The Georgia Voice - 1/31/14, Vol. 4 Issue 24

the

issue

Embracing our desires, ourselves, our lives Photo by Adam Carpenter

Youth movement Lost-N-Found opens new drop-in center. Page 15

Dining desires Food to arouse your senses. Page 19

Women’s voices New chorus woos with love songs. Page 25

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01.31.14

IN THIS ISSUE OF GA VOICE

FEATURED STORies

SEX & DATING 6 | Living the BDSM lifestyle.

7 | ‘Velvet Lips’ pleasures lesbians.

12 | Dating trans people requires respect.

13 | Bisexuality ‘not a phase.’

18 | More on our cover photo.

NEWS 15 | Lost-N-Found finds new home.

20 | Guest editorial: Medicaid an LGBT issue.

Photo by Adam Carpenter

6 | TAKE A PEEK INSIDE GAY ATLANTA'S BDSM SCENE

Photo by Adam Carpenter

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT

18 | COVER PHOTO SHOOT

OUTSPOKEN

COLUMNISTS 26 | That’s What She Said: Melissa Carter fantasizes about her ‘freebie list.’

27 | Sometimes ‘Y’: Ryan Lee is a post-modern non-monogamist.

Photo via screen capture

“This particular storyline was developed under the consultancy of child development experts and community advisors. Like all Disney Channel programming, it was developed to be relevant to kids and families around the world and to reflect themes of diversity and inclusiveness.”

— A June statement from Disney Channel announcing its introduction of a lesbian couple with a child in the show, “Good Luck Charlie.” (Jan. 27, Towleroad.com)

“I’ve never seen such a display of intolerance, bigotry and hatred. #Grammys #antichristian” —Tweet by Todd Starnes, host of Fox News & Commentary, on the marriages during the Grammy Awards. (Jan. 26)

“I’m not here to badmouth my dad.

I’m terribly disappointed in his decision and beliefs, but he’s not going to change them now if he hasn’t after all these years of knowing I am gay. I am here to support you and my friends who remain in Indiana. They are my extended family.” via Facebook

— Sochi Mayor AnatolyPakhomov insisting no gay people live in his city. (BBC, Jan. 26; Sochi flag via Wiki commons.)

Photo via screen capture

FRIENDS & FOES IN THEIR OWN WORDS “We just say that it is your business, it’s your life. But it’s not accepted here in the Caucasus where we live.

We do not have them in our city.”

19 | Food: Where to find desirable dishes.

21-23 | Calendar 24 | Books: Sam Harris’ memoir yummy delight.

25 | Theater: Atlanta Women’s Chorus debuts.

— Post by Chris Smith, the gay son of Indiana state Representative Milo Smith, chairman of the Elections Committee that passed a proposed constitutional ban on same-sex marriage onto the full Indiana House. (Indiana Equality’s Facebook page on Jan. 25.)

Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images via Grammy.comto

“This song is not a love song for some of us but for all of us.”

— Queen Latifah at the beginning of the segment of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ performance of their gay anthem “Same Love” with Mary Lambert and Madonna during the 56th annual Grammy Awards. Queen Latifah then officially married more than 30 gay and straight couples on live TV. (Jan. 26, CBS)

6 | GA VOICE

SEX & DATING

01.31.14

Living a dominant lifestyle Gay men who love BDSM ‘not a bunch of freaks’

By PATRICK SAUNDERS “Everything here can be used to inflict pain,” Wayne Brawner says as he gives a tour of his Old Fourth Ward home. Various household objects and art pieces begin to tell a story. One that says that within various homes and clubs scattered all throughout the city, Atlanta’s BDSM community is alive and well.

Brawner’s playroom upstairs is the real deal, though. There’s a sling in the middle of the room.

A St. Andrew’s cross in the corner. A 1930s barbershop chair. A wall of whips and riding crops. A throne. A cabinet full of electrical devices. This is not a drill — but there might be one around somewhere.

Brawner considers himself a sadist — someone who obtains pleasure from inflicting pain on others. And he looks like someone who can do so convincingly. Barrel-chested, heavily tattooed, leather from head to toe, mischief in his eyes. Not everyone in the BDSM — bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism — community fits this profile, but it sure as hell seems to help.

“It drives me, it’s a part of my life,” he says of “the lifestyle” as he and other aficionados refer to it. “It’s created the discipline and structure to be successful in business and to be the man I am today.”

He was 15 when he took his first step into the lifestyle as he stood outside leather bar the Texas Drilling Company, now Highland Tap in Virginia Highlands.

“There was a gentleman walking across the road with these beautiful flamed tattoos up his arm, these tight leather pants, tight shirt, beautiful blond hair and these amazingly shiny boots,” he recalls. “I thought ‘That’s what I want, that’s what I need.’ When I walked into Texas

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NOT ALL ‘JUST A BUNCH OF FREAKS’

There are many misconceptions out there about the BDSM and leather communities, many of which Brawner and Nelson are quick to point out.

“That we abuse people, that we misuse people. There are those in this community that do that because they don’t have the training,” Brawner says. “They read a book and think they know everything about our lifestyle. You have to live it to understand it.”

Nelson concurs, saying that the thought that they’re all “just a bunch of freaks” is misguided.

“Yes, there are some freaks in the community, there are some people that I don’t get, there are some people that I know that I don’t want to get,” he explains. “But that’s no different than the larger society.”

And it’s not just about the sex. “There can be a sexual component to it, but a lot of BDSM play is not about the orgasm,” he says. “It’s not sexual in nature — it’s sensation in nature.”

Nelson also points out that there is no “type” when it comes to the lifestyle. There are all socioeconomic levels, backgrounds and professions.

“I’ve known ditch diggers and high-powered lawyers, doctors and people that worked at the 7-11 and everything in-between,” he says. “It’s more the way you’re wired. That enjoyment of the endorphin rush — that fascination with the fetish lifestyle — is more a human condition rather than anything else.”

SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND

Wayne Brawner, a sadist, loves to inflict pain on consenting male partners. (Photos by Adam Carpenter)

Drilling Company, that’s where everything went, ‘Kaboom, here I am.’”

David Nelson, 52, was drawn to bars like the Eagle soon after he moved to Atlanta in the mid90s. One night, the bar had a “Jail & Bail” fundraiser where someone is put in “jail” and has to stay there until someone pays their bail.

“My friends put me in jail, tied me up and started playing with my nipples with a riding crop,” he says. “It was amazing. After that, I was like, ‘Oooooh I gotta check this out.’ That was 18 years ago.”

BOXED IN BY TERMINOLOGY

While Brawner considers himself a sadist, he’s not in love with the focus on terminology.

“I don’t like to be boxed in by a title because you know what? I’m a fag and I’ll associate myself with whoever I choose to,” he says. “I love a guy in a pair of khakis and whitey tighties and a blue dress shirt — that’s the biggest thrill is to take a

knife and shred those clothes off of him and to unleash the animal that’s within him waiting to surface.”

Nelson considers himself to be a submissive, but not a traditional one because he has been in leadership positions in all of the leather groups he’s been involved with.

“I don’t consider myself to be a slave or a traditional submissive because if a master or top made a request that I didn’t feel was appropriate, I would say no,” he declares.

But he still considers himself submissive because of his desire to serve, no matter the situation, and because he’s “an endorphin freak,” as he puts it.

“One of the main reasons for BDSM play is the rush of endorphins,” he says. “When you’re getting beaten, when there’s needle play or the attention of electricity, the body is producing endorphins. That endorphin rush is so good...so fun.”

Brawner and Nelson have plenty of advice for newbies to the scene. If you’re out and about, Brawner advises not automatically approaching the obvious one, the one looking for the photo op.

“Seek out the one that is quiet and silent that you don’t know how to approach, because that will be the person that you’ll learn the most from. Just say, ‘Excuse me but I’m new to this, I’m very intrigued, can you help me?’” he says.

Nelson says not to believe everything you see on the internet, as the logjam of information sometimes portrays a skewed version of what the community is.

“They need to go out to an event, go out and meet some people,” he says.

