For Fathers volume II For Fathers volume II
For Fathers volume II
Unless otherwise credited, images are courtesy of WISDOM's Noster, Burgess, Tinant and Doyle families.
The get to” Parent “
By Andy “Fletch” Fletcher
Overthe years, one of the recurring conversations in our house stems from the idea that my wife is the “have to” parent and I am the “get to” parent. Maybe you have heard this term before? Maybe you have used it in your house? If not, allow me to introduce you to this idea.
Like many of you, my wife is the “have to” parent. As the primary homeschooling parent in our home, she shoulders the day to day responsibility for planning, organizing, teaching, and accomplishing the lesson plans associated with homeschooling our kids. From the moment her eyes open in the morning until I walk in at night my wife knows what she HAS TO accomplish with the kids.
Don’t get me wrong, she does not live in a homeschool prison where she is forced to drudge through the misery of educating children who are chained to their desks waiting for Dad to rescue them. However, my wife does feel a very real sense of “having to” accomplish the education goals we have established for our children. Don’t misunderstand. We chose this lifestyle and my wife happily
agrees to fulfill her role as a homeschooling mom. Except for the most challenging and frustrating days, she really enjoys her role and the responsibilities that she “has to” accomplish.
On the other side of this equation is me. I come home every night and can often be seen as the “get to” parent. I get to hang out and play with the kids while dinner is being made. I get to declare surprise trips for ice cream or frozen yogurt. I get to blow off the homeschooling agenda and take everyone to the matinee. I am the ultimate “get to” parent and let’s face it: what kid in any house would not be more attracted to the “get to” parent?
As you can probably guess, through our natural behavior and living out the roles we’ve chosen in life, it is nearly impossible for us to avoid becoming the “have to” and “get to” parent. We aren’t even trying. It just happens naturally. We fall into these roles. The question becomes how do we balance the equation and what can we do to avoid being labeled as either in the eyes of our kids.
Dads. Let’s be real for a moment. Let’s admit that it is nice to come home every night and be loved by your family. That is good. That is healthy. The problem begins when you start to be seen as the “get to” parent in light of the “have to” parent. How can we avoid this from happening? Here are a few things I have found to be helpful:
• Acknowledge: Step back and take a good look at the dynamics in your family. Ask yourself the following questions: Does the potential exist for your children to classify you and your spouse in these roles? If so, are
these beginning to create a “most favored parent” status? Also, is your wife OVER-burdened with the only administration of your homeschool? If so, acknowledge this is occurring and be willing to address it with both your spouse and your children.
• Engage: I wrote about this in detail on my blog. When was the last time you reviewed the children’s schooling with them? If you are like me, it starts off great and soon fizzles. Do you know what I mean? Out of the gates each year I am great about asking the kids during the dinner hour what they learned in ancient history. Then, the next time I ask, they are telling me what they learned about the Revolutionary War and by the time I ask again I am only ‘briefed’ about the Kennedy Assassination. I am not sure that cuts it! Engage regularly and know what is happening with your kids’ education, so you acan help your wife by encouraging or correcting the necessary student behaviors.
• Encourage: I can’t say this enough! I believe your primary role as a dad is to encourage your wife with the gospel. In all of her efforts to manage a household, educate children and grow personally, it is important to remind her EVERY day that her worth and her value are not based on what she accomplishes, but are firmly based on being a child of God. Encouragement and the public acknowledgment of your wife are two great ways to keep the “have to” parent going in the midst of the day-to-day grind!
• Swap: Whether this phenomenon is happening in your house or not, I must recommend that you give your wife regular opportunities to swap roles and be the “get to” parent! At the same time, pick a day where you will shoulder the homeschooling responsibilities for her and become the “have to” parent! This just happened in our house. To say that my wife loves the beach would be an understatement. Last week, I sent my wife the weather forecast for the California coastline and recommended she take a day off from school and take the kids to the beach for the day. Listen closely here: I did not suggest a “homeschool day” at the beach where they study the tide pools, analyze sea creatures, or tour a local lighthouse. No, I meant a “real” day at the beach. A day where my wife could sit in the sand, bake in the sun and even ride the waves. In our house, this will require both time and cash, but it will be worth every smile on every kids’ face as they put on swimsuits and grab their towels for a day in the California waves.
From one “get to” dad to another, I hope that just addressing this topic was helpful enough. I would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions!
