04/03/15, Vol. 6 Issue 2

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NATIONALNEWS

Mary Bonauto to argue before U.S. Supreme Court Lesbian attorney to make case for same-sex marriage on April 28

“She won the landmark Goodridge v. Department of Public Health lawsuit in 2003 that led to Massachusetts becoming the first state in the nation to treat same-sex couples equally with heterosexual couples in the issuing of marriage licenses and recognition of marriagerelated rights and benefits … and has been compared to civil rights giant and former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall.”

By LISA KEEN Well-known Boston-based attorney, Mary Bonauto, will be one of two advocates to argue against state bans on same-sex marriage before the U.S. Supreme Court on April 28.

The news came after the Supreme Court quietly stuck to its initial directive that the parties send up only two attorneys—one to argue each of the two questions the court posed when accepting the case for argument.

The 37 attorneys for the same-sex couples sent a March 17 letter to the Clerk of the Supreme Court proposing that they send four attorneys to the lectern—one from each of the cases in four states that are on appeal. The letter seemed to give credence to reports of tension behind the scenes, as many attorneys were vying for the opportunity to argue what will be one of the most high-profile cases before the Supreme Court this term.

A court spokesperson said the clerk’s office “verbally encouraged” the attorneys to accept the court’s initial plan.

In a March 31 press releases, groups involved in the litigation announced that Bonauto, who led the 2004 Massachusetts legal challenge for equal treatment of samesex couples in marriage licensing, and Douglas Hallward-Driemeier, a partner in the firm Ropes & Gray’s D.C. office, would deliver the arguments. The ruling in this appeal could dramatically change the legal landscape for LGBT people nationwide.

Bonauto, civil rights director for Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD), is highly respected by attorneys straight and gay, and is the best known of the attorneys working on the four marriage cases from the Sixth Circuit appeal.

She won the landmark Goodridge v. Department of Public Health lawsuit in 2003 that led to Massachusetts becoming the first state in the nation to treat same-sex couples equally with heterosexual couples in the is-

Boston attorney Mary Bonauto, who led the 2004 Massachusetts legal challenge for equal treatment of same-sex couples in marriage licensing, will be arguing against state samesex marriage bans before the U.S. Supreme Court on April 28. (Photo courtesy John D. & Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation)

suing of marriage licenses and recognition of marriage-related rights and benefits. She also led GLAD’s team in Gill et al. v. Office of Personnel Management, the first successful federal appellate challenge against the federal Defense of Marriage Act. She was the subject of a profile in the New York Times Magazine, received a MacArthur Foundation grant, and has been compared

to civil rights giant and former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall.

Bonauto has led GLAD’s legal team for 25 years and has as much or more experience than any other attorney in the country in litigating the marriage equality issue. She is co-counsel on the team of private attorneys in the Michigan case, DeBoer v. Snyder. A GLAD press release indicated Bonauto will

be representing both the Michigan case and the Kentucky case, Love v. Beshear. She will address the court’s Question 1: “Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex?”

Douglas Hallward-Driemeier will argue Question 2: “Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-state?”

Hallward-Driemeier is an attorney on the legal team challenging the Tennessee ban in Tanco v. Haslam. He will also represent plaintiffs in the Ohio case, Obergefell v. Hodges.

Hallward-Driemeier heads Ropes & Gray’s Supreme Court practice. Prior to joining the firm, he handled Supreme Court litigation for the U.S. Department of Justice. He also served as assistant to Republican solicitor general Paul Clement during the administration of President George W. Bush. An article in the Journal of Law for Emory University School of Law said Hallward-Driemeier ranked 26th among the most frequent Supreme Court advocates between 2000 and 2012, having argued 13 cases. Clement was No. 1, having argued 62 cases at that time. Clement added to that number in 2013 by arguing for the preservation of the Defense of Marriage Act.

4 News April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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GEORGIANEWS

Punches and counter-punches A timeline of Georgia’s ‘religious freedom’ bill fight

By PATRICK SAUNDERS

tecting against LGBT discrimination.

The battle over Georgia’s so-called “religious freedom” bills began relatively quietly, but the introduction of a surprise opponent to the bills and a jagged momentum shift back and forth over the final weeks of the session made for national headlines. Relive the punches and counter-punches of the fight here.

Feb. 18 Sen. Josh McKoon (R-Columbus) introduces Senate Bill 129, his version of the “religious freedom” bill. It contains no protections against LGBT discrimination.

Dec. 30 Rep. Sam Teasley (R-Macon) pre-files House Bill 29, his version of the “religious freedom” bill.

Jan. 12 The 2015 Georgia legislative session begins.

Jan. 13 Religious leaders from multiple faiths and denominations hold a press conference at the Paul Coverdell Building to denounce the so-called “religious freedom” bills.

Jan. 26 A group of 18 legal scholars release a letter objecting to the passage of HB 29.

Jan. 28 It was Baptist pastors versus Baptist pastors at the Capitol as one group held a press conference in support of the bill while another held a press conference in opposition to it.

Feb. 4 Rep. Teasley files House Bill 218, an alternate version of his bill that strips language that appeared to broaden parental rights.

The move is made to appease critics who said the previous bill opened up the door to allow child abuse by parents who cite their religious beliefs. No language is added pro-

Feb. 19 The day after McKoon introduces SB 129, it’s heard before the Senate Judiciary Committee, of which he is the chairman. McKoon rules an anti-discrimination amendment proposed by state Sen. Bill Cowsert, the Republican vice chair of the committee, as out of order. Cowsert criticizes McKoon for not giving committee members enough time to prepare amendments.

The bill is tabled, making for a temporary setback for McKoon.

Feb. 21 In the first major bombshell of this year’s “religious freedom” bill fight, Georgia Equality announces that they have hired Republican former Georgia Attorney General Mike Bowers to give his legal analysis of the bills. Bowers was on the opposite side of two of the state’s biggest LGBT rights cases in Georgia history.

Bowers slams the bills, calling them a “disaster” and “nothing but an excuse to discriminate.”

Feb. 24 A group of Georgia Republican state representatives fire back at Bowers, releasing a statement calling him “shameless” and saying that the legal opinion of the former top attorney in the state is not credible.

March 2 SB 129 reappears in the Senate Judiciary Committee at the last minute and is taken off the table and approved for passage out of

Opponents of SB 129, the so-called “religious freedom” bill, rally and march on the Georgia State Capitol on March 31. (Photo by Patrick Saunders}

committee. No Democrats were present to vote on it and the vote occurred while state Sen. Vincent Fort (D-Atlanta), who opposes the bill, was in the bathroom. McKoon’s bill is back on track.

March 17 Georgia Unites Against Discrimination holds a St. Patrick’s Day rally in Liberty Plaza next to the Capitol, drawing at least 200 people in opposition to the bill.

March 5 SB 129 easily passes in the Senate by a vote of 37 to 15 and moves over to the House for consideration. McKoon’s bill continues its momentum towards final passage.

March 18 Progressive and LGBT rights groups, fed up over the business community’s lack of action against the bill this session as opposed to the previous one, publicly call out the Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce, the Georgia Chamber of Commerce, AT&T, Coca-Cola and others, for not speaking out as they did last year, helping defeat the measure.

March 9 Rep. Teasley drops his House version of the bill and pledges to do everything he can to see that SB 129 passes. All eyes center on SB 129 for the remainder of the session.

March 11 State Rep. David Ralston, a former state Senator and now Speaker of the House, was interviewed on Georgia Public Broadcasting’s legislative show, “Lawmakers.” He said he is not yet convinced SB 129 is needed. “My question is, and the questions I’ve asked, is if a constitutional guarantee is not sufficient than what is this bill, this statute, going to do that our constitution doesn’t do?” he told host Bill Nigut.

March 23 The Georgia Voice breaks the story that McKoon has ties to an anti-LGBT ministry based in Columbus. McKoon was the registered agent and lawyer for the ministry and had invited its chaplain to be chaplain of the day at the Capitol.

March 24 SB 129 gets a hearing before a special House subcommittee. The hearing ends without a vote on the bill.

CONTINUES ON PAGE 8

6 News April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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Jeff Graham sits next to state Sen. Josh McKoon at the March 26 House Judiciary Committee hearing on SB 129, McKoon’s proposed ‘religious freedom’ bill. (Screen capture via Georgia House of Representatives)

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6

State House to rally against the new law.

March 25 The subcommittee hearing resumes and SB 129 passes out of committee, moving it on to a hearing before the full House Judiciary Committee. It’s one step away from a House floor vote and McKoon regains momentum.

March 29 On the eve of the House Judiciary Committee hearing, Willard cancels it without comment, taking McKoon by surprise. The move comes amid reports that the Republicans who voted for the anti-discrimination amendment in the previous hearing refused to change their vote.

The backlash against Indiana, including calls for boycotts of the state, continue to make national headlines.

March 26 After two hours of testimony before the House Judiciary Committee, Rep. Mike Jacobs, a Republican from Brookhaven, introduces an amendment adding language preventing discrimination into the bill, and it surprisingly passes. The bill is tabled, dealing a major blow to SB 129 with just days left in the legislative session. In Indiana, Gov. Mike Pence signs Senate Bill 101, the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA), into law. McKoon has compared Indiana’s law to his proposed legislation.

Indiana’s new law does not contain language preventing discrimination.

March 27 State Rep. Wendell Willard (R-Sandy Springs) calls another meeting of the House Judiciary Committee to occur on March 30, breathing temporary life into the bill. National backlash erupts against Indiana and Gov. Pence, with corporations, politicians and more saying the bill does nothing more than discriminate against LGBT people.

March 28 Thousands of opponents of Indiana Senate Bill 101gather on the lawn of the Indiana

March 30 Facing incredible backlash from major corporations, national sports organizations, and thousands of local activists, the Indiana Republican leadership announces they are working on language to a new state bill that would ensure the “religious freedom” bill does not discriminate against gays and lesbians. Democrats, however, want a full repeal of the law.

March 31 Georgia Unites Against Discrimination holds a rally and march in opposition to the bill. Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed releases a statement shortly afterward denouncing the bill. Gov. Pence pledges to “fix” Indiana’s “religious freedom” bill to ensure it does not discriminate against gays and lesbians.

April 2 The Georgia General Assembly is set to convene at midnight, after the Georgia Voice’s press time.

8 News April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Lesbian and longtime LGBT activist Lorraine Fontana (front) was arrested with Moral Monday activists Megan Harrison, Jessica Reznicek and Emma Stitt when they protested the “religious freedom” bill at the Georgia State Capitol. (Photo by Steve Eberhardt)

NEWSBRIEFS Four women arrested protesting ‘religious freedom’ bill Four women, including longtime LGBT activist Lorraine Fontana, were arrested while protesting state Sen. Josh McKoon’s “religious freedom” bill.

The women, part of the Moral Monday movement, were arrested March 23 after refusing to leave McKoon’s office and after being told to move into the hallway. McKoon has said he was not in the office at the time of the protest.

Those arrested were Fontana, Megan Harrison, Jessica Reznicek, and Emma Stitt.

Fontana and Harrison bonded out the next day, but Reznicek and Stitt are refusing bond until the “religious freedom” bill is defeated or until their sentence is completed, according to the Atlanta Progressive News website.

Fontana, who has protested for many years including for LGBT rights, told APN that she was willing to go to jail because the bill targets LGBT people.

“The original reason for RFRA [“religious freedom” bill] is because of the success of the LGBT movement in getting marriage equality rights and civil right legislation protections. It was to target LGBT folks who they did not want to service, in any way, or let them use the www.thegeorgiavoice.com

same facilities. That was the impetus nationwide for these bills,” Fontana told APN. Atlanta Pride ED resigns after three years Buck Cooke is resigning as executive director of Atlanta Pride effective July 9 to move to London and begin a new life with his soon-to-be husband.

The announcement was made March 20; a search for a new executive director is now underway.

The 2015 Pride fest is set for Oct. 10-11 at Piedmont Park. The Atlanta Pride Committee says it has a plan in place to ensure a smooth transition after Cooke’s departure.

Cooke is moving to London to marry Mark McCabe in August.

“Serving as the executive director of the Atlanta Pride Committee has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, but there comes a time when one must follow a new path.

For me, my new path leads me to London to build a new life with my fiancé, Mark McCabe.

I am thrilled to be married in August and begin a new adventure and will always look back fondly on my time with Atlanta Pride.”

The Atlanta Pride Committee is accept-

ing cover letters and resumes for the position of executive director until April 16. No calls will be accepted or returned.

For a complete job description, visit atlantapride.org.

Atlanta seeks to have anti-gay fire chief’s lawsuit dismissed The city of Atlanta states it was well within its rights to sack former fire chief Kelvin Cochran after he wrote and published a book that contained anti-gay passages and handed that book out to many subordinates, according to recently filed court documents.

The city filed a motion on March 25 to dismiss Cochran’s lawsuit against the city and Mayor Kasim Reed. Cochran sued the city last month, alleging his constitutional rights to free speech and religion were violated when he was fired from his job after writing a book that included passages comparing homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia.

Cochran was first suspended for 30 days when news of his book, “Who Told You That You Were Naked?” became public. On his first day back on the job after his suspension, he was given the option to resign or be fired.

Cochran chose to be fired.

April 3, 2015 News 9

Outspoken PO Box 77401 • Atlanta, GA 30357 P: 404-815-6941; F: 404-963-6365

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10 Outspoken April 3, 2015

Ready to wed, ready to fight

By DYANA BAGBY If all the pundits, activists and talking heads are right, we should have marriage equality across the country sometime in June. That’s when the U.S. Supreme Court is expected to rule on state bans of same-sex marriages after hearing oral arguments on April 28.

In other words, if all goes as expected, we will all be able to legally marry the person we love in the state we live in. This is great news; the moment we have been working toward for more than a dozen years is on the horizon.

