CHARACTERS
ACT 1
PROLOGUE: A street corner outside the Radio
Studio at Station WOR / The Radio Studio Desk / Several Years Ago
A Salvation Army Santa is ringing his bell and collecting donations.
A radio announcer, Jean Shepherd, introduces himself and the audience to a story that takes place in Hohman, Indiana, about a boy named Ralphie Parker and his toy gun.
Watch For: Santa ringing a bell and mention of a toy gun
SCENE 1: The Parker Family House and Yard / Higbee’s Department Store Window / December 1, 1940
Jean recounts this story as if he were Ralphie. Mother is in the kitchen coaxing the brothers Ralphie and Randy to hurry up and get ready. Ralphie is taking his time reading a magazine and lets the audience know he has a Christmas wish.
The Old Man, or the father of the family, is greeted by the neighbors’ dogs, The Bumpus Hounds. The neighbors’ intelligence is insulted by Jean and The Old Man.
Mother wants to get to the store in time to see the windows lit up.
Children say what they see in the windows and what they want for Christmas. Ralphie sees what he wants, a Red Ryder Range Model Car-Bine-Action BB Gun. He dreams of protecting everyone as “Cowboy Ralphie.” The ensemble emphasizes the stress of the holiday season.
Song: “It All Comes Down to Christmas,” “Red Ryder Carbine-Action BB Gun” & “It All Comes Down to Christmas (Reprise)”
Watch For: Barking dogs, shouting.
SCENE 2: The Parker Family House / The Next Day
It’s breakfast time and Ralphie and Randy need to get ready for school while The Old Man is going through his mail. He enters a contest by doing a crossword puzzle. He dreams of being “The Genius on Cleveland Street.”
A noise comes from the basement furnace that signals it needs to be repaired.
Mother asks the boys what they want for Christmas and Ralphie gets the courage to ask for “An Official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot Range Model air rifle with a compass…” Mother’s response is not what he wants to hear. “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Ralphie quickly lies and says he’d prefer tinkertoys instead.
Next it was time to face the cold weather and head to school. Randy is dressed so warmly for the cold weather that he can’t move comfortably in his winter coat.
Song: “The Genius on Cleveland Street”
Watch For: Barking dogs, shouting, banging from the furnace, smoke, and crying.
SCENE 3: Path Leading to School
Schwartz and Flick, Ralphie’s friends, debate whether a person’s tongue would stick to a flagpole in the winter. Randy slips and falls in the snow.
The children scream when they see the school bullies, Farkus and Dill. The bullies torment the other students.
Song: “When You’re a Wimp”
Watch For: Adult language, screams, stage fighting, and bullying.
SCENE 4: The Classroom / A Few Minutes Later
Miss Shields gives her students an assignment for class: to write about what they want for Christmas. Ralphie immediately gushes and fantasizes over his true desire for a Red Ryder BB Gun. Ralphie imagines he is a cowboy and his imagination comes to life on stage.
When Ralphie is done daydreaming, he hands his assignment in to Miss Shields.
Song: “Ralphie to the Rescue!”
Watch For: Yelling, villain’s laughter, fake dynamite, fake guns, imaginary shooting of a gun.
SCENE 5: The Parker Family House / A Week Later
Mother is preparing dinner. The Old Man is coming home from work and is being chased by the Bumpus Hounds.
Mother wants everyone to get ready for dinner that she worked hard preparing. Randy always refuses to eat the food that Mother has prepared and she tries to trick him into eating his meatloaf by eating like a piggy.
In the mail is an ad for a Red Ryder BB Gun and much to Ralphie’s disappointment, Mother throws it in the garbage.
Ralphie comes up with the idea of getting his parents to subconsciously think to buy Ralphie the Red Ryder BB Gun. He fantasizes that Miss Shields will tell his parents to buy it for him.
A telegram is delivered to the house and we find out that The Old Man, Mr. Parker, has won the crossword contest and he dreams of all the prizes he could win.
A delivery man arrives with the prize in a box…a lamp in the shape of a leg.
Song: “What a Mother Does” & “A Major Award”
Watch For: Dogs barking, shouting, pig oinking, loud bang from box falling, and fake electric shock.
SCENE 6: The Parker Family House / On the Road
The neighbors have all been talking about the leg lamp that was in the Parkers’ window.
The Parker family is getting ready to pick out their Christmas tree. And as usual, the neighbors’ dogs are harassing The Old Man with their barking. Mother
turns off the leg lamp to not “waste electricity.”
The family leaves to get their Christmas tree, but gets a flat tire on the way. Mother suggests that Ralphie help his father change the flat tire. Ralphie drops the hubcap, losing the lugnuts, and swears by saying, “Oh, fudge!” Only he didn’t say “fudge” and his dad is angry with him for swearing. When The Old Man tells Mother what Ralphie just said, she is equally as angry.
Song: “Parker Family Singalong”
Watch For: Dog barking and a flat tire sound effect.
SCENE 7: The Parker Family House/Late That Night
Mother puts soap in Ralphie’s mouth as a punishment for swearing. Mother wants to know where he heard the F-word from. Ralphie lied and told her that he learned it from his friend Schwartz. Ralphie really learned the word from his father.
Mother immediately calls Schwartz’s mother to tell her what her son taught Ralphie. Mrs. Schwartz scolds her son.
Ralphie fears that he really won’t get his Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas now.
Song: “Act One Finale”
Watch For: Soap in Ralphie’s mouth for punishment, adult language, flashing lights.
ACT 2
ENTR’ACTE: Radio Studio
Jean stresses that Ralphie really needs to be good until Christmas if he’s to get what he wants.
