July 2020 Vol 12. No 4

VOL 12 NO 4

RAPE

TRUE STORIES OF SURVIVORS

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

WHEN WOMEN ARE THE AGGRESSORS

MAKE YOUR VOICE WORK FOR YOU REFUSE TO BE SILENT

YOU CAN CHOOSE JOY

4 TIPS TO

HELP YOU WORK

PROFITABLY FROM HOME

IBIWUNMI AKINNOLA

PRESIDENT OF INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S SOCIETY NIGERIA

SPEAKS ON ISSUES AFFECTING WOMEN

Team PUBLISHER/CEO Bolanle Olawale EDITOR Toluwalase Olawale CREATIVE/GRAPHICS ARTIST Tonye Edet DIGITAL/TECHNICAL SUPPORT Adura Arowolo SALES AND LOGISTICS Francis Unufe CONTRIBUTORS Kingsley Okonkwo, Kehinde Adollo, Iquo Ukoh, Busola Jegede, Liz Kingsley, Dr Akinfemi Akingboye, Dr Chinyere Almona, Olamide Elizabeth Adeleye, Dr. Alo Ohio-Omonkhomion, Olufunlola Ifebogun, Lara Yeku, Sarah Williams, Ola Asags, Boma Oruambo, Ibironke Olubamise, Iboro Tonye-Edet CHAIRMAN ’Kunle Olawale gemWoman is digitally published by gem Publications Ltd. All Rights Reserved, © 2020 For subscriptions and advert enquiries, please call or visit #10 Jide Ayo Close, Omole Phase 1, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria WhatsApp: +234 706 931 4010 Email: editor@gemwoman.net Website: www.gemwoman.net Follow us on instagram: @gemmagazines and @gem.event Like us on facebook: gemmagazines

gemwoman.net 5

Contents gemWOMAN MAGAZINE

FEATURE

VOL 12 NO 4

Tribute To Ibidunni Ighodalo

41

LAW OF IN-LAWS Handling Unannounced Visits From InLaws 44

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE When Women Are the Aggressors

60

48

ENTREPRENEUR GUIDE Make Your Voice Work For You

52

SURVIVING WIDOWHOOD Expectant Mom; Unexpected Widow

LIGHT REFLECTIONS 54

You Can Choose Joy

88

POEM Confident Joy

12

FROM THE PUBLISHER’S DESK Joy Inspite Of Circumstances

SEXUAL ABUSE FEATURE

HERE’S TO HEALTH

The Pastor Bimbo Odukoya Foundation:

10 Tips for a Healthy Heart

92

Haven Of Hope For Victims Of 14

Domestic Violence And Sexual Assault

58

CAREER

Rape: True Stories Of Survivors

63

“Working Profitably From Home”

97

APPLES OF GOLD

“

“I believe this sexism should be nipped at the bud from early stages, and we should also factor in representation within the work environment as well.

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Quotes On Joy

16

HAIR CARE Caring For Your Wigs

COVER INTERVIEW

DECISION

Ibiwunmi Akinnola, President of

Choose Joy, Choose Life

100

International Women’s Society, Nigeria 18

Speaks On Issues Affecting Women

77

KANDID TALKS Joyful Assurance

103

FASHION Simplicity meets Elegance

CUISINE

23

FEMINISM FEATURE

Potato Porridge

104

Iwuk Efere (Fisherman’s Soup)

106

Feminism and the Christian Woman 31 I Am A Christian First Before A Feminist

32

There Can Never be Two Captains in a Ship

34

Feminism And My Stand

36

I believe in the God kind of Feminism

38

100 82

gemwoman.net 7

Contributors Iquo Ukoh is a distinguished fellow of Nigerian Institute of Marketing of

Olufunmilola Ifebogun is the CEO of Blooms Soft Furnishing, which she

Nigeria and a highly respected veteran within the West African Marketing

established in 1994 and is fast gaining recognition within and outside Nigeria.

Communications space. She is a member of the Nutrition Society of Nigeria.

She is an associate of Dorothy Van Riet Design Academy in South Africa and

She is currently the CEO of Entod Marketing. Iquo is also the founder of

also possesses a Diploma in Color Concept from Interior Design, Texas, USA.

1qfoodplatter.com a Nigerian food blog that has made notable impact in the Nigerian food space.

Dr. Mrs Alarape Oluwasanya is a Senior Registrar in Family Medicine at the

Olamide Elizabeth Adeleye is a chartered Arbitrator and a legal practitioner

Olabisi Onabanjo University Teaching Hospital and a member of the West

who specializes in Corporate Law and Real Estate. She is also a pastor, and

African College of Physicians. She is also a certified Geriatrician. She attends

a poet. She currently runs her own legal practice and oversees the Women’s

Chapel of Victory, Sagamu where she works in the Children’s Department.

Ministry of God’s Favourite House Church, Lekki.

Married to Dr. Richard Oluwasanya and mother of two adorable children

Her passion is to help women acquire the drive to thrive and not just survive in

Aseoluwa and Araifeoluwa.

all spheres of life. She is joyfully married and blessed with two nations.

Kingsley Okonkwo is a popular TV host, certified Relationship coach and

Kehinde Adollo is a Profile Marketing communications expert who just wants

highly sought after speaker with well over 20 years’ experience. He is the

to make a change in every little way she can. She loves to be in the company of

founder and lead Pastor of David’s Christian Centre in Lagos. His wit, humour

good and inspiring people. The God factor has been her support through the

and real life styled teachings have made him a darling of the media. He is

years She often asks herself, “where will I be without him?”

married to his best friend Mildred and they are blessed with children.

Dr. Chinyere Almona is a versatile inspirational speaker and Bible teacher.. She

Ibironke Olubamise is an intercessor, counsellor, and an ordained pastor at

is passionate about leadership and people development. Professionally, she

Throneroom Trust Ministry and Secretary of the Women in God’s Prophetic

has over twenty-six years of work experience, providing strategic support to

Agenda. She is the National Coordinator, UNDP GEF-Small Grants Programme,

companies and currently leads a series of corporate governance interventions

Ronke was married to Pastor Bankole Olubamise of blessed memory. They are

across sub-Saharan Africa. She lives in Lagos, Nigeria, where she serves

blessed with two children.

alongside her husband, Pastor Obi Almona.

Sarah Williams is a youth pastor. Her passion is to see the next generation

Toluwalase Olawale is a law student and beauty entrepreneur from Dallas,

grow into the fullness of God’s purpose for their lives. She also has burden

Texas by way of Lagos, Nigeria. She is passionate about travel, youth

for married couples waiting for the blessing of the womb. This led her

mentoring, advocacy and authentic living as a Christian. She shares on her

to start an online intercessory prayer group called The Throne Room of

podcast “Live Intentional” practical tips, and applicational scripture that aid

God–@thethroneroomofgod.

in self-betterment, and that of the world at large.

8 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 9

Connect with Us



@gemmagazines

Instagram

@gemmagazines



@gemmagazines

10 gemwoman.net

LEARN MORE AND REGISTER

POEM

Confident Joy In Him I have great confidence In the midst of this pandemic Your Word remains my heart’s residence For Your power remains dynamic By the Great & only Balm in Gilead You shall continually be led He alone takes our scars And He turns them into stars From all the deep pains He brings out great gains

Passionate about Real Estate

No matter how bad the wrongs

Chioma Lorraine Omotayo is a Texas Top Producer based in Dallas TX.

From them He will give you songs

The C.E.O of CLO Dallas Realty LLC, (powered by Ready Real Estate)

You may feel the terrible strains

is a full service real estate company that provides

Look! From them come the rains

world-class residential and commercial real estate services since 2013. +1 (917)-244-7720 email:clodallasrealtygroup@gmail.com

For His name sake You must stay awake It’s not the time to sleep But the time to go deep This is not the time to stare But the time to steer The gift in you that is rare To launch you from the rear When upon Him you continue to gaze; He’ll help you navigate the maze Beautiful shall be your days Blessed shall be your ways Do not cease to pray He will surely make a way You will rejoice all day Yes! I am confident Yes! As it is evident In this joy that is in me resident It is no coincidence It is Providence! ~Lamaide Adeleye © 2020

12 gemwoman.net

From the Publisher’s Desk

Joy Inspite Of Circumstances

personality in this edition is Mrs

the opinions of some women on this

Ibiwunmi Akinnola,who recently

sensitive matter.

took up the leadership as the President of International Women’s

Handling Unannounced Visits from

and many are falling into a state of

Society Nigeria. She speaks boldly

In-laws gives us insights into more

depression.

on challenges faced by women in

approachable, diplomatic and loving

leadership roles, the time she spends

ways in relating with in-laws who are

Yet in all these, we need to stay hopeful,

working with widows, running her

yet to understand when couples need

positive and strong believing that we

charity as well as topical issues like

their alone time.

will overcome. The human race has

rape and domestic violence affecting

been known to overcome challenges,

women.

and survive devastations of great

Make Your Voice Work For You reminds us of the importance of not

magnitude. We experienced the swine

Our special feature on Sexual Violence

remaining silent but rather to speak

flu and a series of other pestilence and

is a must-read as it focuses on four

what we want into existence.

W

diseases and yet again we overcame.

survivors who share their painful

e all hoped that by now,

The human spirit always prevails and

experiences of rape, how it affected

These and more articles in this

we would be getting

life tends to continue- with certain

their lives and how they are using their

edition have been written by seasoned

reports that the curves

changes of course.

voice to help others.

columnists with the aim to encourage

socializing. Announcements to the

But the question is, how do we

In recent times, feminism has been

effect that children can resume school

surmount these challenges that

a hot topic on social media following

and churches can reopen without

negatively affect lives and businesses?

different reports of victimization of

How are you able to use the joy factor to

restrictions. Incidentally, that is

The answer is Joy! Having joyful

women. Our feature on Feminism

overcome challenges presented your

not the case at the moment. Eight

confidence that this too shall

and the Christian woman, showcases

way? Do let us know by connecting on

months into 2020 since the breakout

pass. Regardless of the prevailing

our social media platforms with our

of the Corona-Virus, the world is still

circumstances we are facing, we can

handle; @gemmagazines and let’s start

battling this pandemic. Obviously with

navigate these circumstances knowing

the lockdown (now partial) and social

fully well that God is in control.

have flattened and people can start

us to keep hope alive in spite of

distancing still in place, businesses have been impacted negatively. People

Speaking of overcoming challenges

have lost their means of livelihood

through God’s help, our cover

14 gemwoman.net

How are you able to use the joy factor to overcome challenges presented your way?

prevailing circumstances.

a conversation that will be beneficial to others.

Blessings Bolanle Olawale

gemwoman.net 15

APPLES OF GOLD

QUOTES ON

L

iving a life of joy is a battle. Oh, yes. When we encounter challenges, troubles, perils and disappointments, the natural expectation is to react with complaints, nagging, grumpiness and probably giving-up. But rather

than react, we can choose to respond- respond to life’s negativity with joy. When we do, we are sure to emerge victorious at last! Here are some inspiring quotes to remind us daily that joy makes the difference and is always a winner.

“Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.” — PIERRE TEILHARD DE CHARDIN

This day is holy to God. Don’t feel bad. The joy of God is your strength!”

— NEHEMIAH 8:10B

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”

— RUMI

“I have drunken deep of joy, And I will taste no other wine tonight.”

— PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”

— MARK TWAIN

“There is not one blade of grass, there is no colour in this world that is not intended to make us rejoice.”

— JOHN CALVIN

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

— PSALM 16:11

“After the rain, the sun will reappear. There is life. After the pain, the joy will still be here.”

— WALT DISNEY COMPANY

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

— JOHN 16:24

“A joyful heart is the normal result of a heart burning with love. She gives most who gives with joy.”

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

— MOTHER TERESA

— ROMANS 12:15

“Know that joy is rarer, more difficult, and more beautiful than sadness. Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation.”

Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

— TAGORE

— ROMANS 12:12

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JOY APPLES OF GOLD

— ANDRÉ GIDE

— PSALM 119:111

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Deceit is in the hearts of those who plot evil, but those who promote peace have joy.

— PROVERBS 12:20

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, — JAMES 1:2

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

— ROMANS 15:13

“There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behaviour, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us.”

“There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go.”

— FREDERICK W. FABER

— RALPH WALDO EMERSON

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.

— HENRI NOUWEN”

— MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it. ”

“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.”

— CARLOS SANTANA

— THICH NHAT HANH

The people ransomed by the Lord will return… to Zion singing with joy. Everlasting happiness will be on their heads as a crown. They will be glad and joyful...

“When you are joyful…and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the centre … and people want to be near you.”

– ISAIAH 35:10

— SHANNON L. ALDER

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”

— JOSEPH CAMPBELL

“Be committed to living in constant joy.”

—PAM BROUT

— PROVERBS 17:22

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do.

— PHILIPPIANS 4:4

— ECCLESIASTES 9:7

gemwoman.net 17

HAIR CARE

HAIR CARE

WIGS Caring For Your

How To Care For Your Wigs Lace Closure wigs are definitely easier to manage and require less touch up/ maintenance than lace frontal wigs. If your wig is worn with glue, got2b gel or any other adhesive substance, regular cleaning with liquid dry shampoo like the ORS Herbal Cleanse dry shampoo is recommended. For got2b or any other

Toluwalase Olawale

water based product, a wet cotton

W

ball can also remove gel build up. I

igs are a great protective style. I mean who doesn’t love the versatility afforded by wigs. If you’re like me you probably have wigs that serve different purposes- the interview/work wig, the running errands wig, the ‘glam’ wig, etc. While there are various grades and price points when it comes to wigs, human hair wigs are definitely an investment, and it is great to know how exactly to care for them to get the best out of your money.

personally use a little bit of my face cleanser on a cotton ball to clean up makeup or gel that I may have on my lace. Please ensure to be very gentle as you do not want to rip the hairs out of your lace; this can lead to the emergence of bald patches on the lace and will shorten the lifespan of your wig. thus require different care regimens.

Wig lingo can seem like a different

hairline and require more care than

After all, an individual with kinky

Lace frontals: The same methods

language when it comes to all the

half- wigs or wigs that do not have any

curly hair cannot be expected to have

are applicable, however, depending

modifications and hair textures that

lace. The lace on wigs vary in thickness

the same hair care routine as someone

on how often the wig is worn, it may

wigs can have. To know how to properly

with Swiss lace being the thickest, and

with bone straight hair.

need to be cleaned more often than

care for your wig, it’s important to

HD/ultra-thin lace being the thinnest

know exactly what wig you own.

and most delicate.

the closure wig. Lace frontals require Colour treated: You need to be

more attention and delicacy than

certain if the wig has been bleached

closure wigs.

Type Of Wigs

Hair textures: Human hair extensions

or darkened; and if it’s been coloured

Lace systems: Lace front wigs can

and wigs mimic the varying hair

with permanent or semi/demi

Curly/coarse textured wigs: To wash

create the illusion of a brand new

textures that individuals have and as

permanent hair dye.

these, dampen the hair or apply a

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HAIR CARE

HAIR CARE

Colour treated hair demands sulphate: free shampoo to preserve the hair colour. Hair that is coloured with semi-permanent hair colour will eventually fade, however less frequent washes can help extend the vibrancy of the hair colour. For very light blonde hair, I recommend purple shampoo and conditioner to @uwazhairz

detangler to soften the hair. Detangle

keep the hair looking platinum and to

@uwazhairz

neutralize brassy tones in the hair.

with a wide toothed comb or brush and

your local beauty supply. Travel wig

then proceed to wash the hair with a

stands like the one pictured below

moisturizing shampoo and follow

that occupy less space can also be

up with a moisture- rich shampoo.

purchased. If a wig head is inaccessible,

Wigs can last many years, but regular

For best results, fill a sink or a bowl

wigs can be stored in satin bags, or

maintenance is recommended; over

with water, place the shampoo into

even the original packaging from your

time the wefts can start to come loose-

said bowl and then dip the hair into

wig vendor. Effective storage of your

especially if the wig was hand-stitched

the shampoo and water mixture.

wigs can cut down on styling time, and

and with cotton thread that weakens

I recommend deep conditioning

help to prevent the emergence of knots

after prolonged exposure to water.

your wig once every two months, or

in your wig.

Many wig vendors and hair salons

@uwazhairz

depending on how often the wig is

offer maintenance services for wigs;

worn.

you may not need to throw out that old When styling your wigs with hot tools,

wig in the back of your closet! gw

To dry my curly wigs, I personally hang

always use a heat protectant serum or

them to dry and avoid using direct heat

spray; ensure to use one that protects

For more wig tips:

so as to preserve the curl pattern.

hair above the temperature of your

follow @kuuksandco on Instagram

heating tool.

Straight wigs: The same method

Model photo @uwazhairz

above applies but these can be laid flat

Finally, store your wigs well!!

to dry.

Styrofoam heads can be purchased at

20 gemwoman.net

Website: uwazhair.com

gemwoman.net 21

FA S H I O N

Simplicity Elegance meets

I

t is said that looking good is a great part of success and everyone

needs to dress the part.

So when simplicity meets elegance, what do you get? Simply Elegant- nothing more, nothing less. In this edition of our fashion column, simplicity meets elegance with some simply elegant outfits from the stables of a lifestyle brand, Lovelabelbyife whose aim is connecting women with their inner beauty and confidence in the most simplest and elegant of ways.

BELLA DRESS

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FA S H I O N

FA S H I O N

NIA DRESS

ENI DRESS

KIKI DRESS

EWA DRESS

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BEKA DRESS

gemwoman.net 25

FA S H I O N

FA S H I O N

VINE DRESS

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FA S H I O N

FA S H I O N

VIVA DRESS

BOULOTTE

AZARI KAFTAN

LYNE DRESS

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VEIL SET

gemwoman.net 29

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

Feminism and the Christian Woman Iboro Tonye-Edet

T

here has been a flurry of social media activities around the issue of or should I say, on feminism.

A lot of people seem to be lost as to what feminism is all about. Some people think that feminism is a means for some women to be disrespectful to their male counterparts, some think it is a channel or platform to fight for the rights of women. Some people even feel feminism is not of God but a devil’s tool to use some women to fight God’s agenda of the leadership role of the man. As much as different people have different opinions as to what feminism is to them, we at gemWoman decided to get the views and opinions of some Christian women on what feminism is all about to them.

gemwoman.net 31

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

I Am A Christian First Before A Feminist Emem Robert

M

Yes, women want equality...in their jobs, at home and every sphere they find themselves but only submission will give them that-at least to the men who know that the biblical principle to have a submissive wife is to love her (Colossians 3:18-19). While feminism

In my opinion, feminism and Christianity are interwoven. Christianity is against social ills such as rape, marital abuse etc. Feminism is also against these social ills.

any years ago, before I got

supposed to love, care, support, defend

and equality aren’t bad things, the way

married, a minister in a

and shield (Eph. 5:25). In doing the

these angry, hurting ladies go about it

Pentecostal church said to

above therefore, the woman becomes

radically becomes destructive. Again,

us, intending- couples: “Now, that

submissive (1Peter 3:1). I mean, what

true feminism have lent helping hands in

you are about to marry, you and your

woman would be so loved and wouldn’t

tackling issues of rape, child marriages,

husband are one. You are therefore

be submissive (Eph. 5:22)? When the

domestic violence, female genital

forget that “a gentle answer deflects

equals”. Years down the lane, I have

man is lacking in providing the above

mutilation, etc. These are good causes.

anger, but harsh words make tempers

realised this statement to be misleading.

mentioned, submission goes out of

While that Man of God had the most

the window and what you get instead

Also, women were and still are, the

sincere intentions when he made

are angry, sad, and hurting women

propellants of the Gospel (Luke 8:3).They

In my opinion, feminism and Christianity

that statement, most men out there

and radical Feminism thrives in such

were the first to witness the resurrection

are interwoven. Christianity is against

do not totally reason along the same

emotional state.

(John 20:11-18). They have also been

social ills such as rape, marital abuse etc.

wavelengths. This is where FEMINISM

known to be warriors; e.g Deborah and

Feminism is also against these social ills.

may have been birthed; from the reality

Jael fought battles for the cause of their

I am an advocate for feminism done the

that we were treated as unequal with

Nation. Jael may not have gone to the

right way. Feminism acknowledging the

our husbands or our male counterparts

war front with Deborah but she did that

man as the head, but asking in quietness

amongst many other reasons.

from her home in quiet submissiveness.

and submission that a woman be given

flare”- Proverbs 15:1

a chance. If that isn’t feminism, well, Men, and then women were created in

Now, if some women tabled their issues

then I would rather remain a Christian

God’s image. The man, first before the

without radicalism but with solemn

than brandish a socially-created name

woman. The man being the head of the

assemblies, the world would be a better

around which does me no good. I AM A

woman (1Timothy 2:12-13). A man is

place. But angry, loud voices raised

CHRISTIAN FIRST BEFORE A FEMINIST,

the head in any relationship, especially

just makes the issues escalate into a

though! gw

in marriage (Ephesians 5:23). He is

“radical women rights meeting”. Don’t

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F E MINI SM F E AT URE

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

There Can Never be Two Captains in a Ship Elfreda Jeremiah

I

t was just a few years ago I came across one of those heated arguments on social media and the topic of discussion was “feminism”. Before now, I never recalled coming across such a word-even whilst growing up. So I had to go look it up to fully grasp what feminism was all about.

As the definition goes “feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights”. I truly concur to this as it relates to the rights and opportunities of every individual.

Back then, the struggle was real in the society. Whether a male child was more favoured in the society was not a bone of contention as they most definitely were. You find a situation where a female first gains admission in a family

As a Christian lady, Christ died for all and there’s nowhere it is stated in the scriptures that there are “female spirits or male spirits”.

We are all created in the image and likeness of God…

before the brothers and instead of the

and there’s nowhere it is stated in the

usual excitement that comes with it,

scriptures that there are “female spirits

all they think about is how she will get

or male spirits”. We are all created in the

into school before her brothers as the

image and likeness of God for His glory

education of a girl child usually “ends

and we’re equal in the sight of God.

in the kitchen” and is a waste.

