01/04/19, Vol. 9 Issue 23

FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK

PO Box 77401 • Atlanta, GA 30357 P: 404-815-6941; F: 404-963-6365

EDITORIAL

Editor: Patrick Colson-Price pcolson-price@thegavoice.com Editorial Contributors: Cliff Bostock, Melissa Carter, Aidan Ivory Edwards, Jim Farmer, Morgan Fletcher, Luke Gardner, Elizabeth Hazzard, Ryan Lee, Allison Radomski, Jamie Roberts, Tyler Scruggs, Dionne Walker

PRODUCTION

Art Director: Rob Boeger rboeger@thegavoice.com

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Managing Partner/Publisher: Tim Boyd tboyd@thegavoice.com

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Welcome Back to Atlanta Patrick Colson-Price Atlanta holds many memories for me; some memories are good and some I’d like to erase from my mind. It’s been nearly four years since I left the city. I departed with the burden of a broken heart while trying to begin a new chapter in my career as a journalist. There was this sour taste in my mouth even after I returned to visit a year or so later. Friends were the reason I came back. I was in dire need of comfort from a circumstance that left me bruised and broken. It wasn’t the city that did this to me, but my own will to keep faith in situations I knew were no good for me.

I learned many hard lessons in the city. I reflect back on many of them today and think, “Wow, I can’t believe I allowed myself to stray that far from reality.” I’ve heard people say love blinds you from seeing the truth in a toxic situation.

Once I left, I realized there was more of me that needed work than my mind led me to believe.

Two years flew by as I reported across the state of Kentucky, and then it was my time to head west. I decided a journey to Palm Springs would do me right; I heard it was a destination for people looking to reinvent themselves or tap into their spiritual inner being. I didn’t think about either outcome though. I was just ready to live a more open life.

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It’s hard to believe I only spent one year of my life in that desert oasis. It felt like a decade

crunched tight into a small box. I reported on hundreds of stories, met thousands of people, and made even more memories that still bring a smile to my face. What happened next was, what I believe, a higher power writing out another adventure designed just for me. I met a guy on Facebook; we began messaging and video chatting daily. It wasn’t the typical romantic love story, but it was right for us. Two weeks later, I proposed to him. I heard nonstop from friends and strangers around me that I was insane. A part of me thought so too, but I knew in my heart it was right. A month later I moved to Albuquerque, leaving the city of my dreams behind. It was a hard pill to swallow.

I missed everything about Palm Springs.

Nothing felt right to me in Albuquerque except the man I was about to marry. I pushed through and did it because I knew I’d have to sacrifice to end up in a better place.

Unemployment hit and I was without a job for nine months. We were struggling, but fate had a plan for us. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I’ll tell you why. While searching for jobs on LinkedIn, a notification popped up trying to sell me a premium membership.

I had grinned before I went to close out the notification, but something told me to stop.

I thought about it, grabbed my credit card and signed up. A few minutes later as I was searching for journalism jobs, “Editor for the Georgia Voice” appeared. I went to apply. As I reviewed the job posting, I noticed a button

labeled “Premium In-Mail”; it gave users the opportunity to message the person posting the position. It was a feature of the premium service, a service I’d just bought. I sent a quick message introducing myself hoping for any type of response, anything other than silence. A day later in my inbox, a letter from Tim Boyd with the Georgia Voice appeared. Through dozens of messages, a writing assignment, and an hour-long conference call with the Georgia Voice team, I was finally offered the position.

I might not be the most religious or spiritual person, but I believe in something greater than all of us. Things happen for a reason when you least expect it. From my departure from Atlanta, moving to Palm Springs, and meeting an amazing man, to returning to a city that saw the worst of me. Never doubt where life will take you. Always accept a new direction with open arms and comfort, knowing there’s a reason you’re on that path.

As I complete this full circle back to Atlanta, I know I got here because I was supposed to end up here. The journey has been full of learning lessons that have prepared me for this moment.

At times I didn’t think I’d made it through, but I survived. I’m grateful for the voice I’ve been given, and the opportunity to use it to share stories from our community with all of you.

I believe I’ve found my purpose on this earth; I’m glad it’s here at the Georgia Voice. Now it’s time to get to work!

January 4, 2019 Editorial 3

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT (…BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE TAKE A DIGITAL DETOX.) We understand you need an info break. Or maybe you were just in the mountains. Either way, Georgia Voice has you covered. Here’s a selection of recent story snippets you might have missed. Find the rest of them and more at TheGaVoice.com, or like us on Facebook for all the latest in local and national news that affects our community.

Staff Reports

MICHIGAN GOVERNOR SIGNS LGBTQ PROTECTION DIRECTIVE BEFORE LEAVING OFFICE Michigan Governor Rick Snyder signed an LGBTQ discrimination protection directive less than four days before ending his eightyear tenure, according to Gay Star News. The Republican signed a directive stating that companies seeking government loans, grants, or other contracts mustn’t discriminate against LGBTQ employees.

The state’s Attorney General and Secretary of State’s office don’t have to comply with the directive, as it is not binding. However, Snyder encouraged both offices to do so.

Snyder’s history regarding LGBTQ rights is a bit mixed. While he pushed for LGBTQ anti-discrimination protections to be added to the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act of 1976, he also signed a law allowing faith-based adoption agencies to turn away same-sex couples in 2015.

Before the legalization of same-sex marriage, Snyder also defended Michigan’s same-sex marriage ban.

Democrat Gretchen Whitmer will succeed Snyder on January 1.

SECOND-OLDEST WOMEN’S COLLEGE WILL ADMIT TRANS WOMEN The second-oldest women’s college in the U.S., Stephens College, is now accepting transgender women as students, according to Inside Higher Ed. The 185-year-old Missouri university’s policy on trans students says that the college’s undergraduate residential women’s program will “admit and enroll students who were not born female, but who identify and live as women.”

However, one group of trans women who won’t be accepted are those self-identified only, as “students will need to provide legal documentation that they are legally women or that they are transitioning to female,” according to the policy.

LGBTQ ALLY ELIZABETH WARREN ANNOUNCES BID FOR 2020 PRESIDENCY Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren announced her bid to challenge Donald Trump for the 2020 presidency with a video featuring a Pride parade and a same-sex wedding, reported PinkNews.

Along with the pro-LGBTQ message and imagery, the Massachusetts senator’s video promised to find a way to fight growing income inequality in the country and claimed that political corruption is “poisoning our democracy.”

Warren has maintained a strong pro-LGBTQ legislative record throughout her term as senator. Warren has a 100 percent rating on the Human Rights Campaign’s Congressional Scorecard because she’s voted in favor of every LGBTQ rights reform since 2013 when she was elected.

Her LGBTQ record includes backing equal marriage in 2011, backing LGBTQ anti-discrimination protections, and putting forward bills to seek tax refunds for gay couples and make the census more inclusive of LGBTQ individuals.

In a letter for Pride Month 2017, Warren expressed her support of the LGBTQ community, saying, “Pride shows our country at its best: diverse, inclusive, united, and strong.”

4 News January 4, 2019

Because of this expansion of the school’s definition of woman, transgender men will consequently not be admitted into the college. According to an email sent to students and staff announcing the policy, the decision to make the change was unanimous.

This policy has been in the works since 2014 and will go into effect Fall semester of 2019 only for those not already enrolled. According to Gay Star News, Stephens College joins Wellesley College, Bryn Mawr, and Barnard College in allowing trans women.

SCIENTISTS SUCCEED IN DESTROYING HIV-INFECTED CELLS Paris’ Institut Pasteur announced a potential breakthrough in finding new methods of treating HIV after successfully destroying cells infected with HIV, reported Gay Star News.

Scientists at the Institut used metabolic activity inhibitors to eliminate reservoir cells, where the virus can be latent. This breakthrough could potentially result in the complete eradication of HIV from the body.

According to a spokesperson of the Institut Pasteur, current HIV treatments are unable to eradicate the virus. “The antiretroviral treatment used today is designed to block HIV infection but is not able to eliminate the virus from the body,” they said. “The virus remains in reservoirs… the main targets of HIV.” “Thanks to metabolic activity inhibitors, the researchers have managed to destroy these infected cells, or “reservoirs,” the spokesperson added. The next step following this discovery will be to assess the potential of utilizing this technique on living things.

