Quench - Issue 64

header

WEB DATING: NOT JUST FOR GEEKS MARDI GRAS IS DEAD

THE CRIBS ...ON MEN’S NEEDS sectionname@gairrhydd.com /

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contents : Issue 64 - 3rd March 2008 MEMORY LANE

p.10

Jim Whiteley explains why the nostalgia that students love, is best left in the past.

“nostalgia just ISN’T

original”

VOYEUR - - - - - - - - - - - - p.04 DEBATE - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.06 FEATURES - - - - - - - - - - - p.08 FASHION - - - - - - - - - - - p.13 GAY - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.17 TRAVEL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.18 GOING OUT - - - - - - - - p.21 FOOD - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.26

THE CRIBS p.22

When the Cribs passed through Cardiff on the NME Awards Tour last week, Michael Bateson-Hill and Kate Budd were on hand to give them a grilling

BLIND DATE - - - - - - - - - - p.28 CULT CLASSICS - - - - - - - p.30 FINAL WHISTLE- - - - - - - p.32 DIGITAL - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.33 BOOKS - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.36 ARTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.38 MUSIC - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.41 FILM - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.49

COVER PHOTO: Ryan Atkinson Editor Ben Bryant Executive Editor Amy Harrison Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Amy Grier, Tasha Prest-Smith Blind Date Hazel Plush Books Tom Williams Cult Classics Gareth Mogg Debate Aisling Tempany Digital Dom Mukwamba-Sendall Fashion Jo Butler, Mary Parkes Features Gillian Couch, Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Film Sim Eckstein, Will Hitchins Food Kath Petty, Daniel Smith Gay Andy Tweddle Going Out Lucy Rowe, Amelia Thomas Interviews Michael Bateson-Hill, Lucinda Day, Annika Henderson Music Kyle Ellison, Francesca Jarvis, Si Truss Travel Jim Finucane, Kirsty Page Photography Sophie Pycroft, Ed Salter Sub Editor Graeme Porteous Proof Readers Laurel Burn, Rachel Green, Elaine Morgan, Aisling Tempany, Kath Petty, David Evans, Amelia Sgroi

voyeur

A

{Voyeur

} ....

PHOTO: AMY HARRISON

s a long time believer in the power of the individual for freedom of expression, I spent the last weekend smothering treacle and feathers over my chest and running around Bute Park as part of the Union’s Invest In Sport campaign. Reaching the end of your last year at university, you become more and more aware that the opportunities for being stupid are gradually slipping away, and it’s probably best to exploit what time you have left by humiliating yourself as much as possible.

There are, nevertheless, a handful of rather boorish individuals who stubbornly go through university life rallying against binge drinking, mourning the decline of a good, solid work ethic, and probably consoling themselves at night with dreams of a student utopia where the University runs the Students’ Union, democracy is quietly pushed to one side and Solus is abandoned in favour of a cyber cafe full of bright, young things.

Admittedly, student culture leaves a little to be desired. It isn’t always that sophisticated. Ritualised drunkenness is a pretty sorry excuse for a subculture. But there is something to be said for the creatively subversive qualities of student culture; the stupid societies, the pointless tasks you do with your friends - well, just the friends - the carnival of student media, the drunken ramblings and, yes, perhaps even the traffic cones.

About this time of year people start becoming sentimental, but it’s not without reason. When I leave, this is what I’ll miss: the opportunity to express myself in 100 different ways, all without the oppressive weight of any organisation regulating what we can and cannot do.

And for anybody who’s still not sure about the validity of student culture...? All I can say is that throwing a party IS an art form.

BB

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IN

OUT

Children

After mulling over the subject of brats for some time now without drawing any definite conclusions, I have realised that life would be infinitely better if a small child could be pruned and irrigated in a manner similar to the ancient Chinese art of Bonsai. Practical AND rewarding!

Bonsai

e - shoppe r Bacon air freshener.

Set of three.

“THE PERFECT WAY TO BRIGHTEN ANY CARNIVORE’S DAY” £2.52 www.mcphee.com

Bring Back...

Bring BacK...

{

}

THE YETI

...not that it was ever lost, per se; rather, it was just forgotten. But why, why do we forget about these amazing mythological creatures? Was our lack of interest enough to make them magically evaporate the same way they appeared? Another sighting is long overdue. See also: Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, the pandabird

.

.....

voyeur

S T Y L E

Amber Duval

NOTICE: has been indefinitely postponed and replaced with ideas stolen from other magazines. We apologise.

DOS & DON’TS DO

DON’T

DO

DON’T

DO

DON’T

IS THIS YOU?

If so, you’ve won a Juno Hamburger phone. Yes: a HAMBURGER PHONE. So come and claim it!

Pop up to the gair rhydd office on the 4th floor to collect.

.......................................... voyeur@gairrhydd.com /

05

debate

Debts

VS

Budgets

By this point in the year, money is running out, and fast.

So should you spend what you’ve got, on one big blowout and hope it all works out, or learn to budget?

Y

ou are going to be in debt. It’s a fairly unavoidable fact. So you may as well enjoy it. Leave university with a million memories. Forget about the amount of pennies left in your bank account.

At the end of the day, money means shit. It’s not actually going to make any difference to your university experience. It has as much value as the crumpled piece of paper it’s written on. Would you rather know that your time as a student consisted of satisfying every second, absorbing everything possible, or perpetually scrimping so that you could pay your loan back a few months earlier?

Money should never get in the way, but it always seems to. Why should some material possession infringe on your intentions, decisions, and ultimately your experiences? How many times have you heard people complain that they can’t do something because they’re broke? They just don’t want to part with their precious cash. They seem to forget currency’s only significance lies in being spent.

It’s bloody boring to hear that repetitive phrase ‘every time you want to have a good time’. No one can be bothered with the tightfisted miser who answers every offer with ‘I can’t’ and constantly reminds you about the 85p you’ve owed them since first year.

Well, I’d prefer to maximise on the opportunities I get given, because you’ve only got one chance to take them, and, cheesy as it is, you only live once. So you can sit and count your gold and miss out on life, but I’m going to have fun.

Lizz Rice

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L

ife is cruel. Yet another week and yet another party invite. Your own birthday is coming up and you wish you could go out and go completely mental and wake up in Tinkinswood while a small hairy man runs around singing at the sun. But alas, the bank balance won’t allow that.

At first this might sound depressing but it’s not.

University is a lesson in life, and we all need to learn to budget at some point. We all have to say no sometimes. No, I will not buy that bottle of wine. No, I cannot come out tonight. I’m sure it will be awesome but no. Learn to use that word.

Learn to restrain yourself. You’ll feel very zen when you find yourself disciplined. Like a God looking down on the ordinary mortals, puzzled over the enormous amounts of money spent in one night.

It must be fraud, they don’t remember spending that money.

Sure people might think you’re too cautious, too moody, and you might have withdrawal symptoms, but the battle will be worth it and you will come out on top. And if it does get too much, well, there’s always Tesco Value. That’ll definitely make you appreciate abstinence.

Spending all your money on drink and partying seems charming, but the morning after is never as much fun. When that vomited sambuca you got at 2am ends up being the last spend on your overdraft and leaves you with a term of fines and financial desperation it all loses its edge.

So, don’t have that party, save your money for a rainy day. Something more awesome, more mental and more memorable will come along in time.

Vanessa Preston

sectionname@gairrhydd.com /

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features

Love

What’s

got to do

with it...?

Thought that humans were the only species that could do monogamy? Actually, we’re terrible at it. Chris Rogers asks why...

W

hat do Gibbon apes, wolves, termites, coyotes, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, swans, anglerfish and human beings all have in common?

Well, in one way or another, they all form a ‘relationship’ or maintain a mate for an extended period of time.

Obviously, some species take the idea of ‘the relationship’ more seriously than others, with humans, somewhat surprisingly, sitting nearer the less monogamous end of the table.

But, if I told you that a black vulture will be attacked, and often killed, by other black vultures if it commits ‘infidelity’, then you might begin to understand the placing of human beings at the bottom of the monogamy league table – struggling against relegation, I might add.

Furthermore, if I told you that a

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male anglerfish bites a female in order to fuse his skin with hers, allowing their bodies to grow together, so that he can be fed through her blood supply, in return for providing her with a sperm-producing organ, you might then believe that the human race is doomed to relegation. Especially when you consider that the anglerfish will not need the monetary incentive of Cameron’s proposed marriage tax breaks in order to stay with his or her respective partner.

Despite our comparatively weak monogamous nature, however, we, as human beings, do seem to desire a sexual and loving relationship with another person at some point in our lives. The question is, why? The most obvious answer, I suppose, is that it is a simple way of ensuring the survival of our species. What I mean by this is that a relationship is

the foundation of a family; a unit in which a child can be conceived and successfully brought up.

This theory, however, neglects the fact that some people ‘get together’ and never desire to have children; it also overlooks the consideration of gay relationships, as well as the fact that many people stay together after their children have grown up and can fend for themselves.

There must, then, be another reason why relationships are so important to our species. Because they are. If you observe all aspects of our culture, society and lives, whether it be television, music, film, conversation, politics or literature.

It is fixated with, love, marriage, divorce, sex, breaking up and making up – all aspects of the very thing we are all obsessed with: ‘the relationship’, or the lack of one.

So, to return to my original ques-

features

TRUST: overrated

tion, why is this? Again, I will consult scientific and biological theories for an explanation. We, as human beings, function ‘naturally’ as units.

We are social beings, which is why we have a society. It is why we live side by side, and work side by side.

Like ants, wolves and elephants, we are social beings who work and live in units. This can be extended to the ‘relationship’. It offers us security and love; two elements that are essential to our survival. It is, if you like, the epitome; the ultimate example and expression of our social nature.

Furthermore, it is testimony to our custom to form relationships, that people who get past a certain age, without being in a ‘relationship’ or marriage are labelled as ‘bachelors’, or, rather more derogatively, ‘spinsters,’ as if they are somehow different to the norm.

There also seems to be a correlation, where species that function socially are more likely to take part in monogamous relationships than those who don’t. Most reptiles, for example, function as solitary beings; hunting, eating, sleeping and living alone. These characteristics generally coincide with the habit of mating with many partners, without staying with, or forming an extended relationship.

There are, of course, some exceptions and alternatives to the monogamous relationship within human nature.

Polygamy, for example, which is practiced in many cultures, allows a multiplicity of husbands

“

Human beings are at the bottom of the monogamy league table, struggling against relegation

”

and/or wives. This, however, does not sway from the idea of a relationship forming a social unit, whether it is with one or more partners within a marriage.

It must be pointed out, however, that people, for certain periods of their lives will have sexual encounters with various different people, without forming a relationship. It is, however, relatively rare that people desire to do this for the whole of their lives, without eventually meeting someone to ‘settle down’ with.

Equally, there are some people, particularly younger people, who engage in an open relationship, meaning that each partner is given the liberty to have sexual encounters with other people, whilst remaining as a couple. I believe, however, that this is a form of experimentation.

Much like serial monogamy, it allows people to search for the ‘right’ person, taking away the element of commitment.

Officially, we are not regarded scientifically as a monogamous species. This idea has been backed up by recent research, which states that, during various stages of the female menstrual cycle, women seek different types of men. At their most fertile, they seek more ‘masculine’ men, as this provides the best genes for reproduction. During the rest of the cycle, however, they seek caregivers, as these men will provide better care.

There seems to me, however, a desire, if not naturally, then certainly culturally, for humans, particularly in this society, to ultimately find someone who has everything. The ideal person, that we all ultimately seek, is the person we so often refer to as ‘the one and only’.

LOVE HURTS: anglerfish find it hard to let go

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past the point of no return

features

S

tudents love nostalgia, it’s a fact. Whilst the exact period of reminiscing varies from person to person, there’s something about that late 80’s through 90’s era that brings people together. We were all there, in some way, and although there are always going to be regional, age and cultural variances on what we remember together, there’s nothing like a nostalgia session to affirm bonds with friends, both old and new. How sickening.

But this declaration is hardly a revolution in modern thinking. It initially makes sense for students to point out the splendour of the former glory days; to maturely discuss whether the Magic Roundabout was really just a clever metaphor for drug use (it wasn’t), or snigger at the character Master Bates in Captain Pugwash (he didn’t exist), or just recount favourite episodes of

Jim Whiteley takes a look at why students love to reminisce and asks whether they should look back in anger...

any children’s cartoon (Stoppit and Tidyup, Episode 1) is staple student chat. These are easy conversations; minimal controversy, happy subject material with an opportunity for everyone to voice their experience of the topic at hand. The main

m with le b o r p e h T the whole nostalgia thing is that it

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just isn’t original

problem with the whole nostalgia thing is that it just isn’t original, and although initially makes for great conversations with ‘acquaintances’ rather than proper friends, it gets

dredged up by students far too often to make it a valid topic of interesting conversation.

It also isn’t without its problems. I have personally witnessed friendships nearly fall apart due to ‘Who-would-win-in-a-fight’ arguments; it would seem that nostalgia and passion are inseparable components, and it must be said that whilst a tempered debate on which Teenage Mutant Turtle would win in a fight (Donatello, obviously), is all very civilised, trying to re-enact the scenario with a big stick and some forks in your kitchen at three in the morning is never a good idea. That said, it does make for good hungover chats the morning after, provided everyone is still friends and still has all their limbs.

Of course, nostalgia is by no means limited to television. Video games, music, celebrities, films, clothes, food – all are shrouded in wistful memory.

And wistful is the often key word, as if somehow our lives were richer and fuller in the past, with respect to this vital piece of our society that we don’t have anymore. Reminiscing operates on scales much larger than the student living room, and can fill a nation with such an erstwhile feeling of loss and better days, that positive action is the only answer to counteract the feeling of bereavement. Who could forget that day last year, when after all the years of fear and loathing, we could once again with pride in our hearts and a tear in our eye, purchase a Cadbury’s Wispa from the corner shop again and take it home to our flatmates to marvel in the wonder that was days gone by.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes a little bit of the past can float the wrong way back up the U-bend, and before you know it, you’re faced with something pretty unpleasant that you hoped you’d never see again. Sadly, the list of these is long. Many times now, a little bit of well intentioned, yet misplaced nostalgia has been responsible for comebacks of things that should have died in their prime; Herbie (and new VW Beetles in general), tie dye, and All Saints are all infamous examples. This isn’t to say they weren’t at least appreciated at some point in time, but that doesn’t mean we need to see them again – some

things are just better in retrospect.

In the words of Neil Young, ‘it’s better to burnout than to fade away’.

Putting nostalgia into practice is also another student favourite.

‘Retro’ is a term often associated with nostalgia, and in some respects, can be seen as reminiscing in action, although quite often someone wearing, having, or doing something ‘retro’ has no past experience of it previously. Retro clothing is often sold to look battered and worn, as if you had just found it in your older cousin’s attic full of throwbacks, which in some ways defeats the object of it being truly retro; it isn’t a glimpse into past culture, more a cheap rip-off to make money from. The word ‘cult’ is another term

Sometimes a little

n bit of the past ca float the wrong way back up the U-be nd

features

that’s closely associated with being nostalgic, which is vaguely ironic, as if something has cult status, does the fact that everyone has watched the programme, bought the t-shirt and got the tattoo, remove it from having that status? Many would argue the point, I won’t; at the end of the day, you’re probably reading this on the toilet, and have far more pressing issues on your mind.

