Issuu

VOL 12 NO 3

PRACTICAL WAYS

TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE INTACT THE

DO’S AND DON’TS

OF DEALING WITH IN-LAWS

3 KEYS TO POSITIONING YOURSELF FOR A JOB DURING THE PANDEMIC

“I OVERCAME BREAST CANCER” PERSONAL ACCOUNT FROM A SURVIVOR

DUNSIN OYEKAN

OPENS UP ABOUT FATHERHOOD, SPIRITUALITY AND MUSIC

SP FATHEERCIAL EDITIOHNOOD

Team PUBLISHER/CEO Bolanle Olawale EDITOR Toluwalase Olawale CREATIVE/GRAPHICS ARTIST Tonye Edet DIGITAL/TECHNICAL SUPPORT Adura Arowolo SALES AND LOGISTICS Francis Unufe CONTRIBUTORS Kingsley Okonkwo, Kehinde Adollo, Iquo Ukoh, Busola Jegede, Liz Kingsley, Dr Akinfemi Akingboye, Dr Chinyere Almona, Olamide Elizabeth Adeleye, Dr. Alo Ohio-Omonkhomion, Olufunlola Ifebogun, Lara Yeku, Sarah Williams, Ola Asags, Boma Oruambo, Ibironke Olubamise, Iboro Tonye-Edet CHAIRMAN ’Kunle Olawale gemWoman is digitally published by gem Publications Ltd. All Rights Reserved, © 2020 For subscriptions and advert enquiries, please call or visit #10 Jide Ayo Close, Omole Phase 1, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria WhatsApp: +234 706 931 4010 Email: editor@gemwoman.net Website: www.gemwoman.net Follow us on instagram: @gemmagazines and @gemmagazinesevent Like us on facebook: gem magazines

gemwoman.net 5

Contents gemWOMAN MAGAZINE

VOL 12 NO 3

POEM Happy Father’s Day

FATHERHOOD FEATURE 12

FROM THE PUBLISHER’S DESK Refuse to Conform

APPLES OF GOLD Quotes On Fatherhood

How Do You Spell Father?

•

Femi Enigbokan

•

Lanre Abu

•

Philip Emmanuel

The Dos and Don’ts of Dealing With In-Laws

TESTIMONY Surviving Breast Cancer

LAW OF IN-LAWS

SINGLE & MARRIED 18

ENTREPRENEUR GUIDE It’s Time To Bloom

10 Practical Ways to Keep 50

Your Marriage Intact

HAIR CARE Homemade Natural Hair Mask

SURVIVING WIDOWHOOD

COVER INTERVIEW

Give Yourself Permission To Love Again 52

Dunsin Oyekan —

FASHION

Father, Worshipper and Minister

THE WAITING ROOM

Revamping for Re-emergence: Styling Summer Staples

“

I don’t joke with His presence; if I am not on an assignment or with my family, I am right there in my praying corner fellowshipping with the Father.”

6 gemwoman.net

After Miscarriage

FEATURE DADDY’S GIRL The Impact My Father Made On My Life —Osayi Alile Oruene

100 HERE’S TO HEALTH

INSPIRATION

5 Questions You Need To Ask Before

Business As Usual Or Business

Picking A Doctor And Why?

Unusual Our New Reality

LITTLE GEMS KANDID TALKS

Understanding The Millennial

Faith 81

Child (My Opinion)

LIGHT REFLECTIONS

CAREER

How To Love Reading The Bible

3 Keys to Positioning Yourself for a Job during the Pandemic

GREY AREAS Raising A Child With Autism

CUISINE Guacamole (Dip)

100

gemwoman.net 7

Contributors Iquo Ukoh is a distinguished fellow of Nigerian Institute of Marketing of

Olufunmilola Ifebogun is the CEO of Blooms Soft Furnishing, which she

Nigeria and a highly respected veteran within the West African Marketing

established in 1994 and is fast gaining recognition within and outside Nigeria.

Communications space. She is a member of the Nutrition Society of Nigeria.

She is an associate of Dorothy Van Riet Design Academy in South Africa and

She is currently the CEO of Entod Marketing. Iquo is also the founder of

also possesses a Diploma in Color Concept from Interior Design, Texas, USA.

1qfoodplatter.com a Nigerian food blog that has made notable impact in the Nigerian food space.

Dr. Mrs Alarape Oluwasanya is a Senior Registrar in Family Medicine at the

Olamide Elizabeth Adeleye is a chartered Arbitrator and a legal practitioner

Olabisi Onabanjo University Teaching Hospital and a member of the West

who specializes in Corporate Law and Real Estate. She is also a pastor, and

African College of Physicians. She is also a certified Geriatrician. She attends

a poet. She currently runs her own legal practice and oversees the Women’s

Chapel of Victory, Sagamu where she works in the Children’s Department.

Ministry of God’s Favourite House Church, Lekki.

Married to Dr. Richard Oluwasanya and mother of two adorable children

Her passion is to help women acquire the drive to thrive and not just survive in

Aseoluwa and Araifeoluwa.

all spheres of life. She is joyfully married and blessed with two nations.

Kingsley Okonkwo is a popular TV host, certified Relationship coach and

Kehinde Adollo is a Profile Marketing communications expert who just wants

highly sought after speaker with well over 20 years’ experience. He is the

to make a change in every little way she can. She loves to be in the company of

founder and lead Pastor of David’s Christian Centre in Lagos. His wit, humour

good and inspiring people. The God factor has been her support through the

and real life styled teachings have made him a darling of the media. He is

years She often asks herself, “where will I be without him?”

married to his best friend Mildred and they are blessed with children.

Dr. Chinyere Almona is a versatile inspirational speaker and Bible teacher.. She

Ibironke Olubamise is an intercessor, counsellor, and an ordained pastor at

is passionate about leadership and people development. Professionally, she

Throneroom Trust Ministry and Secretary of the Women in God’s Prophetic

has over twenty-six years of work experience, providing strategic support to

Agenda. She is the National Coordinator, UNDP GEF-Small Grants Programme,

companies and currently leads a series of corporate governance interventions

Ronke was married to Pastor Bankole Olubamise of blessed memory. They are

across sub-Saharan Africa. She lives in Lagos, Nigeria, where she serves

blessed with two children.

alongside her husband, Pastor Obi Almona.

Sarah Williams is a youth pastor. Her passion is to see the next generation

Toluwalase Olawale is a law student and beauty entrepreneur from Dallas,

grow into the fullness of God’s purpose for their lives. She also has burden

Texas by way of Lagos, Nigeria. She is passionate about travel, youth

for married couples waiting for the blessing of the womb. This led her

mentoring, advocacy and authentic living as a Christian. She shares on her

to start an online intercessory prayer group called The Throne Room of

podcast “Live Intentional” practical tips, and applicational scripture that aid

God–@thethroneroomofgod.

in self-betterment, and that of the world at large.

8 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 9

Connect with Us



@gemmagazines

Instagram

@gemmagazines



@gemmagazines

10 gemwoman.net

POEM

Happy Father’s Day

Reflecting the nature of God

Our Fathers

Showing His love and care

Priests

Images of the faith He shared

Prophets

Pointing us to our Father above

Providers

Of which we’re sure, you all He adore

With carriage so refined

Progenitors May your candid fervour

A child was about to be born

in all your endeavours

To the Creator to whom he is a son

Always be accepted as a sweet smelling savour

Jesus looked down & smiled

Unto the Almighty Creator

For this child was definitely worth the while

Attracting Heavenly favour

And He said I will give a father

For you to continually savour

One who would be My replica Not just biological

Through your many acts of chivalry,

But to also guide in the spiritual

In our homes there is no rivalry

A father is heaven’s best gift

What you roll with is exemplary

A father is to a child precious & sweet

of what Christ did on Calvary;

He nurtures and provides

For all you do, a day is certainly not enough to celebrate

He teaches and he guides

And over your role in the family life, we jubilate

He is patient and a promise keeper

Yet we will utilize fully the day’s opportunity

He is to a child’s heart a door keeper

To shower you with the many accolades due.

Thank you Jesus for the gift of my father Because like You there is no other

To all our fathers We want you to know you matter

It’s the season of uncommon favour

and with you we like to chatter

He’ll surely bless all your endeavours

Your love makes our insecurities shatter

And we’re certain, He’ll never stop being your Saviour

Your silent strength makes our fears scatter This Is A Poem Specially Composed By Our fathers, the image

The Women Of God’s Favourite House

Of the Father divine

12 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 13

From the Publisher’s Desk

Refuse to Conform

men who have influenced our lives in

on Surviving Breast Cancer. It is an

various ways.

encouraging piece to many hesitant minds.

We’ve made a bolder and braver magazine to celebrate these awesome

The article on 3 Keys to Positioning

e are all living through an

succumbing to the flesh and living like

figures by giving their all-important

Yourself for a Job during the Pandemic is

era of rapid change that

any ordinary person; or we decide to

voices a place to talk about who they are

a must read for job seekers, especially

most of us were totally

be one of the non-conformists who

and what they stand for. I am incredibly

in light of the impact of the pandemic

unprepared for. These changes are

welcome uncertainty without fear,

proud of what the gemWOMAN team

on the job market.

leaving a lot of people exhausted and

knowing that even in uncertain times

has created and curated in the pages

almost overwhelmed with the series of

our Father- GOD is still in charge and

that follow, and this issue has shone

And for the Christian desirous of

unpredictable events that confront us

His promises remain certain.

the spotlight on inspiring people who I

spiritual growth, How to Love Reading

hope will provoke stimulating debates.

Your Bible is a must read article for you.

on a daily basis. What I have realised is that we have just two choices: We either

Reinventing gemWOMAN during this

play by the normal rules which will be

pandemic has been an epic project. And

Our Special Cover personality is no

A lot is changing around us in the world

frankly, an emotional roller coaster for

other than Dusin Oyekan. The popular

of politics, health, music, literature

us as we reimagine every single page

gospel music minister, song-writer

and on the internet; so with each

and every single shoot.

and powerful worshipper who has

edition we will be trying something

drawn many into the heart of worship

new and we will be giving every page

The team has been tasked with

through his deeply expressive worship

extreme care and attention.

bringing forward fresh thinking,

songs speaks on what fatherhood

reverse thinking, big, bold ideas and

means to him.

a new approach. This issue of the

Now it’s over to you. What do you think of our new look, online? What do you

magazine is based on the theme of

This issue also contains a special

like and what is missing? Do let us know

Fatherhood and we spent time asking,

Fatherhood feature that focuses on

by tweeting us or sending us a message

‘Do we have to do it the same way as we

three young fathers and their personal

on instagram @gemmagazines and

always have?’ More often than not we

takes and experiences of fatherhood.

we’ll see what we can deliver in our

concluded that we don’t.

forthcoming issues. June 7th was Cancer Survivor Day,

14 gemwoman.net

This new Fatherhood issue of

so we thought to share a testimony

Blessings

gemWOMAN is dedicated to fathers;

from a cancer survivor who speaks

Bolanle Olawale

gemwoman.net 15

APPLES OF GOLD

FATHERHOOD — QUOTES ON —

“Fathers, like mothers, are

“Noble fathers have noble

“When you teach your son,

not born. Men grow into

children.”

you teach your son’s son.”

fathers and fathering is

EURIPIDES

THE TALMUD

their development.”

