Generation Magazine Vol 28. Issue 8

Generation Magazine - January 25, 2011 - Oh, there goes gravity.

CONTENTS

Featured Also 05 | Editor’s Letter

Projecting some protections

07 | Agenda

12 10

What does Snoop do before watch ing 3-D movies?

08 | He Says, She Says 09 | Letter to the Editor More Spectrum venom.

18

| Hit or Bulls***

10 | Interview with Simpson

It was an exclusive scoop until the Spectrum got a phone call.

12 | Winter Fashion It’s apparently possible to look cool

in the middle of a Buffalo winter.

14 | Semester Goals You gotta have goals!

16 | Foot in Mouth

Something about football and pervs.

14

18 | Tech Guide

18 16

(716)2010-GEN Text us your comments, advice questions, texts from last night, picture messages or whatever else you want other people to see (and we do text back).

716- 201-0436.

Photos courtesy of: thekillerbiscuit, caylynn, kylezoa, newyorkprof, and marsupialia on Flickr.com Product images from manufacturers and retailers websites.

The lowdown on your post-holiday gadget haul.

19 | Album Review

Look kids, its the new Diddy album

20 | Literary

Being mad at your dad, or your pal the dead philosopher.

Shots

23 | Parting

Tennis, anyone?

EDITOR’S LETTER Protect the Future

Many students will be coming back this break with their brand new laptops, netbooks, tablets, personal media players and whatever else can access Facebook. These devices help us with research, help us relax, and often help us stalk people, and these tasks are possible thanks to the open Internet. If you want to watch Netflix on your Wii or iPad, you are free to do so.

If you want to watch last nights Jimmy Fallon episode on Hulu, you can. No one was trying to stop you, up until now.

Over the break, the Federal Communications Commission enacted new rules that assure Internet equality, rules that prevent discrimination against content and customers. The rules, voted for by three Democrats,

do support net neutrality, but only over wired networks, leaving a gaping hole. Wireless networks are still allowed to discriminate when it comes to Internet access.

MetroPCS, a wireless provider, is the first to take advantage of the new rules. Under the previously unlimited $40 plan, users had access to voice, text and data as much as they wanted to. Under the new rules, they have blocked Netflix and Skype access under those plans. The rules allow a company to block services that directly compete with theirs, such as Skype, but MetroPCS is clearly violating the new rules by blocking Netflix for the sake of charging more. To get access to Netflix, customers must upgrade to the new $60 plan. If this practice continues, bills will begin to increase while services decrease, and such practices will be detrimental in the future.

Although the new rules do somewhat protect the consumers of wired connections, they do not protect the health of the free Internet as a whole.

The latest example of the shortfall is the dispute between Level 3 Communications and Comcast, a cable company. Level 3, who most likely provides some Internet access to UB, also provides Netflix with the pipes needed to

stream movies. Comcast, on the other hand, does not have enough pipes to take on the amount of data Level 3 is trying to send to their subscribers.

Therefore, Comcast wants to charge Level 3 a ‘toll’ to allow them to deliver Netflix content to their subscribers.

Again, Netflix directly competes with Comcast’s video-on-demand services.

The reality is, money-hungry corporations will do anything to increase their profits, and if it means changing the way Internet has worked for years, they will try their best to do that. At the same time, the lobbyists from these companies have done a spectacular job in Washington, convincing people who hardly know how to use a computer to vote against net neutrality and vote for corporate power. On January 18, both FCC and Department of Justice allowed Comcast to take over NBC Universal, which gives the cable company an immense amount of leverage in the world of media. This should have not been allowed.

This may not impact us in short term, but as a future generation that will hold power at some point, it is imperative that we make sure that the Internet stays an unbiased and uncontrolled environment. We grew up with it, we made it what it is today, and we should not let CEO’s and lobbyists take our baby.

In other news, I hope that everyone had a wonderful break and got some much-needed rest. Generation is still here, and will keep coming to you every two weeks. We hope to give you a fun and entertaining alternative to the traditional univeristy media, and if you wish to get involved, shoot us an e-mail. Good luck!

Dino Husejnovic Editor in Chief

and voted against by two Republicans,

Submit your letters and articles at ubgeneration.com, or e-mail us at ubgeneration@gmail.com

Generation Magazine 2011 - 2011 Staff Editor in Chief Dino Husejnovic

Managing Editor Kathryn Przybyla

Creative Director Elizabeth Flyntz

Copy Editor

Catherine Prendergast

Associate Editors Seon McDonald Steve Neilans Allison Balcerzak

Photo Editor TBD

Circulation Director Rashid Dakhil-Rivera

Contributing Staff Josh Q. Newman Nathan Grygier Jessica Brant Allison Ruiz

Business Manager Ariella Goro

Ad Manager Tommy Zhao

Asst. Ad Manager Ted DiRienzo

Cover design by Dino Husejnovic.

Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporationat the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation.

Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine.

Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephone numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260 Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e- mailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1 p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2011 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free.

Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief.

Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief.

Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000.

ubgeneration.com | 5

source: reddit user: skeezer

AGENDA

CONCERT | SNOOP DOG | JANUARY 27

The entertaining rapper and record producer with hits like “Drop it like its Hot” and “Sensual Seduction” will perform live right here in Buffalo. There are some “special guests” too that’ll serve to compliment Snoop’s extensive repertoire. Venue: The Rapids Theatre, Niagara Falls, NY Tickets starts from $32.50 from Ticketmaster

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SALT-N-PEPA’S LEGENDS OF HIP-HOP TOUR | FEBRUARY 5

Salt-n-Pepa, the female tri rap group who rose to prominence in the early 90’s is currently touring as part of the MOVIE | THE MECHANIC | JANUARY 28 Legends of Hip Hop promotion. Fans of the Grammy Action star Jason Statham plays an elite assassin with a unique talent of eliminating targets. He takes award winning group would be delighted to hear old on an apprentice played by Ben Foster and teaches him the trade. There are plenty of twists and turns school hits like “Push it” and “Shake Your Thang”. Venue: as deceptions threaten to derail his latest assignment.

Shea Performing Arts Center. Tickets start at $37

CONCERT | TEA LEAF GREEN | JANUARY 30

Eclectic Jam Band from the San Francisco area noted for their stellar live performances and clever lyrics are a must see for fans of psychedelic rock and high energy shows. Venue: Tralf Music Hall. Tickets start at $15.

MOVIE | SANCTUM |FEBRUARY 4

James Cameron (Avatar) the executive producer adds his special 3D expertise to this (mis)adventure film about a diving team who experiences a life-threatening crisis during an expedition to an unexplored cave system. After a flash flood seals their only exit shut, they must find another way out or face death.

TEXT US YOUR QUESTIONS! 716-201-0436 8 | ubgeneration.com

He Says, She Says An advice column divided by the sexes, starring Catherine Prendergast and Nathan Grygier

Why do Americans eat disgusting food?

NG: Because it’s the American way.

Think about it, nearly everything in our culture is disgusting in one aspect or another. We actually hold competitions on how many hot dogs someone can eat in one sitting. Now I’m a little unsure on what you define as “disgusting”. The Chinese eat duck vaginas, and that’s perfectly acceptable there. So I suppose I have to answer your question with another question, what is more disgusting to you, a duck vagina, or bacon flavored mayonnaise? If you chose the baconaise (which is a real product by the way) then ship off over seas and go eat a big ol’ spoonful of duck vagina!

CP: Whoa. Careful, buddy, you’re talking to a bonafide American here, someone who loves their country more than life itself. I would die for this land. I would bang it if I could.

Anyway, we Americans do not eat disgusting food. You know what’s disgusting? Food that isn’t made in America. We put lots of chemicals in our food to make it safe, better, edible. Chemicals are a good thing.

Those other countries are just jealous they cant afford our toxins. Fall back other countries, fall back.

This guy in my class likes to make his phone vibrate in his pocket during lecture. I wouldn’t mind if it was a girl, but I think he likes it and it’s weird. How do I tell him stop?

NG : First off, I’m a little confused as to why this is acceptable for a girl to do yet if a guy wants to feel a little tickle in his pants it’s frowned

upon. That being said, there are a few ways for you to resolve this problem. Solution 1 : you can pretend that you have terrible muscle spasms and kick his pocket very aggressively. Once you’ve delivered a swift kick to his denim iPhone case and broken the phone, the vibrations will stop. Solution 2 : just ask him to stop you pussy.