When that day happens, some will march down to the courthouse in their blue jeans and flannel shirts to get that piece of paper saying their love is legal in the eyes of the federal government. Others will plan an extravagant affair and will buy multi-tiered cakes, bunches of fresh flowers, designer wedding dresses and new shoes. They will rent expensive venues, invite family and loved ones—chosen and biological—and exchange vows and jewelry, promising to love each other forever.

This victory will be a major one, no doubt about it. And I can’t wait to see all the weddings take place in the Peach State.

But as we can see from what’s occurring in Georgia, in Indiana, in Arkansas, and many other states across the U.S., the extremists who hate us, who believe that who we are goes against their “sincerely held religious beliefs,”

are fighting tooth and nail to keep us under their thumb.

The so-called “religious freedom” bills sweeping the nation have the clear intention of discriminating against LGBT people—and let’s be clear, it’s not like we aren’t already being discriminated against in Georgia and elsewhere for being who we are. These bills, however, will embolden the anti-LGBT animus those religious extremists already hold so close to their cold hearts and free them up to outwardly hate, saying they have the law on their side.

Is this fight more serious than the fight for marriage? It’s hard to say. But it is another fight we must be ready for, whether we

are wearing an Armani tuxedo and matching diamond cufflinks, or a Vera Wang wedding dress and carrying a tulip bouquet.

The fight for equality does not end at the altar. “Religious freedom” is the coded language lawmakers are now using to say it is OK to discriminate against LGBT people now that the country is about to say “I do” to same-sex marriage.

There are many more battles to be fought after we win the legal right to marry. We’ve got to fight for our trans family, our bisexual family, our queer family, our homeless teens, those with HIV/AIDS, and so many more.

We are all in this together, as family.

Comments “Mostly dead means still alive: ‘religious freedom’ bill gets another hearing (March 29) Are they watching what is happening in Indiana?

– Martha Moore Hobson Georgia House: Uh. Ummm... Should...

uuuuh. What am I doing again?

–Robert Cooper It’s unbelievable that in 2015 we are still having this issue. The issue isn’t religious freedom. The First Amendment took care of that. The issue is having the “freedom” to treat other people like crap without any consequences whatsoever for their actions.

If a business does not want to be exposed to ALL of the public they do not need to be in the business of serving the public sector.

–Aislin MorRhiaghan

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OUT IN THE WILD

By Simon Williamson

Looking to sissy that walk Simon Williamson lives with his federally-recognized spouse in the wild yonder of Newton County. You can follow him on Twitter: @simonwillo.

I must admit I enjoy watching HBO’s “Looking.” I don’t particularly like anyone or anything in the show (except, obviously, the guy with the moustache), but there is such a dearth of decently-made television for our people, and the production value of the show is higher than anything LOGO presents to us outside the Monday window of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Because of “Looking” I discovered that a man named Russell Tovey is a thing, and that he had opinions. And that they were shit.

“I wanted to go [to theater school] but my dad flat-out refused,” mouth-diarrhead Tovey across the pages of The Guardian, “He thought I’d become some tap dancing freak without qualifications. And he was right in a way. I’m glad I didn’t go. That might have changed… I

“By the end of our senior year we each faced consequences, each in our own way, for being a little too dreamy and free. Free, not because we were unconcerned about homophobia and racism, but because we hadn’t yet come to understand it as a significant barrier for us.”

Black gay boys are forbidden to dream and forbidden to desire. Our dreams and desires, the source of our magic, are beaten out of us or stolen away. I am reminded of this as I think about my own black gay boyhood and other black gay boys who shaped my life during that period; particularly in my senior year of high school.

Our support system forged a collective resilience among us that got us through that year.

We were from Adamsville, Cascade, Campbellton Road, Stone Mountain, Columbia Drive, Lithonia and Dixie Hills.

We went to Southside, Redan, Stephenson, Southwest DeKalb, Druid Hills, Grady and Therrell high schools.

We were from working-class families that had middle-class dreams for us. So we were good boys: science nerds, church boys, bookworms, school newspaper writers, artsy types, www.thegeorgiavoice.com

feel like I could have been really effeminate, if I hadn’t gone to the school I went to.”

The human capacity to justify anyone saying anything, especially someone with a butt like Tovey’s, saw many defenders for this self-hatred, but the obvious sissyphobia even among our own community couldn’t stop a very justifiable backlash against Tovey’s words.

There is, in fact, a larger point at play here: the right we have to act untypically of how we are expected. Hang around Midtown and you will see many dress and behave how they like. Out here in the hinterland, Tovey’s attitude is far more relatable, not so much for “I might be a different person now,” but for day-to-day survival.

I have written before about the noticeable

absence of outwardly LGBTQ+ people out here where I live in absolute bumfuck rural Newton County. Naturally, I don’t believe there have to be noticeable people to prove that our community is in existence around here, but in a county of over 100,000 people, mathematics dictates that surely there is a population of people who have sex outside the rules of Mike Huckabee’s “The Bible.” And the lack of the outwardly feminine men is an indication that the freedom to behave however the hell we like is as realistically existent as a decent Georgia vineyard.

But fleeing to be ourselves is a terrible solution to a nationwide problem: are we forever going to congregate in small parts of large cities, along with the Boulders and Athenses of this fine nation, for the simple right to scratch

“I would imagine many are forced to drive into Atlanta on the weekends to cast off the chains of how to act in front of daddy and mommy, so they can act how they like in front of Master Sir and Lady Bunny.” your balls while doing your grocery shopping in heels? If that’s any solution, it’s a crap and short term one. The longer-term one, however, is going to be more difficult.

Severe and often incredibly violent hatred toward effeminate men is a plague amongst almost every common demographic you can think of, including, significantly, many of our own. Religious freedom bills are the shiny new filter through which to disguise common bigotry. Let’s not kid ourselves: there is a ton of bullshit to spade away, and a few heads to crack, between now and a successful sexual revolution. And as a group we should keep fighting for day we can be as effeminate in Social Circle as we are in Burkhart’s. Or not, and be totally happy about it.

THE ICONOCLAST

By Charles Stephens

Class of 1998

Charles Stephens is the Director of Counter Narrative and co-editor of ‘Black Gay Genius: Answering Joseph Beam’s Call.’ student leaders, and choirboys. We made our parents’ and teachers’ ambitions for us our own. We thought that if they could be proud of us, then they could love us.

At school we did the morning announcements, sang Mariah Carey’s “Hero” at assembly programs, ran for student government, and ran for homecoming court. During awards programs, when we got up from our seats after our names were called (and our names were frequently called), other students rolled their eyes and sucked their teeth. The straight boys smirked or said “oh hell naah,” and taunted us with gay slurs just loud enough for us to hear and just low enough for the teachers to ignore.

This is how we met each other: We saw in each other what others had seen in us. Except we weren’t disgusted by it; we were intrigued.

We would then start up a random conversation and pepper it with references that you would only know if you were gay: E. Lynn Harris novels and clubs like the Marquette. Or we’d suggest other gay people we knew, just to start the conversation. At some point we would give each other a mutual look of acknowledgement and instantly become best friends.

We would each in different ways learn the extent and the persistence of those forces in our lives. Three of my friends were kicked out of their homes by their parents. It was never for being gay, per se. Their parents (mothers, really) usually attributed it to their being disrespectful or talking back.

Two other friends spent most of that year contemplating suicide. One friend ran away from home. These were the kinds of choices we were faced with. Graduation Day took

on a meaning of triumph that no one but us could comprehend.

I was also punished that year for being a little too dreamy and a little too free. I was gay bashed on the final day of my senior year. The perpetrators had probably been waiting all year to do it. I didn’t even realize they were coming up on me until the first fist was thrown and connected. I recognized half of them. Looked one of them in the face. He didn’t even look away. I hated myself for a long time for that happening to me, and I was ashamed. On some level I’m still ashamed. I knew then, as I know now, that they were doing it because I was different. This experience was like the experiences of many of my friends—another kind of structural violence manifested as physical violence, crashing down around me.

April 3, 2015 Outspoken 11

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What marriage equality in Georgia may look like

By JEFF CLEGHORN The LGBT rights movement’s D-Day seems to be on the horizon, as the U.S. Supreme Court is expected to issue a definitive opinion on same-sex marriage this June. Not surprisingly, many legal questions will remain, no matter which way the court rules.

The justices are considering two specific issues: whether states are required to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states, and whether states are required to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

There are, generally, three possible outcomes.

The best-case scenario would be for the court to rule that all states must both issue marriage licenses and recognize marriages from other states, as all states currently do for different-sex couples.

Alternatively, the court could rule that all states are required to recognize marriages performed in other states, but are not otherwise required to issue licenses to their own state’s same-sex couples.

A third possibility is that the Court could

Wedding & Family SPECIAL ISSUE

rule there is no constitutional right for samesex couples to marry. I don’t know of any serious court observer who believes option three is likely, and such a ruling would create genuine chaos in our legal system.

However, all of these options will leave a degree of uncertainty in states like Georgia, where a lawsuit filed by Lambda Legal seeking to nullify the state’s constitutional ban on issuing and recognizing same-sex marriage licenses has been put on hold by the federal judge hearing the case. Ideally, a favorable Supreme Court opinion would guide the federal judge in Lambda’s Georgia case to quickly isThe Lexus sue a similar, consistent ruling.

Georgia Probate Court judges (who are the legal authority responsible for marriage licenses) would then begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, and also performing marriages. However, Probate judges in some states (such as Alabama) have found

creative ways to avoid issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples: arguing that Probate judges are not bound by federal judicial rulings; refusing to issue marriage licenses to anyone, gay or straight; or issuing marriage licenses on paper, but refusing to perform ceremonies for same-sex couples. These discriminatory judges could also be empowered by so-called “religious liberty” bills, which may allow them to refuse their duties due to their “sincerely held religious beliefs.”

Another issue of huge consequence to all married couples is the “marital presumption of parentage” when a child is born during a marriage. Under existing Georgia law, married parents are presumed to be the legal parents of the baby. Will the Georgia’s Vital Records department automatically issue birth certificates with both dads or both moms listed as a parent?

The Georgia legislature would also need PROGRAM to change some statutory language of existing laws to ensure the definition of “spouse” uses gender-neutral language. Georgia’s Department of Driver Services should then begin allowing name changes on driver’s li-

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censes for all married couples who chose to change their name during their marriage.

In the private sector, Georgia employers should then allow dependent health insurance coverage for spouses of their LGBT employees.

Atlanta-area judges have been progressive enough to grant second-parent adoptions to same-sex couples for many years. Will marriage equality give LGBT Georgians access to the state’s step-parent adoption statute?

If so, will Atlanta-area judges continue to grant second-parent adoptions, or will those judges require same-sex couples to adopt only after marriage? Should married LGBT Georgia couples who previously adopted via the “second parent” approach, then also do a step-parent adoption just to be safe?

There are no simple answers. The question is not only whether we win at the U.S. Supreme Court, but how we win. Although there is every good reason to be hopeful and optimistic, the reality is that we will just have to wait and see.

Jeff Cleghorn practices family law with Kitchens New Cleghorn LLC. For more information, visit www.knclawfirm.com

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Top 6 same-sex wedding destinations Check out these locations to celebrate your marriage

By GAYTRAVEL.COM 1.) HAWAII Hawaii has long been a top destination for weddings and in December 2013 same-sex couples gained the right to tie the knot in the aloha state. With some of the most gorgeous beaches, perfect weather, paradise ambiance, and strong gay scene, Hawaii is an ideal place for LGBT couples to say their vows.

The destination wedding serves as a perfect honeymoon! No need to hop on a plane after the wedding night; you’re already in paradise. Newly married couples can enjoy the abundance of waterfalls, incredible hiking, helicopter rides, whale watching, swimming, sunbathing, snorkeling, and the endless other activities Hawaii has to offer.

On record, the state of Hawaii documented a total of 13,505 marriages from December 2, 2013 to June 20, 2014. Of those 13,505 marriages, 1,853 were samesex couples meaning the LGBT population contributed 14 percent of Hawaii’s wedding business within the first six months of its legalization.

2.) SAN FRANCISCO San Francisco is one of the most gay-friendly places in America and has been since the ’70s, and it is also one of the most beautiful places to get married.

With some of the most amazing event spaces, hotels, and restaurants on the West Coast, San Francisco delivers some of the top wedding venues in America.

What’s even better about San Francisco is it’s close proximity to Napa and Sonoma Valley! Napa is incredibly gay-friendly and with rolling hills of vineyards and countless wineries, the possibilities are endless!

3.) LAS VEGAS Las Vegas is known as the entertainment capital of the world. With the recent legalization of same-sex marriage in the state of Nevada, Las Vegas welcomes same-sex marriage with open arms.

Looking for a quickie? Why not a drive thru wedding with Elvis, the king of Rock & Roll?

Las Vegas has made incredible strides in recent years in being a LGBT-f riendly destination. Many of the major resorts offer gay nightclubs, pool parties, and events. If a stop at the little white chapel isn’t your thing, Vegas has some of the worlds most amazing event spaces and there are no limits to what you can do.

4.) BOSTON As the first state in America to legalize same-sex marriage, Boston, Massachusetts, has its weddings down. With its alluring old world charm and open-minded people, Boston has a large, strong, and vibrant gay community.

The main gay areas of Boston are centered on the neighborhoods of the South End and Jamaica Plains. Since the 1980s, LGBT people have been gentrifying these areas and opening up shops and restaurants. You will find plenty of gay bars and clubs along Columbus Avenue and Tremont Street.

Boston’s pleasant to visit any time of the year, but winter is probably not for the faint of heart. Summer is gaytravel.com’s favorite season. Gay Boston is absolutely drenched with history, as many of early-America’s important events took place in and around the area including the Boston Massacre, Boston Tea Party, and the Battle of Bunker Hill.

Make time to check out 50-acre Boston Common—the country’s oldest city park.

