Volume 30 Issue 8

an alternative voice since 1984

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Who’s having a baby?

It’s powder time Dream On

Table of Contents

5 EIC Letter 7 Agenda, Hit/BS 8 Life With Lee Celebrity Obssessions 9 Star War

Episode VII: Chill Your Ton Ton 10 Colbert and Stewart

A Highly Influential Life, Indeed 11 “I Have a Dream”

50 years later 15 He Said/She Said

On the Road Edition 16 Apocalyspe Eventually

Will you be ready?

18 Buffalo Boarding

Snowboarding Season 19 Winter Fashion

What will UB wear?

20 Short Story

Boy 21 Poetry

“First” 22 Parting Shots

Sperm Donation Anyone?

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10 Cover designed by Melissa Osterweil and Emily Butler, cover photo by Ally Balcerzak, photo source from all credits goes to respective photographer. http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=829203, http:// www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&tbo=d&biw=1732&bih=836&tbm=isch&tbnid=C-GJ_WaWGzT-vM:&imgrefurl=http://www.flicksandbits.com/2012/09/13/debut-trailer-for-the-guillermo-del-toro-producedmama-starring-jessica-chastain-nikolaj-coster-waldau/31350/mama-image-,http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&tbo=d&biw=1732&bih=836&tbm=isch&tbnid=peZYxjOo6OEnaM:&imgrefurl=http://www. bostoneventguide.com/hubcrawl/enter-the-haggis-at-the-middle, http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&tbo=d&biw=1732&bih=836&tbm=isch&tbnid=74pD7qGlJnYqtM:&imgrefurl=http://98country.com/ yes-colbert-and-stewart-have-been Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporation at the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine.

Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephoane numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260.

Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e-mailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2011 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000. ≠≠≠

Editor’s Letter N

ormally when I sit down to write this letter there is something going on in the world that I feel a need to give my opinion on. But here we are, the first month of 2013, and the only semi-interesting, non-politically charged, things going on are classes starting, New Year’s resolutions, and on a personal level, the final semester of my undergrad education. Now, if I felt like being cliché and narcissistic, I would bore you all to tears with that last option, but even I can’t come up with 800 words on it. As for the other two, they have already been beaten to death via Facebook posts, Tweets, and Yahoo and frankly I don’t want to go near them.

So what do I write about? I could sit here and provide some sort of insight into dressing appropriately for Buffalo winters, or even driving in snow, but considering the grass is visible that seems pointless. One of my friends suggested I come up with tips to doing better in classes this semester; but any tip I have would be useless to anyone outside of the English department.

Change is something we can’t avoid, whether we want things to change or not. It is a part of growing up, and as we experience life, things around us begin to appear different. Suddenly the friends you made at orientation are no longer pulling pranks on their neighbors; instead they have traded in their water balloons for GMAT and MCAT study books. You’re able to pass your first love in the union without feeling as though you’ve been punched in the gut and when you walk into classes you are finally able to name people sitting there.

I’d like to believe that not much about my UB experience can change in this last semester, but I know that’s not true. Every day on campus brings a new adventure whether it happens while I’m sitting in class or in the Generation office. After seven semesters here you’d think I’d be tired of change, but to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The funny thing is, I have a list of possible topics on my phone. Anytime something strikes me as interesting or entertaining it goes into a note so that when writer’s block hits I can bust it out and call it a day. However, most of those topics don’t seem appropriate for my first letter of the new year. I keep going back to the idea that I should write something profound and worthwhile even though what I really want to do is tell you about how my roommate and I are in a constant debate over whether or not we should get a cat.

While this cat topic is entertaining to me, I highly doubt anyone really cares whether or not we get an adorable little furball (clearly I am pro-cat). So once again I find myself sitting here, staring at my laptop, at a loss for words. Then again, maybe that is exactly what I should be writing about: my loss of words.

Happy changing!

Ally Balcerzak

A year ago, it was impossible to make me shut up. Anytime I had an opinion on something I shared it with the world whether it wanted to hear it or not. But even in the short timeframe of 365 days, I managed to learn that there is a time and place for every comment, and sometimes that place is forever in your own head.

I’ve changed a lot over the course of seven semesters of college. The person I was when I arrived as a naïve freshman makes me cringe when I look back. If I could, I’d go back in time and tell young me not to associate with certain people, to spend more time studying, and to spend a few less hours working. But then again, hindsight is 20/20, and if I actually changed the past, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today.

It’s funny how much people change in college, or even over the course of a single semester. It seems like at the end of every year I find myself sitting with my friends, chatting about things we’ve done, and at the end I can’t help but wonder where we’ll be in another twelve months.

When I started college I never imagined to be working on a magazine or to have gone Greek.

In a few short months I’ll be off to law school and it’s not even worth it to try and guess what things will be like then.

Generation Staff 2013 Editor in Chief Ally Balcerzak

Assistant Creative Director Emily Butler

Copy Editor Lee Auslander

Circulation Director Carlton Brock

Managing Editor Keighley Farrell

Photo Editor Dinorah Santos

Business Manager Brian Kalish

Creative Director Melissa Osterweil

Web Editor Gabrielle Gosset

Associate Editors Laura Borschel Carlton Brock Paul Stephan

Ad Manager Jessica Bornes

HIRING CIRCULATION DIRECTOR

Job entails distributing Generation Magazine to various locations around campus.

Email: ubgeneration@gmail.com

AGENDA

HIT

OR

T I H S L L BU Trillion Dollar Coin

Mama: January 18th

A movie about evil little girls, raised in the woods, haunted by the ghost of their mother. What’s not to like.

There’s another debt ceiling fight coming up, and some commentators want Obama to sidestep Congressional Republicans with a trillion dollar coin. The treasury can legally mint a coin of any denomination, walk it over to the Federal Reserve (who will offset it by selling bonds so that it doesn’t cause inflation), and use it to pay the government’s bills. What would we put on such a coin?

Maybe Dick Cheney’s quote, “Deficits don’t matter.”

HIT

Lack of Bidets at UB

One of our associate editors recently had the pleasure of using a bidet, and it was, by all accounts, magical. Why can’t we have these at UB? With so many international students, you would think we’d be more worldly. And nothing says “academic excellence” like a bidet.

BULLSHIT

Friends coming back together Enter the Haggis January 27, 7:00, Shannon Pub

Canadian band Enter the Haggis will be performing at the Shannon Pub on Niagara Falls Boulevard. The band combines Celtic music, folk music, indie, and rock to create an orgasmic musical show.

