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SANCTUARY RESORT SHOPPE Quay Street, Sanctuary Cove Open 9.30am – 5pm daily P 5577 8288
FEATURES 12 16 18 36 34 37
Charli Robinson: love, loss and life Why are people unfollowing you? Widowed by suicide The male species deciphered What women want: ‘Womenomics’ The silent killer: Drowning
REGULARS 8 Get out and about 9 Get to the point 10 GC Outfit of the day 11 Giveaways 20 We love
22 Beauty 42 Recipes 46 Get scene 49 Horoscopes 50 Last word
take me M A G A Z I N E
HIS LIFE” The wife and mum of three who had to say these words
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MANSPEAK Signs and signals
Love, loss and life
Charli is dressed in Sonia Stradiotto Level 1, Shop 131 74 Seaworld Drive, Main Beach P. 55280800
From the publisher What does November mean to us? The chance to mull over the ‘perfect’ Melbourne Cup outfit? For the first time ever, we have another week to decide on the perfect fascinator, the perfect dress and the exorbitantly expensive shoes that match the outfit… that usually we have thrown together at the last minute as we accepted the lunch with the girls invite that wasn’t planned in advance. Or does it mean getting organised for Christmas? There’s less than a month to go, I know, scary! We need to start getting presents organised now… or leave it until Christmas Eve when the shopping centres resemble complete and utter chaos. But our November issue doesn’t focus on either of these two, and I’ll tell you why. Each month the Get it girls strive to bring an entertaining mix of stories for our beautiful ladies to read, but this month, we wanted to talk about the ‘unspoken’ and ‘hard to read’ stories of real Gold Coast families that have faced the most devastating of challenges. Every one of us have been put in the ‘firing line of life’ ourselves or have a friend who has been and, perhaps against all odds, amazingly, survived. The strength within our souls can often be the catalyst to change the world, or at least the world around us. I praise, admire and honour the families who have opened their hearts, their lives and their pain to share their very personal stories in this issue. I hope that through sharing, we can all learn to make a difference, and raise awareness of some tough-to-talk about topics that face our communities from time to time. In saying this, I truly believe that love conquers all… even if you feel that you’re the only one giving it, and you feel that life can sometimes be one-sided. But there exists a strange phenomenon where moral support, friendship and love can come from every side when you least expect it — just ask our beautiful Carla from last month’s issue, she’ll tell you. I have a saying: “Life gets tough — and then you just get on with it”. So let’s just get on with it girls!
CELEBRATION BUFFET LUNCH WITH SEAFOOD Monday 25th December, 2017 11:30am to 2:30pm Christmas is a time of joy to be shared with family. Celebrate this Christmas at Links Hope Island in a relaxing atmosphere, enjoying a delicious seafood buffet lunch with all the trimmings. Make this Christmas memorable, with a visit from Santa Claus, live entertainment and a photobooth for fun family portraits to take with you. Select from two stunning venues to make your Christmas memories; our signature Fountain Court or our Grand Ballroom. Fountain Court: Adults $139 Teenagers $99 Children $64 Grand Ballroom: Adults $129 Teenagers $95 Children $60 Teenagers: 13-17 years old. Children: 4 -12 years old. Toddlers 3 & under complimentary
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Payment required at time of booking. No refunds after December 1st 2017.
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GET IT I WHAT'S ON
Get out and about DOG LOVERS SHOW NOV 4-5 The award winning Dog Lovers Show is heading to Brisbane to WOW dog-tragics at the Royal International Convention Centre at the Brisbane Showgrounds. The inaugural Brisbane show will present 500+ beautiful dogs of all shapes, sizes and breeds, a huge array of visitor attractions, around 150 exhibitors, 30+ rescue groups, 40+ Breed Clubs and an anticipated attendance of well over 10,000 dog lovers. dogloversshow.com.au/brisbane SUNSHINE RENAULT BONJOUR FRENCH FESTIVAL NOV 10-12 French culture is coming to the Gold Coast with this family-friendly event filled with French cuisine, a French film night and a host of activities for all. Bring the family along to enjoy French markets, live entertainment, art and crafts, educational activities, history, sports and a Bonjour kids’ corner if you’re in need a quick break. There’s a multitude of entertainment available and free Wifi is also included — you can even bring your pets! bonjourfrenchfestival.com.au REMEMBRANCE DAY AT SURFERS RSL NOV 11 This year is the 99th anniversary of the armistice which ended World War One and the service will be held at Cenotaph in Cavill Park, Cavill Avenue, behind the Surfers Paradise RSL. This is the perfect opportunity to attend an event to remember those who have fallen with a minute silence in observation and refreshments. World War Memorabilia will also be for sale at the event. Bring the family or attend with friends to remember the veterans and fallen in the First World War. surfersrsl.com.au WOMEN LIKE US – MANDY NOLAN AND ELLEN BRIGGS NOV 17 Comedians Mandy Nolan and Ellen Briggs are bringing a night of comedy to the Gold Coast. Laughs are assured with these two who have sold out 50 shows. Grab the girls and head on out for a night of entertainment with the pair’s hilarious stories of motherhood, marriage and all the fun that comes with being a woman. Take a night for yourself, listen and laugh at these first-hand accounts that we can all relate to in some way! goldcoasttickets.com.au/event/5711 WOMEN IN TOURISM DEC 1 2017 is almost over and the last Women in Tourism breakfast is set to be big. Held at Sheraton Grand Mirage you will hear from three charities monies have been raised for as they are presented with your generous donations. As usual, arrive bright and early at 6:30am for a much needed hit of caffeine and quick chit chat before the 6:45am start. womenintourism.org.au CHRISTMAS PARTY DECEMBER 4 Female entrepreneurs, this is the Christmas party for you. The League of Extraordinary women bring together women who own or are thinking of owning a business and encourage real conversations and real connections. At their Christmas party you’ll hear from Fabienne from YCL Jewels, a cruelty free, consciously manufactured jewellery brand that has been worn by the likes of Lorde, Jennifer Hawkins and Delta Goodrem. The event will be held upstairs at The Kitchens Robina from 6pm-8pm (doors open 5:45pm). Tickets are $20 (+booking fee), or free for League members. leagueofextraordinarywomen.com.au/join-us
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or most people moving to a new house is a loathsome experience to say the least. Something about having to pack and unpack everything you have ever owned and transport it to another location just isn’t that much fun… I can’t imagine why. And yet, we do it. We uproot our lives in search of greener pastures, even when we know staying put would be far less stressful in the short term. I recently moved my entire life to another state, and while I don’t regret my decision, I do have some key regrets about how I moved. Without further ado, here’s my most idiotic moving mistakes. Please take this as a how-notto guide. 1) Mixing spirits with flat-pack furniture I am not proud to say it, but I have been to IKEA four times in the past five days. Flat pack furniture seems like a great idea when you are waltzing through the showroom looking at the funky Scandinavian designs, but once you get home it’s a whole other story. After a long day at the shops you might be tempted to throw caution to the wind by consuming some (many) alcoholic beverages and leaving the flat pack to the next day, this is a fatal flaw. Let me just say this, I have seen the 8th circle of hell, and it’s just a room full of people assembling flat-pack beds with hangovers.
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Let me just say this, I have seen the 8th circle of hell, and it’s just a room full of people assembling flat-pack beds with hangovers.
2) Putting your key in a ‘flight risk zone’ This is not what you think. My key was not stolen. I knocked the parcel shelf in my car and it flew through the air and into a drain. What are the chances of this you ask? Upsettingly slim. However, if you want a fun way to meet your new neighbours, apparently sitting in the gutters while fishing for your key with a stick is a great ice breaker. Side note: I successfully fished the key from the drain, call me MacGyver. 3) Buying more stuff For the love of God, stop buying stuff. You literally just spent days packing and cursing yourself for having too much stuff, then what do you go and do? BUY MORE, of course. The problem with this is that you end up with so much stuff and not enough storage, which causes you to make your fifth trip to IKEA in five days, which causes you to lose your key down a drain while unpacking your car, which causes you to lose your grip on sanity. As you can see, the domino effect of these mistakes is quite spectacular. My recommendation? Pay for a removalist to make these mistakes for you and go have a glass of wine. 9
P 5 5 7 1 14 4 9 7 / 2 4 Te d d e r A v e , Main Beach November 2017
GET IT I SPOTTED
Outfits of the day spotted on the Gold Coast
Here are some of our favourite Gold Coast outfits of the day and night from Instagram. Worn by fashion lovers, stylists, bloggers, mums and more, weâ€™re obsessed with these looks!
FOLLO W INSTA US ON GRAM @get itmag
Share your outfit of the day or night with us for the chance to be featured here by hashtagging #getitmaggc November 2017
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GET IT I FEATURE
You may have seen her bouncing around on Hi5, presenting from dream locations on Getaway, heard her through your car radio on the SeaFM breakfast show or read about her in news headlines but you haven't heard her story like this... Charli Robinson talks love, loss and life with Get itâ€™s Kirstin Cuthbert
Fashion by Sonia Stradiotto Photography by Renee Bisley Styling by Hayley Bogaard Hair and makeup by Rachael Scott
Life's too short for no wine and cheese.
