The Other Comparison Problem

We’ve all heard that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, which can lead to envy, discontentment, and even depression among those who spend countless hours scrolling through social media posts and thinking everyone else’s life is more fulfilling and glamorous than their own. Ironically, many studies have found that some of the posts on social media aren’t even legitimate experiences (can we say Photoshop?). But that’s beside the point. FOMO (fear of missing out) is the current trendy catchphrase for what many of us know as “keeping up with the Joneses,” and it can lead to chronic discontentment. We all know about this “comparison problem” and its dangers. But what about the “other” comparison problem?

The other comparison problem is when we compare ourselves to those who are less successful than we are, and then we use that comparison to congratulate ourselves on our own achievements (higher education, above average salary, above average health, stable marriage, etc.). This can become a very real and dangerous problem as well; sure, it may boost our self-esteem, but what about the long-term consequences of this other comparison problem? By using less successful people as our touchstones for evaluating how well we are doing in certain areas, we may be subconsciously sabotaging ourselves, destroying our motivation to aspire for excellence. And when I refer to “less successful” people to which we compare ourselves, I don’t mean only in the socioeconomic context of income and wealth; I mean every aspect of life (spiritual, psychological and emotional health, physical health, education, service, as well as socioeconomic measures).

Here’s an example of this other comparison problem— we’ll call her Lisa. Lisa is about halfway through her working 10 // September 2020

Dr. Andrew Lee is professor of English at Lee University. He also serves as a coordinator for Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. He and his wife Esmerelda have three children.

lifetime (late 30’s). When she looks around at her friends and family, she notices that she is one of the few with a college degree and a salary that is above the national median income. She is not in the best physical shape, but she observes with satisfaction that most of her friends and family are more out of shape than she is. Her marriage may be hanging on by a thread, but she is proud that she’s the only one still in her first marriage compared to her friends and family. Do you see where this is going? Lisa consoles herself and even creates excuses for not improving her life, based solely on her observation that her life looks pretty good compared to her inner circle, and she knows any of them would gladly trade places with her. By choosing the wrong people with which to compare herself, Lisa will never achieve the more fulfilling and more successful life she could have had.

But what if Lisa believed the saying that “you will become the average of the five people you spend the most time with”? Because she believed this, she began to expand her social network by meeting people whom she admired— people who were more educated, more financially successful, had thriving marriages and spiritual lives, were regularly involved in community service, and who were conscientious about their appearance and physical fitness, too. What if she got to know some of these people and learn how they did it, and then Lisa began to emulate these best practices to improve her own life? Where would Lisa be in ten years from now? The answer should be obvious. So be very careful about this other “comparison problem,” for it can lead to serious consequences as surely as the envy and discontentment of the earlier comparison problem. Neither route is the path to a happy and fulfilling life. Proverbs 16:3 promises, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”