Quench - Issue 45

Q U E N C H QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM>VOL 4.45>NOV 13 2006

D IA N G UA R N T E D ST U E A Z IN M AG E H OF T YEAR

THE GOO GOO DOLLS LET US IN ON THE LOVE

PLUS: INTERVIEWS GIVES YOU THE LOWDOWN FROM FORMER BLUR GUITARIST, GRAHAM COXON FILM FESTIVAL COMES TO TOWN WE GIVE YOU THE BEST OF THE ACTION THE BLURB > GAY> GOING OUT > FEATURES > BOOKS > ARTS > FASHION > TRAVEL > FOOD > DIGITAL AND MUCH MORE...

Quench

Best Student Publication 2005

CONTENTS features

Best Student Magazine 2005

We chat to rising star, Jamie T

20FEATURES A new type of funny 25FILM Go festive

Page 39

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

55BARRY CADSHAW Unrequited hell

regulars 04THE BLURB

NEW SECTION

Pointing you in the right direction

39MUSIC It’s all a Blur

08INTERVIEWS

46ARTS

13TRAVEL

48DIGITAL

(Middle-)Eastern promise

E-Man

16FASHION

50GOING OUT

Top of the shops

Alternate yourselves

18GAY

51CULT CLASSICS

Representing the rainbow

Will make you quizzically nostalgic

19FOOD

52BLIND DATE

35BOOKS

54TUNNEL VISION

Radio Goo Goo, radio ga ga

I say tomato, you say...

A ’Diff kind of read

QUENCH@GAIRRHYDD.COM

How arty-farty

It’s a speedy pheno-Menon

Family misfortunes

Editor Sophie Robehmed Executive editor Perri Lewis Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Books Daisy Beare Columnists Gareth Paisey, Grace DeVille Cult Classics Tom Brookes Debate Caleb Woodbridge Digital Dom Mukwamba-Sendall Fashion Leana Crookes, Matt Hitt Features Amy Harrison, Ben Bryant Film Ewen Hosie, Ryan Owen, Si Truss Food Joanne Grew Gay Deen Lloyd Going Out Kayleigh Excell, Rachel Clare Interviews Amira Hashish, Nicola Menage Music Mike Richards, Sofie Jenkinson, Will Hitchins Photography Adam Gasson, James Perou, Luke Pavey, Sarah Day Travel Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Proof Readers Ais Tempany, Becca Shillabeer, Cat Gee, Chris White, Dave Menon, Luke Pavey, Will Dean Contributors Ana Moraes, Andy Brooks, Andy Rennison, Andy Williams, Ben Marshall, Cat Gee, Chris White, Dave Menon, Ed Pitchforth, Ed Vanstone, Emily Kendrick, Gareth Mogg, Guy FerneyHough, Han Davies, Hema Gohil, Hollie Clemence, Huw Davis, James Ridgway, Jamie Ley, Jen Williams, Jo Butler, Josie Allchin, Josh Cummins, Juliet Chard, Kirsty Page, Laura Rowe, Liam Dando, Lucy Reader, Luke Rhyss, Mariam Bashorun, Michael Bateson-Hill, Rachel Phillips, Rhys Trigg, Shamina Mohamed, Tasha Prest-Smith, Thomas Birts, Tom Viktor, Tom Williams.

Cover design Sophie Robehmed Front page photo Sarah Day Thought of the week: ‘Why is a select group of section editors so fascinated by animal porn and vaginas? Discuss.’

THREE

THE BLURB QED

W

hen I was still eyes-wideopen, bushy-tailed at the end of my first-year experiencing a grave lack of motivation to work and gaining extremely itchy feet to travel, a third-year once told me that this said lack of motivation would not change when I became a third-year even though finals would inevitably be looming. I was shocked. Horrified. Reluctant to believe it but equally concerned that it could be true. And it was in fact only yesterday that his very words came back to haunt me. It’s reading week and I haven’t even read a one-syllable word, (that’s right, not even an ‘A’ or ‘The’) from my as-long-as-Andrew-Marr’s-arms reading list (he’s that news reporter with seemingly extraordinarily elongated arms). So if this seemingly permanent case of procrastination doesn’t disappear, why does everything else have to change?

I’m of course talking about my horrendous case of grumpy student syndrome. More commonly known as third-year syndrome, if you will. It’s exceedingly contagious among my fellow final year peers, which is a small comfort in this pungent, and very dark, submission into the skin flaps of an excessively obese Sharp Pei’s armpit (you know those dogs with all-over rolls of flab.) Generically, our symptoms include a genuine reluctance and ‘can’t-be-botheredattitude’ to being social (we prefer to lounge around the house as hermits in the warm instead) and constant bemusement at the rest of the student population who actually want to be social. In short, we are moody old gits. All cliches of joustling in Tesco trolleys in the ’Bont and I don’t know, talking full-stop (most of the time, we just lie there, mute), being ‘fun’ and err, all other crazy with a

FOUR

‘k’ type behaviour expected of the everyday student have firmly vanished. We are merely hagged strangers to our former zealous selves.

But change, as you and I know very well, is a part of life. Still, I was recently fascinated to read on t’internet that just like the years in higher education can dramatically affect a person’s behaviour and dwindling opinion of the academia lifestyle (excluding the lie-ins and few hours of scheduled working hours asymmetrical to the terrifying ‘real world’ that is nigh), a Professor Schwartz on the other side of the pond has detailed over 70 cases demonstrating that transplanted organs can also transplant the donor’s personality. In one such case, a health-conscious young dancer underwent a heart-and-lung transplant and as soon as she left the hospital, headed straight to a Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet for chicken nuggets.

This is something she would never have done before; likewise, her calm and conservative demeanour was replaced by an aggressive and impetuous persona. When she investigated her donor, she found out, strangely enough, that he had been an aggressive and impetuous man who had a passion for KFC; in fact he had died in a motorcycle accident and uneaten chicken nuggets were found in his motorcycle jacket at the crash scene. This apparent change seems almost unbelievable.

Back to the banalities of life and what will be, will be, I suppose. I’ll either pick up a book and begin with that initial one-syllable word or I won’t. It really is that simple. I’m just complicating issues that needn’t be that way inclined.

And that’s unfortunately something that never seems to change.

C a rd i f f students on small s c re e n ‘GUN’: Does exactly what it says on the barrel

F

act: Cardiff students are indeed more than capable of working hard and inputting their talent on higly creative projects for the benefit of us all.

Evidence of such? Two of Quench’s Film Editors, Ryan Owen and Ewen Hosie, have been involved on the making of a short film as part of the “It’s my Shout” film project.

The filmmaking training scheme which was supported by renowned institutions such as ITV Wales, Cyfle (Welsh film training board, Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama and others; encourages students to direct, produce, act, edit short films as well as work. The funding, training and production support as well as distribution of students and young filmmakers is luckily been increasing, especially in Wales – as opposed to the predictable London based incentives – with the strong Support of the Arts Council for Wales and other independent organizations. One of the pleasant results of this incentive for the arts is the Cardiff Film Festival, taking place from the 8th to the 18th of this month, at Cineworld and Chapter Arts Center, in Canton.

Five films, ‘Gun,’ ‘The Hunt for a New,’ ‘Bob Crutch,’ ‘Pineapple Girl,’ and ‘The Trek,’ featuring Ryan and Ewen’s efforts will be shown on ITV1 at 11pm on Friday for the following two weeks. Ana Moraes

THE BLURB Kerrang! Radio out and on the air in Wales as well. As part of this campaign, the kind and lovely people at Kerrang! are putting on a series of free, yes, free gigs around the nation to create awareness for the campaign, of which, one will be held right here in Cardiff, the Point, to be precise on November 15.

“

Fightstar deserve a chance, and to be put on a bill like this surely says good things

Free love: rock music on tap Cardiff’s The Point to host a free Kerrang!-organised rock fest

T

wo words – Free, and Music.

Put them together and hey presto you get the wonderful sounding, lusted after statement “Free music” (I’m not doing a degree for nothing you know…).

Some say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and for the most part, the same can be said for music.

The price of downloading (legal) music will no doubt nibble away unknowingly at your bank balance until you experience mild heart failure at the sight of your next bank

THEBLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

statement. The constant rise in CD prices won’t help either, and it’s rare that a big name gig is put on in a town near you for anything less than the price you paid to buy that bands CD. However, let me lull you out this depressing mindset. Kerrang! Radio is apparently here to help.

At present, Kerrang! Radio is streamed live over the internet and broadcast on the airwaves around most of the Midlands. However, there’s a campaign going to get

Playing at this free music extravaganza will be rock titans The Cooper Temple Clause, who after keeping on the low after the departure of their bassist Didz Hammond to Dirty Pretty Things, are making a welcome return with their newly released single Homo Sapiens, which made its chart debut at a respectable number 36 at the end of October.

Joining these lads will be self confessed “reggae punk metallers” Skindred. Hailing from Newport, these guys bring a crazy mish mash of punk, drum and bass, metal and dancehall ringing like an out of control mosh pit in your eardrum - something nice to play to your mother on a Sunday afternoon and definitely worth your attention.

As if this wasn’t enough our old friends Fightstar will be making an appearance, with Charlie and his crew trying not stand out like a sore thumb (I’m trying not be mean, I really am). But brush away your preconceptions if you will, Fightstar deserve a chance, and to be put on a bill like this surely says good things. Go on, you know you want to like them.

New and exciting Welsh acts The Blackout and Kidsinglasshouses will also be playing and deserve your support.

To get to this legendary free gig, all you need to do is log on to www.kerrangradiowales.co.uk, enter your details and wait to see if you are one of the lucky ones to receive some free tickets to this not – to – be – missed event. Even if you don’t get tickets, your name will still go down on the petition to get Kerrang! out on our airwaves in Wales.

Josie Allchin

FIVE

THE BLURB/ DEBATE

Euthanasia Do we have the right to choose death with dignity, or is euthanasia an affront to the value of human life?

For

Against

Joshua Cummins

Joanna Butler

T

he right to life is also the right to death. Every right comes with the responsibility of choice how to use it. For those who no longer wish to live because of disease, injury or disability, what right have we to deny them the right to choose?

Just imagine if you were faced with the horror of terminal disease. Imagine knowing that your body was failing, getting more and more painful each day as your organs failed. Imagine knowing that the illness was destroying your mind, the very essence of yourself.

Imagine knowing the only way to control the pain was to be drugged up and only semi-conscious. Would being forced to go through this really be the humane thing to do?

There have been wonderful advances in medical technology. But as well as being better able to treat and cure people, science has also brought the terrifying prospect of being able to prolong a person's life almost indefinitely. Surely keeping someone ‘alive’ on a life-support machine against their wishes is playing God far more than allowing them to die with dignity? A misguided sense of obligation to keep people "alive" under any and all circumstances is both cruel and a cowardly attempt to escape the reality of death.

In a democracy, what's right is what 50% of the population plus one decide is right. With 72% of the population supporting euthanasia, a change in the law is longoverdue. If people believe euthanasia to be immoral, then nobody is forcing them to choose to die, and it's only common sense to allow people to refuse to participate in carrying out a mercy killing if conscience forbids.

But such people cannot impose their morality on the rest of the population.

The amazing phenomenon of consciousness is indeed something precious. Our conscious lives are the fleeting dreams of matter as a universe rises and falls. But to ascribe absolute value to human life is just sentimentality - if someone's existence is nothing but living death, then they should be able to choose to end it.

SIX

E

uthanasia comes from the Greek ‘eu’, meaning ‘good’, and ‘thanatos’, meaning ‘death’. But is euthanasia really a ‘good death’? Would society really be able to function if life was disposable and we could decide to end things with one simple request?

Without wanting to sound like an over-zealous preacher, I have to ask, does life no longer have inherent value? Is life not pure and special: should it not be preserved at all costs? I understand that in times of unbearable suffering it may seem merciful to help someone slip away quickly and peacefully, but who has the authority to take life?

Allowing ‘mercy killing’ in extreme situations takes away absolute respect for life, which could easily degenerate into losing all respect for life. First of all, it becomes merciful to kill someone if they are painfully dying of an incurable disease; next it becomes kind to kill a Down’s Syndrome baby whose quality of life is in question.

A huge problem with euthanasia is the inability to truly vindicate someone’s request to die. A person may ask to be killed because of a number of pressures: they may feel a burden to their family or the NHS, they may feel that it is expected of them, or they may simply demand it in a moment of delusion. A legal system for vindicating requests does not escape the social pressures a person may feel to choose death.

Some make a distinction between killing someone and allowing them to die. For instance, actively killing a severely disabled baby by smothering it may be different to letting it die through not giving it oxygen. But allowing life to be lost when we have the power to save it is still bringing about someone’s death, however much we try and sugar coat such actions.

Euthanasia tries to make death clean-cut, pain-free and easy. It runs away from the fact that we need to have a more realistic attitude towards life’s end. We need to support, nurse and counsel our dying in their last hours, in order to allow for a ‘good death’.

DEBATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE BLURB/ GRACE

U

Grace de Ville

nlike Ja Rule, I’m not always on time. So imagine my glee when, flicking through a popular women’s glossy magazine at the weekend, I’m told that “late is the new early” (or something along those lines). Hurrah! It’s always nice to have my lack of punctuality legitimised by someone else.

It got me thinking though.

Although it’s a social faux pas to arrive too early to a soirée, there’s fashionably late and there’s arriving at a party after the tumbleweed has left and the only evidence that a gathering actually took place are some puddles of Guinness-coloured sick covered in mould spores and an upturned ashtray. Such is the extent of my tardiness that I once arrived late to an exam, and, in my flustered state of confusion, sat in someone else’s seat. I eventually cottoned on to the blunder when I noticed that my humanities paper was suspiciously engineering-orientated.

Sometimes promptness is essential.

Late period anyone? I thought not.

“

I was once offered the services of a cockerel but politley declined Every New Year I resolve to mend my wicked ways once and for all. I'd quite like to arrive at an engagement without my hair stuck to my forehead and sweat patches the size of marrows under my arms. I'm painting an attractive picture here, aren't I? If there’s a means of curing my chronic lack of timekeeping, believe me, I’ve tried it. I’ve been advised by many to set my watch ten minutes

Stop all the clocks Why-oh-why am I late for absolutely everything?

ahead of the actual time. This would be a brilliant idea, apart from the fact that I haven’t possessed a timepiece since the last millennium.