However, there’s a little twist when it comes to marriage. The scriptures

However in recent times, we have seen

says a wife should be submissive to her

the narrative changing because of a few

husband while the husband should love

others who have gone ahead to show

his wife even as Christ loved the church.

that this is wrong. Even at the work

In marriage, your husband is the head

place, there are some male subordinates

of the home and your master. There

who find it difficult showing respect to

can never be two captains in a ship,

their female superiors simply because

therefore feminism at the home should

of the difference in their gender.

be at the back burner to avoid conflict in

These type of men have this sense of

the marriage. This does not mean that

entitlement and believe that women

the woman would be silenced or her

should never be superior to men.

opinions ignored, it just means there would be a compromise and synergy

As a Christian lady, Christ died for all

34 gemwoman.net

between both parties. gw

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F E MINI SM F E AT URE

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

Feminism And My Stand Becky Olorunpomi

I

believe everyone, whether male or

both genders are equal before God and have been given same mandate and overall purpose (to have dominion on earth as well as fulfilling God’s purpose in both physical

beyond her objectives.

and spiritual realm),

female, should be a feminist because

What women need is empowerment based on proper education, exposure, good reasoning and thought…

only women’s lives. We need each other to fulfil God’s purpose on earth.

The man has his role and so does the woman. None should be relegated to the ground based on his or her sex.

they have different roles

feminism propagates and promotes

The Liberal Feminists believe on

assigned to them and these different

Therefore, my stand on feminism is in

the rights of women on the ground of

women’s ability to maintain their

physical roles determined their

total agreement with Canice C. Nwosu

equality of the sexes. Women have been

equality through their own actions

physical frames (body and build up).

& Nicholas A. Chielotam’s contextual

subjected to discriminatory status quo

and choices, believing that gender

Part of the assignment is for the man

analysis of the book, The Sweet

which has over the years, portrayed

inequality can be eradicated through

to be the head, which is leadership

Trap, by late Prof. Zulu Sofola, that:

the woman as an object to be acquired.

legislative reforms without altering

by position; and the woman to be

Maltreatment of women can only be

This is why feminism as a movement

the capitalist system itself. But the

the helper, which is leadership by

stopped when the men are enlightened

came to defeat such negative mind set

Radical feminism believe in a radical

influence.

to put aside their superiority complex

and abuse of womanhood.

reordering of society in which male

and learn to recognize the important

supremacy is eliminated in all social

This is why, in as much as I believe

role of women in the development of

and economic contexts. These group

that there should be a change in the

the nation as a whole.

the philosophies

believe that male psychology or

archaic bigoted statutory relegation

and activities of

biology is the source of women’s

of the woman, I do not agree with or

What women need is empowerment

support separatism which is the total

based on proper education, exposure,

re-ordering of nature. This ideology

good reasoning and thought; and not

Looking deeper into

the different ma-

oppression.

jor offshoots of feminism (Liber-

As a Christian, I believe we all

(separatism) may result to chaos. The

the craving for same sex status with

al feminism and

have been created to be inter-

world needs order and hierarchy for

men. The former will enable them to

Radical fem-

dependent. The Bible said: “…

peaceful coexistence. This is why I go

be heard, respected, appreciated and

male and female created He

more with Gender-equality advocacy

allowed to take important decisions on

would wonder

them.” A further read to

than feminism. I would not tolerate or

their own without necessarily relying

if feminism

that scripture reveal

support the abuse of any one, whether

and depending on their husbands or

man or woman. All lives matter, not

male counterparts. gw

inism), one

has not gone

36 gemwoman.net

that,

though,

gemwoman.net 37

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

F E MINI SM F E AT URE

I believe in the God kind of Feminism Uduak Etukakpan

First of all let’s define Feminism?

F

eminism is the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power and

opportunity as men and be treated the same way. Or the set of activities intended to achieve this state.

As a Christian woman I believe in the above meaning because the Bible states we (men and women) are created in the image and likeness of God. In God’s eyes we are equal, no superior or inferior being.

A man and woman are employed in a

Feminism is women saying pay us according to our abilities/ qualifications not based on our gender.

Treat us as God does.

That’s the God kind of Feminism.

company and the man is paid twice what the woman gets even though the woman is more qualified and has better

clueless as to what feminism really

work ethics. This is pure inequality and

is. We as women or should I say real

is the sort of thing that has informed

women who know their worth, are

feminism.

not trying to take on male roles, or change our gender as a lot of people

Feminism is women saying pay

on social media are implying. We

us according to our abilities/

are just asking/fighting for same

qualifications not based on our gender.

rights and opportunities as our male

Treat us as God does. That’s the God

counterparts in the cooperate world.

kind of Feminism.

We’re not looking to be addressed as Now most people on social media are

38 gemwoman.net

“King” instead of “Queen”. gw

gemwoman.net 39

F E AT URE

F E AT URE

Tribute To

Ibidunni Ighodalo July 19, 1980 - June 14, 2020

A Mother of Nations Returns Home ↓↓↓

I

bidunni, as your name is, so was your calling in life. You lived to be a source of life to many. You lived

so those who were called barren would eventually be called mother of children. You lived so as to help unable couples fulfil God’s mandate of procreation. You were not just a vessel but an honourable and willing vessel used by the Master to place countless babies into the arms of many families.

You poured yourself wholeheartedly into your divine calling. You gave, gave and gave again. You cared, cared and cared again. You loved, loved and kept loving. You were ready to go yet another mile to bring hope and joy into 40 more families. But the Master called out saying, “That will do My child, that will do. You have completed your task, you’ve run your race, you have fulfilled

40 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 41

F E AT URE

My purpose for your life. Come into the

transformed and placed among the

rest of your Father.”

saints in heaven.

Ibidunni Ighodalo, your life greatly

Like a one hundred metre sprint,

impacted almost everyone who

you’ve dashed across the finish line

crossed your path in the most positive

even before we knew you’d started. Yet

and unique way. You made every one

it only reminds us that we need to keep

of them feel loved and important. You

running. For some of us, it may be a

made them believe that they each had

marathon, for others a relay and some,

something unique and excellent to

like you, a sprint. But whatever race

offer.

we find ourselves, we must give in our best. We must impact lives positively

You were such a beauty to behold but

along the way. We must leave good

even more beautiful was your soul-

memories just like yours, lingering in

for it glowed so bright it exuded God’s

the hearts, homes and faces of many

love, grace and generousity.

for years and generations to come.

But because the world is not the perfect

I know that the many children born

place to keep something beautiful,

into this world because of you will

precious and invaluable as you, it

grow and come to know that they had

was only fair that you be taken out,

a mother who loved them before they were conceived. They had a mother

Like a one hundred metre sprint, you’ve dashed across the finish line even before we knew you’d started. Yet it only reminds us that we need to keep running.

42 gemwoman.net

who gave them to families deserving of them. They had a mother who heeded the voice of God and left a lasting footprint in the sands of time.

Ibidunni (Ibi...means birth, birthing, giving birth, or to procreate... Dunni means good to have). gw

L AW O F I N - L AW S

L AW O F I N - L AW S

Handling

Unannounced Visits From In-Laws Busola Jegede

“M

y husband and I are newly married, and my inlaws have a habit of making unannounced visits.

We've asked them to call first, but so far nothing has changed. Is there a way to let them know that we need our space and privacy without offending them?”

The above question was asked by a

type of family you are married into.

new bride in a Q & A session of a family

Your spouse maybe from a family

based article I read a few years ago.

where they cherish visits and are

Now, if I were given the opportunity to

closely knit. You would have noticed

respond to that question, this would be

this during your courtship. So

my take.

understanding is key and adjustments is necessary. You may come from a

The issue of in-laws is one that

family where they are detached but

you must intentionally prepare for

your spouse may come from a family

emotionally. Your spouse just like

where they are strongly knit.

you, have family members that are significant in his or her life.

Concerning the visits of in-laws into your house, there should be a family

You must be mindful of the peculiarity

position on the matter.

of your marriage, as it relates to the

44 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 45

L AW O F I N - L AW S

The spouse whose relative has come over unannounced should take responsibility and handle the situations.

Typically, close family members

Thereafter, have a discussion with

like parents and siblings cannot be

your spouse without getting angry,

denied access to your home, but it is

encourage him to engage his relative

important that notice or information

and find out how long the relative will

of visits should be shared.

be staying so you can plan.

It will be unfair if a spouse knows

Typically, short unannounced visits

their relative will be coming over and

are not so problematic but when the

does not inform his or her partner.

visits are for extended periods, it can

Lack of information will lead to lack

be unnerving.

of preparation that maybe necessary to make the visit a pleasant one. For

The spouse whose relative has

instance, if an elderly in-law will be

come over unannounced should

visiting that has special dietary needs

take responsibility and handle the

due to health issues, it is important

situations.

to give the wife enough notice and provisions to provide all that will be

Unannounced visits can bring pressure

needed to effectively entertain the in-

to the family where the home is not

law and make him or her comfortable.

large enough to accommodate extra people or where there are financial

When in-laws visit unannounced do

limitations.

not be confrontational or unpleasant to them. Be nice and accommodating.

Even in the midst of this problem try to show love to the person. gw

46 gemwoman.net

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

When Women Are the Aggressors Liz Kingsley

A

few years ago, I had to assist a colleague in a training she organised for a group of women that were sent to her from the local council. The group comprised of women that were victims of violence; and the objective was for them to be aware and be able to escape abuse without feeling guilty.

of men were recorded as victims in the UK. However, women that were recorded as victims almost double the number of their male counterparts.

This simply confirms that men or women can be perpetrators and can as well become victims. The only difference is that each gender perpetrates a type of violence more than other. For example, both genders can be equally physically

In the introductory session which

The general definition of domestic

violent; men are more sexually

was the first session, a lady

violence is an incident of controlling,

violent and more controlling while

signified that she wanted to talk

coercive, threatening, degrading

women may be more verbally

and the main facilitator gave her

and violent behaviour, including

abusive. Also, women are more

the permission. She stood up and

sexual violence by a partner or ex-

likely to feel the negative effects of

started to tell the group that she

partner. Anyone can experience

domestic violence more than their

didn’t know the reason why they

domestic violence irrespective

male counterparts. Children in

had asked her to attend the training

of race, gender, age or identity

these abusive homes are affected

because according to her; she is the

and equally any gender can be the

in the same way irrespective of

perpetrator in her relationship. The

aggressor.

which gender is abusive.

training because the training would

Statistics show that 1 in 4 women

There are many evidenced base

give her an awareness of the damage

and 1 in 7 men will experience

cases which revealed that women

she’s causing her spouse.

domestic violence in their lifetime.

can become perpetrators in three

In 2013-2014, about 700,000 cases

different scenarios.

trainer asked her to continue the

48 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 49

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Some women are real aggressors and

Some women become violent in a

right or superior to every other

use their greater physical power to

bid to stop their partners from being

person.

control their partners like the woman

abusive; these cases are many times

I mentioned above.

silent.

zz

You need to be sure that she’s not defending herself against your violent or abusive behaviours.

