The Georgia Voice - 2/1/13 Vol.3, Issue 24

Photo by Bo Shell

“In high school these girls got mad at me and so they spread this rumor that I was having a gay relationship with one of my closest friends. And they even made up a little dance they would do in the girl’s locker room about me being gay. I still don’t know what the dance was.”

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EDITORIAL

Editor: Laura Douglas-Brown lbrown@thegavoice.com Deputy Editor: Dyana Bagby dbagby@thegavoice.com Web Manager: Ryan Watkins rwatkins@thegavoice.com

Contributors: Melissa Carter, Brent Corcoran, Jim Farmer, Shannon Hames, Topher Payne, Matt Schafer, Steve Warren, Ryan Lee

BUSINESS

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— Actor James Franco discussing being bullied in high school over rumors of his sexuality (MTV.com, Jan. 22)

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BOARD OF ADVISERS

Richard Eldredge, Sandy Malcolm, Lynn Pasqualetti, Robert Pullen All material in the Georgia Voice is protected by federal copyright law and may not be reproduced without the written consent of the Georgia Voice. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers and cartoonists published herein is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or pictorial representation does not necessarily indicate the sexual orientation of that person or persons. We also do not accept responsibility for claims made by advertisers.

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“The policy change under discussion would allow the religious, civic or educational organizations that oversee and deliver scouting to determine how to address this issue. .... Under this proposed policy, the BSA would not require any chartered organization to act in ways inconsistent with that organization’s mission, principles or religious beliefs.”

“I support civil unions because it gives people, gays and lesbians, the right to make decisions on their own.

If they want to get married, let them choose who they want to be with.”

— Denver Nuggets basketball player Kenneth Faried in a video with his two mothers for Colorado LGBT advocacy organization Colorado One (Youtube.com, Jan. 25)

“This is just unbelievable to me. This is a suicide mission on the part of the Boy Scouts. They’re done. They’re toast.

They’re history. We know that homosexuals offend against children at roughly 10 times the rate that heterosexuals offend against young children. There is a risk there — it’s just insanity that they are relaxing the standard.”

— Boy Scouts of American spokesman Deron Smith on reports that the organization is considering lifting its ban on gay members (Time, Jan. 28)

— Bryan Fischer, director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association, in a video posted to the AFA website (Salon.com, Jan. 29)

02.01.13 NEWS YouthPride tax return raises more questions. Page 4 Immigration reform tops key issues at LGBT Creating Change. Page 6 Emory alumni still want Chick-fil-A kicked off campus. Page 8 Gay former Salvation Army exec brings ‘whole self’ to AID Atlanta. Page 9 Senate race to replace Chambliss may draw anti-gay politicos. Page 9

MATING & DATING Johnny and Julian: Two of hearts. Page 10 Avian and Chantrece: Adventure dates and Bible study. Page 11 Christopher and Robert: Marriage for a good cause. Page 11 Events: Love on the Rocks, Create Love for Women. Page 13 Couples give their advice on love and romance. Pages 14-15 The not-so-secret sex habits of modern homosexuals. Page 16 Choosing romantic solitude over a resentful relationship. Page 17

A&E Atlanta Ballet hosts ‘Dracula’ gay fans night. Page 19 Theater: ‘Bike America’ makes world premiere at Alliance. Page 19 Food Porn: Looking for outlaw love. Page 20 Events: ‘Purim Off Ponce’ gives LGBT twist to Jewish holiday. Page 21

CALENDAR Pages 22-24

“He told me, if you ever doubt how I feel about you, you need to remember this moment. You never really know with men. Men aren’t prone to expressing their feelings for you. It floored me.”

— Neon Douglass on the marriage proposal his fiance, Sean Lanoue, painted on the Krog Street tunnel (GA Voice, Jan. 29)

COLUMNISTS That’s What She Said: Melissa Carter worries about coddled kids. Page 26 GLAAD publicity photo

The Georgia Voice

OUTSPOKEN IN THEIR OWN WORDS

Domestically Disturbed: Topher Payne fears a ghost baby more than death. Page 27 facebook.com/thegavoice twitter.com/thegavoice

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News

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YouthPride tax return lists wrong board of directors

wake of the organization’s desperate plea for funds in late 2011.

The return was filed using YouthPride’s new address of 955 Washington Place SW, Atlanta, GA 30314. The agency was forced to move in 2012 after it was sued for unpaid rent at its former home in Inman Park. YouthPride closed June 1 and reopened June 17 at the house on Washington Place.

YouthPride’s move capped months of questions about the financial stability and leadership of the agency which began in December 2011, when then-Board Chair Jordan Myers posted Dec. 9 on Facebook that YouthPride needed to raise $25,000 in one week to remain open.

McPhaul then said Dec. 16, 2011, that YouthPride had to raise $40,000 by Dec. 31, but the agency remained open after that date passed.

Subsequent questions from GA Voice revealed the organization was operating without the five-member board required in its bylaws and had not held a board meeting since December 2010.

The list of board members on YouthPride’s website was also revised at least three times early last year, each after GA Voice contacted board members who were listed but said they were no longer involved.

Following GA Voice’s coverage, an independent, ad-hoc committee formed to try to help evaluate YouthPride’s financial status. The committee determined the agency was deep in debt.

While McPhaul will not answer questions from GA Voice about YouthPride, its website lists drop-in hours and a series of discussion groups, as well as a plea for more donations and other needs.

Handwritten form lists members who say they were not involved

By Dyana Bagby and Laura-Douglas Brown dbagby@thegavoice.com The most recent tax return for YouthPride lists board members who say they were not involved with the group at the time, echoing ongoing questions about leadership and accountability at the Atlanta-based LGBT youth agency.

The handwritten tax return, which is riddled with crossed-out numbers, is for the YouthPride fiscal year that began Oct. 1, 2010, and ended Sept. 30, 2011.

The return was stamped received by the IRS on Sept. 18, 2012. It was filed by YouthPride Executive Director Terence McPhaul, who dated his signature May 30, 2012.

The return lists 11 YouthPride board members: Jordan Myers (president), Frances Ann Moran (vice president), Jamie Ensley (treasurer), Randy New, Sarah Berlin, Tim Bright, Tyler Coon, Seth Persily, Marlys Bergstrom, Theresa Willis and Brandon Oldham (secretary).

The tax return reports there were 11 voting members of the governing body at the end of the fiscal year (Sept. 30, 2011). McPhaul also checked “yes” that all members of the governing body received a complete copy of the 990 before he filed it.

But Ensley, Persily and Moran confirmed to GA Voice that they were not members of the board at the time and they had not seen the return before it was filed.

“During the fiscal period 10/1/10 through 9/30/11, I was no longer a board member nor YouthPride’s treasurer,” Ensley said.

“Furthermore, after reviewing this return, if I had been treasurer, I would have never submitted nor approved sending a 990 tax return to the IRS that was this messy and lizard-butt ugly,” Ensley added, noting that he remains willing to help YouthPride on an informal basis.

Persily said he left the YouthPride board in May 2009 when he and his partner became the fathers of twins.

Moran said she left the board in April 2011 when she moved to North Carolina.

Oldham stated in an email last year that he served on the board starting around 2009 through mid 2011 when he moved to Australia.

New, who was on the board for the fiscal year that ended in September 2011, said this week he had not seen the return and added he was surprised YouthPride filed a tax return in the first place, because he believed the organization to be closed.

“I wasn’t aware there would be, or even hypothetically could be, a YouthPride tax return when

Financial assets

Top: YouthPride Executive Director Terence McPhaul filed the agency’s 2011 tax return in May 2012. The handwritten form (above) stated YouthPride received a total of $1,286,099 in ‘total support’ for the last five fiscal years.

there is presumably no such organization,” New said. “I am however certain my name shouldn’t appear on any page of any such return.”

Public records show that YouthPride’s last corporate filing with the Georgia Secretary of State was in April 2012. YouthPride’s record with the state still lists CEO Jordan Myers, CFO Jamie Ensley and Secretary Brandon Oldham — although neither Ensley nor Oldham were still involved in April 2012.

McPhaul has repeatedly denied requests for interviews about the current status of YouthPride, most recently stating that interviews must go to current Board Chair Theresa Willis.

The website for YouthPride now lists as board members: Willis, Myers, Tracee McDaniel and

an unfilled youth member seat. Myers has not returned requests for comment in almost a year.

Requests for comment about the 2011 tax return sent via email to McPhaul, Willis, Myers and McDaniel went unanswered.

In December, Willis declined to say who was on the YouthPride board and told GA Voice she would give an interview in February, “after the holidays.”

Ongoing questions

Questions over who serves on YouthPride’s board, and whether the organization is in compliance with its bylaws that require a five-member board, have lingered since GA Voice began asking about YouthPride’s leadership in the

The 2011 YouthPride tax return filed by McPhaul is written by hand and filled with crossed out numbers — starting with the top of the form itself, where McPhaul simply crossed out the date on a 2010 form and wrote in 2011.

The form reports that YouthPride received a total of $1,286,099 in “total support” for the last five fiscal years: $267,223 in 2007; $299,433 in 2008; $217,815 in 2009; $301,628 in 2010; and $200,000 in 2011.

According to the return, YouthPride had net assets of $208,927 at the beginning of the current fiscal year — so as of Oct. 1, 2010.

That figure included $26,440 in cash, $141,375 in pledges and grants receivable, and $46,112 in “land, buildings and equipment.” The agency also owed $5,000 in a note.

The return says YouthPride received $301,638 in “total revenue” over the next 12 months, with $213,122 in “total expenses.”

