WHAT NOW?
Cleveland lost its prized downtown grocery store. Can it attract another?
by Mark Oprea
UPFRONT HESSLER STREET FAIR RETURNING IN OCTOBER AFTER SEVEN-YEAR BREAK
NEW YORK HAS ITS WOODSTOCK. San Francisco, its Pop Festival. And Nevada its Burning Man.
And for decades, Cleveland had its own counter-culture festival, the Hessler Street Fair, a weekend of good vibes and music nestled on the L-shaped, brick-laden street adjacent to Case Western Reserve University.
But not for the past seven years.
That’s about to change this fall, when the Hessler makes its welcome return to University Circle. On October 3, a handful of bands and some 40 artists will convene to usher in a new era of both the fest and what the fest means for the block.
“To put it briefly, we miss it,” Sydney Slacas, a board member of the Hessler Neighborhood Association, told Scene.
“You know, everyone’s in a good mood, people dance, look at art, run into people they haven’t seen in the past year,” she said. “It’s just that communal spirit of people coming together to enjoy themselves and have a good time.”
Started in 1969 by a tight-knit band of neighbors, the Street Fair was a community tool to protest Case Western’s expansion. It soon formalized as the Hessler Neighborhood Association, a body that refused to allow the street’s landlords to intentionally depreciate home values in a bid to profit in a deal to a land-hungry university.
The HNA scored a big win in 1975. Hessler Street became Cleveland’s first official historic district, a title that allowed the block to fend off any major changes. The HNA’s annual fair fueled a way of promoting local culture that in turn helped fund ongoing maintenance and expected upkeep.
A dearth of organizers and money led to a ten-year hiatus, in 1985. Until the Hessler’s 50th anniversary in 2019, its hosts routinely balanced the work of the Street Fair’s upfront costs—permits, insurance, parking —with its beloved qualities: its kaleidoscopic buses, its jam bands, its iconic lemonade. (A family secret recipe.)
Typically a multi-day festival held close to Memorial Day weekend, this year’s Hessler will span seven hours on October 3.
“It’s why we’re calling it a soft reboot,” Timothy Smith, a produce salesman and bass player who grew up on Hessler Street, told Scene.
“It’s just one day, but we’re gonna try and bring as much of what you remember from the Fair back into as we can,” he added, “without overstressing our limited labor and funds.”
Along with holding an organizer role, Smith had lately played cane-wielding historian and advisor to a re-energized HNA committee, mostly twentysomethings that have some sort of connection to the street.
Jolted by the Cleveland Planning Commission’s okay of a new apartment complex—the first in a century—the HNA funneled irritation into a new pathway for Hessler’s upkeep. (The land was former host of the Little Hessler Museum.)
A community garden formed. New street trees were planted. Hessler Court’s famous wooden bricks were, after the HNA’s push, replaced in 2024.
In tandem with a new website, the team began accepting donations and grants, including one from NEOMA, to revive the Street Fair with an air of professionalism. This year’s the first ever performing bands “will be paid by and large.”
Slated for performance so far are Hello 3D, the Jim Miller Band, Charlie Mosbrook & Friends, Country Honk, Hoodoo BBQ and Austin Walkin’ Cane. About 40 artists and vendors will be set up throughout the day.
If October 3 goes well, the HNA told Scene the Hessler could expand back into a multi-day fest and grow its artist count.
But before any predictions are slotted, the team simply wants to put on a really tremendous party once again. While reminding themselves it isn’t 1969. Or 1995. Or 2019, for that matter.
“I think that Hessler as an organism does, like everything else around it, does kind of have to either evolve or die,” Kristina Collins, a board member who’s lived on the street since 2012, said. “Hey, I’m just
with that $100,000, program manager Najah Muhammad told Scene. Project heads publicized a ballpark budget in their expo pitches on August 1.
Two years after a citywide proposal for participatory budgeting failed by a slim margin at the ballot box. PB CLE launched the pilot program as a result, focusing on Slavic Village.
Though new retail has moved in in the past few years, the neighborhood’s main street, Fleet Avenue, still suffers from vacant storefronts and lots strewn with trashed furniture and overgrown weeds.
“There’s a lot more that could be done with the businesses on Fleet Avenue,” she said. “So I think the neighborhood would really be excited to pour into people who are actually trying to do things there.”
Attendees of PB’s Voting Expo will have a chance to scrutinize projects to decide which three they see best fit for the neighborhood. Voting closes August 22.
A report will follow, Muhammad said, with the goal of figuring out how to eventually pursue a sequel convincing city voters participatory budgeting can work on more than a neighborhood level.
“This is really, you know, again, something new for the City of Cleveland, really,” Muhammad said. “And yeah, so we’re just kind of giving it all we got.”
– Mark Oprea
excited for it to get together.”
“It’s going to be a family reunion,” Smith added.
Definitely for those who recall the first.
“There’s nothing wrong with tradition,” he said. “Tradition creates community. Tradition creates memory. And tradition creates connection.” – Mark Oprea
Slavic Village to Vote on Project Finalists in $100,000 Participatory Budgeting Pilot Program
Residents of Slavic Village will soon help narrow down the options of how to spend $100,000 raised to help better their neighborhood.
Starting August 1, residents high school aged and up will be able to vote online and by mail on ten proposed projects gathered in the People’s Budget CLE’s pilot plan. Those 10 were selected from an original 125 submitted to PB CLE’s team earlier this spring.
Three weeks of voting kicks off with pitches and presentations from the 10 project leaders at a Voting Expo to be held on August 1 at the Polish American Cultural Center.
Voters will pick their top three through ranked choice voting, with the ideal aim of funding up to five proposals
NEON Workers Win Wage Theft Lawsuit Against Their Employer
About a dozen employees of the Northeast Ohio Neighborhood Health Services won wage theft suits against their current or former employer months after the healthcare company’s financial woes came to light.
Cleveland judges sided with those who sued, agreeing NEON owed 11 workers payments from $1,400 to a bit over $5,000, Signal Cleveland reported. Workers originally claimed in February that they were owed back pay stretching to December.
Andy Schumann, an activist at the Northeast Ohio Worker Center who helped NEON workers file the complaints in small claims, questioned the nature of wage theft cases just as he commended the court system.
“I’m proud of these workers for fighting so hard,” Schumann told Scene.
“Why is it that an employer can commit tens of thousands of dollars of theft against dozens of workers and get away with it?” he added. “Yet if a worker steals several thousand from their employer, boss can call the cops and get them locked up with a felony?”
This week’s judgement is a big score for wage theft organizers frustrated by how widespread the issue is for workers often unaware of the money they’re
Photo by Mark Oprea
owed or how to go to court to right the losses. Most wage theft cases are tied to daycares, restaurants, temp agencies and gas stations, according to Policy Matters Ohio.