Of course, some things just never go away, but still get treated in a ‘retro-esque’ fashion all the same, such as football stickers, Barbie and Madonna; in these cases, people just grow out of taking the items seriously. This can lead to an “ironic” appreciation of something that is out of date. The whole “it’sso-good-it’s-bad” concept can be severely misjudged, and unfortunately, people sometimes just forget that things can be shit, and therefore probably disappeared out of society for a very good reason.

features@gairrhydd.com /

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features

Under the influence T

he Chuckle Brothers are not an obvious source of influence for anything. I’m sure many will agree that ChuckleVision was possibly the most moronic programme on children’s telly, and that’s not even an observation in retrospect; I can still remember those dull and wet after-school afternoons when Barry and Paul made me so infuriated with their blatant stupidity and aggravating catchphrases that not even my chicken nuggets and beans could stop me seething. It must be said, most of this emotion was directed at Paul; watching the helpless subordinated Barry try and carry out damage control in the wake of his brother’s folly just seemed to

Illustration: Roseanna Eastoe

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chisel away at my faith in humanity.

Despite this, I feel I have matured somewhat since I was five, and have since come to realise a few truths about the Chuckle Brothers that deserve them some respect. For a start, I’ve realised they’re actors, and therefore my faith in humanity has slowly been restored, although that hardly makes them less annoying. But the one thing that stands out about the Chuckle Brothers is their persistence: they’ve kept the nation chuckling for over 20 years with countless series of ChuckleVision, numerous live shows and even their own game show.

Whatever hurdles are in store for the Chuckle Brothers in the future, there’s no

doubt they will rise to the challenge, and stay with us for many years to come. After all, they’ve had their fair share of problems. In 2005, Paul was publicly named and shamed for perving over the mother of two of his fans, only to go on to be in a motorbike accident the year after whilst on holiday in Kefalonia. Despite having “stupid haircuts and all the maturity of a fresh fart” (thanks, urbandictionary.com) they will be on tour this year with their new stage show, ‘Indiana Chuckles and The Kingdom Of The Mythical Sulk’. If you want to see the hardest-working brothers in children’s television perform a small piece of British comedy history, catch them in Bristol on the March 14.

Jim Whiteley

fashion

Here comes the sun... ...And with it the season’s new trends

fashion@gairrhydd.com /

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fashion

Nautical

Ahoy! This look is back once again.

Stripes, waistcoats, anchors and denim - welcome aboard! Whether it’s a sailor accessory or a top-to-toe uniform, this trend is smart, chic and the definition of summer. It’s best for boys to limit it to simple stripes, while for girls it’s a cooler alternative to fussy florals. The style is accessible and affordable; you can sail the high seas via the high street.

Skipper Samuel A. Strivens

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fashion

Floral

Whilst many of you would reserve the adornment of any sort of floral garment for that of a sixty-something woman, baking cakes in her farmhouse kitchen, I can indeed confirm that the positively prim pattern is making a comeback! No longer will our wardrobes be crammed with chunky knits and weighty winter woollies, for spring is on its way and we are damn well going to show it in the designs we choose to wear! Floral dresses are all the rage in the shops this season, with Miss Selfridge and New Look jumping on the (rather flowery) bandwagon! Team your little ‘flouncy’ number with cowboy boots, for a bit of an edge, or pumps, as the weather gets warmer. Or if you’re not brave enough to sport head-totoe floral, compliment your outfit with a simple cardi exhibiting such a pattern. Never before did I think I’d be opting to wear an item of clothing bearing a striking resemblance to what my Mum used to wear in the eighties. But I’ve always considered her a clever lady and looking back on it, boy, did she rock her florals! So from hereon in, I declare that I will be wearing this new trend loud and proud, and I hope you too will follow suit!

Sarah George

fashion@gairrhydd.com /

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fashion

Best of the Rest

The all-in-one is a key trend this spring. After appearing on the catwalk back in September, women across the UK have been dieting furiously and practicing bladder control techniques for the return of the jumpsuit and its shorter, more daring sibling, the playsuit. Take note, any bulges you have will be magnified, and the tiniest trace of VPL will be so obvious that you may as well have the words ‘I’m wearing massive pants’ tattooed across your forehead. Finally, keep an eye out for camel toe, the dreaded fashion faux pas which, put euphemistically, occurs when material stretches and bunches over your crotch. Not attractive.

Stars and stripes are also big news. The Spring/Summer 08 catwalk at Chanel was awash with navy and white star-print silk mini dresses and jumpsuits. These were teamed with red and white striped jackets and boleros, championing the American theme.

However, there is a risk of looking like an overly patriotic Yank, so wear each pattern separately. If you really want to couple them, try a striped dress with star-shaped accessories such as earrings or a necklace.

Finally, feathers and ruffles and all things fun are adorning clothes this spring. Although parading about like an ostrich would definitely get you noticed, wearing a marabou head dress to Fun Factory may not be entirely appropriate. Why not try feathered bags or fascinators for a touch of plume-filled pizzazz.

Amelia Sgroi

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Photographer: Sophie Pycroft Models: Caz Rooney, Dan Impey

Mardi blah? gay

This year, Cardiff Mardis Gras is cancelled. Is this a travesty or a case of ding dong the witch is dead?

Andy Tweddle investigates…

S

ince ’99, late August in Cardiff has been marked by the city’s Mardi Gras festival. The festival has attracted up to 40,000 free-thinkers as they come together to celebrate gayness in the balmy summer heat. But are these revellers out and proud… or pilled-up and desperate? Should Gay Pride be labelled ‘do not resuscitate’?

The question of Pride has always baffled me. Growing up in Brighton, Pride was annually renowned, but not always in a good way. I remember one year when I was about seventeen, I heard two men in the bank talking: ‘It’s Gay Pride this weekend,’ said the first. ‘Fucking hell, can’t they just accept that we’re all OK with them now and get over it?’ was his friend’s reply, and, despite his rather hostile delivery, he kind of had a point. Why should it be that us gays get the chance to celebrate our sexuality? Why isn’t there such a thing as Straight Pride? I couldn’t help but think that having this event

simply strengthens the concepts of us and them, perhaps resulting in more animosity than before.

Growing curiouser and curiouser, I decided it wasn’t fair to judge a book by its gold-lamé cover and opted to delve into this Wonderland for myself. So I grabbed my tightest t-shirt, a bottle of cheap wine and headed into Brighton town to see what Pride would offer me.

Initially, it was pretty fun. I saw a few friends and together we danced and drank and all was good. Then gradually the cracks began to show.

A girl of three asked her mum why that man had ‘ENTER’ and an arrow pointing downwards painted on to his back… kids no older than thirteen were gurning their faces off… defunct Popstars: The Rivals bands dominated the stage… this was turning into a nightmare and I regretted ever jumping down the rabbit-hole.

Three years later, cut to me being invited to the Cardiff Mardi Gras.

Needless to say, I was more than a little hesitant to go back through the looking glass after my previous otherworldly experience.

But jour-

ney back I did, only to discover that, actually, there are some good aspects to gay friendly events. There were still the inevitable confused young children and questionable performers, but, this time, I saw something I hadn’t seen at an event such as this before – a sense of community. I started to see Mardi Gras as a lovely little event where humanity could come together and celebrate life, irrespective of sexuality. There was even a tent set up where all different religions had stalls and you could talk to them about how they were cool with gays.

This was definitely refreshing… or at least would have been if there wasn’t a kid puking outside the entrance.

For those about to commit over the news of a Mardi Gras-less Cardiff, fear not – the event is due to return in 2009. I don’t know how long I’ll view the event through vomit-tinted glasses, but I reckon there will always be a wonderful little battle going on in my head regarding Pride/Mardi Gras events.

Perhaps the year hiatus will provide us all with a chance to mull over this temporary loss and the event itself can evolve into a new and greater being where humans, and not just gays, can celebrate.

it’s a jungle out there...

If, this summer, you do happen upon a Pride-esque event, do not leave the house without the following Suncream - you want to look hot, but not that hot.

Condoms - will keep burning sensations of a different nature at bay.

Red Bull - you’ll be drinking for at least 24 hours, RB is the only mixer you’ll need.

gay@gairrhydd.com /

17

travel

Love or Hate? Yo Some places live up to the hype, some don’t. Love or hate it, when it comes to travelling it’s up to you

LOVE: Timbuktu

S

omewhere far away on the edge of the Sahara desert sits the ancient trading post of Timbuktu. Yes, it does exist.

The monochrome city rises mysteriously out of the sand, 12 challenging hours away from its nearest neighbour.

Timbuktu, or Tombouctou as it’s known to its French speaking inhabitants, has been synonymous with remoteness and wealth for centuries. Colonial rule in West Africa recognised it as a key trading post, linking Mali and its neighbours with the north of the continent and, ultimately, Europe.

In its golden age, Timbuktu also boasted a University which was one of the oldest institutions in the world. The history of this ancient city is immense; traders passing through brought stories, scriptures and traditions which have remained as part of its diverse culture.

Present day has bought a new legacy to the city, as a handful of banks, internet cafes and even phone signals pepper the streets, but Timbuktu can’t be expected to live in the past. These reminders of the outside world may contradict the idea of it as an untouched civilisation, but its popularity with travellers has inevitably brought the influence of modernity.

Despite this, Timbuktu is still a functioning Malian city, with its own customs, community and thriving marketplace.

It is, however, under constant threat of desertification, and the deep hum of sand-clearing machinery is a constant reminder of the weathering that the mud-built city

has endured. Indeed, while we were there, an immense sandstorm tore through the buildings, tearing down the few trees capable of growth and battering the already fragile walls.

But it’s hard to think of Timbuktu as anything but indestructible. As the city shimmers in the Sahara heat, thousands of years of history and tradition continue to thrive in this far-off outpost of civilisation.

Hazel Plush

It’s hard to think of Timbuktu as anything but indestructable

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HATE: Timbuk

T

imbuktu, the legendary gateway to the Sahara is more like a dog shit in a beautiful garden than the hidden gem it is made out to be.

It is surrounded by some of the most underrated tourist attractions such as the Sahara itself to the North and East and the Dogon country, a fascinating community untouched by the Obruni (white man).

As soon as I stepped of the dusty, dilapidated Mitsubishi 4x4, I was accosted by hustlers all offering their services as guides and so on. Having been in the area for some time, this did not faze me as it is common in most cities and big towns. I also had previous advice that Timbuktu was particularly bad for this, so, in very British fashion, I ploughed through the hustle and bustle in search of a hotel.

In my opinion, Timbuktu represents everything negative about travel in Africa, and it was very difficult to experience the magic that the rest of my trip involved. Instead

Timbuktu rep negative abou

travel

ou decide...

kutu of lazy days spent socialising with the locals and experiencing the hidden delights of the culture, you will struggle to get away from the hustlers who have ruined the traditional way of life.

My advice is to spend as little amount of time as possible in Timbuktu, instead spend time exploring the Dogon region, a stunning area relatively untouched by the West.

One of the highlights of my trip was spending a night under the Saharan stars on the roof of one of the locals who lived in a mud hut he had made himself. It will cost you a fraction of the price and the real customs of the Dogon people still exist, the melodic greetings between locals as you walk through villages one of many.

If you want to experience the real Africa stay away from the undeserved tourist trap of Timbuktu.

Simon Lucey

presents ever ything

ut travel in Africa

HATE: L.A.

A

s I set on my adventure to the US in 2005, I was looking forward to basking in the bright lights of Los Angeles, home of wealth, glamour and the A-list.

Imagine my disappointment, therefore, when instead of being greeted by a buff, tanned limo driver with gleaming teeth, I was met by a miserable, sweaty bus driver who subsequently delivered me to one of the most miserable looking areas I’d ever seen.

As I ventured out to investigate the real ‘hotspots’ of L.A, I saw that the magazines and TV shows had been very kind to a place which really didn’t have that much to offer.

My first pang of disappointment came when I realised that the iconic, gleaming Hollywood sign, was in fact not so gleaming, not so big and could only be seen from far away lookouts

the hype. Although the walk of fame is full of activity, it really doesn’t consist of anything apart from tacky tourist shops and, while you may enjoy being handed flyers from Darth Vadar and Bugs Bunny, the novelty soon wears thin. My trip to the Warner Bros. studios in Burbank was a big plus point, but the area itself consisted of very little else and whilst Santa Monica beach looked lovely, it did nothing to impress me more than the beautiful cliffs and coves of our very own Gower.

The major problem is that L.A. as a city, doesn’t seem to really exist.

It feels more like a number of different places all grouped under the same label, but none of them creating an identity or a ‘vibe’ for Los Angeles. Perhaps if the beaches, large houses and film studios were all in one place my impression would have been different.

TV has been very kind to a place

that doesn’t have that much to off

er

Timbuktu: Sandy

heaving with tourists who were weighed down with binoculars and bum-bags. Surprisingly, my visit to Beverley hills did nothing to ease my disappointment. Yes I got to see the lovely houses of the rich and famous…but no one was home.

Plus the whole area is so shrouded in secrecy in the form of large gates and hedges that I could hardly see the brickwork, let alone have a peek at Leonardo’s lounge decor. However impressive the aesthetics of the neighbourhood were, it became clear that I was on the wrong side of the fence.

My following journeys to Burbank, Santa Monica beach and Hollywood Boulevard also failed to live up to

The dispersion of all the areas meant that to me, L.A. lacked a real sense of community or the little quirks that are so apparent in neighbouring cities e.g. San Francisco.

Los Angeles lacks any real connection between its sights except the long journeys on the run down buses in which I was frequently pestered by old drunk men and groups of children.

Essentially, although it may boast endless sunny days, to me L.A. just cannot compare to the character and culture of other fabulous cities the world has to offer.

Georgina Whitham

CONTINUED OVER>>> travel@gairrhydd.com /

19

travel

LOVE: L.A.

I

t is difficult to choose a singular reason for liking Los Angeles so much, but perhaps the most glaring explanation is because it’s such an interesting place to be. In order to appreciate it, you need to refuse any stereotypical, inaccurate portrayal of L.A. as being a city obsessed with beautiful celebrities and a radically determined social structure, an accusation that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Embodying a Capitalist society and culture, Los Angeles has given birth to a socially driven expectation to ‘make money’. If you’re not inspired by the more materialistic rewards in life then you may not find L.A. particularly attractive. Looking at the social structure as an outsider, however, it isn’t so different to London, just more blatant.

True, there is a massive difference between the rich and the poor,

yet contrary to common belief, this gap is not significant to skin colour or social background. The only barrier to becoming rich isn’t social, rather it is physical; if you work hard enough, you will get your reward.

be the weather. For me, personally, waking up and seeing that the sun is shining is the biggest motivational tool. Contrast this to the gloomy darkness of London and you’ll realise why.

Like going anywhere else, it is worthwhile going with an open mind.

It is easy to become concerned with the social aspects that are in play because they are so obvious. Just accept that this is a place founded on materialistic desires and always will be. I’m not saying that this is right or wrong, it has both its advantages and disadvantages. Importantly, do not let this fact prevent, you from experiencing Los Angeles rich cultural diversity, evident despite its relatively young age.

Whatever your interests are, you are more than likely to be able to carry them out in L.A. For a city to offer such a vehicle is what makes it truly great.