The return lists only $35,505 in net assets at the end of the fiscal year — so as of Sept. 30, 2011. The agency lists only $2,505 in cash at the end of the 2011 fiscal year.

YouthPride began its public pleas for funding less than three months later.

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Creating Change through discussion, policy Activists: LGBT communities must ally with others to ensure equality for all

By Dyana Bagby dbagby@thegavoice.com When President Barack Obama announced Tuesday in Las Vegas that now is the time for “common-sense comprehensive immigration reform,” he echoed a crucial portion of the national LGBT Creating Change conference in Atlanta.

Now is the time for immigration reform and now is the time for LGBT people to accept that immigration reform is part of their movement as well, said numerous activists throughout the Creating Change conference, held Jan. 23-27 at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Atlanta. The 25th annual conference, which is held in a different city each year, drew more than 3,000 activists from across the country as well as China and Taiwan.

While President Obama didn’t speak publicly about LGBT families during his Jan. 29 speech on immigration reform, he included provisions for bi-national gay and lesbian couples in his framework for reform, as well as the principles of the DREAM Act — “legislation that provides a streamlined path to citizenship for young people who came to the country as children and are going to school or serving their country.”

Jose Antonio Vargas, a gay Pulitzer-winning journalist who “came out of a second closet” when he revealed to in a 2011 New York Times Magazine essay that he was an undocumented immigrant, was presented the Creating Change Award during the Jan. 25 plenary. He urged attendees to pay attention to the issue and to stand up for their friends and allies in the movement.

“As immigration reform becomes the key issue of this year, we must advocate for each other so no one is left out of the conversation,”Vargas said.

There are approximately 11 million undocumented people living in the U.S. and in the past four years, the Obama administration has deported more than 1.5 million undocumented people — including LGBT people.

Rea Carey, executive director of The Task Force, gave a State of the Movement speech on Jan. 24, and said while we can embrace recent victories on the marriage front as well as the reelection of President Obama, there is still much to be done to ensure all of those within the LGBT family are not left behind.

“If there is one message we can take away from Election Night 2012, it is that we are not alone. We are not alone as a movement, as a people, and we need to make sure no one else is alone either.

“Yes, this is our moment — an LGBT movement moment. But, if we are to be truly transfor-

Pulitzer-winning journalist Jose Antonio Vargas (far right), who made popular the term ‘undocumented American,’ leads a panel on immigration reform with DREAM activists at this year’s Creating Change conference. (Photo by Dyana Bagby)

mational as a movement, we must use this moment to not only benefit LGBT people but the country as a whole. That is our leadership challenge as a movement,” she said.

What now?

Carey also sat in on a panel that discussed national LGBT political strategy under the next four years of the Obama administration with other top leaders: Jamie Ensley, vice chair of the Log Cabin Republicans, who lives in Atlanta and is also a board member of Georgia Equality; Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality; Sharon Lettman-Hicks, executive director of the National Black Justice Coalition; and Kirk Fordham, executive director of Gill Action, a organization founded by philanthropist Tim Gill which funds state-focused campaigns to defeat anti-gay measures as well as help pro-LGBT candidates and policies.

The Task Force runs a coalition of 27 organizations, most LGBT but not all, and before President Obama was elected in 2008 the coalition conducted an inventory of the federal government to determine where discrimination exists, Carey explained.

“We looked for things that did not need Congressional approval and started out with 80 policies and made them user-friendly for the administration,” she said, noting this can work at the state level as well.

“We’ve been able to change seven to 10 policies a year. One of the most notable is getting the Department of Commerce to count our mar-

riages,” Carey said.

The coalition was also a force in getting the administration to implement a policy that prohibits discrimination against LGBT people who apply for public housing.

For the second term, one of the challenges is that the policies being addressed by the coalition are not as high profile but will have a huge impact on LGBT lives, she said. For example, ensuring LGBT questions are included on every federal survey given.

“There are hundreds and hundreds of federal surveys that collect data but LGBT people are not there at all. We want to make sure our lives are represented,” Carey said.

Collecting this data will allow for LGBT groups to apply for funding and direct programs to the LGBT community, she said.

Keisling said transgender policies have progressed at “lightening speeds” under the first term of the Obama administration.

“What I love as a good government person and ideological person … is [the Obama administration] hasn’t turned the keys over to the left wing. We’ve been saying here’s a problem, here’s how to fix it, and we usually win it,” she said, adding that the gay movement is now generally trans inclusive.

More than marriage

But in the future the LGBT movement has to understand it cannot be a one-issue movement — that one issue being gay marriage.

Having Obama recognize marriage equality

For more photos and videos from Creating Change, visit www.theGAVoice.com. in his inaugural speech was a great feat, but it also sends the message that the LGBT movement had reached full maturity even though there are still so many other issues to work on, Keisling said.

Ensley said that with a second term, there typically comes a nine or 10 month span when real legislation can get passed — and this is the year to finally pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which would ban job discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

The National Black Justice Coalition wants people to be mindful that it is a black president that has been the most LGBT-supportive president ever and that it is time to undo the “black versus gay narrative” that has played out for years.

“Gay people, you need to understand black people and listen to them and reach out to them,” Lettman-Hicks said, adding that black LGBT people have a 36 percent unemployment rate compared to the national 8 percent.

Meaningful justice recognizes cultural differences, she added.

“When dealing with race and culture and LGBT identities we are multiple minorities.

Where is that in the scheme of things?” she asked. “Everyone has the data that is showing people of color who are LGBT are more out, poorer, and live in the South. But who is listening to it?”

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Emory alumni still want Chick-fil-A kicked off campus

National gay leader’s friendship with Dan Cathy not enough to end efforts

By Laura Douglas-Brown lbrown@thegavoice.com

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LGBT alumni and students as Atlanta’s Emory University won’t back down from their call to kick Chick-fil-A out of campus dining, despite a national gay activist’s revelation that he has formed a friendship with Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy.

Shane Windmeyer, executive director of national group Campus Pride, drew headlines with his Jan. 28 column posted on Huffington Post, “Dan and Me: My Coming Out as a Friend of Dan Cathy and Chick-fil-A.” Windmeyer wrote that “after months of personal phone calls, text messages and in-person meetings,” including attending the Chick-fil-A bowl with Cathy on New Year’s Eve in Atlanta, he now considers Cathy a friend.

The personal relationship, which began when Cathy called Windmeyer in August, is what prompted Campus Pride to suspend its “5 Simple Facts about Chick-fil-A” national college campaign last fall, Windmeyer explained.

After reviewing Chick-fil-A’s 2011 IRS Form 990 and 2012 financials, which have not been released publicly, Windmeyer said he also believes the organization no longer gives funds to “the most divisive anti-LGBT groups.”

But Windmeyer’s word is not enough to convince Emory’s LGBT alumni group, GALA, to withdraw their demand that the campus sever ties to the Atlanta-based chicken chain.

“We believe that the ‘Dan and Me’ article by Shane Windmeyer of Campus Pride, does not change the funding issue. Winshape continues to fund anti-LGBT organizations, albeit, according to Mr. Windmeyer, less evil ones,” GALA’s steering committee wrote in a statement to GA Voice.

“Emory GALA continues to stand behind our previous statements and until Chick-fil-A and Winshape release a statement that they will no longer fund any anti-LGBT organizations, we will continue to push for and support the removal of Chick-fil-A from Emory University’s campus,” the group stated.

The executive committee of Emory Pride, a student LGBT group, agreed.

Emory Pride leaders said Windmeyer and Cathy were “very brave” to engage in dialogue, and they are “heartened” that the company did not give to the most egregiously anti-gay groups.

However, “Chick-Fil-A has already become a symbol of hate that causes active harm, and this symbolic meaning will not disappear be-

Campus Pride Executive Director Shane Windmeyer posted this photo of him with Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy (right) at the Chick-fil-A Bowl to illustrate their friendship. (Photo via Huffington Post; posted by Windmeyer on Twitter)

cause of one man becoming friends with another,” the students said.

“We, as the Emory Pride Executive Committee, will not cease our campaign against Chick-Fil-A until all traces of homophobia are gone from it and all those who work for it and all those who patronize it.”

Emory won’t ask Chick-fil-A to leave

After controversy over Chick-fil-A heated up last summer, GALA sent a letter Aug. 23 to Emory President James Wagner raising concerns about the company’s millions in donations to groups that oppose LGBT rights.

In October, leaders from seven student LGBT groups sent a letter to Emory administrators decrying the ongoing presence of Chick-fil-A. Emory’s Student Government Association also passed a resolution in early December urging Emory to reconsider Chick-fil-A as a campus vendor, and LGBT rights supporters have protested the campus restaurant, located in the Cox Hall food court.

The Emory University administration issued a statement Dec. 17 that Cathy’s stands don’t reflect Emory’s values on LGBT issues, but Emory also values “open expression” and would not force Chick-fil-A to leave.

Concerns and conversations

Emory’s Office of LGBT Life, which is part of the administration, supports the official statement of the university on Chick-fil-A, according to Michael Shutt, director of the office.

Asked his reaction to Windmeyer’s column, Shutt declined in the name of LGBT unity.

“Although there are many concerns that come up for me, it is critical that we do not spend our time tearing down leaders in this movement.

“If we have concerns, we should have conversations within our community, not in public,” he said. “Those who work against our liberation will stand by and watch while we fight each other and destroy our own movement.”

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Gay Salvation Army fundraiser now working for AID Atlanta as ‘whole self’

By Dyana Bagby dbagby@thegavoice.com Joey Helton understands why people would question how he, as a gay man with a boyfriend, worked for seven years for the Salvation Army, raising more than $10 million for the religious nonprofit accused of discriminating against gay people.

