GUTTER MAG ISSUE 1

ISSUE 1 SEPTEMBER 2014

Print Editor-At-Large: Janet Katsnelson

Managing Editor: Nina Braca

Design Editor: Kelly Ryan

Copy Editors: Lauren D’errico Innes Lukic

Writers: Abby Adams Ariana Cuadra Rachel Gill Bruce Hamilton Stephanie Knipe Jake Lisabeth Mallomar Read More Tyler Resigno Ross Pannebecker Charles Prioleau Alyssa Spizzirro Jack Tomascak

1

Illustrators: LB Thomas Galarce Emily Grigsby Max Mahler Lani Rubin Alyssa Spizzirro Neil Swimmer

Photographers: Abby Adams Rachel Gill Maximum Russell

Cover by: Maximum Russell

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR 9th hour. I sit at our computer, specifically a Mac desktop that I barely know how to operate, that was for some reason named Humperdink by one of my predecessors. In front of me are issues of The Load from the 70’s, Indys from the 2000’s, and The Loads from last year. What is an editor’s letter really? I’ve been in this club too long.

My freshman year, I wrote one article for the Indy. It was about taking a gap year or whatever. Last year, I had a music column and made playlists. Sometimes I took pictures and interviewed people. Started from the bottom, now we’re here.

You may be wondering, why Gutter Mag? Why can’t we just bring The Indy back? Where the F is The Brick? Don’t think about it too much.

We needed to change the name of the publication to rid ourselves of any association with other print publications that have existed in the past. Same MSAF allocation, completely different publication. We are no longer a newspaper or news magazine.

We are now a culture magazine. We aim to reflect the interests of the Purchase community, a publication made by students for students. After brainstorming with the staff, countless texts between editors, and me bugging out, Gutter Mag was born and nothing was the same.

I am so grateful to hold this position, and I am even more grateful for the patience and commitment of the editors, writers, and illustrators that have made Gutter Mag come to fruition. Man, I love my team.

Last year, I talked to almost everyone I knew about getting involved. Then I started talking to people I didn’t know. Now I’m talking to you. If you are interested in contributing to Gutter Mag in ANY WAY, please feel free to come to one of our meetings (Tuesdays @ 9 in room 25/26 of CCN) or email us (purchaseguttermag@gmail.com).

Gutter Mag is a non-profit magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activities Fee. Gutter Mag is a forum for campus culture related content.

Any opinions expressed are those of the writers, not those of Gutter Mag, its editors, or the PSGA. We accept submissions but the publication of those submissions is not guaranteed but subject to the discretion of the editors. Send all inquiries to purchaseguttermag@gmail.com

Take care,

2

LB

Lani Rubin

Thomas Galarce

Neil Swimmer

3

TABLE OF CONTENTS COMICS 3

ANOTHER WEBSITE CALLED US UGLY...AGAIN Bruce Hamilton 5

TITLE IX: GENDER BASED MISCONDUCT*

Alyssa Spizzirro 7

WHATS NEU

Max Mahler 9

A BROAD ABROAD

Rachel Gill 14

BACK-TO-SCHOOL MOVIES

Tyler Rescigno 19

SOUND BITES

Abby Adams 25

PURCHASE YIK YAKS 29

BACK PAGE

Student Submissions 30

* TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT

4

ANOTHER WEBSITE CALLED US UGLY... AGAIN

by Bruce Hamilton

On August 3rd 2014, The Daily Caller published a supposedly “definitive” list of the 17 ugliest college campuses in America in an article titled “The Definitive List of the 17 Ugliest College Campuses in America.” In addition to photographs that don’t exactly prove the point and at least one example of plagiarism, the article contains a fair amount of exaggerations, hyperbole, and redundancies. Now, if this was the only time anyone in the Internet called us ugly, this article probably would never have been conceived in the first place. However, this is at least the third time this has happened (as proved by a quick Google search) and I read somewhere that when something happens 3 times, it becomes a trend. Why do people not like the way it looks around here?

I decided to do some research online about the architecture of our campus, with my starting point being Brutalist architecture, as a friend clued me that it was the technical term for “looks like an open-air prison.” The term “Brutalism” was derived the French term for raw concrete, béton brut, coined by renowned architect and urban planner Le Corbusier.

Europe had a field day with brutalist structures, many of which allow for the function of the building to be seen from the outside. In the United States, brutalist architecture instilled itself in college campuses beginning in the late 1960s, but by the early 1980s, the style was already outdated. It combined strength, simplicity, and frugalness, and came across as oddly authoritative in times of unrest for young people around the United States. This still seems true. Unfortunately, while all of the background information was interesting, it did not help me arrive at a satisfying conclusion.

5

I would love to be able to say I’ve figured out why people think this place looks awful on a deeper level than “it looks like jail.” It would bring me great joy to be able to say it’s because “the people who set the standards for beauty are all old farts who hate socialism” or “humans naturally find exposed concrete to be unappealing” or “our subconscious despise the look of our college because Freud said people are attracted to windows.” But I can’t confirm a single one of those assumptions for true, nor can I argue to you that my understanding of what qualifies as “beautiful” is more correct or refined than yours. All I can offer is my own speculation: Claiming that Art X is gorgeous or irrelevant or important or any other adjective says more about the person doing the claiming than it does about Art X. The standards and expectations we have when discussing art are constructed yet highly prone to change. Instead of having a conversation about how you think the building would look prettier if they painted a rainbow above the East Corridor, try to figure out why you think the way you do.

6

TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT

BEYOND TITLE IX: GENDER-BASED MISCONDUCT

by Alyssa Spizzirro Early this year, the White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault was created, and they issued their first report in April. The very creation of the task force acknowledges that there hasn’t been enough done to confront, prevent, and address sexual assault in schools. Three years prior, the U.S. Department of Education issued a “significant guidance document” which attempted to answer the ambiguity of Title IX. Title IX, of the Education Amendments of 1972, is a federal civil rights statute that prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. The bolded heading on Purchase College’s website reads, “Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence, & Sexual Harassment.”

These three categories appear to work as the college’s umbrella of discrimination, and are all circumstances that the college is required to resolve when reported. This is a good thing, but it’s a dated piece of legislation. The language is exclusive and vague.