Some women are reported as

In cases where women are the real

abusive because they did not report

aggressors, there are certain facts that

their perpetrator on time; and the

male victims need to be aware of:

perpetrator now turned against them

zz

zz

Many perpetrators are psychopathic and can be quite callous.

zz

Aggressors generally make up their

Every aggressor whether male or

rules and will never involve their

to report them as violent as in a story

female understands their deliberate

partners in decision making.

I’ll tell you in different edition.

controlling method. They act nice

It is worth noting for all women aggressors that abuse and violence are humiliating to their male partners and should be stopped.

when in public but at home become

Therefore, considering the above,

Domestic violence should be reported

Some women become violent as they

like a ruler with an absolute and

there’s no point getting into power

on time to the police irrespective of

try to escape or protect themselves like

unlimited power.

struggle with an aggressor because

which gender the aggressor is whether

Most likely she will never change

an aggressor can get to the point of

male or female. Any victim of abuse

because she thinks she’s always

murdering her partner.

needs to speak out on time than to

in a recent Nigerian case.

zz

wait for many years and digress into Currently, men are being encouraged

depression, suicide or murder.

to voice out if they are experiencing abuse and a helpline has been created

It is worth noting for all women

in the UK and America solely for men

aggressors that abuse and violence

who are experiencing abuse. It is worth

are humiliating to their male partners

noting that violence is a higher stage

and should be stopped. As a woman,

of abuse but abuse will always lead to

if you are defending yourself by

violence.

being more violent or abusive, it is more honourable to walk out of the

If you are a male-victim, it is advisable

relationship than to stay and commit

for you to visit your doctor and

murder at the end.

express how you feel in order to avoid

50 gemwoman.net

depression because the effects of

May God give all women-aggressors

domestic abuse can be devastating.

wisdom in Jesus name. gw

gemwoman.net 51

ENTREPRENEUR GUIDE

ENTREPRENEUR GUIDE

Make Your Voice Work For You Yetunde Ifebogun

I

borrowed a vessel strategically. I

Something I know many women

decked up in my beautiful corporate

struggle to believe and fully embrace

outfit, arranged my products in a

is visibility- myself inclusive. Not

lovely transparent nylon bag, walked

putting yourself out there and not

around the fair literally hawking them.

using your VOICE is what keeps most

My loud sonorous voice could not

women from reaching the levels of

be ignored as l called out: “Buy your

success and impact they are worthy of.

pouches specially, uniquely designed

The power to create and fulfill purpose

n the beginning when God created

is hidden in that VOICE yet to be heard.

the heaven and the earth, it was without form and void. Its

This is the best time to make use of

inception was a lockdown, no activity

that voice as an entrepreneur. COVID

whatsoever except for the Spirit of God

has created a void for businesses

that moved. At the sound of His VOICE

and the economy is without form.

the earth obeyed, there was a shift and

The Spirit of technology is hovering

a new normal was created as things

round in this new normal in several

were being brought into existence.

dimensions remotely or otherwise for

Amazingly it was not God’s mere

you to embrace. It’s so awesome!

thought or idea neither was it written down but it was HIS VOICE. He said

Your voice can be expressed in so many

“let there be light” and there was light.

forms; don’t allow it to be hidden. It’s waiting to be heard for your light to

A Chinese proverb says “the tongue

be created that will in turn lighten

can paint what the eyes can’t see”.

to sell as I could not afford a stand; so

and sewn by me.” With my broad

up your world. This is not the time to

The most important instrument in

l kept them with someone who had

convincing smile and voice, l sold 50

be depressed or afraid because of the

human existence, especially for an

one. I was hoping buyers would come

pouches in three days. These were the

pandemic or its resultant effects. You

entrepreneur, for visibility, is the

and pick them on the spot but was

days when analogue marketing was

are in God’s agenda and He is waiting

voice. I could recall my very first outing

disappointed the first two days when

the only tool, no android phones, no

for you to take your slot. Find your

as a young entrepreneur in 1994. I had

l didn’t make any sale.

internet or digital marketing nor social

voice, use it and let it work for you. gw

made some cosmetic pouches and took to Lagos International Trade Fair

52 gemwoman.net

media platforms, yet a desired result I applied wisdom the third day and

was achieved.

gemwoman.net 53

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

Expectant Mom; Unexpected Widow Ibironke Olubamise

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

I

t is mostly a thing of joy when a couple finds out they are about to become parents. Most especially if they had been trusting God for a child for a long time.

But that joy is brought to a screeching halt at the sudden loss of the husband.

When a wife sadly becomes a widow, she finds herself in a state of confusion.

But it could get even more chaotic for an expectant mother.

I cannot think of anyone who will say she was an expectant widow. Not even in the worst of marital challenges.

No husband ever plans on dying on his family. Especially not when he is looking forward to being a father. But when it happens, we must realise that it is neither his fault, nor the un-born baby’s…and definitely not the woman’s fault either. Life unfortunately sometimes, tends to be that cruel. But then, we have a Friend and Father who can see us through whatever pain, disappointment, or shock we find ourselves in. He is God Almighty.

54 gemwoman.net

gemwoman.net 55

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

Today, I make bold to say I couldn’t ask for more. I believe anyone, but very importantly the widow, who will focus her gaze on my Father will find eternal truth that will not only encourage but make her to enjoy the bliss of having God as her Father and husband.

SURVIVING WID OWHO OD

His glory with any man, but most importantly, because no man can actually meet all our needs. It is only God who can NEVER disappoint. Once we get this settled, then a widowed expectant mom knows that she is not actually in business with any man but with our heavenly Father, who is the Giver of life. He has it all mapped out.

Since He is the one who knows the end of a thing from the beginning, then He will not begin a thing when He has not already completed it in creation.

Knowing that He is our Source, He is the

I may not have been expecting a child

Author of life who has ordained a child

when my husband took his exit into

to be born and choosing that blessed

eternity. But as unexpected as I was,

woman and womb to be the vehicle to

there are loads of scriptures that are

establish His glory on earth are eternal

Romans 8:28 says “ALL THINGS work

importantly the widow, who will focus

still making my life a wonder today.

truths that should get any widowed

together for good to them that love

her gaze on my Father will find eternal

The Bible, in the Book of Hebrews 12:2

expectant mom excited, strengthened

God” I can go on and on with scriptures

truth that will not only encourage but

says “Looking unto Jesus the author

and totally dependent on Him- after all

of encouragement and eternal truth

make her to enjoy the bliss of having

and finisher of our faith…” Psalms 118:8

His Words are Yea and Amen. I got this

which I have personally enjoyed and

God as her Father and Husband. I have

and 146:3 talk about trusting ONLY

settled a long time ago and I believe it

still basking in. Each time I think, I am

never been stronger and better; and

in the Lord and not in man. These are

has helped me greatly in the current

in awe of this my Father of glory and

always waiting expectantly and looking

eternal truths that not only assure us of

situation and I can’t thank Him enough

grace. He got it all strategized, planned

forward to His unfolding grace by each

our ever-ready Father who expects us

for this.

out and bringing them to manifestation

day and at every turning of the corner.

one day at a time.

What the devil meant to bring me down

to look unto Him for everything.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:13:

has become the stepping stone for me

I believe He said this not just because

“There hath no temptation taken

Today, I make bold to say I couldn’t

He’s a jealous God who will not share

us but such as common to man…”

ask for more. I believe anyone, but very

56 gemwoman.net

to greater glory, Halleluiah! gw

gemwoman.net 57

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

The Pastor Bimbo Odukoya Foundation: Haven Of Hope For Victims Of Domestic Violence And Sexual Assault

T

has provided succor to indigent women and girls, some of whom have been victims of unwanted pregnancies and in need of financial and medical assistance. The foundation ran a shelter and rehabilitation center called Hope House for victims of various forms of domestic and sexual abuse.

The objective of SHARP is to raise awareness, foster prevention counsel victim and work with relevant stakeholders to create safe spaces for prevention, reporting and deterrence.

he Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

for-profit, non-governmental,

Foundation (PBOF) was

independent faith-based organization

established in 2007 in memory

that provides information,

The shelter which operated for just ten

of Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, a

resources, support and training

years (2008-2018) was a safe house,

women and girl’s rights advocate,

to women and youth particularly

and temporary rehabilitation center

and national merit award winner,

young girls in disadvantaged

for survivors of domestic violence and

(PBOF) offered NGOs, charitable

who died tragically in a plane crash

communities across Nigeria.

sexual assault and catered to the needs

organizations and concerned

in 2005. The Foundation is a not-

The Pastor Bimbo Odukoya Foundation

of indigent, pregnant teenagers, and

individuals working with the girl-

victims of gender based violence, such

child and women, the opportunity to

as rape and domestic violence.

extend a hand to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Right

While in operation, Hope House

now, the Foundation also work with

catered to women and girl survivors,

referring agencies such as Lagos State

by providing Academic Support,

Domestic Violence Response Team

Economic Empowerment (equipping

(D.S.V.R.T), Ministry of Youth and

survivors with skills through

Social Development (M.Y.S.D) with

vocational programs), Healthcare

reconciliation where necessary.

services, Pro bono legal services, Short-term Accommodation,

Though the shelter is no longer

Counselling sessions/group therapy

running, the PBO Foundation is still

family sessions and follow-up visits.

working with some of these survivors from the Hope House who still have

58 gemwoman.net

Through the services of Hope House,

cases in court- and it’s our legal

the Pastor Bimbo Odukoya Foundation

partners African Women’s Lawyers

gemwoman.net 59

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

Association (AWLA) are currently

victim and work with relevant

organized rape in war, sexual

sexual assault to break their silence by

representing them in court.

stakeholders to create safe spaces for

harassment (including demands of

making freely available such services,

prevention, reporting and deterrence.

sex for jobs or school grades), and rape

which should be community based,

of children, trafficking of women and

and the successful prosecution of

Project Sexual Harassment and Prevention program (Project S.H.A.R.P)

Sexual abuse is a common phenomenon

girls, female genital mutilation, and

perpetrators, will serve as a deterrent

and occurs worldwide- particularly

forced exposure to pornography.

and hopefully prevent the next person

The PBO Foundation recently started

pervasive in the developing world.

a project called Project SHARP which

Data available suggests that in some

It is important to understand the

is targeted and designed to raise

countries one in five women report

ramifications of sexual assault, as not

Challenges

awareness, foster prevention and

sexual violence by an intimate partner

only a physical act, but also could be

Challenges encountered in the fight

counsel victims through advocacy

and up to a third of girls report forced

verbal or visual sexual abuse or any act

against Gender Based Violence are

programs.

sexual initiation. Sexual assault

that forces a person to join in unwanted

enormous and they include: court

encompasses a range of acts, including

sexual contact or attention. Sexual

adjournments, education support,

The objective of SHARP is to raise

coerced sex in marriage and dating

assault is also not discriminatory

accommodation challenge, economic

awareness, foster prevention counsel

relationships, rape by strangers,

to sex; both males and females are

empowerment, financial support,

affected but studies have shown that

health care services support, etc.

from falling victim.

the number of female sexual assault victims (and assault perpetrated by males) is far greater than male victims.