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VOICES

Backwoods Queer: Life as a Gay Man in Rural Georgia Luke Gardner There’s a sharp divide in the experiences of queer people across the state of Georgia.

From the rural backwoods to metro Atlanta, life is entirely different in many ways. I’ve experienced both, and the drastic contrast is something that should be discussed in the midst of a state government switch up.

Atlanta is a speck of blue in a deep red state, and its existence is the saving grace of many progressive and marginalized Georgians.

Speaking from experience, surviving in rural areas of Georgia as a queer person wasn’t a pleasant reality.

Growing up in Albany, Georgia, access to a queer lifestyle was limited. I didn’t have many local queer role models. I knew of one or two out gay couples, but no one in my immediate circle of friends or family understood my struggles. At school, very few guys or girls were out as gay or bi, and only one person in our high school identified as trans. Being gender non-binary, intersex, aromantic and pansexual were unknowns in the small Georgia town. While you could find LGBT-friendly therapists, it was often a roll of the dice. I had friends share stories of leaving therapy worse than they entered 6 Voices January 4, 2019

due to homophobia and ignorance amongst counselors.

group for trans people, people questioning their own gender, and aspiring allies.

Resources were limited where I was from.

In the more populated urban areas, queer individuals could find several LGBT therapists, trans people could find doctors willing to help them transition, and confused teens could find more mentors. There were no safe spaces for us and no diversity training on LGBTQ issues. I never wanted to see a school counselor because I knew they wouldn’t understand a liberal, witchy, mentally-ill queer kid. In sex education, queer issues were avoided altogether; We were left to figure out their bodies and desires.

I live in the metro now and have the luxury of experiencing a gay club, Atlanta Pride, and other community events. I’ve been able to attend protests and make lifelong friends through attending queer social events. These types of creative, social and political outlets just don’t exist in rural areas.

Beyond resources for the safety, education, and health for queer people, there were also no creative outlets in any form. In Atlanta, one can find gay clubs, queer restaurants, queer parties, and events. There are human rights organizations, activists, and even politicians with an eye on queer issues. All of these spaces serve as outlets for the LGBTQ community. In the city, you can attend a radical protest or a civil brunch specifically for queer people. If you’re a queer black person, Atlanta has Black Pride, and events and organizations specifically for queer people of color. Trans people in the city can find spaces created by them, for them at local events such as Trans and Friends, a youth-focused

The events and organizations are able to exist in Atlanta because of the LGBTQ community’s size. When you surrounded by your own community, it gives you a chance to learn who you are and love who you’re becoming. When queer spaces are created, it provides members of the community with an opportunity to build relationships, to strengthen our political and social influence, and to see ourselves represented in our environment. Before moving to Atlanta, that aspect of my life was non-existent.

Now there’s a queer community whose influence has expanded past the metro and into national and international influence.

The rise of drag superstars like Biqtch Puddin and Violet Chachki, and artistic recordbreakers like models Kordale Lewis and Kaleb Anthony, are examples that it’s possible to be

queer and successful in the state of Georgia.

Rural Georgia is spotty. There aren’t gay communities, only individuals living in the dark. There are no local scenes, stars, role models or influencers; In Atlanta, when I jump on Grindr, I can scroll all the way down, and the farthest person is always within five miles. In rural Georgia, it would take an hour for me to meet the closest guy.

This lack of rural queer representation is in direct relation to the social stigma faced by queer individuals, especially trans and gender nonbinary people. This stigma is significantly more present in rural communities, which often consist of tight-knit, like-minded groups of people.

In rural Georgia, those people are usually the conservative evangelicals who make our state red every during the election, and we know where they stand when it comes to progress.

Too often, rural places lack the education, political organization, media representation, and willingness to change, needed to create open, queer-friendly environments. While many queer Georgians move to Atlanta to escape, others are stuck. They lack the financial stability or social capabilities to make the transition, leaving them stuck in the confines of a deep red territory. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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VOICES

An Unnerving Silence

Rob Boeger Gay men from my era went through a more difficult time in the ’80s and ’90s; we faced homophobia, discrimination in our jobs, and buried many of our friends and lovers due to the AIDS crisis. Those of us that survived that horrible time toughened up and focused our attention on our careers and explored the boundaries of our sex lives.

Many of us came from families that didn’t accept us for who we were, and we had to fight to exist in the everyday world.

It was early 1984 when I came out to my family. I couldn’t live a double life any longer.

What I experienced as I took each of them out to dinner, was an unnerving silence. I recall the coming out stories shared by my friends, and they always seemed much than mine.

Most of their families had shunned them and refused to have any connection with them. It was a sad time, and that obvious disapproval still affects some of us to this day.

My experience was different. It was the uncomfortable quietness that permeated 8 Voices January 4, 2019

each conversation every time I brought up the subject, especially from my father, who expressed no bitterness or hostility but seemed to turn to a different topic on a drop of a dime. In essence, I felt each experience was chipping away a piece of who I was every time it happened. This was something I had to endure for many years after.

My father was never there emotionally for me; it was always my mother that kept the bonds together in my family after their divorce. Even after she remarried, she made sure that my father and my grandmother were always invited for dinner every Sunday to make me feel like I still had a tie to both of them.

My father was a selfish man in some ways. It’s something that became more apparent years later after I came out. I remember a time in my life when I had financial difficulties and called up my dad to ask to borrow money from him, with interest. His answer was, “Rob, life throws you these punches and you’ve just got to roll with them.” It wasn’t like I had ever gotten into trouble with the

law or had created any turmoil growing up in the household. I was a model son and had worked ever since my early teens.

After that phone conversation, once again I felt rejected and it was many years before I decided to let him into my life again. For many years, I pushed through my feelings of isolation, rejection, and resentment of my father’s treatment of me. One day I decided to make another attempt to reconnect with him, hoping we could start fresh and let the past stay in the past. I visited him and his second wife in North Carolina and had what was a seemingly great time until I brought up the topic of what I did for a living. I showed him newspapers of the various LGBTQ publications that I had worked for over the years (as of 2018 it’s been almost 25 years in this industry). My father’s response was to shift the subject once again. It happened so fast it made my head spin. All the years came crashing back down. The silence returned.

I realized I was beating my head against the wall in trying to seek out my father’s approval and acceptance an acceptance that never

came. He died in 2013. I learned to live with this pain of not being able to let my dad know who I was and finally moved on with my life. The irony was, I had been working for so long as an activist and graphic designer in gay media but never got to experience a close connection with my father. That was forever out of my reach.

I eventually made peace with this. Or so I thought. That was until my husband experienced the same thing and I was then able to witness it when during a trip to see his family in Hawaii. Being the observer instead of the one being shunned was hard for me to observe as it dredged up all those old feelings.

It was around the same time that my husband and I decided to spend less time focusing on our families of the past and start focusing on the family that we had built together. It made us much closer than ever before.

To move forward, we had to learn to leave the pain of our childhood behind, so that we could blossom into our true selves without the mental shackles of whom our families wanted us to be. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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FEATURE

Aidan Ivory Edwards There can be a vast amount of perplexity when it comes to the meaning behind LGBTQ. Those who are unaware of the definition may fear being perceived as ignorant; they never quite muster up the strength to ask what makes up our community’s acronym list.

There’s no shame in asking or researching because chances are, you’ll come across someone who identifies with at least one of the letters above. According to Gary Gates of UCLA’s Williams Institute, he theorizes that there are approximately nine million members of the LGBTQ community in America. That’s larger than the population of 40 American states.

Georgia Voice is here to hold your hand and guide you through the rainforest downpours, through the barren sun that hangs low in the bone-dry desert, and to walk you over the brisk arctic ice caps to comprehending the meaning of LGBTQ. The acronym has evolved. First, it was 10 Feature January 4, 2019

homosexual; then it was gay. In the midto-late 1980s during the height of the AIDS epidemic, LGB – which stood for lesbian, gay and bisexual – began being used. In the 1990s, T was added to define transgender members of the community.

In 2016, GLAAD officially recommended adding the “Q” to the growing acronym to identify Queer members of the community.

The past two years have garnered several other identifiers hence the plus sign you might see used by different individuals; it includes identities like pansexual, asexual and intersex.

The acronym LGBTQ addresses the forefront of gender identities and sexual orientations, and pinpoints intricate identifications as well.

It’s a summarization of the togetherness kept within the community, letting its unification shine through in an ever-evolving acronym.

