a cultural shift. But with increased understanding of what makes a happy life, it seems that some younger folk are determined to create a work-life balance that supports their mental health for the better.

Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

The

wellbeing wrap Aldi has become the first UK supermarket to offer free period products in both customer and colleague toilets

Mexico has banned the sale of junk food in schools, including any food or drink that features a black warning label for high levels of salt, sugar, or fat

Parisians voted to pedestrianise 500 more streets in the capital, converting roads to walking paths and adding more greenery

Japanese scientists are trialling a pioneering drug to help people grow new teeth, reducing the need for false ones or dentures

Researchers from the University of British Columbia, Canada, have created a discreet, yet effective, tool to detect if a drink has been spiked while out and about. ‘Spikeless’ appears to be a simple stirrer, yet the tip will change colour within 30 seconds if it comes into contact with common drink spiking drugs, such as ketamine or GHB. While it’s pending approval from Health Canada, it could be a valuable tool in preventing sexual assaults in the future.

BREAK NEW GROUND For the first time in 30 years, scientists have discovered a new class of antibiotics (lariocidin), which can target even the most drug-resistant bacteria, such as E. coli.

New rules in the UK from the 6 April allow parents with babies in neonatal care to take up to 12 additional weeks paid leave, on top of other statutory allowances.

A cause for concern People in the LGBTQIA+ community are more than twice as likely to self-harm or take their own lives, according to data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS). In particular, the the risk of suicide among Black LGBTQIA+ people is 4.7 times higher than their heterosexual peers, and the report noted than women in the community were more at risk of suicide (3.1 times higher) than men (1.8 times higher). When it comes to self-harm, bisexual people were the most at risk within the population (2.8 times higher). These figures highlight how vital it is to address the additional issues these communities face, such as homophobia and transphobia, and the evident impact this has on peoples’ mental health.

A CRACKING EFFORT

Perfect unmatch

Striking up a digital convo isn’t easy, but a new survey from FindingTheOne has revealed the opening lines you should definitely avoid.

The biggest turn-offs were a basic ‘Hey’ (78%), along with small talk like ‘How are you?’

(65%), and cheesy pick-up lines (59%). Poor spelling and grammar also prompt a left swipe for 61%. So, try to In a new record, more than 40% of the world’s energy put a personal spin on things came from renewable sources (and use spellcheck) to last year, according to a ignite that virtual spark!

In honour of her grandad, who passed away, 20-year-old Ella Parsons gathers Easter egg donations for care home residents in Bexley, London.

Last year, she collected 781, and the egg-cellent news is she smashed that total in 2025, with 1,070!

report by think tank Ember.

On top of the world

Finland has been named the world’s happiest country for the eighth consecutive year, according to the World Happiness Report. Conversely, the UK slipped down to 23rd in the rankings – it’s lowest position since 2017. Perhaps a sign we need to take more global inspiration in our wellness plans!

SOUNDS PROMISING Those with travel sickness might be used to waves of nausea, but new research suggests a specific sound frequency wave could be the solution. A study, from Nagoya University School of Medicine in Japan, found that using a device that stimulates the inner ear with a sound at a specific frequency for just one minute reduced the discomfort of motion sickness – allowing participants to complete tasks like reading in a moving vehicle.

In a bid to halve its food waste this year, Tesco is trialling giving away expiring food at the end of the day in some of its Express stores. While the supermarket does donate to foodbanks and charities already, the trial will see customers able to take home ‘yellow sticker’ items not sold by 21:30 for nothing, which is believed to be the first ‘direct-to-customer’ policy in UK supermarkets.

BACK TO REALITY? It turns out the value of a vacation can live on longer than first thought. New research, published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, reviewed 32 previous studies and found that our wellbeing stays elevated for 21 days after we return home – and the positive impact could last up to 43 days! So, if you needed a sign to give yourself a break and book that trip, this is it.

Were you raised with

‘eggshell parenting’?

Keeping the peace with our parents can feel like walking an emotional tightrope for some of us – and the dynamic doesn’t always change as adults.

Here, we explore the impact of having to walk on eggshells around our caregivers, and how to rediscover our footing as we break free from the cycle Writing | Samantha Redgrave Hogg

H

ave you ever kept your head down to avoid an uncomfortable or explosive situation? Perhaps, your stomach starts to churn and your breath quickens with the tension in the air. Or maybe you’ve felt cautious about not upsetting someone, unsure how the rest of the day will pan out in the aftermath. If so, you probably understand what it means to ‘walk on eggshells’. But, what does this look like in the context of parenting? And, if you experienced the responsibility of keeping the peace growing up, what is the fallout in adult life?

What is eggshell parenting?

Eggshell parenting is the persistent lack of predictability and stability from a parent (or caregiver) that makes the child feel nervous, overwhelmed, or fearful. These parental inconsistencies can manifest 12 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

as blowing up over nothing, manipulation tactics, or sharing secrets. Switching from oversharing or demanding emotional support to angry outbursts or tantrums can make their child feel unsure what they’re going to get from their parent from one day to the next.

This term exploded in popularity when a psychologist, Dr Kim Sage, talked about the mental health repercussions of growing up with an ‘eggshell mother’ in a viral video on social media. As Dr Sage explained, emotional unpredictability in the home can lead to anxiety, as

well as issues with trust, and a tendency to isolate yourself from others.

With more than 4.6 million views on TikTok, the term has struck a chord with many of us who had to walk on eggshells to keep a parent happy – myself included. Growing up with a parent who struggled with emotional control is something I’ve been aware of for a long time, but exploring this concept has opened my eyes to how this may have felt on an ongoing basis.

relationships

The effects of eggshell parenting Most parents are occasionally inconsistent – we’re all human, after all. However, repeated unpredictability, which can take the form of extreme reactions alongside inappropriate emotional closeness, can create several challenges for children.

They may find it difficult to talk through their feelings out of fear of how the eggshell parent may react, prioritising the parent’s needs over their own, or the child may become hypervigilant. If you always felt on guard as a child, arriving at a place of peace or safety can be hard. To feel secure, the child has to ‘bend backwards’ to fit in with their mum or dad’s impulses, which can feel like a huge emotional burden.

Counsellor Sophie Milburn says that living in an environment where a parent’s behaviour fluctuates unpredictably can lead to this alertness. She adds that this can result in the child constantly “reading the room”, and focusing on the emotional temperature of the home, which can mean problems linger beyond those early years.

“The habit of focusing on everyone else’s feelings can continue into adulthood, where the individual may find themselves trying to validate others’ emotions, while neglecting their needs. This can make it difficult for the person to trust their instincts, or feel secure

in their decisions, as they grow older,” Sophie says.

Footprints of walking on eggshells To investigate the association between mental health symptoms and childhood trauma, researchers analysed 156 people who experienced a lack of predictable caregiving.

The study, published in 2022 in the journal Depression and Anxiety, revealed that people who had unpredictable childhoods were statistically more at risk of experiencing anxiety and depression in adulthood.

Sophie, who specialises in anxiety, describes this ripple effect of eggshell parenting.

“These individuals often carry deep-rooted fears into adulthood – fear of upsetting others, fear of making mistakes, and a constant hyper-awareness of the emotions and reactions of those around them. They may find themselves constantly evaluating situations and interactions, unsure of how their decisions will be received.”

So, how can this affect day-today relationships? Well, avoiding showing emotional vulnerability in fear of upsetting others or worrying about being rejected can trigger a self-protective attachment style. This fear of abandonment can bring about avoidant behaviours, such as discomfort with intimacy and hyper-independence, to prevent getting hurt again.

Sophie Milburn is a counsellor and hypnotherapist, specialising in stress and anxiety. Connect via the Counselling Directory.

Switching from oversharing to angry outbursts can make their child feel unsure what they’re going to get from their parent from one day to the next And, of course, the problematic power dynamics between a child and their parent can persist even when that child grows up.

Adult children can find it really difficult to assert themselves, and set boundaries with an eggshell parent, Sophie explains. “These unresolved dynamics can create rifts in the relationship, with the adult child feeling emotionally drained, anxious, or unsure of how to communicate with a parent whose behaviour remains unpredictable.” >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 13

Navigating your feelings Maintaining a relationship with an eggshell parent can feel like being caught between a rock and hard place. You may experience shame about even opening up about this, feeling like you’re blaming your parent, while still needing to process the harmful effects of it.

Navigating this journey isn’t easy, but I’m a huge believer in the idea of sitting with multiple truths. In my therapeutic practice as a hypnotherapist, I often tell my clients to look for the nuance in a situation. For example, it’s possible to recognise that your parent did what they could with the resources they had at the time, and give yourself permission to feel the range of 14 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

emotions associated with living in an uneasy environment. Not being able to count on your parent in the way you needed (and deserved) can be a painful realisation.

Breaking free from eggshell parenting Increased self-awareness can bring about change, and one way to break eggshell parenting in adulthood is to understand your limits. Saying ‘no’, and taking good care of your time, is not something to feel bad about.

Instead, it’s a way to create healthier patterns of behaviour.

Setting your boundaries by communicating your needs calmly and clearly is key, as is taking care of your emotional

needs. Sophie recommends small acts of self-validation as a helpful tip: “Start by acknowledging and trusting your own feelings, independent of the need for approval or validation from others.” Reflecting on how you feel and what you need, even if your parent disapproves, can make it easier to change how you communicate with them.

Sophie adds to this the importance of cultivating positive connections. “Building new, healthier relationships that provide stability and predictability can be a powerful step towards healing.”

Feeling deserving of fulfilling relationships can help you move away from negativity into a more self-empowered place. As with everything, healing is multilayered, but treating yourself with tenderness helps build new, stable ground from which to grow and tread with confidence, instead of walking on eggshells.

Samantha Redgrave Hogg is an author whose book, ‘Flow: Self-care sessions for your menstrual, lunar, life and seasonal cycles’, is available now (Watkins Publishing). Visit wombonthebroom.com for more.

7 mood boosters that don’t cost a penny

Recycle some old magazines to create a wellbeing vision board

Give a compliment to someone you see every day

Create a digital ‘gratitude album’ you can add five photos to each day

Make plans with someone who always makes you smile

Create a ‘made me think of us’ playlist, and share it with your bestie

Lay out a blanket, and gaze at the clouds

Compose a list of ‘good things that happened today’, and track meaningful moments happiful.com | Issue 98 | 15

Unravelling the power of yarn bombing Meet the unconventional street artists bringing joy to urban spaces, one stitch at a time Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

O

ne June morning, at around 4am, Leanne Jones crept outside while the town of Formby, in Merseyside, slept. In the fresh summer dew, she carried with her about 40 hand-knitted items, which she carefully adorned around the town’s public spaces.

Then, she waited.

Leanne, previously a local government manager, and her friend Paula, spent a total of nine months preparing their secret ‘yarn bombing’ project – and this otherwise ordinary day was to be the culmination of their hard work. “I was up early putting all the displays out, then sat in a coffee shop for several hours and just watched everyone’s faces, smiles, and laughter as they came across each display.”

What is yarn bombing?

Also called yarn storming, guerrilla knitting, or kniffiti, yarn bombing is the act of covering a public object or structure with decorative knitted 16 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

material. Considered a form of street art, it’s believed to have originated in 2005 when a Texas real estate agent, Magda Sayeg, decided to use yarn to decorate her shopfront. It has since been adopted by groups globally, and been used to draw attention to charitable causes, as well as brighten up urban spaces.

Hooked on the happiness

Knitting is known to provide multiple mental health benefits, with one 2024 study, published in the Journal of Occupational Science, revealing its ability to help people to unwind, offering a sense of identity, bringing structure to daily life, and improving mental processes.

Yarn bombing adds additional layers of wellbeing goodness, thanks to the social aspect and collaborative nature of working together as a team.

Leanne now runs a group of committed knitters, which includes people of all ages, all skill levels, and is open to

all genders. “Our weekly gettogethers are filled with chatter, laughter, and chuckles at ideas of what displays to make. A few of our older members, who live on their own, have actually said it’s got them through the dark winter months,” says Leanne. “We’ve had members going through periods of illness – either themselves or a loved one – saying that being part of the group and creating fun knitted items has helped them switch off from what’s going on around them.”

Not merely confined to the four walls in which the knitting takes place, the wellbeing benefits of yarn bombing ripple outwards from individual group members to the wider community. What started as a small craft project has now become a full-blown cultural event that locals look forward to every year, with people choosing to visit their Formby friends and relatives on ‘yarn bombing day’, which, this year, takes place on Saturday 14 June. “It’s >>>

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 17

Making something meaningful

What starts as a solitary act of self-expression has the potential to become something far more profound. “It gives you a lot of time to reflect on your life, and the people around you,” explains Leanne Prain, creative professional and co-author of Yarn Bombing: The Art of Crochet and Knit Graffiti. “I don’t think there’s any such thing as a nonemotional fibre project.”

It’s also a lesson in letting go, but one that can lead to an – often unspoken – connection between maker and viewer. “You can spend all this time labouring over something you have put your heart into, but when you put it out in the landscape, you’re giving it away. It becomes something else. Whoever sees it will assign it their own meaning.

It’s no longer yours, but it is a gift to other people.”

Responsible yarn bombing One obstacle that every yarn bomber is forced to overcome 18 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

is finding the right spot to display their artwork. Yarn bombing involves placing art in public spaces (often without permission), making them technically illegal. Yet academics argue that this form of ‘urban intervention’ is of cultural significance: giving women the opportunity to take up space in the historically male-dominated world of graffiti; challenging the public’s understanding of urban space aesthetics; and offering visual appeal in sometimes forgotten high streets.

The reality is that yarn bombing is often well-received, and rarely attracts legal action, but it’s highly recommended you do get permission beforehand. A spokesperson for the Weymouth Knitoholics says: “Because our installations are temporary, we rarely have difficulty getting permission – especially when they’re part of local events or seasonal celebrations.” Last summer, The Old Rooms Inn pub hosted their ‘Ice Cream Dreams’ display, a sign of the undeniable support for these colourful additions. “They kindly let us chain it to their railings, then wheeled it inside at night and back out again each morning to keep it safe.”

However, the phenomenon has raised environmental

Images | First and second: Formby yarn bombing, Leanne Jones. Third and forth: Weymouth Knitaholics

lovely seeing grandparents with grandchildren, all walking round together pointing at displays and laughing,” says Leanne. “Many of those grandparents pass on their thanks to us for now creating ‘a family day’ for them.”

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concerns, with some tree-based installations posing problems to sap production and constricting growth. Then of course, the knitted material requires removal and cleaning up to avoid littering.

In response to this, the Weymouth Knitoholics try to recycle as much as possible: “Yarn can often be unravelled and reused, and many items are repurposed,” says their spokesperson. “For example, one year we turned a reindeer into a donkey! If we can’t reuse something, we store it and lend it out in exchange for donations of yarn to keep us going.”

Beginner’s mind

The beauty of yarn bombing is that you can start small. Leanne Jones did her first project with just one other volunteer, and once locals caught sight of their colourful displays, the group then grew to 14 members.

Leanne Prain loves the anarchical potential of yarn bombing, but also

its ability to welcome a wide range of people into the community. “I think it’s a hobby for everyone,” says Leanne Prain “I have made works with a 91-year-old and a 14-year-old. I know young kids who are prolific yarn bombers, and established textile artists who dabble in it as well. You don’t need to be an advanced knitter – I’m certainly not.”

If knitting isn’t your thing, there are plenty of other ways to contribute, whether that’s felting, pom-poms, or crocheted chains – anything goes. “The whole point is to spend some time creating something with your hands, and then putting it out into the world to share with other people,” says Leanne Prain. “I think there’s tremendous power in growing your confidence with your craft, and also being a little bit silly. There are only rules and constraints if you look for them, and I think most people find yarn bombing a very freeing process.”