Vacation being over sucks, we leave home, start school again and have the dreaded homework. But hey at least we get to see our friends again, maybe there’ll be a party or twelve this semester. It’s never a bad occasion when you see everyone you were missing, even if there’s a mountain of homework behind you.

14 Years

HIT

1999 A senior was in third grade, Star Wars Episode One was a brand new movie, Family Guy was in it’s first season. Gameboy Color was all the rage; Internet Explorer 5 was brand new. It was the year of Myspace. It’s also the last time the Buffalo Bills went to the playoffs. Oh well better luck next year.

Hopefully the new coach works out.

BULLSHIT

The 30%

The number of Americans who think that homosexuality is a sin has drastically decreased to 37%. Which really just means roughly 1 in 3 people are closet cases. Forget a solid 10% of people are queer; it’s looking more like 30% of Americans.

NRA January 29th is the 50th anniversary of Robert Frost’s The Who doesn’t need an automatic weapon? death. To those who love the late poet, it is a good day to celebrate how Frost would, with heavy drinking and borderline alcoholism.

HIT

Why even have routine background checks? Certainly with the inevitable zombie apocalypse these should be things of the past.

BULLSHIT

Life With Lee

Important lessons brought to you by our favorite Long Island Jew

Celebrity Obssessions

T

his break, I decided that I was going to pay more attention to the news. An admirable goal for the New Year, I think, since I hadn’t during the semester. Reading articles on the internet seemed better than watching the news, mostly because I don’t have the patience to sit through endless commercials about online dating, various medications I should ask my doctor about, or how to get the London look (thanks Rimmel, but I’ll never look like that). But instead of irritating commercials, I encountered another annoying thing while browsing news articles.

singer or a band. I understand liking how an actor acts, his methods, a singer’s voice or a band’s sound or a musical artist’s songwriting. But it is the fascination with these people’s lives that is baffling. We are a celebrity-obsessed culture and it’s pathetic.

I apologize to anyone who has a fascination with celebrity gossip, but I think it is stupid. Yes, I said it. Stupid. Maybe at first it was fine to ask a celebrity if she’s married or if he has kids. But now, every move of these people is being documented and written about as if it were a worthy news

I learned that Kim Kardashian is having a baby with Kanye West. I learned that Hilary Duff lost her baby weight (I didn’t even know that Miss Lizzie McGuire had a baby). Justin Bieber has a new tattoo. Jessica Simpson is pregnant (again, apparently). Megan Fox quit Twitter.

I learned all these life-changing things by just viewing the homepages of MSN, CNN or Yahoo. Some headlines were specifically under the entertainment section, while others, namely the new Kardashian spawn, were news highlights. I didn’t look for this information; I looked for what’s happening in the world. Instead, stories such as the ones listed above were featured. That’s not to say I couldn’t find world news, but these ‘news stories’ shouldn’t be highlights. They shouldn’t even be considered major news. Even if you don’t want to know about these people, you can’t avoid it because it’s the first thing you see when you open Yahoo. It’s all you see on the pages of magazines when you’re waiting in line at Wegman’s.

As a Media Study major, I love movies; I love watching and critiquing them. I love watching the behind-the-scenes stuff, hearing the director’s and actors’ commentary and watching hilarious bloopers. I’m not as big of a music buff but I have friends who are. So yes, I understand loving an actor or a

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Article By: Lee Auslander

After realizing this, I decided to actually read some of the articles on Yahoo’s omg! page, which is the celebrity ‘section.’

Why it exists is astounding. The children of celebrities are a major fascination because they are just that: the children of celebrities. Infants are being placed on magazines because of their parentage. People are obsessed with celebrities to the point that by default the children must be equally fascinating.

Articles that ask which is the best-dressed child of a celebrity have photos that no one seems to care are taken by paparazzi who stalk for the best shot. Are you looking for fashion advice from a 6 year old? Also, don’t most parents dress their children? How is a young child considered best dressed? Does Suri have her own stylist?

After looking at Yahoo’s first disaster, I ventured into the most horrible of places relating to celebrity gossip. Yes, that means tweens and teens. I decided to click on an article describing Taylor Swift’s breakup with one of the guys from One Direction (They all look the same to me). The content in the article was so detailed that I wonder if a reporter stalked them for the information or is just making this up to feed the tween fans.

I’m inclined to believe the latter because the comments section was a field day of different comments. “HAYLOR FOREVER OMG I LOVE THEM SO TRAGIC” or “Harry is mine! I love him so much I have like a million posters of him and a cardboard cutout which I kiss every night OMG LOVE HIM back off taylor love harry!!!111!!!” were among my favorites.

If you have a cardboard cutout of your favorite celebrity, fine, but I really hope it doesn’t scare your significant other that you are obsessed. And if you don’t have a significant other then maybe you should stop kissing the cardboard cutout and find someone real to kiss.

story. And now, the definition of celebrity has broadened into anyone who is famous. Which means, yes, the cast of Jersey Shore, Honey Boo-Boo and her darling family, and all of those Housewives of X city have the media running in circles around them. MSN seemed to love documenting every aspect of Snooki’s pregnancy. I’m surprised that People didn’t write that the baby was fist bumping in utero.

I’m all for being interested in movies, music, fashion, or whatever you like. But when you follow someone’s life religiously, it’s like stalking. Just because celebrities are famous doesn’t mean everyone wants to know whenever they have a ‘bun in the oven’ (that phrase needs to be abolished) or when they went on a walk. But maybe we’re just too used to following people’s lives. Facebook stalking is practically an art-form for some people.

STAR WARS Article By: Carlton N. Brock III

Episode VII: Chill Your Ton Ton

N

ot so long ago. In this very galaxy. The empire overwhelmingly gained control of a source of great pride amongst citizens of Earth both young and old. Yes, Disney purchased Lucas Films for 4.06 billion dollars.

Which means, as of October 30th, Disney now owns all of Lucas Films’ properties including Indiana Jones, and yes, Star Wars.

The Internet proceeded to explode into millions of opinions regarding the subject. Pictures of Mickey Mouse as a Jedi or Princess Leia standing next to the Disney Princesses began cropping up. And for an extremely brief moment there was peace among the general body of Star Wars fans. Unfortunately, that peace only lasted as long as it took for George Lucas to sign the contract into existence.

Soon afterward the fans grew unwary.