Hawaii has long been a top destination for weddings and in December 2013 same-sex couples gained the right to tie the knot in the aloha state. (Photo courtesy of gayhawaiiwedding.com)

5.) AMSTERDAM The first country in the world to legalize gay marriage in 2001, the Netherlands has a brilliant reputation for being the most LGBT welcoming place on earth. With that, Amsterdam is a major gay hub in the country and thousands have chosen the city as their gay destination wedding.

If you want it, Gay Amsterdam’s got it.

From dozens of picturesque, historic canals to a host of first-class museums to a thumping gay nightlife and a LGBT-friendly culture, the Netherlands’ capital and Europe’s sixth-largest metropolitan area is a hot spot for the ultimate “gaycation.” Settled as a small fishing village in the late 12th century, Amsterdam developed as a port city and has become an international hub for business and pleasure. An estimated four to five million visitors trek to the city annually.

6.) REYKJAVIK, ICELAND This capital city has hit the radar as one of Europe’s newest hotspots. Iceland recognized same-sex marriage in June 2010. Iceland’s Prime Minister was the world’s first

openly lesbian head of state and married her long time partner soon after the legalization.

The city of Reykjavik is absolutely beautiful with plenty to do and is rich in culture.

There are plenty of outdoor spaces that are perfect for wedding venues.

With numerous discount airlines and short flights from the European continent (only 2.5 hrs. from Oslo), it’s becoming a main destination for a weekend getaway of the young, party crowd looking for a raucous good time. This surprisingly hip city is brimming with friendly, beautiful people, trendy restaurants serving world class cuisine, cool clubs, red-velvet roped hipster bars and late night revelry. Reykjavik is not without it cultural side—with a brand new, ultra-modern theater and opera house, numerous art galleries, modern national museum and thriving music scene, it will surprise you with is wordily sensibilities, foodie scene, fashion sense and sophistication.

For more than 15 years, www.gaytravel. com has compiled the tastes of the LGBT community as resource for travel needs.

14 Weddings April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Wedding & Family

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Gay marriage by-the-numbers

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There were an estimated 252,000 married same-sex couples in the United States in 2013, out of 56 million total married couples.

That’s up from 182,000 in 2012.

Same-sex marriage is legal in 37 states: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington state, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming – and the District of Columbia.

30,000 same-sex couples live together in Georgia, according to data released the 2010 Census, and more than 28 percent are raising children.

Nearly 72 percent of the U.S. population lives in a state currently issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

47 percent of people of people polled by Pew Research Center in 2014 believe a business providing wedding service, such as catering and flowers, should be allowed to refuse those services to same-sex couples based on religious reasons.

19 countries allow same-sex marriage: Finland, Luxembourg, Scotland, England and Wales, Brazil, France, New Zealand, Uruguay, Denmark, Argentina, Portugal, Iceland, Sweden, Norway, South Africa, Spain, Canada, Belgium, The Netherlands.

Sources: Freedom to Marry, the Williams Institute, Pew Research Center, U.S. Census Bureau, Public Policy Polling

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

April 3, 2015 Weddings 15

Wedding & Family SPECIAL ISSUE

Real weddings Atlanta couples tie the knot

By KIRSTEN OTT PALLADINO Brooke & Shmetrice Shmetrice, a registered nurse, and Brooke, a program consultant, first married in Brooklyn, N.Y., but they celebrated with a wedding ceremony on the beaches of Cancun, Mexico, two months later. With a sparkling turquoise sea as the backdrop, Shmetrice and Brooke tied the knot in a spiritual-based beach wedding, which included a ring exchange of matching five-diamond platinum bands and a sand ceremony.

“We used fuchsia and gray sand to match the colors of the ceremony,” says Brooke.

Their romantic wedding reception was held on the resort’s deck, which overlooked the beach. The décor of orchids, silver chairs, fuchsia roses and floating candles added to the elegance of the evening. The brides danced together as wife and wife to Natalie Cole’s “Inseparable,” because “it describes our relationship since the beginning even as friends,” says Shmetrice.

The Atlanta women were able to bring a little Atlanta flavor to their wedding by hiring DJ Glass Dee to create their jazz and R&B playlist for them to play on an iPod hooked up to the resort’s sound system. Their seven wedding guests were welcomed to the resort with a monogrammed beach tote, a monogrammed T-shirt, two pairs of flip-flops, sunscreen and a large, diamond ring paperweight.

“After finally making the leap, we felt excited and ready for a new beginning as a married couple,” says Brooke. “We felt like the ceremony in Cancun completed our NYC marriage.”

Patric & Darin “Star Trek” fans Patric Bell-Good and Darin Good were made for each other. Their symbiotic sense of humor and attention to creative details shine through in the telling of

their love story. Patric, a local chef, and Darin, a marketer, got engaged on Patric’s 41st birthday with a proposal from Darin complete with a ring from Tiffany & Co. They spent about a year planning their elaborate DIY wedding, set in their own backyard on a gorgeous fall afternoon. The Atlanta grooms went for a bountiful harvest theme, drawing upon natural elements for their wedding décor of pumpkins, corn, birds and cotton with hay bales for guest seating. Their ceremony was unparalleled in its creativity.

Both grooms were escorted down the aisle by their mothers. Patric donned an outfit of denim jeans, purple Converse, a blue gingham shirt, an orange-and-blue tie and a light brown vest, and Darin sported brown Converse, jeans, a white striped shirt, a blue-andorange tie pulled together by a light brown sports jacket. Their boutonnieres were zinnias and bolls of cotton. Their ring bearer dressed like Patric, even matching his funky hairdo.

Eve & Cassie Atlantans Eve Wernicky and Cassandra Castillo eloped to Washington, D.C., to le-

Clockwise from left: Brooke & Shmetrice (Aki Demi Photography); Eve & Cassie (Photo

by Sarah Williams, Val and Sarah) and Patric & Darin (Caryn Oxford Photography).

gally marry at The Bishop’s Garden at The National Cathedral, surrounded by their closest friends and family members. They hosted a reception at the Southern Hospitality restaurant.

On what Cassie calls a “perfect summer day,” she says her favorite part was “arriving at the gardens and being greeted with our loved ones, teary eyed and filled with joy.” She continues, “We wrote our own vows and personalized the wedding ceremony readings. My mother picked the flowers and Eve’s mom let borrow her chai pendant. I also had a rosary my grandmother had given me pinned to my bouquet.”

“Cassandra was distracted by a bird and her babies during the ceremony,” Eve says.

“A bird flew above my head with a worm and began to feed her four babies right above me in a nest. After the ceremony, family members took turns taking pictures of the baby birds.”

A longer version of this article first appeared in Atlanta Gay Weddings, which is co-published annually by Georgia Voice and EquallyWed.com, and can be read at AtlantaGayWeddings.com.

16 Weddings April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

April 3, 2015 Ads 17

Wedding & Family SPECIAL ISSUE

Perfect places

Five unique spots to pop the big question

By TORI ALLEN Outside of your actual wedding day, the day of your proposal is one of the most memorable and special days of your life. You will carefully plan down to every last detail to ensure the perfect way to pop the question and prepare for the rest of your lives together. But one of the most intimidating aspects to planning the proposal includes the place, and you know it’s all about location, location, location. Looking to keep it local?

Want to propose outside, or maybe in a private setting? Check out these five incredibly romantic and special gay-friendly spots in Atlanta to make your proposal as special as it can possibly be.

SkyLounge – Glenn Hotel’s Rooftop Bar SkyLounge offers an unparalleled, unhindered view of the entire city from its swanky Downtown location, with 360-degree views to see our beautiful city in all its glory. Add on its selection of cocktails and beverages, unbeatable service and more, and SkyLounge becomes one of the most memorable spots to propose. glennsskylounge.com

Clockwise from far left: Piedmont Park, SkyView Atlanta, SkyLounge – Glenn Hotel’s Rooftop Bar and Atlanta Botanical Garden.

SkyView Atlanta Atlanta’s only Ferris wheel attraction opened in 2013 and has already become a welcome addition to our skyline. Those who are seeking a non-traditional way to surprise their special someone should consider SkyView as a top place for your proposal.

SkyView offers climate-controlled gondolas, and also offers the posh VIP gondola with Ferrari leather seats and a glass floor. Champagne not included. skyviewatlanta.com Piedmont Park For those looking to create a big scene for their proposal, by setting up a flash mob or getting a large group together, Piedmont Park proves to be the best with its Midtown skyline view, romantic settings, pet-friendly atmosphere and more. Additionally, couples can propose in Piedmont Park, and then visit a number of nearby bars, restaurants and more for a family celebration, including Park Tavern and its private event spaces. piedmontpark.org Atlanta Botanical Garden Between its winter Christmas décor and its summertime plumage, the Atlanta Botan-

ical Garden serves as a beautiful location for a proposal. Guests can enjoy romantic walks and private areas to propose, including the Robinson gazebo, the Levy parterre and the fragrance garden. atlantabotanicalgarden.org Aria’s Private Wine Cellar Aria is known for its delicious cuisine and wine lists, but did you also know it offers one of the most romantic tables in the city in its private dining wine cellar? The charming

space includes an intimate private dining table, surrounded by countless bottles of Aria’s fine wine selection. By night, candles light the space. Swoon! aria-atl.com Photos: Images courtesy of the venues This article first appeared in the 20142015 issue of Atlanta Gay Weddings, which is co-published annually by Georgia Voice and EquallyWed.com.

18 Weddings April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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Wedding & Family SPECIAL ISSUE

‘We have this village’ Two lesbian moms, two gay dads and two sons make up dynamic Atlanta family tree

By DYANA BAGBY John Brogan stuffed a handful of Universal Fries into his mouth after finishing his shift as a dishwasher at the popular Universal Joint in Oakhurst.

“The best thing about having four parents,” he says between bites, “is there is always someone there. The worst thing,” he adds with a grin, “is there is always someone there.”

He and his moms, Linda Ellis and Lesley Brogan, chuckle knowingly.

It’s a busy night at the restaurant and bar, and the family is sitting around a table on the patio, discussing how their family may seem different to some, but in reality is just like most families—doing their best with what they have.

The two moms are raising two sons, John Brogan, 16, and Sam, 13, with two dads, John Blevins, the biological father, and his partner, Rande, in a very intentional way.

Ellis, the executive director at The Health Initiative, and Brogan, an ordained minister who works with HIV/AIDS clients, both went to the Candler School of Theology at Emory University and fell in love soon after meeting in August 1988.

“We had an amazing courtship throughout our time at Emory. We quickly became the lesbian couple in that circle. And we had amazing support from faculty and other students,” Ellis says. “It was an incredible place to grow a relationship.”

After they graduated from Candler, the two held a commitment ceremony on Nov. 1, 1991, and began a life together in Atlanta.

Ellis said she always knew she wanted to be a mother. Brogan, who was raised Methodist, always knew she wanted to be an ordained minister—a daunting ambition for an out lesbian lacking acceptance in the Methodist Church.

“We joke about this always and how she always wanted to be ordained and I always wanted to be a mother and we would say, ‘How hard can that be?’ Well, it’s not that easy,” Ellis says.

Co-parenting covenant It was about 1997 when the two women began seriously discussing starting a family.

They both knew they wanted more than just an anonymous sperm donor.

“It was very important to us that our children would have a sense of where they are coming from and who they are connected to. We wanted and needed to know that our kid had a father,” Ellis says. “The role of the father and the male and masculine role is just as important as that of a mother.”

Deciding against an anonymous sperm donor, Ellis and Brogan turned to their male friends. Enter John Blevins, also a graduate of Candler School of Theology and a friend of Brogan’s, who also worked with HIV/ AIDS clients.

Moms Linda Ellis and Lesley Brogan (far right) with their sons, John Brogan and Sam, are part of family tree with numerous branches. (Photo by Rob Boeger)

One evening about 16 years ago, the three met at Einstein’s in Midtown and ordered drinks to discuss how to create a family. There were likely a few rounds of drinks that night.

Before the conversation ended, Blevins said he didn’t just want to be a sperm donor, but he was willing to talk about co-parenting.

In the months following, the three vacationed together, spent weekends together, and discussed what their family would look like and what they wanted for their children.

In the end, a co-parenting covenant was drawn up.

The covenant spelled out what the family tree would look like. Ellis and Brogan would be known as “primary parents,” giving them ultimate decision-making authority. “No parenting by committee,” Ellis explains. “But that in no way lessened his role as a father. And our home would primarily be home, but John would always have a place and our child would be able to go back and forth and know both places as home.”

This was not a legal document, not a

John Botto

contract, but rather the best intentions and understanding the three had of what they hoped to become as a family. Also at the time, they all agreed to call Atlanta home— and for Blevins, who was single at the time, that was a major sacrifice.

‘Home was what I created with her’ Lesley Brogan knew nothing about mothering. She had never changed a diaper, never babysat. And when they found out Super Bowl weekend of 1998 that Ellis was pregnant, her view of the world was about to be opened much wider than before.

“The most significant thing to happen to me is falling in love with Linda. The world became so much bigger than I truly thought,” Brogan says.

Raised in a socially conservative “3-stoplight town,” the truth was that after she came out, she could never go home again, she says.

“So home was what I created with her,” she says.

CONTINUES ON PAGE 21

20 Family April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

John Brogan, 16, joking around with his brother, Sam, 13, says he loves being raised by two moms and two dads. Top right: Sam and Les, as the boys call their mom, share a funny story.

Bottom right: John Brogan hold the commitment ring of his mom, Linda Ellis—two of the circles represent the boys, one of the circles represents Lesley. (Photos by Rob Boeger)

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 20

Three years later, Sam was born. While Brogan may have thought it would be easier the second time around, parenting is parenting—never very easy.

And for Sam’s birth, Blevins was now in a relationship with Rande, so now there were four parents deeply involved in raising two boys.

There did come a difficult time in the parents’ lives when, after Sam was born, Blevins agreed to surrender his parental rights to his sons so Brogan could adopt them.