Fletch has been married for the past 23 years. He and his wife Kendra are the proud parents of five sons and three daughters, all of whom keep them laughing and on their toes. During the day he can be found fixing people’s teeth, but in his spare time you can find Fletch stretching out a pair of flip-flops, creating a new pizza recipe, playing the drums, or rescuing a piece of his tiedye wardrobe from his wife’s donation pile.
Balance Work & Family
By Mike Yorkey & Greg Johnson
Don’t expect the corporate world to recognize how much fathers are needed at home. The employee’s family life isn’t a part of the annual report, nor can it be measured on the bottom line.
If you’re chalking up a lot of overtime, then here are ways you can jog loose a few more hours at home:
Work smarter. What’s your body clock? Are you a morning person? Or do you do your best work at night? If you get more done in the morning, perhaps you should begin working earlier in the day (if your company has flex time). That way you can get off earlier and beat the traffic home, thus saving you even more time.
I do most of my creative work — writing and editing — in the morning because that’s when I feel most productive. When the post-lunch doldrums arrive, I turn my attention to less-taxing tasks, such
as answering my e-mail and returning phone calls.
Skip going out to lunch. Yes, it’s nice to be served a prepared meal, but by the time you’re seated, given a menu, order an entree, wait for the food to arrive, eat, ask for the check, make the payment — well, say sayonara to a huge chunk of time. And that doesn’t include the minutes lost driving or walking to the restaurant.
If you’re working past 6 or 7 p.m. because you lingered over lunch, that’s not good stewardship of your time. Bringing your own lunch is cheaper, faster and healthier. If you need a change of scenery during the noon hour, take your lunch to a nearby park or company picnic area.
You also should consider taking a 30-minute lunch. My father, who worked in the construction trade, always had a half hour for lunch. That meant his
workday ended at 4:30, which gave him time to coach my Little League team.
Think through any promotion. Does it mean more hours? Will it lead to more travel? Is the money worth it? What would you do if your boss offered you a raise — albeit modest — but said you might have to put in eight hours of overtime? Would you take it? Perhaps the promotion means 10 days of outof-town travel each month. What would you say?
Live closer to work, or consider relocating to a smaller city. That suggestion is easier said than done, isn’t it? For openers, it may be hard to sell a house, and some of us don’t want to live in neighborhoods close to work. Or we like where we live: The kids are established, and we’re active members of a local church.
But living closer to work can be a huge benefit. By cutting your drive time to a manageable 10 to 15 minutes, you might gain another hour or two a day. That’s often enough time to see your daughter’s soccer game or coach your son’s baseball team. You can retrieve up to 10 hours a week. Think about how many family activities you can do with that extra day!
Reserve the weekends for the family. If you let work — the Monday-throughFriday variety — encroach on your weekends, you’re headed for misery. Christopher, a salesman for a marketing firm, still puts in 50- and 60-hour weeks, but he’s stopped working on weekends. “Saturday and Sunday are
for the kids,” says Christopher. “They should know that from Friday night to Sunday is family, and that we’re going to do something together, whether it’s playing baseball, going to Sea World or whatever.”
Plan your week. From the beginning of their marriage, Don and his wife, Rhonda, have gone out for a piece of pie and a cup of coffee every Sunday night. Shortly after the waitress clears the plates from the table, Don and Rhonda reach for their personal calendars. For the next hour, they go over their schedules — work, church activities and kids’ programs — for the coming week.
Believe God’s promises. Gregory used to work 11 and 12 hours a day, but after five years of burning the candle at both ends, his marriage fell apart. When he became a Christian awhile later, Gregory remarried. Inside, he felt different about his reasons for working so much.
“I first read God’s promises, then I really started to believe them,” he said. “Especially the one where it says that God will provide for all your needs. I thought, OK, Lord, I’ll slow down and trust You to bring in enough work so the business can survive. These days, I won’t work more than 10 hours a day. I’m not always able to get what I want, but we always have what we need.”
Taken from Daddy’s Home. Copyright © 1992, Mike Yorkey and Greg Johnson. All Rights Reserved.
