FROSH 2018

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WELCOME!

riends! Students! Comrades! Lend me your ears (eyes)!

Welcome to the University of Calgary, a place that’s going to have a huge impact on your life over the coming years. And sure, you’ve probably already got the whole university spiel from parents, friends or your weird uncle that has three degrees but constantly berates post-secondary education. But you’re here now for real! And this little magazine you’re holding is more than sage advice and snappy jokes — it’s a piece of campus culture. Every line was made by someone who was in your shoes just a few years ago. Here you’ll find everything you need to know, from essential websites and campus activities to the best place for an emergency bone down before class.

University isn’t easy but that doesn’t mean it has to blow chunks. Through your battles with deadlines and daunting challenges, you may learn your limits but you’ll also learn exciting new strengths and find joy in engagement with like-minded communities you never knew existed. You’ll learn a lot about yourself through new responsibilities, new knowledge, new friends and ample new

opportunities. Through your exposure to new ideas and fresh faces, you’ll realize no one else has a clue either.

The work and pressure may be overwhelming at times, but that’s exactly why you need to remember to focus on yourself when you can. Don’t shy away from the electrifying opportunities that are coming your way. Study abroad in Berlin, join the Gig Club, write for your student paper, run in a student election or take it easy in the back of your way-tooearly geology lecture. You won’t regret the self-exploration, so trust your gut. Work your butt off but don’t forget to take care of yourself. And sleep. Turns out you actually really have to do that.

Pop into the Gauntlet office any time.

Whether you want to lend some fresh eyes for editing, have an itch to do some visual work or want to write to your heart’s content, you have a quiet chair and new friends waiting. We’re excited to have you around.

Matty Hume & Mariah Wilson Frosh 2018 Editors

TABLE OF CONTENTS Surviving in residence........................ 4

Dos and don’ts of your first year....... 30

The tri-media alliance........................ 5

Eating good on campus..................... 32

How to textbook................................. 6

How and where to have a good time. . . 33

Who’s who in the SU?.. ........................ 8

Best photo spots in #yyc................... 36

University of Calgary bigshots . . ......... 10

Very real study tips.......................... 38

Dealing with the man........................ 12

First week of school bingo................ 40

Healthily indulging in vices............... 14 Essential sites and social media.. ...... 16 Health and diversity services............ 18 Tear-out campus map....................... 20 Keeping fit on campus...................... 22 Cheering on your varsity athletics..... 23 Campus etiquette............................. 26 A condensed history of BSD.............. 28 2 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

CONTRIBUTORS Prince Afrim Kate Jacobson Alexander Kim Justin Quaintance Tina Shaygan

Sean Willett Curtis Wolff Melanie Woods Louie Villaneuva

Twitter: @GauntletUofC www.thegauntlet.ca

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llow me to add myself to the endless list of people who have welcomed you to the University of Calgary this week. Leaving high school and adjusting to the unfamiliar world of post-secondary education can be an overwhelming task, especially when you’re drowning in a sea of well-meaning advice. My biggest piece of advice: no matter how stressed you might feel in this new environment right now, you’ll get the hang of it.

The biggest part of what makes the university experience fulfilling is what happens outside of the classroom. As important as going to lectures and maintaining your grades are, most of what you learn throughout your degree is secondary to your coursework. Being a student gives you the incredibly valuable opportunity to explore new ideas, interests and people. Your four — or, as is the case with the majority of us, more — years on campus will be instrumental in shaping who you are and how you engage with the world.

When you enter a new community like this, the world gets bigger. There’s more opportunities, more freedom and more people who like the same things you do.

If you see a chance to do something that you’re keen to do — whether it’s joining an intramural sports team, finding a new squad for a Dungeons & Dragons campaign or writing for your student publication — seize it with abandon.

We produce this magazine for incoming students every year to pass on important information about acclimatizing to your life on campus.

Most of us have been around here for a while and come from lots of areas of study, so we hope our advice can deviate from the typical clichés of Orientation Week. If you enjoy this, please also pick up our monthly magazines, available on stands across campus the first week of every month!

All the best.

Jason Herring Gauntlet editor-in-chief

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MARIAH WILSON

MARIAH WILSON

elcome to the newest members of our family of over 25,000 undergraduate students. For many, university may seem intimidating but I encourage you all to look at your time here as your greatest opportunity to date. This campus will become your home away from home and the campus community, your friends, classmates and faculty, will become your support network. As for fitting in, there’s a place for everyone on campus. Take advantage of this opportunity, which only few around the world receive. Discover your passions, explore your interests, build friendships and push your boundaries!

My promise to you is that your time here at the University of Calgary will be one you won’t forget; but it’s up to you

to make it as special as it can be. You’re going to make some amazing friends and memories and learn more about yourself than about your major. You are just beginning this new chapter of your life and I’m sure it will be your best yet.

It will have ups and downs but through it all you will always have people to support you. That’s where me and the SU come in. We’re here to help you pursue your dreams and help you write your greatest chapter!

If you ever have any questions or need help making your goals a reality, come visit us in MacHall. We are here to help!

Sagar Grewal Students’ Union president

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MARIAH WILSON

FIRST-YEAR RESIDENCE JUST LIKE HOME, IF HOME WAS A SMALL HAMLET POPULATED ENTIRELY BY PEOPLE WHO ONLY GAINED THE RIGHT TO PURCHASE ALCOHOL WITHIN THE LAST YEAR

By Melanie Woods

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or most students, moving into residence marks the first tentative steps out of their parents’ home and into the real world. It’s like purgatory — not the heaven of living rent free with a fridge full of food, but also not the hell of paying electric bills and deciding if a Costco membership is worth it. But it’s still a transition, and incoming students will inevitably have some adjusting to do.

Every year on move-in day, residence services does everything they can to make residence as appealing as possible.

Incoming students get a fancy drawstring bag full of coupons, a bus ride to Bed Bath and Beyond to purchase discounted shower caddies, the promise of frequent floor events and dozens of Residence Students Association members spouting words like “community” and “family.”

They make it seem like residence is a summer camp that never ends.

In many ways, that’s true. Residence is a place where, if you want to party, there is probably a room full of dudebros doing vodka shots and attempting to illegally play beer pong on two milk crates and an engineering presentation poster. They’ll greet you with a raucous cheer and invite you to join in. Everyone is everyone’s friend at a first-year rez party, especially if you bring booze.

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For when you aren’t busy drinking, food is available at your fingertips.

The Dining Centre, while expensive and bland, at least has vegetables. As tempting as it may be to live off of Reese’s peanut butter pops and cup-anoodles, man cannot live on junk food alone. Take advantage of the thousands of dollars you were forced to pump into your meal plan.

There will come a time during your stay in residence when the appeal starts to slip. When you find yourself complaining about how overpriced rent is (which is incredibly overpriced) or how loud your neighbour’s party is (which is incredibly loud) or how tiny your twin bed is (which is incredibly tiny), remember that residence is a transition point built on convenience.

You won’t be here forever.

I’ll admit that three years and four different buildings after my first movein day at University of Calgary, most of the lustre of that first day is gone. I don’t know any of my current neighbours. I haven’t been to a floor event since my first year. The only alcohol in my fridge is a half case of Mike’s Hard Lemonade left over from a staff party three months ago. My shower caddy was purchased at full price on my own time. But I still

choose to live in residence.

This is a place where I can roll out of bed at 7:50 a.m. and still make it to my 8:00 a.m. critical theory lecture. And as shitty as some of the services are, residence is somewhere I don’t have to worry about setting up Wi-Fi or fixing a broken sink because maintenance is always on call.

There are a few tips I can impart upon you to maximize residence’s convenience. Learn nearby transit routes. Keep a first-aid kit in your room.

Invest in your own shot glasses. Know your neighbours. Never date on your own floor. Buy groceries and use your fridge for more than just Jägermeister — your body will thank you. Find excuses to get off campus. For kicks, you can always laugh at the poor suckers who have to commute on the train for an hour and a half every morning.

You might spend only eight months here, or five years and every summer in between. You might become an active member of the RSA or a jaded recluse.

Regardless, you will make it through this, unless the Aramark food kills you first.

And if you ever get duct-taped inside of a dorm room, well, it happens to the best of us.

Good luck.

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TRI-MEDIA ALLIANCE

Like most respectable post-secondary institutions, the University of Calgary has a few media outlets. Dubbed the tri-media alliance, CJSW, NUTV and the Gauntlet all offer volunteer, training and employment opportunities and are located above the Black Lounge on MacHall's east third-floor. These organizations rely heavily on both student levies and volunteer contributions to thrive and are great sources of information and entertainment.

By Jason Herring

CJSW

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he best-known of the U of C’s media outlets is CJSW 90.9 FM, the school’s community radio station. CJSW is entrenched in Calgary’s arts scene, broadcasting music, spoken word and multicultural programming created by and for students and Calgarians. You’ve probably seen their presence at music festivals like the Calgary Folk Fest.

Programming on CJSW is eclectic, with its shows capturing everything from campus life to feminist and queer punk music to rockabilly and country tunes. You won’t enjoy everything on the station, but there’s a good chance that there’s a show or two you’ll adore. If you want to listen away from the radio, CJSW saves and streams all their shows on their website.

CJSW volunteers have the opportunity to learn about sound engineering, writing for radio, maintaining music libraries and more. Dedicated volunteers even have a chance to host their own show.

All information about volunteering at CJSW, including a volunteer application form, can be found online at cjsw.com/ volunteer.

MARIAH WILSON

The Gauntlet

NUTV

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f you’ve ever noticed the TVs hanging around MacHall that provide both campus information and short videos, you’ve seen part of what NUTV does.

The campus television production organization runs and produces content for those screens, but also hosts a wide range of events and offers top-notch training opportunities.

For those interested in visual media — both in front of and behind the camera — NUTV hosts workshops and training sessions teaching students how to shoot, edit and direct video. A $10 yearly membership grants you access to all of those services. There’s also writing and acting opportunities for the station’s mini-shows.