Formed as a not-for-profit in 1967, and tax-exempt since 1969, NEON has provided low-cost healthcare from nine locations and a handful of mobile dental units. CEO Willie Austin took over in 2003.
It was under Austin that NEON seemed to have hit financial straits. A pandemic-era reliance on handouts, coupled with a fire in 2021 and a cyberattack in 2024 resulted, said Austin in an email to staff, to internal struggles—“bumps in the road,” he said—and difficulties keeping pay on schedule.
NEON’s cash reserves were depleted by the end of 2025, he said. Austin relied upon “emergency donors” and his own funds to keep the operation running.
Still, Austin recognized in his March 5 letter that he was “still on the hook for the payments that NEON is presently unable to make,” he said.
“I apologize to you for not being able to control the wolves in sheep clothing who have successfully been able to dupe many of our employees into railing against me,” he wrote. (Austin did not return a call from Scene requesting comment.)
Austin’s plea for understanding ultimately fell on deaf ears. In a flyer, workers questioned where the allegedly approved $28 million in funding “until 2027”
ended up.
“Where did it go?” the flyer stated. “This is not just management. This is a betrayal of trust.”
Workers who won this week will have to maneuver a garnishment process, which means they’ll have to decide on yet another legal process to ensure that Austin and NEON actually pay them the money the court declared they are owed.
Regardless, Schumann, the organizer, said the judgment is at least a signal to other violators that wage theft is a no-go in the city.
“The local bureaucrats and lawmakers are in for a rude awakening as the working class recognizes that these systems that allegedly deliver justice actually oppress us,” he said.
– Mark Oprea
Girl’s Joint, Back After Hiatus, Brings Femme Touch to Smoke Shop Market
What comes to mind when you picture your boilerplate smoke shop?
Neon-lit signage? Rows of glass casings? Aisles full of bongs? Dude behind the counter in dreadlocks or backwards trucker cap?
“They all look exactly the same, and you’re generally interacting with the same folks,” Mandi Cavano said. “And for us as women and femme-identifying indi-
viduals, it’s not a pleasant experience.”
That experience led Cavano, along with her business partner Judie Vegh, to open up The Girl’s Joint, a cannibis accessory boutique catering to feminine potsmokers and gummy indulgers.
Cavano and Vegh’s Gordon Square shop opened last November during an interesting time in Ohio cannabis culture. Recreational weed was legalized in 2023 but since then Gov. Mike DeWine has led something of a crackdown on edible manufacturers imitating candy brands— Nerds, Gushers, Skittles—that could be marketed to minors.
Yet, for the women at The Girl’s Joint, the process to opening a boutique without even selling weed has been laden with bureaucratic red tape and financial obstacles.
Those started on February 9, when the city received an anonymous complaint alleging the two were operating as a smoke shop and selling weed without the proper credentials. They were shut down immediately. Come the spring, Cavano and Vegh had to testify to Cleveland’s Board of Zoning Appeals that not only were they not selling cannabis, but less than a fifth of their store was occupied by smoke shop products: bongs, lighters, papers.
The requirement fit in line with smoke shop laws that went into effect last year, following the city’s attempt to limit their growth and more closely monitor those operating already.
But Cavano and Vegh were stumped. The BZA couldn’t give them an exact answer, Cavano said, on what exactly constituted a smoke shop product, just as it couldn’t verify the store’s space limits for paraphernalia.
“We were thinking ashtrays, batteries, pipes,” Cavano said. “But we couldn’t get a true answer from the city.”
The hearing led to another obstacle: the space The Girl’s Joint was leasing didn’t have an official occupancy permit tied to it. The store couldn’t operate without one.
By the time they reopened, on June 26, they were out $17,500. That, and the untold amount of revenue loss—all at the hand of an anonymous complaint.
“Would that have happened if we were men? Probably not,” Cavno speculated. “But it’s one of those things. How can you prove it? You can’t.”
There’s the pastel-colored Zippos. There’s the BYOB shelf, Build Your Own Bong, that resembles a shelf of perfume bottles. The cigarette cases covered in pinup girls or sparkling sequins.
Yet, no actual stuff to smoke in sight.
“We very much wanted to do this by the book,” Cavano said, standing behind the counter. “No gray area. We don’t touch it, because we don’t want to deal with the headache.”
“We’re already under a microscope,” she said.
– Mark Oprea
FEATURE
WHAT NOW?
How Cleveland lost its Downtown grocery store and how it’s working to attract the next one.
By Mark Oprea
WHEN HEINEN‘S ANNOUNCED IN June that it would close its Downtown Cleveland location in the historic Trust Building, the news hit the city like a shock.
Mayor Justin Bibb said he was “deeply disappointed” by the choice. Ward 5 Councilman Richard Starr grieved a “loss” of Downtown’s “vital anchor.” County Executive Chris Ronayne called it a “bummer.”
But, in reality, those officials knew years before the news broke that Heinen’s stunning spot at the corner of East 9th and Euclid was in serious financial straits.
In early 2024, two and a half years before his decision, Jeff Heinen approached Bibb about the health of what has been crowned one of the most beautiful grocery stores in America.
Despite the accolades, endless posts on social media, and a small but devoted customer base as Downtown continued to grow as a neighborhood, the past decade wasn’t exactly smiling on the company.
Delivery apps, including DoorDash and Instacart, hit phones in 2018, changing how Clevelanders bought groceries overnight. The Covid pandemic further upended in-person shopping. The May 2020 George Floyd protests and riots left lasting and expensive damage. (And closed the store for five months.)
The company was losing about $1.5 million a year on the location, Heinen disclosed to City Hall, and had to decide by June 2024 whether or not to renew a ten-year lease.
Jeff Epstein, Bibb’s chief of integrated development at the time, was assigned as the city’s liaison with Heinen. He asked Heinen for a complete financial breakdown. “It will be helpful to understand the situation and lay of the land and see what we may be able to
do to help,” Epstein wrote to Heinen on February 6, 2024. “We want to do everything we can to keep Heinen’s operating downtown.”
Heinen’s paid Geis Companies $470,000 a year in rent, spent $320,000 on private security and $434,000 on property taxes, and carried a $3.2 million payroll for 77 employees.
The best option, Epstein and Heinen seemed to agree, was to convince Geis to lower the rent for a new, two-year lease deal and bide time to figure out how to build up sales.
If they did? “I am confident,” Epstein wrote on June 11, 2024, “the financial performance of the store will improve dramatically.”
Tom McNair, then the city’s economic director who worked with Epstein, recalled the push. “I think they looked at their losses and said, ‘We obviously can’t continue to do this,’” he told Scene. “And we said, ‘No, we need to try and see if there’s some way, shape or form we can, you know, figure out a different way and different path.”