Hmm… perhaps this is where I’m going wrong?

I’m considering taking a leaf out of Flava Flav’s book and investing in a robust alarm clock to hang around my neck. I was once offered the services of a cockerel but politely declined. You can’t be too careful these days, what with Avian Flu and Salmonella lurking around every chicken coop corner. And besides, I’d look pretty stupid swanning around with poultry on my shoulder. Parrots have so much more class, but are unfortunately lacking in temporal awareness, and would therefore be about as much use as a chocolate frying pan.

Every time I try and arrive somewhere at the right time, some cosmic force acts against me and I lose a shoe, or get halfway there and realise that the reason I can’t see properly is because I’ve only got one contact lens in. There’s absolutely no hope for me, but at least I’ve developed coping mechanisms to avoid further delay.

Years of rushing about have meant that my ‘walk’ has evolved into a super-sprint, known to many as “GracePace”. If I wasn’t late all the time, then I’d never do any form of aerobic exercise and would be too obese to leave the sofa, let alone the house in the first place. See, there’s a reason for everything.

Anyway, I’d love to stop and chat but I’m late for handing in this column and unless I get my act together, it’ll never see the light of day. If you’re reading this, I obviously made it.

GRACEDEVILLE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

SEVEN

INTERVIEWS

No pussycats James Ridgway and Amira Hashish let us in on their encounter with The Goo Goo Dolls...

T

he Goo Goo Dolls were founded in Buffalo, New York, during 1986. The band started off as a scrappy--punk outfit, mostly dismissed by critics. It was not until the release of their fourth album Superstar Car Wash in 1993 that critical and commercial success was found. It was the first album that made use of their now trademark melodies, with a hint of punk energy.

Superstardom was not far away, and with the release of Iris in 1998 on the soundtrack for City Of Angels (starring Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan), the band found a legion of fans behind them. The song was fixed at the number one slot in the Billboard Charts for 18 weeks and is described by many (including Avril Lavigne) as their favourite song of all time. Other hits from the band’s sixth studio album Dizzy up the Girl such as Slide, Name and Black Balloon only acted to increase their popularity.

“

People in the UK are more passionate about music. The crowds go crazy.

They sing everything Their latest album Let Love In celebrates the band’s 20th anniversary and includes the US top 10 single Stay With You. It is also the reason for the latest tour. When we meet the Goo Goo Dolls they are in the middle of the European leg of the tour which has been well-received.

As well as performing their recent work, they have secured enthusiastic crowd responses by playing the classics.

In our exclusive interview, lead singer Johnny Rzeznik and bassist, Robby Takac discuss the highs and lows of life on the road, the international music scene and why X-Factor isn’t as bad as Paris Hilton...

EIGHT

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS How is the tour going?

Johnny: Yeah, everything’s been sold out. Which is always very awesome.

What is the best aspect of touring?

Johnny: Well, we’ve gotten to travel all over the UK now. The best part of touring over here is to see the difference in the crowds. People here are just more passionate in general about music. The crowds go crazy, they sing everything. There’s nights when they’re louder than I am and I’m like ‘Wow! That’s real passion.’

Robby: All I could think about in Cardiff was history because I had just been to Cardiff Castle. When I look at the crowds I think, ‘wow, all these people’s relatives were pouring boiling lead on people’s heads.’ So yeah, that’s all I can think of as we’ve been travelling around.

Is it weird travelling all the way from America over to Europe and experiencing the level of popularity that you do?

Johnny: What’s weird is we’re still trying to figure out how that all happened.

Robby: We gave up.

Johnny: We’d given up on Europe and we were just like, fine, we’ll play in America because nothing had ever happened for us over here. Then all of a sudden, here we are. I don’t know whether its iTunes? MySpace?

Ronan Keating?

Are there any negative aspects to touring? Do you get really drained sometimes?

Robby: We were just talking about that last night actually and yeah, absolutely. It’s much easier now than it was, now we’re walking in front of full rooms of people, so it’s a lot easier to get up there and make it good. I think the excitement of being over here and doing well has made it a lot easier for us this time.

What would you say is the best aspect of your job?

Johnny: Well, it depends what I’m doing. If I’m writing, I like touring. If I’m touring, I like writing. I always love recording. I like when the songs are written and you’re in this completely safe environment where you can work out and do what ever you want.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

What do you think of the music industry in general? Do you think it’s in a good place?

Johnny: It’s in a really bad place. I think if people don’t change the way they do business they’re gonna find themselves out of business.

Robby: Yeah, I think the classic version of the music industry is in real trouble but I think that it’s really an exciting dawn right now for whatever the future industry is going to be. It’s really developing itself in a very real manner right now.

“

If the industry doesn’t change its attitude to music people will find themselves out of business Do you notice a difference between the music coming out of America and Europe?

Johnny: Yeah I love that band Razorlight. I love Keane as well.

There’s a lot of really good melodic music coming out. I guess there’s always a certain element of fashion involved in music. Everything is so subdivided in America musically. One radio station will only play metal, while another will only play hip-hop, with very narrow sub-genres. Here music seems as if there’s a little more latitude. There’s another band too that I love, Muse. Man, that band’s amazing. I saw them on the television, really late at night just flicking through the channels, they were playing live someplace.

They are unbelievable.

Robby: I think there’s two extremes right now. There’s the people who are famous first and then are turned into musicians and it’s so outrageous that it’s just sort of accepted.

They don’t even expect them to sing, they don’t expect them to really do anything. They are just famous. At the other end of the spectrum, the internet has allowed people to see what people are really like. So you’re found out in a second. You’re either gonna be that bogus and that cheap and that horrible and that cheesy, or you gotta be real. I think that’s why you have a lot of kids in t-shirts making rock now.

Do you think the music industry is always too fashion-conscious?

Johnny: I think it’s always been too image-conscious, but it’s in the proper context. You obviously have to create some sort of image for yourself.

It has to be an extension of who you are, but it has to come after you write the music. You also get bands where the function follows the form where fashion is really important, like My Chemical Romance. They are so fashion-conscious.

What do you think of shows like Xfactor?

Robby: Is that like American Idol?

Johnny: The weird thing about it is at least those people can sing, they have to have some talent to sing. I know they’re not writers per se but at least they have some singing talent.

Do you have a favourite album of yours?

Johnny: I have ones that I like less than others but I won’t tell you.

Is there a particular track you enjoy performing live?

Johnny: I like Stay With You Robby: Slide’s always fun to play.

That’s always traditionally been the second gear to the shows.

What do you do to relax before/after a show?

Johnny: Well up until yesterday I drank myself to sleep. But that’s not working so much now.

Robby: I like to explore European Castles, like that one just over there.

I gravitate towards them. When I get back home, I’m just gonna have to keep going to White Castles (an American fast food chain) all the time, because there are no castles in the United States. We’ll just have to keep coming back here. We have a friend here now. Our caterer’s from Cardiff and she tells us it’s a really nice place.

TURN OVER THE PAGE FOR THIS WEEK’S INSTALLMENT OF THE VIEW with Johnny and Robby...

NINE

INTERVIEWS

The View

Rock royalty Jonny Rzeznik and Robby Tacak of The Goo Goo Dolls talk Paris, Pop and Winston Churchill

The GooGoo Dolls on Mr. Keating’s cover of Iris...

Johnny: I thought the Ronan Keating cover lacked a little. But I have to give him credit as he put a lot of light on us by doing that song. Interest started to come up about us. I mean the guy is a huge star.

Robby: It probably would have been better if we played and sang it!

On being a fly on the wall...

Robby: If I could be a fly on the wall for a day the first place I would go is The Oval Office.

No, wait. I want to change that. I would like to go to Chaney’s office (America’s VP). I don’t care about the Oval Office.

Johnny: If I could fly around anywhere in time, I’d like to be in Winston Churchill’s private study after he had drunk an entire bottle of brandy.

On the big ‘pop’ machine...

Johnny: I was in the gym yesterday listening to this pop radio station and there was this very famous celebrity heiress who put an album out.

Robby: Her name rhymes with Hilton.

Johnny: And I’m really good friends with the woman who wrote a lot of the material. I was like, ‘oh my god that’s my friend singing.’ Someone like Paris Hilton is just a brand. She’s famous. Therefore, she can sell watches and shoes and videos and her music just goes along with the brand. She’s basically just a figurehead for marketing a lifestyle.

Robby: Whether she can sing or not is secondary. Let’s just get that record out!

On Morphing...

Johnny: If I could become anyone else for a day, I would like to turn into John Holmes (legendary porn star).

Robby: I would be Rodger Rabbit.

Have you ever seen his girlfriend?!

TEN

I thought the Ronan Keating cover lacked a little

“

The Lowdown The latest celebrity updates with Amira and Nicky

BORIS JOHNSON is reportedly being lined up to star on Celebrity Big Brother.

The Tory education spokesman is popular among producers who want another political contestant after George Galloway's infamous stint on the last series.

Before any decision can be finalised, Boris will need the approval of Tory leader David Cameron, and show bosses hope the Conservative chief will see it as a great opportunity to reach out to younger viewers.

Boris is well known for getting himself into trouble with misjudged comments. He recently came under criticism for questioning Jamie Oliver's school food campaign.

Other rumoured names for the next series of the Channel 4 reality show include Baywatch star David Hasselhof and 80s singer Adam Ant. LINDSAY LOHAN has reportedly signed up to appear in forthcoming film The Best Time of Our Lives with Keira Knightly about poet Dylan Thomas.

The film is about the relationship between Thomas, his wife and his wifes childhood friend (to be played by Lindsay and Keira respectively.)

Lindsay told MTV: “Keira’s character is older than me, but she kind of has a mysterious relationship with my [character] and theres somewhat of a lesbian undertone.”

SCARLETT JOHANSSON has confirmed last months rumours that shes recording an album of Tom Waits songs, to be called simply: Scarlett sings Tom Waits.

She has confirmed that the album is being recorded around her busy filming schedule but says she is in no rush to finish the album.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS

Up close and personal Singer/Songwriter, Mika, invites Amira Hashish to his quirky world

“

I started singing from a very young age because I needed something to do as a child. I was one of those kids who couldn’t really be normal.

I was born in Beirut but I only lived there for a year. We had to leave there when I was one because the war was so bad. We moved to France originally and then to London. I had a really hard time in the French state school there. I was really different. I was the kind of kid that would walk in with fluorescent pink shorts on and think he was completely amazing because he had found them on holiday in Florida. I walked into a French state school in Kensington and I was the devil. I didn’t have the intelligence or capacity to tone myself down for anybody and they couldn’t handle it. The funniest thing is teachers couldn’t handle it. I would say whatever I wanted. I was free but so many kids aren’t. I could speak English a bit but I couldn’t read or write it at the time. My first language was French. I was pulled out of school and didn’t go for about six to eight months. That’s when I started doing music. Within five months of really practising singing with my extremely tough Russian singing teacher, I ended up doing a gig at the Royal Opera House.

I write all the time. My life is punctuated and dictated by my writing. I could be sitting somewhere and then have to run off and write a song. But I get ideas from everywhere. I am a bit of a TV whore. I am learning to admit that. I keep the TV on all the time. I only have terrestrial television but I watch every piece of trash. I could be watching Trisha and then write a song. I have written a song called Big Girl. I come from a family with a lot of big women in it. My mum is quite big. I have never had any weird stigma about big ladies. If anything, I have had to deal with abuse because my mother is big.

One night I was going to LA and had an early night so I didn’t want to sleep. I watched a repeat of a

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Victoria Wood documentary on fat women in America. It was amazing.

She went to this place called The Butterfly Lounge, which was the first weight acceptance night club in the world. It is basically for fat women and people who like that. I saw this place and thought it was amazing.

I write and do everything at the piano. A lot of jazz vocalists influence me. I don’t have the patience yet but as I get older and mature slowly I think I will get into more instrumental jazz. I find jazz vocalists and real rock vocalists with real blues influences very similar. Both genres are instinctive, full of rhythm and about the emotion rather than the sound of the song. It is real music. I just got an iPod which is a big deal for somebody like me who has resisted for such a long time. I still carry my CD player around with me. It is quite a statement. I listen to everything from Ella Fitzgerald to the Infidels to the Guillemots. The Guillemots record is genius. Prince is a favourite of mine too. Pop music can be powerful because it is uplifting. You can relate to it. There is nothing worse than a pop song that is completely fake.

to the songs themselves. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not the kind of person that defines music by era.

The world is so small these days.

You can sit at your computer and learn about so many different cultures. You can download music from Africa on iTunes. If you make use of all those things you really have to open yourself up to anything. If you have loads of money and you’re parents are going to pay for you to go on a fab gap year as soon as you leave school well go ahead. Knock yourself out in Thailand but that is not going to change your life. Travel is important but keeping your ears and eyes open to different cultures is more so.

Culture is an important musical influence. I have never made a conscious effort to put an Arab influence in my work though. The one thing that goes into my music is that I don’t really feel I belong anywhere although I never want to leave London. I am emotionally anchored to one place though. I question absolutely everything.” *Mika is touring the UK from November 14.

Check out www.mikasounds.com

“

I was the kid that could not really be normal If I had to define my sound I would probably say it is pop music. I would sum up the album I am working on as hyperactive, psychobabble, pop.

Not the pop music that has stained manufactured connotations though. I mean real pop music that basically transcends on us simply because it can. Between the 60s and 80s you had real musicians and songwriters who also made records. The whole record was part of the song writing and the artistry is in every single part of the record making from the art work to the sounds of the songs

ELEVEN

INTERVIEWS

Bittersweet

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

bundle of misery

G

raham Coxon is a man famed for both his awkward and timid nature. Being an integral member of one of the most successful and influential British bands of all time has almost faded in comparison to his impressive solo career, now 6 albums in length with a live album soon to be released.

As Quench bundles itself into Coxon’s tiny dressing room, encasing his rider laden banquet table and homely living room carpets, we find a scrawny bespectacled man cross legged on the floor.

It seems as though his mind is often dominated by thoughts of home, his daughter and his lack of domestic rhythm. “The first three or four dates go woooof when you're all excited and then fatigue hits and you're sort of flattened. I feel like going to bed all the time, like one of those... depressive people. Reading in bed with hula hoops and stuff like that. It flattens my spirit. I don’t feel free. I think I have to feel very free to write anything.”