What Can I Do? Practical Suggestions
By Glenn Spiess, reprinted from the May 2003 WISDOM Family Magazine
Be a Leader and Protector
If you haven’t done so already, take on the role of leader and protector of the family. Educate yourself about the various aspects of homeschooling so that you can explain to those who question your decision to home schooling. Read books or articles about home schooling, attend conferences, and participate in the facilitator visits. A sign of a great leader is their ability to listen, and as such I suggest that we become sounding boards for our spouses. Listening provides great opportunities for us to grow together in unity and clarity of our
purpose and vision as a family and in our homeschooling. Being a sounding board will give unique and beautiful insights into how God has blessed and created our children and our spouse. We will gain valuable information to assist us when we begin/continue to plan with our spouse about the direction our child’s learning is taking. Making sure that we participate in the planning provides the opportunity to utilize all that we have gained from being a sounding board.
Being a sounding board is not only for our spouse but also for our children. Remember Show and Tell? Why not
incorporate that into our homes, taking time to review and discuss the work our children have done. Initiate a time to share upon arrival at home from work, at mealtimes or bedtime (which might have to be adjusted to allow for such interaction). This will develop family relationships, provide unity between family members, give us heightened understanding of our child’s progression and offer valuable assessment/planning perspectives. It also provides us the opportunity to offer insights that can be applied to the world of work, thereby adding to the value of their education.
Open family prayer time around the breakfast or dinner table. Take an active role in the child’s spiritual development. The possibilities are endless. One may ask, “Where can I find the time to do all this?” Read on.
Die to Selfish Desires
This is perhaps the single most difficult suggestion that can be given to men. It requires God’s grace, allowing us to die in a real sense to our old self. Doing this is not a sign of weakness; rather it is a sign of humility, strength and maturity. It is a sign of Jesus Christ in our midst for it places the needs of others before our own desires. This one suggestion can radically change the dynamics of a home. As others see us imitate Christ they will want to emulate our sacrifice. Total self donation to another in all areas will bring peace and unity, strengthen the family and affect the world we live in and provide for a more positive learning environment.
Sacrificing watching television, reading
the newspaper, surfing the internet, participating in or watching sports, a night out with the guys, extra work activities etc. are all great ways to do this. Giving up a few things also has the added benefit of “finding time” where we might have thought there wasn’t any. The key here is not to eliminate all of these activities but to reduce them significantly so that our family becomes #1 and all else is placed in proper order. I recall hearing a pastor say, “I have yet to hear a man on his deathbed say, ‘I wish I would have had more time at the office, to watch TV or be out with the guys.’” Typically it’s, “I wish I had spent more time with my family!” These are telling comments aren’t they?
Although I have not yet exhausted what I have gleaned from other families in my time as a WISDOM Facilitator, I wish to have all of us take baby steps on this journey of hope. I am optimistic that these suggestions - by no means new - will increase the fruitfulness of your family life as well as enhance your children’s learning.
Prayer must be central to our lives; in fact our lives must become a prayer. Prayer brings us into relationship with God and it is in prayer that God calls us to embark upon a journey with him. Journeying with God will always lead us on the path of the cross, the path of selfsacrifice in imitation of Jesus. Although this journey can be an arduous one it is inevitably one of life giving love, leading us to the joy of the resurrection.
Glenn Spiess is a WISDOM Facilitator and home schooling father of three.
Why is Parenting So Hard?
By Brian Holdsworth
Asa parent of small children, I often watch nature documentaries with bitter jealousy - especially those scenes where a newborn mammal is born and within minutes is up running around fully capable. It’s usually at that point that my outrage compels me to turn it off, but I can only guess that within the next segment the newborn is probably cleaning its room and making its own dinner. Human babies, by contrast, need constant attention and years of practice before they’re able to walk without risking the safety of their domes.
Human babies can’t even go to sleep by themselves. They need to be rocked and soothed and swaddled. Seriously, sleep isn’t even something you have to put any effort into. It just happens to you. LET IT HAPPEN. Our infants can’t even do that, so we have to break our backs and lose sleep just to reassure them that it’s safe to close their eyes.
Truly, parenting is the hardest thing you will ever attempt to do. As a God-fearing person, I’ve often prayed desperate prayers at 3 am when one of them won’t
go back to sleep no matter how precise my rocking technique is. They often go like this: God, why did you make human babies so pathetically helpless? Why can’t they just sleep? Why can’t they change their own diapers… or better yet, not be leaking all the time so as to need a diaper in the first place? Seriously, this all seems like a bit of a design flaw!