On August 2, Heinen wrote Epstein; Debbie Berry, a county development chief; and DCI head Michael Deemer with good news: Geis okayed a two-year lease that lowered Heinen’s annual rent by about a quarter, as long as Heinen’s
vacated the rotunda’s second floor. About half a million dollars in public support would help fund that transition, as long as the money was spent before July 31, 2026.
Heinen seemed relieved at the deal. “We will do our best to make sure your investment of time, energy and money will help us be at Euclid and 9th for a long time,” he wrote to Epstein and crew.
City and county officials bandied about ideas that Heinen’s hoped would generate $600,000 in additional sales. Heinen’s could try curbside pickup or DoorDash. It could cater office lunches or advertise directly to surrounding apartment dwellers. It could host wine nights, validate parking, run campaigns lauding home-cooked meals instead of pricey restaurant dinners. And, at the behest of Downtown Cleveland, Inc., Heinen’s could leverage DCI’s Neighborhood Safety Specialists for a new loss mitigation plan that could slash security costs by half.
By December 2024, plans were in motion for a 10th anniversary celebration for the following year. New signage went up, including ads for comped parking (if shoppers spent $50). Curbside pickup was arranged.
But a year and a half later, the num -
bers still didn’t add up. The company concluded the Downtown Heinen’s would never, in its current form, be profitable at 9th and Euclid.
“I could go on and on but the salient fact is that our operating model does not fit that location,” Jeff Heinen wrote in a letter in late June, “and no entity, governmental or otherwise, is willing to write checks to cover our losses.”
Jackie Shultz, Heinen’s marketing director, framed the decision like one might the untimely death of a family member. “We’ve been in business 97 years,” she told Scene, “and haven’t closed a store since 1986.”
So what now?
The headwinds aren’t great, and replacing Heinen’s won’t be easy, but the city said it’s working to find a solution.
Lucas Reeve, one of Bibb’s senior advisors, was recently selected to lead the city’s grocery task force to figure out what should and could come after Heinen’s, either in the same space or somewhere else downtown.
Reeve’s work is starting with a data haul—a months-long, $70,000 study of Downtown’s food sector led by Washington, D.C.-based consultant Streetsense.
The goal is to determine what kind of store will work in today’s market—not
Trust Building. | Photo by Mark Oprea
in 2015’s—and meet the needs of downtown residents who depend on it. In other words, to figure out precisely why Heinen’s model failed downtown.
“There’s a lot of stones to unearth,” Reeve told Scene. “The goal here is to move quickly and be able to have an implementation pathway to start having real serious conversations as soon as the study is complete.”
But Downtown residents, as they told Scene time and again, know very well that Downtown needs a grocery store.
A survey of 532 residents conducted in partnership with the Downtown Neighborhood Association showed this clearly. Ninety-five percent of respondents said Heinen’s closure will have a “major or moderate personal impact” on them, three-quarters of whom shopped there “at least once a week.” Forty-one percent have “no regular car access.” Eighty-eight percent simply demand a new “full-service grocery store Downtown.”
“Feels less like a neighborhood without [one],” one respondent wrote.
Nearly half said they might relocate elsewhere.
“I will not re-sign my downtown lease, and instead will look to move out of the area if there is not a timely replacement,” another answered.
Some of those same people gathered on the evening of July 15 in the Heinen’s rotunda at an event hosted by the Downtowners Club. (Disclosure: The author is an organizer of the group.) About 60 came together to commiserate over glasses of wine and ponder what, if anything, will occupy 900 Euclid Avenue in the near future.
But the vibe wasn’t exactly a funeral. Guests reminisced about second-floor dates over Godfather wraps while others speculated about whether Whole Foods or Kroger could come. (A Walmart would be an abomination, someone quipped.) Some helped run the old coffee shop; others helped sell bottles of wine. “I spent the last 17 years of my life tied to this store in some way,” one woman said. She looked up at the rotunda. “I’m going to miss it here.”
Lucas Reeve was there too. A soft-spoken man in his forties, he’d come that night to both presumably comfort mourning downtowners and offer reassurance that Cleveland could attract another quality grocer. “If anything, it’s a total bummer,” he said, echoing Ronayne.
That same day, Reeve and his grocery task force received a 12-page proposal from Streetsense, titled “Grocery Market Opportunity & Attraction Strategy,” that will serve as City Hall’s road -
map to replacing Heinen’s. By the end of October, the guide will brief Reeve and the city’s team on which downtown buildings could best house the right kind of grocery based on residents’ current food needs. It will also recommend, the proposal says, “prospective grocery operators that represent strong candidates for future outreach.”
“We are in the moment, and we just wanna make sure that we get it right this time around,” Joevrose Bourdeau Small, the city’s director of economic development, told Scene. “We want to understand exactly what kind of format would work, what kind of food access would work for the demographics that exist downtown.”
“We are in the moment, and we just wanna make sure that we get it right this time around.”
When Scene presented all of this to a pair of real estate brokers, Rico Pietro and Austin Love, the two said they were “100 percent certain” another grocery would be coming soon to Downtown Cleveland—and one that could better serve those who live in the city center.
“I don’t think they need a pinwheel turkey sandwich with cranberry gravy,” Pietro said. “They were simply stocking the shelves for a different clientele than what it could be today.”
“It’s a non-traditional space,” Love added. “You can’t take the model of what you would do in Strongsville or Chagrin Falls or in Avon and try to plug it into downtown.”
Both brokers and three other retail analysts interviewed for this story said they envisioned another grocer occupying the corner of East 9th and Euclid.
“If I were Meijer, if I were Whole Foods, if I were Sprouts, I would sure as fuck take that location,” Pietro said. “Think about the brand loyalty. You bet on Cleveland—there’s not a way you can become more visible.”
Heinen’s made that bet a decade ago. $18 million in losses later, the question is: Will anyone make another one?
TOP: Lucas Reeve. BOTTOM: Rico Pietro and Austin Love. | Photo by Mark Oprea
SEPTEMBER 17, 2026 LORAIN COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE
Tickets on Sale Now!
Want to taste, sample and experience all of this year’s Best of Lorain County finalists under one roof? Join us on Thursday, September 17, 2026, at Lorain County Community College for the 2026 Best of Lorain County Party. More than 60 finalists will be on-hand to showcase what makes them a Lorain County favorite!
SPONSORED
GET OUT EVERYTHING TO DO IN CLEVELAND FOR THE NEXT MONTH
WED 08/05
Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival
The event billed as “football’s greatest week” comes to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton this week. The Arizona Cardinals will play the Carolina Panthers in the Hall of Fame Game, and the country act Lainey Wilson will perform as part of the festivities. Check the website for a complete schedule. 2121 George Halas Dr. NW, Canton, 330-456-8207, profootballhof.com
THU 08/06
The Lion King
Winner of six Tony Awards, including Best Musical, the play presents a story “filled with hope and adventure set against an amazing backdrop of stunning visuals.” The play also features the work of Tony Award-winning choreographer Garth Fagan and tunes written by Tony Award-winning artists Elton John and Tim Rice. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the State Theatre, where performances continue through Aug. 16. 1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org
FRI 08/07
How To Train Your Dragon in Concert
The Cleveland Orchestra provides the live orchestral underscore to the screening of this kids’ films about a young Viking who teaches his family and friends that not all dragons are destructive. The event takes place at 7 tonight and at 3 p.m. on Sunday at Mandel Concert Hall.