NUTV also holds several film festivals and competitions throughout the year.

Screenings are usually on campus — it’s well worth it to stop by one of them to see what your peers are creating.

Information on how to become an NUTV member to gain access to all their sweet resources can be found online at nutv.ca/members.

VIVIAN LEE

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hat’s us! We’re the third — and, indisputably, the loosest — member of the tri-media alliance. We’re an independent, student-run publication that releases monthly print magazines covering news, opinions, arts, sports, humour and photography. We also release stories on thegauntlet.ca every day of the week during the semester.

This supplement showcases what we pride ourselves on doing, which is creating content that’s unique and relevant to Calgary post-secondary students. We cover everything from U of C administration to on-campus art and from the Dinos to student politics.

If writing, editing or photography are up your alley, we’re always looking for more contributors. We teach volunteers how to structure stories, take high-quality photos, copy edit, conduct interviews and more.

Volunteers can sign up for an orientation by emailing volunteer@thegauntlet.ca.

Plus, we hold pitch meetings every Tuesday at 5 p.m., where editors assign volunteers stories and volunteers pitch stories to editor. We’d love to see you around!

MARIAH WILSON

HOW TO

TEXTBOOK Buying textbooks is the most crooked market this side of the subprime mortgage crisis. Since the consumer (that's you) doesn't get to choose the product, textbook publishers can set disproportionately high prices. These are the alternatives to buying new textbooks that will keep your coffers full for other university activities, like drinking at the Den, drinking in residence and drinking in public.

By Curtis Wolff

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“You wouldn’t steal a car.

You wouldn’t steal a handbag. You wouldn’t steal a — oh wait, you would?

Perfect.”

MARIAH WILSON

Buy used at the U of C Bookstore

Look for an older edition online

This is the easiest alternative to buying new. Reach a few feet over from those shiny new editions to the less pretty and less expensive — but equally informative — used copies. Used copies at the University of Calgary Bookstore are around 20 per cent cheaper than the new ones. Try to find one that someone has marked up with a highlighter. This means they’ve done some work for you, and if they’ve made it past the first few chapters, they probably knew what they were doing.

Can you spot the difference between the eighth and ninth editions of a textbook? Me neither. Hop on Amazon and buy an old edition, as long as you don’t mind navigating through the different page numbers. If you’re lucky, some professors will even provide page numbers for different versions of the textbook to help smart shoppers like yourself.

Buy used on the Facebook group If you want to ditch the middleman altogether, there’s a Facebook group called Used Textbooks for Sale (University of Calgary). It’s a fairly active forum for both buyers and sellers. Either post what you’re looking to buy or browse through the past few months worth of posts. I’m trying to sell some textbooks on there right now, so not only is it a great way to buy cheap books but also a great place to meet cool people. Seriously though, I’ve been trying to sell this global politics textbook on there for years. Help a brother out.

Try the reserved section of the library The library keeps many popular textbooks on reserve and you can book them for a couple hours at a time, which is all the time you’ll need to catch up on the last few weeks of reading. If you’re unsure how often you’ll actually use the textbook, but are anxious about not having access to it at all, this option is for you. This is the most overlap you’re going to get between free and legal.

Steal them from the internet You kids with your “torrents” and your “memes” and your “internet.” I don’t

know how any of that shit works. But your buddy’s weird roommate who’s majoring in computer science probably does. Check your morals at the door and see if they can hook you up on the “down-load.” Your mileage may vary depending on your major, as most arts students aren’t planning on scanning and uploading entire books out of spite.

Math and computer science students will have far more luck.

Actually just steal them You wouldn’t steal a car. You wouldn’t steal a handbag. You wouldn’t steal a — oh wait, you would? Perfect. Stealing things online is for nerds. Try stealing your textbook in person. Mind those theft-sensing devices at the door and remember that it’s only a crime if you get caught.

Don't read them You know what else is for nerds?

Reading. You may consider buying those textbooks, but you know damn well that you’re not actually going to read them.

I sure didn’t. You’ll be just fine. My global politics textbook is one of the only exceptions — you should definitely buy it.

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MARIAH WILSON

WHAT THE HECK IS THE STUDENTS’ UNION?

By Derek Baker

As a University of Calgary student, you belong to the Students' Union. Whether or not you notice, the SU will play a substantial role in your university experience over the next four-plus years. Their job is to promote our interests to university administration and the government, run programs for students and plan events.

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he SU’s members are elected by the student body every year. In February, the SU’s annual election campaign will be in full swing. Walls will be plastered with posters and costumed candidates will run around campus begging for your vote. Almost everyone hates this time of year — you will too.

Some people dismiss elected officials as people who are only trying to pad their resumés with these titles. There’s definitely some students like this, but there’s actually a lot of work that goes into these positions.

The decisions they make in the interest of students are to enhance the oft-lauded student experiences at the U of C. If you

really want to know what’s going on, drop

by Students’ Legislative Council (SLC) meetings every Tuesday night at 6:30 p.m. in the council chambers next to Stör to sit in the gallery with people like me who like to complain about anything and everything. Who knows — maybe you too will become one of the Hyper-Engaged™.

President: Sagar Grewal The head honcho. The big cheese. Our beloved leader — all phrases that have probably never been used to describe this position. Still, Grewal is the public face of the organization this upcoming year. He also maintains official 8 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

relations with the university and votes on the Board of Governors. Grewal will be working hard to represent the organization — and thus, all of us — so give him props if you see him around campus.

ASHAR MEMON

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VP External: Vacant Normally, the vice-president external is the SU’s professional schmoozer.

They would spend more time than any other executive jetting around the country, wearing fancy suits and shaking politicians hands as they promotes student issues at all levels of government.

But unfortunately, the position will

remain vacant with its responsibilities divided between the folks you see around this block of text until a byelection in October. With a high-stakes provincial election just around the corner, whoever lands this hefty portfolio will be gearing up to keep student issues at the forefront of Alberta’s future.

VP Op-Fi: Kevin Dang You pay fees to belong to the SU every semester — and someone needs to sign the cheques. The vice-president operations and finances manages the organization’s budget and policy. They also oversee various SU businesses and budget for the time-honoured

year-end Bermuda Shorts day ruckus. Last year, the SU lost nearly $100,000 hosting BSD, meaning Dang will likely have some difficult decisions to make this year. Dang is also navigating the SU’s recent gained fulltime management of MacHall.

ASHAR MEMON

VP Academic: Jessica Revington

ASHAR MEMON

The vice-president academic facilitates the relationship between the SU and campus faculty. Revington is responsible for improving the academic experience and promoting undergraduate research through initiatives like the Teaching

Excellence Awards and the Undergraduate Research Symposium. As a first-year, unless you have a huge problem with the U of C’s faculty — or you’re caught cheating — you likely won’t be booking any appointments with her.

VP Student Life: Nabila Farid Also known as “VP Party,” the vicepresident student life is in charge of arguably the most important day at the U of C — Bermuda Shorts Day. Farid also oversees SU-sanctioned clubs, which are a great way to make the most

out of your university experience. The position is in charge of events like Clubs Week and Frost Bite. It’s not all fun and games, however — the position also has an important role in mental health initiatives to foster student well-being.

ASHAR MEMON

Faculty Representives Every faculty at the University of Calgary has at least one representative on SLC, depending on the faculty’s size. Their role is to act on the behalf of their faculty to address specific issues that students

within their faculty face. If you have any problems with your department or ideas on how to improve the lives of your fellow classmates, track your rep(s) down.

They’re happy to help.

MARIAH WILSON GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 9

UNIVERSITY

BIG SHOTS

The bureaucracy that hangs over the University of Calgary is a looming cloud of administrators, governors, senators, deans and the like. Many of these individuals have climbed the (glass) staircase of academia all the way to the top and now call the shots. You'll likely never meet or interact with these people but the decisions they make will affect your experience here at the U of C. Here's a run-down of the important people and offices that govern our school.

By Derek Baker

President Elizabeth Cannon is the current president of the University of Calgary. While Cannon has faced scrutiny in recent years for everything from questionable relations with oil companies to the construction of a $150,000 glass staircase for administrators’ offices — while some lecture theatres are held together by duct tape — she’s weathered the storm and continues to remind campus to keep our “eyes high.” She’s set to step down in January 2019 and the Presidential Search Committee is busy recruiting a replacement for the university’s top position. Byeeee.

and an elected student-at-large. The remaining positions are filled by upper-level U of C administrators and rich executives from various corporations in Calgary.

Board of Governors This is the most important governing body on campus. The BOG sets the university budget, approves major decisions and essentially steers the direction of the institution. Student representation on the BOG is comprised of the SU president, the Graduate Students’ Association president, 10 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

Leading the senate, the chancellor is the ceremonial head of the university. Elected on July 1, 2018, the current chancellor is Deborah Yedlin. She’s a business columnist who has written for publications like the Calgary Herald. The chancellor puts on parties and events to raise money for scholarships and programming. For example, the Chancellor’s Challenge Golf Tournament has raised over $1.2 million.

Before Yedlin, our chancellor was a literal astronaut.

Deans

Vice-presidents/ vice-provosts Just below the president sit many vicepresidents, vice-provosts and powerful people with titles you don’t need to remember. They do... things? The average student likely won’t interact with any of these folks. You’ll probably see them quoted in formal statements to the Gauntlet.

Chancellor

MARIAH WILSON

Senate Like the Canadian Senate, the U of C’s senate lacks practical power. Instead, the 62-member community body solicits money and goodwill for the U of C from the broader community. It’s basically a fancy schmooze fest, securing rich people’s donations to put towards U of C programming. Pass the lamb lollipops.

Two student representatives are elected each year to sit on the senate and the SU VP student life and VP operations and finance sit on it, too.

These people are actually pretty cool.

Sitting at the top of their respective fields, each faculty has one. You’re more likely to interact with them in a positive sense if you attend an event from your faculty.

If you can get your GPA over a certain threshold, you’ll even be commemorated on their fancy list. Hopefully, you won’t have to interact with them in a negative sense. If you’re caught cheating, you’re gonna have a bad time.