CP: It sounds like you are annoyed that this guy seems to like the cool, sweet vibrations his phone provides his tense muscles, rather than be annoyed at the actual sound of his phone. You mention nothing of this event actually preventing you from listening in class or doing work.

Quit hating on the poor guy. Maybe he is really lonely and needs to be constantly reminded that his phone holds an address book with real peoples numbers. Maybe you have this kid all wrong. Maybe he isn’t making his phone vibrate – maybe he receives thousands of texts every class because he is so insanely cool and popular. Maybe he is really really bored, (what class is this anyway, world civ?) and finally found a way to stay awake. Maybe you should try it.

Health and Wellness Center has free condoms, but there’s always someone working at the desk and I’m embarrassed to take some.

Condoms are too expensive these days. What’s the best way about getting some free condoms?

NG : Why are you embarrassed to take free condoms? You shouldn’t be ashamed that you’re appealing enough to someone to snag some sweet booty. Also, condoms are too expensive? Really? You know

what’s roughly, oh I don’t know, 10,000x more expensive? A BABY. Quit being a little nancy boy and take advantage of your mandatory student fees and grab yourself some free contraceptives. Sure, they’re off brand and are thick and unpleasant, but any sex is better than no sex.

CP: You are embarrassed to take some free condoms, and you also say that condoms are too expensive these days. Are you sure you are old enough to be engaged in sexual activities?

I’m tired of my girlfriend needing to be in constant contact. She can’t go a day without talking or texting me. Can I get some rest?

NG : Man, where were you during the movies of the 80s & 90s? Does Weekend At Bernie’s ring a bell? It’s the most classic scheme ever! Just fake your own death bro, once she thinks you’re dead then you’re totes off the hook from having to talk to your lady friend. If this sounds too risky, just blame your phone and say that it hasn’t been receiving texts properly. Either way, you’ll be off the hook.

CP: Is this…is this Brad?! Oh my god, it’s totally you. What the hell, Brad, I do not call and text you all the time. Just when I want to say hey. And yeah if you don’t text me back after that I’ll send you some more texts for reassurance, I mean, if I said hey in real life you would say hey back, you wouldn’t not say anything, and the same should go for a text, so yeah I get annoyed when you don’t text me back, and sometimes if I’m like, having a really stressful day or whatever, which

is a lot now, I’m just going through a phase, I will call you so I can vent and just like, talk to you, I mean I am allowed to do that, I am your girlfriend, I want to talk to you all the time that’s totally normal, I cant believe I even have to justify it, what the hell Brad, how could you write to Generation about me, you’re so like immature, I cant believe you would even say that, well I wont text you at all anymore ever, so there, no more smiley and winkey faces, and don’t even try to text me cause I wont respond. Bye. ☹ My iTunes accidentally played Cher while I was making out with a girl I just met in my room. Now she thinks I’m into divas singing show-tunes. How do I convinced her otherwise?

NG : Wait a second, why would you ever want to convince her otherwise? Do you know how much booty the thespian/theatrical dudes get?

Ya know who was on broadway? Michael C. Hall, aka Dexter. You don’t think he scores ridiculous amounts of ladies? Just buy some tights and belt some musical hits and she’ll not only find you sensitive, but unique as well. It’s a win-win for you my man.

CP: Um. Okay so, you were making out with a girl in your room. Cher is in your iTunes. And now this girl thinks you’re into divas, in other words, attractive and sassy females…and you want to convince her otherwise; that is to say, that you are not into hot chicks who happen to sing…so… you want to convince her that…you are…not into girls…therefore, into guys? Did I get that straight?

Look for our “L♥VE” issue, “coming” in two weeks.

CourtesyReddit of reddit user FrankieForte Source: User SkaPlunk

GENERATION November 16,2011

Letter to the Editor Dear Generation, I too have more than a few bones to pick with The Spectrum.

First off I’d like to thank Ally Balcerzak for piping up about The Spectrum’s performance this semester. As an annoyed reader myself, I was relieved that someone finally decided to say something, although I think more could have been said.

Take for example the complete confusion of priorities: The Spectrum was forced to cut pages this semester, which happens. Every student publication took a hit, or in Visions’ case, disappeared.

However, what filled these remaining

pages was a surplus of editorials (editorials on the front page? that’s how you know there’s no news), crossword puzzles, double titles for every story...basically a lazy paper.

Find all the logos in this paper and win a t-shirt? Please stop trying to distract me from the fact that you’re not doing your job. Please start taking yourself a little more seriously.

This semester, I feel as though I haven’t ever learned of anything from The Spectrum.

Early on in September, one of the blue line downtown shuttles was totaled and the driver was sent to the hospital. But did

you hear about this in The Spectrum? Just an example of what I mean.

As for the lack of editorial discretion, this is of course in the tried and true tradition of The Spectrum. I’m a senior here at UB and for as long as I can remember, The Spectrum has categorically offended a large chunk of the student population via one editorial at least once a year, if not once a semester.

What this boils down to is that those cool young dudes down in the Student Union are getting paid your student activity money to dick around finding crossword puzzles on the internet rather than being out there reporting on issues that

Think of them as a warning perhaps?

Here’s the Deal UB Stampede For students who live off-campus and don’t have cars, or need to get to class in bad weather, the Stampede has been a great solution, up until the bus drivers decided to completely ignore the schedule.

It is 6:35p.m., I head to the Ellicott tunnel to catch the 6:40p.m. bus which will eventually make it’s way to South Campus. It is the first day of Spring semester and it’s raining. Freezing rain. One bus arrives at 6:36p.m., but only drops off the students already on it, and never picks up the ten students waiting. I figured this is normal for the Stampede, as bus drivers have to take breaks and/ or go home eventually. It is now 6:40p.m., and there is no bus.

I continue to wait, as I do not want to get soaked in the rain walking to campus. Another bus drops of students at 6:45p.m., but again, does not pick us up. At this point, there are about thirty students waiting for the bus in the tunnel. My two friends, who have class at 7p.m., come out hoping to catch the 6:50p.m. bus and get to class. I assume the other 30 students are also waiting to get to a 7p.m. class. Again, no bus at 6:50p.m.

At this point, everyone is becoming frustrated, including my friends and I. We decide to walk from Ellicott in the rain, since there is no bus in sight. My friends arrive to class late and soaking wet – great first im-

pression – and I still have to make it somehow to South Campus. I get to Flint Loop at 7:05p.m., and wait for a bus there, since it is the last stop busses make before going to South Campus. There was a bus scheduled for 7:10p.m., but it doesn’t come until 7:20p.m. The bus is already filled, and I barely get a standing spot. Some people yell at the bus driver, while some are just simply frustrated. The bus driver seems frustrated as well. Over the radio, I overhear that some bus “went home” without checking in first. I have no idea what that means, but someone fucked up. Here’s the deal: If there are three scheduled pick-ups between 6:30p.m. and 6:50p.m., there should be three scheduled pickups, not zero! And if a bus driver is due for a break and eager to do their crossword puzzle, but passes a mob of people waiting for a bus right before classes begin, they should do the pick-up if there are no buses behind them. I eventually make it to South Campus at 7:45p.m.

It only took me 1 hour and 15 minutes to make it from Ellicott to South Campus, while getting soaked in the rain. My friends arrived to their first class late and were also soaked.

Thank you, UB Stampede, for doing a disservice to the students and making the first day of the semester that much more stressful.

are important to you as students. Student publications aren’t perfect, and they’re never supposed to be, but they are not without responsibility to their readers.

We’re all supposed to be learning lessons here at college. What have I even learned from The Spectrum? What have you?

Ever wonder what the number one scam on campus is? No? Well I will tell you anyway. There is this evil union between the UB Card Office, Campus Dining and Shops and the UB Residence Halls.

Combined, they scam students. The following account did not actually happen to me. It happened to a friend, but I thought it sucked.

By the second year of living on campus, students realize that getting a meal plan with ‘meals’ is a scam on it’s own.