11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com
SAT 08/08
Civil War Weekend
This annual event at Hale Farm & Village in Akron features an immersive experience thanks to recreations of Federal and Confederate camps. Re-enactors, musicians and interpreters will be on hand to bring the Civil War to life. It begins at 10 a.m. today and tomorrow.
2686 Oak Hill Rd., Akron, 330-6663711, halefarm.org
Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Glow-N-Fire
The event featuring the giant tricked-out trucks that kids love comes to Rocket Arena this weekend. Today’s sessions take place at 11:30 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. Tomorrow’s session is at 1:30 p.m.
One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com
SUN 08/09
Reggae Sundays
This special Reggae Sunday Happy Hour
Concert series continues every Sunday through the end of the summer. The indoor/outdoor concert series will take place rain or shine with live music from 4 to 7 p.m. Music Box will also offer food and drink specials exclusive to the series.
1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com
TUE 08/11
Cuyahoga County Fair
The Cuyahoga County Fair returns to the Cuyahoga County Fairgrounds this week. The Midway rides are back this year, and there will be arts and crafts, beer and wine gardens, bee-keeping exhibits, a demolition derby, dog shows, a draft horse pull, fireworks, harness horse racing and a livestock auction. The event continues through Sunday, Aug. 16. Check the website for more info. 19201 East Bagley Rd., Middleburg Heights, cuyfair.com
THU 08/13
A Night at the Opera
Grammy-winning soprano Latonia Moore, tenor Brandon Jovanovich, the Blossom Festival Chorus and conductor John Fiore team up to present this program of pieces by Puccini and Verdi. The concert begins at 7 p.m. at Mandel Concert Hall. 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com
FRI 08/14
Guardians vs. San Diego Padres
The San Diego Padres, traditionally one of the National League’s tougher teams, come to Progressive Field this weekend to take on the Guardians. Tonight’s game is at 7:10, and the series continues through Sunday.
2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians
SAT 08/15
Music in the Garden
These free concerts featuring local bands take place on the first and third Saturdays throughout the summer at the Ben Franklin Community Garden. You can bring a lawn chair, and admission is free. The music begins at 6 p.m.
1905 Spring Rd., 216-459-1000, benfranklincommunitygarden.org
Prokofiev’s Romeo & Juliet
Conductor Tabita Berglund makes her Cleveland Orchestra debut and leads the orchestra as it plays pieces by Sibelius and Prokofiev. The concert begins at 7 p.m. at Blossom.
Jon Batiste plays Blossom. See: Thursday, Aug. 20.
Photo: Courtesy of the Cleveland Orchestra
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com
SUN 08/16
Beachland Flea
Local vendors will be on hand with vintage clothes, vinyl and other rock memorabilia at this event that takes place at 10 a.m. at the Beachland Ballroom.
15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com
TUE 08/18
Guardians vs. San Francisco Giants
The Guardians play the San Francisco Giants for the one-and-only time this regular season. The three-game series starts with tonight’s game. First pitch is at 6:40 p.m. at Progressive Field.
2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb.com/guardians
THU 08/20
Jon Batiste with The Cleveland Orchestra Multi-instrumentalist Jon Batiste joins the Cleveland Orchestra to play a mix of originals and classics. The concert begins at 7 p.m. at Blossom.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com
FRI 08/21
Third Friday
From 5 to 9 p.m., many of the 78th Street Studios resident artist studios and galleries will be open as part of this monthly event. There will be live music, and Local West, a Gordon Square sandwich shop, will serve food. BARneo will have a selection of adult beverages as well. Admission is free. 1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios.com
SAT 08/22
Browns vs. Buffalo Bills
Week 2 of the NFL preseason finds the rebuilding Browns going up against the playoff-caliber Buffalo Bills. Kickoff is at 1 p.m. at Huntington Bank Field.
100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, huntingtonbankfield.com
SUN 08/23
Cole Porter: Let’s Misbehave
Singer Tony DeSare joins the Cleveland Orchestra as it pays tribute to songwriter Cole Porter with this special concert. The event begins at 7 p.m. at Blossom. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com]
THU 08/27
Browns vs. New England Patriots
The Browns play a preseason game against a New England Patriots team that made it all the way to the Super Bowl last year. Kickoff is at 8 p.m. at Huntington Bank Field.
100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, huntingtonbankfield.com
Welser-Möst Conducts Strauss
Franz Welser-Möst celebrates his 25th years as the Music Director of the Cleveland Orchestra with this special concert that takes place at 7 p.m. at Mandel Concert Hall.
11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com
FRI
08/28
Guardians vs. Kansas City Royals
The Kansas City Royals had a losing record by the time of this season’s All-Star Break and have just not recovered from that slow start. They come to town this weekend for a three-game series that begins with tonight’s game. First pitch is at 7:10 at Progressive Field. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb.com/ guardians
Hasan Hates Ronny/Ronny Hates Hassan
Comedians Hasan Minhaj and Ronny Chieng bring their co-headlining tour to Connor Palace. They’ll stage a mock debate about topics such as immigration and the economy as they emphasize their differences in an exaggerated manner suited to the stage. The show begins at 7 p.m.
1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org
SAT 08/29
Nikki Glaser
A major comedian who’s hosted the Golden Globes for the past three years, Nikki Glaser comes to Connor Palace for a two-night stand. She takes the stage at 7 tonight and tomorrow night.
1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org
SUN 08/30
80th Annual One World Day
Founded in 1946, this annual event at the Cleveland Cultural Gardens showcases about 50 ethnic groups through music, dance, storytelling, and authentic ethnic food. It features a Naturalization Ceremony for new U.S. citizens (sworn in by a U.S. District Court judge) and the Parade of Flags, which kicks off at noon.
750 E. 88th St., clevelandoneworldday.org
scene@clevescene.com @clevelandscene
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PROOF POSITIVE
In Matt Fish’s second act, he delivers a no-frills neighborhood tavern with gilded touches
By Douglas Trattner
AFTER A HOLIDAY WEEKEND plagued by heat, storms and power outages, local chefs put out a collective plea to diners asking for their support. I managed to hit Proof Public House in Ohio City twice in as many weeks in the wake of those outages and on both visits I was happy to see the restaurant operating at or near capacity.