“The father who does not

“The quality of a father

DAVID GOTTESMAN

teach his son his duties is

can be seen in the goals,

equally guilty with the son

dreams, and aspirations he

“Father of fathers, make

who neglects them.”

sets not only for himself,

me one, a fit example for a

CONFUCIUS

but for his family.”

a very important stage in

here are not much words, phrases or remarks used to toast or appreciate a father; and one of those few words is, “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!” These are celebratory words pleasant to the ears of any man who has

lovingly and patiently played the role of a father in the life of one he’s had the privilege of grooming and teaching many life’s lessons. The presence of a loving father greatly increases a child’s chances of success, confidence and resilience, physical and mental well-being, and yes, quite

son.” DOUGLAS MALLOCH

REED MARKHAM

“I cannot think of any need in children as strong

“Fathering is not

“Being a great father is like

as the need for a father’s

something perfect men do,

shaving. No matter how

protection.”

but something that perfects

good you shaved today,

SIGMUND FREUD

the man.”

you have to do it again

naturally, their sense of humour. To make more accessible those great pearls of wisdom that do exist, here are

FRANK PITTMAN

tomorrow.”

“A family needs a father to

REED MARKHAM

anchor it.”

“Someday you will know

L. TOM PERRY

that a father is much

some quotes that further attests to how precious our fathers are. “It is easier for a father “You don’t raise heroes,

“That is the thankless

“Father!—To God Himself

you raise sons. And if you

position of the father in the

we cannot give a holier

treat them like sons, they’ll

family—the provider for

name.”

turn out to be heroes, even

all, and the enemy of all.”

WILLIAM WORDSWORTH

if it’s just in your own

J. AUGUST STRINDBERG

eyes.”

“We think our fathers fools, “Every father should

so wise we grow; our wiser

remember one day his son

sons, no doubt, will think us

“One of the greatest things

will follow his example, not

so.”

a father can do for his

his advice.”

ALEXANDER POPE

WALTER M. SCHIRRA, SR.

children is to love their

“It is easier to build strong “My father didn’t tell me

children than to repair

how to live. He lived and let

broken men.”

“To a father growing old

me watch him do it.”

FREDERICK DOUGLASS

nothing is dearer than a

CLARENCE BUDINGTON KELLAND

HOWARD W. HUNTER

children to have a real father.”

daughter.”

“A girl’s father is the

EURIPIDES

first man in her life, and probably the most influential.”

“Children need models

happiness than in his own.”

rather than critics.”

HONORE DE BALZAC, PERE GORIOT

JOSEPH JOUBERT

“Every parent is at some

POPE JOHN XXIII

“Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-

“A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.” UNKNOWN

tellers, and singers of song.” PAM BROWN

CHARLES KETTERING

mother.”

to have children than for

happier in his children’s

“‘Father’ is the noblest title a man can be given. It is more than a biological role. It signifies a patriarch, a leader, an exemplar, a confidant, a teacher, a hero, a friend.” ROBERT L. BACKMAN

point the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope.” JOHN CIARD

“Life doesn’t come with an instruction book — that’s why we have fathers.”–H.

“...that the most precious things a father can provide

Jackson Browne

are time, attention, and

“A good father is one of the

TIM RUSSERT

love.”

most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” BILLY GRAHAM

DAVID JEREMIAH

16 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 17

TESTIMONY

ehind every scar, there is an untold story of survival. ~Unknown. Sometimes life has a very crude way of dealing people with hard, terrible blows. But what makes these people champions is not that they defeated what was thrown at them, but that though they may

have been hit and wounded, they chose to rise from the ashes, proudly wearing their scars and telling life, “I am a survivor. You can’t put me down that easily.” June 7, 2020 marked the International Cancer Survivor Day; an event to raise awareness of cancer, sufferers and survivors. Below is a testimony from a breast cancer survivor and she demystifies the monster called cancer while encouraging many to take the bull by the horn and not give in to the fear called cancer.

††† My name is Oluwaseun Olanrewaju

Surviving Breast Cancer Oluwaseun Olanrewaju Johnson

18 gemwoman.net

Cancer Means the End of the

Johnson. I am a soft skills trainer, a

World - (MYTH): Many people

part time lecturer, a realtor and the

believe there is no life after cancer

owner of Beauty by Julie. And yes, I am

diagnosis. This is far from being

a breast cancer survivor! I have gone

true. I started my skin care products

through all the dreaded typical cancer

and other laudable achievements

treatment plans like Chemotherapy,

after my treatment.

Radiotherapy, Surgery and other life style changes required to stay healthy.

Cancer Affects Just the Old (MYTH): Cancer can affect anyone

My reason for coming out is to demystify

in any age group. I was diagnosed

the myth about cancer & to change the

at 34! I met people younger than

narrative. These are some of the myths

myself during treatment too.

about cancer and proofs that dispel them.

gemwoman.net 19

TESTIMONY

Cancer is Hereditary-(MYTH): This

TESTIMONY

was diagnosed with breast cancer.

is not particularly true as there was no history in my family before me! zz

clergy that it was an arrow and only fervent prayers, fasting & deliverance

Cancer can be devastating for the

could help. Another told me that I

patient, family & friends as it requires

should not go for the surgery as he sees

Breast Cancer Affects Just Women-

a lot of funds, moral & emotional

death afterwards. We need to sieve

(MYTH): This is totally misguided.

support. The best time to treat it is at

what we listen to as they can either

Men also have breast cancer, though

the early stage when it has not spread

help or discourage us. The place of

this condition is very rare. Recently,

to other parts of the body. The reason

medicine can never be replaced with

Michael Knowles, the father of the

most people do not survive is because

prayer and fasting; there is no reason

popular R&B musician, Beyonce,

they tried to cure it with alternative

they cannot work hand in hand to give

means without proper medical advice

a better outcome.

My advice to women is that they need to be familiar with their bodies. Do a monthly check for lumps and any funny feeling, preferably after your period. If you find anything please seek medical advice immediately as delay may be fatal. 20 gemwoman.net

or exploring the medical way. They present their cases when it is advanced

Reasons why people run from the

and all other treatments have failed! I

medical treatment available.

almost fell victim of this as I tried an

For some women, the physical loss

alternative therapy, using high dose

of their breasts can serve as a daily

of vitamin C, drinking lemon, soursop

reminder and trauma that could

leaf, stopped sugar and all sorts of

lead to low self-esteem.

supplements. By the way, these other

alternative treatments are not cheap

The trauma of chemotherapy and all its side effects.

diagnosed, please follow medical

as I spent close to N800,000.00 before

Radiotherapy

advice, that is the only proven solution

realizing I was endangering my life.

Medical bills & fear of future

at the moment and please ask for help

reoccurrence.

from any means available. Do not be

I had to ask the Doctor to connect me with those he has treated before

quiet as you may not be able to sort all

and are survivors but he could not

My advice to women is that they need

the medical bills on your own. I urge

specifically give a name.

to be familiar with their bodies. Do

other survivors too to speak up as this

a monthly check for lumps and any

would encourage others going through

We could complicate issues by

funny feeling, preferably after your

same ordeal and give them hope. gw

replacing medical help with just

period. If you find anything please

prayers & fasting. This could be very

seek medical advice immediately as

detrimental as I was told by some

delay may be fatal. If you have been

gemwoman.net 21

HAIR CARE

Homemade Natural Hair Mask

Your hair mask may not be visible to the human eye…but trust me, your hair is well protected from heat and at the same time super nourished.

Toluwalase Olawale

1 EGG: Eggs are a

nutrient-rich hair superfood that

ooking for a great

contains Vitamins A,

way to condition your

E, biotin, and folate.

hair without paying a

They are rich in protein and are great

visit to the hair salon? Look

for replenishing protein in the hair (as the hair is mostly composed of

no further than your own

protein).

refrigerator. This hair mask is guaranteed to help revive and

DIRECTIONS: Mix together the

rehydrate your hair and is

ingredients in a blender or with a fork

suitable for all hair types,but

and strengthen the hair and boost

1 TABLESPOON OF OLIVE

and apply liberally to the scalp and

is especially beneficial for my

shine.

OIL: Olive oil is rich in

hair shaft. Cover with a plastic shower

vitamin E as well, and

cap for at least 20 minutes, then wash

stimulates hair growth.

out. Proceed to style hair as usual.

Coconut oil, aside

1 BANANA: Bananas are rich in

Your hair mask may not be visible to the

AN AVOCADO: Avocados are

from its benefits as a

silica which is absorbed by the body

human eye as what we have on our faces

rich in monounsaturated

skin moisturizer, is also great as a hair

for collagen production.

when we go out, but trust me, your hair

fatty acids, in addition to

moisturizer and helps prevent split

Collagen is the protein that

is well protected from heat and at the

vitamin E that nourish

ends and dandruff.

hair is composed of.

same time super nourished. gw

naturalistas out there.

TABLESPOON

OF COCONUT OIL:

22 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 23

FA S H I O N

Revamping for Re-emergence:

Styling Summer Staples Toluwalase Olawale

Summer is here again, and as the nations of the world are reopening, many of us are preparing to re-emerge with a new look...either to show off the effects of our home workouts, or our many trips to the refrigerator.

Here are some ways to revamp items you probably already have in your closet...or a family member’s. *wink*

THE WHITE COLLARED SHIRT

closet staple, a crisp white shirt can be worn to suit

any occasion- dressed up https://www.hawesandcurtis.co.uk

or dressed down. As seen in the following photos, you can never go wrong with this timeless piece.

gemwoman.net 25

FA S H I O N

MAXI DRESS

stranger

scissors myself, I love converting

old maxi dresses into skirts for a revamped look that can be worn with a figure accentuating belt and a T-shirt for a casual and fashionable look. While the

JEANS

scissors work best on skirts

emember a few years

with a high waistline and

ago when patches and

elastic that retains its shape,

embroidery were all the

you can always play around

rave on jeans? While I was never a

with layering on maxi

fan of them myself, a great way to

dresses to repurpose them

repurpose an old pair of jeans is to

as skirts.

jazz them up with patches, paint, or bling! A personal favourite of mine is to lightly speckle white paint on light wash blue jeans. It is a subtle but effective way of adding

So, as we celebrate the gradual

possibilities are endless when it comes

personality to a pre-loved pair of

reopening of our countries, and put

to creativity with our clothing! You do

jeans. Pearls also always add a great

away our pajamas and loungewear, let

not need to break the bank to look good,

feminine touch.

us remember the fun and expression

especially given the circumstances of

that clothing affords us. The

the pandemic. gw

26 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 27

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

How Do You Spell Father? Iboro Tonye-Edet

addy, Dad, Pops, Papa, Ba’mi, these and more are titles given to men who have proven that being a father is a

million times much more honourable than being a sperm donor. Fatherhood is NOT a walk in the park. It demands wearing these shoes all at the same time: love, provider, instructor, disciplinarian, protector, and defender and most of all, sacrificial giver. It demands being the priest, king and prophet of your household; constantly raising an altar to God on behalf of the family. Are you really deserving of any of these titles if you have been so called by them? Below are some questions you may just need to answer for some self-appraisal. »

gemwoman.net 29

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

Femi Enigbokan ‘F

↓↓↓

emi ENIGBOKAN is a seasoned HR Consultant, Trainer, Investor, Teacher and Author. As Senior Pastor of RCCG The

Rock Center, Atlanta, USA, he teaches the undiluted word of God, leading people to repentance and revival. He is happily married to Oluwatoyin and they are blessed with Godly children. Femi gives us detailed answers to some salient questions asked on fatherhood. It is indeed a rare privilege to share

Son Or Daughter: Who Is

some of my personal thoughts and

Harder To Raise?

practical insights on this Father’s day edition of the magazine. I strongly

Is there any difference in the way a

believe that the dearth of fathers in

father should raise a son compared to

the world today is a cankerworm that

a daughter?

is eating deep into the fabric of the society and world at large.