If you’re dipping your toe in, go to a “munch,” advises Nelson. A munch is a meet-up for those in the BDSM community, typically occurring in a public setting that provides a non-threatening atmosphere for everyone to meet and greet.

Or just go to the Eagle, he says.

“You can usually tell who’s into the leather lifestyle and who’s not,” he says. “They won’t bite — unless of course you want them to.”

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SEX & DATING

01.31.14

GA VOICE | 7

Finding sexual satisfaction for women who love women (and more) Marla Stewart’s ‘Velvet Lips’ in business to ensure pleasure

In this workshop, Stewart teaches body mapping, a clothes-on exercise in which partners take turns touching each other to find where each like to be touched the most and the spots that evoke arousal.

The workshop is also about what “love language” each person speaks and communicating desires to their partners. There are issues such as past trauma that also may need to be addressed.

In lesbian relationships, one partner might have a lower libido, Stewart says. “They really want to have sex but they just can’t. So I recommend just saying yes and remembering how great the sex was before while paying attention to your feelings and see where it leads. It could be you just need a jump start,” she says.

Remaining curious is also key to a healthy and happy sex life, Stewart says. Don’t be embarrassed to express what you want, she adds.

“I think the issues happen in sex lives because most people are really scared to learn more about their sexuality and don’t know how to go about learning more. And even when I meet with them they tend not to be sure,” she says.

It’s OK to be timid but again, learning that it is OK to be open about sex — to be sex-positive — is an achievable goal, Stewart says.

By DYANA BAGBY When lesbian couples, queer couples, and even straight couples come to Marla Stewart, they are often seeking advice on how to renew that sexual spark they had at the beginning of their relationship.

“When people are in the honeymoon stage, they are having sex all the time and everything is great. The sex tends to stop if one person is not getting certain desires met,” Stewart explains.

Typically with lesbian couples, miscommunication is the reason the sex stops, Stewart, who identifies as queer, says.

“Women have a hard time describing our true desires,” she says.

Stewart, 33, is owner of Velvet Lips in Atlanta, a sex-positive business that is “bringing sexy back to sex education.” Currently working toward a PhD in sociology, gender and sexuality at Georgia State University, Stewart also studied human sexuality at San Francisco State University and among her friends and clients earned the nickname “The Sex Architect.”

“The whole process [of giving sex advice] began very organically. In college, friends came to me — even random strangers would come up to me with their sex issues and their sex problems,” says Stewart. “People are drawn to me for some reason, so it was natural to get in the business.”

Being a professional sex, intimacy and relationship coach and sex educator has taken Stewart across the country to sit on panels at various conferences. She’s giving a sex-positive workshop at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force’s Creating Change Conference in Houston this weekend and on Feb. 8 will be part of an erotic writing workshop at Atlanta’s lesbianowned feminist bookstore, Charis Books & More.

SEX EDUCATION IMPORTANT TO BEING SEX-POSITIVE

Stewart credits her parents, especially her mother, as well as growing up in the “hippie culture” of San Francisco for instilling in her a sex-positive attitude.

“My mother educated me at a very young age, around second grade, and always gave me lots of books to read surrounding sexuality,” she says.

Because her mother was 17 when Stewart was born, she also wanted to make sure her daughter felt safe and was responsible for her sexual health.

‘THERE’S NOTHING LIKE IT’

Marla Stewart,, who identifies as queer, owns ‘Velvet Lips,’ a business that offers workshops to lesbians as well as straight couples desiring tips on how to spruce up their sex lives. (Courtesy photo)

“Her belief was, ‘if you’re old enough to buy condoms by yourself at the store, then you’re old enough to have sex,’” says Stewart.

So when she was 16, Stewart decided it was time to have sex with her boyfriend. Later that year, she came out as bisexual. Her mother was shocked at first, but then joined PFLAG and gave Stewart a lesbian sex pamphlet “because she didn’t know what two women did together but wanted to make sure that I was always protecting myself,” Stewart says.

The two are now collaborating on another sexuality project. “In essence, I get it from my mama,” she says.

‘MAKES ME EXCITED EVERY TIME’

Stewart’s approach as a sex educator is a cross between surrogacy and sex therapy, she says. She will not have sex with clients, but she will teach them how to touch.

“The best thing is watching people’s faces

MORE INFO Velvet Lips www.velvetlipsllc.com

when they enjoy how someone touches them.

It makes me excited me every time,” she says.

A workshop Stewart offers specifically for lesbians, bisexual and queer women is “Bound for Zami and Sappho” where women can learn ways to overcome stigma and how to “foster your sexuality as you relate to your lovers.”

She also has workshops on the power of seduction and ways to have better orgasms. The better orgasms workshop means you get a mirror and look at your vagina, your G spot, your anus and get to know your own body. She also has a workshop on how to give oral sex.

The most requested workshop, though, is from couples wanting to renew their sexual energy.

As a queer woman who works with straight couples, Stewart says she makes sure to be open about her sexuality to everyone she teaches and interacts with. While we live in a binary world, Stewart believes there are more than two genders.

“I always try to implement that into every workshop. I’m always open about my sexuality. Whatever workshop I’m having, I will always out myself. I work with everybody. Straight folks, queer folks, lesbian couples, single straight men. I haven’t broken into the gay male market. though. I’m still trying to figure that one out,” she says.

And what about having sex with a sex therapist? Can Stewart turn her brain off and get down and enjoy having sex without analyzing every move?

“That’s a very good question!” she says, laughing.

“The analyzing process does happen but not all the time. Most of the time I’m enjoying myself. If something is sort of out of whack, then the analyzing comes in – and I’ll be, wait a minute, there wasn’t enough foreplay,” she says.

“But when I have sex and I’m taking all that sexual energy and manifesting everything I want — there’s nothing like it. Sex is a gateway to spirituality and other energy realms. I love sex,” she says.

12 | GA VOICE

01.31.14

SEX & DATING

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A dyke in love with a gay man who is trans Jackie and Oyle model emerging relationships in LGBT communities

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Jackie Hubschman and Oyle Harrison met in 2010 through mutual friends while hanging out at Friends on Ponce during its Speakeasy Sunday.

“I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was having a bad week. I thought he was really cute for a gay man,” Hubschman recalls.

“I thought she was very cute. I remember she had suspenders on,” Harrison says.

The two met again a few weeks later at Mary’s and Harrison offered to buy her a shot.

“He recognized me from the time before and did in fact mention that I was wearing skinny black suspenders at Friends that night we met. It made me a little shy and interested at the same time,” Hubschman says.

So they shared a few drinks on the back deck of the East Atlanta gay bar and Hubschman asked him, “What do you want from me?”

“I can be pretty direct,” she says.

Harrison told her he was attracted to her.

And Hubschman told him she is attracted to gay men. “But they usually don’t buy me drinks and remember what I was wearing the first time we met,” she says.

“I said, ‘Well, girls like you don’t normally like boys like me,’” Harrison says.

“Attractive and nice?” she asked.

“I’m trans,” he answered.

“Oooh. I know exactly what to do with boys like you,” she says she told him. Then they made out and talked for hours. After that, they continued to date and were legally married last year.

The couple is also non-monogamous and define their marriage as an open relationship.

“We both agree that commitment and monogamy are not one in the same,” Harrison says.

“When we say open, we also mean in communication. We don’t keep secrets and we enjoy being with each other.”

But they also realize they are not going to be able to be “everything” for each other in a partnership.

“While we fill 98 percent of what we both need, we leave the options open for others to hold space emotionally and sexually. That is not to say we are promiscuous at all, really we are rather picky,” Hubschman says.

Jackie Hubschman and Oyle Harrison, a trans man, met in 2010 and fell in love almost immediately. (Courtesy photo)

‘DON’T BE RUDE’

Hubschman, 35, and Harrison, 37, are an example of an issue gaining more traction and interest in the LGB world — dating and having sex with transgender people. Even the Huffington Post hosted a live web talk with gay men who date trans men on Jan. 24.

Hubschman says she didn’t know Harrison was trans when they met but had dated trans men in the past.