Perhaps more disconcerting is that despite federal efforts to improve college climates, there appears to be little progress being made in the sphere of the school’s policies. The task force’s report includes a checklist for campus sexual misconduct policies that advocates for “a single, easily accessible and user-friendly document for students, employees, and other affected by sexual misconduct” that “considers the unique aspects of the institution and its student body.” First, notice the language there, “affected by sexual misconduct,” not “victim” (as described under the “Key Terms and Definition” of Title IX on the Purchase website) of large omissive umbrella word. Second, there is no comprehensive, independent, gender-based

7

misconduct policy in place at Purchase, and that is a problem.

The details of Purchase’s policies are unclear and inaccessible. When you Google “SUNY Purchase Sexual Assault Policy,” the first three hits are: Human Resource’s policy on sexual harassment, campus crime statistics (which the college is required to have under the Jeanne Clery Act), and the University Police’s page on sexual assault. The first page of search results doesn’t even provide a link to the school’s page on Title IX. When the schools Title IX Coordinator, Joel Aure, was asked who was considered a mandatory reporter under Title IX, he claimed,

“If somebody has the ability to redress sexual violence, or in general has the ability to report incidents on campus, to make reports about any kind of conduct violations, or anything along those lines, they would be considered the mandatory reporter... under the current interpretation. At this point, [mandatory reporting is] based off [an employee’s] ability to redress action. Or [anyone] whom a student could reasonably believes has this authority or duty.”

After this explanation, the mandatory reporter remains an enigma. It has been made clear to Resident Advisors during their Fall 2014 orientation that they are mandatory reporters.

But what about library employees or Stood employees? Are students that witness gender-based misconduct encouraged to report incidents? This ambiguity shows the apparent disorganization and shortcomings of the school’s current policies.

Aure partially admits to the faults of the current policies, but affirms that there is a sexual assault policy, saying, “We definitely have to make [policies] more accessible and centralized to the students, and that’s what we intend to do this semester. But, that’s not to say that the policies and procedures didn’t exist before.” Aure also plans to adapt the way the school implements prevention strategies by conducting climate surveys, holding forums, implementing more intensive Title IX training for faculty and staff, and developing a bystander prevention program. He welcomes criticism in expressing interest in a forever “ongoing dialogue” between students in the administration on these issues.

There is an alleged committee consisting of Aure, representatives from Student Affairs, the Counseling Center, Community Standards, input from UPD and human resources, and students (who are not on the committee, but apparently in contact with them) responsible for drafting a more comprehensive policy. What is troubling is that the language of term “Title IX” comes to the forefront of Aure’s hopeful revisions, which is to be assumed a product of the limited policy and his job description. The political jargon needs to be reformed in a way that is more inaccessible, where Title IX acts as a guidance and not the primary element in creating a safer space for students.

What’s missing besides an independent policy that provides visibility to every student in the Purchase community is transparency in these

policies. Students and faculty need to know what the procedures are after filing a complaint, where their privacy is protected (and more importantly, where it is not) and have clear definitions of gender-based misconduct that include scenarios or examples. Resources should be located in the same place where you find everything else. For instance, in Columbia University’s policy, some explicit statements that define gender-based misconduct include, “use of email, the Internet, or other forms of digital media to facilitate [gender-based misconduct] behavior” and “unwelcome remarks about the private parts of a person’s body.”

The language used to describe those affected by gender-based misconduct is “complainant” and “respondents.” Maybe Purchase has a policy, and maybe certain circumstances are covered under what is in place, but it needs to be relocated and expanded.

On a hopeful note, Aure says he “[doesn’t] feel it’s enough just to have the policy as a hard PDF that’s there for people to read.

People need to be able to ask questions and be able to get clarification. We talk about this, I think, in terms of policies and sort of these tangible procedures and ongoings of administrations and student issues, but it has a very real concrete effect for students.” As a community we can’t foster an environment inequity becomes acceptable. We can engage and educate ourselves as a community and understand it is everyone’s responsibility to make Purchase a safe space for everyone. The administration’s part of this community includes revising the way gender-based misconduct is identified, presented, and handled.

8

STOOD OPENING

by Stephanie Knipe

It’s a new semester. It’s a new year. We have blossomed into larger people, maybe externally, maybe internally. Every day we are growing and every day we are learning.

As we grow, the spaces we inhabit take on new meanings and different connotations.

The spaces we inhabit, whether it be spaces we carve out for ourselves in order to feel comfortable, or the spaces that we transform to better suit us, exist and are constantly in flux. The space that we all know and hopefully love, The Stood, is a place that is in constant transformation. As the new Stood coordinator I hope to make this amazing space even more amazing than it ever has been before. safer space and mutual respect. A safer space is a space that is aware of itself and who inhabits it. I am not asking people to be well versed in poststructuralist feminist theory or even align themselves with certain political and cultural movements. What I am asking of The main thing I want to address here is everyone is to be aware. When coming to The Stood, be aware. Ask people before touching them. Respect others identities. Do not assume others identities. Be aware of what you say and how you say it. Be aware of the space you are taking up. Ask yourself, am I taking up too much space? Am I not being allotted enough? Am I taking up somebody else’s space? It all comes down to mutual respect. If I respect somebody, they will respect me back.

If I am radical about making sure I don’t harm others or make others feel unsafe or uncomfortable, I will be treated the same way. If we all as a student body align ourselves with this way of thinking, where mutual respect prompts safety, and safety prompts pure happiness, then I see no reason for The Stood to be the best place on the campus (if not, the world.

9

But why is it necessary to look out for one another? Why should I not perpetuate oppressive language or behavior? What do those things even mean? It is not necessary but crucial to look out for one another when inhabiting the same space, and I find this to be applicable to not just The Stood but also in everyday life. If someone falls, I will help them up. If someone appears hurt, I will comfort them. We do these things for people that we love unconditionally, why not condition ourselves to do this for perfect strangers? In watching what you say and what you perpetuate, it is important that we don’t alienate anybody with our actions and our words. Think before you speak - will this word alienate or diminish anybody’s existence?

Is it really necessary that I use this slur if it means I will be upsetting and harming others?