Helton joined AID Atlanta, the Southeast’s largest HIV agency, as development director last month. In an interview with GA Voice, Helton said he is ready to bring his “whole self” to an organization he believes in and he hopes others will not focus on his last job with the Salvation Army. “ I can bring my partner with me to events. I never discussed my personal life and especially being in a gay relationship with a man while at the Salvation Army,” he told the GA Voice.

“And I knew it was time to make a change.”

While working at the Salvation Army in Georgia, Helton said he participated in several AIDS Walk Atlanta events and also made donations to AID Atlanta.

But Helton said he never talked about his personal life while he worked with the Salvation Army. He said it was like living in two separate worlds ― the professional and then the private. Now, at AID Atlanta, he said he can combine both.

“Now I can think of those in need while

AID Atlanta’s new development director Joey Helton worked for seven years with the Salvation Army, which has been accused of discriminating against gay people.

(Courtesty photo)

NEWS IN BRIEF working for AID Atlanta. Those who don’t have access to health insurance. I mean, thank goodness we have AID Atlanta because I believe every life deserves hope,” he said.

Anti-gay politicos lead in race to replace Sen. Chambliss U.S. Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Ga.) announced his intention to retire at the end of his current term in 2014.

Chambliss has not been a friend to the LGBT community during his time in Washington. He voted against “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal, the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act and is a supporter of the Defense of Marriage Act. GAPundit.com conducted a recent telephone poll of more than 1,000 Georgia voters to gauge who might have the best chance to replace Chambliss. The poll found former Ga. Gov. Sonny Perdue leading the pack of potential candidates with 22.4 percent support among likely voters. Perdue said Jan. 29 he doesn’t plan to run.

Perdue served as governor during the successful 2004 battle to pass a constitutional amendment in Georgia to ban same-sex marriage.

Former Secretary of State and gubernatorial candidate Karen Handel, the second place finisher in the survey with 15 percent, has been even more outspoken against gay equality, including marriage and adoption rights.

The rest of the field identified by GAPundit. com includes U.S. Reps. Paul Broun (10.3 percent), Tom Price (9.7 percent), Lynn Westmo-

Expect a crowded field of GOP candidates who oppose LGBT rights in the race to replace U.S. Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Ga.) upon his retirement in 2014. (Official photo)

reland (8.4 percent), Tom Graves (R-Ga.) (6.3 percent) and Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp (3.4 percent). 24.5 percent of those surveyed were “undecided.

Westmoreland, Price and Graves all received scores of 0 out of 100 on the most recent Congressional Scorecard from the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest LGBT political group.

Broun scored 15 out of 100, as did Chambliss.

— Ryan Watkins

February 1, 2013

GA Voice

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twoofhearts

10

johnny&julian: love, laughter and how to style your hair

by Dyana Bagby

Johnny Drago and Julian Modugno have been dating a year and now live together in a tiny studio apartment that is lined with books on nearly every wall.

Both are prolific writers and can be regularly seen at many of Atlanta’s numerous writing events sharing their craft. They also pursue their own creative projects — Johnny as an actor, Julian as a filmmaker — which gives them plenty to chat about over dinner.

They are also both quite fond of puns during their sexy times together — which seems to be a bit over the top.

Where and how did you both meet? How long have you been dating?

Johnny: We were friends for a few years first. We would run into each other at Mary’s and say horrible, drunken things. I made him operate lights and sound for a couple of my plays. I assumed he hated me.

Julian: Yeah, “friends” is a bit of an overstatement. We were in a state of mutual avoidance in which we paid basically no attention to each other.

I guess my prolific Facebook updates eventually won him over and he started hounding me.

After turning him down countless times, I finally relented. We spent that first date rolling our eyes at everyone else at the restaurant and that’s when I know there was a real spark between us.

Johnny: So, we’ve been together a little over a year. And we already live together, in my tiny studio apartment. It’s like one of those IKEA sample rooms, but with way more furniture from IKEA. Julian: If anybody ever tells you that two people can’t live comfortably in a 450-squarefoot apartment with two cats, listen to them.

Johnny: Listen to them and then run.

Julian: Straight to IKEA.

tion. As you can imagine, this gives us a lot to talk about. We’re both constantly bouncing ideas off one another, and improvising stories together, inventing characters, being weird.

Julian: We don’t really have too much conflict about writing since our voices are so different.

You are both artists. Do you ever clash about having a lot in common or do you find it bolsters the relationship?

Johnny: I’m involved with theater, Julian’s focused on filmmaking, and we both write fic-

What do you love about each other?

Johnny: I’ve never laughed this much with a boyfriend.

Julian: He’s really taught me a lot of new ways to style my hair.

Johnny Drago (left) and Julian Modugno have been dating for about a year and share a love of writing and puns. (Photo by Bo Shell)

What do you enjoy doing together?

Johnny: Honestly, we’re both so busy either working or doing art things or attending art things, that when we’re at home, we seriously zone out in front of the TV. Julian introduced me to “Buffy,” we watched the whole thing from start to finish, and it really changed the way I saw the role of punching on TV. Julian: Johnny’s great because he likes watching me play video games which is something I only thought possible in a male/female relationship dynamic. Thank you for breaking gender norms, babe. Now shut up and watch me slay this dragon.

When/where was your first kiss?

Julian: I had just gotten out of a really crummy relationship and was in a state of self-

imposed monastic celibacy. But then we went and saw Z.O.N.K.E.R.S over at Dad’s Garage on our second date and there was alcohol and you know how that goes.

Still, it was very prim and proper and that was it. Our next date had a more NC-17 ending.

Johnny: On our next date, we went to our first ever Write Club show, and then had sex in my Ford Focus.

Julian: Celibacy sucks.

What else do you want to share about your relationship that is sexy, honest, ridiculous?

Johnny: The phrase “murder-suicide pact” comes up with way more regularity than I might have expected.

Julian: Our sexual encounters are frequently interrupted by puns that were too good to save until afterwards.

Mating & Dating

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February 1, 2013

GA Voice

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avian&chantrece: adventure dates and Bible study

by Dyana Bagby Together for 16 months, Avian Watson and Chantrece Buggs met at a Traxx Girls event at Club Miami. But it was definitely not love at first sight.

“Her first words were, ‘You look like my ex girlfriend,’” Chantrece says.

“She favored an ex of mine and I immediately went the other way,” Avian adds with a smile.

But after time, the two struck up a friendship that developed into a relationship based on love, respect, attending church together and “adventure” dates.

Avian is the deputy director of The Vision Community Foundation and publicist for author Lakara Foster. She is also director of public relations and sponsorship for Traxx Girls, the renowned party promotion group that puts on some of the best parties for lesbians around the country. Chantrese works at Coca-Cola.

Was it love at first sight?

Were you friends first?

Avian: No, She favored an ex of mine and I immediately went the other way. We became friends over time but it took a long time for me to want to be her friend.

I had to see what type of person she was personally before I allowed her to even be called friend. She volunteered with Vision Community Foundation a lot which allowed the door of a blossoming friendship to take place.

Chantrece: It wasn’t love at first site because I was in a relationship. I was just

Avian Watson (left) and Chantrece Buggs plan to spend a pre-Valentine Day date in New Orleans during Mardi Gras before partying in Atlanta with Traxx Girls, the company Watson works for. (Photos by Shinehog.com)

amazed at how beautiful she was. I tried being her friend. Two years later she decided to be all right with that — just all right.

What do you love about each other?

Avian: I love how much Chantrece supports me in my endeavors. She really has my back when it comes to my journey as an entrepreneur. I love how caring and giving she is. I love how she makes me smile and has an interesting sense of humor. I love to see her smile.

Chantrece: I love the fact that my girlfriend has such a positive spirit. She is so motivating and such a go-getter. Her character is something people love and she is very consistent and most of all genuine.

What are some of your secrets to keeping your relationship fresh and romantic?

Avian: We go on adventurous date and trips and make sure we talk (communication

is key). We also go to Vision Church of Atlanta Sunday service and Bible Study where we have time to really break down the characterization of relationships and work towards building and maintaining a healthy one.

Chantrece: Keeping the gay world out of our business and making God number one in our business is my number one reason for a healthy relationship. We also attend Pastor Clay’s Life Class. That has helped so much.

What is the most romantic thing you have done for each other?

Avian: She surprises me with beautiful picnics or moments where we are doing a fun activity such as painting. I surprise her with beautiful notes everywhere and make her favorite dishes.

Chantrece: The most romantic thing I’ve done for her was decorate her office with her favorite things and spelled out “I love you A and W” (Avian Watson) with A&W root beer soda cans.

Do you go on dates? What kind of dates?

Avian: We go on adventures! We try to have date (day and/or night) at lease once a week or when our schedules are not so busy.

We go to New Orleans a lot as a date adventure. We also just drive and get lost and dine at a new restaurant or check out a new adventurous scene.

We have game nights with friends or to be more creative and build ginger bread houses, paint pottery, go to a comedy club or live music concert. We also have had beautiful picnics in the park. We celebrate our birthdays out of town so we can enjoy the highlights of the cities and towns we travel to.

Chantrece: Yes we love our dates — she calls them adventures. Now that I work a lot we try and go on my off days or her lunch breaks.

We love going to the movies. I wasn’t a movie person until I met her. Now I love catching the latest movies instead of waiting for them to come out on RedBox. What advice would you like to give to other couples?

Chantrece: I would say to other couples — find a woman that loves you for you. Not a materialistic woman but a woman that appreciates rather than expects nice things from her partner.