Nicholas Kavanagh

The beaches are some of the nicest in the worl d Outside of work, some of the most enjoyable activities are free; there are the beaches of Santa Monica, Venice, Newport and Malibu, which are some of the nicest in the world. There is an array of museums and galleries, both conventional and alternative, such as the Los Angeles Museum of Art or the Museum of Tolerance and after only a few hours drive, you could be skiing at Mommoth mountain range.

Above all of these, though, has to

travel stereotypes: the socks and sandals yank

A

s Bill hollers at the blank faced cashier sitting the other side of the Perspex screen, his wife Cynthia tugs gently at his sleeve, looking round at the growing queue that’s forming in the bank. “Fine, fine!” says Bill as he shrugs her off, scooping up his numerous maps and making his way out. “Bloody useless. Can no-one in this God damn country speak American?”

“Come on” she urges, “We’ve only got a few more hours before the bus is leaving.” Soon Bill is striding down the street again, tall and resplendent in his Bermuda shorts and knee high socks. Cynthia is kitted out as usual too: the pink shell-suit hugging her hips, the visor perched on the perm - even though Tallinn hasn’t seen sun for days.

Needless to say, both have their matching ‘fanny packs’ securely strapped to their waists as well.

The pièce de résistance of course is the peculiar footwear arrangement sported by the male of the species.

20 / travel@gairrhydd.com

However, despite the morally deficient ‘socks and sandals’ combination, it is perhaps Bill’s capacity for rejecting wider social conventions that makes him so fascinating. Just as Bill is oblivious to such basic fashion concepts, the changing attitudes towards chauvinism and xenophobia would also seem to have passed him by.

Since retiring following 35 years in insurance, Bill’s kids had hoped sending him and Cynthia off on a European tour would open his eyes to the world of infinite variety out there, even if it did just mean challenging his ‘chips with every meal’ mantra. At least that would be something. But Bill is not like that, not like these ‘self-conscious young Californians who go around trying to persuade the world we all hate Bush really’, as he puts it.

That afternoon, after finding the Starbucks, which stands just inside the ancient city walls, Bill’s relief is palpable. “Thank God” he smirks, “Somewhere they finally speak American…Latte please.”

going out

Entertaining on a shoe-string...

So you’ve got friends coming to visit for a weekend break?

Lucy Rowe presents the definitive guide to Cardiff’s Cultural delights that won’t break the bank Millennium Centre

Millennium Stadium

Sian also points out that the Millennium Centre is the perfect touristy photo opportunity for your friends and the chance for you to show off more of Cardiff’s culture. There’s loads of stuff going on inside so stop there for a coffee and a look around.

Practically compulsory for every Cardiff student to do once...tours of the stadium cost £4.50 for concessions and you get to visit pretty much everything you can think of, including the changing rooms, the players’ tunnel, and the Royal Box.

Millennium Stadium

Cineworld

New Theatre

New Theatre Search the New Theatre website for details on ‘re-act’. Fill in the membership form there and you’ll get yourself access to a limited numbers of £5 tickets for loads of the best plays, including those at different theatres. These tickets are available every day of the week. They’ll also email you special offers...we once saw the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra for free!

OK, we’re not insulting your intelligence, everyone knows about the cheap student prices at cinemas.

But Sarah Shea got in touch to let us know that you can print out 2-for-1 vouchers for cinema tickets at www.studentbeans.com

Cardiff Castle As suggested by Katherine Roberts, who discovered that student tours only cost 3 quid. She reckons it’s nice to have a bit of culture and it’s a fairly relaxed wander round.

Millennium Centre

Dr Who Exhibition The train from Cathays to Cardiff Bay only costs £1 with a railcard and Sian Symons tells us that Dr Who buffs will like the current exhibition in the Red Dragon Centre.

Tickets cost £3.50 and you get a quiz on the way round and access to a Dr Who shop at the end.

Look out for Part Two of ‘Entertaining on a shoe-string’ next issue Email us at the address below with your own ideas... goingout@gairrhydd.com /

21

interviews

DON’T YOU WANNA

BE

RELEVANT

...?

With the NME tour drawing to a close, Michael Bateson-Hill and Kate Budd chat to The Cribs about

the pitfalls of popularity in a world of indie mediocrity!

How’s it going? are you enjoying the tour?

Yeah, but, maybe it’s because I’m at the end of the tour I’m not sleeping properly. It’s like these weird twilight periods during the day; I’ll like lose a couple of hours when I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t like traveling on buses at all. Some people really like it. I hate it.

How are the other bands on the tour? Have you heard much of them?

22 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

Not very much. They all seem like cool people. It’s funny because I like choosing our own support and like asking bands out on the road that I want to expose to people, which is a bit disappointing, but the other bands seem quite nice.

Was the change in production style on your last album a conscious choice? What was the logic behind the tighter production?

It was one of those things where we had never tried recording in a big studio before, you know it was never

of any interest to us. We used to have this real staunch mindset, like fuck the radio and fuck MTV. People still place loads of importance on the sonics of a record. I place importance on the sonics but I think it’s the production that suits the band rather than a technically good production.

Is it nice having a fourth member to evolve and move on from you other material?

It’s strange cos we’ve never had anyone outside the family in the

interviews felt like that’s when we crossed over. Like an underground band going into the top 30, it’s weird. But by the end of that gig we were playing the Astoria and some pretty big venues so when we came back with this we were aware that we were being played on the radio.

band. I mean we’ve done collaborations in the past but never to the point of having a new member.

Everything he plays when we write together and the stuff he plays on the older Cribs songs is the stuff that we would want. He really understands the band. And we have so shared influences so its been really smooth.

How’s it been playing some of The Smiths’ songs?

Yeah it’s been good, you know Johnny hadn’t played Panic since The Smiths broke up. It’s a real honour that he wanted to play with us; you know it were his idea to play Panic.

So is he a semi-permanent member, like the whole Modest Mouse set up?

Kind of, because all the future plans are like, Johnny will be playing the festivals and Johnny will be recording together. Like the stuff we’re writing now, The Cribs and Johnny Marr, is gonna be like, the new Cribs record. So I guess that’s quite a good pointer to where it’s gonna go. I mean I guess he’s in the band really.

2007 was a pretty big year for you and I wanted to ask whether you felt a certain level of tension with attaining a degree of commercial success?

Well it’s nice you asked that.

I’m glad people were aware of that, like that we have values that might be conflicting with that. ‘Cause the worst thing is that a lot of the people who have got into us in the last year are just like ‘oh its just another British band trying to make it big’ which is so far from the truth and so much bullshit you know.

It’s been strange for us ‘cause we signed to a small indie label, Wichita, who are much bigger now but we were the first British band Wichita ever signed. We didn’t sign for much money and we weren’t doing it for any of those reasons and back in those days not many indie bands were getting signed or played on the radio like they are now.

Like back in 2002. We released the record and it did well on an underground level and then the second record went into the charts so we

“

We used to have this real staunch mindset like, fuck the radio! And fuck MTV!

And are you glad it went that way rather than getting big fast?

Yeah you know, everything’s been so gradual that we’ve never felt any different about stuff. And also when you go from obscurity to being in a big band in a really short space of time there’s so many hoops you have to jump through and so many mistakes you make doing that.

And now I’m glad it went this way cos we’re just doing things the way we always did. I would be disappointed if we did things different to maintain our position or preserve

our longevity in the mainstream. But the reality is we don’t care about that. If the next record doesn’t get all over the radio we’ll just do what we were doing cos we’re more than happy doing that anyway. It’s not the be all and end all.

You have been described by Q magazine as a cult band. Is that a title you embrace or not?

It’s like I said to the writer of that article: if someone had told me when the band had first started that you could either be the biggest band in the UK or the biggest cult band in the UK I’d choose that label. That means you inspire a lot of devotion from your fan base or people and you’re someone’s favourite band rather than just being another band who people say, oh they’re pretty good.

And at the risk of sounding a bit up your own arse that means that you will leave some legacy no matter what, even if it’s a minority or a really small group of people. That’s worth way more than a platinum record. You know the bands which I always cared about: Orange Juice, Comet Gain, Huggy Bear, even Sonic Youth, to a degree, who flew under the radar. I discovered these bands like with Orange Juice, 15-20 years after they broke up and they were absolutely my favourite band.

That’s all I wanted to be and if you think in 15-20 years we could be someone’s favourite band and do what those bands did for me that’s just worth more than anything. I know the guys from Comet Gain and to them its so strange that I discovered their band so late like they came out in 92 or something and I got into them in 2001 and I got into them and they made me wana start The Cribs that’s the thing you know.

What are you listening to, new or old?

I haven’t got many new things recently. But the new Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks record is coming out this year so that’s really great.

That’s the main thing I’ve been listening to. Oh and The Smiths back catalogue that band still means so much to me.

Watch out for The Cribs and Johnny Marr hitting an indie Club near you!

interviews@gairrhydd.com /

23

interviews

Ben Marshall talks to the band with the silly name

I

t is 6.30pm, and a visibly inebriated member of the Jing Jang Jong staggers towards me, beer bottle clutched in one hand. Having introduced myself, I receive a slurred reply. I investigate further and discover that he was, in fact, blessed with the delightful moniker, ‘Bummer the Drummer.’

Ah, I see. Crazy name, crazy guy?

We’ll have to see. Nevertheless, he is resplendent in full indie regalia: skinny jeans, razor sharp Beatle boots and mod-ish overcoat.

He certainly looks the part, but whether he talks the talk to match his walking of the walk is to be discovered.

Undoubtedly the NME tour is Joe Lean & the Jing Jang Jong’s biggest tour to date, playing to soldout Students’ Unions throughout Britain. Despite the different nature of these gigs, Bummer assured me that they hadn’t felt the need to alter their act in anyway. “We’re constantly trying to get better, and so we naturally evolve and try and work

out the little things.” Bummer also attributes their ever-changing style of performance to the vast number of people that they have encountered over their career: “We’re learning more now as we’re meeting new people and new experiences.”

On the subject of his touring mates, The Cribs, Bummer could not be more forthcoming in his praise for them. Having already decried some of the higher profile acts that they have played with as “unsociable” and claiming that, as a band, they don’t really listen to modern music, it seems odd that they’d have so much respect for one of the darlings of the modern music press. “They’re really cool guys, and they’ve got a lot of good quotes about commercial indie. I’ve met their dad a couple of times…he’s a legend. Yeah, they’re cool guys.”

The NME have played a huge role in the Jing Jang Jong’s meteoric rise through the music press, yet Bummer remains cagey on the subject of the most divisive outlet of the

24/ interviews@gairrhydd.com

popular music press. “They’ve been really cool and really nice about us, but we don’t…it’s not like we depend on it or anything.” Seemingly at odds with playing on the tour, Bummer stated that the band weren’t exactly avid readers of the magazine. “We have been reading it for the last couple of weeks because of the tour, but before that… no, not really.”

And with that, ‘Bummer the Drummer’ lurched off, only to stagger back moments later clutching two beer bottles in his unsteady grasp.

Thrusting one into my hands and giving me a thumbs-up, he wandered back into his changing room to a chorus of jeers and cheers.

While he may not have been the most eloquent of individuals, he certainly gave me a look into the Jing Jang Jong’s life: on the surface an indiepop sensation for the Topshop generation, but at the end of the day, it’s just a couple of mates playing the music that they enjoy.

interviews

With a single, an album AND a UK tour lined up for April, it appears iFoward, Russia! have been extremely busy. Lloyd Griffiths investigates

i

H

ow was it to Get Back in the Studio and record the new album?

It has been good fun, the recording is probably my favourite part of the whole thing, we basically did it all over 10 weeks in Seattle which meant we didn’t really get to do any festivals. These run of shows are the first time we have played the new songs to anyone live.

The newer material is sounding somewhat more frantic and heavier. Is that a natural progression, or something Producer Matt Bayles brought along?

Well, to be honest the sound is slightly heavier on some songs, but overall the style was far more refined and less frantic, and it was nice to maintain some more control over what came out. I think this album is far more intended than the first one. Part of that has been Matt, but we like the way he manages to keep records sounding clean, yet not processed, and I think that fitted in with what we are trying to do.

You’ve said before that you were “sick of waiting around for labels to sort themselves out”, in what way exactly did you experience this?

Well, we were always sort of on the fringes of getting signed really, we had lots of times where we thought, this is it, thanks to various Industry figures or people telling us this guy or this label would be watching us at gigs or whatever.

We had quite a bit of attention, but I don’t think anyone ever saw us as the sort of band who were going to sell 100,000 albums and it probably came down to that lack of marketability really. I think we took getting signed much too seriously and worried about it too

much in the past.

Since then of course, you have set up your own recording Label (Dance to the Radio!), What has it been like juggling the differing pressures of running the Label and recording/writing/gigging?

A nightmare! It’s very hands on running the label, but a lot of the time I am getting other people to fill in when we are touring and so on, so it’s sometimes hard to give it my full attention. After touring the first album, I had about 6 months without any gigs which was weird because we hadn’t stayed at home properly for 21 months. This gave me some time to dedicate to the label, which was good with all the up and coming artists who were in the same position as we were a few years ago.

With regards to Labels, what did you think of Radiohead ignoring Labels completely by releasing their album on their own, and allowing people to decide its ‘value’?

Radiohead and probably about three other bands in the world could probably afford to do it, economically and reputation-wise. I think they have done it for their own reasons. It has raised the question of what value people actually put on music now. That was probably why they did it, rather than to avoid record labels. It’s an interesting point really. Young people tend not to value artistic effort by file-sharing. I think there’s a bit of a sad general decline in appreciation of artistic effort. Music is treated like a commodiy even though the internet makes it feel less so, less physical

than on CD. Which do you prefer then, festivals or more intimate bars like tonight?

Well, we have been bumping into each other quite a lot on these little stages, we all get quite raucous on stage and the tiny stages don’t facilitate that really, but it’s nice to know most people in the crowd will go for it as much as we do. It is a bit more pressure but we get to enjoy watching some music and having a nice evening, watching the support acts and this tour is quite off the cuff anyway, not as much pressure as a festival.

Most of the Bands on Dance to the Radio! (Forward Russia!’s self run record label) are from Leeds or really close. Do you see yourselves as part of a scene there because of this?

We are hardly in Leeds enough to think of ourselves as part of a scene. We always sort of bump into the same bands and people.

But I don’t think the fact we are all on the label necessarily means we are part of a scene. Leeds is quite weird, it’s easy to see the same bands when you go there but I don’t think there is anything parallel going on between any bands, most people are just doing their own thing, but we still come together and do stuff like on the Dance to the Radio! compilation. You do miss playing little venues and the experience of being in a little van going across the country and that, but having control over our own sound and set up is just as cool to us.

interviews@gairrhydd.com /

25

food

Bread of I

Heaven

admit I was once ignorant about what Wales had to offer me by way of food, and could only ever think of the generic dishes that always crop up in your mind when you think about Wales - leeks, Welsh cakes, bara brith, laver bread and lamb.

None of it particularly appealed to me and I thought Wales was at a bit of a disadvantage cuisine-wise.

Images of mutton and cawl sprang to mind, served by miners’ and fishermen’s wives, awaiting their hearty warm supper when they returned from a long day. I believed that the Welsh food tradition was all rather backwards, and, being a relatively poor nation, a simple tradition at that.

In the 1980s and up until recently, critics attacked our nation for being a gastronomic wasteland, with little to offer in cuisine and fine dining. But, we are now truly eating our words. Wales is a veritable treasure chest of culinary delights.