Life is only measured in love…
love is the answer to any life question.
n a two bedroom apartment on Old Burleigh Road, Broadbeach, lives Getaway presenter and Gold Coast Jeep ambassador Charli Robinson. Beachside living, the relaxed atmosphere the coast affords and the variety of events we’re spoilt with here on the GC are but a few reasons this city is close to her heart. Although she is soon moving, she’s not going too far. “I've loved waking up to the sun rising over the ocean for five years but I've just listed my apartment for sale! I'll be so jealous of whoever lives there! You can see whales jump while you're still in bed, it's an amazing area,” Charli says. “I'm moving a little further south, near Coolangatta, still beach living but more space for my partner Liam — boys and their toys! I'm an ambassador for James Frizelles Jeep, so with my car, and the Audi Liam bought from them, we need two car parks now!” November 2017
JETSETTER’S TOP LOCATIONS Charli has filmed stories with Getaway since she left Hi5 but only since she left radio could she travel overseas, and she’s having an incredible time! We asked her to pick her three favourite destinations she has filmed episodes for. 1 “Filming where my family live in Port Stephens, showing off where I grew up near the sand dunes and snorkelling was really special. 2 More recently I'd have to say Singapore Zoo. Breakfast with the orangutans and seeing the incredible conservation work they do was inspiring. If you love animals that's the kind of zoo that will be so important in the future; it's education for the next generation while protecting many endangered species. The whole crew was sweating so much it was crazy hot, but after a 12-hour day we had a brilliant episode for TV! 3 My other favourite would be all of the 14
Gold Coast stories we've filmed. From jet packing to Currumbin and Seaworld, showing off our hotels and what this beautiful city has to offer. To me the Gold Coast is the perfect place to live and to host segments which show that off to Australia and encourage them to visit us is awesome.” BRIGHTENING CHILDREN’S LIVES Charli’s career has seen her involved with many charities, starting off with visiting children's hospitals around Australia while on tour with Hi5. “I was only 17 when I started Hi5. I'd never even flown on a plane before so I was young. I found that with our lives being so busy, and getting caught up with filming/ performing, meeting these children and brightening their day gave me all the more reason to keep working hard and stop being so homesick! We were brightening a child's life — and that is worth the world.” The Gold Coast Hospital Foundation is another charity Charli is truly passionate about. She recently hosted their Hospital Hero's Ball with little three-year-old hero Thomas Wiltshire by her side. He had overcome several health and development hurdles since he was born at just 26 weeks. “Raising money for the amazing work they do in our community is life changing. If you're thinking about donating to a worthy cause, I couldn't speak highly enough about the difference they make on the Gold Coast. They are angels!” WORKOUT INSPIRATION Always in front of a camera Charli has kept in great shape and tells of her changing workout regime. “I've danced since I was two! Then Hi5 was constant dancing and singing, so that certainly kept me fit, I didn't have a choice!” Charli laughs. “I started Bikram yoga and that really suited my body. It also took away aches and pains from dancing, and kept my mind balanced. It was a mind, body and spirit workout! “Now dating Liam he trains so hard, he gets me running mountains (well, I should say jog/trot) which I don't like but I like the feeling afterwards! I'm the type of person who just gets off a treadmill. If you run at the beach or pathway on a mountain you have to get home again or back to your car, you have to keep going. I need that or I'd just stop. “I also eat! So many diets that starve you will give weight loss but you'll put it all back on when you eat again. Life's too short for no
wine and cheese — just earn it! That's what I do. I run or walk an hour to justify my wine and cheese. It sounds a bit silly but it works for me.” PRACTISING BODY POSITIVITY Charli felt like she grew up with her Hi5 audience, as many of them were only a few years younger than her. They would write letters asking her for advice and she would help them out. Once social media came along Charli found much younger teenagers began contacting her for advice on bullying/ self-esteem and so she regularly spoke about the topic on SeaFM. “I realised how so many young adults (and us grownups!) struggle with these issues. I had a voice on SeaFM that allowed me to say my thoughts and feelings which is an honour when you're talking about issues affecting people,” she says. “I hate trolls and online bullies, they are not brave; they hide behind a keyboard and usually have never met the person or know who they are. So many people wrote nasty things about me and you have to get a thick skin — but it's their issue, not mine! “Next time you're saying nasty comments about someone else (girls about girls, this counts the most!) stop and think why does that make you feel better to say it? It's your insecurities. The person may be going through more than you can imagine so it’s better to think a positive thought in your mind, rather than a negative one. “I've chosen to live with my heart and not my head, full of emotion and honesty rather than an exhausting spiral of bullsh*t.” THE HARDEST LOSS We asked Charli what was the hardest thing she has overcome and this was her response. “The loss of both my grandmas was hard (years apart). Being there with each of them on their final day. Holding my Nan's hand and telling her we loved her with every inhale and telling her it's all going to be okay with every exhale for hours,” Charli says. “Life is only measured in love. It's really that simple. Love for yourself, a pet, a parent or friend. It sounds a little weird maybe, but love is the answer to any life question. Why do we do things? Why do we feel something? Why do we wake up each day? It's only that.” SINGLE LIFE AND MOVING ON Following the split from her partner of six years, Charli went through a tough but necessary process of moving forward with life. “Being single is such a fun time, at times.
Friday nights in my PJs with wine and romantic comedies! More time with family. But at times at home you can feel lonely, however, on reflection, it's such a really special time… the only time you'll make your own decisions and do what you choose without compromise,” she says. “This is the time you find out who you really are and learn to love yourself and your own company. That means when someone comes into your life (like Liam for me), you're already whole so you don't need anything from them. “A partner just enhances experiences
and leave. Fake it ‘til you make it. And when you meet someone new, trust can be the hardest thing, but you may as well. What do they say? ‘You'd rather have loved and lost than never loved at all!’ They are right. “Oh and what's the worst thing? You breakup? Great excuse for a girls' night to make you feel better! Win/win really haha. Oh one last thing, when you're single and feeling down, play Beyoncé, trust me.” THE LOVE OF CHARLI’S LIFE Charli and boyfriend Liam Talbot are a recent match made in heaven with him as a race car driver and her as a rev head. Now with the love of her life the one behind the wheel, it adds a new level to her favourite sport. “He is the love of my life! (Yes, I'm aware how lovey-dovey that sounds!) It took us a while to find each other, me 36 and him 35, but definitely worth the wait!” Charli says. “When I was single I always went to Supercar events because it's what I wanted to do, it's my sport. So now travelling with him to races, I enjoy it so much more! Car racing is awesome but when you're in love with someone behind the wheel, it's a whole new
I've chosen to live with my heart and not my head, full of emotion and honesty rather than an exhausting spiral of bullsh*t.
and gives you a wing man, a best friend, and it's awesome to be that for someone too. I love a quote from RuPaul’s Drag Race, ‘If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anyone else?’” CHARLI’S ADVICE FOR SINGLE LADIES “If you are single, it does not define you. It's the most empowering moment in your adult life. You now have time to find out who you really are, and I bet she's a fun, interesting warrior woman with so much to offer! We all are! Woman are amazing! But we easily give it all to others and leave no time for ourselves or forget what makes us passionate. This is your single time,” Charli says. “My advice? Say yes to everything! Get out of your comfort zone. Go to a party or event alone, and smile even when you'd rather run 15
level. I think I'm borderline stalker as I'm at all the events, but he calls it supportive so you know he's a good one when he says that! “Liam is happy to be in a onesie with me watching movies at home, or attending a black tie event I'm hosting; he's a big kid, he's just a big kid that likes fast cars, so it's perfect for me!” THE POSSIBILITY OF CHILDREN Charli has done so much work with children through her career so for her last question we asked if she sees herself having children of her own one day. “Yes for sure! I saw a photo of Liam as a chubby baby and said to him, ‘Yep I want one just like you!' Not right now though, we travel a lot, but in the future!” November 2017
GET IT I SOCIAL MEDIA
Why are people unfollowing me? Informational post, they’ll love that! Relatable quote, they’ll have a chuckle. Cute image, that will make them smile. Witty and clever opinion post, they’ll appreciate the sense of humour. But, oh no! The follower count is down by 1 or 2. Someone didn’t like the content that heart, soul and blood went into! How could they not love it?
ou work so hard to build your social media presence, sourcing and creating great, engaging content, yet you still find people ‘unfollowing’ or ‘unliking’ your page or account. It’s important to know that this happens to everyone, don’t feel disheartened. A few unlikes or unfollows here and there are nothing abnormal and you should expect that if you are active online. On Instagram there exists a “marketing” strategy where accounts actually follow you, so you kindly follow back, then they unfollow you hoping you don’t realise. This helps boost their follower count and does nothing but leave you wondering why your follower count is down by 1. It’s also good to know that social media sites regularly clear out spam accounts so if any of those are following you, you may drop 1 or 2 followers. Aside from the normal rise and fall of your audience, there are some specific things you may be doing that are causing people to unfollow you. So bite the bullet and have a look at where you may be going astray.
You post too much. No one wants their feed filled with 10 images from you (especially on Instagram). It looks spammy and like you just did a big photo dump because you forgot to post for the last week. Posting once a day is a good amount that won’t look spammy.
You post inconsistently. Your fans will get used to seeing your posts at a certain time of day, and if they appear at another time of day, that can annoy them. At Get it we post in the evenings; we know our followers don’t want to wake up to an 8am post talking about wine when they’re still hungover from last night’s bottle.
You post something they don’t agree with. There’s some topics that will divide people, such as parenting, religious beliefs and political affiliations. These are generally better to steer clear of unless you want a discussion happening on your social media, and are prepared to lose followers as a result of their values or beliefs not aligning with yours. 4 Your content is too salesy. Believe it or not, people generally don’t follow you to be sold to. If you think of social media only as a sales device, you’re doing it wrong. It’s about connecting, engaging and providing great quality content (not just of your product). 5 Your content is all over the place. If you usually stick to gorgeous flat lays, flowers and pastel colours then suddenly there’s an intoxicated selfie you thought looked cute when you were drunk at 2am, that’s inconsistent. Create an outline of what you will post and stick to it. Personalisation of your page can be a great thing, as long as people are prepared for it. 6 You don’t engage with people. If you ignore questions, comments or messages that is poor customer service. Not everyone needs to be responded to but some certainly do, and will be annoyed if you don’t reply (their annoyance warranting an unfollow). 7 You recently ran a giveaway. Giveaways are a time where your follower count will rise and fall. Some people just follow to enter your giveaway and will unfollow afterwards. There’s no avoiding it, unfortunately. You are never going to please anyone in life or on social media so do your best to please your loyal fans. Let the players of the follow/unfollow game come and go without causing you heartache.
