EMBRACE YOUR EVOLUTION

Take the example of timing. Maybe you want to postpone a research paper because deep down you're worried that you won't write it as well as you hoped.

You know, writing it at the last minute, won't help quality, but it will give you control over that outcome because you chose to write it at the last minute.

It can also happen in relationships. Opening up to someone emotionally can feel extremely vulnerable.

By keeping things in, you hold what seems to have the upper hand. But in the end, you don't reap the rewards of building intimacy by not sharing your vulnerabilities.

EMBRACE YOUR EVOLUTION

Behaviors that have worked for you in the past usually don't help you once your circumstances change. In fact, they often cause harm. But you keep doing them because they've already worked well for you.

The good news is that self-sabotage patterns can be disrupted with a little effort.

It's not always easy to examine your actions deeply enough to notice patterns of self-sabotage.

Admitting that we sabotage ourselves is painful. No one is rushing to that conclusion. We tend to avoid it for as long as possible until we have no choice but to face it.

If you feel comfortable examining your behavior for factors, it helps to examine situations in your life where things seem to be going wrong on a regular basis.

Are there any common factors that stand out?

For example, maybe you pull away from a relationship once your partner says, I love you, starting to look for futile arguments. Or maybe you usually quit your job just before the annual review.

Find out what triggers these situations. Once you figure out how you're sabotaging yourself, take note.

What makes you feel compelled to act?

Perhaps an angry tone in the voice of your partner, boss, or co-worker reminds you of a shouting match in your youth. Or maybe you withdraw into yourself, even though that anger is not directed at you.

It is also suggested to observe other triggers that often set in motion selfsabotaging behaviors, such as boredom, fear, or when things are going well.

Practicing mindfulness or becoming non-judgmentally aware of your presentmoment thoughts and behaviors can also help.

Whenever you discover a trigger, try to find an interesting reaction or two to replace that self-sabotaging behavior.

Train yourself to be comfortable with failure. It is normal to fear rejection, failure, and other emotional pain. These things aren't usually fun to deal with, so you need to take steps to avoid them.

This becomes problematic when the actions you take involve self-sabotage. You may avoid unwanted experiences, but you may also miss out on things you really want, like strong relationships, close friends, or career opportunities.

To manage this fear, strive to accept the realities of failure and pain. This is a difficult task, and it will not happen overnight.

Start small by trying to recognize the next setback, whether it's a relationship that's soured or an opportunity for advancement you might miss at work.

Maybe the end of that relationship means you can finally start a new relationship, or a missed work opportunity means you'll have a little more free time to get back to your hobbies.

If you notice certain situations keep popping up in your relationships, talk about them with people you trust.

Also, you could try telling your partner that you want the relationship to work, but you are afraid it will fail.

If you seem to be closing in on yourself or pulling away, it's because you're worried about losing her. Mention that you're trying to get by, but you don't want it to sound as if you don't care, in the meantime.

Another tip is to simply talk out loud to yourself when you're alone, this will help put the self-sabotage situation you're concerned about, into perspective.

This could cause this action, not to occur. Also, the result of this reflection certainly can become a powerful learning experience in a precarious situation and thus put you on the avoidance path of self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage can occur when looking for a way out. It is important to identify what you really want. Ordinarily, self-sabotaging behavior suggests that something in your life is not working for you.

Getting to know yourself better and exploring what you really want out of life can help prevent this kind of self-sabotage. It's not enough to know what you want; you also need to respect and support yourself enough to work for it.

It's not always easy to recognize and stop certain self-sabotaging behaviors, especially in situations that you've been inflicting on yourself for years.

If your efforts to rectify certain behaviors have worked for a while or simply have not worked, it is suggested that you seek help. Therapy may be a good option.

There is no shame in needing professional support. Therapy can be particularly useful for self-sabotage, as at some point you might even unwittingly begin to sabotage the therapy process.