It has a growing rich and vibrant food culture, sensationally illustrated by the Welsh Food Board, True Taste, which promotes Welsh food all over the world. We here in Wales benefit from being a small, predominantly rural nation, with luscious green hills and plenty of that lovely wet weather, which provides us with excellent meat and dairy, and a wealth of farm foods and local produce which are always readily available. In addition, we are surrounded by seas bursting with seafood, which means that altogether we are provided the best of land, sea and earth.

It would be impossible to mention all of this country’s culinary blessings, but here are some of our favourites...

26 / food@gairrhydd.com

meat and seafood

I

don’t really like rain, which is a pity because we get a lot of it.

But that makes our rolling hills and verdant and green, which is a good thing. Without all that rain we wouldn’t be able to produce such amazing meat! Everything from lamb to buffalo, via wild boar, and some of the best bacon money can buy is raised on our green, green grass.

The Carmarthen Ham Company swear blind that a couple of Romans from Parma stole their recipe.

If you take a butchers at the butchers in the Central or Riverside Market you’ll discover some amazing examples of our agricultural prowess.

Farmers assure me that it’s to do with our proximity to the sea.

Nowhere is far from the sea, so the rain is full of nutrients which give good grass. That means happy, healthy animals.

Fish and seafood is abundant all around as well. From beautiful oysters, sweet lobsters and crabs in Pembrokeshire, to seabass from the Gower to squid off the south coast. You can literally see how many mussels are around, our rivers are full of trout and we’ve got loads of smokeries that produce beautiful smoked fish.

Go to the Riverside Market (or Roath Real Food Market) and you’ll find Fresh Fish Wales that sells all sorts. But other than that, I admit, it’s difficult to find fish, landed in Wales, in Cardiff.

So if you’re out and about check out the fishmongers on the coast and you’ll be in for a real treat.

food

cheese and dairy

I

could go on about how much I adore cheese forever; but fortunately for you I won’t. Our love for cheese is not unrequited here in Wales; in recent decades there has been a revival of the cheese business in the Land of our Fathers, and as such we have benefited from an abundance of delicious dairy products, and award-winning at that.

Examples of such include the Snowdonia Cheese Co, whose products all come neatly wrapped up in coloured wax, its most famous being the fierce Little Black Bomber cheddar; Teifi Cheese produces its infamous ‘Celtic Promise’, a semisoft cheese which won supreme champion in the 2005 British Cheese awards, it’s Smoked Teifi is also delicious. Others include the country’s most famous Caerphilly cheese, the Brie-style Perl Wen and Colliers’ Powerful Cheddar. Who needs Camembert and Gorgonzola when these sumptuous efforts are

staring us in the face?

Welsh salted butter is the ultimate treat, great served on crusty warmed bread (perhaps from Allens Bakery in Roath), and Welsh Creameries and yoghurts are becoming increasingly popular, thanks in no small part to Rachel’s Organic Yoghurt company based in Aberyswyth.

“And where can I find these exciting treats?”, I hear you cry.

In Cardiff, it’s best to head for Castle Arcade’s Madame Fromage, the soft Welsh goat’s cheese log that they serve does enough to rival a very decent French Chèvre.

You could also try Wally’s delicatessen in Royal Arcade, Riverside or Roath real food market, and Deli Rouge on Mackintosh Place is also close to home. Even the supermarkets are catching on, and you can find a lot of this produce in local Sainsbury’s and Tesco’s, as well as Howell’s food hall. So you’ve no excuse not to buy Welsh produce!

drink

L

ike most students, I enjoy a good drink and have found, to my ever-increasing delight, that Wales has a strong heritage in brewing and distilling the amber nectar.

Wales has a strong tradition in alcoholic beverages, with records of its production dating back to the 4th Century. Evan Williams of Pembrokeshire first distilled his bourbon here in 1705, before emigrating to Kentucky to establish the first bourbon distillery there. Followed, rumour has it, by a certain Mr. J. Daniels of Cardigan.

Now we have the Penderyn Distillery that produces award-winning single malt Whisky, Vodka and Gin, drawing the naturally filtered water directly from the Brecon Beacons.

We’ve all heard of the Brains

brewery, but may be less familiar with Tomos Watkins bottled beers that Tesco’s recognises as one of its finest bottled beers, a big achievement if you consider how many beers they deal with. Others include the award-winning Breconshire Golden Valley or Cribyn, and the Taste of Wales gold medal winning beers of Evans-Evans Brewery, which all can be found in many pubs around Cardiff. Welsh cider also makes a big impact on national and international markets.

As far as non-alcoholic drinks are concerned, Welsh water is incredibly sought after, and even found in Hollywood, where the blue-bottled and instantly recognizable Ty Nant is very popular. Their ultra-minimalist Tau water can be found in swanky bars and designer hotels.

food@gairrhydd.com /

27

blind date

Blind Date

This issue’s lucky couple is Hannah Powell, a gorgeous English Language undergraduate, and Dave Jones, a rather strapping young man from Hereford...

Hannah Powell

Hannah, what were your first impressions of Dave?

He’s got a gorgeous smile! And he has great teeth...

So you had a good night then?

Yeah, I had a great time - I’d love to see more of him. Good food and great company!

Awesome, so which would you rather: chuck, fuck or marry?

Definitely fuck!

And out of ten?

Eight and a half.

Dave Jones

First impressions?

She’s got a lovely pair of eyes...

How did the night go for you?

It was a great night, I wasn’t sure what to expect but the food was good and we had a laugh. I definitely want to see her again.

Chuck, fuck or marry?

Fuck and marry, please.

Out of ten?

Eight, definitely.

Thanks to the Hard Rock Café in the Brewery Quarter Interested in a blind date? Email me, your very own sultry love goddess...

28 / blinddate@gairrhydd.com

Desperate Times

&

blind date

Emma Chapman Student

Desperate

Measures

?

Female, Cardiff Single Looking for men

CONTACT ME

Thought that web dating was just a refuge for geeks, social recluses and oddballs? Emma Chapman is here to set you right...

I

bit the bullet and signed up to a website, created my profile and kept a keen eye on my inbox. But could internet dating really work wonders on my love life?

After compulsively checking the website to see if anyone promising had taken the bait, I noticed my profile wasn’t attracting men that would usually tickle my fancy.

They were generally all a lot older than myself and often quite seedy, but thanks to the power of the internet I was able to block several of them. Problem solved.

It was a little boring just waiting for Mr Right to come along, so not being a girl that gives up easily I decided to do a little searching for myself. I could think of worse things to do with my spare time but, rather disappointingly, the search engine didn’t produce many men of my age. To my relief, however, amongst the shady characters and ageing lotharios I managed to find one guy that stood out from the rest. For anonymity’s sake, I’ll call him Mr X - this was strictly an undercover operation.

What attracted me to his profile was that in his picture he was in fancy dress so he seemed like I guy that I could have a laugh with. And to be honest I only looked at a guy’s profile that had a photograph with it.

Not because I’m shallow, but if you can’t see the photo it could be absolutely anyone. Plus, if you meet up you need to know who you’re looking for. Anyway, I gave Mr X a ‘wink’ and kept a beady eye on my inbox.

After a few days I logged back on to find that Mr X had messaged me. Excitingly enough, he seemed like a decent guy! He said he wasn’t at university which I thought was a positive, as on student nights I always seem to bump into the same people - one advantage of online matchmaking. After a bit of messaging back and forth we arranged to go on a date. I was impressed as he made all of the arrangements which just left me to worry about what to wear!

The plan was to meet him at Revolution for cocktails and then go out for a meal. He’d also got us tickets

for Tiger Tiger which worried me a little as it would be a fairly long date - if I didn’t like him I’d have to put up with him for a whole evening!

Fortunately, my first impressions of him were really good. He was even better looking than on his profile picture, had made a real effort with what he wore and he was generally really charming. That made me wonder why he was on a dating website in the first place as I thought girls would be queuing to snap him up. He said that wasn’t the case and his mates dared him to go on it to see what would happen. Fair enough.

With the restaurant’s romantic atmosphere I was at ease even though we’d only just met. We shared tapas dishes and a nice bottle of wine, and stayed chatting until eleven when we made a mad dash for Tiger Tiger.

I have to admit that going to a club with just me and a bloke was a new experience - usually I’m partying away with my girlies. But I was pleased to discover that it didn’t feel weird at all. We had a few drinks, a bit of a dance and chatted some more. I genuinely had a really good night. We both wanted to stay in contact so we swapped numbers at the end of the night and agreed to date again soon. I won’t reveal if we shared a kiss or two, because I am a lady after all.

So would I recommend internet dating? Yes, if you’re up for taking a chance of having a good time with a total stranger. Maybe I was just lucky as I won’t deny that there seemed to be plenty of weirdos on the website, but just because you’re looking for love over the internet, doesn’t mean you can’t be choosy. If after Valentine’s day you’re feeling like the only single person in the world, it can be reassuring to see there are thousands of people looking for love. And even if you don’t want anything too serious, you could find the perfect partner to have fun with. I have to admit that internet dating does have a certain stigma attached to it but as long as you’ve got your head screwed on and stay safe it can be a really fun experience.

blinddate@gairrhydd.com /

29

cult classics

“

In honour of St. David’s Day, we introduce to you a selection of ‘Welsh Cult Classics’

Sam taught the children of the 90s all about fire safety and inventing... who can forget the episode with Bentley the robot?

Gwyn Thomas

W

hile Dylan Thomas has been welcomed back into the fold, despite his great pronouncement ‘the land of my fathers’, my fathers’ can keep it’; Gwyn Thomas, one of Wales’ great prose writers, has been neglected and forgotten.

The Library of Wales has recently attempted to bring forgotten authors back to the public eye. A quick glance in any relatively decent bookshop and you will see a huge selection of Welsh novels like So Long Hector Bebb, Border Country and The Dark Philosophers, the latter by Gwyn Thomas.

There are many reasons to read Thomas. You may

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be interested to see how in The Dark Philosophers, Thomas uses the inclusive first-person plural, a method that he was to use frequently, to reflect the communal living of the South Wales terraces.

The main reason is, despite the grim subject matter of poverty, incest, violence and murder, these works are never repellent because of the humour and skill of the writer.

Political and cynical without being lecturing, I feel that it is time for one of Wales greatest prose writers to take his place in the canon of Anglo-Welsh literature Joseph Allen

A

t one point Richard Burton was the highest paid star in Hollywood; he was nominated for seven Oscars (but didn’t win any) and famously married Elizabeth Taylor twice - a long way from his roots in Pontrhydyfen.

In the late 1950s and early 60s, he was an unlikely sex symbol and leading man. However, it was his later films, made in his disillusioned middle age, that are of the most interest - jaded antiheroes in the likes of The Spy Who Came In From the Cold, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Night of the Iguana.

His career went off the rails a little in the 70s but a celebrated stage performance in Equus signalled a tremendous comeback.

He died in 1984, his last role being an adaption of George Orwell’s famous novel, but his acting legacy has lived on and he is now rightly regarded as probably the best actor to come out of Wales Richard Jones

Richard Burton

ILLUSTRATIONS: Richard Jones

F

ireman Sam is the quintessential hero next door, unfailingly rescuing the residents, cats and kites of Pontypandy (a hybrid of Pontypridd and Tonypandy) from trees, pits and, most importantly, fires.

Accompanied by fire fighters Elvis and Penny Morris (no sexual discrimination at THIS fire station), Station Officer Steele, and auxiliary fireman Trevor Evans, Sam taught the children of the 90s all about fire safety and the dangers of inventing…who can forget that episode with Bentley the robot?

Great fires of London!

That was tense stuff.

Laura Gibbons

Richard Burton

“

Fireman Sam

Gareth J. S Mogg

Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau

cult classics

Dr. Who/Torchwood

Y

ou can’t walk around the Welsh capital without getting a glimpse of the BBC making either one of the most celebrated sci-fi series’ on today’s telly box.

Tardi outnumber phone boxes on the streets of Cardiff as Dr. Who mania takes hold! The long-running award-winning sci-fi series came to Cardiff after it’s revamp for the new millennium by Welsh “Queer as Folk” writer Russell T Davies in 2004.

Wales’ reworking of The Doctor has received recognition from critics, even nabbing the BAFTA Award for Best Drama Series in 2006.

With such success under it’s belt,

a spin off series entitled Torchwood was created, which became a bizarre yet brilliant series that seemed to combine Sex and the City, Star Trek and Scooby Doo in 30 minutes of Cardiffian capers.

Courtesy of the two shows, Cardiff’s history has been rewritten, with it not being thought of so much as a medieval fort or Victorian dock, but now a city built on a rift through time that is highly charged with paranormal activity. A little bit more exciting then coal and castles you must agree!

James Moore

“

John Cale

No one did stand up like Cooper; perhaps they weren’t brave enough

“

Tommy Cooper

Sean Moore

ecently unveiled in his new reincarnated state, Tommy Cooper, now rather big and bronze, stands over the town of Caerphilly, with that trademark grin and not so red hat (also bronze!)

Honoured by Sir Anthony Hopkins last week, Cooper is an icon, not just in Wales, but across the globe. Nobody did stand-up like Cooper; perhaps because they weren’t brave enough. Without ever resorting to crude and senseless swearing, he would keep people in hysterics.

A true artist, and a tribute to the talent and the people of Wales.

Tragically, he suffered a heart attack in 1985, and I never had the pleasure of seeing him perform, but Tommy never really died ... he now guards Caerphilly with a bronze smile!

Jared Brazel

t is surprising how many fan sites there are about Sean Moore.

Roughly about two or three admittedly but that’s still substantial!

And each one basically has about one hundred close up shots of Sean’s face.

Seen as the under-rated and under-appreciated Manic Street Preacher, Sean Moore is quite possibly the only member of the band who always appears unphased by everything.

Sitting quite cooly at the back, normally with long, waving hair, Sean doesn’t need to prance around in frocks or play wild guitar solos; he simply knows he’s cool.

And let’s not forget, he has the bet part in the song Kevin Carter!

Being in a cult band, and still not getting the recognition he deserves, Sean is therefore doubly cult!

Hayley Kent

R

I

N

ot many people will have heard of John Cale, but most of you will have heard of what he was a part of. I wonder, does anyone remember the Velvet Underground? Or at the very least Lou Reed? That’s right, John Cale was one of the leading members of this highly influential and massively successful New York band.

Okay, so he wasn’t as successful as Lou Reed after the split, but that’s only because he wasn’t as well known. Quite simply, Cale’s work was sublime, well ahead of it’s years. It induced some sort of heart soothing, brain melting, transcendant feel, that is simply incomparable with any of the contemporary music around at the time.

Paris 1919 possesses some of the most intricate and perfectly arranged compositions, awash with a tone that is only matched with the also apparent spontaneity and insanity at some points.

Listed as a major influence of such people as James Dean Bradfield, Cale never lost his Welsh roots, with the first track on Paris 1919 being entitled, A Child’s Christmas In Wales.

A part of one of the world’s greatest bands, Cale simply is, well ... cool.

Gareth J. S. Mogg

classics@gairrhydd.com /

31

joga bonito

final whistle

“playing beautifully”

Style can be an unjustly overlooked aspect of the beautiful game, writes David Weston, who celebrates the return of flair to football

T

here is no denying that football can be something of a dirty business. But in a world where corruption rules clubs and footballers more often make the headlines for their drunken debaucheries than for their sporting success, it is important to remember why we all love ‘the beautiful game’.

