The February Issue 2014

G-You

Glasgow OffIcial University Magazine Union’s Campus Democracy Student Elections A New Rector iLost The Election Issue February 2014

It’s Election Time!

Contents 2. From The Board - Imogen Dewar, Honorary Secretary 3. The Hotlist 4. Features- Student Elections 5. Features- A New Rector 6. Politics- The Pest Versus The Party & The Salmond-Cameron Debate 7. Politics- Hilary For President?

8. Lifestyle- Tinder And The Single Girl 9. Lifestyle- iLost 10. Culture- Film Reviews- The Wolf Of Wall Street & 12 Years A Slave 11. Culture- Some Refreshing Comedy 12. Column- Erasmust! & Overrated 13. Column- Sandy Says 14. Sport- The Increasing Popularity Of American Football In The UK 15. Sport- Sport- The Crazy Kind 16. Clubs & Societies- The Canoe Club- SSS Polo Tournament

The Editorial Team: Editor-In-Chief:

Claire Flynn

Column Editor:

Lucy Keown

Features Editor:

Harriet Johnston

Sports Editor (GUSA Publicity Convenor):

Stuart Morrison

Politics Editor:

Kathryn Stevenson Lifestyle Editor:

Kirsty McKenzie Culture Editor:

Kate Whitaker

It makes me very sad to say that this will be my last issue of the magazine as editor. This year has gone incredibly quickly- it only seems yesterday that I was harrassing people with sweets and leaflets on the steps of GUU in an attempt to get elected and now here I am at the end of my year on the Board of Management.

It has come to that time of year, again, where people will be throwing brightly coloured pamphlets and haribo packets at you down the street to try and make you VOTE **** #1 something or other. With the rector elections also taking place in the next few weeks, there will be a constant presence of campaigners on Facebook, Twitter and on University Avenue.

Student democracy has gripped the Glasgow University campus once again- this issue will give you all the info you need to know along with a few other bits and pieces along the way.

Claire Flynn Editor-In-Chief GUU Convener Of Libraries

Design and Photography Editor:

Romain Ricchi Sponsorship and Advertising:

Joseph Meaden

Our Contributors: Romain Ricchi Imogen Dewar Fergus Gill Kirsty McKenzie Claire Flynn Harriet Johnston Rebecca Richardson Alice Cockburn Adi Childs

A Word From The Editor...

Ilana Brener Anonymous Single Girl Kate Whitaker Huw Clarke Ali Cooper Anna MacKenzie Ailsa Pender Michael Sinclair Kathryn Stevenson

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If you’d like to contribute to the magazine in any way (editorially, writing or photography) e-mail: libraries@guu.co.uk The opinions expressed in this publication do not represent those of Glasgow University Union.

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G-YouR Board

From The Board

H

ello, and welcome, to the February edition of G-You.

-Imogen Dewar GUU Honorary Secretary honsec@guu.co.uk Photography by Fergus Gill

February. Better than January, because it’s a little warmer and lighter, but then again, still rubbish because if you’re a final year like me, it means the start of dissertation hand-in season (I promise to ignore my ‘D’ day a little longer if you do) and then there’s the hell of the whole ‘V’ day on the 14th to get over too. But luckily, here at GUU we fill the month with a packed schedule of events to make you forget any February blues.

First off, don’t miss out on the brilliant Month-of-Games. It’s the one time in the year when we let Games Committee go properly mental (the other 11 months are spent phoning them various combinations of the Emergency Services), and they reward us with a brilliant FOUR WEEKS worth of cracking events with awesome prizes. Whether you’re into winning a keg of beer or just some cold, hard cash, then make sure you sign up for Iron Stomach, Dodgeball (costumes, please!), darts, poker, snooker, the big quiz, the big party (I will get my name in gold leaf somehow…) and all the rest. Iron stomach and Dodgeball make brilliant spectator sports too. And if you’re into your sports then make sure to join us for the 6 Nations Rugby. We started off the month brilliantly with the Scotland-Ireland game in the Debates Chamber; so make sure you make us the home for all of the matches this year.

And if you want to make GUU a bit more of your home, then why not consider running for election to the Board of Management? It may sound a bit mad, but you’re hearing it from the girl who had no idea what GUU was before she came to Glasgow, and was only focused on getting her degree. Running for Board is the best thing I have done in my time at University, and it can be yours too.

When we say GUU is totally student run, we mean it. As a student Board member, you will be in charge of the building, its members, and the events and services we provide. You’ll get a budget to control, keys to the building (which is brilliant, by the way) and great insight into what it is like running one of the biggest licensed premises and charities in Scotland. But not only is it fantastic for the CV, it will genuinely give you a family on campus. Getting on Board is like getting 16 new siblings-we’re all diverse, we’re all a little crazy when put in a room together, and there’s always one guy whose just that little bit ‘odd’. But we’re a team.

Like, a really good team. If you’re considering running for any of the positions, from Present Student Member, to one of the four Conveners, or one of the Executive positions, then please come meet us in the building or fire us an email. Even if you don’t want to run this year, then get involved on Election Day. Wearing a brightly coloured t-shirt, eating your body weight in Haribo and, most importantly, helping a friend to try and achieve their goal, is honestly, a great experience. Nomination forms will be available in the Porters’ Box from Monday 24th February and nominations will close on Thursday 27th February. Hustings will be on Wednesday 5th March, with Election Day from 9am-7pm on Thursday 6th March. GUU is your Union, so why not run it?

Finally, I just want to say a quick thanks to the three Board of Managements I have served on. You’re all brill.

Lot of love, Imogen Dewar Honorary Secretary, 2013-2014

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The Hotlist

G-Your Hotlist -Kirsty McKenzie

What is hot and what is blatantly not for February 2014?

Buzzfeed Coma - The only joy found in the library these days - if you don’t know which member of One Direction you should marry then you don’t know shit about life. Getting the answer you wanted in a Buzzfeed quiz is more validating then any A1 on offer this semester.