Find a woman that loves the Lord, a woman that’s genuine and has great character.

Avian: Enjoy the differences within each other. Celebrate the challenges you overcome. Don’t ever stop dating each other and make sure you talk about your challenges in a healthy way!

christopher&robert: saying ‘i do,’ helping animals, too

by Ryan Watkins Christopher Mitchell and Robert Keller met more than a decade ago when the couple shared a brief romance. But things were not meant to be. At least, not back then.

“We parted ways back in 2001,” Mitchell says. “We were not old enough for that kind of commitment. We did not see each other for a little over a decade.”

And what a difference a decade can make.

Almost by happenstance, the two met again for a lunch date and fell head-over-heels in love a little over two years ago, Mitchell says.

The couple decided to marry and drove to Washington, D.C., where same-sex marriages can be legally performed. They tied the knot in a small, private ceremony on Dec. 28, 2012.

“The timing worked out,” Mitchell says.

“We wanted to do it to show people that it is legal to do this, maybe not in Georgia, but in our nation’s capitol. We did it to show love for each other and share that commitment to set an example.”

MORE INFO www.theGAVoice.com Wedding Celebration & Lifeline Animal Project fundraiser Feb. 2, 2013 5:30-8:30 p.m. at Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316 http://on.fb.me/14pgZNw The journey was some 1,400 miles roundtrip.

The distance didn’t offer a chance for many of the couple’s friends or family to attend, though some family members were able to watch the ceremony thanks to a Skype video chat.

“That’s a good distance from Atlanta,” Mitchell says of the ceremony. “That’s why we had the initial idea of having the reception here in Atlanta; a lot of friends wanted to support us.

‘Hey, we could do some other things. We could have a fundraiser for Lifeline Animal Project.’

That’s one of our biggest causes.”

Mitchell is the front office manager for Lifeline Animal Project’s College Park location. Lifeline is an Atlanta animal nonprofit organization that advocates no-kill solutions for

Christopher Mitchell (left) and Robert Keller plan to celebrate their Washington, D.C. marriage with a Lifeline Animal Project fundraiser at Mary’s.

(Photo via Facebook)

the city’s homeless pets. The organization also provides low-cost spay/neuter services.

“We have a tremendous outreach program,” Mitchell says. “We operate two clinics, one is in Avondale Estates, the other is in College Park.”

The couple will celebrate their nuptials at Mary’s in East Atlanta Village on Feb. 2 from 5:30-8:30 p.m. Mary’s has pledged to donate 15 percent of the bar’s evening haul to the Animal Lifeline Project.

“I hope for a great turnout. This is not just about Rob and I; the biggest thing is Lifeline. The more people that are there, the more drinks are bought and the more Lifeline can come away with. I hope for the bar to be full,” Mitchell says.

Hors d’oeuvres will be served and guests will be invited to partake in a wedding cake, Mitchell says.

And while the couple celebrates their legal marriage, at least legal in places that recognize such unions, Mitchell says he is encouraged by recent gains in the equality fight.

Such success, he says, can help press lawmakers in states like Georgia, where same-sex marriages are constitutionally prohibited.

“Atlanta is one of the largest cities in the Southeast. We should make it known to our lawmakers that [marriage] is a big issue.

We’re going to make it, people.”

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Pucker up for ‘Love on the Rocks’ Annual Valentine fundraiser benefits Atlanta HIV housing

By Ryan Watkins rwatkins@thegavoice.com Love on the Rocks, the annual Valentine’s Day-themed fundraiser for Joining Hearts, returns for its sixth year Sunday, Feb. 10, at Room & Board Furniture in West Midtown.

The benefit is the first of the year for Joining Hearts, a nonprofit dedicated to raising money for housing support for Atlantans living with HIV and AIDS. Joining Hearts also organizes the annual Change of Seasons spring dance as well as the namesake Joining Hearts, the summer’s biggest (and gayest) pool party fundraiser held each year at Atlanta’s Piedmont Park.

Kerry Loftis, president of Joining Hearts, told GA Voice said this year’s fundraiser should be the largest Love on the Rocks event yet.

“We’re having the fundraiser at a really nice showroom of Room and Board. That will allow us the ability for more guests than we’ve had in the past,” he said. “It’s a fabulous showroom.

It’s in an old factory. It’s got a real open feel, loft feel to it. The event will be on the top floor.”

Last year’s event had between 300 and 350 attendees, Loftis said. This year, as many as 500 attendees could gather to raise money for local

MORE INFO www.theGAVoice.com Love on the Rocks Sunday, Feb. 10, 6-9 p.m. at Room & Board 1170 Howell Mill Road NW, Atlanta, GA 30318 www.joininghearts.org HIV / AIDS organizations Jerusalem House and AID Atlanta. Last year, Joining Hearts raised more than $250,000 for both organizations. It was their largest fundraising year on record. Love on the Rocks contributed about a third of that total.

This year’s Love on the Rocks benefit will feature a silent auction, cocktails from Kettel One, hors d’oeuvres from Bridge Catering and the musical styling of DJ Mike Pope.

Loftis said he was particularly happy to have Pope back for the event. Pope has worked with Joining Hearts for six years now, including his first-ever gig with the organization, the first

Love on the Rocks is the annual Valentine event for Joining Hearts, the same organization that hosts the summer’s signature pool party at Piedmont Park. (Photo by Brent Corcoran/RNZ Photography)

Love on the Rocks benefit.

“He knows the Atlanta crowd,” Loftis said. “And he knows what the Atlanta scene likes.”

Tickets to the Love on the Rocks are $25 for general admission and can be purchased online ahead of the fundraiser or at the door. VIP tickets to the fundraiser are $50 and will include better food and drink options as well as a gift bag.

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‘Create Love’ beyond straight models Workshop focuses on women who love women

By Shannon Hames Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison, creator and co-founders of “Create Love for Women,” share a passion. As counselors and coaches, they began to see the need for women who love women to stop following the “failing” relationship template for heterosexual couples and forge a new way for women to move forward and be successful in their relationships.

What was born of their passion was the website/blog www.createloveforwomen.com and the upcoming “Create Love for Women” conference on Feb. 16 at the Downtown Decatur Marriott Hotel.

“The conference is for women who love women,” Evans says. “We don’t want to limit it to the term ‘lesbian’ because you can be bisexual, queer-identified... if you have intimate relationships with women, however you identify that, you are welcome.”

Evans says women need to change how they view the heterosexual marriage model.

“The marriage statistics in this country show that something isn’t working. As we move toward this momentum-built marriage equality, it’s imperative that we begin to build a framework for what a healthy gay marriage looks like,” she says.

“Most of us did not grow up with gay parents,” Evans continues. “We want to throw away that failing model and create a new, successful model so that 50 years down the road, the gay community doesn’t see the same devastating divorce rate that is seen in heterosexual marriages.”

Jamison agrees.

“We grew up without any gay relationship role models in our homes or in the media. We knew we needed to offer women some skills that they normally don’t take the time to develop like listening, sharing, compromising, negotiating, affirming… those things don’t always come naturally when it hasn’t been modeled for you,” she says. “We want to empower women.”

Toward this end, the two women have divided the relationship needs into two main workshops at the conference: one on how to communicate

MORE INFO www.theGAVoice.com Create Love for Women Saturday, Feb. 16, 9:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.

Downtown Decatur Marriott 130 Clairemont Ave., Decatur, GA 30030 www.createloveforwomen.com effectively and another on avoiding conflict.

“In my workshop,” says Jamison, “I want to help women have the relationship that they desire and deserve. I’ll teach women the six pillars of a lasting partnership so they can start to use these new tools immediately in their own relationships.”

Evans says her workshop is “geared toward preventing and managing conflict.”

“It will give women the tools to prevent an argument or, if there is an argument, teach you how to keep that from becoming an all-out war,” she says.

In addition to the two major seminars, there will also be a panel discussion with three couples who are “making it work” as they face the dayto-day challenges of being in a relationship.

There is also a vendor area that will be ac-

Imani Evans says the goal of Create Love for Women is to leave behind ‘failing’ heterosexual models ‘so that 50 years down the road, the gay community doesn’t see the same devastating divorce rate that is seen in heterosexual marriages.’ (Photo via Facebook)

cessible to paying attendees as well as to the general public.

“You don’t have to pay to come to the conference to take advantage of the various companies who want to reach people in our community. This is free and open to the public,” Jamison says.

Tickets are $89 for an individual and $159 for couples. They include a continental breakfast, lunch, admission to workshops and door prizes and can be purchased at the event or online at www.createloveforwomen.com.

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Being Blanche Devereaux Why I choose romantic solitude over resentful companionship Viewpoint By Ryan Lee I feel like I’ve wandered into a romantic funeral any time people change their Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “single.” The person, so it’s not my vibrant sex life that keeps front pews are filled with cyber mourners offer- me single. ing their condolences in the comments, someThere is no company I enjoy as much as my one might (mis)quote redeeming words from own. I enjoy cooking for myself, and attending God and I can almost hear folks in the rear gos- matinees solo. I enjoy going out for cocktails siping about the recently deceased union. and dancing with friends without any pressure There have been specific break-ups where to find a life partner.

