Sunday Magazine, September 28, 2014

2 Times Feature Times Sunday Magazine

Bosco AcAdemy

Avast playground and manicured lawns, these are the first things one notices upon visiting the Bosco Academyan all boys Catholic school operated by the Sisters of Mercy located in Plaisance, East Coast Demerara.

A small school with a combination of students from both the nursery and primary levels - no more than 27 boys, 24 in the primary section and only three in the nursery - Bosco Academy, like most religious schools, is very orderly with well-behaved pupils.

The minuscule populace of the school proves advantageous Shelda Emanuel, the school’s principal and a retired principal from St. Agnes Primary, explained in an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine “Because of the size of the school we are able to do a lot of one-on-one teaching.”

With no more than two small rooms and one large rectangular space, the school is situated on bottom floor of the St. Jude’s Convent. The space was separated into seven classrooms: five for the primary level, one for nursery and the other for children with special needs.

“I think children with special needs are our biggest challenge, because there are not a lot of opportunities for

them. However, we try to school them as best as we can, not only in economics but life skills,” noted Sister Julie Matthews, a Sister of Mercy and the director of the school.

The boys at the school are commonly referred to as “home schooled” children, since they are all orphans from the St John Bosco Orphanage located in the same compound, making it very convenient to return home and get to school on time.

However, Sister Julie re-

vealed that the school was not established for that purpose. “When I moved here to the orphanage in 2003 to take over, I found that all the boys were not doing well in the school system. I believed that was defying the laws of probability that every boy would be failing.”

Nonetheless, Sister Julie told herself it was probably the effect of the difficult backgrounds they came from, so she took them out of the public system and placed them into smaller classrooms “with more con-

centrated teaching”.

“I thought this would help and that we would only do this for a year, but here we are 11 years later,” Sister Julie pointed out.

The original aim was to assist the orphans struggling in the public school system to cope at a pace appropriate to their age. After seeking permission from the Ministry of Education to home school the boys, Sister Julie then staffed the school with retired teachers.

“At the time teachers were required to retire at age 55 years, but I used that pool of newly retired teachers to run the school,” Sister Julie revealed.

Majority of the teachers at the Bosco Academy are retired administrators, some of which are retired head teachers. The school also receives staff members from abroad and draws on the assistance of missionary volunteers.

The Bosco Academy therefore operates like a private school with a very qualified staff that instructs the children on all subjects, following the primary school curriculum and a host of co-curricular activities. The only deviation from a regular school curriculum is religious studies. The students wear school uniforms, despite being home schooled. They are involved in interactive sessions with classrooms filled with lots of diagrams and books. They also write the Grade Six exams at the appropriate time with their fellow colleagues at the

Plaisance Primary School.

Growing used to the intimate classrooms and oneon-one training, the first batch of graduates proved unable to cope with bigger classrooms, Sister Julie disclosed, resulting in many of them moving on to the Guyana Education Trust College.

Emanuel added that “those boys who are more skilled than academic” attend the Mercy Wings Skilled and Vocational Centre in Sophia, where they learn skills such as masonry, carpentry and plumbing.

“At Bosco, we give our boys the kind of education that prepares them for life, to help them adapt to the working world,” Emanuel elaborated. She cited that the first batch of students to receive the Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate from Bosco Academy excelled, graduating with grades one to three - one student even walked away with nine subjects.

“This could only be accomplished with a dedicated staff that goes beyond work, but operates like a ministry, a good team that helps out a lot. Ms Emanuel in particularly is outstanding,” a grateful Sister Julie said. The Bosco Academy relies entirely on donations to assist with the daily operation of the school. For more information on the Bosco Academy and how you can help, call Sister Julie Matthews on (592) 2222353.

An overseas volunteer teacher with his students

Sister Julie matthews

Bosco Academy located on the bottom flat of the Sisters of Mercy Convent in Plaisance

By Lennox J Hernandez

Any mention of the word “pyramid” conjures up images of the North African country known as Egypt, and of mummies and sphinxes. But did you know that we have pyramids in our own backyard – at least in a nearby continent – and that some have sacrificial altars and serpents with gaping mouths?

Long before the arrival of the Europeans in the 16th century, present-day Mexico and most of Central America (Guatemala, Belize, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica) were a cultural area with a number of Amerindian civilizations having shared traits and traditions.

The most important civilizations to develop here were the Olmec, Zapotec, Maya, and Aztec. Archaeologists determine that the indigenous cultural history of this area, called Mesoamerica, began before 8000 BCE and ended in 1521, with the arrival of the Spaniards.

Early amErindian civilizations

are terraced temple platforms (the pyramids) and huge ball courts.

In contrast to the Egyptian pyramids,

and Evening Star. Stierlin says that it took half a

a temple (sanctuary) stood on top of the pyramid, and the Mesoamerican pyramid was usually terraced, not smooth. The Mayan pyramid may be likened to the ziggurat (stepped pyramids) of ancient Babylon; they both support a temple, unlike the Egyptian pyramid.

millennium for the Mayan pyramid to reach its largest dimensions, that of Temple IV in the city of Tikal in Guatemala: 70 m (230 ft) high on a base of 60 m (197 ft) by 50 m (164 ft) approximately, dating from the 7th century.

Also, the early wood and

The peoples of Mesoamerica developed complex systems of government, religious beliefs, (including human sacrifice) scientific knowledge, (there is much talk these days of the Mayan calendar and their predicted cataclysmic event of 2012) and artistic forms. Two major architectural forms of Mesoamerica

According to Henri Stierlin, the first temple pyramid was built at Cerros in Belize, and was only of two platforms and probably built of earth. Built around 50 BCE, the structure had decorations on the first level representing the sun rising and setting, and on the second level, of the planet Venus as Morning Star

thatch sanctuary or temple on top of the pyramid became, in the developed forms, a double or triple cell stone chamber with an ornamental roof structure, called a cresteria, about 8 to 10 m (26 ft to 33 ft) in height.

In Mayan temple architecture, the temple atop the pyramid is a representation, in stone, of the traditional hut of cob and thatch, and this is covered by a corbelled vault roof – upper blocks extended over the lower blocks in each horizontal line of a wall to form an arch. In this temple, says Stierlin, the rituals of a religious and cosmological nature took place.

The pyramids of Tikal, says Stierlin, “can be seen to exalt the union between earth and heaven…they form an extraordinary ‘ladder’ which allows the priests to ascend towards the highest heavens and communicate with the gods of the cosmos.”

In 1952 another func-

tion of the Mayan pyramid came to light - some Mayan pyramids contained a subterranean tomb, but not as elaborate as the Egyptians, thereby becoming both a temple and funerary monument. In that year the sarcophagus of Pacal, the Mayan king who reigned between 615 and 683 was found in the Temple of Inscriptions at Palenque in Chiapas, Mexico: Palenque, which dates from 300-900, was one of the first Mesoamerican sites to be explored, back in 1787.

In this case the sanctuary at the top has five bays, from one of which a hidden staircase goes down to the funerary crypt in the body of the pyramid. Externally, at the bottom of the main stairway, is a small tablelike structure which has been considered to be a sacrificial altar.

At Uxmal in Mexico, a great temple resulting from a series of additions to its height and its temples (some dating back to 569) is the Temple of the Magician. This pyramid has rounded corners, two stairways, and a three-cell sanctuary whose roof-top is approximately 45 m (148 ft) above ground.

Another important pyramid is the Great Pyramid at Chichen Itza, a product of the late Toltec-Maya civilization (950-1250) in Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula. Each stairway has 91 steps; the north stairway having

at its base two stone Plumed Serpents with gaping jaws. The Plumed Serpent is a deity of Toltec origin.

The Spanish conquest which began in 1519 and concluded in 1521 effectively ended the development of indigenous Mesoamerican culture, art and architecture, and most of the current names of the buildings and descriptions of the forms are not indigenous, but are those given by the Spanish and later peoples. The extent of the physical remains of these pyramids and other structures (ball courts, palaces, observatories, homes, etc) are indicative of the sophisticated devel-

opment of the Amerindian peoples of Central America prior to the arrival of the European. (Sources: Fagan, Brian. 1985. The Adventure of Archaeology Washington DC: National Geographic Society. Fowler, William. 2006. “Mesoamerica.” Microsoft Encarta CD 2006. Stierlin, Henri. 1997. The Maya: Palaces and Pyramids of the Rainforest. Koln: Taschen. Photo sources: Devindra Dharry: Chichen Itza pyramid; Palenque pyramid; Uxmal pyramid. Henri Stierlin: Cerros; Tikal model; Tikal Pyramid II; corbelled vault. Brian Fagan: map of Central America)

belize-Cerros - early pyramid reconstruction

Guatemala-tikal - pyramid II

mayan corbelled vault

mexico-Chichen Itza - Great pyramid

mexico-Uxmal - pyramid of the magician (east view)

“Your voice matters” is the message the Guyana National Youth Council wants to send out to all young people across Guyana as the youth council prepares for its launch and celebration of Caribbean Youth Day 2014.

