ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME

by Catherine Smith

A recent tweet stated that, “eldest daughters really are just therapists and marriage counselors for their parents”. Eldest Daughter Syndrome has recently surfaced to a few social media platforms, including Twitter and TikTok. Eldest Daughter Syndrome in plain terms is the circumstances in which eldest daughters feel abnormal pressure in comparison to their younger siblings. This is developed when parents are raising a kid for the first time and learning how to be a parent through trial and error; once the only daughter becomes a sibling, the unknowing form of parentification starts to develop. Parentification is a type of dysfunction where kids engage in adult-like tasks, voluntarily taking on parenting duties and handling emotional responsibilities with their other family members. This type of family dynamic leaves eldest daughters with extra responsibilities than what is normal. This act may occur unintentionally, but can still have a large effect on the eldest daughters. The phenomenon was formed when young adult women, who happen to be the oldest daughters in their families, started to notice that they shared similar childhood experiences in relation to their upbringings. In the present day, they now have similar habits and characteristics. Some of the general characteristics that are used to describe eldest daughters include the following: dutiful, thoughtful, responsible, expeditious, and caring. The responsibility aspect typically tends to weigh the most on eldest daughters. “Being an eldest daughter can have certain advantages, but the overbearing sense of responsibility often gets in the way. Parents may worry about their ‘difficult’ eldest girl who in everything she does,” stated Megan Dillon, author of ‘The Double-Edged Sword Of Being The Oldest Daughter’.

Despite eldest daughters typically shouldering more responsibility than their younger siblings, this, in fact, does have a positive side; it allows them to take on leadership roles and get the chance to attempt authority positions. This strong work ethic transitions to their post school lives and into their careers. They are not only more likely to be more successful in their professions, but they’re "16% more likely to excel academically than younger siblings,” stated Dillon.

Regardless of the positives, the negative effects tend to dwell on eldest daughters the most. Junior Parker Green, an eldest daughter, stated,

“In general, I feel as if I have to make a perfect first impression on everyone, especially in school, because I am the first kid that any of the teachers and administration will see. It can be stressful knowing that if I mess up, my siblings might suffer for it.”

Eldest daughters typically have strong guilt complexes, more jealous and controlling personalities, higher anxiety, people pleasing tendencies, a strong fear of rejection, and often seek the approval of others.

“Due to the pressure to succeed and set a good example for younger siblings, eldest daughters are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation,” stated Dillon. The main questions that arise when talking about eldest daughter syndrome, is why aren’t eldest sons qualified for the title as well? And why isn’t it called Eldest Child Syndrome? The answer is simply that girls tend to accept the caretaking role, similar to the traditional mother role in most households. The oldest daughters then mimic these behaviors in their everyday lives, and develop the trending syndrome.

“Girls, as opposed to boys who have the eldest role, are often expected to be more responsible, and care for their other siblings, emulating the role of their mother,” stated Ellen Bradley-Windell, co-founder and clinical director of the Valencia Relationship Institute Despite eldest daughters getting recognition for their struggles and difficult childhoods, this is not always the case in every household. Eldest sons take the brunt in other ways; they, however, are not categorized with the same characteristics as the eldest daughters.

“I think that eldest daughter syndrome is made worse due to the general scrutiny that women often undergo when compared to men. Not only do I have to make a good impression, but I have to do it at a higher level than what a man might be held to” stated Parker Green.

There are preventative measures to take in the future and ways to aid recovery. The first step is for eldest daughters to take a step back and look at their childhoods from an adult perspective. Once they recognize that they did nothing wrong and understand they were only trying to meet expectations, they can then move forward to rectify their pasts and ensure they don’t repeat this cycle in the future.

Even though “being an eldest daughter is like an unpaid internship for the rest of your life” (Twitter), in the end, the unfortunate situation can be resolved. As long as steps are made to reverse the lasting effect, eldest daughters can assure that the work put in will eventually result in improvements.