Arguments ranging from the classic, “Disney ruins everything,” to, “Now Mickey Mouse will be in everything Star Wars,” to the always entertaining, “Whhhhhhyyyyyyyy?” popped up in comment sections on computer screens everywhere.

Some of the arguments were unfounded regarding this deal as 20th Century Fox still retains distribution rights to the first two trilogies until 2020 and will retain permanent distribution rights to the original movie, Episode IV: A New Hope forever. In addition, Paramount will retain rights to Indiana Jones until 2020 and new movies in that franchise will only be made if deals can be reached between Paramount and Disney. Which means, no, Disney will not be able to commit sacrilege against Star Wars fans everywhere by placing a mouse on the Death Star or any other random Internet speculation that somehow managed to gain traction with Star Wars fans. The only thing that would have angered premature haters of the deal would be if they announced another movie. That was their next announcement.

New Star Wars movies will be released periodically, starting with Episode VII in 2015. If the fans were in one collective area and able to start widespread riots, fires, looting and vandalism, they might have. The comments stated previously in this article became very tame as compared to some of the things that could be seen on fan forums and comment sections on news sites everywhere. Most of the same type of unfounded random speculation followed, and continues to this day.

be specifically for adults as noted by the franchise’s lack of an R-rated film, limited use of blood, and dancing aliens. These films were made to grow up with. But even with those clear arguments the antiDisney sentiment continues. Disney does have a history of producing films of more mature subject matter notably the Pirates of the Caribbean and the Sex in the City franchises, which were both commercial and critical successes.

Continuing with the idea of franchises most arguments against Disney should be nullified by the recent treatment of the Marvel franchise which last year created a worldwide phenomenon with The Avengers. The movie itself grossed 1.5 billion dollars making it a commercial success and was widely a critical success to boot. In 2009, when Disney purchased Marvel, fans of Marvel were in a similar uproar.

And while not quite as vocal as fans of the Star Wars franchise, the Marvel reaction was similarly reactive instead of proactive.

However, on the other side of the argument is the fact that Star Wars originals Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford have come out not only in support of the new films but open to the idea of reprising their roles as Luke and Leia Skywalker and Han Solo, from the first trilogy. Michael Arndt, an Academy Awardwinning writer is in charge of the screenplay.

People angry that Disney is producing have generally taken to the argument that Disney’s general demographic is still too young to vote. This is not necessarily a bad thing. The films according to George Lucas on multiple occasions were never meant to

The last remaining qualm about the creation of new movies is the fact that George Lucas would not be directing them. This argument is also invalid; the fact of the matter is that Lucas himself has said on multiple occasions that he was retiring in 2012 after the February release of Red Tails. In that same year he had announced prior to the Disney deal, that the steps were being taken to create another Star Wars movie. People didn’t react negatively until Disney got involved.

For all its worth we’re getting new, original, Star Wars movies. We could get new Indiana Jones movies, not to mention all new takes on Lucas Films property.

A Star Wars themed land at Disney World, maybe that long rumored live TV show. So chill your TonTon and wait to see what happens before you pass judgment.

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PULSE

A Highly Influential Life, Indeed.

Article By: Paul Stephan

T

he Daily Show’s second episode of 2013 was dedicated to the topic of gun violence. The show’s host Jon Stewart has admitted having trouble as a comedian discussing grave topics on his show, but this time around his delivery was spot-on. There was plenty of laughter from the audience, as usual, and yet the episode offered one of the most intelligent and cogent discussions on the topic of gun control following December’s Sandy Hook shooting.

That show exemplifies Jon Stewart’s blessing and his curse. He will insist he’s nothing more than a comedian, using the political world only as a source of humor.

Yet it’s obvious he strives for so much more. Stewart already is a respected voice in politics; for many, he’s a primary news source. How he toes the line between comedian and pundit sheds much light on both Stewart himself and the nature of American politics.

Whenever Jon Stewart is asked about a controversial statement, or when he’s confronted with a political view he’s previously stated, he falls back on a common refrain: I’m just a comedian. My show is on Comedy Central. I’m not responsible for non-biased, objective journalism because that’s not my line of work.

This is only partly true. The Daily Show is, first and foremost, a comedy show. But Stewart’s work extends far beyond jocular commentary. In 2010 (the weekend before the mid-term elections, probably not coincidentally), Stewart and his longtime faux sparring partner Stephen Colbert hosted the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in Washington, DC. While the event read like a comedy and music sketch show, Stewart ended with a twelve-minute monologue explaining why he held the event and what he felt is wrong with our

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country. That’s hardly a comedian’s role.

To a certain extent, any commentary on politics will have to become ideological. Discussing politics, in a comedic setting or otherwise, for hours every week without inserting one’s own political views would be impossible.

And so Stewart tries to balance between humorist and pundit. He probably faces a lot of internal turmoil about this balance, but it’s worth noting how successful he’s been in what he does. Among comedians and talking heads alike, he attracts outsize notice and influence. Western history has its fair share of ideologues disguised as comedians, but we seem particularly receptive to Jon Stewart’s brand now. Why is that?

The main reason, I believe, is our thorough distrust of the political sphere. We’re a long way away from the Ancient Athenian ideal of noble political life where every land-owning man takes part in the fair and just democratic process. We’re also far away from Obama’s politics of change, when we believed Washington’s broken system could be quickly fixed. We see politics as a dirty business that soils everyone involved. Americans picked Member of Congress as the second most dishonest profession listed in a recent Gallup poll, behind only used car salesman. Many of us have come to accept the idea that a certain amount of dishonesty is a necessary trait for effecting political change.

It’s not just politicians, either. In a recent Gallup poll, more Americans believe the media is biased or has a partisan agenda than at any time since polling for this question began in 1998.

There’s been a popular backlash against this perceived general lack of integrity. Particularly for those on the far left and right, this has come in the form of a “throw the bums out” mentality. The Tea Party movement, for instance, was in many ways an antiincumbent, anti-status quo phenomenon. Occupy Wall Street was its liberal equivalent, marked by disdain for all politicians, who members of the movement believe work to perpetuate economic inequality and injustice.

Though they agree on almost nothing, what the Tea Party and Occupy Wall Street share is a feeling of disenchantment with politicians and media.

Pundits like Jon Stewart (though there’s no one out there quite like him) have used comedy to respond to our country’s distrust of the political realm. In The Daily Show, he criticizes both parties (though mostly Republicans) and all media outlets. He chastises their dishonesty, and is especially harsh on those who make trivial matters seem monumental and vice versa.

