Reckoning: Spring 2018

RECKO NI NG

G E N E R ASIAN

SPRING

2018

EXECUTIVE STAFF Editor-in-Chief Shirley Foo Editor-at-Large Jessie Yeung Deputy Editors Morgan Kuin, Kate Cabigao, Jane Phan Art Editor Tatiana Hollander-Ho Blog Editor Alison Cheng Deputy Blog Editor Grace Cheng Media Editors Jenny Du Emily Arakawa Deputy media Editors Julia Cruz Kelly Sheng Layout Editor Alison Cheng secretary Casey Lee Treasurer Ryan Yi public relations chair Cheryl Man

CONTRIBUTORS Writers

Layout

Kate Cabigao Chelsea Cheng Alex Cullina Ladan Jaballas Lisa Kindyeyeva Morgan Kuin Archita Kumar Ruthie Learned Zoe Lee Tom Lynch Jane Phan Shashank Rao Alexandra Fong

Alison Cheng Shirley Foo Casey Lee Morgan Kuin Mona Yang Ryan Yi Callia Tong Chelsea Cheng

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS Dear Readers, This past year has been eventful, to say the least.

The #MeToo movement, the gun control debate, and the DACA deadlock have all been called moments of “national reckoning.� It seems only fitting that we, too, turn to the issues we reckon with day to day.

To reckon with something is to challenge, to question, to self-reflect and critically examine. We invite you, as we did the writers, to consider what reckoning can mean both personally and on the national stage. What ideas, assumptions, and identities have you grappled with? What topics should be probed more deeply, and where have we heard silence instead?

It has been our honor to work with such enthusiastic and talented writers this semester. In this issue, they explore everything from Asian-American athletics to the half-Asian experience and the Anglicization of names. As a community and as a country, we are never done questioning, and we hope you find your own moments of reckoning within these pages.

Thank you for your support, and we wish you happy reading!

Jessie

Artists Tatiana Hollander-Ho Evonne Lao Margaret Yannopoulos Cindy Qiang

Morgan

Kate

Jane

Disclaimer: This publication is published by students at New York University and NYU is not responsible for its contents.

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Letter from the Editor

CONTENTS art 1 cover Cindy Qiang

in translasian 18 lost Alexandra Fong

2 letter from the editors 3 contents

the moment 20 in Evonne Lao

A RT A N D ENTERTAI NME NT

4 Jane Phan

holding out for an (asian american) hero

yongliang: 6 yang blending past and present Ruthie Learned

8 Lisa Kindyeyeva

the price of k-pop’s “magic formula”

10 forgotten in history

hollywood’s first asian heartthrob:

HIS TORY AND CULT UR E

the ball: 22 pass bridging the cultural disconnect Morgan Kuin

writing on the wall: 24 the chinese americans on angel island Zoe Lee

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end point.

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misidentifying the middle east:

Margaret Yannopoulos

who counts as asian?

Ladan Jaballas

IDEN T IT Y

Alex Cullina

P E R SO NAL ESSAYS

my name is “american” 30 hello, Chelsea Cheng

point in the making!

11 anKateexclamation Cabigao

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crossroads

reflection on grief 13 aShashank Rao

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keeping archita

14 white, but not really the half-asian problem

Tom Lynch

16 aCindycollection Qiang

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Tatiana Hollander-Ho

Archita Kumar

D EPART MENTAL N EWS

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get to know your e-board

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blog highlight

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media highlight

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HOLDING OUT FOR AN ASIAN-AMERICAN HERO By: Jane Phan

Even before its public release, Black Panther was smashing records left and right, from fifth-highest opening weekend of all time to biggest solo superhero launch of all time.

With its global release, the discussion surrounding representation in media has shifted; black creatives are finally being given the chance to showcase a Pan-African narrative that has been so lacking in the classic world of superheroes. The pure joy of fans across the nation is palpable as they flock to cinemas for an entire movie highlighting the creative visions and talents of black Americans. However, Asian-American movie fans are still left to wonder: when will I ever get to see myself and my culture represented like this? Will my own children get a chance to look up to a superhero the way that others do?

“They are reduced to flat characters without real flaws or strengths, only there to aid the protagonist on their path down some greater journey.”

I get it. The conversation around media representation isn’t new.

And yet, even with the continuous cycle of discussion, not much is being done to correct disproportional and inaccurate representation, especially for Asian artists who work so hard to succeed in the industry. This is particularly apparent in the world of superheroes and comic adaptations. Rationally, many believe that representation isn’t all that important in the world of scifi or fantasy, in which race and species even include extraterrestrial beings.

However, any narrative art form be-

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comes much more relatable and effective when employing diverse representation. That’s why Asian representation in the world of superheroes and comic adaptations is so much more than just seeing someone who looks like you on the big screen.

Asian media representation in America has been a problem since the earliest films. Asians in Hollywood’s action movies have often been typecast as the sinister villain, sporting the ancient Fu Manchu mustache and a low, gloating voice. Think actor Richard Loo in 1940s films such as The Purple Heart or God is My Co-Pilot. There was little evolution in the following decades – if not the villain, Asians have been the wise old sage or trainer, such as Karate Kid Daniel’s beloved trainer Mister Miyagi. They are reduced to flat characters without real flaws or strengths, only there to aid the protagonist on their path down some greater journey.

They are the Non-Player Characters of the movie world. It suggests that people who share your physical features and cultural identity are one-dimensional, and are inherently less valuable in America, thus feeding into the perpetual foreigner stereotype that damages the self-image of so many Asian Americans.

The key solution here, then, is the intertwining of originality and heroism. Asian culture is vast and easily referenced for inspiration, yet in the world of comics, there is little sign of Asian originality alongside white protagonists. In the United States, Asian culture is still often seen as perpetually foreign, despite the fact that many families have built generations of history in this country. A standalone hero would be a much-needed indication of

respect towards the permanence and establishment of intertwined Asian and American cultures. The essential role of the superhero is to combat perceived evils and act as a beacon of hope for others. Despite the nuances and creative deviation that can branch from this basic archetype, superheroes are still, at their core, symbols of inspiration and strength. Though bravery has no race, we tend to visualize a white face when we think of superheroes in the U.S. Save for Black Panther, all of the standalone heroes to have their own franchise in the Marvel Cinematic Universe have been white (see: Thor, Iron Man, Captain America…), not to mention a lack of female heroes. A strong heroic figure that also highlights the value and richness of Asian culture would help reverse Hollywood’s emphasis on singular white heroism, and challenge the erasure of Asian representation among heroes.

“Asian culture is vast and easily referenced for inspiration, yet in the world of comics, there is little sign of Asian originality alongside white protagonists.”

While film and television industries have seen some progress in Asian representation, with shows like Fresh Off the Boat and movies like The Big Sick in recent years, there is a lot of space for improvement within the world of comic books and superheroes. Marvel Comics, inc. and DC Entertainment have made efforts to diversify their catalogue of characters and stories, but have great potential to push further. Current Asian-American characters are often the “Asian ___”,

THE TOTALLY AWESOME HULK (2015) #15 , featuring Amadeus Cho as The Hulk, Cindy Moon as Silk, Kamala Khan as Ms. Marvel, and Shang-Chi, the Master of Kung Fu, on its cover.

or the Asian iteration of an originally white character. Take, for instance, the characters of Amadeus Cho as the “Asian Hulk” or Cindy Moon as the “Asian girl spiderman”. It’s important to note that these are well fleshed-out characters with compelling storylines and unique traits, but the statement still stands: they are simply Asian follow-ups to their original precursors, or female counterparts to an original.

If not that, there are Asian members of collective teams (for example, Jubilee in the X-Men), but few that are standalone heroes. Some critics of this trend have accused Marvel and DC of tokenism, and although I personally am a big fan of these characters, we shouldn’t be stopping here. There should be more space for original and compelling Asian superheroes /comic protagonists - they deserve their own stories and influence in the world.

“Current Asian-American characters are often the ‘Asian ___’, or the Asian iteration of an originally white character.”

I think back often to my viewing of Black Panther. The thing I would most love to come from stronger Asian representation among heroes is the power that comes with having direct voices that challenge society’s conceptions. Chadwick Boseman’s T’Challa is the heroic voice that urges for solidarity among brethren in a society where it had been feared. His mask is one that young movie-goers wear with pride.

I’d like to think that Asian and Asian-American children will someday find that same joy dressing up as a hero they can call their own.

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Jane is a sophomore from Boston in Education Studies at Steinhardt.

Holding Out For an Asian-American Hero

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YANG YONGLIANG:

“I think Chinese art, with its thousands of years of history, is about to become extinct.”

This grim prediction came in 2012 from Yang Yongliang, an artist who combines traditional Chinese painting with a more contemporary style and modern technology. He watched Chinese citizens losing parts of their historic heritage amid China’s breakneck modernization, especially in urban centers. Through the visual arts, Yongliang attempts to raise awareness about industrialization’s drastic effects on nature and historical sites, with a particular focus on his hometown: Shanghai.

Yongliang utilizes a traditional Chinese painting style which flourished in the Tang Dynasty (618-907 CE) and which had a unique purpose: it aimed not to replicate the appearance of nature, but rather to reflect an emotion or the artist’s state of mind. During the instability and uncertainty of the Warring States period (475-221 BC), people turned to ideologies that promoted harmony and peace such as Daoism and Confucianism. These philosophies appealed to those in the war-torn Tang Dynasty, and are thus reflected in the

paintings of the time. This is the art form that Yongliang grew up learning and now uses to portray a new kind of public uncertainty in a sleek new China.