Lesbian is the term used for a female who’s sexually and emotionally attracted exclusively to women. Many women prefer to be identified as a lesbian rather than gay,

which is commonly used as a term to identify males with same-sex attraction. The term lesbian originated in ancient Greece from the poet Sappho of Lesbos. She was known for writing erotic love poems to other women.

Before the word lesbian, women who loved other women were often called “sapphic,” and their love defined as “sapphistry.”

Gay defines when a man is sexually and emotionally attracted exclusively to men.

Not all gay men identify as strictly gay or gay at all. This term can be used to recognize someone who is a lesbian, or bisexual but again, they may identify as something else.

The term ‘gay’ dates back to 12th century England meaning “joyful” or “carefree.” Fast forward to the 17th century, the Oxford dictionary definition at the time meant “addicted to pleasures and dissipations.” In the 1920s and 30s, the term started to refer to men who had sex with other men. “Gey cat” was also used to identify a homosexual boy. By the mid-1950s, the word gay had officially acquired a new definition meaning homosexual males. Gay men themselves

were invigorated with the new definitions as they felt “homosexual” sounded more like a disorder than an identity.

Bisexual is when a person, male or female, is attracted sexually and emotionally to both genders. The American Psychological Association states that “sexual orientation falls along a continuum...someone does not have to be exclusively homosexual or heterosexual, but can feel varying degrees of both.” The first English-language use of the word “bisexual” referring to the attraction to both women and men, was by American neurologist Charles Gilbert Chaddock in 1892. After the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City, some gays and lesbians became less accepting of bisexual and transgender individuals; the said those individuals were too afraid to come out as gay or lesbian. But in the late 80s, gays and lesbians practiced more inclusivity, allowing bisexual into the LGBT acronym. It’s now officially an equal part of the LGBTQ community.

CONTINUES ON PAGE 11 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

FEATURE

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

Transgender is a term described by people whose gender identity differs to their assigned sex at birth; often described as birth gender. These gender expressions are inner feelings expressed by the individual. If a man was born a boy at birth, but inside he feels as if he’s a woman, he’s considered transgender.

Some who identify as transgender will alter their appearance through clothing or hair changes; others alter their bodies through gender-affirming surgeries to match their biological gender with their gender identity. The term transgender was first used by Virginia Prince who used “Transgenderal” in 1969 during a play on the term “Transsexual.” The two differ in several ways. According to a 2014 article by Susan Scutti, “transsexuals are people who transition from one sex to another. A person born as a male can become recognizably female through the use of hormones and/ or surgical procedures; a person born as a female can become recognizably male.”

Queer is more applicable in today’s society, addressing fluidity amongst sexual www.thegeorgiavoice.com

orientation, and identification that is not heterosexual. It is a term that can narrow one identity or cover the entire umbrella of different identities. People who identify as queer, refuse to identify with mainstream labels. The term originated in Scotland in the late 1800s as a derogatory reference for gay men. Decades later, the term made its way to America into news publications including the Los Angeles Times. Throughout the mid-20th century, the term incited violence against gay men even after the 1969 Stonewall riots. In 1990 during New York City Pride, an organization called Queer Nation distributed flyers titled, “QUEERS READ THIS.” The bold move looked to destroy negative connotations of the word and garner in a new understanding of what queer; it’s an umbrella term for inclusivity minus defined labels.

Questioning is a term that can be interchanged with Queer depending on the person using the identifier. The label concerns those who are questioning their biological gender, sexuality, and/or gender identity. Its rise into the acronym list happened in the early 2000s, but the term

has often been interchanged with Queer when referring to the Q in LGBTQ.

sexual orientation.

After the Q, there are several other identities that have come to call the LGBTQ acronym home. Different organizations and media sources including the Georgia Voice use LGBTQ, but some include other identifies using the plus symbol. We’ll discuss some of those (+) identifiers:

is when someone is attracted to anyone, regardless of what gender he or she may identify with, or what his or her sex is.

Pansexuals refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are insignificant in determining their sexual attraction.

Intersex is a variation in sex characteristics

to multiple genders, but this doesn’t include all of them.

including chromosomes or genitals at birth that doesn’t distinctly identify a person as male or female. Being born intersex is relatively common, about one in 2000 births according to the Intersex Society of North America. There are different variations of intersex including the most commonly known, Klinefelter Syndrome. Statistics show the number of people receiving surgery to “normalize” genital appearance is about one or two in 1,000 births.

Asexual is when someone feels no sexual desire or attraction, or low or absent interest in sexual activity. It is not the same as celibacy. It may be considered the lack of

Pansexual also known as omnisexuality

Polysexual is when someone is attracted

Cisgender is when someone identifies with his or her assigned gender, also known as a metrosexual.

While there are more identifiers included in the (+) depending on whom you speak to, it’s essential to know all are part of the bigger picture. Love is love; it’s a universal feeling felt regardless of your sexual orientation or gender. Although these identities and orientations aren’t what define love, it’s important to understand how sensitive these identifications can be to the LGBTQ+ community around the world.

January 4, 2019 Feature 11

FEATURE

The Talk Patrick Colson-Price

A box of tissues sat between Adam and his mother. She knew the talk was inevitable; it could define how their relationship moved forward. The two were already close. They talked about everything, but this was different.

This was a moment that could break their relationship or make it stronger.

“It’s time,” he chuckled, describing the first words out of his mother’s mouth. “And that’s how they forced me to come out.” Ann responded, “I’ve since learned that you don’t do that, but at the time I didn’t know.”

“Why are you doing this?” asked Adam to his mother. “I want you to know that tomorrow, we’re going to be the same as today,” she said.

She was learning who Adam was at the same time Adam was discovering his own identity.

Who was Adam? Here’s his former identity in a nutshell: He was born a female, given a female name at birth, and put in pink baby clothes, expected to conform to society’s belief that if you’re born a female, you act like a female. Adams parents believed it and molded their then-daughter as they saw fit, but soon realized society’s molds were made to be broken.

Adam was homeschooled throughout high school with a passion for orchestral music.

During his junior year, he began questioning his sexuality. He initially came out as a lesbian during his senior year; months later he started dating his first girlfriend. It’s what led to him coming out to his parents as a lesbian. But there was more to Adams coming out than just this labeled orientation.

“It’s really common for a kid to come out as gay or lesbian on their trans journey. They know they’re queer in some way but haven’t quite necessarily put it all together yet.

Unfortunately, parents…,” Ann then paused.

“See, here I am talking during Adams time.

I’m taking over!”

12 Feature January 4, 2019

It’s really “common for a kid

to come out as gay or lesbian on their trans journey.

They know they’re queer in some way but haven’t quite necessarily put it all together yet.

”

I did initially ask Adam about his childhood, his upbringing and what not. “How dare you,” he said to his mom with a smile. It’s evident during my phone interview with the two that their relationship is undoubtedly strong. Ann says their bond has indeed never weakened; it’s fortified with open communication and an abundance of love for each other. It made for a smoother transition as the self-identified lesbian would take a step closer to his truth.

“Friends nicknamed me Adam as a joke, teasing me in a funny way. I quickly figured out that I liked it,” he said. “I had a bunch of ‘oh crap’ moments that came with that. Mom and I had been talking more extensively through this time. She was with me through a lot of my experimentation.”

It was time Adam shared his transitioning journey with his dad. “Well, I don’t like that very much” his father responded. Adam cried; his dad cried. It was an emotionally confusing time for them all, but Ann, who started going to PFLAG meetings days after Adam came out as lesbian, guided her husband to do the same.

His dad’s acceptance evolved rather quickly.

Within a year of Adams transition, Mr. Miller was attending PFLAG meetings regularly and even marched in Atlanta’s Pride parade with the PFLAG chapter.

Adam’s mom is now the president of two PFLAG groups in the Atlanta area.

She looks back at the mistakes she made unknowingly and uses her story to help guide other parents struggling to navigate their child’s identity.

“Adam was still worried about coming out to us,” she said. Adam admitted he wanted to but remembered hearing stories of teens being disowned, kicked out of their homes because they were gay.

“I would love him no matter what. But he didn’t know it extended to LGBTQ,” she said. “I would have spelled it out more specifically.”

Ann and her husband agreed they needed to get on board with his transition and deal with their personal feelings on their own time.