“We tried to make the legal case for three parents ... but we couldn’t win that case,” Ellis says. “While it was a difficult decision, it was a decision made to give the boys the best legal protection.”

Blevins and Rande, who declined to be interviewed for this story, are very much a part of the boys’ lives. The boys spend the weekend with their dads, go on trips with them, and learn discipline from their fathers.

“My dad, Rande, he’s the strictest. With my dad, John, we sing in the car together. It’s E 21like four senses of families,” says John Brogan. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

“It’s also cool to have two Christmases.”

A family with many branches, extended roots Their family is like a tree with roots that keep growing and spreading. At first Brogan’s and Ellis’ parents had a difficult time understanding their relationship, much less their desire to be parents. But before Brogan’s mother and father died, they moved to Decatur to be close to their daughter and grandchildren, expanding the family tree’s roots.

Ellis’ mom is now the matriarch of the family, and traveled with them last year on a trip to Africa.

And they understand that, while it may not always be easy on the boys, there is no doubt John Brogan and Sam are surrounded by much love.

“There are four different styles,” Ellis says of their parenting.

“There are differences in age, race, gender, career differences,” Brogan adds. “But when we went to Africa and I could watch the boys with the three other parents, and see all the love they are surrounded by, I was just overwhelmed. They are so lucky.”

But having such a family means sometimes having to educate others.

“When John Brogan was going into kindergarten, he was given a piece of paper with a blank family tree. And when John Brogan got that first family tree he realized his didn’t fit,” Ellis says.

So the parents sat down with teachers and explained their family dynamic, and the teachers admitted they had just never thought about it. But this simple family tree drawing led to their explaining to John Brogan and Sam that many families do not fit the standard picture.

For Sam, being raised by two moms and two dads means there is always someone to talk to. It also means he knows who to go to when he wants something. For example, if he wants to stay out past curfew? Well, Lesley, or Les, as the boys call her, is the one who will usually give in. The two lean in for a hug and laugh after this confession.

‘Family for me doesn’t have a set meaning’ “Family for me doesn’t have a set meaning,” John Brogan explains.

A boxer, he hangs out with a boxing club and considers them family. His best friend has a stepparent and stepsister, and they are a family. Another friend has a single mother, and they are a family.

“Family is what you make of it,” he says.

He knows his family is different, but living in progressive Decatur provides him a cushion from anti-LGBT bullying. In fact, most of his friends think it’s pretty cool to have two gay moms and two gay dads.

“I do have to explain it a lot, but I don’t mind,” he says. “I’m not ashamed. I think it’s cool so I talk about it a lot.”

Ellis says she and Brogan and the dads have been intentional about ensuring there is a community of support surrounding them and their family.

“We have this village that travels with us. We are family,” Ellis says. “What’s most important for us is that we encourage institutions that frame our lives: academic, civic, faith—that they have what they need to support us so we can fully participate and donate to the community around us,” she adds.

“That’s what family is and that’s what we are.”

April 3, 2015 Family 21

Wedding & Family SPECIAL ISSUE

Radical Faeries and unintended family Anti-establishment queer movement thrives without an identity

By PATRICK SAUNDERS It had been nearly 10 years since the Stonewall Riots when the gay movement started to splinter in two directions. There were those who wanted to work within the system and do things like lobby legislators to affect change, and there were those who wanted to carve out an entirely new identity that didn’t have much to do with the things that straight people had or wanted.

So you took the 1960s countercultural movement and added in the 1970s sexual revolution, and something like the Radical Faeries seems bound to have happened.

“Our agenda at that time would not have necessarily been to push for things that have been the gay agenda—marriage equality, serving in the military, adoption rights,” says Atlanta poet Franklin Abbott, one of the original Faeries. “We wanted to be free to be ourselves. We didn’t want to be harassed by the police. It was free to be free rather than free to do all the things that straight people do.”

Abbott was there during the first “gatherings” in the Southeast, which started in 1978 at what was then known as Running Water Farm in a small town on the Tennessee–North Carolina border and continued in 1980 about an hour outside of Nashville at Short Mountain Sanctuary, where the gatherings continue to this day.

“It’s about community. The Faeries talk about ‘the circle.’ It’s a nonhierarchical structure where everybody has a voice and there’s not a leader. It’s a funny tribe,” Abbott says, laughing.

He compares the Faeries to bears, saying you can identify strongly with them or be on the periphery; you can come and go as

you please. You can even choose your own Faerie name. Abbott liked his name just fine, so he stuck with Franklin, but others take the opportunity to change theirs. It’s a way of choosing a persona.

“When you’re in your Faerie world you can be your magical self, and your magical self has a magical name,” Abbott says.

The evolution of the Faeries The Radical Faeries have evolved over the years, with more and more women and gender nonconforming individuals taking part.

Abbott says the younger generation seems to be less political and more about artistic expression.

Oheysis (pronounced like “Oasis”) Joshing is one of those younger Faeries. The first Faerie event he went to was a game of hide and seek in Piedmont Park in the summer of 2011. He became more and more a part of the movement from that moment.

He took “Oheysis” as his Faerie name after he started thinking about what his purpose was, and he decided it was to allow people he comes into contact with to have the space to express themselves in the way that they see fit, without any obligations.

“I wanted to be that safe space and it dawned on me that that’s what’s often called an oasis,” he says. “I’ve definitely found out that one person cannot be an oasis to every person they meet, but I can definitely do something, I can give something, I can offer something even if it’s very very small.”

When defining something makes it less whole Joshing is careful not to call the Faeries a group or an organization of any kind—far from it, actually.

Above: Oheysis Joshing (bottom row in gold) at the Radical Faeries event A Midsummer Nightmare at The Arts Exchange last year. (Courtesy photo); Right: Poet Franklin Abbott was one of the original Radical Faeries. (File photo)

“It’s about community. The Faeries talk about ‘the circle.’ It’s a non-hierarchical structure where everybody has a voice and there’s not a leader. It’s a funny tribe.”

-Franklin Abbott “It’s a disorganization if it can be called a thing at all,” he says. “It’s about gentle anarchy. It seems to be very self-focused, to figure out what it is that you desire, what you feel and believe and understand. Figuring out all of that so that you bring that to the table and say ‘Here I am.’ That’s much more comforting and empowering to me.”

For Joshing it comes down to the idea of ‘play,’ which he’s hesitant to define because, well, imposing definitions on something goes against the spirit of play itself. He says it can be meant in a sense of communication and negotiation, like meeting someone socially for the first time, which he says can make him feel anxious or doubtful.

“What play allows me to do is to release

the usual narrative of obligation and strong ego identifying,” he says. “For me, the playfulness allows me to be more fluid and accommodating and allowing.”

Joshing is also hesitant to call the Radical Faeries a family. He’d much rather not call it anything at all and just let it be what it is and leave it at that.

“Even if it’s just, ‘Hey, does anyone want to go out for coffee together?’ and it ends up being 15 people. That’s the thing is allowing that to happen without having to put a narrative over it and say, ‘This is our family,’” he says. “It’s not always family but it can still be inclusive and nourishing and granting a space for each individual to come and to go and have a voice in that space.”

22 Family April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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Wedding & Family SPECIAL ISSUE

Searching for Mr. Carter Melissa Carter and her partner’s six-year journey to becoming mothers

By PATRICK SAUNDERS Going through a life-threatening experience will make most people re-evaluate their priorities. B98.5’s Jeff & Melissa Morning Show co-host and Georgia Voice columnist Melissa Carter found herself in that position when she received a kidney transplant in 2002.

“When I was faced with the illness, I thought, ‘was there anything in my life that I regret?’” she says. “And once I got that second chance it kind of lit a fire, because I don’t think I was a very self-motivated person up to that point.”

What began to motivate her after that was the thought of having a child. But she knew if she had kids she wanted to do it with a strong partner who felt the same way she did: that it was her destiny to be a mom.

Cut to 2006 as the then co-host of Q100’s “The Bert Show” found herself on her third date with Katie Jo, who declined to be part of the story due to personal reasons.

“She made a comment to me like, ‘Look if we decide to be serious with one another, I just want you to know that I plan on being a mother. So if that isn’t part of your worldview then you may not want to stay with me,’” Carter says.

By 2008 they were in a solid place relationship-wise and had moved in together.

Then the journey to find their child began.

Looking for a donor Carter couldn’t carry due to the transplant and her age, and Katie Jo’s doctor advised against her carrying due to a dormant condition that could be sparked by a preg-

nancy. They considered adoption, but opted to try surrogacy first.

In 2008, they first went through a local fertility clinic to have Carter’s ova frozen and then needed to find a sperm donor. They tried the sperm bank route, but most of the donors didn’t want to be contacted and the couple wasn’t comfortable with their child not being able to know its father, so they decided to go with somebody they knew.

But what factors did they consider when deciding whom to ask? Intelligence and good looks for starters, and if you were short or bald, you didn’t make the cut.

“The reason we did that was because the shorter men we knew and the balder men we knew seemed to be very insecure about it, so our thought was if we had the ability to choose without being emotionally attached, then we would try to have a list of things that we thought would help a guy feel confident,” Carter says.

They also wanted someone who already had a child.

They found someone within their social circle whose wife they were good friends with. They asked him if he would be willing to donate and he said he would be honored.

The process had taken two years by this point; they had the embryos and the sperm, but put things on hold because Carter was still on “The Bert Show” and was thinking at the time that she would leave to free up her time to take care of their child.

Unfortunately, the “Fantastic Four,” as Carter came to call her frozen embryos, did not survive.

She left “The Bert Show” in March 2011, but soon became an afternoon news host on

Melissa Carter has been with B98.5’s Jeff & Melissa Morning Show since August 2013 but started actively looking into having kids years earlier. (Photo by Patrick Saunders)

“Even after six years and all this planning and baby showers and everything we had gone through, the moment he came into the world was like, I can’t believe he’s here, I can’t believe this is happening, I can’t believe this is real.”

– Melissa Carter All News 106.7 the following year after Carter decided she couldn’t totally leave the radio life. But that was also when they decided to move forward with the next step—finding a surrogate.

The surrogate on the other side of the country On the advice of lawyer friends, they used a web service for freelance surrogates instead of going through an agency. They thought they had a match with a woman in North Carolina, but she mysteriously backed out at the last minute. Carter has a theory as to why.

“I thought she accepted Katie and I but when she had to share with whoever in her life she was doing it, she disappeared,” she

says. “It could have been they didn’t approve of her being a surrogate but I just got this sense that they didn’t approve of her being a surrogate for a gay family.”

It was a major setback, but they pushed on and decided to make sure the same thing didn’t happen again by placing another ad with the service clearly stating they were two women looking for a surrogate. A lesbian in Oregon quickly contacted them. They interviewed each other over the phone, hit it off, and their surrogate was found.

As anyone who has gone through a round of in vitro fertilization will tell you, it is not a pleasant process. It’s not cheap, either. Carter CONTINUES ON PAGE 27

26 Family April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 26

and Katie Jo each went through two rounds of hormone treatment to retrieve their eggs, and the final three rounds occurring in backto-back-to-back months last year—Katie Jo in October, Carter in November, and Katie Jo again in December.

“We were able to get five viable embryos from that collection from both of us, and we got one kid out of it,” Carter says. “He started out as twins and one of the twins didn’t make it, so Mr. Carter is the final kid from all that effort.”

Doctors pegged October 1 as the surrogate’s due date, and as the day arrived and Carter, Katie Jo and their extended family descended on the Oregon hospital, the staff dropped a bomb on the excited couple.

Since the surrogate was having a C-section, the delivery room was considered an operating room and the hospital’s standard operating procedures allowed only one person to be in the room with her.

“The surrogate was livid, I was livid, Katie was livid, but the nurse on duty was adamant in her position,” Carter says. “But none of the three of us were willing to give up the fight.”

Eventually a compromise was reached: one of them would be able to stay in the room from the beginning, and when the doctors were ready to pull the baby out, the other could come in, but would have to leave right afterward. Carter conceded the spot to Katie Jo, and when the doctors were ready to bring their son into the world, they signaled Carter to come in.

“The surrogate had Indigo Girls playing, which I though was very apropos with three lesbians in there,” Carter says, laughing.

And while “Closer To Fine” played in the background, the doctor said “here we go,” and Mr. Carter—as he’ll be known publicly from now on—met his mommies.

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass out or I was going to cry. I was just stunned. I was just fascinated,” Carter recalls. “Even after six years and all this planning and baby showers and everything we had gone through, the moment he came into the world was like, I can’t believe he’s here, I can’t believe this is happening, I can’t believe this is real.”

And with that, they became parents. Carter said she had no idea how to hold him, but pretended she did, and she had one message for him.

“One thing I did was I kept whispering in his ear, ‘You’re okay.’ Because who knows where we come from and I thought if he’s aware that he’s coming from somewhere else, that he’s confused and I wanted him to know E 27that he’s okay,” she says. “I just felt immewww.thegeorgiavoice.com

5 Things I’ve Learned About Motherhood 1. Do not purchase a black light, because it will reveal all the spit, snot, and pee that seems to make its way into your clothes on a daily basis.

2. No gym can give you the same workout that lifting an ever-growing child out of a car seat can.

3. You are no longer right-handed or left-handed. You are now free-handed, and use whichever one that’s not holding your kid.

4. Even though you never considered yourself vain before children, you can’t help but turn narcissistic when someone says, “Your baby is so cute!”

Melissa Carter says Mr. Carter is agreeable but mischievous, and has already learned how to use his dimple to get what he wants. The surrogate was playing Indigo Girls’ “Closer To Fine” in the room as Mr. Carter was born, which Carter thought was apropos. (Courtesy photos)

diately the sense to comfort him, so I guess that was my first taste of maternal instinct.”

Huge, agreeable and mischievous Mr. Carter is an agreeable baby. He only cries when he’s hungry, which is probably often given his size.