Society/Community Collaboration Community attitudes towards Sexual

60 gemwoman.net

Institutional Framework

and Gender Based Violence has to

Prevention of sexual assault will

change. Domestic and Sexual Violence

remain a mirage until society puts in

are now recognized as a public, not

place institutional framework to deal

a private matter. There is need for

comprehensively with actual cases of

increased understanding throughout

sexual assault. This approach involves

the community that violence can take

functional, skilled, and synchronized

many forms, and includes sexual

services and also includes the criminal

harassment, stalking, domestic

justice system, the police, social

violence, sexual assault, hate crimes

services, and sexual assault services.

and emotional abuse and that many

Encouraging victims/survivors of

forms of domestic violence are crimes.

gemwoman.net 61

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

R A P E : True Stories Of Survivors ape is one of the most horrible crimes ever to be committed against anyone. Unfortunately, this has been going on for centuries and many victims never spoke up for fear of stigmatisation, banishment, or even being killed. Fortunately, we are now in an era where people (especially women) are beginning to find their voices and are encouraged to speak out and report such crimes and perpetrators are being exposed and punished.

Sadly some victims’ stories can’t be fully told; either because they

It must be recognized that violence

that acts of domestic and sexual

in any form infringes upon the

violence are unacceptable and that

were murdered by their rapists or they are too afraid to speak up

human rights of women, and has a

consequences for committing such

for fear of being shamed. Some have however survived the horrific

severe impact on women’s ability to

crimes will be pursued through the

experiences and in spite of the odds, summed up the courage to tell

participate in sustainable community

criminal justice system.

their stories and shame their abusers.

and sexual violence experience

The PBOF has worked with 459

In this feature, we have some ladies share with us their personal

numerous feelings including that of

survivors of sexual and domestic

experiences of sexual abuse. However, some decided not to disclose

shock, shame, despair and confusion

violence and they received one or

their identities due to ongoing cases in court. They share their stories

which translates to the feeling of

more services as required and has

powerlessness to act in their own, or

also sensitized over 90,000 children,

to encourage others who are going through the same experiences

in their children’s best interests.

youths, parents, teachers, religious

development. Survivors of domestic

leaders, political and community Every individual that interacts with

leaders on how to prevent sexual

survivors needs to convey the message

harassment and rape. gw

62 gemwoman.net

to speak out and receive help. They also want people out there to know that indeed, the girl child and many young women are being abused- most especially by those we think we trust.

gemwoman.net 63

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

I Was Raped By My Aunt’s Brother — Esther (not real name)

I

first went to Pastor Bimbo Odukoya Foundation Hope House in December 2009 battered and abused with no hope of being someone in life again.

I was raped by my aunt’s brother

University.

who also lives with us in Lagos. It happened one night in 2015 when my aunty went for choir rehearsals,

The Foundation has been of great help to me ever since I was taken in to

her brother took advantage

their shelter.

of me and I got pregnant.

My Sister’s Husband Raped Me –Aishat (not real name)

F

or five years I had been living with

case to the Lagos State

was not around and

Domestic Sexual and

her husband raped

Violence Response

me that night. The

Team and I was

following day I told one

I didn’t. I went to school

I was taken to PBO

the ongoing case in the

the following week, but

foundation-Hope

court of law because

couldn’t concentrate. I

House.

they are always there

sneaked out to the back

for me, wanting the

of my classroom block

best. I can boldly say, if

and sat there crying.

not for the PBO Foundation,

When my teacher saw

I don’t think I would have had the

me, she asked me what

encouraged and fully empowered. There at the Foundation, I was told that what happened to me was not the end of the

opportunity to attend university.

world. After I gave birth, my mother

was wrong. I told her what had happened and

came and took the baby while I wrote

When I recall what happened that led

she took me to her office

my Junior WAEC exams. Through the

me to the Foundation, I always feel

and asked me some more

PBO Foundation, I went to Livingstone

bad. But after thinking through how

questions. Then she sent

Model College where I completed my

far I have come, I always give thanks

for my sister so that I

secondary school, wrote JAMB and

to God because He has been good to

got admission into Olabisi Onabanjo

me. gw

64 gemwoman.net

taken to the PASTOR

of her friends, she asked

I am also happy with

was there, I was

there we reported the

day in 2017, my sister

me to tell my sister, but

I

that happened. From

my sister. One

After investigations,

While

could tell her everything

BIMBO

“From there we went to Alausa and they took me to PASTOR BIMBO ODUKOYA FOUNDATION in February where I was rehabilitated for 11 months.”

ODUKOYA

FOUNDATION where I was rehabilitated for 11 months.

My sister’s husband was arrested and taken into police custody.

The case is still in court and anytime I am asked to come to court, I am never happy about it.

It makes me sad. I just want them to leave him alone so he can go back to his family. gw

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SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

My Uncle & My Cousin Molested Me My name is Adebimpe Adebara and this is my story.

I

birthday, whilst growing up, I knew I

thing. But what actually led me to that

always hated the idea of sex. I did not

was because I was trying to avoid sex

want to have sex, I never thought of it.

due to the trauma of the abuse.

I just wanted to be on my own. So when I started having those flashes of what

I do not want people, especially young

happened to me during my childhood, I

people and youth to think that sexual

said to myself, “No, no, no; this should

purity is bad. Not at all. I am still an

not have happened to me.”

advocate of sexual purity but I know

lost my parents before my 7th

better now.

birthday. I lost my dad when I was

So I decided to open up. I spoke about

four years old and my mom when I

it, first to my elder sister, she also

After I spoke out, I knew that other

was six years old.

confirmed that this same person (our

children would be in the same kind of

19 year old cousin) tried abusing her

situation as I was so I decided to start

Initially, while our family members

too, but because she was much older

a movement two years ago- Piece of

were still trying to figure out where we

than me, she was able to fight him off.

My Heart Foundation where we teach

will stay, my siblings and I were being

I also told my mom’s younger sister

children, parents, stakeholders on the

moved from one family member’s

who has since adopted me (she’s now

need for sexual education, the need

place to another. One of those periods,

my mom) and she was like, why didn’t

for children to be aware that there is something called sexual abuse.

I was with my grandmother. While

who to tell because they were the ones

I tell her then? I told her that I did not

with her, one of my uncles would try to

taking care of us so I didn’t know if it

know I was supposed to tell anybody.

molest me, touch me. I became scared

was right to report what their son was

But there was nothing we could really

My desire is to build a safe space where

of him, running from him yet nobody

doing that to me. I did not even process

do about it. But I got the courage to

young people and children can have

noticed.

the thought.

speak out and that has helped me open

access to information and resources

up more and realise that sex is not

that makes them free from abuse and

what I thought it was (abuse).

respond to crises.

When I was on holiday at another of

I noticed that as a growing child, I

my uncle’s place, his 19 year old son

would want to compel other children to

would come and put his penis between

lay with themselves, but it did not occur

During that period of my life when I

Adebimpe is a graduate of computer

my laps to have fun with himself. I

to me that I was abused. It was in 2017

said I did not want to have sex, I hid

Sciences from the Yaba College of

didn’t know what was happening to

at the age of 21 when I began to have

under the canopy of sexual purity-

Technology, Lagos. She is currently doing

me. I didn’t know it was an abuse, I

flashbacks of the traumatic experience

claiming that I don’t want to have sex

her National Youth Corp Service in Lagos

didn’t know who to tell. I was not sure

that had occurred. Before my 21st

until I am married. Yes, that is one

state. gw

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SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

My Mom Blamed Me for Being Sexually Abused By My Teacher My name is Ese Ayaebene, I grew up in Warri, living with my parents and siblings.

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

M

y experience of sexual

frustrated because hard as I tried, I just

molestation and rape dates

couldn’t wash it off.

back to my childhood when

I was serially molested. In fact, the

Mum probably suspected something

incidences were about five. It started

was not right and kept asking but I

with my home lesson teacher, when

couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell my

he would put his hands under the table

elder sister either; she was also young,

and be touching my laps and private

though about six years older.

part, even with my siblings around.

Of course they never saw or noticed

She said she suspected I had issues.

anything.

Finally when I opened up to tell my mum, she told me it was my fault. That

I was in Primary 1 or 2 and thought

destroyed my relationship with her.

it was one of those things people go through. Even then, I felt it was not

I hated her for years, although we’re

normal because I remember trying to

good now. I also hated myself: I hated

kill myself as a child in primary school.

my skin colour, hated my face; I felt that I attracted these things to myself.

There was a day nobody was at home and I just packed some drugs and

I remember how shocked my primary

swallowed them. I couldn’t escape

school classmates were when I

from the molestations because the

confided in them. That was an eye-

teacher always came anyway.

opener for me.

He taught me French for almost four

The funny thing is that paedophiles are

years. Although he only used his

just what they are – it doesn’t matter

fingers but I always felt dirty.

whether a child is fair or pretty. They are just attracted to kids. And they look

So, anytime I was in the bathroom,

out for the weakest one.

I’d just be scrubbing and crying. I felt

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SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

As a psychologist, now I know better.

We were indoor talking, which wasn’t

are and rapist takes pleasure in the

He started making overtures and I said

I know that it was not my fault. I can’t

unusual and he started making

resistance.

‘no.’ but because the door was locked,

even remember what that teacher

advances at me. I objected and tried

looks like anymore because it’s now a

to push him away, but he came on to

Even when ladies are saying ‘no’,

long time ago, but the damage stuck.

me very strong. And when he started

and it is weak, men tend to take it for

pushing me I just kind of froze – the

granted. Let it be clear in your body

But he kept at it and at a point, he

I grew up having a victim mind-set,

same way some people freeze in the

language that you’re not for it. A lady

began to see it as a game, which made

which, according to psychologists,

face of danger. So, it wasn’t like he

that exhibits enough self-confidence,

it more frustrating. And he kept telling

tends to attract stuff like that. It’s

beat me up. Long story short, he had

sends a clear message.

me, ‘After all, you said you’re not a

the same way ladies in abusive

his way, deflowered me in the process;

relationships tend to attract abusers.

but the whole experience was surreal

Anyway, it happened again. You may

for me – because I kept resisting till

say my past experiences should have

Sometimes, when I think about it, I just

the end and cried afterwards.

taught me not to go too close to men

want to avoid that chapter of my life,

but I was an incurable optimist.

but I also want to help other girls with

When I was 17, I was raped by a friend.

He was 23 and was like my best friend

I started running round the room, trying to get away from him.

virgin,’ as if it was a justification.

because I grew up to become a tomboy.

In fact, I immediately went to take

All my friends were boys.

a knife and tried to kill myself; and

However, those series of experiences

then he started begging and showing

destroyed my trust in people. As we

remorse. But again, the damage was

speak, I’m still working on trusting

Eventually, he caught up with me,

done. It was a psychological one.

people again.

held me down and had his way. I went

“Sometimes, when I think about it, I just want to avoid that chapter of my life, but I also want to help other girls with my story. Looking back, there are lots of things I should have done better.”