Most people are deeply affected on some level by the birth of a child, “I suppose i’m not ashamed of being sentimental. A lot of the sentimental songs come out of possibly about her then they evolve into songs

TWELVE

Sofie Jenkinson delves into the pysche of Graham Coxon, a man adept at being both elusive and ridiculously talented. With the depth and integrity of those twice his age, he takes us on a journey through his mind...

which could be about girls. I mean it's, there's never been a song really about specific people, maybe one or two but generally they've been about fantasy figures really, no one real.”

Coxon has recently done a project with Julie Verhoeven in Riflemake gallery in London, making sound to go with her paintings. “I don't know whether she wanted me to do that but I sort of made funny boudoir music really. Which was lots of ‘excuse me’ and Chopin and sounds of trains and, umm, kind of raspberries being blown and footsteps!”

“

Like a hospital? It’s funny being that. I haven’t even started in my mind Coxon’s audiences are hard to pin point, even by him, “I have a hard time thinking who they are really, the gigs are a bit weird, because all sorts of people comes to gigs. I suppose I'm getting on a bit. A lot of people have already made up their mind about what I do before they've listened to it as well because of association with my old group. It’s nice to still be appreciated by kids.”

Coxon is an institution to so many people, not a role he slips into in his mind with the greatest of ease, “Like a hospital? It’s funny being that. I haven’t even started in my mind.”

Having only just released an album early this year his thoughts are already fixed on future projects, “It might be a bit of a mixture of the last two and earlier stuff really I think. I want to explore a bit more traditional sounding stuff and psychedelia and groovy rhythms, sort of a later underground grooviness.”

And what of the next few years for Coxon, “I suppose I could pick up the phone tomorrow to Alex and could say I wanted to jam with Blur or whatever, if I wanted to do nothing for two years I could learn to make shoes!

“There's lots of stuff I want to do, y'know, but they're those things that are private. They're those things that aren't to do with what my people imagine my job is. I might want to go and walk around Derbyshire for a month or something.”

With adventures and experimentation in the pipeline Coxon’s musical and shoe making future looks as bright as ever. Apparently feeling less of a mess than 10 years ago, there should be no stopping him.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL

The Middle East The conclusion to our two-part super special on the Middle East. Shamina Mohamed starts off with an account of her time in Dubai...

T

hink the Middle East and it's easy to envisage the mystical world of ‘A Thousand and One Nights’ or perhaps endless acres of desert without an oasis in sight.

One city that shrugs off the myths is Dubai, the most popular emirate of the United Arab Emirates and has emerged as one of the most glamorous cities in the world. I spent a precious week in the city last summer only to be left in awe.

The first thing I noticed as I stepped off the plane is the heat and the climate can best be described as an outdoor sauna.

There isn't much difference between day and night so leave the woollies behind.

Visually, the city could pass for a Bond set with its exoticness and scifi esque sky scrapers now replace the once upon a time coral huts that

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

housed Bedouin traders a century ago.

The things to take are an empty suitcase and every bank card you own. Dubai gives ample meaning to the phrase 'Shopper's Paradise' and the very popular Deira City Centre mall is a haven for label-lovers.

Although splashing out on gold may not be your thing, the gold souks in Dubai are a must-see and the Deira

“

Visually, the city could pass for a Bond set Gold Souq boasts a stunning display.

Dubai's shores are beautiful and the calm waters are ideal for scuba divers who are guaranteed an enchanting view. For those looking

Part two for an Arabian Nights backdrop, head to the desert for thrilling races in 4x4 Jeeps and camel rides and have those binoculars ready for some celeb spotting.

Dubaians party until day-break and a favourite nightspot of mine is Boudoir, a restaurant, cocktail bar and nightclub, which evokes Baz Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge with its plush red velvet booths and perfect margaritas. Tres chic.

A popular place with Brit expats if you're feeling a bit nostalgic is Irish Village. Its outdoor area is a great place to watch the sun go down and sip a chilled pint.

And so if a truly cosmopolitan experience is long overdue and London's weather forecast shows no sign of improving then a holiday in Dubai doesn't deserve a second thought.

THIRTEEN

TRAVEL

Turkish

Jim Whiteley looks at the changing face of tourism in

M

idnight, somewhere around August 10. I'm sitting on a sofa in a bar, enjoying all the luxuries you would expect of a 5-star hotel; free beer, the sweet tones of the resident pianist floating through the air, people stationed everywhere to respond to my every beck and call (almost every). What better place to indulge in a spot of ‘on location’ journalism?

But, despite my near perfect surroundings (they don't serve cider), I can't quite seem to find the zen of relaxation that might normally be automatically induced by such a place of grandeur. And that isn't just me referring to my alcoholic preferences. Let me take you back a few days…

I'm in Antalya, on the south coast of Turkey. The family and I are waiting for my brother; he's currently haggling a deal on a pair of the finest pair of fake Spongebob Sqaure pants boxers that money can buy. There is much over-exaggerated groaning, feigned surprise and constant reassurances that the other is

their new best friend and so their offering price is special. An acting qualification is definitely helpful in these situations.

“

Turkey has always had a certain allure to the traveller The strange thing is, at this particular bazaar, we are the only tourists to be seen, and certainly the only fussy English as far as the eye can see. When we question our friendly Turkish stall owner as to the lack of tourists, he gives us two reasons for the lack of activity.

The first is due to various threats to the tourist industry such as avian flu and bombings (which occurred this summer in Istanbul, Antalya and Marmaris, killing many).

The second is the growth of large, relatively cheap, 5-star, all inclusive resorts, from which tourists generally

do not leave from to see the local culture.

A few days later, I'm sitting in one of the biggest hotels I've ever seen.

Turkey has always had a certain allure to the traveller. There is only one city in the world that sprawls across two continents, and it is between Asia and Europe that Istanbul sits, spanning across the Bosphorus River. A bustling city as anyone would expect, with its spice markets, bazaars and back streets, you will never get bored exploring this incredibly diverse city. That is, if you want to.

So,why Chris Rogers has the answers

I

The true meaning of friendship

FOURTEEN

think what attracts people about the idea of travelling to the Middle East is exactly what puts others off. The Middle East has a history of 6000 years or so of civilisation. Much has happened upon its soil; it is a place where wars have been fought, empires built and collapsed and where prophets have set foot.

This, of course makes it one of the most interesting and exciting places in the world, however, it also makes it one of the most confused and unstable. With the added complication of our nation’s involvement in Iraq coupled with the general fear of extremism associated with this area, travel to the Middle East makes, for some, a rather unappetising prospect.

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL

Delight?

Turkey and learns the true meaning of friendship

Turkey is a desperate contender for EU membership. Having recently reformed its torture and interrogation laws to fit EU standards, Turkey is trying to promote itself as a safe, modern country. So, what better way to promote yourself than through tourism? Would you choose a form of tourism that encompasses all areas of true Turkish lifestyles, offering a quirky, mystical, form of middle Eastern culture, or one which offers all inclusive, luxury, catered holidays.

The deciding factor? Money.

And why not? Like any country wanting to improve standards within

itself, revenue is needed, and tourism is often a relatively stable and easy way to do this. But sacrifices must be made. The hotel I am sitting in right now lies at the end of an 8km stretch of similar hotels, and we are the last in the line. Next door is the foundations of two or three more hotels in the making. Beyond that, are the people living on the beach, having been displaced by the invading hotels, mostly living out of wooden huts that can be moved along with relative ease. I'm not sure what will happen when they meet the hotels coming from the other direc-

tion.

Should we be put off by tourism in developing countries? Of course not.

But it is important that we see the country as it is meant to be, not just a place of luxury and decadence (which it certainly can be). Turkey has a long way to go; grab the chance to see it while the best bits are still there. And don't feel guilty about bagging yourself a luxury holiday on the cheap, but for the sake of those selling Spongebob Squarepants boxers all over Turkey, see those other bits; they may not be there for long.

travel to the Middle East?

So, with the contemplation of an all-inclusive family holiday to Baghdad well and truly out of the question, why is it a good idea to travel to the Middle East?

It is not only Iraq that flitters across our television screens in a wave of controversy, there are frequent bombings in Turkey and of course the on going violent territorial disputes in Israel as just two further examples. It is quite understandable then, that the average gap year traveller will fly over this perceived terrain of madness to the likes of Thailand.

However, from my limited experience of this area of the world I have learnt how important it is for Western travellers to embark upon a trip to the Middle East. This view was largely derived from the time I spent backpacking in the East of Turkey. Not only does journeying to the Middle East gain the individual traveller a greater experience and understanding of Middle Eastern culture; it also allows the people living there to acquire first hand knowledge of the Western world. I find this point important

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

because, although there is a great ignorance among the British and other Westerners towards Middle Eastern society and culture, there is just as much on the flip side.

Whilst in Turkey I was told: “You are not like your leader Mr Blair, he is a Piç (‘peach’, meaning bastard)” It seemed to me that many people living in this area had not met many, if any Westerners before. The people seemed totally shocked and more significantly flattered that we had come to visit their area of the world. It is important to me that people should not be judged by their nation’s foreign policies. From my experience there is certainly a lot of antipathy towards

certain other nations in Turkey. The French and the Greeks are often criticised and unfortunately there is a growth in similar thoughts towards the people of our nation.

This is why it is important for people to integrate across the world, particularly, for Western travellers to journey to the Middle due to the current political situation. Meeting and talking to people of totally different backgrounds, face to face, has got to be the most important way of deriving an understanding of different cultures and different lives and to break down prejudices formed largely on ignorance and a lack of personal experience and interaction.

=

FIFTEEN

FASHION

Getting Locked In Fashion Desk score some heavy discount down in the student-favourite, Topshop pared for this time to be no different. In the past years it has always been the same; getting stuck in a ridiculously long queue behind that same annoying girl complaining far too loudly about how there would be no size eight clothes left.

Walking down Queen Street with gritted teeth and expecting the worst, I was overcome with relief as I saw there were only a few people waiting in not one, but two fairly orderly and fast-moving lines.

Nobody looked pissed off, like they had been waiting too long and nobody was pushing and shoving... surely this wasn’t the queue for the Topshop lock in?

“

Bask in the glory that is 20% off at Topshop

A

h, it’s that time of year again; where Cardiff’s most fashion-conscious gather to bask in the glory that is 20% off at Topshop.

I consider myself a seasoned Topshop lock-in veteran, and having graced this event every year of my student life so far I was pre-

The split between the guest list line (for those who had RSVPed on the web) and the regular line, as well as the event having been spread out over two nights instead of one, meant for a more pleasant waiting experience.

Once inside, the lock in was a surprisingly civilised affair, and with only few more bodies to navigate past than the average busy Saturday, it was nothing the

focused shoe- hungry shopper couldn’t stomach. This was aided with free- flowing red bull and champagne cocktails which seemed to keep everyone happy as they indulged themselves with some heavy duty retail therapy.

Gone were the empty bottles of cheap alcopops that had been handed out in the past years which always ended up threateningly balanced on top of rails of clothes.

There were tons of shop assistants available and the shoe department was well staffed. For those who wanted to go that extra mile, help was at hand from resident style adviser Anna who was available for mini personal style appointments. Who could say no to free reign the special boudoirinspired fitting room, getting to jump the queue and yet another free drink?

Most people exited the event with at least one carrier bag in hand and a smile on their face. It was a little too easy to get carried away with the lock in bargain frenzy and those of you who went probably came home armed with some impulse-buy that you would have never otherwise looked at. But with a whopping 20% off, even us students can afford to make fashion mistakes and anyway, a girl can never have enough Topshop goodies.

Editors’ choice: what we bought Leana chose...

Matthew chose...

Tartan Scarf: Trying out the highland fling trend with a subtle dash of tartan.

The B Jean: Topshop’s new skinny style in this season’s must have grey. Already being sported by rock n’ roll wannabe boys across the country.

Burgundy Platforms: I’ve had my eye on these beauties for ages, so was delighted to discover they had made their way to the sale rail.

Skinny Jeans: A certain celebrity magazine recently said skinny jeans were definately out but why take fashion advice from a magazine that puts BB’s Nikki on the cover every week?

Grey Cardigan: It’s getting cold and cardigans warm you up.

Owl badge: I bought it because, according to Music-Ed Sof, ‘Owls are so the cool thing right now.’

SIXTEEN

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FASHION

Tousled hair, floral patterns, this girl is so retro your Dad would probably fancy her. Verdict: Fash!

Look who’s popped round for tea.

It’s Mr and Mrs Monochrome - a personification of this season’s most prominant trend. Verdict: Fash!

Student style

Cardiff weather is terrible. Grey skies and rain can kind of get you down. But then a big red fashionable lollypop walks down the road and you can’t help but to squeeze out a smile. Verdict: Fash!

Fashion Matt has the last word on what you crazy kids are wearing nowadays

These darlings were all smiles after I suggested a menage a trois of shoeless indie dancing.

Verdict: Fash!

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

This guy literally waltzed in with a pair of skinny jeans, a buttoned up polo and a tipped up cap and stole every girls’ heart. That, my friends, is style. Verdict: Fash!

He’s probably from Cornwall, is a member of the surfing society and loves Jack Johnson. He’s also completley unaware that donning flip-flops and shorts to lectures is hideous. Verdict: Gash/ Trash!

SEVENTEEN

GAY

LGB Officer in the Students’ Union Nobody stood for the position in this year’s elections: Hema Gohil asks, does it matter and do we need one?

W

e are all made aware of sabbatical positions like President and VicePresident, especially now that the non-sabbatical elections have recently taken place. But people generally aren’t aware of the LGB Officer. The position of LGB Officer in the Students’ Union is a non-sabbatical position in which the elected officer carries on with their studies and does this part time Last year the position was filled.

However, this year nobody has come forward.

The reason we have the LGB Officer is so that the LGB community gets a voice and fair representation within the Union, like other minority groups. There is also an LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) society. However, this is a social society and they do not influence policies within the Union, hence we also have the LGB non-sabbatical position.

If an LGB student were to encounter discrimination, the LGB officer would provide help and guidance and could take the case forward to the Union or the LGB Officer within the South Wales police, on behalf of the student. In a recent email sent out by the LGBT Society, they forwarded a message from the South Wales Police and the Community Safety Unit, saying that homophobic crime had increased in Cardiff recently. They recommended that students be extra vigilant and aware of who is around them when they are out. With this rise in homophobic abuse, perhaps we need an LGB Officer now more than ever.

