PETS: December Holiday Edition

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Main Hospital (24-hour emergency) • 101 Metairie Road • 504-835-4266 Kenner • 4041 Williams Blvd. • 504-443-4400 Lakeview • 734 Robert E. Lee Blvd. • 504-830-4080 West Esplanade • 5040 W Esplanade Ave., Metairie • 504-455-2345 Freret • 4525 Freret St. • 504-830-4095 Marigny • 1009 Elysian Fields Ave. • 504-372-2950

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METAIRIE VETERINARY OPHTHALMOLOGY SPECIALISTS 101 Metairie Road • Metairie 504-872-9898 • mvosinfo@gmail.com mvosvet.com

METAIRIE SMALL ANIMAL HOSPITAL Main Hospital 504-290-0025 • West Esplanade Clinic 504-882-0616 Kenner Clinic 504-882-0633 • Freret Clinic 504-882-0661 • Lakeview Clinic 504-882-0595 • Marigny Clinic 504-882-0663 • MSAH.com Founded in 1946, Metairie Small Animal Hospital is committed to providing the highest quality medical and surgical care for our patients in a humane, compassionate, and caring environment. Our main hospital on Metairie Road offers 24/7 Emergency Care and our five outpatient clinics are located throughout the area. The safety of our clients, patients, and employees is our highest priority so we have both curbside and in-person appointments available.

Metairie Veterinary Ophthalmology Specialists are committed to serving the pet owners and veterinarians of the New Orleans area. If you think your pet is suffering from eye issues, Dr. Meredith Mouney, DVM, MS, DACVO is board certified and available to help. Metairie Veterinary Ophthalmology Specialists is located inside of MSAH’s main hospital on Metairie Road.

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ADVENTURE PETS 2989 Hwy 190 • Mandeville 985-951-8251 • 70457 Hwy 21, Suite 115 Covington (dry goods only) 985-900-2300 • AdventurePets.com Adventure Pets has loved providing our customers with the very best pet foods, products, and customer service since June 2001. Our pet loving staff has a combined 50 +years of experience working with pets and pet supplies.

Our customers are our #1 priority. We specialize in providing advice and expertise to help you find the perfect pet. We're sure to have something for everyone to enjoy. Of course, we keep plenty in stock for "man's best friend", but we also specialize in cats, small animals, reptiles, freshwater and our recently expanded saltwater fish department. Check our product page for the many brands we carry. Thank you for your support in 2020 Your business is important to us. We will continue to do curbside & delivery. You may either call , message , email or order from our online shop. Thank you for your support.

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PRYTANIA VETERINARY HOSPITAL 201 Nashville Ave. • New Orleans 504-899-2828 • PrytaniaVet.com Prytania Veterinary Hospital has been a proud fixture of the uptown New Orleans community since 1992. We are thrilled to announce that we are now fully operational at our newly built, state-of-the-art hospital at 201 Nashville Avenue next to the Port! We understand how hard it has been navigating the struggles of the world affected

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PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS MEOW MEOW JAWSY JAWS

BY PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS MEOW MEOW JAWSY JAWS CONTRIBUTING WRITER

NOT explain to the humans the true nature of The Divine. While our Lord and Savior was CLEARLY a pretty pretty kitty, it’s best to allow the bipeds their fantasies.

Thankfully the pandemic will likely mean fewer of us will be stuck in those reeducation camps while our humans are off doing whatever weird upright walking things they do when they’re not around. And, it means our homes won’t be invaded by their offspring and their offspring’s offspring. Because even the humans are smart enough to not go galivanting around the country during a pandemic.

Still, many of the traditional issues will arise: the loud wrapping paper, the extra boxes tempting you to sleep in them, the yelling.

Additionally, your humans will be drinking their “special” milk once again this Christmas.

As a reminder: IT IS NOT MILK. It is a special medicine known as eggnog which the humans use to tolerate each other for extended periods of time. Each Christmas, thousands of cats and dogs are tempted by the delicious looking “nog.” If you insist on sneaking a taste or two, please lap and nap responsibly.

As for gifts: It’s been a tough year for everyone, even our humans, and letting them know we care should be the theme. Plus, this has the added benefit of not requiring you to steal the human’s angry glowing hand box to order items from Meowmazon.com.

So here’s a few ideas: We’ve all seen their weird upright bodies … changing, shall we say? … as a result of sitting on the couch all the time. So this year, why not give them the gift of exercise? This is a simple, yet extremely rewarding gift idea. Larger dogs should consider strategically knocking over their Christmas tree when the humans are gathered in the opposite side of the house. The noise will make them run, while getting the tree back in place is an excellent weightlifting activity. Cats, smaller dogs and free-range lizards have a panoply of choices, from the classic wine glass take down to the Menorah Maneuver (just make sure the candles aren’t lit!).

Nothing says “I tolerate your existence, human, now go pick up my poop” like a well-chewed personal item. There’s the timeless chewed

slipper, of course, but why not go all out for your human this year and chew the crotch out of all their underwear. The look of surprise on their faces will bring you enough holiday cheer to get through the next year!

Does your human stare at those delicious blocks of paper for hours on end? Flipping the individual pieces of paper for no discernable reason? If so, consider soaking it in slobber. The pages will stick together, making it easier for them to hold!