Yet he’s far from the first person to criticize the political class outright, or to use comedy as a medium to express his views. Why is he so admired then?

Because he’s a hero. When people feel screwed by the system, they look to those who have stood firmly against it. When the whole world seems conspired against what is good, they look for someone who will brashly disown it. Jon Stewart has done what few others can claim to do; he has consistently criticized the powers-that-be in a way that is pointed and intelligent and salient. In that sense, he is, for many, a beacon of truth in a world of bullshit. And as weird as it sounds, when we want a hero, we look to Jon Stewart.

MLK PULSE

T

his year is the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous “I Have a Dream” speech. This is the moment that history remembers most when speaking about the Civil Rights Movement. America has changed for the better as a result King’s work and the work of his contemporaries, including Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, and Bayard Rustin, among others.

Years later, we celebrate Martin Luther King Day and spend the month of February celebrating Black History. But is that everything that Dr. King wanted?

Now that segregation is over, are we finished with the fight for equality? Has the dream ended?

That answer is complicated. It’s more complicated than saying, “well, we’re no longer segregated so the dream is good.” It’s much more complicated than celebrating a holiday, or taking a month to remember that George Washington Carver, the black man who invented peanut butter thanks to a bump between commercials on ABC.

The fact of the matter is that America as a country has come very far from where we were in

the sixties. But the dream doesn’t end just because I can take a dump in the same bathroom as any other guy reading this. Far from it. The fact of the matter is blacks, among other minorities, are still seen as stigmatized in America. Statistically there are more minorities living in poverty and in jails than their white counterparts. Regardless of your opinions about how to solve the problem, the problem was there when Martin Luther King was standing at the Washington Monument that faithful day. If the dream is complete why is that still an issue?

We can’t have finished the dream if there is still a stigma against blacks in America; and even worse, within their own community, my own community.

It’s acceptable to be black, but if you are black you cannot be “too black,” or “ghetto,” or my new favorite, “ratchet.” You can’t get respect in community if you’re “too black.” In the same vein, it’s more acceptable to be “too black” than to be “not black enough,” or “too white.” It’s almost as if being black and attempting to be successful makes a person an Oscar-worthy actor. The dream

will never be complete until a person of any race or gender can listen to both Wu Tang and Carly Rae Jespen without being judged.

The problem with that is it’s not just an outside thing; it’s an internal issue. Blacks can’t accept the stereotypes when used by blacks and then be enraged by them otherwise. The same argument can be seen

Hearing people say the dream is finished is an especially ridiculous thing given that we live in a world where inequality is widely seen as normal. In parts of Zimbabwe, for example, the issue of racism is still a major factor in every day life where white Africans are widely seen as the enemy and can be killed just for being alive.

Or the fact that gays, like racial minorities, are stigmatized and treated unfairly across the world, and in some places more so than any minority. In present-day American television it is unlikely to go a week without seeing an anti-bullying campaign. Those campaigns alone show that there is still work needed on Dr. King’s message of love and equality.

For all that still needs to be

Article By: Carlton N. Brock III

done, there really has been a vast amount of progress. Minorities are steadily rising in political activity; youth and minority votes heavily influenced the last two presidential elections.

We as a country have elected a Black president, twice. We have a female, Latina Supreme Court Justice. There are more women and minorities in college among our generation than there ever were in Dr. King’s time. There are more laws in America to protect our human rights than there were previously.

The dream is far from over. It never really will be over, that’s why it’s called “the dream,” not “the goal.” Dreams are malleable; they can be shifted for the mindset of the dreamer. A goal is something with a finite start and finish. And while Dr. King was the original dreamer, he has passed his dream to all of us and fifty years later we can see how it has changed. And just like Dr. King took it upon himself to make the dream a reality in his lifetime, we all need to take it upon our selves to make the dream a reality for our generation and future generations.

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G N I R I H

ASSISTANT AD MANAGER

n o i t a c i l p Ap

O I B S n i s

1 4 3 m o o R : e c fi f

He Said She Said Article By: Paul Stephan and Laura Borschel

We were on a road trip while writing the column for this week, and so we decided to answer questions about being on the road. Enjoy.

I always want to pick up hitchhikers, but my mom says I’ll wind up in little pieces in a gym bag. What should I do?

HS: I know how you feel. I always get emails from Nigerian princes with great financial opportunities.

Do what I do: Think about it for a minute, mutter to yourself, “seems legit,” and pick them up. On a side note, my bank account is empty. I’m not sure why.

SS: Obviously you should do your duty as an American citizen and pick up these white huddled masses from western Europe that are yearning to breathe free. If you see any minorities do not pick them up (or at least force them to sit in the back of your car), because it would be against everything America is against.

I’m from Canada and I’ve never been to an American truck stop before. What can I expect?

HS: First off, you better be here legally. Also, what’s up with your mounties? Are they real? I feel like your mounties are weak and flaccid compared to our American police. Say hi to Nickelback for me.

SS: Well, for starters, you can expect real green money with a nice generic old white guy on it, not the weird rainbow shit you have.

On the Road Edition.

where there’s no open container law, and throw back a 40 while you’re going 40 over the speed limit. What could go wrong?

SS: Usually, I like to keep a spare softball bat in my trunk. Nothing is more threatening to most people than an angry lesbian with sports equipment.

I recently had a terrible ordeal in a public bathroom involving dental floss, fecal matter, and what I thought was toilet paper. What can I do to make my experience more pleasurable for both him and her?

HS: Wow. That was too much information and not enough at the same time. My advice is to never ever ever go back to a public bathroom. Like, ever.

SS: Ok, do what my mom did when I was little, layer the toilet seat in several layers of toilet paper; it will totally help shield you from any disease you could get from a toilet seat including, but not limited to: AIDS, the herps, the clap, hoof and mouth disease, and erectile dysfunction.

How do you deal with road rage?

What should I do if a street worker approaches me? I don’t want to be rude and decline their offer, how do I let them down gently?

HS: Did you know that it’s illegal to turn left in New Jersey? True story. It’s also illegal to pump your own gas. But what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, road rage. Here’s what you do: Drive to Connecticut

HS: “Street Worker” is degrading. I much prefer to use the term “Call Girl.” I also like the word “prostitute,” because it has the word “pro” in it, as in, “There are many pros to using a prostitute.” It also contains the

word “tit.” Hee hee.

SS: “Street Workers” actually prefer the name “hooker,” I know this from watching a lot of Law and Order: SVU in my nice sheltered suburban home.