SCENE 1: The Schoolyard / December 20, 1940
It’s a cold winter day and the students are on the schoolyard with a flagpole. Schwartz dares Flick to stick his tongue to the very cold flagpole. The school bell rings and the students go to class leaving Flick stuck to the flagpole.
Miss Shields is looking for Flick. The students lie about where he is until Esther Jane points outside the window to the flagpole, where Flick can be seen.
A doctor, policeman, and fireman try to free Flick’s tongue from the flagpole.
Miss Shields scolds the students for allowing that to happen to Flick. Miss Shields gives the students their assignments back. Ralphie was hopeful to get a good grade for his BB Gun essay, but instead he got a C+ and a note saying “You’ll shoot your eye out!”
Song: “Sticky Situation”
Watch For: Tongue stuck to flagpole, adult language, shouting, and school bell.
SCENE 2: A 1930s Kid Gangster Fantasy at a Speakeasy
In Ralphie’s imagination, Farkus and Dill enter dressed as dancing 1930s gangsters, manhandling and kidnapping Ralphie as all the kids and Miss Shields exit and the classroom disappears.
Fantasy Miss Shields finds Ralphie’s desire to have a Red Ryder BB Gun laughable and insists it’s dangerous and she doesn’t want him to shoot his eye out.
Song: “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out”
Watch For: Restrained actor, tap dancing.
SCENE 3: A Path from School / Immediately Following
Farkus and Dill trip Ralphie and taunt him. Ralphie defends himself and fights back. Mother breaks up the fight.
Watch For: Stage fighting, taunting.
SCENE 4: The Parker Family House / Immediately Afterward
Mother assures Ralphie that he will be alright. Randy is crying and afraid that The Old Man is going to punish Ralphie.
The Old Man comes home and yells at the barking dogs. He notices Ralphie’s glasses are not on his face. Mother tells The Old Man that Ralphie was in a fight. But, she has already given him a talking to and she changes the subject to suggest bringing Ralphie to the Bears game. Ralphie is relieved he is not about to get punished by his father and hopes this is his last chance to convince The Old Man to get him a Red Ryder BB Gun.
Song: “Just Like That” & “Red Ryder [Reprise #1]”
Watch For: Crying, barking dogs.
SCENE 5: Santa’s Station at Higbee’s Department Store / Christmas Eve
The department store elves are finishing a performance of their hourly Christmas show. The department store Santa is not jolly, complains about all the kids, and hates his job.
Ralphie gets to finally tell Santa what he wants for Christmas and the pressure is getting to him. He quickly remembers to say he wants a Red Ryder BB Gun and Santa says “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” Ralphie feels defeated.
Song: “Up on Santa’s Lap”
Watch For: Grumpy Santa, screaming.
SCENE 6: The Parker Family House / Christmas Eve
It’s Christmas Eve and the narrator, Jean, is optimistic that Ralphie may get the Red Ryder BB Gun and the football that he originally didn’t really want.
The lamp that is in the shape of a leg has broken. The Old Man is devastated and claims Mother was jealous of the lamp and they get into an argument. Mother finally admits that she thought the lamp was ugly. The Old Man insists on fixing the broken lamp and leaves to get glue.
Mother heads to Mrs. Cartwright’s leaving Randy and Ralphie home alone. The boys attempt to put the lamp back together before their father returns.
The Old Man returned later with five bottles of extrastrength glue. He ultimately gave up and leg was officially broken. Not long afterward, Mother returns and apologizes. The Old Man cries and then buries the lamp next to the garage.
Song: “Before The Old Man Comes Home”
Watch For: Broken lamp, shouting, crying, horns and smoke.
SCENE 7: Ralphie and Randy’s Bedroom / A Half Hour or
so
Later
Ralphie and Randy lie in bed, restless. All the kids anxiously wait for Santa Claus.
Song: “Somewhere Hovering Over Indiana”
SCENE 8: The Parker Family House, A Chinese Restaurant and The Town - Christmas Morning
Finally, it’s Christmas morning and the Parker family open their gifts. Ralphie opens a box and hopes that it’s the Red Ryder BB Gun. However, it is a pink bunny suit. He is devastated. Mother insists Ralphie go put on the suit.
The Old Man is picking at Mother’s Christmas turkey. Finally Ralphie comes down the stairs in his Christmas present and he is mortified.
Ralphie takes off the bunny suit and plays with a football that he got. Mother and The Old Man ask Ralphie if he had a nice Christmas and did he get what he wants? The Old Man points out an unopened present. Ralphie opens it up and sees that it’s…
AN OFFICIAL RED RYDER RANGE MODEL CARBINEACTION BB GUN! WITH A COMPASS IN THE STOCK AND THIS THING THAT TELLS TIME!
Ralphie is so excited to finally get his Christmas wish he aims the BB gun and shoots, then loses his
glasses. Then he steps on the glasses and breaks them.
He pretends that an icicle fell and hit him in the face causing his glasses to break. His mom believes him!
The dogs from next door come in through the back door and ruin the Christmas turkey. The Old Man is upset and insists they go to a restaurant to eat Christmas dinner instead.
The Parkers arrive at a traditional Chinese restaurant, the Chop Suey Palace and to the disappointment of The Old Man, they only have duck, not turkey. Although their Christmas dinner didn’t go as planned, the family finds the joy in being together.
Jean/Ralphie are so grateful that their dad gave them such a wonderful gift.
Song: “Ralphie to the Rescue (Reprise)” & “A Christmas Story”
Watch For: Shouting, BB gunshot, broken glasses, dogs barking, fake duck head cut off.