I think most people find yarn bombing a very freeing process What began as a whimsical notion has blossomed into a global movement that challenges our perceptions of public spaces, community, and what it really means to be an artist. More than mere textiles, yarn bombing speaks to a deeper human need for connection, creativity, and collective joy. Whether it’s children learning to stitch for the first time, or isolated adults spinning yarn with newfound friends, yarn bombing has the ability to push back on the harsh lines of urban life, and spark universal delight. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 19

Lights, camera, action: Rewrite your script to reach your goals Become the director of your own story with this manifesting hack, designed to help harness the law of attraction

W

hen it comes to manifesting (turning an idea into a reality) spiritual teachers say that unshakeable self-belief is the secret sauce. Some people use visualisation and meditation to help them manifest, but how about using the power of journaling to ‘script’ your way towards a new reality?

What is scripting?

Scripting is a manifestation technique where you write in detail about desired outcomes as if they’ve already happened.

In the same way that you might make a vision board to focus on what you’re working towards, scripting on a regular basis gives you the chance to mentally visit the future version of you that has already achieved your goals. You are the director of your movie, and scripting allows you to tweak the storyline, and mentally act it out as a way to embody the energy you want to attract.

The science of scripting

Although there is little scientific research into scripting, we do 20 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

have evidence that what you believe has a tangible impact on your reality. The placebo effect happens when inactive treatments, like sugar pills, produce real improvements. Essentially, when you anticipate something (e.g. healing an ailment), your brain releases endorphins and dopamine, creating actual reallife changes. Similarly, studies show that people with a ‘growth mindset’ are open to change because they see their intelligence and personality as malleable, and can take action without being put off by the fear of failure, as demonstrated in a 2018 paper by Betsy Ng in Brain Sciences. When you script consistently, you’re actively reprogramming your subconscious mind to accept that changes are possible, by creating neural pathways that support your new beliefs.

How to get started with scripting

Begin by reflecting on what you want to attract. Say you’re trying to manifest a different living situation. What currently feels out of alignment at home? Perhaps it’s the lack of natural light, the cost,

or the proximity to your friends and local green spaces. Use this to paint a picture of your dream living situation, and decide on the date that you’d like to have it come to fruition.

Get really specific

Now, note down specific elements to create a detailed image.

For example: tall south-facing windows with orange polka dot drapes, overlooking my favourite park with a view of the pond filled with ducks and swans, rent that costs £950 a month, a 10-minute walk away from my best friend, and five minutes away from my favourite coffee shop.

Start scripting

It’s time to step into that future reality in your journal. You’re writing this from the perspective of having already achieved this goal, so write this as a diary entry from the future, noting your ‘chosen’ date at the top. Write in the present tense, describing exactly what your life looks like, using sensory details. What scents and sounds are in the air? How has the move improved your quality of life? How do you feel

positive pointers

Is manifestation magic?

All manifestation techniques require you to meet the universe halfway by taking inspired action. That means playing your part in making it happen. The idea is that when you remove the roadblocks of limiting beliefs, and open yourself to truly envisioning your future or goals, you are more accepting of opportunities, and take steps (even subconsciously) to help you attain them.

simply releasing one’s personal grip on the desire, and allowing consciousness to return to its quiet, universal level of self-awareness from where the universe is free to orchestrate the fulfillment of that desire.” You can symbolically let go of the desire at the end of your journaling session by writing a phrase, such as: “I release my need to control the outcome and am open to all possibilities.” Gratitude can help too, by writing something like: “Thank you universe for supporting my next chapter.”

Do it again, and again

when you wake up? Remember, vague intentions such as ‘the house is spacious’ won’t work.

Specific scripts such as: “I walk across the oak floorboards towards the open-plan kitchen, and take in the vast view of the pink blossom trees in the park below” create vivid images, and the emotional connection helps embed new beliefs.

Release and let go

One difficult aspect of the scripting process is detaching from the final outcome – because it involves accepting that the universe will unfold in the way it’s supposed to. According to spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra: “When one incorporates the law of detachment in order to attain an intention, one is

While there’s no set routine that will guarantee your desired outcome, try repeating the process regularly, perhaps a few times a week. The more you mentally rehearse your script, the more likely you are to create new neuropathways. If you feel any resistance, you may not yet believe that what you want is possible for you, in which case, it can be helpful to tweak your goals, or take a pause to work on specific limiting beliefs. Working with a life coach or therapist can help you identify, challenge, and rewrite these limiting beliefs for good. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 21

I become what I might be Lao Tzu

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Photography | Muhammad-Taha Ibrahim

When I let go of what I am,

Ageing without children: how to plan for the future An increasing number of people are growing older without care-providing children. But that doesn’t have to mean going it alone…

Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

I

have several friends who, like me, are reaching their 40s without any children. I took time to make this decision for myself; a privilege that I know not everyone is granted. But one thing that’s been on my mind lately is the long-term implications of ageing without children. If I’m lucky enough to live until I’m 80, who will accompany me to hospital appointments? Where will I turn if I need financial support? Will I regret my decision as retirement approaches?

And while no one should feel obliged to perform a caring role for a parent – many simply can’t due to financial reasons, geographical distance, and many other factors – the truth remains that gaps in elderly care are regularly filled by adult children.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) reports that the number of women in England and Wales who are over the age of 80 and without children could triple by the year 2045. Although

the ONS doesn’t record data on how many men become fathers, it’s estimated that around 23% of men over 45 are without children. Often referred to as the ‘invisible million’, the National Care Forum says that this group has been neglected when thinking and planning policy on ageing.

The term Ageing Without Children (AWOC) isn’t just given to people who have consciously chosen to live child-free, or were unable to have children.

There are several reasons why someone may be AWOC – perhaps because they are estranged, their children have passed away, or their children have their own needs that mean they’re unable to support their parents later in life.

Service gaps lead to reliance on children

As life expectancy has increased over time, so too has the pressure on elderly social

care, leaving service providers overwhelmed and underresourced in terms of delivery.

As a result, family members are often left with no choice but to fill the gaps, with a staggering one in two adults feeling that they will have no choice but to care for their elderly parents when they become too frail. That makes people who are AWOC potentially vulnerable, and in need of alternative options.

Planning for the unknown

Without children to advocate or make decisions on your behalf, putting legal protections in place becomes really important.

You should appoint someone as power of attorney to make decisions about your health, welfare, and property on your behalf. According to alzheimers. org.uk, you can choose anyone over the age of 18.

Make a will, and consider setting up an advance decision >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 23

(sometimes called a living will) to outline your preferences regarding medical treatment.

You might want to explore options with your doctor, and discuss the risks and benefits of certain treatments you may be offered in the future. Age UK suggests putting your advance decision in writing, and giving a copy to your loved ones, as well as the professionals involved in your care.

As scary as it may sound, researching care options early (e.g. care home, specialist housing, assisted living) can help ease anxiety. “The time is now to plan for your future housing situation,” says integrative counsellor Rivka Jacobs. “There is a new way of living called cohousing, where older people come together to live together.

This is a fairly new concept in 24 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

the UK, but it is taking off. If community on a large scale isn’t your thing, perhaps living with a friend or two might be helpful.”

Whatever you choose, understanding the financial implications of your options can help you to plan accordingly. For this reason, you might want to talk to a financial advisor who specialises in later life.

Building your support network

More than 2 million people in England over the age of 75 live alone, and more than a million older people say they go more than a month without speaking to a friend, neighbour, or family member. With the NHS stating that this can lead to depression and a “serious decline in physical health wellbeing”, it makes sense to start building the foundations

purls of wisdom

of a community you can rely on as soon as possible.

“The library or local community centre is a great place to find short courses,” suggests Rivka.

“Or you could try volunteering for a project close to your heart. This not only gives something back, but studies have shown being of service is great for brain health and life longevity.”

I spoke to Sue Boulter, from Glastonbury, who is childfree by choice, and enjoys the benefits of group exercise. “I’ve loved Pilates for about 25 years, because it’s excellent at maintaining core strength and mobility, especially now that I’m ageing.”

The class also shaped how she feels about ageing, offering a positive alternative to the bleak outlook that is often projected onto older women: “At 56, I’m the youngest in my class – and the 70-year-olds demonstrate how good it is for me. The oldest that attends the studio is in her 90s.”

Rivka recommends the app Meetup to find things like book clubs and walking groups in your area. Alternatively, organisations like Age UK offer friendship services for over 50s, which can be in person or over the phone, and you can connect specifically with other adults who are ageing without children, via awwoc.org.

Getting better with age As time progresses, you may find yourself spiralling into

feelings of fear, guilt, maybe even regret, about the way your life has unfolded. These feelings are valid, so allow them to bubble up when they appear – but consider addressing them with the guidance of a professional counsellor or therapist.

Sue believes that technology has the potential to support people who are AWOC. “We have so much more ‘virtual’ social connection now that I’m not sure isolation would be the same as it could have been for my grandparents. The only aspect of

There is a new way of living called cohousing, where older people live together Rivka says that instead of allowing the difficult aspects to define us, we can turn the negative narrative of ageing without children on its head: “Look for the positives, what are the things that you do have in abundance? Do you have lots of free time, and no one who depends on you?”

Sue is optimistic about her future: “I’ve been challenged many times that I’ll be lonely without children and grandchildren in my old age. I have considered this, but I have a close network of friends, many of whom are also childless (some by choice, some not), and they are a range of ages, so I’m not sure why this would change.”

this that I ponder is being able to keep up with the changes in technology, but there is help available online if we look for it.”

The truth is that getting older comes with significant challenges – whether you have children to care for you or not. But by addressing these concerns now, and asking for help in advance where possible, you can plan to age peacefully.

Rivka Jacobs is an integrative counsellor helping people connect with themselves.

Find out more on the Counselling Directory.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 25

5 myths about transgender people From surgery regret to the question of public safety, the transgender experience is frequently misrepresented in the media.

That’s why we’re debunking these harmful myths…

Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

F

rom actor Pedro Pascal walking the red carpet with his trans sister Lux, to Elliot Page starring in the hit Netflix show Umbrella Academy, transgender people are gaining visibility – but not always for the right reasons.

While media coverage increases, and rights are stripped away by lawmakers, misconceptions continue to shape public perception. That’s why we’re addressing common myths about transgender people – to challenge distorted narratives around a marginalised community that deserves care and respect.

Myth 1: Being transgender is a choice

If you identify positively with the sex you were assigned at birth, it may be hard to understand that not everyone has that same experience. And while every transgender person will have their own unique path towards understanding their identity, which can be a feeling that develops over many years, there is no ‘choice’ in the matter.

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Integrative therapist and transgender woman, Donna Whitbread, says: “Being transgender is a set understanding that your body is not matching what, or who, you are. Confusion may arise when people who are not transgender see trans people transitioning to their correct gender. To the outside, this may look like a choice but, fundamentally, to find yourself, there is a journey. What this may look like to the outside world is irrelevant compared to the change that the person is making within themselves.”

Myth 2: Transgender people are mentally ill

Transgender people have an issue with their physical bodies which, understandably, affects how they feel about themselves.

But in receiving holistic genderaffirming care (addressing social, psychological, and medical needs) most transgender people improve their wellbeing. “Being transgender is not something that comes from the mind,” explains Donna. “We know this

as it can be successfully treated with hormones and surgical procedures.”

In one analysis of a survey of 27,000 transgender adults, published in the journal JAMA Surgery in 2021, it was found that undergoing gender-affirming surgery is linked with decreased odds of severe psychological distress, smoking, and suicidal ideation. It also found that those who underwent all the surgeries they wanted had significantly lower odds of all adverse mental health outcomes, when compared to those who only have some of their desired surgeries.

Donna is keen to point out that vulnerable people still need to be protected in order to make informed decisions. “There are a very small number of people who suffer with their mental health, and in trying to understand themselves, believe that changing their bodies will help them to feel better,” explains Donna.

“They may be drawn to changing their gender due to trauma or other reasons but, ultimately, the change they need is internal, not

happiful regulars

external.” This is when seeking professional support from a qualified therapist can help.

Myth 3: Transgender healthcare is dangerous

In receiving holistic gender-affirming care, most transgender people improve their wellbeing

Transgender healthcare can include a variety of genderaffirming options such as hormones, puberty blockers, and psychotherapy. More ‘serious’ operations such as top surgery, facial surgery, penile or vaginal construction, and hysterectomies may also be considered.

“I’ve heard some people say that most transgender people die from infection after the surgery. I’ve heard people say most transgender operations are unsuccessful, and leave trans people disfigured for the rest of their lives,” says Donna. “These are rumours perpetuated by people that are misinformed regarding what is involved.”

Research into gender-affirming treatment started as early as the 1920s, and today, data published in Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery shows that 99.7% of trans people are satisfied with their surgery.

For context, knee surgery has an average dissatisfactory rate between six and 30%, far higher than the 0.03% of transgender people who express regret.

“No matter what the outcome is, it is a personal one, and it should be respected as such,” Donna comments. “It really does not matter what is happening to another person’s body to the outside world – because it does not belong to them.” >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 27

79.8% of trans people list gender dysphoria as one of Donna agrees: “Transgender women their main mental only want to use the space health challenges in the same way as any other believes that children should be allowed to dress in ways that challenge gender norms. “This will not encourage them to be transgender, as being transgender is not a choice – but it might just help them to understand themselves better, and be more accepting of others’ choices growing up.”

Myth 4: Children are too young to know their gender identity

The majority of young children develop a self-perceived gender identity in agreement with the gender they were assigned at birth. But there are many who don’t, and this often comes with a feeling of discomfort or ‘gender dysphoria’ which can present in children as young as three. As adults, The State of Trans+ Mental Health Report 2024 found that 79.8% of trans people list gender dysphoria as one of their main mental health challenges.

Therefore, it’s essential that children and young people are encouraged to explore authentic gender expression, and for them not to be shamed or judged for behaving in ways that society may characterise as ‘wrong’.

Although Donna is not a parent or a child psychologist, she 28 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

Myth 5: Transgender rights threaten others’ safety

This is often discussed in the context of inclusive spaces, such as restrooms. One study published in Sexuality Research and Social Policy, shows that when laws permit transgender people to access sex-segregated spaces in accordance with their gender identities, crime rates do not increase. Criminologists, such as Professor Henry F Fradella at the University of Arizona’s School of Criminology and Criminal Justice, say there is no association between trans-inclusive policies and more crime. In a paper for William & Mary Journal of Race, Gender, & Social Justice, Professor Fradella writes that “transgender people use locker rooms and restrooms to change clothes and go to the bathroom”, as opposed to for sexual gratification or predatory reasons.

woman. Transgender women stand alongside all women for women’s rights and inclusion.

There will be exceptions to this, but in exceptions when there has been violence, most reports are of transgender women being attacked in women’s spaces.”

With 85% of trans women experiencing transphobic street harassment from strangers, and 71% of trans men and 73% of non-binary people saying the same, according to TransActual’s Trans Lives Survey 2021 report, the topic of safety becomes far more relevant. Inclusive spaces are just one way to protect the trans community, the majority of whom have serious safety concerns.

Perhaps the final myth to debunk is the idea that trans identities are a symptom of modern culture.

“Transgender people have always been here, as far back as human history is recorded, and are not going away” argues Donna. “The transgender experience is one of finding happiness and acceptance and falling in love with oneself in a pure way. Transgender people love themselves enough to live an authentic life.”

Donna Whitbread is an integrative counsellor.

Connect with her on the Counselling Directory.

Signs a friendship is coming to an end Recognising when a friendship shouldn’t be forced, and instead, allowing both parties to go their separate ways Writing | Rebecca Thair

T

hey say friendships can be like soulmates, but also for a reason or a season.

You might have low maintenance friends who you don’t see regularly, but feel like no time has passed, or those you don’t have a deep, emotional connection with, but share a mutual passion. There are people you can’t imagine your life without, and those where things have turned a little sour.

With the latter, here are some signs it might be time to let the relationship go – before you get left with a permanent bitter taste in your mouth…

Feeling resentment, rather than support

You dread spending time together

Everything seems one-sided

When you imagine the best moments of your life, you don’t see them there

Whether you’re naturally an introvert, or just have a really hectic schedule, there are always moments in life when we might yearn for some quality alone time away from friends. But if you notice a repeating pattern of wanting to cancel, anxiety building in anticipation of meeting up with a certain person, or that after engaging with them, your mood is actually worse than before, it may suggest this is a bridge that needs burning.