Since I am highly educated on this topic, what you should do, is to treat them like sexual objects who are not people. After all, if Law and Order has taught me anything, it’s that hookers are two dimensional people who are raging stereotypes.

Does anyone take a bath in hotels?

HS: Dude, I heard about this guy who took a bath in Florida and then ate a guy’s face.

SS: That is question I often ask myself when I stay at a hotel. Usually, I find that it’s the same type of people who drink at hotel bars.

What kind of people drink at a hotel bar?

HS: These are people who normally drink a lot already.

They’re younger than average, maybe college age.

They have jobs that aren’t real jobs, like writing for a university magazine. Male, 21 years old, brown hair, mildly to extremely attractive, loves long walks on the beach, animals, and talking about his feelings. They can usually be contacted at paulstep@buffalo.edu.

SS: Alcoholics and men who are on “business trips” away from their wives. They also may say that they enjoy long walks on the beach, are mildly to extremely attractive, loves to talk about their feelings, and other fake activities that no one really does “cause chicks love that stuff.”

Send your questions to ubgeneration@gmail.com!

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“APOC ALYPS E EVENT U A How t L L o be Y , r e it RE a dy wh A LLY g e n oes d own”

E

Article By: Keighley Farrell xtra, extra! Read all about it! Right before the supposed Mayan Apocalypse everyone basically says, “Oops, our bad!” and decides it’s just the end of the calendar, not the end of the world!

What an absolutely unpredictable plot twist: you are currently reading a magazine, and may I add, WITHOUT burning in the raging infernos of our roasty toasty hell planet.

In the weeks leading up to the big 12/21/12 Mayan Apocalypse scare, it was easy to see most of us starting to get a little bit hectic. We were all nervously wiping our brows and loosening our collars, wondering whether or not it was the time to start checking off our outrageous bucket lists before the Earth cracked open and swallowed us whole. We accepted “YOLO” as our motto and tried to continue on with a simultaneous nonbeliever’s cynicism and a “no regrets” adventurism. And as the day ticked nearer, we all wondered whether or not the weather was just Buffalo’s usual torture, or if maybe the capricious days of sun then sleet then rain were trying to tell us something… something SCARY.

into actual collapse and possible mushroom clouds, this editor is left with a great deal of apprehension.

My biggest worries can be summed up in a seemingly simple question:

Were any of us REALLY ready for the 2012 Apocalypse?

Yeah, we all (for the most part) knew it wasn’t really going to happen. We probably would have seen signs of a crumbling planet far before that faithful judgment day. But in the event that the clock struck midnight on December 21st and, from just beyond the Facebook logo in the left corner of your computer screen, you looked out the window and DID happen to see the hoard of zombies, robots, mutant ostriches and resurrected disciples riding waves of fire up to your front door, would you be ready?

I’ll tell you one thing, I sure as hell wouldn’t be, and that’s pretty scary.

Turns out they weren’t.

Unfortunately for some of us (I’m looking at you, credit-card maxer-outers), we survived the great and terrible Mayan collapse with a dignity and grace that only suggests absolutely nothing happened. (Except for some pretty spectacular “end of the world” parties; I bet the Mayans never saw that coming!)

The human race has been predicting the end of days for thousands of years, and there’s been a perceived “close call” almost every year since the 1970’s.

From the Y2K computer bug to the Hadron Collider predictions of 2010, our lifetimes alone have seen many a “scare.” But whether or not the world did fall

Pop culture has been trying its hardest to prepare us for every kind of end possible, from the zombie obsession fads, to unnecessarily detailed first-person shooters, to those shows on TLC about the people with the craziest emergency stock piles. The Harry Potter series showed us all that we were the invincible chosen-ones, and the Hunger Games saga left us all eying our circles of friends, wondering whether or not we would be able to out-run, out-shoot and outclimb ANY of them, let alone ALL of them. We’ve been heavily warned and subconsciously trained for quite a while, but I will repeat myself: I was not ready.

That being said, I take selfish solace in knowing that I could count on one hand the number of people I WOULD consider ready, most of which are Sylvester Stalone characters and very financially endowed celebrities. (Or Tupac and Elvis, who have been camped out underground for quite some time, waiting for their moment to rise up and re-build our scorched society.)

But if there was ever a time to start creating an “Apocalypse Checklist,” it would absolutely be right this very second. Why wait until the next rush of crazy predictions to start your escape routes and bunker blueprints? The hour is now, especially before classes get too intensive and you’re too immersed in reading to ensure your own survival in case of emergency. This editor is going to walk you through the most foolproof, practical plan in the event of societal, economic, and/or planetary collapse. Follow these vital steps and you’ll be well on your way to being one of the few who get to repopulate the planet.

Step 1: Sever your attachments to absolutely everyone who isn’t hot, smart, and can’t run very fast. These traits will be absolutely ESSENTIAL to your survival in these new and deteriorating times.

Your new-world army will need to be able to outrun just about anything science has mutated or technology has manufactured, and you just can’t afford to have emotional ties to that first person the zombies dismember. It will only bring you down later. It is equally essential for them to look like they just walked right off the silver screen. Their superior genetics will be en pointe for the inevitable breeding process that will occur later on in your survival process, and they will be less likely to be mistaken for a decrepit undead or some kind of scraggly survivor gone mad.

A superior intelligence level will take much of the stress off of you in situations where quick problem-solving is required, which, in the event of this apocalypse, will be absolutely every situation. Although this may seem like an uncommon type of person to know, it will be to your advantage in the end.

Less people to worry about in your traveling squad of badass survivors.

Step 2: Get hot, smart, and fast. What better place to mold yourself

in to the picturesque Adonis of survival than our fine academic establishment? With endless resources for all of your studying needs, gyms bursting at the seams with state of the art equipment, and enough Long Island girls to give you a million makeovers, you’re wasting your money NOT becoming hot, smart, and fast. Plus you’ve got to keep your repopulating buddy around long enough to repopulate, so make sure not to lose your biting wit in the beautification process.

Step 3: Establish a meeting place for you and your army of

speedy smarty hotties, preferably somewhere either very above ground (ex. the roof of the CFA) or very underground (ex. the basement of Clemens) to prevent the chance of zombie infiltration. (Zombies can’t operate elevators, last I checked.)