Adam’s mental health was their priority.

“That’s something that I encourage other parents to do, is not to deny their own feelings, but you do not let your child see them. You deal with your feelings on the side, but you get on board with your child’s feelings right away,” she said.

Adam considers himself very lucky and grateful. He calls it the luck of the draw, being born with incredibly supportive and loving parents. He’s 22-years-young, living his life as the man he always believed he could be. Sitting next to one of his biggest supporters, Adam knows his life is what it is today because of his parents’ courage to open their minds and their hearts to supporting their son’s unique journey.

“You know I’ll love you if you’re gay or if you’re transgender. You are safe here. You will always be loved here,” Adams mom said smiling.

To find a local PFLAG chapter near you, visit pflag.org. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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FEATURE

Queer Enough Allison Radomski This month, I agreed to write an editorial about the individual and collective ways in which we can better support queer teens as they engage the process of embracing their identities. Growing up outside the heteronorm is no easy feat, especially in the age of cyberbullying and the mirages of personal perfection that permeate our social media.

I’ve never felt so grateful for the comparative safety of adulthood.

However, instead of writing about today’s teens, I’ve been spinning in the memories of my own queer adolescence and the realization that I’m still, in many ways, an insecure teenager. I was five-years-old when I heard my friends laughing about the word “gay.”

Even though I didn’t really know what the word meant, I somehow knew it described me. After all, I was a kid who fell in love with waitresses and Disney princesses, all while 14 Feature January 4, 2019

nurturing crushes on several first-grade boys.

These facts about myself didn’t strike me as inconsistent. I just liked what I liked.

But in middle school, my sexuality became an existential dilemma. Crushes on girls led to downward spirals of confusion: How could I be attracted to both women and men? Weren’t the two attractions mutually exclusive?

Even as an adult, I’m susceptible to the same tailspin. Falling for a woman means fresh panic: Were all of my heteronormative attractions just one big lie? And then, when I’m with a man: Was I ever really gay? Even now, I wonder if I have any business writing for a queer publication because sometimes being a bisexual doesn’t feel quite gay enough.

The same limited thinking also makes me wonder if I’ll emasculate a male date by looking too androgynous, or if I ought to be the more aggressive female partner because I’m the one with shorter hair.

My fears, adolescent and present, operate in terms of limits: Which attractions nullify the others? Which definitions of self are the most final? It’s a very human desire to want to pinpoint exactly who and what we are, a particularly acute dilemma during adolescence. It’s a quest that was especially obvious in my teenage love of list-making.

In diary pages and classroom notebooks, I wrote it all down: What do I like? Who am I? My goal was a distinct identity, reducible to the comfortable certainty of bullet points.

Luckily, I was also really into collage. My pre-Pinterest cobbling of Converse shoes and electric guitars created space for a different set of questions: What disparate pieces of the world are part of my own self-understanding?

Unsurprisingly, my collages usually featured women: mashups of body parts and hairstyles, limbs bent at impossible angles, features that were out of proportion with

one another. According to the standards of healthy physical development, the amateur artworks that I so carefully taped together were more deformity than beauty.

And yet, my monstrosities contain the best advice I can muster for queer teens and myself: The bullet points will always fail you. Reducing yourself to an easily digestible definition might come with quick security, but these coping mechanisms will let you down eventually because you will always surprise yourself. Better to watch yourself with gentle expectation and embrace the result even if you can’t make sense of it.

As an adult, I’ve never been more grateful for the chance to be more than the sum of my past and my parts. Maybe your mottled collage doesn’t have the safety of a carefully composed list but trust it anyway. When linear logic topples, your various layers and mismatched pieces will always hold you up. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

FEATURE

Redefining Masculinity Luke Gardner Masculinity is a fluid concept; its existence looks different in varying cultures and individuals. Ask any person in the world what masculinity is to them, and you’ll get varying responses. In Spanish culture, affection among men is widely accepted, and showing emotion is considered a strength.

In the United States, it’s seen as weakness, potentially queer.

There is no correct way to be masculine or Feminine; claiming that can be inherently damaging. Take being a Christian or African-American, for example. In different societies, there are different standards; each person has guidelines for how he or she must act. However, in the LGBTQ community, that behavior is strictly categorized as either masculine or feminine. There’s rarely an inbetween. Mounting pressure throughout mainstream society has forced many individuals into a group against their will.

“The most important thing to remember is personal gender identification is always 100 percent an individual’s decision,” said Treah Caldwell, an Atlanta-based therapist focusing on queer issues. “It’s not up to parents, friends, partners, therapists or doctors. Gender is and should be a person’s individual experience.”

All around us, even on social media, men are condemned because their definition of masculinity is different. Society might identify a man wearing floral prints as being more feminine. Men who value taking care of their appearance, like getting pedicures or facials, might be emasculated by society.

Even an emotional Facebook post giving intimate details into one’s mental stability 16 Feature January 4, 2019

I feel like as “a trans man, I

have to be more masculine to pass as a man to experience the same respect as my fellow man.

”

can be seen as a weakness. Men from different races, ethnicities, and sexual orientations are battling a beast that continuously is fueled by the fear of judgment.

Those harsh beliefs above are exemplified in the struggles of the trans community around the country. Adam Stark, a trans man who lives in the Atlanta area, feels conforming to society’s standard is a daily struggle.

“I feel like as a trans man, I have to be more masculine to pass as a man to experience the same respect as my fellow man,” Stark said.

“If people identify me as a trans man, I still don’t experience the same respect despite being gendered correctly.”

Stark said. “While we do see the embrace of femininity within the gay community, we can also see shaming as well. I feel like I can’t express femininity or do feminine things without being questioned. Why I’m transitioning to a male if I want to be feminine?”

In 2018, the term “toxic masculinity” made its rounds on social media; the goal was and is to change the way society understands masculinity and create a new perception for an individual to define their sense of self.

“Masculinity, for me, can mean fatherly/ brotherly protection and ruggedness while others see it as suppressing emotions and resorting to violence,” Stark said. “It doesn’t have to be toxic; people just make it toxic.”

Because of the way it is harshly policed in America, masculinity has become more fragile. Men like Stark who generally deviate from what is considered normal, face the threat of being punished with backlash or bullying.

However, in America, there’s an epidemic among men of all ages. It’s the idea that males need to be more aggressive and unemotional, resulting in suppressed male self-expression.

It can lead to internalization of thoughts and feelings out of fear of social condemnation.

American society teaches that you can’t be emotional and robust at the same time, leading to the devaluation of femininity and the criminalization of queerness.

“It’s the inability to allow yourself to act in a feminine way or even to accept femininity,”

“It’s a patriarchal and capitalist structure that keeps folks in traditional (unfulfilling) gender

roles,” said Caldwell to the Georgia Voice.

Toxic masculinity could help explain why twice as many women as men have had samesex relationships, according to the CDC. The pressure to be more masculine has long been the demise of the gay community.

In November of last year, blogger Jeremy Alexander expressed his dismay with gay dating apps in an op-ed titled ‘Fellow Gay Men, Stop Glorifying Toxic Ideals of Masculinity.’

“These men want to overcompensate for their queerness, because on some level, they see their queerness as negative and that their sexual orientation makes them a ‘sissy’ by default,” wrote Alexander. “Why? Because at the end of the day, they equate being gay with being overtly feminine, and femininity as a sign of weakness ‒ something they are entitled to dominate over.”

Many Grindr or Scruff app users plaster straight-acting, no fems, and masc4masc across their profiles; it’s just another way of affirming the ideals of heteronormativity in the LGBTQ community. Can our society ease the restraints on their masculine constructs, allowing each human to act in the way he or she deems appropriate? By stomping out the toxicity, many say we can begin to redefine and reclaim our individuality. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

FEATURE

Dancing with our Identities Patrick Colson-Price For centuries, dance has acted as a way of self-expression, just like many other forms of art. Different styles, different paces, different outfits and different ways to express from within; it’s all there in every culture and every society around the world.

Every decade, evolution takes place on the stage or dancefloor, transforming into a new sound and beat. Through the rhythms come many different feelings; some are powerfully spiritual, while others draw us into the depths of jubilation. It’s something almost anyone who steps onto the dance floor feels.

We all have that in common regardless of what we wear, our style of dance, how we choose to “get high” or who we’re with.