Its overpriced, and during freshman year, you are forced into it, and no one likes being forced. Many students I know decide to go with the Dining Dollars or Campus Cash alternative, but the UB Card Office forces on-campus students to get a minimum of $525 Dining Dollars. If you want Campus Cash, you need to dish out another $500. On the other hand, commuter students can get Dining Dollars in increments of $25. Why the discrimination for students staying at the dorms? It is a good way of making money. If you already live at the dorms, they know you are either blind, have the money to pay for them, or have no other option, therefore you can be easily forced into getting too many Dining Dollars.

What the UB Card Office does not stress to you is that when you get the $525 Dining Dollars, you are actually signing up for a meal plan that auto-renews until you tell them to stop taking your money. When

(letter received in Generation email inbox via Anne Marie Awad)

By Dino Husejnovic you sign that little piece of paper, in the smallest font, it states that you must cancel the meal plan by January 14. Yes, that was the day before students were allowed to come back. They did start e-mailing reminders that if you do not want the meal plan anymore, you must tell them before the January 14, but come on, we get enough spam in our inboxes.

My friend did not know she had to cancel her meal plan, and ended up with an unusually high bill. Student Resource Center explains to her that she was charged the meal plan and should go to the UB Card Office to cancel the plan. She, along with three other students in line, was told that there is absolutely no way for them to cancel the plan at that point. Ouch.

Here’s the deal: Quit extorting money out of students! Students are just learning financial responsibility, and this union is using fine-print contracts to force students into paying for something they did not want or did not use. As a customer, this is terrible customer service and a slap in the face. The staff at the UB Card Office will go as far as showing you the contract you signed, and will point out the fineprint, where it says “Do this by this time, or you owe us a lot of money.” There was no checkmark that said, “Auto-renew?”

There was no huge bubble saying “CANCEL YOUR PLAN BEFORE 1/14/2011 TO PREVENT RECURRING CHARGES!” Just sneaky fine-print. Thanks, UB Card Office.

UB Card Office ubgeneration.com | 9

An Extended Farewell...

Generation’s exclusive interview with outgoing President John Simpson By: Kathryn Przybyla

Despite an expected departure by the spring semester, even UB’s big man on campus can’t just yet give up the deliciousness that is Rachel’s chicken souvlaki. Generation sat down with UB President John Simpson to reflect on his years here in Buffalo and what the future holds for the university. What we found out was astonishing. He’s Team Coco, he likes it spicy, and we are (eventually) going to miss him very much.

What was your first day as President like when you came to UB? John Simpson: I arrived here at a time of year that looked sort of like this in January.

And everything was white, there was no visibility and there are no major geographical features like mountains. The sun was somewhere behind the clouds, it was zero degrees for about 2 weeks, and I had no idea of where I was. It was very disconcerting because I’m used to being able to see the sun or geography.

But on the other hand that was good because there were no distractions. And so the first day, what I tried to do was to begin to understand what everybody did and 10 | ubgeneration.com

what the university was like, beyond what I could read in publications, on websites, and so on.

And I continued doing that for the first several months, just to get an understanding of what the institution was like, what the students were interested in, what the faculty were interested in, and the staff and so forth.

What has been your favorite part of the job?

JS: Oh I think that my favorite part of the job is working with people in the university to think about what kind of academic institution we want. That’s largely the faculty, but hardly exclusively. It’s also with students, and to a degree with staff. And to think about the ways to which we can build this into an even more distinguished academic institution.

A President spends a lot of his or her time dealing with the outside world, but I like to think I am most comfortable and most interested in the things that I’ve been doing as a professor for over 30 years.

If you had to choose your successor for President at UB, would you choose Arnold Schwarzenegger or Stephen Colbert?

JS: They have different characteristics, some good, some not so good to the job.

One’s a politician, and like it or not, you do a lot of political things with being a president, particularly dealing with Albany, but also with local government, with SUNY, and with the federal government. I think Mr. Schwarzenegger after 8 years of being the Governor of California would have some

sense of how those things operate.

You also do a remarkable amount of public interface. There are some days where I give 3 or 4 talks or speeches. Some are significant and some I just give remarks at this place or that place. And so both of these folks are entertainers, they are used to being in front of the public, and that would be very much to their benefit.

Neither of them, as far as I know, has significant training, nor credentialing, nor experience in education. So that doesn’t seem to fit to what I think the President should be.

Of all of your years here at UB, what achievements are you most proud of?

JS: I have the sense that the University and the community of Western New York, has set higher expectations and higher aspirations for itself. We can really improve and participate in the coterie of the very best universities in the world. In that sense, I think that not only for ourselves, but for the community as well, we have made the university and its aspirations and potential, on the community’s mind.

That’s one. And there are lots of other things I am very pleased to think back on, like all the work was done putting together the Strategic Strengths by the faculty, putting together some of the Undergraduate Academies that flow from the strategic strengths and putting together the capital master plan. I think the conversation about public higher education, especially public research universities, it has changed in Albany, it’s never going to go back to where it was which was almost this neglect.

It’s very much on people’s mind and in their discussions now. I think UB has driven that conversation because of our aspirations and the community’s interest and support of what we’re doing.

Where are you headed after UB? JS: I’m headed in Seattle. I lived there for most of my adult life and my two kids grew up there and they both live there. They live in Seattle, I have four grandchildren there, my wife Katherine has family there and we both decided we would rather live there. But it took us a long time to decide whether we wanted to move from Western New York.

What are some things you are looking forward to doing at home finally?

JS: I like to fish. I have a house that needs a lot of carpentry and I love doing that kind of thing. I have a review article I have wanted to write that started 12 years ago. I want to finish that. It’s an area that I worked in for years and years and I’d like to take the time to sit and take a look at everything that has happened while I was working. I want to try to summarize and makes sense of it.

I have a stack of books that is about as tall as this room that always keeps growing and I never seem to catch up with it. I have been asked to lead a foundation that is concerned with education and I will participate in that to a degree. There are some nonprofit entities, especially associated with the arts that I was involved with in Seattle that I look forward to getting involved with again.

GENERATION January 25, 2011

I might go fishing and learn how to ride my bike again. I thought about how fun it would be to build a sailboat for years, and there’s a very good boat school about 20 minutes from my house. It would be terrific. I think I’ve got too many things. I’ll have more control of my time now, than I do when I took on responsibility of running a university.

Who was your favorite Distinguished Speaker that came to UB? JS: I thought Salman Rushdie was just marvelous, I thought he was just wonderful; clever, witty, full of insight about what he does and just a pleasure to listen to speak. A completely different way of thinking of things, Conan O’Brien was just marvelous. He was really a genuine pleasure.

So they were a couple of the many that I thought were great.

Do you have any advice for graduating seniors going out into the real world?

JS: I think I would advise you to be true to yourself. Do with your life, what genuinely gives you pleasure, and what genuinely makes you happy and feel like you have accomplished something. And do that irrespective of issues such as remuneration or any other value that someone else might hold up. Also, if you’re so inclined, get as much education as you can and if you have a topic that you really like, study it.

Work at it until you know it, understand it and have satisfied yourself. And whether or not you ever use this in a practical sense, you will have educated yourself and learned as much as you can. It’s essentially human.

That’s what I told my kids.

What is the best restaurant in Buffalo to eat at?

JS: Definitely Ted’s. Buffalo has a whole bunch of very good restaurants and I could pick easily half a dozen that we really enjoy. When my wife Katherine and I have a chance, we go and take advantage of them.

But I’ll say Ted’s because their hot dogs are great.

What will you miss the most about Buffalo?

JS: I have had such a welcoming, supportive environment, that I would have to say the people. I’m moving to a place that I know, that’s very pretty geographically, and is full of opportunities to do interesting outdoor things, like to sail boats, climb mountains, or fish and ride my bike.

And yet, I’ve found Buffalo, with exception of the mountains, is every bit as good as any place I have ever lived where there are opportunities to do things outdoors.

That’s marvelous.

But for me, what really matters are the people I work with and the people I know in the community. I think Buffalo is a really wonderful place.

You’ve had some time to fall in love with the Buffalo Bills, will you stay a fan?