I will close with this: This is all of ours. We are entitled to this space. This is the only time in our lives that we will have a student center.

We have something special, we have something that we can make and keep beautiful.

Let’s fuckin’ do it up.

WHATS NEU?

by Max Mahler

SUNY Purchase’s own Neuberger Museum of Art is starting this semester off real strong. Up since mid-July and on display until September 28th, the museum’s Window Gallery is now exhibiting The Art of Zero: Heinz Mack, Otto Piene, Günther Uecker & Friends. This exhibition features the work of Group Zero, a late1950’s collective from Dusseldorf, Germany that focused on rebelling against conventional art-making methods and materials by exploring concepts involving light and kinetics to form minimalist compositions. This stuff is crazy.

The first thing I noticed during my visit to the exhibition was one of the museum guards striding towards a hanging mobile, reaching up

forcefully spinning it. I’m like what is this guy doing? until I realize the spinning has transformed the simple grooved cylinder into a kaleidescopic whirlwind of color. On a pedestal in the middle of the first room stands a glass tube; its label reads: “This is a kinetic sculpture. If you would like to see it move, please see guard.” Wtf? was my immediate thought.

“Excuse me,” I called to the guard, “could you move this?” So he comes over and lifts the tube off its stand and turns it upside down.

“You’re gonna see a bubble,” he says, “it’s gonna start down here and--well it seems to move with you...”I found his statement to be true of most of Group Zero’s work. Through the use of shadows and textures, optical illusions, and sometimes even motorized parts, the Art of Zero moves with you, or at least looks like it does. It’s definitely a very unique selection of artwork. Frivolousness makes these pieces relatable in an almost-crude, rustic, beauty-ineveryday-life kind of way, but they’re still exceptional and really dope in a German-minimalist-Kid Pix Studio Deluxe-of-the-future kind of

way (you know what I’m talking about). Basically, The Art of Zero makes you feel like you’re on an acid trip in like, Wall-E, or something.

Just past the Window Gallery in the Neuberger’s Theater Gallery is the freshly installed exhibition, This Leads to Fire: Russian Art from Nonconformism to Global Capitalism, Selections from the Kolodzei Art Foundation Collection which was curated by SUNY Purchase Associate Professor of Art History, Sarah Warren. The impressive collection of works spans a wide variety of styles and artists who were working“ unofficially” under Soviet rule in the twenty-first century. Plenty of wild ideas are showcased here; the political and aesthetic struggles against the communist states’ mandated style is the common thread in these artworks. It is pretty hard to sum this one up; there’s videos, gold, abstraction, Marilyn Monroe and an old lady breastfeeding a lamb to list just a few highlights. Be sure to stop by the Neuberger and check all this sweetness out soon.

10

“NEW” AND “NOW”

by Charles Prioleau

Day in and day out, we, as the consumers of a globalized media apparatus, must ask ourselves about “newness.” Whilst being kept abreast of breaking headlines in foreign countries, battles over civil rights violations in our own homeland, developing progressive technologies and other such information deemed essential in our contemporary time, there exists another imperative of the “new.”

This parallel to the more conventional intake of “new” manifests itself in popularized channels for entertainment. Be it music, film, television, books or blogs, there is an eternal search for the next big thing, the “you-need-tosee-this” viral event. Part of this hyper-focus upon what is fresh to the world, is the result of an unprecedented level of connectivity that exists through the machinations of the Internet and its social media outlets. Millions upon millions of people share the ability to influence a designated space for data deposit, constantly altering the shape and impact of the Web. But what truly perpetuates the drive for new in this context is what can be dubbed, digital instant gratification.

Under the influence of the seamless rapidity at which information, media and content can be shared across the digitized world, a binding link forms between the new and the now.

That is to say, that every moment spent with socialized technology offers an opportunity to indulge in “new” content. In considering the exponential rate at which content develops for consumption, one must ask questions which artists and philosophers alike have asked for centuries: How does this obsession with newness affect artistry? What can the world truly define as new? Does the imperative of creation fall to the basis of output, or innovation? These inquiries serve as impetus for a greater

11

dialogue about the power of art in modernity.

Boris Groys, a noted art critic and social theorist, discusses the conceptions of Modernism and Post-Modernism as a necessitated ebb and flow of creative intent. These two predominant schools of thought offer the spectrum to analyze the interplay between new and now. The condensed interpretation of Groys’ discourse, commenting on the dichotomous schools of thought, boil down to: Post-Modernism insisting on the inability to create unique work, and Modernism’s insistence on creating work as a transgressive force to counteract contemporary paradigms. One may investigate overarching trends in, say, popularized mainstream music as pitted against independent music, as an indication of said dialogue between new and now. Wherein the Post-Modernist stance of, “if it ain’t broke...” prevails in the formulaic approach to creating a majority of major label, radio friendly music, the opposing Modernist stance has the independent musician producing content that abides by self-imposed rules which tend to deviate from the tried and true. But, in this particular day and age, where the indie and the mainstream have their respective channels to disseminate music, the line becomes blurry as to what can be considered standard versus deviant. This is to say that, with the capacity for home studios and autonomous decision-making in music production, the rate at which artists create and deposit their information to the Web expands by leaps and bounds. This has a number of repercussions, some positive and some negative, but what becomes most clear is that the inclination and proclivity to tout deviant content among the independent circuit, ultimately leads to an innumerable amount of carbon copy artists who huddle around the banner of “new” to make more of the same. This inherent and somewhat unavoidable paradox seems to make a case in favor of Post-Modernist theory, however, the musical subtext, marketing pro

cesses and execution methods which denote the major from the indie do draw clear distinctions. And somewhere between mass appeal and the inarguably authentic, is the success of what Groys would call innovation.

He speaks to the value of new art being revealed through an inextricable communication with cultural truths in a given context. Herein he explains that, “...the quest for the new manifests the reality of our culture precisely when that quest is freed of all ideological motivations and justifications...� (On The New, Boris Groys, Introduction, p.7). Essentially, he places the imperative of content production on revealing greater truth in culture. Groys asserts that by playing into the habits of Modernist and Post-Modernist nepotism, the ability to achieve innovation is sacrificed for motive and disproving the opposition. Through a contemporary lens, this manifestation of the new becomes a significantly more complex endeavor. One must be willing to entirely disregard designation or affiliation with an eminent school of thought, and devote their efforts to a powerful game of cultural analysis. This ultimately involves an anachronistic sensibility that draws from the past and present, while paving the way for a malleable creative future. Therein, would be the definitive new that Groys speaks of.