“He’s huge. He’s almost six months old and he’s already in 12 month clothes,” Carter says. “Even when he came out of the womb, his arms and legs just kind of unfolded into these big spindly things. So I think he’s gonna be a tall dude.”

Carter thinks their son will be a laid-back but social kind of guy, with a mischievous side.

“He’s got one of those pencil dimples in one cheek and he’s figured out that if he smiles with an emphasis on that side of his mouth that everyone gives him what he wants,” she says.

But one of Carter’s biggest concerns is making sure their son doesn’t feel like an outcast.

“I think the worst thing with anybody of any disenfranchised group is you don’t want to feel alone, you don’t want to feel like the only one,” she says. “And a lot of us felt like that when we were younger and I don’t want him to feel like the only kid of gay parents in his school or friend group.”

It was important to Carter and Katie Jo that their son know his biological father, that he

5. The fatigue of motherhood can break your spirit, but when those little arms reach out for you, things don’t seem so hard anymore.

know exactly where he came from. The father has visited several times and held and fed the boy to whom he considers himself an uncle.

“But Mr. Carter will know that that’s his biological father,” Carter says.

Carter returned to B98.5 last November a newly minted working mother. There were some schedule adjustments to make. She used to go to bed around 11 at night, get up at 3:15 a.m. for the 5 a.m. show, then come home around noon and nap until mid-afternoon. These days she’s in bed by 8 p.m. and there are no more afternoon naps.

She’s on Mr. Carter’s schedule now, and that’s just fine by her.

April 3, 2015 Family 27

Wedding & Family

SOMETIMES ‘Y’

By RYAN LEE

SPECIAL ISSUE

Homecoming, remixed Bio or chosen, families bring us full circle

By RYAN LEE One of the only places I’ve ever wanted to vacation is Alaska, so I could volunteer passing out hot chocolate along the Iditarod dog sled race course. It’s not a trip I spend any time thinking about or planning (I have an equal aversion to cold weather and dogs), but rather the aftereffects of a stirring PBS documentary I watched in the ’90s.

That’s about the extent of my globetrotting ambition. I’m going to Denver later this month for one of the first vacations of my life, not counting long-weekend trips for family reunions in exotic locations like Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and Santa Claus, Indiana, which more than fulfill any desire I’ve had to travel.

Almost every hour of any vacation time I’ve taken during the last decade was spent in Chicago, visiting family and friends, and gorging on Giardano’s pizza and Italian combos dipped in hot peppers. The trips always wind up being enjoyable and fulfilling, but I’ve become increasingly agitated as soon as I arrive.

The pressure to make rounds early and often enough so that no one feels slighted is an exhausting start to what is supposed to be a period of rejuvenation. It’s a burden that I expect having moved a thousand miles away from home, and I would never obligate anyone, especially those with children, to the expense of coming to Atlanta.

Me visiting everyone in Chicago feels more fair than the reverse, but a few months ago I became aware of how the imbalance affected me beyond the harried itineraries during my trips home.

My brother and some of his friends from Indianapolis recently took a Guy’s Getaway to Atlanta, and about three drinks into us hanging out, it dawned on me that something was different—different about this visit, and a different emotion inside of me.

I’ve spent time in Atlanta with other family members who were here for conferences and long layovers, but I’d always met them at hotels or restaurants.

This was the first time that a family member was in my home. I waved my arm across my one-bedroom apartment in one of Midtown’s affordable throwback (i.e. delightfully shady) complexes, but struggled to find a word for this different emotion, what it meant to me for someone who knew the intimacies of my adolescence to land upon where that journey has currently led to.

“This is my … day,” I said with tipsy deliberateness. “This is where I wake up ... and where I come home from work ... and where I eat, and shit ... and where I do my best to ... live … and enjoy life...”

My brother’s eyes stared into the living room, the tipsy deliberateness of his nodding head letting me know that he was looking not at the space or furnishing, as much the years. I sensed that he was proud of me, and happy for me, and relieved for me.

“You know I know... ” my brother said as he raised his glass to toast.

I take comfort knowing that the Atlanta-based Ryan that my friends and family know is existentially the same Ryan they knew in Chicago, that we’ve all kept it real.

But I’m also a different person, an aged me.

Context matters, and I regret not yet trying harder to share the fuller version of Ryan with those who have always known and loved me.

The brother in this story is not my biological brother, but rather my god brother – which is another way of saying that he is the brother of my childhood best friend.

Both are my brothers, and I tremble thinking about how different the scene and arc of this column would be if their family had not opened their home and their hearts when everything—school, family, sexual orientation

(Photo courtesy Giardano’s Pizza)

“Almost every hour of any vacation time I’ve taken during the last decade was spent in Chicago, visiting family and friends, and gorging on Giardano’s pizza and Italian combos dipped in hot peppers. The trips always wind up being enjoyable and fulfilling, but I’ve become increasingly agitated as soon as I arrive.” and destiny—was in disarray.

LGBT folks know a lot about the families we choose—the mentors and confidants we find as substitutes for unaccepting relatives— but many of us belong to families that chose us. Even when our biological families love us without condition, for which I am truly grateful, there are people who come into our lives and shape us as if they were in the womb.

Together, they center us, and support us,

and help us remember who we are. They demand of us, and irk us, and leave loving but testy voicemails reminding us that the money for the family reunion is due. They are the most valuable context.

Biological or chosen, families are the magic of returning home, and the still unnameable emotion of home coming to you.

Ryan Lee is an Atlanta writer.

28 Family April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Seniors and sex Where older Atlanta gay gentlemen can go to hook up

By CLIFF BOSTOCK It’s Sunday night and the Armorettes are performing at The Hideaway in Ansley Mall.

I’ve positioned myself next to the open door because I’m craving oxygen at the smoky bar.

It also offers me a quick exit. The worst is that I’m feeling shaky with nostalgia.

The Armorettes have been around for about 35 years, and I briefly dated one of the original members. He died 10 years later of AIDS, the disease that turned sex into a scary flirtation with death. Those were the same years we all came roaring out of the closet. Sex had literally become an act of defiance against the culture’s oppressive homophobia. Our energies turned to nursing our dying friends and lovers. Our own gay moralists relentlessly preached monogamy, and I don’t think seniors’ openness about sex ever returned, despite safer sex and vastly improved AIDS treatments, including the preventive medicine, Truvada.

The Armorettes have, almost since the beginning, devoted all their income to assisting the HIV/AIDS community. But that’s not why I’m here tonight. The Hideaway’s crowd is mainly over 50, and I’m exploring how older gay men cope with their appetite for recreational sex in a community arguably more obsessed with age than the general culture.

Don’t deny that. Even the Hideaway’s website promises that, amid the crowd, you’ll find “hot young men looking to get away from the other bars and the labels of society.” It’s true, but we know why they stress it. It’s the daddy thing. More about that later.

Since the arrival of internet hookup sites (including “Silver Daddies”), bars are not the cruising grounds they used to be. I find myself smiling at a few guys who seem friendly.

One walks over and asks me what brings me out tonight. “Actually, I’m here to ask other older guys what they do for recreational sex these days,” I say. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Details

The Hideaway, 1544 Piedmont Ave., www.Atlantahideaway.com Silver Daddies, www.silverdaddies.com Club Eros, 2219 Faulkner Road, www.cluberosatl.com Manifest, 2103 Faulkner Road, www.manifest4u.org Cumunion Atlanta: www.cumunion.com Inserection,1739 Cheshire Bridge Road Southern Nights, 2205 Cheshire Bridge Road Peek-a-Boo, 1906 Piedmont Circle Davey Wavey YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/user/wickydkewl The guy looks shocked. “We, um, do the same thing we’ve always done,” he says.

“Don’t you?”

“No,” I say, kind of joking. “I don’t hang out in parks, K-Mart bathrooms, and freeway rest stops anymore.”

“I never did that. I’m still a bar guy, but I do hook up online now and then,” he says. He looks around. “Well, enjoy your research.” He walks away quickly. I feel so antiquely slutty!

Earlier, I had visited another bar known for its older patrons, Opus 1. I took a seat at the bar and asked two men about their recreational sex lives.

“I really get off on rejection,” one said.

He balked. “Oh wait. What I really do is go to the Colonnade and eat fried chicken. It’s better than sex.”

“I like the glory holes at the sex clubs,” another said. “They make me feel young because they hide everything but my dick.”

“But what about the daddy hunters?

Don’t you attract younger guys?” I ask.

“We used to call them fortune hunters,” one of them said, “but who doesn’t like hot young ‘uns for a romp? As long-term lovers? No.” It’s easy to pathologize the daddy-son fixation. Some sexologists blame the “crisis” in fathering in America. They sometimes compare the phenomenon to the ancient Greeks’ culture of mentoring that included some, mainly nonpenetrative, sex. Others go so far as to link it to the incest taboo, and there is in fact plenty of that represented in porn. I’m unworried. It’s a fantasy fetish that’s come out of the closet.

Finally, I quizzed a friend who’s about 70 years old. “Look, I go to Club Eros around 10 o’clock on Saturdays,” he said. “It’s always an older crowd and you don’t have to be there after 1 a.m. to deal with the younger guys coming in from the bars. Well, of course, that’s all many, if not most, older guys want.”

I was surprised. Club Eros, the private “members-only” club, was an outpost of ageism maybe 10 years ago. I sent a friend from West Hollywood, a gorgeous bodybuilder, there, and he was turned away at the door simply because he was too old at 55. That policy has ended—perhaps indeed an effect of daddy culture.

A neighboring club, Manifest 4 U, seems to specialize in parties, and its website says it encourages gay men to “embrace our most loving and primal natures.” The largest party is Cumunion, which attracts well over 100 barebackers, including many older men, every

fourth Wednesday. It is part of an international chain of parties.

Other popular recreational venues popular with older men—but certainly not limited to them—are three video arcades in Midtown that have glory holes: Inserection, Southern Nights Video, and Peek-a-Boo. These are open 24 hours every day, and are especially popular with retirees (including older trans men) during the daytime.

I emailed all these venues and a few other organizations I thought might provide seniors with opportunities to talk about sex. Only one person replied—Les Bouska, owner of Atlanta Hair Studio, who has hosted the Atlanta Jacks at Manifest the fourth Wednesday of each month for five years. Typical attendance is 50.

Bouska says the crowd ranges in age from the 30s and up. About 20 percent are over 55. “Interestingly,” he says, “it’s the 20-somethings that are too nervous or inhibited to let loose and join us.”

Bouska’s priority is creating an environment of acceptance and respect. “Being able to allow others to be comfortable with themselves in our presence can be intoxicating. Again, if you love the man you are, then others will naturally find that appealing.”

Perhaps the best evidence of how utterly silent the community is on this issue is a simple Google search of “gay seniors sex.” The repeated find is a trivial but entertaining video

by Davey Wavey, the manic YouTube fitness guru. The seniors he interviews are completely open. Perhaps as the Boomer generation dwindles, we will begin having serious conversations about our sex lives without shame, pathologizing, exaggeration ... and lying!

April 3, 2015 Seniors 29

LGBT senior services Several organizations serving aging population

Many issues face Atlanta and Georgia’s aging LGBT population—from health care to housing—and numerous organizations are trying to catch up to fulfill those needs.

By the year 2030, nearly 3 million LGBT Americans will be age 65 and older —double the size of this population today, according to figures from the Williams Institute.

Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE) 1530 DeKalb Ave. NE, Suite A, Atlanta, GA 30307 Services: A program of the Health Initiative, SAGE offers social events such as potluck suppers, movie nights, and chair yoga as well as advocacy and educational programs. www.sageatl.org

Above: ZAMI NOBLA is a national organization of black lesbians ages 40 and up based in Atlanta. (Photo via Facebook); Left: SAGE, an organization open to all LGBT senior citizens, offers numerous social and educational programs at the Phillip Rush Center. (File photo)

Atlanta Prime Timers 1530 DeKalb Ave. NE, Suite A, Atlanta, GA 30307 Services: Atlanta Prime Timers is an organization for gay and bi men age 40 years and older. Currently most members are between 50-69, but there are several older than 69 and younger than 50. The group plans social, educational and cultural events to bring men together. www.primetimersww.com/atlantapt The Health Initiative 1530 DeKalb Avenue, NE, Suite A, Atlanta, GA 30307 Services: Health advocacy, education and access to healthcare for the LGBT community. thehealthinitiative.org Center for Positive Aging 1440 Dutch Valley Place NE, Ste. 120, Atlanta, GA 30324-5367 Services: Connects older people with providers, informs seniors about housing and services and has an online resource list specifically for aging LGBT people. www.centerforpositiveaging.org

Ageless Interaction Services: Connects people 65+ with young adults 15-25 through art, music, stories and food to facilitate friendships and growth spanning generations. They also offer specific programs to connect LGBTQQ people of all generations. agelessinteraction.org Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Various locations including Atlanta, Marietta, Johns Creek, Blairsville, Brunswick, Ma-

con, Savannah and Valdosta. (Find out when each chapter meets by visiting pflag.org) Services: Support and discussion groups for LGBT people as well as their family and friends. pflag.org ZAMI NOBLA P.O. Box 90986, Atlanta, GA 30364 Services: ZAMI NOBLA (National Organization of Black Lesbians on Aging) is a national organization of black lesbians based in Atlanta. ZAMI NOBLA’s mission is to promote positive aging through a social

justice framework and supports black lesbians 40 and older through education, social networking, academic scholarships, training, advocacy, public policy, research and needs based community programming. ZAMI NOBLA also administers the Audre Lorde Scholarship Fund to provide out black lesbians 40 and older pursuing their education. www.zami.org

Georgia Department of Human Services Division of Aging Services Two Peachtree St. NW, 33rd Floor, Atlanta, Georgia 30303 Services: The Georgia Department of Human Services, Division of Aging Services administers a statewide system of services for senior citizens, including LGBT seniors, and their families and caregivers. aging.dhs.georgia.gov Georgia Legal Aid Services: Georgia’s website guide to free legal information for seniors. www.georgialegalaid.org/issues/seniors

30 Seniors April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Special Advertisement

Worthmore Jewelers Worthmore opened the original Midtown store in 1994 and added a second location in Decatur in 2008. The business, according to owner Harris Botnick, has grown over the past 21 years with the help of his wonderful partners; wife Geri, Joan Wasser, and Peggy Rainbow, as well as an unbelievable crew.