70 gemwoman.net

my story. Looking back, there are lots of things I should have done better.

home, had my bath and went to bed. Of That experience is one of the

This time, I was 24 and just lost my dad.

course nobody else knew.

reasons I now work as a counselling

We were receiving so many visitors

psychologist, teaching young ladies

who had come to condole with us and I

But I entered a new phase in my

to be more assertive.

decided to step out for a respite.

life, where I went into series of relationships. It wasn’t like a man-a

Some people think that rape happens

I ended up going to a male friend’s

day kind of thing and I was not sleeping

when the victim is not assertive

place – I told you my friends were

with men for money – I always felt I

enough. I want to correct that notion.

all male. It wasn’t quite late, around

was worth more than that; but I went

Being raped does not always happen

6.30pm; so I figured I should be back

into different relationships, where I

because the girl isn’t assertive it

before 7pm.

gave myself willingly.

happens sometimes even when they

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SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

I was like, instead of men forcing me,

As a result, I’ve had issues. I used to

let me take charge, take liberty and

have nightmares of being raped. My

enjoy it. Of course, sex is sex and it’s

husband is aware, so when I wake up

not a bad thing ordinarily.

with a scream at night, he knows.

Sometimes, I’d even be the one to make

It’s better now and I now have less

the move. It lasted for about a year; I

flashbacks. We’ve been married for

Psychologists will tell you that we

Apart from that attempt as a child, I

was in my twenties and in school. At a

seven years. Of course some may

suppress most of our emotions into

still have suicide thoughts as an adult.

point, I even began to think that I was

interpret the nightmares of rape as

our subconscious and then they come

Anytime I have overwhelming issues,

a nymphomaniac. Luckily, I had some

spiritual husband coming to visit but I

up in our dreams.

it comes back.

friends who helped me.

won’t say that as a psychologist.

Seeking Justice

It’s so bad that there are some people,

I understand that the law should

who, on account of such abuses, are on

be in favour of the victim, but there

drugs forever.

“I’m beginning to realise that the trauma never goes away. Sometimes we feel we have totally healed but it actually leaves scars deeper than we think.”

is a difference between justice and revenge.

What punishment could match that?

No matter what you do to the molester,

Life as a Survivor

it will never equate with the level of

Lately, I’m beginning to realise that the

pain. I’ve been going through the pain

trauma never goes away. Sometimes

for years, what are you going to do to a

we feel we have totally healed but it

perpetrator that will equate with that?

actually leaves scars deeper than we think.

I can’t really capture the pain but there are days my skin literally crawls and I

Apart from trust, I notice that I still

feel like peeling it off my body.

have issues of low self-esteem, which I battle once in a while.

There are days I felt my life could have been better if I was a man; and there

That’s why I joined a support group;

are days I just want to end it all.

to be able to talk about it with other ladies who have been through similar

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SE XUAL ABU SE F E AT URE

JOKES

I also thank God for the husband I

he would now stumble on some things

A

married. He is totally understanding.

and be like, ‘I don’t want a damaged

it happened. The second person said the same thing

One of the things I made sure I did

product.’ He laughed over it but it has

and God did the same thing. This went on and on

before committing to a serious

helped us build a strong relationship.

throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line

situations. So it’s something that takes

everything about my past.

time to heal.

bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted

I told him I didn’t want a case where

relationship with him was to tell him

each of them one wish. The first person said,

“I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped His fingers and

was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling

Ese Ayaebene a wife to Nelson Ayaebene and mother of three beautiful kids. A

on the ground. When the man’s turn came, he laughed

professional Counselling Psychologist and public speaker. She has her Educational

and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”

consulting company, Jaysix Educational Consult. She is a Principal Partner with Nelkonsulting Media an innovative online training company. Also the Deputy Executive Director Positive Influencer Int’l a global humanitarian organization. gw

A

man is talking to God. “God, how long is a million years?” God answers, “To Me, it’s

The abuse is real, the scars are real, the survivors are real and there are many more real girls out there going through the trauma who need to be rescued and rehabilitated. If you are a victim of sexual abuse or know anyone who has been, you should consider getting support from organisations like Mirabel Centre – www.mirabelcentre.org where rape and sexual assault victims can get access to forensic medical assistance, as well as professional counselling services. They are located at Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) Ikeja, Lagos, and are open from 9am – 5pm on weekdays and 10am – 4pm on weekends & Public Holidays.

They can also be reached on these numbers: 0701 349 1769, 01-2957816, 0817 627 5732, 0817 627 5695; and on Twitter: @MirabelCentreNG and Facebook: www.facebook.com/MirabelNigeria You can also contact Stand To End Rape (STER) –www.standtoendrape.

about a minute.” “God, how much is a million

dollars?” “To Me, it’s a penny.” “God, may I have a penny?” “Wait a minute.”

O

ne night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38.”

The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.

While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?” The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!” (Acts 2:38 says ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.’)

org. They provide support to survivors of sexual assault and rape.

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COVER INTERVIEW

COVER INTERVIEW

Ibiwunmi Akinnola President of International Women’s Society, Nigeria

Speaks On Issues Affecting Women

I

Interview by Bolanle Olawale

biwunmi Akinnola serves as the president of International Women’s Society (IWS), Nigeria. An organisation that supports women and children to reach their full potential. IWS

is a coalition of forward-thinking women coming together to make a difference, and to create a better life for women through various courses and campaigns. In discussing with Ibiwunmi, it is apparent why she has been made president of this organisation. Her passion for women and dedication to the sociopolitical advancement of women is very palpable. A multifaceted entrepreneur, philanthropist and women advocate, Ibiwunmi’s no holds barred interview speaks about topical issues affecting women.

Here she proffers some solutions.

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COVER INTERVIEW

“

How was life growing up? What

day society, but also to create a

aspects of your childhood have

better environment, or a better life

been influential in shaping the

for them through various causes

woman you have become today?

and campaigns. The International

I grew up in a home filled with love.

Women’s Society, Nigeria has been

Growing up with my siblings was fun.

active for the past 63 years and we have

Having 13 siblings, we were a team and

embarked on so many projects to leave

supported each other and still do, so I

an indelible mark on our surroundings.

learnt the importance of teamwork. My

Since I joined the IWS, I have been

mother had a good word about everyone.

consistently exposed to strong, and

She influenced me greatly by teaching

resourceful women willing to go above

me to see the positive side of people.

and beyond to create change. So, you

widows in Nigeria. And we are still

Even if the ugliest person crossed her

can say my time all along has been

looking to raise the numbers.

path, she would only talk about her

effective and perspective-changing.

finest features which most people would

COVER INTERVIEW

My Christian faith has influenced my life greatly because I have tasted the veracity of God’s Word through His fulfilment in my life.

You are the founder of a few orga-

Through Cherith Child, we believe we

probably not notice or choose to ignore.

You have always had a passion

nizations/businesses including

can make that difference and extend

She prepared me in retrospect to face

for widows. Using your office as

an NGO, Cherith Child Limited by

literacy to the undeserved.

life with a positive attitude.

President of IWS, what do you

Guarantee (CCLG). What inspired

hope to do differently to ame-

you to establish this organization?

As an adventurous business

You were recently inducted as

liorate the lives of widows in

In the spirit of humanity, and creating

woman, your business acumen

the president of the International

Nigeria?

a better life for ourselves and the

happens to extend to the fashion/

Women’s Society, Nigeria. Could

Thank you for this question. Over the

people around—we cannot understate

beauty world with the establish-

you tell us more about IWS,

past couple of years, we have managed

the importance of literacy in education.

ing of Ibi’s Beauty. Why did you

and your time as an executive

to collate a widow database for the

CCLG caters to undeserved women

choose to diversify into this area

member leading up to your

IWS. Since we have taken the time

and children and aims to empower

and how long have you been in

induction as president?

to get this database, putting it to use

them through education by providing

this business?

The International Women’s Society,

whilst maintaining accountability has

a clear path to accessibility and in a lot

I have been in skincare for some years

Nigeria is a coalition of forward-

followed. We are able to track progress

of cases, adoption. As an educationist

now. The average African skin does

thinking women coming together

down to the numbers and within this

myself, it is important that the average

not have the luxury of being product-

to make a difference not only in the

Covid-19 period alone, we have been

Nigerian receives quality education

friendly across boards. It is difficult to

perception of women in our modern-

able to support more than 1,000

and is imbibed in a level of dignity.

find hair products well prepared for

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COVER INTERVIEW

COVER INTERVIEW

our dry hair or even, actual skincare

helped to form the foundations of my

products that are suited for the

Christian faith by the way he made

melanin on our skin. This is why Ibi’s

the stories come alive. These stories

Beauty was created. The brand extends

helped me through my childhood to

to all women of colour and it affords

know how important God is to me.

their skin an uncommon care that

I became born again in 1990

wouldn’t be given if they purchased

in the United States and then

general products.

I relocated to Lagos in 1992.

Over the years I have been part of

Could you please give us a brief

several prayer fellowships that

insight into your spiritual life?

really influenced my life. I love

How has your Christian faith influ-

women that pray and you will

enced your life in every aspect?

always find me in fellowships

My father was a very caring man who

that women are truly praying.

loved to tell stories – mostly bible

My Christian faith has influenced my

stories when we were young. He

life greatly because I have tasted the

“

I have been through a whole lot and God kept me. His Word and His Spirit comforted me.

He has made His Word good in my life. Through it all, He has perfected His strength in my weakness.

80 gemwoman.net

veracity of God’s Word through His fulfilment in my life.

Have you ever had a situation where your faith was put to the test in any of these areas? If so, how were you able to deal with it?

Having experienced numerous health challenges and survived eight surgeries over the past fifteen years, I can say my faith was put to test in this area -particularly in 2007 when I was given a 50/50 chance of surviving a bowel obstruction. During this time, I immersed myself in prayer

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COVER INTERVIEW

COVER INTERVIEW

and meditated on God’s word and

baby steps away from denying that

It starts from there, and when it

of other young women around

promises. I listened to songs of praise

reality. We are taking the time to face

snowballs into blatant discrimination

the country. One particular inci-

and worship. I had reminders of

it and actually dig into the causative

in the workplace, a lot of us are

dent that made the news was

scriptures popping up on my phone

factors responsible for this. I feel a lot

surprised. I believe this sexism should

the rape and murder of UNIBEN

from time to time. I learned the art of

of sexism exist in every sphere of the

be nipped at the bud from early

student, Uwaila Vera Omozuwa.

total surrender to the plan and purpose

Nigerian experience. Some schools

stages, and we should also factor

What is your take on these issues

of God in the midst of those tests

wouldn’t allow a female class captain

in representation within the work

and what do you think interested

and in the process became a walking

or a class rep. They’d rather prefer

environment as well.

bodies, government agencies

miracle of God. I learned to submit to

she takes the position of a monitor or

God through the Holy Spirit, purging

assistant class rep.

and concerned citizens can do to What can organizations do to

curb this menace?

my heart of every negative emotion

promote the emergence and

There is a lot to be done in this regard.

and setting my mind on what God

retention of more women in lead-

But I feel the most important part is

promised to do which was to heal me.

ership roles?

for us to eradicate the rape culture. I

I have been through a whole lot and

First of all, there has to be some

feel we have a culture around rape that

God kept me. His Word and His Spirit

education in this effect. Workplaces

starts from children passing excessive

comforted me. He has made His Word

have to be sensitised to these biases

sexualising comments on women. The

good in my life. Through it all, His

and should be made aware of it

‘shame’ that comes with being raped;

strength has been made perfect in my

especially when appointing people in

the shame that comes with the concept

weakness and I am a living testimony.

managerial positions. Also, the work environment should accommodate

Recently, I read an article that

all types of voices, and should allow

stated that female leaders are still

people to speak without fear of being

a minority in the business world.

blackballed in any way. We need to put

It is viewed that men outpace

things in place to properly realise the

women in leadership roles across

future we desire.

every sector in the world. Why do you think this is?