JS: I don’t know why, but I have always sort of been a fan of the Bills. Maybe I like

their logo, or maybe I liked it when OJ Simpson played, or when Jim Kelly led them to the Super Bowls and they didn’t quite get over the goal line. So I didn’t need a lot of prompting. I’m always a fan.

But the truth is, I much prefer and I’m much more excited about college football than I am about professional football. I might not have been a fan of the UB Bulls before I came here, but I am now, and I’ll be paying a lot of attention and watching them closely.

Will you be staying a Buffalo Bulls fan?

JS: Absolutely! I’m kind of a traditionalist though. College football games should be played on a Saturday afternoon, right? But now they play them on nights during the week. And the reason why they do that is because of television.

Even though I may be a traditionalist in respect to Saturday, colleges spread their games so widely that there are half a dozen networks that will pick them up around the world. So I’ll be able to sit at my home in Seattle and watch a Bulls game, whether it’s football, basketball, or soccer. I’ll look forward to doing that in the future.

In one of your first interviews you said it was one of your visions that UB is known as the best research University in the Northeast. Have we accomplished that?

JS: That ought to remain a core value and a core aspiration for this university because after all, we are a research university.

That makes us different than any of the institutions in Western New York.

Of all the colleges and universities in the northeast, there aren’t that many research universities. We are a public university which gives us certain characteristics and the only one that gives us a run for our money in the northeast is perhaps Stonybrook. But I think we’re still ahead.

Any advice for the interim or future presidents of UB? JS: I think the relationship between the University and the Western New York community is in a particularly good place now, I think it’s better than it has been in the past, and that is something very important and significant. It should be nurtured. No one can do that like the president.

Secondly, relations between the president, the senior administration, and the rest of the university again, should be in a good place. That is something important and worth investing time into and care into doing.

Thirdly, you’re going to be challenged with issues of policy, restriction, and budget in the future. That’s as true here as it is anywhere in the country in terms of public higher education. What you have to keep central to your thinking is that you are an academic institution. That is your fundamental purpose. Everything you do, whether it’s making a decision or setting direction, should flow form that support.

I think that’s what I would tell them. And of course, to go to Ted’s.

What was on your wish list this Christmas?

JS: Getting my packing completed and to eventually leave the university in as good of a condition as I can for the next president.

So no iPads or iPods?

JS: Actually my wife Katherine had a birthday last weekend and she really wanted an iPad, so I got her one. And it’s hard to get her off it now. I said how about I take you out for a really good meal. She said, great let’s go to Ted’s!

Was there anything you would have done differently during your presidency here?

JS: I try not ever to do that. I try not to second guess things I have done in the past.

By in large, I am overwhelmingly pleased with what I had a hand in helping lead and what the university has accomplished. My simple answer is no. I don’t have any regrets.

What would your ideal party scene?

JS: A gathering of people who are interested in what’s going on in the world, in research, scholarship, and the arts. My experience is that if you get a group of academics together, that is very often the way that conversations go. That’s my ideal kind of party.

Now if you could answer a few “this or that” type questions. Spectrum or Generation?

JS: Oh definitely Generation.

Campus Dining or the Commons?

JS: I’d say it’s a tie. I use both of them. In the Commons I love Rachel’s, the Mediterranean Grill. But I go over to the Student Union and eat too.

Hot wings or mild wings?

JS: I’m not a big wings fan, but I do like spicy food. So when I get wings, I get hot wings.

West coast or East coast?

JS: West Coast. But you know the comment I made about people in Buffalo earlier? I went to graduate school in Chicago and I really am from the west coast. I lived there my whole life until I went to graduate school.

The people I met in Chicago that I remember, their ways of relating to each other and their fundamental attitudes, it’s almost like that is the archetypical mid-west town. Buffalo is very similar to that and it’s not like New York or Philadelphia.

Beer pong or flip cup?

JS: Beer pong or flip cup? You know, I don’t know what you are talking about. My kids usually keep me up to date on things like this.

President Simpson, you are more than welcome to party with us any day.

ubgeneration.com | 11

Winter Fashion 2011

Buffalo is going to be cold and snowy (how shocking) for the next few months, but that does not mean your outfits have to be freezing as well. Winter 2011 offers countless classics paired with new finds so you can still look well dressed under your huge puffy wind-proof jacket. I have tested out these items, and I will give you my honest take on each one.

by Catherine Prendergast

photo: urban outfitters

Hats will always be one of the most effective ways to stay warm, but big this season are furry earmuffs. I started noticing them on the streets earlier in December, and I received a pair for Christmas. Soon I ditched my fargo hat in favor of my new gift. Earmuffs keep your entire head warm without messing up your hair. The only problem is that you cannot hear as well with such padding on your ears.

But I guess that is only a small price to pay for such warmth.

Not anything new, but I believe the best shoes for men this season are those LL Bean duck boots. Good in rain and snow, these shoes are practically made for Buffalo’s climate. They also give you greater visual interest than the more popular Timberland.

Leg warmers are getting a little played out. This season rock wrist warmers instead. These are great because you can wear them as an alternative to gloves, and wear them inside. Add these as a layer, either under a sweater or over a fitted cardigan.

12 | ubgeneration.com

Turtlenecks, of all things, are making a comeback, although I have yet to find one that doesn’t itch my neck. They also can easily look really weird. But several designers have created sleek turtlenecks that look surprisingly stylish. I would suggest to pair one with lots of necklaces to balance out the focus, or to opt for a cozy turtleneck sweater dress.

Slim jeans will always be a staple, but this winter you may want to try wide pants. Even if the actual material isn’t that warm, you can fix this by wearing long underwear or tights underneath, and since the pants are wide there wont be any bunches. Better yet, get a pair with a crazy pattern or bright colors to contrast all the grey and black people tend to wear in cold weather.

Who says matching completely looks bad? Well, lots of people. But apparently, it’s in. Red hair? Rock a red coat and red rain boots. Brown hair? Wear all brown.

Finally, 2011 urges everyone to dare to dream. We may not be in the tropics, but we can still wear summer clothes mixed in with our wools and thermal. Why not wear your bathing suit top under a tank and sweater? Or step out in wedged sandals over thick winter socks and tights. Remember, the sun is still out and shining most of these cold days.

GENERATION January 25, 2011

Resolutions Don’t Change A Thing

New Semester, New Resolutions By: Ally Balcerzak So here we are again, starting another semester in dear old Buffalo.

Say goodbye to Tuesday night parties and sleeping until noon on a Thursday, at least until May. Sure it sucks to be waking up early again and having to fight for a parking space no matter what time your class is, but personally, I’m ready to be back in school.

A new semester means a fresh start, a chance to forget about those skipped classes, late papers, and party indiscretions from the fall. It’s also the perfect time to set some new goals for ourselves, whether they are school related or not. I spent break hounding a few people from campus to see what they’ve come up with for the new semester, and managed to stumble across some pretty unique things.

English major Mike Tyson has vowed to work on getting his creative work published, while communications major Kevin Diver wants to go skydiving.

School related goals can help you focus while fun goals give you something to look forward to while you’re glued to those textbooks. Economics major Vilona Trachtenberg hopes to score a radio show on WRUB as a way to liven up all the hours she spends on campus as it is.

Personally, I’ve created three goals for myself: earn a 3.7 GPA for the semester, work out four times a week, and land a paid law internship for the summer. I’m not sure how easy it’ll be to reach those goals just yet, but getting friends involved can certainly be a good motivator. So, I convinced my best friend Corey to pick three goals too, that way we can nag each other when one of us is falling behind.

I like setting goals; I think they’re a good way to stay prioritized. Life can get a little crazy, and sometimes we lose site of what it is we really want.

Having a goal in your back pocket is an easy way to remind yourself why we pay thousands to be glued to overpriced textbooks for eight months out of the year.

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SEMESTER GOALS

By: Benjamin Paine I’m coming up now on my fourth January in the gym. We all know almost everyone makes the new years resolution to eat healthfully, get fit and enjoy the benefits of an active lifestyle. From the experience of four seasons of January joiners, I can tell you that the VAST majority of these people peter out within the first couple months, abandoning their resolutions and resigning themselves to their old ways.

Yes, some make a successful lifestyle change, but by and large most fail.