How to do this? Such is the pressing and as yet unanswered question. Within the confines of our insatiable lust for the freshest media and the newest art, it becomes increasingly difficult to define the boundaries of where creativity has not gone. And thus the margins become the greatest spaces for exploration.

The goal becomes a purging of rigidity, where the bone, as paradigm, is but a framework for the cartilage, as new ideas, to move. The ideal is to be Modernist and Post-Modernist at once.

To produce art, content and thought that is true of the world at large, no longer bound by niche and association. And while these propositions are painfully utopian, there is validity

to what they suggest in terms of shaping a new breed of creativity. An urgency of objective thought combined with the careful consideration of what consumers have not yet learned of culture or themselves, with intent to form an even grander landscape for expressivity. In a sense, such calculation neuters the insistence upon the now, whilst accentuating the new.

The aforementioned digital instant gratification could no longer be validated purely on the grounds of temporal pertinence, and instead be measured by an inherent quality of truth in cultural architecture. This objective, in an abstract, surmises the conversation that arises when we consider the new and the now, and ultimately how to have an open dialogue over the conventions of media production. If these sentiments are any indication of the direction in which art and creation can go, we as modern consumers and artists can only activate and perpetuate these ideals so that it will, inevitably, transcend modernity to a greater form.

12

THE SUBTLY DISTURBING AVENTURES OF FELIX JITSO

by Jake Lisabeth Felix woke up on the coldest and stickiest mahogany floor in some might-as-well-be opaque opium den of an apartment I think in Queens, probably Astoria. Last night this dude named Janiver called him a fuckboy, some brownies made four people fall asleep at 8 o’clock, an alarm went on and soon went off, and someone named Mhylo gave their silver wig to a man in a brown suit who was smoking an e-cigarette outside. Last night he saw the girl he would from time to time dream of in both sweet innocence and relentless vulgarity.

Her name was Leila, pronounced Lee-luh. Last name possibly Shaunice, Shannon, or maybe even Shau. Felix had been a lost jackass for roughly 5 years. Right around graduating college was when it started. Last night he continued his trend and drank almost all of the peach flavored sake his friend brought, which inhibited a bunch of people from taking sake bombs which made them mention twice that they one, did not know the belligerent man in the corner drinking all of their liquor and two, imagined he would never introduce himself to them which they we’re cool with. Last night came and went like every other night did in the life of Felix Jitso; and now here he was, staring into the dark space between the tip of his nose and I’d imagine the ceiling, wondering why it was so fucking cold. Headache as insistent on hanging as that dude everyone avoids at any gathering, and a cement stiff erection in his semi-tight jeans. He rose to stand on his feet as would a decrepit figure coming out of a hospital bed. Yeah he was hung over, but the way I see it...no dude. Like why are your bones cracking with each minor elevation, twist, turn, and jerk? But that’s him. He walked out of the apartment as he pushed tiny white ear buds in

13

both ears. He was on the fifth floor. With each stair his feet tapped with white rubber bottoms, half a regret would pop into his mind about the previous night, but soon the door to the street would come like it so often did, and soon enough he’d be walking forward towards a cup of coffee and the feeling that he had all the time in the world to decide what he was going to do with his day. Although, he almost always did nothing. On a yellow lawn chair in the back of the corner store he fucked with cause of the egg sandwiches they made 24/7, he sat.

Pop radio was blaring and a dude that looked like at the front of the shop dropped a bag of rice and didn’t put it back on the shelf. “I feel like I would’ve put it back.” He thought. “I feel like there’s more of an effort to not do anything than to attempt anything at all.” That feeling happened where you realize you’re sitting on a flat material in your back pocket. He reached in and pulled put a note. Never had he been written a note folded, and this one had a metro card in it? The note read: Felix, you owe me that dinner now, and I don’t care that you don’t wanna pay for a metro card. Here’s mine. See you later. Signed Leila (Lee-luh). Last night at some point, Felix did something possibly good.

I think he did. He showed himself to someone and there was a positive reaction. He had to figure it out. Whatever it was. He rose out of the chair and moved like a cold wind was pulling him by the shoelaces, and he smiled an oddly genuine smile. A smile because for the first time in a long while, Felix had somewhere to be.

A BROAD ABROAD

by Rachel Gill

Although my last few days in the US before leaving for four months should’ve been filled with nerves and terror, they were instead filled with free drinks and hours on the dance floor.

I turned 21! By the time I sobered up and accepted the reality of leaving home, I was flying.

Putting my travel aside, I am a junior dance major studying abroad this fall at Amsterdam School of The Arts. Once I arrived, I spent a couple of days in a surreal state as I adjusted to a six hour time change, explored my neighborhood, and took care of the necessities before classes began. I bought a used bike from a bike shop down the street from my apartment. My travel companion, Amanda, lucked out and was able to buy a children’s bike because she is so small, 5’2”, spending

40 euros less than my adult body.

Once we had bikes, we started to explore the city. For me, it’s difficult to navigate the streets of NYC (a literal grid), so you can imagine how I struggled with a series of rings called Amsterdam. Thankfully, the Dutch people have been generous in giving me directions (which I ask for often).

On our first day of school, it really hit me that I was indeed a foreigner. All the students were greeting each other kissing, and speaking in Dutch. I thought about my friends back at Purchase doing the same, but now I’m seeing it all from the outside; however, I’ve pleasantly enjoyed being foreign. When I roam the streets, I passively listen to conversations I can’t decipher, just sounds. I am alone with my thoughts surrounded by strangers who have entirely zero expectations of me and I feel liberated.

The authenticity of my foreign experience has its limits, however. The Dutch people also

CONTINUED ON PAGE 29

14

GUT I CAN’T BELI

TER

EVE ITS NOT

BEER PONG V. BEIRUT: A HISTORY

by Ariana Cuadra

17

Every college’s most popular sport is, of course, beer pong. But here’s a shocker-Did you know that you’re actually most likely playing a game called Beirut? Beer pong and Beirut are very similar on the surface; both are played with ten cups, a table, and a ping pong ball. However, if you’re adding extra rules to your beer pong game, like re-racks, bounces, calling solo, etc., it’s actually Beirut.