Life isn’t linear, and so our experiences might not always feel aligned or in sync – one might be facing challenges, while another is content. But if it regularly seems like a friend is coming to you for support (emotional or physical), to vent, wanting you to arrange everything, or put in all the effort, and never reciprocates, it can be exhausting. A friendship should feel like there’s mutual care and respect for each other, not like you’re being taken advantage of.

This can be a telling little trick: visualise a monumental life moment. Who is by your side?

Who would you want to share the news with? Whose face can you not wait to see when you tell them what’s happened? If this ‘friend’ doesn’t spring to mind at all, consider how you would feel telling them. Tension, stress, or a churning stomach are just some signals that this friendship may have run its course, or worse, entered foe territory.

A true friend often feels like your biggest cheerleader, celebrating your successes as much as their own, and raising your spirits through challenging times. But if the dynamic has shifted, and it seems like a ‘friend’ is viewing you more as competition, dismissing your achievements, or apparently resenting them, perhaps even making sly comments that feel like they’re rooting for you to fail, this could suggest the relationship has taken a toxic turn.

They seem stuck in the past We all enjoy reminiscing from time to time, but if that’s the extent of your relationship, it’s potentially a sign that it’s not evolving with you. These friendships might struggle to connect emotionally, or unresolved issues might create distance. Regressing to where or who you were when you met might not be a problem for short periods, but it can be draining, taking you to an uncomfortable place, or one that you thought you’d moved on from.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 29

Ask the experts

How do I prepare for retirement?

Are you approaching retirement? Life and career change coach Sema Rubins helps you prepare for this new chapter Read more about Sema (Ruby Sky Coaching) on Life Coach Directory.

Q What are some common challenges people face when retiring?

A

When approaching retirement, people dream of what it would be like to not have to get up to go to work every day, and to do whatever they want! Sadly, all

too often, the reality can be quite different. Common challenges are: • Loneliness. Without the social contact work brings, you may feel isolated – especially if you live alone, whether by choice, or due to bereavement or divorce.

• Disorientation and loss of purpose. Without work, people

can feel disorientated, and that they don’t know how to be useful anymore.

• Boredom. The lack of structure to one’s day can make finding meaningful activities a struggle. The fear of boredom can often be more debilitating than the reality!

Q I feel anxious about 2. Full retirement: reality. retirement – is this normal? Nowhere that you have to

A

Yes, feeling anxious about retirement is completely normal. There are five phases of retirement, and when you are in phases two and three, this is when panic and anxiety often hit.

1. Pre-retirement: the lead-up, the planning phase, the ‘It’s going to be so great’ phase.

go or be every day.

3. Disenchantment: slight dissatisfaction, maybe even boredom.

4. Re-orientation: getting used to the emptier days, enjoying the newfound freedom, settling into a new routine that works for you, and starting to feel fulfilled again.

5. Reconciliation and stability: life is good again. You have recalibrated, and found what makes you happy and gives you purpose.

As with any change, anxiety is completely normal, as it is a fear of the unknown. But when you make it through phases two and three, you will start to adjust, re-orientate, and hopefully enjoy this last third of your life!

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

Sema’s top tips for embracing retirement

Q How can coaching help me navigate the transition to retirement?

A

Approaching any change in life is frightening, but having a positive mindset and a plan can be instrumental in making the transition to retirement smoother. Coaching can help you rediscover what you enjoy in life, and redefine your purpose – whether it be looking for another way to fill your days, or purely to accept and enjoy the extra time you now have.

The accountability that a coach offers can help you stay on track while making decisions, but, most importantly, it can help you create and maintain a positive mindset. Hopefully you will be healthy and financially secure enough in your retirement to enjoy this new chapter – which could be as long as your working life! Remember, we spend our childhood and youth planning for ‘what we want to be when we grow up’, and talking about the career ahead of us, so it only makes sense that we should also plan for our retirement.

• Think about what you need in your life to make you content.

Make a list if that helps.

• Think about a time when you were happy and content, and think about what you were doing then. Was it work? Was it family? Was it walking in nature? Was it being with friends? Or something completely different?

• Think about the things you would regret not doing. The deathbed scenario – whoever said that they regretted not spending a little more time in the office?

• Think about what you have achieved in your life already – see them as accomplishments and feel proud of them. Make a list of these, too.

• Be proactive! Talk openly about your hopes and fears for the future with your friends and family. Start to feel secure in what you would like your retirement to look like. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 31

When in doubt, dance it out

We’re putting community initiatives in the spotlight, and in this issue, FRONTLINEdance is the inclusive company making all the right moves…

Writing | Caroline Butterwick

I

n a bright community hall in Stoke-on-Trent, people dance together, moving their bodies to lively pop music. A dance artist guides the session, but the dancers can choose how to interpret the moves, whether following the choreography or putting their own spin on it.

This is a workshop by artistled, inclusive dance company, FRONTLINEdance.

As an Arts Council England National Portfolio Organisation, FRONTLINEdance gives people a space to explore dance for enjoyment, or as professionals – placing disabled people and those with long-term health conditions at the core as leaders, dancers, artists, and audiences. It runs various programmes, with sessions for all ages, enabling d/DEAF, disabled, neurodivergent, and non-disabled people to dance and perform together.

Artistic director Rachael Lines’s interest in inclusive dance started in 1997, while studying at the Northern School of Contemporary Dance. There, she first saw a performance by Candoco – an internationally renowned integrated dance company. “I’d never seen

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anything like it. I wanted to be one of those dancers in that company,” says Rachael, who co-founded FRONTLINEdance in 2001.

Realising there are a lack of professional training opportunities for disabled dancers, its Advance Dance Training launched in 2024, which includes contemporary dance technique, choreography, leadership skills, and understanding the profession.

One of the participants, Beth, who developed multiple chronic illnesses and is a wheelchair user, grew up dancing, but found a lack of accessible opportunities to develop as a dancer once she became disabled. Beth travels to Stoke-on-Trent weekly to take part in the dance training programme.

It’s a small group, making it easier to get tailored guidance on her technique. “It’s always been a dream of mine to be a performing dancer, so I thought this might increase my skills so hopefully I could do that,” she says.

Being involved also supports her wellbeing: “I’m doing more, so I have less time to be lonely. Also, seeing my dance improve makes me proud, helping my mood,” Beth says. “Being somewhere where your access needs are met, you just

feel so much safer, so much more cared for.”

Disabled people face many barriers to dance, including attitudes. Sometimes parents, caregivers, or teachers, don’t see it as a viable option. There can also be limiting beliefs about what disabled dancers are capable of, and the quality of their work.

Research by On The Move shows only 28% of venues and festivals regularly present or support work by disabled artists. There are signs of progress, though: Arts Council England recently reported a significant increase in the number of disabled people in leadership positions within the organisations it funds. But disabled people can still struggle to access, or have a career in, the arts.

Physical barriers, like finding accessible spaces to rehearse and perform, is an issue. Plus, a lack of trained support workers, such as British Sign Language interpreters or those who work alongside learning disabled people, can make uptake harder.

Despite this, FRONTLINEdance is determined to help disabled people to enjoy dance. The company recently launched the Breakthrou’ Families group,

COMMUNITY CORNER This article follows FRONTLINEdance's preferred terminology and approach of using the social model of disability, which employs identity-first language (‘disabled people’) rather than person-first language.

Image | Jenny Harper

Find out more at frontlinedance.co.uk

where young disabled people, their families, and caregivers, can dance at the same time, but in separate spaces. “We’re supporting the family as a whole,” explains Rachael. “Parents who are physically inactive due to caring responsibilities can come and dance at the same time as the person they’re caring for. They leave us more joyful, connected, and we often all leave laughing together.” This work is special to Rachael and her colleague Amy, as both are mums to disabled children, so they know the value of groups like this.

The sessions are movement based, which includes warming up, improvisation activities, creative movement, and either solo work or work with one or more partners, led by an instructor. Mary, who has health

conditions including rheumatoid arthritis, says it helps her stay active and continue her love of dance. “FRONTLINEdance is like a family,” she says. “It respects everyone for our uniqueness, and the contributions we make, treating us all equally.”

Clearly, dancing has benefits beyond the physical. “There’s the natural release of endorphins,” says Rachael, “you have to concentrate, which is a really good way of distracting from whatever’s happening in day-to-day life, and the way we deliver activities helps improve people’s confidence and self-esteem by achieving something, and being listened to.”

FRONTLINEdance also performs for patients in hospitals – something Rachael was inspired to do after spending time in a local facility with her son. The

performances help people to feel cared for and offer a distraction.

This community spirit of supporting each other really shines through the group’s work in other ways, too. Co-creation – the idea of creating dance with people – is key, often with participants exploring how they want to interpret a dance technique, and creating movements to form the choreography. But it can also be participants choosing the music or what to wear for a performance, making it a collaborative endeavour.

FRONTLINEdance is also supporting others to make their community events more inclusive, by including an online toolbox of advice, as well as recommending sourcing further information from local disabled-led groups.

Reflecting on the power of FRONTLINEdance’s work, Rachael says: “It’s about being valued, having a place in the world, and having your voice listened to.” In an inaccessible society, organisations like FRONTLINEdance are opening the arts to all. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 33

NEW!

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As a special thank you from the Happiful team to you, monthly print subscribers will now receive thoughtfully crafted gifts at milestones in their journey – in addition to their monthly delivery of positivity!*

Six reasons to subscribe today: • Rewards include guided journaling booklets, seeded affirmation cards, and beautifully designed notebooks – completely free!

• Award-winning psychotherapist-reviewed and approved content • Packed with fascinating features, science-backed practical tips, inspiring stories, and expert advice • Print-exclusive guided journaling pages in each edition • Includes free postage & packaging to UK addresses (excluding NI) • You’re in control, so cancel any time And remember, the longer you keep your subscription rolling, the more rewards you’ll receive! So committing to your wellbeing is truly rewarding, in more ways than one.

Join today at shop.happiful.com *Happiful monthly subscriber rewards are for UK (excluding NI) addressees only.

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food & health

What is

A R F I D ?

When does picky eating become something more serious? Here, we take a closer look at avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder Writing | Kat Nicholls

H

ave you ever had a particular food that you absolutely detest?

Something that the more you think of, or smell, would turn your stomach. It’s not unusual to have preferences for certain meals or food items, or things that don’t appeal to your taste buds, whether temporarily or long-term, but for some people this aversion goes far deeper.

Selective eating can mean a person avoids certain foods and even entire food groups, along with potentially limiting what they consume overall.

After experiencing my own eating disorder in my teens, I’ve always had a vested interest in the topic, which led me to volunteer with Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity. In recent months, I’ve noticed avoidant/ restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) being discussed more and more – in fact, Beat reported an increase in people seeking support for ARFID from 2% of its calls in 2018 to 10% in 2023.

I must admit, when I first heard the term, I had to do a quick Google search as it wasn’t something I was familiar with.

But awareness of this condition is slowly increasing, which feels desperately necessary as those with ARFID often feel misunderstood, undermined, or dismissed as simply ‘fussy’.

What is ARFID? The term ARFID was previously known as ‘feeding disorder’, ‘selective eating disorder’, or even just ‘picky eater’. Now it’s better understood, the title of avoidant/ restrictive food intake disorder is apt, as the condition centres around the person restricting or avoiding food in some way.

Unlike other restrictive eating disorders (such as anorexia), ARFID rarely has a body image component. This means someone with the condition is unlikely to be restricting their food to change their weight, and may not be worried about their appearance.

Therefore, it’s important not to

make assumptions that a person has to look a certain way (or be a particular weight) in order to have ARFID – it can occur in people of any size, gender, or age, from childhood to adulthood.

The reasons someone may restrict or avoid food with this disorder are varied, including: • Sensory issues and struggling with certain textures, appearances or smells • A negative experience with food in the past, such as choking or vomiting • Generalised anxiety around food and eating • Worries about the consequences of eating In some cases, those with ARFID can’t put their finger on the root cause impacting them. It can start at a very early age, but can also come up later in life. It can also present alongside other conditions that cause sensory issues, such as autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 35

Happiful writer Bonnie Evie Gifford explains that it wasn’t until she was diagnosed as autistic that she came across the term ARFID. “I started to realise that a lot of my experiences around sensory issues and food anxiety weren’t just me being awkward or stubborn. Once I knew that there was a name for what I was experiencing, it meant I could start to look into how others coped with it, helping me to find new ways I could try to decrease my food-related anxiety and work through some sensory-related issues,” Bonnie says.

Signs of ARFID As there are various reasons a person might have ARFID, the signs and symptoms can differ between people as well. Someone won’t necessarily display all of these, but some to watch for include: • Struggling to recognise hunger cues • Sensitivity to foods due to their texture, smell, or temperature • Requiring supplements to support basic nutritional needs • Experiencing nutritional deficiencies • Developing anxiety around mealtimes • Having a preference towards always eating the same meals • Only wanting foods that are the same colour • Feeling full quickly, after only a few mouthfuls • Viewing eating as a ‘chore’ • Skipping meals entirely • Avoiding social events that involve or revolve around food

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Beat reported an increase in people seeking support for ARFID from 2% of its calls in 2018 to 10% in 2023

food & health

What can help if you have ARFID? As Bonnie mentions, knowing there is a name for what you’re going through can be helpful in terms of finding the right support.

Like other eating disorders, those with ARFID often benefit from working with a professional and being open about what’s going on.

“Talking through things in online safe autistic spaces, with my partner, and also with a qualified nutritionist, each helped me to identify the different challenges I wasn’t even necessarily aware I had been struggling with,” Bonnie explains.

Speaking to a medical professional is an important first step, but learning more about the condition and sharing this knowledge with loved ones, can be really beneficial and empowering, too. You might also want the support of a nutritional professional, who has experience in this area, as they can work with you to help identify any potential deficiencies you have, making a plan to ensure you get the nutrients you need, and slowly expanding your intake.

As a reasonably new diagnosis, the best treatment options are still being explored. However, a few key ones that are referenced by ARFID Awareness UK include:

• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

Talking therapies can support you in getting to the root cause of disordered eating. Known

for being a valuable treatment for anxiety and depression, CBT allows you to work with a professional to identify and, in turn, change any unhelpful behaviour patterns.

Once I knew that

• Eye movement and desensitisation and reprocessing therapy (EMDR)

experiencing, it

This is an interactive therapy technique, often used to help people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As it can be effective in addressing psychological stress and trauma, which may form underlying factors in ARFID, studies, such as 2017 research in European Psychiatry, noted “significant improvements” in subjects using EMDR as a treatment option.

• Exposure therapy

Best done under the supervision of professionals, exposure therapy is all about overcoming fears and anxieties by confronting them in a safe, controlled environment. This can be a way to show yourself they aren’t as dangerous, or scary, as you believe. With ARFID, this might begin with thinking about or listing the foods you avoid, gradually moving on to looking at images of them, being in the same room as them, touching or smelling them, until finally, being able to taste them.

• Desensitisation therapy

This technique has a similar approach to exposure therapy,

there was a name for what I was meant I could start to look into how others coped with it in gradually exposing you to the thing that triggers your fear or anxiety, however, it combines relaxation techniques so that you replace those challenging feelings with a more comforting alternative. ARFID Awareness UK notes that this can be particularly helpful for autistic people or those who might be very young, for example, using ‘play’ methods around eating.

While there’s no set path to take on your journey with ARFID, know that if you’re experiencing this, you’re not alone. There are various routes to try, and professional support is available, whenever you’re ready.