MARIAH WILSON

A MESSAGE FROM

THE GOVERNMENT W

elcome, incoming students, to the University of Calgary! My name is Stephanie McLean and I am your MLA for Calgary-Varsity. As a U of C alumna, I am honoured to represent our campus in the Alberta Legislature and look forward to connecting with you throughout the academic year.

Access to high-quality education is one of the most important things in shaping your future as well as part of building a strong Alberta. However, affordability can be a barrier to access which is why our government has extended the original two-year tuition freeze into the 2018–19 school year. During the tuition freeze, we have been consulting with students and other stakeholders about sustainable long-term funding that ensures an accessible and student focused post-secondary system.

Our government is committing $270.6 million in order to renovate the MacKimmie Complex and Professional Faculties building. This investment will add 500 new study and classroom spaces,

particularly for Nursing and Social Work Faculties, as well as more room for student services, increased student study and classroom spaces and creating a centre for entrepreneurship.

Mental health is a key part of academic success and something Alberta students have asked for more support in, which is why we are investing $25.8 million over three years to protect and improve mental health resources for post-secondary students across Alberta. The province’s post-secondary institutions will get direct, stable and long-term funding to improve health promotion on campuses and students will have access to better 24-hour phone and online counselling supports. These commitments set a stable foundation to help U of C students put their best foot forward.

My constituency office is located at 202, 4712 16 Ave. NW. I would love to connect with you, so please contact my office at 403-216-5436 or e-mail at calgary. varsity@assembly.ab.ca. Additionally, if

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elcome to Calgary Confederation.

Congratulations! Congratulations on your acceptance to study at the University of Calgary! The coming years will shape you in the most unimaginable ways and will be the foundation for the rest of your lives.

Yes, you need to study and you need to do your work but take time for yourself too. Discover new friends, new experiences and new places. Most importantly, get involved!

Get involved in something, anything!

It will open your mind, your heart and your imagination. It will provide you with skills and experience but it will also provide you with insight and inspiration.

there are any events you would like to know about or attend, please contact me.

All the best to you as you start your exciting journey at the University of Calgary.

Stephanie McLean Member of the Legislative Assembly for Calgary-Varsity

You can get involved in sports, campus clubs, service clubs or any one of hundreds of volunteering opportunities.

You could even get involved in politics!

When you walk across that stage at graduation, make sure you leave with more than just a piece of paper. It’s up to you to determine what else you leave university with but make sure you leave with a broader knowledge of the world around you and the people in it. Leave more than you take, and leave knowing you made a difference in lives other than your own.

Len Webber Member of the Parliament for Calgary Confederation GAUNTLETFROSH FROSH2018 2018 | 11 GAUNTLET

DEALING WITH

THE MAN

How each level of government affects students

By Jason Herring

Municipal

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ore than any other level of government, city politics will likely have the largest effect on your day-to-day life. That’s especially true if you live on campus, as municipal policy affects issues important to students like housing and public transit.

For the many students who live offcampus and away from their families, Calgary’s rental market became significantly safer and easier to navigate following a decision by city council to make secondary suites — self-contained basement or backyard dwellings attached to existing residences — a discretionary use. This means that homeowners wishing to create a legal secondary suite can follow a permitting process instead of going before council for a public hearing, as was previously the case. The increased ease of registering these properties, which are often among the most affordable and accessible for students, is a big step in improving renters’ safety.

If you’re a full-time University of Calgary student, you’re required to purchase a UPass as part of your mandatory student fees. This costs $145 each semester, which is significantly cheaper than buying regularpriced transit passes monthly. The primary mode of transit in the city is the CTrain, a light-rail train that connects the U of C with the downtown core and communities across the city. There are a few gaps in train service, notably to the deep southeast and north along Centre Street, that will be addressed by the Green Line’s expected 2026 completion. In the meantime, the city is introducing three Bus Rapid Transit routes this fall which will offer frequent, crosstown service.

The biggest news you’ll hear this year in city politics is the potential bid to host the 12 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

2026 Winter Olympic Games. Debate over the merits and faults of placing a bid has persisted for over a year, with supporters arguing that it presents an opportunity to build infrastructure and leave a lasting legacy for the city and detractors saying the Olympics are an unnecessary financial risk.

On Nov. 13, Calgarians will be able to vote in a non-binding plebiscite asking whether they personally support the city’s potential hosting of the 2026 Winter Games.

Calgary’s most recent municipal election took place in October 2017, resulting in a third term for Mayor Naheed Nenshi. Druh Farrell serves as the city councillor for Ward 7, where the U of C is located.

Provincial

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lberta politics had a major shakeup in 2015 when the Alberta New Democratic Party ended the Progressive Conservative party’s 44-consecutive years in power. The long-reigning PCs now no longer exist, having merged with the far-right Wildrose to create the United Conservative Party. With an election slated for May 2019, it’s yet unknown whether the conservatives will return to power in Alberta.

Alberta NDP party leader and current premier Rachel Notley has attempted to reconcile the party’s environmental mandates with the province’s ingrained relationship with the oil and gas industry.

This has manifested in heavy support for the now federal government-owned Trans Mountain Pipeline as well as the early implementation of a carbon tax, which the federal Liberals mandated each province have fully in place by 2022.

The provincial government has put forth a number of major policies affecting Alberta’s post-secondary institutions.

One is the tuition freeze, which will keep schools from increasing tuition rates until at least the end of the 2018–19 academic year. They also recently legislated maximum pay grades for university executives — a worthwhile addition, as current U of C president Elizabeth Cannon makes $480,000 in base salary as well as an additional $417,000 in benefits.

The provincial election will take place after U of C students finish their winter semester. Pay attention to the candidates and decide who you want to represent you. Politics at this level will have a major effect on what post-secondary education looks like for the remainder of your degree.

Federal

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hile always entertaining, federal politics don’t play much of a role in most students’ daily lives. The next federal election will take place by Oct. 21, 2019. Until then, it’s the Liberal Party’s Justin Trudeau at the helm as Canada’s prime minister.

The biggest student impact of the federal government is the student loan program. A 2016 change to the program means that students don’t have to pay back their debt until they make over $25,000 a year. They also run the Canada Summer Jobs program, which is good resource for finding work when school’s out.

The most intriguing federal development for many is certainly the impending legalization of cannabis on Oct. 17. Specific rules surrounding legalization vary depending on province and municipality. If you’re interested in more specifics about pot legalization, check out our section on it on page 14.

MARIAH WILSON

ALEXANDER KIM

GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 13 JUSTIN QUAINTANCE

VICES:

SINCE YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY...

Like most students, I pretend that I wake up at the crack of dawn to meditate and drink green tea. In reality, I'm more likely to stumble into my first lecture chugging back a triple-shot caramel macchiato. Decide for yourself what the shots are.

If you're looking to indulge, we've got your back. As always, be safe and keep your head on straight. Learn to walk the line between having a good time and being stupid.

By Sara Albright

Cannabis

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MARIAH WILSON 14 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

eed. Kush. Wacky tobacky. The Devil’s cabbage. In just over a month, the purchase and consumption of cannabis for recreational purposes will be legal. It’s about damn time. Still, there are a few technicalities you should be aware of.

Calgary City Council passed a bylaw that restricts cannabis consumption to designated areas. You are still not allowed to spark up and stroll down a street or through a park, legally speaking. Though its use is not restricted by city bylaw in private properties, unless your parents bought you a house in the city, you better be aware of your rental agreement’s conditions.

Though not an endorsement, smoking a joint can be a way to relax or chill with some pals. You won’t wake up with a hangover. Smoke too much, though, and you’ll green out and think you’re a fish!

That’s no fun.

Also, let’s cut to the chase. If you spent $20 on a gram, you were ripped off. If it smells like pizza, that’s oregano.

Drugs

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isten up y’all. Drugs exist and they are on campus.

Again, this isn’t an endorsement, but there are definitely things you can do to minimize the risks of drug use and have more fun.

Avoid bringing drugs on campus. They’re better in non-stressful situations around people you trust.

If you didn’t experiment with drugs in high school and you’re trying something for the first time, remember that you don’t know what your reaction will be. Don’t try to keep up with experienced users. Use in a safe place where you can crash on a buddy’s couch if need be.

Never take a drug dealer on their word.

Chemical drugs like MDMA are notoriously impure. Fentanyl is on the rise in Calgary, so make sure you check with your friends first to find a dealer you can trust. Maybe carry a Naloxone kit, which you can pickup at walkin clinics or pharmacies without an ID or prescription. Don’t take unnecessary risks and be smart when indulging.

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and spending long days with nowhere to unwind but the library is draining.

There are couches in MacHall but it’s difficult to relax with all the noise.

Department clubs usually have rooms of their own with couches and microwaves, so check to see if your department has a space you can use.

The Arts Lounge is conveniently located on the first floor of Social Sciences. The Science Students’ Centre recently opened up in Science Theatres. EEEL or Scurfield Hall have less traffic and offer a good place to relax. The Gauntlet also has some couches if you don’t mind copy editing or listening to our staff’s diatribes.

Sex

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aving sex on campus is a poor choice all around. The best idea is to wait until you can get somewhere private with a door that locks.

There’s no reason to get a motel room unless you’re a criminal or you’ve hired a sex worker. But if you absolutely must have sex on campus, there are private washrooms with doors that lock.

After hours, offices with limited access

are almost acceptable. And no matter what you believe in the moment, it’s certainly not worth having sex in a quiet hallway or empty classroom.

Remember the basics. Campus Security will not be impressed if they catch you in the act. Verbal consent is mandatory. Free condoms can be found at the SU desk or at the Q Centre, so use them, ya turkey!

Coffee

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he coffee on campus isn’t too exciting, but it’s caffeinated and in abundant supply. Fuel for Gold, found in MacHall, has short lines and is probably the only coffee on campus that holds its own when brewed black. Everything else needs cream and sugar to make it palatable. It’s terrible but you know you’re going to drink it anyways.