Selfie Resting Face - a step up from bitchy resting face, SRF is a pouty lip, alarmed eyebrows and a head tilt.

Saturday Night Lies - going out with the good intentions of ‘just having one’ because tomorrow morning you need to go for a run/prepare for your presentation/ get up early. Only thing worse than letting yourself down and drinking straight tequila until closing time, is maintaining the lie the next day.

For example, “yeah I still managed to get up and run 10k!” when you were actually vomiting in your shower.

Too Old For Bold- Mourning our wild past and pending employment, fourth year girls everywhere are rejecting any colour but black when it comes to a night out.

Hashbrags - as if the 100 pictures you Instagrammed didn’t make us jealous enough, you just had to add #penthouse #pool #dubai #seeyascotland while the rest of us freeze in Glasgow’s sub-zero temperatures. You still get a reluctant like though.

TV Matchmaking - Mixed emotions about the reports that Adam Brody and Leighton Meester (aka Seth and Blair) got married at the end of January. How could Chuck let this happen? Was Dorota the ring bearer? Did Sandy Cohen oversee the ceremony? One thing is certain, Ryan and Serena would have definitely got drunk at the reception and ended up leaving together.

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G-YouR Features

Student Elections -Claire Flynn

I

remember this time last year very well- the beginning of my fight for Libraries Convener. I was starting my daily (private) routine of crying hysterically in my room whilst punching my pillow at the same time. In public, however, I was all smiles. I soon had people spamming my manifesto and slogans across Facebook and Twitter. I even put a video of me dressed as Hagrid on YouTube in the hope of winning over a few extra people. I have never been so stressed out in my life.

The year before last I was gearing up to help no less than five of my friends campaign to get their chosen position.

The stress over whose profile picture I was going to use was intense. On the actual days of the campaign I was out till the end, cold and miserable, flyering and chucking sweets at people just wanting to get to class. Everyone hated me.

In my first year, I was naive, sweet and innocent, with no idea of the kind of social media and campus frenzy student elections caused. I was still minding my own business and heading to class when the first pack of Haribo hit me in the face.

My point is this: whether you are going to be one of the innocent, unaware passer-bys on the day of elections, you will be throwing yourself right into the action by campaigning for one or numerous friends or you will be daring to run for a position yourself, the upcoming elections will affect you in some way. So let me give you the basics of the student bodies and their elections: Glasgow University Student Representative Council (SRC) If you are a student at the University of Glasgow (which I’m assuming all of you reading this are) then you can vote in these elections. These guys represent the student body to the University and also help cater to many student interests and needs. With the dark days of Chizzy and Stuart Ritchie now past them the SRC have grown from strength to strength in recent years. This year the council, and particularly the sabbatical positions, prove to be hotly contested. And did I mention you can vote online?

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Glasgow University Sports Association (GUSA) All gym members are eligible to vote in this one. These are the guys that represent student sporting interests to the SRS, and do their best to ensure Glasgow University students have the best sporting opportunities possible.

Last year GUSA elections were highly contested, with 7 out of the 12 positions opposed. Will this year be the same?

Queen Margaret Union (QMU) Over the hill at the other Union, the QMU elections will take place. You must be a member of the QMU to vote in the elections. Pissed off about the name change of Cheesy Pop? Vote in someone that will change it back. Last year, many of the higher up positions were contested but what will this year have in store for the Queen Margaret Union?

Glasgow University Union (GUU) And lastly we have GUU’s Board of Management. You have to be a GUU member to vote in these elections. The Board run all the major events, deals and promotions at the Union so if you are a member you need to make your vote count. Last year GUU elections were largely uncontested with only the PSM and Libraries Convener positions opposed but perhaps we will see some more campaigning this March.

So read manifestos and make your votes wisely- it is likely one or more of these student bodies will matter a lot to you and your uni lifestyle. If you are a campaigner, try not to feel guilty about harassing people- you are doing it to help friends and ensure student involvement with elections. Lastly, good luck to those choosing to run for a position. As stressful and emotional the next month will be- it is all worth it in the end.*

*Please note that this is from a winner’s perspective. I have no idea how it feels to lose but I imagine it may not feel as worth the tears, money and time spent on campaigning.

A New rector -Harriet Johnston

W

e all have a big choice coming up, and it seems important to make as informed a decision as possible.

Most of us will only make this decision once (although some of us may be lucky enough to be part of the election twice). On attempting to discuss the rector election with my parents recently, I realised…I do not know absolutely anything about it. And, as I’ve learnt, the role of Rector is incredibly important to everyone’s university life. So let’s get those questions answered shall we?

So first, what is a rector? Glasgow is one of only five Scottish universities which elects a Rector. He is a representative voice for all students and one of the most senior posts at the university.

What does the rector do? He is the ‘ordinary president’ of the University Court, meaning he chairs the Court meetings. In this way, he makes sure the student perspective is always at the forefront of discussions in the Court. More recently the rector has held surgeries for students. He should work closely with the SRC to bring any student concerns to the attention of the University’s managers.

How is the rector elected? There will be a vote, for any matriculated student to take part in, on 17th and 18th February.

How can a rector perform these duties if he is in exile in Russia? The rector is a voluntary position – the elected candidate doesn’t actually have to perform said duties and their participation is completely up to their choice.

Several rectors have not been working rectors in the way Charles Kennedy has been. Winnie Mandela is a perfect example of a rector elected as students support their cause.

The Rector is formally installed in a ceremony and gives a speech known as an address. Since 1959, the University’s Bute Hall has been the setting for most installations.

Classes are suspended for the installation ceremony, to permit students to listen to the rectorial address.

And on that note, shall we take a look at the candidates and see what we think of them all?