“I had learned years ago when I was living in Washington, D.C., that there was a huge transgender community in the subculture of GLBQ communities and I have dated other trans guys in the past. I had just moved to Atlanta and had been casually seeing a few people more on the queer and lesbian spectrum,” she says.

For Harrison, who medically transitioned May 8, 2006, dating as a trans man is easier because he is comfortable with himself.

“I was super quiet before, and shy. I would let people take advantage of me — not in good ways. I’m sure that was tied to my confidence,” he says.

As an out trans man, Harrison says he hopes people are open-minded if they want to have a sexual relationship with him. He doesn’t want to be viewed as a “token” or “fetish.” While he doesn’t speak for all trans people, Harrison says there are common insights.

“First, people need to understand that being

trans or having transgender experience has nothing to do with sexuality,” he says. “Don’t ask inappropriate questions and expect anything different than the same questions back.”

What works for Harrison is putting out that he is trans pretty quickly.

“I let them decide if they want to continue talking or hanging out. Even if I’m not someone’s cup of tea, don’t be rude,” he suggests.

A former Ms. Atlanta Eagle, Hubschman says she and Harrison have found strong acceptance in the leather community and the Atlanta Eagle. But there are still the naysayers.

“Some gay men don’t understand why I hang around the Atlanta Eagle. Some lesbians do not understand why I am married to a man. Oyle identifies as a gay man. At the moment, I identify as a dyke. We are both attracted to masculinity,” she says.

Hubschman says respect is critical when dating a trans person or any person.

“As someone who dates any type of person, whether they have trans experience or not, you should be respectful of peoples bodies and boundaries, period. Be sensitive to any person’s body issues and realize we all have different kinds of bodies and shapes and sizes no matter who you are. Be open to love and follow your heart. Everybody has the right to be loved,” she says.

SEX & DATING

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Loving the person, ‘not their gender identity’ Several Atlanta bisexuals say they face much criticism from gay people

By PATRICK SAUNDERS “It’s just a phase.” “It doesn’t exist.” “They’re confused.”

These are common phrases that often come up in conversations many have heard — or discussed — at one point or another about bisexuality.

For Shawn Black, 42, the owner of Mirar Salon in the Old Fourth Ward, identifying as “mildly bisexual” is something he’s become more comfortable with as he’s gotten older.

“I think I’ve only realized just now that it was finally OK to say that bisexuality is real and not just a way people use to help themselves feel better,” he says.

Black dated women until he was in his 20s, but said things were different with men.

“I never quite ever got the thrill like falling in love with men, so I just sort of tapered off with the women,” he says. “I felt they deserved to be with someone who feels passionate about them.”

While he never completely lost interest in women, he was hesitant to let it be known. “I felt with the gay liberation of the past several decades, that it was unhelpful not to claim to be gay,” he says.

He admits he’s had trouble relating to his “100 percent gay” friends as he calls them, especially when they joke or act disgusted by a woman’s body.

“We came from our moms, we have sisters or female cousins whom we want someone to love, so I thought they were being a little insulting to women,” he says.

‘AT 26, I DON’T THINK IT’S A PHASE’

Davia Cranshaw, 26, identifies as bisexual and says that while she’s had sex and been in relationships with many women, she prefers the company of men. However, she gets a unique glimpse into the dating traits of both genders.

“I have had longer relationships with men than I have had with women,” she says. “But I’ve had more relationships with women, probably because women are more comfortable committing.”

Females are the ones who most often criticize Cranshaw for identifying as bisexual, she says.

“They’re thinking that it’s more of a phase, but at 26 I don’t think it’s a phase,” she says.

“That’s probably why I date more men than I do women, because I get so much criticism when I talk to women.”

Davia Cranshaw says women more than men criticize her for being bisexual. (Courtesy photo)

Cranshaw found comfort from an interesting source when she was coming to terms with her sexuality.

“If you’ve ever seen [the movie] ‘Chasing Amy,’ the way that she perceives love and how you shouldn’t fixate yourself on a specific gender pushed me to be more comfortable with being bisexual,” she says.

‘MORE ATTRACTED TO HUMANS REGARDLESS OF GENDER’

Scott Ritchie, 43, only uses the term bisexual if he needs to, “if that’s what people understand easier,” he says. But he prefers the terms queer or pansexual. The difference between bisexual and pansexual is that bisexual typically means being attracted to both sexes, while pansexual is a more broad term that could also include attraction to intersex people, transgender men, transgender women and others.

“I’m more attracted to humans regardless of their gender identity or body parts or sexual identity,” he says.

And he has heard his fair share of the usual criticism from people about it. “That I haven’t made up my mind, I need to get off the fence, that it’s almost like it’s this closet identity that you still haven’t come fully out yet,” he says.

“That bisexuality or pansexuality is a resting place in-between until you’ve made your full decision one way or the other.”

Ritchie’s sexuality hasn’t made his love life any easier either. But he says online dating has made people more up front about things like this, so it’s gotten better.

And while he’s dated both men and women lately, his longterm relationships have been more with women.

“For me, I’m trying to figure out if it’s socialization or if I tend to prefer women and fem guys,” he says. “I think it’s a little combination of both.”

01.31.14

GA VOICE | 13

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NEWS

Lost-N-Found on call and seeking help for new home

Thrift store, drop-in center open, serving LGBT homeless youth

By PATRICK SAUNDERS It’s a breezy Friday morning on Chantilly Drive off Cheshire Bridge Road and the frenetic pace of the cars on I-85 is matched by the flurry of activity inside Lost-N-Found Youth’s drop-in center and thrift store. The door chimes as each person enters and exits, making you consider the possibility that Pandora has a Morse Code station.

Lost-N-Found Outreach Director Art Izzard A drop-in center is now open in Lost-N-Found’s Midtown thrift store to serve LGBT homeless youth. Renovation of a is in action, fielding a call to the hotline from a house is underway that when finished would make it the largest such shelter in the country. (Photo by Patrick Saunders) 23-year-old transgender woman who had been kicked out of the shelter she was staying in be- Cheshire Bridge area is now open, and allows “I said, ‘Gosh, it would be fabulous if that old cause she apparently presented “a safety issue.” teens and young adults ages 13-26 to come by, get Victorian duplex is available,’” recalls Lost-NIzzard is asking her a series of questions to out of the cold, take a shower, use a computer, do Found Executive Director Rick Westbrook. “We gauge what her situation is, in other words “do- laundry and more. Those over 18 can also meet got the key and went in and fell in love at first ing a bit of triage” as he later puts it. with a staff member while there to be evaluated sight.”

“If you came into Lost-N-Found, what we and see if they are a good fit for emergency (30While the house requires extensive renovawould want you to be doing with the rest of your day) or transitional (90-day) housing in a proper- tions — a “complete gutting” as Lost-N-Found time is trying to find employment so that you ty Lost-N-Found runs on the West End that has officials put it — the price was right: Saint Mark could get a job, save up some money, get your six beds available. offered a 20-year lease at a rate of $1 a year. There own place and then move in and The 13,000 square-foot thrift have been two highly successful community DETAILS have your own life again,” he shop and consignment store, which volunteer cleanup days and there will be more.

Lost-N-Found Youth tells her. “Does that sound like is in the same building as the drop- Lost-N-Found will also be doing a full-court press Thrift & Consignment something you would be interin center, had a soft opening last of fundraising in the coming months to finance Store ested in?”

Grand Opening November and is putting the final the renovation. The group’s proposed budget is $1 He arranges to have her stop Saturday, Feb. 1 touches together in time for its million, the bulk of which will go toward renoby the drop-in center that night 6 — 8 p.m. grand opening on Saturday, Feb. 1. vating the new property, expected to be open by 2585 Chantilly Drive, and assures her they will have a The store, as large as any of its kind November.