His process involves hours of wandering various cities, photographing, and taking videos that are eventually combined into one frame. A feature by CBS describes how as Yongliang “snaps the photos, he doesn’t know how they’ll come together. Ultimately, a telephone pole might wind up resembling a tree or a house can become a rock in a river.” Shei Shu, a curator in a Shanghai gallery which sells Yongliang’s work, explains that he is “evok[ing] the old to criticize the new.”2 Yongliang echoes this statement and urges people to preserve both nature and ancient culture, explaining that the purpose of his art is “to make people reflect. Modern life is comfortable and convenient but we rarely think about what we exchange for that.”2 Just as those in the Tang Dynasty used

paintings to portray their feelings of helplessness amid violence and bloodshed, Yongliang uses his art form to illustrate the damage done by China’s economically-driven development.

Yongliang is originally from a rural county of Shanghai called Jiading, and it is these rural areas that are most harshly affected by China’s fervent economic and industrial expansion. According to the State Administration of Cultural Heritage (SACH), as many as tens of thousands of historical sites have been destroyed by China’s aggressive development in the past few decades. Out of the 225,000 historic sites registered in 1982, “some 30,995 of the items...have vanished.” Among the lost sites is the Shanghai family home of the famed architect IM Pei, made even more tragic by the fact that it was supposed to be protected by the city. It is not only these historical sites, but people’s homes and ways of life that have also been destroyed.

This trend of destruction isn’t limited to urban environments; the hydroelectric Three Gorges Dam, one of the world’s largest power stations, is one of China’s most environmentally devastating projects. Scientists pointed

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The Creators Project, Saving Chinese Art From Extinction / Meet Yang Yongliang. Creators.vice.com, 2012 2 CBS This Morning, “Classical” Chinese art tackles modern issues. CBS News, 2014.

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“Yongliang uses his artform to illustrate the damage done by China’s economically-driven development.”

Tania Branigan, China loses thousands of historic sites. The

Guardian, 2009.

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Brooke Wilmsen, Damming China’s rivers to expand its cities:

the urban livelihoods of rural people displaced by the Three Gorges Dam. Urban Journals, 2017.

Ian Johnson, In China, ‘Once the Villages Are Gone, the Culture Is Gone’. The New York Times, 2014.

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Benjamin Haas, China’s Shanghai sets population at 25 million to avoid ‘big city disease’. The Guardian, 2017

BLENDING PAST AND PRESENT By: Ruthie Learned out that it was built “in an area that is heavily populated, home to threatened animal and plant species, and crossed by geologic fault lines,” and called the project “a recipe for disaster.” On top of possibly devastating long-term environmental effects, the dam’s construction alone has also displaced up to 1.3 million people.4 Residents were forcibly relocated as their homes and sometimes entire villages were destroyed to make room for the dam, a pattern occurring all over China. According to Tianjin University, “in 2000, China had 3.7 million villages… [but] by 2010, that figure had dropped to 2.6 million, a loss of about 300 villages a day.”

These disappearing rural villages are particularly concerning because they are the bedrock of cultural preservation; they are the birthplace and the last sanctuary for ancient traditions, arts, and practices. A New York Times article describes a government project that has “cataloged roughly 9,700 examples nationwide of ‘intangible cultural heritage,’ fragile traditions like songs, dances, rituals, martial arts, cuisines and theater. About 80 percent of them are rural.”5 This means that as the villages vanish, so will these

“From the New World,” by Yang Yongliang. precious and irreplaceable cultural aspects, and we may never understand exactly what has been lost.

“...as many as tens of thousands of historical sites have been destroyed by China’s aggressive development in the past few decades.”

Although these tragic losses cannot be undone, in recent years, China has taken more care to protect what remains. Just recently, the State Council approved Shanghai’s urban plan for 2017-2035, which aims to combat the “big city disease.” Priority will be given to ecological environmental protection, with special efforts to conserve water sources and green lands, and to reduce carbon emissions. Additionally, the government website acknowledges that “historical relics need continued protection, and the buildings in important areas need a careful design to present a blended style of traditional cultures, as well as of nature, and modernization.” Though perhaps overdue, this is a huge step in ensuring that future urban expansion will not go un-

checked.

Protecting these aspects of Chinese history and culture is a crucial necessity, not only for the integrity of the country and its citizens, but also for those like myself. As a Chinese-American, I want the opportunity to visit China and experience it in its entirety.

Other members of the Chinese diaspora may also wish for their children, grandchildren, and descendants to be able to visit China and see its retained history. Fortunately for us, Yongliang is not alone in his activism. He is joined by many other environmentalists and artists such as Yan Lianke, a famous Chinese satirical author who had his own home demolished and “vowed to write a book about his experience.” The persistence of these activists across their various platforms gives hope that the Chinese government will listen and recognize the importance of preserving our vast and endlessly rich cultural heritage.

Ruthie is a freshman in Global Liberal Studies.

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The State Council, State Council approves Shanghai’s city plan. English.gov.cn, 2017 8

Louisa Lim, China’s Demolition Derby Turns History Into Rubble. NPR, 2012.

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Yang Yongliang: Blending Past and Present

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THE PRICE OF K-POP’S

“MAGIC FORMULA” By: Lisa Kindyeyeva

When people think of South Korea, the first thing that comes to mind is often K-pop. Every year, countless k-pop artists become more popular, with rising recognition in Western countries. Boy Band BTS beat out Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in the 2017 Billboard Music Awards.

American and British YouTubers garner millions of views by reacting to K-pop music videos. There are more and more k-pop concerts held abroad every year, and the global revenue from K-pop merchandise reached a record USD$4.7 billion in 2017. The numbers speak for themselves: K-pop may be slowly overtaking many Western pop stars. However, few listeners ever consider the price K-pop idols pay for their fame.

K-pop stars are notoriously overworked, facing intense pressure with sometimes drastic consequences. The recent suicide of Jonghyun, a member of the boy band SHINee, shocked K-pop fans worldwide and sparked debates about mental health in South Korea. After debuting in 2008, Jonghyun had been in the spotlight for almost a decade, which, as he explained in his suicide note, eventually became unbearable. For years, he had been open about his mental health struggles; in an interview with Esquire Korea, Jonghyun said, “My feelings of depression and inferiority were always the ones that ruled over me.” Yet, his stardom eclipsed his pleas for help, which many

accuse his agency of sweeping under the rug. The statement that his agency, SM Entertainment, released after his suicide made no mention of his mental health or personal struggles, merely saying, “It is devastating to deliver such sad news to the fans who gave him great love.”

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https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-08-22/ the-4-7-billion-k-pop-industry-chases-its-michael-jackson-moment 2 Jonghyun for Esquire Magazine - Interview. LiveJournal, 2017

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K-pop star Jonghyun

“This trend of high-profile suicides raises the question: why is the price for success so high, and how long will K-pop stars have to suffer from the blinding lights of fame?”

Though highly publicized, Jonghyun’s suicide was not uncommon.

According to the World Population Review, South Korea currently has the fourth-highest crude suicide rate in the world, with 28.3 committed suicides Yckim14, SM Entertainment issues official statement regarding the death of SHINee’s Jonghyun. AllKpop, 2017 4 Crude Suicide Rate by Country 2018, World Population Review 5 Chua, Jessica The Extremes That Koreans Take to Become a K Pop Idol. RojakDaily, 2017

per 100,000 people. These numbers include actors and singers; as early as the 1990s, film and K-pop stars like Seo JiWon and Jang Ja-yeon were committing suicide and leaving farewell notes that described their disillusionment with the entertainment industry. This trend of high-profile suicides raises the question: why is the price for success so high, and how long will K-pop stars have to suffer from the blinding lights of fame?

The path to becoming a K-pop idol is demanding from the outset. Korean entertainment agencies like YG Entertainment and SM Entertainment are sometimes dubbed ‘K-pop factories’, for they have developed a socalled ‘magic formula’ for producing future idols. Singers are recruited when they are about 12-14 years old and undergo rigorous training for years until they debut, usually as part of a group.

Khor, Samantha K-pop Idol Group Files Lawsuit Against Record Label To Have Their Contracts Terminated. SAYS, 2014 7 Jennywill, Block B loses case against Stardom Entertainment.

AllKpop, 2013 6

The training doesn’t stop at singing and dancing - some singers like Seungri from BIGBANG even learn foreign languages to become ‘global stars’ and gain popularity outside South Korea. Daily training can last from dawn until late at night, with singers rarely requesting sick leave for fear of falling behind. Since agencies track the trainees’ performance with charts, those who don’t consistently improve risk being dismissed from the program, thus losing their shot at K-pop fame. tories’, for they have developed a socalled ‘magic formula’ for producing future idols.

Agencies also assign each trainee a particular image which they must embody once they debut. Recurring personas include “the sensitive one” and “the bad boy”, restricting the singers to certain agency-approved behaviors or mannerisms. Along with the persona comes dieting; both male and female singers have to diet continuously, some cutting their food consumption to unhealthy levels. Dasom from girl band SISTAR once underwent a ‘one-food diet’, and only ate cucumbers for 3 weeks to lose 10 kilograms.

Lastly, the ‘formula’ requires almost nonstop promotion through advertisements, photoshoots, radio, and TV shows, which is partly why K-pop stars can never escape the public eye.

Some may wonder why singers don’t just leave the agencies if they face such punishing workloads. Until a few years ago, this wasn’t an option;

recruits had to sign 10-year contracts, thereby placing their lives entirely into the hands of their agencies. There have been many attempts to sue agencies for exploitation, which are mostly unsuccessful due to the agencies’ wealth and influence. For example, boy band Block B filed multiple lawsuits against Stardom Entertainment in 2014, claiming that they sometimes went unpaid for months. Stardom Entertainment denied the claims and the court ruled in their favour, stating, “It cannot be said that the label purposely kept the money from the members.” Although some groups like JYJ were able to reach settlements, far more lawsuits are unsuccessful.

tweeted, “Media focuses only on his sad words, and ignores his words full of hope to make people accept the lie of his suicide easily,” revealing a common dissatisfaction with the coverage of Jonghyun’s suicide. Many agencies like SM Entertainment have ignored the fans’ outrage, perhaps hoping that the aggression will die out on its own.