I must say that parenting in this

The world today is full of males, but

generation is a lot harder. There are a

few MEN. It is high time that the real

lot of variables that have been included

men stand up to their calling. The

into the equation of parenting that was

Man is the FOUNDATION of the home

not there 25 years ago. So be it male or

and the foundation is a position of

female, parenting takes a lot of time and

responsibility and accountability,

effort. However, personally speaking, I

irrespective of what the world says.

believe it is almost impossible to raise two children the same way, irrespective

So I jump into the questions very quickly.

30 gemwoman.net

of their similarity or differences in

gemwoman.net 31

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

gender. Maybe my vast experience in

So to answer your question plainly,

Human Resources has made me come

I believe there should be a different

to the understanding that there is no

approach to raising every child

one-size-fits-all approach to handling

(irrespective of their gender). We

things like this.

should study our children and look for the best ways in line with the word of

I believe it is the responsibility of every

God to bring out the best in them.

parent to look out for the best ways to reach each of their children and adopt

What Is Your Own Form Of

these bespoke solutions accordingly.

Appropriate Discipline?

These techniques will differ from child to child in motivation, counselling,

“Just wait until your father gets home!”

approach to discipline and even

is a phrase most of us often heard

rewarding them. Fairness is also

growing up. Dad as a disciplinarian

another key factor in parenting. As

has defined most fathers throughout

the Bible reminds us that women are

history.

more tender vessels and we should

don’t have to say a word; they get the

am the one that enforces the discipline

message with my looks alone.

in the house and my wife still uses

treat them as such, this applies to our

I believe childhood is a process in life

daughters, wives, mothers and every

that gives birth to who an individual

woman out there.

would eventually turn out to be. In

Between my wife and me, though I am

home” cliché, I have also refined my

other words, the quality of a man/

the disciplinarian, the children know

responsibility to also involve loving

woman depends on certain factors

me as:

and caring for them so that they don’t

that the boy/girl child is exposed to

“I employ a lot of discipline techniques and the most effective is the use of my eyes. Yes! My eyes speak and does wonders.” 32 gemwoman.net

that “Just wait until your Daddy gets

The more exciting and fun loving

grow up to fear me and intentionally

parent.

keep things from me when they are

The spiritual authority of the home.

faced with life’s challenges.

The one who will probably make out

over a period of time. I employ a lot of discipline techniques and the most effective is the use of my eyes. Yes! My eyes speak and does wonders. No matter where we are and

time to attend the school initiatives.

Most importantly, I want to beseech

The one who would rather take them

all men out there to always pray for

to a party or an outing.

their children. Prayers go a long way

how many people there are, I have trained my children so much that I

to guiding them in places where you I said all that to say this, that though I

cannot go with them.

gemwoman.net 33

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

It is prayers that will keep evil from

How Has Your Spirituality

them

Influenced The Way You Raise

It is prayers that helps them make

Your Children?

the right choices when they are at zz

crossroads

Many fathers say they have been

It is prayers that breaks every

transformed by what their religious

negative influence and pattern over

beliefs teach about the role of a father. My

their lives

walk with God is the foundation of my life,

It is prayers that ensures they don’t

it is the core of everything that I do in life–

turn from the training we have given

be it in ministry, marriage, relationship

them

with people and also in business.

It is prayers that ultimately makes a difference in their lives

I have learnt to raise my children with the KIDS approach.

“the world is evolving, there is so much to learn out there on proper parenting. The children of today are a lot different from previous generations and some of them have perfected the act of deception.”

the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”

“The horse is prepared against the day

K–Knowledge

of battle: but safety is of the Lord”.

I–Intimacy

–Proverbs 21:31 (KJV).

D–Discipline

closer to their mother, however

my children are saying and what they

S–Sensitive

we work hand-in-hand to ensure

are not saying. I also try to meet their

we don’t fail in the assignment of

Emotional, Physical, Educational and

KNOWLEDGE: I always seek to know

parenting. To summarize this, our

Spiritual needs as the Lord helps me.

more, because the only thing constant

children don’t care how much we

in life is change. What are the new

know, until they know how much we

My last words to us as parents is this:

techniques in parenting? How can

care.

the world is evolving, there is so much

SENSITIVE: I try to be sensitive to what

to learn out there on proper parenting.

I connect better with my children?

34 gemwoman.net

What is God saying over the lives of

DISCIPLINE: The Bible teaches about

The children of today are a lot different

my children? All these drive me to seek

discipline and trust me when I say I am

from previous generations and some

more knowledge.

a good disciplinarian. I would not say

of them have perfected the act of

more than this; you probably need to

deception. It is however my prayer that

INTIMACY: We must be intentional

meet my children to understand this

the Lord will continually keep all our

in our closeness to our children.

better. Above all, the Bible tell us in

children and they will be far greater

Although I must say that they are

Proverbs 13:24 that–“Whoever spares

than us in Jesus mighty name. gw

gemwoman.net 35

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

Lanre Abu L

↓↓↓

anre Abu is a UK trained Economics/International Relations graduate with a post-graduate degree in Marketing. He is the

Chief Operations Officer at New Covenant House (Formerly, Jesus House Dallas). He resides in Dallas, Texas with his beautiful wife Bukky and their two sons. We caught up with Lanre to find out what fatherhood means to him. Are boys harder to raise than girls?

Every branch of science from neuroscience to anthropology now

My simple answer to this is No. Raising

confirms something the Bible has laid

boys or girls both have their different

out all along. Of course, we believe

challenges.

that those differences are good and are there for a reason: God has an intended

Is there any difference in the

framework for what a man should be

way a father should raise a son

and what a woman should be. And every

compared to a daughter? Share

part of our identities will be affected by

a bit of your own experience.

how we live out that design.

Even though I don’t have girls, I would

From my own personal experience

go ahead and be a little controversial by

growing up with two sisters, girls

saying Yes and No.

have different interests than boys. For example, my sisters were never

36 gemwoman.net

There is a distinct and clear difference

introduced to pink and frills by my

in how men and women are designed.

parents; but as they grew, they

gemwoman.net 37

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

developed a natural interest in those

like we would raise our sons so that the

history. What is your own form

things just like how I and my brother

society does not take advantage of them.

of appropriate discipline?

Having said that, there are some things

I really believe that children are different

we have to do with our daughters that

and thus, each requires different

Of course some girls love some

we don’t need to worry about with

measures of discipline. I’ll give you an

“boyish” things, but the majority of

sons. For example, daughters have to

example; I have two young sons (Ages

girls like things that are traditionally

be raised so that once they start having

9 & 10). All you need to do to get my

considered “girly” things. This is not

hormonal fluctuations, they simply

older son to conform is simply express

a product of how they are raised but a

don’t just go with the flow but rather

how disappointed you are with him. His

product of who they are.

recognize what is happening and do

younger brother on the other hand needs

their best not to use it as an excuse to

a bit more tough love and I never hesitate

disrespect those around them.

to bring out the belt when necessary.

On the other hand, there are also some

Many Fathers say they have

things we have to do with the boys that

been transformed by what their

we do not necessarily need to worry about

religious beliefs teach about the

with our girls. Boys are socially trained

role of a father. How has your

to be in charge and so we as parents

spirituality influenced the way

have a responsibility to raise them to

you raise your children?

were more drawn to remote control cars and toy guns.

Because of how the society is structured, girls can sometimes be disadvantaged and so it is necessary to raise them just

“Children are like sponges; from the day they are born, they start to learn from everything around them and so it is important to be good examples…”

respect women so that they do not take advantage of societal norms. A clear case

Whenever I think of raising children,

way and it is my responsibility to use

study of this is evidenced by recent rape

the Bible passage, Proverbs 22:16

my time with them wisely.

events of some young girls in Nigeria.

comes to mind: Train up a child in the

“Just wait until your father

way he should go, and when he is old he

Children are like sponges; from the

will not depart from it.

day they are born, they start to learn

gets home!” is a phrase

38 gemwoman.net

from everything around them and so it

that we might have often

As much I love my children, I cannot

is important to be good examples; not

heard growing up. Dad as a

love them more than God loves them.

just by teaching them to love the Lord

disciplinarian has defined

I believe that God gave me a huge

and pleasing Him but also living a life

most fathers throughout

responsibility by sending these kids my

that pleases God. gw

gemwoman.net 39

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

Philip Emmanuel F

↓↓↓

ondly addressed as Philstone, Phillip is a project/change management consultant, with a drive for sustainable excellence,

dedicated to ‘initiating, effecting and sustaining change’ in individuals and organizations. He also serves as a spiritual leader/ preacher. He and his wife, Tomilayo, are blessed with three children. Philstone gives his personal thoughts as regards these questions.

40 gemwoman.net

Are boys or girls harder to

on the male figure than the female

raise? Is there any difference

figure. Regardless of the fact that this

in the way a father should

is cultural in nature and seems to have

raise a son compared to a

been subconsciously engrained in the

daughter? Share a bit of your

fabric of a family structure, it cannot

own experience.

be totally ignored.

Hypothetically speaking, and having

I also believe that the attention span of

been blessed with children of both

the boy child seems to be shorter than

genders, I want to believe that boys are

that of the girl child, making instilling

slightly harder to raise than girls, due

discipline and values in the former a

to a number of reasons.

little more challenging.

It is common knowledge and obvious

Another issue worthy of note is the

reasons in our society, and the world

loads of common vices and distractions

at large, there’s a huge expectation

that span through the trajectory of the

and sense of responsibility placed

growth of a male child, which seems to

gemwoman.net 41

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

outweigh that of the girl child.

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

devoid of shouting, which actually yield favourable results.

There should definitely be a difference in the way to raise a son and a daughter

I’m also aware that it’s my duty to let

for three major reasons.

my girls know the difference between

1. Gender Difference.

submission and subjection, teaching

2. Personality Difference.

them to have a good self-esteem and

3. Purpose Difference.

being able to draw the line between confidence and pride.