Charity Beat has a wealth of resources on its site, along with helplines, and chatrooms, to help you connect with support. Visit beateatingdisorders.org.uk

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 37

5 powerful ways to romanticise your life How to put some magic into the mundane, and make the ordinary extraordinary Writing | Elizabeth Bennett

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rom fads and fake news to misinformation, there are lots of socalled ‘wellness trends’ doing the rounds on social media that are best given a wide berth. However, some do call for closer inspection. Case in point: romanticising your life. The idea, which has been viewed 525 million times on TikTok, has nothing to do with the romance that comes with dating or partnerships, but the relationship with yourself and your day-to-day life.

Romanticising your life is all about finding happiness, joy, and beauty in the mundane, and celebrating the small moments each day. The idea itself is nothing new, but has been rebranded for a different generation.

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positive pointers

The concept can help us to enjoy what we have today, instead of wishing our lives away. “We’re often so focused on working for the next big thing, that we’re too stressed or worried to enjoy the present. When we get stuck in that way of thinking, by the time that big thing finally comes around, we might be just as worried about the next ‘big thing’ to enjoy it,” integrative counsellor Jodie McCormack explains.

“When we romanticise the everyday things – our morning coffees, tidying our homes, the commute – we can start to enjoy the things we do daily, which means we begin to like the life we live, instead of living a life where we’re waiting for a holiday or a day off,” Jodie says.

If you’re looking to bring some romance into your life, and truly appreciate the small things, here are five ideas to enamour you.

Cook up something special Finding the time and inspiration to cook three meals a day can sometimes feel like just another thing on your to-do list.

However, from the perspective of romanticising your life, cooking can be seen as a self-care exercise. Preparing food can be a relaxing, mindful task, and the end result is a nourishing gift to yourself. “Spending time making a meal you enjoy cooking, and look forward to eating, can really help to take the chore out of mealtimes,” Jodie says.

Create a cosy environment Tidy house, tidy mind might be an overused trope, but its

sentiment has value; our physical environments do really affect how we feel about ourselves. “Create an environment you want to be in,” Jodie advises. While everyone has their own definition of what makes a home inviting, figuring our what works for you is key. This is often best approached through daily rituals. Perhaps that’s the way you arrange the bed and open the windows in the morning, or close the curtains and light a scented candle before you settle in for a night on the sofa. A space that reflects your personality, and makes you feel truly safe and at home, can make a monumental difference to your daily life.

Do things you love

“Spend more time doing the things that make you happy. Even if you think you’re not very good at them, you don’t need to be good at it, it just needs to make you feel good,” Jodie says. Sometimes we can become too attached to the outcome of our actions, or think they must always serve a practical purpose, but often we are happiest when we let go of this and simply enjoy the moment. Try painting a picture, decorating a cake, or making up a dance – just because you can. Not everything has to be a side hustle, or impress others, it can be simply for the joy of doing something.

Jodie says. It’s not about having to splurge on the fanciest bouquet, or a special-edition hardback. An affordable bunch of supermarket flowers can be just as lovely, especially when you take the time to arrange them nicely in a vase.

And you might find your next favourite read in a charity shop.

You don’t have to spend a fortune every day, but take opportunities to show yourself you are deserving of the love you give to others.

Have a slow start

A mindful morning can set your day off to a positive start. Typically we rush through tasks just to get on with our day, never pausing for a moment to appreciate it. But even taking 10 to 15 minutes to take it in can be powerful. “Sit in a comfortable spot, and take the time to enjoy the morning, rather than rushing it. If the weather’s nice, try sitting outside and listening to the world around you.

Or listen to music or a podcast,” Jodie says. It’s about seeing the wonder in the ordinary moments, instead of always letting them pass us by, or only valuing the grand events. There’s certainly magic, and romance, to be found in the mundane.

Treat yourself

You don’t need to wait for someone else to buy you flowers, a plant, or a new book. “It’s an act of self-love. Flowers brighten up your home and make you smile whenever you see them,”

Jodie McCormack is a therapist and supervisor, helping women heal after difficult relationships. Get in touch via the Counselling Directory.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 39

ANXIETY ON YOUR MIND

Chaz’s week

Welcome to Anxiety on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of living with anxiety. In this edition, Chaz Kafetzis, 45, from London, shares her thoughts on work, meditation, and crystals Writing | Chaz Kafetzis as told to Fiona Fletcher Reid

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love a good morning routine, and like to start my day by lighting some incense and sitting in stillness for five or 10 minutes. No guided audio, no music – just being present. It gives me a chance to think about my intentions for the day.

I was working on a big product launch for my crystal jewellery brand today, alongside my regular nine-to-five job, which is quite stressful! I’m neurodiverse and get easily distracted, which affects my productivity, and then triggers my anxiety. To combat this, I use a timer clock to help me stay present. I set the time for 30 minutes, and watch it tick down as I work, and the visual reminder helps me stay focused.

Some of the anxiety I get during the work day comes from the isolation of remote working; I end up second-guessing myself a lot. At lunchtime I took myself into another room, and I just sat as still as possible, listening to the birds and having a quiet moment. It’s so simple, but it helps immensely.

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Once my work day was over I focused on the product launch, and there was a sense of relief when it finally went live.

Afterwards I was pretty drained from all the overthinking about how people would respond, and how successful it would be, so I did a nice relaxing skincare routine, put my phone away, and read my book.

The next day I had a dentist appointment, and I’m a really anxious patient. I went for a check-up, and I was nervous because I was anticipating more treatment. Thankfully, the dentist was really understanding, and guided me through my options – and I’ve found that when I have options, I feel far less anxious.

That evening, my 10-year-old son really needed some support, as he has anxiety, too. He’s young, so he doesn’t understand mental health the way most adults do, but I’m trying to help him. When I was younger, I didn’t always feel comfortable talking about my anxiety, and I was shamed for being too emotional, so I’m really proud that I’m creating a space

for him to talk openly about his feelings, without judgement.

It hasn’t always been easy, of course. When I was growing up, I kept all my anxieties to myself, but eventually, it all came bubbling to the surface during the pandemic. Since then, I’ve done therapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and a lot of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) work. I didn’t know how to express myself properly, or understand where all my negative emotions were coming from, and it was causing a lot of conflict in my relationships. Eventually, I could see the impact it was having on my son – he was only four at the time – so that was a big turning point for me. When I saw it happening to my child, I thought, ‘I’ve got to do something about this.’

Even though I’ve done lots of therapy, it was during a break from therapy that I ended up getting into crystals. Although crystals are part of our Hindu culture, it’s not something that’s practised in my faith, but I was willing to give it a go.

ANXIETY ON YOUR MIND

I use my crystal bracelets as tools to set intentions. They act as powerful visual reminders throughout the day, which helps me when I’m overthinking Find out more at gemzhealing.com

Crystals have ended up being a massive part of my anxiety journey, because they keep me uplifted throughout the day. I believe that crystals have energies, even though I know not everyone will agree with me on that! I use my crystal bracelets as tools to set intentions. Then, they act as powerful visual reminders throughout the day, which helps me when I’m struggling with overthinking or to focus. When I’m feeling anxious, they ground

me and keep me calm. Similar to my meditation habit, they strengthen that connection to myself, which is so important.

I ended the week doing some online craft workshops, which were very therapeutic. All in all, it was a positive end to a rollercoaster week, but what I’ve realised is that I have lots of coping strategies that really do work. Despite the challenges, I’m learning to cultivate compassion to deal with life’s ups and downs. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 41

The evolution of emotional perfectionism Recognising the psychological implications of restricting your emotional landscape, and what happens when you open yourself up to the full spectrum of the human experience Writing | Kai Conibear

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or most of us, the ultimate goal in life is to be ‘happy’.

Friends and family tell us they want to see us content, living our lives to the fullest, and emotionally healthy. But our perceptions of what constitutes ‘happiness’ are all different. For some, it’s career success, but for others it might be forging meaningful relationships, or seeking new adventures.

However, in our pursuit of happiness, how we feel about our emotional states can become warped and unhealthy. We may fall into comparison traps with a distorted sense of reality, where it can feel like we’ve failed to admit we’re not ‘happy’ 24/7.

We may begin to see our emotions as either ‘bad’ or ‘good’, and try to suppress those which are challenging or difficult. This is emotional perfectionism, where we hold our emotional selves to an impossibly high standard, believing that we must always be in control, and regulate how we feel to never show sadness, anger, or other emotions that are deemed ‘negative’.

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How can emotional perfectionism affect your emotional state?

“Emotional perfectionism can create chronic psychological distress,” psychotherapist Tina Chummun says.

“Neurobiologically, it activates the amygdala – the brain’s threatdetection centre and alarm system for our bodies – causing heightened emotional reactivity.

The prefrontal cortex, the cognitive part of our brain responsible for rational thought and emotional regulation, becomes overwhelmed, leading to difficulty in processing emotions effectively.”

If we’re constantly telling ourselves we need to stay positive, when in reality we’re feeling the opposite, our nervous system will react. It can leave us feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and, over time, less equipped to deal with challenges in everyday life.

“This can result in emotional suppression, where the limbic system (which governs emotions and memory) struggles to integrate and resolve distressing experiences,” Tina says. “Over

time, this increases the risk of anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout, as the nervous system remains in a near-constant state of hypervigilance.”

Our feelings give us important feedback, and ignoring them can have serious consequences. These emotions we’re trying to hide will eventually spill out, often in unhealthy ways, escalating from snapping at people to becoming avoidant of difficult situations, and experiencing chronic stress – which the American Psychological Association notes has physical implications including muscle pain, gastrointestinal problems, reduced immunity, and increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Overall, these outbursts where we can’t contain feelings can lead to shame, which an emotional perfectionist tries to suppress, creating a relentless cycle.

How to overcome emotional perfectionism There is no quick fix to the pattern of emotional perfection; it takes time and patience to break away from this type of thinking. An

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important first step is recognising you feel uncomfortable accepting and processing tough emotions, which will help you become more aware of the feelings you have been suppressing.

Another useful step is to proactively share your feelings with trusted people in your life.

Allowing people in when you feel frustration, anger, sadness, and hurt is all part of forming healthy, sustainable relationships. Letting your guard down and sharing your vulnerability isn’t easy, but, with the right people, you’ll feel validated and accepted. This will allow you to redefine how you see your emotions from only negative and positive, to instead a normal, healthy part of being human.

Rather than aiming for perfection, our goal is to maintain emotional tolerance. Also called ‘distress tolerance’, it shields us from becoming overwhelmed by challenging situations, and the emotions which accompany them.

Emotional tolerance includes accepting all our emotions for what they are, and learning to regulate them using healthy coping mechanisms.

What techniques can help break the cycle of emotional perfectionism?

Self-compassion priming

Small interventions can make a big difference, according to Tina Chummun. “One powerful method is using ‘selfcompassion priming’, with written affirmations placed in unexpected places. This engages the brain’s reward system, and helps rewire >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 43

Tina Chummun is a psychotherapist and trauma specialist. Connect via the Counselling Directory.

‘Observe and shift’ is a technique where you link your emotions with sensations in your body, even when they’re uncomfortable. If an emotion is bringing you discomfort, identify it, then, think about the physical sensations it ignites. This might be shaking or sweating for anger, churning in the stomach for anxiety, or burning in the cheeks for embarrassment. Sit for a moment with those emotions, acknowledging and observing them. Then, shift your focus to a relaxed area of your body – your fingers, toes, legs, or arms. This will help dissipate that discomfort by focusing on an area where you feel physically grounded.

Compassion-focused imagery

automatic self-judgement patterns. When we encounter kind, affirming words, especially in moments of stress, it activates the anterior cingulate cortex and ventromedial prefrontal cortex – regions involved in self-reflection and emotional regulation. This counteracts the habitual activation of the amygdala, and decreases self-criticism over time.”

Use a wheel of emotions

A feelings wheel is a visual aid that can help you recognise, define, and articulate your emotions, giving you permission to 44 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

acknowledge the entire spectrum of your feelings. With six to eight primary emotions in the centre, and layers of subcategories moving out from this, the emotion wheel allows you to pinpoint exactly how you feel.

Somatic therapy

This is an alternative treatment that focuses on the connection between the body and mind, helping you to feel grounded.

Simple techniques, such as pressing your feet firmly into the floor and deep breathing, can be a good place to start.

Imagine a trusted friend. What do they say to you regarding your emotions? How do they feel towards you, despite the emotions you’re experiencing? Think about how their words make you feel, and how you would react to a real friend supporting you and allowing space for your emotions.

When we challenge emotional perfection, we begin to realise that we’re allowed to feel and explore a myriad of emotions, and they are all a normal part of being a perfectly imperfect human.

Kai Conibear is a writer and mental health advocate. His first book, ‘Living at the Speed of Light’, about bipolar disorder, is out now.

purls of wisdom

The pros and cons of

dreamscrolling Can aspirational content help us turn dreams into reality, or is this another hidden comparison trap ready to ensnare us?

Writing | Victoria Stokes

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ocial media is often a source of sorrow.

Sometimes we go online and feel almost immediately downbeat, thanks to the content we’ve consumed. Maybe it’s a harrowing news story, or even a celebratory post from a friend that sparks feelings of insecurity and comparison. It’s not all doom and gloom though – social media can be a force for good. In particular, it can show us what’s possible, and encourage us to dream big.

Enter ‘dreamscrolling’: the habit of consuming aspirational content online, be it once-ina-lifetime vacations, dream careers, or investment purchases.

It’s easy to feel ashamed about your screentime stats, but according to new research by financial planning company Empower, 71% of people say dreamscrolling is time well spent, because it encourages them to achieve their goals.

What’s more, we’re spending around two and a half hours every day doing it. Thanks to the habit, 56% of people find it easier to be smart with their money, and 30% avoid unplanned purchases or going into debt. Overall, 69% feel like the act of aspirational searches and scrolling is an investment in themselves.

Dreamscrolling and your mental health “Dreams and aspirations are hugely important for our mental health and wellbeing,” says counsellor Georgina Sturmer.

“They can anchor us, and remind us that we are working towards a goal, even when things around us are tough.”

What’s more, dreams and aspirations can offer perspective.

Georgina notes that this kind of content can lift your mood when you’re feeling bogged down, and lessen overwhelm by transporting you away from your surroundings.

Sometimes aspirational content simply serves as a reminder of what’s possible. It’s hard to dispute that your goals and intentions are attainable when there’s physical proof of them right there on your screen.

Dreamscrolling is closely related to the concept of manifestation, too – the idea that we can make our goals a reality through the power of intention.

“Dreamscrolling can be beneficial, because looking at aspirational content feeds our reticular activating system (RAS), which is our brain’s filter,” explains Ted Lawlor, co-founder of The Manifestation App. “This means that your brain will begin to look out for the aspirational items in the real world. For example, if you’ve been looking at dream cars on Instagram, your brain will scan your environment for those cars.”

Ted says dreamscrolling may positively impact another part of >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 45

There can be a fine line between the content that motivates us, and the content that undermines us

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purls of wisdom

your brain, your motor cortex, which is connected to the brain’s reward system. He says when you visualise a better future, and the actions required to get there — as you would when dreamscrolling — your brain sees these tasks as challenges that it wants to achieve and be rewarded for.

“Just the anticipation of achieving these goals alone can activate reward pathways in the brain, helping you to sustain your efforts in pursuing your goals,” Ted explains.

Screentime shame Dreamscrolling has another added benefit. It can take away some of the stigma associated with spending too much time on our phones.

“The reality is that devices and screens are ingrained in our culture and everyday life. And, for many of us, it’s inevitable that we will be spending downtime on our devices,” Georgina points out. “Often it offers a sense of relaxation, or serves as a distraction from what’s going on around us.”

Georgina believes dreamscrolling can be a more mindful and intentional way to use social media. “This can help us feel more in control of how we are using our time,” she notes. “If you are picking up your device,

and getting a dopamine hit while looking at this kind of content, it will certainly be a more positive experience.”

Building in boundaries As with most digital habits, however, you do need to set some boundaries with dreamscrolling. “There can be a fine line between the content that motivates us, and the content that undermines us.

And the exact location of this line will typically depend on how we feel about ourselves, and how attainable our dreams are,” Georgina surmises.