But I think there is hope for the Korean music industry. As the OECD, KFTC, and the protesting public have shown, change is already occurring. If the show must go on, the price of success must come down.

“If the show must go on, the price of success must come down.”

Despite the long history of pressure and exploitation in the K-pop industry, the situation looks more promising in the aftermath of Jonghyun’s death. The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), of which South Korea is a member, has voiced concerns about the state of mental health in the country. The Korean Free Trade Commission (KFTC) introduced standardised contracts, restricting contract terms to a maximum of seven years. Public awareness is growing, with angry fans posting on social media and blaming the agencies for the loss of beloved singers.

Twitter user “@MissBun41973093”

Lisa is a freshman from Ukraine. She studies Global Liberal Studies and English Literature.

World-famous K-pop group BIGBANG attracts hundreds of thousands of fans at every concert

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Miss Bunny, Twitter, 2018

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The Price of K-Pop’s “Magic Formula”

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HOLLYWOOD’S FIRST ASIAN HEARTTHROB

Sessue Hayakawa

By: Alex Cullina

Sessue Hayakawa isn’t someone most people are familiar with today, but for moviegoers during America’s silent film era, he was a household name. In a career that spanned more than five decades, Hayakawa starred in dozens of feature films, and was even nominated for an Academy Award. So why has his name been forgotten to history, and what place do Asian faces occupy in the American popular imagination?

Hayakawa was born Hayakawa Kintaro in Chiba Prefecture, Japan, in 1889. Educated in America, he assumed the stage name Sessue Hayakawa when he began working in Los Angeles; his first role in a Hollywood studio film was in 1914’s The Typhoon. With his star on the rise, he was offered a lead part in famed director Cecil B. Demille’s The Cheat opposite Fannie Ward, cementing his fame.

While he was working in Hollywood, Hayakawa faced and overcame great obstacles as a person of color. The sheer extent of his wealth and fame was remarkable, not just in light of his race, but for any actor. Around the height of his fame, Yellow Peril was on the rise in America. A 1922 Supreme Court ruling marked Japanese people as “aliens ineligible for citizenship.” The 1930 adoption of the infamous Hays Code in Hollywood, a strict set of moral guidelines, disallowed any depiction of racial miscegenation on film, preventing Hayakawa from starring opposite white women. The Code reflected a common stereotype of the time that Asian men were dangerous seducers who preyed on white women, which further stoked fears and hostility toward Asian immigrants.

In spite of the tumultuous effects Yellow Peril had on the livelihood 1

Fugita, Stephen. “Sessue Hayakawa,” in Distinguished Asian Americans: A Biographical Dictionary, ed. Hyung-chan Kim

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of many Asian Americans, Hayakawa quickly became one of the highest paid actors in America, and one of the most adored men in American film.

He was one of the earliest heartthrobs of cinema; one anecdote claims that fans would throw their fur coats to the ground so that he wouldn’t have to step in puddles. But paradoxically with dominant cultural attitudes of the time, his race was also a factor in his stardom.

“Japan occupied a strange place in the American popular imagination during and immediately after World War I.”

He entered Hollywood at the start of the studio star system, when major film studios marketed the actors themselves—or at least, their public personas—as products. White women were enthralled by his exoticism, his image as strikingly handsome but dangerous and forbidden. He often played villainous characters, making him highly alluring to women seeking vicarious thrills. Furthermore, while America was home to much anti-Japanese sentiment, Westerners were also fascinated by Japan and its culture. As an American ally in World War I, Japan occupied a strange place in the American popular imagination during and immediately after the war: foreign but fashionable; not quite Western, but not as alien as the rest of “the Orient”.

Hayakawa formed his own production company in 1918 in response to the racialized typecasting that he faced, and left four years later to work in Europe and Japan. His career yielded complicated results: he starred in a number of German and French productions, becoming what many consider

the first non-white international movie star. However, his American films were less well-received in Japan. Although some Japanese people saw him as helping revive Japanese cinema, many others saw him as cementing negative attitudes and wrongheaded ideas about Japan and Japanese people in American culture, and some even considered him a national traitor.

In 1949, Hayakawa starred in Tokyo Joe, from Humphrey Bogart’s production company, marking the revival of his career in America. After his Oscar-nominated role in 1957’s The Bridge on the River Kwai, he largely retired from acting. He died in 1973, in relative obscurity, at the age of 84.

Today, Hollywood has no apparent heir to Hayakawa’s legacy.

Mainstream media portrays Asian men as lacking agency, desexualized, and almost never in the leadrole. Only in the last fifty years have Asians and Asian Americans been allowed, legally and culturally, to fully participate in American public life. Hayakawa’s rise and fall reflects the fraught relationship between Japan and America, between East and West, over nearly a century.

To remember what Hayakawa and his films represented to audiences in different historical moments and political contexts, in different times and places, is to remember the complex ways that culture both reflects and shapes the world around us.

Alex Cullina is a sophomore in CAS studying English and American Literature.

AN EXCLAMATION POINT IN THE MAKING !

By: Kate Cabigao

I am not a conservative dalagang1 Filipina who fears judgement, who unquestioningly submits to other people’s wants and beliefs. I am not afraid of saying no and asserting my rights. I am not a doormat nor a shock absorber that tolerates mistreatment without just action being taken. I am not someone who runs away from conflict.

I only learned how to be a fighter at NYU. Before NYU, I submissively absorbed all the Filipina stereotypes and lived by them without questioning them for fear of upsetting my family and those around me. Some aspects of my personality (having a loud sense of style and being an extrovert) clashed with traditional values, but I would nod and accept what my mother called “the right way of living life as a woman.”

One of these expectations for young Filipina women was to dress simply and demurely - even a hint of cleavage

or midriff was considered scandalous.

Furthermore, women who initiate romantic relationships are respected less, so I was taught to be mysterious with suitors or to play hard to get. It’s like a game, and it’s not how I wanted to live.

All these assumptions and stereotypes, which I had internalized for years, were suddenly challenged and unpacked when I arrived at NYU.

“I am a burning question mark that strives to be her own exclamation point everyday.”

My freshman year did not begin well. I did not participate in any of my classes, afraid I would give the wrong answers and be humiliated. Although I couldn’t see it at the time, I was consumed by my studies, my fears of the future, and eventually, my first heart-

break. I would cancel plans with friends every time I panicked about a reading or assignment, and isolated myself in my room. The pressure to do well in my studies was amplified by the fact that I wanted to make my family proud, and give back to them for all that they’ve done to send me to my dream school.

I was also closed-minded when it came to debates, and was easily offended when my new friends, Sienna and Jane, disagreed with my opinions and beliefs. I was used to the passive acceptance that was expected of me in the Philippines, where elders are venerated. I had to show respect even if they were being ignorant and unreasonable; questioning them would have been unthinkable. By contrast, Jane and Sienna didn’t hold back. At first, I found their honesty too blunt and intrusive, and felt like they were disrespecting both me and my traditional values.

Then Sienna, undeterred, said to me, “I am willing to risk our friendship and tell you the truth as long as you grow and continuously improve as a person.”

I had never had a friend tell me so boldly to re-examine myself, and her guidance began to help me see the bigger picture. I once could not understand an assignment prompt, and was panicking until Sienna argued that challenges are meant to be exciting, engaging, and fulfilling. To her, they are all about being open-minded, embracing intellectual stimulation, and gaining something greater than knowledge – values.

Kate (right) with Jane (left) and Sienna (center)

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Hollywood’s First Asian Heartthrob: Forgotten in History

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Kate (second from the left) with her family

As Sienna and Jane helped me handle my academics in a healthier way, they simultaneously taught me to fear less and live more, one step and one day at a time. At Six Flags, they encouraged me to overcome my fear of heights, and I ended up going on all the roller coaster rides. If it weren’t for Jane, I wouldn’t have joined Generasian; I was hesitant at first because I doubted my writing ability, but her faith in me pushed me to take the risk, and I am so glad I did. Because of Jane and Sienna’s transparency with me – their constructive criticism and insightful advice – I learned to grow a backbone, and to change how I handled my relationships and responsibilities.

“Just because I’ve become more assertive, it doesn’t mean I’m less Filipino.”

Perhaps most importantly, my new NYU community helped improve my relationships with other friends and my family. As an expressive and confrontational person, I like to resolve conflicts right away, and find it challenging to give people space and time. However, Jane and Sienna were always patient and selfless even when I was upset with them, and I eventually learned to do the same with others. Now, seeing my new qualities, my parents and sisters treat me more like an adult: they let me make my own decisions and deal with the consequences that follow. If my mom and I used to argue about my dark makeup looks, flashy jewelry and having my hair colored and curled once in a while, now we can agree to disagree and she allows me more room for compromise. My family trusts that I am more responsible now when it comes to major aspects of my life: my studies, career plans, living in New York, and relationships.

Of course, there is still some resistance from their end at times. It’s difficult to balance my traditional values with the new lessons I have gained in New York, but just because I’ve become more assertive, it doesn’t mean

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Personal Essays

I’m less Filipino. A huge part of my Filipina identity is being familial, and that is something I have retained. I will always cherish and respect my family; however, this time around, I’m placing my happiness above the “right way” to be.

“Like the cheeks, I will blush, smile, and cry for you.”

Who am I? I am Kate. I am a burning question mark that strives to be her own exclamation point everyday. I am the cheeks - perhaps not a vital part of the body, but a precious one nonetheless that exposes vulnerability, humanity, and emotional truth.

Like the cheeks, I will blush, smile, and

cry for you. Most importantly, I learned how to be a fighter with a more assertive and audible voice, with new ways to win a battle. I will stand by the people I love alongside their convictions.

So, yes, I may still be a dalagang Filipina, but now I am one who embraces differences and debates with the willpower to act out her decisions and an unbreakable backbone.

Kate, a sophomore majoring in Education Studies, loves to reflect and blog about life learnings.