Ideally, the officer would not be spending a great deal of time supporting victims of homophobic

EIGHTEEN

abuse, which would allow the officer to fill their time with other duties.

The officer could try to influence policies and procedures within the University. They could set up their own campaigns if there are specific issues that need addressing, or support and publicise campaigns run by external organisations and charities.

Equality for people of all sexual orientations has come a long way in the last 15 years, but there are still some obstacles to overcome.

Raising awareness of the issues within the University could help better people’s understanding and hopefully help to reduce sexual discrimination.

“

Raising awareness of issues within the university could hopefully help to reduce sexual discrimination I considered standing for the position myself. I decided not to stand because I did not want to be publicly identified as gay, as my family are unaware of my sexuality. Last year’s LGB officer is a friend of mine and in a fit of boredom I Googled his name and found his picture with ‘Cardiff University LGB Officer’ written underneath. I decided that I was not ready to come out to my family, and I did not want to risk being discovered by my young cousins who could also Google my name. The nature of the position requires the officer to be publicly identifiable and accessible by all. Ultimately, I decided that this

conflicted with my personal wishes at the time.

Hopefully somebody will be inspired by reading this article, and come forward to stand for the position next year. I can imagine it would be greatly rewarding; if you only help one person in the whole year, it would be worth all the energy put in. If you are confident, totally out and want to make a difference for the LGBT community of Cardiff University, then go for it.

Despite the lack of an LGB officer there are other organisations providing social and emotional support that are here to help.

The Advice and Representation Centre on the third floor of the Students’ Union is open to support all students.

The Samaritans provide confidential emotional support 24hours a day. Call them on 08457 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org The LGBT Society are a social society, here to introduce you to the gay venues of Cardiff.

Email them at lgbt@cardiff.ac.uk.

Stonewall is a charity that strives to achieve equality for all, regardless of sexual orientation. For more information see www.stonewallcymru.org.uk

GAY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FOOD

The sauce of pleasure

Stuck for cooking ideas? Laura Rowe offers us some quick, easy and cheap solutions for every day of the week, using the legendary tomato sauce

I

f there’s one thing about cooking for yourself at university, it’s that more often than not, you simply can’t be bothered. There is nothing more useful than to have one, very easy, cheap and quick recipe under your cooking belt that you can make lots of dishes with - the very easy tomato sauce can literally make a delicious meal in minutes.

Monday Back to essays after an ace weekend. Simply whack on some pasta while cooking the sauce. Drain and pour over our delicious sauce and top with fresh basil. Yummy and quick.

Tuesday In need of some proper food after Factory last night? Fry some chicken breasts with peppers and sliced onion with nice spices like paprika or Cajun mix. Get a tortilla wrap, whack in the chicken, add some cold sauce and, sour cream and chopped spring onions. Arriba!

Wednesday Make delicious and very nutritious veggie casserole. Sauté some of your fave veg, maybe some courgettes, aubergines, onions peppers with some canned chickpeas. Mix in the sauce and pour into an oven proof dish. Meanwhile mash some pots and stir in some green pesto.

Top the casserole with this and bake in oven until crispy and golden.

FOOD@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Tomato Sauce (serves one/two – depending on how greedy you’re feeling)

Ingredients 2 tbsp of olive oil 1 onion 1 large garlic glove 1 can of chopped tomatoes

2 tsps Mixed herbs 1 tsp of sugar Salt and pepper to season Chop the onions and garlic and cook on a medium heat with the olive. Add the herbs, sugar and can of tomatoes and stir. Cook on a low to medium heat for ten minutes or until the sauce has reduced and become thickened.

Thursday Nice and easy. Roast a chicken portion of choice with the sauce for approximately 20 minutes or until the chicken is thoroughly cooked through. For the last few mins top with mozzarella and Parmesan Serve with homemade potato wedges.

Friday Trying to impress your other half for a weekend of love? Try frying some chorizo sausage with some of your fave veg, such as sweet potato, fennel, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes until the vegetables are softened. Layer in an oven baked dish with the tomato sauce, crème fraiche and cheese, and lasagne sheets.

Bake in the oven until lasagne sheets are cooked and top is golden and crispy.

NINETEEN

FEATURES

Controversy: the The recent release of Borat was received with a degree of controversy, becoming the latest in a line of comedies to embrace offensive humour.

Rhys Trigg and Amy Harrison ask: where's the punch line?

I

n the 1930s the Three Stooges ruled the comedy world like slightly mental, jumpsuit-clad Tyrannosauruses, their slapstick sketches resonating with violent morons across the globe.

Flash forward to today, and as we watch Borat in his journey across the States the humour, while still plentiful, comes from acute observations of prejudice as opposed to scenes of farce. Both examples are at opposite ends of the comedic spectrum, but both unite viewers in hysterical appreciation.

But the current trend for sparking controversy in comedy doesn’t end with Sacha Baron Cohen’s Kazakh journalist. From the sublime to the unforgivable it seems the majority of today’s comedians rely heavily on offensive material for laughs.

TWENTY

Borat While it may be the most offensive film of the year, Borat is also arguably the funniest. But a driving force which is filling the multiplexes is undoubtedly the hype which has arisen from the controversy of the film’s content.

While Borat himself is anti-semitic, racist, sexist and homophobic, the real comedy comes from the way ordinary people react to his prejudice.

The character of Borat is so wellobserved and played by Sacha Baron Cohen that he knows when to let people voice their own feelings and let them metaphorically hang themselves; there is an almost voyeuristic humour at play as people are abhorred by him, tolerate him and in some cases, agree wholeheartedly with him.

From being thrown out of a Southern dinner party for inviting a

prostitute to letting an old bigot at a rodeo unleash a torrent of antiMuslim rhetoric, Cohen’s brand of controversy is never less than thought-provoking.

The Cambridge-educated Cohen has made a living out of intelligently exposing people’s ignorance, proving that shock and controversy are not just tools aimed toward the lowest common denominator.

Ricky Gervais Another popular exponent of controversial comedy is the acclaimed Ricky Gervais. Having taken the blueprint of cringeworthy characterisation pioneered by Steve Coogan’s monstrous Alan Partridge and turned it into universal success in The Office, Gervais moved on to stand-up and follow-up to The Office, Extras.

Gervais begins his stand-up show Politics by talking to a wheelchairbound, supposedly gay man of Egyptian origin – “three political hot potatoes all in one little weird fella” before going on to make jokes about everything from gay sex advice to the Holocaust.

“

People are abhorred by him, tolerate him and in some cases, agree wholeheartedly

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

new comedy?

In the politically correct world we live in, such topics are traditionally taboo in polite company, but because Gervais dares to satirise what can’t be said the public adore him all the more. In fact, due to his daring, Gervais’ popularity is so great he has been able to attract guest stars such as Robert DeNiro and Samuel L. Jackson to his sitcom Extras.

His streak of controversy shows no signs of stopping in this programme, or losing its intelligence or incisive edge.

Little Britain Cohen and Gervais may have cornered the market on intelligently controversial comedies that push the right buttons in society, but when it comes to sheer shock value and shameless pandering to the masses, David Walliams and Matt Lucas’ Little Britain succeeds – and captures large audiences in the bargain.

Which is a shame, really, because it’s an ill-conceived, ill-produced, poorly executed, unequivocal disaster of a programme.

It shares a reliance on causing controversy similar to Cohen and Gervais’ work - but has none of the style, panache or wit. Well-observed satire and clever scripting is replaced by cheap bodily fluid gags and gratuitous cashing-in on the catchphrase culture, resulting in a programme that, to the observer with more brain cells than a stuffed iguana, has less laughs than a funeral. In Germany.

In winter.

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Offended?

While many people laugh at such comedians there are also those who take offence at the content of their material.

Sacha Baron Cohen, as Borat, has riled the Kazakh government to the point where one inside source called him a “one man diplomatic wrecking ball” and President of Kazakhstan Nursultan Nazarbayev even went so far as to commission the most expensive film the republic has ever produced in response to Borat’s portrayal of his countrymen.

“

Little Britain... none of the style, panache or wit... a form of televised bullying Perhaps Cohen’s subtlety has been missed on this occasion however; maybe it is not Kazakhstan he is creating a negative image of, but rather America; as displayed through the actions of its people.

Although at times Gervais’ comedy is a little too close to the bone for some viewers it doesn’t create as much outcry as one may expect, possibly due to its refusal to narrow itself to one target taboo; anything is fair game for Gervais and his sociopolitical comic stylings.

Some of Little Britain’s sketches have been critcised for going too far and almost becoming a form of televised bullying; one critic for The

Independent said of the programme, "Little Britain has been a vehicle for two rich kids to make themselves into multi-millionaires by mocking the weakest people in Britain. Their targets are almost invariably the easiest, cheapest groups to mock: the disabled, poor, elderly, gay or fat. In one fell swoop, they have demolished protections against mocking the weak that took decades to build up". It is a prime example of controversy in place of, as opposed to assisting, comedy.

The Punchline While it is clear that the majority of today’s comedians rely on causing controversy to be funny, there is a vast difference in the skill with which it is utilised.

By breaking taboos for comedy value, they are bringing important issues that would once have been glossed over or ignored down to a level that the average person can understand and have an opinion on.

These topics can only be breached in many cases through comedy; a sort of positive desensitisation can occur that allows the constructive discussion of such issues.

Perhaps also, comedy has come so far and done so much, that observations on everyday life or Three Stooges-esque innocent slapstick are almost too easy for today’s comedic climate. Let’s face it Peter Kay’s ‘Garlic Bread’ lacks the sophistication of Cohen and Gervais.

In their own way, ‘disabled’ jokes are the new ‘mother-in-law’ jokes; what will be the new ‘disabled’ joke in ten years time?

TWENTYONE

FEATURES Cardiff plays host to the finest pavement entertainers in the whole wide world. Now Quench brings them to you, courtesy of Ben Bryant

Martin the busker Do you have a, sort of, street alter-ego or anything?

Er, sometimes, yeah …

So what do you call yourself on the street?

Oh, I see what you mean! No, I only have an alter-ego in my mind.

Right. OK, that’s cool (laughs nervously)...

What I mean by that is, most of the time I’m just playing classical music, and sometimes I get lost in my own little world, and play some nice stuff – and I’m in a dream – and then another time I’m playing something else, and getting loads of people coming over me ‘cause they like that kind of music, so I go into my alterego in my mind then.

So you normally get a pretty good reaction from people then.

Yeah, normally, yeah. Y’know, you always get the ones that don’t like it (laughs) You got the likes and the dislikes…I don’t like that haircut. I don’t like that pair of shoes.

Well, I think I can probably leave it there. Nice haircut, by the way.

I haven’t had it cut for two years, so that’s probably why it’s so nice (laughs). I went from a skinhead to a long-haired yobbo with an attitude against authority (laughs). Put that in! The authorities that don’t like music. The fascists on the planet… I’m in trouble now!

TWENTYTWO

Psychic Dave So, um, where did you get the name Psychic Dave from?

(Vague New Orleans drawl) I was in New Orleans, NEW ORLEANS in the United States of America. And there was a guy who asked me to go on a radio show where I answer questions on the radio about… got people wanted to know if they were gonna get laid that night or what was gonna happen, and I’d answer the questions on the radio. So when the DJ was introducing me he said, “What’s your name?” I said, “Dave.”

He said, “We can’t call it Dave.

We’re gonna call you Psychic Daave.

This is Psychic Dave, he gon’ tell you the future!” So I was born on a radio station in New Orleans. Psychic Dave!

and then transporting them to another person.

I used to do readings for very, very rich people in Florida and all that, but it just got boring; same old thing.

So I decided to go on the streets so that everybody could approach me.

So I do get everybody, literally. I think that just about everybody in society’s approached me.

Who knows; maybe I go celeb later? (sees some girls reading his board) So, are you gonna bring this to an end or what? Hey, do you want a reading? (gestures to the girls) OK, I’ll bring it to an end. Just one more question: What do you think you can offer Cardiff that other street entertainers can’t?

I’m not really better than anybody else, but all we do, as street entertainers, is try and make people feel happy.

So my word of advice to everybody is, it’s a short life; be happy.

So where do you get your psychic abilities from. Do you tune into your surroundings or anything like that, or is it just something you have within you?

Well, using your psychic ability you got two sides to your brain. You got your left side and your right side. It’s like writing a song or singing a song with your full heart in it. Having psychic ability is about getting feelings, getting confident with your feelings

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

Street Entertainers Ninjah

Ninjah “I’m from Grangetown. I moved to Grangetown about four years ago.

Before that I lived in Riverside.

Before that I was in New York and then a little after that, before that, I buried my brother in Canada.

‘Cause, he was shot to death in a car park with a high-powered, handheld, calibre by a guy on a BMX. That’s why you’ll notice I’ve got a Mongoose, which is a mountain bike, and you’ll never see me on a BMX…yeah…I’ve had a few nightmares. But BMX I stay away from.

“I don’t fit in. I think when you are yourself, you don’t fit in. But, things fit around you. I will fit around other people.

So it’s like what Shakespeare said: ‘to be or not to be.’. So sometimes I am.

Other times, I’m not.

“What I actually do, really, is convert negative energy from positive energy. Through music or any other media. Even my girl; if my girl is negative, yeah? I gear the boy (sic), boy, and then she become positive…

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

‘Cause that’s what we’s talking about. All people really wanna do, is LET AAARF! Simple. As. That.

“

Shakespeare said, ‘to be or not to be.’ So sometimes I am.

Other times, I’m not “I’m making a rhythm out of nothing, yeah? So it’s not about the 4,000 or the 60,000 pound drum set. Life is all about you. So to know yourself is to know all things… For any street entertainer or anyone – we’re all the same. That’s why, when anybody, right, starts to fuck around, and you say, ‘you’re not a clown’. We chase the clowns out of town with a dressing gown. Keep it real. So from me and from the crew, I’d just like to say, ‘Peace.’ And all the students, right, don’t make no hocus pocus make you lose focus. And remember the six Ps: Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Perfomance. And I’ll leave you with that.

Toy Mic Trevor

I just perform.

Alright... and… how long have you been doing it now?