Why do human children need so much direct care and attention? While I’m no biologist or psychologist such that I could answer that question scientifically, I do have a theory about what might have inspired God (or the universe if you prefer) to design things that way. While all animal creatures need the basics of life to survive, the human creature needs something even more than that: love. By that I don’t mean that we need to know that someone has good feelings about us. We need to experience love through the sustained choices and actions of another which communicate their desire for our wellbeing.
Some of the best quality time I’ve spent with my kids was when I was providing
for their basic needs. If they weren’t so needy, I would probably be much less attentive to them like I do when they are content because that’s human nature (to be self-absorbed). But because they are so needy, I must resist my human nature and become more selfless and, in so doing, spend quality time with them and help them experience love acting through service.
A very simple example of this, in my experience, is diaper changes. As unpleasant as that experience can be, it also happens to be one of the best opportunities to give my infant children focused and cheerful attention. That chore usually evolves into an occasion for eye contact, verbal communication (usually babbling), tickles, raspberries, laughs, and bonding. I’m often struck by how dramatically their mood can change, from what I thought was persistent crankiness to contentment, when I lay them down on the change table. It’s then that I realize: they weren’t cranky, they just needed some focussed attention and now, out of necessity, I’m giving it to them.
The intense needs of our children confront us with a critical choice. Will we rise to the occasion and reassure them that they are loved by appreciating the ways we are challenged to be more loving or will we succumb to our appetite for comfort and laziness and then demonstrate resentment towards them when we are forced away from the couch or our devices? The way we respond will shape our relationship with our children. It will also condition us as we are transformed by our own submission to love.
The choice to homeschool our children
traces a similar path into our souls. It enhances the bonds of our families by challenging us to be more engaged and more responsive to the needs of our children. We could pass on that opportunity and hand it off to an institution, but consider what we’d be missing out on, not to mention what our children would be missing out on. All those opportunities for focussed attention, in which we grow together in the great enterprise of learning, would be lost. Imagine how much their need for love is reinforced as we spend time nurturing their bodies, their minds, and their hearts. A true academic mentor will appreciate this holistic approach to education. Who better to offer it than parents who come by a desire to serve their needs far more naturally then does an institution?
So try not to count the cost. Be reassured that, as difficult as the task of parenting and homeschooling can be, that strain is merely the loss or death of your own selfish nature as you partake in the work of love which forms the life of another. If that’s not what the vocation of parenting is all about, then I’d be at a loss to find another definition. Let that knowledge be a source of good cheer even when it seems like it can’t get any harder. That is often the moment of release and renewal as we are all renewed in the process.
Brian Holdsworth is an entrepreneur and creative professional living and working in the Edmonton area. He owns and operates Holds Worth Design which specializes in strategic communication, branding, and web design. He also produces a weekly video essay series on topics that range from politics and culture to faith and religion. Through his YouTube and Facebook pages his videos have received nearly 2 million views. You can follow Brian’s videos at youtube.com/brianholdsworth or facebook.com/ brianholdsworthmedia.
My home schooled Husband My home schooled Husband
By Rachelle Godin
WhenI reflect back on how our home schooling began, I realize it is all because of my husband that I chose to home school. He was home schooled as a child and I liked what I saw in him. It is also because of him that I persevered in home schooling. He encouraged me when I needed it most. He has been the backbone of our home school, while I have been the hands and feet.
When I met my husband, we were both 18 years old. I was amazed by how many things he knew how to do. As I got to know him better I saw a love for learning that I had never seen
in anyone else. He was not daunted by projects he had never undertaken before and not too worried about grades either. He easily prioritized the important subjects and classes from the not-so-important. He was not easily swayed by others’ opinions of him or what he was doing. The more I got to know him, the more I saw something unique and different about him compared to other guys I knew. Only later did I realize that a lot of who he was could be credited to the fact that he had been home schooled.
We were engaged at 19, married at 20, had our first baby at 21, and both
graduated university at 22. After graduation, my husband started to work and I stayed home with our little girl. Our family continued to grow and pretty soon we were expecting our 4th child and contemplating home schooling our oldest for grade 1. My husband never pressured me to home school. He didn’t have to say anything, because I knew him, and I wanted my kids to be like him. He told me he was sure I could do it, if I wanted to. So, we embarked on home schooling in 1999.
