The Love Languages

The Love Languages: Intergenerational Father & Daughter Perspectives

Late 1950’s Humid South Asian island Born the only son His mother named him But his grandfather changed it A powerful name These expectations Of being the only boy Caring for sisters Holding down the fort As his father was away Long hours of distance A relationship Formed through visits after months Working to provide It was up to him Finding husbands for sisters Sending both girls off He took pride in that Searched long and hard to select Ensuring they’d be well off It wasn’t easy The struggle to find safety Escaping the war

Came to Canada Despite the bumpy travels Mid 1980’s Getting a degree Late start compared to the rest At 30 years old Building his own life Having an arranged marriage Now a family My sister, firstborn But both my brother and I Were born in the States Early 2000s Life in a Midwestern state Safety and comfort I’m the middle child Loud, extrovert, chatterbox Born affectionate Birth dates add to 2 Tamil numerology Same but different Father and daughter But I'm more like my mother Sensitive and sweet

You cry if you’re weak I’m the emotional one He won’t open up I value these things Like words of affirmation Discussing feelings I always longed for The kind of relationship What the others had As he worked 3rd shift I missed out on the bonding What the others had I envied my friends And their father daughter dates When was it my turn The “Amma”s and “dear”s “How are you”s and “Good Morning”s But that’s not my dad It would bother me He only cared about school How about my day?

I don’t hug my dad He never was the type to It became a joke

No physical touch It's not what he grew up with Was he ever hugged?

Love is different Culture, family, and self All have an impact I’ve learned to accept That love languages differ You just can’t force it He has the most love And I can finally see The sacrifices A brand new country A whole different language A simplified name Doing everything To make sure we were well off It all makes sense now His logical mind The education focus Ensured our future Once I’m reminded I set aside my complaints My life is easy

My age increasing I began to understand And accept my dad Its all clear for me The amount he does for me Wants the best for me He has immense love It shines through acts of service Which I discovered He’ll make me coffee Bring cut fruit up to my room And drive me places According to each These are the love languages Different but same We will always share Our own type of connection The laughter and jokes In such unique ways Love comes in different forms This is our story You say you don’t care But it never hurts to hear I love you, Appa