IS BEING CLASSIFIED INTO “TYPES” STILL HAPPENING?

A few days ago, I was with two of my very best friends (I’m talking inner circle) and we had just enjoyed a concert entitled LOVE IS LOVE: In Color by the amazing American Idol alumni Matthew Darren (check him out online if you don’t know the name - YOU WILL!) Needless to say, the show was spectacular and had me on a musical HIGH as Matthew generally leaves his audiences. His shows are always filled with amazing performances, fabulous multi-media, funny banter and an array of DIVERSITY. Another message Matthew is big on “LOVE YOURSELF and the skin you are in”. No matter the body your spirit lives within – honor it. BODY POSITIVITY is a big thing here in Wilton Manors. Or so I thought up until that moment. Right after the concert, my buddies and I were standing around chatting about the different guys in the room and I turned to one of my friends and said,”You see that guy there?” He replied,”Yes, he is a bartender here.” I later went on to explain to him that every time I see him on an “app” he “winks” or “woofs”. Yet, every time I see him in person, he becomes very shy and seemingly uninterested in me. My friend pretty much whips back without thinking,”Well, it might be a catfish using his image. I’ve seen the men he dates and well, they are not, um, your type.” Now, before I go on, this friend is sweet, kind and very protective of me. He is really one of the best guys I know. But, right after hearing him say those words my ego was utterly deflated. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not THAT fragile, although age is starting to chip away at my normal bravado. But, I’ve got to admit, those words hurt and I went home crushed. Not because I was so particularly interested in this ONE guy, but because we STILL live in an era (more than ever it seems) which confines people to physical “types” which become barriers that keep us from getting to know someone who really might be “perfect” for us or at the very least a good friend.

Before you all cue the violin music, please understand – I GET PLENTY OF ATTENTION. I’ve got many attributes I take full advantage of. My spectacular hair (thank you Brian Bunting at SOURCE SALON), winning smile and meaty legs (and by that I mean ass) being just some of what I have going for me physically. But, what about my clever sense of humor, talent, intelligence, caring nature or sense of loyalty? Are those not worth any “gay currency” just because I don’t come wrapped up in a body that has been stamped USD APPROVED BEEF by the “gay gym mafia”? I thought we were passed all that. I really did. I mean, I believed we all had collectively realized by now - youth fades, muscles droop and wrinkles happen. Smart, funny and interesting, on the other hand, only get better with age.

After feeling like the Quasimodo for a few days, I decided to get out on my own. I went to a local “dive bar” and low and behold in walks the bartender who started this whole downward spiral in the first place. I had a beer (and by that I mean a pitcher) so I worked myself over to him and asked him straight out,”Hey! Why do you “wink” and “woof” at me online, but never follow it up when I see you out in person.” To my surprise he responded quickly and honestly,”Because when you see me at work I’m serving 8 drinks at once and I really don’t have the time to converse. Plus, English is not my first language and I’m very embarrassed by my accent. But, I know EXACTLY who YOU are. You are always having a great time and are very popular. You ARE very attractive. I love your personality! And, you are a great dancer!” All those days of feeling like dog-shit washed away in 2 minutes of chatting with this devilishly handsome jock. I finally felt seen again, and not just from the outside. It seems I am HIS TYPE and he said to me in Spanish,”Just because I look like this, does not mean my type is what I’m attracted to.” I had forgotten that fact. It was an important lesson to re-learn. There is a lid for every pot and sometimes they don’t look like they should fit, but somehow they just do. Not everyone you find attractive is going to reciprocate, and vice-versa That’s just the way it is. But, don’t keep yourself from attempting to speak with anyone (no matter who makes the first move) because you’ve made up a story in your head that there is NO possible way it will lead to anything of note based on how YOU or THEY look. You might miss out on your “fairytale prince” because he doesn’t check off all the boxes in your mind. Trust me, I’ve kissed enough “frogs” that initially looked like Adonis’ to know things are NOT always like they seem superficially. So, my advice, pull your shoulders back, be confident and put your best foot forward. It works 75% of the time and that is good enough for me.

Light, Love and Peace, Francisco Garcia Publisher of HAPPENING DIGITAL MAGAZINE