I knew how misguided it was for people to exThe people I have most often fantasized press remorse; anyone who actually witnessed about forming a lifelong bond with have been the relationship would platonic friends, with me rejoice at the death of envisioning us growsuch emptiness and coning old together a la the ‘I wish we could tempt. More generally, Golden Girls. these online requiems “There is a fine line make our laws fortify our instinct that between having a good two is greater than one, time and being a wanand culture more and that being single is ton slut,” Blanche Deaccepting of gay being incomplete. vereaux once advised. “I It’s a sentiment I hear know, my toe has been relationships when out mingling, or on that line.” during small talk while There are some who without making it getting dressed after an would call my lifestyle online hook-up and the selfish and immature, unfashionable to guy asks, “So how come another characterization be unpartnered.’ you don’t have a boyI cannot outright reject. friend?”

I’m often confused by Militantly single as I whether I should be flattered or offended by this am, I concede that there is more to my relationquestion. His inflection suggests that what he’s ship status than liberation, revelry and orgasms. trying to say is that I deserve a boyfriend, pre- There are wounds and insecurities. There is a sumably him. That’s sweet enough, but there’s stubborn, masculine pride that has gorged on also the implication that having a boyfriend fleeting affirmation until there is no room, no would represent an upgrade to my life, my worth. appetite, for the genuine love offered by my “I enjoy being single,” I usually say with former boyfriends or potential suitors. delicate conviction. “I’m much better at being I miss the wellness that comes with partnersingle than being in a relationship.” ship, the comfort of intimate solidarity. I yearn More than once, a guy responds, “Oh, so to heal and cleanse my spirit, and to stay vigiyou like being a hoe.” lant of the difference between independence and isolation.

I take little offense to this oversimplified Gay couples, whether monogamous or less characterization. It would be disingenuous for traditional, inspire me, as do homosexuals who me to not cite my sex life among the leading are unafraid of being single. With gay monogaperks of bachelorhood. my going from trendy to ordained, I think introI’d hate to embody the promiscuous gay spection becomes an even more important, yet stereotype without also indicting the entirety of often skipped, part of courtship. manhood, so I attribute this indulgence more to I do not feel unwhole, or unholy, for recogmy chromosomes than my queerness. Primal nizing my present character and choosing roconstructs have long led men to try to sexually mantic solitude over resentful companionship. I conquer their way to immortality, and, for me, wish we could make our laws and culture more that makes the thought of having sex with only accepting of gay relationships without making one person more morbid than death itself. it unfashionable to be unpartnered.

Of course, entering a relationship prevents Because though I am single, I know I am few men from having sex with more than one not alone.

happy valentimes!

of bestay g ta! atlan

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Pedal power for A&E gay marriage

By Jim Farmer When the Atlanta Ballet presents Michael Pink’s “Dracula” next week at the Cobb Energy Centre, it pays farewell to one of its most prominent members. Openly gay Brian Wallenberg is calling it quits as a dancer. He has been with the Ballet for 15 years now, acting as a performer for 13 years and working as the social media coordinator for the last two. His first appearance with the troupe was in 1998 with the show, playing Harker, the same character he takes on in the remount.

Wallenberg realizes that he is no longer as young as when he first danced the part.

“My character gets beat up a lot in the show,” he says. “I had my first rehearsal and I felt beat up. (Dancing now compared to when I started), I have to take better care of myself.”

Two years ago he quit dancing on a regular basis but knew that he would be available for specific projects if they came out.

When this one did, he was game.

He admits that “Dracula” has a special place in his heart, and has long resonated with the LGBT community. “There’s something so sensual and sexual about vampires,” he says. “This is such a piece of theater. Everyone seems to know the Atlanta Ballet for ‘Dracula.’ The show has so many homoerotic moments in it. The vampires are just looking to feed but it seems so sexual.”

Top: Openly gay dancer Brian Wallenberg plays Harker, seen here with Dracula, played by Jonah Hooper. The Feb. 16 NiteOut performance marks Wallenberg’s last with the Atlanta Ballet. (Photos by C. McCullers courtsey the Atlanta Ballet)

The Atlanta Ballet hosted the North America debut of the show in 1998. It’s been five years since they last staged it.

Wallenberg will perform three times during the two week run, and his final performance will be at 8 p.m. on February 16th.

That performance will be the company’s NiteOUT at the Ballet. (Discounted tickets (up to four) are available at tickets.atlantaballet. com, using the promo code OUT.) The NiteOUT evening materialized after Wallenberg approached the company’s marketing department about inviting his

MORE INFO www.theGAVoice.com ‘Dracula’ Feb. 8 – 16 LGBT ‘NiteOUT’: Feb. 16 Cobb Energy Centre 2800 Cobb Galleria Parkway Marietta, GA 30339 www.cobbenergycentre.org gay friends to a performance and they all decided to make a special night out of it.

He is hopeful that the company will have more similar nights in the future.

A lesbian couple pops up among the characters of the Alliance Theatre’s new “Bike America,” making its world premiere this week as part of the Alliance/Kendeda National Graduate Playwriting Competition.

In Mike Lew’s play, the character of Penny (Jessica DiGiovanni) is a student traveling across the country, trying to do some self-discovery and find out who she is during a cross-country cancer fundraiser.

During her journey, she meets a number of fellow participants, including two women who want to get married in every state that allows them to do so.

Marilyn Torres plays one half of the lesbian couple, Annabel, who is partners with Rorie (Je Nie Fleming). The actress feels Annabel, like Penny, is finding herself and her own strength as part of the event. “She is way optimistic and hopeful and is on this wonderful journey of love,” she says. “She is living out loud for the first time. She is a lesbian and proud.”

In her mind, Annabel and Rorie have been together a long time and are perfect counterbalances to each other. Down deep, Annabel wants to be like everyone else and is looking for acceptance. “She is not a freak,” the actress says. “She wants to say ‘I too am a child of God.’” Playwright Lew has written plays before but this is the first that has featured any LGBT characters prominently. He wanted to make his characters as emotionally complex as he could. He also aimed to have an ethnically diverse ensemble, spread across generational lines. “As a writer of color, it’s important not to have too many images of homogenized America.” He looks at the goals of Annabel and Rorie – traveling from state to state and declaring their allegiance to each other - as their own form of activism.

Lew submitted “Bike America” to the Alliance at the end of 2011 and learned he had won their playwriting competition early the following year. He is currently working on a number of other plays, one of which features a gay man as the central character. He calls that one a “love letter to the theater.”

Later this fall, “Bike America” will make its debut in New York. The ninth winner of the Alliance playwriting competition, it’s the first play among the winners that has gone directly from an engagement in Atlanta to an off-Broadway one.

— By Jim Farmer

MORE INFO www.theGAVoice.com ‘Bike America’ Feb. 1 - 24 at Alliance Theatre 1280 Peachtree St., Atlanta, GA 30309 www.alliancetheatre.org

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#16: Looking for outlaw love Meat, veggies and a date on the horizon

Janet reclined on her sofa on a Saturday evening. Her partner of 15 years, Beth, was in the kitchen making dinner – fried tofu with kimchi and organic green beans cultivated on a local farm called Ye Olde Bean Eden.

Beth shopped the Grant Park Farmers Market every Sunday in search of the perfect Brussels sprout or strawberry uncontaminated by deer feces swimming with E. coli.

Beth’s rather recent vegetarian diet drove Janet crazy and that was just one more reason she liked to eat out frequently with Robert. She could eat bloody red meat and not hear about the horrors of factory farming.

If Janet dared to say, while feasting on quinoa with radishes, that she missed eating meat at home, Beth got teary-eyed, eventually blubbering as she noisily crunched organic celery stalks. Janet always apologized and put her arm around Beth, assuring her that the flora and fauna of the world were grateful for her compassion.

The doorbell rang. It was Robert.

“Hello!” Beth shouted from the kitchen.

“You’re going to love the tofu tonight!”

Robert hugged Janet, laughing, and went into the kitchen to hug Beth. “It smells delicious,” he said.

Beth flipped the cubes of tough tofu around in the hot canola oil. She would remove the cubes after they were crispy on the outside, then drain most of the oil, and throw the kimchi and beans into the pan. She would serve the tofu over the vegetables.

But that was not to happen tonight. Just as Robert opened the bottle of wine he’d brought, the lights blinked and the power shut off, including Beth’s electric stove.

“Oh well,” she said, “it’s a $3.99 loss. Shall we go out somewhere to eat?”

Twenty minutes later, the three were at Green Sprout across from Ansley Mall. The underappreciated restaurant serves vegetarian food in the “Chinese-Buddhist” style. It’s one of those places, like many of the city’s South Indian res-

Recommended Green Sprout 1529 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30324 www.greensproutga.com

Food Porn is a fictional series by longtime Atlanta food critic Cliff Bostock. Set in real Atlanta restaurants, it chronicles the adventures of Robert, a gay man in search of a husband — or at least a good meal. Read the whole series online at www.theGAVoice.com. taurants (such as Saravana Bhavan), where carnivores easily live with the meat-is-murder ethic.

“I really love this place,” Robert said, insisting that they share an order of his favorite – super-crispy, super-hot bean curd skin wrapped around a fat cluster of cool, raw bean sprouts, along with slivers of carrots and a few other veggies. “You can hardly get one in your mouth, but you won’t believe how good they are.”

Beth was happy, even though the vegetables were not sourced. “Even if they are organic, I hope the bean sprouts aren’t from Walmart,” she said, alluding to the evil store’s low-priced organic produce.

Janet struggled not to roll her eyes and changed the subject. “Have you seen Lee, since we saw him with the cockatoo and Tarot cards at Waffle House?”

Robert sighed. “No, but I’m always expecting him to show up. It’s like he’s stalking me for real.” He looked around the tiny dining room.

“I guess he doesn’t like vegetarian food.”

“Are you really into this guy?” Beth asked, sipping tea. “Janet tells me he’s hot but super-weird.”