According to an article by Thrillist.com, beer pong was invented at Dartmouth College somewhere between late 50’s and early 60’s.

At the time, it was actually played with handle-less paddles, not thrown by hand. By the 80’s it had spread to other colleges such as Lehigh and Bucknell. The article interviews several alumni from these schools, who both claim that they were responsible for the transition into a paddle-less game.

This new game needed a name, and it was Reagan’s foreign policy which would soon inspire the name “Beirut”. In 1983, 241 US Marines stationed in Beirut’s international airport were killed by suicide bombers. Students at the time drew an obtuse relationship between the game and this incident. The Thrillist article cites a 2004 essay written by Anoop Rathod called “The True Origins of Beirut and Beer Pong.” Rathod interviewed Duane Kosten, Lehigh ’86, who claimed that his peers found an”analogy between the ping-pong balls flying across the table and landing on the opponent’s side,” and “an idea that the US should bomb Beirut” in revenge for the attack.

All in all, it should be our duty to carry on the legacy set by our collegiate forbearers and give them the respect to get the name of the game right. Remember, if you’re playing with rules it’s called Beirut, and it’s named in memoriam of the Marines who lost their lives in 1983.

Let’s not forget so easily.

Here are some of the rules for Beirut:

Bounce-backs—If a shot ball misses and rolls back on the table, the thrower can pick it back up and get an extra shot from behind their back.

Island—If a cup is isolated and you call your shot and make it in, your opponent drinks two cups Satellite—A random cup on both sides is filled to the top. If you make that cup, the opponent has to chug the full beer.

NBA Jam—make two cups in a row, you get another shot. Make three in a row, you shoot until you miss.

Death cup—if your ball lands in a cup your opponent is holding in their hands, you win the game.

Re-racks—each side has the option to consolidate the cups they’re shooting at into easier to hit clusters

SAD PARTY GIRL VS. ST.IDES A REVIEW OF THE FUNCTION

I took my precious lukewarm 40 oz out of the fridge that I accidentally left in for only five minutes, packed it in my backpack, kissed my self respect goodbye (on the cheek) and walked out my door.

“A beautiful evening!” I yelled into the void as I lit my farm fresh cigarette. “I feel good about what I am about to do to my liver!” I got some “woops” and “hell yeahs” from fellow students and man oh man, was I riding high. I rolled on down the dimly lit Neu path all the way to the beautiful Olde, feeling a strong appreciation for the transition from the old to the new, the passing of time, history...someone may have been about to drink a St. Ides in 1978 on this very path! As I was thinking fondly about students before me getting malt liquor drunk, I bumped into the person I used to sleep with

but just said “Hi” and not “I remember what you look like naked” and I was proud of me for being cordial and polite.

I continued on to the “pregame” apartment, (for those that do not know, pregaming is when you get pre-party drunk.) My appreciation for the pregame is vast because you can get out all of your sad existential energy before you go to the real party so you won’t be a piece of garbage “bummer” and ruins everyone’s f’ing “vibe” as the teens say. So there I was at the pregame crying to Taylor Swift with my good pal but I think we ruined everyone at the pregame’s f’ing “vibes” because they left to go to the party without us. At this point I was 1/4ths done with my 40 oz, so I was 1/4ths drunk, A.K.A the perfect “Start of The Party” drunk.

We wiped our tears off of our faces and walked down the street to The Function.

The actual party was a real hoot. Initially, all the drunk babies were just sitting at their living room table, until someone started playing “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj (pour one out) and a white boy got the F up and started singing all of the words. At that moment the party was officially “lit” because the white boy was going nuts about this song and everyone was vibing off of his passionate energy. By the end of the song I was now 2/4ths done with my St. Ides potion and I took about 50 selfies with an oversized Teddy Bear. I was definitely feeling Drunk and I was definitely trying to mack the fuck out with some cutie and my crush had just liked my selfie on Instagram, so there were a lot of feelings happening. I was like “who the fuck wants to kiss this ass” but to myself alone (whispering).

I realized the only way to kiss a cutie is to go right up to the cutie and say “you wanna kiss?” and as I was thinking about this I got nervous and was now 3/4ths done with my malt liquor magic drink and asking anyone a question would probably come out like “KISS THIS ASS RIGHT NOW BABY!” so I decided to keep my trash mouth shut. I went home alone, but I

also stayed up until 4 in the morning talking to my Instagram crush cutie babe and the drunk was shaken out of me because I was so “heart eyes Emoji.” So I won in some ways. I got drunk and hung out with a fake bear and danced my pants off and got to subtly flirt with my #1 crush babe. So I think the moral of the story is this: keep your drunk mouth shut and go home alone and hang out on the internet.

-Sad Party Girl

18

10 BEST BACK TO SCHOOL MOVIES

by Tyler Rescigno

ANIMAL HOUSE The “Citizen Cane” of comedies is John Landis’ magnum opus “Animal House”. Thirty-six years past its 1978 release, “Animal House” still sets the standard for college movies and comedies in general.

The film broke down traditional film boundaries for its focus on racy politics, openness with sex and its rock n roll soundtrack.

DAZED AND CONFUSED Richard Linklater continues to impress with his latest “Boyhood” but it’s this 1993 classic that still makes us nostalgic about the last days of high school. Set in 1976, “Dazed and Confused” still manages, through relatable characters and sincere dialogue, to reflect our culture and remind us about how excited we were for college.

AMERICAN GRAFFITI One of the finest films ever made comes from the mind that brought us “Star Wars.” Set in 1962 George Lucas’, “American Graffiti” , gives us an insight on teenage life during the times of drive-ins and the birth of rock n’ roll.

“American Graffiti” continues to be praised for its direction, ensemble star cast and inspiring cinematography.

OLD SCHOOL Earmuffs! Will Ferrel, Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson prove you’re never too old to go back to school, or, start a frat at least. These three frat brothers remain funny 11 years past the release by throwing Snoop Dogg hosted parties, being tranquilized and celebrating the life of their boy Blue.