GUSA and GU LGBTQ+ are nominating Scottish cycling legend, inventor and role-model, Graeme Obree. Graeme would hope to promote excellence in sport, capitalising

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on the legacy of the Commonwealth games which comes to Glasgow this summer. He also promotes diversity, as one of few openly gay athletes. Following a personal struggle with mental illnesses and as a previous student of Glasgow, Graeme also understands the pressure that university life can have on well-being.

Nominated by the Glasgow University Yes Society, Alan Bissett is an author, noted playwright and performer. He is a prominent supporter of Scottish Independence and is hoping to promote gender equality around campus as well as uphold the rights of immigrant and refugee students.

He also wants to see a pay restraint on senior university staff.

Kelvin Holdsworth is the Provost of St Mary’s Cathedral in Great Western Road. He campaigns for progressive causes such as gender equality, LGBT rights and fighting poverty.

He is keen to be as available and practical as possible with regard to student issues such as personal security, issues in the library and other timetable problems. Most importantly, he seems keen to fix MYCAMPUS. Edward Snowden is an American computer analyst who became a wanted man when his leaks brought to light secret National Security Agency documents which revealed widespread US surveillance on phone and Internet communications. Snowden could not perform as a working rector, but rather has been nominated to represent the resonate with the student, by a group who want to “take this opportunity to show our gratitude to a brave whistleblower”. If elected it would show overall support for his plight, and sends a message to governments to say that intrusive practices by state security is not acceptable.

“So who do you want as your rector, and your representative voice for the next three years?”

So who do you want as your rector, and your representative voice for the next three years? Whether you’re interested in sending a message to governments, the Scottish Independence, the rights of our LGBTQ+peers or wanting Mycampus to get fixed, make sure you vote on the 17th or 18th of February!

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G-YouR Politics

The PEst Versus The party -Rebecca Richardson

T

he words ‘sex’ and ‘scandal’ are not ones usually associated with the Lib Dems but it appears the antics of one Lib Dem peer have swept this usually mild mannered party into a frenzy of media interest for all the wrong reasons. Lord Rennard is the peer who has been labelled as a sex pest and his pestering ways threaten to split the party.

Party leader Clegg is often criticized for not conveying strong leadership through his continual compromises with Conservative coalition partners. So surely he should have leapt at the chance to assert himself as a truly authoritative figure. The natural progression would have been to ask Rennard to step down. However, the party line on this matter appears somewhat hazy. Attempts to avoid a retaliation from Rennard, whilst also appeasing those who made the complaints of sexual harassment against him, have resulted in an embarrassing message of discordance and distress from the Lib Dems.

Rennard wrongly, has been given agency in this whole scandal. Many have framed him in lofty villain-esque terms, as an all-powerful peer who holds the capacity to reveal Lib Dem party secrets from his ‘little black book’ if ousted from the party. It appears that this framing has worked with Rennard remaining firmly within the party yet has been asked to ‘reflect on his behavior’. This response is highly disappointing and is an example of how easily women’s positions in the political sphere are still marginalised by those who have gained power through a system which ultimately privileges male voices.

This issue is not just one of party politics but one concerned with respect and morality. There are reports from those formerly within the party such as Bridget Harris that Clegg ‘doesn’t want a big barney’ . But maybe such accusations are cause for a ‘barney’? It appears the main stream media are desperate to give the Lib Dems the kind of attention they seek to avoid, so why not go with the uproar yet settle the argument as one where your party comes out on the side of fairness and equality.

The Salmond-Cameron Debate -Alice Cockburn and Adi Childs

S

cotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has recently been calling for a televised debate between himself and the UK’s Prime Minster David Cameron on Scottish independence but these requests have so far fallen on deaf ears. They have led to media discussion and analysis of the necessity of such a debate. Many people find the Yes/No debate contradictory and confusing with skewed statistics, clearly biased arguments and self-interested politicians. A debate between Salmond and Cameron could draw out some inconsistencies and force the pair to talk candidly. It is hard not to hope that if both sides of the argument were examined, the issue might make more sense to more of us.

Cameron’s main objection to participating in this debate is that he believes the decision should be made between Scots who want to remain in the union and those who want out. However, Cameron is heavily involved in the No campaign which is primarily funded by English donors.

He also used his New Year’s address to give his opinions on independence, calling on the rest of the UK to tell Scotland ‘we want you to stay’. Does that sound like someone who believes independence is for Scots to decide? To us this

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seems not only inconsistent but hypocritical.

Cameron is sure his No campaign is in the lead at the moment and is happy to engage in debates which surround and influence the issue yet he is not prepared to publicly debate the issue in full.

On the other hand, one could ask why Salmond wants Cameron to be his opponent rather than Chair of the Better Together campaign Alistair Darling or even Secretary of State for Scotland Alistair Carmichael. It seems to us that Salmond is choosing the most prominent figure in order to attract the most attention.

However there are those who argue that too much focus is being placed on the pair. They’re not the crux of the argument of independence. Some of the arguments given seem to be committing the ad hominem fallacy by focusing on Salmond and Cameron. Surely we should be trying to decide what is going to be best for the people of Scotland?

hillary for president?

-Ilana Brener

E

ven though the new year has just started and we’re still adjusting to writing 2014 instead of 2013, the US media can’t resist talking about the presidential election in 2016.

And who can blame them? The possibility of Hillary Rodham Clinton is bound to sell papers even two years before the primary. What makes her so special that her imaginary campaign is getting so much coverage already?

For one thing, she’s probably the most qualified candidate either party can offer. As former Secretary of State during President Obama’s first term in office, she amassed an astounding 112 countries visited and 956, 773 miles flown according to the Washington Post.

Her international visibility throughout her time as Secretary of State provides her with the advantage of being involved in the upper echelons of the political system in America.

Then there’s the fact that she was in the White House for eight years, even if it was in the capacity of being First Lady. She knows the ins and outs of the establishment and the press would just love the story of First Lady turned President. It’s the ultimate tale of the American Dream which shows that hard work, patience and a tight lip through personal issues (the Lewinsky debacle) pay off.

