When it comes to divorce BGM Legal

WHEN IT COMES TO DIVORCE, LIVING WELL REALLY IS THE BEST REVENGE

It sounds trite. But feedback received after nearly 20 years as family lawyers tells us it is true.The best revenge is living well.

If you have separated, or are going through divorce, your first meeting with a family lawyer like us will occur when you are at an emotional low point. If your spouse has resolved to end the relationship, you may be feeling shocked, hurt, and angry. If you are the one to have initiated the separation, you may be feeling those same emotions, and more – sadness and guilt. Everyone experiences different emotions and how we feel changes from day to day. You will probably be feeling a ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ response. Sometimes it will be both…

This is a time when lawyers will ask you to begin making important decisions about how your separation will proceed. In reality, however, it is the worst possible time for you to be making any decisions. If how you are feeling is variable, so too will be your decision making. The problem is that the decisions you make at this point will set your case on a particular pathway. If you are angry, you may wish to ‘go to Court’, perceiving that such a process will be to exact retribution on your spouse, or to have their conduct exposed. Sometimes it can feel like that is what needs to occur for you to feel a sense of ‘justice’. The temptation is therefore to make a decision to, at a time when you are feeling most pain, proceed in the way designed to see your spouse feel the same.

However, that initial anger may subside in the passing of weeks and months. With counselling, and time, you may have a different view of the separation after 6 months’ of living with it. How you felt on day one of your separation will likely differ dramatically to your feelings six months ‘in’. The so-called ‘revenge’ which might have seemed motivating earlier on may have been a mirage. You may have realised that any vindication achieved in Court is short-lived, and your focus may then be on moving on with your own life.

The trouble is, the ‘egg’ is already ‘scrambled’ by the decisions made earlier on. A pathway of high-conflict and destruction, chosen in the aftermath of separation, can be difficult to turn back from. This is especially so if that pathway has involved your spouse, who is likely now also angry, and possibly seeking their own form of ‘payback’. Had you been allowed to pause; things might have been different. Perhaps there could have been a settlement through mediation. Perhaps you and your partner could have looked into a collaborative divorce. Perhaps a direct discussion between you both may have seen an outcome reached, at least in part. Instead, those opportunities have likely been obliterated by a decision made at a time when you were just not ready.

Of course, there will be times when there is no choice but to commence Court proceedings – when there is the risk of assets being disposed of, or when a spouse has been ‘cut off’ financially. There are, however, plenty of cases where there is time to allow the dust to settle, and for you to experience the roller coaster of emotions before being asked to give instructions as to the future direction of their case. Sometimes, the most important thing we can do is to ‘do nothing’.

If you are enduring separation and are feeling that unsettling ‘fight or flight’ sensation, talk to your lawyer about whether you can pause without jeopardising your situation. If ‘yes’, use that time to arm yourself with information about the relevant factors in your case, and the various options open to you to achieve an outcome. Meanwhile, get help in coping with the separation, and the other non-legal issues, from other sources (referred by your lawyer).

Having had this time, you will be able to be sure that you are truly at peace with the instructions you are providing to your lawyer, rather than regretting a decision made when you were in no position to be making decisions. In short, you will have given yourself a chance to see whether the best ‘revenge’ is indeed getting on and living a full life. How do we know the above to be true? By helping thousands of people like you through this situation. Our experience is that to think differently about your separation and divorce now, is to make a big difference to life later on.

So, give us a call – one of our BGM Family Lawyers team will be able to help you conceive a solution to your problem which is ‘right’ for you.

(07) 5510 4808 info.bgm@bgm.legal www.bgm.legal

NEED HELP WITH FAMILY LAW? WE KNOW WHAT TO DO

If your family law situation has been on your mind, you will want to know how to solve it. Property settlements, parenting arrangements, financial agreements, child support situations - whatever your case involves, chances are we’ve seen it before. And if it’s complex, we embrace that.

We’ve helped thousands of people through family and relationship breakdown – business owners (large and small), entrepreneurs, mums and dads, professionals, grandparents, and everyone in between.

Our clients come from far and wide, so if you need to meet with, or speak with us, online, or away from our office, we can do whatever is needed. How do we do it? Simple. By appreciating that one size does not fit all. By accepting that your case may need something different from others, including approaches other than litigation. And by arming you with information, giving you all of the options, and letting you decide on your preferred problem-solving pathway. With a team of experienced lawyers on hand, we can provide an adviser who is the perfect fit for your case. We are big enough to be recognised as leaders in our market, and small enough to provide you with personal support when you need it most.

FAMILY LAW IS ALL WE DO, SO LET US HELP YOU TOO!