Robert looked down at his plate, not wanting to answer. “Yeah,” he finally said, “I find him very intriguing. He’s kind of androgynous or at least has no hesitation to wear makeup. He’s evasive about his life and shows up at Waffle House with a dwarf and a dude carrying a cockatoo un-

Good choices: When you visit this supercheap restaurant, pay special attention to the “chef’s specials” written on a board. I always stick to the strictly vegetarian dishes. There are also “mock-meat” dishes that do not come close to the purely vegetarian stuff.

Saravana Bhavan 2179 Lawrenceville Highway, Decatur, GA 30033 Good choices: South Indian vegetarian at its best. Order a thali, a partitioned plate of four or five different tastes. The dosai – huge rice-flour – pancakes filled with savory vegetables are also fab. The recipe of fried tough tofu with kimchi and green beans is fast, spicy and really good. der his coat. I enjoy eccentric people.”

Janet stabbed her chopsticks into a plate of exquisite Yukon Gold potatoes stir-fried with pieces of pickled greens and garlic. “No,” she said, “you like guys who are so out-there that they aren’t psychologically available for a relationship.”

“What is it about gay people?” Robert asked, launching his usual lecture. “We are still reviled by much of the dominant culture, but we ourselves increasingly revile those gay men and women who don’t try to be normal. I hear this repeatedly from my students. It was much more fun to be gay when it meant being a proud outlaw.”

“Ah,” Beth said, “you like this Lee because he’s an outlaw. Will you boys have an open relationship and wear rainbow thongs to the Eagle? Young gay men hate that shit.”

As usual, instead of diminishing Robert’s fascination with the outré, his irritation reinforced his curiosity. He decided to call Lee the next day and ask him out.

At that moment, a sweet smell of something like custard and honey drifted through the room.

“That doesn’t smell very Chinese,” Beth said.

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EVENTS by Jim Farmer

Purim ‘Paradise’ Themed costume event celebrates Jewish holiday, benefits Rainbow Center

An annual masquerade ball benefiting the non-profit Rainbow Center and the work it does for the LGBT community, Purim off Ponce promises a festive evening Feb.16.

Part of the Jewish Family & Career Services, the Rainbow Center has served the local LGBT community for 12 years. Purim Off Ponce – held every year to commemorate the Jewish holiday — is the largest annual fundraiser for the organization, which has grown in attendance every year Rebecca Stapel-Wax, program director of the center, promises a night full of fun, food and drink, and a diverse crowd ranging from 21 – 83, with a distinct LGBT slant. Patrons also tend to be both Jewish and non-Jewish.

“That is the essence of what Purim is supposed to be about,” Stapel-Wax says. “No difference between people and no judgment.”

Every year there is a “Purim off Ponce” theme and this year’s is “Paradise.” Many of the attendees will wear themed costumes, although it is not required.

For the first two years, the event was held at the nightclub Paris on Ponce, but since that time it has moved to another location: the Callanwolde Fine Arts Center. Once known as Purim On Ponce, the event name changed with the venue.

Each year during the fundraiser the Rainmaker Award is given to someone who has given of themselves, either financially or from a volunteer basis, and done outside work as well, says Stapel-Wax. The 2013 recipient is 83-year-old Sylvia Gross, a community ally.

Gross is a longtime member of Congregation Bet Haverim, a synagogue serving the LGBT, Jewish community, led by openly gay Rabbi Joshua Lesser. When Gross’ son came

MORE INFO www.theGAVoice.com Purim Off Ponce Saturday, Feb. 16, 7:30 – 11 p.m.

Callanwolde Fine Arts Center 980 Briarcliff Road Atlanta, GA 30306 www.purimoffponce.com

out in the ‘70s, she supported him. And now she supports two grown gay grandsons as well.

“There are not many 83-year-olds who are as open, accepting and progressively thinking,” Wax said in a statement.

“With her delightful dancing, she has been the life of the party at every Purim Off Ponce since its inception in 2007. The Rainbow Center is thrilled to celebrate Sylvia’s life and the lives she has touched at Purim Off Ponce 2013.”

Among the entertainment line-up this year is the Mike Veal Band and Sadie Hawkins, an aerial artist who has created a Jewish star as her apparatus. The Armorettes will return this year as will the popular Dames A’Flame burlesque dancers.

“We are very excited about the entertainment,” she says. “The Armorettes have been doing this the last three to four years.”

Wax expects a crowd of more than 300 people at the event and is always encouraged to see new faces each season.

Purim is a Jewish holiday that stems from the story of Queen Esther. The queen was afraid to come out because she was Jewish but by doing so, she saved the fate of the Jewish people. Because of when the holiday takes place in 2013, the fundraiser is held earlier this season than in previous years.

Among the services that the Rainbow Center provides are anti-bullying and acceptance training. In 2012, the center reached more than 1,200 individuals. Much of their activity throughout the year involves outreach. Last year, for instance, Stapel-Wax helped spear-

Festive costumes are part of the fun as the annual Purim Off Ponce benefit for the Rainbow Center.

(Photos by Brent Corcoran/RNZ Photography)

head a large presence at Atlanta Pride, working alongside 16 organizations in all.

Dealing with LGBT issues can be a struggle for those of any religion, but Stapel-Wax says being LGBT and Jewish can pose specific problems.

“Coming from a conservative perspective,

there can be more difficulty in the resolution,” she says. “In terms of oppression, the Jewish community is not immune.”

Tickets to the event range from $36 to $50 in advance and $75 at the door. The event is for ages 21 and up only.

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February 1, 2013

Calendar

LGBT FILMS AT THE

ATLANTA JEWISH

FILM FESTIVAL Learn more: www.ajff.org “THE SEDER” A gay man brings his boyfriend home for the family Seder in this film, part of “Shorts Program 1.” Friday, Feb. 1, 2:05 p.m., Merchants Walk, Sunday, Feb.3, 4:20 p.m., UA Tara (sold out)

“OUT IN THE DARK” Two young gay men – a Palestinian grad student and a Jewish lawyer – begin dating in this romance turned thriller from Michael Mayer.

Wednesday, Feb.6, 8 p.m., UA Tara, Friday, Feb. 15, 12:10 p.m., Lefont Sandy Springs

“THE INVISIBLE MEN” Yariv Mozer’s award-winning documentary follows three men who flee Palestine and face ostracism, or even death, if they try and go home again. Friday, Feb. 8, 11:55 a.m., Atlantic Station

“UNDRESSING ISRAEL: GAY MEN IN THE PROMISED LAND” From adult film star/director Michael Lucas comes a look at an area of the Middle East where homosexuality is illegal but yet is also something of a gay mecca. A number of gay men are interviewed, included a member of Parliament and a soldier. Friday, Feb. 8, 11:55 a.m., Atlantic Station

“JOE PAPP IN TWO ACTS” Included in this documentary about openly gay theater legend Papp – who is responsible for “A Chorus Line” and more — are scenes from some of his greatest stage work and fond remembrances from the likes of Meryl Streep, Christopher Walken, and Kevin Kline. Sunday, Feb. 10, 11:25 a.m., Lefont Sandy Springs

“KOCH” Former New York Mayor Ed Koch is profiled in Neil Barsky’s look at the outspoken politician, who himself has often been at the heart of scandals, especially in regards to his own never-revealed sexual orientation. Sunday, Feb. 10, 7:50 p.m., Lefont Sandy Springs (sold out), Tuesday, Feb. 12 at 2:50 p.m., Lefont Sandy Springs, Sunday, Feb. 17, 1:40 p.m., Lefont Sandy Springs

“THE DEVOTION PROJECT: LISTEN FROM THE HEART” A lesbian couple is followed through the birth of their child, who has a heart condition; shown as part of part of “Shorts Program 3.” Sunday, Feb. 17, 11:40 a.m., Lefont Sandy Springs, Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2:45 p.m., Lefont Sandy Springs

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Friday, Feb. 1

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“Bike America,” which chronicles a group biking from Boston to Santa Barbara, including a lesbian couple, opens today and plays through Feb. 24 at the Alliance Theatre, 1280 Peachtree St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.alliancetheatre.org Mardi Gras celebrating gets underway at Blake’s on the Park, 227 10th St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com The Men of ONYX Southeast, for people of color in the leather lifestyle, host a “Black History Month” bar night starting at 10 p.m. at the Atlanta Eagle, 306 Ponce De Leon Ave., Atlanta, GA 30308, www.atlantaeagle.com Edie Cheezburger presents The Other Show on Fridays. Doors open at 8:30 p.m., show at 9:30 p.m.

Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www. jungleclubatlanta.com

Saturday, Feb. 2

Atlanta Prime Timers presents a discussion and book signing with Christal Presley, PhD, author of “Thirty Days with My Father: Finding Peace from Wartime PTSD.” 3 p.m at the Philip Rush Center, 1530 Dekalb Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307.

Atlanta Pride veteran Hannah Thomas celebrates her record release with Sarah Golden and Sonia Tetlow, 8 p.m. at Eddie Owen Presents at the Red Clay Theatre, 3116 Main St., Duluth, GA 30096, www.eddieowenpresents.com Shavonna B. Brooks hosts the Extravaganza show on Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. at Burkhart’s, 1492 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.burkharts.com Carioca Productions presents DJ Paulo. Doors open at 10 p.m. at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com Immediately after Paulo at Jungle, Serving Ovahness debuts for the late night crowd. Starting at 3 a.m. — technically Sunday — at private club Xion, 2241 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.cariocaproductions.com

Sunday, Feb. 3

Watch the Super Bowl on the big screens with all your gay friends. Pre-game at 2 p.m., kickoff at 6:30 p.m. at Amsterdam Atlanta, 502-A Amsterdam Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.amsterdamatlanta.com Atlanta’s first gay sports bar screens the Super Bowl.