A world where all things beautiful awaits you What is Rendez Vou Beauty Emporium? Rendez Vou is a boutique beauty space that was created with you and your busy lifestyle in mind. OUR SALON: Services include Facials and Microdermabrasion, Waxing and Tinting, Manicures and Pedicures, Acrylic and Gel nails, Eyelash extensions and Spray Tanning! We also specialise in group bookings. OUR STORE: Luxe Living Homewares, Mor candles, body products and fragrance, Cote Noire fragrance flowers and LED candles, Skinstitut skincare, Clean Tea products, Pure Tanning products, Cushions, Throws, Turkish towels, Holiday jewellery collection and the list goes on... GIFT WRAPPING STATION: Find the perfect gift and let us present it for you, to save you time! FOUNDATION BAR: Call our team to create your very own Foundation. Extended opening hours, weekdays 9am to 7pm and now Saturday from 9am to 3pm, and online booking at www.rendezvou.com.au we want to make your experience with us as convenient and enjoyable as possible!
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Shop 5, Hope Island Central, Hope Island Road, Hope Island November 2017
GET IT I FEATURE
dren Kenneth, Jessica Callum The late Larry Holmes with chil
On the 2nd of February 2005 Jane Holmes found her husband Larry hanging in their bedroom. They had met in a pub, been together 20 years and had three children together. She has a raw and honest conversation about what suicide means for a family with Get it’s Kirstin Cuthbert.
Jane Holmes, 53, is a Molendinar resident who is the Founder and Director of I Support the Girls Australia, a charity that donates bras and menstrual hygiene products to homeless and disenfranchised women.
What happened on that day back in February 2005? I was in the New Zealand Police as a Crisis Intervention Officer with Victim Support before moving to Australia, we’d been in the country six months. At that time I was in Palm Beach Currumbin Clinic as a patient because I had been really, really struggling and had admitted myself to get help for PTSD. I came home to find my husband Larry because I had not been able to get hold of him. He was hanging in our bedroom. The first thing I did was try and take him down. I knew he was gone. With my experience I knew exactly that he’d been gone for a good 10-12 hours. But I just couldn’t have him there, I needed to release him. From a police point of view I knew I was interfering with the body but I just didn’t want to see that. I saw him afterwards in the mortuary and in hindsight that’s not something I would ever do again. For me it was about trying to find peace and hoping I would see the person that I knew before, and it didn’t happen. You’re always living with that vision. It’s dreadful, it’s absolutely dreadful. When you find your husband having completed it it’s a whole new, gutwrenching emotional journey. November 2017
y b d e w o d i W
How did you tell your children? Honesty, absolute brutal honesty. When Larry completed they were 9, 11 and 17. I didn’t tell them how I just explained to them that Dad was struggling with his own thoughts and issues, and that unfortunately he has taken his life. It was really difficult because my eldest was just his second week into year 12 so the complexities for him were mind boggling. He is half-functioning autistic, he has Asperger’s, so he was like, “Is this my fault?” I tried to make him understand it wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about anything. It was just his journey. My eldest asked me how when he was old enough to understand the complexities, and my youngest would have been about 16 or 17 when he asked me how Dad took his life. I said, “Dad hung himself”. I was always really proactive in answering their questions with regards to mental health and communication. 18
My eldest had an attempt and my youngest when he was 16 had a suicide attempt. Unfortunately that’s the side effect. I don’t like using the word ‘copycat’ but children are susceptible to thinking that my parent did it, so it’s okay. And that’s something people need to understand, it’s a huge danger with any family members or children. Did you have any idea it could happen or were you caught by surprise? It was completely out of the blue. I know when the police interviewed his work colleagues everybody was like, “Well this is not possible”. I think he had undiagnosed PTSD. He was ex-military and I know in South Africa he used to go on numerous reconnaissance missions. When he’d come back he would sleep on the floor for a few weeks before he assimilated into normal society again. So that has to have an impact somewhere along the
It’s dreadful, it’s absolutely dreadful. When you find your husband having completed it it’s a whole new, gut-wrenching emotional journey
line. He was that typical, “It’s all good, I don’t need to do anything about it, I’m okay” kind of person. Definitely a huge shock to the system. How did you begin to move forwards with life? Did you have your family here to help you? I hadn’t been in the country long and there was just no support system. My parents were here but they could not conceptualise it at all. They were not there on an emotional or understanding level. The night it happened we went out for dinner in Hope Island and we were not allowed to tell anybody. They had a daughter and three grandchildren that had just lost their father and they were
more concerned about their social wellbeing. They didn’t want the stigma or the embarrassment, and it’s been that way all the way through. I’m completely estranged from my family. After my father died I got cut off because they do not understand that when you lose somebody to suicide — especially when you find your husband hanging in your bedroom — you never get over it. You do not get over it. For them if you mention the word suicide or anything else they believe you’re playing the victim card. There’s just no understanding whatsoever. It was very, very difficult. How did you and your children get through it? Communication. We never went to counselling as I couldn’t afford it because I didn’t have an income, and my parents wouldn’t help us get professional help as they didn’t believe in it. It was just one day at a time, getting back into the swing of life. I had to start working to be able to sustain us. My children carried on with their schooling. Life had to move forward. We had to live, we were still here, and we had to make the most of everyday. We understood that life was not always good and if there was something up that particular day we talked about it. We would sit around
the dinner table every single night and discuss our day for the first five or six years. We also had a little box that we used to put our thoughts into. One night a week we would take a piece of paper out and discuss it. I think that’s how we got through. It was such a wonderful way to check how we were all feeling. Does his passing still affect you today? Yes, absolutely. I’ll still have moments where a song will come on the radio and I just dissolve. During the first grocery shop I did at Woolworths after it that song All By Myself came on and I lost it, I actually had to walk away. Music was our key love, so certainly songs still trigger me. Photographs are still triggers too. I’ve been on my own now for 13 years and sometimes I’ll be out and about and think gosh, I’m in my 50s and I’m on my own. I was widowed at 39, nobody wants to be a widow at 39. You look at happy families and couples together and you envy that. You think why did you do what you did? But then you look at the other side of the fence and think you gained so much out of the experience. I know people will find that difficult to understand but you learn about yourself because you have to. How are your children now? They’re great! My eldest is a manager, my daughter is a senior sales person in Sydney and has a beautiful little boy, and my youngest is doing his second degree at Griffith University which he’s putting himself through. They’re all thriving and doing exceptionally well. They’ve grown up with no drugs, no alcohol problems, they’re just really good hardworking kids and I’m very proud of them. Lastly, how can we prevent suicide to the best of our abilities in our families? Look a little bit closer. If you have a family member that’s withdrawing, find out why. Is there a problem? Just ask if they are struggling with something or is there something you can help them with. Talk to people even if they go, “No I’m fine”. If your gut says they’re not fine then find gentle ways. If you do have a family member you have serious concerns about encourage them to get help. We have to stop the stigma that going to see a psychologist is a bad thing. One life saved is 20-30 lives of heartache removed. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or other mental health concerns call Lifeline on 13 11 14
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WE LOVE Get down to earth this summer
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There’s never a bad time to start dreaming of warmer weather! This summer season the trends feature natural earthy colours, clean whites and hints of the ocean with cool blues, greens and icy grey. It’s all about bringing the indoors out as you make room for friends and family on sunny days and star-filled summer nights. All items available at IKEA Logan, 3539-3565 Pacific Highway, Slacks Creek, QLD • www.IKEA.com.au/Logan
STOCKHOLM 2017 Carafe, blue, $9.99 SOLVINDEN LED solar-powered table lamp, 30cm in white, $19.99 PHALAENOPSIS 12cm potted plant, Orchid assorted colours, $19.99 each
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GÅRÖ / FREDÖN Hammock with stand, beige, $158
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GET IT I BEAUTY STYLE
uty Boss Hayle yB Bea
Hairway to Heaven rd
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your… overly priced mane of blonde hair extensions. Yes, I love my hair — it’s just not technically my hair — but like a stepchild, I love it like it’s my own. I am a self-professed hair extension addict and I’m not sorry in the slightest. This month I want to celebrate some universal moments of truth that any hair extension aficionado knows all too well. Firstly, there is nothing quite like a fresh set of extensions. You rise from the salon chair, turn around slowly and you are Beyoncé Knowles on stage at Madison Square Garden, clad in a sparkly-gold leotard number belting out Crazy in Love with multiple wind machines blowing your hair like the luscious crown that it is. You are powerful, you are bold, you are Sasha Fierce. And then your hairdresser politely asks for your life savings in payment and you’re suddenly less diva and more destitute. Next comes the moment you realise that buns, ponytails and basically any style of updo is no longer in your hair repertoire. No matter how many different ways you try, you can never quite disguise the tops of the extensions and friends, family and even complete strangers are all too willing to point them out. Then it arrives. The moment you knew was coming but you pleaded desperate ignorance to, willing the problem to just go away. But it doesn’t. You need to wash your hair. But you’re not mentally prepared to dry it. You sit there for 45 minutes contemplating the effort, the aching arm from holding the hairdryer, the torturous heat. No, you can’t. Dry shampoo it is. And finally, that glorious moment when you have your hair extensions removed and you can finally scratch your scalp again! And you don’t hold back, going at it like a crazy cat lady with fleas! Ahh, it feels… So. Damn. Good. “But all that money! The upkeep! The effort!” I hear you cry! Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t actually hear you over the volume of my hair…
Hayley x November 2017
Raise an eyebrow! ’m calling it now folks, 2017 is the year of the eyebrow. This year has seen some bizarre brow trends come about; wavy brows, braided brows and even McDonalds brows (yes, as in the Golden Arches!). But for many of us, we’d be happy with just some brows. For those of us not blessed with naturally thick and bushy caterpillars atop our eyes, eyebrow upkeep can be a real challenge. Enter, Maybelline New York Tattoo Brow 3 Day Peel-Off Gel-Tint. The company describes the product as, ‘a game-changing peel-off gel-tint that leaves brows perfectly defined and evenly filled for up to 3 days.’ Three days of defined, tinted brows? Challenge accepted. Following the instructions carefully, I remove all makeup and wave goodbye to my drawn on brows and quietly say a little prayer that this works! The instructions are simple enough; apply the gel, leave it for 20 minutes, peel it off
and voila — brows! The gel is quite thick and I’m surprised how easily it applies. The brush is easy to use, however, I find I need an angled eyebrow brush to really define the shape of the brow. Without much existing brow to work with, it’s hard to navigate the shape but I get there, hoping it’s more Jessica Alba than Jocelyn Wildenstein. I look to the mirror to admire my handy work and panic sets in. They are so dark! I assure myself that it’s just because the gel is still wet and tentatively go about distracting myself for 20 minutes while they dry. I can feel the product drying, becoming stiffer on my face, and at 20 minutes on the dot, I’m ready to peel! Panic sets in again. I’m going to peel off what very little eyebrow hairs I have. I’ll be bald. Oh crap, what have I done!?