The coffee shop in Social Sciences is empty when classes are in session but completely mobbed in between. Time your visit well.

Tim Hortons is exactly what you’d expect it to be — cheap, dependable and ultimately mediocre. But there are four locations on campus — three in MacHall and one in Murray Fraser Hall — so it’s at least easy to find if you’re in dire need of a quick cup.

here are only two places to grab a beer on campus. The Last Defense Lounge, whose clientele is mostly graduate students and professors, has standard pub food and a pool table that’s free to use. The bar is often quiet enough to hold a conversation and the beer selection isn’t bad.

The other option is the Den. It’s mostly students who have come straight from class to have a beer, so the atmosphere is relaxed.

Upstairs, the Black Lounge serves the same food but is a little less rowdy.

It’s worth noting that on Thursdays, the U of C operates the Post-Alcohol Support Space so drunk students can sleep off alcohol.

That day is important because on Thursdays, drinks at the Den are cheap and the line is long. Thursden is a campus tradition so you’ll probably end up there at some point in your university career. Having a triple-vodka slime can be a rite of passage in your first year.

Happy drinking!

Napping

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aving somewhere to crash on campus is vital. The U of C is a commuter school GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 15

ESSENTIAL

SITES

By Jason Herring

myUofC

D2L

U of C Library

(my.ucalgary.ca)

(d2l.ucalgary.ca)

(library.ucalgary.ca)

Despite its clunky and unintuitive user interface, this will be the most important URL of your undergrad, so you best get familiar with it. This is where you can pick your classes, apply for financial aid, see your degree’s academic requirements, view your transcript, download your tax documents, apply for program changes and more.

Nearly everything you need to do on the administrative side of student life is here.

If you went to high school in Calgary, chances are you’ve already used Desire2Learn as an online portal for your courses. Most professors at the U of C put their classes on D2L to allow students to digitally access course material, submit coursework, check important dates or view their grades, which appear as notifications at the top of the page in the form of the infamous and foreboding ‘red dot.’

As a student, you have access to the U of C’s database of print and online resources, which you’ll inevitably need to take advantage of when facing your first paper. This site lets you place holds on physical copies of books, including those stored off-campus. You can also search for and download PDFs of some journal articles and e-books and reserve study rooms or collaborative work space in a number of quiet library rooms.

DNDN

Unicard

Students' Union

(dndn.ethv.net)

(ucalgary.ca/unicard)

(su.ucalgary.ca)

If creating your course schedule on myUofC is driving you mad with frustration, this is a good solution. This student-made site allows you to select as many courses as you want from an easy-to-navigate list, then automatically generates schedules that work with the classes you selected. You’ll still have to manually add each class in myUofC after you figure out the specifics but DNDN eliminates a lot of monotony.

This site allows you to manage your Student ID and is especially useful if you live on residence and have a meal plan. Your Unicard also can act as a debit card that is accepted at many on-campus places, including food vendors, printing stations and the Bookstore.

If you need to add money or check your balance, this is where to do it. You can also go here to submit a pristine pic of yourself for your ID online before picking your card up.

As a student at the U of C, you can benefit from Students’ Union services. If you’re searching for info about things like on-campus employment or volunteer opportunities, joining clubs, using the consignment bookstore, getting lockers, the food bank, finding study space or taking part in events, this is a good place to go. You can also go here to learn about student politics, which is especially handy during elections.

Rate My Prof

Outlook

Success Centre

(ratemyprofessors.com)

(outlook.office.com)

(ucalgary.ca/ssc)

If finding high-quality professors for your classes is a priority for you, this site is a worthwhile reference to figure out who’s good, bad and easy. While the site is usually fairly accurate, it’s worth keeping in mind the students most likely to post reviews of their profs are those who had an extremely positive or negative experience. It’s also worth checking out the University Student Ratings of Instructions on myUofC.

As a U of C student, you get an official @ucalgary.ca email account. This is where you can find all communications regarding your courses, enrolment or general information from the university or the SU. Your email also gives you free access to the Microsoft Office Suite and a terabyte of storage on OneDrive, Microsoft’s cloud storage alternative to Google Drive. If you haven’t yet, you can go to ucalgary.ca/it to set up your email.

If you’re looking for academic guidance, this is the site to visit. Here, you can book an appointment with an academic advisor to discuss academic problems, create a degree plan, talk about further education or changes in program or just check to make sure that you’re fulfilling all your degree requirements.

The site also offers links to register for support programs for areas like writing or math, in addition to a number of online resources.

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SOCIAL MEDIA

By Jason Herring

@UCalgary

@MyUCalgary Instagram

Your class on Facebook

There’s a blue check mark next to the University of Calgary’s official Twitter account, so you know it’s legit. This account, as well as the university’s Instagram page with the same handle, is a fine resource for general on-campus happenings and PSAs. Just be wary for the heaps of shameless selfpromotion and sanitized campus news from UToday, which is essentially the U of C’s state-run media.

This second UCalgary Instagram account typically has more of a student angle.

It’s great if you want to see a bunch of photos on your phone of the campus that you’ll spend every day of your life on except with a hip filter. Expect loads of #throwbackthursday memes, high-action Dinos pics and so, so many convocation photos. Overall, though, it’s a pretty solid feed.

Many students end up creating and joining Facebook groups for their classes, especially in their first year. It’s worth checking to see if a specific group for your class exists each semester, and if there isn’t, you can create one yourself. It’s a solid way to ask about homework, form study groups or commiserate. Just be careful to make sure your involvement falls within your class’s acceptable standards for group work.

@GauntletUofC

UC Emergency

U of C Confessions

Your friendly student publication is incredibly online. We post all of our stories to our Twitter account, as well as do live tweets for exciting events like… student council meetings. We proudly consider ourselves to be one of the few bastions of light on the terrible hell-site that is twitter dot com, so toss us a follow.

If you’re lucky, maybe we’ll even “follow back.”

While not really social media, the UC Emergency app is something that’s worth putting on your phone in case of an emergency. Once you download and log into the app, it’s fairly dormant on your phone, only sending you a push notification in the event of anything from a fire to a natural disaster to a building evacuation. Plus, the app gives a quick one-touch option to contact Campus Security or 911 at any time.

Though it’s been inactive for the summer, this Facebook page is the classic trashy social media for the U of C. Students submit “confessions” about classes, relationships or their sex life to the page under the shield of anonymity, so while it’s often entertaining, don’t expect any level of rational discourse here. If you’re looking for a more positive spin on the same idea, U of C Compliments is a missed-connections alternative.

Humans of UCalgary

/r/ucalgary

Chillabit

This Facebook page localizes the ultrapopular Humans of New York by posting photographs and quotes from people found around campus. The page has some pretty spectacular stories that aim to add some humanity to a campus that can occasionally feel a bit unwelcoming. For a bonus website, if you’re interested in joining this or any other club on campus, you can visit suclubs.orgsync.com.

The subreddit for the U of C is a grim place.

It’s the go-to hangout for libertarians and computer science students on campus.

Common discussions include asking for advice that certainly would be better suited for an academic advisor, which 200-level classes are easy GPA boosters and where the best places to poop on campus are. Post at your own risk and don’t be surprised if a guy with a pepe username calls you a cuck.

We’ve heard reports that people still use this app but they’re yet to be confirmed.

Formerly called Chitter, Chillabit is an app in which anyone can post threads anonymously but those who comment have their names revealed. You can also connect directly with people who ‘like’ you, kind of like Tinder? This is probably the only U of C-centric social media option that’s more unhinged than reddit.

GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 17

HEALTH SERVICES

By Nikayla Goddard

As a freshman entering university life, you'll be tasked with creating the perfect balance between work and play. This may seem easy until you take into account attending class, taking notes, studying for exams, writing exams, completing lab reports, finishing assignments, writing essays and... whew.

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ou may feel stressed in your first year, but remember that your wellbeing comes first. The good news is there’s resources at the University of Calgary devoted to making sure that you are at your best.

The SU Wellness Centre is dedicated to supporting students. Located on the second floor of MacHall, the Wellness Centre offers regular health services like walk-in medical care, chiropractors, massage therapists, dieticians, vaccinations, STI and pregnancy screenings and more.

On top of medical assistance, Varsity Pharmacy on the main floor of MacHall fills out your prescriptions. All of these services are at least partially covered by

the Student Health and Dental Plan included in your student fees.

While requesting an STI test or talking to a medical professional about problems you’re experiencing may be uncomfortable, it’s their job to assist you in the most constructive way possible. Professionals are there to help and it’s your job to seek help from them when needed.

The Wellness Centre has significant mental health resources. As listed on their website, the top reasons students visit the Wellness Centre are relationship concerns, anxiety and stress, depression and grief, academic concerns and career concerns. The Wellness Centre offers workshops and seminars

throughout the year to educate students on various mental health topics and to offer support. The best part about the U of C’s mental health services? They’re confidential and free. Every student is given 10 free counselling sessions per degree – use them.

Beyond the Wellness Centre’s office hours, Alberta Health Link at 811 is at your disposal 24/7, along with the Distress Centre at 403-266-HELP (4357).

While university life and all the pressures and challenges that come with it can be daunting, there are people here ready and willing to give you a helping hand. Adjusting to a new environment is difficult — take care of yourself.

MARIAH WILSON

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DIVERSITY RESOURCES

By Tina Shaygan

PRINCE AFRIM

MARIAH WILSON

Native Centre

Q Centre

The Native Centre is located on the third floor of MacHall above Dairy Queen. It offers a large variety of resources to help support educational success and improve the experience of First Nations, Métis and Inuit students. They offer a variety of leadership training as well as scholarships and funding. The Native Centre also works to design post-secondary research regarding Indigenous people and their communities. The Native Centre has a ceremonial room for smudging and their list of events can be found on their online calendar.