The ‘My Voice Matters’ (MVM) Campaign consists of a series of video clips and photography of young people between the ages of 15 to 35 years advocating and raising awareness among youths like themselves. Their message is that everyone’s opinions count and youths should be more proactive in standing up for their rights.

The MVM’s initiative will be launched simultaneously with the Guyana National Youth Council (GNYC) on 30 September (the day dedicated to the commemoration of Caribbean Youth Day) in the conference room of the Guyana National Library from 1pm to 3pm.

“This is the technology generation, and we’ve adopted the Caribbean Youth Day theme ‘Embracing Technology to promote innovative and sustainably conscious Caribbean Youth’ as we celebrate our launch. We came up with the MVM (My Voice Matters) campaign to reach out to young

Guyanese using technology to capture the reasons why they believe that their voice, as a young person, matters,” explained Tiffany Daniels, Chairperson of the GNYC’s Board of Trustees, in an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine She added, “The responses that the team has gathered from the field have all been either very eye opening or inspirational. There was such a high degree of hope and aspiration expressed by many of the young Guyanese, yet, at the same time, it was clear that much work needs to be done in empowering them so they could understand the critical role we have to play in develop-

ing our country.”

The first of the video clips, a five-minute production, will highlight youths’ opinions from across Guyana on why their voice matters on issues affecting them. This will be aired at the GNYC launch and later on their Facebook page, which will also be officially launched on the same day.

In preparation for the big launch, members of the GNYC have decided to start their outreach to numerous groups and students throughout Guyana.

“The main purpose of the GNYC is to create a network of young people and groups. Though we have been waiting until our launch to really

up the ante on our outreach, we decided to start getting out there to see how different the opinions of young people are,” Daniels noted.

According to her, there is a clear difference in priorities across regions and communities, which makes it critical for youths to continue reaching out to other young people to understand the diverse issues and develop plans.

“We recently had a meeting with a dynamic group of youths in Fort Wellington area and it is clear that young people are just craving for opportunities to give their issues as well as their solutions. We want to encourage all youth workers to keep creating these opportunities for young people to express themselves,” implored Daniels.

Although the Council has been operating in its interim phase for the past year, the GNYC has begun its efforts to create such opportunities starting from several consultations in 2013, which led to the group’s formation.

The consultations involved a wide variety of youths represented by different organisations and youth groups, as well as individual young people. They were given a forum where they presented their ideas for the creation of the GNYC,

training monthly in the areas of community engagement and advocacy.

In outlining their future plans, the members of the GNYC stated that they hope to visit each of the ten administrative regions within the next six months, to continue to reach-out to youths and hear their concerns and propose solutions so that they can develop and implement their interventions and initiatives based on evidence.

Once they have reached

the very ones they will be representing. The members, which are the young people and groups of Guyana, determine the work and scope and who their leaders are,” Daniels revealed.

The GNYC is assiduously working towards ensuring young people remain at the top of the agenda and that their collective voice is heard. It will play a key role in fostering communication and collaboration across youth groups, keep young people informed of opportunities, and organise them for activities where they can build their capacities or be part of solutions at the local and international levels.

At present the GNYC’s secretariat is based at the CUSO International Office in Subryanville, Central Georgetown, and staffed by a permanent CUSO international volunteer, Andrew Rhikkie Alexander, a youth development activist from St. Lucia. Alexander, who has vast experience in the area of youth development in various capacities ranging from grass roots mobilisation to

their minimum target for youth group membership, they will host their first annual General Assembly to facilitate elections of the inaugural Executive Committee and Regional Representatives, and to establish a two-year strategic plan for young people at the national, regional and com-

which saw the formation of a Steering Committee. This Committee will create and put forward a strategy for establishing a Youth Council unique to Guyana to get their “buy-in”. This resulted in youth participants collaborating and joining several ‘Task Forces’, which worked along with the Steering Committee to create the Council. These Task Forces were able to receive

munity levels.

“Once a strong membership-base of youth organisations and young people has been accumulated, only then can we have nominations to elect executive members and regional representatives for the Council. It is very important that a youth council embraces democratic processes, so the first Executive of the Council needs to be duly elected to represent youths,

representing youths at high level meetings and commissions, was instrumental in the establishment of the St. Lucia National Youth Council and hopes to lend his expertise to the youths of Guyana.

The GNYC’s launch plans to be a very upbeat, informative, and promises its attendees an opportunity to learn about the work of the GNYC and how they can get involved through presentations, feature speakers and kick-starting the MVM campaign and their Facebook page.

The launch is open to the public and is expected to attract the presence of stakeholders, potential partners, youth organisations and leaders, youth activists and the press.

“Becoming a member is simple; you just have to contact us for a membership form at nycguyana@outlook. com and fill it! We have one for individuals not attached to groups because they shouldn’t be left out, and then we have another for youth groups and NGOs,” Daniels summarised.

The Guyana National Youth Council strives on the Mahatma Ghandi principle, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.

brainstorming session for the launch date and my Voice matters' campaign

tiffany Daniels making a presentation to GNYC members

Cuso volunteer Andrew rhikkie Alexander (second from right) with GNYC members

Soyini George is the designer/founder of the Washington, DC, handmade baby brand, Yinibini Baby. As a little girl growing up in Guyana, Soyini learned to sew from watching her great aunt Jean cut, pin and put fabrics together to create stylish clothing. That was just the beginning of Soyini’s love for art, design and colour. One year after graduating from college, and with US$100, a

dining room table and tons of motivation, she started the Yinibini brand of clothing and jewellery for women.

The origin of the name ‘Yinibini’ came from the last four letters of Soyini’s name (Yini) plus ‘bini’, which means ‘good girl’ in Guyanese Creole.

In 2010 the brand’s focus was switched from women’s clothing to accessories and clothing for babies.

Yinibini Baby cloth-

ing and accessories are all hand-sewn and made of cotton, organic cotton, cotton blend and bamboo blend fabrics. The collection includes blankets, onesies, booties, bibs, burp cloths, dresses and more! Her original illustrations are based on childhood stories and memories, and the great selection of colours, patterns and textures are perfect for babies. Soyini draws inspiration for colour, texture and patterns from memories of her uncle Reggie’s garden.

“He took pride in his garden, and the vibrant colours, textures and patterns of the fruits, flowers and vegetables still lingers in my mind,” Soyini shared. Soyini applies the same meticulous care and love to all of her delicate her pieces.

Soyini’s work has not gone unnoticed in her hometown of Washington, DC.

In 2011, Yinibini Baby was voted the 2nd Best Local Crafter, Washington City Paper Best of DC; 2012 – Yinibini Baby was voted Best Local Crafter, Washington City Paper Best of DC; 2013 – Yinibini Baby was voted Runner Up Best Local Crafter, Washington City Paper Best of DC;

2014 – Yinibini Baby was voted Best Local Crafter, Washington City Paper Best of DC.

In 2014, Yinibini Baby was also named a finalist in the Martha Stewart American Made Awards. American Made spotlights the maker, supports the local, and celebrates the handmade. The programme is made up of people and communities that have turned their passion for quality craftsmanship and well-designed goods into a way of life. Voting for the winner of this award began on 15 September and runs until 13 October 2014. The winner will be announced on 17 October 2014.

To vote for Soyini, visit her page on www.marthastewart.com. (http:// guyanesegirlsrock.com)

Cute Yinibini baby booties

Soyini showcasing one of her designs in her studio

US-based Guyanese designer Soyini George

The Shaping of guyaneSe LiTeraTure Green Mansions

By PetamBer Persaud

Part One

Up Next: ‘Green Mansions’ Immediately, I froze my thumb on the remote control. Here, at last, was something of interest to me after constant flicking from channel to channel. I know a lot about the book, Green Mansions. I treasure my copy, having acquired it a long time ago from a market stall in New Amsterdam. The stall was, at that time, operated by a Chinese male who was quite a negotiator once the item was selected. That treasure trove and its operator have since disappeared, relocated I was told, to somewhere on the West Coast of Berbice. I now grieve over the lost opportunity of securing other rare and out-of-print books

from that business.

I do not manage my time well enough to watch a complete movie, but with the book fresh in my mind, I decided to watch the movie, something I use to do when I was discovering literature – read the book then watch the movie or vice versa. It was a fascinating venture to experience the treatment of the same subject by two differing art forms.

Another reason for staying with the film, as it was rapidly flashing its opening salvo of information, included the cast of established actors - Audrey Hepburn, Anthony Perkins, Lee J Cobb, and Henry Silva; and known director, Mel Ferrer. Also I was aware of a Guyana-connection, namely R Lal Singh, who was technical adviser during the production of the film. Singh was born in Morawhana, a little known Amerindian village in the North West District of Guyana, living among the Makushi tribe of Guyana until he was almost ten years. And I know of the author of the book, having done research on him (in this column).

In 1887, William Henry Hudson travelled to British Guiana from London to take up an appointment in a public office. During that stint, he was a daily visitor to a ‘familiar’ house in Main Street, Georgetown, the residence of a ‘Mr Abel’ whose full name was Abel Guevez de Argensola.