Odds are 6-1 that she’ll be the Democratic candidate, and many Democrats have publically stated that they will abstain from running if (again, and when) she announces her bid.

One of the most obvious reasons as to why she’s getting so much attention is the fact that she could potentially be the first female president. While there have been other prominent female leaders throughout history, such as Angela Merkel and Margaret Thatcher, none have

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assumed a position quite as powerful as President of the United States. While her gender should not be a factor and she should be elected based on her merits alone, it will undoubtedly have an enormous impact on voter turnout in November 2016. However, gender playing a role in politics is another issue for another article. I’m not going to open that can of worms just yet.

Finally, there’s the fact that the Republican Party is currently in shambles with no clear candidate of their own. What options do they really have?

Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey was a frontrunner until it was discovered that his administration purposely caused a massive traffic jam as a giant ‘screw you’ to a mayor who didn’t support his legislation.

Then there’s Rand Paul who was caught plagiarising most of his speeches and Jeb Bush, the brother of former president George W. Bush who is accused of helping his brother win the election by closing voting stations in liberal leaning areas in Florida in the 2000 general election. Is it really any surprise then that ‘Hilary 2016’ is already a chant being heard across the country, and more importantly, across the world?

I personally am looking forward to casting my vote for Hillary in two years. Is she qualified? I would argue that she is, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who disagrees. Her unique position as the front runner for the Democrats two years ahead of the actual election year is something unprecedented and this is arguably her greatest asset. People want her to run; otherwise she wouldn’t be getting this sort of attention. All that is left is the inevitable announcement of her bid to run, and the hopeful inevitable victory over whomever the Republican’s can muster up to run. I can already hear the chants from back home: ‘Hillary! Hillary!’

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G-YouR Lifestyle

Tinder And The single girl

-Anonymous Single Girl

S

andwiched between the two most romantic dates of the year, Christmas and Valentine’s Day, the realisation has set in once more - being single is tough. You think you’re a sassy, independent Carrie Bradshaw type, but your feminine allure is less ‘Sex in the City’ and more ‘Never Been Kissed’. The word ‘flirtation’ has been replaced with ‘dissertation’, and the only dating scene you’re a part of is your daily vegan date slice from the library cafe. But Sarah Jessica Parker, Drew Barrymore and dissertations aside, life without love just isn’t what you thought. From my own experience at least, the unfortunate truth about ending a relationship is that when you are finally ready to move on, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to flirt with, or even speak to, a desirable stranger. I sometimes despair that eye contact with the barista over my morning coffee is about as exciting as it gets for me; so when a new, easy way of meeting people lands in the palm of my hand – quite literally – why shouldn’t I give it a go?

You’ve most likely heard of Tinder, the infamous dating app that is catching on like wildfire, and which I have even heard termed ‘socially acceptable.’

Apparently everyone has it - so that makes it OK. The app uses your Facebook information to build a profile, it then scans your area for eligible (or not so eligible) singles. You can refine the selection by radius, as well as choosing your own preferences for gender and age. Once you’ve chosen your most flattering photographs which ideally say ‘I’m attractive, sociable, and have travelled a bit,’ you can then fill in a brief ‘about you’ section where you can include something simultaneously humorous and enticing - some great examples I’ve seen are ‘I’m in my prime’, ‘Recommended by 9/10 people’ and ‘looking for Tinderella.’ The app’s home page presents you with images of people that fit your criteria, you can then either swipe right to like, left to reject, or see more pictures before you make any rash decisions. Once you like someone, you will either get an instant notification that they also liked you, a notification that they liked you at a later time, or simply never see them again.

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When downloading Tinder was first suggested, I was apprehensive to say the least. Isn’t this just a sleazy sex app? But two gins in, I was ready- and addicted is an understatement. The rush of gratification that comes with every match is like no other. Soon I was passing hours rejecting strangers based on unrealistically high standards, cringing at finding people I know, and developing a repetitive strain injury in my thumb.

The honeymoon phase didn’t last though; I hate to say it, but gradually a distinct resentment of Tinder sank in. Uninspiring chats with strangers asking if I fancied a shag, with whom my only mutual interests were ‘Pretending to Text in Awkward Situations’ and ‘Unagi’, began to wear thin. Maybe I’m just not ready to arrange a ‘Tinderdate’- I don’t judge those that do - but for me something about it didn’t sit right. The ruthless superficiality of the app is more like a game of ‘hot or not’ than it is a way of meeting people. Potential matches can anonymously view all of your pictures and review your ‘about you’ before they even swipe right, and there is a pressure to portray yourself as witty and interesting from the get go. Doesn’t this just create a skewed view of what it really means to meet someone? One of the many conversation prompts featured on the app suggests - ‘meeting someone on Tinder is just like meeting in a coffee shop’ – apart from, it isn’t- is it?

Don’t get me wrong – Tinder can be good, clean* fun, I just wouldn’t recommend putting any real time or effort into it as a way of finding the one. Think funny, drunken and slightly awkward flirtations rather than a Titanic style romance. As for me, I think I’ll be just fine on Valentine’s day, I’m already dreaming of my skinny cappuccino, served with a smile. *Debatable

ilost -Kate Whitaker

A

4) Know the time/get up in the morning

Here are a list of some of the most annoying, and frankly pathetic, things I was suddenly unable to do after leaving my iPhone on a mountain somewhere in the Alps:

5) Find anything

nyone who has an iPhone, or a similarly able smart phone, will understand just how useful they are. They’re just pretty great aren’t they? That is, however, until I and what seemed like the entire Ski trip found out (sorry Lucy); you lose it and realise just how much of your life is entirely dependent on it and how utterly hopeless you are left to your own devices (not the electronic kind).