Once your meeting place is established, make sure you find a way to secretly stock it with the necessities: Food, water, collectible lunch tins, tasers (you can keep these in the lunch tins to save space), bows, arrows, Swiss army knives, iPhones, shampoo, face wash, matches, flame throwers (in case you run out of matches,) air freshener, and Band-Aids. When you’ve gathered your essential materials and stored them safely, make sure you designate a secret alternate gathering space for you and whomever you believe to be the most

attractive. (In case of extreme circumstance, you might want to only take your reproduction buddy with you.)

Step 4: Learn every language humanly possible. It might take a little while,

but once you’ve mastered Latin everything else will get progressively easier.

In case you have to travel outside of our collapsed nation, you’ll want to have mastered every possible way to communicate. (Don’t skimp on the Sign Language and the Pig Latin either. Also Elvish and Na’vi.) If you’ve got some time left over after learning the languages already in existence, you’d be wise to make up one of your own, just in case you want to talk smack about one of your clan members behind their back.

Step 5: Build an impenetrable spaceship in case of

intergalactic war. You’ll want to get out of there fast, so make sure it’s sufficiently stocked with everything you’ll need to survive 50 or maybe 60 years in space. (Most of these items can be found lying around the house, sandwiched between the couch cushions, nestled next to long-lost television remotes. Everything else can be purchased with leftover dining dollars.)

In a pinch, you can recycle already built rockets, but be careful to check for overzealous stowaways. (They’ll inevitably attempt to be comic relief and will nab your reproduction buddy in the end.)

Step 6: The final step in your Apocalypse preparation plan is by far the most important step. This is absolutely essential to your survival, and should you care to make it through this painstaking process, I strongly urge you to take this step much more seriously than any of the other EXTREMELY serious steps. The absolute most important step to surviving the end of days, without any question whatsoever, is to always be carrying a copy of Generation Magazine. You may ask, “Why is that?” (Even though you shouldn’t ask that.)

But I will tell you why: In order to better your post-apocalyptic world, you will need some kind of evidence that at some time in the past, the world had a sense of humor, a passion for pop culture and humanity, an up-close-and-personal look at how the grand scheme of politics, education, and the guise of society effect each and every one of us. You will carry this publication like an ancient tome of wisdom, share your favorite articles with your comrades and laugh heartily about all of the shenanigans your collegiate peers were orchestrating and commentating upon. Because the only way you will pioneer the new dawn of man is with levity and good spirits; only the zombies take everything TOO seriously.

In the unlikely event that the world really WILL come to an end within our lifetime, it would be wise for all of us to consider each and every day a new blessing for us to rock out to. If at the end of each day, you feel as though you’ve seized that day’s opportunities and goals to the best of your ability, then who cares if the world ends tomorrow? It will end eventually, as all things do, and as we (almost definitely) will before we get a chance to see it blow up. Why waste time worrying about when it will happen?

But in case you’re wondering, it’s on Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s 40th birthday.

At least you’ll be ready.

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Snow

Boarding

Season

Article By: Dinorah Santos

D

ust off your snowboarding goggles, wax your board, and pull out your North Face coats because it’s that time you been waiting all year long for!

Snowboarding is really a sport everyone can love after you get the hang of it. Yes, you are going to have some slips and falls, your legs are going to be in pain that week, and especially your tailbone. But without the pain and sweat you won’t get the whole experience.

The University at Buffalo has its own snowboarding club that allows you to go to five different mountains every day of the week.

It really is a great deal, finally something at UB that does not want to sink your pockets’ holes even further. Holiday Valley, Kissing Bridge, Peek’n Peak, and Swain are all snowboarding locations near Buffalo, NY. Holiday Valley and Kissing Bridge are both the popular ones out of the list. They are the ones that you think of first when you think of snowboarding in WNY. Holiday Valley was established 54 years ago in the winter of 1957.

It began with four slopes. Now, Holiday Valley boasts 13 lifts, 58 slopes and trails, 3 base lodges, two hotels, a gold course, pools, aerial park, mountain coaster, and numerous amenities. Wow! It has come a long way. Kissing Bridge is not nearly as big as Holiday Valley but the prices are good and it is located in Western New York’s famous Colden Snowbelt, with an average annual snowfall of 1,180 inches. On top of that, they make their own snow, so you

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BuffaLove would be able to enjoy snowboarding all winter long. Kissing Bridge has 36 slopes that measure a full 1.25 miles wide, encompassing 700 acres of terrain and served by nine lifts. It’s divided into three areas; North, central, and south, and is serviced by two base lodges, a ski and snowboarding shop, plus two full rental facilities. Don’t let this scare you; both Holiday Valley and Kissing Bridge have a slope for all skill levels. Yelp.com, a local businessrating site gives Holiday Valley four out of five stars. Kissing Bridge was also given five stars by a rater named Gail C., who stated “If you should ever find yourself in this area and you enjoy skiing then I would highly recommend this place! I love this lace and you won’t be sorry.” I have been snowboarding for three years now and I like them both for two different reasons. Kissing Bridge is more for beginners and families because their mountains are both shorter and less steep. Holiday Valley are for those who are a little more experienced or even expert because their mountains are a lot steeper and much longer, but they both are great snowboarding locations.

Buffalo Ski Club opened its doors in 1931 and is located in Orchard Park, NY; they have 43 slopes and three lodges. This is the most family oriented snowboarding and ski resort from the list. They provide many programs and even have a nursery, so you can’t use your kids to get out of this one.

Their prices are good and their location is great; it is only minutes away from the closest metropolitan area. It was rated 3.9 stars on

a rating website called onthesnow. com. The rater stated “Good on hill accommodation, short lift lines. Great for families and especially beginners and novice skiers.” Buffalo Ski Club is not challenging enough for experts so I do not recommend this if you consider yourself an expert.

This is a great place to bring your family, or even a group of friends who are beginners at this sport and don’t want to spend an arm and a leg for one day of snowboarding.

Peek’n Peak and Swain are also two good locations for snowboarding. Peek’n Peak is located in Findley, NY, while Swain is located in Swain, NY. Peek’n Peak was established in 1964, with 105 acres of skiable terrain on 27 sloped and trails for beginners to advanced skiers. It was named favorite family-friendly resort in the Northeast in 2011 by onthesnow.com visitors. Their weekend tickets are on the pricey side but they do offer a nighttime lift pass that is at a great price and weekday lift passes are also priced fairly. Swain has 30 trails and 100 acres of skiing terrain; they also get an annual snowfall of 130 inches. They are the cheapest of the group with great prices, and group deals. Being a snowboarder myself, I say this resort is more geared towards skiiers. It was given 3.5 stars out of 5 on tripadvisor.com, a rater also commented “a great ski slope that is always trying their best.” So don’t give up on them yet because they might sneak up behind you and surprise you.

