In Case You Live Under A Rock

All of the ever important celeb news that you may have missed.

Sophie Ratner Copy Editor

The end of #Jaylor

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When the rumours of a breakup between beloved pop star Taylor Swift and actor Joe Alwyn started circulating online, parasocial Swifties worldwide went through this grief together. As a fan myself, the denial stage lasted the longest. There was absolutely no way they actually broke up...right? Taylor just released a song about Joe, and Joe just posted a picture of Taylor’s cat. Along with the release of some solo Taylor paparazzi pictures came the anger stage. Angry fans started bombarding Joe with hateful comments on photos from an alleged new girlfriend of his. Once it was revealed she was just a co-star, the bargaining started. Taking a small break just in time for Taylor’s tour is a logical thing to do, and they will most likely get back together after. But of course, it is only so long before the depression comes. In this stage, the most commonly heard phrases are “Love isn’t real” and “What about the entire Lover album?”. Finally, acceptance came. Driven by the undeniable proof (Taylor’s closest friends unfollowing Joe and relationship TikToks being deleted), it was time to accept that Jaylor was over. Rumours have been circulating that Taylor is with Fernando Alonso, a Formula 1 driver, but the real rebound seems to be The 1975’s Matty Healy. This breakup, of course, was heartbreaking for those who idolized Taylor and Joe’s relationship. Maybe he was sunshine, she was midnight rain, or maybe just because a couple is famous doesn’t mean that they’re perfect.

Coachella 2023

April showers bring May flowers, ut April also brings us the Coachella Music Festival, where normal people everywhere can either criticize or lust after this desert gathering. Performing live for the first time in six years, Frank Ocean was definitely the most enticing part of this year’s lineup. Unfortunately, the first weekend set did not go as expected, and many fans felt disappointed by the underwhelming performance. He then pulled out of the second weekend due to a leg injury. The fan reaction was split. Some fans said it was just “Frank being Frank” and that he didn’t like performing live, while others were extremely upset and felt that their time and money were wasted. In other news, Zendaya revived her brief live music career (shoutout to “Replay”) by performing “All For Us” with Labrinth. Due to some technical issues, this performance also fell below expectations. Last year, it was declared that trying hard for Coachella outfits was embarrassing, and all the real celebrities just wore jeans and a t-shirt. This, of course, led to countless influencers describing how they were going for “a more chill vibe” this year. This year’s Coachella was a spectacle, but for all the wrong reasons.

Gwyneth Paltrow Ski Trial

To some, she’s a pseudo-science promoting, nepotism baby, almond mom. To others, she is a fashion icon and activist. Gwyneth Paltrow has been a polarizing figure in the past few years due to her controversial lifestyle brand, Goop. More recently, she has been in the public eye because… well…she lost half a day of skiing. In the least biased way possible, here’s the breakdown: Some guy who seemingly skied into her is now suing her? For $300,000?

Whether or not this lawsuit was provoked because of Paltrow’s fame or not, the real issue is being forgotten here. She lost half a day of skiing! This comment made by Paltrow can seem out of touch, but in the context of the whole trial, it makes sense. The entire ordeal seemed very unserious, with the attorney for the man suing Paltrow making weird comments to her. They were chatting about shoes and Taylor Swift. In the end, Gwyneth won her countersuit for $1. If only she could get back the real loss…those 6 hours of prime skiing time will always be remembered.

Met Gala

On the first Monday of May, the Metropolitan Museum of Art hosts a gala to raise funds for their Costume Exhibit. Of course, in more recent years, the Met Gala can be summarized as celebrities wearing couture and getting photographed in it, and then Twitter decides whether the fashion crimes they committed are so heinous that they deserve jail time or that they are the highest standard of fashion in the world. This year, many celebrities’ outfits fell in the middle, with some calling it “the most boring Met Gala of all time”. The theme was celebrating Karl Lagerfeld the late controversial designer, most known for his work with Chanel. In my opinion, the only look that will be remembered far into the future from this Met Gala is Jared Leto’s. The eccentric star sported a cat fursuit. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a trend of furries at the ball from now on, considering the publicity it gave Leto. Doja Cat and Lil Nas X also showed up in feline fashion to honour Lagerfeld’s cat. They both embodied this persona by literally responding to interview questions with meows. My personal favourite looks were from Anok Yai and Anne Hathaway. The Met Gala is without a doubt the biggest fashion moment in North American culture, but the guest list seems to narrow down along with the event, making it seem less elite and exclusive each year. Allegedly, the Kardashians would be absent this year in an attempt to bring back the high-brow image, but Kendall, Kim, and Kylie were still strutting on that toothpaste-looking carpet. Sorry, Anna Wintour, but every year that you keep inviting Jared Leto back, the Met Gala will not be a serious event.