While I can’t speak for every diner in the house, what I suspect motivated many of them was not a simple desire to help a struggling restaurant, but a recognition of what could be lost if it disappeared. After years – decades – of taking local restaurants for granted, it might finally be sinking in that when our favorite watering holes disappear, they won’t be replaced by another homegrown tavern.
The future of dining isn’t the special-occasion omakase. I certainly hope it isn’t the soulless fast-casual chain. I’d argue that it’s somewhere in the middle, the place down the block where you know the owner by name, the bartender remembers your drink order, and rare is the visit that you don’t bump into a friend or neighbor.
Earlier this summer, Matt Fish opened such a place in one of Cleveland’s few remaining indie enclaves, the corporate-free zone that straddles Ohio City and Detroit Shoreway. Packed into this short stretch of Lorain Ave. are chef-owned places such as Soho, Heart of Gold, Juneberry, Tripi, Herb ‘n Twine and Real Smoq’ed BBQ. With Proof, Fish adds something distinctive, heartfelt and appealing to that collection.
When guests walk through the door at Proof, they are warmly greeted by staffers and immersed in a kaleidoscopic live music-themed exhibition. The space already was attractive thanks to a major
renovation project undertaken by Fish’s predecessors, but now the restaurant feels finished, dialed in. Alongside myriad concert and club posters, each professionally framed and meticulously mounted, the space displays murals from former Melt locations and relics from Speak in Tongues, the seminal punk venue that existed on this very block.
Proof isn’t an over-the-top grilled cheese bar, but the chef’s penchant for taking familiar foods and pushing them to the edges of conformity remains. Fish likes to tinker, to gild, to pile on in messy, delicious ways. Sandwiches play a starring role here, with everything from the Melt-launching Parmageddon to a summery shrimp roll airlifted from Midcoast Maine. Amid the heat dome, that shrimp roll ($19) felt like a cool ocean breeze. A plush hoagie bun is loaded with a generous amount of sweet, juicy, garlicky red shrimp, crispy slaw and creamy garlic aioli.
After years of sticking to a smash-burger diet, it felt nice to sink my teeth into meaty half-pound pub burger ($16), cooked to a perfect medium. Handcut fries are an extra $5 and worth every
Proof
cheesesteak ($22) featuring shaved ribeye. It’s a savory, saucy two-fisted affair with a subtle kick from a splatter of chipotle aioli. Occasionally Fish turns the amp up a bit too far, like adding a superfluous layer of black bean spread to an otherwise delectable – and already multi-faceted – pulled pork hoagie. The aptly named Gonzo ($19) combines citrus-braised and smoked pork, smoked pineapple slaw, Oaxacan cheese, fresh herbs and that earthy bean paste.
Out back on Proof’s leafy brick-paved courtyard is a hefty smoker inherited from the previous barbecue restaurant. From that Southern Pride emerge items such as that woodsy pulled pork, lemongrass smoked chicken and some of the best wings ($15) in town. Jumbo drums and flats are lightly smoked, char-grilled and tossed in a choice of flavorful sauces. A liberal serving of creamy ranch rides shotgun. Fish offers vegans their own version of wings in the form of firm tofu triangles ($13) breaded in an assertive spice coating, fried up crisp and served with dairy-free ranch.
For Parmageddon fans looking for a trimmer version, the kitchen prepares a platter ($10) with two plump Rudy’s pierogi capped with grilled onions, warm caraway-scented cabbage, sour cream and bright microgreens. Another great starter is the whipped goat cheese ($14), which is topped with a spicy tomato tapenade and paired with plenty of grilled bread.
At Proof, meals might arrive on a paper-lined sheet pan, but cocktails are served in fine crystal. The bar mixes up a creative roster of compelling drinks such as the Sonic Reducer ($12), which somehow balances rye and banana. The neighborhood tavern doesn’t need 50 different bottles and cans, but rather a rotating selection of local gems on tap. Fish secures one-offs and limited releases from his brewing pals at Noble Beast, Market Garden, Fat Heads and Butcher and Brewer.
If you too have grown weary of “experiential” restaurants chasing viral moments, reliable homegrown places like Proof are the antidote and, I hope, the future.
Courtesy Photo
cent.
makes an excellent
Jumbo bone-in Wings for $10, with a dif ferent flavor being offered each day of the week.
EAT
BITES
Cleveland Wing Week kicks off August 17th
By Douglas Trattner
WINGS, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE in this world, have gotten more expensive. Which is all the more reason to get excited about and take advantage of Cleveland Wing Week, which starts Sunday, August 17 and runs through Saturday, August 23. For seven days, more than two dozen of Cleveland’s best restaurants are offering up wing deals starting at just $10, a price point we can all get behind during these inflationary times.
Make your plan at ClevelandWingWeek.com and on the Cleveland Wing Week app and chart your course through all the seasoned, sauced and dry-rubbed action.
Use the official Cleveland Wing Week mobile app to check in to four participating restaurants and be entered into a drawing to win $250 in gift cards. No purchase necessary.
Red the Steakhouse to Open August 13th at Eton Chagrin Boulevard in Woodmere
RED the Steakhouse (28869 Chagrin Blvd.) will open its new restaurant at Eton Chagrin Boulevard on Thursday, August 13. Earlier this year the partners shuttered the Pinecrest location after nearly seven years in anticipation of the move.
“We have been looking to get back on the Chagrin corridor since after Covid,” says owner Gregg Levy. “We knew that we wanted to be somewhere between 271 and Chagrin Falls. We looked at a couple different places and then this came available through a series of machinations. We are exactly where we want to be.”
This past winter, Levy struck a deal with Doug Petkovic to purchase Heritage Steak & Whiskey, which opened in late 2023. Petkovic worked with Richardson Design to refashion the former Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse at Eton into a completely new restaurant. Levy says that RED has benefited from those enhancements.
“Doug made some beautiful changes to the building. He did the heavy lifting.”
That said, RED’s designers have made cosmetic changes that let guests know
where they are dining. Visitors will see new paint, carpet, furniture, light fixtures, art and kitchen equipment. The color scheme has shifted from blues to browns and reds. Bold, fun artwork on loan from Contessa Gallery features works from celebrity photographers Harry Benson and Lawrence Schiller.
In the lounge, the community tables have been swapped out for more flexible high-tops. The soft seating areas in the same room have been replaced by banquettes and tables.
In the kitchen, Heritage’s wood-fired grills are out and RED’s high-heat broilers are in. The patio out front has received all new furniture.
“This is a RED that while still sophisticated is more approachable,” says Levy.
bistro. “This is going to be the premier place to have a business lunch, a martini lunch.”
El Kiosquito on Detroit Now Open in Gordon Square
When Jose Pagan heard that Papo Ruiz, the owner of Rincon Criollo, was looking to move on from the Puerto Rican mainstay’s original location on Detroit in Gordon Square, he jumped at the chance to grow his business.