If our dreams feel unrealistic or unattainable, then Georgina says dreamscrolling can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction. “If our dreams feel entirely out of reach, then dreamscrolling can leave us feeling sad, hopeless, or insecure,” she points out.

What’s more, dreamscrolling can be a little materialistic.

Georgina says if the habit is too focused on wealth, status, and materialism, we can fall into the trap of equating happiness with over-consumption.

Just how robust your self-esteem is will also play a part in how well you react to dreamscrolling.

“If you’re feeling secure and confident, then thinking about your dreams can inspire you, but

Georgina Sturmer is an integrative counsellor helping clients create a more confident life. Find her profile on the Counselling Directory.

if you’re struggling with selfesteem or lacking in confidence at the time, thinking about your dreams might cause you to compare yourself with others in an unfavourable way,” Georgina explains.

The specific boundaries that you need will depend on your relationship with social media and with your devices. Setting a timer for social media use, or using an app that restricts your usage, can be helpful in striking the right balance.

As with most habits and actions, tuning-in to your emotions is key.

Georgina advises looking at how you are emotionally responding to this kind of content. “Ask yourself: how do I feel when I’m dreamscrolling? Am I feeling uplifted and motivated? Or is disappointment or dissatisfaction creeping in? If it’s the latter, then this is a signal that’s worth tuning into,” she advises.

Dreamscrolling can be a fun and inspiring way to pass the time, but if consuming aspirational content ever feels too much, it’s important to remind yourself of all the reasons that you – and your life – are already enough. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 47

A taste of the world…

Whether it’s what you eat, how you eat, or who you eat with, we can take a lot of inspiration from countries around the globe to elevate our own dining experiences Writing | Jenna Farmer

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xploring other cultures, and embracing learning from them, can not only be hugely fascinating, but also hugely rewarding. And when it comes to eating habits and mealtime practices, there are places all over the world that are cooking up something good. The Mediterranean diet is notoriously heralded, but there are plenty of other places and cultures getting it right, too. From miso in Japan to ancient Indian traditions of Ayurveda, how can we learn from others around the world to feel better?

“As a nutritionist, herbalist, and hypnotherapist, global traditions can offer profound insights – especially regarding how we relate to food beyond the western obsession with macronutrients and calorie counting,” explains nutritionist Willow Woolf. So, which countries should we circle on our map?

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Japan

Food lessons: mindful eating (hara hachi bu) and consuming fermented foods.

The Japanese are known for the lowest rates of obesity in the world, as well as long life expectancy, despite socially drinking alcohol being part of its culture. In particular, the island of Okinawa in Japan is a ‘blue zone’, a part of the world known for its long life expectancy. But it’s not just about how long they live, but the improved quality of their health too, with a study in the journal Age noting that Okinawa has some of the lowest risk of age-related diseases, like Alzheimer’s, in the world.

“The Japanese diet is rich in seasonal vegetables, fermented foods like miso and natto, and omega-3-rich fish,” explains Willow. We know that fermented food has been linked to lots

of health benefits, such as supporting our gut health, while omega-3 is great for brain health. One study also found that those who followed the Japanese diet were at lower risk of cardiovascular disease.

However, it’s not just about what, but how, Japanese people eat.

“Their approach is deeply rooted in balance, what they call ‘washoku’ – a traditional way of eating that harmonises taste, colour, and preparation methods. There’s a grace to it: portion sizes are modest, food is artfully arranged, and meals are eaten slowly, mindfully,” explains Willow.

A simple practice we can learn from the Japanese is to not eat until you feel fit to burst, but listen to your body cues. “Okinawans’ philosophy of ‘hara hachi bu’ – eating until you’re 80% full – encourages a mindful, intuitive relationship with hunger and satiety,” she adds.

purls of wisdom

Ethiopia

Food lessons: community eating and high-fibre grains.

A recent study, by Greene King pub chain, found that four out of five Brits eat lunch by themselves, but in Ethiopia they don’t eat on the go or dine solo – instead, it’s all about community.

“Meals are shared communally, and often eaten with hands, inviting a deeper connection to the food and one another,” explains Willow. According to the 2025 World Happiness Report, those who share more mealtimes with others report higher levels of satisfaction, so simply setting a resolution to meet a friend for lunch rather than eating it solo at your workplace, or cooking for a loved one once a week, could make all the difference.

The diet of Ethiopians is often also applauded for its nutritional content, too. Like Japan, it’s high in fermented foods, but it’s centred around healthy choices. “We can also learn from the traditional Ethiopian diet, which features plenty of highfibre fermented grains like ‘teff’ (used in injera flatbread) and an abundance of pulses and spices that not only delight the senses, but also support digestion and metabolic health,” Willow adds. >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 49

India

Food lessons: floor eating and Ayurveda Home to the largest population in the world, there’s a lot to learn from India’s ancient traditions, but its westernisation has meant these aren’t always upheld in modern life.

“India birthed this profoundly intelligent system of eating, but now has one of the world’s highest rates of type 2 diabetes; according to the International Diabetes Federation, more than 77 million people in India live with diabetes,” explains Willow. “As urbanisation and westernisation take hold, traditional home-cooked meals are replaced with fast food, refined carbs, and sugar-laden drinks. The mindful, spiceinfused, gut-supporting meals of Ayurveda are being forgotten – resulting in an imbalance nationally.”

But what is Ayurveda? “Meals are built around the six tastes: sweet, sour, salty, bitter, pungent, and astringent,” says Willow.

“Each one plays a role in our physiological and emotional state. For example, bitter foods like leafy greens support detoxification, while pungent spices like ginger and black pepper stimulate digestion.

“The Ayurvedic plate is colourful, textured, and warm.

It’s intuitive and seasonal, shifting with the weather, and the person’s constitution (‘dosha’).

What we eat, how we eat, and when we eat are all essential to keeping the digestive fire (‘agni’) 50 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

burning bright. Without a strong agni, it’s believed that disease can take root.”

While Ayurveda is about eating aligned to your dosha, we can all follow the basic principles of eating plenty of fresh whole foods, seeds, and oils, as well as cooking with spices. But an even simpler thing you can do is just take a minute before you grab your fork and tuck in. “One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned – primarily through Ayurveda – is that digestion starts before the first bite. It begins with how we sit, breathe, and are present,” explains Willow. “We don’t need to travel far to do that.

Sometimes, it starts with lighting a candle, sitting down, and tasting our food again.”

What do Japan and India have in common? They both traditionally sit on the floor to eat. “In India, sitting on the floor isn’t just tradition – it is a grounding act that stimulates the vagus nerve, and supports our parasympathetic (rest and digest) activation,” says Willow.

You could take inspiration by opting to floor-sit for one meal a day, grabbing comfortable cushions, and creating a space to really sit and savour each bite!

To eat and live well, we can learn lots from how other countries cook and eat, and the good news is you don’t need to spend a fortune travelling the world to do so. From listening to your hunger cues to adding fermented food into your diet, and swapping solo lunches for social affairs, you can make a real difference to your week.

Willow Woolf is a nutritional therapist and integrative health coach. Head to the Nutritionist Resource to connect.

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who specialises in writing about gut health. She has Crohn’s disease, and blogs at abalancedbelly.co.uk

Take 5

How d id you do? V i s it the ‘Freeb ies’ se ctio shop.h appifu n on to find l.c the an om and m swers, ore!

Press pause on the noise of the outside world, and enjoy a moment of puzzling fun, just for you

Wordsearch

Warm up those thinking gears as you scour the grid for 12 creative activities hidden within. Want an extra challenge? Try to find the three additional ones not included in the list. Good luck!

CALLIGRAPHY COLLAGE CRAFT DANCE KNIT MARBLE MOSAIC ORIGAMI PAPIER MACHE POETRY WATERCOLOUR WOODWORK

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10 = puzzle pro 15 = wordsmith wizard 20+ = Shakespearean superstar

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The environmental cost of artificial intelligence It’s convenient, accessible, and irresistibly efficient – but are the climate effects of AI really worth it?

Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

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rtificial Intelligence (AI) is no longer a far-out concept found in the pages of dystopian fiction. Thanks to models such as ChatGPT, anyone can get immediate access to the modern wonder that is AI, as long as they have a device with internet access. From writing an important email to getting a personalised astrology reading, AI holds an infinite stream of

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possibilities that can make life easier, more fun, and extremely efficient. But, for all the positives AI has to offer, its evolution and mass rollout is having a drastic impact on the environment.

What’s the problem?

According to the United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) there are four main concerns when it comes to the impact of AI on the environment.

1. Most large-scale AI operations are in data centres, housing computers and IT equipment that demand energy. The International Energy Agency (IEA) forecasts AI will contribute to doubling global electricity demands by 2026.

2. AI data centres produce electronic waste, including circuit boards and batteries that can contain toxic materials (e.g. lead and chromium).

culture

3. Within data centres, water is required to cool electrical components. The Washington Post estimated that if one in 10 Americans asked ChatGPT to write an email a week, it would use more than 435 million litres of water. This digital thirst can put a strain on local water supplies and disrupt ecosystems, not to mention contribute to the reality that a quarter of people on Earth already lack access to clean water and sanitation.

4. AI is largely sustained by fossil fuels, which produce greenhouse gases and accelerate climate change.

When compared to a standard Google search, a ChatGPT request consumes 10 times more electricity. The IEA lacks a complete global picture due to data gaps, but in Ireland for example, the rise of AI centres could account for nearly 35% of the country’s energy use by 2026.

Positive impact of AI on the environment The thing that makes AI so alluring is its ability to handle time-consuming tasks in seconds, sifting through vast amounts of data to aid human decisionmaking. Complex calculations and pattern recognition are more accessible than ever, which does have positives when it comes to environmental concerns.

For example, AI has been trained to measure changes in icebergs 10,000 times faster than a human can – helping scientists

track how much water is melting into the ocean. AI can map icebergs in satellite images in just one-hundredth of a second, a task that would take far longer for a any human.

In Africa, a United Nations project helps communities vulnerable to climate change thanks to AI technology, which helps predict weather patterns.

While the aforementioned UNEP has co-founded the GEMS Air Pollution Monitoring platform, collecting data from more than 25,000 air quality monitoring stations in 140+ countries, and uses AI to offer real-time air quality insights, helping to inform health protection measures.

In the Netherlands, The Ocean Cleanup is using AI to detect plastic pollution, creating detailed maps of ocean litter, so waste can be gathered and removed more efficiently than with traditional methods.

What can be done?

All this aside, critics agree that AI requires huge amounts of energy, much of which comes from fossil fuels – the biggest contributor to global warming. Many are demanding the accountability of tech companies as they continue to profit off the planet’s destruction, and some progress has been made.

In Google’s 2024 Environmental Report, the tech giant says it is “committed to developing AI responsibly by working to address its environmental footprint through model optimisation, efficient infrastructure, and emissions reductions”. Similarly,

Microsoft reported that it’s “taking action to reduce the intensity with which we withdraw resources by continuing to design and innovate in order to minimise water use”.

In its 2024 Environmental Report, it notes that its new data centres will consume zero water for cooling.

Experts suggest that AI’s environmental impact could be mitigated by switching to renewable energy sources, and adopting energy-efficient practices. Yet, without proper regulation and policy change, there is no incentive for the biggest offenders to take action.

Complex calculations and pattern recognition are more accessible than ever, which does have positives when it comes to environmental concerns On an individual level, we can all do our part to limit our reliance on AI. Think about how you use AI day-to-day, and whether it is the only tool for the job. For example, would a search engine serve the same function? Bear in mind that Google has recently integrated AI into its responses, so consider using an ethical alternative such as Ecosia or OceanHero.

Additionally, ask yourself whether traditional methods, such as reading books, consulting experts, or using non-AI-powered apps, might be just as effective. By being intentional about when and how we use AI, we can minimise its environmental footprint, and encourage more sustainable technological practices. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 53

Tied n knot up i s Why stress and creativity are so intertwined Writing | Katie Scott

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s a writer, I’m constantly on deadline. Truthfully, I find the closer I get to my deadline, the more effectively I work. But there are also times when deadlines, family needs, and other demands make my brain swirl so much that I feel giddy. The adrenaline makes my heart beat fast, I’m a little nauseous even, and want to pace instead of sit. Times like this, the words get caught up in the maelstrom. I can’t catch them, or put them together to form sentences. The stress of it all makes being creative impossible.

Here lies the conundrum: stress impacts our ability to be creative, but being creative can help mitigate stress. In fact, some friction can be the inspiration for beautiful acts of creation.

It’s a balancing act, explains Dr Radwa Khalil from the Constructor University Bremen, Germany. With a PhD in neuroscience, and having written extensively on the impact of Creative Arts Therapies (CATs) on stress management, Dr Khalil says we can think about how we approach stress as a

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‘cognitive appraisal’. “In primary appraisal, individuals assess whether a situation poses a threat or challenge. In secondary appraisal, they evaluate the resources available to cope with the situation.”

Essentially, if the perceived demands exceed our “coping resources”, we hit a tipping point.

If not addressed, Dr Khalil notes that this can lead to “anxiety, depression, or burnout. This aligns with the notion that there is a threshold beyond which stress becomes harmful, leading to both psychological and physiological consequences.”

The key is to not allow ourselves to get to this point, but where it lies varies from person to person, which is why we need individual tools to help. “Coping mechanisms can be adaptive or maladaptive, and often develop through a combination of personal experiences, social interactions, and environmental factors,” says Dr Khalil.

In her work, Dr Khalil has documented how CATs can help boost these coping mechanisms, covering a broad spectrum of

activities – from art therapy to dance movement therapy – and can be used to both prevent people getting to that tipping point, or bring them back from it.

And the useful thing is that we can easily apply creativity into our daily lives. Psychotherapist and founder of Serene Lifestyles Dr Belynder Walia says: “Creativity can step in like a reset button, helping you pause and redirect your focus. Freewriting – where you jot down whatever comes to mind – can help slow racing thoughts, while mindful activities like colouring can ease you into a more grounded state. Think of it as giving your mind something new to play with when stuck in a stress spiral.”

However, you might need to calm your body down from fightor-flight mode before any kind of creativity is possible. She suggests: “Simple grounding techniques like breathing deeply, splashing cold water on your face, or gently shaking your arms and legs can signal to your nervous system that you’re safe. Creativity can take over once tension starts to ease, helping you process what’s left.”

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How to use creativity when we’re stressed Tips from Dr Belynder Walia: • If you feel frozen and unable to act, try a gentle activity like watercolour painting, knitting, or arranging objects – small, repetitive motions nudge your body and mind out of stillness.

• If your stress feels like fiery irritation, channel it into something expressive: scribble with abandon; write uncensored; or throw splashes of colour on to paper.

• When stress makes you want to run away, creativity can act as an anchor, grounding you – try sketching something nearby, writing a poem, or taking photos.

Belynder also suggests not putting pressure on yourself to tackle a huge creative project.

“Creativity in these moments isn’t about producing something – it’s about giving yourself a way to shift energy, however small that first step might be.” And this is the duality. Creativity can be both the thing that calms you, and the step you take once calmness begins.

Small amounts of stress shouldn’t send us into high alert, and can actually be an impetus for creating.

Artist Rebecca Harrington works with the time pressure of balancing her job as a teaching assistant, parenthood, and her art practice.

“If I am feeling frazzled by life on a day when I am painting, I actually find that fixating on my art lifts any tension quite quickly,” she says, adding that being at her easel allows her to remain “unruffled” in her other roles. “I don’t need to be calm to make art, but making art makes me calm.”

Mild pressure, Belynder agrees, can energise you, sharpen your focus, and push you to think creatively. “Many people find their best ideas emerge when working against a ticking clock, or tackling

Dr Belynder Walia is a psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist.

Connect with her on the Hypnotherapy Directory.

a problem that demands some quick thinking.”

But we must remain aware of where our stress tipping point is. If cortisol starts to course, our prefrontal cortex will be disrupted, and this is where the problem-solving, decisionmaking, and creativity takes place.