The SU Centre for Sexual and Gender Diversity, better known as the Q Centre, is located on the main floor of MacHall and offers community and peer support, volunteer opportunities as well as other programs and events for the LGTBQ community on campus and in Calgary. The Q Centre also has a great library and lounge where students can study or socialize. Students are welcome to initiate ideas or proposals to the Q Centre for collaborative improvements of the student experience. The Q Centre’s list of upcoming events can be found on the SU website.

MARIAH WILSON

MARIAH WILSON

Faith and Spirituality Centre

Women's Resource Centre

The Faith and Spirituality Centre offers Christian, Muslim and Buddhist chapels as well as two prayer rooms on campus.

Besides offering community support, the FSC helps students of all faiths with work and exam deferrals for religious holidays or other religious accommodations. The FSC also hosts the Pluralism and Religious Diversity Week, along with their weekly offerings, found on their website. It’s also a good place to find like-minded students to pray or meditate with.

The Women’s Resources Centre is located on the fourth floor of MacHall and offers a variety of resources such as workshops, peer support and professionals to speak with. They have worked with other university groups like the Consent and Sexual Education Awareness Club (CASE) to initiate programs and events to help foster a culture of consent and sexual awareness on campus.

They offer plenty of volunteer opportunities for students and are closely tied to the Women Studies program in the Faculty of Arts.

GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 19

Olympic Oval The fastest ice on earth behind Ice Cube’s pyroclastic flow. Even if speedskating isn’t your passion, public skating times make for a perfect active get-together. Admission is free for students but bring your own skates and helmet to skip those rental fees.

CCIT

Engineering Building

Last Defence Lounge The fancy-shmancy campus bar run by the Graduate Students’ Association. With Wild Rose Brewery on tap and a pretty good menu, it’s the perfect place to almost impress a date — or two or three.

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Hotel Alma

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TFDL This is it! Your university library! Always keep a few bucks loaded onto your Unicard, CDan essay because this is the best place to print in a pinch. The quiet floors are excellent spots to study and work but bear in mind the desks are hot commodities during exam season.

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The Gauntlet office

EEEL

University Station

Disneyland can pound sand — the Gauntlet is the happiest place on earth. Come volunteer, hang out and play some Super Mario Strikers on our resident GameCube.

We also have a secret cheap vending machine for your grape Crush cravings.

I choo-choo-choose Calgary because there’s no other option.

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MacKimmie Tower Construction

SB SA

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It’s going to be hard to avoid this massive construction area, so plan routes accordingly for tight lecture gaps. At least it’ll be a nice glass monstrosity when it’s done.

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The bus loop

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TFDL

Like the train station — but for busses.

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MFH

EDC

Craigie Hall

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The Den Patio The home of day-drinking and soaking up the sun with pals between classes.

Honestly, it’s a great place to wind down with classmates after a brutal exam.

Mathison Hall Construction Business was just too dang business-y to hold in one building. Once a parking lot, this will be another Haskayne-devoted behemoth to make up for tight space in Scurfield Hall.

GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 21

STAYING ACTIVE ON CAMPUS Keeping active on campus is easy! Whether you're looking for a quick workout to beat exam stress or you're an athlete keeping up with your fitness regime, the University of Calgary offers a wide range of wellness facilities. Many are included in your student fees or have a nominal charge. Practice your favourite sport or try something completely new.

By Kristy Koehler

Fitness Centre

Aquatics

With just under 4,000 square metres of floor space, the Fitness Centre offers a variety of equipment for cardio and weight lifting. Located on the main floor of the Kinesiology building, the gym membership is included with your student fees for fulltime students. Trained and certified staff are available to help you get familiar with the facilities and lend a hand in using the equipment. Free gym orientations run throughout the month of September — go to ucalgary.ca/activeliving/fitness to sign up online.

The U of C boasts an Olympic-sized swimming pool for aquatic fitness. Included with your student fees, the schedules are posted both online and outside of the locker rooms in Kinesiology B. You can freshen up in the locker rooms if you’re swimming between classes or grab a relaxing, low-impact evening workout.

Intramurals The focus of intramural sports is fun! While some friendly competition is encouraged, the intramural leagues are designed with players of all abilities in mind. Womens, Mens, and Mixed divisions are available in a variety of sports including ice hockey, basketball, ultimate, flag football, ball hockey and more!

Grab a group of friends and start your own team, or register to meet new people. You can register on the Active Living website, or inperson at Kinesiology Client Services.

Running If you’re looking to start or maintain a running routine, the Fitness Centre has you covered. Located above the Jack Simpson Gymnasium in the Kinesiology building, the 200-metre track is accessible via the Fitness Centre. If an outdoor run is more your style, there are some great routes around campus. A map is available on the Active Living website.

Yoga Every Tuesday and Thursday, the Students’ Union offers a chance to get your yoga on in That Empty Space. Located on the lower level of MacHall, it’s free for students — just bring yourself and your yoga mat. Plenty of studios around the campus offer varying styles of yoga and are easily accessible with your UPass via public transit. Many offer student discounts.

Skating Built for the 1988 Winter Games, the Olympic Oval is The Fastest Ice in the World™. This famous facility is available for public skating most weeknights. World-class athletes still train here, so be sure to check the schedule online before you plan to go.

Skate rentals are available on site. An airconditioned running track is also available in the Oval and is perfect for hotter days.

Raquet Centre You can also use the Racquet Centre as a full-time student. U of C is home to the largest public racquet facility in Canada, boasting 13 squash courts and four racquetball/handball

courts. Book the courts online and rent some equipment if you don’t have your own. The Racquet Centre is in the Kinesiology Building, opposite the Fitness Centre.

Outdoor Centre The largest of its kind in North America, the Outdoor Centre will set you up with everything you need to enjoy the outdoors in and around Calgary. Rentals for more than 30 different kinds of outdoor activities are available. Headlamps, tents, backpacks, bikes, rafts, canoes, kayaks, skates and skis of all kinds are just a sample of the gear you can rent. Located on the ground floor of the Kinesiology building near the Olympic Oval entrance, the friendly staff can also help you buy used gear and book a tour or lesson.

Other Activities The basement of the Kinesiology Building is home to a Gymnastics Centre. It normally offers drop-in times in the evenings to bounce on the trampolines or jump in the foam pits.

Just to the right of the Gymnastics Centre is a climbing and bouldering wall — one of the university’s best-kept secrets. Lessons and intro sessions that give access to the climbing wall are available at the Outdoor Centre.

The campus is also home to a variety of sports and active living related clubs and are always welcoming new members, like quidditch, cricket, skateboarding, rowing and more. The Ski and Board Club is one of the most popular clubs on campus, offering reasonably priced trips to several of the local mountains each year, discounted lift tickets and big parties.

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DINOS ATHLETICS

By Kristy Koehler

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arsity sports are a quintessential part of the university experience.

The University of Calgary is home to the Dinos and features some of the most talented athletes and coaches in the country. Attending sporting events is a great way to foster school spirit and feel involved with the campus community.

The Dinos compete in 10 different sports at the varsity level — basketball, field hockey, football, ice hockey, rugby, soccer, swimming, track and field, volleyball and wrestling. As part of the Canada West Conference, the Dinos play against teams from British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba.

Regular home games are free for students to attend and provide a lively atmosphere. In addition to the home games, there are three must-attend marquee events throughout the year.

MARIAH WILSON

Marking the end of orientation week and ringing in the academic year is Kickoff. An annual tradition, Kickoff is a football game that takes place at McMahon Stadium. Tailgating, a carnival fun zone, a rowdy crowd and free food for the first 2,000 attendees makes for a great introduction to varsity sports. This year, the Dinos take on the UBC Thunderbirds on Sept. 7 at 5:30 p.m.

Every year, Calgary’s two universities go head to head in the Crowchild Classic.

The U of C Dinos and the Mount Royal Cougars compete during the regular season across ice hockey, basketball, soccer and volleyball. The winner of the most games is awarded ‘The Medal’ – a 68-kilogram City of Calgary manhole cover. The biggest event of the competition is an ice hockey game that takes place every winter at the

Scotiabank Saddledome. Billed as the Ultimate Crosstown Smackdown, the ‘Dome sees Dinos and Cougars fans take up opposite sides of the arena, creating a sea of red versus blue. The event is a hometown rivalry not to be missed.

Pack the Jack brings thousands of students to the Jack Simpson Gym to watch the Dinos in basketball action.

Normally taking place in February, there’s usually free Dinos swag to be had if you get there early. The atmosphere is intense and the competition is fierce!

Last year, the Dinos men’s team won the national championship, so this year’s Pack the Jack promises to be exciting as they look to defend the title.

U of C athletes have brought home 46 national championships in 10 sports.

Action-packed and full of school spirit, Dinos games are a must for any U of C student.

CAMPUS ETIQUETTE

Welcome to university! You now get to spend time with hoards of like-minded individuals in pursuit of higher education. Congratulations, you are officially an adult.

Time to start acting like one.

As a fifth-year student, there are two main places where I feel many people lack basic common decency: lecture theatres and the library. There isn't a strict, legally binding code of proper campus conduct, but there are certain things you should do to prevent scornful glares from your peers.

By Derek Baker

Lectures

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roper lecture etiquette begins before you even enter the classroom. Since you’ll most likely be in courses with a bunch of other first-years — who seem to think it’s necessary get to class 20 minutes early — a whole swarm of students usually crowd the doors to a lecture theatre between classes.

This results in massive congestion with people entering or exiting rooms. If you are going into class, wait for the previous class to filter out before entering, just like getting on the train.

Once you’ve entered the theatre, you’re probably looking for the best seat. Maybe you like being up front, maybe you want to sit in the back row or perhaps you want to be in the middle. Though there obviously isn’t a seating plan, after about a week of classes, the spot you sit in becomes your unofficial assigned seat. People will be uncomfortable if they come to class one day and find you in “their seat,” so pick a spot you like right away.

If you are late to class, sit at the first seat available from where you enter. Do not walk down the stairs towards the front or to the middle of the row and disturb the entire class.