Pagan has been operating El Kiosquito Boricua out of a stall at CentroVilla25, dishing up his own takes on Puerto Rican classics. He wasn’t exactly looking to expand quite yet, he admits. But the opportunity was too good to pass up and he was
a little different to the table, including chuletas fritas, a pan-fried pork chop. Pina coladas are also available thanks to a new liquor license.
“CentroVilla gave us a place where people found out about us,” he says. “There are a lot of us, small businesses with a dream.”
The James at Gigi’s Now Open in
Cleveland Heights
Gia and James Patch haven’t sat still much since opening Gigi’s on Fairmount (3477 Fairmount Blvd.) 12 years ago.
After quickly building a devoted following, the pair expanded next door with Gigi’s After Dark in 2014 and five years later expanded again into a corner property with Gigi’s Blu, which added seating and a private event space.
This month, they debuted their newest addition in The James at Gigi’s.
The intimate lounge is a “quaint, kind of cozy little place,” with Great Gatsby vibes, James said.
Savory and seasonal cocktails are joined by amaros, spritzes, apertivos, a tidy wine list and nightcap elixirs. A small menu of snacks is also available.
The new real estate also provides some much-needed space for the kitchen crew.
This latest expansion brings the total number of indoor seats up to 120 – a far cry from the diminutive 45-seat wine bar that opened in 2013 — with 60 more seats outside on a sidewalk patio.
Naf Naf Middle Eastern Grill Now Open in Downtown Cleveland
Operators Dhruv, Pratik and Viral Patel have expanded the Naf Naf chain with their newest opening in downtown Cleveland off Public Square.
Years after Taco Bell Cantina shuttered its doors, the fast-casual Middle Eastern grill opened this week.
Those tweaks will appear in the form of a great happy hour and an all-night bar menu with items such as lobster rolls, steak sliders, fried chicken sandwiches and a pastrami melt. In the main dining room, guests will have their choice between a dozen different steaks and cuts, ranging from an 8-ounce filet up to a 35-ounce prime tomahawk.
In the coming weeks or months, people in the area can look forward to the return of lunch service, says Levy.
“We’re ready to bring back the quote-unquote Moxie lunch to the Chagrin corridor,” he states, referring to the robust midday activity at that legendary
bolstered by the response from diners at the Hispanic food hall in Clark-Fulton.
“I’m blessed,” he says. “CentroVilla gave me a place to start my restaurant, something I dreamed of. Videos started going viral. It started blowing up little by little.”
The CentroVilla stall isn’t going anywhere but Pagan this month debuted El Kiosquito on Detroit, a full-service restaurant, after Rincon Criollo closed two months ago. (Rincon Criollo Take 2 is still open on Denison.)
Fans of Rincon will find some of the same Puerto Rican fare on the menu but Pagan says he tries to bring something
Motivated by the center city market and the new Sherwin Williams HQ, the Patels set their sights on the shores of Lake Erie in addition to other regional markets.
Coming from the phrase that means “fan the flame,” Naf Naf sells stuffed pitas, rice bowls and hearty meat-and-rice trays in a Chipotle-style format. The restaurant blends “comfort-food familiarity with its authentic Middle Eastern roots,” its website reads.
Chef Sahar Sander opened up the first Naf Naf in Naperville, Illinois, in 2009. Since then, Naf Naf has gone on to open more than 40 stores in 13 states.
dtrattner@clevescene.com @dougtrattner
Courtesy Photo
REELING THROUGH THE YEARS
Squeeze brings its 50th anniversary tour to Jacobs Pavilion
ByJeff Niesel
SQUEEZE SINGER-GUITARIST GLENN
Tilbrook admits he didn’t think his band would still be a going concern some 50 years after its formation in London. But the group still tours and records on a regular basis and has just released Trixies, a new album featuring songs that Tilbrook and bandmate Chris Difford wrote as teenagers in 1974, just as Squeeze was coming together.
“I don’t know that I really thought that far ahead back then,” says Tilbrook via Zoom from his home/studio in London. Squeeze performs with Adam Ant and Haircut 100 on Tuesday, Sept. 1 at Jacobs Pavilion. “The moment came when I thought I might be doing this all my life when I backed off Squeeze and was focusing on my solo career. Having a lack of success makes you think about whether you really want to do this. I did. It was a good thing to learn. Now, I feel like I’m invincible and will enjoy it wherever I am.”
Tilbrook was 16 and Difford was 19 when the two started penning tunes that reflected their love for bands such as the Kinks.
“From the moment we met and started writing, we were on fire,” says Tilbrook. “Literally, we wrote so much. Chris [Difford] had started on the concept of Trixies before we met and had written a couple of songs for it. He started giving me lyrics and wrote ‘Trixies’ up in one corner, so I knew that’s what it was for. We were writing other songs at the same time, but we finished it in a year and shared it with our friends. They all loved it, but we couldn’t get arrested.”
When the two recently revisited the tracks, they felt like they still stood out and possessed that power-pop sound for which Squeeze would become known.
“They really were good,” says Tilbrook. “We always thought they were good, but we were never analytical about
it. When we sat down with it, we realized it’s a proper piece of work.”
Songs like the jangly, Beatlesinspired “Why Don’t You” sound like Squeeze songs.
“That is the first of four songs I wrote when I was semi-infatuated with tango,” says Tilbrook. “The last one was [1978’s] ‘Take Me I’m Yours,’ which was our first single. It’s intriguing to see what I was infatuated with back then. My focus as a writer was much, much narrower. I was 16, so I had maybe ten years of listening to music intensely and you absorb all of that. I loved it from what I can remember. But it was a very narrow prism of stuff, though the music from the ’60s and ’70s was brilliant.”
Tilbrook says that producer Owen Biddle brought a good deal of enthusiasm to the project.
“We have got a great band, and Owen is the cherry on top,” he says. “We’re a nine-piece now. The latest member is Leon, one of my sons, who is 23. He is a great foil for me. We can both play guitar together on the songs.”
The album centers on the goings-on at a fictional nightclub, and Tilbrook says
that classic films served as an inspiration for the LP’s concept.
“When we grew up, there were just two channels on TV, and a third one came in the ’70s,” he says. “We got Hollywood movies on those channels, and they were influential and exciting, and that fed into our imagination about what a club would be like. Highlifes and lowlifes would be mixing together. It’s really intriguing. We had never known anything like that. It was Chris’s imagination.”
One album highlight, “The Place We Call Mars,” has a glam rock feel to it that recalls the Thin White Duke.
“It is very influenced by David Bowie,” Tilbrook admits. “I heard [Bowie’s] ‘Life on Mars’ recently and thought ‘The Place We Call Mars’ would be like it, but it’s not. It’s in the same ballpark, and I really leaned into the [guitarist] Mick Ronson approach. Every type of music filters through in some fashion.”