Some say Atlanta was the scene to take them higher; others say the beats have faded. Since Backstreet, the 24-hour dance club, closed in 2004, and Jungle Atlanta called it quits last year, whispers of the demise of the circuit scene have scurried through the Midtown streets. There’s opposition though, a group of individuals looking to keep circuit alive and inclusive despite the odds. Producers like Jamie Williams and Billy Banderas are all about bringing different identities to the dance floor, keeping the crowd as diverse as possible.

As Banderas plans his second “Glamorous” party featuring the world-famous, DJ Aron Abikzer, he’s reminded of why inclusivity is important in the LGBTQ community. “It was supposed to be called Glamour Bear at the beginning, but I wanted to do something to include everybody,” said “Glamorous can be anything. You can be glamorous in leather; you can be glamorous naked; you can be glamorous being very queer.”

Many gay men get caught up in the “who’s www.thegeorgiavoice.com

who” of the circuit world. The men who have the most beautiful bodies, wear the most expensive accessories or go to the most extravagant parties, are hailed as circuit royalty. It’s why seedier places like Heretic or Atlanta Eagle thrive with a no-labels/nohang ups type of atmosphere; the music is just as good, the cover is usually cheaper, drinks are generally stronger, and people are usually friendlier. It’s what’s driving those from outside of the leather community into the hotspot for harnesses and chaps.

The Heretic Atlanta stepped up when Jungle closed, taking on circuit events geared towards less-leather inclined crowds.

It seems to be what’s bringing the circuit community together across Atlanta. Twinks, muscle jocks, bears, daddies, drag queens and more make their way to the dance floor, and it works, says Banderas.

“We’ve all been coming to Heretic non-stop every weekend,” he said. “It’s rewarding to know that people can come to a safe place and have a good time. It’s really all about the music.”

While certain parties are geared towards leather or even drag, places like Heretic are a melting pot of all LGBTQ scenes across Atlanta.

Producers like Banderas notices the issue of exclusion has gotten better over the years.

“What I’m trying to do with Glamorous is, no matter where it is, whether it’s at the Heretic, the new club, Future, that all those people feel welcome at Glamorous,” he said.

After the 1969 Stonewall riots in NYC, the gay community was allowed to have their own clubs and bars without police interference.

Circuit began to grow across the country in the 80s, with cities like NYC and Miami leading the way for all-night dance parties

filled with diverse crowds of predominantly men. By the early 90s, day and night parties began popping up all around the globe. It was deemed as the place to be for the ulitmate release. Drugs, sex and music created the perfect place to be free from ones inhibitions.

It became an escape for more than just the jocks with chiseled abs and defined biceps. It was the spot where you were accepted for who you were. But when did the world of circuit become discriminatory?

In 2015, an LGBTQ organization, Impulse Group South Florida, was criticized after hosting a pool party in Miami where they imposed a controversial entry fee for people 40 and over. The invite was sent out to dozens according to South Florida Gay News.

“I’m amazed at the invite I just received – free admission up to 40 years of age and $50 over 40. In addition to whether this is even legal, it’s a shocking and blatant attempt to exclude mature people and another instance of how people in our community should know better, given the discrimination and judgments we face in the mainstream world.”

One commenter posted on the groups Facebook event page, “The distinct impression is not that they want older folks to fund the

party, but that they don’t want them to attend at all. Just young, beautiful people, right?

What’s next, keeping fat folks away?”

For Impulse Group, this decision is not a new policy. Last year on Fort Lauderdale Beach, the organization also charged older people more money for its pool party, according to SFGN. Since then, several other instances of discrimination based on gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and even subgenres within the LGBTQ community have called for club owners and event producers to just let people dance. Across the circuit scene in Atlanta, inclusion is now part of marketing and planning.

“The closing of Jungle has “forced” some of the subculture going on there to go to Heretic and the Eagle,” said Banderas. “They’ve learned that they can have as much fun there as they did at Jungle (regardless of age, sex, or clique).

There’s no need to segregate yourself.”

He says the concept is still a work in progress.

Banderas hopes in the new year people will think less about the physicality of the event and its party-goers, and more about the musical energy that unites the LGBTQ community together as one.

January 4, 2019 Feature 17

FEATURE

Gender 101 For decades, society has worked to understand what defines a person’s gender. Many people may be thinking, “You can only be male or female.” You’re right to an extent, but there’s more to gender than meets the physical eye. We’ll break it down for you with the help of our friend, the Genderbread Person. The diagram is intended to be a tool for individuals to understand themselves better, explain their gender to someone else or for individuals not familiar with gender at all.

IDENTITY

Gender identity is a person’s private sense of being a man or a woman, biologically as well as socially. The gender identity that most people adhere to is usually unconscious, or forced upon us at an early age; colors like blue or pink are assigned to us at younger ages. When we get older, those identities may fit. However, some individuals sense of self might not match the identity they were assigned. For example, a person was born male may feel differently inside. He may identify as a woman although he still has male reproductive organs. For transgender people, their birth-assigned sex and their internal sense of gender (gender identity) do not match.

EXPRESSION

The external form of gender identity is known as gender expression. Many people use terms like “masculine,” “feminine,” “androgynous” or express gender-variant behavior.

They use their outward appearances to express themselves through clothing, makeup, or haircuts. Typically, transgender individuals match their gender expression with their gender identity. In some cases, they even alter their bodies through gender-affirming surgery align their anatomical sex with their identity and expression.

ATTRACTION

Our affinity towards another human being based on gender is defined as our sexual orientation.

We use terms like gay, bisexual, lesbian or straight, among many other identifiers that delve deep into attraction towards someone’s anatomical sex, expression and/or identity. Romantic attraction is an affinity and love for others through emotional relationships. Some people have both types of attractions while others have none. But in many cases, individuals have a combination of both.

If you’re a man and attracted to women, you’re considered straight. If you’re a man attracted to men and another gender, you identify as bi-sexual. If you’re a man attracted to men, you’re gay. Some people define and experience attraction without gender as a factor; they might identify as pansexual. If you experience romantic attraction but not sexual, you might identify as asexual.

Biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, and attraction are not always connected though. Someone’s sexual orientation doesn’t determine gender expression, gender expression isn’t decided by gender identity, and gender identity isn’t defined by biological sex. Because each category sits on a sliding scale, it means individuals can uniquely determine who they are and how they identify based on the combinations of feelings they possess.

SEX

Anatomical sex is the gender you were assigned at birth. It’s the most common form of gender identification in society. You’re a male if you’re born with a penis, and a female if you’re born with a vagina.

In some cases, individuals may be born with both reproductive organs. It’s relatively common, according to the Intersex Society of North America. About one in 2000 births result in some form of intersex identification.

18 Feature January 4, 2019

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FEATURE

The Age of Queer Media Tyler Scruggs

Turn on your TV, look at any channel or streaming service, and you’ll notice just how powerful LGBTQ voices in entertainment are. In 2018 alone, the queer community saw marked growth and improvements in not only in LGBTQ representation but the quality of that representation. It’s easier now more than ever to find yourself reflected in the stories told on television. That being said, there’s still a ways to go before the world we see in media more closely reflects the world we live in.

GLAAD’s 2018 annual report, “Where We Are On TV,” was released in October; it revealed some staggering statistics based on their research. Thanks to Netflix and FX’s trans-led series “Pose,” 8.8 percent of broadcast series regular characters on television are LGBTQ identifying, inching closer to the globally estimated 10% of queer-identifying people in the real world.

Ryan Murphy, one of the co-creators of the barrier-breaking series, is now setting the bar for trans representation in media. Of the 433 total regular and recurring LGBTQ characters on scripted broadcast, cable, and streaming programs, only 26 are transgender.

This year, nine characters were added to the ranks; five are characters on FX’s “Pose.”

In her introduction to the report, GLAAD President & CEO Sarah Kate Ellis wrote, “… the percentage of LGBTQ series regulars on broadcast primetime scripted programming is up to an all-time high of 8.8 percent. That same group of characters is also at gender parity with equal percentages of LGBTQ men and women on broadcast, and for the first time, more LGBTQ characters are people of color than white LGBTQ characters on television. Across all platforms GLAAD www.thegeorgiavoice.com

“POSE”

PUBLICITY PHOTOS

tracks – broadcast, cable, and streaming – the number of bisexual characters, transgender characters, and characters with HIV and AIDS are up this year.”