Inasmuch as the approach in raising a boy child will be different from that of

“Just wait until your father

a girl child based on the above reasons,

gets home!” is a phrase

the goal must be the same, which is

that we might have often

raising godly children, full of values

heard growing up. Dad as a

and virtues.

disciplinarian has defined most fathers throughout

Proverbs 22.6 says, “Train up a child in

history. What is your own form

the way he should go, and when he is

of appropriate discipline?

old he will not depart from it.” Absolutely, that is one of the phrases

“It’s also necessary to teach a child the importance of apologizing for wrongdoings. Of course, parents should consider giving some chastisement measures in extreme cases.”

There is a peculiar way that every

I heard consistently from my mum

child should go based on their Gender,

while growing up, especially because I

mistakes made, the impending

cases, like corner time outs for a while,

Personality and Purpose.

hardly took her serious, but of course,

consequences, and reiterating the

reducing access to play, play games or

my dad was fire.

right thing that should have been done

watch their favourite TV programs etc.

For instance, I make it a duty to teach

instead.

my son to know that there’s no such

Bearing in mind the generation gap, I

thing as a “female house chore”. Also,

consciously approach my own form of

It’s also necessary to teach a child

a culture of not playing the good cop/

having observed, and still studying

appropriate discipline from a balanced

the importance of apologizing for

bad cop when chastising our kids. We

his personality type, I know he gets

perspective, starting with a proper

wrongdoings. Of course, parents

ensure we speak in one voice and the

emotional when scolded, so instead, we

conversation with the child: making

should consider giving some

same language whatever conversation

have very reasonable conversations,

the child aware, acknowledging

chastisement measures in extreme

or disciplinary measure is being meted

42 gemwoman.net

My wife and I have resolved to maintain

gemwoman.net 43

FAT H E R H O O D F E AT U R E

by either one of us per time.

are privileged to partner with God in training our children. We are just care-

However we don’t forget to strike

takers, whereas He owns them. He

a balance by loving up on our kids

however expects us to train them, and

without holding back, so when we

channel them on the course of purpose

chastise, they know it’s out of love.

in a certain way, which we need to rely on Him to find out on the go.

Many fathers say they have been transformed by what

I have the understanding that how a

their religious beliefs teach

child turns out is highly dependent

about the role of a father.

on my actions and inactions, my

How has your spirituality

speech and silence over time. It’s my

influenced the way you raise

responsibility not to only pray for my

your children?

children, but to model a lifestyle of prayer for them, teach them the word

My spiritual belief and my

as much as I do the word, deliberately

understanding of the role of a father

teach them values as much as I imbibe

from the scripture has a huge influence

such values myself.

on the way I train my children. The effectiveness of an arrow is Psalms 127:3-5 says, “Behold,

dependent on the skilfulness of the

children are a heritage from the Lord,

archer. And not just sharpening the

the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like

arrowhead, but also focusing and

arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are

shooting the arrow accurately.

the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of

In the same vein, how far a child will

them; they shall not be ashamed, but

go in life and fulfilling purpose has a

shall speak with their enemies in the

lot to do with how skilfully a father

gate.”

sharpens, focuses, and shoots that child according to God’s direction and

I believe strongly that my wife and I

44 gemwoman.net

directives per time. gw

L AW O F I N - L AW S

The Dos and Don’ts of Dealing With In-Laws Busola Jegede

n American former practicing Psychologist Phil McGraw popularly known as Dr. Phil once said, “It’s great if the in-laws themselves put up boundaries. But if they won’t; it’s up to their grown kids to do it and enforce them.” I couldn’t agree more.

DOs

instance, if the wife is the one that

Do learn to Accept: Joining a new

is working and the husband has to

family can have its’ fair share of

take care of the children, the in–laws

anxious moments. A spouse may

may think the man is being unduly

be accepted or resented for a lot of

domesticated.

reasons. If one family is wealthy and of a higher social status, there is always

 Do Show Equity: There should

the tendency to scrutinize the wife/

also be a balance and equity in

husband to be, who is from the lower

opportunities given to in-laws in any

social class.

marriage. It is wrong for you to only welcome your own family and resent

We need to be careful not to openly

your spouse’s family member.

condemn, resent or be biased against the fiancé or fiancée coming to our family.

Don’ts

Across all cultures and generations the

sister-in-law, brother-in-law, aunt/

issue of in-laws has and is still of great

uncle in-law. As much as the in-law

importance to the family and society

relationship is a peculiar one, there

Do Be Respectful: After marriage,

a marriage with preconceived ideas

at large. As we all know, in-laws are

are Dos and Don’ts that if observed

spouses should know that the only

about in-laws will not augur well for

the family members of your spouse.

and adhered to can ensure a peaceful,

currency to spend with your in-laws is

the relationship. There is no need to be

So for both spouses, there can be a

loving and harmonious relationship

that of RESPECT. Treat your parents–

battle ready when there is no problem.

father-in-law, a mother-in-law, a

within both sides of the family.

in–law and other relatives with

Show love to your in-laws.

Don’t Come for War: Coming into

respect and the law of RECIPROCITY will follow its course. Whatever you

 Don’t Take Orders from Third

give will definitely come back to you.

Parties: It is unacceptable when a spouse takes orders from any of

46 gemwoman.net

 Do Defend Your Spouse: It is

the parents on issues about his/her

important that you defend your

nuclear family. The scriptures say

spouse when they are under any

that a man should leave and cleave. It

form of attack from extended

is important that none of the spouses,

family members. Depending on the

husband or wife should be unduly

uniqueness of your marriage, people

attached to their parents or siblings

may misunderstand your spouse. For

to the detriment of the marriage.

gemwoman.net 47

L AW O F I N - L AW S

The only three-fold chord that is allowed in marriage is that of the couple and the Holy Spirit; this chord can never be broken. Don’t Sideline Your Spouse: There

 Don’t Speak Ill: Avoid sowing

are some people who come from very

careless evil seeds about your family

strong knitted families that they carry

to your spouse. When you belittle

over these ties even into marriage

your family, your spouse will never

that they leave out their spouse when

respect them. In the same vein, avoid

it comes to decision making. Always

reporting your spouse to your family

carry your spouse along in family

members.

matters and deliberately severe every form of attachment that is unhealthy

Summarily, let’s remember that

to the marriage.

boundaries set in marriage between couples and in-laws aren’t meant to

 Don’t Cross the Line: You can’t

severe ties but rather to strengthen it.

totally be independent from your

This gives room for growth, mutual

family but know where to draw the

respect, and love.

line. Over dependence on external family members for finance or

The only three-fold chord that is

other things can open the door for

allowed in marriage is that of the couple

interference from in-laws.

and the Holy Spirit; this chord can never be broken. May the presence and

Don’t Meddle: In-laws (Parents or

peace of the Holy Ghost bind, protect

siblings) should not be overbearing or

and build your marriage and give you

meddle in the affairs of their children.

wisdom to deal with your in-laws in

It is good to show concern, but there

love and respect in Jesus name. gw

should be a limit.

48 gemwoman.net

ENTREPRENEUR GUIDE

IT’S TIME TO

BLOOM

There is a lesson to glean from this

The entrance of the Light from God’s

creative science of a budding flower.

Word (Psalm 119:130) gave me the

Just like the bud, inside you is God’s

needed breakthrough at a business

intent; creations of witty invention,

seminar I attended. The light shone

great potentials and innate unique

so bright and all that was hidden was

abilities, great visions and dreams

revealed. “There is something inside

to name a few, forming to mature.

of you that the world is waiting for. Stir

“To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven…”

Overtime you have been protected,

up the potential in you now!” These

ECCLESIASTES 3:1-2

watched, prepared, trained and to

words I heard in my spirit man stirred

be launched into a new season of

up my faith. I obeyed and took action.

By Funlola Ifebogun

ave you ever had the

particular our Creator is. Some plants

opportunity to watch a slow

flower within days while it takes others

motion video on the science

months or even years. Inside the bud,

The opening of the bud majorly is

resignation letter and became an

of how a new flower buds and blooms?

a tiny but complete flower forms. The

due to the effect of light from the sun

entrepreneur. I made unique cosmetic

It is one of the most beautiful creative

sepals protect the bud before it opens.

thereby causing it to blossom and

pouches and beddings with lovely

visuals you will experience. Watching

Over time, the bud opens and blooms

become a beautiful graceful flower.

trimmings and sold them at trade

every intricate expression will make

into a mature flower.

Likewise the entrance of the Word of

fairs and offices. That was how my

God in your life gives you the light for

company- Blooms Soft Furnishing

your glorious manifestation.

and Gifts bloomed 25 years ago and the

you appreciate how detailed and

unveiling. That same year I tendered my

Light of God’s Word has continued to My “Blooming Tale” began in

sustain it till date.

November 1994. I had been ‘budding’ for a while in a paid employment

Like I said earlier, some plants flower

as a Marketing Executive. I was not

within days while it takes others

fulfilled at work, so during weekends,

months or even years. Your time to

I acquired new skills like sewing and

bloom is here. Be patient and wait on

other handcrafts. I was so creative with

the Lord. He knows the right season for

my hands; decorating and designing

you to bloom and He will make sure the

on the go.

Light of His Word will manifest you in due time. gw

50 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 51

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

Give Yourself Permission To

LOVE AGAIN

Ibironke Olubamise

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

s it possible describe the pain of losing the love of your life, the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh? I don’t think so. Only those who have walked in those shoes can; the rest of us who have not, can only imagine. For these ones, it is always hard to let go. The fears and concerns of being loved again by another. If Ruth who lost her first husband could give herself permission to love again, you too could probably give it a try. After the transition to glory of a spouse, can you give yourself permission to love again? I say a big yes. But then, what is love? “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”- 1 John 4:7-8 (NIV)

52 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 53

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

That’s it! God is love.

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

choice. Agape requires faithfulness, commitment, and sacrifice without

If I am made in His image, then loving

expecting anything in return.

must be my attribute. So, of necessity, I am love. I am not supposed to try to

I personally think it is the source of all

love, I am love because I am born of

other types of love; be they the good,

God and His love has been shed abroad

the bad and the ugly. Yes, I mean the

in my heart by the Holy Spirit. It is part

ugly because there is a type of “love”

of the redemption package. This love

that can make one commit suicide or

is the Agape love- God kind of love.

murder.

This love is unconcerned with self but rather concerned with the greatest

But because I am born of God, I am love,

good of another. It isn’t born just out

and the love that springs from me is

of emotions, feelings, familiarity,

not conditional. It is not dependent on

if that is their hearts desire. God cannot

to remarry coming from a place of

or attraction, but from the will and

any man, situation, or circumstance.

overrule what we desire to do unless

complete Agape-God kind of love?