The reason behind this is their attitude, pure and simple. They say to themselves, “This is my year! I’m going to be healthy and get everything I want, because it’s my resolution!” They’re in what I call the “selfimprovement” mindset. They look at the positive, what they need to DO. 99% fail to notice what they must NOT do. This doesn’t just pertain to newfound gym rats, it pertains to everyone who makes a new years resolution. To resolve to improve oneself is nothing short of mental masturbation, a nice idea in their mind, and that’s all it’ll amount to.

The real way to change your life is not through this bullshit. The real way is to destroy yourself, to adapt an almost masochistic mindset. If you want the results, be prepared to sacrifice, and do it fervently. Abandon your laze, your comfort zone that you drown yourself in. Revel in the pain that is a sacrifice of your time, your body, and your mind.

If you want to quit smoking, learn to love the addictive pangs, laugh at your mind as it shouts cravings into your unconscious. If you want the health, abandon your unhealthy habits and learn to love the ache of your muscles, learn to mock at the pressures society and your peers place on you to drink and eat to excess, learn to love doing the things your mind says you don’t want to do.

That’s why I say fuck new years resolutions. They’re nothing more than a wistful hope that a new year will cast some spell on you to push yourself outside your comfort zone and “improve.” Embrace self-destruction and you’ll be on the path to glory.

GENERATION January 25, 2011

HIT>>UB Men’s Basketball

There is finally a team (besides rugby) winning at UB! The Bulls are 10-6 and many people are starting to believe that this is the team that will finally win the MAC. Byron Mulkey, Mitchell Watt (who made it to #2 on ESPN’s top 10 plays with his ridiculous block and tomahawk dunk), and Javon McCrea have a great mix of experience and youth which will make them a very dangerous team in the next coming month(s).

BS>>Fast Food

If you can’t have it your way, shoot somebody OR destroy the local McDonalds.

First, a Toledo woman busted up the local McDonalds when they refused to satisfy her McNuggets itch on the 14th. Three days later, a Philadelphia man was shot over a french fries dispute (he lived). Why can’t people just go back to enjoying the slow, painful death that too much greasy food inevitably causes instead of shooting at each other?

HIT>>An Arizona Law

Arizona isn’t exactly known for being the most socially progressive state or having the greatest laws. However, a recent law has become fairly popular. State officials have passed a law prohibiting any kinds of protest at a funeral. This action was directly aimed to stop the Westboro Baptist Church from standing outside the funerals of victims shot in the Arizona tragedy. It’s nice to see that there are people out there who can use the law to do good things once in a while.

BS>>Sarah Palin

It’s debatable whether she can be blamed in any part for the tragedy in Arizona, but having a “target list” with “crosshairs” on Garielle Giffords certainly doesn’t help her seem very innocent. It would seem that almost any hopes she had to run for president in 2012 have faded with this news, which really makes us believe that maybe the Mayans were wrong after all about the whole “absolute destruction of mankind”.

HIT>>James Starks

The former standout running back for the Bulls is now making a name for himself with the Packers. He set a Packers playoff record for most yards rushing by a rookie against the Eagles (123 yards), and has established himself as the go-to-guy in the Packers backfield. Analysts are just realizing the rare mix of power and speed we saw only a couple years ago which led UB to its first MAC Championship. There are a surprising amount of former UB football players in the NFL, and Starks has to be at the head of the pack at this point.

BS>>Wes Welker

Any team who has a quarterback that looks like Justin Bieber shouldn’t be allowed to talk trash. Wes Welker decided to get cute in a press conference and made over 10 foot references in light of Rex Ryan and his foot fetish hobby. It may have been funny at the time, but when you mess with the bull you get the horns. Rex Ryan and his Jets went on the shock Welker and the Patriots and left no doubt that he could handle a touchy subject.

HIT>>Ted Williams

The all-star of homeless people. This “man with the golden voice” has gone from the streets of Columbus to the Morning Show. He was offered a job doing voice-overs with the Cleveland Cavaliers, and has appeared on countless talk shows to tell his story of overcoming drugs and alcohol. Who knows if he will be able to sustain this kind of momentum, but at least he doesn’t have to beg for money for alcohol anymore (it’s just given to him now).

BS>>Hollywood Foreign Press Assoc.

Any panel who nominates “The Tourist” for any award deserves to be tested for mental issues. Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais didn’t win many supporters over in the HFPA when suggested that the HFPA must have accepted bribes to let such a bad film into the Golden Globes. It wouldn’t have been awkward if more than half the people in the room didn’t actually believe him. Unfortunately, Gervais will never host the awards again.

Hit or BS

By Steve Neilans

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Find out how to contribute and look at the latest job postings on ubgeneration.com ubgeneration.com | 15

Gentleman, hide your cameras.

The New York Jets have provided more erotica this year than Cinemax at 3 in the morning. First we were introduced to alleged photos of Brett Favre’s penis sent to a Jets hostess , and now we’re all taking a crash course on the intricacies of Rex Ryan’s foot fetishisms. ESPN won’t let these stories go, Wes Welker wouldn’t let the Rex Ryan story go, and any team who ever plays the Jets from now until the end of time definitely won’t let these stories go.

Edward Murrow turns in his grave every time Adam Schefter’s face appears on ESPN with breaking news in the Brett-Favre-penis-text-message scandal. Hard news at its finest (pun definitely intended).

It’s actually kind of fitting for a team who’s legend is nicknamed “Broadway Joe” to bring a little slice of Broadway back to the NFL. New characters with different backgrounds were introduced, who then met adversity (see above), who then finished with a deep run in the playoffs. Sounds like theater to me.

Even with a loss deep in the playoffs, their season would still qualify as a success by most standards. Well, at least by my standards where the Bills win 2 games in a row and I qualify that as a massive success.

And either by purpose or by dumb luck, Rex Ryan is the man behind the scenes who tries his hardest to make every opposing team forget that actual football is being played in New York, errr, New Jersey. Ryan press conferences rarely contain worn-out sports cliches, and almost always contain some candid remark that probably shouldn’t have been said. He manages his cast of various actors with bravado and doesn’t allow any outside sources dictate the way his team is handled.

But just as life is for any director in show business, it is much better to be heard than seen. Rex Ryan broke that rule. There is quite a difference between being candid and being a distraction for having a foot fetish video on YouTube with millions of hits.

When a friend of mine initially showed me the infamous video, I honestly thought I was watching the beginning of some really low-budget porno.

Rex Ryan’s video starts off with a man (Rex) walking up to a car with a woman (his wife) sitting innocently inside, followed by the man fixating the camera on the woman’s fabulously manicured feet (this is where I knew something fishy was up). The two then go off to “his place” and things get so much steamier from there! A total foot fetish fantasy ensues when Rex Ryan’s wife enters the scene and brings a whole new meaning to the word “foot-ball” (seriously, that’s what happens).

16 | ubgeneration.com

Any college kid sitting in a dorm will tell you what Favre and Ryan’s wife did was bordering on the edge of madness and insanity. Favre deserves at least little credit for at least not showing his face in the pictures (a.k.a. the cardinal rule), but that really doesn’t stop the image of my childhood idol’s penis burning an image into my brain. Some things cannot be unseen.

Ryan had to deal with an entirely different and much more scarier monster; his wife. I can just imagine Mrs. Ryan sitting at the family computer thinking how cute it would be to post a video of her and her husband together, followed

by Rex Ryan storming into the kitchen screaming “ARE YOU F*%^ING KIDDING ME!?”, followed by him getting distracted by her bare feet.

I would love to expand on the idea of why it’s a horrible idea to date a girl who can upload videos onto YouTube, but I think I’m just going to leave that subject alone. The thought of dating a well-read girl doesn’t intimidate me at all, but the thought of dating a girl who will post any kind of foot fetish videos on the Internet really scares the hell out of me.

To Ryan’s credit, it wasn’t his fault.

He can’t help that he likes feet just like Ted Williams (homeless guy, not Red Sox legend) can’ help that he likes spending all of his recently acquired money on Grey Goose. It’s just what they do. Should it be there fault for being human?

Social media has taken over sports for about the past 3 years. Tweets have replaced fan mail, players write their own blogs, and the filter that used to separate players from the fans is becoming more transparent than ever.

