DEAR MOUTH FARAH RAFEE

Dear Mouth,

I realize that we have failed to communicate throughout my eighteen year s of living. I just wanted to say that I love and appreciate your pleasur able existence . Without you, I would be unable to speak, unable to smile , and (most impor tantly) unable to eat. These are feats that I take for gr anted on a daily basis, so I have taken time out of my day to wr ite you this endear ing letter to express that I tr uly am gr ateful for all you have done for me . Again, thank you.

But I suppose all of that should be expected. It is your job to function in a way where I can talk freely, laugh freely, and chew freely Although you do accomplish your job, you do so in a manner that makes my life unpleasant and agonizing In your three main functions (speech, expression, and nour ishment), you have failed miser ably. Allow me to explain. I under stand that perhaps you are not fully responsible for my vocal functions. Even so, I do not appreciate that my voice gives out fair ly quickly. I would like my vocal capacity to exceed thir ty seconds, especially when I am giving a ten-minute presentation Do take action in that cour se .

Additionally, I must ask why you allowed my teeth to grow in the way that they did. For ten year s, my crossbite prevented me from smiling cor rectly! I lived my life in the shadcoexist.

since my jaw has been locked in a way where I can no longer chew gum, bite bur ger s, or eat toast Over the summer, I had to use a for k and knife to eat a macaroon! Because your negligence has affected my eating habits, I must take action to ensure you function

Thank you for your time . I expect improvement by next month.

Sincerely,

Far ah

C Ollective L Y Oneself