Abel, poet and naturalist, was a fugitive from Venezuela who refused to return home despite news of a windfall fortune awaiting him in Caracas. He stayed in Guyana, becoming a fa-

vourite of Georgetown society, a man held in high esteem and ‘even affection’. The two men were attracted to each other chiefly because of a mutual ‘love of poetry’ even though one was ‘suckled’ on the literature of Spain and the other English Literature. There were other areas of interest shared by the two men and they would ‘tired the sun with talking’. It was during those bouts of talking, Hudson was gifted the story of Green Mansions, the sto-

ry of Abel’s flight from his homeland and his romance with a spectre girl/creature called Rima in the virgin jungle of South America.

Hudson promised to publish the whole truth of Abel’s story in order to dispel ‘much conjectural matter...printed week by week in the local press’.

That amazing story was only given life in fictional form because Hudson was already a published author and who was already a respected naturalist and ornithologist at a time when those subjects were treated with scant regard. By the time that story of Abel was made public, Hudson had already published some thirteen books including The Purple Land (1885), Argentine Ornithology (1888), Fan - The Story of a Young Girl's Life (1892), British Birds (1895), Hampshire Days (1903), and a collection of stories, El Ombu (1902).

Green Mansions, the novel, was published in 1904; it falls within that honour roll of first novels on Guyana. Green Mansions was the first novel in our literary heritage to be made into a movie. That movie of the same name of the book was released in 1959, starring Audrey Hepburn, Anthony Perkins, Lee J Cobb, and Henry Silva, and it was directed by Mel Ferrer. In the 1970s, DC Comics adopted the story in a series, “Rima, the jungle girl”.

To be continued

Responses to this author telephone (592) 226-0065 or email: oraltradition2002@ yahoo.com

'Green mansions' book cover

'Green mansions' movie poster (1959)

William Henry Hudson

Creature Corner

Tarantulas, Aphonopelma chalcodes, give some people the creeps because of their large, hairy bodies and legs. But these spiders are harmless to humans (except for a painful bite), and their mild venom is weaker than a typical bee's. Among arachnid enthusiasts, these spiders have become popular pets.

Tarantulas periodically shed their external skeletons in a process called molting. In the process, they also replace internal organs, such as female genitalia and stomach lining, and even regrow lost appendages.

Tarantulas are slow and deliberate movers, but accomplished nocturnal predators. Insects are their main prey, but they also target bigger game, including frogs, toads, and mice. The South American bird-eating spider, as it name suggests, is even able to prey upon small birds.

A tarantula doesn't use a web to ensnare prey, though it may spin a trip wire to signal an alert when something approaches its burrow. These spiders grab with their appendages, inject paralyzing venom, and dispatch their unfortunate victims with their fangs. They also secrete digestive enzymes to liquefy their victims' bodies so that they can suck them up through their straw-like mouth openings. After a large meal, the tarantula may not need to eat for a month.

Tarantulas

Did you know?

There are hundreds of tarantula species found in most of the world's tropical, subtropical, and arid regions. They vary in colour and behaviour according to their specific environments. Generally, however, tarantulas are burrowers that live in the ground.

Tarantulas have few natural enemies, but parasitic pepsis wasps are a formidable exception. Such a wasp will paralyze a tarantula with its sting and lay its eggs on the spider's body. When the eggs hatch, wasp larvae gorge themselves on the still living tarantula.

The tarantula's own mating ritual begins when the male spins a web and deposits sperm on its surface. He copulates by using his pedipalps (short, leglike appendages located near the mouth) and then scuttles away if he can—females sometimes eat their mates.

Females seal both eggs and sperm in a cocoon and guard it for six to nine weeks, when some 500 to 1,000 tarantulas hatch.

Their average life span in the wild is up to 30 years.

The objective of the game is to fill all the blank squares in a game with the correct numbers. Every row of 9 numbers must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order. Every column of 9 numbers must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order. Every 3 by 3 subsection of the 9 by 9 square must include all digits 1 through 9.

The largest witch hunt in North America, the Salem witch trials began in the spring of 1692, when several women were accused of witchcraft by a group of girls. The accusations sparked a wave of fear, paranoia and hysteria that resulted in about 150 men, women and children being accused of and imprisoned for witchcraft.

The New World

The Puritans of Massachusetts left England in the 17th century seeking religious tolerance, but their religious code and way of life was strict and far from tolerant itself.

Life was harsh in Colonial New England. On a spiritual level, people feared God, the devil and magic. On a practical level, the Puritans feared starvation, disease and attack by the Native Americans and French Canadians. All of these potential calamities were considered to be the will of God or of the devil.

Fear of witchcraft

Witchcraft was a common fear in the 17th century. It is estimated that between 50,000 to 80,000 suspected witches were executed in Europe between the years of 1500 and 1660. In New England, more than 100 alleged witches were hanged in the 1600s. The hangings at Salem in 1692 would be the last ones in the United States.

Two girls began it all

The seeds of the Salem witch trials were planted by two little girls. In January 1692, 9-year-old Elizabeth Parris and 11-year-old Abigail Williams were overcome by fits, convulsions and uncontrollable outbursts of screaming. Soon, other young girls in the community began to exhibit similar symptoms and accused three local women of bewitching them. In late February, arrest warrants were issued for Tituba, a slave belonging to the Parris family; Sarah Good, a beggar woman; and the poor, elderly Sarah Osborn

Spreading hysteria

Throughout the region, more witchcraft allegations and arrests were made. Although generally called the Salem witch trials, these hearings occurred in towns and villages all across the Massachusetts Bay region.

Gallows Hill

Nineteen men and women were convicted of witchcraft and hanged at Gallows Hill, near Salem Village. The first to be hanged was Bridget Bishop; her flamboyant nature did not help her defense. An elderly man was pressed to death under stones. Hundreds of others were imprisoned for months until the tide of public opinion turned and the witchcraft hysteria finally subsided.

The fungus theory

Scientists have speculated that a fungus called ergot may have poisoned the girls who were “bewitched,” causing hallucinations, vomiting, muscle spasms, and burning or itching sensations. Ergot fungus can contaminate rye, wheat and other grains and is highly toxic.

History has recorded other outbreaks of ergot poisoning. In the Middle Ages, the disease was known as “St. Anthony’s fire,” and it sometimes affected entire villages.

“The Crucible”

“The Crucible” is a play written by Arthur Miller. The story takes place during the Salem witch trials and portrays how human fears and feelings of jealousy, resentment and revenge can corrupt a community. The play was a great success when it opened on Broadway in 1953, and several movies have since been based on Miller’s historical drama.

Final thoughts

The witch trials lasted for about a year. By early 1693, everyone charged with witchcraft had been pardoned and released.

In 1697, the Massachusetts General Court deemed the trials unlawful and annulled the guilty verdicts. In 1711, legislation was passed restoring the families’ good names and providing financial restitution to the heirs.

The Salem witch trials teach us valuable lessons about what can happen when communities experience isolation, mass hysteria, and religious or political fanaticism, and when individuals bear false witness.

The witch trials may have been fueled by Samuel Parris, as this local minister accused many who opposed him.

Some of the accused died in prison before they could be hanged or freed. More women than men were accused and convicted of witchcraft.

Unless you work in an ultra-conservative office, the idea of acceptable work-wear has definitely shifted in recent years. Jeans are often allowed, suits aren’t always necessary, and it’s not the end of the world for women to wear open-toed shoes. That said, it’s still work you’re going to every day—not a nightclub—and should be treated as such. After all, you’re there for your skills, not your clothes. Even if you work in a freewheeling creative environment or in a style-savvy office, there are still certain fashion choices that should never be worn at work. So, in the interest of keeping that pay cheque coming, here are some fashion choices that could get you fired.

Anything that’s too short

We’ve seen it happen: A female employee walks into the office one day in shorts so tiny, the bottom of her butt is visible, and we haven’t forgotten it since.

Skirts, dresses, and—in some cases—tailored shorts are okay for the office but always keep your hemlines fairly modest (read: classy). That’s not to say you need to cover yourself up like mummy, but keeping your hem a few inches above the knee if you like things on the shorter side is the way to go. Save the miniskirts, bodycon dresses, and short-shorts for cocktail hour.

Anything that has a plunging neckline, anything sheer, anything backless, anything strapless, anything with spaghetti straps, anything with a halter top

Ladies, let’s reason with ourselves for a second: why would you feel the need to show up to the office in anything that shows more skin that a basic sleeveless blouse? It looks like you’re begging for attention, and you’ll get it—but not the kind you want. Wearing super-skimpy tops will invariably make you an easy target for office gossip from both men and women, which will almost always overshadow your work.

A good rule of thumb: Skip anything that requires a strapless bra, a plunging bra, a visible, or—yikes!—no bra.

Anything overly trendy or flashy

Unless you work in a fashion office and you’ve seen your boss do it, it simply doesn’t pay to wear super-trendy stuff—nobody else will get it, and you’ll just look inappropriate. Instead, play with trends that are more suited to office life than nightlife.