Atlanta, GA 30324 bed for the night. Unfortunately in town, is a vital fundraising source “Once we do, that is going to become the perhttp://on.fb.me/1ebZcjg she didn’t show. She doesn’t manent home, offices and housing component www.lostnfoundyouth.org for the organization. have a cell phone either, so in But it’s that third goal — which for Lost-N-Found,” Izzard says. The site will inthis case Lost-N-Found is depenis, ironically, finding a new home — clude emergency shelter with 15 to 20 beds, trandent on her to follow through. that’s going to propel Lost-N-Found forward into sitional housing with around 18 to 20 beds avail“That underscores the immediacy of the being a premier support organization in 2014. able, the new drop-in center and office space need and service we offer and the importance of for the organization. That would make Lost-Nthe drop-in center,” Izzard says. “Oftentimes we ‘NO MORE OF THE HARRASSMENT, Found larger than the Ali Forney Center in New only get one chance to connect Lost-N-Found to York City, replace with currently the nation’s GETTING BEATEN UP, RAPED. ’ a youth living on the street.”

In addition to the hotline available 24 hours, largest shelter for LGBT homeless youth.

While there is still plenty of community seven days a week, 365 days a year, the nonprofit THREE GOALS, ONE MISSION Roughly 750 LGBT teens and young adults are also does a monthly street outreach where mem- support needed in order to get those roughly roaming the streets tonight in Atlanta with no bers canvas areas popular with homeless LGBT 750 LGBT young people off the streets, the group place to sleep, and Lost-N-Found Youth is on a youth, including Cheshire Bridge Road, Piedmont remains grateful. “Just to see the outpouring of mission to do something about it. The program Road, Ansley area, the Old Fourth Ward and Little love, not just from the LGBT community, but has been serving LGBT homeless youth since Five Points. And with the drop-in center and con- from the straight community as well — it does their doors opened in 2011, and with several proj- signment store up and running, Lost-N-Found this old sissy’s heart good,” Westbrook says.

But much work remains. Lost-N-Found just ects finished and more in the works, they are on needs to tackle finding a new home.

Enter Saint Mark United Methodist passed the 300 mark in terms of homeless LGBT track this year to become one of the largest such Church. Last year, Saint Mark officials gave youths served, and the group is determined to shelters in the country.

The group’s board of directors and members Lost-N-Found a tour of two different hous- see this through.

“No more of the harassment, getting beatset three goals last May: open a thrift shop, open es they had purchased located behind the a drop-in center and open up a new, larger shel- church, but it was the third property at the en up, raped,” Westbrook says. “That’s just not corner of Juniper Street and Fifth Street that going to happen anymore. We’re not going to ter. They’re two for three so far. stand for it.”

The drop-in center on Chantilly Drive in the caught everyone’s eyes.

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01.31.14

PHOTO ESSAY by ADAM CARPENTER

Sweet, sexy Sunday

For the cover photo of our Sex & Dating issue we turned to GA Voice photographer Adam Carpenter. We asked him to produce an image that was “sweet and sexy” (or words to that effect and vagueness).

Adam chose models Alek Wobeck and Marco Ramirez for a Sunday morning shoot based around the simple premise of waking up with the person you want to . . . and not needing to be anywhere.

Adam’s photos turned out so beautifully, full of light and laughter and romance, that they told their own story. It seemed impossible to choose just one for the cover and leave the others unseen. So we didn’t . . .

-- Mike Ritter, GA Voice art director

SEX & DATING

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

EATING MYWORDS by CLIFF BOSTOCK

Dining options for all your dishy desires

It’s almost here — Valentine’s Day. You love it and you hate it. Would-be lovers pelt your bedroom window with chocolates all night long. There’s champagne on the doorstep and countless roses. It’s all very flattering but you hate having to say “no” to so many.

Right?

Of course not. Most of us are still single and bitter. But be grateful. As I often tell clients, falling in love typically resembles contracting an illness. You throw your feverish brains out the window. You annoy your friends by neglecting them in order to spend every spare moment of every day, bedridden and sucking the life force out of your beloved.

There are better uses than vampirism for your mouth. Food! Here are a few dining suggestions for the loved and the unloved alike.

For love birds: One of the best meals I’ve had in recent months was at Violette, a French bistro that’s been around for many years. The food is classic — coq au vin and such — and, for the money, it’s probably the best French in town. The softly lit, intimate and quirky main dining room offers something unique these days: acoustics that allow you to actually chat instead of text your future ex-husband across the table. The restaurant has scheduled a prix fixe menu ($49 each) for Valentine’s Day. Info: 2948 Clairmont Road, 404-633-3363, www.violetterestaurant.com.

For longtime partners: You don’t need much privacy, because you don’t have a lot to say to one another. Go to Gio’s Chicken Amalfitano, where most of the dining is at a communal table. The cheap bowls of roasted chicken are the best in the city — made, for example, with Castelvetrano olives, cippoline, olive oil, garlic and Italian bread crumbs. Skip the pasta. It’s way too heavy for Valentine’s Day, if you have any sex life left. Info: 1099 Hemphill Ave., 404-347-3874. www.gioschicken.com.

For those hunting a threeway: Check out Burkhart’s. Yeah, it was a surprise to me to discover only recently that it makes a great steak for under $10. The two of you can eat red meat, browse Grindr for close-bys, and score a third — because your love is so boundless you want to share it with another. Right?

Info: 1492 Piedmont Ave., 404-872-4403, www. burkharts.com.

For those with partners with meh sex drives: Get to the Oyster Bar at the Optimist.

The infamously aphrodisiacal oysters, sucked from their damp shells, will turn your mate into a voracious lover. This may work better for women, since sea shells are associated with female genitals and the love-goddess

For the city’s best chocolate to chew, to sip and to anoint your body, visit Cacao Atlanta Chocolate Company. (Photo via www.cacaoatlanta.com)

Aphrodite’s birth. The Optimist has made many lists of the country’s best seafood restaurants, and deservedly so. Carry money.

Info: 914 Howell Mill Rd., 404-477-6260, www. theoptimistrestaurant.com.

For the unloved exhibitionistic: Go to Waffle House. Yeah, it’s all windows, so everyone who passes the one on Cheshire Bridge will gasp, seeing you, smothered and covered in loneliness. It’s like being a pathetic zoo animal on display all alone in the windowed LA Fitness sauna at Ansley, but fully clothed.

Here’s the thing, especially if you’re a Southerner. You will not find authentic country ham anywhere in this city that compares to WH’s big $6.50 slice. Its saltiness will merge with your lonely tears. Curative. If Torae is working, ask for him. He will love on you.

Info: 2264 Cheshire Bridge Rd., 404-634-9414, www.wafflehouse.com.

For public love of the self: No silly heartshaped boxes for pitiful you? BFD. Cacao Atlanta Chocolate Company is the place to go for the city’s best chocolate to chew, to sip, to anoint the body. Just go, point at what you want and consume the stuff nonstop on the premises and feel the love — the love of you.

You’re a special person and people like you, even if nobody loves you. Info: 1046 N. Highland Ave., 404-892-8202, www.cacaoatlanta. com.

Cliff Bostock, PhD, is a writer and life coach.

His website is www.cliffbostock.com.

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EDITORIAL

01.31.14

THE GEORGIA VOICE

PO Box 77401 | Atlanta, GA 30357 404-815-6941 | www.thegavoice.com

EDITORIAL

Editor: Dyana Bagby dbagby@thegavoice.com

Art Director: Mike Ritter mritter@thegavoice.com Staff Writer: Patrick Saunders psaunders@thegavoice.com

CONTRIBUTORS

Adam Carpenter, Melissa Carter, Jim Farmer, Vandy Beth Glenn Shannon Hames, Steve Warren, Ryan Lee, Tina Tian

BUSINESS

Publisher: Tim Boyd tboyd@thegavoice.com

Managing Partner: Christina Cash ccash@thegavoice.com Sales Manager: Marshall Graham mgraham@thegavoice.com Business Advisor: Lynn Pasqualetti Financial Firm of Record: HLM Financial Group National Advertising: Rivendell Media, 908-232-2021 sales@rivendellmedia.com

FINE PRINT

All material in the Georgia Voice is protected by federal copyright law and may not be reproduced without the written consent of the Georgia Voice. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers and cartoonists published herein is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or pictorial representation does not necessarily indicate the sexual orientation of that person or persons. We also do not accept responsibility for claims made by advertisers.