During lecture, keep unnecessary

questions to a minimum. There are no stupid questions, but there are stupid times to ask them. The professor needs to cover all the material and stalling class with unnecessary questions makes everyone else frustrated. If you’re really stuck, go to office hours or ask after class — your prof would actually love to see you! And for the love of God, do not ask ‘good questions’ that foreshadow where the lecture is heading just to appear smart to the prof. We get it — you did the reading.

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he TFDL is a place where you go to get shit done. This building is full of resources to help with your schoolwork. However, since it is one of the busiest places on campus, there are a few rules you should follow out of respect for the people surrounding you.

If you sit at a desk with a library computer and have your own laptop open, you are the worst type of person. Believe it or not, university is expensive and some people choose not to purchase a laptop, so they may need these computers to finish assignments.

The same goes for using these work computers to watch shows on Netflix.

Leaving your stuff at your workspace is

okay if you need to use the washroom or get a quick snack. During busy times when space is limited, however, leaving your stuff out for hours is inconsiderate and entitled. If you see a spot that remains unoccupied for more than half an hour, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask a staff member to clear it off so you can take it.

Chatting quietly to your friends on the first two floors of TFDL is fine. Unless you’re in a quiet study room, those floors aren’t restricted to silent study. The third floor is especially noisy and is where many group projects get done. If you’re someone who needs quiet to study, don’t get pissed that people are talking on this floor. However, anything higher than the third floor is meant for silent study — and the higher you go, the more intense the silence gets. Snagging a spot by the window on the sixth floor can be perfect for cramming some notes into your head between classes, as long as you don’t mind being quiet as a mouse.

There is also the Law Library. This is the most sacred of libraries — even so much as breathing loudly will get you shushed.

Though all students are allowed to use it, law students are rather protective over this library, so be discreet and respectful if you use it.

MARIAH WILSON

Step into the Nickle Your space to break away, right in the heart of campus. Exhibitions, programs and events – always free and yours to explore.

Drop by Nickle Galleries on the main floor of the Taylor Family Digital Library or visit nickle.ucalgary.ca to see what is going on and explore our digital collections of art, textiles and numismatics.

COME AND BE AMAZED!

A BRIEF B E R M U D A HISTORY OF...

SHORTS DAY

By Jason Herring

T

hough the University of Calgary lags behind most other Canadian universities as a party school, we do have one event each year that can hang with the best of them — Bermuda Shorts Day, which takes place yearly in April on the last day of winter semester.

The event started in 1961 when Gauntlet editor Alan Arthur, wanting to celebrate the start of spring (and his spiffy new pair of shorts) with his classmates, wrote on the main campus blackboard, “Tomorrow is Bermuda Shorts Day. Everyone wear Bermuda shorts.” And lots of students did.

They ended up spending the day outside, with a main highlight being a marbles tournament.

Though they didn’t know it at the time, those students founded a end-of-year campus tradition that’s now going 57 years strong.

There’s a lot of history — including some recent developments — to BSD, a day that’s now synonymous with student life at the U of C. Though BSD started with marbles tournaments, it soon evolved into a day of general drunken revelry. The engineers are at least partially to blame for this — there are stories of them constructing and operating a roving tiki bar to disperse drinks to students throughout campus in the ‘80s. And that’s not to mention the legendary couch races, in which students attached a set wheels to old furniture and rolled down the hill in Saint Andrews Park.

Nowadays, on-campus debauchery is a bit less organized. While you’ll probably still see students taking swigs from a flask at the back of your class if you actually attend your lastday-of-class lecture — and God help you if you’re living in residence and have any plans whatsoever of sleeping past 5 a.m. — most on-campus celebrations are contained to the Students’ Union’s BSD beer gardens.

The SU started running beer gardens in 1989 after U of C administrators asked them

to help contain the day’s chaos by hosting a single, central celebration. Before 2009, the SU usually held the event in the green space outside MacHall where the Taylor Family Digital Library is. The home of the beer gardens then moved to Lot 32, a parking lot near Scurfield Hall at the edge of campus.

The SU’s beer gardens are usually open throughout the afternoon and include alcohol sales, food trucks and live music. Though Bermuda shorts aren’t required, students often dress up, wearing neon garb or sewing shorts adorned by flamingos.

The SU’s BSD has been struggling financially for a number of years. The 2017 event lost about $88,000. In response, the SU implemented a paid ticket required to enter the beer gardens. Despite this chance, the event’s deficit was over $98,000 in 2018.

That’s a lot of money lost, and though the SU doesn’t host BSD to make a profit, a near-sixfigure deficit is a tough pill to swallow.

The SU cites increased overhead prices from the U of C as well as decreased drink sales within the beer gardens as main factors for the event’s growing deficits. They also have stressed the value of holding BSD as a risk management measure — which makes sense, as students who are going to spend their last day of classes drinking may as well do it somewhere with security and medical

personnel on-site.

Beyond the SU’s beer gardens, there are two other events that happen on BSD that warrant mention — the UCalgary Strong Festival and D-Block.

The UCalgary Strong Festival is the U of C’s dry alternative to BSD, held in the Jack Simpson Gym. The event started in 2015 in response to a tragedy that occurred on BSD in 2014 when five Calgary post-secondary students were stabbed at a house party in Brentwood. The event has live music and a variety of games and wellness activities, such as inflatable obstacle courses and craft stations. You may end up attending the similar UCalgary Strong Carnival during your Orientation Week, which takes place on Sept.

4 in MacHall.

On the other end of the spectrum is D-Block, the colloquial name for a stretch of student-rented housing just south of the U of C in the community of University Heights.

Here, students hold what is essentially an unorganized block party each year. It was a fairly large spectacle last year, likely due to decreased attendance at the SU’s beer gardens.

In eight months when you finish your first year of university, you’ll have a lot to celebrate — find a way to do it that suits you and is safe.

Have fun!

28 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 LOUIE VILLANUEVA

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DO’S & D

OF YOUR FIRST YEAR IN T

By Derek Baker

Entering university can be pretty overwhelming. No matter where you're coming from, be it right out of high school or after taking a break from academia, starting at the University of Calgary is an intimidating task.

DO order from Tim Hortons DON'T be late for properly lab

T

his tip will save your life, so pay attention. As with most students, coffee will become an essential component of your diet. The U of C has many caffeination stations, the busiest usually being the Tim’s trifecta in MacHall.

In order to ensure you are not taken out by a cranky mob of sleep-deprived students, line up in the correct place. The empty space between the cashiers and the line is for people to pass through, not for you to waltz right up and ignore the queue behind the pillar. Yes, the line is that long — accept it now. Get in, get your double-double and get out.

S

cience students, listen up. It’s not the end of the world to miss the occasional lecture or two, but skipping lab is blasphemous. When they say lab begins at 8 a.m., be ready and prepared by 7:50 a.m. at the latest. Your weekly schedule will revolve around doing experiments and writing lengthy reports. Your lab skills are probably garbage, but that’s okay — just make sure you leave lots of space in the “sources of error” portion of your writeup. The last thing you want is for your report to be marked late or not marked at all because you couldn’t make it on time.

DO find a way to get to class while staying inside

DO enjoy your time at university

M

any people take longer than four years to finish their degree, and that’s okay. University shouldn’t be a race to get out. Though academics are important, they shouldn’t be the be-all end-all.

Take a moment to enjoy where you’re at right now. Life is about balance. Find your balance of sleepless nights spent studying or getting plastered if that’s what you’re into. After all, the world’s a pretty scary place. It’s much less daunting to avoid real adulting by hiding in school.

But hey, if you do manage to finish your degree in four years, maybe you and I can cross the stage together.

algary can get pretty fucking cold. However, the -40 C weather is never an excuse to not show up in this work-obsessed city. After making it through the perils of Calgary’s snowy roads while commuting to school, do yourself a favour and stay warm by navigating the tunnel and +15 system. You too can make it from Engineering Block F to Murray Fraser Hall without forming snotsicles in 10 minutes — if you run.

PHOTO BY MARIAH WILSON 30 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

C

DON’TS N THIS WILD NEW WORLD Anxieties can rise as the people in your life bombard you with wellmeant, albeit excessive advice. With that in mind, here are eight tips to make the transition into university life as smooth as possible.

DON'T spin the Zipper if you're in DON'T be "that" student engineering t’s important to be an attentive student, but remember

A

staple of U of C lore, the metal structure between the lecture halls in Science Theatres holds magical powers, granting students good luck when spun before exams — except for engineers. Apparently, you guys thought it’d be funny to take it apart, but you couldn’t manage to put it back together and the original artist had to fly out and fix it. It might be just a campus legend, but the Zipper is still worshiped by many students across faculties during exam break.

Also, even though it shouldn’t have to be said, don’t stick your arm through it while it’s spinning.

DO find your niche

T

here are a lot of students here at the U of C. There are probably a number of other people who like the same weird things as you do. If you don’t know what you like yet, now is a great time to try different clubs. Heck, you don’t even need to commit to the club to sign up — we’ve all joined the ski club just to get the membership card with discounts around town, even if we don’t ski. Nevertheless, clubs are one of the best ways to meet like-minded people that you actually want to hang out with.

I

to remain courteous to your peers. Asking questions can help clarify a concept, but if your class hasn’t moved past slide three by the end of the lecture, there’s a problem.

More importantly, if you already know the answer to the question you’re about to ask, don’t interrupt lecture just to appear smart to the professor by asking a “good question.” People see right through that shit and will begin to collectively cringe when they see your hand fly up. Likewise, don’t take an opposing stance in a class debate simply to play devil’s advocate. The reason why no one is choosing to support this side is because the argument is probably shitty and problematic.

DO sell your soul to The Gauntlet

G

auntlet volunteers (one pictured here) are the coolest and most remarkable students at the U of C. They are the most attractive individuals and without a doubt will become the most successful people post-graduation. A Gauntlet volunteer receives deliciously nutritious pizza Tuesday nights and participates in our witty banter and debauchery while copy editing. They are perfectly poised to tackle any challenge the first year of university can throw at them. At least, this is what we told ourselves.