Taking steps to stop ourselves getting to that point requires self-

awareness, and practised use of methods to induce calm.

As Belynder says: “By keeping stress at a manageable level, and reframing it as energy, you can harness it to fuel your creativity, without letting it become a barrier. Creativity then works because it doesn’t demand you to fix your stress – it simply gives you a safe way to let it out.” happiful.com | Issue 98 | 55

Understanding your window of tolerance Uncover the framework of your optimised emotional state, so you can see more clearly when, or why, the stresses of everyday life might become overwhelming

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e’ve all had that moment: you’re running late, juggling the morning routine, and suddenly your coffee spills everywhere. It feels like the universe is against you. On a calm day, this might lead to a quick exhale of frustration, but you’d carry on. Yet, this very same scenario can result in a completely different reaction on a day when you’re already stressed, making this small mishap feel like the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Suddenly, you can find yourself angry, overwhelmed, or even tearful.

This example highlights what’s known as the ‘window of tolerance’, a term introduced by Dr Dan Siegel to describe our personal comfort zone where we feel calm, grounded, and in control of our emotions. It’s the space where we’re able to face challenges, think clearly, and respond thoughtfully. When stress pushes us out of this zone, it can lead to emotional overwhelm.

However, our window of tolerance is not fixed. It can expand or shrink depending on various factors like stress, fatigue,

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hormonal changes, life events, or even past trauma. These influences shift our emotional state, pulling us outside our window of tolerance into dysregulation. Initially, this might feel like mild discomfort or restlessness, but if not addressed, we can move into hyperarousal or hypoarousal.

Hyperarousal is where we feel anxious, reactive, overwhelmed, or angry – think of it like the action-driven fight-or-flight responses. Alternatively, we may slip into hypoarousal, which is characterised by numbness, emotional shutdown, or disconnection – also known as a freeze response.

The key to managing emotional dysregulation lies in awareness.

By noticing when we are moving outside our window of tolerance, we can intervene early. The first signs of dysregulation may show up physically, such as with shallow breathing, a racing heart, tight muscles, or an uneasy stomach.

These are all cues that we can learn to tune-in to. Once we notice them, we can use grounding techniques to restore a sense of calm. Before learning about this idea, many

BEA APPLEBY Bsc (Hons) Dip MBACP

Bea Appleby is a humanistic counsellor, working with adults and couples. Get in touch via the Counselling Directory. people do not have awareness of what they are experiencing, which makes it difficult to self-regulate because they don’t even know it is happening.

I have found that introducing the idea of a window of tolerance to my clients has been invaluable in helping many to understand why they might feel they overreact to a situation, or why they often feel overwhelmed. This understanding can reduce feelings of inadequacy or shame, and promote selfcompassion.

It’s also important to recognise that the stressors impacting our window of tolerance are not always obvious. We probably know when we’re stressed about a work deadline, or money worries, but the roots of our dysregulation often run deeper. Past trauma, whether our own or inherited, can

EXPERT COLUMN

HYPERAROUSAL • HIGH-ENERGY • PANIC • IRRITABILITY

• ANGRY • OVERWHELM • FLIGHT/FIGHT

OPTIMAL ENGAGED PRESENT ALERT

CALM

THINKING CLEARLY

HYPOAROUSAL • NUMBNESS • DEPRESSION • SHAME play a significant role in shaping our emotional responses, often out of our awareness.

Trauma can manifest in patterns of behaviour and emotional responses that get passed down through generations. If you grew up in an environment where emotional regulation was difficult, or dysfunctional coping strategies were modelled, you might adopt these same patterns. As a result, your window of tolerance can be

• PASSIVE • WITHDRAWN • SHUT DOWN small, because your emotional system is already primed to react in a particular way.

Recognising that our emotional responses may be rooted in these inherited patterns can help us to start the process of releasing ourselves from these automatic responses. By expanding our window of tolerance, we create space for healthier emotional responses to stress, enabling us to feel calmer and more resilient.

Six effective ways to widen your window of tolerance

1. Mindfulness: Regular mindfulness practice, through meditation or deep breathing, can help to keep us anchored in the present.

Making this a regular practice can gradually widen our window of tolerance, making us more resilient to life’s stressors.

2. Journaling: Writing about your experiences and emotions provides a space to process feelings, and allows us to identify patterns and triggers, gaining helpful awareness.

3. Creativity: Engaging in creative activities like painting, dancing, or playing music offers an emotional outlet for processing feelings that might be difficult to express with words.

4. Connection: Sharing your thoughts and emotions with friends, family, or a therapist can provide support, and perspective, helping us process difficult emotions, and feel less isolated in our experiences.

5. Grounding techniques: Try deep breathing or counting down from five to reconnect with the body and the present moment.

6. Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, and acknowledge your emotions without judgement.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 57

Scary hour:

The procrastination hack you didn’t know you needed You know that one task that you’ve been dreading?

We’re about to help you face your fear – in just 60 minutes…

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here are jobs that always end up at the bottom of the list, no matter how many times we remind ourselves to tackle them. It could be that they are simply dull – tax returns, expenses, and general life admin all come to mind. It could be something we know will be hard graft – cleaning the oven is my absolute nemesis. It could also be something that we know will bring up emotions we simply don’t want to deal with, such as looking at financial paperwork, or sorting through an ex’s belongings.

A productivity hack is trending on TikTok, which promises to help you tackle the things that you’ve been putting off. The ‘scary hour’ method – which involves doing the thing you least want to do in the first hour of the day – simply requires a little bit of planning and a timer. Here’s how to make the most of scary hour:

Plan ahead

Don’t leap straight into your first scary hour. Begin a few 58 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

Writing | Katie Scott

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

days before, taking a moment to reflect on your to-do list (whether that’s a physical list or just a mental note), and home-in on a single task that you’ve been avoiding. Then, get everything you might need lined up. For example, if you’re tackling a mountain of paperwork, have your files, recycling bin, labels, etc., on hand to ensure you don’t find a convenient excuse to give up when the time comes. On the morning of your scary hour, make sure you have a quiet space to work, and set your timer.

Build up to it

One hour might go quickly in our everyday lives, but when it’s time to deal with a particular task that you’ve been dodging for months, it might suddenly feel huge. So, to help you acclimatise to the idea of ‘scary hour’, psychologist, yoga teacher, and somatic therapist Dr Sally Eccleston suggests that you “start with the tasks that feel smaller and more manageable first”. This could be the ‘least scary’ thing on your list you’ve been putting off, but not the

top one you’ve been dreading, demonstrating to yourself that you are able to withstand the discomfort of staying focused – so next time it won’t feel so daunting.

Keep it relaxed

Dr Eccleston explains that this hack is effective because it delivers a sense of urgency and a dose of accountability. “Ultimately it helps to tip the balance from avoidance to approach, and creates an incentive,” she says. Just by naming this your scary hour and making a plan, you’re already putting a little bit of pressure on.

However, she suggests keeping the process “as chilled and relaxed as you can possibly manage”. In order to achieve this, there needs to be a balance between this sense of purpose and urgency, and the calmness you need to think clearly.

If you’re panicking as you watch the minutes tick by, you won’t achieve much at all. Instead, set yourself up in a calming space, keep distractions to a minimum, and don’t use a timer that will put you on edge. Keep it discrete, but also accessible.

positive pointers

Stick to the one hour

The choice of exactly one hour is actually important because our brains prefer focusing on tasks for short periods of time. “Intensely focusing for more than 90 minutes can lead to burnout, and a struggle to focus,” explains Dr Eccleston. “So, a 60-minute burst of productivity is definitely long enough.”

Give yourself a reward

Completing the task is a huge reward in itself, but why not schedule something you know you’ll enjoy for afterwards? You could organise to meet up with a friend, take a quiet moment with a book, or catch up on your favourite

Netflix show knowing that you can relax, having just ticked something major off your list.

Keep the habit going

Our natural inclination is to pursue pleasure while avoiding pain, so it may take some willpower to repeat your initial scary hour success on a longterm basis. “Procrastination offers a quick escape from the discomfort that tasks perceived as challenging or tedious can bring,” Dr Eccleston explains.

Yet each time you complete your scary hour, you’re rewiring your brain to associate that initial discomfort with the undeniable relief and satisfaction that follows.

The choice of exactly one hour is actually important because our brains prefer focusing on tasks for short periods of time The more regularly you tackle your scary hour, the less scary these tasks become, creating a positive spiral of productivity and confidence. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 59

The ABCs of media literacy How to read between the lines and use media literacy as a tool for mental health Writing | Maxine Ali

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early a decade since the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) named ‘posttruth’ its word of the year, and US President Donald Trump popularised the term ‘fake news’, these phrases’ continued presence in our everyday lexicon reflects a worrying crisis of credibility in our current media-saturated society. With social media companies such as Meta and X stripping back their fact-checking policies, it’s more important than ever to view the media we consume through a critical lens.

Despite being aware that not everything we see and hear can, or should, be trusted, many of us struggle to recognise misinformation when we encounter it. According to a 2024 Ofcom report, 55% of adults online in the UK do not feel confident in judging whether or not an information source is truthful. In addition, less than half (37%) check information against reputable sources.

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False and inaccurate information can have a profound impact on our health and wellbeing, from the dangers of following dubious and unsubstantiated advice, to feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and distress fuelled by the climate of distrust we now live in. As a result, media literacy has very much become a self-care necessity.

What is media literacy?

The OED defines media literacy as: “Proficiency in the evaluation, analysis, and understanding of mass media; especially the ability to analyse any story or event presented in the media and to determine its accuracy or credibility.” However, media and communications researchers propose an expanded definition, encompassing a broader understanding of the various competencies needed to be a conscious and critical digital citizen. This involves:

• Understanding the risks of sharing personal data online, and how that data can be used by others.

• Having an awareness of how digital environments operate, including mechanisms of algorithmic manipulation, and attention-driven models of content creation.

• A recognition that online activities have offline and realworld consequences.

In order to assess the information we consume

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critically, we first need to understand the driving forces behind the meteoric rise of false and misleading information in contemporary media environments.

Understanding the attention economy

The ‘attention economy’ characterises the currency of visibility that online media platforms trade in. The time we spend scrolling, liking, sharing, and commenting generates vast amounts of data, which are

harvested and transformed into predictive models that create targeted advertising, and algorithmic recommendations.

Digital content is therefore designed to capture and sustain our interest, keeping us interacting with platforms, and producing more and more monetisable data in the process. In this environment, engagement is prioritised over accuracy, promoting the pursuit of virality at the expense of factuality. By exploiting emotional triggers

(such as urgency, anger, or fear), media creators produce ‘clickbait’ that manipulates us into engaging.

After this content has captured our attention once, algorithms begin to push similar material, fuelling echo chambers that reinforce the same or similar beliefs. In turn, the attentiondriven model of online media restricts our opportunities to engage with alternative perspectives that help us develop a more balanced and informed point of view. >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 61

Recognising parasocial influence

Influencers are the ‘MVPs’ (most valuable players) of the attention economy, recognised as key trendsetters and opinion-leaders of the digital age due to the high levels of visibility and engagement that their content generates. True to their name, influencers play an important role in shaping public belief, opinion, and behaviour.

However, despite their vast reach, many influencers lack the formal qualifications or any specialist credentials in the topics that they choose to discuss.

An extensive body of research has shown how influencers bolster their perceived credibility through playing up their relatability and authenticity.

Media sociologists refer to this as the power of ‘parasocial interaction’, highlighting how 62 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

influencers construct a personal connection with their followers in order to cultivate a sense of trustworthiness.

This illusion of relatability makes us more susceptible to their influence, leaving us more likely to accept and believe what they share, without actually evaluating its accuracy.

Navigating GenAI

The widespread availability of generative artificial intelligence (GenAI) poses new challenges for ensuring access to accurate and trustworthy information. Tools such as ChatGPT, Midjourney, and DeepSeek use sophisticated deep-learning algorithms to process vast amounts of text, which are then used to generate highly-convincing, human-like language responses to questions and prompts. However, these

tools still lack the capacity to moderate the reliability of the information they produce.

Research by the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH), published in December 2024, found that in 78 of 100 prompts, GenAI tools generated false and harmful information, including vaccine and climate conspiracy theories, as well as responses promoting sexism, racism, and anti-LGBTQIA+ hate. In addition, researchers found a lack of safeguarding around healthrelated queries, with AI-generated responses providing information and advice that encouraged disordered eating behaviours.

With its capacity to create and circulate unverified information at an unprecedented rate, GenAI now has the potential to become a super-spreader of misinformation.

purls of wisdom

How to protect yourself in the (mis)information age The ability to critically evaluate the information we consume represents an important tool for safeguarding our mental health.

Through the following media literacy practices, we can foster a more mindful and intentional approach to our information consumption.

Engagement is prioritised over accuracy, promoting the pursuit of virality at the expense of factuality

1. Know your sources

Always check whether information comes from a reputable source. Does the news outlet follow ethical journalistic guidelines and standards for reporting, including a commitment to fairness and accuracy? If produced by a social media user, can you verify that the account belongs to a real person? Do they have expertise on the topic, and draw on credible evidence to support their claims?

Be wary of ‘proof’ that involves personal anecdotes, outdated research articles, or links to blog posts or YouTube videos – not all evidence is equal!

2. Avoid the rumour mill

Take care to avoid reactively resharing emotionally provocative content. Always pause and verify whether information is truthful against other reputable sources before circulating it.

Additionally, try to confirm the time and context of any content.

Misinformation can easily spread through reframing outdated and decontextualised footage to support a particular, albeit usually misleading, narrative.

3. Question the authors’ motivations

Consider what the author has to gain from sharing certain content.

Are they seeking virality through engaging in clickbait tactics? Do their claims support the efficacy of a particular product or service that they promote? While not all content comes from a place of malicious intent, it can be best to take an approach of scepticism still, in order to make an informed decision about who and what to trust.

4. Report false information

Although it is not your responsibility to regulate the masses of misleading information out there – and, let’s be honest, most of us don’t have time to become digital vigilantes – if you do encounter content that you know to be false, and feel you have

the time and energy to do so, use the available tools on the relevant platform it’s being circulated on to report this information. This will help make the online world safer for everyone.

5. Set boundaries and take breaks

Most importantly, remember to prioritise your wellbeing.

A constant vigilance against misleading or harmful information can feel both physically and emotionally draining, so give yourself time and space to disconnect and recharge from the relentless media cycle.

Maxine Ali is a writer and researcher in linguistics at King’s College London. Her work explores the relationship between language, health, and technology. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 63

How to nurse a Reiki hangover Understanding the impact of a spiritual detox, and how to best support your healing journey in the aftermath Writing | Holly Treacy-West

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o, you’ve had a complementary healing session, but what happens after the soothing energy washes over you? I recently embarked on a remote Reiki session with Claire Paphitis, the Ayurveda Coach, and on the days directly after, was caught off-guard by the spiritual fallout: physical fatigue, and an emotional detox.

Reiki, the ancient Japanese practice of energy healing, has seen an uptick in searches over recent years. As an energy-healing intervention, it has gained in popularity as a non-invasive and nonpharmacological approach.

The aim is to create balance and harmony in the body by redirecting the flow of energy, and removing any blockages (which are believed to cause illnesses and stress).

While it is a relaxing, holistic therapy, with any healing journey you need time and space to

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process it, and your feelings, in the aftermath. Sometimes referred to as a ‘Reiki hangover’, there can be a temporary discomfort that follows a session, where you might feel more fatigued, or emotionally sensitive, as your energy flow adjusts, before experiencing the long-term benefits.

So, if you’re keen to give it a go, here are a few effective ways to support yourself as you take these healing steps.

Make time for rest

You might not think you need to set time aside to recuperate post-session, since you would have been lying down for an hour receiving your treatment.

However, carving out space for rest is essential to your recovery.

“Rest enables our bodies to focus on the process of healing that can be taking place, and offers an opportunity to process our emotions after a Reiki session,” Claire says.