REFLECTION

A REFLECTION ON GRIEF

By Shashank Rao

I used to ask, “Mom, Dad, why can’t Ajja and Ajji come stay with us in the US? I don’t like traveling to India.

It takes too long.” My parents would simply say that my grandparents didn’t want to come to the US, and were comfortable living in India. Not to mention that the rest of our family lived there as well. This concept of distance became highly relevant to my life. How far is Bangalore from San Ramon? How far is Chennai? How many hours ahead are my relatives?

Later on, with the advent of Skype and FaceTime, every Saturday morning became a ritual in which my family and I would talk to my grandparents. Thanks to my parents’ prosperity, my grandparents enjoyed things like iPads, could enjoy nicer things, and traveled more freely, mostly to see us. My grandfather would talk to me and my brother, asking us how we were and what we were doing in school, what new video game I was playing, or, when I became a language enthusiast, what language I was studying.

Whenever we visited India to see my grandparents, my grandfather would try to sit me and my brother down to listen to stories about how he grew up, and even wrote an entire biography. Not that we were going to sit still and listen, being so young. As I got older, I did try to listen, especially as I tried to build a relationship with my grandparents in order to improve my Kannada. Getting my mother tongue back was and still is an incredibly difficult part of my life. Talking to my grandfather, who had an incredible command of the language that was getting rarer with my father’s generation and certainly with mine, was a privilege. My grandfather’s Kannada was impeccable, intellectual, and beautiful. I loved to talk to him and my grandmother, because they were giving me bits of my heritage back to me. My grandfather taught me to do parishanshane, Hindu grace, and sandhya vandanam, salutations to twilight and midday.

“This vital connection to heritage via our grandparents can mean all the difference between growing up with a sense of cultural personhood, and quietly being assimilated.”

The pursuit of heritage and reclaiming my mother tongue has been a salient theme for most of my life, and it’s something that I think many non-immigrant Americans would have difficulty really understanding. For Indian communities with hundreds of different languages and even more dialects along so many different social axes, it’s not easy to find people just like you. My grandparents, and

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Shashank’s late grandfather particularly my grandfather, were my lifeline to Kannada, my culture, and my religion, and without them, I would not be who I am today. I realize that the physical distance between me and my grandfather, with all of the other factors of travel expense, time zones, and everything else, made all the difference in changing the kind of life I had growing up.

Grandparents are the first font of wisdom after parents, giving a special kind of knowledge that comes from not only having lived a long time, but also having seen their children become parents themselves. My grandfather grew up during the end of the British Raj in South India, and came of age at the time of independence.

His view of the world is disappearing, with people of that generation passing away. For all Asian Americans, this vital connection to heritage via our grandparents can mean all the difference between growing up with a sense of cultural personhood, and quietly being assimilated, leaving our stories to be forgotten. It is a crying shame that I only now realize that my grandfather was a real person, in a way that I only see now that he is gone. He is located not only in a particular country, but in a time, a community, and a history. I learned all of this only in the grip of grief.

This is an excerpt; to read the full eulogy, visit: www.generasian.blog Shashank is a junior in Global Liberal Studies currently studying abroad in Shanghai, and is also an avid language enthusiast.

A Reflection on Grief

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WHITE, BUT NOT REALLY: THE HALF-ASIAN PROBLEM By: Tom Lynch

I’m a halfie, a hapa, a whatever you want to call half-Asian. It’s sort of a weird dichotomy—your identity is predominantly defined by what you aren’t. You might hang with an Asian friend group, but you’re not really Asian yourself. You might find yourself indistinguishable from the rest of your other, non-Asian side in a family picture, but you don’t exactly identify with them either. It’s a balance that feels slightly distant from any inherited culture.

I’ve gravitated towards identifying as predominantly Asian American, yet at times, I’ve felt equally repelled by the Asian-American community. Peers think it’s a bit strange if I talk with or hang out with the Korean international students; it’s a bit strange if I take on Korean-American mannerisms; it’s a bit strange if I say I’m going to that party being thrown by the Korean Students’ Association.

tishization as a kinda-white individual.

It’s understandable, and it is demonstrative of the regular sort of Orientalist undertones that plague our society, but it’s a bit jarring to find myself considered a part of that demographic. I’m white - or at least, white when it’s my turn to consider my privileges.

tural rungs as those of my “fully” Asian-American friends. And it’s more than my past; when I think of my kids, I hope that they will live in Seoul for a bit. That they will speak Korean at home. That they will get their fair share of time to complain about Hagwon.

White, but not really, because I’m also Korean-American.

“I’m a participant in Asian-American discourse, but I’m institutionally removed from it.”

“Nothing can erase that inherent privilege—that inherent problem.”

The funny thing is that I’ve never really experienced this discomfort when hanging out with white friends or family. Sure, Irish Thanksgiving might have some occasional questions about what Koreans do, but Uncle Jim is more concerned with whether or not his nephew Tom likes it at college in the same way he’d ask any of his other nephews or nieces.

No, it’s usually my Korean- and Chinese-American friends who are just the tiniest bit weirded out when I’m asking about hitting up Karaoke. I’ve also had a lot of back-and-forths with activist friends about whether or not it’s “problematic” that I (or any other half-Asian) would want to marry an Asian-American. It’s one of those things some would call a product of my white privilege, my externalized fe-

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Personal Essays

that framing has always felt a tad misrepresentative. I can’t remember being white. I remember Korean church, Korean supermarkets, Korean friends: a Korean childhood. Dan Chong and I played Minecraft together while eating bulgogi in the church basement.

I hung out with the “Asian nerds” in elementary school playing Bakugan and watching poorly animated YouTube shorts. So many little bits of my life have been built on the same struc-

In the larger context of my life, I can live with that; the reality is it’s accepted. The ennui that entrenches the struggle between Asian-American culture and the larger “white” country has made my status as a white-passing male with Asian-American heritage problematic, but also inescapable. It’s in the little moments like when I’m too tired to explain to someone I’ve just met why I’m so interested in Asian literature, or when I’m in yet another discussion with my dad about the fact that I don’t really hang with any white kids. So sure, I’m white (or at least “white-passing”). Nothing can erase that inherent privilege—that inherent problem.

It’s hard to articulate why, but

That latter identification is what differentiates me as a halfie.

In a lot of ways I’m a participant in Asian-American discourse, but I’m institutionally removed from it. If I am white-passing, why should I be allowed to reap the fruits of Asian-American activist labor? I’m not sure if I get to benefit from progress won if I’m privileged enough to be on the easy end of race relations. Should I get to celebrate if I haven’t borne the brunt of the oppression which drives these movements? It’s ironic that the claim to a slightly different privilege is what invalidates your direct claim to any individual heritage.

In other ways, though, this still falls short of explaining why it’s a bit harder for me to fit in with the Asian-American community than the Caucasian community. Sitting down

as one of two white-passing writers at the first NYU Asian-American art magazine meeting of the year, I suddenly realize I’m not exactly who the club wants. They’re cool with me being there, sure, but it takes a month or two before I’m saying hi to even one or two of the people I’ve met when I see them around campus. They do not want what they reasonably presume are Orientalist undertones (I spent a good portion of childhood in Seoul). They do not want my modest discomfort as I try to play around this obvious and discomforting fact. My looks have picked a side.

“My looks have picked a side.”

It’s this realization that strikes me the most. It feels as though there is a slight dissonance between what I identify as, and what I am identified as. Not to say it’s like I’m the “transracial” kid in Donald Glover’s Atlanta no, more along the lines that I think it’s harder for halfies to fit in amongst the larger Asian-American diaspora. Part of the larger zeitgeist surrounding the current sense of identity dictates that privilege is inherently divisive, and that appearance can be what creates and assigns privilege. It’s what makes us ourselves. Ourselves? Well us, and then me.

I just happen to be white. Well, mostly white. That all feels problematic, too.

Tom’s family photo

Thomas Lynch is a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences. He enjoys reading, writing, and submitting drafts very late.

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White But Not Really

15

A COLLECTION

By Cindy Qiang

“Glass Jar”

Cindy Qiang is a freshman studying Biology in the Pre-Dental program.

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Personal Essays

These pieces are symbolic of the different complexities that can label a person’s way of thinking.

I wanted to create an art collection that was individual in all the pieces, as evident in the eclectic variety of styles that characterize the pieces in this spread.

The cover art is a colorful render of the inner thinking of a woman, with the colorful palette on her mind.

“Puzzled Man”

This abstract piece contrasts with the black-and-white contour portrait of a girl, yet they both have the same mysterious designs around their countenance. The black-and-white theme is carried on in through the Puzzled Man portrait, featuring an elderly man staring straight ahead, leaving the onlooker to wonder what he is thinking about. Finally, there is a simple still life to provoke the viewer to realize that they themselves have their own way of interpreting the world, and they might have their own idiosyncratic abstract shapes floating around their thoughts, too. Everyone is special.

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A Collection

17

L OST

IN...

By: Alexandra Fong

There’s a phenomenon dubbed Paris Syndrome which occurs when all your grand expectations about Paris collapse upon arrival. When I chose to study abroad in Paris this semester, I was well aware that the city was not a fantasy. But like many others, I clung to the fantasy because some part of it had to be true, right? I still naively dreamt of sitting on a balcony overlooking all of Paris with a steaming cup of coffee on a table (I don’t even drink coffee) and some pretentious book in hand, surrounded by overgrown plants and basking under a bright blue sky. But when I arrived, moved in, and started going to classes, all I wanted was

“Many immigrants’ illegal status is enough to keep them entrapped in abusive conditions, sometimes at the hands of more established legal Chinese immigrants.”

the ease of speaking English, knowing the city I was in, and eating my grandparents’ char siu loh mai fan, steamed sticky rice with barbecued pork.

Although Asian food isn’t as accessible in France as it is in the U.S., the streets of le Quartier Asiatique––The Asian Quarter––are lined with Asian supermarkets, restaurants, bakeries, and other local businesses.