Ooh, about seven years now.

Alright. So every weekend, or…?

A couple of days a week. I’m doing more weekends.

So, um… why do you like doing it?

Well, I just enjoy it. I’ve been singing since I was small. I just enjoy doing it, like, y’know. It’s my hobby, really, it’s… I love doing it, like.

Do the people like to hear you? (enthusiastically) Oh yeah! You get a good response, yeah.

Have you ever had any bad experiences busking?

No, no, never.

Do you get a lot of students giving you good feedback?

Hmm. Sometimes students. Well, different people, y’know. Especially youngsters (laughs).

Where did you get your microphone from, by the way?

Oh, I just got it in the pound shop (gestures). It was only a pound. I got it in the…in the market.

Do you have a favourite song you like to sing?

Oh, I sing anything. My Way, And I Love You So, Perry Como, Nat King Cole…all of them.

Well, um…I don’t know what else to say really. What do you think about the Cardiff street scene? Where do you think you fit in around everyone else?

Well, everywhere, really. Especially in Cardiff. It’s a big city. It’s my favourite place to busk. More people. (laughs) Thanks for the pound!

Hello, my name’s Ben and I’m actually a journalist for – Have you got any money?

What? Oh, yes. Sure.

(As I give him a pound, Trevor shakes me by the left hand) How would you describe what you do on the street?

What do you mean?

Well, how… how… in your own words, can you say, y’know, what you do to entertain people on the street?

Well, I love singing.

OK. So you just get your microToy mic Trev phone and sing to people.

TWENTYTHREE

F I L M

N E W S

FILM film@gairrhydd Si Truss Film Editor

I NORTHERN LIGHTS: Bring on 2007

LYRA REVEALED

This week saw the first glimpses of the much-anticipated, big-screen adaptation of Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy made their way onto the vast wasteland of cyberspace.

Screenshots showing young newcomer Dakota Blue Richards, who plays the lead role of Lyra (see above), alongside co-star Nicole Kidman, now add to the smattering of production photos available online.

Despite the much-publicised trouble the production has suffered so far, involving changes of director and issues with the book’s content, all evidence suggests filming is on course for the movie’s 2007 release date. Just cross your fingers that it’ll be any good.

M ORE Monsters

COOL KOREA

With Korean hit The Host (see reviews page) stirring up a mini storm on UK screens this week, it’s the perfect chance to get a little excited about things to come.

In particular, Vengance Trilogy director Chan-wook Park’s new, interestingly titled I’m a Cyborg But That’s Ok. As far as we can decipher, the film follows a girl who believes she is a battle-ready attack cyborg as she is committed to a mental institution.

There she falls in love with a man who believes he can steal souls, to be played by hotly tipped Korean singer, actor and shoe-collector Rain.

Needless to say, the way Korean cinema is looking right now, it’s worth getting a little hot under the collar.

The Host proves that this is an absolutely fantastic addition to any film. What is essentially a ‘dramady’ on family life turns up to 11 as soon as this slimy beast pops its head out of the Han River.

Enough of rubbish meat substitutes providing absolutely no satisfaction in quenching the thirst for blood lust that us film nerds suffer from daily. We outgrew the whole vegetarianism fad when we were 14. Now bring on the steak.

L ESS Quorn

On DVD: ! The Break-Up ! Doctor Who ! Wallace and Gromit SE ! Knight Rider collection ! King Kong EE In cinemas: ! The Host (Gwoemul) ! Borat ! Breaking and Entering ! Starter for Ten ! Scenes of a Sexual Nature

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

t’s that time of year again: the days are getting shorter, the air is getting colder. It can only mean one thing: film festival season.

A time of year which means, for us here at Quench Film, trying not to let the excitement of so many undiscovered indie gems be overshadowed by the organisational nightmare that comes with it.

Among the endless lists of films and dates, daunted by the mammoth task of trying to get every film reviewed, fellow editor Ewen and I would probably find our unorganised selves drowning in a sea of confusing schedules if left to our own devices.

Therefore I’m dedicating this editorial to the journalistic firebrand that is Film Ryan, making everything well again by sorting out all the things that make me curl up into a little ball of fear beneath the desk.

He’s sat next to me now and he looks sad, which makes me sad. Don’t be sad Ryan. You have a lovely face.

Coming soon...

Designed to get you sweating at the mere thought of their arrival: Casino Royale (16/11/2006) Probably the most anticipated film of the year, Daniel Craig’s first outing as Bond looks like it could provide exactly the reinvention that the franchise needs.

Pan’s Labyrinth (24/11/2006) As Guillermo Del Toro’s beautifullooking fantasy epic creeps up on us, you can visably see Film Ewen begin to quake with excitement more and more each time he watches the trailer. A sign of good things to come...

Of course, Hot Fuzz is out 16/02/2007, if you forgot...

TWENTYFIVE

FILM

CARDIFF SCREEN FESTIVAL PREVIEW

" The best of the rest at Cardiff !"The big films at Cardiff Film Festival !" " Interview with Andy Nyman !" " Reviews from films out Film Festival !" " DVDs out this week !" " Ramblings about Cardiff Film this week !"

T

he Cardiff Film Festival will have started by the time you read my flurry of words, but do not fear, all will be told, in a typical story form in next fortnight’s chronicle and epic, Festivus part 2. It’s on ‘til the 18th. Here are the the big shiny ones being screened.

Wed 8 Nov 19.30 Cineworld 9

Art School Confidential Jerome is an aspiring artist who arrives at a prestigious East Coast art institute to study. Daydreaming of becoming the best-respected painter on Earth and winning the hearts of his female classmates, he soon learns the sad truth - his “cool artist” act is old-hat in the big city.

Dir - Terry Zwigoff | with Max Minghella, Sophia Myles, John Malkovich, Ethan Suplee, Jim Broadbent, Steve Buscemi, Angelica Huston | USA 2005 | 102 mins

Mon 13 Nov 20.30 Cineworld 14

Tue 14 Nov 20.30 Cineworld 14

Sat 18 Nov 19.30 Cineworld 8

Stranger Than Fiction Novelist Karen Eiffel is nearing completion on her latest, and potentially finest, book. Her only remaining challenge is to decide how to kill her main character. Little does she know that Harold Crick is inexplicably alive-and-well in the real world, and suddenly aware of her words.

Hollywoodland An exploration of fame and identity, Hollywoodland, inspired by one of Hollywood’s most infamous real-life mysteries, follows a 1950s private detective who investigates the mysterious death of Superman star George Reeves. The investigation is introspective of his life.

Big Nothing Big Nothing is the story of Charlie Wood, a frustrated, unemployed teacher who decides to take revenge on life by embarking on a supposedly fool-proof blackmailing scheme with an unpredictable scammer and an ambitious former teenage beauty queen turned con-artist.

Dir - Marc Forster | with Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah, Emma Thompson | USA 2006 | 113 mins

Dir - Alan Coulter | with Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Ben Affleck, Bob Hoskins, Lois Smith, Robin Tunney, Lisa Tocheck | USA 2006 | 126 mins

Dir - Jean-Baptiste Andrea | with Simon Pegg, David Schwimmer, Alice Eve, Natascha McElhone, Jon Polito, Mimi Rogers | UK 2006 | 86 mins

TWENTYSIX

Synopsis courtesy of C.F.F.

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

The best of the rest...

We at Film Desk suspect that there are some gems to be found among the many films here on show, and we present them in all their filmic fabulosity

Thu 9 Nov 20.30 Cineworld 14

Fri 10 Nov 20.30 Cineworld 14

Sun 12 Nov 14.30 Cineworld 14

Wristcutters: A Love Story From the moment Zia (Patrick Fugit) cuts his wrists and enters a bizarre afterlife reserved for suicides, this film becomes a strangely uplifting, darkly comic tale about a journey through the hereafter.

Shortbus A sex therapist who has never had an orgasm, a dominatrix who is unable to connect and a gay couple who are deciding whether to open up their relationship. All converge on a weekly gathering called Shortbus.

Wil Wilbur Schindel has just been offered a promotion and a minute to think about it. Wil’s problem is he cannot decide. Set inside Wil’s mind, he reflects on the life choices he has already made.

Dir - Goran Dukic | with Patrick Fugit, Shannyn Sossamon, Tom Waits, Shea Whigham | USA 2006 | 91 mins

Dir - John Cameron Mitchell | with S Y Lee, Paul Dawson, Justin Bond, Lindsay Beamish | USA 2006 | 102 mins

Dir - Michael J. Bassett | with Wil Schindel, Jude Beaumont | Australia 2006 | 81 mins

Sun 12 Nov 20.30 Cineworld 14 Venus Maurice and Ian are veteran English actors who never hit the big time.

Now in their seventies, they continue to work but their comfortable routines are disrupted by the arrival of Ian’s troublesome grand-niece.

Dir - Roger Michell | with Peter O’Toole, Leslie Phillips, Richard Griffiths, Vanessa Redgrave | UK 2006 | 94 mins

Wed 15 Nov 20.30 Cineworld 14

Mon 13 Nov 18.00 Chapter 2

Dr Who Julie Gardner (Exec. Prod.) chats to Edward Thomas (Prod. Designer), Will Cohen (VFX Prod. The Mill) and Neill Gorton (Millennium FX) to discover how the weird and wonderful special effects are created for this award winning series for BBC Wales.

This is not a film but a talk, however it will definately be a festival highlight

Thu 16 Nov 19.00 Cineworld 15

Wed 15 Nov 19.00 Cineworld 15 God’s Forgotten House This is about the difficulty of what to do with innocence once it is lost. It is the story of a confused and struggling young man, who is court-mandated to work in a home for troubled children in Harlem.

Dir - Justin Golding | with N’Bushe Wright, Curtis NySmith, Collins Curtis Pennie | USA 2006 | 88 mins

Thu 16 Nov 21.30 Cineworld 15

Half Nelson Though Dan is a brilliant and dynamic teacher, he spends his time outside school on the edge of consciousness. His disappointments and disillusionment have led to a serious drug habit.

Free Jimmy Four stoners, three gangsters, five vegans and a million reasons to free one junkie elephant.

Is Simon Pegg’s voice enough to make you go to watch a film? At Film Desk it is...

Starfish Hotel In Jo Kurado’s mystery novels strange things happen, someone always ends up dead and there is a universe called Darkland to be found only through a hidden tunnel in the city of Tokyo.

Dir - Ryan Fleck | with Ryan Gosling, Shareeka Epps, Anthony Mackie | USA 2006 | 107 mins

Dir - Christopher Nielsen | with Woody Harrelson, Simon Pegg, Phil Daniels, Jay Simpson | Norway UK 2006 | 86 mins

Dir - John Williams | with Sato Koichi, Kiki, Emoto Akiro | Japan 2005 | 98 mins

Synopsis courtesy of C.F.F.

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TWENTYSEVEN

FILM sequence of the girl in the drain. I found it a strange balance though, of the mad-cap quirky comedy of the lead guy contrasting with the [Andy discusses the downbeat finale, removed for sake of spoiling enjoyment of The Host].

Q: Yeah, I know what you mean, like mixing the humorous with the macabre.

A: Yeah, well Severance is an example of that.

Q: Which brings me to my next point. It shares that mix, and I hear you’re a fan of horror?

A: Yeah, massive!

ANDY NYMAN (AND FRIEND): when lipo goes wrong

H-andy man

Actor, magician and top bloke Andy Nyman chats to Ewen Hosie about the Cardiff Screen Festival Quench: Hey Andy, I’d like to thank you for your time.

Andy: No problem, it’s a pleasure.

Q: We’re covering the Cardiff Film Festival…

A: Yeah, which I hear is growing in prestige over the years…

Q: I believe so. We’ve got the premiere for the new Terry Zwigoff film Art School Confidential which is meant to be good, and of course a couple of your films are featured. I hear Shut Up and Shoot Me is getting a lot of attention on the festival circuit?

A: Yeah, it’s done so well, it’s really…it has an interesting little history, because the film really fought its ground, you know? [Somebody] from a festival saw it and the first festival it played (the Cherbourg festival) it won three out of four awards; it won best film, the audience award, and I won…

Q: …the best actor, yeah.

TWENTYEIGHT

Congratulations on that.

A: Thank you, thank you!

Q: So is it one of those classic word-of-mouth films?

A: Yeah, it really has been. In a world where that sort of film doesn’t really exist anymore…it’s a quirky little indie movie that’s just had a lovely word of mouth.

Q: I agree, it’s refreshing when that happens. I saw a Korean film this morning that’s getting great word of mouth called The Host.

A: Oh yeah, I saw that at Frightfest.

Q: Did you like it?

A: I don’t know what I thought about it to be honest…there were elements that I really liked and elements I disliked. Uhm, the stuff that I liked so much was well, uhm…I thought it was too long, by the end I was like ‘God almighty, it’s an epic!’ but I loved the image of the thing dropping from the bridge and I loved the, you know, the incredibly tense

Q: …and I was wondering what intrigued you to Severance in the first place, whether it was the comedic or the horror elements?

A: Well, the thing that really appealed to me was how brilliant the balance was. I mean The Host is a film I found where I don’t think it quite works, and it felt uneasy, [the balance between] the tone of the performances and the tone of what’s happening, but I think I may be in the minority. For me, the script for Severance was phenomenal, you know, in terms of feeling [in that] it’s very comedic but also fucking horrific and very real at the same time.

Aside from maybe American Werewolf, there are very few films that tread that balance so well.

“

“God almighty, it’s an epic!”

Andy on The Host

Q: Could you tell me a little bit about Are You Ready for Love?

A: It’s a romantic comedy of sorts about three singletons who take on [the challenge of] a best seller from the US called Are You Ready for Love?, which is by two novelists who give them three days to find love […] so it’s about those three days.

I did an audition and I thought it had gone very badly but then by the time I got home an hour later I had a phone call off them saying they’d

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM love me to do it. When you get an offer that quickly you presume there must’ve only been about five auditions, but I found out they’d auditioned everybody, so many comics and stuff. But what was great was getting cast as a romantic lead because I don’t usually get those kind of parts. I usually get the twitchy, neurotic types and I’ve done quite a lot of dark, sort of nasty stuff so I also find it a challenge and consequently very difficult to watch.

Q: Are you still enjoying the magic?

A: Yep, I love it […] it’s always just been a hobby, and I include the Derren Brown stuff in that and that’s something that we try to do, we never view it as work.