Finally, after years of ignorance, it seems as if the necessity of skill and flair has not only been recognised but is being embraced. Gone are the days where the only reward for flamboyancy was a place on the bench, reserved for desperation super-sub roles. No, today Joga Bonito is well and truly in flight.

A now red-faced Alan Hansen once remarked ‘you win nothing with kids’. Fortunately, the current crop of continental starlets seem to suggest otherwise. This new wave of fresh talent marks the beginning of a new era within football, where ‘doing the impossible’ is not only supported, but has come to be expected. Finally players are being actively encouraged to use their ability, rather than restricting it to testimonials and commercials. At last the pitch has become the training ground and fear is nowhere to be found.

For many there is arguably nothing more visually satisfying than a defender helplessly retreating in the devastating wake of a storm of Ronaldinho step-overs or the meeting of sheer magnificence and defensive bewilderment in reflection of some Berbatov nonchalance, but it is imperative we remember that flair is not limited to individual brilliance.

We need look no further than Argentina’s 24-pass World Cup wonder-goal for irrefutable proof of the impact of intelligent football across

an entire team. Teams like Arsenal and Barcelona might well be filled with individuals whose footballing capabilities at times surpass even the most inventive of imaginations, yet it is the flamboyant arrogance of their styles that make them such appetising prospects. I am by no means suggesting that flair and skill are recent additions to the game, far from it, in fact. These concepts have always been present, but simply not in as great abundance nor with such a definitive link to success as they indisputably are at the moment.

One of the most enticing aspects of this apparent ‘shift’ towards attractive football is that it is no longer associated with the South Americans and select European super-powers. Exciting and skillful players are now emerging from countries which have been associated with little more than ruthless efficiency in the past decade. Germany now boasts the talents of the ostentatious Bastian Schweinsteiger, while the unimpeachable class of Dimitar Berbatov holds up the Bulgarian front. Portugal, lacking any real flair since the long-lost days of Eusebio, now display three of the most exciting young talents in Nani, Quaresma and arguably the world’s greatest player, Cristiano Ronaldo, not to mention Spain and Barcelona’s Bojan.

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However, what is undeniably most satisfying is the fact that flair no longer appears to be limited to attacking players. In today’s game there is as much demand for a fully step-over trained fullback as there is for a dazzling winger. Pace, skill and flamboyancy are what football and its fans demand and while the precedent has certainly been set, one can only hope that the footballing world is taking note.

Ronaldinho: Godfather of skill

digital

DIGITAL \:101101010101000100010

0110011010011101101100110100110 0010100100001000100110011010011 0110011010011 10110110011010011000101001 11000101001 Can I

Borrow A Feeling?

W

http://wefeelfine.org/

hen you open We Feel Fine in your browser for the first time, you will see a colourful swirl, and think “That’s very pretty.” And you would be right.

It is beautifully constructed, full of colour, movement and shapes. But that is by no means all that it is full of. It is full of information, events, poignancy, humour and, most of all, feeling.

Two words lie behind this rather remarkable website - “I feel”. A program searches the web for instances of those two words together, and then collects a whole raft of information about the page they were in. It looks for feelings – like “inadequate”, “good”, or “upset”. If there’s a photo on the page with it, it will collect that as well. If the page is attached to a profile – like Myspace – it’ll collect information about the author, like their gender, age and location.

Using all this information, it creates several ways of organising it, known as “movements”. The first, Madness, is that swirl of colour you see when you first open the site, made up of hundreds of coloured dots, each one a collected feeling, bouncing around the screen at random. Click on one and it’ll show you the whole sentence. Square dots mean there’s a photo as well.

The other five all use the information in different ways. Montage uses photos to create, unsurprisingly, a montage. Mobs groups all the feel-

ings into similar ones. Mounds shows the total number of feelings and how popular each one is.

The surprising thing is just how deep this website is for something that initially looks so superficial.

You can use the demographic functions at the top of the screen to limit feelings to a particular section of society – say male 20-somethings from France who have written about feeling anguished, and then put together a photomontage of exactly what this looks like. You can see what the most popular feeling is (for the record, it’s “better”), and which feeling is currently being used more than usual.

But the biggest surprise is that it feels so intrusive looking at people’s most personal feelings. You can come across a sentence that makes you laugh, or one that makes absolutely no sense, followed by a sentence of real personal anguish that makes you feel guilty that you are spying on this person’s life. That disparity and discontinuity also gives you insights into the sheer number of people in the world, and how different both they and their lives are. It’s almost humbling.

We Feel Fine is of course an artistic project, and succeeds admirably.

It’s beautiful and emotional and incredibly interesting, for both the way it uses the Internet and the content it creates from it.

Richard Wood

PENDING...

Protoytpe: 360, PS3, PC (Sierra) Crackdown fused with 28 Days Later set in a Cloverfield-esque Manhattan under siege?

A mutant Jason Borne-ish protagonist who is ruddy brilliant at parkour?

Gibberish!

Borderlands 360, PC, PS3 (2k ) Lots of guns and an apparently a near endless supply of missions. No word on a plot. There probably isn’t one. You probably don’t care either, you shallow sod.

digital@gairrhydd.com / 33

digital

ATEI 2008

THIS WEEK: Arcade games!

The ATEI Show is the world’s largest exhibition of Coinoperated amusements. We went along to see if we’re still as good at Street Fighter as we thought we were.

O

ther than the occasional drunken foray into Time Crisis at the Taf, the last arcade game I really played with any conviction was Killer Instinct, in a poxy café at Lake Windermere.

I’m not sure whether it was the

arcade machines can do that to you.

Then we found the nearest cabinet and began to play.

First was Big Buck Safari, which I’m pretty sure will never, ever be released in the UK. I only mention it because unless someone green lights a beat-em-up called Gypsy Dog fight Extreme I will never play a more distasteful game. The premise

weapons? It’s like that.

I spent about an hour on Tekken 6. It’s great and the console crossovers are sure to be just as good.

Also very good was the Silent Hill shoot-em up, which managed to replicate the eerie atmosphere of the game even though brightly lit machines surrounded the cabinet screaming “you win/loose!”

/Unless_someone__green lights_a_beat-em-up_called Gypsy_Dog_Fight_Extreme_ I_ will never_ play a more distasteful game........./

fact that it was only ten pence a go, me being eight years old, or my need to block out the almost immutable boredom I suffered through every family holiday. But I played that game until my fingers went into spasm.

Modern arcade machines cost ten times as much to play, and my student loan is already very susceptible to squander, so I purposefully avoid arcades. The danger is all too real.

The ATEI show at London’s Earls Court, however, was a great opportunity. Like gambling with someone else’s money. Hundreds of arcade machines, all free to play, lots of free booze and in the words of my mate Alun: “more promotional tat than you could shake a joystick at.”

Upon arrival we stood around like overwhelmed idiots for approximately four and a half minutes; the cacophony of nearly two thousand

34/ digital@gairrhydd.com

is simply to shoot animals, that aren’t quite endangered yet, to death until they are.

Next we found something brilliant.

UFO Stomper by Triotech, a team party game using a motion-sensitive eye toy-ish projector. It had about ten separate mini games; by far the best of them was ‘alien stomp’ which we returned to later in the day after a drink. It was utterly brilliant; like Dance Dance Revolution were it designed for dyspraxics.

Interesting side note: did you know the US military have an official Arcade game? It’s called America’s Army and it’s horrible. Google it and see for yourselves. Remember the movie Toys with Robin Williams, where they got the kids to play videogames that controlled hi-tech

And I did find one game worth squandering my hard-lent pounds on, Manic Panic Ghosts. It’s frantic and brilliant and unlike ninety percent of modern arcade games, you won’t be able to eventually get it on your home console.

The premise is simple; lots of ghosts need to be beaten up with a stick, like whack-a-mole but much, much faster. There are team challenges where one of you must use the stick to jimmy open a door whilst the other batters ghosts. The game keeps switching you between support and ghost hitting roles so it becomes a really absorbing two player. And right after the show Hollywood Bowl stuck one in the Red Dragon Centre. The next time you head down there take at least one extra pound than you need, you won’t regret it, I Promise.

Dom Mukwmba-Sendall

digital

Devil May Cry 4 Capcom PC, PS3, 360

I

cannot tell you how excited I have been about this title.

Having only ever played the last game in the series “Devil May Cry 3” on PS2 and truly loving every second of it, I had to snap this one up. Devil May Cry is a hack ‘n slash but with style and class, so much style in fact that it can verge on making you feel like a superhero.

Story-wise, Devil May Cry has been a bit like a confused adolescent as even though this is the fourth chapter in the series, its a sequel the third game: the third

Devil may cry is a a hack ‘n slash but with style and class

being a prequel to the second. It doesn’t really matter too much though as even those who have never heard of Devil May Cry before will find themselves following the story with no problems.

In this game you start off taking the role of a young and powerful member of the “Order of Swords” who must hold off the invasion of demons into the human world and stop a maniacal cult leader taking domination of the planet. The game play is top notch; veterans will have the usual complex array of moves to rip enemies apart while

You’re given so much while playing. The visuals are gorgeous and the crashes Electronic Arts will definitely have you gawping PS3, 360 as prize racers crumple into deformed cubes.

But you can’t irectly from the start menu just pick it up and have a couple of you are thrown into Paradise races. You have to drive around the City. A vast expanse where city and find the events. The event you will smash through billboards, you do eventually stumble upon burn rubber and pull insane stunts. won’t always be the one you desire, At the start you are given a car and, if you happen to lose one, from the junkyard that you can when you reach the return to at almost finish line you anytime. As you have to drive advance cars all the way you take back to down or win where through the race events event will be started available to refor you to choose from the junkyard.

So that you actually peat have a clue as to what you it. Which can be can do and how to get started, rather tedious. the local radio station known as That said, Paradise “Crash FM” has their resident DJ City offers up an absotell you about where events are lute wealth of fun to be and how you can obtain new cars, had. There is no end to amongst other useful information.

Burnout Paradise

D

newbies can choose an “automatic” mode that does the combos for them with one button. Capcom have nicely kept the difficulty of the previous games, but provided various modes so anyone can pick the game up and have a slash.

I would recommend this to console owners; it has an intriguing story, fantastic game play and jawdropping graphics. There isn’t too much variety, but it’s so solid and responsive that you will have fun playing the game over and over again.

Liam Charalambous

the number of hidden routes, stunts and other tid-bits you find around the city, which is just enormous. I really cannot, with the limits of the English language, convey its size.

Therefore I will continue to mention the size at every opportunity during this review. The free-roaming aspect is really refreshing and, once you take the dive, a lot of fun.

Battling and taking part in races is really exciting and couldn’t be more furious. You’re made to really battle your opponents and will find yourself wiping the sweat from your brow in lots of close shaves.

Everyone should own this game at some point. Its fun, gripping and online has an infinite life-span.

The only true disappointment is there is no longer an offline multiplayer mode, so no more inviting round your mates for an easy win when some snotty-nosed 12 year old whips your arse online.

Liam Charalambous

digital@gairrhydd.com / 35

books

...news...news...news...news... news...news...

Another Coen Adaptation

F

resh from their Oscar success with the book adaptation No Country for Old Men, the Coen brothers have announced that their next project will be an adaptation of Pulitzer winning author Michael Chabon’s novel The Yiddish Policeman’s Union. The acclaimed novel focuses on a private detective who is hired to investigate the death of a chess prodigy in Alaska. However, the Alaska of the novel is not the Alaska that the world is familiar with. It is set up in the book as a home for exiled Jews following the second world war and the fall of Israel, with the US government considering taking back the chilly state for Alaskan natives. If the previous success of the Coen brothers is anything to go by, then adaptation of The Yiddish Policeman’s Union is definitely a film to look forward to.

The Best of the Booker

T

o mark the 40th anniversary of the esteemed literary award, the Booker Prize is offering the public the chance to choose the best of the Booker. A shortlist of 6 of the 41 novels that have won the prize will be chosen by a panel and then put to the public vote.

A similar event took place on the 25th anniversary of the award and it saw Salman Rushdie claiming the Booker of Bookers for the novel Midnight’s Children. The shortlist will be announced in May, with an online voting system determining the best of the Booker in July.

...reviews...reviews...reviews...

Gang Leader For a Day Sudhir Venkatesh

I Countdown to World Book Day

M

arch 6th marks this year’s World Book Day. Amongst the usual initiatives to get people reading, this year’s event will include the announcement of the Book to Talk About award, as chosen by the general public. The annual celebration will also see a range of £1 children’s books published including one by Neil Gaiman. A series of accessible short fiction and non-fiction will also be published by prominent figures such as Gordon Ramsay and a new adventure for Dr Who, designed for those with little initiative or little time to read.

36 / books@gairrhydd.com

magine being born into a life where both prostitution and drug trafficking are rife, and where there is no guarantee of protection from authorities. This book, Gang Leader For a Day, demonstrates a perhaps new perspective of America’s urban poverty scene, and in doing so, provides an entertaining and intelligent read - particularly for the keen sociologist.

Sudir Venkatesh witnesses, and simultaneously experiences, often getting deeply involved in disciplinary beatings, drive by shootings and horrifying tales of rape, making what is actually the subject of a dissertation topic worthy of something to be interpreted into the novel form. Perhaps the book does contain its limitations however in that it is actually a study narrated in the first person, so that to an extent it is tempting for memories to become fictionalised.

The tale is highly intriguing whilst studying at the University of Chicago, Sudir begins to undertake

his research on built-up poverty at one of Chicago’s most notorious housing projects. He comes to discover that the system of authority led by the “Black Kings”, the name given to the leaders of one of the most powerful gangs, is not that dissimilar to the hierarchy which exists in much of America.

Sudir’s account develops into a fascinating piece of material, as the reader unravels the complex relationship between him and the leader J.T, whom he trails for a total of seven years. There is perhaps a danger however, as his at first seemingly neutral perspective upon the gang is challenged – like the prostitutes in the account, he becomes both hustler and hustled, both victim and predator.

In all, this book is an enthralling and knowledgeable read, revealing how a so-called ‘rogue socialist’ crosses all boundaries, coming to discover a somewhat parallel society. As Sudir admits, ‘perhaps the most unconventional thing I ever did was embrace the idea that I could learn so much, absorb so many lessons, and gain so many experiences at the side of a man who was so far removed from my academic world’. Definitely a recommended read for those inspired by culture, sociology and psychology.

Ruth Smith

books

...reviews...reviews...reviews...reviews... reviews...

Mr T: The Graphic Novel Christopher Bunting Art: J.L Czerniawski (Mohawk Media)

“F

irst name: ‘Mr’, second name: ‘Period’, last name: ‘T’!” That’s right, everyone’s favourite mohawked former bodyguard-turned-action hero and unlikely moral guardian is back.

After a brief stint in the UK as the face of popular chocolate bar Snickers, Mr T has turned his attention to becoming the next big thing in the booming graphic novel market.

Citing an increased interest in himself as a result of A-Team re-runs and the renewed interest in the Rocky series of films, Mr T argues that this graphic novel is a way of reaching out to younger new fans, as well as his old school devotees. Acting as Executive Editor and superhero of the graphic novel, Mr T enlisted former Action Man writer Christopher Bunting to pen an adventure that would capture the minds of comic book fans and 80s enthusiasts alike.

So, on to the graphic novel.