Anything that screams casual

We love flip-flops, yoga pants, denim cutoffs, flannel shirts, Nike trainers, and sweatpants-as-pants as much as the next fashion follower, but unless your office is really casual—as in work-fromhome casual—save ‘em for the weekend.

Any beauty looks that are more rooted in fashion than business

Did you know that some ultra-conservative offices have restrictions when it comes to the colour nail polish women can wear? Even if your office isn’t quite as strict, trendy beauty choices like dying your hair blue if you weren’t hired with blue hair, bright orange talon nails, wild green eye makeup, and neon lipstick don’t have a place in most typical offices.

While you might think you’re just expressing yourself, these choices will make you stand out for the wrong reasons, and could diminish your credibility with older (and less cool, obviously!) folks around the office who may think of you as “that weird girl in marketing”.

Anything that shows your thong underwear

This is wildly inappropriate for obvious reasons. Co-workers (or anyone in public, really) should never have to see your underwear because your pants are too low or too tight.

Anything you’d wear to a wedding, a nightclub, or on a tropical vacation

Love the way that strapless animal-print dress looks on you? Great! Wear it out on Saturday night, not to the office on Monday morning. Love that flowing maxi dress and straw hat? Wear it to the beach this weekend. Same goes for dresses that you’d wear to a wedding—not okay for work.

Irina Shayk

Irina Shayk is a Russian model known for her appearances in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue between 2007 and 2014. Shayk made her acting debut as Megara in the 2014 film “Hercules”. She also starred in Kanye West's song, "Power". Shayk started playing piano at age six. At age nine she enrolled in a music school and studied there for seven years, both playing the piano and singing in the choir, since her mother wanted her to study music. After high school, Shayk studied marketing, but was bored by it and entered a beauty school with her older sister. While there, she was noticed by a person from a local modelling agency who was struck by her beauty. She was urged to participate in the Miss Chelyabinsk 2004 beauty contest and she won. Shayk is helping a maternity hospital in her hometown of Yemanzhelinsk. She and her sister helped rebuild the children's ward of the local hospital, and now Shayk raises money on behalf of a Russian charity, Pomogi, which provides care to sick children. Since May 2010, she has been dating star footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. Shayk and Ronaldo allegedly met through their Armani Exchange campaigns.

Times Hollywood

First teaser for Lifetime’s Aaliyah biopic arrives Jason Derulo breaks silence on Jordin Sparks split

Lifetime has released the first teaser for "Aaliyah: Princess of R&B". The short sneak-peek video which lands online in bootleg version features Alexandra Shipp's Aaliyah showing off some dance moves before taking off her jacket and sunglasses.

The biopic will premiere Saturday, November 15. It is based on the book "Aaliyah: More Than a Woman" by Christopher Farley and follows the "Try Again" hitmaker's inspirational journey, from her debut on "Star Search" at the

age of ten to the challenges she faced during her rise to become the Princess of R&B.

Bradley Walsh ("Turn the Beat Around") directed the TV movie with a script written by Michael Elliot ("Brown Sugar"). The cast also includes Rachael Crawford and Sterling Jarvis as Aaliyah's parents Diane and Mike Haughton, Chattrisse Dolabaille as Missy Elliott, and Izaak Smith as Timbaland. (AceShowbiz.com)

Jason Derulo spoke out about his split from his girlfriend, Jordin Sparks, in a phone interview with KDWB on Thursday, September 25. When first asked to comment on the breakup, Jason said, "I'd rather not."

When asked if he and Jordin would at least remain friends, the "Whatcha Say" singer said, "Yeah." He then added, "Yeah, everything is cool, man. It's not a bad situation, it's not one of those kinds of things."

A source previously told Us Weekly that Jason and Jordin, who went public as a couple in 2012 after dating for about a year, were "both upset. It just wasn't working out. It was a lot of travel and hard to work with their schedules."

When asked in early August if he had any plans to propose to Jordin, Jason told

E! Online, "When the time is right, for sure. I knew that [he wanted to be with her longterm] pretty early on. I felt that when I was in the hospital with my neck injury... I felt different... I felt like I needed her in my world." (AceShowbiz)

John Legend goes country!

He may be known for his smooth R&B sound, but when John Legend took the stage with Lee Ann Womack in Franklin, Tennessee, he felt right at home crooning country.

"I'm kind of a country boy," Legend told the crowd at a taping for their episode of CMT Crossroads. Noting that he grew up in the "small town" of Springfield, Ohio, he said, "I had a twang for the first 20 years of my life, then I moved to New York and I lost it."

"I'm going to give it back to you!" Womack declared, before the two took on her 2000 crossover smash "I Hope You Dance."

After the singers traded lines on Legend's mega-hit

"All of Me" and Womack's new single, "The Way I'm Livin,'" the country star urged Legend to consider going back to those small-town roots.

"I want to hear you make a country record," she told him. (PEOPLE)

Kim Kardashian, Kanye West get booed

It appears that not everyone is excited for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to be at Fashion Week. The famous duo were seen entering the Lanvin show in Paris several minutes late, and as they made their way to their front row seats, a few fellow fashion show-goers began booing from across the runway.

The outspoken rapper heard the reaction to their arrival and immediately walked over to confront the less-thanpleased guests.

"Alber [Elbaz] asked to see us, don't boo us," Kanye exclaimed, referring to the fashion house's head designer. "We're not late, we're not late."

And it's certainly been a bumpy fashion week for the newlyweds…

Just yesterday, the E! reality star was accosted outside of the Balmain show by infamous red carpet prankster, Vitalii Sediuk.

A video showed the brunette beauty exiting a chauffeured vehicle with her mom Kris Jenner and husband amidst a sea of photogra-

phers and excited fans. Kim attempted to make her way out of the car with her security team before Vitalii rushed her and tried to grab her legs. Understandably frightened, North West's mama grabbed onto her bodyguard while her hubby quickly came to her side. Fortunately, everyone made it out safely and was able to catch Kendall Jenner strut her stuff during the fashion show.

"The prank with Kim was my protest that US banned me from entering the country," Sediuk said in a statement to E! News. "I hope Kim is ok and won't be mad at me as I didn't mean any harm. Kanye is one lucky man as Kim is a Goddess!" He echoed similar sentiments when he posted a selfie with the famous trio's ride beside him and captioned the snapshot, "Kanye, you are one lucky man! Kim is Goddess!! #Balmain #PFW #KimKardashian #NoOffence #LOVE #KanyeWest #VitaliiSediuk #parisfashionweek #prankster #Paris@kimkardashian." (E!online)

Saqib Saleem

Saqib Saleem is an Indian model and actor who appears in Bollywood films. He was born in Delhi, India. He worked as a model before beginning his film career. After moving to Mumbai, Saleem appeared in several advertisements and later bagged a leading role in the Yash Raj Films. Saleem made his film debut with the 2011 Yash Raj Films romantic comedy “Mujhse Fraaandship Karoge”, a moderate box-office success. His performance in the film garnered critical appreciation. He achieved further success for his leading roles in the 2013 comedy film “Mere Dad Ki Maruti”, experimental anthology film “Bombay Talkies” (2013) and passionate drama “Hawaa Hawaai” (2014). Saleem is currently filming for his upcoming film Vasan Bala's “Side Hero”, which will be released in late 2014.

Bollywood

Shah Rukh Khan

reveals secret to his eight-pack abs

Shah Rukh Khan has unveiled a behind-the-scenes video which shows how he developed his physique for “Happy New Year”.

The 40-second clip sees the actor pumping iron and building his eight-pack for the movie.

Watching on as he lifts weights, director Farah Khan lends support shouting: "Come on - you can do it."

The shirtless video sees SRK undergo a series of gym exercises, supported by a personal trainer.

The actor previously developed a sixpack for the song 'Dard-e-Disco' from his 2007 release “Om Shanti Om”.

Currently on tour in the US, having performed in Houston, New Jersey and Washington DC, 'Slam! The Tour' played Chicago on September 26.

“Happy New Year” hits cinemas on October 24. (Digital Spy)

Priyanka

Chopra:

‘I don’t see myself playing a role in another sports biopic’

After playing Olympic boxing champ, MC Mary Kom, actor Priyanka Chopra is being widely regarded as the top choice for biopics. However, the 31-year-old, who is also being considered to play the role of top cop Kiran Bedi in a film based on Bedi’s life, says that she won’t be a part of a sport biopic in the future.

“People have this habit of generalising ... after one film, they think I should do

all sports-related biopics. I don’t see myself playing a role in a sports biopic at all,” she says.

Asked why she has taken this decision, PeeCee shares, “Not that I didn’t like doing a sportsperson’s biopic, but I like doing different things — playing different characters, doing interesting roles. Just like I did with Aitraaz, Barfi, Don, I want to try and do different roles. I think I will be the best fly ever!” she laughs.

Priyanka, who recently posed with actor Anushka Sharma in response to buzz that the two don’t get along, says that she doesn’t like it that heroines are always pitted against each other. “Why is it that when there are two actors on sets, they call it a bromance, while when there are actresses, they call it a catfight? I think it is extremely sexist. We are all professionals and whatever we do is professional. There is no question of any sort of animosity between women actors.” (Hindustan Times)

Hrithik Roshan: 'I keep getting sent Hollywood scripts'

Hrithik Roshan has revealed that he frequently gets offers to work in Hollywood films.