In 2002, we moved 20 minutes away from town and had a 5th child. I was starting to get overwhelmed with home schooling, church commitments, errands, groceries, laundry, and cleaning. My husband saw that there was something he could do to help me with home schooling, even though he worked full time 5 days a week, 7 am to 5 pm. He said he could do the groceries and the errands! Now, this may seem like a small thing, but at the time it was huge. With 5 little kids in tow, it was taking me anywhere from 4 to 6 hours a week just to do errands and groceries. Just buckling and unbuckling all those car seats made going to the mail a 20 minute stop, not to mention, “No, you can’t have that, come back here, and yes, we are almost done.” Something that added about 3 hours to his week saved my sanity and our home school.
Over the years, many obstacles, doubts, and insecurities have come to haunt me and make me think: we can’t keep
doing this. But my husband has always asked me the right questions to make me realize that I love home schooling and this is worth doing even if it can be hard at times. He has supported me and encouraged me in so many ways and pointed out all the successes that I somehow overlooked. When he would arrive home after work, his smiling face was the breath of fresh air we all needed after a long day. We now have 9 children and we will be graduating another child this spring. We’ve been home schooling for many years. My husband recently became a full time farmer and now spends a lot more time with us. He is able to teach our high school kids a couple of subjects, which is something that was impossible before. This has been a wonderful development.
So, to all you dads out there, never underestimate the influence you have within your home schooling family. Little things that you do go a long way to making your wife feel loved and supported. The way you speak of her and of home schooling will be the way she sees herself as a wife and home school mom. Even though she may be doing the lion’s share of the home schooling, your role is essential. As the old saying goes, “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
Rachelle Godin lives in Westlock with her husband Paul and their family. She is a WISDOM facilitator.
Photo courtesy of the Godin Family
Stay at Home Dad
By Andrew Bowen
My name is Andrew Bowen, and I’m a stay-at-home dad.
Eric Hoffer once said that “When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.”
Heather launched the Upside Down Homeschooling blog because little of our family dynamic fits within traditional norms. This includes my role as a stayat-home dad.
My wife invited me to offer my point of view on what it means to be a stayat-home dad and so, because I am a storyteller by trade, let me start at the beginning of what made us into the mold-breaking family we are today.
Once Upon a Time…
When Heather and I attended college at East Carolina University, we both took a class called “Intro to Marriage”, although we did not take the class together. She joined the class with her roommate, ostensibly (and seasoned liberally with jest) in hopes of meeting their future
husbands. I was going for an easy A.
One day my class broached the topic of roles in marriage and how they corresponded with gender. The instructor prompted the class to write down various chores and responsibilities common in most households and asked us to assign either their future husband or wife to each. The answers were typical. Wife does most of the housework and child care while husband brings home the bacon and handles home repairs.
I refused to complete the assignment.
“Mr. Bowen,” the instructor said with my blank paper in hand, “why didn’t you complete the assignment?”
“Because the premise is faulty,” I said. “Why should we equate tasks with gender? If there’s a dirty diaper nearby, a sink full of dishes, or the oil in the car needs to be changed, why should what hangs between your legs or the lack thereof qualify whom the task belongs to?”
Heather in fact met her future husband via another student in her marriage class. And I walked away with the first F of my college career.
Making Our Family, Our Way
As homeschooling parents, you’re already breaking conventions and declaring independence for your family. You also understand the social pressure of such lifestyles. We’ve heard the insults and dealt with the stereotypes, but what happens when the subject of stereotypes transforms into the propagator of one?
Heather tossed around some interesting numbers and sentiments in her last blog post regarding stay-at-home dads. Interestingly enough, it’s usually the folks who fight against homeschool stereotypes that in turn propagate negative views and stereotypes against the growing population of stay-at-home dads.
“Dad goes to work; Mom stays home and takes care of children and housework.”
Of course, popular media doesn’t help. Give me a movie, television show, or commercial with a stay-at-home dad or at least one temporarily assigned “Mom’s” duties and I’ll give you a mindless drone, cast as the standard, clueless male for everyone’s comic relief.
Convention tells us that males are messy, would rather spend their time playing video games or watching sports, and that we have no clue about teaching/raising children.
Like I said earlier, my family has a knack for breaking convention. In our home, I take care of all the housework. Dishes (washing dishes is actually one of my favorite meditations), laundry, cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, etc., mopping floors–often on my hands and knees,
mowing the lawn, coaching soccer, cooking meals, vehicle maintenance... All the domestic territories once held by America’s standard mom, I not only take care of, but relish.