There has been a disturbing rise

Well, it is true that women are

in reports of young girls being

underrepresented in the corporate

raped by their fathers or rela-

world. I’m glad that we are taking

tives as well as rape and killings

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“

of sex that makes it difficult to speak

I believe this sexism should be nipped at the bud from early stages, and we should also factor in representation within the work environment as well. gemwoman.net 83

COVER INTERVIEW

COVER INTERVIEW

up, tying a woman’s virtuosity to her

care of family. It has been difficult but

body and our policemen asking what a

it isn’t impossible. I thank God over

lady wore before they take any action.

that. I also thank God for a supportive

A blatant misunderstanding of

family that understand this path that

consent, catcalling, hand-dragging

I’ve chosen.

at markets, lewd comments on the side, and the sexualisation in our media. The inability of a woman to have a meal at some hotel without a man because they feel she’s an escort.

All these points to a reality that we see women as sexual beings to be chased, hunted, and enjoyed. These things create a dissenting ground for a rapist to perpetuate the act and get away with it. Oversexualising, victimblaming, denial, etc. all contribute to the culture. That needs to end.

How are you able to handle all the responsibilities of heading or chairing multiple organizations alongside your duties as a wife, mother and now grandmother...

“

The work environment should accommodate all types of voices, and should allow people to speak without fear of being blackballed in any way. We need to put things in place to properly realise the future we desire.

Would you mind sharing your turning point or a special moment in your career?

Too many turning points and special moments in my career. One of them I spent as an educator then established Child Centre, a vibrant preschool and after school centre where most of the children that attended now mostly hold the top ten positions in their various school wherever they are now. It is so special when I see them all taller than me and doing so well. Another special moment was when I worked closely with widows as IWS Chairperson of Widows Trust Fund, where I saw the lives of the widows turn around in a short time for the better.

or rather should I say, “glam-ma”?

Haha, thank you for this question. I try

Some people have a particular

my possible best to balance everything.

guiding Bible scripture, would

Time has been a huge factor—having

you mind sharing yours with us?

to oversee a number of projects within

“The words that I speak to you are spirit

24 hours, keeping track of deadlines,

and they are life” God also instructs us

making time for loved ones and taking

in that “Never let my words leave you.

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COVER INTERVIEW

COVER INTERVIEW

“

Marriage should be a personal decision and not a societal signal.

Viewing marriage as a signal of some

choices. I feel when that has been made

I’d like to control space and time. So,

clear, when we know that our choices

I can have more time to do things you

are personal, we begin to look beyond

know? Pause time and have enough of

these words like over-ambitious

it to do all I want to.

etc. We start to value marriage as

sort is one of the chief factors responsible for bad choices.

lifelong companionships and we start

What is your favourite way to dis-

to choose our partners based on the

tress and relax?

amount of value they place on us,

I like to spend time with my family.

regardless of how much progress we

Reading on my Kindle. Learning new

have made economically, financially,

things –I recently taught myself

or corporate-wise.

crochet from YouTube. Maybe watch funny movies and I love KungFu Films

For a woman with so much on her

on Netflix.

plate, from chairing trust funds, to running over three different

What kind of legacy do you intend

organizations, you must have a

to leave after you are gone?

secret to maintaining your youth-

I want to leave the world a better place.

Think about them and obey them. They

Can marriage be seen as an

ful looks. Could you please share

At the end of the day, our legacy isn’t

will give life to anyone who understands

achievement for a woman? I ask

with us some of your beauty tips?

how many statues built in our name

them. And they will give health to their

this question because there are

I actually believe I am just blessed with

or how many people preserve our

whole body. (Proverbs 4:20-22 Easy

a lot of young ladies out there

a small frame and good genes. I do not

memory in the hopes of immortalising

English Version).

who are afraid of breaking glass

do much except to make sure that I try

it. I feel our legacy lies in how much

ceilings for fear of being tagged

as much as possible to keep a healthy

difference we have made in the world.

But He answered me, “My grace is

over-ambitious or that they

diet. I love dancing so I have a dance

How many people have been touched

always more than enough for you, and

might not be seen as “marriage

instructor come to teach me (when

through us, how many lives we have

My power finds its full expression through

material”. What is your take and

they can catch me…). I use a lot of our

made easier. All in all, I want the world

your weakness.” So, I will celebrate my

advice on this?

natural products – black soap, shea

to be better when I’m gone, for women,

weakness, for when I’m weak I sense

Marriage should be a personal decision

butter and coconut oil.

for children and for all. gw

more deeply the mighty power of Christ

and not a societal signal. Viewing

living in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 TPT

marriage as a signal of some sort is one

If you could have one super-

version)

of the chief factors responsible for bad

power, what would it be?

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LIGHT REFLECTIONS

You Can Choose Joy Bolanle Olawale

E

ven though it may not feel that way to you at this moment, joy is available to you. Even though it seems like the pandemic has stolen joy from a lot of us, I have to tell you, joy is still available to you.

LIGHT REFLECTIONS

Joy is the assurance that God is in control of all the details of your life, knowing that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and to determine always to praise God in all things regardless of the outcome.

anything other than God and yourself to have joy. Isn't that notion itself liberating? No one else has control over your joy, just you and God. What then is joy? Joy is the assurance that God is in control of all the details of your life, knowing that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and to determine always to praise God in all things regardless of the outcome.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye

As I’ve discovered in my own life,

fall into divers temptations-James1:2

joy is not about your prevailing circumstances or about how you

Rejoice Always! (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

feel, which can be so unreliable. It is

This is one of the shortest verses in the

definitely not about living in denial

Bible, but it explains that we have the

and ignoring sorrow or pain. Joy is so

ability to choose Joy in the moments of

much deeper, and richer, and more

our lives. When you see yourself going

accessible than you might think. I’ve

down an unpleasant, gloomy path,

discovered in my own life, that joy is

stop right in those tracks and with this

worth pursuing and is much more than

glorious command tell yourself, “I

external things. It's not a giddy feeling

CHOOSE JOY!”

that is dependent on people or things.

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It is stable, reliable and available to all.

Here Are Some Practical Ways To Indeed Live A Life Of Joy.

In this world you will have trouble,

It starts with your thoughts: It is

Jesus says in John 16. But you can still

important to think about specific

take heart. You can still receive joy.

reasons for rejoicing. Joy has to start

You are not dependent on anyone or

in your thoughts. These thoughts can

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LIGHT REFLECTIONS

Your circumstances may indeed be very hard, but God is nonetheless with you, and He is holding you by your right hand be as simple as God’s daily provisions

actively involved in your life. Relax

for you—food, shelter, clothing.

and look for what He's doing and keep

Relationships with loved ones, but

trusting in His timing. Such awareness

most importantly, your relationship

helps you live hopeful, ready to do

with God. These joyful thoughts will

His will. Never forget that God is

light up both your mind and your

sovereign and the timing of events is

heart, enabling you to find more

His prerogative.

pleasure in your life.

Choose to be led by God: Consciously Be thankful: Each day is a gift and

let God lead. When a couple is dancing,

you must choose to live in the present

one of them leads and the other

appreciating God for the gift of life and

follows. If this weren’t so, there’d be

the present blessings not letting any

confusion and awkwardness. Follow

of the good we experience escape our

God’s lead. Your circumstances

notice. Thankfulness keeps you linked

may indeed be very hard, but God

to God and anchored in the present.

is nonetheless with you, and He

Worry, on the other hand, pulls you

is holding you by your right hand:

into the future, where you wander

“Nevertheless I am continually with

in barren places of uncertainty. Seek

thee: thou hast holden me by my right

to become more grateful—express

hand.”-Psalm 73:23

yourself enthusiastically! This will increase your gratitude and enhance

There is good to be found in today—

your ability to grasp how blessed you

and every day—because of God’s

really are.

constant presence and steadfast Love.

Remain Hopeful: God is always

Choose Joy today! gw

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H E R E ’ S T O H E A LT H

H E R E ’ S T O H E A LT H

ASK DR LAPE

10 Tips for a HEALTHY HEART

Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.— Proverbs 4:23

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2

Exercise regularly

he engine of any machine is the

Shake, shake, shake

heart of that

into the fire, the light of

machine. And for that

God is burning in me,

machine to function

I’ve known the truth and

properly without hick-

it shall set me free.... I’m

ups or breakdowns, the

sure a lot of us remember

engine must be well

the song. Bodily exercise

serviced and taken care of.

is beneficial! There are so

The same can be applied

many activities that can

to the human heart. The

be done in the house, take

heart is the engine room of our body

the stairs, wash the car, Zumba dance,

and taking proper care of it is very vital

skipping and household chores like

to living a long and healthy life. To be

vacuuming, gardening. Your body was

able to do this, here are a few simple

made to move.

steps you can take.

1

Eat and drink healthy

3

Take care of your mouth This includes the teeth, tongue,

First is eating and drinking right.

lips and gums. The mouth is one of the

Cut down on bad fats, pastries, soda

closest organ to the heart and bacteria

and fries. Reduce your meal portions as

that cause gum diseases can increase

well. If it must be a large portion, then

the risk of heart disease.

make it a low calorie, high fibre and

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nutrient rich food, these are basically

Also do not forget to change your

found in plant based foods. You can

toothbrushes after three months,

also do a meal replacement for those

floss regularly with fluoride-rich

swallows you love so much i.e replace

toothpaste twice daily. Sugar-free

yam with pumpkins or buttersquash.

gums are helpful.

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H E R E ’ S T O H E A LT H

Come to think of it, dental hygiene is a

Always ensure a goodnight’s sleep and

win-win situation.

siesta whenever you can. It will do your

4

Ditch the salt Reducing salt intake has been

established to significantly reduce the risk of developing heart disease. Think

heart some good.

7

Maintain a healthy weight Calculate your Body Mass Index

(BMI) first and find out if you are a

twice before “adding salt to taste”

healthy weight. Being overweight

while cooking and resist the urge to

or underweight makes you prone to

use the salt-shaker whilst eating.

infections and at risk of cardiovascular

DO YOU NEED TO BOOST YOUR IMMUNITY?

or you need to help maintain a normal blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol levels? Or you need to improve your respiratory conditions like asthma,coughing and wheezing from allergies, flu, bronchitis etc. Search no more! The help you need is here at your doorsteps.

diseases.