1) GET ANYWHERE Google maps in your pocket is probably one of the most useful things about a smart phone. Instant access to maps and public transport information has virtually replaced all need to carry physical copies or pre-plan routes.

Obviously this then presents an issue when you absent mindedly leave the house with no directions to your destination, forgetting that your replacement Nokia brick will not be able to guide you to the other side of Glasgow.

Especially bad when hungover, lost and stranded in the South Side.

2) Avoid awkward conversations It’s a well known technique, everyone has done it. When someone you really don’t want to see is walking towards you on the street, that dead time at the start of a seminar or awkwardly waiting alone to meet a friend, a casual scroll through twitter is an absolute life saver. However, without your iPhone this survival technique is effectively dead. There is only so long you can spend pretending to text on your replacement, everyone knows it can’t do anything else. You end up having to make small talk with people. As in actually talk to them. Whaat?!

3) Remember all the things you were meant to be doing One of my favourite apps is Any.Do. This is simply a To Do list on your phone which allows you to put tasks in different levels of urgency and sync them with your calendar, contacts, phone, email etc. There is also a very satisfying swipe to tick off completed jobs. However, without it I wrote lists on scraps of paper which I then lost and forgot half the things I was supposed to do. Hopeless.

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Phones have made having many everyday objects fairly redundant, such as a watch and an alarm clock. Hopefully a replacement phone would be able to fulfill this role, but for a while I was unable to go to Uni without employing a flatmate to wake me up in the morning, which is, quite frankly, pathetic, isn’t it?

Another great app is AroundMe. This lets you search for the nearest ATM/ hotel/ bar etc to you and is absolutely invaluable in a new place.

6) Waste hours procrastinating on Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram.

Honestly not sure how the world coped for two weeks without my hungover musings and selfies.

7) Get incredibly frustrated at how many times I have died on Flappy Birds.

(Seriously that game is impossible, anyone who has a high score of more than 4 has my upmost respect).

“There is a lot in the media at the moment about the overuse and over dependency of young people on mobile phones and I have to admit, losing mine did make me realise this is incredibly true.”

There is a lot in the media at the moment about the overuse and over dependency of young people on mobile phones and I have to admit, losing mine did make me realise this is incredibly true. Therefore, when I got my phone back I swore to only use it in emergencies and rely on myself over a portable computer.

Yeah right.

I still find town halls in the East End where I’m supposed to be working entirely through the use of google maps. I still keep all important information and job lists stored on my phone and I still don’t own a watch.

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G-YouR Culture

Film Reviews -Huw Clarke

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET Since the financial collapse of 2008 bankers have joined the ranks of societies favourite folk devils. Media fuelled witch hunts have exposed the immoral activities of individuals like Paul Flowers and Bernie Madoff. Martin Scorsese’s new film aims to explore, and very much reinforce, the mythology of bankers as debauched, greedy parasites.

The lifestyle of a banker is described early on as consisting of ‘cocaine and hookers’ and the rest of the film does very little to alter that perception. The plot is based on the real life activities of stockbroker Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) who participated in the widespread Wall Street corruption of the 1990s. Dicaprio’s forth-wall busting protagonist frequently dismisses the actual financial alchemy that enabled Stratton Oakmont Inc. to become one of Wall Streets most successful firms, but we are assured it is most illegal.

A mixed reception has greeted the film in America, including audience members storming out. The word ‘explicit’ doesn’t really cover its record-breaking use of the word ‘fuck’, never-ending references to masturbation and plentiful shots of the magic powder. However, for me the most disappointing aspect of the film is the almost complete subordination of female characters. The only discernable part of my notes is ‘DONNA FROM NEIGHBOURS’ scrawled in big letters. Indeed Margot Robbie’s Mrs. Belfort is the only woman with any significant screen time, even then she receives the most attention when appearing wearing nothing but some knee high boots and a smile.

The Wolf of Wall Street is certainly not for those looking for a serious critique of the financial industry. Instead the mammoth running time is filled more with the sort of lad-com antics you might expect from the Hangover franchise; something only emphasised by Jonah Hill’s presence as sidekick. A scene where DiCaprio crawls around a hotel lobby after overdosing on banned Soviet painkillers received waves of laughter from the audience.

DiCaprio really proves his credentials as a comedic actor in this film. The Wolf of Wall Street really excels in the scenes when Belfort confronts FBI agent Patrick Denham, played by Kyle Chandler, showing tension and

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depth not found elsewhere. Ultimately, this film succeeds in being thoughtlessly entertaining and thankfully steers clear of the sort of heavy-handed messages found in much recent cinema.

12 YEARS A SLAVE A rapturous reception to this film was inevitable considering the critical circlejerk that surrounded Steve McQueen’s last film, the difficult Shame. However, this, his third film as director, deserves every accolade and praise it has received. Nominated for nine Oscars at next months Academy Awards, it’s a strong contender for Best Director and Picture. Few films have left me feeling so utterly exhausted, shaken and emotional, some scenes are almost unbearable to watch. 12 Years a Slave is based upon Solomon Northup’s memoir of the same name. A free and distinguished gentleman from Washington D.C, Northup was kidnapped in 1841 and forced to work in the cane plantations of Georgia.

Chiwetel Ejiofor’s Solomon deals with the inhuman brutality of the plantations with a silent despondence, only occasionally rising to eloquently remonstrate his captors.

Ejiofor is outstanding in this film; throughout, his face shows a man with a desperation to survive the very worst of human cruelty. McQueen’s background as Turner prize-winning visual artist means that he makes full use of wide-angle single shots, often without dialogue.

In one particularly uncomfortable shot, lasting for over a minute, we see Solomon hung from a tree by a lynch mob, only just able to breathe. By a general consensus, the breakout star of this film is the Kenyan actress Lupita Nyong’o whose portrayal of the innocent, beautiful Patsy is absolutely heartbreaking. The cruelty she suffers at the hands of Michael Fassbender’s slave owner is near unwatchable.