Q: I was wondering if you had any interest in upcoming films like The illusionist and The Prestige, for obvious reasons?

A: The Prestige is one of my favourite novels and I can’t wait to see the film, but I read it at first not knowing it was about magic. My wife read it and very often I’ll stay away from books where people are like ‘you must read it!’ or in this case ‘you’ll love this, it’s about magic’ and you just think well, fuck off, there are so

many more things! How narrow-minded do you think I am! (laughs) I am also excited to see The Illusionist as a huge Paul Giamatti fan.

“

“I usually get the twitchy, neurotic types and I’ve done quite a lot of dark, sort of nasty stuff” Q: I suppose he shares a similarity with yourself in the sense he’s trying to make a transition to more dramatic roles.

A: Absolutely. He’s phenomenal, but I love that…to be what’s thought of as a star character actor is an exciting challenge I think, and that’s certainly his career or, you know, Philip Seymour Hoffman’s career.

Q: My personal favourite is American Splendour…

A: Oh, it’s fantastic!

A: (laughs) Oh, he’s amazing! That’s what you love, that’s what you aim for. I mean, with the join, it just doesn’t feel like acting.

Q: You are in the upcoming film Death at a Funeral. What was it like to work with Yoda (director Frank Oz)?

A: No job will ever be as nice as that job was. The script’s a work of genius, by a British writer called Dean Craig.

Q: One to look out for?

A: And how…it’s hilarious, just a scream-out-loud funny script. Frank Oz is a genius and I don’t use that in the shitty LA sort of…

Q: …sort of arse-licking way?

A: (laughs) Yeah, and I think he genuinely is, he helped create The Muppets, Sesame Street, you know, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Little Shop of Horrors. It was heaven.

Q: Andy, I’d like to thank you again for your time.

A: It was such a pleasure, it’s been lovely to speak to you.

Q: As a fan of Harvey Pekar, to see him embody it so well…

Andy Nyman on.... ...holocaust drama Uprising “I went to LA, I self-funded my trip. It taught me to be proactive with acting.”

...his favourite actors “I think Christian Bale is one of the greatest living actors.”

“I grew up idolising Dustin Hoffman and De Niro and people like that.”

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

on Martin Amis’ adaptation Dead Babies “It was a baptism of fire for me, that film. It got fantastic reviews in movie magazines, four or five stars [but] the newspapers detested it. It made me realise that the brilliant reviews are about as valid as the shit reviews, which are just someone’s opinion.”

Shut Up and Shoot Me is playing at Cineworld on Saturday 11th November at 20:30 as part of the Cardiff Screen Festival.

Are You Ready For Love? is playing in Cineworld on Sunday 12th November at 18:30 as part of the Cardiff Screen Festival.

Andy’s son Preston is featuring in the acclaimed short film Foster, showing in Chapter Arts Centre on Sunday 12th November at 12:30 as part of the Cardiff Screen Festival selection, UK Shorts 1.

TWENTYNINE

FILM

CARDIFF SCREEN FESTIVAL PREVIEW

!"The Quench Film Desk presents to you their most eagerly-awaited picks of the festival. We also show you the dates and times for the most intriguing masterclasses, including a talk with Stephen Frears.

EWEN

RYAN

SI

Thu 9 Nov 19.30 Chapter 1/2

Thu 16 Nov 21.30 Cineworld 15

Wed 8 Nov 19:30 Cineworld 9

Gun Well, my self-indulgence has no limits. I was involved in the making of this and boy, is it a masterpiece? In fact, it is. It mixes the crux of Stand

By Me with the childlike innocence so prominent in Millions, with a refreshing take on the step up from junior to high school.

Starfish Hotel I am particularly privy to Asian cinema, as it is currently producing some of the most daring, innovative and surprising releases of the moment. The mysterious premise of Starfish Hotel involves an author who finds a land called Darkworld, located through a Tokyo tunnel.

Art School Confidential As the big film of the festival it may be the obvious choice, but the day that 100 minutes in the company of Steve Buscemi and John Malkovich isn’t worth getting a little excited about is a very sad day indeed.

Dir - Tony Hurley | with some kids that I fail to remember the names of | UK 2006 | 10 mins

Dir - John Williams | with Sato Koichi, Kiki, Emoto Akiro | Japan 2005 | 98 mins

S

F

tephen Frears is the esteemed British director behind modern classics such as Dangerous Liaisons (with lisping Malkovich), High Fidelity (with a neurotic Cusack) and the recent The Queen (with a royal Helen Mirren), which is Oscar-tipped.

Fri 17 Nov 14.30 Cineworld 14

Masterclass with Stephen Frears

THIRTY

irst-time feature film directors Steen Agro and Paul Andrew Williams present their respectived debuts Shut Up and Shoot Me (starring Andy Nyman, see interview) and London to Brighton. An insightful look into the evolution of two promising talents.

Dir - Terry Zwigoff | with Max Minghella, Sophia Myles, John Malkovich, Ethan Suplee, Jim Broadbent, Steve Buscemi, Angelica Huston | USA 2005 | 102 mins

To find out when and where the screenings are, go to www.cardifffilmfestival.co.uk To buy tickets call 02920304400

Sat 11 Nov 14.30 Cineworld 14 Steen Agro and Paul A. Williams

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM SCENES OF A SEXUAL NATURE

BREAKING AND ENTERING

STARTER FOR TEN

Dir: Ed Blum Starring: Ewan McGregor, Sophie Okonedo, Hugh Bonneville, Holly Aird

Dir: Anthony Minghella Starring: Jude Law, Martin Freeman

Dir: Tom Vaughan Starring: James McAvoy, Alice Eve, Benedict Cumberbatch

Out Now, 120 mins

Out Now, 91 mins

On a blazing hot summer’s day on Hampstead Heath, the stories of seven couples reveal the intricacies of sex, love and the complications from their essential combination.

London’s King’s Cross is the setting for a series of crimes as Jude Law’s high-flying archeitect gets involved physically and emotionally with a gang of immigrant street runners.

F

B

ilmed for a tiny budget, with cast and crew offered equity and share of any profits rather than fees, Scenes of A Sexual Nature is a triumph for independent British filmmaking.

With the UK film industry still indulging itself in swathes of mindless fodder strictly within the Richard Curtis or Guy Ritchie mould, it is easy to see why these renowned actors ignored the lack of cash and jumped at the chance to feature in this refreshingly cerebral take on the romantic comedy.

The camera drifts along the verdant swells of Hampstead Heath, settling periodically on some of Britain’s most famous thespian faces, who are clearly enjoying the challenge of Aschlin Dita’s excellent script. The film sets its sights very high, aiming to be both a profound examination on the nature of sex and love and an uproarious comedy.

It doesn’t quite pull it off. Blum seems unsure at times whether he should play up the wittiness of the script or focus on the sombre and affecting message of the drama.

But this should not detract from what is still a remarkable achievement for both director and writer.

The performances are almost uniformly excellent, with only Catherine Tate a little uncomfortable with the spectrum of subtlety required by her complex character.

Tom Hardy manages to stand out from the stellar field with a sublime turn as the most loveable horny chav you could ever hope to meet.

British films as ambitious and cash-strapped as this deserve your pounds and pennies.

Hollie Clemence

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

reaking and Entering focuses around Will (Jude Law), a partner in a successful architecture firm, which he runs with his partner Sandy (Martin Freeman). This provides a welcome distraction from his troubled home life, with long-term partner Liv (Robin Wright Penn) and her autistic daughter (Poppy Rogers).

The film begins well, among stunning inner city scenery, when, after a break-in at their state-of-theart workspace, Will follows a teenage street runner home to the flat he shares with his Bosnian refugee mother, who Will goes on to have an affair with.

The film, through its plot devices and various characters, tackles several present day issues, such as immigration, prostitution and crime in a refreshing and contemporary style.

In all, this is a beautifully shot film with a great cast, but the plot could flow better. Worse still, some of the dialogue in the more intense scenes is atrocious.

However, it just about falls into the ‘worth watching’ category, not quite the hard-hitting masterpiece it wishes to be, but not a complete failure either.

Jamie Ley

Out Now, 96 mins

The year is 1985 and working class, kid-done-good Brian is undertaking his first year at Bristol University.

Filled with plucky freshers’ week excitement he chases his dream of appearing on University Challenge and, best of all, knobbing a posh bird.

I

’ll be honest, I get filled with a wild sense of dread at the prospect of this kind of mainstream, friendly British comedy.

Personally I blame Hugh Grant (God, I hate that pug-faced fairy) for making me associate the genre with painfully contrived love stories and so much horrifically charming befuddlement.

It’s such a monumental relief then, at least for me if not for anyone else, that this is a much less wholesome and, as a result, much funnier piece of Albion cinema.

However, the film does pile on the social commentary a little too heavily for this reviewer, slipping in the odd unoriginal statement about class divide and eductional disparities in 80s Britain.

Still, it’s worth enduring for the highpoints, such as the classic jibes at Benedict Cumberbatch’s ridiculous toff.

Even the love themes, seeing Brian torn between pony-set beauty Alice and bra-burning Rebecca don’t seem forced.

Kudos then to director Tom Vaughan, for this witty and charming gem.

Si Truss

STARTER FOR TEN: smut

THIRTYONE

FILM BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR...

Dir: Larry Charles Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Pamela Anderson Out Now, 85 mins

Ali G. man Sacha Baron Cohen brings his controversially hilarious Kazak reporter to the big screen. Driving, humour, dining and how to attack Pamela Anderson are just a few of the things Kazakhstan has to learn from the ‘US and A.’

L

et’s be honest, Da Ali G. Movie was a massive, massive disappointment.

While we’re at honesty, lets admit that Borat was probably the funniest thing in Ali G. all along.

It is therefore, an absolute joy that Borat is funnier than a chicken on speed fighting a three legged dog on ketamin (which is a grand sight).

Being directed by luminary Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm director Larry Charles is nothing but an asset to the project, giving the hilariously written and improvised scenes the look they deserve.

Part of Borat’s success is in the fact that Cohen has opted for basing the segments of improvisation around a witty and perfectly balanced storyline, rather than a feature length episode of the TV show.

Essentially one of the best comedies of the year.

Si Truss

THE HOST: Like a violent Family Fortunes THE HOST (GWOEMUL) Dir: Bong Joon-ho Starring: Song Kangho, Byeon He-bong, Park Hae-il Out Now, 120 mins

In the South Korean capital of Seoul, a monster stalks the Han River.

When it is believed to be carrying a contagious virus the US military is inserted to counter it. Meanwhile, a lazy father whose daughter has been taken by the beast enlists the aid of his dysfunctional family to help retrieve her.

T BORAT: Kazakh-star

THIRTYTWO

here is an early scene in The Host which is testament to its brilliance at playing with conventions of tonality.

The disillusioned Park family has come together to grieve the passing of a loved one that was lost in an attack by a mutant monster. They cry and howl and at first the scene is a sad one. However, this continues on and on until it plunders farcical depths which had me reeling with laughter, as the family screams their loved one’s name and brothers Gang-du and Nam-il begin to bitterly

fight beneath the shrine, while ravenous press photographers surround them, eager for shots. The ever-shifting tone of The Host is confusing, anarchic and engrossing.

The creature itself is fantastically designed and every scene in which it is employed veers between nailshredding tension (young Hyun-seo hiding from the beast in the sewer drains) and wild entertainment (the creature’s initial storm on a heavily populated park is a fantastic depiction of utter chaos). In another example of defying conventions, the beast appears in the film’s opening moments, in full sunlight and without warning.

There is also a satirical edge in the criticism of the US military’s overbearing dominance in its attempts to contain the creature.

Adding a further layer of intelligence to an already fantastic film, protesters demonstrate their employment of the insidious Agent Yellow gas in an attempt to stem the spread of the virus.

The Host is the largest-grossing South Korean production ever, and with good reason. It continues the trend for imaginative and eye-popping cinema coming from the SouthEast Asian nation and is a true anomaly. It is also a classic in the making and one of my new faves.

Ewen Hosie

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

dvds

new releases KING KONG: DELUXE EXTENDED EDITION Out Nov 13th eter Jackson’s remake of the massive monkey epic is a film that divides opinion among Quench Film Personally, I’m thouroughly unimpressed by this CGI heavy version of the monstorous tale of interspiecies love. For me, the story feels too padded out, the island scenes are far too over the top and the attempts to cram so much emotion into what is essentially a fictional monkey is laughable.

On the other hand, I know many people who love it and, if you fall into that catagory, you’re likely to be very satisfied with this extended version.

In this three DVD boxset Jackson has essentially done for Kong what he did for the Rings films. The feature itself is extended in length (annoyingly now spanning two disks) and is backed by more extras than you can fling monkey poo at.

Stilll, personally if I want to be entertained by an ape for hours on end I’ll put the words ‘monkey’, ‘drinking’ and ‘pee’ into the YouTube search engine and while the night away.

Kong? Schlong? hmm... food for thought perhaps.

Si Truss

P Bateman’s best

THE BREAK-UP Out Nov 13th film that may well be enjoyed by many but will be loved by any forsaken woman who takes herself to the cinema with a handful of tissues and enough chocolate to bury a lorry.

The Break Up is the archetypal 'men are bad' film which puts all of an average charming fella's flaws into one Vince Vaughn shaped package.

Men may well come out feeling rather hard done by and it most certainly isn’t one to watch with your significant other.

It’s hardly jam-packed with laughs but it does its job in keeping you entertained enough.

DVD Extras include an alternative ending, alongside standard trailers and deleted scenes.

Catherine Gee

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re-releases WALLACE & GROMIT IN THE CURSE OF THE WERERABBIT - LTD EDITION CHEESE AND CRACKER TIN Out Nov 13th allace & Gromit in The Curse of the WereRabbit is a veg-fuelled feast for the eyes.

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As well as the gorgeous animation, superb voicework, hilarious story and familiar characters; WereRabbit fairly assaults the senses. Look out for the rabbits in the background pulling faces when they think no one is looking.

Andrew Williams

KNIGHT RIDER: Michael Knight, a lone crusader in a dangerous world. The world... of the Knight Rider.

special edition

tv boxset

DR WHO: Special Edition 1th November he time-travelling adventures of Tenth Doctor David Tennant are collected here in one handy, vaguely TARDIS-shaped boxset.