Squeeze took an unorthodox approach to recording Trixies. The group recorded another album of original tunes at the same time. That album has yet to come out.
“We recorded Trixies and what’s going to be our new album at the same time,” says Tilbrook. “It was an interesting and necessary thing to treat all the songs as new songs. Trixies was informing the new songs and the new songs were informing Trixies. It was such an intense period. We had never done that. It’s like recording a double album.”
The group has already toured mainland Europe in support of the album, and Tilbrook says he looks forward to bringing the show to the States.
“In Europe, we played the whole album [Trixies], and it worked. It’s nerve wracking. We have never done that before. I don’t know if we’ll play the whole album because the structure is different. I think we can do a good chunk plus other songs that people will love just as much.”
Squeeze, Haircut 100, Adam Ant., 6 p.m. Tuesday, Sept. 1. Jacobs Pavilion, 2014 Sycamore St. Tickets: $55.39+, jacobspavilion.com.
jniesel@clevescene.com
Squeeze | Photo: Scott Saldinger
LIVEWIRE REAL MUSIC IN THE REAL WORLD
WED 08/05
Chicago & Styx: The Windy Cities Tour
Both groups hail from Chicago, but the comparisons stop there. Styx released concept albums in the ‘70s and became associated with progressive rock. Chicago draws from jazz and R&B. Despite their differences, both appeal to Baby Boomers and should draw well when they play at 7 tonight at Blossom. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
THU 08/06
Sam Barber
The singer-songwriter performs at 6 p.m. at Jacobs Pavilion. Waylon Wyatt and Wild Horses open. The tour supports Barber’s new album, Broken View, which shows off his husky voice. Opening tune “Borrowed Tune” has a Bob Seger feel to it and will likely figure into tonight’s set.
2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com
FRI 08/07
Riley Green: Cowboy as It Gets Tour 2026
The country music superstar and former college football quarterback became a sensation upon the release of his debut album, 2019’s Different ‘Round Here. On tour in support of his new album, That’s Just Me, he performs tonight at 7 at Blossom.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
MON 08/10
Foo Fighters
The rock group led by dynamic singer-guitarist Dave Grohl brings its stadium tour to Huntington Bank Field. Grohl famously formed Foo Fighters after his former band Nirvana dissolved in the wake of singer-guitarist Kurt Cobain’s death in 1994. Foo Fighters had success right out of the gate with their self-titled debut and with 1997’s The Colour and the Shape. The show starts at 5:30 p.m., and Queens of the Stone Age and Mannequin Pussy open.
100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, huntingtonbankfield.com
TUE 08/11
Five Finger Death Punch
Twenty years into its career, this hard rock group has become an arena and amphitheater staple. Earlier this year, the group released the single “Eye of the Storm,” another radio friendly hard rock tune with gruff vocals and dramatic, almost tribal drums. The show begins at 6:45 p.m., and Cody Jinks and Eva Under Fire open.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
Rod Stewart: One Last Time
The mod rocker brings his farewell tour to Rocket Arena. The show begins at 7:30 p.m., and singer-songwriter Richard Marx opens. At 81, Stewart has a huge catalog of hits and has been inducted into the Rock Hall for his work with both the Faces and as a solo artist.
One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com
THU 08/13
Simple Plan
The Montreal-based pop-punk band led by
singer Pierre Bouvier performs at 6 p.m. at Jacobs Pavilion. Last year’s documentary film, Simple Plan: The Kids in the Crowd, chronicles the group’s remarkable rise to fame in the late ‘90s. #OH!3 and Bowling for Soup open.
2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com
FRI 08/14
The Kehlani World Tour: North America
The R&B singer-songwriter that got their start with the teen pop group PopLyfe comes to
Mötley Crüe returns to Blossom. See: Monday, Aug. 24. | P hoto: Ross Halfin
Blossom. The tour supports the new self-titled effort that features the hit single “Folded,” a slow jam with soaring strings. The show begins at 7 p.m. Durand Bernarr, Isaia Huron, Thearti$t and Waseel open.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
SAT 08/15
J. Cole: The Fall-Off World Tour
The singer-songwriter and rapper brings his tour in support of his latest album, The FallOff, to Rocket Arena. The ambitious 24-track album chronicles Cole’s return visits to his North Carolina home. The show starts at 8 p.m. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com
TUE 08/18
Lindsey Stirling — Duality Untamed Tour
The violinist, dancer and songwriter that mixes classical with rock, pop and electronica performs at 7 p.m. at Blossom. The tour supports 2024’s Duality, an album that yielded pop singles such as “Eye of the Untold Her,” “Inner Gold,” “Evil Twin” and “Survive.”
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
FRI 08/21
Empire of the Sun — Ask That God: Afterlife North American Tour
The rock band brings its theatrical new tour to Blossom. The group’s 2024 album, Ask That God. The album features dreamy pop tunes such as “Changes” and the ‘80s-inspired synth-pop number “The Feeling You Get.” The show starts at 7 p.m.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
SAT 08/22
Ella Mai
The soulful English singer-songwriter who released her third studio album, Do You Still Love Me?, earlier this year performs at 7 p.m. at Jacobs Pavilion. Many of the songs reference her experiences as a new mother. Ama and Girlfriend open.
2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com
The Return of the Carnival of the Sins: Motley Crue
The metal group that played a premature farewell tour a few years back performs at 6:30 p.m. at Blossom. The group announced this summer tour that marks its 45th anniversary with much fanfare as it performed at the American Idol finale back in May. Tesla and Extreme open.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
THU 08/27
Rüfüs Du Sol
The Grammy-winning live electronic trio formed in Sydney Australia has released five studio albums to date. Their most recent effort, Inhale/Exhale, performs at 7:30 p.m. at Blossom. The album features poppy tunes such as “Inhale” and “Music Is Better.” Ben Bohmer opens.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
FRI 08/28
Josh Groban: Stage, Screen and Symphony
The pop singer whose first four albums went multi-platinum performs at 7 p.m. at Blossom. Earlier this year, Groban released Cinematic, his rendition of soundtrack classics such as “As Time Goes By” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” the latter of which pairs him with the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles.
1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com
SAT 08/29
Don Toliver
The Houston-based rapper and singer brings his Nitrous Octane World Tour to Rocket Arena. The show starts at 7:30 p.m., and the current tour supports his latest album, Octane, an ambitious 18-song release that finds him expanding beyond the trap style of rap for which he’s known. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com
MON 08/24
THE INVITE
By Dan Savage
I’m a late-thirties hetero married man. I’m also a flirt. I’ve known this about myself for a long time, and while my spouse knows this generally, she probably doesn’t know that I can lean into a bit at times when she is not around. For a long time it was fine. I considered my flirting to fall into my “zone of erotic autonomy” and never intended it to lead anywhere. Then twice in the last year it’s led to women getting the wrong (but honestly, understandable) impression that I’m open for more. Nothing happened but I realize now that I need to… not do this anymore? No more flirting, no more coy innuendos, no. more dangerous-but-plausibly-deniable interactions, chats, etc. But thinking about a life without flirting makes me a little dead inside. It’s the spice of life, isn’t it? Not having that little bit of tension, that sense of danger, that glow that comes from a successful flirtation — the thought of never experiencing any of that again leaves me feeling almost despondent. But I love my relationship and don’t want to endanger it anymore and I don’t want to be a dick to other people when they realize I’m not open for more. I’m not sure what to do. Or how to think about this. Do you have any words of wisdom?