According to the report, “GLAAD found 75 regular LGBTQ characters on original scripted series on streaming services, an increase of 24 from last year’s count. There were an additional 37 recurring characters, up 18 from the previous year’s report. It brings the total to 112 characters, 42 more than the last year.”

What’s interesting about 2018 in queer media is not just the quantity of gay characters, but the uptick in the quality of stories those characters tell. Films with gay undertones have been around for decades and helped construct the stereotypes we experience today, but often they’re under-budgeted and underproduced; frequently relegated to bargain bins and streaming service “LGBT Films” sections.

Too often, viewers take a chance on what ends up being low-budget and disappointingly lowbrow entertainment.

Andrew Scahill, an assistant professor of film studies at the University of Colorado Denver, praised the progress media has made in telling new and unique stories. “I’d say the biggest change is seeing more minority voices speaking to a diversity of experiences within the gay community,” said Scahill. Films like “Moonlight,” “Pariah,” or “Tangerine” are a reminder that the queer experience is not a universal template.”

While 2018 saw many queer coming out stories from “Love, Simon” to films like “Boy Erased” and “The Miseducation of Cameron Post,” queer media may want to set its sights higher. “At the same time, gay representation seems to be looking for stories beyond

“MOONLIGHT”

experiencing homophobia or coming out,” Scahill said. “The last horizon will be genre cinema – we have yet to see a lesbian James Bond or a gay Superman.”

In December, Bravo announced plans to reboot ShowTime’s “Queer as Folk” for modern audiences. While it indeed isn’t lesbian James Bond or even season 3 of HBO’s “Looking,” the show has been a longstanding example of homonormative storytelling; where sexuality is so abundant and commonplace that characters require depth and attributes beyond their bedroom preferences.

“Inclusion is not just the right thing to do, but these examples prove it’s good for the bottom line. Audiences are hungry for new stories and perspectives, and fans are

showing up to support the content that is telling stories they recognize and can relate to,” Ellis concluded.

Rest assured, as we enter the new year and beyond, the deficit of gay storytelling in media is going to continue to shrink. Will it help younger generations in the search for their own sexual and gender identities?

That’s the goal for producers and directors of prominent LGBTQ-focused media. It’s now the responsibility of the audience to continue to support and equally criticize that representation so it doesn’t go away. It won’t be a perfect, smooth ride, and we’ll still see more shoestring budget ventures. However, in this new age of media, seeing representations of your life on the big screen is what we all want in the end, and it’s coming.

January 4, 2019 Feature 19

ACTING OUT

“Moonlight” Director Back Again with Must-See Holiday Film Jim Farmer

“IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK” PUBLICITY PHOTO

In the summer of 2016, not many people had heard of the gay-themed film “Moonlight” – adapted from a play by Tarell Alvin McCraney – or its director Barry Jenkins.

By the spring of the following year, the film had won a surprise Best Picture Oscar, and its director/writer Jenkins had pocketed another Oscar for his adaptation.

Two years later, Jenkins has returned with “If Beale Street Could Talk,” written by openly gay writer and social critic James Baldwin. It’s a novel about a young AfricanAmerican woman who is trying to clear her husband of a rape charge before she has their first child. It’s a film that many expect to be competing at this season’s Academy Awards, largely for Jenkins’ writing and Regina King’s performance as a protective mother.

Long a fan of Baldwin, Jenkins feels his words are as timely as ever. “When you’re telling the truth, much of what you say stands the test of time,” he says. “America has been in a loop the last 60 or 70 years in a way. There are these major problems; we assume we fix them, and we move past them. A lot of what Mr. Baldwin wrote about has persisted, maybe in the background and not the forefront – but those things are still with us.”

Ironically, Jenkins wrote the script roughly around the same time he was writing “Moonlight” in 2013. It took him some time, though, to get the rights from the Baldwin estate. “The James Baldwin estate, as they should be, are very diligent about protecting his legacy. It’s not in a state that makes decisions willy-nilly or instinctively. It was a process of getting to know the family.

If the entire estate didn’t feel I was the right person for this role, or the time was right, it would not have been granted.”

He wanted the adaptation to be as faithful as possible and to keep it in the appropriate era.

“When I began adapting the book, the early question was if it was necessary to remain in 20 Columnists January 4, 2019

the ’70s,” he says. “As a director, it would be more fiscally viable to update it to 2018, so you can turn the camera anywhere and not hide anything. It seemed like the power (was keeping it in the ’70s). If you said to James Baldwin that this past weekend was horrific and the country was on fire, he would say it has always been.”

Because Jenkins had such reverence for the book, he didn’t want to change much. “It was as much editing as writing,” he says. “This book is a puzzle. It’s just as non-linear as the film, maybe even more so. So I was trying to re-create a puzzle that made narrative sense for audiences but fidelity for the experience.

This idea of time has an elusive quality because it’s told from the perspective of a young woman whose concept of time is rapidly changing during the ordeal. It was tricky trying to determine how to change that for a visual medium that honored the text but didn’t derail the audience’s journey through the story. That was the biggest challenge. I knew the dialogue was going to remain mostly intact.”

One of the film’s chief assets is its rich ensemble cast – and Jenkins took his time finding the right performers. “When I write a script, I very rarely have an actor in mind. I am hoping someone will walk in and show me who the character is. I had no idea who Trevante Rhodes (of ‘Moonlight’) was until he showed up. It had to be clear that (the central couple) Tish and Fonny were soulmates. I had not seen many films that depicted young black people this way. That was important, and once we cast Kiki Layne and Stephan James in the lead roles, it was a matter of finding the family.”

The film premiered at the Toronto Film Festival this fall. Jenkins admittedly felt a bit of pressure after the success of “Moonlight,” and for being the first person to adapt Baldwin in the English language. In the end, however, he was happy to share it with the world.

“If Beale Street Could Talk” opens in theatres across the country on Dec. 25. Check out the movie in Atlanta at AMC Phipps, Regal Atlantic Station, and Landmark’s Midtown Art Cinema. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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EATING MY WORDS

Son of a Bear: Where Spam is a Luxury Cliff Bostock In my last column, I wrote positively about the new Ramen Station in the Larkin development in Grant Park. As it happens, the owners also recently opened a Korean gastropub called Son of a Bear in Decatur. I was excited to try the place because the chef, Jinkuk “Jay” Lee, was formerly executive chef at Breakers, a Duluth restaurant that serves the best Korean barbecue in Atlanta.

Son of a Bear, whose name is taken from a mythological tale, couldn’t be farther from Breakers in most respects. Breakers features borderline-fine-dining in a sleek, black and white dining room with (well ventilated) grills at each table. Son of a Bear is a blackand-red dive with a menu that includes only a few grilled dishes. Breakers serves banchan, the usually free Korean medley of tiny dishes like pickled radishes and kimchi that begin every meal. Son of a Bear doesn’t serve banchan but does have a menu of creative small plates. As is so often true, in short, the dive is a lot more interesting than the fancier place. However, that doesn’t make it better than Breakers, alas.

Four friends and I had a very mixed reaction to our meal. One small plate we all loved was the krispy-crunchy-chewy kimchi rice balls – obviously a spicy riff on the classic

Italian arancini. The kitchen also reinvents poutine, the Canadian obsession of French fries piled with sundry savory ingredients.

Unfortunately, the fries were tepid and limp, so they didn’t work with the weirdly bland toppings. Glossy fried chicken wings, on the other hand, were deliciously layered with mysterious spices. Perhaps the oddest snack is labeled “cheesy corn (peanut butter).”

We didn’t try it, but a friend has since recommended it highly. Let me know.

The main menu includes personal entrees and dishes separately labeled “for sharing.”

Screw that. We shared everything we ordered and, frankly, the staff wasn’t helpful in providing the plates and serving utensils we needed. The best dish on the table was succulent, falling-apart braised short ribs

and root vegetables. A bowl of “Hangover Ramyeon” – Korean-style ramen – was full of skinny noodles, mild kimchi, bright-red broth, and shaved pork belly. My dining companions weren’t impressed, but I found it more flavorful than the usual Japanesestyle ramen around town.

The remaining three dishes sent us downhill.

Charred beef bulgogi, topped with some radishes, was an infuriatingly thin slice of steak that was knife-resistant and chewy as hell. The whole fried chicken made me even angrier. The skin was limp. The white flesh was dry. The overall flavor was killed by extreme saltiness. I ordered it because I always get the fried chicken at Dish, my favorite Korean restaurant in the Chamblee area. No comparison.