Ultimately, it has major flaws and seems a tad rushed but it is a lot of fun. The story focuses on Mr T as a world famous bodyguard with the not-so-modest business motto ‘Next to God there is no better protector than I’. After being kidnapped by the Feds and forced to work protecting a suspicious weapons developer, Mr T finds himself racing to defeat enemy after enemy out to thwart his tough man image. Facing foes such as Snakebite Bill, The Quad Squad, Rhino Richards and even a paedophile priest, the narrative jumps tenuously between such glamorous locations as The Himalayas, Berlin, Montana and, er, Nottingham.

The graphic novel is full of in jokes, be they mentions of 80s TV

shows or a scene on a plane with Mr T looking less than happy to be flying. It is also full of moral messages for the kids. The youth in the graphic novel are encouraged to stay in school, love their parents, worship God and to stay away from guns, drugs and vandalism.

Czerniawski’s artwork, like the narrative, comes across as very old school. Ultimately, this graphic novel cannot be taken seriously.

Although it is quite a laugh, one can see that it has been created primarily for kids and also as a thinly veiled attempt to resurrect an 80s TV star’s career.

Tom Williams

“Quit your jibba jabba!”

books@gairrhydd.com /

37

arts

Mad Dogs and Englishmen It’s a mixture of old, new and just plain strange this week in Arts.

So whether you prefer 1930s comfort or contemporary craziness, we’re here with your fortnightly helping of culture.

The 39 Steps New Theatre 19-23 Feb

T

he 39 Steps is a renowned spy thriller with acclaimed comic value, all wrapped up into one sparkling production. Cardiff’s New Theatre played host to the opening night of this modern version by writer Patrick Barlow and director Maria Aitken. The production managed to encapsulate most of the earlier qualities from the 1935 Hitchcock movie: comedy, romance, crime and corruption.

The play essentially tells the story around the main character, Richard Hanney, a somewhat pompous, goody two-shoes Englishman, with a pencil moustache, who is wrongly accused of murder. As Hanney goes on the run and embarks on his journey across the Scottish Moors, the production becomes alive with witty dialogue that really makes you laugh out loud. The Scottish accents are perfected and overly accentuated to heighten the comedy within the script. The energetic four man production is undoubtedly well delivered, and moves at an extremely fast and uplifting pace.

The greatest amount of laughs is generated from the comedy duo who play a number of roles, from policemen and railway porters to a married couple, to name but a few.

Their exquisite timing and inventive

“

“

With 150 characters played by only four actors, it definitely generates excitement and curiosity 38/ arts@gairrhydd.com

improvisations are clearly the result of some well delivered puns within the play. This truly creates the essence of humour that The 39 Steps is renowned for, as well as making the show a light-hearted and easy watch.

The minimalist approach to using props, where the actors flap their coats to suggest the wind blowing from the train, may sound fairly amateur and simplistic, but it is exactly this creativity which gives the show its very own panache. A sense of piss-take towards the traditional and

‘proper’ format of theatre productions is implied through this simple, but effective style.

Of course, the production would not be the same without a love interest and an inevitable romantic twist. Hanney conveniently becomes handcuffed to a beautiful blonde bombshell as he continues to avoid the police…or should I say spies.

This romance is heightened in one particular scene, where Hanney’s love interest suggestively removes her stockings, and it becomes obvious to the audience how this love story is going to unravel. Unfortunately, there is little imagination in the ending, as Hanney becomes the hero who dodges a bullet and ends up living happily ever after with the girl of his dreams.

But this performance has to be celebrated and praised as one of the funniest British spy thrillers produced. The audience are taken through this whodunnit? journey where a happy, cliched ending eventually prevails. With 150 characters played by only four actors, it definitely generates excitement and curiosity. Despite the somewhat predictable ending, this is an enjoyable way to spend an evening at the theatre, watching a hilarious production that cannot be missed.

Lisa Evans

arts

Previews

I Have Never.. been to the weird and wonderful g39 gallery

.

OPERA Falstaff Welsh National Opera Wales Millenium Centre 1-9 March

Neil McNally Death is Colder Than Love g39 gallery 15 Feb-15 March

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he worthiness of modern art has always been (and always will be) highly debated. This month’s g39 exhibition is, however, a ridiculous show of abject tripe, and a thorough insult to the gallery’s customers. Welsh artist Neil McNally is the moron behind Death is Colder Than Love.

The first room is dominated by a colourful ‘wall painting’, an apparent reference to cave art, with various abstract bits and bobs in eye catching primary colours. Nothing mind-blowing, just quite pretty really. There should be a large disclaimer on the side. However, as the work isn’t actually by McNally at all, but a bunch of other artists who were told by our favourite contemporary artist what to paint. That’s cheating if you ask me.

The second installation, up some creaky stairs, is just plain boring.

It’s a rather grainy projection of an extract of Gus Van Sant’s 1998 remake of Psycho, which even without McNally’s help has been condemned as ‘the worst remake in history’. Continuing the theme of ‘borrowing’ from other creative minds, he’s simply slowed it down to an excruciating pace and provided (rather hopefully, I thought) a few bean bags on which to perch to watch it.

The third, and final room is the piece de resistance. Not to beat around the bush (excuse the pun), the installation is a giant ball of human hair, smelling rather nauseatingly of dog. This huge offering to the world of contemporary art lies simply on the wooden floor, with only a token offering of explanation

by McNally to justify its presence.

His excuses aren’t really worth reading, though; as waffly arty-farty cop outs go, this is up there with the best of them.

Hazel Plush

Phil Nichol - Hiro Worship Sherman Theatre 20 Feb

P

hil Nichol is best known for having been in Boy George’s musical, Taboo. His stand-up shows, have been well received at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and have won him a Perrier Award.

However, before I go on, a short warning. Should you ever find yourself in the privileged position of owning two free tickets to a standup comedy show, by a protagonist whose previous routines consist of ‘Things I Like I Lick’ and ‘The Naked Racist’, please remember: Do NOT take a visiting parent. This show is not parent-proof!

The first half of Nichol’s routine consisted of stand-up material, including a famous song entitled ‘I’m The Only Gay Eskimo.’ This set the scene for the second half of the show, entitled Hiro Worship.

Briefly, Nichol tells the story of a Japanese tourist by the name of Hiro who became his house-guest for a number of weeks while he was in London searching for the Rolling Stones. There was plenty of musical support from the band, regular singa-longs and a very obliging member of the audience called Martin who definitely made the most of his fifteen minutes of fame.

Overall, Phil Nichol’s distinctive sense of humour is highly entertaining. There was a lot of repetition, which was funny, but eventually became a little stale. Still, if you are not easily offended by politically incorrect jokes and want some imaginative comedy, Phil Nichol is definitely your man.

Rebecca Ganz

One of Verdi’s most famous operas, featuring one of Shakespeare’s most famous and beloved characters; a must for culture vulture’s everywhere. Part of the WNO’s season at the Wales Millenium Centre, Verdi’s final opera is actually a great comedy. Performance is in Italian with subtitles.

STUDENT DRAMA Alice’s Adventures Underground Act One YMCA Theatre 4-8 March 7pm Christopher Hampton’s adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s famous novel shows the victory and power of a small girl within the dark arena of adult desires. Classic characters such as the Cheshire Cat, Mad Hatter, Red Queen, and Tweedledum and Tweedledee make this a night that is not to be missed. Tickets available from Union Box Office.

COMEDY DRAMA A Midsummer Night’s Dream New Theatre 4-8 March 7.30pm; Thurs & Sat matinees 2.30pm Directed by Tim Baker, and starring Siwan Morris from Skins, this is the classic tale of desire, enchantment and madness, where magical forces are unleashed into the human world.

DRAMA The Almond and the Seahorse Sherman Theatre 29 Feb-15 March 8pm Four lives are trapped in time but can survivors emerge from the wreckage? The Almond and the Seahorse is a new play by Kaite O’Reilly that takes a fascinating look at the fragility of memory and the power of devotion.

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music

inmusicthisweek

albums:why?

davidbowie

live:thecribs

musiceditorial musiceditorial

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his week, I was reminded of a feeling that has escaped me over the past year: the joy of unwrapping the hard copy of a brand new album. As more and more of my music collection seems to be crammed into little digital folders, I had somehow forgotten why it’s worth owning physical copies.

It’s slightly ridiculous that I felt almost proud of myself strolling out of Spillers Records with a shiny new 12”inch copy of Los Campesinos’ debut Hold On Now, Youngster. Call me a nerd, stuck in the past, or pretentious, but

owning a vinyl copy definitely amplifies the whole experience.

As arguably a nerdy, stuck in the past, pretentious band, Los Campesinos cater to this by providing added extras such as a poster and neatly detailed lyrics sheet, all encased inside a pristine double gatefold package.

A collection of MP3 files also bypasses the need for album artwork. It might seem like a subtle detail but artwork is something that I adore, especially in full blown-up size as is the case with records.

In many cases, the front

cover of an album can describe the very essence of the music inside. Just take the cover for the latest Bjork album Volta; a bizarre and idiosyncratic gesture that tells you just about everything you need to know about Bjork herself. Equally, the quite literal cover for last year’s Strawberry Jam by Animal Collective is almost a perfect visual representation of the record’s content.

Whether or not hard copies of music will even exist in years to come remains to be seen, but it’ll be a great shame if that day ever comes. KE

loveletters Michael McDonald declares his love for Falkirk’s Arab Strap

A

ny band that makes a place like Falkirk worth visiting are winners in my book. The now defunct Arab Strap, signed to Glasgow superlabel Chemikal Underground in 1996 are such, perhaps being Falkirk’s most famous export before The Battle of Falkirk (and my Mother).

Aidan Moffat and Malcolm Middleton’s musings on indie nights, out before the advent of skinny jeans, strikes a chord with all, exposing the problems and relationships created and ended by alcohol.

Probably most famous for their No. 2 in Peel’s 1996 Festive Fifty for The First Big Weekend, which holds the unbeaten record of 13 successive radio plays. It’s a tale of consecutive nights out in the world’s most depressing town, where even the Wetherspoons seems below par.

Both now following solo paths, with Malcolm about to release his 4th album Sleight of Hand after a failed attempt at a Christmas No. 1 for We’re All Going to Die, Moffat previously recorded material as Lucky Pierre, but has just released his first album under

his own name, I Can Hear Your Heart, a return to the sound of early Arab Strap.

Not just content with making music, our favourite duo also courted controversy with the local council, who said “I am outraged that these individuals who are unknown in the field of modern music can come and just take a swipe at Falkirk. There are two ways to get on in show-business, one is to be outrageous and the other one is to have talent, and obviously they have nothing of the latter.”

Obviously, he was wrong. Talent, they had in spades.

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music

O : E I W O B D I V A D

David Evans looks at how Bowie turned himself from cocai

L

.A., 1976: David Bowie is not a healthy man. Subsisting on a diet of milk, cigarettes, red peppers and cocaine, he sits meditating inside his gothic mansion, surrounded by black candles and occult symbols, shrines to black magic and Nazi mythology, fearing an imminent fascist putsch.

He is convinced that witches intend to steal his semen and that Jimmy Page means to kill him. Somehow, amidst this vortex of neuroses, he makes an album, Station to Station, a strange mixture of streamlined funk, thundering Krautrock and bombastic romance, on which he genuflects to his twin gods, Aleister Crowley and Kraftwerk, and signals his intention to depart America: ‘The European canon is here!’

alumnus Brian Eno, and producer Tony Visconti.

It will prove to be an inspired choice of personnel, especially the incongruous pairing of Eno, stern academic and self-styled intellectual ‘nonmusician’, and Iggy, the harlequin of the troupe, prone to public bouts of masturbation and self-flagellation, a man who wouldn’t know irony if it was injected into his eyeballs.

Together they are at work on Bowie’s ‘Heroes’, in a studio near enough the Berlin wall that patrolling stormtroopers stand and watch the recording through the windows.

It probably says something about Bowie’s state of mind that his re-

work is replaced by simple, sinisterly suggestive lyrics: ‘Don’t look at the carpet/I drew something awful on it’.

Yet amidst the introspective melancholy of these albums there are exhilarating moments: the inexorable momentum of ‘Heroes’ or the protoelectropop of ‘Speed of Life’, the infectious melodies of ‘Sound and Vision’ or the deranged guitar riffs of ‘Joe the Lion’.

These albums not only demonstrate Bowie’s troubles, they are his determined attempt to work through them, and as such they have a redemptive, cathartic power - he emerged the other side healthy and with a newfound avant-garde cachet.

WITHOUT BOWIE’S EUROPEAN SOJOURN, THE HISTORY OF PO MIGHT HAVE LOOKED VERY DIFF

A plan is hatching inside that cocaine-addled mind, a plan for what he would later, rather pretentiously, call his ‘Berlin triptych’, three albums on which his god-like reputation now rests: Low, ‘Heroes’, and Lodger.

There is also a more pragmatic motive for the move: he is killing himself, and needs to get clean.

Berlin, 1977: As punk breaks out like acne across Britain’s sallow cheeks, Bowie pores over his progressive pop projects in West Germany. He has corralled a freakish band around himself, including his lover, transsexual cabaret star Romi Haag, Iggy Pop, who checked himself out of rehab to join Bowie’s entourage, Roxy Music

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solved to decamp to Berlin, legendary home of Weimar decadence, to get himself clean. Yet Berlin in ’77 was a grey and sombre place, rived by the wall and ravaged by the Baader-Meinhof terrorists. Although Low was actually recorded in Northern France, it was Berlin that inspired its melancholy tone, and German bands like Neu! that provided the sonic template for its brooding, portentous instrumentals.

The tension that marked the city suffuses much of Bowie’s ‘triptych’: it is evident in the dark electronica of ‘Sons of the Silent Age’ or the deranged howl of ‘Blackout’. The breathless wordiness of his earlier

Bowie’s collaboration with Iggy on the latter’s two 1977 albums- The Idiot and Lust for Life- trace this trajectory; The Idiot is a supremely dark album, yet its successor, whose title track was written by Bowie as he strummed on a ukulele, is catchy, rocky and fun. Bowie had plumbed the depths, but came out with a clutch of classic albums and renewed creative zest.

OFF THE WALL

music

ine-addled paranoiac to avant-garde pop pioneer.

1977 was a pivotal year in pop history, and not just for what was happening in London and Manchester.

Without Bowie’s European sojourn the history of pop music might have looked very different. On The Idiot, Bowie and Iggy invented post-punk whilst punk was still raging, inspiring influential bands like Wire, Magazine and Joy Division to take the genre into darker, stranger realms (it was the album spinning on Ian Curtis’ turntable as he hung himself).

innovations of the band that succeeded Joy Division - New Order.

The eighties had begun with Bowie, in his inimitable style, three years early.

Low is widely considered to mark the birth of electro-pop, prefiguring not just the bouffant excesses of the New Romantics but also the

OP MUSIC FERENT...

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albums Why? Alopecia Anticon

Because Stone Cold said so!

I

t takes an artist of real talent to be able to mix hip-hop and rock music with any kind of credibility.

Alopecia by its very nature should be terrible; it is essentially an indie pop album that plays around with country influences and dips in and out of the realms of hip-hop with vocals that can’t seem decide if they’re being sung or rapped over music that is unable to pick a genre and stick to it. Sounds awful right?