This film really could not have appeared at more appropriate time. The last year seems to have seen a rather worrying reappearance of casual racism and a general misunderstanding of black culture. ‘Bongo Bongo land’, Twerkgate and Madonna’s Instagram antics being of course the worst offenders. 12 Years a Slave serves as reminder of the horrors of the past and restores the potency to many symbols of the slave trade to which we have come immune.

Some refreshing comedy -Ali Cooper

H

ave you ever participated in an Amsterdam sex show and had a dildo strapped to your head? Well Naz Osmanoglu has! Surprisingly, you not only resemble a naughty unicorn but also a bit of a dickhead. Teaming up with Mark Cooper-Jones, the comedy duo set the Debates Chamber alight, firing up Tuesday night of GUU’s 2014 refresher week.

Opening up the comedy night Mark – a geography teacher turned comedian - brought the slightly merry crowd at GUU right back to primary school. Expecting his ‘class’ to stand when he entered and to be addressed as Sir at all times, Mr Cooper-Jones’s subtle jokes and witty delivery earned top marks (pardon the pun). Despite his previous line of work in Education, a fair amount of old-school bullying was unsympathetically handed out. Picking on the audiences’ singles, front row and Geography students got laughs at the expense of one or two rosy faces. According to Mark, your dreams of exploring volcanoes and glaciers after a geography degree won’t come true - you WILL become a Geography teacher and you really don’t have a choice in the matter. Saving his best cracks to the end, Mr CooperJones’ experiences in the classroom got everyone laughing and were a perfect way to wind up his set. Ever wondered how a Geography teacher deals with a seven-year-old pupil appropriately nicknamed Smelly Peter? Tell him about the lovely city of Bath of course!

Naz kicked of the second half with a bang. Manically hopping, rolling, sliding and grinding around the stage the comedian’s appetite for raising eyebrows and off the wall antics hit the bewildered audience spot on. Naz puts his slightly untamed traits down to his dad’s side of the family. Whilst “Turkish fire” might see men courteously opening doors for women, spearing people is never off the agenda! (Greeks on the other hand “just like to throw around olives and falafel”). When it came down to women, Naz’s dad never quite grasped the British tack of neatly disguised compliments. After being served by a waitress wearing strong perfume he boldly tapped her on the shoulder and told her he “liked her smell”. Needless to say the waitress ran away.

Jokes about University life had to be the highlight of the show. Naz eagerly laid into the Post Grads, the dreaded Phd student and some others you’re likely to meet at Uni: “Hi I’m Clarissa, ya, but everyone calls me chlamydia as I literally have nothing else to offer”. Another topic Naz delved into was gym culture. Recently signing up, but being put off by some of the frankly disgusting things he saw was hilariously illustrated with plenty of exaggerated huffing and stomping around stage. He described the ‘gymaholic’ with arms that look like potatoes in condoms and legs that resemble a scrotum pushed up against a window.

One monster Naz met had “pork pies for nipples” and another had “a boob resting on her peck – a poob”. Wrapping up the show with a hysterical towel sketch, Naz transformed from Batman to Aladdin, Nun to Ringraith in seconds.

If you didn’t get a chance to catch these guys at Refreshers do not be afraid! Naz and Mark come together as ‘Witank’ with fellow comedian Kieran Boyd and have regular shows around the UK. With five star reviews from the British Comedy Guide and The List, these Edinburgh Fringe faithfuls are bound to be attracting growing crowds next August. The trio have also been making inroads with TV. Stars of BBC Three’s Live at the Electric, their sketch ‘The School’ sees headmaster Naz marshalling his submissive co-workers into line with outrageous insensitivity and buckets of wit. The “Turkish warlord” also performed on Russel Howard’s Good News and has been tipped for success in TV comedy. So, keep your eyes peeled, buy a ticket but don’t forget to address them as Sir! Naz Osmanoglu and Mark Cooper-Jones brought a Refreshingly funny start to 2014.

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11

G-YouR Column

Erasmust!

Overrated

-Anna MacKenzie

S

o I’ve been living in Russia now for the past 4 months.

The furthest I’ve been from Scotland, and the longest I’ve been away from home. And probably some of the best months of my life.

Before I came here, I really didn’t know what to expect from a country which most people know so little about, or still associate with her Soviet days, or political corruption. I decided to be open minded and embrace every new experience. Easier said than done when you arrive in halls and turn on your taps to see dark brown water come out. Or you find out soon enough that people in the streets, or working in shops or cafes, won’t smile at you, and mostly don’t bother with, I guess what we would class “common courtesy”. Or you hear on countless occasions about the cockroaches in peoples’ kitchens and the canteen. But, as it turns out, that’s all pretty meaningless really. Beyond the minor differences I’ve made in my everyday life, I really am living somewhere pretty amazing.

I live in a city called Tver, 3 hours journey from Moscow.

A daily commute for some. One of the most mind blowing things about being here is the sheer vastness of this country. I have travelled 27 hours east on a train, crossed through 2 time zones, and I was still only touching the border of Siberia. It has completely opened my mind to the whole prospect of travelling.

As it goes, I am actually here to study Russian. The work itself is difficult, but I feel like I am definitely improving my language skills. But with only 3 hours of classes a day from Monday to Thursday, we have a lot of free time. Time to travel, to discover new hobbies (I bought a guitar- rash) and of course with vodka at equivalent £3-4 a bottle, you can’t really say no to a party. I feel like a fresher all over again.

-Ailsa Pender

M

y musings in this article were inspired by a Snapchat. I received a picture from a friend who, on a hangover, had taken his pal to break his “Nandos virginity”. I quickly replied with a disapproving face and something along the lines of “it’s just overpriced chicken”, and this prompted a discussion with my flatmates of things that we consider to be overrated.