Bringing it Home
What many folks don’t realize is that many stay-at-home dads are also work-fromhome dads. We homeschool families ask why our kids need to be educated away from home, so why can’t we (Mom and Dad) work from home? Isn’t the whole idea behind the homeschool movement to spend more time with our families? I’m a blogger and author who writes about interfaith/religion issues, and so while I’m helping care for my family, I’m also building a career. Dads want to be around Mom and the kids too, and I (along with thousands of others) feel the same way.
So, what does a typical stay-at-home dad look and act like? That’s about as silly as asking what a typical homeschool family looks like. We live in a place where we are free, free to go against convention and teach our children in our homes. Sure, you could use your freedom and imitate every other family, but around here we do things like we always have, Upside Down, and there’s no place like your home.
What works for your family?
Andrew & Heather Bowen reside in Southeastern North Carolina where they homeschool their two daughters. Andrew is the author and founder of Project Conversion. He has also written numerous other works on a variety of religious issues. This article is reprinted from upsidedownhomeschooling.com with the express permission of the Bowens. momforallseasons.com
Comfort Zone for the Home
Schooling Dad
By Win and Bill Sweet
Jeff told us he was stunned when his family cheerfully announced that they would like to do homeschooling. Questions came pouring into his mind, beginning with “What’s that?” His wife and children age six and nine answered his questions with enthusiasm and the assumption that, of course, he would love the idea. Not wanting to be an ogre, he finally gave his support with a knot in his stomach. His discomfort continued as he returned home each evening and asked the children, “Well, what did you do today?” The answer always seemed to be some variation of, “We found all the wall receptacles that are controlled by switches. Wow! there are lots of them.” or “I got dressed up in my rainbow silk cape and skirt
Images courtesy of Alyssa Church
and made up a play. I just can’t wait to show it to you, Daddy” or “We practiced cursive writing by making the letters into little people. It was fun.” or “I made up a wonderful piece on the piano. Listen, Daddy.” And remarkably, his wife was always smiling.
Jeff was in torment. How would his children ever make a living as adults? How could his wife condone so much wasted time? Were the children’s minds sinking into quicksand?
Doing the right thing for one’s children weighs heavily on Dads. Traditionally not the primary caregivers, but at the same time,
feeling primarily responsible that the children turn out okay, Dads often begin to quiver when Moms bring up homeschooling. There’s something so, well so untraditional and downright scary about it. What are the guarantees that the children will, indeed, turn out okay? Many Dads need and crave some real understanding and solid justification for abandoning what most parents have accepted without questiontraditional schooling.
Let’s look at the historical criteria for child-okayness. In our culture, the best child is the one who responds as told. Delving into the history of child rearing, we discovered Alice Miller, a Swiss psychiatrist. She researched child rearing dogma of the western world from the last three centuries and found that most ideas were spawned by German doctors. Spanking, beating, and emotional humiliation were inflicted on children to stamp out their individuality, spontaneity, and creativity. Literally, children were to be seen and not heard. The most valued quality was blind obedience.
John Taylor Gatto has done brilliant work in researching the origins of the American school system and reveals that our present school system was imported into North America from, guess where? Yes, Germany. We have talked with many senior citizens
who relate the common theme in their school experience of suffering switches across backs and hands, wearing dunce caps, and similar treatment that we consider cruel today. Even though the extremes have dropped off over time, there is still a tendency in the culture toward admiration of blind obedience, “not getting out of line,” and scholastic achievement according to the adults’ agenda.
With these guidelines so deeply ingrained in consciousness as right, it is no wonder that Dads, who are expected to keep the family on track, are squeamish embarking on a way that sounds so irresponsible. Maybe homeschooling would abort the children’s chance for a good life!
When Jeff discovered the origins and intentions of the historically accepted child rearing methods practiced today, he realized that just doing what is normal in the culture may not, in fact, provide the best avenues for his children to reach their full potential. The next step for Jeff came with new understanding of the true nature and development of children. He was shocked to learn that the culture pushes children into reading and other academics far sooner than their brains and eyes are ready. Furthermore, children naturally learn best in an atmosphere of play, body movement, and fun; however,
academics are not generally presented in this kind of environment, rather, in an environment of stress.