Unsolicited editorial material is accepted by the Georgia Voice, but we do not take responsibility for its return. The editors reserve the right to accept, reject or edit any submission. Guidelines for freelance contributors are available upon request.

A single copy of the Georgia Voice is available from authorized distribution points. Multiple copies are available from the Georgia Voice office only. Call for rates. If you are unable to reach a convenient free distribution point, you may receive a 26-issue mailed subscription for $60 per year. Checks or credit card orders can be sent to Tim Boyd, tboyd@thegavoice.com Postmaster: Send address changes to the Georgia Voice, PO Box 77401, Atlanta, GA 30357. The Georgia Voice is published every other Friday by The Georgia Voice, LLC. Individual subscriptions are $60 per year for 26 issues.

Postage paid at Atlanta, GA, and additional mailing offices.

The editorial positions of the Georgia Voice are expressed in editorials and in editor’s notes. Other opinions are those of the writers and do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Georgia Voice and its staff.

To submit a letter or commentary: Letters should be fewer than 400 words and commentary, for web or print, should be fewer than 750 words. Submissions may be edited for content and length, and must include a name, address and phone number for verification. Email submissions to editor@thegavoice.com or mail to the address above.

Join us online: facebook.com/thegavoice twitter.com/thegavoice

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GA VOICES GUEST VIEW EDITORIAL

This is your health

Medicaid expansion most definitely an LGBT advocacy issue

By JEFF GRAHAM On Oct. 1, the Healthcare Insurances Marketplaces went live, providing an opportunity for thousands of previously uninsured Georgians to purchase affordable healthcare. While the rollout of the marketplaces was problematic, they are now functioning quite well and we are hearing stories every day of people who are getting better, more affordable coverage under these plans.

As we move towards a March deadline for enrollment in 2014, I’m quite confident that even more Georgians will be pleasantly surprised by the coverage options and the federal assistance that will be available to help many people pay for this new coverage.

Unfortunately some of the most vulnerable Georgians will find out that their coverage options are practically nonexistent because Governor Deal has refused to expand Medicaid here in Georgia. This decision will mean that some 650,000 Georgians, including many people who identify as LGBT, will remain uninsured.

Earlier this month, people in half the country found out that they had a new safetynet that would protect them and their families when they were faced with an illness or a medical condition because their states had decided to expand Medicaid.

It’s shameful that the residents of Georgia are not among those people. And while the concept of Medicaid expansion may seem like an issue for others to worry about, I want to make abundantly clear right here, right now, that this is about you. None of us can predict when we will lose a job or find ourselves in a situation when we cannot afford to pay our monthly insurance premiums.

If Georgia were to take advantage of the option to expand Medicaid, suddenly anyone who makes less than 138 percent of the federal poverty level — for a single adult that’s approximately $15,800 a year or $1,316 per month — would be eligible for Medicaid. Medicaid then works very similar to an insurance policy in that it directly pays health care providers, medical expenses and prescription medications.

While the current Medicaid program has a large number of eligibility requirements that are designed to limit the program to serve only those who are extremely poor and disabled, children under the age of 19, pregnant women

or low-income women with certain forms of cancer, an expanded Medicaid program’s only eligibility criterion is income.

In 2011, over 65 percent of the LGBT Georgians who accessed The Health Initiative’s LGBT Health Fund for the uninsured would have been eligible for Medicaid under the new expansion. Moreover, according to the National Alliance of State and Territorial AIDS Directors, up to 72 percent of people living with HIV/AIDS in Georgia would qualify for Medicaid.

Finally, the expansion is of particular concern to the young LGBT community. An estimate from the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force states that one in four youth who come out to their parents are kicked out of their homes.

While young people are entitled to coverage under their parents’ plans until the age of 26, these young people lose that option much earlier.

Without high level education or job experience to call upon, they find themselves marginally employed at best and in dire need of exactly the kind of assistance this program can offer.

What many people who have never interacted with the Medicaid system do not realize is that Medicaid is unavailable to individuals without some qualifying condition, like children or a disability. So, people living with HIV do not become eligible until they are unable to work due to the advancement of the disease to an AIDS diagnosis and certification as disabled. Adults without children simply do not qualify for Medicaid, regardless of their income level.

Expanding Medicaid would ensure earlier entry into treatment, thus promoting better health, long-term wellness and improved qual-

While the concept of Medicaid expansion may seem like an issue for others to worry about, I want to make abundantly clear right here, right now, that this is about you.

ity of life. Further, Medicaid expansion will free up state funds used for AIDS Drug Assistance Programs (ADAPs), shifting over half of their current ADAP enrollees to Medicaid, leveraging a higher federal match and freeing up significant state ADAP dollars to provide other health and social services.

Medicaid expansion will also be an economic stimulus for Georgia’s economy. According to an independent analysis from Dr. William Custer at Georgia State University, an expanded Medicaid program and the federal dollars that accompany it will have an annual economic benefit to the state of $8.2 billion. There will be approximately 70,000 new jobs created in all areas of the state and roughly half of those jobs will be unrelated to the health care industry.

In 2014, 2015 and 2016, the federal government will pay for 100 percent of the costs of the expansion. That reimbursement rate will slowly drop to 90 percent over the next decade. The total cost to the state of Georgia over the next decade is projected to be $2.5 billion, an amount that is equal to about 1 percent of our state budget and an amount that will be mostly covered by the increased tax revenue that the state will see due to the increased economic activity.

What’s more, because these are federal funds, Georgia taxpayers are already paying for the expansion, we’re just not paying for it here at home where our own communities would benefit.

In fact, the Georgia Office of Planning and Budget has already estimated that we are losing $93.50 every second that we don’t expand Medicaid. In the five minutes it’s taken to read this, the state has lost $28,050 in federal funds and we passed on nearly $4.2 million in federal funds during the month of January alone.

The expansion of Medicaid is a vitally important issue for the LGBT community. It will save lives and improve the quality of life by lowering health care costs and expanding social programs.

This is important. This is your health, this is your life.

If you would like to find out more information on Medicaid expansion or lend your support to the efforts to change the Governor’s mind, visit www.CoverGA.org.

Jeff Graham is the executive director of Georgia Equality.

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Event spotlight

01.31.13-02.13.14

FRIDAY, JAN. 31

FRIDAY, JAN. 31

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Michelle Malone CD release party with special guest Steed Kettles. 7 p.m. at Red Light Cafe. www.eventbrite.com/e/michelle-malone-cd-release-party-w-specialguest-steed-kettles-tickets-10037792307

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The Atlanta Jewish Film Festival is underway at venues throughout the area, with various queer programming such as Eytan Fox’s comic “Cupcakes,” screening tonight at 9:45 p.m. at the Tara, www.ajff.org

The Other Show starring Celeste Holmes, Edie Cheezburger, Evah Destruction, Jaye Lish, Miami Royale and Violet Chachki, with special guests and $5 cover. Show starts at 9:30 p.m., Jungle, www.jungleatl.com The Atlanta Gender Variations: Parents of gender variant/trans children support group meets in Atlanta today from 2 – 4 p.m., Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta, www.uuca.org Lost ’N Found hosts the grand opening party of its Thrift and Consignment Store, benefitting homeless youth, from 6 – 8 p.m. with refreshments and entertainment, hosted by Ruby Redd, www.lost-n-found.org Play Jock Strap Sister Twister with the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, with proceeds going to the Sisters Grant Fund, with $1 jello shooters, tonight from 9 - 11 p.m., Atlanta Eagle, www.atlantaeagle.com

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SUNDAY, FEB. 2

Wear your workout gear to Locker Room: Workout at Jungle Atlanta, with DJ Alex Acosta, with Ruby’s Redd Light District kicking off the night at 9 p.m., www.jungleatl.com

bout Tell us aBT event your LG ays to submit your

two w our online There are clusion in in r fo t n e v it your LGBT e dars. Subm ice. n le a c t n ri GAVo and p www.the ditor@ to fo in t n e ev to e ail details com or e-m om. e.c theGAVoic