There, people speak a shocking variety of languages and dialects. During my first week, I went to a Vietnamese restaurant, Pho 18, where the server spoke to me in French and Cantonese, to another customer in Vietnamese, and to yet another customer in Mandarin. When I commented on her fluency, she said that she only knew Vietnamese when she moved to France; the rest she learned from the Franco-Asian community, which has been growing since the French colonized Indochina, a group of Southeast Asian countries,

Painting by Cindy Qiang Steven. “1911-2007: Chinese immigration in France.” libcom.org, 12 January 2010.

2 “French presence in Indochina.” Chemins de Mémoire, n.d 1

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Personal Essays

Mintz, S and McNeil, S. “The French in Indochina.” Digital History, n.d.

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from 1887 onwards.

Although Chinese students and merchants began arriving in France in the late 19th century, the three main waves of immigration came after World War I broke out. First, the French recruited Chinese workers during WWI to produce industrial weaponry, rebuild tracks near the front lines, and clear the wounded and dead off the battlefield. The next wave of Chinese immigrants fled war and political uprising in Southeast Asia in the 1950s, and settled in what is now le Quartier Asiatique.

The most recent wave of immigrants came in the ‘80s from other regions of China and vastly different socioeconomic backgrounds. Most came for economic reasons as opposed to political or wartime reasons, often with no family connections. They faced difficulties with assimilation and discrimination even within the Franco-Asian community, and became easy targets for sweatshops. The ostracized immigrants were forced to take up jobs refused by the French and to work longer hours for less pay, frequently in exploitive environments.

Although some Asian immigrants today are fortunate enough to come to France through the long and Cabrera, Michaela. “‘Je suis Chaolin’: why the Chinese in France are speaking up about violence and racism.” South China Morning Post, 21 September 2016.

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Rally in memory of Chaolin Zhang in Aubervilliers (Seine-Saint-Denis), Aubervilliers, August 14, 2016

TRANSLASIAN tedious green card process, many more travel through illegal means such as international gangs. Their fears and anxieties continue long after they arrive, as they are often forced to repay their immigration debts with free work and little to no food or accommodation.

They also have no way to report these inhumane living conditions without risking deportation, angering the gangs, and endangering their families back in China. Many immigrants’ illegal status is enough to keep them entrapped in abusive conditions, sometimes at the hands of more established legal Chinese immigrants.

However, both legal and undocumented immigrant youth must grapple with juggling two cultures.

France has historically been open to migration, but with the expectation that immigrants will adopt the French language and culture. Second-wave Chinese immigrants have established a host of community organizations, including churches, schools, and traditional celebrations to keep their

home cultures alive, but there is still an overall sense of missing solidarity: for example, organizations that help undocumented immigrants rarely intermingle with organizations representing immigrants from other countries.

“In the city of lights, immigrants still must hide in the shadows for fear of deportation and assault.”

The Franco-Asian population are also perpetual victims of casual racism and, more devastatingly, race-driven crime that rarely results in adequate justice. In August of 2016, three teenagers attacked and attempted to mug textile designer Chaolin Zhang in a largely Chinese suburb just outside of Paris, resulting in Zhang’s death in the hospital five days later. Under police questioning, the French assailants admitted that they had targeted Zhang because they considered Chinese people to be “easy targets” who keep large sums of cash on hand. Although the

court case has yet to reach a verdict, it has galvanized the Chinese community to action, with thousands protesting in the streets.

Zhang’s story is just one of many. Immigrants throughout the decades have realized Paris is not what they thought it would be. There is temporary solace and belonging found in the day-to-day: lion dances and firecrackers bursting during the Lunar New Year, languages familiar to the ear, food that smells and tastes like home––they all ease the burden. And yet, like other cities and countries, Paris has exploitative working conditions, and both casual and violent racism. In the city of lights, immigrants still must hide in the shadows for fear of deportation and assault.

Zhang’s death may have highlighted the dangers and discrimination that immigrants face, but it was also the catalyst for much of the Franco-Chinese population to voice their insecurities and fears. Many accuse the state of failing to keep them safe; Chinese shopkeepers and residents of the suburb described rising levels of violence, and nearly everyone knew someone who had been assaulted. A florist named Heng joined the protests because her shop had been broken into twice. Husbands often pick up their wives and children from public places in groups of five or six for safety, and lookouts are posted around weddings to prevent robberies.5 In light of Zhang’s horrible death, many Franco-Asians of all origins are coming forward with their own stories. They are uniting to claim ownership of both their heritage and their French identities, fighting for their right to live without fear.

Alexandra is a sophomore studying Media, Culture, and Communication. She watches too much TV for her own good.

Ponniah, Kevin. “A killing in Paris: Why French Chinese are in uproar.” BBC, 26 October 2016.

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Lost in Translasian

19

IN THE MOMENT By: Evonne (Yu-Fang) Lao

I am exploring human psychology with respect to growth in these pieces. We are introduced to new information that we find exciting or overwhelming while growing up. We use our own ways to define our lives and to feel comfortable within society.

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Personal Essays

However, it is easy to get too caught up in someone’s image. What we need is to stop for a minute and do a self-check, making sure that we are still appreciating our existence and who we are. It is a journey of self-exploration that will never end.

Evonne is a freshman in Liberal Studies.

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In the Moment

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BRIDGING

PASS THE BALL : CULTURAL By: Morgan Kuin

Once the Philadelphia Eagles were declared the winners of Super Bowl LII, mobs stormed the streets of Philadelphia in celebration. People flipped cars, climbed bus stands and traffic lights, and even scattered ashes of loved ones amongst the Eagles parade.

Athletics are undeniably an integral part of American culture, as demonstrated through the Super Bowl’s staggering annual expenditure statistics: it costs $10 million to put on the halftime show, and $5 million to run one thirty-second ad before a broadcast audience of 100 million every year.

U.S. team sports are not just glorified on television; professional athletes enjoy average salaries of $6.2 million in the NBA, $4.4 million in the MLB, and $2.1 million in the NFL on contracts alone. With sports having such a pervading influence in American society, it’s no wonder so many kids dream of becoming professional athletes. According to the Livestrong Foundation, about 7.3 million teens participated in high school athletics between 2006 and 2007, and the number continues to rise, particularly in team sports like basketball or baseball/softball. However, when we break down the demographics of American athletes, there is a disproportionately few Asian Americans, considering that they make up approximately 6 percent of the American population. Only 15 out of 5,380 basketball players in the men’s 2013 Division I basketball season were Asian-American - that’s 0.2 percent.

More recently, in the 2016-2017 Division I men’s and women’s soccer sea1

Fuller, Steve. “Super Bowl - Statistics & Facts.” Statista.

Badenhausen, Kurt. “The Average Player Salary And Highest-Paid In NBA, MLB, NHL, NFL And MLS.” Forbes. December 15, 2016 2

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History and Culture

son combined, Asian Americans only comprised approximately 1.3 percent of all players.

As shown through the Super Bowl season and Philadelphia’s euphoria, sports are an effective vehicle for creating collective identities. With sports tying together communities nationwide, it’s imperative that all parts of the American identity are represented in the athletic world. Why, then, is there an absence of Asian Americans in athletics, particularly in team sports, which garner a considerable amount of wealth, power, and respect in America?

“Only 15 out of 5,380 basketball players in the men’s 2013 Division I basketball season were Asian-American; that’s 0.2 percent.”

First, it’s not that Asians participate less in sports. In fact, Asian Americans have high participation rates in individual sports, as demonstrated through the 2015-2016 Division I season: 10.5 percent of women golfers and 14.6 percent of men fencers were

Asian. Additionally, sports have always had a strong presence in Asian cultures, albeit as less of a spectacle than those in Western countries. For example, most outdoor parks in China are filled with people of all ages engaged in various leisure activities such as Jianzi, or a Chinese version of hacky sack, Tai Chi, and badminton. Even in pre-colonial Asia, sports were valued in society. For example, Malays valued individual talents like hunting, elephant taming, kite flying, and top spinning.

“Modern” sports like basketball or soccer weren’t introduced to Asian cultures until the late 19th century, when Western colonists implemented them into Asian education systems to build a collective identity among colonial subjects.8 Asian Americans might then be absent from team sports in the U.S. because Asian countries historically practiced individual sports. This might also reflect Asian cultures that place more importance on individual skills and exceptionality than teamwork, a mentality that can also be seen outside of sports.

According to Yun-Oh Whang,

A graph comparing the athletic and academic spending from 2005 to 2010 among Division I colleges in the U.S.A (FTE stands for “full-time equivalent”). Infographic courtesy of the Delta Cost Project.

Uzoma, Kay. “How Many Youth Participate in Sports in the U.S.?” Livestrong. September 11, 2017.

4 Demby, Gene. “Why Aren’t Asian-Americans Getting Their ‘One Shining Moment’?” NPR. April 02, 2014 3

Student-Athlete Data.” NCAA Roos, Dave. “Why Aren’t There More Asian-Americans in Pro Team Sports?” HowStuffWorks. May 09, 2017.

7 “Chinese Sports and Leisure Activities.” InterNations.

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THE

DISCONNECT 17-year-old Chloe Kim became the youngest woman to win an Olympic snowboarding medal when she won gold at the 2018 Winter Olympics for team U.S.A.

who teaches sports marketing at the University of Central Florida, another part of the answer may be that “Asian Americans put huge value on education. Becoming a doctor or lawyer is the ultimate goal of many Asian-American kids, which is heavily imposed by their parents.” Prioritizing academics over sports is most likely a cultural difference. Many South Asian families migrate to the United States to escape war, oppression, or poverty, and see education as the path to stability. Many East Asian immigrants also come to America with high education levels and middle to upper class status. This emphasis on education extends beyond immigrants to their homelands; many Asian countries see education as the only path to success, whereas America invests more spending in athletics than academics.

“Team sports can be an effective tool for minority groups to integrate themselves into the larger collective American identity.”