This time around not only do you get the pleasure of enjoying the doc’s adventure but, as it’s mostly shot in Cardiff, you can spend the duration of the programme trying to spot your house.

Over these thirteen episodes, the Doctor and his assistant Rose (Billie Piper) encounter old enemies the Daleks and Cybermen, along with a host of new aliens; Queen Victoria, a werewolf, Satan and, most terrifying of all, Peter Kay. Superb stuff.

Rhys Trigg

KNIGHT RIDER: THE ULTIMATE COLLECTION COMPLETE SEASONS 1 - 4 BOX SET (26 DISCS) Out November 13th off Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff.

Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Ryan Owen

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THIRTYTHREE

BOOKS

A C a rd i f f c re a t i o n Since graduating from Cardiff Lucy Clarke has had her first novel published. Avalyn Beare talks to her about the trials and tribulations of being an aspiring writer...

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y her third year at Cardiff Lucy Clarke had already had her first book published. The Student Survival Guide is a hilarious read and a companion to hundreds of students. It would be a natural progression then to move onto fiction.

“Having written a reference book on student life, I wanted to branch into fiction and it is always easier to write from experience,” she explains.

“I started making notes of all I can remember from my first year until my last, and from that the characters formed naturally.” This would explain the wide variation of characters within the novel.

Lucy did not follow the usual routes to being published. “I didn’t do any of the creative writing modules whilst I was at uni, but I was encouraged by my tutor Peter Hunt.

With his help I found a book in the library that listed all the publishers in Britain. It all went from there.”

Surf Wax and Vodka Jelly Lucy Clarke Spring Hill

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or some of us, our first year at university seems a long time in the past. Others are lucky enough to still be experiencing it, but wherever you are in your university career, Surf Wax and Vodka Jelly will have you in stitches.

Written by a former Cardiff student, this hilarious novel covers

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After successfully having her first book published in her second year of university, Lucy graduated and went to work. “I worked for a year in an advertising company and this provided me with the funds to go travelling. It was whilst I was away that I had more time to work on Surf Wax and Vodka Jelly.”

Travelling gave Lucy more than just time to write. “I started working on the novel when I was in Hawaii.

There is obviously a thriving surf culture there and this definitely influenced my book.” But, although this all sounds idyllic, it isn’t always like this. Even Lucy still has times when she feels like giving up. “Every time I sit down in the morning at the laptop, I feel like giving up! But once I had a contract signed it gave me the motivation to continue. It is very hard, you have to be determined that your book is worth writing.” Even so, Lucy’s book is hilarious and light, but it might be a while before we hear every embarrassment, and every moment of joy that the fresh-out-ofschool student has to experience.

Written in a diary form comparable to the style of Helen Fielding this novel provides an insight to the life of every student. We follow the life of Josie, a young and naïve first year, through her meetings with her flatmates, her attempts at being part of the surfing society and her rather stilted love life.

There is a character for all of us to relate to within this novel, whether it be the loud-mouthed, sex-crazed flatmate or the insecure and confused Josie. It captures the pace of the first year, providing real insights to nights out, surfing expeditions and

“

“It is hard, you have to be determined that your book is worth writing.” any more of Josie’s adventures at university. “I would like to write a sequel following Josie through the rest of uni, but it is a very small market to attract. It is always hard for aspiring writers to be able to direct their work at smaller target groups as you still have to support yourself.”

But unlike Josie, Lucy is a laid back young lady and you get the feeling that it won’t be long before she is tempted back to continue Josie’s story. Books will keep their fingers crossed.

Surf Wax and Vodka Jelly is out now the intricate relationships formed between flatmates.

The laugh-outloud humour of the novel is more likely to appeal to the female audience, especially within those early morning, ‘what did you do last night’ conversations, but there is something for everyone.

This novel works on more than this female superficial level. There are some real tender moments when the past of one of the flatmates is revealed, expressing the real experience of Clarke’s work. In many ways it is easy to compare this novel to your first year, it is fun, fast and over too soon.

8/10 Avalyn Beare

THIRTYFIVE

BOOKS The Unpublished Spike Milligan: Box 18 Ed. Norma Farnes Fourth Estate

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ox 18 is a ramshackle amalgamation of unpublished works, personal correspondence and iconic photos by and of the late surrealist comedian Spike Milligan. The broad text covers every facet of Milligan’s prolific creative tendencies; including his resonate, bizarre poetry in Babu and his ridiculous, rambling prose in Hermann Göring.

Milligan conveyed an erratic and disorganised public profile throughout his life, indeed this was part of his charm; although, in his personal life he was an extremely organised individual. Spike swore by a system of box files in which he kept every scrap of paperwork and recorded correspondence. Box 18 was the name given to a file in which he would keep half-finished works, ranging from children’s stories and cartoons to poetry and from which a substan-

Service Wash Rupert Smith Serpent’s Tail

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uthor Rupert Smith is no stranger to world of soap operas. Having worked on various soap-related projects such as a book on the history of Eastenders and regular stints as a television critic for the Guardian, Smith is able to transfer his knowledge of soaps into this

A Picture of Depression

THIRTYSIX

tial part of the book is sourced.

Box 18 is a specialist text, aimed at an established fan base. To enjoy this text it helps to be an avid fan of Spike as it is, essentially, a voyeuristic and nostalgic collection accompanied by sentimental editor notes.

However; the text can prove to be engaging even if you are not a fan of Spike and it is certainly comprehensive. Milligan’s talent is a point of debate but this anthology has the advantage of offering an intimate insight into his undeniably fascinating mind. Even if you are not rolling around on the floor laughing at the dated, bigoted humour you will undoubtedly be fascinated by the man’s thoughts and subtle glimpses into his depressive nature.

Perhaps the best part of the book is a section entitled ‘Spike’s Letters’ it showcases correspondence between Spike and various recipients. The best of these letters are a handful of defiant complaints to the Harrods that will raise a wry smile and provoke an introverted chuckle.

Even so, it is hard to see why this man is revered and adored. The majority of his work is, well, shit. On the evidence of this text Spike appears to be a more competent novel.

Service Wash tells the story Eileen Weathers, the star of a longrunning soap that is something of a national establishment. However, the soap has recently experienced a significant fall in its ratings, and as a desperate push for publicity, its producers are relying on Eileen’s warts-and-all autobiography being a bestseller to guarantee the show a lifeline.

Paul Mackrell, a young and aspiring novelist, is employed to put Eileen’s ramblings together to form some sort of tangible life story.

Paul soon discovers that there is more to the media-constructed image of Eileen than meets the eye. Eileen’s mysterious tabloid past is brought to Paul’s attention in the forms of her relationship with younger husband Jimmy, his infidelities with a mistress and her affairs with other young men. The kicker of the story comes when Jimmy and his mistress are found dead in Eileen’s home.

children’s writer than comedic sketch writer as his more mature works seem to subside into bigotry, Nazi jokes and an awful, knowing, surrealism. This truly is book for fans only.

5/10 Liam Dando

“

It offers an intimate insight into his undeniably fascinating mind

Kermit with a Spike up his bum

With the finger of blame pointed firmly in her direction, Eileen is arrested for their murders and Paul is left to figure out if Eileen really is capable of killing her husband.

Service Wash works only because Rupert Smith knows what he is talking about. His insight into the world of television soaps, and the tabloid treatment of their stars is channelled well into this novel.

While the plot itself is largely predictable and, at some points, frankly boring, the novel’s saving grace is Smith’s ability to parody the genre that he loves the most.

His skills of satire are well honed and evident in that he is able here to transform the private life of a television star into its own over-thetop soap opera, complete with a meandering plot and larger than life characters.

However, this turns out to be the only thing of merit in a novel which ultimately is a paperback version of a television soap opera. 5/10 Tom Williams

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BOOKS The Belly of the Atlantic Fatou Diome Seroent’s Tail

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rom the title, one might expect a tale of the darker, more turbulent side of something so externally attractive - and that is exactly what this book does.

Diome’s debut novel looks at the misconceptions of immigrant life in France and exposes the harsh reality they face on foreign soil.

The story focuses on Salie, living in Paris, and her attempt to dissuade her younger brother back home in Senegal from moving to France to follow his dreams of becoming a professional footballer. Failure overseas

PARIS: A whole new world

Big Babies: Or: Why Can’t We Just Grow Up? Michael Bywater Granta Books

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ichael Bywater once told me I need to get laid more often. It was, if you’ll forgive the pun, a penetrating remark – how did he know, just from reading my work? – not to mention a funny one. And those two words, penetrating and funny, are an accurate précis of this book.

In Big Babies, he tunes his perceptive intellect to the way in which government, advertising, and pretty much anyone else whose mission statement can be summed up as

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who are turning is something that many characters into ‘tropical in the book will not admit to Barbies’ and and one quote sums up the men returntone of the novel perfectly; ing from ‘it was not easy to presFrance ent salt as sugar.’ with teleSeveral tales of brutal visions French experience are and tacky woven throughout the text gifts. While giving the novel added the faults of depth and authenticity. As Western sociwell as focusing on individual DIOME: On a wonk ety are incidents, the novel addresses exposed, however, many themes that are relevant to the narrator is not so the world today; globalisation, racism biased as to point out the advanand AIDS. tages of such a way of life and criticize parts of her own culture.

Diome’s style of writing is engaging and easy to read, there was just one point where a sentence made no sense, although this could be from translating troubles. The narrative is peppered with proverbs and local sayings that make you think and really are applicable to our sociDiome juxtaposes the two conety. trasting cultures; the easygoing, The Belly of the Atlantic is thoughtcompassionate way of life in Senegal provoking. It questions our attitudes and the confined, impersonal towards other cultures, the concept lifestyle in France. In doing so, it of where ‘home’ really is and takes a highlights the immense difference refreshing angle on traditional life, between the developed and the relationships and football. The Belly underdeveloped worlds from a narraof the Atlantic is a novel to intrigue, tor that understands them both. move and delight.

You cannot get away from the traces 8/10 Kirsty Page of the West that are seeping into the Senegalese culture. Native women

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Exposes the harsh reality of immigrant life in France

“give us the money, now fuck off”, treats us increasingly like children.

How the Baby Boom generation, having never grown up themselves, want to make us just like them.

Encompassing the surveillance society, pointless risk assessments, the vacuity of celebrity and ‘respect czars’, and just about everything else that’ll make you exclaim “oh, for fuck’s sake” with a despondent sigh, it’s an elucidating and often hilarious read, where cogent discourse occasionally gives way to full-on grumpyold-man rants, but from a grumpy old man that’s erudite, articulate, welleducated, and above all, absolutely right.

Bywater explains how and why we’re allowing ourselves to be infantilised, giving both serious and frivolous examples, and ultimately how we can act like Proper Grown Ups, in a way that makes it seem so painful-

“

Once you have read this, you’ll start to see examples everywhere ly obvious we wonder why we never actually noticed it ourselves. And that’s a problem: once you’ve read it, you’ll start seeing examples of the kind of thing he’s talking about everywhere: letters from the bank (“Hello! Remember us?”); lecturers hammering home that they will check for plagiarism, assuming that you’re probably going to cheat; and alcohol awareness adverts that state the bleeding obvious to name just three.

From there, it can only be a short trip to the asylum.

Don’t let that put you off, though.

That would be childish. 9/10 Christopher White

THIRTYSEVEN

MUSIC AIM

Flight 602

ATTIC Records

Delayed en route to Malaga

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Music go to the movies...

our years now since Aim (or Andrew Turner to his mother and/or siblings) last gave us a full studio LP, his brilliant Hinterland.

It’s been a productive four years though, with a spattering of live DJ albums and EPs, but most importantly the launching of his ATIC Records label.

Flight 602 is Turner’s first venture on the label, and if his others are half as masterful, he’ll be a very successful man.

An expectedly cool intro informs, “Listening to this record will change and greatly enrich the way you look at your world”. And bugger me; I think he might even be right. It’s a summer day. A bright-eyed, bushy-tailed summer day. It’s no secret the world looks better in summer.

Lazy beats and catchy hooks from the single Puget Sound and the smiling Northwest capture the feel-good essence of this record. As the album progresses it’s as though the sun passes overhead, rising up with Walking Home Through the

O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU? VARIOUS ARTISTS

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oots music has never enhanced a film so much. The desperation of depression-hit America is brought to life through the beautiful, heartbreaking sound of bluegrass, while a choir’s gospel perfectly accompanies the religious torment underlying a mass baptism.

Norman Blake proves that You Are My Sunshine was a good – and unbelievably depressing – song before Sesame Street manhandled it, while Dan Tyminski masters Man Of Constant Sorrow, the song central to the film’s plot. Even the legendary Emmylou Harris turns up during the sirens’ hypnotic song. While we watch the film, real folk and blues

THIRTYEIGHT

Park, peaking with Aberdeen and setting with the mellow, rolling acoustic guitar and vocal of It’s Later Than You Think.

9/10 Mike Richards

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For an artist so young, the album has a grown up take on life Amy Winehouse DEFTONES

Saturday Night Wrist Maverick

Erotic cramp

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hen hard rock bands stick around for as long as Deftones, they have a tendency to stop being angry and start trying to be arty. The result is a quick descent into the quagmire of mediocrity in which most modern music flails sloppily about.

Deftones, however, are an anomaly – a band able to combine vitriol with experimentation to glorious

legends are transporting us back to a Utopian musical world before the advent of electric guitars.

And yet, unlike most soundtracks, the music works just as well as a standalone album. It did win five Grammys, after all, including Album of the Year (against competition from Bob Dylan, OutKast and U2).

Opening with the sound of prisoners breaking rocks to Po’ Lazarus and ending with a poignant rendition of the timeless Angel Band, it nears perfection throughout.

Ralph Stanley, the 75-year-old who won Best Male Country Vocal for his haunting (and unaccompanied) performance of O Death, reflects the album’s sound as a whole: old, but packing a punch. Huw Davis

effect. The band’s visceral aggression, which spewed forth from every track of their earliest albums, is still present on Saturday Night Wrist, bubbling menacingly away beneath the glossy layered guitars.

The best moments of the record come when the old Deftones of heavy riffs and raw, raging vocals is allowed to break out and mingle with the melodies and instrumental submersion characteristic of the band since their classic White Pony.