PHOTO COURTESY GAGES KIDMORE GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 31

FROSH FOOD

GAUNTLET EDITORS SHARE THEIR FAV CAMPUS CRONCH

Coffee Company - Matty Hume

Fuel For Gold

- Thomas Johnson Fuel for Gold is the go-to source of sustenance for the university’s athletic contingent, supplying them with portions ranging from offensive lineman to second-string kicker. Members of various sports teams receive discounted prices for the food and as such you will see them flocked in line to receive hearty portions of homemade meals like pulled pork, vegetarian lasagna or salmon fillets. If you get there before 11 a.m., it’s breakfasts of multi-grain waffles, hash browns and turkey bacon. If any more gas is required, locally roasted Phil & Sebastian coffee is available to make sure you stay running throughout the day.

Bake Chef

- Jason Herring Though I’ve long held this view, I have not until now been brave enough to share it in a public forum: the beef satay Vietnamese sub at Bake Chef is, without qualification or hyperbole, the single best meal you can purchase in Calgary. It’s more tasty and filling than any MacHall under $8 has any right to be.

It’s big enough that if I’m on campus for a whole day, I often purchase the sub for lunch and save half for dinner. It doesn’t get any better than this.

32 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

Waiting in line at Tim’s is the most bonkers thing you can do. While the Phil & Sebastian coffee at Fuel for Gold is yummy, no one has the guap for their tiny cup on the regular. The real big coffee energy is at the Coffee Company, where you can scoop up a deliciously large coffee for your cram sessions while saving your time and coin. Pro tip: if they have them brewed, get half caramel crunch half highlander grog — it’ll put hair on your chest and words on your paper.

Noodle and Grill Express - Nikayla Goddard

Last year I made an effort to try at least all of the places in Mac Hall once. The one I was most pleasantly surprised by was the Noodle and Grill Express - Vietnamese Cuisine. While not as cheap as the neighbouring Oriental Wok, their food is a healthier alternative to some of the other places that frequently fry. Their combos and daily specials offer a great variety in just one bowl and often incorporate salad or veggies. I highly recommend their Combo B with salt and pepper fish or honey chicken.

Brew n Blendz

- Mariah Wilson While Kinesiology A and Scurfield Hall may seem a little bit out of the way, Brew n Blendz is well worth the detour. Whether you’re looking to snack on some tasty protein-rich meals or try one of their largerthan-life smoothies, you’re sure to become addicted to their natural ingredients and positive atmosphere. If you’re a newbie, I would recommend starting with their breakfast bagel and matcha smoothie!

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? TURNS OUT CALGARY DOESN'T ACTUALLY SUCK, FOLKS.

By Thomas Johnson

T

here has hardly been a better time to live in Calgary. Not too long ago, when NASDAQ updates caused corporate offices to shudder and skyscrapers felt a lot closer to the ground, it felt as if sputtering oil would be the hill Calgary would die on.

And while the petroleum trade will always be central to Alberta’s prosperity, a dependance on it feels firmly in the rearview.

Over the last several years, Calgary has doubled down on its cultural exports and re-envisioned itself as a lush hub of pure Canadiana. As the weirder cousin to the provincial capital, the Calgarian identity is painted with thin strokes. There’s a strong pride in hyper-regionality, local business and homegrown talent. There’s a robust, self-sufficient cultural ecosystem that has thrived in favour of the waning dependability of fossils fuels. There’s a community for artisans of all flavours — a multicultural diaspora in our backyard that rewards curiosity and good humour. There’s beer, like, everywhere.

According to the yearly Global Liveability Index survey conducted by the Economist, Calgary ranked as the fourth most liveable city in the world in 2018 — the highest ranked of any North American city. This ruling was based on a number of variables falling under the umbrella categories of stability, healthcare, culture, environment, education and infrastructure. So it’s an official and indisputable fact: Calgary rules.

Nightlife Calgary’s nightlife offers a wealth of possibilities for those willing to explore. While the biggest options (Cowboys Casino, Craft Beer Market, one of the several Nationals) are certainly the most obvious, Calgary’s lifeblood runs from the taps of smaller dives. Commonwealth Bar and Stage on 10th Avenue operates as the city’s de facto nightclub, while several blocks east HiFi Club occupies a similar sphere. Stephen Avenue hosts some of the swankiest joints downtown — like the tri-leveled Unicorn or the Wednesday Room, which pays special homage to a certain Stanley Kubrick film.

However, the most surefire way to enjoy a Calgarian night is hopping between 17 Avenue’s multitude of establishments.

On the western end of the Beltline district, Home & Away fills the role of the requisite sports bar, complete with cornhole, skee-ball and mini-hoops. Meanwhile, the Ship & Anchor is the platonic ideal of a bar in Calgary and you will find it’s as busy at 1 a.m. on Tuesday morning as 11 p.m. Friday evening.

Food & Drink Few advantages of Calgary’s strong pluralism are as immediately rewarding as washing down an authentic donair with a vietnamese sub with a bowl of curry with a rack of ribs with a nice bubble tea and maybe a coffee. Calgary’s culinary

scene is as diverse as it is robust, offering nearly any type of multi-ethnic cuisine imaginable. Some notable, laudable Calgary restaurants are joint-ventures Pigeon Hole & Model Milk, Charbar, Notables, Shokunin and Anju. It would be a blatant lie, though, to insinuate that any one of these fine institutions could offer you a better meal than Kim Anh Vietnamese Subs or Damascus Shawarma — which happen to be open well after the former restaurants lock up for the night.

None of this is to even mention the ridiculous beer community in the greater Calgary area. Since 2014, an unprecedented boom in the production of craft beer has overtaken Calgary, and that sweet wheat juice has become inextricably tied to our municipal identity. At times, the sheer number of breweries opening left and right can be overwhelming. The best starting point is the grand-daddy of Calgary’s brew family, Last Best Brewing & Distilling on 11 Avenue.

Film While Calgary is still nurturing a burgeoning film industry of its own, it is no stranger to the medium. The annual Calgary International Film Festival rolls through every September, providing a glimpse at a meticulously curated lineup of movies from all walks of life whose only common denominator is the acclaim heaped upon them.

Independent theatres the Plaza Cinema (Kensington) and the Globe Theatre (Stephen Avenue) also offer alternatives to major blockbusters, regularly showing projects by lesser known studios that have received swaths of acclaim. These are the spots to keep an eye on for Oscar bait or should-be Oscar bait.

Music If you put in the effort, Calgary can provide you with live music nearly every night of the week. Thursday nights can be spent at either Koi’s open-mic jazz or Mikey’s longstanding Groove Theory funk and soul showcase. On Tuesdays, Betty Lou’s Library offers the stylings of a smooth-jazz trio. Commonwealth’s monthly 10 at 10 showcase offers a stage to Calgary’s hungry hip-hop scene.

Marquee names will generally find slots at the larger venues (The Palace Theatre, The Saddledome), though on any given night, in any given genre, one can stumble into a concert. Whether it’s the unending stream of punk and hardcore bands that bless the Palomino, bone-crushing metal outfits that rampage through Dickens, rappers and producers testing audiences at Marquee and HiFi or the ambient trance that envelopes Habitat on a weekly basis, there’s no shortage of artists passing through the city.

GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 33

NEIGHBOURHOODS YUP! WE GOT THOSE!

T

r d g o w

By Derek Baker

w k t

1 s h 1 o h f

r MARIAH WILSON

B MARIAH WILSON

C

Kensington

onveniently situated by the CTrain off Sunnyside station, Kensington — one of Calgary’s most vibrant communities — deserves a full day of urban exploration. The area is home to many eating establishments and shops that cater to a more alternative scene.

Grab some friends and enjoy a hearty breakfast at Matt’s Diner (1126 Kensington Rd. NW), then read a comic from Another Dimension (424 10 St. NW ) in Riley Park (424 10 St. NW).

Other notable favourites include Oolong Tea House (110 10 St. NW) and the most popular coffee shop in Calgary, Higher Ground (also 1126 Kensington Rd NW). As the evening hits, stop by the quaint Oak Tree Tavern (124 10 St. NW).

If you’re up for something really peculiar, try Julio’s Barrio (1110 Memorial Dr. NW) — the food is mediocre, but drinking a Bulldog in the famously-bastardized Mexican ambiance is a critical first-year experience you should not miss out on.

Inglewood

eyond Fort Calgary and across the Elbow River lies Inglewood. Its distance from the CTrain line makes Inglewood somewhat harder to get to than its sister-street Kensington, but you won’t regret going out of your way to visit. Here you’ll find petite shops and cozy hideaways that reflect a locally-focused philosophy.

A good bet is to head to the top of 9th Avenue and work your way down the street and back up again on the other side, wandering into vintage shops at your leisure. One notable location is Fair’s Fair (907 9 Ave. SE), a used bookstore in an older building that houses every book you could dream of. This is the go-to spot for English majors and rare book collectors — I’ve hunted down many a first-edition copy of Stephen King here, and the service is impeccable.

Schedule a stop at Gravity (909 10 St. SE) for the best coffee shop experience in town. This cozy café features rustic vibes and live music in the evenings, so make sure you check out their website beforehand to catch the best indie and folk acts Calgary has to offer.

For a fine dining experience, try Rouge (1240 8 Ave. SE), one of Calgary’s top restaurants located within a converted 1890s house. It’s pricey for a meal, but the restaurant’s garden and support of local producers makes their fresh dishes worth every penny.

The Beltline

T

hough the part just below the downtown core is mostly home to Calgary’s nightlife, there are still a few restaurants to grab a bite at and stores to splurge in during the day. Brunch at the Beltliner (243 12 Ave. SW) is always a good choice. If you have a chance to go explore the great outdoors, Mountain Equipment Co-op (830 10 Ave. SW) will supply most outdoor equipment needs.

Though nice to visit during the day, this area really wakes up at night. The close proximity of Craft Beer Market (345 10 Ave. SW), National on 10th (341 10 Ave. SW) and the HiFi Club (219 10 Ave. SW) make it a common crawl.