Winter Style

BuffaLove

Article By: Laura Borschel

Now that we are all back in Buffalo after break, familiar winter fashion is back in full swing. If you’re looking to upgrade, or simply change your winter style there are several UB “looks that one can go for.

The Long Islander

This is a highly popular look on campus, and can be seen virtually anywhere. The best place to gain inspiration, however, is where they are most densely populated at any given point in time, namely, any 100 level classes in NSC, and Starbucks. These places function as a surrogate to their natural area of habitation, the temperate area of “the Island”. To achieve their brand of style you will have to have to observe them carefully. They usually can be spotted sporting long black bubble coats, reusable Starbucks coffee cups, a sloppy side ponytail, Ugg boots, and a constant blasé attitude.

The Sorority Girl

Not to be confused with the Long Islander, the Sorority Girl is a popular sub-type of the prevalent Long Islander look. Because the majority of them, approximately 80%, come from the same habitat as the traditional Long Islander, they commonly get confused as being of the same species, despite their actual difference. The Sorority Girl differs from Long Islander in several subtle ways. While they too can be seen in the same places as the latter, one can also observe them outside of campus in packs on any given Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night on Lisbon, Englewood, Minnesota, or Winspear. To achieve this look you will have to have to embrace their traditional garb, which usually consists of: Ugg Boots, North Face zip-ups, their sorority’s Greek shirt, sweat pants, and either a sloppy traditional ponytail, or an even sloppier side ponytail than the Long Islander.

The Buffalo Native

The Buffalo Native is also another prevalent demographic on campus, seeing as they make up a prime percentage of UB’s population. They can usually be found wandering around any North Campus parking lot looking cold and confused as to where they parked their car. A popular sport among the Buffalo Natives, who commute to campus, is stalking and pursuing fellow students who appear to be leaving the parking lot. Other than the campus parking lot, they can usually be spotted coming into class late, or not at all, because of bad traffic on any given day. To achieve this look, one can copy the latest trends in Buffalo style, which usually consists of: Sabers or Bills hoodies and other gear, no coats or outer wear due to their Canadian-like resistance to the cold, and their constant use of certain words like “pop” and their nasally hard “A” accents.

The Professor

Professors are a bit more elusive than the other types of people on this list, but can be spotted rather easily from the other populations at UB. Professors are easy to spot based upon their basic interactions with every day objects and people, as well as their unique style. They usually can be seen hurriedly walking to class with a briefcase with a run down or exhausted look on their faces. Professors can also occasionally be seen confusedly wandering the Student Union in search for food or another type of nourishment while on their way to their offices. As many of us know, it is common knowledge that professors are more interested in their pursuits of the mind, rather than pursuits in stylized and up to date clothing. Aside from the occasional stylish professor, most look like they threw themselves at a wardrobe from the late 80’s or 90’s in the dark. To get this look you will have to have to sleep three hours a night to get the right shade of grayish purple bags under your eyes, wear any type of tweed jacket with pants and shoes that don’t match, and have a general disdain the students around you.

The International Student

Like most of the groups on this list, International Students represent a large demographic of people at UB. They can usually be found in either Capen or Lockwood Library in a cubicle or desk in the silent study areas. When they’re not studying, they usually can be seen playing various computer games for hours on end. Like many of the other groups, they also travel in packs, and can be seen wearing the latest American fashion. They have a much more diverse and versatile fashion sense than the other groups, so achieving this look will be a bit more difficult than the others. In order to do this, you must choose a more “American” name that your teachers and classmates will have to call you, buy all the latest American fashion at whatever cost, and study your ass off.

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LITERARY

Boy

By Ally Balcerzak

Box. Door. Car. Box. Door. Car. It’s a simple concept. Pick up box. Walk through door. Get in car. It shouldn’t be this difficult.

The box isn’t an abnormally large box. On the contrary, it is rather small. And light. So lifting it isn’t an issue. The door is unlocked.

I already checked. Car keys are in my pocket too. So it’s not like I can’t get into the car once I get out there. Why can’t I pick up the damn box and go? Ok, let’s do this. I’m ready.

Oh yeah, that’s why. I forgot. I always forget. It’s easy to when you spend half the day with your eyes closed. I need to stop forgetting.

It’s not painful to forget, it’s just painful to remember. So painful.

I wasn’t always like this. I used to be your average boy. I could run, jump, climb a tree, hang from the monkey bars. I could do anything.

That was then. Before everything happened. Back when Mom and Dad were happy, and Sister was around. I miss my sister.

Tomorrow is her birthday. Mom and Dad said we probably won’t see her though. Dad says it’s because it’s too hard on Mom to go visit Sister. Mom says it’s because Dad can’t handle it. I just want to see her.

Did I mention she’s my twin? I can’t remember. Well she is. We turn nineteen tomorrow. I’m younger by three minutes; she liked to remind me constantly. Not anymore though. But that might be because she isn’t here to do it. Or it could be because for the first time in our lives, I’m older. I’m not sure which.

You look surprised. Is it because I don’t sound nineteen? I get that a lot. It’s not like I want to sound little. I just can’t help it. Things got messed up in the accident. Talking is tough for me, along with other things. Please don’t hold it against me. Dad says I’m getting better everyday. I might even be able to go back to college one day.

That’s still a ways off though.

I used to be in college. I went to Syracuse University. I played soccer there too. I miss soccer. I was a midfielder. Which means my job was to run. Running, I miss that too. I used to run ten miles

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a day. It was my hobby. Now I just sit. Sometimes I walk around the house. Mom doesn’t like when I walk. Not alone.

Sitting is boring. I get to watch TV when I sit. But I hate daytime TV. I hate soap operas. Almost as much as I hate baths. I need help with those. It’s embarrassing. Dad usually handles bath time. But sometimes Mom does it. Those days are the worst.

What I miss most are my friends. John comes by once a week usually. Sarah too. But I haven’t seen the team in weeks. Dad says it’s because they’re busy. He’s lying though. It’s because of how I look. No one can stand to be around me. The accident burned me.

Badly. My skin is just beginning to heal. It’s still hard and flaky in parts. My face especially. I miss my friends. I miss my life.

I’ve been plotting my escape. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

I’m trapped in my house. I’m trapped in my body. I’m trapped in my mind. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were just having fun. Running down the road. We had done it a hundred times. I didn’t know that truck was coming. Trucks aren’t supposed to be there. I hate that truck. He killed my sister. He burned me. He ruined my life.