Woof’s, 2415 Piedmont Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.woofsatlanta.com Eat up and watch the big game with the 9th annual Chili Bowl chili cook off. Tasting starts at 4 p.m. at Friend’s Neighborhood Bar, 736 Ponce de Leon Ave., Atlanta, GA www.friendsonponce-atl.com

Tuesday, Feb. 5 - Sunday, Feb. 10

Flashback with “Flashdance: The Musical,” a touring production of the movie-turned-stage show featuring the triumphant story of aspiring dancer Alex set to some of the ‘80s greatest hits. 8 p.m. tonight, through Feb. 10 at the Fox Theatre, 660 Peachtree St. NE., Atlanta, GA 30308, www.foxtheatre.org

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Enjoy a Super Bowl Mardi Gras Party with prize giveaways throughout the day. Doors open at 3 p.m., then watch the big game with the girls at My Sister’s Room, 1271 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.mysistersroom.com

The Atlanta chapter of PFLAG hosts its first Monday Support Meeting. No advice, just discussion for LGBT people and their families and friends. 7:30 - 9 p.m. at Unitarian Universalist Congregation, 1605 Northeast Expressway NE, Atlanta, GA 30329.See the full schedule of PLAG meetings around Atlanta: www.pflagatl.org

Tuesday, Feb. 5

Tuesdays, unwind with a sing-along with pianist David Reeb at 8 p.m. at Mixx, 1492-B Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.mixxatlanta.com

Organizers of the gay Dixie Invitational Bowling Tournament, set for Easter Weekend in Atlanta, host a Super Bowl Beer Bust to raise funds for Lost-n-Found Youth and the ACS. 5:30 p.m. at Oscar’s Bar, 1510 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30324, www.dixiebowl.org

VJ Marco Polo serves up “not your typical showtunes” at 9 p.m. on Tuesdays at Amsterdam Atlanta, 502-A Amsterdam Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.amsterdamatlanta.com

Watch the Super Bowl at Blake’s on the Park, 227 10th St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

Every Wednesday, Jack and Missy host Twisted Sister Karaoke at 8 p.m. at My Sister’s Room, 1271 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.mysistersroom.com

Monday, Feb. 4

“T&F Transitionz: a Project of the Feminist Outlawz” is an open forum to discuss gender and activism around social issues. 7 - 8:30 p.m. at Charis Books & More, 1189 Euclid Ave NE, Atlanta, GA, 30307, www.charisbooksandmore.com

Wednesday, Feb. 6

On Wednesdays, catch the Lust & Bust Show with host Lena Lust and featuring Shawnna Brooks. 11 p.m. at Blake’s on the Park, 227 10th St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

Calendar

Thursday, Feb. 7

LGBT seniors from SAGE Atlanta gather at 9:30 a.m. at the Rush Center to take MARTA to the state Capitol for Seniors Rally, which begins at 11 a.m. Help be a visible gay presence to protest possible budget cuts to the Community Care Services Program, Alzheimers Service Contracts, Respite Services, and Adult Protective Services. www.sageatl.org

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February 1, 2013

GA Voice

SPOTLIGHT

Courtesy photo

Author Anne Pollock discusses “Medicating Race,” about the intersecting discourses of race, pharmaceuticals, and heart disease in the United States over the past century. 7:30 p.m. at Charis Books & More, 1189 Euclid Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30307, www. charisbooksandmore.com

Sunday, Feb. 10

“Sing For Your Life,” the live singing competition with judges and mentors Barry Brandon, JL Rodriguez and Michael Robinson, continues Thursdays through March 28. Doors open 8 p.m., show at 9 p.m. at Jungle Club Atlanta, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.singforyourlifeatl.com

Friday, Feb. 8

Lesbian social networking group Fourth Tuesday hosts a Happy Hour from 6-9 p.m. at Mixx, 1492 Piedmont Ave NE, Atlanta, GA 30309, www.mixxatlanta.com Angelica D’Paige hosts the Fab Five at 11:30 p.m.

Fridays at Burkhart’s, 1492 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.burkharts.com

Saturday, Feb. 9

Lost-n-Found Youth hosts a Volunteer Orientation & Training for those who want to help homeless LGBT young people. Background check required; please bring form and $10 to cover costs to class.

2-6 p.m. at the Rush Center, 1530 Dekalb Ave. Suite A, Atlanta, GA 30307, www.lost-n-found.org Join HRC Atlanta for the annual Peach Bowl to raise funds for the national LGBT organization by bowling for equality. Prizes for top scores and most team spirit. Registration begins at 2:30 p.m., games start at 3 p.m. at Midtown Bowl, 1936 Piedmont Circle NE, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.hrc.org/peachbowl Expect lots of campy fun as the gay Dixie Invitational Bowling Tournament hosts the Miss Gutterball Pageant from 6-9 p.m. at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com

Sunday, Feb. 10

The Atlanta Bucks gay rugby team hosts a Chili Cook Off and Rugby Fest. Taste and vote on the best chili, plus meet old and new team members 2-6 p.m. at Mixx, 1492 Piedmont Ave NE, Atlanta, GA 30309, www.facebook.com/atlantabucks

Saturday, Feb. 9

Lesbian blues-rocker Michelle Malone plays a rare solo show at the Red Light Café. 8 p.m. at 553 Amsterdam Ave., Atlanta, GA 30306, www.michellemalone.com

SAGE Atlanta, a social and support network for LGBT seniors, launches a new series of informational seminars the second Sunday of each month. Light lunch included. 1:30-3 p.m. at the Philip Rush Center, 1530 Dekalb Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307, www.sageatl.org Every second and fourth Sunday, DJ M, Blue Diamond Entertainment and Frisky Girls present The Culture Club dance party and “mix-her.” 5-10 p.m. at bar ONE, 687 Memorial Drive, Atlanta, GA 30316, www.traxxgirls.com Soprano Lisa Van Osch, a member of the VirginiaHighland Church choir, presents a Valentine Cabaret at 6 p.m. in the fellowship hall of the church at 743 Virginia Ave. NE, Atlanta, GA 30306. Reservations recommended. www.vhchurch.org Velvet Lips LLC, which focuses on educating and empowering people to fulfill their sexual desires, hosts “Global Ecstasy in Food and Movement,” an evening of learning about and sampling aphrodisiacs from around the world. 8 p.m. at the Philip Rush Center, 1530 Dekalb Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307, www.velvetlipsllc.com The Armorettes, Atlanta’s legendary fundraising drag troupe, takes over at 8 p.m. at at Burkhart’s, 1492 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.burkharts.com Need a Valentine? Check out the bachelor auction scheduled for tonight at Blake’s on the Park, 227 10th St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com DJ E spins as Xplosion, LaFemme and Olympic Entertainment present “F*ck Love, Let’s Party!” 10 p.m. – 3 a.m. at Indigo, 619 Edgewood Ave., 30312.

Monday. Feb. 11

Every Monday night, enjoy Stars of the Century at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.jungleclubatlanta.com Photo via Fa ebook

Thursday nights are ladies night, with Georgia’s longest running Drag King show at LeBuzz, 585 Franklin Road, Marietta, GA 30367, www.thenewlebuzz.com

DJ Mike Pope spins for Love on the Rocks, the Valentine-themed cocktail party to benefit Joining Hearts, which helps provide housing for those affected by HIV. 6-9 p.m. at Room & Board, 1170 Howell Mill Road NW, Atlanta, GA 30318, www.joininghearts.org

Tuesday, Feb. 12

Every Tuesday, sing out at Mary-oke starting at 9 p.m. at Mary’s, 1287 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.marysatlanta.com

Wednesday, Feb. 13

DJ Lydia Prim spins as The Lohan Experience hosts Love Sucks! Features cabaret, live performance by Anna Ward, special guest Jean Kelly, and plenty of love songs and break up songs. Doors open at 9 p.m., show at 11 p.m. at the Heretic, 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.hereticatlanta.com

Wednesday, Feb. 13 In honor of Valentine’s Day, “Love for Sale” is the theme for this month’s PALS Bingo, hosted by Bubba D. Licious.

Doors at 6:30 p.m., program at 7:30 p.m. at Jungle, 2115 Faulkner Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www.palsatlanta.org

Goth Nite at Mary’s offers a dark take on the loveydovey holiday with St. Valentine’s Massacre, featuring classic and new Death Rock, Industrial, New Wave and more. 9 p.m – 3 a.m. at Mary’s, 1287 Glenwood Ave., Atlanta, GA 30316, www.marysatlanta.com

Thursday, Feb. 14

Wear red or pink and join the “One Billion Rising” Valentine’s Day effort to protest violence against women and girls worldwide. Rally at the Georgia Capitol at 10 a.m., then at noon, join in a global flash mob dance to “Break the Chain” by Tena Clark, choreographed by Debbie Allen. Flash mob at Woodruff Park, 91 Peachtree St., Atlanta, GA 30303. Details and learn the dance at www.onebillionrisingatlanta.org Shawwna Brooks hosts a special Valentine’s Day “S” Factor at Blake’s on the Park, 227 10th St., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

CONTINUED ON PAGE 24

Publicity photo

Traxx Atlanta presents Turnt Up Thursdays, spinning hip hop, reggae and R&B at XS Ultra Lounge, 708 Spring St., Atlanta, GA 30308, www.xcessultralounge.com

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Thursday, Feb. 14 Tammie Brown, from season one and the all-star edition of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” joins Phoenix for a special Valentine’s version of Dancefloor Divas. 11 p.m. – 2 a.m. at Burkhart’s, 1492 Piedmont Ave., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.burkharts.com

February 1, 2013

Calendar

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GA Voice

Friday, Feb. 15

UPCOMING

Tylan from Girlyman showcases her solo acoustic music at 8 p.m. at Eddie’s Attic, 515-B N. McDonough St., Decatur, GA 30030, www.eddiesattic.com

LGBT EVENTS

Photo by C. McCullers

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Friday, Feb. 15

The Third Friday Film Series features a different thought-provoking movie every month. This month, it’s “Standing Army” (2010), a documentary about the purposes and hidden strategeis of the more than 766 U.S. military bases in 100 countries around the world. Doors open at 7 p.m. Film starts at 7:30 p.m., discussion follows at First Existentialist Congregation, 470 Candler Park Dr., Atlanta, GA 30307.