The dish that most repelled me, at no fault of the restaurant, was the gigantic portion of

so-called “Army Stew.” It contained the same ingredients as the ramen we ordered, plus something that I hate: Spam. Nobody at our table would take responsibility for ordering it – the menu does say it’s an ingredient – and nobody would eat it, either. Spam, if you didn’t know, is considered a luxury food in Korea, where more of it is sold than anywhere else. It’s not unusual to see it on menus, including at Dish. I would seriously prefer to eat braised brains or roasted testicles.

I’ve read several rave reviews of Son of a Bear, so I’m wondering if we visited during an offnight. Maybe the other reviewers got drunk at the tiny bar, sipping Soju cocktails and rice beer. Perhaps they made better choices. I’ll go back, but with much more discernment.

Cliff Bostock is a former psychotherapist now specializing in life coaching. Contact him at 404-518-4415 or CliffBostock@gmail.com.

22 Columnists January 4, 2019 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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BEST BETS Our Guide to the Best LGBTQ Events in Atlanta for January 4-19 FRIDAY, JAN. 4

Experience the mystery and fun of the beloved movie that captivated audiences around the world at “E.T. The ExtraTerrestrial in Concert,” complete with John Williams’ Academy Award®-winning score performed live by the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra.

Tonight and tomorrow, 8pm Every Friday night at Mary’s Atlanta, come enjoy Queer Bait, featuring videos with DJ Headmaster.

SATURDAY, JAN. 5

Watch NFL playoff games at Woofs Atlanta today.

Atlanta Prime Timers meets today.

3pm Phillip Rush Center Annex Rock in 2019 with Exquisite Gender and special guest Cathleen Thomas.

8pm Smith’s Olde Bar Be ready to dance at Heyday, Atlanta’s #1 ‘80s dance party, with hits all nights, featuring Kimber and Saved by the Band 10pm – 3am The Basement Get ready for another serving of daddies in leather! Joe Whitaker presents DILF’s Atlanta Black and Blue “be bad” party with beats by Pure Noise DJ Jeff Dority. Black and Blue theme encouraged. Clothing check available. Go to theDILFparty.com to purchase tickets.

10pm – 3am Heretic Atlanta Love David Bowie? You’ll get a chance to jam out to his classic hits all night long!

Hosted by DJ/VJ Anthony. Food served until 10:30pm with two bars and tons of drink specials. $10 cover at the door. Must be 21 and over.

10pm – 3am Amsterdam Atlanta

SUNDAY, JAN. 6

Lady Gaga or Glenn Close? Rami Malek or Bradley Cooper? The Golden Globes awards show is tonight at 8pm on NBC,

24 Best Bets January 4, 2019

THURSDAY, JAN. 10

Living Room, Out Front Theatre Company and Out On Film are partnering for a screening of “Last Men Standing.”

6pm Out Front Theatre with several queer or queer favorite shows and movies nominated.

MONDAY, JAN. 7

T-Time Atlanta Trans Youth holds their weekly meeting tonight.

7pm St. Annes Episcopal Church The PFLAG support group for parents and families of LGBTQ children meets today.

7:30 – 9pm Atlanta International School

TUESDAY, JAN. 8

Enjoy free pool tonight and beats by rotating DJs at Bulldogs tonight.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 9

Ndstry Wednesday features music and videos with DJ Sean Michael.

3pm – 3am Blake’s on the Park

THURSDAY, JAN. 10

In Leonard Bernstein’s iconic “West Side Story,” star-crossed lovers dare to dream against the 1950s backdrop of New

York’s gang-infested Upper West Side.

Bernstein’s rollicking score enlivens the show that garnered six Tony nominations and 10 Academy Awards. Hit songs include “Maria” and “Somewhere.” Guest conductor Christopher Allen leads special guests and the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra in an extravaganza of music from this and other Broadway hits in “Leonard Bernstein, An American Original.”

Tonight and Saturday, 8pm The groundbreaking Obie-winning Off-Broadway smash “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” tells the story of “internationally ignored song stylist” Hedwig Schmidt, a fourth-wall smashing East German rock ‘n’ roll goddess who also happens to be the victim of a botched sex-change operation, which has left her with just “an angry inch.” This outrageous and unexpectedly hilarious story is performed by Hedwig (née Hansel) in the form of a rock gig/stand-up comedy routine backed by the hard-rocking band “The Angry Inch,” using songs and monologues. The show is directed by Bubba Carr and stars Chad Darnell.

Tonight through Feb. 2, 8pm

Pinch ‘N’ Ouch Theatre

FRIDAY, JAN. 11

Join MAAP the second Friday of each month for its Mix, Mingle, and Network session. This is our your chance to leave the work week behind and connect with other like-minded professionals over drinks, laughter, and conversation.

6 – 8pm TEN Atlanta Living Room, Out Front Theatre Company and Out On Film are partnering for a screening of “Last Men Standing,” the first feature-length documentary from The San Francisco Chronicle selected for entry into a series of prestigious film festivals in the U.S. and Canada. The film follows eight Bay Area men who had the remarkable luck to survive AIDS and the brutal misfortune to live on. Rich and distinguished stories unfold among the lives of long-term survivors who have learned how to celebrate, heal, love, and thrive after the devastation of the early AIDS crisis. In this cathartic and intimate

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BEST BETS CONTINUED FROM PAGE 24 documentary, eight men look back on their experiences and then toward the future with the strength and resiliency they have cultivated over the past 30 years. Survivors are still affected by the trauma of not only their diagnosis but also the loss of community and way of life. Nobody knew they would grow old with AIDS. Many abandoned careers and went on long-term disability to wait out their death sentence, and now they face an uncertain economic future. As they age, and as the Castro neighborhood changes, long-term survivors are also creating new ways to connect and to find meaning and community. This meditative documentary, the first full-length film produced by the San Francisco Chronicle, draws attention to the emotional and inspiring history of the city’s gay community in the post-AIDS era.

Admission is free, and concessions will be sold on sight.

6pm Out Front Theatre Every Friday at midnight, it’s time to slip on those fishnets and make-up for the greatest live troupe in the city, Lips Down on Dixie, Inc., for a righteous party in front of the big screen for “The Rocky Horror Show.”

Midnight Plaza Theatre

SATURDAY, JAN. 12

For one night only, enjoy a delicious helping of a “Who’s Who” of “Della’s Diner” alumni for a special live concert of Atlanta’s longest running musical. “Della’s Diner” is a hilarious musical comedy soap opera full of non-stop surprises, twists, and turns. The titular Della is the sassy, bighearted café owner who dispenses love, wisdom and moral advice to the parade of oddballs who come and go from her cozy diner of Morning Glory Mountain.

8pm Out Front Theatre Funny men Steve Martin and Martin Short – two-thirds of “The Three Amigos” – appear together at the Fox Theatre.

Tonight, 8pm Grab your harnesses and jockstraps, and don’t forget the diamonds! Billy Banderas Productions and Heretic Atlanta bring back the Glamorous party with the superstar

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Nonsense is having a slumber party, and you’re invited. In the winter, it’s tough to get out of your comfy jammies and go out dancing. So don’t – wear your fave pajamas, sleep mask, and slippers. The event will feature music from DJ Kimber – including Robyn, Janelle Monae, Ariana, Kesha, Sia and more – plus pillow fights, games, some hairbrush lip syncing, a giant crowd-surfing teddy bear, and other surprises. The first 200 people will get friendship bracelets.

11pm The Bracelet

SATURDAY, JAN. 12 The Glamorous party features superstar DJ ARON spinning the beats.

Atlanta’s very own DJ Neon the Glowgobear kicks off the evening.

10 – 3am Heretic Atlanta

SATURDAY, JAN. 19

DJ ARON spinning the beats. Atlanta’s very own DJ Neon the Glowgobear kicks off the evening. For ticket info, head to Heretic Atlanta’s Facebook page.

10 – 3am Heretic Atlanta

SUNDAY, JAN. 13

Keep the party going after Heretic Atlanta’s Glamorous party, with the ultimate afterhours experience at Xion. Beats by international DeeJee Woman, Ana Paula.