I can feel the product drying, becoming stiffer on my face, and at 20 minutes on the dot, I’m ready to peel!
But surprisingly, the gel peels off with ease, leaving all my hairs intact. And I’m left with two well-defined, filled-in and clearly visible EYEBROWS! They are not at all as dark as the tint and, in fact, look incredibly natural. I am officially converted! This is a fantastic product, incredibly easy to use and the results are brilliant. My only complaint is that they only last three days, but let me tell you, I’ll be flaunting them for every one of those three days!
GET IT I BEAUTY
Hair extensions 101
Hair extension care essentials
How to tame your tresses in summertime with Emilly Hadrill
ith summer just around the corner, so too are the endless days spent soaking up the sunshine, diving beneath the salty waves, partying down at poolside soirees and sweating headto-toe at morning workout sessions (because, bikini season!). While it may be all fun and games for us, for our hair, and especially for those of us with hair extensions, summer can end in a knotted catastrophe. So, how do we avoid said catastrophe? Maintain your mane Just like your real hair, extensions need a little extra attention in the warmer months. Wash them gently using a sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner, brush them with a specialised extension brush, and be sure to apply an intensive mask or Argan oil treatment towards the ends to keep them nourished and tangle-free. If you have blonde extensions, you may need to consider more frequent trips to your salon, as they tend to dry out more regularly than darker shades, particularly in summer. Take care at the top The tape, the beads or the bonds at the top of the head can be a point of fragility, so be
aware of what most affects your type of hair extension. Sun, chlorine and salt can slightly affect where the extensions have been inserted, but on the whole it’s sweat, sunscreen and other chemicals that you need to be mindful of — especially for tape and beaded extensions. For bonded extensions, avoid swimming for long periods of time, as too much exposure to water can weaken their bond to your natural hair.
CURIOUS GRACE Extension Loop Brush, $19.75, hairhousewarehouse.com.au
Vitafive CPR Frizzy Phase 1 Smoothing Creme 150ml, $10.95, amr.com.au
What to do with wet hair I recommend opting for a beaded, microbeaded or a tape style of extension for the summer season — these types of hair extensions will still allow you to take a dip in the ocean or at the swimming pool. When you go for a swim, prep your hair with Argan oil beforehand so your extensions don’t soak up the chlorine or saltwater. Wear your hair in a loose braid or leave it out long (never wear it in a bun!), and rinse it with a freshwater shower once you’re done. Emilly of Emilly Hadrill Hair Extensions (ehhairextensions.com.au) is a local hair extensions specialist and salon owner who launched her eponymous salon on the Gold Coast in 2007 and now has now salons speckled across the country.
Essano Argan Oil Hair Recovery Serum 50ml, $10.99, chemistwarehouse.com.au
Showpony Hair Extension Care Pack (Sulphate Free Shampoo, Conditioner & Luminous Mist), $56.25, glamaco.com.au
KEVIN.MURPHY YOUNG.AGAIN 100ml, $54.95, myhaircare.com.au
Intense Moisture Hydrating Mask, $45.00, jadorehairsupplies.com.au
GOT HAIL DAMAGE? Lumps, bumps, hail damage and cottage cheese — these are all words we use to describe an enemy 8 out of 10 of us have, cellulite. At puberty, after pregnancy and as we get older with hormonal changes and skin thinning, we meet that pesky enemy. There has not been a way to successfully treat this pain in the bum — until now, thanks to Cellulite Clinics Australia’s permanent cellulite reduction treatment. CELLULAZE uses the heat and light energy of laser under the skin to sever the collagen tethers that cause the dimpling of cellulite and tighten the overlying skin. They also use cryolipolysis (fat freezing) to shape and form the thigh
area to give you the ultimate ‘smooth leg’ result. Cellulite Clinics Australia are the experts in body shaping and cellulite treatment, and offer a free initial consultation and 12 month interest free finance.
Don’t hate it… fix it and give Cellulite Clinics Australia a call on 1300 CELLULITE or check out cellulite.clinic
GET IT I HOME STYLING
The best ingredients for a Buyers aren’t just buying a house, they are buying a lifestyle, and with life as busy as it is, "easy and stress free" is a recipe for success writes Amanda Butler of Butler+Co Real Estate f you’re looking at selling your home, here are some things you need to consider so you have the best chance of selling quickly, and at the price you want. Preparation and imagination before putting up the “For Sale” sign can go a long way to adding dollars to the sale price. Understanding the buyer’s needs and property presentation are key ingredients for a successful sale. Remember, “easy” can mean many different things for each buyer. Getting a house sale-ready means presenting its best features, finding its unique selling points and highlighting it to the right buyer. Styling a home can help present the
home in a new light. It might just mean a fresh approach to furniture placement and decluttering which an experienced stylist can help with. Presenting the house at its best can be done partially or with a full makeover. Partial staging is on the rise and the stylist uses a combination of the client’s own pieces and added furniture to create a seamless look. Styling for sale does not always mean hiring a complete furniture set. Once styling, or staging as it is sometimes known, was used only for new homes and apartments but it’s becoming more and more popular for existing homes as it simply enhances the houses best features, and has proven successful results. Landscaping and general garden pruning and tidying can provide a clean, lowmaintenance look. A simple sense of space and tranquillity in a garden setting is an attractive selling point.
Getting a house sale-ready means presenting its best features, finding its unique selling points and highlighting it to the right buyer. Small key renovations and cosmetic fix ups are not only easy to do but inexpensive. If it looks like there is less to do and “fix up” after sale, it helps reinforce the idea of easy to the buyer and can add more onto your final sale price without costing the seller serious time and money. So there you have it, your new to-do list if selling your home is on the agenda. Best of luck!
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GET IT I WORK LIFE PROFILE
I gave up on guilt a long time ago when it comes to being a working mother as the only person feeling guilty made miserable was myself.
WORK LIFE A day in the life of Tracey Vieira, Chief Executive Officer of Screen Queensland
eople often think as CEO of Screen Queensland Tracey Vieira’s life is all glamorous red carpets and celebrities, but it’s rarely that. The mum to six-year-old son Denham and wife to husband Joey sheds a little light on her life. MY ALARM GOES OFF AT… I have a cat called Pickles who is my alarm clock. She gets me up at the first signs of light by sitting on my pillow and scratching my expensive linen bedhead (which makes me get up immediately) or by walking backwards and forwards on me until I give up on sleeping. Usually 5.30am is a sleep in. I’M RESPONSIBLE FOR… Delivering the Strategic Plan, setting the culture and reporting to all stakeholders. We develop Queensland writers, producers and directors, and invest in their screen productions across all platforms. We also attract production to the state such as Marvel’s Thor: Ragnarok and support more than 30 film festivals across the state. HOW I GOT THE GIG… Prior to Screen Queensland I was based in Los Angeles for 10 years as the Executive Vice President of International Production for Ausfilm where I worked closely with US Studios. I also worked with Australian filmmakers coming to the US to find financing partners or distribution. THE MOST REWARDING PART IS… Seeing filmmakers finally get a break when they have worked years to get their project onto screen. WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE INDUSTRY… Every day is different and it’s always surprising. I’ve been able to do things like get a family
with a child who was palliative onto the film set to meet his hero, Captain Jack Sparrow, and I’ve also been able to do deals that no one else had which always makes me thrilled. WHAT I DON’T LOVE… There are some amazing Australian films that don’t get to reach a big audience as their budgets are low compared to the big Hollywood films. I think it is so important as a country we see our own stories and accents on screen, and I’m disappointed there are not easier ways to get these stories in front of audiences. I also wish we did better when it comes to gender in our business, both behind and in front of the screen. We are failing in this regard, like most industries, and we need to become more conscious about the choices we are making to ensure we increase diversity in our industry and our stories. CAREER HIGHLIGHT… Winning the 2016 Queensland Telstra Business Woman of the Year was such a surprise and one of my personal career highlights. I also met Chris Hemsworth when he first came to LA (before he was a super star!). WORST PART OF THE JOB… The hours can be brutal as I am often on calls to the US, UK and also working Australian hours and travelling so I can have some very longs days and weeks.
HOW I BALANCE IT ALL… I gave up on guilt a long time ago when it comes to being a working mother as the only person feeling guilty made miserable was myself. I had to reframe it in my mind and realise that being a working mother is setting a great example, and it teaches my son that work is important and why we have the roof over our heads. When I am at home, I work hard to be really present and not on my phone or computer. I also married the most awesome man on earth who always supports me, never complains about me constantly being away and is my biggest cheerleader. I think we have to treat ourselves the way we would treat our children — with kindness, forgiveness and understanding.