Rehydrate your body

There’s not much that good old H2O can’t fix. Whether we want clearer skin, a more focused mind, or better sleep, water is likely a go-to solution. So, it may come as no surprise that it’s believed that water can help to flush out any ‘stuck’ toxins.

“When we receive Reiki from a practitioner or Reiki master, we are awakening the flow of Reiki energy within us,” Claire explains. “This can sometimes create powerful shifts, unlocking our deep intuition, and bringing buried emotions to the surface.

Reiki triggers your body’s natural healing process, and water helps to aid in the removal of the toxins that are released as part of this.”

Write and reflect

In my experience, journaling is the easiest, cheapest, and most effective self-care practice you can commit to. And it is just as important when it comes to

wellbeing

processing feelings after your sessions. “I always ask my clients to reflect after a Reiki session,” Claire says. “We can learn a lot about what our subconscious might be suppressing, so journaling, or talking to a trusted friend or your Reiki practitioner, can all be helpful ways to allow any of the feelings that have come up to be processed. It’s an opportunity to be ‘seen’, and then released if need be.”

Natural healing

Nature has a unique way of grounding us, and promoting healing. After a Reiki session, spending time outdoors can help you reconnect with yourself, and the world around you. “I recommend being in nature, especially around trees, which are rooted into the earth and rising up to the sky,” Claire shares. “Trees absorb the life energy we call ‘ki’ and being in their presence, or even giving them a hug, allows us to benefit from this.”

Why not take a walk in a park, sit by a river, or simply enjoy your garden to help calm and clear your thoughts,

and any lingering emotions after a session?

Nourish your body

Whether we’re dealing with a physical or emotional hangover, the tendency is to reach for something comforting to make us feel better. However, we should be striving for support, rather than comfort. According to Claire, it’s best to avoid alcohol and processed foods, and instead opt for healthy nourishing foods to support your body, and assist in the natural healing process. “If you feel the Reiki in a particular part of the body, and feel called to give this area some further attention, you can also sit quietly with your eyes closed, place your hands over that particular part (for example the heart or throat), and

focus your breathing into that space,” says Claire. “Imagine it expanding, and filling with light with every breath.”

Release your worries

If you’re feeling apprehensive before you begin your session, Claire reassures that there is nothing to worry about. “People often stress if they are not ‘focusing on receiving Reiki’, or if they are unable to really switch off during the session, fearing that the Reiki won’t work. However, Reiki knows exactly what to do, and where to flow. We don’t have to do anything. Just come with an open heart, ready to receive.”

Claire Paphitis is a fully qualified Reiki teacher. Find out more at theayurvedacoach.com.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 65

We will fail when we fail to try Rosa Parks

Photography | Ben Maxwell

26 | Issue 96 | happiful.com

Happiful reads...

From a prize-winning fictional book set in space, to a helpful guide on foraging, we share our favourite reading choices to add to your bookshelf Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

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es, this is another book about self-care. But, it’s a little bit different to the ones you might have read before, because its purpose is to free up your time from looking for what self-care activities might work best for you, so that you can utilise

Have You Tried This?: The Only Self Care Book You Will Ever Need

by Nicole Goodman and Lauren Mishcon

the time you set aside for it more efficiently.

Born from the award-winning ‘Self Care Club’ podcast, you’ll find information about various selfcare methods which have been put to the test by hosts Lauren and Nicole. It includes a step-by-step

guide on how to implement each one, along with the benefits and genuine feedback, so that you can make an informed decision about whether it’s really worth trying for you, or not.

The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More by Jefferson Fisher Confrontation is uncomfortable, and can leave us feeling really uneasy, but we can’t – and shouldn’t – always avoid it. With lawyer Jefferson Fisher – who makes his living by arguing a case effectively – as our teacher, we will learn how to overcome conflict confidently, even when it becomes heated.

Orbital by Samantha Harvey The winning novel of the much-coveted Booker Prize 2024, Orbital, is a short but mesmerising fictional read about six astronauts circling Earth in the International Space Station, and takes place over a 24-hour period. We read about their observations of Earth and humanity from afar, which the judges deemed to be “a love letter to our planet”.

Must reads Free Food: Wild Plants and How to Eat Them

by Mo Wilde When we open our eyes to foraging, we’ll begin to notice that nature’s finest ingredients are all around us. And, it’s all free! Discover how to forage for plants, nuts, and spices safely, including the different ways they can be used in tasty dishes, with Mo Wilde, forager and founding member of the Association of Foragers.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 67

Why, sometimes, ‘unlearning’ is the greatest lesson of all Are outdated beliefs controlling the way you see the world? It’s time to take a closer look to figure out which ones are worth letting go...

Writing | Michelle Elman

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e live in a culture that is scared of ageing, but the truth is, my 30s are even better than my 20s – and a large part of that is thanks to the ‘unlearning’ that has taken place.

In my earlier years, I absorbed so many messages from the people, and the world around me, as though they were facts. It was only with age that I started to notice holes in those beliefs. In contrast, my 30s became a time when I sifted through all that I had been taught, and made conscious decisions about what I actually wanted to believe.

My first unlearning really began around body image. Most of us have grown up in a fatphobic, diet-culture-obsessed world, and the main message we receive is that you cannot be happy and fat. In fact, I would even go as far as to say, I was taught that as a woman, you can never be happy 68 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

in your body, full stop. I had an experience in my 20s when I was developing my body confidence and really starting to appreciate what I looked like, when an older friend in her 50s took me aside to tell me that I was deluding myself by preaching body confidence, and lying to myself that I was happy at my weight. It was at that moment I realised that it was simply a projection of her world, and the messaging she had received – she only thought I was in denial because it seemed impossible to her that someone could truly love their body.

The next ‘unlearning’ came in my love life. We often get taught that being single is a problem to be fixed, that no one can consciously decide to be single – and if you are single, it’s because you’re unloveable and have not been ‘picked’ or ‘chosen’. I refute this. Instead, I believe being single is better than being in a bad

relationship – and if you don’t see being single as a viable way to live your life, you will choose someone who doesn’t deserve you, because you’re too scared of being alone.

One of the key turning points in my 30s was actively choosing to get off the relationship escalator – from engaged, to married, to kids – and choosing to start again, because I wasn’t being treated in a way that I deserved.

It was in this period of being single that another unlearning would surface – my sex life. I grew up in a religious boarding school where we were taught that even the mere sight of a man could get you pregnant! We were fearmongered about every STI under the sun, and, as a result, I went into my 20s terrified – and ultimately, it is impossible to enjoy sex if you are living in fear. It took trying for a baby in my early 30s to realise that, first of all, getting pregnant was not that easy (I

@MICHELLELELMAN

It took many years to realise that too many women are trained to be people-pleasers and put everyone above themselves

wish!), and second, that women are entitled to pleasure in the bedroom as much as men expect it. To ask for what you need in every context is important, and that certainly includes the bedroom!

Getting better at boundaries and standing up for myself didn’t just appear out of nowhere either. The most fundamental unlearning I had was around what I had been taught about being a ‘good woman’, or even a ‘good person’. It took many years to realise that too many women are trained to be peoplepleasers, often putting everyone

above themselves. We get pushed into these behaviours, often by name-calling – whether that’s being told we’re ‘difficult’ at work, or ‘selfish’ in our personal life.

The greatest unlearning of all was realising that if I didn’t stand up for myself, no one would. It would take years to unlearn this, piece by piece, but it all started with the realisation that you teach people how to treat you – and if you wake up one morning and see that all the people in your life are treating you badly, you need to start making some changes in order to surround yourself with the kinds of people that you

deserve. So that’s what I did! It led to a huge amount of breakups – both platonic and romantic – as I discovered my boundaries, but sometimes you have to lose people in order to make space for new people to enter. Ultimately, that became another unlearning: ending a relationship isn’t always a loss! Sometimes it’s necessary for your next evolution.

The more I unlearned, the more it felt like I became a truer and more authentic version of myself.

It was losing the training that I was brought up with which made me realise that my beliefs are my decision, and if I’m going to believe something, it should be because it’s helpful to my life, and not merely because it was inherited. It is so important to use your critical thinking skills to examine where your beliefs stem from, and once that becomes conscious, it means you have the power to change them. Remember, it’s your life and you get to decide what learnings you want to leave behind!

‘Bad Friend: Why Friendship Breakups Hurt and How to Heal’

by Michelle Elman will be available from 8 May 2025 (Renegade Books, £20) happiful.com | Issue 98 | 69

Savoury strawberry summer salads Try these attention-grabbing seasonal salads with some special strawberry sweetness Writing | Jayne Higgins

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ith Wimbledon season approaching, let strawberries take centre stage on your table. Not only in the classic strawberries and cream tradition, but consider trying these two attention-grabbing, savoury summer salads, perfect for al fresco dining, and that capture the essence of the season.

70 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

Courgette and strawberry summer salad This simple salad is a celebration of British summer flavours, combining the crisp courgettes with the sweet strawberries.

This is mixed with the smooth creaminess of butter beans, dressed with thyme flowers, and

a tangy lemon dressing. This dish is light, refreshing, and perfect for warm-weather dining.

Ingredients (serves 4) • 400g courgettes, thinly sliced with a peeler or spiralised • 200g fresh strawberries, sliced • 100g butter beans, cooked and drained • 1 lemon, juiced

food & health

• 30ml extra virgin olive oil • 10g fresh thyme flowers or leaves • 50g parmesan cheese, shaved using a potato peeler for a rustic aesthetic • Salt and black pepper to taste

Method • Prepare vegetables and fruit by thinly slicing courgettes into ribbons or spiralising them.

Combine these with sliced strawberries in a large bowl.

• Stir in cooked and drained butter beans.

• Drizzle the vegetables and fruit with freshly squeezed lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil.

Toss gently to coat evenly.

• Sprinkle thyme flowers over the salad and top with large shavings of parmesan cheese.

• Season with salt and pepper.

• Allow the salad to sit for 10–15 minutes in a cool place before serving.

Asian-inspired summer salad This Asian-inspired salad is a perfect summer dish with its sweet, creamy, crunchy, and savoury elements. The natural sweetness of the strawberries pairs beautifully with avocado, edamame, prawns, and the tangy soy and ginger dressing.

Ingredients (serves 4)

For the salad: • 200g shredded cabbage • 200g spinach leaves (baby or large leaf), chopped finely • 200g strawberries, quartered • 1 large avocado (about 200g), diced

• 1 cucumber (about 300g), thinly sliced at an angle with the seeds removed by using a teaspoon • 150g shelled edamame beans, cooked and cooled • 300g cooked prawns, peeled and halved • 50g sesame seeds, toasted Asian-style dressing: • 60ml rice vinegar • 30ml soy sauce • 15ml sesame oil • 15ml honey • 1 tbsp grated fresh ginger • 1 clove garlic, minced

Method • In a large bowl, combine the shredded cabbage and spinach leaves as the base of your salad.

• Add the quartered strawberries.

• Stir in the diced avocado, sliced cucumber, cooked edamame beans, and prawns.

• Whisk together rice vinegar, soy sauce, sesame oil, honey, grated ginger, and minced garlic to create a tangy-sweet dressing.

• Drizzle the dressing over the salad just before serving and toss gently to coat evenly.

• Sprinkle toasted sesame seeds on top for added crunch and nutty flavour.

The healthy bit Both recipes use strawberries – a versatile summer ingredient that brings a sweetness to fresh seasonal salads, along with significant nutritional benefits like heart health support, antioxidant protection, and anti-inflammatory effects. Full of vitamin C to support immune

function, strawberries have high water and fibre content, making them excellent for hydration, digestion, and skin health.

In the first recipe, the courgettes are high in antioxidants, plus vitamin C and beta-carotene, contributing to healthy digestion due to their high water and fibre content.

They also contain potassium, which helps maintain healthy blood pressure levels.

The butter beans provide plant-based protein and fibre, aiding digestion and promoting satiety. The parmesan cheese is also a good source of calcium and protein, with the thyme containing oils with antimicrobial properties.

The second salad, the avocado is a healthy monounsaturated fat. It may help reduce inflammation, support heart health, and aid the absorption of fat-soluble vitamins. The spinach and cabbage are high in vitamins A, C, and K, folate, and iron.

Edamame are young soybeans that are a complete protein source, while cucumbers have a high water content. Prawns are another good protein source, and provide omega-3 fatty acids, which are beneficial for heart and brain health.

The dressing adds not only flavour, but also potential antiinflammatory and immuneboosting properties.

Jayne Higgins is a nutritional therapist, helping clients understand the root of their symptoms. Visit Nutritionist Resource. happiful.com | Issue 98 | 71

Signs of perimenopause Menopause happens when your ovaries stop producing eggs, and you’re considered to be menopausal when you haven’t had a period for 12 months.

Perimenopause is the months and years before menopause, when you still have periods, but the fluctuating hormone levels can lead to a variety of symptoms. Here’s what to look out for:

Brain frog Headaches Mood swings Anxiety

Palpitations

Night sweats

Hot flushes

Changed body shape and weight gain

Frequent urinary tract infections (UTIs) Periods heavier than normal Dry, itchy skin

Irregular/ skipping periods Low sex drive Vaginal dryness

Muscle aches Joint pain

Discomfort during sex

Talk to your GP if you think you have perimenopause or menopause symptoms. Learn more at menopausesupport.co.uk

72 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

food & health

The impact of epilepsy How an epilepsy diagnosis can affect mental health

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“

y family hadn’t heard about epilepsy before – we didn’t know it was a thing until we went to the hospital,” recalls Patience Dengure, from Huddersfield. “All I knew when I was diagnosed was that when a seizure happened, I was completely blacking out, and whatever was happening to me was very painful.”

Aged just 14, Patience joined the ranks of the 630,000 people in the UK living with epilepsy, a condition that affects the brain and causes frequent seizures.

While the NHS notes that it’s a common neurological condition, myths about epilepsy persist, from the incorrect assumption that all seizures involve jerking or shaking movements, to the false perception that all seizures are triggered by flashing lights.

Writing | Laura Cooke

One of the most harmful misconceptions is that epilepsy only impacts the physical health of those who have it. In reality, epilepsy can have a major impact on mental and emotional health too, with a 2018 study by the University of Manchester and Swansea University highlighting that people with epilepsy had a three-fold increased risk of ‘unnatural mortality’.

“Many people with epilepsy also experience anxiety and depression. This can be as part of the condition itself, or it can be a result of the diagnosis and how that affects their life,” says Nicola Swanborough, head of external affairs at the Epilepsy Society. “People often worry about having a seizure in a public place, and consequently avoid going out. That, in turn, can lead to anxiety. And some

anti-seizure medications can cause mood swings and irritability.”

Such feelings can also be a symptom of the seizure itself. A 2021 study, published in Seizure, revealed that 53% of people with focal epilepsy experience anticipatory anxiety of epileptic seizures (AAS), which can consist of “fear, dread, or excessive worry of having a seizure”. In others, feeling irritable, anxious, depressed, or aggressive may act as a warning sign that a seizure is going to happen soon.

“This is why it is so important for people to understand that epilepsy is more than just seizures, and for them to know how to support someone during a seizure with our simple seizure first aid messaging: Calm, Cushion, Call. Stay calm, cushion their head, call for an >>>

The Epilepsy Society has a dedicated helpline (01494 601400) to provide emotional support and information for anyone who wants to discuss the condition. The helpline is open 9am–7.30pm (Monday and Wednesday), 9am–4pm (Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday), and 9am–12.30pm (Saturday). Visit epilepsysociety.org.uk for more support.

74 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

food & health

ambulance,” says Nicola. “If people with epilepsy knew that the general public would be able to help them if they had a seizure, that would give them confidence to go out, and would help to reduce anxiety.”

At first, Patience did not realise how epilepsy would alter the course of her life. That is until her social life started to suffer, and she began to struggle with school and deadlines. Yet, despite this, she excelled at health and social care at college, and was offered a place at Salford University to do nursing and social work.