I’m not expecting everyone to agree with my thoughts on this topic - I googled it out of curiosity to see what other things people suggested to put in this category and I must say, I was outraged when someone had the audacity to suggest pugs as overrated. That is a wrong opinion if I ever heard one. So my list of overrated things goes as follows: Staying up late – I sound like I’m getting old,] but really, unless you have no plans the next day, it’s not really worth it. Fighting to stay awake in class/the library is a no-no for me.

YouTube app – yes, it allows you to listen to any song but I will never be in true awe of technology until you can close it and the song keeps playing.

Picnics – good idea in theory, but in the UK you are likely to end up with a slightly damp bum, grass rash (if like me you suffer hayfever), and ants. There are always ants.

U2 – possibly one of the most overrated bands ever.

Bono. That’s not even a name. Their tunes are okay, sometimes, and Bono wears the type of sunglasses you would expect Anastasia to wear, circa “I’m Outta Love”.

New Year’s Eve – this is possibly the most anticlimactic holiday of the year. And I think it’s because people put too much pressure on it to be the most amazing night.

Cats – I do like cats, but as a pet I can’t help but feel they’d be a bit of a let-down. I read that they sleep for something silly like 18 hours a day. Wouldn’t you much prefer a dog? Dog videos on the internet are far superior to cat videos, I swear.

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Sandy Says F or all those with soul-wrenching secrets, burning questions about love, life and why Viper is marketing Pints of Fun, Sandy is here to shed some light on these out of the ordinary aspects of life which sometimes can

get us all in a muddle. A veteran at life, Sandy’s motto is ‘Help me to help you’, and with that we welcome our new favourite aunty to tell us what’s what. It’s totally anonymous, totally un-serious and totally legit (ahem)...

Dear Sandy My friend told me they want to run for the same elected position as I do at one of our student unions (I’m keeping this anonymous so he/she doesn’t find out). I haven’t told them I too have ambitions to run for this position, as I’m afraid they’ll think I’m stealing their ‘thing’ if I do. Do I have to choose – my ambitions or my friendship?

Signed, Climbing The Student Hierarchy Is Complicated Dear Climbing, I think how you signed off on that message says it all really. If you are considering running for a student-elected position you have to do it for the right reasons – if you are, as they say, ‘climbing the ladder’ just for your own status and popularity I suggest you put a stop to that at once – it’s not fair on those who really care and could do a better job. Otherwise, your friend will have to understand if it’s something you really want to do; if you don’t run for it you may really regret it for years to come, friend or no friend. Try not to fight over it, campaign your ass off and may the odds be ever in your favour!

Dear Sandy I really need your help. I’m hopelessly in love with Ryan Gosling. AND HE’S SINGLE. My chances have never been so great!!! But how do I get him to ask me out??? He doesn’t even have Twitter!!! :’( :’( Signed, I Want Ryan To Be My Noah

Dear I Want Ryan, I’m glad you’re hopelessly in love as your situation is hopeless. Go out with a real person and stop drooling please, it’s embarrassing. I hear ‘Tinder’ is the way these days. You’re welcome.

Well thanks for your time Sandy! Remember, if YOU have a problem, Sandy can help you! E-mail her at libraries@guu.co.uk, a totally confidential service for all your agony aunt needs, or tweet her at @g_ youmagazine. Until next time Sandy.

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13

G-YouR Sport

the increasing popularity of american football in the uk -Michael Sinclair

W

ith Super Bowl XLVIII (that’s 48) having just passed it’s clear that American Football is becoming more and more popular on these shores. I watched the game in a bar on Byres Road and rather than it being quite quiet the place was full of people eager to see the world’s biggest sports event, not many other events would get people to say up until 3am on Sunday.

People were kitted out in their team’s respective tops and hats even if they weren’t taking part in the game, just to get in to the spirit of the Super Bowl, although as the night went on there were noticeably fewer spectators wearing Denver colours.

American Football was popular in Britain in the 1980’s when Channel 4 started to broadcast the games on a regular basis and several NFL games were played across Europe between 198697 due to the rise in popularity of the sport and this appears to happening again. Channel 4 have an American Football show on Saturday mornings hosted by household name Vernon Kay who plays for one of the country’s best teams, the London Warriors. The fact that Channel 4 are regularly featuring American Football on television at a more accessible time shoes that there is enough demand from viewers.

London seems to be the focus of American Football in the UK. It has hosted 8 NFL games since 2007, last year was the first year there were 2 separate matches and with 3 matches scheduled for this year the popularity of the sport only seems to be on the rise. Each of these games has attracted around 80,000 fans at each game, very few other sports have this kind of draw since fans come from far and wide to watch these “International Series” games.

One reason for the increase in popularity of American Football is the fact that it is one of the most technical sports on the planet, fans have access to endless amounts of stats about their favourite players and teams. While Football Manager gives football (or soccer) fans a better understanding of the game, the multitude of rules in

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American Football can give fans endless hours of sorting out their Fantasy (American) Football teams.

Turning our eyes to the amateur side of the game, it is also growing. Currently there are 77 university teams and around 50 ‘senior’ teams (these teams play across summer and open to anyone who wants to try American Football), but since American Football has become a BUCS sport there is more funding available so more universities starting American Football programs and senior teams are popping up all over the country the number is only set to increase.

There is also a new national setup for Great Britain and student and senior level so that gives players who want to represent their country have the option to play against the best players from around the world.

This is a big step forward since the Scottish Claymore’s were disbanded in 2004, this again gives American Footballers a way to play on an international stage.

I started playing for the Glasgow University Tigers in my 2nd year after playing rugby for 10 years.

It was a really weird experience pulling on the pads and helmet for the first time but after 2 and half years I can’t imagine not wearing them. Glasgow University has one of the oldest and most successful teams in the country, regularly winning the division and winning the National Championship in 1994.

I can’t recommend trying the sport enough, some people look down on it as “rugby for babies” but I can tell you, it’s the exact opposite. Some of the hits that go in are ferocious. Also the amount of people I have met while playing American football from all around the world again highlights the international appeal of this sport.