While this new trend is great for discovering different truths, it’s horrible for determining which truths are important.

Are the freaky things that a husband and wife do with each other really newsworthy? News sources are already on a slippery slope as it is, and detailed reports on a person’s deepest fantasies don’t seem to strike me as the compelling news that will turn the industry around.

Rex Ryan likes feet.

Got it? Good, let’s move on.

It’s that easy.

I really believe New York Jets and Rex Ryan have done an excellent job at taking distractions head on and tackling them immediately. New York City is one of the most critical audiences in the world, and it seems that the Jets breed more

distractions than almost any other team in the NFL. However, “Gang Green” truly handles distractions like any master surgeon would handle a case of gangrene; identify the issue and amputate it before it affects the body (I’m no doctor, but I assume that’s what they usually do).

Sexy Rexy might not have the personality for everybody, but there is no doubt that he was the right man to fill (and really enjoy) the shoes for the Jets.

Foot in Mouth

By Steve Neilans

Photo courtesy of The Epoch Times

GENERATION January 25, 2011

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Tech Update

by Seon McDonald

iPhone 4: Verizon

3D Gaming: Nintendo 3DS

CES Surprise: Atrix

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After years of being tied to AT&T’s troublesome GSM network, the iPhone 4 has now moved onto greener pastures with a new device compatible with Verizon’s CDMA network. Not much has changed in terms of design or specs except minor hardware changes to accommodate the CDMA antenna the addition of Mobile Hotspot. One should be aware though that Verizon’s network does not currently support simultaneous voice and data before making the switch from AT&T. The iPhone 4 will be available from February 3rd starting at $199 for the 16GB version and $299 for 32GB, or perhaps you could just wait for the new iPhone 5 later this year before inking a new 2-year contract with big red.

“Experience incredible gameplay featuring real 3D graphics with no need for special glasses” sums up Nintendo’s overview of their latest portable gaming console. With the current proliferation of 3D technology in movies, televisions and laptop screens it makes justifiable sense to introduce the gimmick technology on device optimized for 2D gameplay. You can play 3D games, take 3D pictures and watch 3D videos. Games include Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D, Madden NFL and Steeldiver, all of which utilize 3 Dimensional tricks to compliment gameplay. The screen sadly, is still resistive requiring the use of stylus to select and play using the touch screen. Release is slated for March 27 with prices from $249

Making the biggest splash at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show, this titan of a phone includes a Tegra dual core processor, 1GB of RAM, 4inch HD display, support for up to 48GB of memory, front facing camera, 5MP back camera with dual LED Flash and a 9hr talk time rated battery. However, that’s not the best part. The phone is accessorized with a laptop dock that transforms the phone into a full blown PC. The phone runs Android 2.2 but when docked runs a variant Linux OS with full featured Firefox and Flash support. Did I mention there’s a fingerprint reader too? Price and availability will be announced soon.

“America’s largest 4G network!” If you’ve seen the TMobile ads, then chances are you’ve either scratched your head or simply scoffed at the market-speak. 4G as used in the term “4G network” alludes to an upgrade from the current widespread 3G network, so in theory it’s faster supporting speeds on par with those provided by your internet company. T-Mobile decided that since their new HSPA+ network provided speeds up to 3x more than 3G(21 Mbps) they would label and market it as 4G much to the chagrin of International Telecommunication Union’s (ITU). The ITU, who is responsible for standardizing these terms has opined that these speeds were not in fact 4G and should be at least 100Mbps. T-Mobile is not the only guilty party here, with Sprint touting their WiMax network with up to 10Mbps as 4G and charging their subscribers an extra $10 per month to use it. Verizon and AT&T also recently announced their own versions of “4G” capable networks based on LTE technology all falling short of the ITU’s lofty standards. In short, while the speeds are indeed faster than 3G, they may not in fact be worth the hype of new generational proportions. Be careful before you sign up for service based on these 4G trends. Check a map for coverage and see if the speeds are applicable in your area especially if there is a mandated fee involved.

4G Wireless: Marketing Ploy GENERATION January 25, 2011

Diddy Dirty Money

“The Last Train to Paris”

by Seon McDonald

Several years later and there’s still no legitimate competitor to the iPod Touch. Microsoft’s Zune put up a valiant fight but has since ceded the PMP market to Apple. Enter Samsung who has sold over 10 million Galaxy S phones based on the Android OS with a new variant of the phone without the phone part. The specs include a measly 2MP camera, up to 16 GB of memory as well as a microSD expansion support, GPS, FM radio and WiFi. However if it really wants to compete against the iPod Touch it is missing a certain front facing camera for video chatting and all those delectable games on iOS .

Samsung: Taking on iPod Touch

It takes a certain type of an artist, some level of humility and smart business sense to realize that it might be best to share the spotlight. Sean “Diddy” Combs is not only a shrewd businessman himself, but he has a curious aptitude for adding a fresh new twist to the hip hop standard. The eclectic collaboration with Keyshia Cole in “Last Night” comes to mind as the canvas on which “The Last Train to Paris” undoubtedly paints its innards. What results is a pretty good mix of songs that straddles the hip hop barrier and touches on other genres with some groovy and danceable hits. Setting this trend off is the steely and hyperactive “Ass on the Floor” on which Swizz Beats injects commands to get on the floor amidst some snazzy beats. The lyrics are to the point and Kelenna Harper carries the tune while Diddy spits a few verses.

It immediately becomes clear that the sultry voices of the two women with whom Diddy embarked on this group project shine and glitter throughout the tracks adding just what this album needs -- an indelible polish. Dawn Richards formerly of Danity Kane easily stands out with her clear vocal timbre that captivates the listener in “I Hate That You Love Me”. The musicality of the song is certainly a high point on the album, featuring an addicting piano layer that compliments the ardent singing.

Some added surprises include guest vo-

cals from Justin Timberlake, Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and Drake. Most surprising and satisfying though, is the fact that the album features as much actual singing as rapping. While its likely Diddy auto tuned his vocals on “Angels”, he leaves most of the singing to the ladies Dawn and Kelenna who gives the album attitude and a feminine point of view.

No two tracks sound alike, a welcome respite as the disc covers 18 songs. Diddy sometimes take the reins and with some disconsolate lyrics; “ my mind spins, my sins crowd the room, my heart don’t skip it just beats out of tune, I can’t even hold down food, I’m so rude bad attitude, what point I got to prove” he intones his need for somebody to love him. Listening to thisalbum, the creativity behind the songs is refreshing if anything. Perhaps because Diddy isn’t so tied down by making money off the project, he is able to take some risks and it pays off. The production is slick but with substance, highly danceable but also retrospective especially the last track on the album, the redemptive Ballad “Coming Home”. The song touches not only on about regrets but carries a message of hope; “Tell the World I’m coming home. Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday. I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes” -- a poignant way to end an enjoyable album.

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LITERARY “Thank God this insipid weekend is over,” Angie flopped onto her bed with a dull thud, staring up at the discolored white ceiling.

“Is parents weekend always this stressful?” Melanie asked as she pulled out Angie’s desk chair to sit in.

“I’m thinking yes.”

Both girls sighed in silent contemplation for a moment, letting memories of the chaotic, parent filled weekend sink in. “Hey Ang…” Melanie began with slight trepidation, “What’s up with you and your dad?

You barely said anything to him all weekend.”

Angie rolled onto her stomach, the bed creaking slightly under her weight, and propped herself up on her elbow.

She could feel the storyteller inside her coming out, “Want to hear a story?”

I’ve always played by the, “There is a time and place for everything” rule. Even as a child, I wouldn’t throw temper tantrums out in public, I’d wait until we were safely in the car. Along with that rule came the idea that certain things in life should take priority over others, school over fun, and family over work. My father on the other hand, thought differently.

As a child, I always ran to my mother when I needed something, never to my father. It wasn’t because I didn’t love him, I did, I do (at least on some level); it was because he never seemed to be home. I learned at a young age not to depend on my father. He tried, I’ll give him that, but his trying always ended in failure and disappointment. He’d promise to be home for my birthday, then something would happen and he’d have to work. He’d promise to come to my game, then he wouldn’t get out of the office in time.