Plan B: I love business and would likely start my own in another area I have an interest in. November 2017
The beauty in
failure and reinvention Celebrating 35 years in the fashion industry and 27 years of selfemployment, Sonia Stradiotto speaks on how to makeover your life whenever you wish
How do you reinvent yourself over and over again? The secret to reinvention is to have something different or do something different in your business or product line. Find out what your client wants, pay attention to your consumers and note what they are asking for. Do you have a secret formula to success? Work in and on your business so that you create your own originality for your brand. Know your competition, study them, and ensure you have a purpose to ensure longevity in your market. Listen to your clients, create what they need and decorate it with what they want. If your clients trust you then they will stay with you.
Train your team to be ambassadors and be sure your directors of first impressions represent your brand well. I always say, build a family at work, it is okay. Have you had any failures over the years? Yes, if I didn’t fail at anything I wouldn’t be who I am today as a businesswoman, a mother, a wife and a mentor. You have to never stop dreaming, create what it is you dream of and never quit. If the pencil snaps in half you grab a sharpener and sharpen the broken half, and suddenly you have two pencils. In the event of misfortune lies opportunity, look for it in your darkest days and your disappointments. You may not be what you originally dreamed you want to be. Perhaps you diverted or settled. It happens to be best of us, and it happened to me. Don’t worry though, because what was once right for your business or life plan may not always be.
When I have been challenged it is then that I have found out who I really am; who I can trust to stay around and who disappears. Great people stay in bad times, keep those people around you when you get to better times. Challenges often make us see what is truly important. When you are down, when you have challenges, pay attention to the real message because there is always a message. That’s how I overcome failure.
GET IT I FASHION
DOLCE VITA comes to the COAST PHOTOGRAPHER: Michael Greves STYLIST: Sonia Stradiotto MODEL: Jessica Green HAIR AND MAKEUP: Issada Cosmetics Hair by model FASHION RETAILER: Sonia Stradiotto Couture Level 1, Shop 131 74 Seaworld Drive Main Beach P. 55280800 LOCATION: Marina Mirage Fellini Restaurant Pier Marina Mirage
A BED OF ROSES Black Body Con Dress with Red Rose Features, $395, Sonia Stradiotto Couture, Marina Mirage, P. 55280800 and Bliss Fashion Emporium, The Oasis Broadbeach, P. 55926858 November 2017
E RACES A DAY AT TH y Embossed or Iv d an k ac Bl Suit, POA upon Brocade Race intment, Sonia po Ap Custom ure, Marina ut Stradiotto Co 00 08 Mirage, P. 5528
BELLE OF THE BALL Black and Red Limited Edition Ball Gown, $2900, Sonia Stradiotto Couture, Marina Mirage, P. 55280800//Exquisite Jewellery from Calleija Jewellers at Marina Mirage, P. 55283666
SAIL AWAY WITH ME Navy and White Nautical Tie Jacket, $199//White Slip Dress, $149//Sonia Stradiotto Couture, Marina Mirage, P. 55280800 and Bliss Fashion Emporium, The Oasis Broadbeach, P. 55926858 November 2017
READY TO PARTY Black Bodycon Cat Suit, $395, Sonia Stradiotto Couture, Marina Mirage, P. 55280800 and Bliss Fashion Emporium, The Oasis Broadbeach, P. 55926858
THE POWER OF RED Red Lace Venetian Dress, POA by appointment to choose your own lace, Sonia Stradiotto Couture, Marina Mirage, P. 55280800
PORTOFINO PRINCESS Italiana Sunray Pleated Skirt, $595//Matching Italiana Frill Sleeve Top, $295//Sonia Stradiotto Couture, Marina Mirage, P. 55280800 and Bliss Fashion Emporium, The Oasis Broadbeach, P. 55926858
GET IT I GET STYLISH
A European adventure
Beaching it up at Salina's Ibiza, Spain
Living life br ight Old Town, Spin Seville, ain
Rooftop bar relaxin g, Ha Hotel, Ibiza, Spainrd Rock
Nothing but the essentials in Seville, Old Town, Spain
in Bellagio, Rocking redke Italy Italian La s,
A pop of colour in Seville, Old Town, Spain
Fabulous fu r sleeve Milano, Itals in Duomo, y
Hello fashionistas! I just got back from my fabulous European adventure and would love to share with you some of my fashion experiences and updates for next season, Winter 2018.This was hard to take in, as we are just about to hit the Summer heat and wearing very little! Landing in Seoul for a few days, this was the ultimate experience. Having never been there, the people are very gracious, the place is extremely clean and the food was amazing! And looking at my first Zara store (one of many, I lost track! Special mention to my very patient hubby), I was in fashion heaven... it was red alert and red hot! Hard to imagine wearing any of this in QLD, but I was delirious! Oh the colour, the texture, the embroidery and embellishment; I wanted to move in and just drown in this amazing collection.The look is still very boho — lots of denim with rich bold colours of tan, burgundy and khaki. Next stop was Rome and onto La Spezia, close to Cinque Terre, where I had to have this amazing shot with a very colourful kaftan that I got to wear In Ibiza. A short few days in Milan, and Fashion Week, this place was buzzing! I got to test drive my fab Zara jacket with sensational faux fur detail on a day trip to Bellagio for lunch… as you do! Our next stop took us to Spain, San Sebastian, another Zara or two and many pictures of the gorgeous beach, bars and Old Town. A day trip to Biarritz was squeezed in and the French sure know how to dress and eat! Will definitely return to this amazing spot, and stay awhile. Onto Seville, this place is full of fashion, culture and style, giving me a chance to create my inner adventure and style. Love a good head wrap on a bad hair day! It was fun exploring the alleyways and picking up some accessories at bargain prices — updating my never-ending collection. And not to mention, every time I wear a fab piece it reminds me of my travels and makes me smile. Next stop and final adventure, Ibiza. Well, this place is party town! And I was lucky enough to get tickets to a closing party, a rave at one of the hotel/beach clubs. It was an experience not to miss! The fashion, or lack off, anything goes in this crazy town. A few lazy days exploring the island, taking in breathtaking sunsets, cocktails and sunshine, and I found this fabulous Emporium Sluiz on the Island (sluiz.com). It was my most magic moment and I spent a lot of time here — fashion, homewares and food. Home time and jetlag! The joys of travel... to do it all again next year!
Learn how to bring a European flavour to your wardrobe! Limited bookings available!
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Susie The Stylist
email@example.com November 2017
CRUISE IN. SPLASH OUT. For shopping with a refreshing twist, The Marine Village is the perfect place to treat yourself, or that special someone. Arrive by car or by boat and explore a charming collection of more than 30 boutiques lining the paved streets, each offering things that will nourish any retail craving. Set beside the sparkling Marina, youâ€™ll be spoilt with an ocean of choice from everyday delights to once-a-year indulgences.
GET IT I BUSINESS
WHAT WOMEN WANT Gender-intelligence and ‘womenomics’ expert Bec Brideson talks about the $28T market opportunity and how you can tap into it
emember that time you piled your girlfriend in a cab, but she kept you on the phone until she was home safe and sound? Gosh, that was funny! How about when you were super excited to buy your first car, but the suits in the dealership acted like you were wearing an invisible cape? What a riot! Or how about that time long ago when you hung up your footy boots in Year Five, knowing that was it for playing professional AFL? Hilarious. You know what’s not so funny? The power of your purse, your voice, your talent — in essence, your disruptive female dollar. It’s some serious business. Whether it’s the new rideshare service Shebah focused on keeping women safe from sleazy drivers, Tesla placing dealerships amidst the luxury shops of Fendi, Gucci and Chanel, or the launch of the literal gamechanging AFLW — women are disrupting the marketplace everywhere. Women are the fastest growing global consumer economy; and business’ best bet for tapping into it is you. An Ernst and Young study reports that by 2028 women will control close to 75% of discretionary spending worldwide. This presents a trillion-dollar opportunity. But let’s not forget one crucial inheritance: it’s still a man’s world, or at least one built on a male lens. With the growing contribution of women, a new female lens should not only be valued but in-built. The fact that women have an overt and influential economic role is a fairly new revelation in the business world. Business’ biggest blind spot is gender.
Bec’s tips to attract more female customers However, illuminate any business leader with this and they are usually confused or incapable of seeing how it can increase their bottom line. They can’t be blamed — our narrow male lens and an ongoing culture of inertia fears upsetting the applecart. Now is the best time to upset those apples. There’s a reason why it’s called the disruptive dollar — womenomics is black and white, yet gender propaganda calls into question the capability of women in business — stalling us in the grey zone. Let me break it down. Authentically understanding and connecting with female consumers while building workplaces and cultures that cater to women’s needs are two essential requirements to drive talent, creativity and profit. Whether you’re a business-owner, start-up entrepreneur, working professional (as well as most likely being the CFO of your household), understanding the economics of women is especially powerful when deriving your worth as well as bringing that to bear upon fruit that will build a lucrative, sustainable future for your business, and yourself. For a business to not see the possibilities of gender is to miss the greater opportunity. By keeping your eyes open and readjusting the lens to the possibilities and nuances of ‘what women want’ in our marketplace, we can transform the future for women, for humankind and make it even better for booming businesses.
your audience. Who is 1 Audit making/driving the decisions about engaging with your business/brand? Does the internal culture of your business match the external audience you are appealing to? If not, there’s a mismatch in values contributing to a loss of sales, engagement and loyalty. your staff. Female 2 Train audiences/customers need female-lensed thinking, male audiences/customers need malelensed thinking. Do your staff know the difference between the lenses? It’s not about hiring more men or more women — it’s about knowing when to use the right lens. of it like a relationship. 3 Think If she’s ignoring you, how will you get her attention? How will you treat her so well, and really understand her life, hopes and dreams and ensure your product delivers to her wildest dreams? If you want a high yield customer be a brand she falls in love with and marries, and you’ll have her loyalty for life.