19

THE SOCIAL NETWORK Facebook’s inception and legal drama is played out in David Fincher’s “The Social Network.” A topic that would seem unexciting but; fueled by quick dialogue, great performances and Trent Reznor’s flawless soundtrack, David Fincher’s “The Social Network” captures the fast paced and often distant internet age we live in.

SPRING BREAKERS Harmony Korine shows us the dark side of spring break through scenes of violence, armed robbery and a Riff-Raff inspired James Franco. While our culture doesn’t look too flattering under Korine’s lense; the film does make us excited for spring break.

21 JUMP STREET Not many remakes work. Even less do comedic remakes work but this reworking of the 1987 TV series of the same name does. Starring Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum with a brilliant cameo from two members of the original cast “21 Jump Street” is a generational must see.

HOW HIGH Method Man and Redman get accepted into Harvard with the help of a dead friend and some weed. Need I say more? While receiving overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics the film is now a cult and stoner classic.

FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH The debut film by Cameron Crowe that also launched the careers of Sean Penn, Nicolas Cage and Forest Whitaker is now considered as one of the best comedies of all time despite its critical panning during its release in 1982.

Through hilarious and unforgettable characters “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” makes us wish we hung out with Spicoli.

ACCEPTED Welcome to The South Harmon Institute of Technology. Jonah Hill and Justin Long bring us to their fake college that hosts classes such as “Men the Weaker Sex” and “Walking Around Thinking About Stuff.” Classes that wouldn’t be too out of place here at Purchase.

20

GAMES THAT YOU CAN PLAY INSTEAD OF EXPERIENCING SOCIAL ANXIETY AT THE PUNK SHOW (WHAT IS THAT THING ANYWAY?)

by Read More It’s the beginning of the Fall Semester and you’ve probably already had a couple of weekends to explore and attend some sick events around the campus. One of the more popular functions here is the punk show. These things are great because you can view a variety of bands and get really sweaty, lose your friends, and probably end up back in your room crying in front of your computer and watching twitch. tv streams by yourself. However, that situation is an outlier has probably never happened to me. Ever.

Getting back on topic, punk shows are great places for high energy fun, but for those of us who struggle with simple social interactions it can be an anxiety-inducing experience. It might be safer in these situations to simply retreat to your room, turn on your PC (you’re using one of these and not a Macbook if you’re playing games, right?) and play a nice video game. If you’re one of those people who agrees with me on this, just keep reading and try these games out.

LEAGUE OF LEGENDS (FREE) – The premiere

anti-social, social video game where you can relieve your IRL stress on other unsuspecting jerks! Did you mess up that tower dive in top lane and feed a double kill to the enemy Ryze as Nidalee? Just blame your friendly neighborhood jungler, Lee Sin! It doesn’t matter if the person behind the computer suffers terrible performance anxiety and decides to quit the game and sell their account and switch to competitive Smite because they heard the community was nicer there after your raging. They totally deserved it, dangit.

21

PAYDAY 2 ($29.99) – For those with 3 other

friends that can tolerate a bit of security camera alarm induced rage. Seriously Dominick, I swear I was behind the wall. Dude, come on. The stealth missions in this game are fun when they work out because the endless waves of trigger happy cops won’t show up and drop kick you, taunting “You call that resisting arrest? Hah!”. Actually, if you’re sensitive to insults from artificial intelligence it may be best not to play this one. You may also want to avoid it if your alignment is anything other than Chaotic or Lawful Evil.

ROGUE LEGACY ($14.99) – The only feeling that

is more fun to experience than anxiety is rage /s. The real challenge in this game is staying alive for longer than 5 minutes which is coincidentally the amount of time it takes to gather enough gold to be 100 short of whatever item you were trying to buy. When you respawn with this embarrassing amount of gold it is best to dump it into stat increases that actually wont help you get much further at all. Seriously, fuck this game.

Instead of experiencing the stressful tendencies of outside life you can have fun with these video games like I do! After all, it’s not a good game unless you’re sweating and have stopped talking to at least one of your immediate friends for the night. That my friends, is how you play video games.

“Meth. That’s the joke.”

“Shortly after this screenshot was taken I died. Yeah.”

“You’re gonna have to get used to this screen if you start playing this game.”

22

10 WORD MUSIC REVIEWS

by Ross Pannebecker

HELLO MY NAME IS ROSS PANNEBECKER I LIKE MUSIC A LOT AND IT IS ALWAYS NICE TO DISCOVER NEW MUSIC BUT THERE IS SO MUCH OF IT AND OFTENTIMES IT IS TEDIOUS TO PORE OVER MUSIC BLOGS AND THE LIKE SO HERE I HAVE MADE FOR YOU (YES YOU) SOME QUICK LIL SNIPPETY ALBUM REVIEWS SO THAT YOU CAN KEEP UP WITH YOUR BUSY 21ST-CENTURY LIFE, ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM YELLING RUSTIE - GREEN LANGUAGE (WARP): ‘RAPTOR’ IS GREAT THE REST IS KINDA GENERIC AND BORING 2/5 (EXCEPT FOR “RAPTOR” WHICH IS A SOLID 5/5) WIZ KHALIFA - BLACC HOLLYWOOD (ROSTRUM/ ATLANTIC): 420 BLAZE IT SAME STUFF YOU’VE ALREADY HEARD NOT TERRIBLE 3/5 MONO/POLY - GOLDEN SKIES (BRAINFEEDER): CHILL BEATS NOTHING SPECIAL BUT NONETHELESS OVERALL ENJOYABLE AND WORTHWHILE 4/5 OPETH - PALE COMMUNICATION (ROADRUNNER): HEY THIS ISN’T PROG METAL IT’S SOME ALT ROCK BULLSHIT 1/5