Well it’s not, it’s utterly fantastic and all for one simple reason. Why? Main-man and vocalist Yoni Wolf IS an artist of real talent. As a founding member and owner of alternative US hip-hop label Anticon he has the credibility and the talent to be able to make both indie and hip-hop music and to combine the two without either sounding contrived.

Alopecia is easily the most consistent record the band have produced; where previous efforts have been a mixture of a few standout songs and the odd lull, Alopecia is a well formed and accomplished album.

Lead single The Hollows is instantly likeable with its mixture of dark grooves and pop sensibilities, but it is Wolf’s wonderful and often poetic lyrics that are the record’s real highlight.

8/10 Si Truss

PickThe Of

k e e W

THE CARDIGANS Best Of Stockholm Records

Because jumpers are shit

T

he Cardigans have been described as ‘one of Sweden’s biggest musical exports’ and their ‘Best of’ collection is taken from their six albums, which they released over the past 14 years.

It includes all their well known singles (or the ones I’ve heard before in any case), namely Lovefool, For What It’s Worth and the cheesy disco must-have that is Burning Down The House, which features everyone’s favourite Welshman, Tom Jones. The album has 21 tracks, so many of the songs are not widely known, but are good singalong material once you’ve listened to them a couple of times.

“

Classic feel good pop

“

music

The collection is characterised by The Cardigans’ light-hearted style and lead singer Nina Persson’s distinctive vocals and as with most ‘Best of’ albums it is a great way to get a feel for an artist’s work, but not nearly as exciting as new material. If you feel that your music collection is in need of some classic feel-good pop, you need to buy this!

6/10 Rebecca Ganz

THE KING BLUES Under The Fog Vertigo

T

Actual Rubbish

here’s always one at every school. You probably had one; ours was called Dan. The idiot who has got it into their head that they are somehow ‘anti-war’ and has therefore got to relate everything in their life back to some illinformed bullshit about Iraq, oil and George Bush.

This album by the almost inconceivably bad King Blues is the aural equivalent of Dan. Cod Reggae bollocks railing against the stereotypical student authoritarian targets

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of bouncers and pro-war nutjobs, just seems so 2003, and you find yourself asking for what purpose do these people exist?

I’m pretty sure Chris Morris must be behind this, because no better an indictment of the idiocy of ill-informed student liberals will you ever find. This record is for people who wear shorts all year round, still wear skate shoes and probably shop at Blue Banana. This record is for a very specific type of arsehole, who juggles at Reading Festival and dyes their hair pink.

I’m sure that this will be a massive hit in Metros, and if that hasn’t put you off already, nothing will. Please, for the love of all things holy, never listen to this album.

2/10 Ben Marshall

M.A.N.D.Y Fabric 38 Fabric

Barry Mannilow

N

ow you will have to forgive me, as I have a very narrow minded knowledge of electro/garage/house, or whatever the kids call it these days.

That having been said, this profound compilation of subtle techno, non-overloading, well crafted music, simply just crawled into my head and unfurled something impeccable.

Forever a flowing piece of work, this album really does take you on a journey, before landing you gently back to Earth once more. Set your strobe to medium…

8/10 Steve Beynon

JACK JOHNSON

Sleep Through The Static Universal

I

Lol

tried hard to like this album, I really did, holding out as I have against the overwhelming backlash that has washed its way through Hawaii, demolishing Jack Johnson’s recording studio cum surf shack cum chill out place which is situated a two minute walk from Lanikai beach, a short car ride from pure boredom.

The cover art has Jack bearing an electric guitar. ‘Judas’ I hear you cry, he’s done a bloody Dylan on us ain’t he? No he hasn’t. The album is almost no departure from his previous

chicken korma of an offering, which is strange because I thought after burning his Taylor he would have at least ventured into the jalfrezi flavoured waters of a bass distortion pedal.

But no, and even more infuriatingly, the occasionally good melodies aren’t even there. Jack is undoubtedly a man who can craft a great sign along song, but Sleep Through the Static lacks any of this, it’s a plain digestive of an album and Jack Johnson is a weak glass of Ribena.

Bland curry, digestive biscuits and weak blackcurrant juice, who wants that?

2/10 Will Hitchins

music

DOES IT OFFEND YOU, YEAH?

You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into Virgin Records No, not particuarly

W

hen a band called Does It Offend You, Yeah? names its debut album You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into, you almost feel compelled to hate it. But against all laws of reason, it’s actually pretty good.

Technotastic instrumental Battle Royale is a fantastic opener, before we hear the mindblowing-but-againannoyingly-titled With A Heavy Heart (I Regret To Inform You), which commands respect (and stupid dancing).

It’s like The Chemical Brothers at the top of their game, but heavier and with superb vocals punctuating the sublime bleeps and fizzes of a massive musical meltdown. Frankly, it’s the kind of stuff that knocks LCD Soundsystem into a cocked hat.

“

My Kung Fu Chokeslam

T

ruckers of Husk are often referred to as being the only math-rock band in South Wales. I have absolutely no idea if this is true but they’re certainly the only one I’ve ever heard of.

Point is that, up until recently, Cardiff and the surrounding area’s music scene hasn’t really had much to offer instrumental or post-rock bands.

With any luck, Truckers of Husk will be the band who can achieve enough commercial success to change all of this. Physical Education provides a brilliant example of

the potential that the band have.

The five songs are made up of a combination of tight interweaving guitar riffs, driving bass lines and mathematical drumming. There are occasional strings, in the form of a cello, providing melody in moments that counteract the repetitive riffs hugely effectively.

Vocals are only present in the last 30 seconds of the record in the form of a repeated, shouted vocal line that provides a kind of climax to the whole EP. For now a five track EP is perfect, but due to the repetitive nature of their music it’ll be interesting to see if Truckers of Husk can hold attention across an entire album but for now it’s fair to conclude that the Truckers are a band to keep an eye on.

8/10 Si Truss

“

TRUCKERS OF HUSK Physical Education EP

Vocals punctuating the Sublime bleeps and fizzes of a mass musical meltdown

Then it all goes a bit hmm. Dawn of the Dead and Let’s Make Out are touted as future singles but don’t set themselves apart from other synth-heavy pop-rock offerings that get clubbers nodding their heads but waiting for the next one.

They’re not bad songs, not by any standards. It’s just a shame to see immense Chemicals- and Daft Punkesque beats pushed behind a tired chorus. Still, two-minute B-movie soundtrack Attack of the 60ft Lesbian Octopus deserves a mention for being as brilliant as it is bizarre.

Promising debut, this. Have a listen.

8/10 Huw Davies

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music

live live live live live live live live 14/02/08

T

wo men are standing either side of a table, looking trendy yet nondescript. The surface is adorned with the most unlikely array of equipment you could imagine: a Mac computer neatly decorated with animal stickers rests to one side, standing next to a couple of beginners’ keyboards, a synthesizer, a singular floor tom, a range of bewildering electronics and, perhaps most interestingly, a children’s sing-along microphone and cassette recorder.

For those unfamiliar with Fuck Buttons these are the tools which construct blissful patterns of sound, soon to be permeating through every orifice of the packed out Clwb

“

Fuck Buttons aren’t just here to make a racket. This is art

“

Fuck Buttons Clwb

Ifor Bach. It’s Valentine’s Day night, and whilst you might think an evening of unrelenting ATP sponsored noise is no way to spend such an occasion, you’d be wrong, because, quite frankly, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

This type of music is almost always intimidating, but from the opening twinkling piano sample it’s clear that Fuck Buttons aren’t

just here to make a racket. This is art. This is delicately assembled layers of sound which wash through you like the ocean, powerful and destructive, but beautifully and magnificently so.

Evolving from one track to the next with effortless style Fuck Buttons allow no time for a breather, playing through debut album Street Horrrsing in its faultless entirety.

They keep things exciting with a theatrical visual display, briefly flirting with the barrier between band and audience and making full use of the smorgasbord of toys at their disposal.

The set comes to an end with a conclusive and abrupt halt. Rather than leave the stage in a mess of feedback, there is a power to this finality which leaves many of their audience rooted to their spot.

Although Fuck Buttons might have played their final note of the evening, it’ll be hours before it ceases to reverberate.

Kyle Ellison

PHOTO: Ed Salter

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music

live live live live live live live live

Gallows Great Hall

18/02/08

D PHOTO: Ed Salter

NME Awards Tour 20/02/08 Great Hall

A

fter seeing the eclectic lineup for tonight’s gig, I was sceptical, and entering the cavernous Great Hall to the scuzzy pulsations of Does It Offend You, Yeah? did nothing to allay my fears.

There were strobes and smoke machines, glow sticks in the audience, and some blokes on a stage in patterned hoodies peddling nurave shit a year past its sell-by date.

The hotly tipped Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong weren’t much better. They’re an improvement on the last act but their indie-pop ditties are pretty disappointing considering the hype. What’s most disheartening is there is little evidence of Joe Lean’s alleged charisma; however, it was exciting to be in the

presence of someone who’s been on Peep Show.

The Cribs arrive to a rapturous reception, and it seems like the crowd are breathing a collective sigh of relief as Ryan Jarman asks, in his broad Yorkshire accent, “Y’alright Cardiff?” Although the sound tonight is pretty dreadful The Cribs battle through and deliver a barn-storming set filled with all their hits, delivered with the passion they’re famous for.

Lee Ranaldo accompanies the band on Be Safe by way of a prerecorded video, but the main guest appearance was still to come.

“Can you please welcome to the stage… Johnny Marr”, as soon as Ryan had finished this sentence the crowd erupted. The legendary guitarist joined the band and together they played an awesome version of Panic, pandemonium ensued. All in all it was a good night, though if Johnny Marr hadn’t turned up I would probably have arrived at a different conclusion.

Guy Ferneyhough

espite a relative mixed bag of support acts, Frank Carter meaningfully strode out onto the Great Hall’s stage cutting quite the dash in a gold print t-shirt to an almost atavistic roar from the assorted tweenagers that made up his audience.

They immediately exploded with a barrage of their trademark punk thrash that has endeared them so to the somewhat lacking UK hardcore scene. Hurling himself about the stage like a Fisher Price Iggy Pop, it is clear to see why Frank has been developed into the poster boy for the Kerrang generation.

To see the contrast between his onstage persona and the affable offstage chats he has with his myriad of fans, makes the animalistic performance onstage all the more remarkable. He stands aloft delivering sermons on subjects as wide ranging as date rape, and the need for security at gigs, before flinging himself into the audience and emerging proud, like a punk rock hero, before dementedly orchestrating the circle pits that develop like an unholy conductor. The whole evening has the feel of a twisted circus, with Frank as ringmaster.

Despite a solid backing from his band, this is Frank’s show, and nobody who has seen them live can contest this. This is less a gig, more a happening, and when you emerge from a Gallows gig, bloody and besmirched, you too will appreciate this.

Ben Marshall

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music

L I S T I N G S 03/03 MONDAY 3rd MARCH An Evening With Antony Costa @ St. David’s Hall TUESDAY 4th MARCH Kyte @ Buffalo Metronomy @ Bristol Louisiana WEDNESDAY 5th MARCH Trash Fashion @ Barfly FRIDAY 7th MARCH Dead Meadow + Right Hand Left Hand + youthmovies @ Clwb SUNDAY 9th MARCH Kid Harpoon + Helsinkin + The Lionhearts @ Clwb

- 16/03 S I N G L E S

MONDAY 10th MARCH Johnny Foreigner + Tournaments @ 10 Feet Tall Flood of Red + Dividing The Line @ Barfly TUESDAY 11th MARCH Jack Penate @ Cardiff SU. THURSDAY 13th MARCH Chris Rea @ St. David’s Hall Chumbawumba @ The Point FRIDAY 15th MARCH Casiotone for the Painfully Alone @ Howard Gardens, UWIC.

GIG PICK

PAINFULLY ALONE CASIOTONE FOR THE Howard Gardens Alone, AKA tone For The Painfully sio Ca o, isc nc Fra n Sa Based in ctronica with an s stripped down lo-fi ele Owen Ashworth, make ed tour of the siz y. As part of a decent incredible pop-sensibilit h Munch, as nc Mu pport in the form of UK, CFTPA bring ace su . nd exciting night all rou this promises to be an Kate Nash Merry Happy Fiction

Wow! A new Kate Nash single.

Oh, it sounds like the other ones. And can someone explain how these lyrics made it onto a record? Merry Happy? She will be as she rolls to the bank.

4/10 JY

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LATE OF THE PIER The Bears Are Coming EMI

Why do they do it? There’s a decent song hidden behind the overproduction and experimentation, but Late of the Pier think they’re the Guillemots and just won’t let it get out. Must try harder. 5.5/10 TV

FREEZEPOP Less Talk More Rokk: The Remixes Cordlesss Recordins Collection of remixes from U.S electro poppers Freezepop. Unfortunately it is six versions of the same song, ‘Less Talk More Rokk’, with the better and more innovative original not appearing. The only two worth a listen are Mark Saunders’ atmospheric track one and Kodomo’s funky track six. 5/10 AH

TING TINGS Great DJ Columbia

Instantly recognisable, instantly endearing. The question is, for how long? I had a soft spot for this chilled out rock sound the moment I pressed play. The problem was, how much parroting of the lyrics could I take from my flatmates?

“And the drums… Ah ah ahhh ahhh…” Argh! Nevertheless, Great DJ = Great Song. 8/10 SB

ART BRUT Pump Up The Volume EMI

Now that’s what I like to hear.

A top-notch pop song about the appeal of top-notch pop songs.

Music that’s accessible but not too accessible, paired with brilliantly observant lyrics that bring a smile to your face. 8/10 TV

film

m l i F

THE BUZZ...

The latest news, rumours and conjecture

“

THIS

Do you expect me to talk? No Mr Bond, I expect you to die

”

(Gold Finger)

This week; the worst

BOURNE RIDES AGAIN movie accents Potentially worrying but ultimately hugely exciting news has reached film desk this week. Universal BLASPHEMY! AKIRA! have announced plans for a fourth A small while ago it was announced Bourne movie. While Matt Damon that Warner Brothers would be makand Paul Greengrass were doing ing a live action remake of Manga the rounds for the Bourne Ultimaclassic Akira. As expected this has tum they both claimed they would had fanboys up in arms, waving only make a fourth film in the high around pencil cases and generally octane franchise if the other person throwing up their strawberry laces in question was also willing. Well, it in disgust. What’s more, Warner seems that they have communicathave made the decision to split the ed this to each other and are both remake into two movies, apparently on board to produce a follow up. based on the original graphic novel With both the director and actor hav- as opposed to the Japanese film. ing such frantic schedules it seems It will be relocated to America and like it will be a fair few years set in “New Manhattan”, a before Jason Bourne hits our city that has emerged screen once again. There’s out of the ashes after of course a danger of the a nuclear explosion. movie not being able to live Interestingly Leonup to the perfectly-rounded ardo Di Caprio’s trilogy but I for one think it’s production company worth the risk. With Bourne is onboard to cohaving basically established produce the movie; his background and identity might this mean the in Ultimatum, the question unnecessarily handas to where the story can go some starlet will is also interesting, Preappear? quel, anyone?

WEEK

MOSTLY

WE

HAVE

BEEN

THINKING...

T

hat time of year has once again come and gone. The months of rumours and predictions, the endless gossip and the will-theywon’t-they drama that surrounded this years awards season is finally over. And what, I hear you ask, did we learn from it all? Well children, we learnt that Daniel Day-Lewis grew up on the terraces of Millwall football club’s ground The Den (a story that was both informative and amusing just try to imagine him eating a pie with a fat, tattooed cockney whilst abusing a linesman).