On top of parents steering their children away from sports and towards academics, a cultural disconnect between teammates can discourage Asian Americans from participating in team sports. Unlike individual sports, in which results are more quantitative, team sports require a collective effort and rely on the team’s dynamic. Thus, “fitting in” and adapting to team culture is essential, which may be more Hong, Fan and J.A. Mangan, Sport in Asian Society: Past and Present (London: Taylor & Francis, 2002) 9 Lapchick, Richard E. “Asian Sport Stars & Athletes.” Asian Nation.

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difficult for Asian Americans and other minority groups if the team is dominated by people of other backgrounds.

Despite this difficulty, team sports can be an effective tool for minority groups to integrate themselves into the larger collective American identity. For example, basketball player Jeremy Lin has become a role model since the the 2012 “Linsanity” craze, and Asian-American youth participation in basketball has risen. Thus, there seems to be a positive correlation with Asian-American representation in mainstream athletics and Asian-American children’s participation in sports. More recently in the 2018 Winter Olympics, a record of 14 Asian Americans represented Team USA. Though they were performing in individual sports, they did so while representing the American identity on an international stage. As gold medalist

snowboarder Chloe Kim said in an interview with HuffPost regarding representing America as a Korean-American:

“I always get the question, like, ‘Where are you from?’ L.A. ‘No, where are you really from?’ I was born in Long Beach. ‘No, no, like, where are you really, really from?…I always get that question. It’s never, like, my first answer would be, ‘I’m from Korea,’ or, like, ‘I’m Korean.’ It’s always, like, ‘I’m American.’ ”

Breitenstein, Dave. “Asian Students Carry High Expectations for Success.” USA Today. August 04, 2013.

11 Desrochers, Donna M. “Academic Spending Versus Athletic Spending: Who Wins?” AIR. January, 2013

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Morgan is a freshman from Massachusetts studying Liberal Studies.

Mohammed, Khalid. “Team USA Leaps with Asian American Representation at the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics.” AsAmNews. February 11, 2018 13 Prois, Jessica. “Chloe Kim Is Proof There’s No Definable Way To Be Asian-American.” Huffpost. February 19, 2018.

Pass the Ball: Bridging the Cultural Disconnect

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In 1970, Alexander Weiss enters a rundown building while he makes his last lap around Angel Island, just off the coast of San Francisco. As he walks into a small room, he catches sight of moonlight streaming from a high window, quietly pooling in a carving on the wall. Curious, he shines his flashlight around and finds himself surrounded by countless verses of carefully inscribed Chinese characters, strewn across the walls.

After his discovery, Weiss contacted his San Francisco State College biology professor George Araki, who went to the island with photographer Mak Takahashi to capture the poetry on the walls.1 Him Mark Lai, Genny Lim, and Judy Yung found Takahashi’s photographs in the Chinese-American newspaper East West and launched a quest to collect, translate, and publish the poems. Much of the poetry on the walls was partially obliterated by layers of paint and natural deterioration, but were still remarkably well preserved, and revealed the injustices Chinese Americans faced on Angel Island.1 The gold and silver of America is very appealing.

Jabbing an awl into the thigh in search of glory, I embarked on the journey.

Not only are my one thousand pieces of gold already depleted, but My countenance is blackened. It is surely for the sake of the family.1

CHINESE AMERICANS

ON ANGEL ISLAND

By Zoe Lee

Carving of a Chinese poem at The Smithsonian Institute acts that would deny entry to a specific ethnic group.

Each day, my sorrow increases as I stay on Island.

My face, as well, grows sallow and my body, thin.

My detention and mistreatment have not yet ended.

I am afraid my petition will be denied and I, sent back.1

As the above poem indicates, although many immigrants were fleeing political turmoil, most were driven by economic motivations. The Qing dynasty was struggling to maintain power in the wake of the Taiping Rebellion and the Opium Wars; meanwhile, American merchants were bringing news of Gum Saan - “Gold Mountain”, i.e. California - to Chinese cities. Chinese migrants in California also sent word back to China of quick money, spurring more to immigrate despite the risk of deportation.1 This mass immigration only faltered in 1882 when Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act—the first of many

Much of the poetry bled with grief as immigrants arrived and were detained on Angel Island. Chinese immigrants made up about 70 percent of the detainee population, and were subject to more demanding examinations and interrogations than any other immigration group.1, Japanese immigrants, for example, were admitted into the United States within a day or two, as opposed to the average two or three weeks for Chinese immigrants.2 Immigrants were forced to endure humiliating procedures in mandatory physical exams, including producing stool samples on the spot and stripping down naked.1

Lai, Him Mark, Genny Lim, and Judy Yung, Island: Poetry and history of Chinese immigrants on Angel Island (1910-1940) (Seattle: University of Washington Press), viii.

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1

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History and Culture

ON THE WALL

THE WRITING

It’s a dark night, and the moon glows.

Lee, Erika, and Judy Yung. Angel Island: Gateway to America (Oxford: Oxford University Press), 78 3 Takaki, Ronald, Strangers from a Different Shore: A History of Asian Americans (Boston: Little, Brown and Company), 37

Applicants were also subject to grueling interrogations, and inspectors often asked extraordinarily detailed questions to corroborate information: “How many steps are there leading to your attic?” “Who lived in the third house in the second row of houses in your village?”1 Many immigrants adopted personas such as teachers or merchants, which were exempt classes under the Exclusion Act, though that meant they lived in anxiety locked in the Angel Island cells. Even if they were allowed into the country, their lives would also be forever fearfully spent under a false identity.1

To pass the time and to quell aches of homesickness, sadness, and anger, the Chinese immigrants carved poetry with knives on the soft redwood walls of the detainment center. Much of the literature, though unsigned, collectively portray the Chinese immigration experience as wracked with tense anticipation and despair, expressed through themes of concern for family and awareness of racial status.

Ngai, Mae N. Impossible Subjects: Illegal Aliens and the Making of Modern America. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2014 4

Imprisoned in this wooden building, I am always sad and bored.

I remember since I left my native village, it has been several full moons.

The family at home is leaning on the door, urgently looking for letters.

Whom can I count on to tell them I am well?1

“Even if they were allowed into the country, their lives would also be forever fearfully spent under a false identity.”

In the Chinese written language, home and family share the same character, demonstrating their synonymous meanings. The concept of home was permanently linked to and defined by family, by people. The poems’ emphasis on filial obligations and identity illustrate the detainees’ homesickness and sadness, amplified by their seemingly endless imprisonment.

Many young, healthy Chinese men left to work in America and send money home, while single and married women remained in China in accordance with tradition and patriarchal culture.

As a result, split families between husbands, wives, fathers, and children became common, prompting poetic subjects.

America has power, but not justice.

In prison, we were victimized as if we were guilty.

Given no opportunity to explain, it was

Angel Island detainees

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Medical examination of boys on Angel Island really brutal.

I bow my head in reflection, but there is nothing I can do.1

The Chinese were no strangers to racial tension; Chinese immigrants prior to the Exclusion Act were met with hostility, despite America’s desire for cheap labor.1 On the Pacific Coast, they were denied basic civil rights, including the right to be employed in public works, intermarry with whites, and own land, among many others.2 By painting the Chinese as immoral and dangerous subjects of a backward country, white Americans justified their lynchings, looting, and burning of

property. They claimed they were simply ridding America of those who were unfit to become citizens.1 The Exclusion Act took racial injustice a step further, when Congress defined immigration as a part of national sovereignty and as a potential form of foreign aggression

“The poetry has become a symbol of people who retained their courage in the face of animosity.”

Although the poems are immersed in fear and anger, the Chinese continued to circumvent the Exclusion Act and enter the United States, still holding fast to their belief that America would provide a better life. As devastating as it is to witness the cruelty inflicted upon these immigrants who carved their sorrows into the walls, it is incredible that Angel Island is still a place filled with stories of resilience.

The poetry has become a symbol of those who retained their courage in the face of animosity. People with the resounding determination to enter a racially charged nation in spite of the dangers and obstacles before them.

People like Jann Mon Fong in 1931, bobbing up and down in a small boat, bow turned towards an island just off the shore of the mainland.1 He is led into a huge prison-like building, and the door locks behind him. His eyes travel over the dormitory walls, covered with scribbled poems, rhymes, ditties, and parallel couplets.

It’s a dark night, but the moon glows.

Zoe is a freshman who was born in New York but moved to Hong Kong at age 9.

The Writing on the Wall: Chinese Americans on Angel Island

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END

POINT.

By Margaret Yannopoulos

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History and Culture

Long Island City sits on the westernmost tip of Queens.

Rapid gentrification has transformed previously industrial areas of LIC into waterfront parks, experimental art galleries, and the largest public housing complex in North America.

The economic divide between LIC’s residents is evident as one moves closer to the edge of the neighborhood and further away from the closest stop on the 7 train, MoMA PS1 an extension of one of the largest contemporary art institutions in the United States, and the studio where the sitcom 30 Rock was filmed. The studio I interned at this semester is located on Borden Avenue, the last avenue in the neighborhood. This is what I saw on my way to and from work.

Margaret is a junior studying Social and Cultural Analysis.

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This is my goodbye to Long Island City.

End Point

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MISIDENTIFYING THE MIDDLE EAST: WHO COUNTS AS ASIAN? By: Ladan Jaballas

When I went to boarding school in Ohio, a lot of the students were from East Asia or the larger Asian community, but I was never included in their events. Maybe it was because I don’t look like them, or because they did not consider me “Asian”.

I’m half-Filipina, but I am also half-Persian, which made me different from the other Asian kids. I had always believed my parents were from two very different parts of the world with no overlap; it was only when I moved to New York City that I realized the major commonality between the two countries. Both Iran and the Philippines are part of continental Asia, which means I’m fully Asian and not half-Asian like I had always assumed.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t look like them, or because they did not consider me “Asian”.”