The increased exposure of the sport means more and more people are looking to try it, and many people are open to trying new sports at university that weren’t available to them during their time at secondary school. If you want to try one of the most exhilarating and technical contact sports available to you at university try American Football.

sport-the crazy kind -Kathryn Stevenson

S

port- why does it make us so crazy? I found myself wondering this a bit too much lately. Between blogging about ole family disputes and noting my excessive aggression on the hockey pitch to googling ‘the most ridiculous sports in the world’ and finding some troubling results, I’m starting to realise that sport is not just for the highly competitive but for the foolish and the outright insane.

I always wondered why I was labelled ‘the sporty one’ in the family. I genuinely believe it’s because before I was born, my father was convinced I was going to be a boy, even named me Michael. So when I came out of the womb with a lovely pink vagina, he did what any father of three girls would do- pushed me onto the hockey pitch and yelled rugby directions at me for the next ten years.

As I’ve said, sport makes people crazy.

going to be an athlete. I don’t intend to make a moving speech about what it takes to be an athlete. I wanted to say something cheesy about sport being one the first loves in my life. However, looking back over my sporting years, I just can’t say that. It’s something that I love but like everything you hold most dear, you battle with it constantly. I fall in and out of love with sport on a regular basis. I love how it makes me feel, then I hate how it makes me feel. The endorphins are great and everything but after getting knocked in the head with a hockey stick, I do tend to wonder if they are really worth it.

“The endorphins are great and everything but after getting knocked in the head with a hockey stick, I “Sport- why does it make us so crazy?” do tend to wonder if they are really worth it?”

A point not only reiterated by my family members but also by my hockey coaches. One coach in particular was talking to my very talented friend Natalie about nutrition. His highly informative advice was ‘you can grill everything’. Natalie being a cheeky twelve year old asked, ‘what about eggs?’ Since we were having a ‘hockey day out’ watching an Irish international, my coach was slightly intoxicated which hindered his knowledge slightly.

Explaining his unorthodox reply, ‘Yes, a wee drizzle of oil is all you need’ … and a frying pan perhaps? Natalie went on to play hockey for Ireland at the fresh age of 13 and, thankfully, was given other nutrition guidance.

As you can tell, sport has been a presence in my life since a young age. One of my greatest sporting achievements was being a member of the team that won the ‘All-Ireland Championship’ and yes, if you’re wondering, that’s a pretty big deal. It was that experience that taught me there is so much more to sport than just talent. I love hockey but I’m no superstar and playing on team with 5 Irish players didn’t do a lot to boost your self-esteem. However, their skill and passion was something to be admired.

You don’t just wake up some morning and decide you’re

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If we were to look at sport in terms of lovers, I have to name it as my childhood romance. The old familiar kindthe kind that no matter how old you get, you remember how they take their coffee and the smell of their teenage scent. I didn’t play hockey during my first year at University, after the All-Irelands I wanted a little break from being battered around a pitch. But sure enough, it didn’t take long before I felt the itch. Yes, that itch- every sporting star knows it well. The need to compete, the need to fight for something, the need to win. When I started to play again in my second year, there is a sheer panic that came over me, will I even remember how to play hockey?

Just as you never forget your first love, you never forget how to hit a hockey ball.

I’m still not sure why sport does the strange things it does to us. But it does and I feel there is something lovely about that, in a strange competitive way. However catch me in a game of articulate and you may not agree. But as childish and crazy this love for sport is, it is a love none the less and I hope it will never die.

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G-YouR Clubs & Societies

The Canoe Club - SSS POLO TOURNAMENT 2014 -Kate Whitaker

T

he 31st January and 1st February saw the Stevenson building overrun by over 150 kayakers from all over Scotland for the annual Scottish Student Sport Canoe Polo Tournament.

tense few minutes of ‘golden goal’ and making it one of the most exciting games of the tournament. The play bounced from end to end and included some very close shots and an impressive performance from Glasgow’s goalie, Logan Duguid. However, eventually Strathclyde managed to find a goal, which took them through to the Semi finals.

The final was between Napier A and Dundee A and, although the Dundee boys put up a pretty good fight, the Edinburgh team eventually took the title for the second year in a row. Unbeaten all tournament, it was a well deserved win for the Napier team.

For those who don’t know, canoe polo is a game quite similar to 5 a side football… but in kayaks. There is a goal suspended 2 meters out of the water at each end of the pool, a goalie that defends by holding their paddle in the air in front of the goal to block the ball, players that can pass or ‘dribble’ with the ball, push other players in and aim to throw the ball into their opponents goal. The game can get quite physical; this tournament included several swimmers, a boat sinking and one player from Aberdeen having his paddles snapped in two.

This year’s event included 22 teams from nine Universities across Scotland and was the largest the competition has ever been!

Glasgow University Ladies team beat St Andrews Ladies in the final of the woman’s league to become champions for the second year in a row. The game was 2-2 until the final minutes when Catriona McBride scored an overhead goal, winning the game for Glasgow.

The Glasgow University A team also played impressively.

They came second in their group, which placed them in the quarter finals against Strathclyde A. This game ended in a one all draw at full time leading to an extremely

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The event, organized by Glasgow University Canoe Club, is part of the club’s busy and varied calendar. There are events suited to kayakers of all abilities, including a range of polo competitions, a complete beginner trip to Loch Lomond, river trips of all levels across Britain, a freestyle weekend in Nottingham for the National Student Rodeo and a kayak surfing weekend in Machrihanish on the West Coast of Scotland. Not to mention socials all year round, such as the Sub Crawl, Water Sports Ceilidh and Boys vs. Girls night to name a few.

The Canoe Club is a fantastic way to try something new or develop existing skills, meet new people and get out of the city for a bit. Pool sessions run every Thursday evening in the Stevenson building from 18:30 until 21:00.