The “Bang Bang” star said, however, that he hasn't found any scripts that have interested him yet.

In an interview with IANS he said: "Hollywood projects are always there. I keep getting Hollywood scripts every now and then. I read them, but I have not found anything interesting so far."

The “Krrish” actor was recently spotted having dinner with Rob Cohen, the filmmaker behind 2001's “The Fast and the Furious” and “XXX”.

Roshan was set to star in Shekhar Kapur's “Paani”, which features an international cast, although he was forced to pull out of the project due to date issues.

He stars next in “Bang Bang”, the Hindi remake of “Knight and Day”, and he described it as one of the easiest films of his career.

"Yes, it's one of the easiest films I have

Rekha's “Super Nani” has released its first look poster.

The image shows a dishevelled Rekha holding up a mirror to see her beautiful reflection looking back.

The veteran Hindi film star makes her comeback in the film, which also stars Sharman Joshi, Shweta Kumar, Randhir Kapoor and Anupam Kher.

The movie revolves around Bharti Bhatia (Rekha), a grandmother who is taken for granted by her family.

However, the situation changes when her grandson (Sharman Joshi) returns from the US and encourages his grandmother to take charge of her life.

The film is based on the Gujarati play ‘Baa Aae Mari Boundary’.

Rekha's “Super Nani” goes up against Shah Rukh Khan's “Happy New Year”, which both release on October 24. (Digital Spy)

done in my life. Once you go through the biggest trouble in your life everything gets easy. You don't get afraid of challenges you only try to get better," he explained.

Katrina Kaif plays the female lead in the film directed by Siddharth Anand. “Bang Bang” is scheduled to release on October 2. (IANS)

Vikram Bhatt: ‘It was important for Bipasha to reinvent herself’

Filmmaker Vikram Bhatt cast Bipasha Basu in his supernatural film “Creature 3D” as he felt that the actor needed to add some difference to her body of work. He felt that she needed to do something

radically different. “Bipasha has done the circuit. It was important for her to reinvent herself. She played the glam doll, dancing diva and even been arm candy to heroes,” says Vikram. The filmmaker also

feels that there are many genres that Bollywood directors haven’t delved into, as they feel those won’t work. “There is too much cynicism here. There are a few things; we feel we can’t do things like the West. I feel that someone needs to take the plunge. You cannot go on a mission fearing failure,” he says.

He feels that the Indian audience is very open to experiencing new things. “The Indian audience loves new experiences. We are the kind of people who accept changes. I feel that someone has to give it to them [audience]. New films do well all the time,” says the 45-year-old filmmaker, who has directed films such as “Ghulam” (1998), “Kasoor” (2001) and “Raaz” (2002).

Cervical Cancer

By Zenica DaBichan

he cervix is the or-

Tgan that connects the vagina to the uterus (womb) in the female reproductive tract. Cervical cancer occurs when there is uncontrolled growth of cells at the cervix with the ability to invade or spread to other parts of the body.

Cervical cancer is the third most common cancer in women worldwide. Over 4,070 deaths from cervical cancer occur in the US per year and even higher numbers in developing countries.

The central cause of cervical cancer is the human papillomavirus or HPV. HPV is transmitted through sexual intercourse. Most women who have HPV are unaware since the immune system causes the infection to be dormant. It is the women with active infection for years who are at the highest risk for cancer. The following increases your risk of developing cervical cancer:

• Sexual intercourse at a young age

• Multiple sexual partners

• History of sexually transmitted infections

• HIV/AIDS

• Smoking

• Sex without condoms

Currently there are two vaccines available that can decrease the risk of cervical cancer by preventing the HPV infection. It is offered to girls 11-12 years old. It is also recommended for girls and women age 13 through 26 years of age who have not yet been vaccinated.

Although a devastating disease, the good news is that Cervical Cancer is easily preventable through screening and treatment for pre-cancerous changes. All women should have a Pap

smear done three years after their first sexual intercourse or when they are 21, whichever comes first. The Pap smear is repeated every two years for women aged 21-29. Women aged 30 years and older, who have had three consecutive Pap smear results that are negative, can be screened at intervals of every three years. VIA (visual inspection with acetic acid) is also an effective screening tool. VIA can be done on women 25–49 years of age and instructions on repeat testing will be given at your first visit. VIA is offered at selected health

and hospitals free of charge throughout Guyana. Women therefore, are advised to visit their

Pains You Can't Afford to Ignore

Whether it's our sore muscles or an upset stomach, all of us have pain at some point. But it can be hard to separate annoying, run-of-the-mill aches from pain that signals something is seriously wrong. Sometimes, overlooking a little pain can leave you with a big problem, so keep reading to find out eight pains that you can't afford to ignore. Talk to your doctor if you're not sure what is causing your pain, but if you think you might have one of these dangerous pains, get help as soon as you can.

Sudden Severe Headache

One minute you're fine and the next –bam! You have what feels like the worst headache of your life. This could be a sign of a ruptured aneurysm, or weakened blood vessel, in the brain, which can quickly cause a life-threatening hemorrhage. If you have this kind of severe 'thunderclap' headache, don't wait to consult with your doctor – rush to the hospital as soon as possible.

An Achy Calf

If you've been exercising or remember pulling something, an achy calf could just be due to muscle pain, but be careful that you're not missing something much more serious. An achy or cramping sensation in your calf could also be a sign of a deep vein thrombosis (DVT), which occurs when a blood clot in the leg's deep veins blocks blood from returning to the heart.

Pieces of these clots may break off and travel to your lungs, where they may cause lung damage that can result in chest pain, trouble breathing and even death. You should be particularly concerned if your leg or foot appears red and swollen, and if they are warm to the touch. Sitting still for long periods of time, like on a long car ride or an airplane, can contribute to DVT formation, so when you're in transit make sure to move around or do leg exercises.

Burning in Your Chest or Abdomen

A burning sensation in your chest or abdomen could be chalked up to heartburn or indigestion, but if the pain recurs, doesn't go away or doesn't improve with over-thecounter medications (or if you have other symptoms such as weight loss or dark stools), an ulcer may be to blame. Peptic ulcers, or open sores on the lining of your stomach or upper intestine, occur when stomach acid eats away at this delicate digestive tissue. If ulcers are not treated, they

may lead to serious bleeding or infection.

Arm or Shoulder Pain

Arm or shoulder pain, tightness or pressure that comes on suddenly could be a sign of a heart attack. Arm pain is particularly concerning if it feels like it is shooting from your chest to your arm, and if it is on the left side. Other signs of heart attack include sweating, chest pain or pressure, pain radiating to the jaw or ear, fatigue, shortness of breath, light-headedness and nausea. If you experience these symptoms, seek medical attention immediately.

Lower Right Abdominal Pain

Abdominal pain can have many causes, some of which are more alarming than others. But vague pain that starts around your belly button, gradually intensifies and centers on your lower right side is particularly concerning for appendicitis, or inflammation of the appendix.

The pain may be worse with movement and might be accompanied by symptoms such as fever, loss of appetite, nausea or vomiting. Seek medical attention quickly to prevent your appendix from rupturing. If you're a woman, lower right abdominal pain could also be a sign of an ovarian problem such as a cyst or a twisted ovary.

Neck Pain

Neck pain related to muscle tension and stress is not uncommon, but if the pain is accompanied by numbness, tingling, shooting pains or weakness in your arms or hands, you may have compression of nerves in your neck and should see a doctor. A stiff neck that's painful to move could also be a sign of meningitis, which is a dangerous

Eye Pain

Pain, swelling and change of vision in one or both eyes should set off alarms for a few dangerous conditions that could threaten your sight, including orbital cellulitis and acute glaucoma. Orbital cellulitis is an infection in the tissues surrounding the eye, and may cause swelling of the eyelids or cheeks, bulging eyes, fever and nausea. In acute glaucoma, pressure inside the eye increases and damages the optic nerve.

People with acute glaucoma may notice that their eye is red and feels hard, and may have severe pain and decreased or altered vision. If you have some or several of these symptoms, go to the hospital or consult an ophthalmologist right away.

Upper Right Abdominal Pain

Pain on the upper right side of your abdomen under your ribcage could be a sign of a gallbladder problem. Pain that comes and goes and is worse after meals (especially fatty meals) could be related to gallstones that are periodically blocking the gallbladder's duct. If the pain doesn't go away and is accompanied by nausea, vomiting, or fever, you could have cholecystitis, or inflammation of the gallbladder.

If you also have jaundice, or a yellow discoloration of your eyes or skin, you should worry about cholangitis, a serious infection of the common bile duct. Cholecystitis and cholangitis are both medical emergencies that may require surgery. (www.docoroz. com)

infection of the membranes covering the brain.

How to Arrange Furniture

Arranging furniture is one of the most daunting - yet most importantdesign decisions. These common scenarios will teach you the basics.