After the 2016 presidential election, the National Asian American Survey collected data on who perceives whom as “Asian”. There was little confusion regarding Chinese, Korean, and Japanese people as Asian, but the results were all over the place for South Asians and Middle Easterners. Nearly half of all participants, including Asian Americans, said Indians and Pakistanis were “less likely” to be Asian, and most participants did not consider Middle Easterners as “Asian”. I soon realized that I shared this major misconception about the Middle East with many people, including fellow Asians and Middle Easterners.

Where does this misconception stem from? When people say Herreria, Carla. “Basically Nobody Knows What Constitutes An Asian Person.” The Huffington Post.

May 18, 2017.

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History and Culture

2016 Post-Election National Asian American Survey statistics.

they are “Asian”, does the label refer to their continental origin, or has the term “Asian” come to point to a certain culture and identity? Could Middle Easterners be perceived as non-Asian because of their different values and religions?

Adding to the confusion is the fact that “Middle Eastern” is a particularly broad identity; the Middle East ranges from the tip of Africa to the corners of Iran, with a range of ethnic and racial identifications. U.S. federal forms offer the categories of North African, White, and Asian, all categories that Middle Easterners can identify with. Maybe these various racial groups, along with stereotypes of what “Asian” features look like, contribute to the misconception that Middle Easterners are not Asian.

Middle Easterners and East Asians also differ in religion and language. The majority of Middle EastZhu, Lei. “Language and Linguistics in Pre-Modern China and East Asia.” Oxford Research Encyclopedia of Linguistics. August 14, 2017. Accessed March 21, 2018.

3 Beydoun, Khaled A. “Are Arabs White?” Middle East | Al Jazeera. July 16, 2015. Accessed March 21, 2018.

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erners practice Islam, while many East Asians practice Buddhism, Taoism, or Confucianism. Moreover, East Asian countries have a bond through similar languages (many East Asian languages were born from Chinese influence) and even overlapping cuisines. The Middle East doesn’t share this bond; their languages and scriptures, which inform people’s lifestyles and fundamental values, are drastically different from East Asia’s, furthering the gap between the two regions.

“Middle Easterners are often typecast as terrorists, conservative, and radically religious, while the “model minority myth” paints East Asians as wealthy, high-achieving, and perfectly assimilated.”

Another possible reason for this misconception is that the Middle ”Definition of ‘Asian’.” Asian Definition and Meaning | Collins English Dictionary. Accessed March 21, 2018.

5 Fish, Jefferson M. “Who Is Asian?” Psychology Today.

Accessed March 21, 2018.

4

Eastern experience is very different than that of East Asians, particularly in America. Middle Easterners are often typecast as terrorists, conservative, and radically religious, while the “model minority myth” paints East Asians as wealthy, high-achieving, and perfectly assimilated. These divisions have existed for years, but became more deeply rooted after 9/11, with a resulting spike in violence and hate crimes toward all darker-skinned Asians. With such vastly different stereotypes in place and consequent collective experiences, it’s easy to imagine how the American perception of “Asia” came to exclude the Middle East.

However, it’s not just Middle Easterners who are being misidentified. Why are even smaller ethnic groups like Laotians and Cambodians often not considered Asian? An article from Al Jazeera suggests that it has to do with Asian representation in American social issues and politics. It argues, “[r]acial categories are thought to be objective and fixed, but are in fact an imperfect science shaped and reshaped by prevailing political interests and structural powers.” In other words, our understanding of the category of “Asian” is formed by our political leaders, news outlets and our popular culture. Even federal forms and

dictionaries will conclude their definition of “Asian” as typically Chinese, Korean, and Japanese—the other 45 Asian countries are lumped together in the category of “Other”. Additionally, while there has been a push for Asian representation in film and television, the fight rarely considers non-East Asians who have similarly been stereotyped and whitewashed.

“While there has been a push for Asian representation in film and television, the fight rarely considers non-East Asians who have similarly been stereotyped. and whitewashed.”

An article from Psychology Today suggests that the misconception surrounding the label “Asian” is based on a recent diaspora of South Asians in the United States. Historically, mainly East Asians immigrated to the U.S., creating a specific identity in the minds of other Americans. By contrast, in countries like Britain with a different immigration history, the term “Asian” typically refers to immigrants from India, Bangladesh, and Pakistan.4 The recent growth in various kinds of Asian immigrants around the world has created a “category ‘problem’ in our[s and others] racial labeling”. What this

reveals to me is that American perceptions of “Asian” are created subconsciously following political divisions and historical immigration trends, and may be done to make the Asian identity easier to comprehend.

Asians across the United States are misidentified and excluded from the label of “Asian” for a range of reasons: linguistic and cultural differences, stereotypes, politics and media, immigration history, and more. The list doesn’t stop there, as other possible factors include geographical distance, political relationships between Asian countries, and the history of colonization. Another possibility is that Asia is just so vast and diverse that we subconsciously categorize people for the sake of simplicity. It’s an understandable slip, but not a viable excuse.

We should strive for a universal society and learns about each others’ similarities and differences. At the end of the day, Middle Easterners, South Asians, and East Asians alike come from the same continent. We should embrace our connection and teach others about our cultures, and not diminish and divide the Asian identity.

Ladan Jaballas is a sophomore studying Urban Design and Architecture Studies. Her mother is an immigrant from Iran and her father is a first generation Filipino-American.

Tweet by @annoyed_asian.

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Misidentifying the Middle East: Who Counts as Asian?

29

HELLO, MY NAME IS

“AMERICAN”

By: Chelsea Cheng

What’s in a name?

A self, an identity, or mere empty letters? To call by, to respond to, to possess—to have it be the primed answer to virtually every occasion of “Who are you?”: these must testify to the gravity of a name, and perhaps in turn, the essence of a person.

A name carries an indispensable, unique and permanent quality. A name carries its owner. It is a stamp on your forehead, a means of interpellation; yet, most of us have but a second in the womb to dwell on our name before it is solidified as our identity.

This, however, only accounts for “normal names” within their respective societies—or, in the context of this piece, names that are readily embraced for their ease of pronunciation and Western typicality. Names that have never been questioned for their meaning and existence. And so begins the meditation on the power of a name—specifically, a Chinese name in an American setting— and the consequences of forcibly altering a given identity.

“You suppose you embody a sort of American individualism, but the concept only sounds cool until race enters the picture and dims all the splendor.”

To have a foreign name is to have an label. Like a game of charades, you do not know what is plastered to your forehead (your entire being) until someone in the class calls it out in a jeering tone and you realize, Oh, this is more than just a name. There is an undertone of something you don’t yet recognize: different, ugly, stupid, un-American. And unlike charades, Igarashi, Takahiro. I believe in the touch.

2017. Revs Japan, Tokyo.

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Identity

you cannot take it off your forehead and move onto the next one. Sometimes you wish you’d never found out what the unseen word was, but people keep reminding you of it and you are trapped in that round, unable to pass.

Strangely, time does not numb the pain, the jabs of embarrassment, though you can practically repeat every single joke that stems from your name now.

You suppose you embody a sort of American individualism, but the concept only sounds cool until race enters the picture and dims all the splendor.

A thought pops into your head: New name! An English one! It’ll be easier!

For them, or for you? You’re not quite sure.

Yet the surface change, a simple “call me ___” does not save you from your legal name that appears on every attendance sheet, the terror that roots you to your seat. It’s no longer surprising when teachers butcher your name or refer to you by your last name, or when other student give you curious looks occasionally coupled with mocking repetitions, but the anticipation does not alleviate your pain. With their every derisive mispronunciation, your hatred for your name multiples tenfold.

Like the tearing apart of a careful lie. The forceful stripping of your American mask. Once again, you’re left naked and open to their attacks. You realize you can’t hide it, not like this.

A new thought: I have to destroy it.

You request a legal name change when you become a naturalized citizen. It goes through, and you’re finally able to bury that ugly, shameful Chinese name behind a legit2 3

Steenwijk, Pam. idk. 2015.

Steenwijk, Pam. 2015. img 220 1. 2015.

w h a t ’ s i n a n

a m ?

e

imized English name.

You would’ve scrapped it completely had your mother not begged you to keep it as your middle name.

The first time you hear a teacher call your English name for attendance, you can’t believe your ears. You have never felt so normal, so American.

You wear your new name with pride. Your Chinese name soon fades from everyone’s memory, and in a mere year or so, no one—not even your friends—remembers that you had once been a non-citizen with a non-American name. Sometimes, not even you yourself remember the name you had once so vehemently loathed. You’re preoccupied with the newfound happiness and immense relief of finally fitting in.

But, as with all things comfortable, you gradually grow numb to the sensation. What you don’t foresee,

An ink drawing by Pam Steenwijk, depicting a person taking off their mask.

The piece reflects the sentiments of this essay, representing the inner turmoil (or chaotic emptiness) that comes with the confusion of one’s own identity.

be yourself and make them learn your name.” Maybe you’re angry at your own cowardice. Maybe you wish you had held onto that part of yourself just to spite others. You feel like you’ve betrayed your family by forcefully tearing out the name they had given you, spurning the ancient beauty imbued within those characters. You wonder what would have happened had you not capitulated to the world. however, is the melancholia that had somehow unknowingly seeped into your contentment. You don’t miss your name—you don’t think so—but you can’t ignore the sense that something was lost when you removed your Chinese name and filled the cavity with an American guise. Was it the absence of the name or the act itself that made you so… what? Sad? Regretful? You can’t place your finger on the feeling.

Maybe it’s seeing the Chinese characters of your name in every paper letter your grandfather writes you.

Maybe it’s hearing Ki Hong Lee yell triumphantly in an interview, “That’s right, man! You don’t have to change your name for anybody! You can just

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“You feel like you’ve betrayed your family by forcefully tearing out the name they had given you, spurning the ancient beauty imbued within those characters.”

And yet these are all retrospective, futile thoughts, formed behind the safety of your acquired Americanness.

A friend asks if, given a second chance, you would have done the same.

I don’t know, you tell her. I don’t know.