If this is so, then loving again should

we give Him permission to. Personally,

Is it unconditional, selfless, faithful,

not be an issue. However, constant

each time I take it to God, I always end

committed, and sacrificial without

fellowship with my Father should be

up in awe of Him. For every question I

expecting anything in return? If your

of utmost importance to me so that

ask and the reasons I share with Him

answer is yes, then by all means, give

loving again and being united with

on remarrying, He gives me an answer

yourself permission to love again.

another man will totally be dependent

of peace and tranquillity that makes

on His plan and purpose for me.

me almost want to say, never. Some

As for me, if in the course of my

people may not understand and I don’t

continual feasting in His presence,

expect them to. It is totally personal.

He says go, the next moment I will

But here is my takewanting or desiring to remarry should not be an issue. After all it is a thing of the heart. But before you proceed, you probably would want to answer this question in all sincerity. Is your desire to remarry coming from a place of complete Agape-God kind of love? 54 gemwoman.net

While many have advised that I remarry, I honestly have not gotten

be remarried but if I continue to

any serious reasons to do so. I have

But here is my takewanting or

experience His love as I am currently

even asked myself if my reasons for

desiring to remarry should not be

doing and He gives me so much peace

not doing so are not stemmed from

an issue. After all it is a thing of the

that earthly relationship cannot, then

pride or fear. Yet, if anyone in my shoes

heart. But before you proceed, you

so be it. One thing is sure. I will never

should ask if they could remarry, I do

probably would want to answer this

trade my fellowship with my Father

not hesitate in telling them to proceed

question in all sincerity. Is your desire

for any earthly love. gw

gemwoman.net 55

T H E WA I T I N G R O O M

After Miscarriage Sarah Williams

“C

hildren are indeed a heritage from the LORD, and the fruit of the womb is His reward.”- (Psalm 127:3) But how do you reconcile this declaration to a painful experience like losing a child through miscarriage, childbirth, or at any other time? Indeed, it is without a doubt, one of

Even as we grieve from a miscarriage,

the most painful experiences a parent

we can find comfort in God’s promise

will ever endure. Words will never

that He is with us.

explain the depth of despair a mother goes through trying to understand the

I also learned that my hope comes from

shift that occurs when all hope and

my confidence in God’s sovereignty,

expectations suddenly drops off.

His character, and His promises. Those who hope in Him lack no good thing.

During or after a miscarriage, many

Whether we find ourselves battling

of us question God, wondering why

a miscarriage, or we are trying to

something this bad should happen

encourage a friend in grief, we must

to us. Sometimes after the trials,

understand that:

we get to see they were a blessing in disguise which we may never have a

Our God is a Giver

full understanding of. “For we know

We see this most clearly at the Cross.

in part…” – 1 Corinthians 13:9.

“He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He

My experience of miscarriage taught

not also with Him graciously give us all

me many lessons; a few I will share

things?” (Romans 8:32).

with you. The first is that God is good,

56 gemwoman.net

and He is faithful! He reveals Himself

Though God may not always give in the

to us through His Word and through

way we hope or expect, He has prom-

the comfort we receive from the Holy

ised that only goodness and mercy

Spirit.

will follow His children all their days.

gemwoman.net 57

T H E WA I T I N G R O O M

(Psalm 23:6). The Lord has promised

Nobody can thwart God’s plan

Word. “I know that You can do

trouble, with the comfort with which

those who trust in Him, never to leave

While it might not seem comprehensible

everything and that no purpose of Yours

we ourselves are comforted by God.”

nor forsake them. (Hebrews 13:5). He is

in the midst of grief, you should latch

can be withheld from You.” (Job 42:2)

always present and sees the heartache

onto the truth that He loves you and has

There is nothing that can be done to

We can gain comfort from the fact that

that no one else can see, and is able to

a plan.

stop God’s plan!

God can use negative situations for our

heal, comfort, strengthen, and give

benefit. Though we might suffer, we

again in His own perfect timing and

Grief is a part of the healing process,

My words of encouragement to anyone

are suffering for a PURPOSE.

way.

and through this process, I encourage

who has suffered a miscarriage or any

you to focus your sorrow on God’s

kind of loss is that no matter what you

Remember, we are not immune

are facing right now, always remember

to suffering. Life can change in an

that God is in COMPLETE control and

instant. Suffering a miscarriage as

is ultimately in charge.

a believer should remind us that as followers of Jesus things may not

Grief is a part of the healing process, and through this process, I encourage you to focus your sorrow on God’s Word.

In the Kingdom of God, nothing is

always go well every time. It may feel

wasted. The Book of Romans 8:28,

like we are passing through fire which

says: “And we know that all things

is definitely an uncomfortable and

work together for good to those who

painful experience. But we have been

love God, to those who are the called

assured that we will not be burned.

according to His purpose”, which

“When you pass through fire, you

means God works all things for His

will not be burned; the hard trials that

own glory, which is inexplicably tied

come will not hurt you.”-Isaiah 43:2b

to your good. He uses experiences to

(GNT) God will not leave nor forsake

teach us to trust Him, and to give us

us. He will always make a way for us to

the ability to comfort others.

be able to bear the pain.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be

In conclusion, God is faithful, and

the God and Father of our Lord Jesus

we can have the full assurance that

Christ, the Father of mercies and

whatever trial we are facing now,

God of all comfort, who comforts us

“This too shall pass.” gw

in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any

58 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 59

SINGLE & MARRIED

†††

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/ wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life...till death do us part.” †††

ost of us are familiar with

life is hectic and overwhelming.

the lines above; they are

to walk together in love in the union

called marriage. These are vows that

is yes. Focusing on your priorities

must not to be taken lightly at all.

means saying no to other things. This

vows mostly exchanged

during a wedding ceremony between a man and woman who have agreed

10 Practical Ways to Keep Your Marriage Intact 60 gemwoman.net

Say No You might be wondering if No should be the line of action to

keeping a marriage intact. The answer

ranges from not making other plans on Marriage is not a bed of roses and

your weekly date night or rescheduling

neither is it a bed filled with thorns

your itinerary so you can spend time

and thistles. Every marriage requires

together. It may even mean saying

determination and active effort by both

no to that favorite TV show so as to

husband and wife to keep the union

spend quality time not just talking but

intact and thriving; most especially

communicating.

when trying times come; hence the

lines: “in good times and bad…”

Be Thankful It’s amazing how a change of

Here are some practical tips to keep your marriage a priority, even when

perspective will impact the way

you view your marriage.

gemwoman.net 61

SINGLE & MARRIED

Focus less on your spouse’s

tough your day went and expect them

shortcomings. Rather focus on their

to compensate for it. Don’t expect

strengths and what attracted you to

them to know you think it’s time to

each other and be thankful for them.

clean up. Don’t expect them to know

Then you’ll notice growth in your

you need a hug at a particular time.

marriage.

Sort out this expectations department

and just tell them what you need.

Assume The Best

Addiction, and Adultery) then you can

and should assume the best of your

reclaim the passion in your marriage?

If you are in a marriage where none of these four avoidable

A’s are present (Abuse, Abandonment,

10 Second Kiss What has kissing got to do with keeping your marriage intact?

What about, somehow it helps to

spouse. Kissing doesn’t always have to happen Yes, we all make mistakes in the way

only when it’s time for lovemaking. Be

we present, say and do things. But if

spontaneous! Kiss your spouse just

you can assume that your spouse will

because...

not intentionally want to mess things up, misunderstandings will diffuse a lot more quickly and there will be less yelling and no passive aggressive

Go to bed at the same time

This will help you figure out your spouse’s love language. You just might be surprised by the results.

This isn’t ALWAYS possible

Rock A Daily Communication Method Technology can be a beautiful

thing when used well. It can help

with work schedules or baby

For the ladies, I think we all can assume

build and strengthen communication

sleep schedules but make it a priority

we know what a man’s love language

between couples. There is absolutely

to try to go to bed together. Just lying

is (*wink*)…and forget that there are

no reason why you can’t spend a good

Drop the lofty expectations

in bed and reading with your spouse

four others that play a HUGE part in

chunk of your day talking and flirting

I know we all wish our spouses

with no TV can actually become one of

this equation (the physical touch love

with each other via texting or chatting.

could read our minds. Well, it’s

the favorite parts of the day.

language is way more than just sex).

You decide. It has a way of thawing you

down talk.

time to come to terms with the hard truth. It will never happen. Don’t expect your spouse to know how

62 gemwoman.net

up and makes things run smoothly

Learn His/Her Love Language

It also helps to know YOUR love

Have you ever taken the five

language. How you both give and

Love Languages assessment?

receive love (which can be different).

when you meet at home in the evening.

gemwoman.net 63

SINGLE & MARRIED

Marriage is not a bed of roses and neither is it a bed filled with thorns and thistles. Every marriage requires determination and active effort by both husband and wife to keep the union intact and thriving

Share An Interest Or Hobby My husband is a soccer fanatic. I was never into soccer before

I married but spending time with him watching soccer helps us bond even

the issues that you see on the surface

more and the surprising thing is that

might have underlying factors that

I actually now enjoy soccer. He in turn

are contributing to what is going

keeps me company in the kitchen while

on but God knows. He sees and can

I cook and he helps clean up after. But

bring about the change required. Tell

the time spent together solidifies our

it all to God. Regardless of whether

bond.

you have an excellent marriage or

yours needs some extra work. Every

Pray For Each Other

marriage can be better when taken

Prayer always works.

to the Manufacturer (God). “Don’t

Don’t get me wrong; it

worry about anything; instead, pray

is not like a magic wand that once it

about everything. Tell God what you

is waved things begin to change. You

need, and thank Him for all He has

need to understand that many times

done.”—Philippians 4:6 NLT. gw

64 gemwoman.net

COVER INTERVIEW

Dunsin Oyekan

Father, Worshipper and Minister Interview by Bolanle Olawale

COVER INTERVIEW

YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE What does it mean for you to

God glorified. Being a Christian artiste

be a Christian artiste?

isn’t a business venture or a quest for

Well, for me it is that you are first a

fame, it is a mandate that comes with

Christian before being an artiste. Your

instructions per time on how to carry

being an artist is God picking you as

out the assignment.

t’s hard to describe in a word the type of gospel minister Dunsin

a tool through which He can reach

Oyekan is. Maybe because he isn’t just a singer. Although widely

out to the people allocated by Him

How do you nurture yourself

acclaimed to be one of the most sought after gospel artistes in

for you with a peculiar message. So,

spiritually?

recent times in Nigeria, ‘The Eagle’ as he is fondly called, plays

every time I find myself on any stage

The assignment is spiritual and what

the guitar and has done so from the tender age of 10, but he’s

or work on any project, the aim is to

that means is that physical strength

rarely seen to do that on stage. Beyond his multi-instrumental

deliver the message and ultimately get

can’t take you anywhere. Jesus Christ

and vocal gifts, he is a songwriter. But in performance and on

our perfect example was a Man given

his albums, he is unquestionably a powerhouse. Every song

to prayer. If He wasn’t ministering

written and led by him has always touched the very core of my

to the people or his disciples, He was

heart and whenever I listen and sing along, it feels like every word

always fellowshipping. I am a man

is personal and is speaking my heart to the Father. I know the

given to prayer, fasting and studying.

lyrics are indeed spiritually inspired, but then, how does he do it?

