..no blacks, no asians, white only.By Sonny Singh

We all have various forms of identity, some self-imposed, some genetically provided, some from our achievements, some from our failures.

Sukhbir is 40, British, a brother, a son, of Indian descent, and gay.

Ibrahim is 35, British, a brother, a son, of Nigerian descent and gay.

James is 55, British, a brother, a son, of English descent and gay.

Brown, Black and White.

By now you have already created a mental image of the physical attributes of Sukhbir, Ibrahim and James and formed preconceptions of the three gay men. There is not anything wrong with that, it is human nature to make an initial assessment of someone.

"Hi Sukhbir, how are you? That is how you pronounce your name? Where are you from? No, I meant where are you from originally? Are you hairy? It must be hard being gay and Asian? Are you married? Are you in the closet?"

"Hi Ibrahim, how are you? How do you properly pronounce your name? Where are you from? No, I meant where you from originally? It must be hard being gay and Black? Have you got a big ...?"

"Hi James, how are you? Looking for fun? What you into?”

If you're a person of colour and gay, you're probably well used to being Sukhbir or Ibrahim and having those very questions asked to you on many occasions.

Like many of you, I have used the online dating Apps and have become accustomed to the terminology and etiquette of chatting online. Most of the apps have a field for 'ethnicity' which I assume allows guys to make a view if they fancy that person, along with height, age, build, body hair, sexual role etc.

I often wonder who reads all that information. Most of us look at someone’s pictures and make an instant judgement if you fancy them or not, and if you want to click on “chat”. Unless your profile picture is of a scenic landscape or an animal, you can clearly see if someone is a person of colour. Why therefore is it necessary to have “ethnicity” as a field. Don’t get me wrong. I do not have an issue with disclosing my ethnicity and am proud of my heritage. When it comes to online dating and guys hooking up, how important is “ethnicity” in our decision making process?

What I do have a problem with is the language used by some of our community in online descriptions and chats. I have travelled the world and am pleased to see it is universal. We can be rude and blatant across all ages and race. It is a minority however still common.

“No offence, but no Asians, no Blacks. I’m not racist just not my type”. I have seen this on many a profile and many a response to my simple “Hi, how are you?” It is entirely your opinion if you think this is an acceptable form of communication. Personally, as a Person of Colour I do find it offensive and unnecessary. Why not keep it to yourself if a different coloured person is not your type? What is wrong with “sorry, not my type, but good luck”, or if that is too much effort, block or do not respond at all. All would be a far better response than racial slurs which are best left to the history books.

Our online language is not exclusive to rejections based on race. Weight, hair colour, body hair, age are more examples of making someone feel less worthy in our community.

So, next time you are Grinding, Growling, Scruffing, Tindering or Matching away, maybe a polite "you're not my type, but thanks anyway" would be less offensive than "no thanks, I don't do Black or Asian!