23

BASEMENT JAXX - JUNTO (ATLANTIC JAXX): YEAH THIS SOUNDS LIKE BASEMENT JAXX ALRIGHT NOT BAD THOUGH 3/5 TY SEGALL MANIPULATOR (DRAG CITY): I FUCK WITH THIS IT’SSEGALL WHAT IT- MANIPULATOR SHOULD BE (LUSH) 4/5 TY (DRAG CITY): I FUCK WITH THIS IT’S WHAT IT SHOULD BE APHEX TWIN (LUSH) 4/5 - MINIPOPS 67 [120.2] [SHORT FIELD MIX] (WARP): THE CORNISH KING RETAKES HIS THRONE, VERY67 PROMISING VERY APHEX TWIN - MINIPOPS [120.2] [SHORT EXCITED 5/5 FIELD MIX] (WARP): THE CORNISH KING RETAKES HIS THRONE, VERY PROMISING VERY DEATH FROM EXCITED 5/5 ABOVE 1979 - THE PHYSICAL WORLD (LAST GANG): DEAR LORD THIS WAS WELL WORTH THE 101979 YEAR- WAIT 5/5 DEATH FROM ABOVE THE PHYSICAL WORLD (LAST GANG): DEAR LORD THIS WAS PEAERWORTH - THE EYES INTOWAIT THE5/5 SKULL WELL THE SINK 10 YEAR (SELF-RELEASED): CHILL MELODIC WATERY PEAER - THE EYES SINK INTO THE SKULL GOODNESS FROM PURCHASE’S BIGGEST (SELF-RELEASED): CHILL MELODIC WATERY SWEETHEART PETER KATZ 4/5 GOODNESS FROM PURCHASE’S BIGGEST SWEETHEART PETER KATZ 4/5 LEE GAMBLE - KOCH (PAN): FREAKY AMBIENCEGAMBLE AND ENTIRELY UNDANCABLE LEE - KOCH (PAN): FREAKYBEATS AMBI- (IN A GOOD WAY) 4/5 ENCE AND ENTIRELY UNDANCABLE BEATS (IN A GOOD WAY) 4/5 MOONFACE - CITY WRECKER [EP] (JAGJAGUWAR): USUALLY DON’T LIKE[EP] THIS KINDA MOONFACE - CITYI WRECKER (JAGJAGSTUFF BUT THIS? YES 3/5 UWAR): USUALLY I DON’T LIKE THIS KINDA STUFF BUT THIS? YES 3/5

PEAER-THE EYES SINK INTO THE SKULL 24

SOUND BITES

by Abby Adams

3. Top the glasses off with sparkling water (tap water works too).

4. Garnish with a slice of lemon and a sprig of lavender (or mint, or basil).

As summer comes to a close each year, and school draws near, I always become anxious about the seasons changing. It’s terrible, my garden slowly withes into dust and New York slowly withers. I love New York in autumn, but food is never the same after a summer of fresh tomatoes and herbs from my front yard. Food that thrives in summer just doesn’t taste the same in the fall. Here are some recipes that help me cope with the crevasse that forms in my heart each September. These recipes use some of my favorite ingredients that I grow each year. I have a soft spot for freshly picked lavender, mint, and garden tomatoes.

I’m leaving out specific amounts, because the amounts really depend on your personal preference. It’s too early to celebrate Autumn’s apples, so I’m hanging on to the summer with all that I can. I’m latching onto hiking in the Catskills, and really sweaty days in Manhattan.

Here’s to being back at Purchase, but more than that, here’s to the beach, my garden, and gigs in the city; here’s to summer!

MENU: LAVENDER LEMON FIZZ 1. Prepare simple syrup of lemon juice, zest, and sugar. You want enough juice to cover the sugar, and should have roughly equal amounts of each. Heat the juice and sugar in a saucepan, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Add a handful of roughly chopped lavender leaves (substitute with fresh basil or mint if you can’t find lavender). Take the syrup off of the heat, and let it cool. The longer you let the syrup sit, the more the flavors will meld. I let mine sit for a few hours. The syrup becomes beautifully fragrant, and makes my kitchen smell delicious.

2. Once the syrup has chilled, divide it equally among tall glasses of ice.

25

WATERMELON AND SPEARMINT SALAD 1. Dice up as much watermelon as you like and put it into a bowl. I prefer to use seedless ones, but you don’t have to. Use whatever looks the best at the grocery (or at the hub).

2. Zest a lime, and sprinkle the zest over the watermelon. Juice the lime, and again, add as much lime as you like, tasting as you go.

3. Finely chop a large handful of spearmint leaves, stir them in.

4. Garnish with a spring of mint and serve.

PRESSED TURKEY, TOMATO AND GOAT CHEESE SANDWICH. 1.THIS IS ESSENTIALLY A GRILLED CHEESE, standard grilled cheese principles apply.

2.Butter the outer sides of your bread slices.

3.Top one slice with mayonnaise, honey mustard, and sliced turkey.

4.On the other slice, spread a good amount of goat cheese (you can substitute your favorite cheese, but goat cheese is awesome here).

5.Top the second slice (with the goat cheese) with a large slice of tomato, salt and freshly ground black pepper.

6.ASSEMBLE THE MAGICAL SANDWICH. 7.Heat up a pan with some butter in it.

8.Toast the sandwich over medium heat until golden and crispy on each side. The fillings should be heated through and melty, too.

- Side note: If you can make this over a campfire, which probably isn’t allowed on campus, you should do it that way. I’m not saying to do it on campus. Don’t set any fires outside of a fireplace, people.

THESE RECIPES PAIR WELL WITH THESE SONGS: Heart It Races by Architecture In Helsinki (Dr. Dog cover) This song is a cover, and I feel that it’s superior

to the original, but listen to both and judge it yourself. Seriously though, big round bass playing, a great groove, and catchy lyrics, what else can I ask for? Oh, and nice beach-y guitar riffs.

This song always makes me move. The first time that I saw Dr. Dog was in August at the Williamsburg Waterfront a few years ago.

They’re superb. They’re fun, and light, just like the meal that I hope you’ll make from these recipes.

Blue Spotted Tail by Fleet Foxes I purchased this record just after it was released in 2011. I first realized how much I love “Blue Spotted Tail” at midnight on my annual camping trip in the Catskills last year. My friend played it for me and demanded that my boyfriend and I make it “our song.” This song is endlessly romantic, and makes my heart squeeze. It’s a lot like the song that my boyfriend wrote for me just after we met two years ago, so yes, I’m being cheesy and meeting my friend’s demands. Plus, it’s light and fizzy, just like my Lemon Lavender Fizz. Both this song and lavender as an ingredient make me feel as though I’ve been smelling lilacs in my front yard.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 27

26

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 26 Honey Bunny by Girls Surf rock anyone? This song reminds me of high school, the beach, and the time I saw them live at Terminal 5 downtown. Anyways, after long, hot days at the beach (or in Manhattan) I always crave something cool, like watermelon and mint. There, connection made.