Chelsea is a sophomore studying English & American Literature. She recently learned how to boil an egg.

Hello, My Name is “American”

31

As I approach my graduation date, and the completion of my three years at college, I find myself at a crossroads between childhood and the future. Looking back and looking forward, I feel unsettled. Struggling to discover who I am and who I will be. I still don’t know...but does anyone?

CROSSROADS

by Tatiana Hollander-Ho Tatiana is a senior studying Media, Culture, and Communication.

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Identity

KEEPING ARCHITA By: Archita Kumar

On my first day of school in Singapore, a girl asked me, “What’s your English name?” At the time, all I could manage was, “I don’t have one yet,” and I received a confused look in return. That situation became a recurring one; I often have to introduce myself multiple times before I let my name get butchered or accept a mispronunciation. The first two minutes of every conversation with a stranger look something like this: “Hi, my name is Archita.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Archita.”

“Archin?”

“No, Archita.”

“Arch… wait, what?”

“A-R-C-H-I-T-A.” After a few seconds…“Archeetah?”

“Yeah, that works.”

Maybe I should just introduce myself as ‘Archie,’ a nickname I have taken up for those who can’t say “Arkeetah” (and for Archie comic fans). I was never given an “English name” and never adopted one. In fact, I wasn’t even aware of the practice until recently; I’d always assumed that names were the same in every language. Do names even have nationalities? Why do people change them anyways?

“Do names even have nationalities?”

Part of the answer lies in a desire for assimilation in xenophobic western cultures. In the book “Patriots Or Traitors: A History of American Educated Chinese Students”, Stacey Bieler writes that immigrants changed their names and lifestyles as “practical ways of surviving in a new culture,”

which they hoped would make “good first impressions on Americans.” However, in trying to protect their jobs and safety, immigrants often gave up pieces of their own heritage, such as names, language and family history. The desire to adopt Anglicized names—and even entire new lifestyles—was further spurred by a history of intolerance against Asian Pacific Americans, which continues today in new and implicit forms.

Asian Pacific Americans have been frequent victims of bigotry in the U.S., taking form in the 1870s as Yellow Peril and again after the attack on Pearl Harbor during World War II. Asian Pacific Americans were also often scapegoated for social problems; for example, the rising Filipino population was blamed for the Great Depression, resulting in the 1934 Tydings-McDuffie Independence Act drastically limiting Filipino immigration.1

“Even today, immigrants are still adopting mainstream American culture to ease their Asian-American experience.”

Archita, second from the right in back row, at United World College of South East Asia.

”The Paradox Of Assimilation: Children Of Filipino Immigrants In San Diego -- Yen Espiritu - Research & Seminars | Migration Dialogue”.

Migration.Ucdavis.Edu. 1

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”Minorities Who ‘Whiten’ Job Resumes Get More Interviews”. 2017. HBS Working Knowledge.

2

Discrimination has taken on more insidious forms in modern decades, one of which is the ‘model minority’ myth. Asian Pacific Americans are often publicized as financially successful, fully assimilated A+ achievers, an inaccurate representation that some use to justify criticizing other minorities. The model minority myth also erases real APA hardships, particularly those experienced by smaller ethnic groups such as Laotians or Cambodians.

3 ”Marvel Actress Changed Her Chinese Surname Because ‘Hollywood Is Racist’”. 2017.

Huffpost UK.

Keeping Archita

33

Although the model minority myth is less explicit than other forms of discrimination, it is just as deeply-rooted and damaging.

Even today, immigrants are still adopting mainstream American culture to ease their Asian-American experience. This is especially evident in the competitive corporate world; according to research by University of Toronto professor Katherine DeCelles, “Asian job applicants who mask their race on resumes seem to have better success getting job interviews” and a 10% higher chance of getting callbacks.2 One method applicants use to “mask their race” is to change their names, a practice that extends to other industries. For example, actress Chloe Bennet changed her last name from Wang, explaining, “I had to pay my rent, and Hollywood is racist and wouldn’t cast me with a last name that made them uncomfortable.”3 Unfortunately, studies have shown that other minorities such as African Americans and Latinos also face this race-based discrimination in the job market and entertainment industry.

“Perhaps it’s a cycle; people adopt English names because they see others doing so, therefore creating and sustaining the norm.”

Jobs aside, there is also a social factor to changing one’s name.

Royce Liu, an NYU freshman studying economics, said, “No one can really pronounce my Chinese name, and if my name is translated in English it becomes meaningless.” After experiencing a language and cultural barrier, she adopted ‘Royce’, a name that is easier for English-speaking Americans to say and remember. Another Asian-American NYU student, Candace, was given an English name at birth, and only now realizes that she never questioned it. “It was so normal to me,” she said.

“It is normalized to an extent that it

34

Identity

is weird.” Perhaps it’s a cycle; people adopt English names because they see others doing so, therefore creating and sustaining the norm. Perhaps it is the comfort of fitting in, or the fear of standing out, that drives a desire for assimilation.

“Perhaps it is the comfort of fitting in, or the fear of standing out, that drives a desire for assimilation.”

Some may ask: so what?

Changing names shouldn’t be that difficult. Yet, these seemingly arbitrary, strung-together letters form an integral part of our identities. Each name carries a story; for example, my culture strongly believes in astrology, so my name’s first letter was determined by the Zodiac sign at the time of my birth. Moreover, my name is based on my aunt’s name, Archana, with whom I share many personality traits and a strong connection. These precious meanings and stories would be lost if I accepted a Western version of my

name. While adopting a new name may help us Asian-Americans assimilate into new cultures, they also detach us from the very roots that our ancestors may have sacrificed their lives to preserve.

Despite my attachment to my name, I often let mispronunciations pass by, succumbing to Western names and norms without reflecting on what this means for my own language. Yet, over time I have also realized that I am representing my culture in a foreign country, and it is my responsibility to preserve my cultural identity. Even if my friends joke, “Why are you called Ar-cheetah when you can’t even run fast?” and even if I have to continue repeating my name to confused strangers, I won’t adopt an Anglicized name.

Although ‘Archie’ is only two letters away from my name, those two letters convey an entirely different history.

I’m keeping ‘Archita’; I choose the history that truly feels my own.

Archita Kumar is a freshman planning to double major in economics and psychology, and takes an interest in any outdoor-adventurous activities.

TIME Magazine’s 1987 “Whiz Kids” cover

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Why Asian Americans Are Three Times Less Likely to Seek Treatment for Eating Disorders

by crystalyu

APRIL 11, 2018 Growing up, there were multiple instances when my mother would compare my body to my sister’s. Additionally, if you are an Asian American with immigrant parents, you have probably witnessed or experienced some form of disordered eating; whether it be witnessing 3-day starvation diets, or watching my mom drink bizarre concoctions to curb her appetite, I grew up thinking that having an eating disorder was just a part of life.

What’s weird is that in many Asian cultures, food is used to express love and care. My mother would always ask me, “have you eaten yet?” whenever she was concerned about me. Making sure that my siblings and I were not hungry was one of her main concerns, and I’ve learned that “have you eaten” is my parent’s way of saying “I care about you.” When visiting relatives or family friends, large amounts of food were always prepared as a welcoming gesture. Eating the food, no matter how much I didn’t want to, was a sign of respect and graciousness. However, like many Asian American women, I found myself in a weird position: on one hand I was constantly being told to lose weight, and on the other hand, I was constantly being force fed. Strange.

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MEDIA HIGHLIGHT

I’ve joined and have quit a lot of clubs during my

time at NYU, but somehow I’ve managed to stay here in Generasian. I wonder why. Whenever someone asks me about my passions or goals, I’ve always talked about Generasian, no matter what. Even when I wasn’t as involved as I am now.

This semester has been especially special for me. I’ve never thought I’d enjoy being a part of a club as much as I do now.

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LETTER FROM EMILY

Having no solid Asian American community back in my hometown, I was searching for a place I could call my people. My home. So I joined Generasian media. I’m Asian American. And I like media. And I believe Asian Americans need more visibility and representation in the media. This was perfect for me.

I made my debut humiliating myself in front of the camera introducing museum exhibits and ice cream joints.

I got free ice cream from Taiyaki NYC for a video I hosted that makes me CRINGE. I met Dumbfoundead ~twice~ and got to film him backstage and talk to him about life and my aspirations and ask for his advice (!!!!)... I got to freestyle over hot pot at 99 Favor Taste. I ate my first bull testicle at Kenka (don’t do this kids). And most of all, I found my people. Shout out to Jeff, Andrea, Nicholas, Lucy, Megan, Jenny, and everybody else who I met at Generasian who’ve been my homies since that general interest meeting. A1 since the day one.

But reality hit. I started “growing up”. I started questioning what I REALLY wanted to do... What am I supposed to be doing? Where is my life heading? Am I truly fulfilling my passions? And am I truly committing myself to my work? Blah blah blah hurr durr. Everyone has a passion project, but I felt my passions slipping through the cracks.

In short, because of my desire to do everything, I completely drained myself of the energy I once had when I started out with Generasian. I forgot to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I realized that I needed to actually just stop and breathe. Take care of myself.

Withdraw and reflect. “Find myself.”

This wasn’t an easy choice. Generasian has always played a significant role in my college life and the community has a special place in my heart. But sometimes, you need to step away and focus on yourself. Self-love is self-care, and self-care is self-control. When I couldn’t pull my weight because of the other 8000 things I was doing, the most supportive media team did everything for me. I had to learn how to prioritize and manage my time.

How could I call myself a deputy media chair when there were people who actually deserved the title?

But this doesn’t mean goodbye. This means see you later. I will always support the work that all of these wonderful departments have continued to accomplish every semester. I am so so honored to have had the opportunity to serve on the e-board. And I am so so grateful to have had people call me out on my mistakes and failures, to help me become a better creative, activist, and human being.

Generasian has been pivotal to my journey. And I hope it is to all of yours.

See you at the launch party. Good luck!

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