It’s ladies night as 10th and Piedmont hosts its Swank event, from 9 p.m. – 2:30 a.m. with special guest VJ Prism and no cover, www.10thandpiedmont.org

Shawnna Brooks and Monica Van Pelt host Synergy, with a bevy of guest stars, tonight at 11 p.m. at Burkhart’s, www.burkharts.com

SATURDAY, FEB. 1

GA VOICE | 21

It’s finally here! The Tony-winning sensation “The Book of Mormon,” by the creators of “South Park,” continues its Atlanta run. It’s a musical comedy about two Mormon missionaries who visit Uganda and try unsuccessfully to spread the scriptures, with a show tonight at 8 p.m., running through February 9, Fox Theatre, www.foxtheatre.org/

SATURDAY, FEB. 1

SATURDAY, FEB. 1

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The Atlanta Bucks host the Pre-Super Bowl Beer Bust and Chili Cook-off at 1 p.m. at The Hideaway, with $5 chili and $10 for all you can drink beer, www.atlantahideaway.com A Super Bowl Beer Bust benefiting Joining Hearts is tonight from 3 – 6 p.m. at 10th and Piedmont, with $2 shorties and special menu items, www.10thandpiedmont.org Friends on Ponce hosts its 10th annual Chili Cook-off at 4 p.m., just prior to the Super Bowl, www.friendsonponce.com

THURSDAY, FEB. 13

The latest performance by the acclaimed Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater, one of the world’s foremost dance companies, bows tonight at 8 p.m and runs through the 16th, Fox Theatre, www.foxtheatre.org, www.alvinailey.org/atlanta

Publicity photo

SOMETHING GAY EVERY DAY! Bookmark www.thegavoice.com to get your daily dose of local LGBT events.

Amsterdam Atlanta invites you to its Super Bowl party beginning at 4 p.m. with a pre-game brunch, six huge screen projectors and 12 flat screen TVs. www.amsterdamatlanta.com Las Margaritas hosts a Super Bowl party all day with drink and food specials. www.lasmargaritasmidtown.com Flashback Showgirls hosted by Angelica D’Paige is every Sunday, featuring a new decade each week and live DJ. Showtime is 8 p.m., 10th and Piedmont, 10thandpiedmont.com Actor’s Express continues the gay-themed comedy/drama “Six Degrees of Separation,” directed by its artistic director Freddie Ashley, through Feb. 9, with a matinee performance today at 2 p.m., www.actorsexpress.com “The Book Club Play,” featuring a gay character, is receiving an encore run through Feb. 23 at Horizon Theatre, with a 5 p.m. show today, www. horizontheatre.com

MONDAY, FEB. 3

Cast members of “The Book of Mormon” sing showtunes at a benefit cabaret to help raise money for Project Open Hand and Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, 7:30 p.m., 14th St. Playhouse, www.14thstplayhouse.org The Atlanta PFLAG support group meets tonight from 7:30 – 9 p.m. at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta, www.uuca.org New Monday Night Trivia hosted by Wild Cherry Sucret with chances to win up to $250 in cash and prizes. 11 p.m., Blakes on the Park, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

TUESDAY, FEB. 4

The new Drag-Eoke gets started tonight at 10 p.m. with Ruby Redd and Angelica D’Paige and 30,000 songs to choose from, Burkhart’s, www.burkharts.com

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The in Wom of Lov in wo Druid

The Atlanta Leadership Council of GLAAD presents GLAAD Night at The Lawrence, part of the restaurant’s Tuesday Relief Charity Program, with 10 percent of the evening’s proceeds going to the organization, www.thelawrenceatlanta.com

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 5

The Alliance Theatre’s new relationship comedy/drama “In Love and Warcraft,” running through February 23, has a performance tonight at 8 p.m. on the company’s Hertz Stage, www.alliancetheatre.org Primetime Wednesdays – billed as an exclusive LGBT hip-hop event, with a lavish buffet and cocktails – is tonight at Sutra Atlanta, www.angelexevents.com Dragnificence is every Wednesday at 10 p.m. at Jungle, www.jungleatl.com

THURSDAY, FEB. 6

SAGE Atlanta’s monthly social meeting features games and more, 10 a.m. – 12:30 p.m., Phillip Rush Center, www.rushcenteratl.org The Atlanta Pride Committee, the Metro Atlanta Democratic Socialist Alliance and Touching Up Our Roots present a panel discussion on “Celebrating Drum Majors for Justice: How Civil Rights Lead to LGBTQ Rights,” 7 – 8:30 p.m., Rush Center, www.rushcenteratl.org It’s Three-Legged Cowboy Night, with free line dance lessons from 8 – 9 p.m., Heretic Atlanta, www.hereticatlanta.com The Atlanta Ballet opens its “Romeo et Juliette” tonight, 8 p.m. Cobb Energy Centre, www.cobbenergycentre.com Decadence: A Night of Drinking and Debauchery is hosted by Adam Bland and Ashley Mitchell with beats by DJ Daryl Cox. Doors open at 10 p.m. with a Wet Underwear Contest at 11 p.m. with a cash prize, Ten Atlanta, www.tenatlanta.com Sing for Your Life Season 2 is underway featuring live performances from aspiring artists. 8 p.m., Jungle, www.jungleatl.com Game Night hosted by Brent Star is every Thusday from 9-11 p.m., G’s Midtown. www.gsmidtown.com

FRIDAY, FEB. 7

Pump!!, a once-a-month party featuring a different guest DJ, debuts tonight at the Heretic with DJ Ben Baker from NYC, 10 p.m., www.hereticatlanta.com

Publicity photo via Facebook

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Ruby’ Friday

The S organ Atlan

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The A Faem GA 30

Pittie Outre Dinners with the Divas every Thusday at Lips olah L Atlanta. Hosted by Savannah Leigh.

5 p.m www.lipsusa.com com

THURSDAY, FEB. 6-8

Joinin The Savannah College of Art & Design tine e (SCAD) aTVFest is a three day event featuring Canto television directors, producers and performers talking about the status of the industry and shar- It’s Bla ing new and upcoming work. Cast members of p.m., w the LGBT-themed “Looking” and “Orange is the New Black” are among those who will be Lips A present. Savannah College of Art, Divas www.atvfest.com. all sor at 6 p FRIDAY, FEB. 7 www The sign-up period for the Decatur Women’s League Spring Softball is tonight from 5:30 - The in 7:30 p.m. at Savage Pizza in Avondale Estates,at 8 p www.savagepizza.com Angel The Divas Cabaret, starring Destiny Brooks, $3 ch Heather Daniels, Iysis Dupree, Kitty Love and and P special guests, begins at 11 p.m., with DJ Birdman MO spinning before and after, LeBuzz, The fa www.thenewlebuzz.com Trivia Jungle hosts Dinner and a Movie every Friday, 7 thepa p.m., www.jungleatl.com

SATURDAY, FEB. 8

TUE

Girlz R HIV 101, a free workshop to discuss and dispel Day e food a the myths of HIV as well as outline the basics including how the virus causing AIDS is transmit- Oakh ted and treatments available, will be from noon to Dr. Elis 4 p.m. at the MISTER Center.