We learnt that, whilst the academy increasingly loves British and European actors (take a bow, Daniel, Tilda, Marion and Javier), they aren’t quite as keen on our directors (sorry Joe).

We learnt that Tilda Swinton is a little bit mental, but we like her anyway because she poked fun at Clooney’s murky Batman past. We learnt that the powers that be unanimously love Johnny Depp even when he is hamming up a pantomime part and that they hate Brad Pitt so much he won’t ever win anything even if, like this year, he puts in one of the year’s standout performances (as Jesse James). We also learnt that if you’ve been making leftfield films for long enough before having a pop at an existential Hollywood-sweeping Western, you’ll probably win lots regardless of whether it is in fact the best film of the year (don’t pretend that you didn’t like There Will Be Blood and Jesse James more you pesky Cohen brothers).

Yes, it’s been an informative time.

Sim Eckstein

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“

LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES

What really grates is the slap dash, ‘who cares, they’ll come anyway, we’ve got Nicholson and Freeman,’ attitude.

THE BUCKET LIST Dir: Rob Reiner Cast:Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes Out Now, 97 mins

Synopsis: Billionaire Edward Cole and working class mechanic Carter Chamber have little in common apart from their terminal cancer. After meeting in their hospital room, the pair create a ‘bucket list’ of things to do before they die. With Cole’s millions they set off around the world only to discover that facing death has made them more alive than ever before.

I

t is very seldom that I even entertain the notion of walking out of a film. In fact, I am usually incredulous when I see other people doing it. The Bucket List, however, severely tested my longstanding belief that it is fundamentally wrong to do so.

On first inspection this life-affirm-

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ing comedy looks like a banker. It stars two actors that define the phrase ‘Hollywood royalty.’ One is the voice of God, and the other… well, he pretty much is God in Tinsel town. It’s directed by the sometimes wayward but often brilliant Rob Reiner (admittedly he hasn’t really been hitting form of late, but with The Princess Bride, Stand By Me and This Is Spinal Tap under his belt he certainly has the pedigree to invoke excitement at his involvement with Nicholson and Freeman). What, then, went wrong?

In short, nearly everything. Firstly, the premise of the film is ridiculous.

I realise that social realism isn’t a prerequisite for a good film but the sheer preposterousness of Nicholson’s billionaire character having to share a hospital room leaves The Bucket List dead in the water long before its chief protagonists. Nicholson and Freeman are predictability easy to watch, the former exuding the reckless charm we so associate him with, the latter the kind of benevolent wisdom that make all of us wish he was God. However, one cannot shake the feeling that both are on auto-pilot. In fact, the feeling is so strong that at times my cynical

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side entertained the idea that they both might be doing this film for a quick and easy buck (suppress the shocked gasps if you can).

What really grates, though, is the slap dash, ‘who cares, they’ll come anyway, we’ve got Nicholson and Freeman’ directing and writing that permeates the entire film. In an inspired move that comes completely out of leftfield, the odd couple decide to go to the Taj Mahal, the great pyramids and Paris before they die (again, please contain your shock).

Sensibly, Reiner decided that they couldn’t possibly go to all of those places (probably because they’d spent the entire budget keeping Nicholson in the manner to which he has become accustomed). Unfortunately, rather than drop it all together he thought it would be a better idea to superimpose his stars onto what look like cheap postcards from each respective destination instead.

Combine this frankly insulting disregard for an audience’s intelligence and taste with the pitiful, sentimental tripe that masquerades as dialogue, and you are left with a pretty accurate picture of The Bucket List. Condescending, lazy. Utter turd.

Sim Eckstein

LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES MARGOT AT THE WEDDING Dir: Noah Baumbath Cast: Nicole Kidman, Jack Black, Jennifer Jason Leigh Out Now, 92 mins

Synopsis: Margot (Kidman) and her son Claude (Zane Pais) decide to visit her sister Pauline (Jason Leigh) after she announces that she is getting married to unemployed artist Malcolm (Black). Having planted seeds of doubt in her sister the siblings create a storm and leave behind a mess of thrashed relationships and exposed family secrets as they implode.

THE ACCIDENTAL HUSBAND Dir: Griffin Dune Cast: Uma Thurman, Colin Firth, Jeffery Dean Morgan Out Now, 90 mins

Synopsis: When radio talk show host and relationship expert, Dr Emma Lloyd (Uma Thurman) advises a listener to leave her partner, the jilted ex-boyfriend Patrick (Jeffrey Morgan) carries out a canny spot of revenge on the presenter, changing marital documents so that they are actually married to each other!

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nce you get past how this ridiculous prank/plotline could actually happen (a computer hacker of course!), a commotion ensues as the hoitytoity Emma embarks on a desperate mission to track down Patrick and get an annulment.

Colin Firth plays Richard, the neurotic ‘safe bet’ fiancé of the Lurve Doctor who, far from being the dashing Darcy of usual roles, has somewhat lost his handsome charm.

Watching him stuff food in his mouth due to

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ometimes, when you come in late to a film, you wonder if the reason you did not like it was because you missed something really important. I arrived late at Margot at the Wedding. Luckily for me, I didn’t miss anything.

This is one of Nicole Kidman’s serious ‘brown’ roles. A Nicole Kidman film is best described by hair colour: ‘Blonde’ equals commercial toss like Bewitched and The Golden Compass. ‘Red’ makes for fabulous like Moulin Rouge. ‘Brown’ leads to dowdy indie bore-fests like this (with the exception of The Hours.)

The entire film is based around a miserable pair of sisters, Kidman and Jennifer Jason Leigh, being monotone in a way that is possibly meant to be ironic but who knows really? There’s a wedding coming up to an ugly, and at one point naked, Jack Black who whines and cries

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and sleeps with the kid babysitter, or something. I was disturbed by naked Jack Black.

The film is full of things that weren’t said which works sometimes, but not here. No, sometimes it helps to tell us what’s going on, not just force us to listen to lots of arguments about deceased parents and estranged siblings. I mean, Christ on a three-wheeled bike, I could stay at home for that!

By the time you read this the film will probably have been and gone in the cinema. It’s hardly a major box office draw, so if you’re still reading this, well, good for you. I hope I didn’t completely ruin your interest in a film that you’ll probably forget about, much like I did while writing this.

Aisling Tempany

‘stress eating’ really was a low point even for the most devoted fans of Bridget Jones’s Diary.

As Richard struggles to choose between the different shades of white paint for his walls, which anyone who has recently seen Juno will know seems to be the stereotypical way to present the ‘boring other-half’ character, it all becomes clear to Emma that maybe he isn’t so perfect after all. Dr Lloyd shortly realises that she isn’t an expert in love and finds herself falling for the rugged fireman who she is conveniently already married to.

The few laughs of the film were overshadowed by the banal slapstick moments, Uma Thurman manages to do a comic ‘fall over drunk and hit my head on the bar’ moment and get sprayed by a hose in about the first half hour.

Predictable from the start, uncomfortably cringe-worthy and, at times, just utterly ridiculous, the film is a big disappointment for anyone who should accidentally stumble upon it.

Kate Budd

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LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY Dir: Julian Schnabel Cast: Mathieu Almaric, Emmanuelle Seigner Out Now, 112 mins

Synopsis: The true story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, the former editor of Elle, who after a stroke is left utterly paralysed bar the use of one eye.

Through winking this one eye writes his memoirs telling, with heartaching eloquence, his life before and after his affliction.

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efore the release of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly it would have been fair to assume that Julian Schnabel, not particularly commercially or critically successful as a filmmaker, would be remembered first and foremost as a visual artist. His two previous movies, Before Night Falls and Basquiat (a biopic of the artist), although containing some moments of inspiration, were on the whole far less than extraordinary.

The sheer brilliance of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly then arrives as

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a complete shock, and its effectiveness is utterly unprecedented based on Schnabel’s earlier work.

First and foremost it is a movie about life; the vibrancy, colour and splendour of the everyday that we all take for granted. Through the eye of a physically broken man we learn to appreciate, as he does, the beauty in simply being. The most remarkable achievement of the work is that although it is an essentially tragic story, it rarely becomes distressing and even more rarely depressing.

Instead of dwelling on the intolerably awful situation in which the protagonist finds himself, it uplifts as we watch this formerly rather selfish man develop and survive through utterly heartbreaking circumstances.

Indeed, the movie (based on Bauby’s memoirs) is unashamedly honest; no effort is made about hiding his less than angelic past as Elle editor and a far from responsible father. This is one of the aspects that makes the film so affecting - no pretence is given as to Bauby having been a fine human being. He is just a man who is thrown into an unimaginably bad situation.

The script is full of wit and charm, as the protagonist’s thoughts, which he cannot verbalise, manage to remain upbeat and darkly comic.

Inside his ineffective body and wasting flesh he is still a red-blooded

male, leching at nurses’ breasts and licking lips.

Using his one winking eye Bauby manages to write a moving and eloquent memoir. The imagery he uses is both heartbreaking and spiritually uplifting. Schnabel handles the material perfectly early on in the movie capturing the feeling of claustrophobia that is inevitably felt by a man who wakes up in a useless body.

With a gentle soundtrack (which occasionally seems a little misjudged - perhaps the film’s only failing) and saturated use of light on exterior shots, the director sets an elevating tone for the movie. Occasionally there are moments that are almost too sad to bear, but these instances are always somehow saved by glimpses of true happiness that continue to make Jean Bauby’s life worthwhile. Interestingly the scenes which are often the most heart-rending are the ones in Bauby’s former life where we are all too knowing of what the future has in store for him, in some ways the ultimate form of dramatic irony.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is a movie which reminds us of the redemptive power of cinema. It is as thoughtful as any book, touching as any song, it puts life in perspective and that can only ever be a good thing.

Will Hitchins

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ig movie makers often like to branch out into the foreign, the unknown, to give their work that extra touch of individual flair. Unfortunately, these forward thinkers are often thwarted by a band of Hollywood actors who, when asked to adopt a foreign accent, choose to turn to Sesame Street rather than native speakers to conduct their research. The following five performers reach the innermost circle of linguistic hell.

LIAM NEESON - SCHINDLER’S LIST Perhaps one of the most incredible casting roles ever. Spielberg’s choice for lead character, the man who the entire film is named after, fluffs German in such a way that damages the gripping realism of this Holocaust epic almost to the extent of parody. Liam Neeson’s lilting Irish voice can in no way, shape or form be made to sound like the hard, industrial German this role so required. Just look at the horrified expression on Ben Kingsley’s face in every scene the two characters share.

KEANU REEVES - BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA The most prominent example from a film riddled with the most base, stereotyped accents known to man.

Unbelievably, Dracula’s European hybrid slurring sounds coherent next to an attempt at posh British that sounds more like Jackie Chan.

Keanu Reeves, or Andy Pandy as I refer to him (made of wood y’see..)

- can’t even do a shy real-estate salesman convincingly, and his American twang pops out more often here than Judy Finnigan in a corset.

DICK VAN DYKE - MARY POPPINS The original and best, this role reenforced the American stereotype that all British men talk through their noses. Every year, tens of thousands of Yanks flock to the streets of London to give their best ‘Dicking’ to unsuspecting shop attendants and restaurant workers up and down Oxford Street. Needless to say, this does not go down all that well.

NICOLAS CAGE - CAPTAIN CORELLI’S MANDOLIN A piece of casting almost as inspired as Neeson, Nicholas Cage doesn’t seem to be even trying to recreate Louis de Bernières’ wartime pacifist. In a film seemingly more interested in money-making names than artistic realism, John Madden seemed to come to the conclusion that his leading man needed to sound like the pizza guy

from The Simpsons. Supposedly Hank Azaria was otherwise occupied at the time of filming.

ANY JAMES BOND - ANY VILLAIN You name it, the non-Western threat is there. The shoddy, camp-as-Christmas non-Western threat. To pick a standout from this plethora of communist impressions would be like kicking one of the Coors sisters out of bed, but special mention has to go to the likes of Robbie Coltrane, Robert Carlyle and Christopher Walken, simply for having a go.

Words - Tom Woods Images - Ben Phillips

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Director...

Kevin Smith

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any people won’t recognise the name Kevin Smith, but when he’s described as ‘the guy who played Silent Bob’ you will get some nods of acknowledgement. What few realise is that; in addition to his recurring cameo role; Smith wrote and directed all the Jay and Silent Bob films, and largely funded them too. Six of Smith’s seven films, Clerks (1994), Mallrats (1995), Chasing Amy (1997), Dogma (1999), Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) and Clerks II (2006), are set in the View Askewniverse. Most of these films are located in and around Smith’s home state of New Jersey, and feature recurring actors (including Smith’s friends Jason Lee, Ben Affleck and Jason Mewes) and recurring characters. As Smith has become more successful, he has attracted bigger names such as Alan Rickman and Salma Hayek.

Key Film: Dogma (1999) Kevin Smith is probably best known for his controversial religious comedy Dogma. Starring Ben Affleck and Matt Damon as fallen angels, the film caused such an outrage with its comical rendering of religion that original distributors Miramax publicly distanced themselves from the production.

In the vein of Smith’s early films, Dogma is punctuated by witty backand-forths delivered in precision deadpan, particularly one conversation between Alan Rickman’s character Metatron and heroine Bethany (played

by Linda Fiorentino) regarding God’s sense of humour Despite Dogma’s some-

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times crude humour, Smith stylishly juxtaposes ironic stabs at the Catholic Church (and religious institutions in general) with intelligent observations about the hypocrisy of both supporters and opponents of religion. These ingredients make for a memorable film which helped transform Kevin Smith from a promising indie filmmaker into a respected Hollywood director.

My Favourite: Clerks (1994) After dropping out of film school in the early 1990s, Smith maxed out twelve credit cards in an attempt to fund debut film Clerks.

The $27,000 he raised didn’t make for great production values, but it helped transform his laugh-out-loud screenplay into a bigscreen success.

Chronicling a day in the life of store clerks Dante and Randal, Clerks is shot in black and white and centred around two shops in Leonardo, New Jersey. Despite its small cast, Clerks is notable for introducing the memorable characters Jay and Silent Bob, essentially an honest representation of Mewes and Smith themselves.

One of Smith’s trademarks, which has endeared him to millions, is the excessively matterof-fact relaying of ri-

diculous anecdotes or arguments.

These often puerile elements have seen Smith describe his dialogue as “David Mamet meets Howard Stern.” This style is illustrated to perfection in Clerks, making Smith millions and spawning a belated sequel in 2006.

One To Miss: Jersey Girl (2004) In 2001, Smith vowed to move away from the View Askewniverse, and the fact that he returned there in 2006 with Clerks 2 shows how much of a commercial failure Jersey Girl was for all concerned.

Fans of the film have attributed its lack of success to the pairing of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, who had become tabloid scapegoats after their miserable offering Gigli. Smith even had the honesty to admit that “Jersey Girl was just... the wrong time, the wrong guy, the wrong everything”.

The patently commercial subjectmatter prompted much of the film’s criticism: many reviewers considered it overly sentimental and formulaic, while even loyal fans were unimpressed with the lack of sharp dialogue.

Although unsuccessful, Jersey Girl was hardly a terrible film - it just failed to live up to Smith’s high standards.

Tom Victor