What Do You Need to Let Go Of?

By Nels Lindberg, DVM, Production Animal Consultation

I believe most humans have a desire to make their mark on the world in some manner or another. Some want to become president of a nation, CEO of a large organization, or a well-known expert in their field. Others want to be known as the most helpful neighbor, one of the best high school science teachers possible, or maybe the best caregiving cowboy in a feedyard. Stating this belief from another angle, I would say that most people do not go through life with the goal of being the worst at what they do or aiming to fail miserably with their family.

As I approach 50 years of age, I reflect on my own life and leadership cycle. The cycle can be broken down into three segments, and each segment has its own pitfall. In our 30s, we can get caught up in proving ourselves to someone else (one person or a group of people). In our 40s, we may be trying to prove something to ourselves. In our 50s, we can start thinking, “What do I have left to prove?”

Personally, I was egotistical enough in my late 20s and early 30s that I was set on proving something to somebody. It was not necessarily a bad thing that I wanted to be one of the best veterinarians around. However, I eventually realized that while I was working to prove myself as a veterinarian, I was failing at leading people in a business, I was failing at being the best husband possible for my wife, and I was failing at being the best dad to our newborn twins. I have not spent much of my life proving something to myself, but I do tend to fall back on asking, “What do I have left to prove?”

As you read this and reflect on your own life, the key is to make sure you maintain persistent focus on simply pursuing making yourself and what you are involved in better. The three-decade leadership cycle may not hold true for you identically, but each phase will likely fit you at some point in your past, present, or future.

One memorable lesson I was taught while I was caught up trying to prove myself to others in my 30s came from my dear friend and mentor Dr. Doug. We were talking on the phone one day and somehow got on the subject of ego. Of course, as you can imagine and would likely agree, most veterinarians have an ego and most of us feedlot consulting veterinarians have an even bigger ego. As Dr. Doug talked about what ego meant, the challenges of an ego, and losing an ego, I began to think about mine.

You see, before then, I had never really considered that I had an ego. I worked on being humble while having pride. I worked on getting better at life. But after our conversation, I really worked to reflect on his words. I was fortunate that a very wise man took the time to discuss the topic of ego with me in a way that caught my attention. I think that, just maybe, he was having a purposeful intentional conversation with me in a somewhat gentle manner, hoping to plant a seed in my brain. The more I reflected, the more I realized I had an ego that I needed to get over! I realized there were situations in which I would hold on to things when I needed to let them go and get over myself. Our ego, which is our sense of self-esteem or self-importance, can often get in the way of our own self-progress.

For you personally, is there something you need to get over? Is there something you need to let go of? Another way to look at it is, do you feel the need to be right all the time? Maybe particularly with your spouse?! When you are engaged in a discussion with differing thoughts or opinions, do you ever admit when you are wrong? Are you willing to back down?

There is nothing wrong with having an ego. We just need to make sure it is healthy and not overly abundant. When do you need to back down? Where do you need to admit you were not right, or maybe even wrong? Think about what it is you may need to let go of or get over.

I will never forget that conversation with Dr. Doug and the awareness it brought to me. It was one of the single most impactful conversations with a mentor I have ever had. The power of letting go of an ego is equivalent to setting oneself free. It is also a step toward simply pursuing making yourself and what you are involved in better. This simple step will likely keep you and your ego in check! I know I have to remind myself of this simple step routinely!

Dr. Nels Lindberg is a people coach, team coach, business coach, and keynote speaker, available virtually or in person. If you have any interest in these opportunities, please reach out to his of fi ce at 620-792-1265 and visit with his right-hand lady, Jill.