Remember

Title: Remember Story collector name: Syeda Zainab Kazmi Storyteller name: Zohra Character Sketch: South Asian Female, Immigrant, In her early 20s Description: A letter to her younger self, recollecting.

Trigger Warning: Violence, Oppression

-----------------Dear me from the past 10 years, Remember the time you returned to our birth country, from our first visit to America? You were so eager to go back to Chicago. And remember the disappointment you felt when visa issues forced our family to stay in South Asia? You thought this was it, you would never be able to move to The US. But our parents hadn’t given up, so you didn’t either!

But remember the morning you saw that car on fire, at a riot on your way to school?

Remember hearing about relatives and family friends being persecuted and/or killed because of their religious beliefs or political views? Remember fearing for your parents' safety as they left for work during times of political unrest?

Remember wondering if you were even going to live long enough to get to

America? Remember thinking, if only you were in America you wouldn’t have to worry about your safety?

And then after four long years, our family immigrated to The US. Our parent’s lifelong goal, to make America a permanent home, finally achieved! Remember thinking you would have no more worries? You would be free to go where you want to go, do what you want to do, and be who you want to be. You no longer needed to hide your identity.

That was until you started attending middle school and trying to fit in, and that familiar feeling of anxiety returned.

Remember wanting but failing to find people like you? A friend? Remember dreading lunchtime because you had no one to sit with? Remember missing friends and cousins, back home, every day?

And when our little sister also started struggling with making friends at her new school. Remember ignoring your own emotions, and focusing on her? Remember feeling guilty for the times you felt okay because she wasn’t? Remember wondering if it would have been better to stay in our home country? Remember pushing those thoughts away? Telling yourself that these problems are nothing compared to what you faced back home. Remember telling yourself to just focus on doing well in school?

Remember wanting to lift some of the burdens off your parents' backs? I remember how hard those times were.

Nevertheless…

Remember the time you made our first friend in America? Remember being able to safely drive around the city, even after dusk? Remember having the opportunity to move downtown for college? Remember finding a bit of community there? Remember going to the mosque with lesser fear of persecution? Remember all the peaceful Eids you spent with family in The US? Remember planning for our future?

I hope that along with all the regrets of leaving our home country, you remember all the joys moving to Chicago has brought us.

Love, Older you