Feeling Like I’m Risking Trouble
A little light flirting is fine, FLIRT, even for people in monogamous relationships. With the exception of the “micro-cheating” lunatics, everyone understands that. So, you can only be faulted for leading someone if 1. the person with whom you’re flirting doesn’t know you’re happily married and hopelessly monogamous and 2. the flirting crossed that sometimes-hard-to-define line between harmless married-not-dead (MND) flirting and what a reasonable person would interpret as flirting with intent (FWI). Married-notdead flirting looks (and sounds) like two people acknowledging and enjoying a mutual attraction that — in their timeline in which they find themselves — can never be acted on. MND flirting tends to be lowkey, it sometimes has a slightly melancholic tinge, and ideally it stirs up sexual energy that you take home and plow into your spouse. Flirting with intent, on the
other hand, is reckless and disrespectful — of both your spouse’s feelings and the feelings of the person you’re cranking the fuck up.
As with so many things, FLIRT, you just use your words. Once you’ve engaged in a little light MND flirting, pause to clarify that you’re married and monogamous. Then you can dial it up a few notches without crossing into FWI territory. If you sense that your flirting partner is starting to doubt whether you meant it when you said you were monogamous, dial it all the way down to zero.
First of all, I need to thank you. I’ve been following you for almost ten years and you gave me such a spectrum of possibilities in relationships and a really open mindset. My little drama is, I’m in an open relationship where we’ve had ongoing issues with communication and emotional labor. I’m always the one carrying the baggage while he gets to be the “light” one, which makes me feel unconsidered. We finally had a deep conversation about this, and I thought things were finally understood. I really needed a demonstration from him. Instead, just three days after that conversation, he went away and slept with someone else. It’s true that he was checking in more than usual on that trip, since I had just asked, but it felt like a demonstration done completely negatively. I guess my question is, how do I navigate an open relationship in this case? In my head, you shouldn’t be sleeping around when things are not stable within the relationship, or am I wrong? If things are lacking on the inside, is it still okay to have sex on the outside? Why do I feel like he cheated?
Italian Fan For Years
If you told your partner you didn’t want him fucking other people for the time being… if you literally said, “No sex with other people while we work on us,” and he agreed to close the relationship, IFFY, and then he turned around and fucked someone else at his first opportunity… yeah, pretty clear your partner cheated on you.
But if you told your partner you felt like there was an imbalance in the emotional labor department and that you needed him to be more attentive… but you didn’t tell him you wanted to close the relationship… and then he made an effort to be more attentive before fucking someone else, IFFY, then didn’t cheat on you.
Not wanting your partner to sleep with other people when your relationship doesn’t feel safe and secure — when things aren’t feeling stable — is a fine and perfectly valid feeling. But if that feeling re -
mained “in your head,” i.e. if you didn’t say as much and say it unambiguously, you can’t be angry that your partner wasn’t able to read your mind. Now, maybe he should’ve, IFFY, but we’ve already established that your partner needs all the help she can get where emotional sensitivities are concerned. Maybe he should’ve understood what you wanted, IFFY, but he didn’t. Maybe his failure to understand what you wanted was self-serving, but your emotionally dense partner could just be… dense.
So, if you want to stay in this relationship and closing it while you work on these issues together is a requirement, IFFY, you need to make that explicitly and abundantly clear to him. With apologies to Upton Sinclair: “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his freedom to fuck around depends on his not understanding it.” No hints, no ambiguity, no hoping he gets it — tell him.
I’m a guy, age 65, and writing to you from Seattle. My wife is also 65 and we are both considered young and fun for our age. We’re sexually active and ambitious, but happily monogamous, having been married for 44 years. Many of our best friends are in their thirties and forties and they seem to enjoy hanging out with us. That’s the good part. Now here is the confusing part and the basis for my question. Five years ago, one of our friends let me know that they are in “the lifestyle.” I filed this info away and have always been just a little bit curious about logistics and other details. I spend way too much time on social media, and I have realized that many, many of our other friends are also connected to this person, even though, ostensibly they seem to have little in common. I now have a fun, weird theory that I cannot prove or disprove. Almost every one of our friends is also active in the lifestyle, but for reasons that I cannot fathom they have never spoken of it to us or even said a word, much less invited us to join in. Should I take this as a compliment or an insult? Are all of our friends having kinky fun behind our respective backs? Just to make this more fun, and to give you a good laugh, the odds that my wife and I would ever want to do this are about a million to one against. But you never know!
Swingless in Seattle
If you wanna get a general conversation about swinging started, SIS, you could ask your thirty- and forty-somethings friends what they thought of The Invite, Olivia Wilde’s amazing new movie starring Wilde, Seth Rogen, Penelope Cruz, and Edward Norton. If they haven’t seen it yet, suggest a group outing.
As for your theory that the one swinger you know is swinging with every other person and/or couple they know…
While people in the lifestyle do know other people in the lifestyle (obviously), SIS, it doesn’t follow that every person a swinger knows is in the lifestyle. So, while you can’t rule out the possibility that all of your thirty- and forty-something friends are fucking each other, you shouldn’t assume they are either. But even if they are fucking each other — let’s go ahead and make that assumption as a thought experiment — I can easily fathom two good reasons why most of them haven’t spoken to you about it:
1. These swinging singles and/or couples assume you and your wife aren’t interested in swinging.
2. These swinging singles and/or couples aren’t interested in swinging with you and your wife.
If you are interested in the lifestyle for purely intellectual reasons — if you have questions about the logistics — you could raise the subject with the one friend who came out to you as a swinger. When someone volunteers that kind of information about themselves, SIS, you’re allowed to ask non-intrusive follow-up questions. So, if you want to know how your friend and his partner meet other couples, how they got into the lifestyle, what their rules are, etc., you can ask those questions. But don’t ask your friend to rattle off the names of other people you know who are in the lifestyle, SIS, as that would require him to violate their privacy. (And if you do ask and he answers, you shouldn’t expect him to respect your privacy either.)
P.S. I’m guessing the odds against you swinging are a million to one because your wife doesn’t want to — or you assume your wife doesn’t want to — and not because you don’t want to. Because I don’t think you would be asking me about this if your curiosity was entirely idle and/or logistical.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love!
Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan!
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