Be the Boss
DO YOU HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF CLOTHES AND nothing to wear? IN YOUR WARDROBE
Be the Boss
Science of Style aims to revolutionise the way you shop. Feel confident, feel beautiful and look your best - all while buying less and living more.
IN YOUR WARDROBE
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Do you have a closet full ES T. 2 017 of clothes and nothing to wear? Do you hide in AU ST RA L IA black? Does it take you forever to get dressed in 2017 the morning xox and you still AUST RALI feelA you can’t get a great outfit together? Do you xoxspend a fortune on clothes What all about. and arewe’re still not happy with your look?
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GET IT I DATING
THE MALE SPECIES
The thing with guys is they’re not talking when they’re happy and they’re not talking when they’re pissed off. We don’t talk. The female brain can speak 8000-9000 words a day whereas it’s 2000-4000 for a guy.
DECIPHERED Body language and communication expert Allan Pease is here to tell you what a man’s behaviour and body language really means ON A FIRST DATE You need at least three of the following signals before you can make any determination whether this guy is interested or not. How to tell if he is interested l Increased eye contact l ‘Preening’ signals: adjusting clothing, pushing out any creases, touching hair, adjusting tie —making sure everything looks like it’s in the right place l Hips turned to face you or, if standing, his foot is pointing towards you l Placing his hands on his hips to make himself look bigger (like a fish blowing itself up with water or bird fluffing all its feathers out) How to tell if he isn’t interested l Leaning away from you, hips facing away l Lack of eye contact or looking at your boobs rather than your eyes l Talking in short sentences l Keeping his legs together when sitting l Won’t adjust clothing or make himself look bigger IN A RELATIONSHIP How to tell if a guy is falling in love Men fall in love very, very slowly. One key sign is they stand closer to you and the November 2017
Allan and his wife Barbara have 6 children, 8 grandchildren and practice Ju Jitsu
gap in the bed when you sleep is smaller. The space is directly related to how intimate he feels towards his partner. Guys need verbal demonstrations to fall in love, not just hear their partner say “I love you” — that usually just scares them off because they think of commitment and eternal monogamy. Instead say “When I’m with you I feel really great, my life is enhanced with you, the future looks brighter and I love being with you.” To a guy, that means “I love you” without having to say it. How to tell if a guy is pissed off The thing with men is they’re not talking when they’re happy and they’re not talking when they’re pissed off. We don’t talk. The female brain can speak 8000-9000 words a day whereas it’s 2000-4000 for a guy. The main purpose of female speech is bonding and rewarding, whereas for men it’s to transfer facts and data. He gives information, solutions and answers. One of the top punishments for women is not talking but if a guy isn’t talking it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Women can usually tell when a guy is pissed off from other cues, don’t rely on his silence as one! How to tell if he’s cheating Women are pretty good at picking up signs of anxiousness or tension. If a man is playing up on the side most women know it but a lot of them go into denial. Look for minor changes in his behaviour. One of the biggest 36
tell-tale signs is he starts washing his own clothing, buying new underwear every other week or comes home late at night after work and has a shower, whereas he didn’t do that before.
How to find everlasting love The way to find lasting love is simple. You just need to look for dates or partners who have the same five core values as you.
1 Finance: What is your attitude
toward money? Is your money my money? Is it our money? Whose is it? Who pays the bills?
2 Children: Will we have kids? How
many? How would they be raised? How would they be disciplined? Religious schools or public schools?
3 Family: Are we going to see our
family every week? Will family be invited for dinner? Where do we go for Christmas and Easter?
4 Sex: How often? What will you do and what won’t you do?
5 Spirituality: How do you look at
life? What is trust, honesty, sincerity? What is your interpretation of love?
GET IT I GENERAL STORY
The silent killer:
Gold Coast mum Gemma Young relives the worst day of her life to raise awareness about infant and childhood drowning
y daughter Lily was seven. It was the day of her birthday party and that afternoon we had another birthday party to go to — a pool party. After her party in the morning and wrangling 12 kids I was exhausted. When we arrived at the pool party the mum of the birthday girl informed me that someone was there specifically to act as a lifesaver and told me to,“Take a break after your morning, you deserve it.” So I thought fine, I would. After 15 minutes there was screaming and I went to see what was happening and Lily was being dragged from the pool. She was limp and pale. I didn’t recognise her at first because she was so white. My immediate thought was “Holy s*** whose kid is that? Oh my God, that poor parent.” And then I recognised it was Lily by her swimmers. According to other people there I started screaming because she looked dead. I thought she had died. And it was my fault because I wasn’t watching her. I don’t know how, but I jumped the pool fence quickly and somebody had started to perform CPR, and she vomited. Her eyes opened but they were like pinpoints. I realised she wasn’t dead but she was not looking
great. I called 000 but I couldn’t speak coherently so I got somebody else to take over. I called my partner and he said,“I just left you, I just got home, what do you mean?” It all happened so fast. He met us at the hospital with our son. Lily was transported to the hospital by ambulance and she started to regain consciousness. Her eyes were starting to focus and regain colour. When we got to the hospital there was a room off to the side and there were heating lamps, a heated table and like 12 people in a tiny room when Lily was wheeled in.Thankfully, Lily ended up being okay and we stayed there overnight. I had to talk to the police. I received messages from all the parents at the party saying that they hoped everything was okay and I just didn’t want to talk to them or anyone except my partner.Then we found out the local news stations had turned up while we were in the ambulance and they were filming, so we had to contact people before they found out half stories from the news. After the police reviewed CCTV footage they found out she was underwater for a minute. Lily had some swimming lessons before the incident but she wasn’t particularly confident with them.The price was just not within our means at the time. I had told her that day that even though she had lessons she still needed to stay at the shallow end on the edge of the pool
but she became disoriented and mixed up the shallow end with the deep end. Myself and a lot of people present on that day learnt that drowning doesn’t look it does in the movies. It’s really quiet and unless you’re actively paying attention you probably wouldn’t notice. People who are struggling to breathe, they’re not thrashing around and calling for help, they just keep their head above water, getting as much air as possible, so it’s really quiet, and can be deadly. This was just a few weeks before Christmas so if Lily wasn’t okay we’d be having a funeral rather than Christmas. KIDS ALIVE –
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For most people when they eat and use FAT as the primary source they will tend to eat less and less often, therefore they LOSE weight. Myth #2: To get into ketosis you eat less carbs/take a ketosis supplement
ketosis? With the rise of products for sale boasting the benefits of ketosis, Jeff Osborne from Vision Bundall is here to bust some myths
lcohol, carbs, fat and protein — these are the four foods that contain energy for our body to use. The body uses them in the order they first appear here, alcohol being a toxin will get used up first. Then your body will burn through carbs because high levels of blood sugar are bad for you. Then fat, and in desperate times protein can be broken down. Ketosis is when your body uses fat as its primary fuel source. For most people the thought of your body being a Fat Burning Machine is attractive! I can see why. But it’s not that simple. Myth #1: Ketosis is dangerous/unhealthy This one comes about mainly from confusion of a diabetic condition called ketoacidosis which is dangerous and basically impossible in a non-diabetic. Ketosis is not dangerous and can be very healthy. For people with certain conditions like epilepsy it will prevent all seizures and for people with autism is can improve brain function. Normal healthy adults can get benefits like higher energy levels, less fatigue and calmer moods. There are even medical professionals treating diabetics with ketosis and completely reversing the disease! (See Virta Health.)
Ketosis is not strictly defined but anytime your body is producing a compound called BHB (beta-hydroxybutyrate) and using that in place of carbs, you are in ketosis. For many people that will happen in your sleep but to be properly ‘fat adapted’ you need to be quite strict with what and how much you eat, and measure your BHB with a blood monitor. It is super easy to kick yourself out of mild ketosis just by eating the wrong carb, tasting something sweet, eating too much protein or not eating enough fat. Some ‘shake programs’ tell you they get you into ketosis, which they technically might, but starvation ketosis is very different to nutritional ketosis and feels very different. Getting in and staying in ketosis is tricky, and it takes planning, preparation and testing to make sure you’re doing it right. Myth #3: You can eat as much as you like and still lose weight One thing that happens when people discover they can eat the fatty cuts of bacon, avocado, cheese and cream is they think smashing large quantities of these foods will lead to weight loss. The truth is you still have to burn it! For most people when they eat and use fat as the primary source they will tend to eat less and less often, therefore they lose weight. There are lots of delicious recipes and foods you can eat while in ketosis, but you can’t go overboard.
20 years, REAL people, REAL results.
As you can see there are some great benefits to ketosis, but getting there and staying there can be tricky. It may very well be the best thing for some people, but for many it will not work long term. If you would like to learn more about ketosis and how it works, find Vision Bundall on Facebook and send us a message so we can give you some more in-depth info.
We’re anything but the next fad in fitness #thevisiondifference
07 5538 4788 Unit 3, 93 Ashmore Road Unit 3, 93 Ashmore Road, Bundall Bundall ph: 5538 4788 visionpt.com.au/studios/bundall visionpersonaltraining.com/studios/bundall November 2017
Apart from hearing loss, the BIGGEST factor in not being able to hear the TV properly is the ACOUSTIC setup of the room your TV is in.
