Tips for Dads and Father Figures

BY NICOLE M. YOUNG, MSW

I have many happy childhood memories of my dad playing the guitar and singing, instigating highly competitive family croquet tournaments (which my dad usually won), and teaching my siblings and me how to use tools then creating a “workshop” in the garage so we could experiment with wood scraps — just to name a few.

Other childhood memories involve events that were stressful then but hold a special place in my heart now – like the time my dad convinced me to go on an amusement park ride with him and I ended up crying in terror every time the ride dipped and my stomach dropped. I buried my face in my dad’s chest while he held me tight and reassured me it would be over soon (laughing and enjoying the ride the whole time).

Whether those memories are filled with joy or fear, I recall how my dad’s words and presence made me feel safe, secure, loved, and cared for. During this month of celebrating and supporting dads, I hope that every child has a dad, stepdad, uncle, papá, foster dad, or other father figure who makes them feel this way, too.

This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have questions for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org.

Dear Nicole,

My partner and I just adopted two siblings – a 5-year old boy and an 8-month old girl. We’ve always wanted to be dads but we’re total newbies. Neither of us had good role models when we were growing up. We want things to be different with our kids, but we don’t know what we’re doing. Got any tips for us? -Sergio

Dear Sergio, Congratulations on becoming dads! Fathers and father figures play a critical role in children’s well-being, but it still takes time, practice, and patience to be the kind of dad you want to be. That’s because parenting is hard work and children don’t come with an instruction manual! Here are some tips to try: Spend quality time with your children every day. Find moments throughout the day to give them your undivided attention and affection. Turn everyday tasks such as changing diapers, eating meals, and getting dressed into quality time by giving a hug, smiling, or talking with them. This kind of brief and frequent quality time lets your children know you love and care for them, and that you’re available when they need you. This is the foundation for positive relationships throughout life.

Do engaging activities together. This is another way to spend quality time together while encouraging learning, curiosity, creativity, and skill-building. Read books, play games, go on walks, make meals together – these are all things you can do with your children at any age that will become the basis of their happy childhood memories. Do activities that your children are interested in and follow their lead. And yes, this could mean playing endless games of peek-a-boo or reading the same book a million times.

Work as a team with your partner. Talk with your partner about the family rules and expectations that matter to both of you, including how you will handle discipline. This will help make sure you’re on the same page as a parenting team before challenges occur. Make time for you and your partner to talk and connect.

Be the role model you wish you’d had. Your children are constantly learning by watching and listening to the way you communicate with others, handle emotions, and solve problems – even when it seems like they’re not paying attention to you.

Final Thoughts: Being a loving, nurturing, supportive father or father figure supports children’s self-esteem, emotional resilience, social skills, and school readiness, and increases their chances of success in school and other activities throughout life.

Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 23, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

First Friday Santa Cruz 5-8pm On the first Friday evening of every month, Santa Cruz galleries, shops, and cultural venues open their doors to showcase the works of Santa Cruz County artists. With a block party-like vibe, the multi-venue event provides an opportunity to discover local creative talent in a fun and festive setting. Many venues entice attendees with yummy cheese-and-wine-filled spreads, while others have food trucks joining in on the fun.

Moonlight Madness 6-10pm Come spend an evening of astronomy and galactic greatness at Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. Enjoy live jazz music, astronomy arts and crafts, listen to a guest speaker, explore the redwood grove beneath the moonlight, and stargaze with the Santa Cruz Astronomy Club! Meet in front of the visitor center. Free event. Vehicle day-use fee is $10. For more information, call 831.335.7077.

Storywalk on the Patio 10am-5pm Fun for all ages! Follow the pages around the patio on this self-guided stroll and read a beautifully illustrated story along the way.

“The Keeper of Wild Words” by Brooke Smith is presented for your enjoyment by the Friends of the Scotts Valley Branch Library during the month of June.

First Saturday Tours 11am-12:30pm The first Saturday of each month, the Arboretum offers a docent or staff-led tour of the Arboretum. Sometimes you will see New Zealand, South Africa, California or Australia. Sometimes you might see combinations of several gardens, the developing World Conifer Collection, or Rare Fruit Garden. Tour length varies depending on what’s in bloom and what the participants request.

High School Youth Group 6:308:30pm Throughout the Summer on Tuesday nights, students entering 9th through 12th grades are invited to this casual group where friendships to last an eternity are fostered. For more information, email adam@bccchurch. org or visit the events calendar at www. bccchurch.org.

STELLAR! Vacation Bible Camp 5-7:30pm Get those moon boots on and blast off for an out-of-this-world adventure! Each day will be filled with immersive Bible-learning, sciency-fun gizmos, games, music, and fantastic dinners as we learn how to see evidence of God in every day life. For kids entering kinder - 5th Grades (2023-2024). Register at www.bccchurch.org.

SUN 14

The Santa Cruz Antique Faire 8am6pmThe fair is held the second Sunday of every month. Vendors offer an eclectic blend of antiques and unique items, vintage clothing, collectibles and more on Lincoln Street between Pacific and Cedar. downtownsantacruz.com/see/downtownantique-faire

SUN 18

10th Annual SCM Makers Market 10am-5pm Find one-of-a-kind handmade items from local artists and makers. Enjoy live music, food, beer and wine. At Hallcrest Vineyards in Felton. scmmakersmarket.com

June 2

Broken English w/opener Soquel High Jazz Band

June 9

The Neverland Band w/opener Shoreline Middle School “Summer Band”

June 16

James Durbin & The Lost Boys w/opener Coffee Zombie Collective

June 23

Ribsys Nickel w/opener Joshua Cremer

June 30

Afrobeats Nite Santa Cruz w/opener Carolyn Sills Duo eventsantacruz.com/event/midtown-fridays-summer-block-party-2023

Fall Session

Sept 29th – Dec 8th Friday, 9-10:30am or 11-12:30pm

An introduction for you and your young child to the rich, developmental approach of Waldorf Education (walking to 3 years).

Register today!

Santa Cruz Juneteenth Noon-5pm

Juneteenth is a special day for anyone who believes in freedom and equality for all people. Enjoy music, poetry, dance, delicious soul food, arts & crafts, basketball skills contest and the annual sack race! In Laurel Park. Free

Summer Kick-Off Festival 11am-3pm

This annual festival promises to be a day of nature-filled family fun — both out in the sunshine and within our Museum galleries. Free admission to the Museum and outdoor festivities. At Santa Cruz Museum of Natural History Entertainment in the Amphitheater.

Woodies on the Wharf 10am-3:30pm

Come see the more than 200 “Woodies”, gorgeous, pre-1950s cars that feature wood bodies, line the Santa Cruz Wharf. Stroll the Wharf and enjoy dozens of shops and restaurants and stellar coastal views while you soak up the sun and beauty of Northern California’s premier “Woodie” show. At 3:30pm, be sure to take part in the Woodies Send-Off Parade! Alternative transportation available to the wharf including free bike valet and the Santa Cruzer Beach and Downtown Shuttle ($1)

Sunday Art at the Beach 11am5pm Enjoy an afternoon in Capitola at the Sunday Art at the Beach event this summer at Esplanade Park overlooking the Monterey Bay. Browse quality artwork including painting, photography, sculpture, jewelry, and mixed media from local artists. This family-friendly event is free and open to the public.