For the technophile human in your life, what better treat is there than customizing the angry glowing hand box they take everywhere? Humans love to “bedazzle” their possessions. And while that is obviously beneath the dignity of an animal, with a nibble here and a gnaw there, you can transform the hand box into a lasting reminder of your feigned love and affection!

“I’m a bit of a traditionalist. So this year my human will be getting a delightful assortment of bird and rodent heads, locally sourced of course.”

As you may have noticed, at Christmas humans enjoy putting a dirty old sock on their mantles, and then stuffing them with expired candy and toothbrushes. Which, honestly, is the most relatable thing they do all year. For a pet-centric spin on this tradition, this year try Poop In A Shoe. Pick a random shoe, poop in it, and then sit back and let the magic happen.

(This is also a great alternative to an Easter Egg Hunt).

Personally, I’m a bit of a traditionalist. So this year my human will be getting a delightful assortment of bird and rodent heads, locally sourced of course. It’s a fun treat for them, and when you collect the heads yourself it gives the gift a nice, personalized touch. And you know how much the humans love to think we like them.

G A M B I T ’ S PETS • W I N T E R 2 0 2 0

THE WORST YEAR OF THE PET ERA (PE) IS FINALLY COMING TO A CLOSE, and I want to begin this week’s column by congratulating all of you for successfully not killing your humans.

Tempting as it is under normal circumstances to “accidentally” trip them as they head down a flight of stairs, 2020 has been a test of our self-control unlike anything our kind has seen in recorded pet history.

I mean sure, the first few months of the pandemic were kinda nice for us: our humans were always around to feed us, pet us, pick up our poops, feed us some more. And I think I speak for all of us when I say it was glorious fun meow-bombing them while they talked to their friends on the angry glowing lap boxes.

But the novelty of your human being at your beck and call all the time got old, fast. Because they were there ALL THE TIME. It’s made it impossible to groom your backside in peace, let alone catch up on “Grey’s Anatomy” episodes.

And they’ve started talking to themselves, which given their general state of disrepair, is disquieting to say the least.

Unfortunately, we’re gonna be stuck with them for the next few months, at least. We’ve talked before in this column about coping tips, so let me just reiterate that self-care is more important now than ever before. Find a nice, warm sunbeam and take a nap. You deserve it.

With the end of the year at hand, that ALSO means it’s the holiday season, which brings its own challenges for the Pet Nation. First and foremost, and I cannot stress this enough, do

Editor John Stanton’s cat Pretty Pretty Princess Meow Meow Jawsy Jaws

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A SHY, CROSS-EYED KITTEN FINDS A FOREVER HOME AND A SOULMATE

BY SARAH RAVITS A black kitten named Fern with a crossed eye was huddled in her cage at PetSmart for more than a week. Shy, timid and small, she had already been through a lot for a 5-month-old kitten.

First, she and her two biological brothers had been rescued off the streets. Then, she was separated from her siblings — as they went to receive reconstructive eye surgery as the likely result of overbreeding.

For a little more than a month, Fern stayed in a few foster homes. But those who had cared for her temporarily were concerned about difficulties in finding Fern a forever home, due to her skittish nature and her unconventional eye, which can only move up and down instead of side to side.

Emma Fick, a volunteer with local rescue group Trap Dat Cat, fostered Fern for about a month, and she worked hard to help coax the kitty out of her shell. “She was the most scared kitten I had ever met,” Fick recalls. “But usually when [cats] are scared they’re aggressive. She never once hissed.

She was just the most extreme case of shy and nervous.”

Theresa Bridges, the co-founder of Trap Dat Cat with Nita Hemeter, figured that social media could help. The organization had ramped up its

NEW ORLEANS GIFTS • LOCAL ARTISTS & DESIGNERS efforts online since April, knowing that there would be limited ways to provide resources for animals amid COVID-19 restrictions. And not long after, the rescue partnered with LA/ SPCA, PetSmart, Big Sky Ranch in Folsom, the Cat Hospital of Metairie and veterinarian Antoine Saacks to spay and neuter stray and feral cats and work to find some of the more sociable ones new homes.

Bridges and Fick both worked to promote Fern — who wasn’t doing herself any favors by huddling in her cage at the pet store, hiding from potential parents. They took to PetFinder, Facebook, Instagram and even Nextdoor.

Meanwhile, Frank Sanford, a 50-year-old IT worker, was online looking for a friend for his own cat, Morty, whom he describes as “a good buddy.”

Morty is a black cat and

— almost as if by fate — also cross-eyed. He needed a companion as Sanford was scheduled to return to his office after months of working from home with the cat by his side.

“As soon as I saw Fern’s face, that was it,” Sanford says. “I thought she was just adorable, and I had to have her.”

Fern has been with the Sanford household for about a week now and is already settling into her new home. “She’s very playful now,” Sanford says.

Sanford is thrilled about the new addition, as are Fern’s multiple foster moms, who kept up with her adoption struggles.

“They are the perfect match,” Fick says.

Fern’s two biological brothers are still in need of homes after recovering from reconstructive eye surgery. For more information, visit trapdatcat.org

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“As soon as I saw Fern’s face, that was it.

I thought she was just adorable, and I had to have her.”

– FRANK SANFORD, FERN’S NEW HUMAN

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