3 – 7am BJ Roosters My Sister’s Room hosts the Sunday LGBTQ Day Party, hosted by Kia Comedy with tons of drink specials.

4 – 8pm

MONDAY, JAN. 14

Trans and Friends is a youth-focused group for trans people, people questioning their own gender and aspiring allies, providing a facilitated space to discuss gender, relevant resources and activism around social issues, 7 – 8:30pm Charis Books and More

TUESDAY, JAN. 15

Don’t be timid – it’s Underwear Night at the Atlanta Eagle.

7pm

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 16

Don’t miss Ruby Redd’s Birdcage Bingo

UPCOMING

The Auburn Avenue Research Library, in collaboration with the Hammonds House Museum, will host curator Shantrelle P. Lewis in a conversation on her work in the photographic exhibit “Dandy Lion: (Re) Articulating Black Masculine Identity.” “Dandy Lion” seeks to distinguish the contemporary expressions of the Black Dandy phenomenon in popular culture. The first comprehensive exhibition of its kind, this project highlights young men in city-landscapes who defy stereotypical and monolithic understandings of Black masculinity by remixing Victorian-era fashion with traditional African sartorial sensibilities.

Shantrelle P. Lewis is an independent curator based out of Brooklyn and Philadelphia. Lewis has served as the Executive Director and Curator of the McKenna Museum of African American Art as well as the Director of Public Exhibitions and Public Programming at the Caribbean Cultural Center African Diaspora Institute.

2pm Auburn Avenue Research Library

The G8Yties - 80’s Dance Party features tunes from Prince, Madonna, Culture Club, Queen, Cyndi Lauper and more. Organizers will have your 12” extended versions of all your favorite original 80’s dance songs. Come join the party and dance the night away as DJ Mike Pope will be spinning the greatest ’80s hits including “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” “ Like a Prayer,” “We Got the Beat,” “Let’s Go Crazy,” “ Karma Chameleon,” “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” and more.

10pm – 2am Heretic Atlanta

Join Charis in celebrating Atlanta author Breanna J. McDaniel’s first book, “Hands Up,” a triumphant picture book which recasts a charged phrase as part of a black girl’s everyday life – hands up for a hug, hands up in class, hands up for a high five – before culminating in a moment of resistance at a protest march. This is a Charis Circle Strong Families, Whole Children Program. The suggested donation is $5, but no one will be turned away for lack of funds.

5 – 6:30pm Charis Books and More

tonight, joined by some drag royalty.

8:30pm The Hideaway Atlanta

THURSDAY, JAN. 17

Charis and Cliterati pair up to present an inviting and fierce open mic & reading series on the third Thursday of every month.

All are welcome to come share their work.

This is the last Cliterati at the 5 Points location before Charis moves to Agnes Scott later this year. It’s also being curated by Southern Fried Queer Pride. This is a Charis Circle From Margin to Center Literary Event, and the suggested donation is $5.

7:30 – 9pm Charis Books and More

FRIDAY, JAN. 18

January 4, 2019 Best Bets 25

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

Rivalry Resolutions Melissa Carter I never realized how competitive my two siblings and I are with one another. It’s not a physical competition, as none of us care that much about physical activity to push the other into action. It’s mental, with each trying to shine as the smartest in the group.

Over the holidays I had three such debates with my older sister and brother. The first came when I attempted to find a cord to charge one of Mr. Carter’s toys. My brother asked me if I needed a “standard USB cord,” to which I replied “no.” The input looked different than what most are used to seeing on their computers, and I was sure we wouldn’t be able to find anything that resembled what I needed. My brother commented to my sister that we still needed a “standard USB cord” despite my protest, and after she found what was needed, he further reiterated it was indeed a “standard USB cord.” Jabs from both sides continued the rest of the day.

The second brain tussle happened after a day of fun activities for Mr. Carter. I had forgotten my glasses and was wearing prescription sunglasses, but in Nashville, the winter sun sets around 5pm, and we were out past that hour. I was wearing said shades in the dark, so I decided to pull up Waze to find that fastest way home. It was at that point my sister let me know that her directions were far better than Waze, while my brother had some shortcut ideas of his own. We made it home, thanks to the combined efforts of the others’ directions. I still think Waze would have been faster.

26 Columnists January 4, 2019

The final argument had to do with the best pizza delivery system. We were hanging out at my brother’s home, as my sister and I decided to get back to my mom’s place and bring Mom dinner. My brother offered to order us all pizza before we left, but my sister refused; she said her favorite pizza place closer to Mom’s was faster and that we’d just pick a pizza up on the way home.

He told her his pizza place was within walking distance and that it’d be ready quickly, but she was resolute in using her familiar go-to place. Both then placed their separate orders, as if someone had fired a gun to begin the race. While my brother’s pizza was being delivered my sister was still on hold with her pizza place. Add to that defeat when we finally went to pick up her order, they had forgotten it, and no pizza was ready. We had to wait another half hour before the pizza was prepared to take to our mother.

As ridiculous as these experiences were, I realize there is a blessing in being with someone so much that you take them for granted. I tell myself I will not engage in fighting, yet somehow a USB cord or GPS app becomes something personal that I’m throwing my hat into the ring.

The important thing is that at the end of the day when real problems arise, you emerge on the same team.

One of the first out radio personalities in Atlanta, Melissa’s worked for B98.5 and Q100. Catch her daily on theProgressive Voices podcast “She Persisted.” Tweet her! @MelissaCarter www.thegeorgiavoice.com

SOMETIMES ‘Y’

Opening a ‘Box’ of Stigma Ryan Lee I was close to succumbing to the “Bird Box” craze until I saw Sandra Bullock in the opening scene and decided sitting through another of her movies would be more horrifying than any plot.

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Despite my not watching the film, this column may contain second-hand spoilers just as social media has equipped me to offer a skeletal outline of eight seasons of “Scandal” without ever having seen an episode (I still can’t believe they shot Huck!).

The characters in “Bird Box” must remain blindfolded to avoid being killed, while forces are trying to trick or seduce them into uncovering their eyes. It seems unfair to me that Sandra Bullock gets to be the one blindfolded throughout any of her movies.

One “Bird Box”-inspired meme that came across my timeline showed a young man with veiled eyes being tempted by “the last masculine top in Atlanta,” and the man deciding the reward awaiting him after snipping off his blindfold was worth the risk. It’s the latest offering of on an age-old diss against the city: Atlanta is overflowing with flamboyant power bottoms parched for good dick.

The meme slanders all three of its targets – Atlanta, bottoms and feminine tops – and reveals a common impression LGBTQ people have about the city, not unlike the way many straight people mockingly equate Atlanta with AIDS. Both of these perceptions are intended to demean the LGBTQ people who live here, suggesting, even if comically, that we are weak or sick.

In reality, despite the cultural and demographic shifts the broader city of Atlanta has undergone in the last decade, its reputation as an LGBTQ mecca, particularly for small-town southerners and AfricanAmericans across the country, has been resilient, with new pilgrims arriving monthly.

The city no doubt has its shortcomings, as does its LGBTQ community, but we should resist letting traditional, lazy humor or stereotypes falsely define the haven we have created in the Deep South. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Snappy Makes Homes Happy!

$75 Atlanta’s reputation for being oversaturated with bottoms is amusing to me as a 16-year resident with humbly reliable insight into how much sex is occurring in this city on an hourly basis. Do people sincerely believe all these gay men are wearing strap-ons or grinding their booties together until they cum?

The City of Bottoms label applies to wherever a cluster of a dozen or more gay men reside; it’s used by men who get fucked in the ass to belittle other men for getting fucked in the ass (I’ve never heard a top complain about a surplus of bottoms). It’s a shame how we use ourselves to insult one another, and how we have accepted the notion there is something meek or weak about allowing a penis inside your rectum, about alchemizing fleshly pain into spiritual euphoria.

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The same rusty interpretations of manhood provoke our mockery of, or revulsion toward, feminine tops, who, in my experience, outperform expectations at a far higher rate than their masculine-ish rivals. A fem top is like a white dude cutting hair in a barbershop on MLK Drive, operating without any veneer of credibility and forced to earn all respect.

We’ve gotten excellent at spotting the harmful effects of anti-LGBTQ jokes from straight comedians and tweets from celebrities, but when it comes to the shame and debasement perpetuated by our shade, many of us are walking around blindfolded.

January 4, 2019 Columnists 27