Dinner with my father was a rare occurrence; he’d always be at work solving one problem or another. The few nights a month he would make an appearance at the table used to be magical in my small eyes. But six dinners a month was hardly enough to form a relationship. Yes, he was my father by birth, but he did not raise me, he wasn’t around enough to do that.

The older I got the worse our relationship became. He had no idea what rules my mother imposed or what punishments were deemed acceptable. One summer night just before my junior year of high school, he enlightened me to just how little he knew of my upbringing.

I unlocked the front door at 1:30 in the morning, slowly easing the door shut as I flicked off the porch light. Before the door was fully closed my father had appeared in the small grand entryway. “Why aren’t you in bed?” He asked, arms across his chest in a false attempt at superiority.

I was confused, this never happened.

“Huh?” A quick glance at my glowing cell phone screen told me I was home on time 20 | ubgeneration.com

Fatherless at Eighteen

By: Allison Ruiz

as always.

“It’s one thirty in the morning. You are sixteen years old. This is unacceptable young lady,” a frown danced around his lips as though his disappointment would affect me.

“I always come home this late. I was at Mary’s with Kellson,” I shook my head in slight agitation. “Mom knows, she’s fine with it.”

“Well I’m not. I do get a say you know, I’m your father.”

“You’re never home –but fine, whatever.

Talk to Mom then, she’s just going to say I had permission. I’m going to bed.” I took my hand off the doorknob and stepped towards the stairs, stalling slightly at the first step, expecting a response. But instead, he said nothing. My father simply remained motionless in the hallway, stunned into silence.

That night was the beginning of a new stage in our relationship. He made a point of coming to most of my soccer games that fall, as if standing on the sidelines could fix years of neglect. He tried assigning chores and enforcing punishments at home, always failing to gain the same level of respect I gave to my mother.

By spring he had given up, he knew his approach was ineffective against the ice he had spent seventeen years freezing around my heart. Instead, he became over excited about my college search, spending hours looking at statistics of different schools, even creating an excel chart so I could cross reference each one with ease.

I was grateful for his efforts, but my opinion of him did not waver much. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that he had finally changed, something kept me from believing it. Although, it didn’t help that despite his effort to be involved, something inevitably came up at the office, which would cause him to come home late or miss another game.

As the college search wore on and I began my final year of high school, my father’s actions began to appear more and

more false in my eyes. With every day off he took to visit a school with my mother and me, the more I resented him. He chose to become involved when I was preparing to leave. My mind could not comprehend why he thought two years of caring could make up for sixteen of unquestioning ignorance. Maybe it was because I was naïve, or maybe it was because I’d been hurt by him so many times, but either way, it seemed like he was excited I’d be gone in a year, and that just added to our issues.

Eventually I chose a college, sent in my deposit, and proudly placed the sticker on my car. Graduation seemed to close in faster then I could have imagined, and for once, my father and I weren’t fighting.

But the unnatural peace that had settled over my household could only last so long.

As the week before graduation came upon us, my father announced the unspeakable.

“My schedule for next week changed,” he said nonchalantly at one of our less rare family dinners, “I’m working Friday morning. Victor asked me to cover a meeting so he could go golfing.”

There was no containing my anger, “Excuse me? No you’re not.” My body began to shake uncontrollably while my father merely gazed at me as though I belonged in a mental institution. Across the table my mother sat, glaring daggers at him, unable to find a way to side with her husband in the given situation.

“Angie, relax. I’ll be out in time for your graduation,” my father condescendingly said to me. He finished his sentence with a bite of his burger, as though that was the end of the discussion.

I took a moment to look out the sliding glass door into our backyard, hoping the peaceful monotony of suburbia could dispel some of my anger. “If you work that day, consider yourself childless,” I remarked in a tone so poisonous even I could feel the venom in my words. “I am your only child.

Victor can miss a fucking golf game. I suggest you call him right now and inform him you will not be covering, otherwise I can do

it for you.”

My father shook his head before responding, “I will be out by three. Don’t worry.”

“Bullshit!” I yelled, leaping up from my chair, “You are never out when you say you’ll be. It’s my graduation! Can’t you put me before your God damn job just once?”

I ended up crying as I stormed away from the table; I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him at that point.

He called after me in a pitiful attempt to calm the situation, but my mind was made up, he was no longer worthy of acknowledgement. I bounded up the stairs to my room, hurling through the door in a frantic search for my car keys, fully aware of how childish I was acting. As I began my decent downstairs I could hear my parents talking.

“You realize she’s had it with you, right?” I heard my mother say, not masking her anger with my father.

“I’ll be home by three,” he responded, “I don’t see why she thinks I’d miss her graduation.”

“Because you’ve missed countless birthdays, big games, and school performances, that’s why. You can’t blame her.”

“I wouldn’t miss this.”

“But you’d work before it.”

The finality of my mother’s words encouraged me to finish my journey down the stairs and reenter the kitchen for one last comment before leaving the house. “Congratulations, you’ve successfully managed to lose your daughter completely. I hope you’re happy with your job, because you are no longer a father.” With purpose, I crossed the room and walked out into the garage. I slid behind the wheet, cranked the radio up to full blast, and peeled out of the driveway faster than any 2003 Impala ever should.

I sped out of the neighborhood with no destination in mind; I simply wanted to get as far away from my father as possible. No words could make up for his comments at the table that night, and no repairs could be made to our relationship any longer.

He had chosen work over family, and I had chosen to live my life without a father.

“Wow. My dad missed a few games here and there, but at least he was around I guess.” Melanie sat cross-legged in the chair, a mixed look of shock and worry on her face. “Like, I know he hurt you, but maybe…”

Angie’s eyes smoldered, “No. My mind is made up. I lit the fuse, but he poured the gasoline.”

GENERATION January 25, 2011

LITERARY SCHOPENHAUER: Hello, Freddie.

NIETZSCHE: Hi there, Art! SCHOPENHAUER: How are you today?

NIETZSCHE:

Pretty good, Art. It’s such a lovely day here in Germany. Vaguely familiar. It’s almost as if it occurred before…

How are you?

SCHOPENHAUER: Just terrible.

I’m sick of this world. There’s nothing good about it. The Will has been riding me pretty hard lately.

NIETZSCHE: How so?

SCHOPENHAUER: Well, I’ve been thinking.

NIETZSCHE: When do you not?

SCHOPENHAUER: Ha. It’s just that I think human beings are stuck in this putrid world, this hollowed wasteland, this heart of darkness, and can’t get out if they continue to wallow in this sense of importance and entitlement, as if the world somehow makes sense! My God, people actually believe that this world is worth fighting for.

It’s disgusting. I’m trying to convince people that the Will is dangerous but no one listens. As long as people see a dog smile they ultimately don’t care about the misery and suffering in the world. World War I is going to happen soon and no one gives a damn!

NIETZSCHE: World War what?

SCHOPENHAUER: Nevermind. My point is that for too long humans have ignored the world’s wretchedness and given in to the cravings of the body. Just thinking about the Will has made me sick. I can barely play the flute!

NIETZSCHE: Can a pessimist play the flute?

SCHOPENHAUER: What?

NIETZSCHE: Nothing. Just joshing you. I’m not in disagreement with you, Art. Quite the opposite. The world is horrible and we must overcome it through unconventional means. It’s just a matter of how. I have a few thoughts of my own on the subject.

SCHOPENHAUER: Regale me.

NIETZSCHE: Gladly. But first let me summarize your views just in case anyone interested is listening to our conversation or reading a transcript of it. You have the Will, Kant’s “thing-in-itself.” It’s the internal drive humans have to keep alive. There’s no reasoning behind it. Unlike your buddy Hegel, who believed in the collective consciousness, you believe that the Will has no direction or scope. History never aims for something; progress is bunk. We’re merely in a wilderness of pain. We live with that pain because there is no other option. Escape from the world is impossible and up until now the only way humans have coped with it is to give in to the pleasures of the body and mind. Sure, there was Christianity, which interdicts bodily pleasure, but that is running its course. And besides, it promises an afterlife with milk and honey and all that crap. Ultimately everything that we have come up with to cope with the world has been acquiescence, or worse, a

A Genial Conversation Between

Arthur Schopenhauer and

Friedrich Nietzsche on July 16th, 1859

by Josh Q. Newman

futile denial of it. Not only is the Will sad, it is evil. Deliberate capitulation to the Will brings more misery to the world. It satisfies its existence. It justifies it. For humans to progress and for life to become bearable, we must turn to Representation. Your aesthetics break away from the Will. Humans can reach something higher – transcend, if you will – through art. Music, art, literature, sculpture, architecture, etc. enable you to escape, if only briefly, the Will. There are no judgment, drive, passion, desire, or reckoning in art. If done properly, you can transcend the world as we know it and come ever closer to nirvana.

