The Talon

THE PERFECT GIFTS TO UNWRAP CHRISTMAS MORNING

Words Rob Shelton

Reindeer Games

Graphic by Alexa Georgelos

It’s the time of year for reindeer games, so we encourage all to be responsible citizens and be on the lookout for these shenanigans. Don’t interfere unless you witness the pervasive reindeer prejudice of not letting those members who are different join in any reindeer games. Those reindeer with a red nose—those who have a very shiny nose (some would even say it glows)—are particularly singled out for this embarrassing practice. If you help the others see the error of their ways, then how the reindeer will love him (and you) and perhaps even shout out with glee. Perhaps even you will go down in history.

Christmas Book Ideas for Teachers

Mrs. Greenlees: Chicken Parts for the Soul: Inspiring Stories of Innards and Gizzards

Mr. Johnson: Shut Up and Go Away: Random Reasons to Hate Anyone

Ms. Daniels: Draygons, Waygons and Swayg: Fun With the Minnesota Accent

Mr. Milam: Beyond the Pocket Protector: The Key to Being Nerdier than All of Your Nerdiest Students

Mr. Naiser: Being Too Nice: How to Make Students Think You Like Them

Graphic by Alexa Georgelos

Mr. Graham: Zero Tolerance: Keys to Crushing your Enemies (for Jesus)

Mrs. Short: Jonah: Jonah

Mr. Russell: [No book gift ideas—he doesn’t like to read.]

Mr. Southwick: Home Again: How to Flee California (Twice)

Mrs. Ward: A Waste of Time: Telling the Right Students that It Doesn’t Matter How Many Times They Visit Your Office, They Are Not Going to Get into College

Mr. Poole: Get a Life: Why Middle Earth isn’t Real and Tolkien was a Poser

Miss Jacobson: The Big Book of Insults: Snappy Phrases Sure to Make Everyone Uneasy

Graphics Alexa Georgelos

Layout Alexa Georgelos