Make your TV sound better Hearing advice with Grant Collins from Clarity Hearing Solutions ired of struggling to hear the TV? Does the sound seem muffled or like it echoes a lot? Making some simple changes could solve the problem. Apart from hearing loss, the biggest factor in not being able to hear the TV properly is the acoustic setup of the room your TV is in. High ceilings, tiles, concrete or polished wooden floors can make sound echo or reverberate. The more echo there is in a room, the worse sound will appear when it reaches your ear from the TV. In bad situations, even people with normal hearing can have trouble understanding what’s being said on the TV. Surprisingly, newer TVs can make the situation worse. The default sound settings and the thin design of new flat screens can affect the sound negatively. The default sound settings on new
televisions are set to provide a surround sound experience like in a movie cinema. To do this, the graphic equaliser is set to emphasise the bass frequencies. These are the pitches where all the music and background noises sit, such as explosions, car engines, trains, the roar of jet engines and more. Most speech sounds sit in the mid to high frequency areas, which are not presented well by default settings on surround sound systems. The frequencies that are most susceptible to echoing are the mid and high frequencies. High-pitched sounds rebound off objects, which means the music and the background noises sound great because the low-frequency signal reaching the ear is quite pure. Once we get to the mid and high-pitched speech sounds, they sound terrible as they are bouncing all through the room before getting to your ear. Add a hearing loss on top of this and it may be almost impossible to watch a movie. Changing the acoustics of the room will make a big difference to your TV sound. Having carpeted floors, soft furnishings or even hanging a rug on the wall will soak up sound and stop the high frequencies from bouncing around and distorting what you hear. If you do have hard floors, lay a rug between the television set and the viewing chair to stop the echo off the floor. You should also change the sound settings on the TV or surround sound system. By reducing the bass and increasing the treble you’ll decrease the background noise and music and increase the volume of speech. If you do have a hearing loss, connecting a TV streamer wirelessly to your hearing aids will make a world of difference. Eligible DVA card holders can get these wireless devices free of charge. Talk to your qualified audiologist or Clarity Hearing Solutions today.
Hearing Aids: The latest technology and the smallest devices at compelling prices! Are you getting the treatment you need? Treating hearing loss isn’t about selling a hearing aid. It’s about correctly diagnosing the hearing loss and offering the right devices to treat that loss. Importantly, we must also ensure we fit your budget and your lifestyle.
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GET IT I DINING
Must taste this November If you only try six new things this month, let it be these.
SweetCosickpptaiinls angd Burgers
er Main Street Summ t launched in Broadbeach has jus cocktail Bar r rge Bu eet Str Main new a ing ast bo r, me sum rs by a brand new menu for new and exciting burge list, a whole bunch of al faves. Keep an eye out for Fried chefs plus all of your usu led Jackfruit, Buttermilk the Vegan Mexican Pul it Sour (literally to die for) and Chicken, the Passion Fruin Street' espresso martinis! of course the classic 'Ma pping rant Precinct, Oasis Sho Where to try: Restaumainstreetburgerbar.com.au Centre, Broadbeach I
Wagu Beef Bao Broadbeach, Mamasan Situated in the heart ofs on share food philosophy. use foc m Kitchen and Bar an menu is delivered fro A contemporary pan Asise, Korean, Thai and Vietnamese ine Ch tional cuisines including mium local and interna neatly paired with pre igned to des all e sak and r bee range, wines, spirits, tap n Asian foods.Their bao complement the moder hit. ge hu a are s, bao f including wagyu bee h| Boulevard, Broadbeac Where to try: 3 Oracle ting opentable.com.au visi by t Reserve your spo
Cob loaf The 1970’s inspired, trad itionally baked Cob Loa at Wildernis delivers a hea f with two fillings on offe rty dose of nostalgia r — spinach and kaleinfused cream cheese; and and almond-infused feta roasted bell pepper and introduces healthy . It’s fluffy, freshly baked elements to a typically unhealthy treat. Where to try: 1166 Gold Coast Hwy, Palm Beach
Gourmet Seafood Pla tter Experience Oz travel exp Gourmet Seafood Plattererts love the signature Restaurant. It’s been aro at Yellowfin Seafood team has had a lot of timund for 10 years so Justine’s e to perfect it. It is full to the brim with fresh seafoo Bay bugs, QLD sand cra d including Moreton b, pacific plate oysters, chi Hervey Bay scallops, lled gourmet salads, chips, dip king prawns, NZ clams, ping sauces and more. Where to try: Yellowfin Queensland Ave, BroadbSeafood Restaurant, 6/20 each
Nutella pancakes these mouth-watering, The whole family will enjoy cakes oozing Nutella American-style buttermilk pan cream, cream and ice and topped with a dollop of ts. This decadent elnu haz ted roas of ng nkli spri s on the Rocks which dish can be found at Pancake tions found in the por s erou gen e sam the sts boa an service. States, with friendly Australi de, Shop T1.31, lana Where to try: 4 The Esp Surfers Paradise
Clearwater Scallop cious food, The Fish Famous for its service and deli ultimate experience the rs ome cust its s House give serve in its simplest by providing food cooked to pliers all around sup from h fres form, flown in daily according to the Australia. The menu changes a’s supply offers. trali Aus that fish freshest quality the Clearwater rge, splu little a like If you’re feeling for. Scallops are to die ace, Burleigh Heads Where to try: 50 Goodwin Terropentable.com.au ing visit by t spo r you | Reserve
Now Open in Hope Island Schnitzels The Freshman $15 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel The Frenchman $20 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel w/caramelised onion bacon and melted Brie The Mexican $22 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel w/- chilli beef avocado and sour cream The Spaniard $22 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel w/- tomato salsa chorizo sausage and mozzarella The Hawaiian $23 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel w/fresh pineapple ham off the bone Napoli and melted cheese
The German $24 hand crumbed pork schnitzel w/- sauerkraut cabbage and bacon 2/- a mustard sauce The Swiss Alps $24 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel w/- sautĂŠed wild mushrooms and melted Swiss cheese The Godfather $24 hand crumbed chicken schnitzel w/bolognaise hot salami and melted cheese The Englishman $26 hand crumbed pork schnitzel mash potatoes pork sausage and onion gravy Totally Pigalicious $26 hand crumbed pork schnitzel w/- pulled pork caramelised apple pork crackling and gravy FR
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GET IT I RECIPES
Energise yourself this
Summer is all about eating the right, healthy and filling foods to keep nourished and able to get through a huge day of activities. From the beach to the park, to a BBQ and then maybe the gym, our days are long and without the right fuel, we can find ourselves wiped out come night time. Just in time for summer Freedom Foods has launched their new
Barley+ range of wholegrain muesli and muesli bars that include a superior wholegrain called BARLEYmax™. Developed by the CSIRO, it contains exceptional levels of all three types of fibre. Just one 50g serve of Barley+ Muesli delivers almost 2 serves of wholegrains, putting you well on target to your recommended daily intake. And not to mention it will keep you going from activity to activity like a happy little energiser bunny. Freedom foods has provided these delish brekkie recipes for Get it’s readers to enjoy. Let us know which one is your favourite on our Facebook: Get.it.mag or Instagram: @getitmag For more info on Barley+ visit barleyplus.com.au
GRANOLA PIZZA INGREDIENTS • 2 cups Barley+ Cranberry & Nut Muesli • ½ cup nut butter (cacao nut butter) • ¼ cup coconut oil • ½ cup coconut yoghurt & seasonal fruit (for topping) DIRECTIONS Pulse muesli in food processor if too thick. Add coconut oil and nut butter and mix until the mixture sticks together. Use your hands or a fork as needed. Spread the mixture into lined pan/ baking dish and press down firmly with a spatula or the bottom of a glass cup. Place baking sheet in freezer for 10 minutes. Top pizza with yoghurt and fruits, and serve.
TURMERIC MANGO SMOOTHIE BOWL
• 1 frozen banana
• 1 cup Barley+ Porridge
• ½ cup plain unsweetened yoghurt, non-diary if desired
• 2 ½ cups almond milk • 1 grated apple
• ½ cup frozen mango cubes
• 2 tbsp honey
• 2 tbsp nut butter
• 1 tbsp cinnamon
• ½ teaspoon ground turmeric
• 1 tsp powdered matcha green tea
• Splash of non-diary milk
• 1 cup toasted coconut (half for topping)
• 50g Barley+ Pink Lady & Macadamia Muesli (for toppings)
• 1-2 fresh figs
• 1 tbsp chia seeds (for toppings)
• 1 tsp chia seeds (for topping)
• Coconut flakes (for toppings)
DIRECTIONS Stir the banana, oats, honey, apple, cinnamon, almond milk and matcha together in a small container.
DIRECTIONS Blend banana, yoghurt, mango, nut butter and turmeric, adding more milk if needed to get the blender going. You want the smoothie to be really thick so it will hold the toppings.
Cover and refrigerate overnight. Stir, transfer the oats to a bowl if desired. Style with figs and remaining coconut on top. Sprinkle chia seeds over to finish.
Top with Barley+ muesli, coconut flakes and chia seeds, and serve.
GET IT I RECIPES
GRANOLA CUPS INGREDIENTS
• 1 ½ cups of Barley+ Pink Lady and Macadamia Museli
Line a 12 count muffin tray with 8-12 muffin tins/paper cups and set aside (use 12 for smaller cups, 8 for large cups).
• ½ cup nut butter
In a food processor, add your muesli to the nut butter and maple syrup, until mixed into small chunks.
• ½ Pure maple syrup • 1 cup coconut yoghurt
Divide evenly amongst the muffin tins and press mixture into tin to shape into cups. Allow to set at room temperature, or for a quicker setting, refrigerate for 20 minutes.
• 1 tsp beetroot powder • Mixed berries, to serve
Mix 1 cup coconut yoghurt with beetroot powder and fill cups. Top with fruit as desired.
