CHAPTER 8 – How to understand each other

HOW TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER

CHAPTER 8

The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.

One of the most profound experiences we can have in our lives is the connection we have with other human beings. Positive and supportive relationships will help us feel healthier, happier, and more satisfied with our lives.

One of the biggest challenges we face in relationships is that we are all different. We can perceive the world in many ways. The stumbling block we certainly encounter when trying to build relationships is the desire or expectation that people think like us and that way it is so much easier to build a relationship.

We feel more comfortable when we feel that people « understand » us and see our point of view.

Life, however, would be very boring if we were all the same, and although we would find, it was easier initially, the novelty of the similarity would quickly wear off. So, accepting and celebrating that we are all different is a great place to start.

To do this, listening is a crucial skill to build another person's self-esteem, in order to start getting to know them.

This quiet form of flattery makes people feel supported and valued. Listening and understanding what others are communicating to us is the most important part of a successful interaction on both sides.

Active or reflective listening is the most useful and important listening skill. In active listening, we must genuinely wish to understand what the other person is thinking, feeling, and wishing for, or simply, the meaning of the message.

Then, we must validate our understanding of the facts and the feelings expressed before responding with our own new message.

One way to ensure understanding is to reiterate or paraphrase our understanding of the message and return it to the sender for verification.

This process of checking or feedback is what sets active listening apart and makes it effective.

Listening is also about giving people enough time to interact with you. We live in a world where time is of the essence, and we all try to fit in more than one life and for most of us we don't always have the time to give to our loved ones, friends, and co-workers.

Additionally, technology has somewhat eroded our ability to build meaningful relationships.

Being present in your time with people is also important, so that when you're with someone, you're really with someone and not dwelling on the past or the future.

The connection we make with others is the stumbling block of our existence, and devoting time, energy, and effort to developing and building relationships is one of life's most valuable skills.

Communication happens when someone understands you, not just when you talk. One of the greatest dangers of communication is that we can work on the assumption that the other person has understood the message we are trying to convey.

Poor communication can lead to a culture of backstabbing and blame, which in turn can affect our stress levels, especially when we don't understand something, or feel they have been misled. It can also have a positive effect on morale when it works well and motivates individuals to be proactive.

Communicating is also managing mobile technology. Nowadays, almost everyone has a mobile phone, and many people even have two or more.

While they are a lifesaver in an emergency and an effective communication tool, they can also be a complete distraction when people show a lack of mobile phone etiquette.

Learn how to give and receive feedback. Feedback, in my opinion, is the food of progress, and while it may not always be delicious, it can be very good for you.

The ability to provide constructive feedback to others helps them tap into their personal potential and can help forge positive and mutually beneficial relationships.

From your point of view, any feedback you receive is free information that you can choose to include or not. It can help tap into your personal potential and provide you with a different perspective.