5

Avoid smoking You may not smoke as an

individual, but hanging around places or people who smoke makes you a

8

Remain regular on your medication.

If you already have an existing medical

passive smoker. Cigarette smoke has

condition, ensure you are regular on

been established to damage the heart

your prescribed medications and go

directly and it is a known risk factor for

for your regular check-ups.

so many disease conditions.

6

Adequate sleep This is essential for a normal

9

Know your numbers It’s good to know what the normal

numbers are and know what your own

healthy heart. Studies have shown that

numbers are: your blood pressure,

inadequate hours of sleep has been

blood glucose levels, blood cholesterol

linked to increased risk of developing

levels and also your body weight/BMI.

a heart disease. Adults need at least 46 hours of sleep daily to maintain good brain and heart function. Children need at least 8 hours.

10

Pray for your heart Lastly, say a prayer for your

heart. Do your best and leave the rest to God. gw

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For more enquiry, please call 07039538975 or log in to www.rainintl.com, register as a preffered customer and put in ID Number: 478560 as sponsor ID Number and place your order.

CAREER

CAREER

“Working Profitably From Home” ‘Lara Yeku

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hile there is no doubt that a lot of small businesses will be wiped out by the

economic impact of the pandemic, I am seeing a flurry of activities in ideas for new business models from the ranks of those professionals who either lost their jobs in a corporate setting or who’ve had to shut down their own small business. These has increased working from home opportunities as employees do not want to go back to their physical offices while there are a lot of online businesses that have started. There is the need to staying productive mentally, physically and

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CAREER

CAREER

achieving your work or business

set your goals to focus on your Widely

opportunity to juggle a lot of

objectives to drive performance.

Important Goals – WIGS. Identify

activities while working from home

and itemize the goals you need to

such as conference calls, cooking,

Here are four tips on how working

achieve. Plan your work space as well

laundry and home schooling almost

from home can be profitable.

as this helps to organize your mental

simultaneously. These can lead to

abilities and has good psychological

low productivity and fatigue if not

Plan your day: As much as working

effects which increases your creativity

properly prioritized.

from home can pose a lot of pressure

and innovation. Plan your internet

to multi-tasking at the same time as

consumption so you do not run out of

Optimize technology & digital

you are confined to your location/

connectivity.

platforms: One of the major

home; there is the need to always plan

productivity benefits of remote work

your day. The best time to plan is the

Prioritize your activities: Though,

is the increased use of technology

evening before. Planning helps you

there seems to me increased

adoption and internet. So many people have had to use more technology gadgets, digital platforms than ever before. You can leverage on some various platforms such as calendy. com, Microsoft office packages for scheduling meetings, tasks, work teams, project monitoring,

One of the major productivity benefits of remote work is the increased use of technology adoption and internet. So many people have had to use more technology gadgets, digital platforms than ever before.

google online packages–drive,

from home. You need to rest well, eat

sheets, calendar, notes, my office,

well, exercise during work hours at

books, hangout, zoom, basecamps,

home to stay rejuvenated, hydrate, eat

glasscubes, slack, dropbox, filecamp,

a lot of fruits and stay energized and

favro, trello, asana, hootsuite, etc.

happy. These will help you manage

There are loads of collaborative tools

stress and not get fatigued as working

to help improve your productivity.

from home leads to extended work hours, increased sedentary lifestyles

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Healthy living: You need to pay a lot of

and reduced human face to face

attention to healthy living as there has

contacting. Stay happy and focused to

been high rate of stress from working

manage your mental state. gw

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DECISION

Choose Joy, Choose Life

M

rs Jones, a 92-year-old woman who lost her husband after 70 years of marriage was being moved into a nursing home.

This would be her new home after her husband’s death.

DECISION

“That doesn’t have anything to do with

a choice: I can spend the day in bed

it,” she said. “Happiness is something

recounting the difficulty I have with

you decide on ahead of time. I already

the parts of my body that no longer

decided to love it.”

work (she is legally blind), or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones

“I make a decision every morning

that do. Each day is a gift, and as long

when I wake up, she explained. “I have

as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away just for this time in my life.”

She went on to say, “Old age is like a bank account—you withdraw from what you’ve put in. My advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. I am still depositing.”

After waiting patiently for several

With a smile, she shared five simple

hours in the lobby, she was told her

rules to being happy:

room was ready. She smiled sweetly.

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Free your heart from hatred

While gingerly manoeuvring to

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Free your mind from worries

her room with her walker, she was

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Live simply

provided with a visual description of it

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Give more

including eyelet curtains that had been

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Expect less

hung on the window.

Like Mrs. Jones many of us experience “I love it,” she said with enthusiasm.

difficult situations-some temporary, some permanent. But how we choose

“Mrs. Jones, you haven’t even seen the

to live life in those moments makes the

room…just wait,” her escort said.

most difference in our lives. It is mostly

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DECISION

What are you depositing in your bank of life? Is life’s challenges forcing you to live in constant fear, uncertainty and impatience?

KAN D I D TAL K S

Like Mrs. Jones, choose to focus on the lovely, the praiseworthy, and the excellent.

Joyful Assurance Kehinde Adollo

Remember: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he,” Proverbs 23:7 (KJV).

As we go through life daily

You are what you think. When you

We must hold firm to one certain thing as Christians that we have a

thinking about the good gifts God

joyful assurance and heritage

blesses you with each day, you will find

It may not seem clear with the throws and blows.

true joy.

It may be hard to understand with the tears and fears It may be unimaginable to comprehend with rough and tough

expected that people of Mrs Jones’ age group would be grumpy, but Mrs Jones

But for you to be able to receive and

experiences

chose to be joyful in spite of her age,

appreciate this free gift of joy, you

The divine mystery beneath it all is Joy.

failing sight and other challenges. She

have to first hand over your heart to

This is a joyful story

was not bothered that she would not be

Jesus Christ to set you free from every

2020 may have started with a shock but it will end in joy.

able to see what her room and the view

form of sin, bitterness, hatred, fear,

Why do I say so? The bible says count it all with Joy...there’s a joy

would look like. All she was grateful

etc. because, “… if the Son sets you

coming out of this.

for was that she had the opportunity

free, you will be free indeed.”-John

Stay strong

to withdraw from the deposits she’d

8:36.

Stay steadfast Tell yourself, ‘I am coming out in Joy!’

made years before.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I ask for Your

Speak joy. Think joy. Spread joy. Live in joy.

What are you depositing in your bank

forgiveness. I believe You sent Your Son

Feed your mind with joy, dance in joy, smile in joy and see everything

of life? Is life’s challenges forcing you

Jesus Christ to die for my sins and raised

turning around in joy for you.

to live in constant fear, uncertainty

Him from the dead. I am tired of living a

and impatience? Do you hold people

life of sin, anger, bitterness, depression

in bitterness, envy, or hatred?

and fear. I want be set free. Fill me with

Such deposits would only leave you

the Joy of Your Salvation that I may live

bankrupt in no time. Why not rid

a fulfilled life in You. Please take my life,

yourself of all the negativity? A life

take my heart and cleanse me with Your

of joy and happiness increases your

blood. Make me whole again in Jesus

lifespan.

name I pray, amen. gw

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CUISINE

CUISINE

Potato Porridge

Irish potatoes are rich in nutrients like: Protein, Carbs, Fiber, Vitamin C, Vitamin B6, Potassium, Manganese, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Niacin, and Folate. It contains anti-oxidants, it improves blood sugar control, and it is naturally

W

gluten-free and quite filling.

hen some people hear the phrase, ‘eat healthy’, they begin to think expensive. Eating healthy doesn’t have to be as expensive as some may think. This healthy recipe is actually economical to the pocket, very easy and quick to prepare.

Our Irish potato porridge can be served as breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Photo: https://www.mydiasporakitchen.com

Ingredients zz

6/7 medium sized Irish Potatoes

chicken stock, palm oil and pour

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Red palm oil (2 coking spoonful)

water a little bit below the level of

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1 medium sized onion bulb

the potatoes.

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Beef and chicken stock

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Fresh paprika (tatashe)

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1 Saucer of ground crayfish

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Handful of fresh pumpkin leaves

potatoes are done. To know, drive

(ugwu) or Spinach

a fork or knife into it. If it pierces

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Cayenne pepper (to taste)

through with little or no, then the

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Salt (to taste)

potato is done. You don’t want it too

Instructions 1. Peel and cut potatoes into medium cubes (Rinse and set aside in a clean pot).

2. Remove the seeds from the paprika wash and chop.

3. Chop onions

potatoes and not sweet potatoes. The reason being that the natural sweetness

4. R i n s e a n d s h r e d y o u r g r e e n vegetables.

5. Put the cubes of potatoes into a pot.

Also, while sweet potatoes are seasonal legumes, their Irish cousins are available

7. Cover the pot and allow cooking on high heat.

8. Pay close attention for when the

soft.

It is important to know and note that the potatoes used for this recipe is the Irish from sweet potatoes will not taste too good with this recipe.

some of the onions, the beef or

9. Add the remaining onions, the chopped paprika and vegetables.

10.

Cover the pot and continue

cooking for about 20 to 30 seconds, mix everything well with a spatula.

11.Add salt to taste and if necessary seasoning cubes 12.

Allow to cook for few seconds

and your potato porridge is ready to be served.’ gw

6. Add the cayenne pepper, crayfish,

almost every other season in the open markets and supermarkets too.

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CUISINE

CUISINE

Iwuk Efere

Ingredients zz

Fresh Fish

(Fisherman’s Soup)

zz

Crab (optional)

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Periwinkle (de shelled)

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Prawns

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Snails

he fisherman soup is a delicacy native to the people of the riverine areas of South-South Nigeria. Most especially Akwa-Ibom, Cross-River and Rivers’ States.

Each state has its own style of preparing this delicacy to suite their locality. For this recipe, we will be looking at the Efik/ Ibibio recipe of the fisherman soup.

zz

Onions (finely chopped)

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Ground Crayfish

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Palm Oil

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Yam (3 or 4 slices boiled and mashed

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into paste) zz

Iko leaf (curry leaf)

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Pepper (dried or fresh is ok)

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Crayfish Seasoning

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Salt

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Water

Instructions 1. Wash, season and boil seafood on low heat and set aside.

Fisherman soup is a delicacy native to the people of the riverine areas of South-South Nigeria.

2. Put one cooking spoon of palm oil on fire 3. Pour in the chopped onions, fry till it starts turning brown Photo: https://www.1qfoodplatter.com/

4. Add desired water (but not too much

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for your yam paste)

7. Gently add all the seafood, stir very gently to avoid breaking the fish.

8. Taste for pepper and salt and add if necessary.

5. Add pepper, seasoning, a little

9. Lower heat and add your iko (curry)

ground crayfish, and boil for 5mins.

leaf and bring pot down from fire

6. A d d t h e y a m p a s t e s t i r r i n g

and serve with morsels of your

consistently to avoid lumps.

choice. gw

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