GET IT I SOCIALS
WOMEN IN TOURISM Women in Tourism’s annual October fundraising breakfast will be one for the record books and not forgotten any time soon. Breast cancer survivor Carla Mills inspired us all with her confronting, real and inspiring journey — there was not a dry eye in the house! All the ladies who attended dug deep and managed to raise over $8000 in raffle and auction money for charity. The Garden Kitchen and Bar was the most beautiful venue, fitting for a beautiful morning shared with friends. Images supplied by Nick Northcoat at Captivating Visuals
Because it’s all about colour Our fabulous new Summer range has arrived. The latest in Spanish and European designs
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Justin Wise and Gabriella Dudman
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leaders now and for the future.
2019 Scholarship Registration Open Now - 29 January 2018 Gold Coast, Queensland, 4214
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10 A.B. Paterson Drive, Arundel
Details at www.abpat.qld.edu.au Phone 07 5594 7947 Fax 07 5594 7650 Email 10 A.B. email@example.com Paterson Drive, Arundel Gold Coast, Queensland, 4214 Phone 07 5594 7947 Fax 07 5594 7650 www.abpat.qld.edu.au Email firstname.lastname@example.org November 2017
Brooke Musty, Edith Bentley, Erin Cronin and Cate Lawrie
Saint Stephen’s College formal
Royal Pines Resort Saturday, October 10, FORMAL 2015 SAINTRACVSTEPHEN'S COLLEGE
Photos by Anne Ballin - Tango Photography
Sea World Resort • Saturday 7 October 2017
Liam Raymond and Teiha Olsen
Jinny Le and Alec Seymour
Brendan Stewart and Sarah Clark Matthew Morby and Caitlin Sealey
Olivia Biviano and James Benadie
Brodie McFarland and Claire Wells
Saskia Geraghty and Brett Lowe
Teoni Norman Giudice and Shane Dwyer
Guy Jenetzki and Georgia Catalano
Owen Looney and Melitta Cardon-Smith
Harry Fry and Sarah Sherring
Jack Gilmour and Charlotte McNeill
Jordy Brunt and Chene Marx
Monami Tobiyama and Bailey Teague
Shané Strydom and Lucas Milne-Soberanas
Olivia Humphreys Sierra Brooks Ellen andO'Loughlin Hardus and ClintonTavier McCurry andTom Sullivan andOlivia Williams and Lauren Smithers and Shon Mori Nitz Emily Humphreys and Xavier Lyons Redlinghuys Jack Hawksley Marcus Pratt
Class of 2015
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GET IT I SOCIALS
LADIES EMPOWERING LUNCH Fun and colourful was the theme of this sold out lunch event held at The Boardwalk Tavern Hope Island. Ladies were treated to a Marina V Boutique parade showcasing the latest swimwear, day wear and evening wear. There were guest speakers on health and beauty, a mini makeover on a lucky guest and Dollores the medium answered questions about lives and passed loved ones. The day truly was all about women! Photography by Renee Bisley
Have you tried the Gold Coastâ€™s and Queenslandâ€™s top rated restaurant?
Ph: 07 5525 6006 136 Durnigan st Currumbin 4223 allurecurrumbin.com.au November 2017
GET IT I STARS
Get your horoscope About Cassandra Tyndall Cassandra is an avid professional astrologer, writer and teacher, based in Brisbane, Australia. Her interest in Astrology started when she was a child reading horoscopes in her mother's magazines. Known for her honesty, passion and insight, Cassandra offers consultations to people all over the globe. cassandratyndall.com H AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 A total of five planets illuminate your career sector this month. A new sense of optimism and inspiration may encourage you to strike out in a new direction, or find a role that feels more authentic. A colleague or friend may provide the support or information you need to move ahead with a new plan.
H SCORPIO October 23 – November 22 A new all-about-you cycle has begun. With five planets in your sign throughout the course of November, embracing healthy selfishness may be necessary. Listen to the stirrings of your soul and follow your heart. A New Moon on the 18th can help you plant seeds to begin the new you. A tricky link between your co-rulers may require a temporary compromise first. H SAGITTARIUS November 22 – December 22 This may be one of the quietest months you’ve experienced in some time as planets pile up in your private 12th house. The much-needed rest and retreat will help you refocus and recharge. Mercury will enter your sign from the 6th which may inspire your curiosity or help you discover a new perspective about what makes you tick. H CAPRICORN December 22 – January 20 Energy planet Mars charges through your career zone this month, helping you make progress. A link between Mars and Pluto in your sign may trigger power issues. Tact and diplomacy will keep the peace, and you might need to make a compromise. The 28th may bring a new piece of information out into the open.
H PISCES February 19 – March 20 Your quest for meaning and purpose may be inspired by continuing education or making plans to travel somewhere exotic. The New Moon on the 18th is an ideal time to put your plans into action. As planets pile up in your 9th sector, including your ruler Jupiter, you’ll be encouraged to tick off the items on your bucket list. H ARIES March 20 – April 19 The New Moon on the 18th aligns with planetary good guys Venus and Jupiter. This can assist you in starting fresh or getting the help and support you need regarding financial arrangements. Under the deep probing influence of Scorpio you might feel the need to dig deep and discover some powerful motivations that aren’t initially obvious. H TAURUS April 20 – May 21 The need to break free from routine and the way you’ve always gone about things will become important this month as your 7th house of relationships is heavily triggered. If you want to know something about someone, ask the question. Take a risk! The security you crave right now goes beyond the physical or the practical. H GEMINI May 21 – June 21 With many new and interesting opportunities coming your way now, your curious nature will want to say yes to all of them. Your best bet might be to consider taking a more strategic approach and remain focussed on your big
picture visions. It could be easy to mistake activity for achievement. Being too busy won’t leave time for fun, rest or relaxation! H CANCER June 21 – July 22 Your social life is set to receive a cosmic boost this November thanks to your ruler the Moon. The 4th and 18th are particularly active days where you may find yourself having to compromise or go with the flow. A link between Mars and Pluto suggests you may have to make a choice between love and romance and your obligations. H LEO July 22 – August 23 A potent planetary see-saw is triggered this month in your home and career sectors. Ambitious plans may need to temporarily be put on hold as you attend to family matters. If possible, outsource some tasks or work from home. The compromises you make may feel frustrating this month but will ease come December. H VIRGO August 23 - September 22 Home, family and your domestic scene begins a new and lengthy cycle from the 6th as Mercury enters your 4th sector. Thanks to a retrograde phase, plans and logistics involving your home or family members may have a stop-start feel to them. Keep your eye on the big picture as you tend to the details.
H LIBRA September 22 – October 23 A plot twist in a significant personal or professional relationship is possible this month. Issues around money and joint finance may prove to be a bone of contention. A decision can be reached on the 4th. You may be pushed to make a compromise around the 18th. Agreeing to disagree until you have more information is your best bet.
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ke it mAaGAME Sarah Blinco shares a novel strategy on how to lighten things up in the heat of the moment ast Friday night we decided to head to the pub after work. It had been a long week filled with an outstanding amount of stress — the special kind that you can’t wait to see the back of. My partner Cooper and I met at our local, and he had a large glass of white wine waiting for me. He’s a keeper. We had a nice chat over the first drink, but by the time we ordered a second, the conversation had shifted to recent tensions we’d been juggling until we — in the middle of a merry Friday night crowd — ended up sitting in irritated silence, angry at each other. I genuinely had no desire to play ‘that couple’ in the bar, and knew I needed to try something to turn it all around before Friday night was ruined entirely. Cooper took a bathroom break (I think!), and I swiftly retrieved notes I’d made on my phone at a workshop I’d attended, hosted by author and speaker Gabby Bernstein. Her presentation was titled, ‘How to transform fear into faith’ (in promotion of her new book, The Universe Has Your Back), and I hoped that maybe I had the foresight to take down nuggets of wisdom that would save us now. It wasn’t long before I scrolled upon an idea that might be worth a try. Maybe a little crazy, but Cooper would expect nothing less of me after 16 years. Gabby had told us a story about a game November 2017
between she and her husband. It can be played any time of day, in and outside of the bedroom. It’s not kinky (sorry, maybe next month), but it is clever. It’s the very simple ‘appreciation game’. They’ll practice it each day for a bit of fun, but critically it’s a tool to be called on during times like this. That is, tired arguments over finances, work stress and family pressures. You can probably guess how it works — you say something you appreciate about your partner, and they find something to say back. Do this back and forth for a bit, until eventually the mood lightens and often laughter ensues. Back to the bar though. Cooper seemed pretty mad. He sat down and I gave his arm a squeeze, saying, ‘I appreciate that your heart is in the right place’. He rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what I was up to (I’d told him about the Gabby session, he appreciates that I love her). Trying to stay stern, he managed, ‘I appreciate that your hair looks pretty’. OK, I thought, that’s a start.‘I appreciate the omelette you made for me at breakfast,’ (he’s proud of his cooking). A smaller eye-roll and a reluctant smile this time, before he replied, ‘I appreciate that you’re kind’. Progress! From hair to kindness, he was playing along. In other words, trying too. We bantered back and forth with this 50
It’s not KINKY (sorry, maybe next month), but it is CLEVER. It’s the very simple ‘appreciation game'. until inevitably Cooper said he appreciates something that I can’t write about here, and then there was laughter. No side of Friday night guilt or grudges to go. We left the pub, and our issues remained there too. We all get into tense conversations, at work, with parents, siblings, friends and loved ones. That’s life, and most often it’s not personal. Tensions usually stem from stress and underneath it all, fear. Even the most light-hearted among us can snap when we are already under pressure. It’s not always easy, or possible, but I’ve found that it’s a real gift to know about compassionate life hacks like this — strategies that help us more swiftly shake the drama that simply does not serve us. There you have it, the appreciate game. You don’t need props, just a deep breath or two. It’s not wild and sexy, but you will feel better for playing. Get it girl Sarah Blinco is a business communications professional. She blogs about life, travel and digital media at travellivelearn.com and @sarahblinco on Instagram.
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