Harris Botnick started in the jewelry business in 1987 working for two other traditional jewelry stores. He saw that the LGBTQ community was extremely underserved when it came to jewelry and watch needs. “I experienced first-hand that couples were not comfortable to walk into a jewelry store to pick out rings to symbolize their love for each other,” Botnick explained. “I thought to myself how unfair it was that anyone should be uncomfortable while shopping for such important rings, especially at what should be the one of the happiest and most exciting times of the couples life’s.”

With that idea in mind, Botnick set out to create a fine jewelry store where everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, religion, race etc. was welcome and made to feel special.

So from day one Worthmore has made it a point to let our crew each embrace their individuality while treating our clients the way they would like to be treated, Botnick explained.

With our long history in the community we un-

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

derstand the challenges that same sex couples may experience while planning a wedding, so we work extra hard to make sure their experience picking out their rings is fun and exciting.

There is no doubt that Worthmore’s continued growth and success stems from their commitment to the LGBTQ community. Worthmore gets involved in as many LGBTQ charities and events as possible. This is a part of the Worthmore DNA! While Botnick will say that there is not a real difference in designing rings for same saex couples as opposed to others. “Our crew looks at each person’s needs, taste and desires to come up with the perfect ring for them and their partner,” he says. “Years ago another area jeweler stopped in and was shopping us. It was very obvious to the person helping them that this person was in the jewelry business. When I asked them what part of the jewelry industry they were in they at first denied being in the industry, but as I continued to probe they finally came clean. They said ‘we know you do a lot with the gays and so we wanted to come by and see what gay jewelry looks like.’ I explained to them that “gay jewelry” looks just like any other jewelry and that Worthmore does not differentiate between “gay” and straight jewelry, we look at everyone as equal and simply as people.”

Some of the worthmore crew with Rick from Lost-n-found youth as we donate to their great cause It is that type of commitment to equality that has allowed Worthmore to succeed in the ever-changing business of jewelry.

In the past few years Worthmore was using a lot of alternative metals such as titanium, cobalt chrome and tungsten carbide. While those are all still great options, Worthmore has been using more precious metals, like platinum, rose, white, and yellow gold by themselves or in combination with other colors the options are endless. Worthmore invested in a new computerized design program that lets the crew sit with a couple and take their ideas and build their one

of a kind piece of jewelry right in front of their eyes. Botnick explains that the program allows Worthmore to change and add stones, colors of metals and alter every fine aspect of the piece.

“We can then show the piece on our big screens so you can see it from every angle,” he declared.

This program actually saves money because it automates so much of the manufacturing.

With all the amazing innovations in jewelry design, Botnick says he can’t wait for the day, here in Georgia when there is no need to use the word commitment band and everyone simply calls them what they always have been, wedding bands!

April 3, 2015 Ads 31

Youth services available in Georgia Local groups help LGBT young people with resources, support and fun

events to help small GSAs connect with other GSAs. Activities include movie nights, seasonal parties, and trips to events such as AIDS Walk Atlanta and Atlanta Pride. maqat.tumblr.com Atlanta Coalition for LGBTQ Youth (a service of Georgia Equality) Services: ACFLY is a coalition instead of an organization with a goal to bring several organizations together to help improve competency in serving LGBTQ youth in Atlanta. Issues include housing, health care issues, homelessness, jobs, and safe schools. www.georgiaequality.org

By SHANNON HAMES Growing up LGBT in the South, especially rural areas, can have its disadvantages.

But with the internet as well as many organizations understanding the need to provide needed services for young people, the path to adulthood doesn’t have to seem quite so grim. The Georgia Voice has listed many groups helping young people, but many colleges and universities throughout the state also provide their own gay-straight alliances or other Safe Space programs for those seeking support in higher education.

Lost and Found Youth 2585 Chantilly Drive, Atlanta, GA 30324 Services: Emergency and transitional housing, emergency clothing and food for youth on the street, mental health evaluations and counseling, youth center, referrals to HIV/STD testing, health and dental services, assistance for lost or stolen birth certificates, driver’s licenses or state ID cards, referrals to GED training/testing and other education resources, resume writing/editing and interview skills training lnfy.org Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Various locations including Atlanta, Marietta, Johns Creek, Blairsville, Brunswick, Macon, Savannah and Valdosta. (Find out when each chapter meets by visiting pflag.org) Services: Support and discussion groups for LGBT people as well as their family and friends. pflag.org JustUsATL Various meeting locations in Atlanta (Check website for times & locations) Services: Discussion forums for trans youth 13-28, teens 13-19, and queer youth of color 13-28 justusatl.org Real Youth Various meeting locations in Atlanta (Check

The Evolution Project is a drop-in center for young black gay/bi and transgender individuals ages 18-28. (Photo via Tumblr)

website for times & locations) Services: Group discussions and social events for youth 13-25. Real Youth is also in the planning stages to offer tutoring, college and career prep, mental health, and general counseling services. realyouthatl.org Pride School Atlanta (Now forming) Services: This school is currently forming and has a vision to provide the LGBTQQIA community “a safe space for families and educators seeking a nurturing learning environment that is not only focused on students and their development but on the school climate, with student-driven interdisciplinary learning, innovative advocacy efforts, mentorship and internships to support students’ well-being both inside and outside of school.” prideschoolatlanta.org Evolution Project 583 Juniper St. NE #1 Atlanta, GA 30308 Services: A drop-in community center for young black gay/bisexual men and transgender individuals 18 - 28 years of age. They provide a safe space, social opportunities, ac-

cess to free medical screenings, mental health services, HIV testing and STD screening. evolutionatl.org Stand Out Youth 1020 Abercorn Street, Savannah, GA 31401 Services: Weekly discussion forum and social activities. www.standoutyouth.org SPARK Reproductive Justice NOW P.O. Box 89210, Atlanta, GA 30312 Services: Support and empower women of color, young parents, and LGBTQ youth of color on reproductive justice and other issues that impact their lives. www.sparkrj.org Feminist Women’s Health Center 1924 Cliff Valley Way NE. Atlanta, GA 30329 Services: Comprehensive gynecological services and trans-healthcare. www.feministcenter.org Metro Atlanta Queer and Allied Teens (MAQAT) Services: MAQAT is a coalition of the Gay-Straight Alliances of high schools all around the Metro Atlanta area that host

The Georgia Safe Schools Coalition Services: Georgia Safe Schools Coalition is a partnership of educators, community organizations, and safe school activists dedicated to raising awareness about issues affecting LGBTQQ youth and families. GSSC works with educators and community organizations to help Georgia’s schools become safe and affirming environments for all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. www.georgiasafeschoolscoalition.org CHRIS Kids 1017 Fayetteville Road, Suite B, Atlanta, GA 30316 Services: CHRIS is an acronym that stands for its core values: Creativity, Honor, Respect, Integrity and Safety. The organization serves youth ages 6-17, including LGBT youth, that are in foster care and have emotional/behavioral challenges stemming from trauma. CHRIS Kids also work with 18-24 year olds, also including LGBT youth, who are “aging-out” of the foster care system, homeless youth and young parents. www.chriskids.org Feminist Outlawz 1189 Euclid Ave, NE, Atlanta, GA 30307 Services: Trans and Friends: A Project of the Feminist Outlawz is a youth focused group for trans people, people questioning their own gender, and aspiring allies. This is a facilitated group that offers a safe space to discuss gender, relevant resources, and activists around social issues. The group meets once a month at Charis Books & More. www.charisbooksandmore.com

32 Youth April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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She is not new to the area. Christine founded and has owned Paws, Whiskers and Wags, Your Pet Crematory, in Decatur for 12 years, and recently purchased Southern Cremations & Funerals at Cheatham Hill Memorial Park, a state-of-the-art cremation facility, funeral home and beloved Memorial Park that serves all of metro Atlanta, located in Marietta. Like Paws, Whiskers & Wags, Your Pet Crematory, this new facility was built with your family in mind and provides all services at one location — “ensuring that your loved ones never leave our care.”

Located on the historic grounds of Cheatham Hill Memorial Park, Southern Cremations and Funerals offers one of the most beautiful settings in North Georgia, complete with both an outdoor and historical chapel mausoleum. Supported by staff with more than 300 years of combined experience in the cremation, cemetery and funeral business and situated in one of the area’s most serene settings, Cheatham Hill provides comfort and security as families celebrate the lives of loved ones.

This property includes a newly renovated funeral home with state-of-the-art preparation facilities and a new world-class crematory operations; family meeting rooms; a hospitality suite; and quaint chapel. Loved ones can choose from a variety of services ranging from traditional funeral and grave-site services, celebrations of life, as well as cremation. The Cheatham location also includes the Cascading Waters Cremation Garden, with its lovely fountains, a family-committal shelter and more than 4,000 cremation memorial options. It is a one-of-a-kind, tranquil cremation setting built specifically with families in mind.

Southern Cremations & Funerals is committed to making end of life decisions easier. From preplanning assistance to burial and cremation services, we deliver a personalized experience during difficult times. Our locally owned and operated business offers competitive pricing and unmatched experience and quality.

In addition to Southern Cremations & Funerals at Cheatham Hill Memorial Park, Christine also owns and operates Holy Hill Memorial Park in Fairburn and Eastlawn Memorial Park in McDonough.

For more information on how Southern Cremations & Funerals at Cheatham Hill Memorial Park can help you and your family, call (770) 919-7100 or visit www.southerncremations.com or www.cheathamhillmemorialpark.com

34 Ads April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

COMMUNITYNEWS

Gearing up for Atlanta Leather Pride Contests to name new titleholders top weekend of events

By DYANA BAGBY Get your gear and get ready for Atlanta Leather Pride, the annual weekend fest that celebrates all thing leather—and this year, all things rubber.

Fetish wear, harnesses, chaps, chains, and whips are all welcome at the Atlanta Eagle the weekend of April 10-12 as leather and gear enthusiasts and their admirers strap on their uniforms for a weekend of fun and camaraderie.

The top event of the weekend is the Saturday night Mr. and Ms. Atlanta Eagle contest. Also, new this year to Atlanta Leather Pride weekend, is the contest for Mr. Southeast Rubber.

“This is the first year for Mr. Southeast Rubber to be part of the event. Mr. Southeast Rubber has been around for many years, but we are really excited about bringing it to this weekend,” says Nitro Hankinson, International Leatherboy 2011 and an organizer of Atlanta Leather Pride with Sir Alan Penrod, International Leather Sir 2011, and G-Man, Mr. International Rubber 2011.

“We’re really excited about bringing Mr. Southeast Rubber to the event. It brings a whole other part of the community in and why not bring everyone together,” Hankinson says.

Applications for the competitions will be taken until 5 p.m. on April 11, the night of the competition.

Handing over the sash to the new titleholder will be Mr. Atlanta Eagle for 2014, John “JP” Paquette. No Ms. Atlanta Eagle was crowned last year and organizers are hoping for competition in this category this year.

Judging criteria There will be the same criteria for each of the titles: contestants will be asked to compete in three categories: • Bar Wear. Contestants will be judged on how comfortable they look in an outfit they would wear out on a night at the bar.

• Fetish Wear. This is a very broad category, says Hankinson, leaving the contestants to define fetish wear as they want. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Atlanta Leather Pride weekend includes contests to name a new Mr. Atlanta Eagle. There will also be competitions for Ms. Atlanta Eagle and Mr. Southeast Rubber. (File photo)

Details

Atlanta Leather Pride April 10-12 Atlanta Eagle www.atlantaleatherpride.com • Play Gear. This is also open to what the contestants want to define, but does show gear that they like to “play” in. As part of this category, contestants will have to pick a grab bag filled with surprise items that then they will have to use to create a brief, impromptu play scene.

“This is my favorite category and allows contestants to show humor and spontaneity,” he says.

Weekend benefits fund to help hearing impaired The roots of the leather community began in response to the AIDS crisis striking the nation in the 1980s. Leathermen and women came together to throw fundraisers to help those in need and to help organiza-

tions serving their friends who were dying.

That tradition continues today and this year’s Atlanta Leather Pride will be raising funds for the Sharon St. Cyr Fund, or the SSC Fund.

This fund benefits people in the leather community who are hearing impaired, Hankinson says.

“There are quite a number of people who are hearing impaired within the Atlanta leather community. This fund helps those who need help to pay for hearing aids. And for event producers, the fund provides grants to American Sign Language interpreters at an event, he says.

“This is a great organization with very low overhead and we have been fortunate enough to receive grants for ASL interpreters at our events so this is our way of giving back,” he adds.

Close-knit community This year marks the 28th anniversary of the Atlanta Eagle and the sixth anniversary of Atlanta Leather Pride.

Before the title competitions on Saturday, there will be a meet-and-greet on Friday as well as some BDSM demos to “get the blood flowing,” says Hankinson.

On Sunday, all those who want to will gather at Roxx on Cheshire Bridge Road for a family brunch.

“The leather community is typically a very close-knit community. That’s not to say we are exclusionary because we always welcome new people,” Hankinson says.

“But we are very much a family. I’m closer to many people in the leather community than I am to my own blood family.”

Any friendship is what you make of it, he adds, and traveling the world as part of the leather community has helped him develop an excellent support structure of others who are members of the leather community.

“Every community has its own different flavors, so to be part of bringing that together is great. I speak for Sir Alan and G-Man when I say we do what we do to give back.

We want people to be proud of our city and proud of our community.”