Face the View

Seating should take advantage of whatever view your room has to offer, whether it's a TV or a bank of windows. Create your own focal point by hanging a large piece of art on a wall or create a vignette of favourite objects on a console or bookshelf.

Arrange for Conversation

For face-to-face chats, place seating no more than 8 feet apart. In a large living room, use furniture to create comfortable islands. Face two sofas in the centre of a room, and place a group of chairs and side tables at one end to create a separate conversation area.

Put a Table within Reach of Each Seat

Use round pedestal tables as side tables between chairs and sofas. The curves of round tables make them easier to navigate around. When space is tight, use nesting tables for flexible use when needed.

Citrus roast chicken

Ingredients:

8-10 pieces chicken thighs and legs

1tbsp thyme, finely chopped Juice and zest of 1 lemon

Method:

Preheat oven to 400°. Rinse chicken and set aside. Mix all other ingredients together to make the marinade. Coat the chicken with the paste. Place onto a baking pan then place into preheated oven on a rack that positioned in the middle of the oven. Bake for one hour until golden brown and crispy.

2 tsp garlic powder or fresh garlic

1tsp black pepper

1½ tsp salt

1½ tbsp oil

Pan Fried Tilapia

Ingredients:

2 lbs boneless tilapia filets

1 tbsp garlic, crushed 2 tsp thyme, finely chopped 2 tsp cilantro, finely chopped 2 tsp salt

Method:

Juice of ½ lime

1 wiri wiri pepper, seeds removed and finely chopped

1 cup all purpose flour

3 tbsp Canola oil

Rinse fish well then place in a large bowl. In a small bowl place garlic, thyme, cilantro, salt, lemon juice and pepper then mix. Rub seasoning mix evenly over fish then set aside for at least an hour. Place a cast iron pan over medium high heat with oil. Place flour on a plate. While oil is heating up, place the fish into the flour and lightly coat. Shake off excess. Once the oil in hot, place tilapia into the pot and cook until the edges are golden brown and then flip and cook for until the other side is brown, about 3-5 minutes. Place on a plate lined with paper towel to drain excess oil.

Mix 1/2 cup water, 1/2 cup vinegar, 2 tablespoons salt and use as a half-hour soak for some serious fruit and vegetables cleansing. Salt helps draw out bugs and other nasties hiding in leafy green veggies, while the vinegar vanquishes them.

Got some food stuck under the blender blade? Use the "Pulse" feature to dislodge it.

Properly beaten egg whites are voluminous, creamy, and glossy, but they require care. First, separate whites from yolks carefully, by letting the whites slip through your fingers. A speck of yolk can prevent the whites from whipping up fully. Let the whites stand for a few minutes―at room temperature they whip up better than when cold. Whip with clean, dry beaters at high speed just until stiff peaks form―that is, until the peak created when you lift the beater out of the bowl stands upright. If you overbeat, the whites will turn grainy, dry, or may separate.

Turning food too often interferes with the sear, food sticks, or you lose the breading. Learning to leave food alone is one of the hardest lessons in cooking; it’s so tempting to turn, poke, flip. But your breaded chicken or steak won't develop a nice crust unless you allow it to cook, undisturbed, for the specified time.

You don’t have to buy expensive glass cleaners and paper towels to clean your mirrors. Just some vinegar and an old newspaper are all you need to keep your mirrors shining as new.

Cleaning a microwave is easy. Fill up a cup of water and put it in the microwave on high for a few minutes. The steam from the cup will loosen any stuck-on food, and then you can just wipe it away.

Baking soda and water makes a great cleaner and won’t leave your fridge smelling like harsh cleanser.

A dry paintbrush (with bristles at least 3 inches long) is great for both the surface and grooves of your collectibles. Dust framed photos with a pastry brush, which is softer than a paintbrush and easier to dip into corners and places that are difficult to reach.

I'm seven times seventy, Plus a decade more. This has all happened before. Red and gold, I am no liar. My nursery will be made From my funeral pyre.

Who am I?

Creative Writing

The Peacock and the Crow

Acrow lived in the forest and was absolutely satisfied in life. But one day he saw a swan. “This swan is so white,” he thought. “I am so black. This swan must be the happiest bird in the world.”

the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had gathered to see him. After the people had left, the crow approached the peacock. “Dear peacock, you are so beautiful. Every day thousands of people come to see you. When people see me, they immediately shoo me away. I think you are the happiest bird on the planet.”

The peacock replied: “I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet. But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realised that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage. So for past few days I have been thinking that if I were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere.”

Our hands are tired, our hearts strained

Jim and Paul were neighbours. Jim was a poor farmer. Paul was a landlord. Jim was very relaxed and happy. He never bothered to close the doors and windows of his house at night. He slept soundly, nothing to bother him. Although he had no money he was peaceful.

Paul was always very tense. He was very keen to close the doors and windows of his house at night. He could not sleep well. He was always bothered that someone might break open his vault and steal away his money. He envied the peaceful Jim.

One day, Paul called Jim and gave him a boxful of cash saying: “Look my dear friend; I am blessed with plenty of wealth. I find you in poverty. So, take this cash and live in prosperity.”

The crow then approached the parrot. The parrot explained: “I lived a very happy life until I saw a peacock. I have only two colours, but the peacock has multiple colours.”

The crow then visited a peacock in

He expressed his thoughts to the swan. “Actually, I was feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two colours. I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation,” the swan replied.

Moral of the story: Learn to be happy in what you have instead of looking at what you don’t have. There will always be someone who will have more or less than you have. The person who is satisfied with what he/she has is the happiest person in the world.

With too much grasping and greed. Need to let go a little our grip on the world, To wear it as if it were a loose garment

That we may walk at ease and in freedom.

There is freedom in action indeed

When in work there is no ulterior motive, Done simply because it is duty’s directive

Performed with dexterity and skillful mastery, But unattached to the fruits of action thereof Balanced in success and failure, gain and loss, Free from karma’s bondage at last.

This is the path of selfless, disinterested action

When work itself is consecrated activity, Redeeming and purifying as the fire of knowledge

A gateway to freedom and salvation,

As sang by Shri Krishna, Universal Teacher To Arjuna in sacred Bhagavad Gita.

A far cry from this standard our actions now Many deeds prompted by deceit and greed. Selfless service, compassion and morality

The anchor no longer of our actions, Every despicable act we sanction

Though to others there is pain and affliction, In shameless quest for wealth and sense gratification.

The light of our humanity dimmed so low Seeds of cruel and dreadful acts we sow, Must reap the bitter harvest of pain and sorrow. As sure as night must day follow.

Peace and happiness not to be won

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his daughter on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing her how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of

As soon as day broke, Jim took the box of cash to Paul. He gave away the

Jim was overwhelmingly happy. He was joyful throughout the day. Night came and Jim went to bed as usual, but he could not sleep. He closed the doors and windows. He still could not sleep. He kept watch over the box of cash. The whole night he was disturbed.

what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his daughter: “How was the trip?”

“It was great, Dad.”

Moral of the story: Money cannot buy peace of mind. Learn to be satisfied with what you have and you will always be happy

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah,” said the daughter.

“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The daughter answered:

“I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

“We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

“We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

“We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his daughter added: “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”

Moral of the story: Love, unity, humility, satisfaction are richer than any comfort money gives.

When others’ welfare we shun, When incalculable wealth to some accrue While souls in millions, hunger and pain must endure.

Though our fair world becoming ever smaller Room enough there is for all to roam and gather, To enjoy the fruits of honest consecrated labor

If we would but loosen our grasp.

Birth and death to the body pertains

Not to the self, eternal in all beings, So sang Shri Krishna, Universal Teacher To Arjuna in sacred Bhagavat Gita.

A clear distinction between spirit and matter To awaken us from long – suffering deep slumber, That we may know our real nature As Atma [self], indestructible, imperishable, immutable.

Then with the Atma’s most wondrous light as our guide

The road to beauty, freedom and happiness we march

And at the very start, to ignorance and fear a fatal blow is dealt As also to putrid selfishness, lust for power and greed for wealth. In peace and equipoise we serenely move and dwell With love and compassion to no being withheld.

Sad that of the Atma there is hardly any discussion Scholars and pandits do scarcely mention, Its stupendous glories and immeasurable dimensions, That but a little understanding therein Cuts deep at the bonds of Karma, Keeping us firmly rooted in truth and dharma.

Matters not whether rich or poor

Live in stately mansions or on the streets bitter life to endure, This simple truth not to be ignored

Lacking knowledge of the self, the Atma, Like a rudderless ship we become Tossed on the turbulent seas of life.

Or more like a grounded eagle

Thinking it cannot fly, When it was born to soar the heavens in skillful flight. Now more than ever our spiritual heritage to reclaim

Breaking the chains we have forged with our own hands, Aspiring to heights free and unencumbered For we are the Atma.

Poems by Cecil

Ramkirath

box to Paul saying: “Dear friend, I am poor. But, your money took away peace from me. Please bear with me and take back your money.”