Part of Mom died that day. She can barely look at me now. Which is why I want to leave. This isn’t life anymore. I wish I had gone with Sister. It would have been better for everyone. Mom could have kept working. Dad wouldn’t always look tired. I wouldn’t ever see that look everyone gives me. I miss Sister so much. I’ll be seeing her soon though. My plan is almost ready. I just need one more thing from the kitchen. I’m going to get it tonight.

By tomorrow I’ll be happy again. Peaceful. I hope my old body will come back. With my brain too. I want to be me again. Me and Sister. Together til the end of time. Sorry Mom. Sorry Dad. I can’t explain this to you. You don’t understand. I love you. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused. You’ll see me again. I’ll be with Sister now.

LITERARY

Poetry

By Keighly Farrel

“Lullaby” on the edge of my fingertips sits a song most sweet reaching to dip her feet into the ripples below she knows of a place just beneath the surface where my most favorite flowers pick their own petals and float in steady streams of he loves me he loves me he loves me the smell of the waters rival roses and it is now that I know why poets crafted their very hearts upon these soft virgin petals she with her tiny arms stretching down down towards the depths of my hearts temptations sings of passions writhing beneath the wave tangles of legs arms stretched across backs where hands wander

upwards to be come entrapped in hair she shows me colors with no names in cool hues of the bluest golds they wrap themselves around my eyes and rid them of sorrows past she reaches into the water and with delicate hands bathes herself with it she offers that I may drink from it that I may taste the hidden splendors of that dream below glass I lean forward until my face barely brushes the lucid pane beneath it I see peace and perfection I hold my breath and submerse myself in slumber

“First” You were my first My last My midnight melody Whispering through the night Like moonlight Between my curtains you slip like sound So carefully you covered me A blanket of stars Promised me all of them Counted and sorted them for me And only me Even now Over miles of broken lovers Endless possibilities I count stars knowing You are my first My last My midnight melody.

“Untitled” Losing a friend is like ripping pages from books.

You can try to tuck them back in carefully fold them in to the spine where they sat before.

But inevitably you will have to choose: Do you hold so nervously still that they may stay forever, or do you continue reading -21-

PARTING SHOTS Please Accept My Sperm Donation.

A

s I learned the hard way last weekend, hedgehogs and condoms don’t mix.

Okay, that’s not really true. I don’t actually know anything about how hedgehogs and condoms do or do not mix. Also, I should just warn you right now: This article has nothing to do with sperm donation.

Please don’t stop reading. I know I lied, but really, I just want you to read to the end of my article. So promise me you’ll keep going.

Whenever you write something, you’re supposed to grab people’s attention, and to be honest, I really don’t like having to do that. When you pick up a newly printed copy of Generation, I want you to read it cover to cover. Sure, sometimes my articles might start out slowly. But I’m building up to a great ending. Trust me, if you would just read all the way to the last word you’d feel really satisfied that you got through the whole thing.

But I’m not naïve enough to think that you will actually read to the end of my article, so I try to make it interesting. I hark back to my days in sixth grade Language Arts when we were taught that you should always make the beginning of your writing exciting. You gotta draw the reader in and get his attention. The best titles, I’ve found, are a cross between baffling and raunchy, hence the title of this piece.

It seems like we all forgot about having good content and just started trying to get people’s attention. Somewhere along the line it became really important to give a strong handshake, as if your ability to give a good handshake was in any way related to being qualified for a job. It’s not related, unless you want to be a prostitute.

the sound bite is now the only accepted currency of the evening news. We’re judging books by their covers instead of judging them by the, um, actual book. And now we’re left with a bunch of really nice covers on soso books.

I wonder how other great men and women through history would have fared in this kind of environment. Das Kapital? That sounds boring, Karl. Let’s change it to Why We Can’t Have Nice Things. The Crucible will now be called Puritans Gone Wild.

And we need to rename the hit show We Take Good Music and Make You Wish It Never Existed. Let’s call it Glee.

And so we get 3D, HD movies with crappy plots and acting. We draw people to online articles with pictures of girls in bikinis. And

Article By: Gabrielle Gosset

Y

ou can’t judge a movie by its trailer.

Naturally then, people look to movie reviews and critics’ opinions to get a better idea about a film and whether or not they should see it. While I’m all for writing about your opinion (obviously) and I’ve written a few film reviews myself, I’m starting to feel that movie criticism is going too far.

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Article By: Paul Stephan

For example, the film Cloud Atlas (which I wrote a review for a few issues ago) was critiqued for its use of “whiteface” and “yellowface” because the actors of the film were transformed to play characters of different races. Now, for those of you who don’t know what these terms mean, it was a term used to describe an exaggerated portrayal of stereotypical racial roles using makeup and other theatrics by an actor that is not of that race (here’s looking at you Breakfast at Tiffany’s). This was used so that white actors could still have the roles, even though it was a character of a different race. It was usually pretty stereotypical and borderline derogatory.

A Taste of Their Own Criticism Now, I’m not saying that that wasn’t an awful thing, but I don’t think critiquing Cloud Atlas for doing this was right whatsoever.

The whole point of the movie was that souls transcend time and distances and we could lead different lives. That was also the whole point of having few actors each play multiple roles in different time lines in different parts of the world. The main criticism was for the time line in New Seoul in the future. In this futuristic setting, everyone was Asian since it was in Korea, but since it was also the future, they changed the way that people looked such as the way that eyebrows were arced.

It was to portray that it was farther in the future where the human race had evolved.

People don’t look the same today as we did in the 1100s, so why would we look the same in another several decades? Basically, the aesthetic choices of the makers of Cloud Atlas do not deserve this horrendous criticism and it makes me wonder if the critics are just missing the whole point of the story or looking for something to create controversy.

There are other examples of this unfounded criticism where critics are going too far into cynicism rather than critiquing the film as a whole and more importantly, as a work of art and literature. Sure, not every movie is meant to make you think or affect you at a deep intellectual level, but when the narrative tools that directors, writers, and actors used to elevate the film to a level of visual literature are critiqued as controversial or derogatory, it just seems close-minded and stubborn rather than a truly critical approach.

The next time you look at reviews to see if you should go see a movie, take that person’s opinion with a grain of salt (or in some cases, the whole shaker) because at the end, that’s really what it is, just one person’s opinion.

So don’t judge a film by its trailer, but don’t judge it just by its critiques either.