April 3, 2015 Community 35

36 Ads April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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Love and Affection Fave LGBT musician stops in Atlanta on last world tour

By GREGG SHAPIRO

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f you ask almost any lesbian or gay man to list their favorite female singer/songwriters, there are certain names that you can be sure will be included: Joni Mitchell, Kate Bush, Sarah McLachlan, Ani DiFranco, Tori Amos, and the late Laura Nyro are sure to be on the list.

Close to the top, if not at the top of those lists, will probably be British artist Joan Armatrading. A three-time Grammy Awardnominee, her trademark songs, including “Love and Affection,” “Down To Zero,” “Willow,” “Me Myself I,” “I’m Lucky,” “The Weakness In Me” and “Drop The Pilot,” to name a few, have, over the years, become part of the soundtrack to many of our lives.

Armatrading, notoriously mum about her personal life, while not officially out, did marry her longtime partner Maggie Butler in 2011. Beginning in the spring of 2015, Armatrading embarks on her final large-scale world tour. Not a retirement from touring, merely a scaling back.

CONTINUES ON PAGE 38

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April 3, 2015 A&E 37

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 37 Joan, if you don’t mind, I’d like to begin by putting the minds of your legion of fans at ease about this upcoming tour, which is described on your website as your “last major tour.” Does this mean you are retiring from touring altogether or that you may still occasionally perform concerts?

It’s my last major world tour. I tried to be as specific and tried to get people to understand that it wasn’t a retirement and it wasn’t a retirement from touring. It’s just that it was the last time I was going to have a major world tour on this scale. I’m 64 now. By the time the tour ends, I’ll be 65.

I did the first dates for this tour in April 2014 and then the tour started seriously in September 2014. It will end at the end of 2015. That’s a lot of months! After the age of 65, I don’t want to be touring 18 months nonstop. That’s what that’s about. It’s about cutting down drastically on live concert performances. The longest I want to be on the road after this tour is a month.

The tour is also described as your first solo tour. What was the thinking behind that?

It’s the first solo world tour. The very first time I came to America, which was in 1973, I did that on my own. I’ve never done a world tour on my own. That’s quite different. Because I knew this would be the last time I would be touring as extensively as I’m touring, I thought this would be a good time to do something like that. Otherwise, I’d have to come back and say, “What I meant to say was…” [laughs].

You had already released a couple of albums before your 1976 self-titled disc became a breakthrough for you. Why do you think that was the album that changed things for you and what do you think about the album in retrospect?

I like all my albums [laughs]. I don’t know. It’s like asking why anything, really.

You don’t really know. It’s that everything aligns at the right time. Really, you have no control over that. You can work towards it and you can think, “That’s what I’d like to happen,” but, in essence, you’re kind of in the lap of the gods.

Every writer has to, at some point think, “That’s the song I’ve written. That song’s going to do well.” I didn’t know that “Love and Affection,” 30-whatever years later, would still be as popular, if not more popular [laughs]. I didn’t know that. I certainly knew that it would be popular. I thought if people

Joan Armatrading (Photo by Andrew Catlin)

“Every writer has to, at some point think, ‘That’s the song I’ve written. That song’s going to do well.’ I didn’t know that ‘Love and Affection,’ 30-whatever years later, would still be as popular, if not more popular [laughs].”

– Joan Armatrading could hear it they would like it. I said to the record company, “That’s the song I want to be the single.” They did say to me, “Remember Joan, you asked for it.” That’s what they said to me [laughs].

Would it be fair to say you are aware of your LGBT following?

I think I’ve got a following in quite a lot of places. Whoever wants to follow my music. I know it’s a bit of a boring way that I answer, but it’s the truthful way. I want my music to be followed by as many people as

possible. I’m not going to exclude anybody.

I want everybody to like my music. I didn’t write my music so just my mother would like it. Or just white people or black people or short people or gay people or straight people. I want my music to be loved by everybody [laughs]. So I’m happy for everybody who likes my music. Absolutely.

Finally, Joan, in 2013 you released the album “Starlight.” Everybody wants to know if there is a new studio album in the works?

No. I’m thinking about a new studio album. But this tour is taking up all my time.

This tour is different for me because it’s just me on my own. When you’re working with a band onstage, at some point, every person in the band gets a rest. I just need to concentrate on just doing this. I don’t need to be thinking that I need to write this or do this. I just want to concentrate on this part because it’s enough. After the tour is finished, I will definitely be writing. I’m looking forward to it. My concentration at the moment is just this tour.

38 A&E April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

ACTING OUT

By JIM FARMER

‘Marisol’ brings about heavenly revolution David Crowe is on a hot streak. He’s been involved with Atlanta theater for many years, as an actor, with credits in plays such as the gay-themed “Love! Valour! Compassion!” at Actor’s Express, and also as a director.

For the last year, he has been directing seemingly nonstop: “Ravens & Seagulls” at The Essential Theatre, “The Elephant Man” at Georgia Ensemble Theatre, “Silent Sky” at Theatrical Outfit, and now a new production of “Marisol,” which won an Obie Award for playwright José Rivera, at Theater Emory. “Marisol” is a dark comedy and political satire with a lead character who, after an assault, receives a visit from her guardian angel just prior to a revolution in Heaven. We caught up with the out Crowe recently to find out what’s behind his prolific last 12 months.

Tell us about “Marisol” and how you got involved with it.

A longtime collaborator of mine, Michael Evenden, a professor at Emory ... when I came back to Atlanta, Freddie Ashley paired us up to work on the play, “The Judas Kiss.” We began working together and he and I hit it off.

We’ve worked on every show I’ve done since I moved back. He suggested to Jan Akers, who runs Theater Emory, that she look at me for a directing job. She and I met and hit it off, too.

I love the play. I have never directed it before.

Is it hard to work with a combination of student actors and professional actors?

We have a ton of Emory students and then professional actors such as Veronika Duerr, Brandon Partrick, Christy Baggett and Danielle Deadwyler, most notably seen in “The C.A. Lyons Project” at the Alliance. I work with all actors the same way. We treat the play like we are detectives trying to figure it out. Young adults have great ideas and a lot of energy. When I get up to go to rehearsal in the morning at 10 a.m. there is a lot of energy that room!

What do you attribute your current hot streak to?

I have been doing this for about 20 years, on and off. I’ve been good at it but not great.

It’s never been a passion. I decided about five years ago that I wanted to pick something and see what would happen if I gave www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Danielle Deadwyler (left) and Natalia Via star in ‘Marisol,’ a dark comedy and political satire about an inattentive God, is set in post-apocalyptic New York. (Courtesy photo)

“With ‘Marisol,’ there are scenes that relate to the gay community, I think. Underneath the story is a real strong message of acceptance, about what can go wrong and what can happen in a world with extreme conservatism.”

David Crowe, director of ‘Marisol’

Details

‘Marisol’ Through April 12 Theater Emory Mary Gray Munroe Theater, 605 Asbury Circle NE, Atlanta www.theater.emory.edu it a hundred percent. Give it everything I could. I did that around the time “Equus” (at Actor’s Express) fell in my lap. For me, it’s deciding it’s something I wanted to do well. Also, people have responded well to my work, and I’ve good relationships with some great people, and some great opportunities.

It’s been a year of back-to-back work.

When did you move away and then back to Atlanta?

I moved away in 2006 to go to the University of Washington to study directing. My dad got sick and passed away in 2009 and I

moved back in the middle of the program to help my mom with him. I stayed in Atlanta.

Does being gay influence any of your decisions as a director?

I like to think that my experiences are the kind of thing that makes me approach a piece of writing in a specific way. I certainly have preferences about the kind of work I want to do, and the things I want to explore. With “Marisol,” there are scenes that relate to the gay community, I think. Underneath the story is a real strong message of acceptance, about what can go wrong and what can happen in a world with extreme conservatism. When you have a world full of people who are afraid then you have a world full of people that are constantly pushing things away. The character of Marisol, she learns that healing and moving forward comes when you can embrace the people around you.

Being gay, you do find these themes and dig them out of plays.

April 3, 2015 Columnists 39

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By Terri Schlichenmeyer

Author opens his soul in powerful memoir

REVIE W I’m sorry.

There they are: two words you learned (or should’ve learned) as a toddler to make amends, set things right, receive forgiveness, and move on.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

If acknowledged, those words are cathartic and weight-lifting. If ignored, they can crush. Or, as in the new book “I Left It on the Mountain” by Kevin Sessums, they can do both over the course of a lifetime.

On the morning of his 53rd birthday, Kevin Sessums woke up in a funk.

It wasn’t his workload that his body had “already begun to rebel at;” he was scheduled that evening to attend an Oscar party with Courtney Love. No, what plagued him was that he’d signed up to walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in Spain, a pilgrimage of 500-some miles.

Sessums wasn’t sure what he hoped to gain by walking the Camino. He’d been told that the trek was spiritual, one “that pilgrims have walked for over two thousand years.”

He’d been told that it would change him.

Change was what he realized he needed.

As a child growing up in Mississippi, Sessums was a “sissy boy” and he knew that he’d disappointed his father. Efforts to align with his father betrayed his mother in ways that hurt her. But because both his parents died when Sessums was nine years old, he couldn’t ask for their forgiveness.

Molested at thirteen, now HIV positive and feeling abandoned as an adult, Sessums had been binging on drugs and sex for months when a friend suggested the Camino. The journey “beckoned”–but not without questions.

“How,” Sessums mused, “do I fully combine the spiritual with the carnal?”

Weeks later, the answer arrived in pieces as he chose the more difficult path of the Camino walk, up hills and through mud, fighting blisters and exhaustion but noticing men and miracles. Answers would come as he learned to “let go” and as he met people he enjoyed, “including now myself.”

But that’s not the pinnacle of this powerful memoir–not by a long shot. And yet,

Details ‘I Left it On the Mountain’

By Kevin Sessums St. Martin’s Press, 2015 $29.99 273 pages

my emotions ran the gamut from “OMG” to “Ho-hum” while reading “I Left It on the Mountain.”

To start, author Kevin Sessums is a firstrate memoirist. He opens his heart and soul and lets you see everything that’s there: warm childhood memories, recollections of time spent with “heightened acquaintances,” love of (and frustration with) family, painful years of grief, loss, and fear. This unfiltering and the diary part of his Camino journey–the passages about passages, if you will–both underscore his talent.

Readers, however–especially readers unfamiliar with New York society or the pop-culture-fashion magazine industry–may struggle with frequent, unfamiliar name-dropping.

I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention the presence of very explicit, brutal sex…

Still, despite eye-poppers and flaws that really aren’t flaws, there was a bigger part of me that couldn’t put this book aside. It’s beautiful, it’s ugly, and if you skip reading “I Left it On the Mountain,” you may never forgive yourself.

40 A&E April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

EATING MY WORDS

By CLIFF BOSTOCK

Off the beaten path A couple of years ago, Anthony Bourdain– the self-styled “badass” of foodie TV–came to Atlanta to tour the city’s hotspots. Like him, I can’t resist cheap, spicy, and kinda seedy. So, among the 20 places he mentioned the standout for me was El Taco Veloz.

The original location of this taqueria (5084 Buford Hwy., 770-936-9094) has quite limited seating, so I suggest you visit one of the roomier five others that have opened over the last 10 or 15 years. The most convenient to in-towners is the one in Chamblee (3245 Chamblee-Dunwoody Road, 770-458-7779, www.tacoveloz.com).

We live in a city swamped with taquerias, but Veloz hovers at the top of my list. Ever since they opened, I’ve been in love with the chile-relleno burrito–two cheese-fillled poblano peppers wrapped in a big tortilla. You can–a la Moe’s– add all kinds of crap, but please don’t do that.

If you gotta have something, let it be some of the beans, along with cilantro and a green sauce.

(You can also get tacos made with the chiles.)

During my most recent visit, I pigged out and also ordered a carnitas taco, a chicken tamale, and perfumy, velvety rice pudding.

The tamale was maybe the best I’ve encountered in an Atlanta restaurant in years– freshly steamed in a cornhusk, redolent of sweet corn meal, and full of juicy meat. Not a patch of dryness. They aren’t on the main menu. They’re buried among the side dishes.

The menu is extensive. There are also breakfast dishes, tortas (sandwiches), fried and grilled fish, and plates. Please don’t fail to splash around in the salsa bar. The range of tastes will teach you how complexly sharp your bashful tongue can be. Expect to spend next to nothing, seriously.

Heading west for K-burgers When a friend recently suggested we visit Ssam Burger on the Westside (2702 Defoors Ferry Road, 404-609-5533, www.ssamburgeratlanta.com), I kinda groaned. I’m getting really, really tired of the Korean fast-food fusion thing. Make a sandwich or taco, dump kimchi on it, and supposedly you’ve created an amazing cross-cultural dish. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

- since 1997 -

- since 1997 -

Tortas, or sandwiches, are a popular item at El Taco Veloz. (Courtesy photo)

Fortunately, Ssam Burger, which opened about a year ago, does it creatively. The five burgers all feature intensely flavorful Angus beef, mainly marinated in Korean barbecue sauce. Then the kitchen goes a little deliciously nuts by, for example, topping the patty with blue cheese, shiitake mushrooms, and chimichurri sauce to create the Kenoko burger.

How about an Aloha Burger? You get the barbecued patty plus, bacon, caramelized pineapple, and sriracha mayo. The Saigon Burger impersonates the popular Vietnamese banh mi sandwich, borrowing its lemongrass, pickled carrots, daikon and cucumber. The most popular choice seems to be the Kimcheese–the barbecue-marinated patty topped with provolone cheese, a kimchi relish and Ssam sauce that barely burns the tongue but is faintly, mysteriously sweet.

The restaurant also offers chicken and veggie burgers. There are a few classic rice bowls. The only one I’ve tried featured spicy pork with shredded lettuce and grilled onions and carrots. (I ordered brown rice instead of white for $1 extra.) I can’t really recommend it. The pork was tangy-hot, fresh off the grill, but the bowl was overall monotonous.

we bake both ways Named People Magazine’s “Best Wedding Cakes in Georgia!”

www.metrobakery.com

Cliff Bostock, PhD, is a long-time Atlanta food critic and former psychotherapist who now specializes in collaborative life coaching (404-518-4415).

