HYDES’ HOPES

By Michael Hydes

Enjoy yourself

One of the founding principles of the Metropolitan Community Church was the healthy integration of sexuality and spirituality. Understandably, for an LGBTQ+ founded organisation, because the Christian Church has a lot to answer for the way it’s treated God’s LGBTQ+ children over the years.

When same sex relationships are demonised, you demonise the emotions that LGBTQ+ people feel. Those very healthy and normal feelings become a burden. It’s easy to think: If I am damned for feeling this, then I must be damned for who I am. I can’t deny who I am, so I am doomed.

It becomes a downward spiral. If I am damned for who I am then it really doesn’t matter what I do. If I go to Hell (or excommunicated) just for thinking this way, being this way, then my punishment wouldn’t be any worse if my sexual behaviour was predatory, narcissistic, or abusive. Internalised homophobia can so warp a person that they themselves become the voice of homophobia. Think of how many preachers have been ‘outed’ for being gay after they have spent so many years condemning homosexuality.

I believe that over the centuries the teachings of the Church have been responsible for lots of unhealthy and abusive sex, and much pain and suffering across the board; much of which could have been avoided if the Church had actually understood the first thing about love.

In truth, religion is like sex, in that there is healthy religion and unhealthy religion; healthy sex and unhealthy sex. Healthy religion is religion that grounds us in a greater reality; that deepens and enriches our walk with God and each other. Healthy sex is, as the BDSM community often say, Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Sex in a committed relationship is wonderful, but then so is sex in a sauna. There’s nothing wrong with the sex in itself. But we’d probably all agree that cheating on a partner is bad, aiming to hurt someone in some way is bad, using sex to manipulate or control others is bad. It’s not the sex in itself that’s bad, it’s the motivation and intent.

In general, healthy sex shouldn’t hurt (at least not in a bad way), and it shouldn’t harm. Healthy sex enriches our lives, often engendering intimacy, and is a fundamental part of who we are. God made sex to be enjoyed – regardless of our sexuality!

Yes, biblical law seems to condemn homosexuality – yet the same book seems to suggest that same-sex love is beautiful. The words used at so many weddings: Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die – there will I be buried; were actually said by one woman to another. And when speaking of Jonathan, King David wrote: I have delighted in you, and your love for me was wonderful, beyond even the love of women. Just two examples of many.

If you are struggling with your faith and sexuality then give me a call. The truth is that God loves you just as you are, and is much more interested in your heart than who you have sex with. It turns out that God made sex to be enjoyed. What a relief!