I read the Bible as well as materials

I mean every single time he releases a new song, it just seems to

from fathers of faith that

be what is needed in the season and I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am glad that God set up the perfect time to have him grace the cover of our special fatherhood edition. This interview affords a closer look into the life of acclaimed singer, songwriter and worship minister, Joshua Oluwadunsin Oyekan as he sheds more light on his calling as a music minister. He also gives us an atypical glimpse into his experiences in fatherhood following the loss of his wife, in addition to legacies handed down from his father to him and those he’s passing on to his children.

66 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 67

COVER INTERVIEW

“

I don’t joke with His presence; if I am not on an assignment or with my family, I am right there in my praying corner fellowshipping with the Father.”

COVER INTERVIEW

YOUR FATHERHOOD LEGACY

resting enough by my folks, so I try as much as I can to get some sleep too.

How do you describe your rela-

What personal traits and gifts

Tell us how you share your

tionship with your father and

do you have that make it pos-

Christian faith with young

how has this influenced your

sible for you to be effective as

people.

decisions as a father?

a father?

There is the popular saying “what you

I had a good relationship with my

I would say that I am dedicated and

don’t have, you can’t give.” I basically

father of blessed memory. He was a

committed to my children. I love them

just pour out as I have received. The

disciplinarian, therefore there was no

with all my heart and I do not joke

teams that I am opportune to work

room for nonsense around him at all.

with their wellbeing at all. Nothing

with always hear me say, “I don’t

He was a man dedicated to the cause

interferes with my time when it comes

share revelations I haven’t tested.” So

of Christ and the kingdom and he loved

when I receive revelations, I put them

his family. He was a forward-thinking

have results speaking. I also listen

to test; only then will I be able to share

man- that is why today, I usually don’t

to messages. I don’t joke with His

with the world. I like to be bold with my

think anything is impossible. There

presence; if I am not on an assignment

declarations. I also do my best to lead

may be some difficulties but I believe

or with my family, I am right there

by example- it is very important.

there is always a way out. And yes, I

in my praying corner fellowshipping with the Father.

have learned to love my family but

What would be your advice to

strict on discipline and character.

young people struggling with How do you care for your-

their faith?

What top three qualities did

self physically, emotionally,

Ask God to help you; by yourself you

your father instill in you?

socially?

can really do nothing. Give yourself

Service to God, Dedication and Integrity.

I do my best to eat right. I am about

to prayer, fasting and study of God’s

what I allow within my space. I love to

word. Get yourself some good friends

How would you want to pass

laugh, so sometimes I take out time to

who can motivate and encourage you

them on to your children?

visit the page of one of my favourite

when you feel weak. Be sold out to

I am doing my best to not only teach

Christian comedians just to have a

service, find yourself a fertile ground

them by word of mouth, I also teach

good laugh. I also crack jokes and

where you can serve God.

them by my actions. Children imitate

catch as much fun as I can within my

what they see.

small circle. I am always accused of not

68 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 69

COVER INTERVIEW

to them. If I have to be away from them

father to be doubled. My beloved mum

responding to an assignment, I speak

and sisters have been great support

with them so they are aware. And

systems too, so we are doing well by

whilst I am away, I speak with them at

God’s grace.

the slightest given opportunity.

What are the top 3 things Please accept our sincere con-

you want to instill into your

dolences on the loss of your

children?

wife. How has this affected

Service to God, Dedication and

your parenting style?

Integrity.

Thank you. Truth of the matter is, it’s not been easy but God has been

What are the areas of father-

faithful. The homegoing of my wife left

hood you enjoy the most?

a vacuum only God has been filling; but

Time spent worshipping God with my

one thing I can say is this- it has caused

children.

my dedication and commitment as a

“

I am dedicated and committed to my children. I love them with all my heart and I do not joke with their wellbeing at all. Nothing interferes with my time when it comes to them.” 70 gemwoman.net

What are the areas of fatherhood you find challenging? Not being able to ascertain what may be wrong with your child in a particular time can be heartbreaking. You won’t be at peace until you have found out and solved the problem.

What advice would you give to young fathers or potential fathers? Be dedicated and committed to your family.

gemwoman.net 71

COVER INTERVIEW

YOUR MUSIC AND YOUR WORLD

This is a short story about a Christian girl’s journey to understanding and embracing her sexuality. It is a story that uncovers the myths as well as the truths about Sex and the Christian Girl.

Revelation. Anyone who has been in places where I have had the privilege to minister would have heard or by now been used to me saying “We don’t sing songs; we sing revelation.” So, for me the Holy Spirit releases to me per time.

What do you hope listeners will get out of it? Every revelation I receive which translates to a sound has a peculiar message for the season it is released to the world. My earnest desire per time is that the CORE of each message is received as intended by God.

What role do you see yourself

“

We don’t sing songs; we sing revelation. So, for me it’s never my choice of song, but what the Holy Spirit releases to me per time.

fulfilling in relation to the end time harvest?

What else is coming up in 2020

Though we are many, we are one body

that you’re most looking for-

with every part of the body carrying out

ward to?

his or her own peculiar assignment. All I

One major thing I look forward to is

can say is I will be following the leading

Revival and I think it is already taking

of God per time to do as He instructs.

place. We are about to witness an

There is always an instruction for every

outburst of it. As for others we take it

season. I am open to whatever role God

one step at a time. gw

is giving me to play.

72 gemwoman.net

Help! I’m A Single Horny Jesus Girl Is Now available for download on Amazon For $5.99; also available in Nigeria via Paystack for only NGN1,000. Link To Download In My Bio

What inspires your choice of songs?

it’s never my choice of song, but what

Hello Everyone! I’m Super Duper excited to inform you that my new E-book titled:

In this book, Blessing shares in very honest and relatable terms, her experiences, struggles and victories with “konji”- a word used by people of Nigerian descent to describe a state of horniness. She also initiated thought-provoking conversations on “sacred” topics such as Masturbation. She urges Christian Single Girls girls to take time to understand and gain mastery of their bodies and also encourages them to continue latching on to God’s Grace in the pursuit of sexual purity, knowing fully well that they are never alone!

F E AT URE D AD DY ’S GIRL

♥♥♥

The Impact My Father Made On My Life —Osayi Alile Oruene

74 gemwoman.net

here is an age long belief that daughters will always have a special place in the hearts of their fathers. Right from their first cry at birth, to their very first steps, first day at school and maybe first boyfriend, daddies are always involved. He’s always there any time his little girl need his help advice. This bond is not easily broken because a daughter will always have memories of her dad as her f irst teacher, f irst counsellor and f irst f riend. Little wonder the famous phrase, “Daddy’s little girl.” Almost every girl who’s had an amazing life growing up with daddy has something sweet to say. Let’s take a look at what one of them has to say about the special bond she shared with her daddy of blessed memory. My father, Apostle Hayford Ikponmwosa Alile, was a man that is difficult to describe in just a sentence because he meant so many things to different people. So most times just calling him ‘Father’ made more sense and had more substance than any other description. He was a man of truth;

gemwoman.net 75

F E AT URE D AD DY ’S GIRL

♥♥♥

“He taught us to always speak our minds and we knew everything that was happening with regards to us as a family. He would always ask, “what do you think?’’ “what should I do about the situation’?’ Our opinions always mattered even though he might argue his way out of them most times.” ♥♥♥

mattered even though he might argue his way out of them most times. With my father, people came first. There was always one person or family that he had to take care of or someone who needed his attention. We are eight children, but as far as I can remember we were more than 20 people living in our home. My father was born to serve and that’s what he constantly did and

a man who was compassionate even

to my secondary school in Warri, Delta

to a fault; a man who saw everyone as

State with so much roasted chicken

amongst eight children that have

purely as he saw himself; a man who

that could feed the whole dormitory

been brought up to speak their minds

could take it upon himself to fight a

or just insisting that we needed to

yet appreciate others’ feelings and

battle that’s not even his; a committed

understand where tea and coffee came

opinions; to be independent yet be

father, but above all, a man who loved

from when we were just about 10 years

gentle? Yet in the midst of all, we each

God with all his heart. I am truly

old. The idea was to enable us have a

had our very own identity. We are so

blessed to be called his daughter.

broad overview about the world as if

different, yet so alike. Sometimes I

we drank coffee at that age.

wonder how he was able to pull it off.

When I was growing up and from as far

that’s what gave him joy.

How does one find their own identities

How can you make eight children love

as I could understand things, he was

I had such a great relationship with

and respect one another like we have?

already a man most people admired. I

him, he was someone we could

The only thing I can say is that if you

couldn’t go anywhere without someone

always speak with. There is nothing

had a father like my papa you know for

asking me if I was related to him. They

you can’t talk with my dad about. He

sure that someone, not just anyone,

would ask me and then say “exactly,

taught us to always speak our minds

but someone has got your back.

you look so much like your dad”. We

and we knew everything that was

couldn’t be invincible even now.

happening with regards to us as a

May My Papa continue to Rest In

family. He would always ask, “what do

Peace! gw

My father was a wonderful man. He was

you think?’’ “what should I do about

there for me, from his surprise visits

the situation’?’ Our opinions always

76 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 77

IN SPIR AT IO N

intertwined not just with our families and friends, but with people and businesses across the world. What affects them affects us and vice-versa. We make the effort to stay at home to flatten the curve, reduce the burden on

When the pandemic ends, individuals and businesses will never be the same.

healthcare systems and the scourge of the virus. What happened in Asia

is our reality. Leadership in a time of

is affecting businesses and people in

crisis is considered vital for families as

Africa. How government and business

well as businesses. Crisis reveals the

leaders respond in their countries will

depth and quality of leadership prior

have an impact on other countries.

to the crisis. Effective tone at the top

Our sense of responsibility has been

determines how an entity survives

awakened.

during the crisis and thrives after the crisis. In the face of this crisis, leaders

Business As Usual Or Business Unusual

Our New Reality

Dr Chinyere Almona

“Our people are our greatest asset”

are seeking to do what is necessary and

was a cliché until Covid-19 emerged,

best for the common good, but they are

now it is our reality. We now realize

realizing that they are vulnerable and

that what we really value is not the

limited in capacity. Some leaders are

stuff of life but the people in our lives.

feeling helpless currently. Our sense

Organizations and individuals are

of humility has been heightened.

going beyond the call of duty to look out for and provide for people without

“Safety is our number one priority”

OVID-19, like many a

are five business leadership clichés or

the red tapes. We are sympathetic even

was a cliché until Covid-19 emerged,

crisis, came like a bolt

quips that are worth reflecting on in

towards the people we do not know.

now it is our reality. We have closed

from the sky, businesses

the light of our new reality.