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Our Guide to the Best LGBT Events in Atlanta for April 3-April 16

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SUNDAY, APRIL 5

Easter Day means the Armorettes annual drag race at the Hideaway. Love is in the air, flowers are blooming, and queens all over Atlanta are prepared to show off their best Easter bonnet! This is an official Armorettes fundraiser. The fun all starts at 2 p.m. with sign-ups for the games starting at 3 p.m., www.atlantahideaway.com (File photo)

THURSDAY, APRIL 2 – SUNDAY, APRIL 5

Strike! The Dixie Invitational Bowling Tournament brings hundreds to town for the four-day sporting event, www.dixiebowl.org

EVENT SPOTLIGHT SATURDAY, APRIL 4

The Heretic offers up free line dance lessons from 8 – 9 p.m., followed by country dance until midnight, then DJ Mike Pope brings out the dance music at 12:30 a.m., www.hereticatlanta.com (Photo via Facebook)

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FRIDAY, APRIL 3 – SUNDAY, APRIL 5

Hairy men of all kind will be at Oz Campground as the Bear Necessities weekend event gets underway, www.ozcampground.com

FRIDAY, APRIL 3

“Marcus; or the Secret of Sweet,” written by award-winning playwright Tarell Alvin McCraney, starring a gay lead character, continues its run through

April 26, with an 8 o’clock performance tonight, Actor’s Express, www.actorsexpress.com The Traxx Ladies Lounge 2.0 Fridays event is every Friday at 9 p.m., featuring rotating entertainers/DJs/hosts, with a dance party and show until 3 a.m., My Sister’s Room, www.mysistersroom.com

SATURDAY, APRIL 4

Atlanta Pride hosts Chair Yoga as a fundraiser, $5, 9 – 10 a.m., Phillip Rush Center, www.rushcenteratl.org The Human Rights Campaign and Jungle Atlanta present Her HRC 2015, featuring a battle of the DJs between DJ

Canvas, DJ Ree De La Vega, DJ Sed, and DJ Shejay Liz Owen. With dancing and a special VIP performance by local comedians Lace Larrabee and Dulcé Sloan. VIP doors open at 4:15 p.m. and the VIP comedy show starts at 5:15 p.m., general admission is at 5:45 p.m. with the contest beginning at 6 p.m. Tickets available at hrc.org/herhrcatlanta The Lesbian 50+ Potluck and Social combines great food and great company.

Attendees are asked to bring a covered dish and their own beverage. 6 – 8 p.m., Phillip Rush Center, www.rushcenteratl.org The Gentlemen’s Foundation hosts a wine tasting fundraiser at Sherlock’s

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

TELL US ABOUT YOUR

LGBT EVENT

Submit your LGBT event for inclusion in our online and print calendars by emailing event info to editor@thegavoice.com Wine Merchant in Decatur, featuring live music by Coriology, a portion of the funds will benefit 4US Sports, an organization helping LGBT athletes, from 7-9 p.m., tickets available at www.thegentlemensfoundation.org The Atlanta Opera presents the classic “The Marriage of Figaro” tonight through April 12, with a performance tonight at 8, Cobb Energy Performance Arts Centre, www.cobbenergycentre.com The Atlanta Eagle hosts Bar+Code “What Code is Your Mode” night with DJ Eric spinning the beats, 10 p.m., www.atlantaeagle.com DJ Deanne returns to Jungle Atlanta, with a dance party beginning at 10:30 p.m., www.jungleatl.com

FRIDAY, APRIL 3

SUNDAY, APRIL 5

Charis Circle From Margin to Center Event. The suggested donation is $5. 7:30 – 9 p.m., www.charisbooksandmore.com

Late night partiers can dance to the tunes of DJ Ana Paula, 3 a.m., Xion Atlanta, www.cariocaproductions.com

MONDAY, APRIL 6

Monday Mingle at Blake’s is an opportunity to network, with a free buffet and prizes, 5:30 – 7:30 p.m., www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com Trans and Friends: a Project of the Feminist Outlawz is a youth focused group for trans people, people questioning their own gender, and aspiring allies. This is a project of the Feminist Outlawz. This event is co-sponsored by Charis Circle’s Strong Families, Whole Children Program.

There is no suggested donation for youth participants of this program but adults and allies may make a donation. 7 – 8:30 p.m., Charis Books and More, www.charisbooksandmore.com The PFLAG Atlanta support group meets tonight from 7:30 – 9 p.m. at Universalist Unitarian, www.uuca.org

TUESDAY, APRIL 7

Nina MacLaughlin reads from “Hammer Head: The Making of a Carpenter,” a passionate book full of sweat, swearing, bashed thumbs, and a deep sense of finding real meaning in work and life. This is a

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

The gay-themed ‘An Honest Liar,’ about magician James Randi, opens at the Midtown Art Cinema, www.landmarktheatres.com (Photo via Facebook)

Angelica D’Paige is the emcee for Drageoke at Burkhart’s at 10:30 p.m., www.burkharts.com

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8

Auction, a cocktail party & fundraising auction. Entertainment will be provided by The Will Scruggs Band and food by Steel Restaurant & Lounge Atlanta, Soiree Catering and Events, Strip at Atlantic Station, and Bridge Catering. Star cocktails are provided by Tito’s, from 6 – 9 p.m., www.jerusalemhouse.org

The Icarus Project Atlanta, a local support network and media project by and for people who experience the world in ways that are often diagnosed as mental illness, hosts its monthly meeting tonight. This event is sponsored by Charis Circle’s Urban Sustainability and Wellness Program.

7 – 8:30 p.m., Charis Books, www. charisbooksandmore.com

The HRC Atlanta Dinner & Auction Committee is teaming up with its Membership Outreach Committee to put on a pre-dinner reception at the W Hotel in Midtown. Enjoy some drinks, free appetizers, complimentary valet parking and great conversations from 6:30 – 9 p.m. in the W’s main bar, The Living Room. www.watlantamidtown.com

Drag Wars is a weekly open battle for all drag performers: experienced, first timers, queens and kings are all eligible to come to fight it out! Sign up is every Wednesday from 8 – 8:30 p.m. with the battle at 9 p.m., Jungle Atlanta, www.jungleatl.com

Charis welcomes local author Ellie Collins to celebrate the publication of “Empire Valley: The Arrival,” the first book in her new series. After the government is forced to accept the existence of supernatural creatures, they are rounded up, imprisoned and shipped off to an island to live out the rest of their days, forbidden to leave or to ever have contact with humanity again. This is a Charis Circle From Margin to Center Literary Event. The suggested donation is $5. 7:30 – 9 p.m., www.charsibooksandmore.com

THURSDAY, APRIL 9

SAGE Atlanta hosts its Social Hour at 10 a.m. followed by a general meeting at 11 a.m., Phillip Rush Center, www.rushcenteratl.com Join Jerusalem House for the sixth annual The Stars Party & Silent

CONTINUES ON PAGE 44

EVENT SPOTLIGHT SUNDAY, APRIL 5

It’s Easter Sunday Service at Church with DJ Vicki Powell and special guests Mark Louque, King Atlas, and a performance by Atlanta’s bearded lady Hydrangea Heath, 6 p.m., Sister Louisa’s Church of the Living Room and Ping Pong Emporium, www.facebook.com/ events/855750314486900 (File photo Russell Younglood)

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 43 Charlene, Suzanne and all the Sugarbakers are part of “Designing Women #9,” opening at Onstage Atlanta tonight and running through April 19, showtime at 8 p.m., www.onstageatlanta.com

FRIDAY, APRIL 10 – 12

Atlanta Leather Pride 2015 is this weekend, with the crowning of Mr. and Ms. Atlanta Eagle, the Mr. Southeast Rubber contests and more, Atlanta Eagle, www.atlantaleatherpride.com

FRIDAY, APRIL 10 – 12

Over a million people will visit Piedmont Park this weekend for the annual Dogwood Festival, www.dogwood.org

FRIDAY, APRIL 10

EVENT SPOTLIGHT FRIDAY, APRIL 10

Femme Fatale with Destiny Brooks and Shavonna Brooks cranks up at 11 p.m., Burkhart’s, www.burkharts.com (Photo via Facebook)

Edie Cheezburger presents “The Other Show,” the most unique drag show in Atlanta, while the Other Girls will leave you gasping with laughter and surprise.

Admission is $5, Jungle, 10 p.m., Jungle Atlanta, www.jungleatl.com

SATURDAY, APRIL 11

The Outworlders Spring Picnic is today with the infamous Iron Chef competition, 10:30 a.m. – 4 p.m., Brook Run Park and Playground,

PROFESSIONAL DIRECTORY To advertise, contact: sales@thegavoice.com

44 Best Bets April 3, 2015

4770 N. Peachtree Road, Dunwoody, GA 30338, www.facebook.com/ events/1645537019007674 Out director Brian Clowdus’ “Man of La Mancha” closes tonight at 8 p.m., www. serenbeplayhouse.com Join Atlanta Pride for Sips-N-Strokes Pride Night, a night of painting and awesome giveaways. Bring snacks and drinks of your choice and plenty of money for raffle and auction items! Please register by contacting Sips-N-Strokes Toco Hills directly at 404-901-1099. The event is from 6:30 – 9 p.m., www.sipsnstrokes.com

SUNDAY, APRIL 12

Wake up and make joyful noise at Gospel Brunch, with the Sisters of Sequin, hosted by Bubba D. Licious and Justice Counce, with brunch seating at 12:30 p.m. and the show at 1:30 p.m., Lips Atlanta, www.lipsatl.com

MONDAY, APRIL 13

The Peaches Ripe Succulente & Ready to Host Trivia starts at 10 p.m., Blake’s, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

TUESDAY, APRIL 14

Former Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts reads from, discusses and

signs copies of his new book, “Frank: A Life in Politics from the Great Society to Same-Sex Marriage,” at the Carter Center. Tickets are $30 and includes a book, while couples tickets are $40 and also includes one book. Tickets may be purchased at A Cappella Books in Inman Park or at www.brownpapertickets.com/ event/1362541. The evening begins at 7 p.m.,acappellabooks.com/

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15

B–15! Ruby Redd hosts Birdcage Bingo at 8:30 p.m., and it’s free to play, The Hideaway, www.atlantahideaway.com Darlene Majewski hosts Humpday Karaoke at 10:30 p.m. at Burkhart’s, www.burkharts.com

THURSDAY, APRIL 16

An Evening with David Sedaris celebrates the paperback release of the novelist’s popular “Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls,” tonight at 7:30 p.m., Fox Theatre, www.foxtheatre.org The King of Thrones Drag Show, hosted by Niko Giavanni, is tonight, with a $5 cover all night, $5 Smirnoff drinks, $5.99 wing baskets and $2 tacos, My Sister’s Room, www.mysistersroom.com

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April 3, 2015 Ads 45

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

By MELISSA CARTER

Family wills Family can come in many different forms. You can be part of a traditional or nontraditional family that lives under one roof, or your family may consist of a collection of friends.

How close you are to your family can also be diverse, and the best way to find out how a family member felt about you is when their last will and testament is read for the first time.

It was revealed this week that former University of North Carolina men’s basketball coach Dean Smith, who died in February, left $200 to every one of his players who received a varsity letter. According to Smith’s trust, the money included the message, “enjoy a dinner out, compliments of Coach Dean Smith.” The trustee says 180 checks were cut, with a total value of $36,000 worth of dinners.

Another example of a friend-focused will is Marilyn Monroe’s. She gave all her belongings and clothes to her acting coach, Lee Strasberg. The will instructed Lee to distribute the items to her friends and family, but he never gave them away. He instead stored them in a warehouse.

Napoleon Bonaparte requested that his head be shaved after his death and the hair given to his friends and family. Whether they wanted that treasure was never revealed.

When author Robert Louis Stevenson died, he left his friend Annie Ide something unique. She had previously complained to Stevenson about the inconvenience of being born on Christmas, so he left her November 13 as a new birthday.

Let’s not forget about our four-legged family members. They have been included in many famous wills, like fashion designer Alexander McQueen’s. He left $75,000 of his fortune to his dogs.

Hotel owner Leona Helmsley left $12 million to her Maltese dog, cutting most of her family out of the will, while Quaker State heiress Eleanor Ritchey passed her $4.5 million fortune to her 150 dogs in Florida.

When the last dog died, the remainder of the estate went to Auburn University for research into animal diseases.

How close you are to your family can also be diverse, and the best way to find out how a family member felt about you is when their last will and testament is read for the first time.

But it’s not just dogs that can reap the benefits in a will. When animal lover Jonathan Jackson died in the 1800s, his will left money for the creation of a cat house, where the animals could enjoy the comforts of a dining hall, an auditorium to listen to live music in, bedrooms, an exercise room, and a specially-designed roof safe for climbing.

Romance can be the most exciting part of a will. To remind his wife how much he loved her after he died, comedian Jack Benny included in his will that a single long-stemmed red rose be delivered to her every day for the rest of her life. She lived 9 years beyond him and received over 3,000 flowers.

However, if the romance dies, the language of a will can look like German poet Heinrich Heine’s, who left his entire fortune to his wife, but with the catch that she had to remarry. His reason? According to the will: “Because then there will be at least one man to regret my death.”

Spending time with family can be either rewarding or taxing. Either way, you do it because you love them. But you may want to take better care of how you spend that time, since you may not get a clear idea of how they feel about you until it’s in writing.

Melissa Carter is one of the Morning Show hosts on B98.5. She is recognized as one of the first out radio personalities in Atlanta and one ofthe few in the country. Follow her on Twitter@MelissaCarter

46 Columnists April 3, 2015 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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