Saturday, Feb. 16

The “Create Love for Women” conference focuses on building a new model of relationships for women who partner with women, beyond heterosexual patterns. 9:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. at the Downtown Decatur Marriott Hotel, 130 Clairemont Ave., Decatur, GA 30030, www.createloveforwomen.com Get your festive costumes ready as the Rainbow Center, part of Jewish Family & Career Services, hosts the annual “Purim OFF Ponce” fundraiser.

This year’s theme is “Paradise.” 7:30 – 11 p.m., Callanwolde Fine Arts Center, 980 Briarcliff Road, Atlanta, Georgia 30306, www.purimoffponce.com Bring your sweetie for an all-ages “Revolutionary Romance” Audre Lorde Valentine’s Dance sponsored

by Charis, Zami NOBLA, Atlanta Pride and Fourth Tuesday. 8 p.m. at the Rush Center, 1530 Dekalb Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307, www.charisbooksandmore.com Lesbian music fans will be out in droves as Michelle Malone, Dede Vogt, Caroline Aiken and special guest Danielle Howle perform at 8 p.m.

Saturday, Feb. 16

“Nite OUT at the Ballet” is a special LGBT evening as the Atlanta Ballet presents “Dracula.” 8 p.m. at the Cobb Energy Centre, 2800 Cobb Galleria Parkway, Atlanta, GA 30339, www.atlantaballet.com at the Red Clay Theatre, 3116 Main St., Duluth, GA 30096, www.eddieowenpresents.com DJ Cowboy and DJ XZact spin as Ladies at Play present the “Free Love” party. 10 p.m. – 2:30 a.m. at the Mark, 79 Poplar St., Atlanta, GA 30303, www.ladiesatplay.com DJ Joe Gauthreaux spins at 10 p.m. at the Heretic, 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road, Atlanta, GA 30324, www. hereticatlanta.com

Sunday, Feb. 17

Lianne Simon, author of “Confessions of a Teenage Hermaphrodite,” discusses intersex issues as PFLAG Atlanta hosts its Third Sunday meeting. 2:45 p.m. at St. Mark United Methodist Church, 781 Peachtree St., Atlanta, GA 30308, www.pflagatl.org

GA Voice

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February 1, 2013

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Are we raising a generation of over-coddled kids?

“Melissa, you are not a parent, so you wouldn’t understand.”

That is usually the reaction I get when I speak on any issue regarding children. But I am going to talk about it anyway. The level of weakness in some parents has become so blatant that it can’t be ignored. They are raising kids who will turn into the ills of society.

Let’s start with grades. School is a place to learn, and no one can learn without making mistakes. Like most students, I saw red corrective marks on papers throughout my years in the Maury County, Tenn., School System. It didn’t really matter what color that ink was. What was important was that I was being taught what I had done wrong so that I wouldn’t do it again.

These days, this same red ink is being accused of causing emotional damage. According to a recent study from the University of Colorado, red is an “emotive color” and makes a student anxious.

They recommend the use of blue ink instead. Give me a break. We are just creating kids who can’t take criticism or instruction.

“Time Out” is a quiet period used as a disciplinary tactic by parents. The goal is to separate the child from the environment where the child is causing some kind of disturbance.

Again, this is another example of a parent reacting to the child by stopping everything they are doing and attending delicately to the child’s emotional fragility.

Now, there are even Do-It-Yourself projects that parents are tackling to find new and inventive ways to soothe their little prince or princess.

On Pinterest, you can find all the steps to making a Calming Jar. According to its description, you fill the jar with glitter and water, and when a kid gets upset, you tell the kid to shake the calm jar to let out their pint size frustrations.

Then, the child has to wait until the glitter settles at the bottom of the jar before he can get back up and rejoin society.

Finally, let me comment for a moment on the Total Transformation commercials. This

Melissa Carter is also a writer for Huffington Post. She broke ground as the first out lesbian radio personality on a major station in Atlanta and was one of the few out morning show personalities in the country. Follow her on Twitter @MelissaCarter

collection of DVDs supposedly helps parents learn how to manage negative behaviors in their children. The television commercials feature sad mothers who speak in shaky voices and look into the camera to make declarations to their child. They assert that the child will no longer scream, cuss, call them names or talk back to them.

I sincerely hope that all these women were actors who do not have kids. If they are real people, I can’t imagine how many hours were spent by their children and their children’s friends rolling on the floor laughing at these commercials. What a scam.

So what has changed? Why has our generation, blessed with better education and the advantage of Oprah, forgotten how to be a mom ora dad? To this day, I get nervous at just the thought of talking back to a teacher or screaming at my parents.

The difference is that in my household, there was never a question as to who was the boss.

My mom and dad were the Alphas. They were judge and jury and we knew it.

My parents happily and effectively used subtle intimidation and fear as their main tools of discipline. With one look from my mom or just the slightest tinge in my dad’s voice, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

They rarely had to do much more than that, and that is because we knew that they were capable of discipline that was real and substantive if we pushed the line.

Today’s parents have tried so hard to make sure their kids know that they are loved, and I respect and honor that emotion. But in doing so, we have treated them with such fragility that we have forgotten that real love comes in more forms than just hugs.

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DOMESTICALLY

DISTURBED

Ghost baby How to escape from a haunted house

Topher Payne is an Atlanta-based playwright, and the author of the book “Necessary Luxuries: Notes on a Semi-Fabulous Life.” Find out more at topherpayne.com

Tricia Branigan’s husband builds those luxury townhome communities that pop up in unexpected locations where land is cheap, instantly gentrifying a single block of Buford Highway, and then promptly walling it off so its residents never have to interact with the neighbors.

The resulting effect is startling — you’ll drive past a neglected Texaco Station, then a hair weave place, and then there’s this big terrarium for white people, and then like a prepaid cell phone store and a Checkers.

I met the Branigans through work, when I had a job which required me to call wealthy people and ask them for money. For whatever reason, Tricia Branigan had no interest in writing a check to the organization. But she would gleefully spend thousands of dollars hosting a fundraising party in her home, a gesture as thoughtful as it was consistently ineffective.

The Branigan home is, of course, not in one of their prefab communities. They live in a sprawling Buckhead monolith featuring every single amenity their townhomes offer — garden tubs, California closets. They have six bathrooms. I submit to you that if six people in your house need to shit simultaneously, it’s time to review what you’re serving them.

There’s a tennis court out back, oddly placed right next to the house, because it used to be a saltwater pool. The pool did not have a fence, because fences are ugly, and that’s why it was tragic but not surprising when Tricia Branigan’s youngest child took a short stroll outside and drowned.

This was 11 years ago. The child would be 14 now. I know this, because they have a birthday party for the child, every year. The child still has her own room, and presumably her own bathroom. The Branigan Christmas card is a portrait of the surviving family, smiling cheerfully on the cover. You open it, and it says, “Happy Holidays from the Branigans, and our angel!” This is accompanied by a picture of the child, with wings.

My hope is that if I do have a guardian angel, it isn’t some Junior Leaguer’s ghost baby.

In what situation would the ghost of a three year-old be of any assistance?

Casper the Friendly Ghost was presumably a dead child. Did he ever do anything useful?

Picture “It’s a Wonderful Life,” if George Bailey was at the mercy of a 30-pound guardian angel holding a sippy cup.

Look. I get what she’s going for here. Tricia Branigan, confronted by the greatest horror a person could ever experience, wanted to celebrate her child, and the joy she brought in her brief life. But something went awry, and she is instead crafting the continuing adventures of Ghost Baby. This will be discussed at length in the surviving Branigan children’s eventual therapy sessions.

In focusing so maniacally on the joy of Ghost Baby, with the parties, and the creepy angel wings, Tricia Branigan has never dealt with the simple fact of her circumstances: Her kid drowned. And that sucks.

At some point in our lives, each of us will be confronted by an unimaginable loss. Hope collides with reality, with plenty of collateral damage. The pain associated with sorrow is the point, for the same reason physical pain exists: As an indication that something has gone wrong, and it needs to be addressed.

It is meant to inspire action — to recognize the magnitude of this event, to deal with it, and move forward. Sorrow is where the work happens, and joy is the reward. And I mean genuine joy, not the manufactured joy borne of denial, which would be dismantled in an instant if anyone pointed out that you’re playing tennis over the exact spot where your child died.

When I die, I do not want people to plaster on smiles and throw a party and find creepy ways to keep my memory alive. I want moaning, keening, wailing, gnashing of teeth. Selfflagellation should be encouraged.

I want people to grieve. And then I want them to do something else. Because life is for the living. And sorrow is the necessary pause that proves a life had meaning.

February 1, 2013

GA Voice

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