Polya www.mistercenter.org

CALENDAR

www.theGAVoice.com

Mixx Atlanta hosts Texas Hold ’Em from 4 – 8 p.m. then brings in an assortment of DJs at 10 p.m., www.mixxatlanta.com GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network) hosts a cocktail hour/fundraiser tonight to raise money for anti-bullying purposes, 7 – 10 p.m., C.E. Mendez Foundation, www.mendezfoundation.org The inaugural concert by the Atlanta Gay Women’s Chorus – “Finding Her Here: In and Out of Love,” extolling the many experiences of love in women’s lives, takes place tonight at 8 p.m. at Druid Hills Presbyterian Church, www.dhpc.org Ruby’s Redd Light District drag show is every Friday at 9 p.m. at Jungle, www.jungleatl.com The Southern Bears Bar Night, celebrating the organization’s 21st anniversary, is from 10 – 11 p.m., Atlanta Eagle, www.atlantaeagle.com

SUNDAY, FEB. 9

The Atlanta Radical Faeries host their February Faemily Potluck, 3 p.m., 422 9th Street, Atlanta, GA 30309 Pitties in the City, a variety revue/show for Dog Outreach and Rescue, is tonight featuring Talloolah Love, Spinarella Bellas, comedians and more, 5 p.m., My Sister’s Room, www.mysistersroom.com Joining Hearts’ annual Love on the Rocks Valentine event/cocktail party is tonight, 6 – 9 p.m., Cantoni, www.cantoni.com It’s Blackout Night at the Atlanta Eagle, $5 cover. 7 p.m., www.atlantaeagle.com Lips Atlanta is the home for Dinner With the Divas, hosted by Savannah Leigh and Stiletto, with all sorts of celebrity impersonators. The bar opens at 6 p.m. with show at 7:45 p.m., Lips Atlanta, www.lipsatl.com The inimitable Armorettes perform at Burkharts at 8 p.m., www.burkharts.com Angelica D’Paige hosts Flashback Sundays, with $3 champagne and $5 Smirnoff, at 8 p.m. at 10th and Piedmont, www.10thandpiedmont.org

MONDAY, FEB. 10

The fabulous Wild Cherry Sucret is the host for Trivia night at 11 p.m. at Blake’s, www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

TUESDAY, FEB. 11

Girlz Retro Tuesdays celebrates with its Valentine’s Day edition with music and dancing as well as food and drinks from 5:30 — 8 p.m. at McGowan’s Oakhurst Pub, www.mcgowansoakhurstpub.com

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff discussses her book “The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside MultiplePartner Relationships and Families” and discusses her 15-year research on the topic. This is a Charis Circle From Margin to Center Literary Event with a suggested donation of $5.

7:30 - 9 p.m., Charis Books, www.charisbooksandmore.com

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 12

Join the Atlanta Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (AGLCC) for a fun, highly interactive workshop led by executive & leadership coach Darcy Eikenberg, author of “Bring Your Superpowers to Work: Your Guide to More

Clarity, Confidence and Control” and founder of career & success site RedCapeRevolution. com, 6 – 8 p.m., SunTrust Gardens Building Atrium, www.atlantagaychamber.org Bubba D. Licious, Brent Star and Kimora Layou headline Bourbon Street Bingo, with doors opening at 6:30 p.m. and games beginning at 7:30 p.m., Jungle Club, www.jungleatl.org Join Charis for an evening with author, scholar, and Crunk Feminist Susana Morris (aka Crunkadelic) to celebrate her new book, “Close Kin and Distant Relatives: The Paradox of Respectability in Black Women’s

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Literature,” which focuses on the literature of Paule Marshall, Jamaica Kincaid, Edwidge Danticat, and Sapphire, 7:30 – 9 p.m., www. charisbooksandmore.com

THURSDAY, FEB. 13

“Love Them, Love Them Not” Valentine Party hosted by the Georgia Stonewall Democrats includes an assembly of pro-LGBT legislators. Also, “Broken Hearts” will also be created “for those who have yet to figure out Love is Love.” The broken hearts will be delivered to the anti-gay legislators at the Capitol on Friday the 14th. 6:30-9:3- p.m., Rush Center, www.rushcenteratl.org

24 | GA VOICE

01.31.14

Happy Valentime's!

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BOOKS by Terri Schlichenmeyer

Hogging the spotlight ‘Star Search’ grand champion Harris’ new memoir a savory read OK, pay attention.

Sometimes, that’s all you need: just someone to watch you, to hear what you’re saying or understand your feelings. A little attention can be a bad-mood squasher, a good-mood enhancer or just validation.

Yes, a minute in the spotlight can do wonders. And as you’ll read in “Ham: Slices of a Life” by Sam Harris, hogging that spotlight can be even better.

Harris grew up to be a renowned singer/ songwriter and starred in film, TV and Broadway, including legendary performances on TV’s “Star Search” and touring with Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors” tour. His performances on Broadway for “Grease” and “The Producers” earned him Tony nominations.

But all of this began when he was growing up in Sand Springs, Okla., where he learned to embrace the dramatic.

For his third Christmas, Harris received a special overcoat which made him dance. By 10, he had talked his parents into allowing him to be baptized, the after-applause being more important than receiving the Holy Ghost. He loved putting on shows in his parents’ basement, doing local community theater and acting in school performances. He was unabashed about his love of the limelight.

When he was just 15, his father lied about Harris’ age so Harris could take a summer stage job in St. Louis. A year later, though he’d known for a long time that he was “different,” and though it caused him anguish and family strife, Harris fell in love with another boy on another stage in Nashville.

A short time in college proved to Harris that education wouldn’t make his dream come true, so he “hunted out” his stage presence in dark, colorless, largely-empty clubs. Agents and producers “occasionally came slumming,” but little happened until Harris finally found someone who believed in him: his father hired Jerry Blatt, who was Bette Midler’s writer/director, as a gift. Skeptical Harris figured it would be just another disappointment, but Blatt would “become the single most important influence… and the greatest gift my dad, or anyone, ever gave me.”

In this memoir, Harris writes about

(Left) Author Sam Harris (Photo by Ray Garcia)

growing up, and how his family had the misfortune to experience home fires — twice. He writes of falling in love with Mr. Wrong, then meeting his husband, falling in love again, and wanting a child so badly that he couldn’t stand seeing other children. He explains his career and his almost-didn’t-happen appearance on “Star Search.” He dishes stories of famous friends, on-stage nemeses, alcoholism, being “different” — and being gay.

I’m normally not a fan of books that scramble their timelines, but in “Ham: Slices of a Life,” that bouncing around works. It works well.

Maybe that’s because author Harris writes with bouncing-on-your-toes energy, rushing from subject to subject with the occasional lingering moment to ponder things that are important to him. His is an eagerness that’s endearing.

Some of the essays in this book are funny. “Liver” will put a new metaphor in your vocabulary. The story of Liza Minelli’s wedding is hilarious, and Harris’ memories of his friend, Jerry, made me teary-eyed.

With humor, soul-baring, name-dropping and just the right mix of vulnerability and snarkiness, this book is a definite pleasure to read. If you’re looking for a memoir that you can enjoy, whole hog, “Ham: Slices of a Life” should get your attention.

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

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01.31.14

GA VOICE | 25

THEATER byJIM FARMER

Atlanta Women’s Chorus to debut with first concert Program includes songs of love for Valentine’s Day After serving as guests at two of the Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus concerts over the last year, the new Atlanta Women’s Chorus is finally ready for its own solo show. Their “Finding Her Here: In and Out of Love” is set for Feb. 8.

Dr. Melissa T. Arasi is the AWC conductor. She was hired by the Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus at the end of 2012 to lead the AWC, at the time called the Atlanta Women’s Project. Once in place, she worked with the AGMC staff to gauge interest and see how the community would respond to the project to determine “if there was a need for it among women to sing,” she recalls.

After positive responses, the AGMC board decided to move forward with a full organization and call it AWC, under the banner of its new Voices of Note division.

Prior to that, Arasi taught high school chorus for 14 years and performed as a singer at events around town, including weddings and church events. She helped start the women’s chorus at Georgia Tech and was looking around for something similar. Her full-time job is as the supervisor of performing arts at Cobb County School District, a position she’s held since 2001.

After several auditions, the chorus now includes close to 50 women and is split evenly between heterosexual and lesbian singers, says Arasi, who is straight.

“I think we are opening doorways that might not be reached if it was just a lesbian chorus,” she says.

Once assembled, the women’s chorus first performed with the Atlanta Gay Men’s Chorus last year at April’s Stephen Schwarz/”Wicked” event and at the AGMC holiday show in December.

“Finding Her Here: In and Out of Love” looks at love from a woman’s experience, timed to coincide with Valentine’s Day. The first half is about romantic love, the “can’t live without someone, getting cheated on, your heart breaks,” kind, says Arasi, while the second half is more about a universal love, love for one’s neighbor, one’s fellow man and one’s self.