We are willing to do what is necessary

businesses, cancelled money-making

for the common good. Our sense of

events, delayed dream trips because

humanity has been aroused.

of a threat to health and safety.

did not see it coming. As

the business community navigates

“The world is a global village” was a

the new reality created by Covid-19,

cliché until Covid-19 emerged. Now,

business as usual has given way,

it is our reality. We are all somewhat

“Tone at the top is important” was a

decision to shut down offices as soon

seamlessly, to business unusual. Below

connected and are delicately

cliché until Covid-19 emerged, now it

as it became clear that work could no

78 gemwoman.net

Business leaders have had to make the

gemwoman.net 79

IN SPIR AT IO N

KAN D I D TAL K S

FAITH Kehinde Adollo

Keep your faith Hold it tightly and dearly Faith gives you strength in times of adversity Faith disregards what you see or hear longer be conducted safely in the wake

how much we need community and

Faith uplifts your soul in trying times

of Covid-19. Governments are willing

make effort to reach out and connect

Faith makes you wise and discerning

to let workers stay home or work from

in ways we never have. We are striving

home (regardless of productivity

to build the social network we wish

Faith is the tonic of joy that keeps you holding on

levels) for the sake of those who are at

we had had in place before, as that is a

risk. Our conscientiousness has been

way to survive the period of isolation.

Bold faith, strong faith, joyful faith, impactful faith

elevated.

Following this period of isolation, we

These are what you need to ride ahead life’s challenges

will come out with a new commitment

Faith is the antidote of courage to a life of fear

“Networking is critical, maintain

to connection. Our sense to networking

your contacts” was a cliché until

and connection has been enhanced.

Faith gives you audacity and boldness to conquer your fears

When life throws in lemons squeeze it and make a lemonade of faith.

Covid-19 emerged, now it is our reality. We are suddenly awakened

When the pandemic ends, individuals

to our personal and institutional

and businesses will never be the same. gw

connectivity gaps. We now realize

80 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 81

LIGHT REFLECTIONS

As powerful as this Book is, if not applied in the right way can be as normal and ordinary as any other book lying on a shelf, under the pillow or inside a bag.

HOW TO

Love Reading The Bible

For most of us, our daily Bible engagement is the length of time it takes to read a devotional while on the toilet. In contrast, Early Church leaders

Bolanle Olawale

(people like Ignatius, Chrysostom, Phoebe, Polycarp, Clement, and Barnabas) vigorously spent time in the Scriptures, despite not living in a world of any conveniences and this is what one of them came to discover.

“Listen carefully to me: procure books

t was the author J.K Rowlings that said, “I do believe something magical can happen when you read a good book.” There is a truth in this quote; reading a good book opens up the mind and heart to dreams and possibilities never imagined before. Although the books Rowlings may be referring to are books authored by mere people.

ordinary book. Breathed into it are the

[of the Bible] that will be medicines for

divine secrets of the entire universe.

the soul. At least get a copy of the New

Woven into every page is the revealed

Testament, the Apostle’s epistles, the

plan for our daily lives and our eternal

Acts, the Gospels, for your constant

destiny! This Book is none other than

teachers. If you encounter grief, dive

the Holy Bible.

into them as into a chest of medicines; take from them comfort for your

This Book has been given to us by the

trouble, whether it be loss, or death, or

Creator of the universe, God Himself.

bereavement over the loss of relations.

But guess what. There is a Book that

best books ever written by the world’s

He speaks to us through it and we get

Don’t simply dive into them. Swim in

is greater and more powerful than the

best authors put together. This is no

to encounter Him through it.

them. Keep them constantly in your

82 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 83

LIGHT REFLECTIONS

mind. The cause of all evils is the

LIGHT REFLECTIONS

- 2 Timothy 3:16-17 KJV.

failure to know the Scriptures well.”— John Chrysostom (AD 347–407)

…perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works: So you see, studying of

As a modern day believer you might

the Scriptures is not for God’s benefit

ask: “But where would I find the

but for ours. We become perfect in ALL

time with work, family, school, etc.?

the good works that we’ve been called

Have you ever considered that God

to do- which includes our ministries,

knows how busy we are? But still, He

jobs, academics and family.

instructs us to study the Bible for the sharpening and perfection of both

Have you stopped to consider the

our spiritual and secular lives. “All

possibility that perhaps the Creator of

scripture is given by inspiration of

the entire universe can sort out your

God, and is profitable for doctrine, for

day in real time to fit it all in! Is that

reproof, for correction, for instruction

possible? Yes it is.

in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished

Look at Joshua 1:8: “The Book of the

unto all good works.” (Emphasis mine)

Law shall not depart from your mouth,

If surrender is the key to the lock, then consistent Scripture reading is the mystery that pushes open the ancient rusted gate. but you shall meditate on it day and

consistent Scripture reading is the

night.” The verse concludes with

mystery that pushes open the ancient

a fascinating—and paradoxical—

rusted gate.

cause-and-effect: “For then you will make your way prosperous, and then

PRAYER: For too long, Lord, I’ve used

you will have good success.”

the excuse of “I’m busy” to justify my unwillingness to do as you command

Right here, right now, can you make a

when it comes to reading your Word.

commitment to studying more of the

I’m sorry and seek your forgiveness

Scripture, and just see if God doesn’t

for my ignorance and arrogance. Lord,

honour your sacrifice in mysterious

I am ready and willing to commit to

and extraordinary ways.

studying the Scripture. Help me Lord that I will no longer do it obligingly but

If surrender is the key to the lock, then

84 gemwoman.net

enthusiastically In Jesus name Amen. gw

gemwoman.net 85

H E R E ’ S T O H E A LT H

ASK DR LAPE

5 Questions You Need To Ask Before Picking A Doctor And Why? 1

needs that require a specialist. For example, a young expectant couple with a toddler will require the care and services of a ‘mother and child’ Hospital more than the services of a Plastic or Neurosurgeon.

seeking behaviour.

Can I afford this Doctor? There is a lot of pride associated

with calling a big name as your physician, especially those who are private practitioners; but can you

How good is this Doctor?

really afford these people? Wouldn’t

In these days where a lot of

you rather consider a nearby

quacks parade themselves as qualified

government hospital with equally

ou must have heard the

What exactly are my needs?

saying “an apple a day

You may be Single and just need a

doctors, one needs to be very certain

competent doctors that will render

keeps the doctor away”

GP (General practitioner) for every

that any doctor who would attend

the same quality of service at an

countless times. If I may

other day issues or you have specific

to their health needs knows his/her

affordable amount especially when

ask, is that saying literally true? Will

onions.

most people still do a lot of ‘out-of-

an apple a day keep the doctor away

You will probably get recommenda-

pocket’ expenditure? It is wise to be

when it’s time to have a baby or can it

tions from neighbours, colleagues at

prudent. Although when it comes to

keep the doctor away in the case of an

work, church members telling you this

sound health, no amount is too much.

emergency?

doctor is good or that doctor is the best. You can also run some background

So you see, an apple a day may keep you from frequent visits to the doctor

checks or online searches.

Have I prayed about it? As children of God, it is always

important to pray for God’s guidance

How accessible is this doctor?

and leading to the right person at

Where I practice, we have a sister

every stage - most especially when it

especially if you just moved locations

facility about 15 km away. Despite the

has to do with professionals who we

or the family doctor your parents used

fact that they have more equipment,

give access to our health or I should

to take you to is no more. So while

people find it difficult getting there.

say lives. Some people have met with

ensuring you maintain a healthy diet,

Consider the logistics. There is no

doctors who literally became helpers

here are a few tips on picking a good

point registering with a doctor

of their joy and for some others, it was

and trustworthy doctor as well.

whose place of practice is not easily

not a good story to tell. The Bible tells

accessible. Having a hospital that is

us to acknowledge God in all our ways

easily accessible will help your health

and He shall direct our paths. gw

but trust me, everyone needs a good doctor on the nearest dial list; most

86 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 87

LITTLE GEMS

Understanding The Millennial Child (My Opinion)

Seyitan Fowode

changed only slightly. Many children are still extremely afraid of telling their parents anything. Most of the time, children keep information from their parents for fear of being judged

i everyone! Before I begin I

affects the way parents train their

or dismissed. Although we understand

would like to put a disclaimer

children. I just have a few points I

that not every time is the right time,

out there. I’m not in any

want to go through. Please feel free to

we find it difficult to approach our

way, shape or form disrespecting any

express how you feel in the comment

parents. Parents and their children

parent. We as children understand that

section. Let’s all talk about it!

need to sit down together and talk so

you want what’s best for us.

they can know what’s going on in each

Communication

other’s lives. So many children have

I’m writing this as a way of airing my

Throughout the years, communication

committed suicide because they’re

thoughts on how the generational gap

between parents and children have

going through a lot and they feel like

different angles; over disciplining and

no one understands them or their

not disciplining enough.

situation. To avoid cases like this, parents need to be involved in their

Over disciplining a child will never help

children’s lives and communicate with

the child to learn. An example would

them so that they know that even when

be hitting a child for something as

they’re down, they have people who

little as spilling water on the floor. So

they can depend on, trust and talk to.

many times, parents (not all!) disguise

At the same time, when children talk

domestic abuse as disciplining. Not

about their problems, parents should

all wrong actions require hitting or

never be too quick to judge them

slapping. There are so many ways

because that causes them to shut down

to discipline your children without

and not want to discuss issues again.

having to beat them unnecessarily. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t spank

88 gemwoman.net

Discipline

your child. I’ve definitely had my fair

This is very important and one of the

share of spanking and my parents

least talked about problems in an

have always had a justifiable reason

average African home. There are two

to do so. Don’t just hit your child for

gemwoman.net 89

LITTLE GEMS

We love our parents and we appreciate every single sacrifice that has been made for us but it’s important that parents also see things from the children’s point of view.

LITTLE GEMS

having to think of consequences. Appropriate discipline should be given to every wrong action of a child.

Overprotection Parents need to stop babying their children. At some point your child is going to grow up to be an adult and if you keep babying them even into adulthood, the chances of them

every little thing they do wrong. Most

surviving will be very slim. Experience

children won’t learn and may even

is the best teacher and even though I

start to resent you for it.

understand that the way the world is, no one would want their child to face

Another thing I’ve noticed is the

any adversity, adversity will always

habit of name calling. There are some

come one way or the other. I’ve always

or an engineer to make money. If your

in a day! Please don’t discourage your

names you just don’t call a child even

said that if you trust the training you’ve

child comes to you and tells you he or

children. And children please don’t

if it’s out of anger. There’s immense

given your child then you should

she wants to be a fashion designer,

waste your parents efforts on you. It’s

power in the tongue and whatever

trust their ability to be independent

don’t discourage them. Don’t try to

not easy to pay school fees or music

you profess will come to pass. Names

and make decisions for themselves.

push them to do what they don’t have

club fees.

such as stupid, idiot, useless, mad,

Parents are there to guide children not

any desire to do. What if you’re pushing

crazy and so on need to be stopped

limit them or help them live their lives.

them away from the path God wants

We love our parents and we appreciate

and not just because of the power of

It doesn’t work that way. Parents need

them to take? Money is very important

every single sacrifice that has been

the tongue, but because children listen

to give their children space to grow

but it should be about the money alone.

made for us but it’s important that

and will ultimately start using the

and let them make certain decisions

It should be about the skill your child

parents also see things from the

same language.

themselves.

possesses and how that skill would

children’s point of view. Parents were

propel them towards the future. Don’t

children once and we implore them

Not disciplining a child at all is also

Discouraging Children

tell your children not to do what they

to please understand where we’re

very wrong because you’re basically

The millennial generation is a very

want because the money they will gain

coming from. Thank you. gw

telling that child that what they did is

creative generation. These days you

won’t be much. It might not be much

right and they can do it again without

don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer

at the beginning but Rome wasn’t built

90 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 91

CAREER

Yes, the lockdown and social distancing has made most of us kind of nervous, unsure and maybe vulnerable. But we can take proper advantage of it by opening up to new connections. Before now it was almost an uphill task connecting or collaborating with others to get something doneespecially someone you barely know. But now, people seem to have some more extra time on their hands to

Getting another job or even looking for a job (from a fresher in the labour market) at this period will be like the proverbial camel passing through the eye of a needle.

consider making new contacts.