ARIES (March 21April 19)

TAURUS (April 20May 20)

(May 21June 20)

(June 21July 22)

LEO (July 23Aug. 22)

VIRGO (Aug. 23Sept. 22)

LIBRA (Sept. 23Oct. 23)

SCORPIO (Oct. 24Nov. 22)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23Dec. 21)

(Jan. 20Feb. 19) (Dec. 22Jan. 19)

PISCES

(Feb. 20March 20)

Be aware of devious dealings. Keep on top of professional or financial ups and downs in order to avoid a loss. Be prepared to make adjustments to your schedule on a moment’s notice.

This is an optimum time for business meetings and legal discussions. Don’t allow your insecurity to lead you astray. If you second-guess your motives or actions, you will not make progress.

If you are diplomatic, you will be able to defuse an uncomfortable conflict. Your sense of humor and quick wit will ease tension and make you the go-to person when a solution is required.

Alter your living space and make it a comforting refuge where you can relax and rejuvenate. The input you get from relatives and friends will motivate you.

It’s time to make changes to your routine. Explore different lifestyles, cultures and ideas. Your creativity will be reawakened if you interact with people from diverse backgrounds.

Revisit old dreams and make whatever changes are required to be successful. Do whatever it takes to achieve the contentment and comfort you desire.

Try not to feel unsure and vulnerable. Don’t let emotions lead to an upsetting conflict or disagreement. You will regret it if you say the first thing that comes to mind.

Get matters out in the open. Sitting back and hoping problems will evaporate will get you nowhere. A bad situation will get worse if you don’t face unsettling business head-on.

Good fortune is all around you. Your creativity and imagination are at an all-time high. An unconventional partnership will give you the advantage you need to realize your dreams. Your future will be altered by a chance meeting. The ability to make others feel at ease will leave a good impression, allowing you to use persuasive tactics to get your way.

Don’t let an encounter with someone upset you. If someone makes you uncomfortable, walk away and make an effort to carefully pick and choose your associates in the future.

You will ride an emotional high today. Your enthusiasm will infect everyone you come in contact with. You will receive a surprising declaration from someone you admire and respect.

Peanuts

Calvin and Hobbes

Archie

Dilbert

AQUARIUS

CANCER

CAPRICORN

GEMINI

Apple says bent iPhones are 'rare'

Apple has responded to claims that its new handsets are prone to bending by saying such damage would be "rare" during normal use.

Media outlets across the globe had reported that several iPhone 6 owners had complained of handsets becoming misshapen after being carried in trousers pockets without a case.

Several of the US firm's rivals have also helped publicise the claims.

Apple said nine custom-

Eers had told it their iPhone 6 Plus phones had bent.

In a statement the company noted that the handsets' shells had been constructed out of "anodised aluminium, which is tempered for extra strength" and also featured stainless steel and titanium parts to reinforce the areas of the phones likely to experience the most stress.

"We chose these highquality materials and construction very carefully for their strength and durability," it added.

"We also perform rigorous tests throughout the entire development cycle.

"iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus meet or exceed all of our high quality standards to endure everyday, real life use.

"With normal use a bend in iPhone is extremely rare and through our first six days of sale, a total of nine customers have contacted Apple with a bent iPhone 6 Plus. As with any Apple product, if you have questions please contact Apple."

The BBC understands that one of the checks that Apple had carried out before launching the models was a "sit test", which is designed to simulate the effects of a user sitting down on a hard surface with the phone in their back pocket thousands of times over the course of several years.

The company also carried out a torsion test, which involved clamping a phone at both ends and then applying a twisting

force 8,000 times.

Apple had previously announced that it had sold more than 10 million units of the iPhone 6 and its larger sibling the iPhone 6 Plus.

"While our team managed the manufacturing ramp better than ever before, we could have sold many more iPhones with greater supply and we are working hard to fill orders as quickly as possible," its chief executive Tim Cook said in a press release.

It highlighted the "allnew dramatically thin" design of the handsetsa factor some users had speculated might be the cause of them bending.

However, it has also been pointed out that handsets by Sony, Samsung, Blackberry and others have also bent in the past, and several analysts have cautioned that it was too early to say if the incidents involving the new iPhones were more widespread.

(Excerpted from BBC)

Google urged to change privacy rules by data regulators

uropean data privacy regulators have put renewed pressure on Google to alter its privacy policy.

It follows changes to the policy two years ago which regulators felt breached European rules.

Among other things, it says Google must tell users exactly what data is collected and with whom it is shared.

Google said it was working with regulators to "explain its privacy policy changes".

The dispute has been running since March 2012 when Google consolidated its 60 privacy policies into one and started combining data from YouTube, Gmail and Google Maps.

Users were given no means to opt out of the changes.

ByTe

Although Google has not been directly accused of acting illegally, it has been accused of providing "incomplete and approximate" details raising "deep concerns about data protection and the respect of the European law".

Google did make some changes to its privacy policy in March this year, linking to individual services from its main privacy document.

"It has made some changes but our investigation won't end until we believe it is fully compliant," said a spokesman for the UK's information commissioner's office (ICO).

In a letter addressed to Google's chief executive Larry Page, the European

TUnion's data protection working party wrote: "Google must meet its obligations with respect to the European and national data protection legal frameworks and has to determine the means to achieve these legal requirements."

A spokesman for Google told the Reuters news agency that it was looking

forward to discussing the new guidelines.

"We have worked with different data protection authorities across Europe to explain our privacy policies," he said.

Regulators in Italy, France, Spain, Germany, Britain and the Netherlands have launched investigations into Google's privacy policies and, in January, France fined Google 150,000 euros (£117,000) for failure to comply with its privacy rules.

"It is disappointing that two years of deliberation has led to the preparation of a document that is the equivalent of selling cucumbers to the gardener," said Anna Fielder, chairwoman of trustees at campaign group Privacy International.

"The guidelines are fundamental basics that Google should have implemented years ago, and the weakness of the language used in framing this will mean Google will do nothing to comply.

"These guidelines are doing nothing more than stating the obvious, and it is shameful that it took the Article 29 Working Party two years to come up with something that Google should already have been complying with," she said. (BBC)

Human hamster wheel turns up productivity

readmill desks are so last year. With this new contraption from Artist-in-Residence Robb Godshaw and Instructables Developer Will Doenlen, you aren’t just spinning your wheels.

The two of them collaborated at San Franciscobased Pier 9 to build the Hamster Wheel Standing Desk in a 24-hour session.

The wheel runs at the natural speed of the user’s

stride and seems to encourage those inside to keep on keeping on.

Once a desk was incorporated into the wheel, Goddshaw and Doenlen realized that having it there gives the user more balance.

“Once the desk is inside of it it’s much easier to control because you have something to hold onto and something to stop with,” Goddshaw told FastCo.

Exist. “I think future versions might include some type of brake.”

They also think that the wheel would work well with a generator. A user could produce electricity while “wheeling,” just like bikes and other workout equipment does today.

We’ve seen treadmilllike wheels before. This concept treadmill lets runners do laundry while getting a workout. (Discovery)

“Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known,” said Irish writer and poet Oscar Wilde. Artists around the world use art as a medium to not only create something admirable but to express their deepest emotions. This is how effervescent Guyanese artist Sheliza Rampersaud also views art.

“Art allows me to express myself. I don't think there was any real inspiration, because initially art was just a hobby. I then grew and learnt more about it - the different forms and aspects. Eventually, it became more than just a hobby, it became a passion,” the artist explained in an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine

She recalled attending an art exhibition at Castellani House where she saw a variety of paintings from famous Guyanese artists. She pointed out the paintings that captured her attention were by notable Guyanese artist Ron Savory, his ‘Creek’ series. “I remember looking at those paintings and thinking someday I wanted to paint like that. Savory’s work truly inspired me.”

Rampersaud attended Montrose Primary where she developed a love for art. There she was taught to “draw and colour”, but art was only a hobby.

“After I graduated from primary school, I attended Tutorial High School where I was introduced to a more advanced level of

art. It was there that art became more than just a hobby. I knew that art was something I wanted to pursue. In Fourth Form, I chose to go in the art stream where visual art became one of the main subjects that was taught. I did painting, a bit of textile and craft and experimented with other aspects of art. Consequently, from then on, art became a part of me. My art teacher, Miss Suton, told us (fellow artist Tammy Walker and I) that we could further our study in art. After I graduated from Tutorial in 2011, I decided to do just that and, in that same year, I enrolled at the Burrowes School of Arts as a major in painting and minor in ceramic,” she reminisced.

The young artist mentioned that she enjoys painting landscapes and sceneries. She has experimented with other areas of art, such as abstract, still life, portraits, among others, but found herself feeling “free and comfortable” with capturing the beauty of various landscapes.

“Nature became a centre piece for me. I found the beauty of nature and admire the role it plays in our life and the environment. It became more of an escape for me, thus I incorporated it in my paintings and also my ceramics pieces,” Rampersaud noted.

Although very young in her art career, Rampersaud is determined to showcase her talents to the world. Earlier this month, she was part of a local art exhibition at the National Cultural Centre, along with other students from Burrowes. Rampersaud stated that the exhibition was referred to as a “review”, which provided an opportunity for the students to display their work they completed for that term and for the tutors from Burrowes to examine and grade the showcased pieces.