SCHOPENHAUER: Nirvana? Explain your terms, Freddie!

NIETZSCHE: Of course. Nirvana, or to put it more simply nothingness, is the perfect state of being. It is the total lack of desire, an absence of everything that makes of human. Nothingness means that we neither crave nor expect anything. It is not death, which is the lack of life and consciousness, but rather a metaphysical state beyond any current comprehension. The only people that have come close to nothingness are the sages and mystics: people that have starved themselves and meditated to the point of virtual death. Nothingness cannot truly be achieved because of our biological needs – as we Germans say, a brotha’s gotta eat – but experiencing art comes pretty damn close.

SCHOPENHAUER: Wonderful! I couldn’t have said it better myself…well, actually, I could have. But anyways, how does this differ from your views, Freddie?

NIETZSCHE: I was getting to that. I agree with you that we must overcome our petty existence. But I’m willing to go a step further. You talk about the Will. I talk about the Will to Power. We humans are driven not by mere survival but by the desire of power. Think about it. Why do you think we have been in a perpetual state of war ever since we Homo sapiens came about? Why do you think greed and lust are such prominent human characteristics? It’s because humans always strive to become something better. We need power to justify our existence, to make the world our own, to give

meaning. Darwin and his theories. Leave survivalism to the English! God knows they need it! Have they learned nothing from the Greeks? The dichotomy between the Apollonian and Dionysian superstructures…

SCHOPENHAUER: Yes, yes, yes, we all know about your tragedy. But come now. Do you really think that all human beings want power? Power over their lives, maybe, but true unabridged power? Isn’t that just appeasing the Will, giving your desires a fancy new name?

NIETZSCHE: Let me finish! First of all, I’m surprised at you. You know how we Germans appreciate appeasement. But that’s beside the point. Your Will, I’m afraid, is a bit too bleak. It sees nothing beyond the horrors of the world and ignores the potential for humans to rise above it! Humans don’t want to survive: they want to thrive.

There’s something in all of us that can get us beyond the dismal state of reality. We can become the falcon, not the falconer!

It’s not an escape of the Will but a domination of it. We could’ve had it too by now if it weren’t for those goddamn Jews and Christians.

SCHOPENHAUER: Tell me about it!

Christianity has spoiled everything, hasn’t it?

NIETZSCHE: For sure. As I mentioned, the Apollonian and Dionysian set of values the Greeks had were crushed by the total failure of judgment on part the Jews and, I should mention, Socrates. Aeschylus and Sophocles valued both cool Apollonian order and the undercurrent of Dionysian chaos. It was that combination that made Greek tragedy so prevalent to the human condition. It wasn’t until Euripides came along and destroyed this relationship by using cool Socratic rationalism that this basic truth, this Will to Power, disappeared. And then there were the Jews. They did irrevocable damage to human morals by creating a sickening slave morality that dominated their religion and later Christianity. They turned the tables by valuing everything the Greeks and later the Romans tried to stamp out: weakness, poverty, sickness, etc. Instead of valuing strength and power, they settled for their meager existence

and dragged the world with it. And when Christianity came, it became worse. Soon the entire Western world was dominated by piety and modesty when it is the strong that will come out and prevail!

SCHOPENHAUER: You call it the Übermensch, do you not?

NIETZSCHE: Yes, the Superman. The Superman doesn’t need a world after this one. He doesn’t require a soul nor does he need faded concepts like truth and essence to justify this world. No. The Superman creates his own values. When God is finally dead and the moral black hole begins to suck the meaning out of our very existence, the Superman will be there to pick up the pieces. There will be no good and evil. Instead, there will be only strength and art.

The strength of a warrior and the spirit of a poet. That is the Superman. We will need him to survive. How’s that for the Will to Power?

SCHOPENHAUER: Very impressive, Freddie. Although I do have one problem with that. The Superman is just an idea. There’s no way humans can evolve to that. The Will won’t allow it! You can’t fully escape life anymore than you can escape gravity. Sure, I have my aesthetic ideas but I have no wishful thoughts about humans actually becoming God. That’s your problem. You believe in God! Ha! You God-lovers are all the same: reaching into the chamber pot to catch gold. You need to accept that it will not happen. Wagner may be the closest thing we have to any sort of God and even he is a grumpy, anti-Semitic bastard! Don’t get me wrong, I love the man, but still…

NIETZSCHE: But Art, surely you take into consideration eternal recurrence of the same?

SCHOPENHAUER: Oh yes, that drag. You think it makes a difference how many times our lives repeat? I don’t think it matters. So what if our lives and body repeats itself? The world will still be the same. The universe makes no effort to change for the better. Hell, it doesn’t make an effort! Your views on humanity are flattering to me, considering you are influenced by me, but I must warn you, my friend, human beingness is a boulder that can’t be picked up. I deal with it through art; you deal with it through Zarathustra and exclamation points.

NIETZSCHE: Ah, so the pessimist shows his wings! Go ahead and wallow in misery. Listen to the Ring Cycle for the hundredth time. While you die with no hope, I will be perfecting my idea, my being, into something that will once and for all vanquish the Will and make life worth living!

SCHOPENHAUER: So it goes.

NIETZSCHE: Indeed…so, same time next week?

SCHOPENHAUER: Sure. I’m looking forward to it. Perhaps next time we won’t keep whacking a dead horse.

NIETZSCHE: Hey!

ubgeneration.com | 21

Parting ShotS It’s Time for the Australian Open!

by Catherine Prendergast

January 17th till the 30th is an exciting time for tennis fans. It marks the dates of the 2011 Australian Open, where once again we witness our favorite players kill it on the court or get whipped by an underdog. At the time of production, the Open was at Day 3 and already some spectacular games went down.

The first day of the open, Justine Henin, from Belgium and ranked number 13, defeated Sania Mirza after losing the first set. USA stars Venus Williams and Andy Roddick both beat their opponents; Williams went up against Italian Sara Errani, and Roddick played Jan Hajek in just three sets. Comedic player Novak Djokovic also crushed his opponent after three sets, as well as record-breaking Roger Federer.

Finally, Russian beauty Maria Sharapova defeated Tamarine Tanasugarn, 6-1 6-3.

Day two hosted slightly more intense and longer matches; David Ferrer from Spain and ranked at seven played a thrilling game with Jarkko Nieminen, as he won the first two sets, lost the third, and secured the game in the fourth. French Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, ranked at 13, lost the first two sets to German Philipp Petzschner, but then turned the tables and won the last three. Robin Soderling, ranked at 4, defeated Potito Starace; American Michael Russell beat Matthew Ebden; and Serbian at number 8 Jelena Jankovic defeated Russian Alla Kudryavtseva.

Kim Clijsters, ranked at 3, completely squashed Dinara Safina, with the score of 6-0, 6-0. Lastly, Australian Samantha Stosur, ranked at 6, and Spaniard Rafael

Nadal, who is currently ranked number 1, both defeated their opponents with ease.

It is early enough in the game to muse on the players’ upcoming performances; who will do as expected, who will exceed, and who will disappoint thousands of fans.

Roger Federer is an incredible player, arguably one of the best in history, who has a particularly fine background in Australian Open championships – he won in 2004, 2006, 2007, and 2010. Many people hope that it will come down to him against current number one, Rafael Nadal. These two always give us a spectacular game to watch, especially when they play each other. Nadal won this open in 2009, and maybe this is the year he will win again.

Maria Sharapova and Novak Djokovic have proved to be forces to reckon with, as they both won the open in 2008. How-

ever, there have been many times these two have come super close to the final and then lost their stride, so this year could go either way. Kim Clijsters is starting strong, and if she keeps it up, she has potential to win her first Australian title. Let the yellow balls fly!

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