3 Keys to Positioning Yourself for a Job during the Pandemic

Iboro Tonye-Edet

Talk to the right people

call and explain exactly how the place

One of the ways people are

works.

often considered for jobs

within companies is if they’re referred by people they know within those companies.

Communicate wisely Should you be called for an interview, whatever you have

to say, say it with calmness and self-

You could also try getting some

confidence. But note that there is a thin

he world as we know it is no

the labour market) at this period will

information from someone at one of

line between confidence and cocky.

longer how it used to be. To

be like the proverbial camel passing

the companies you’ve applied for-

So it is in your best interest to let the

many, this might just be a

through the eye of a needle. These are

probably just close enough to the

panel interviewing you know that you

rude shock. But to the well prepared,

uncertain times, but expanding your

bottom of the management team.

respect the opportunity that they have

it is time to adjust and ‘flow with the

network and doing informational

You could ask for other available

to offer.

tide.’ The lockdown in the past three

interviews might just help.

opportunities which you may not have

thought through.

months crippled many businesses hence leading to lots of people losing their jobs. Getting another job or even looking for a job (from a fresher in

92 gemwoman.net

Networking

Also, you need to be a good listener. It can be tough listening when you’re

Seriously? How is that even

If they feel really important that

nervous—which mostly we are when

possible with social distancing?

you’ve called them, they’ll take your

we are being interviewed. Listen well. gw

gemwoman.net 93

GREY AREAS

Raising A Child With Autism Dr. Aleruchi Oleru

t the birth of her baby, a mother is not really concerned about herself except for the wellbeing of her new born child. Every part of her being longs to know that the baby is healthy and strong. At the sound of her baby’s f irst cry, her concerns are eased. Now the journey to development begins- a journey which is never the same with every child. While some develop at the expected milestones in life, others in the process of showing promising progress suddenly display worrisome changes. This can be very confusing, painful and frustrating for the parents.

This was Dr. Mrs. Aleruchi’s experience when her son, a sharp active toddler suddenly lost his motor skills and was diagnosed with autism. In this interview, she shares her 12 years of struggles, challenges and victories in raising a child with special needs.

Tell me how you discovered your child had a disability? My son was normal and a smart child at birth. He reached all his milestones early and was already learning the same things as his three year old sister when he was one year old. He had learned to say the grace before meals

Saturday and there was this faraway

and I remember my husband looking

sad look in his face that bothered me.

at me once and commenting on how

He had a cold then but I still thought

smart he was.

something was not right. That was when I took him away from his siblings

The first difference we noticed came at

for some alone time and realized he

about 17 months when his sleep habit

was no longer answering to his name

changed and he wanted to stay awake

and the simple games we used to play

all night. My husband was in Nigeria

together were foreign to him. He was

for three weeks and when he returned,

just under two years old. That’s how

he noticed my son was not responding

our journey started.

to him like he usually did. I thought nothing of it then but slowly he began

We met with several physicians and

losing all his skills.

eventually he was diagnosed with autism. His is the regressive type and

I returned home from work one

94 gemwoman.net

I’m grateful to God to have met and

gemwoman.net 95

GREY AREAS

known his potential, so as not to give

I’m grateful for those times because I

the Bible verse in John 9:6. I did a lot of

up on my child.

had to draw closer to God and pray.

reading and I did a lot of therapy and supplements for my son.

“At 12 he does his own laundry, his room is spotless, he makes

How did you feel when your child was diagnosed with autism?

What things have you found to enjoy about having a child with special needs?

There was a time that was especially

simple meals and is very

challenging for us. He had stopped

It is a terrible feeling watching your

Truthfully, there’s nothing enjoyable

eating. He went several days only

affectionate. He loves the

child disappear. In my case, in many

about it. Parenting them is a hard

drinking and then would only eat

ways it felt like death. He lost all his

journey and you are thankful for

French fries. I had to take him out

be in church every time

skills. He nosedived from speaking in

every little milestone that’s taken for

of school because he would get very

it opens and has gone for

full sentences and having meaningful

granted in neuro typical kids.

irritable when he was hungry. One

church camps alone.”

conversations to being nonverbal. The

Wednesday I went for midweek service

house of God. He wants to

and there was a word of knowledge for

are usually a recipient of all kinds of

families dealing with autism and how

looks and unsolicited advice from

wanted to help my child at all costs but

What has God taught you through your child with special needs?

the enemy is stealing our children and

people that question your parenting

I didn’t know how. I am a physician and

There’s a feeling of helplessness and

a generation. I was one of those who

skills. Also when people discover the

so I knew that medicine really had no

desperation and strong desire to help

came out for prayers and the Lord

diagnosis, there’s a tendency to expect

answer or solution. I started praying

your child that is common with parents

told me that my son was healed and

little from them and assume they are

and enlisting people to pray but he

of children with autism and I was not

I believed it. The next day, he ate rice

mentally retarded. So as a parent, I’m

kept getting worse with aggressive

immune to it. There is a whole industry

and chicken nuggets and started eating

constantly advocating for my son.

behaviour; that made it difficult to be at

out there that preys on us parents and

again like nothing happened. Since

social gatherings, even at church. I was

you can spend all your life savings on

then God has been true to His word.

called many times to come and take

trying to help your child. And for us

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?

him out of Sunday school because he

Christians we go from one minister to

Yes it’s overwhelming and I am

did something to another child. Finally

the other looking for healing.

What are the challenges you face as a parent to a child with special needs?

only thing he never stopped saying was “mummy”. I felt utmost desperation. I

one Sunday, they refused to let him

immensely grateful for the help I have gotten. I have noticed that

into Sunday school and so I carried my

God told me in no unclear terms that He

For the most part, children with

there is a lot of shame and denial

child to the room for nursing mothers

would heal my son but it would not be

autism don’t stand out from others

sometimes masquerading as faith in

and cried as I held him through the

an instant healing like I so badly craved.

like a child with Downs’s syndrome or

a lot of families dealing with this. A

service. Those were difficult times. But

He also told me to use medication and

cerebral palsy would. People therefore

lot of times the kids suffer as a result

supplements when I struggled with

expect normalcy from them and you

because there is delay seeking help and

96 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 97

GREY AREAS

intervention which are most helpful

been intentional about involving the

when started early.

other kids in this journey and continue to affirm them to bridge this gap.

How can the church support parents with special needs? the tremendous emotional, physical

What progress have you seen in your child since his initial diagnosis?

and psychological stress they are going

He is now almost indistinguishable

through. Provide respite. My church

from his peers. He is sociable,

eventually started a special needs

interactive, and self-sufficient. At 12

Sunday school so that their parents

he does his own laundry, his room is

can enjoy the service uninterrupted.

spotless, he makes simple meals and

Acknowledge them and understand

DO YOU NEED TO BOOST YOUR IMMUNITY?

or you need to help maintain a normal blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol levels? Or you need to improve your respiratory conditions like asthma,coughing and wheezing from allergies, flu, bronchitis etc. Search no more! The help you need is here at your doorsteps.

is very affectionate. He loves the house

What kind of struggles does your child have because of his challenge?

of God. He wants to be in church every

Every child with autism is unique. No

comprehension and expression but

two children with autism are the same.

that too shall pass. A lot of people that

Someone said, “Once you see a child

knew my son ask me what I did to help

with autism, all you’ve seen is a child

him get better, the truth is, it is God

with autism.” Everyone is different in

who did it and all praise belongs to Him

the way the disease affects them, their

alone. I’d be remiss if I tell you that I

strengths and weaknesses.

don’t have moments when I imagine

time it opens and has gone for church camps alone. He still struggles with

what would have been. But in life you

How does having a child with a disability affect your other children?

don’t get to choose your battles and I’m grateful for the lessons I have learned and for the progress made.

With three children and a career, it’s a they need and desire as their sibling with

What concerns do you have for your child’s future?

autism demands so much of you. We have

None. gw

struggle giving all the kids the attention

98 gemwoman.net

For more enquiry, please call 07039538975 or log in to www.rainintl.com, register as a preffered customer and put in ID Number: 478560 as sponsor ID Number and place your order.

CUISINE

an avocado-based dip, sauce, or salad. It was first developed in Mexico hence the name ‘Guacamole’ which simply translates as ‘Avocado Sauce’ in traditional Mexican Spanish (Guaca meaning Avocado, and mole meaning Sauce.) So why a Mexican cuisine? Why not? After all, avocado is also native to almost every country in the world especially the Western and Southern parts of Nigeria. So, let’s dive into making this yummy home-made recipe.

Ingredients zz

1 standard size avocado pear

mash with a fork to the consistency

1 small onion

you desire.

1/2 a piece of scotch bonnet/ habanero pepper (ata rodo).

Guacamole (Dip)

3. Blend if you want it very smooth, or

4. Now add the finely chopped scent

Salt

leaves and boiled corn, then stir.

1 teaspoon of dry cayenne pepper

(The corn serves as a sweetener.)

A tablespoon of chopped basil or fresh scent leaves (efinrin)

1 clove of garlic

1/2 a lime

3 tablespoons of boiled corn seeds

he recent lock down (though it’s being gradually eased) has

5. Taste the paste and adjust the seasoning to your taste. 6. Serve with whatever you desire. You can try it as a dip for any finger snack

shown that a lot of people tend to snack away at almost every

Instructions

of your choice. It can also serve as

hour of the day. My husband and kids are clear examples. Aside

1. Cut open the avocados, remove the

a different but delicious sauce for

from breakfast, lunch and dinner times, they snack on plantain chips

seed and scoop out the green fleshy

your rice. You just go ahead and

and groundnuts every other hour. Even when I try to enforce fruits, they

mushy bit into a clean bowl.

experiment.

get bored easily. Then I discovered something else exciting they can actually enjoy with their go-to finger snacks. Guacamole! (Pronounced as gwaka-mole) Oh, wait! Did someone just ask what guacamole is? Guacamole is simply

100 gemwoman.net

2. Finely chop the habanero pepper,

*Tip: Aside from its excellent health

onion, garlic and add to the bowl.

benefits, the lime-juice prevents the

Sprinkle in the dry pepper and the

guacamole from turning brown thereby

squeezed out lime juice*.

making it stay green for a bit longer.

gemwoman.net 101