The puzzle was taking shape for Jeff as he realized that most job opportunities in the future will be very different from those of the past. Earning a living in the future will not be guaranteed when the applicant demonstrates only an assembly line mentality and training. As they enter their adult world, today’s children will need the ability to think creatively “out of the box,” and to be energetic partners, not blind followers. Jeff pondered the family’s independent routine and realized the children were using their imagination, inventiveness, and creativity and were, in fact, developing strong skills that would serve them well in tomorrow’s world. Then Jeff put the last piece of the puzzle in place: the homeschooling lifestyle perfectly supports the freedom and individual expression that are essential as his children prepare for their adult lives. Now Jeff has found his comfort zone.
Win and Bill Sweet, who are parents and grandparents, started homeschooling their children in 1968 and have carried the tradition to include the grandchildren. They are authors of the award-winning book, Living Joyfully with Children, published by Acropolis Books. The Education Source chose the book for their 1998 “Top Ten Books” for parents list and Joseph Chilton Pearce, world-renowned author and lecturer, endorses the book as, “a gem in every respect.” For over twenty years Win and Bill have conducted parenting and relationship workshops and have served as mentors to many families. This article originally appeared on a2zhomeschooling. com.
Men, Time to take Responsibility Men, Time to take Responsibility
By Steve Blackston
There are things that we as men do in life that are easy. We can flip through and watch 14 channels all at the same time, while thinking of nothing, and “listening” to our wives. But in this post, I need you to do something that only a real man can do. I need you to take responsibility; for your actions, the actions of your wife, your kids, your home, and what you allow in your home. I did not say that this would be popular, but it is needed.
Many of the men in America, and the world, let “whatever will happen, happen” in our homes. We have taken on the mindset of “I am only responsible for my life and no other.” Many men think that the wife is quite capable of making
her own decisions and that she can deal with the consequences - and our kids will have to learn through their mistakes and they can suffer at the result of their decisions. With that kind of thinking our homes have come under a spiritual attack.
This is in no way a knock against the wives, but we as the men and husband in the marriage are to protect, honor, cherish, and be responsible for our wives. We are the ones that should be the first line of defense of our wives and the ones who will stand up for her at all times. We should be the men that they deserve, and the men that they dated, from the beginning. We are to be the leader in our marriage, we are to love
them unconditionally and serve them. It is time that we take the responsibility to be just that and be the man that our wife needs.
Our kids deserve a responsible father in their life. Sadly enough, in today’s society, the men in kids’ lives are not their fathers. They are uncles, step-father, or a friend. The role of a responsible father is being abandoned and the damage that is being inflicted on the kids is devastating.
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass
Our society is allowing kids to grow up without their fathers being present, and then we need to repair broken men. Dad, it may have been fun creating your kid, but there is more fun to come with your kid as they grow! Men, the fathers, need to take the responsibility of dad and teach their kid diligently.
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 6:7
Maybe you’re a dad in a split family and the kids are with mom, but that does not give you the excuse to be less in the kids’ life. It gives you the responsibility to be more in their life and strive to be there just as much as you can. Let us be the men that we need and should be for our family.
But if it doesn’t please you to worship the Lord, choose for yourselves today the one you will worship: the gods your fathers worshiped beyond the Euphrates River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. As for me and my family, we
will worship the Lord. Joshua 24:15
This verse says all that you need. No one is forcing you to follow Jesus Christ, however, the sad part is that we have men who profess to be Christian and yet their home life is producing something other than a Godly lifestyle. Men, it is one thing to say you are something, but the proof of what you say comes out in the way that you talk, act and live. It is not an easy thing to be responsible and be the leader of a Christian home. You are responsible for the spiritual development of your wife and your kids. Are you properly preparing for your job?
Guys, I think that I preambled this article by saying it would not be popular but it was needed. We as the husband of our wife, father of our kids, and men of our house need to stand up and be willing to take on the responsibility that has been placed on us. It is up to us to set the example, be the compass, and hold to what is true and right. So I challenge each of you to take a stand and be that responsible dad that your wife, kids and community can be proud to know.
Steve Blackston is an engineer for the NRCS, and a Children’s Pastor at Mountain View Baptist Church in Thomaston, GA, and he has served as board member in his local home schooling group for numerous years. He is a father, and husband to the most wonderful wife who has been a home schooling mom for many years. Steve wants the men, the leaders of the household, to stand up and lead their house in a way that is pleasing to God; and to know and love God in a way that is life changing. He wants men to love and cherish their wife and be able to let her know it. Lastly, he wants men to love, guide and disciple their children as it says in Proverbs 4:10-13.