If you want to dance, Commonwealth Bar & Stage (733 10 Ave. SW) boasts two separate floors — the upper usually spins more contemporary bangers, while the lower floor has a smoother vibe. Catch a live show at Broken City (613 11 Ave. SW) or enjoy their Monday evening comedy night or their Tuesday evening trivia spectacular. The number of hubs throughout the Upper Beltline make this area perfect for a night out.

Calgary’s entertainment district on 17 Avenue has great restaurants, pubs and stores and is walkable from the train.

For lunch, grab a burger at Clive Burger (736 17 Ave. SW) and sit down in Tomkins Park. Or try Una (618 17 Ave. SW) for the best — though slightly pricey — pizza in the city.

If owning music on wax is your thing, Sloth Records (736 17 Ave. SW) sells a variety of albums. Tubby Dog (1022 17 Ave. SW) makes a mean hotdog and is a venue for some great all-ages concerts. The Ship & Anchor pub (534 17 Ave. SW) is a local favourite and hosts Punk Rock Bingo on Tuesday nights.

If the Calgary Flames make the playoffs, the bars fill and the road is blocked off to facilitate safe shenanigans, turning the avenue into the infamous “Red Mile.”

MARIAH WILSON

WE ALL HAVE A ROLE TO PLAY IN

SU Wellness Centre

CREATING A HEALTHY CAMPUS COMMUNITY Health Services

Family medicine, walk-in medical clinic, chiropractic, massage therapy, psychiatry, nutrition and a travel medicine clinic.

Mental Health Services

Wellness online, workshops, seminars, group and individual counselling and 24-hour phone support.

Student Support & Outreach

Mental health information, outreach, community referrals and Student-at-Risk.

MacEwan Student Centre, Room 370

403.210.9355

Events & Programs

Training, wellness programs, workshops and peer support.

ucalgary.ca/wellnesscentre

GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 35

#YYC INSTA WORTHY SPOTS FLEX ON 'EM

By Mariah Wilson

What better way to show off your new status as a University of Calgary student than to snap some Instagrammable shots around the city?

Whether you're new to Cowtown or hoping to explore your hometown with newfound friends, we've compiled a list of spots that are sure to tickle your fancy. Grab your friends and start exploring the wonderful city that you'll call home for the foreseeable future!

MARIAH WILSON

Stephen Avenue

Scotsman's Hill

If you’re looking for a more urban feel to your photos, Stephen Avenue has an eclectic mixture of modern street art and rustic heritage buildings that are sure to be crowd pleasers. The cute boutiques and twinkle lights at night provide some great opportunities to capture the grandeur of downtown Calgary.

This location offers a beautiful view of the downtown skyline, featuring wellknown landmarks like the Saddledome and Calgary Tower. Plus, Scotsman’s Hill is only a short walk from Inglewood, where even more photo-worthy opportunities await.

Day or night, the Peace Bridge is another great spot for photos. During the day and when the weather’s nice, you can still see rafters floating down the river. Nighttime offers the opportunity to grab some long-exposure shots of cyclists and other urban enthusiasts. A short stroll to Prince’s Island Park offers even more people-watching.

East Village This newer development features river walks, industrial-chic buildings and copious amounts of public art to fill an entire afternoon of exploration and photo-taking.

The Wonderland Structure While this huge, head-shaped sculpture at the base of the Bow building has been the focus of many photographs over the years, it offers the opportunity to explore different angles and capture a more unique shot. Just make sure not to climb on the actual structure, otherwise you’ll find yourself in a bit of a pickle with security! Just ask Steve-O. 36 | GAUNTLET FROSH 2018

The Peace Bridge

MARIAH WILSON

Nose Hill Park Combine your love of inner-city hiking with expansive views of Calgary by visiting Nose Hill Park. If you reach the south side of the park or the summit, you’re sure to be rewarded with a photo-worthy view of Calgary’s skyline.

You may even spot deer or other wildlife while you’re there.

MARIAH WILSON

BACKPACK ESSENTIALS

WHAT'CHYA GONNA DO WITH ALL THAT JUNK?

By Matty Hume

"Text book"

Framed photo of John Stamos

I’ll tell ya right now, you’re never going to read the hardcover textbook you spent $200 on. You just bought it for the digital course code anyway, so put that bad boy to real use. Cut a massive chunk out of the pages so you have a sly secret compartment at all times. You can put all sorts of things in there, like weed, joints, weed joints, loud kush or sticky notes.

Okay, so you lost the Magic game. No sweat. Once you tell everyone John Stamos is your dad, you’re untouchable. People won’t believe you at first, but that’s when you pull out your trusty custom-framed portrait and say, “John Stamos is my dad.” Welcome to Popularityville, population: you.

Brain food

Oh no! You did a nasty Bake Chef burp in your last lecture!

You can never show your face in Science Theatres again!

Good thing you have this fresh face for a clean slate whenever needed. “Who’s that?” they’ll say. The rest is up to you.

The “doctors” may recommend fruit and granola bars and things that won’t make your stomach scream in haunting agony, but what do they know? Maintain a supply of Sour Patch Kids, Cherry Blasters and some Junior Mints if you’re feeling funky fresh. Every day is Halloween when you’re more stressed than a cat stuck in a bathtub.

Standard Magic: The Gathering deck The key to surviving a post-secondary landscape filled with powerful goons is asserting your dominance.

A standard-legal Magic: The Gathering deck with a positive win ratio is essential when a flyboy is talking tough on campus. Plus, wearing a Mickey Mouse wizard hat in perpetuity is the best way to show you’re not to be messed with from any distance.

Disguise nose and glasses

Six (6) mystical beans We all forget our wallet every once in a while. It happens!

But you’re still going to need a coffee and some onion rings.

Luckily, MacHall vendors will shower you with toothsome sweets once you flash your velvet bag of mystical beans.

An air horn Profs love it when you blast off an air horn in the middle of a lecture. Don’t let some nobody beat you to the punch — show your favourite professor you’re 4.0 material by tootin’ like the 3:10 to Yuma when another student is asking a question. They’ll never forget your name!

MARIAH WILSON GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 37

VERY REAL STUDY TIPS OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE ASSASSIN I PAID TO HELP ME ACE MY GRST 211 MIDTERM •

Coffee? Red Bull? That’s baby shit. Take the pills that weirdo in the library keeps trying to sell you. But be careful! If you take too many, you’ll die.

•

Positive reinforcement works wonders.

Hire an assassin that will kill you if you do poorly on your test. That way, you will have something to work towards.

•

•

Have a question during class, but it doesn’t have anything to do with the current topic? Ask it anyway! Everyone wants to hear your dumbass ramblings about how you’re an anarcho-libertarian or whatever. Your professor will give you bonus marks if you mention Hitler more than twice.

All-nighters are not good for your health. Instead of spending the night studying, spend it staring out of your window thinking about how it’s too late to stop the assassin you hired from completing his dark task.

•

After you’re done reading a chapter of your textbook, write a summary and tattoo it onto your body. The excruciating pain will serve as a reminder of what is to come.

•

Need some peace and quiet? Book a private study room in the library where you can scream as loud as you want without anyone calling the cops.

•

Don’t forget to get some exercise every now and then! It helps keep the blood flowing to your brain, but don’t for a second think it will help you escape the Black Adder when he descends upon you in the night.

•

Eat a balanced breakfast on the day of your exam. Enjoy the taste of food.

It is such a simple joy in life, and you may never have the opportunity again.

•

Colour-code your notes!!!

MARIAH WILSON

ON

THE GAUNTLET EDITORIAL STAFF Jason Herring Editor-in-Chief eic@thegauntlet.ca

Ashar Memon News Assistant newsassistant@thegauntlet.ca

Fifth-year, computer science

Third-year, biological science

Matty Hume News Editor news@thegauntlet.ca

Mariah Wilson Photographer photo@thegauntlet.ca

Fifth-year, history

Fifth-year, urban studies

Derek Baker Opinions Editor opinions@thegauntlet.ca

Tricia Lim Graphic Artist graphics@thegauntlet.ca

Fifth-year, ecology/poltical science

Fifth-year, biological science

Thomas Johnson Arts Editor arts@thegauntlet.ca

Nikayla Goddard Digital Editor online@thegauntlet.ca

Fifth-year, communications

Third-year, english/education

Kristy Koehler Sports Editor sports@thegauntlet.ca

Mary Gagarin Videographer video@thegauntlet.ca

Fourth-year, history

Fifth-year, communications

Frankie Hart Humour Editor humour@thegauntlet.ca

Gurman Sahota Volunteer Coordinator volunteer@thegauntlet.ca

Third-year, english/education

Fourth-year, psychology/IR GAUNTLET FROSH 2018 | 39

ORIENTATION WEEK

B I N G O Demand explanation as to why they changed the name of the play from “Sexxxy” to “#UNI”

Feel dignity leave your body during the faculty cheer-off

Collect some fine wares from the Campus Expo

Get #litty at your first #Thursden

Avoid interacting with someone from high school

Visit the Gauntlet, CJSW, NUTV and the Gauntlet on the Campus Tri-Media tour.

Decide who in your friend group has the worst Unicard photo

Take pictures for reference that you’ll never look at again

Panic while navigating a campus map

Make terrible small talk with someone from a Campus Expo booth

Stare too long at someone you haven’t seen since junior high

Pretend that you’ll still talk to your orientation group when O-Week is over

FREE SPACE: Leave your orientation group

Make fun of the engineering scarves

Gain new insecurities via a caricature at the UCalgaryStrong Carnival

Uncomfortably layer your faculty shirt on top of your current shirt

Attend a football game in exchange for a free meal

Fall asleep during Elizabeth Cannon’s speech

Don’t fall asleep during Ian MacNairn’s speech

Visit the most important Campus Expo booth: The Gauntlet

Social anxiety

Have fun, fun, FUN in the Students’ Union Fun Zone

Receive bad advice from an older student

Question why classes start on Thursday when you’re not quite feeling oriented yet

Comply with Dean Sigurdson’s request to follow him on Twitter

By Frankie Hart