The numbers range from Broadway medleys to Dante, to songs such as “Your Cheating Heart,” “I Can’t Make You Leave Me” and “When Will I Be Loved?” The AWC’s second show, “Mother, Daughter, Sister: Celebrating Music for Women,” will bow in June.

Arasi feels the start of AWC is timely in a new era of music for female voices.

“Everyone loves men’s voices,” she says.

“Women’s voices don’t always have the same draw. Music that is written for women can be flowery; that is the majority of things out there for women to sing.

MORE INFO Atlanta Women’s Chorus “Finding Her Here: In and Out of Love” Feb. 8, 8 p.m Druid Hills Presbyterian Church www.voicesofnote.org/awclanta

That’s been changing over the course of the last eight years. Much more interesting repertoires have been developed for women. It’s been a little more challenging

and engaging to audiences.”

Having the AWC around also fills a local void. “In Atlanta there is nothing for just a women’s chorus; there has been nothing for a while,” Arasi says. “There are girl groups but not for women. I’ve had some high school girls want to be in the choir and we want a bit older, college and older; it’s a different sound and approach. There is a great need for women’s voices to be heard and this partnership is what that is about.”

Atlanta Women’s Chorus debuts its first concert Feb. 8.

(Photo by Dan Lax)

26 | GA VOICE

COLUMNISTS

01.31.14

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MELISSA CARTER

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In 1996, “Friends” aired an episode that lives in infamy. It was the one where everyone made their “Freebie List.” These were celebrities they could sleep with, if the opportunity ever presented itself, without getting in trouble. I’ve also heard that list called “Hump Island” and the “Get Out of Jail Free Card” but it’s all the same idea. So this week I have provided a public outing of my list of women I would have sex with if Katie Jo would let me, and what precise moment in time they made my list.

Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars, after she fell up the stairs. It’s every woman’s worst nightmare, tripping on your dress in front of a crowd.

But her audience was 40 million people. Ms. Lawrence handled it with such grace, despite her embarrassment, and there is nothing hotter than a woman who knows how to laugh at herself, especially in a really big crowd.

Taylor Schilling...in prison. I have a crush on Piper from “Orange is the New Black,” even though every other woman loves her girlfriend on the show, Alex. Yes, Alex may be dark and mysterious, but Piper’s the one with heart. She is human, conflicted, kind but her spark comes out when it needs to and she pushes herself in those moments. Watching a woman jump when there is no net is hot.

Judi Dench, but only as James Bond’s boss “M.” Don’t give me that look. Older men with lots of power have always been placed on a pedestal.

Why not older women, especially one who can have anyone killed with one phone call? And as the person who helped James Bond become 007, M would certainly have tricks up her sleeve that could teach me a thing or two. Shaken and stirred, thank you.

Speaking of badass grays, Helen Mirren as Victoria in “Red.” M could make the call to have

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Xx Melissa Carter is one of the Morning Show hosts on B98.5. In addition, she is a writer for Huffington Post. She is recognized as one of the first out radio personalities in Atlanta and one of only a few in the country. Follow her on Twitter @MelissaCarter

people killed, but Victoria would take care of the job herself. A woman who doesn’t need assistance in a crisis is always a knee buckler.

Pink. She is different. I mean any Pink. Acrobat Pink, “Marmalade” video Pink, dark-haired Pink, platinum-blonde Pink. All of her versions are full of anti-establishment feminism at its best and with abs! What is not to love?

Angelina Jolie, circa “Gia.” Long before Brad, Billy Bob, and Johnny Lee Miller, Angelina was sleeping with women onscreen in an HBO movie about Gia, a one-of-a-kind supermodel, and the love affair she had with her photographer. Angelina had not yet been skinnified by Hollywood, and her raw, natural beauty was breathtaking.

She was unforgettable.

Lady GaGa but only while singing with Christina Aguilera. I love GaGa’s creativity and outlandish outfits, but I’ve never really found her appealing on other levels. That was until she gave us ladies a little eye candy by releasing a version of “Do What U Want” with Aguilera.

Britney Spears...right after her 2003 show at Philips Arena. That’s when I broke down and went to see the pop star in concert. I was never into the artists or bands that were spit out of the Disney machine, but Britney slowly caught my attention with songs like “Toxic,” “Breathe on Me,” and “Touch of My Hand.” Yeah she’s crazy, but that might just come in handy in certain unspoken situations.

Selena Gomez in 2018. I thought Selena was a cutie pie when she starred in “Witches of Waverly Place,” but the baby-face look is not my thing.

Sure, at 21 she’s pretty but I predict by the time she’s 25, Selena will just be starting to really hit her stride. Yum.

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RYAN LEE

SOMETIMES 'Y' Big (gay) love

The musings of a post-modern non-monogamist Given that the most defining characteristic of my experience with sex and relationships has been my unwillingness to commit to anything except non-commitment, it’s fitting that my column for this issue is composed of a series of random, quickie ideas rather than a monogamous narrative: One of the sweetest gestures in my dating life is how one of my regulars risks getting his car impounded every time we hook up. My neighborhood is overrun by metered streets, paid parking lots and apartment garages that are all obsessively patrolled by tow trucks, but this particular visitor has discovered a nook that the Park Atlanta drones have yet to detect.

Once while we were getting dressed, I bemoaned the peril he faced for our rendezvous.

“I realize that every time I park,” he said with a mischievous smile. “And I know it will always be worth it.”

There is the potential for genuine and meaningful intimacy in a booty call. It feels almost indecent to acknowledge this, with how quickly modern gay life has entered its Jane Austen era of marital expectation.

Casual sex has the risk and reputation of being empty and dehumanizing, but I consider it no more harmful than serial monogamy and loveless, celibate marriage. There is a magic in mutual admiration that is beneficial whether a romantic connection lasts an hour or a lifetime, and we’re not that far removed from the time when every gay man’s best friend had been a former one-night stand.

I’m not silly or bitter enough to suggest that subjecting oneself to a parking fine is as affirming as a vibrant long-term commitment, but I’m not naïve enough to ignore the orgasmic epiphanies I’ve had with men whose company I shared for a single encounter.

The most overlooked insult in the “Duck Dynasty” controversy was the verifiable lie that Phil Robertson uttered when comparing certain body parts. By any measure – appearance, smell, taste or feel – I can guarantee that there are many male anuses in Atlanta that are superior to his wife’s vagina.

After several years of identifying as militantly single, a desire for romantic, uplifting companionship began stirring within me a few

Ryan Lee is an Atlanta writer.

months ago. My first reaction was to seek the help of a therapist, but not because wanting a relationship was a sign that I was losing my mind.

I’ve been involved in three serious relationships in my life, and each had the same pattern of deterioration that I’m almost sure would repeat itself if not addressed. We’ve all dedicated thousands of hours fantasizing about the type of partner we want and the type of person that could make us happy, often overlooking how valuable it might be to focus more toward the only part of our relationships that we control.

Non-monogamy is a non-negotiable in my search for a long-term lover. The concept of a monogamous male seems much like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny to me, and it’s astonishing how willing so many people – gay and straight – are to suspend disbelief.

I see non-monogamy not as a license to be promiscuous, but as an invitation to love more honestly.

A friend recently expressed to me his disappointed shock when he came across the Grindr profile of one of his mentors who happens to be married.

“I imagine that most gay male couples of a certain age and longevity have some type of understanding or arrangement,” I said.

It’s a shame that that cultural wisdom – that insight into building healthy and lasting intimate bonds – has been largely exiled as marriage becomes the new normal for same-sex couples.

A friend of mine recently told me that he had found his husband. He said nothing of marriage, but definitively declared that he had found The One. And like the Whore Who Stole Romance, my small heart grew three sizes that day.

My experiences have engrained rigid ideas about relationships within me, and it is sometimes comforting to be proven wrong. My eyes were moist with happiness as I reflected on my observations of my friend and his boyfriend over the last two years; the world really wouldn’t make sense if they weren’t together forever.

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