“For me, personally, art gives me the freedom of expressing myself and finding out new things. I hope I can keep furthering my studies in art, but as for now I have not decided completely about what the next step is,” Rampersaud disclosed.

The artist identified “Hidden” as one of her favourite pieces she has done thus far. “It is my favourite piece because it was the first introspective piece that I

have done and it was challenging when I first started painting it. As a matter of fact, this piece was always a challenge for me; it meant that I had to express my emotions on canvas and it had to be able to tell a story. As a student in Burrowes, I was not always prepared to share my emotions with everyone. However, my painting tutor, Ms Nikki B Williams, encouraged me to do that. It was also the first complete figure painting that I did, so that also made it challenging, but I did it. After a while I decided to go back to that painting and I made some changes to it, which varied from the original piece. Some people may think this painting is just a girl sitting by a window with chains on her body, but to me it holds a deeper meaning.”

For more information on artist’s work, call 692-7858. (Cover photo: Beautiful vase for the home)

'Old House II' (2014)

Decorative ceramic vase

Artist Sheliza rampersaud

Artistic ceramic pieces

Located in Devonshire Castle on the Essequibo Coast, and unveiled 29 September 1985, the Devonshire Castle monument commemorates the lives of five Indian indentured labourers who were killed on 29 September 1872, during a protest strike against colonial working conditions and poor wages in British Guiana.

The monument was designed by Ali Basir and unveiled by William Badar, 113 years after the tragedy. On 29 September 2000, the monument was modified and rededicated by the National Trust of Guyana. The Trust installed an interpretive heritage marker in 2008 to inform Guyanese about the monument’s significance. The plaque, or marker, includes the names of the five persons who were killed on that fateful day: Kaulica, Beccaroo,

Maxidally, Baldeo and Auckloo.

Seven other persons were

injured during the 1872 protest, as police opened fire on the protesting crowd

in what has been described as an “accidental” shooting. The strike is considered the first strike staged by the indentured labourers on the colony. The labourers had been complaining to plantation owners, and later the magistrate, about long hours of night work, being underpaid, and administrative abuse, but felt their concerns were not being adequately addressed.

The strike actions led to an inquiry called at Danielstown by the magistrate, based on workers’ complaints, but workers refused to attend, believing that they would still not receive satisfactory redress. Instead, they gathered in the overseer’s compound where police were called in.

The police read the Riot Act, and orders were given for the labourers to disband but they refused to. As police advanced in the hope

they would retreat, the labourers stood their ground, and at the sound of a gunshot, said to be accidentally fired, the remaining police officers fired into the crowd.

The monument also serves to remind descendants of indentured labourers, of the sacrifices and struggle for basic human rights their ancestors endured. (National Trust of Guyana)

Brain Teaser Answer

The phoenix!

The phoenix, in mythology, is a fabulous bird that periodically regenerated itself, used in literature as a symbol of death and resurrection. According to legend, the phoenix lived in Arabia; when it reached the end of its life (500 years), it burned itself on a pyre of flames, and from the ashes a new phoenix arose. As a sacred symbol in Egyptian religion, the phoenix represented the sun, which dies each night and rises again each morning. According to Herodotus, the bird was red and golden and resembled an eagle.

Indian benab, mazaruni river circa 1919

Shooting fish on the Essequibo River circa 1913

Plaque (marker) on the monument

Devonshire Castle monument (Photo by Marco Farouk Basir)

The Kanuku mountain range lies in the southern half of Guyana, and runs east to west and divides the north and south Rupununi. These mountains are internationally recognised as being extremely rich in biodiversity.

The Kanukus contain habitats as diverse as gallery forests, lowland forests and montane evergreen forests and savannah, and is home to 70% of all mammals and 53% of all birds known to exist in Guyana. At least five of the South American giants live in the Kanuku Mountains - the Harpy Eagle, Black Caiman, Giant River Otter, Arapaima fish and the Giant Anteater. The Macushi and Wapishana peoples make up the population that live in communities in or near to the Kanuku Mountains, caring and wisely using the resources in the traditional way.

The Kanuku Mountain Community Representative Group (KMCRG) has responded to the call to be guardians of that area, protecting and preserving ancient indigenous traditions and the environment. KMCRG aims to support and uphold activities that encourage and ensure the participation of community members in the management of natural resource and social development of their own societies. Members of the group work closely with a number of national and international, government and non-governmental organisations, all of which share the group’s commitment to conservation of natural resources and social development of indigenous communities.

Winding through the region

trees jostle for space is this dense jungle

Scenic view of the Kanuku mountains from maparri river

View of the mountains from Shea rock (James Broscombe photo)

termite mound taller than a person

Wapishana-macushi village in the Kanuku mountains (Photo by John Martin)

Letter to your child’s teacher

By Melvin Durai

Both my daughters are in school, so I know firsthand the challenges of being a parent of school-going kids. That’s why I’ve decided to create a form letter that I and other parents can send to teachers:

Dear (teacher’s name),

Thank you for doing such a wonderful job teaching (child’s name). He/She really loves being in your classroom – please don’t be misled by the squeals of joy whenever the bell rings. He/she is just eager to get home and do his/her homework. In fact, you will be pleased to know that he/she jumps out of bed on Monday mornings, screaming, “Hurray, the weekend is over! I can’t wait to see (teacher’s name)!”

pline him/her with another F-word: FINE. Imagine how much money you would collect from the kindergarteners alone!

Satan

been such a devoted couple, she would grant each of them a very special wish.

(Name of school) is lucky to have you as a teacher, and the next time I see (principal’s name), I will tell him/her to give you a raise/promotion/better parking spot. No need to thank me – it’s the least I can do, considering everything you have done for (child’s name) and all the great adjectives you will write in his/her report card.

However, I do have a few concerns that I’d like to bring up, though (child’s name) tried to keep me from doing so, saying, “You shouldn’t disturb (teacher’s name). He/She is probably very busy, preparing his/her acceptance speech for the Teacher of the Year Award/Educator of the Century Award/ Nobel Peace Prize.”

Here are my concerns, in no particular order:

1. Having a school fundraiser is a great idea, but how the (bad word) do you expect me to sell so many chocolates/raffle tickets/ pizza kits? If I was good at selling stuff to my friends and family, I would have joined Amway. Even my parents don’t want to buy stuff for me saying, “Isn’t it enough that we paid for your education/wedding/tattoo removal?”

Instead of getting parents to sell stuff, perhaps you should look at other ways of raising money, such as auctioning off a date with that smokin’ hot gym teacher/librarian/janitor.

Here’s another idea: Whenever a kid uses the F-word, ask the principal to disci-

2. I’m glad you’re taking (child’s name) on so many field trips (to the zoo, museum, theatre, etc.), but do you think you could take a field trip, one of these fine days, to an actual field (soccer field, baseball field, etc.)? I don’t know if you noticed, but (child’s name) could really use some exercise.

While we’re on the topic of field trips, do I have to sign a permission slip/injury waiver every single time? Can’t I just sign one form at the beginning of the year that says: “I (parent’s name) am aware that (child’s name) could get hurt during a school activity. If such an injury occurs, I will not hold (name of school) responsible, as (child’s name) has a natural, God-given talent for doing stupid things. I promise not to sue (name of school), as I am aware that this may result in (name of school) having to organize more fundraisers.”

3. I’m very pleased that you’re giving (child’s name) lots of homework, but I’m concerned that it’s getting in the way of his/ her other homework: doing the dishes. On some nights, he/she has pleaded with me to help out with the homework, and as a caring parent I have gladly done so, though I didn’t really appreciate the ‘D’ you gave me for the “Best Tasting Beers” essay.

By the way, I noticed that you do not have a Facebook page, so I’ve taken the liberty to create one called “World’s Finest Teacher.” No need to thank me — just post a copy of (child’s name)’s report card there. I’m sure I will ‘like’ it — and get all my friends to ‘like’ it too.

People were talking in their church pews. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had left the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

Automatic Radio

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working. "Madam,” said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said "Nelson". The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie," she replies. Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road again." The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got, if she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

At the traffic light, her light turned green and as she proceeded through the intersection, out of the corner of her eye she saw a small sports utility vehicle run the red light and head right towards her vehicle. She swerves out of his way, narrowly missing a head on collision. "JERK!" she screams! and from the Radio ..."LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES ..."

Church announcements

Actual announcements taken from church bulletins show how a letter or wrongly phrased sentence can make all the difference:

“The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.”

“Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.”

“8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”

“The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours.”

Good Fairy

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline and cruise tickets in her hand.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger ... Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety.

Gotta love that fairy!!

I can hear just fine!

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked, "Windy isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

In my next life

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.

I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup ... gonna be a bear.

Wise tip

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"

The dig

An old man and woman were married for years and years even though they hated each other. When they had an argument, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. Repeatedly a threat was heard from the old man against his wife. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

It was believed that the old man practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and he enjoyed the respect it garnished.

The old man died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions was becoming extreme when her neighbours approached in a group to ask these questions: "Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? That this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old guy dig. I had him buried upside down."