However, at this point, Patience was having two to three seizures a week, as her neurologist desperately tried to find an antiseizure medication that would work for her. The university refused to accept her, suggesting taking a gap year instead. But a year later, Patience’s seizures were still uncontrolled, so she made the difficult decision to give up on her university dream.

With her life plan in tatters, and in a bid to regain some semblance of control, Patience moved across the country to Surrey with her sister, packing up without telling anyone of her plan. She tried several different jobs, but continued to experience regular tonic-clonic (with stiffening and jerking of the muscles) and generalised seizures, often triggered by stress or a lack of sleep. Several of these seizures left her in A&E, and she found her employers to be less than supportive. “It affected my mental health because I was a just a teenager, but I had bills to pay, I

was struggling to keep down a job, and I was in debt,” she says.

Sadly, discrimination in the workplace is not uncommon for people with epilepsy. Although the Equality Act 2010 offers protection, a 2023 survey from Epilepsy Action found that 60% of people with epilepsy had experienced discrimination at work, 36% had been subjected to derogatory comments, and 33% had experienced workplace bullying related to their epilepsy.

Appallingly, the report also found that 28% of people had been “subjected to disciplinaries for having seizures”.

The world is just too big for me to not keep trying Missing the support of her family, and feeling discouraged about her working prospects, Patience knew she had to find a way to manage her mental health.

“I couldn’t keep crying all the time,” she says. “I’m from an African family – my family’s Zimbabwean – so we don’t really sit down and talk and share our feelings. With me and my sister it was a little bit different, but even then, she had her own stuff going on. She’s my sister, she’s not mum.”

Instead, the 21-year-old found solace in poetry, putting pen to

paper which allowed her to “let go of all [her] thoughts”. Patience felt empowered by her poetry, saying: “It gave me strength just to keep going, and keep trying.

It made me realise to just live in the now, and accept what my reality is, while still finding ways to move forward. My poetry helps me think that ‘I can, I do, I will,’ so that gives me strength and the will to just keep trying.”

Patience poured her heart and soul into “books and books” of poetry, which eventually led to a life-changing decision. “Surrey wasn’t working for me, so I picked up the phone, and told my mum I was coming home,” she says.

Moving back proved a turning point for Patience. Her current employer, energy firm Engie, is understanding of her condition, allowing her to carry out her sales support role predominantly from home. She said: “They are amazing, and it helped me knowing that I can put my health first without feeling bad about it. And then I’ve got the rallying of my family, so that just makes everything even better.”

Although Patience, now 23 years old, is in a better place both mentally and emotionally, the spectre of epilepsy still looms large over her life.

“As much as my poems give me strength, it’s not happy days all the time. My epilepsy is still here, and still affects me in many other ways,” she says. “But I genuinely feel that writing those poems gave me the strength to just keep going.

The world is just too big for me to not keep trying. I empowered myself by writing those.” happiful.com | Issue 98 | 75

Happiful recommends

From a simple, kind gesture in a supermarket, to an exploratory community project at the beach, check out these refreshing wellbeing recommendations Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

3

Let someone go ahead of you in a queue You don’t have to make big gestures to brighten someone’s day. It can be as simple as letting someone behind you in the queue go ahead of you. When they only have a couple of items compared to your weekly grocery haul, showing consideration in this way can leave someone feeling uplifted, and wanting to create a domino effect.

1

PAGE-TURNERS Rewire by Nicole Vignola Is it really possible to rewire your brain into breaking unhealthy habits, or diminishing negative beliefs? According to leading neuroscientist Nicole Vignola, you absolutely can! She shows us how by teaching us about the neuroscience behind our behaviour, and shares neurohack methods for changing it.

(Out now, £18.99)

2

ACT OF KINDNESS

4

LEND US YOUR EARS ‘Where are you going?’

When you see people pass by, do you ever wonder where they are going, or what their life is like? You wouldn’t be the only one – podcast host Catherine Carr does, too.

She approaches these strangers to ask this simple question that reveals so much about their lives, with a mix of funny, heart-breaking, and surprising stories. (Available now on all podcast platforms)

OUT AND ABOUT

Be part of the Big Seaweed Search There are 650 species of seaweed found around the UK, and each one plays a vital role in our coastal ecosystems, and helps in the fight against climate change. Join the Marine Conservation Society on their Big Seaweed Search to help scientists monitor how our ecosystem is changing, in order to better protect it .

(Find out more at mcsuk.org) 76 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

5

PLUGGED-IN

Jang and Fox Need a pick-me-up during the day? Then turn to Instagram account Jang and Fox for a series of heartwarming, short, cosy comics. With animals starring as the main characters, it’s a playful way to get across simple messages of kindness and empathy between others and ourselves. (Follow @jangandfox on Instagram)

culture

6

LESSON LEARNED

Always take your leftovers According to Business Waste, nearly 200,000 tonnes of food are wasted in UK restaurants each year. One tiny thing you can do to improve this is to take your leftovers home with you.

Restaurants can’t donate halfeaten food, so doing this allows you to self-manage your own waste, while saving you money on tomorrow’s lunch.

9

7

TECH TIP-OFFS

Byway Byway is the B-corp travel company that helps you find your next scenic getaway, reachable by land or sea. Founder Cat Jones would take multi-stop journeys with her family to make her trip more sustainable, but it came with a lot of organisation and preparation. That’s where Byway comes in, to make planning your next trip hassle and flight-free. (Visit byway.travel)

8

GET GOING

Try the 6-6-6 walking challenge We know how good walking is for you, but there are many of us who find it difficult to squeeze exercise routinely into our day. Enter this simple walking challenge. The rule is to do a six-minute warmup before a 60 minute walk, which can be done at either 6am or 6pm, and then cool down for six minutes.

SQUARE EYES

Blink Three children from a French-Canadian family have been diagnosed with an incurable eye condition that will lead to visual impairments. On a quest to help them make as many visual memories as they can, parents Edith and Sébastien take them on a once in a lifetime trip around the world. (Watch on Disney+)

10

TREAT YOURSELF

Mindbox Watercolour Craft Kit Contemporary artist Venessa Parker knows how truly healing art can be, as someone who turned to art as therapy during an overwhelming time in her life. So, if picking up a paintbrush also works for you, try your hand at her watercolour kit, and choose from two stunning scenic designs: seaweed escape or woodland sunset. (£20, venessakparker.com)

WIN 1 X MINDBOX WATERCOLOUR CRAFT KIT For your chance to win, simply email your answer to the following question to competitions@happiful.com You have to mix red and blue to make which colour? a) Brown b) Purple c) Black *Competition closes 30 June 2025.

UK and NI only. Good luck! happiful.com | Issue 98 | 77

6 ways to make a temporary space feel like home A humble abode should always feel like ‘yours’, no matter how long you plan to stay there Writing | Elizabeth Bennett

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veryone deserves a warm, safe, and comfortable home. Unfortunately, many of us face uncertain living situations. Whether it’s renting when we’d prefer to own, couchsurfing while job hunting, or living with family to manage childcare and utility costs, temporary accommodation can feel unsettling.

According to Shelter, 24,360 households in England are living in B&Bs and hostels – a rise of 17% in a year. This kind of instability can lead to feelings of isolation, insecurity, and hopelessness.

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Illustrating | Rosan Magar

“As humans, we experience a longing for comfort and personal connection in spaces,” explains psychotherapist, Isabella Barrand.

However, even if you’re living somewhere that feels temporary, there are a myriad of ways you can make it feel like home – and doing so can be powerful. Here are the best ways to go about it.

1. Claim your space

While you might not be able to repaint walls or hang permanent fixtures, there are creative ways to make your living

space feel personal and inviting.

Portable decor, such as cushions, blankets, and rugs can instantly transform a room – and can easily be transported when you move. “Choose colours, textures, or patterns that resonate with your personality to create a sense of ownership,” says Isabella.

Furthermore, art prints, posters, or photographs can be displayed on walls without causing damage thanks to no-mark hanging strips that can be found in hardware

positive pointers

stores. “These little touches not only reflect your identity, but also make the space feel welcoming and warm,” explains Isabella.

“Adding these items can help bridge the emotional gap between a temporary arrangement, and the comfort of a home.”

2. Create functional zones

In shared spaces, creating zones for different activities can make the area feel organised and purposeful. Position furniture strategically, using rugs to define specific areas, or folding screens or bookshelves to act as partitions for added privacy. “This approach not only maximises your use of space, but also helps you mentally separate different activities, fostering productivity and relaxation,” says Isabella. By making the space a reflection of your own needs and preferences, you’ll feel more in control – even when your sense of stability is slightly off.

3. Let there be light

Lighting is one of the simplest ways to switch up the vibes of a room. “Customised lighting not only makes the space feel more personal, but it also creates a comforting environment,” says Isabella. One of the easiest ways to add cosiness is by using lamps (which can be transported to your next place) instead of harsh overhead lighting. You can add your own stamp by choosing a quirky lampshade, or thrifting an interesting base – just make sure to buy bulbs with warm hues to achieve that ambient effect.

Fairy lights are another relatively

inexpensive way to add sparkle to a drab living space – try draping them around your headboard, along bookshelves, or in any areas that lack natural light.

By making the space a reflection of your own needs and preferences, you’ll feel more in control – even when your sense of stability is slightly off 4. Personalise everyday items Often it’s the smallest changes that can make the biggest difference in how a space feels.

Subtle adjustments to the objects and decor allow you to interact daily with items that reflect your personality, creating a stronger sense of connection to the place, even if it is only temporary.

“Consider investing in bedding that you love, with colours or patterns that bring you joy – this simple change can turn your sleeping area into a sanctuary.

Or, add a personal touch to your workspace by including a favourite mug, a small plant, or a photo frame,” Isabella suggests.

perhaps try playing around with the layout. “Rearranging furniture costs nothing, but can dramatically change how a room feels. Experiment with layouts to find one that maximises comfort and flow,” Isabella adds.

6. Anchor yourself emotionally

Making a space feel like home isn’t just about physical changes, but how you connect to the place.

Creating self-care rituals linked to your home can help you feel more settled. “Remember, home is less about the physical surroundings, and more about how they make you feel. By actively nurturing your connection to the space, you are encouraging stability and comfort,” Isabella says.

Incorporating routines, such as lighting a scented candle at the end of the day, journaling over breakfast, or playing calming music to signal ‘me time’ can make the space feel like yours.

“These emotional anchors can reduce stress, improve mood, and remind you that temporary spaces support your wellbeing when you invest time and care into them.”

5. Budget-friendly solutions

Transforming your space doesn’t have to break the bank and, often, the most effective touches are free or inexpensive. “Bring in fresh flowers, branches, or pebbles to add a natural, calming element to your space,” Isabella recommends. Alternatively,

Isabella Barrand is an integrative psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in private practice.

Connect via her profile on the Counselling Directory.

happiful.com | Issue 98 | 79

How to switch off after a hard shift Disconnecting from work mode and returning to your everyday life can be tough – especially when you work unusual hours. We share six ways to help you switch off, and start putting your wellbeing first Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

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witching off after a long shift can feel impossible.

According to a poll from shift scheduling software provider Planday, 85% of shift workers are experiencing poor mental health, while 76% of hospitality managers report burnout. With an overwhelming 95% of hospitality workers feeling unable to switch off from work when they get home, according to workforce management software firm Quinyx, it’s no surprise that so many of us are left feeling exhausted and burned out.

So, what can we do to help us disconnect and leave work stress behind us?

Shift gears, mentally

Intentionally creating a separation between work and home life, particularly when your working patterns might be inconsistent, can be vital – and even more so when you’ve had a hard day. You might not always have someone on a similar schedule to vent to, or problem80 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

solve with, so there are a few techniques to try to reinforce the distinction between work and your private life.

A simple visualisation exercise could be acknowledging the situations that caused your stress (or distress) that day, and picturing them being put into a box. You’re aware of them, but you can put the lid on that box, and tuck it away, out of sight, to return to when you’re on the clock. You might want to use any commuting time to practise this, so that when you cross the threshold to your home, you’re in the mindset of being in your personal time. Or, if you can’t help but ruminate on the frustrations of the day, limit yourself to doing so for that set period you’re travelling, viewing your door as a means of closing yourself off from those concerns until tomorrow.

Turning your commute into a time of focus and relaxation can be an alternative, too. This could mean doing something relaxing, like listening to music

or audiobooks, something educational (like trying out a language app or listening to a podcast) or practising mindfulness or meditation.

Develop a post-work routine

Establishing (and maintaining) a routine can be tough when you have changing shifts or inconsistent hours, particularly as this might dictate an unusual sleeping or eating pattern that goes against your circadian rhythm – and results in fatigue and brain fog, on top of any other concerns. But having a set list of things you do after work (regardless of the time) can be beneficial. According to Northwest Medicine, routines can improve your health by helping you to manage stress more effectively, sleep and eat better, and get more active.

Routines can also create a sense of safety, security, and familiarity, which can help provide a source of comfort and consistency when you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

wellbeing

95% of hospitality workers feel unable to switch off from work

Switch off your work phone

From group chats and messages from managers to checking emails to see if there are any last-minute schedule changes, even if you don’t work an office job, getting pulled into work doomscrolling can be surprisingly easy.

According to research, such as a 2024 study in PLOS Digital Health, there is a relationship between using smartphones for work in off-job hours, and difficulties maintaining boundaries between our work and home lives.

Nobody can (or should) be available 24/7. If you feel pressured to keep your phone on outside of working hours, it could be time to have a chat with your manager or team to establish a more sustainable work-life balance. If you feel like you can, set your phone to ‘do not disturb’, switch it off entirely (especially if you have a separate device), or keep your phone out of arm’s reach when you’re home and trying to unwind. >>> happiful.com | Issue 98 | 81

Eating a varied diet, rich in fruits and vegetables, can boost energy levels, support a healthy gut, and can ensure you’re getting all the essential vitamins and minerals.

Make time for friends

Keep moving

The last thing you might want to do after a long shift is head to the gym, but doing some light exercise can have a significant impact on your mood, as well as your physical health. Going on a brisk walk can help build stamina and make your heart healthier, while heading to a yoga class or practising at home can reduce your stress levels, improve sleep quality, and enhance your overall mental wellbeing.

Cook something nutritious and joyful

Cooking can feel like a slog – especially if you’re already feeling physically tired, mentally exhausted, and just want something to eat. But cooking 82 | Issue 98 | happiful.com

can be a great way to help you to switch off and stay in the moment, as it requires you to engage both mentally and physically.

Planning a meal, pulling ingredients together, or finding a recipe and following the steps, requires focus and attention.

By cooking for yourself, you’re also aware of exactly what you’re eating, can focus on creating something nutritious and energyboosting, and can even plan ahead to make leftovers for work the next day.

If you’re feeling particularly stressed, keeping an eye on and reducing how much caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and processed foods you consume can have a positive impact on your mood (and how you feel physically).

Strong friendships can help us to feel more connected and like we have a purpose, while boosting overall happiness, lowering stress, and even improve feelings of confidence and self-worth. Yet many of us struggle to maintain or make new friends thanks to work and family obligations – which can be made even tougher if you’re working weekends while your friends are free.

Communicating shift patterns and upcoming days off can help you to coordinate when you might be able to catch up – even if that means a quick cuppa together rather than a full-on night out. Setting boundaries and communicating them can also help you to make that shift between work, friends, and family time.

Prioritising time to switch off after work isn’t a luxury – it’s essential for your wellbeing.

Remember, rest is productive, too. Allowing yourself to make space to relax and recharge will not only help you feel more balanced, but should reduce stress and overwhelm as time goes on. So, why not start tonight? Whether it’s turning off devices, making a home-cooked meal, or getting lost in a book, take tonight for yourself. Your wellbeing is worth it.

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Where to find help Looking for support with your mental health?

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SANEline offers support and information from 4pm–10pm: 0300 304 7000

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TRANSGENDER YOUTH SUPPORT Information for parents of trans, non binary, and gender diverse young people is available at mermaidsuk.org.uk

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