Tick of Time by The Kooks Travelling, travelling back to school, days getting shorter, nostalgia....yeah, all of those bittersweet things that have to happen when we get ready to good ole’ Purchase. I love being back here. The song feels significantly more minor in the intro, the band laughs a bit, and then the song gets bittersweet. I can’t think of a more direct way to represent time passing and things changing. This song is less connected to the recipes listed but I couldn’t leave it out.

Is Your Love Big Enough? by Lianne LaHavas Lianne LaHavas sings about being in the city.

This song is great while riding the subway. It’s a foolproof way to stay in a good mood while sweaty sardine people scowl down at you on the train. You know what I also like to do while listening to this? I like eating sandwiches. That sounds absurd, but just try my turkey-tomato sandwich while listening to this. It’s hilarious.

This Is My Hand by My Brightest Diamond This track is here because it was just released, and is the title track on my favorite artist’s new record. Shara Worden is an impeccable singer, and her songs are hauntingly splendid. I’ll probably write about her music fairly often. As usual, she’s accompanied by one of my favorite classical ensembles, yMusic. This record marks a stylistic catharsis in Worden’s career, something I relate to the changing seasons. On every record, she blends classical vocal technique with gritty rock guitar and lovely classical accompaniment, however, on this record, she seems to be moving towards a slightly more simpler style, with a slight “pop” affectation. I still love her.

27

THIS S*** IS IMPORTANT (TSII)

by Jack Tomascak

Hey you kids out there with the music headphones and the small longboards and the hair and shit. It’s Jack and they gave me this column to talk about stuff. This summer was quite eventful, cyber-bros! My summer was spent sitting in my room, looking at it, wanting to clean it, and then going to the ER to treat my most exciting medical adventure in years.

Turns out when you combine inflammation in the cartilage connecting your sternum to your ribs with a panic attack, you basically have a heart attack without actually having a heart attack. Same exact symptoms, baby! I’m okay now, though.

Other than that, the most important thing I’ve taken away from this summer: I LOVE ROCK MUSIC FROM THE 90’S. I didn’t listen to almost anything new this summer (aside from the Radiator Hospital LP). This has been the summer of Karate, Seam, The Van Pelt, Tortoise, c-clamp, Colossal (they’re from the early aughts but fuck it), Sea Snakes, etc. I’m here to give you three essential tracks that I think you should be listening to from this period of rock and roll history. If you don’t like them that’s fine I guess, but just know that the next time I see you you’re getting called out.

Do The Lovers Still Meet at the Chiang KaiShek Memorial? by The Van Pelt (from Sultans of Sentiment, 1996) Spacious lyrics. Vamping guitars. Simple structures. Slint/Sonic Youth vibes. They can get noisy but they know how to really move you.

The guy just talks when he delivers the lyrics.

Someone in the band is Ted Leo’s cousin? This track is an incredibly compelling journey with one of the best true rhythm guitar parts I’ve ever heard.

There Are Ghosts by Karate(from The Bed Is In The Ocean, 1998) Karate may very well define my college years.

They can be found at the intersection of emo, jazz, blues, punk, and straight up rock. This record finds them at their highest peak before going down a trail of long guitar solos and expanded song structure. Here you’ll find the best clean guitar tone that you’ll ever hear.

You’ll also hear some very well thought out lyrics that flow like fucking hot fudge over your gaping mouth, touching on paranoia and the trouble in keeping a secret and the simultaneous pleasure and discomfort of being alone.

Berlitz by Seam (from Are You Driving Me Crazy? 1995) Apparently this band was an influence on Smashing Pumpkins. I read that once and don’t remember where it was. Anyway, if you like “slowcore,” this is for you. It’s cathartic as heck. Check out the music video for this track to see the definitive “most 1995 indie rock video” ever. Hope you enjoy this thing and hopefully next time I’ll have something a little bit more universal to touch on. Let’s chat soon, OK? Thanks.

CONTINUED FROM A BROAD ABROAD, PAGE 14 speak English and they generally like Americans. I have wi-fi (they pronounce it wee-fee) in my apartment and many places around the city - so I’m not as detached from familiarity as I like to fantasize I am, making it easy to fall in love with this alienated idea of myself.

Once dance classes began, however, the foreign feeling quickly vanished. It fascinates me how easily art can dissolve barriers between people. The dancers at my school come from all over the world: Ukraine, Belgium, Germany, Spain, Australia, and obviously Holland, but in the dance studio we are nothing more than humans exploring and researching movement together in a open and judgement-free space.

The dichotomy of feeling foreign and at home is strange, yet it exhilarates and proves to me I really don’t have a concrete understanding of home, except that it evolves. While I’m sure homesickness will catch up with me in a month or so, I find comfort knowing I am only expanding the people, places, and experiences in my world, in any case, a stroopwafel here or there helps cure any bad feelings!

28

HIGH

by Mallomar I don’t remember smoking it I remember being high and the poster of the yellow dog that I stared at “hey Avery you’re drooling” I wiped my mouth and looked for the yellow dog but it wasn’t there as my body between the door and my chair turned around sat back down and drooled some more

THE HUB 9/7/14

by Mallomar

It was a semi-sweet moment. The Hub, newly funded by Kony 2012 had and insatiable hunger for seniors who, with too many gen-ed credits, were unable to get an apartment and therefore a non-traditional meal plan. King Chartwell threw some 60 year old greenhorn cashiers to the fire just to remind us that old dogs can’t learn shit because they’re old, while he, for the 15th year in a row was unable to qualify for the PGA tour despite having a handicap of just 12. When asked about his golf cart he stated, “Dude, it’s my dads.” The Hub: a reflection of Chartwell, remains scrutable.

NOTE: HIGH AND THE HUB ARE PIECES OF SATIRE

29

PURCHASE YIK YAKS

30