Learning to Love

by David Huff

In one verse in the New Testament, a married couple is given a command, and while it may seem simple to do there are many complications that come along with it. In Ephesians 5:33, husbands and wives are given this command: “To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”

Speaking on the male side, how can a husband love his wife if he has never experienced love himself? I grew up in a separated family and I was basically abandoned by my father. My mother, being a single mother, had to work a lot to raise her child, so I never saw much love come from her either. Yes, I knew she loved me but there is a difference between knowing and feeling that you are loved. As a result, this continued on into my teen, young adult, and adult years, and I began to display the same acts as well.

The only thing about love that I ever knew was that love hurt you, love abandoned you, and love was based upon what you were doing for someone. When I was married for the first time in 2001, I was so full of hate that I believed that love was nothing but something that we convinced ourselves of—that it did not truly exist. Needless to say, the marriage crumbled, and we had three children who got caught in the crossfire.

After staying single for many years, I met my wife and in 2012 we were married. It was at this point that we returned to the church and we both rededicated our lives to Christ. This began a journey of discovering what love truly is. The Bible says that “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” Yes, I had heard this verse many times growing up, but I never understood the true meaning of the love that was on display. The unselfish, unconditional love that someone would give their life for me, who knew nothing whatsoever about love.

This is the kind of love that Ephesians 5:33 is telling us to give. An unconditional love that goes well beyond any act we have ever seen or known. Over the years, little by little, God has stripped away the heart of stone that I once held and has turned it into a heart of flesh. How has He done this? Through unconditional love that He Himself gives to each of us. God loves us so much that He expects nothing in return for His love. He loves us so much that He is willing to forgive us even though we deserve to pay the price for our sins. After all, He sent Jesus to die on the cross for each and every one of us.

This is the same love that God calls for each of us husbands to give to our wives—unconditional love that expects nothing in return. Will we have to give our lives on a cross? No, we probably will not have to, but we are called to lay down our lives for our wives and to lead them the way we are called to do so.

About The Author My name is David Huff, and I am married to Brittany and together we have five wonderful kids. We attend Rock Bridge Community Church Calhoun where I serve on the prayer team, host team, and a small group co leader.