Standout tracks Beware and Rats!Rats!Rats! are the high points of the band’s adept fusion of hard-rock and harmony. Chino Moreno’s voice is still one of the most magnificent things your ears will ever have the pleasure of sampling. And as a bonus, the second best voice in hard rock is joined by the best, Serj Tankian of System of a Down, on the superb Mein.

Like all Deftones albums, Saturday Night Wrist is a grower. Give it time and you will be justly rewarded.

8/10 Ed Vanstone

AMY WINEHOUSE

Back to Black Universal Records David Beershed

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ack To Black is an excellent showcase for Winehouse’s talent as a confident, mature artist. Taking inspiration from girlgroups of the 50’s and 60’s, the album is a balance between ultra chilled, emotionally charged tracks and slick, stomping bluesy tunes.

Rehab and Just Friends are the kind of tracks you can’t sit still to with awesome saxophone base lines and some serious beat. The more soulful tracks such as Love is a Losing Game demonstrate Winehouse’s extensive vocal capacity.

Back to Black stretches her abilities where she takes on a much more mature, serious tone. For an artist so young, the album has a grown-up take on life and this is one woman who is not afraid to say what she thinks and why not?

If you’re going to listen to someone it may as well be someone who is brutally honest and gives a damn about what they’re singing.

8/10 Kirsty Page

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC JARVIS Jarvis

JOANNA NEWSOM Ys

Rough Trade

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Cock Her.

venings; smokey, dimly lit and soaked in red wine. Putting the world to rights with anyone who’ll listen. Putting the world to rights with Mr. Jarvis Cocker.

It smacks of a grown up sentiment but is hard to place, flitting from ‘been there done that’ to the unsure, wobbly end of the spectrum.

Either way this album places increasingly relevant brick after brick in the tapestry of this transitional life, subjective as this may be for him or I. Perfectly packaged, entwined in its entirety from the beautiful 26 second piano led sample, ripping straight into recent singe Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time, all the way through to the second piano led sample of a lower key which slides into the mystical, deep and very final Quantum Theory.

Early on Jarvis illustrates the true force of the long overdue and classic sound he now commands, echoes of greats with Bowie-esque gravity in Black Magic amongst others. From the spine tinglingly dark and classically tinged Disney Time, to the sinister yet striking I Will Kill Again and the hilarious and upbeat Fat Children. Cocker is, in every sense, heartbreakingly truthful and realistic, with every blow of his blunt logic right on-the-nose throughout this wise, beautiful and deeply satisfying record. 9/10 Sofie Jenkinson

THE ATOMIC BITCHWAX Boxriff MeteorCity

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Wax on, wax off

oxriff is the Bitchwax’s second outing since Monster Magnet’s Ed Mundell relinquished the axe and Finn Ryan became the resident guitarist.

The astute among you will have noticed that this record is not entitled 4, as might be expected. And for good reason, as Boxriff is essentially an EP with only three new songs. But woah

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE The Black Parade

Atlantic

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Some new

he sounds like the devil” commented my now estranged peripheral friend when he first heard Joanna Newsom’s voice. Maybe this is a stretch too far but when miss Newsom begins plucking her harp and opens her mouth you could be mistaken for thinking a six year old child was being gorotted with said harp string in the corner of the room. Her second full length offering Ys, an album of only six songs, is in every sense of the word, a grower.

With songs an average length of around 10 mins the tracks lack the initiall ‘grab you by the throat and force feed you candy floss’ snappiness of her original album the Milk Eyed Mender but give it time. I’m an impatient man and this really isn’t a record you can just sit down, pop on, listen for five minutes and pop off; it deserves so much more than that.

Musically, the waifish Miss Newsom has moved on from simply relying on her harp fingering skill and she has a full orchestral backing which flies and drifts around the songs adding that fairytale labryinth feel that Joanna obviously so loves. Listening to this record I fall into wonderland, where pixies exist and alternative country stars wander around aimlessly singing to the hoi polloi, with Ys Joanna Newsom has become queen of her domain.

9/10 Will Hitchins

Reprise Records

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there Nelly. These new triplets are accompanied by a new studio version of Kiss The Sun and a stonking 13 live tracks recorded last November.

Most of the classics are jammed out, but the track that raised my eyebrow was Forty-Five. To my mind, this classic (on II) contains probably the greatest guitar solo of all time. Finn does a good job of filling the mighty Mundell’s shoes, but if you’ve heard the original, then a tiny tinkle of disappointment may creep in. But this will very quickly vanish when you crack out the blistering DVD of the Seattle Show. This is great, but I’m most happy to report that the highlight is a new track, So Come On. 8/10 MR

Acid Love

or a band with such a limited back catalogue, attempting to write a concept album is a fairly adventurous and conceited move.

The songs themselves are perfectly acceptable pop-punk snippets, but as a whole album, it does smack of extreme pomposity and, quite frankly, it seems ridiculous. In fact I would go as far as to say that as a whole it generally sounds like bad Queen album played at the wrong speed in cheap Kohl eyeliner, but with half the charisma.

However, despite original disinterest, many of the songs can stand up on individually as overblown pop anthems; stand out tracks being the erstwhile single Welcome To The Black Parade & album track Dead!

Both bubble with the energy that only E Number fuelled goth-lite can.

Essentially if you put your NME indie-twat prejudices to one side for the duration of this album, you’ll see that The Black Parade is a great pop album, littered with infectious hooks and danceable melodies that wouldn’t be out of place on a McFly album. This album needs to be taken with a pinch of salt, but in a scene filled with dour-faced idiots, this is no bad thing.

7/10 Ben Marshall

NEWSOM: Frightened of the nursary slopes

THIRTYNINE

MUSIC Andrew Brooks discovers what makes the

Long Blondes tick What music inspired you to get writing? A lot of the stuff coming out after punk, like X ray specs and Orange juice...that punky kinda sound. We also got a lot of inspiration from 50's/60's pop, which I guess we grew up on a little.

Your songs on the surface are very fun but often have darker overtones... Well thanks, that's exactly what we are aiming for, it's like the Smiths, they come on in a club and everyone gets dancing, but take the record home and give it a listen and it's really quite serious, we like the contrast between that; pop and the dark.

GETCAPE.WEARCAPE.FLY Bridgend Rec. 18th October

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onight, it’s impossible not to like Sam Duckworth AKA Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. He mingles amongst the crowd during the support bands, encourages everyone to fight racism in their own towns (Love Music, Hate Racism) and even has Fairtrade merchandise on offer. It seems only fitting then, that his performance on stage matches this philanthropic spirit in intensity.

Fortunately, he has managed to transcribe all this energy and enthusiasm, evident in abundance on his debut album, into a live performance worthy of any crowd’s unbounded attention. His presence brings a freshness to the stage, and it’s hard to take your eyes off him as he twirls and bounces across the stage. With the help of his laptop, drummer and cornet-playing compadre, Sam’s guitar-driven songs are given the depthin sound necessary to fill this lofty venue full to the brim. Juliet Chard

FORTY

Some songs have strong gay undertones, is that the case, or is it just decidedly ambiguous?

Hmm, well, they can be but it doesn't have to be. It's quite fun to blur the boundaries, making a song that isn't just boy meets girls connects more with people. The magnetic fields are a good example of that, or say Suede, making something slightly androgynous, but you can take it either way. It just makes it that little more interesting.

And finally, hopes for the new album? We just don't know, so much of the music industry is just marketing and advertisement. At the end of the day charts positions are nice but not the be all and end all. It's a big horrible industry but when all that bullshit gets swept away, as long as people are coming up to us after gigs and saying they like the music that's what matters.

“

We like the contrast between that; pop and the dark Long Blondes

LONG BLONDES CF10 22nd October

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f well constructed dark pop songs are your thing, then I doubt there was a better place to be this Sunday night.

Pulling influences from sources as diverse as Dusty Springfield to Television the band certainly know how to grab an audience and keep them enthralled. Lead singer Kate Jackson was on awesome form and managed to give an amazing vocal performance and straight face, despite numerous marriage proposals from an often drooling male audience. Still, like all good gigs it was the quality of the music that really stood out. The band were tight, and all the songs crowd pleasers, most notably Separated by motorways and the amazing Once and never again which got the sold out crowd singing along like some 50’s high school musical. Rarely is a gig both cool and fun, but the Long Blondes seem to got something very very right.

Andrew Brooks

Sofie Jenkinson catches up with Sam

Have you done some collaborations recently?

Did the thing with Duckworth on Yourcodenameis:Milo which was really good, the album's amazing his headline as a whole. Gonna be doing this tour thing with Luke from the Kooks, How’s the tour going? we're doing that Jo Whiley thing The tour's going good, yeah , at union chappel for Mencap I'm pretty knackered now. and so I think we're going to People keep asking why we aren,t record a track and possibly playing here, I,m not sure to be release it as their next single. honest! I've played Bridgend more times than Cardiff.

How did festivals go?

Festivals were amazings. Reading So what's been happening was insane, Bestival was amazing since the last time we saw as well because we actually got you? Yeah it's all been pretty to see other bands! mad over the course of the last three months, we've done How different is it to last time?

25, 000 albums now. It's quite It pretty much feels the same weird trying to put a finger on to the honest, some of the it, very happy with the way the crowds are bigger than before. album went down and the way It's just been kind of nice to the single went and enjoying the watch it grow without having to way the tour's been going, compromie on anything else.

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC Support them!

THE AUTOMATIC The Great Hall 23rd October

Quench check out some of the most rip-roaring support bands around

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ailing from Middlesborough, Dartz! are a band whose passion is ingrained in them like the inability to use the word ‘the’.

This shambolic form of dance worthy indie-rock driven by an aggressive drumbeat, threatening to tear your ears from your face, is about as subtle as a brick as m’dad would say. Everything they are as a chirpy, wicked gaggle of boys pours out from across the stage and dances in among the audience. They just want to have fun doing what they do best...making a cracking awesome racket.

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aving won the Xfm Best Live Breakthrough act award just a matter of weeks ago, much has been expected of the Automatic during their current tour.

Expectations were raised further before this gig, considering that Cardiff is the nearest venue to the band’s Cowbridge home. Sadly, Monday night’s show failed to live up to those expectations. It feels as though when keyboardist Pennie isn’t pulling the strings, the band doesn’t have it’s usual energy and spark.

PHOTO: James Perou

AUTOMATIC: Not as good as Coxon

GRAHAM COXO N Coal Exchang e 23rd October

Eyes Shut Your Burst And You’ll s Into Flame

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traight from the same source of water that has born so many other whip-crackingly awesome bands over the last year, Leeds’ Shut Your Eyes And You’ll Burst Into Flames have it all.

An onstage colour spectrum that put even the power rangers to shame as well as big hair, little hair, cardboard box. Possessing enough blister inducing riffs, as spiky as they are electrifyingly fast, to make you wonder what else is possible. Every Minus The Bear to Forward Russian echo encased in each droplet of sweat being forced to ground by SYEAYBIF’s catastrophically fabulously mess. SJ

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

G

raham Coxon gently winds his way onto stage, no pretension but a full band in tow. Without a moment to spare they rip through the thick smoke-filled air smothering the crowd below.

As the constant vibration from the trodden wooden floorboards beneath begin to make toes feel numb Coxon is sent into an erratic spat; jumping around and hitting his head within his own indie entrenched hell, amongst other things. Unashamedly seeming to play a set straight from the sleeve notes of his forthcoming live album Burnt To Bitz, delivering to a baited audience shambolic gem after indie-pop classic and a glorious mess of shy looks across aggressive guitar bashing.

"We're gonna do all the hard bits first...", explains Coxon from the stage, "then we can spazz out and have fun for the rest of the time!"

Carefully proving his established sta-

tus in every deliberate note in the brilliant and unrivalled moments of I Wish and Bittersweet Bundle of Misery. The spine-curlingly raw guitar solo at the centre of I Can't Look At Your Skin provides a brief glimpse of the gravity and depths of Coxon's true talent, as well as providing a showcase mentally and lyrically. The second half envelopes a sound that is almost punk in it's entirety. But every moment from start to finish is a cut above, a kind of organic sound, which has sprung from deep seated and well-nurtured passion. Showing us that British indie still has a bloody high benchmark.

Sofie Jenkinson

PHOTO: Matt Horwood

D

artz!

The band has been often criticised for the lack of variation in their music, but while unreleased track Time=Money is nothing to write home about it at least shows that they’ve learnt a new tune. Besides this, the gig is dominated by tracks from their well-received debut album Not Accepted Anywhere, although they at least have time for an innovative cover. Kanye West’s Gold Digger à la The Automatic has proved to be such a success throughout the tour that it is soon to be released as a single.

Still, when a cover outshines hits like Monster and Raoul then something must be wrong, and I for one won’t have the same sense of eager anticipation next time the Automatic are in town. Tom Victor

COXON: Better than the Automatic

FORTYONE

JAMIE T: Beady bit of rough

H

alf-chav, half poet, Jamie T has been dripping into the mainstream as of late with his latest offering, If You Got the Money.

From performing at acoustic open mic nights to handing out mix tapes on his tours, the young boy has done good. And it’s getting better, as recent radio play has been boosting the size of his audience.

“It’s very strange to have that” says Jamie of the new, more Radio 1 friendly crowd that have started to show up at his gigs. “It’s great to have the support, it’s been lovely but it’s also brought a different kind of audience to our show and it’s been quite interesting to see. Playing in front of them and trying to win them over has been quite cool.

Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t but it’s definitely given a different angle on it. But it’s all fun you know. As soon as you play the one’s that those guys know they tend to have a real laugh anyway.”

The boy wonder is currently on his second tour of the UK with his band in tow. There’s still fine tuning to be done though apparently, “[theband] still goes tits up man ! I mean, it’s always going get a lot better, I hope, you know. If it doesn’t then there’s no point having it.”

Our conversation is punctuated from coughs and sneezes from Jamie’s direction. Is the constant

FORTYTWO

Jamie T Matt Hitt meets the Londonbased yokel songsmith before his headline gig at Barfly touring taking it’s toll? “This tour’s a lot longer. I’ve got a lot to do and you’re pretty close to just slumping over something and never getting up.

Everyone’s suffering from cabin fever, but yeah, it’s wicked, I’ve enjoyed this tour a lot more, I dunno why but it seems more on edge than the last one.”

The constant touring and steady flow of singles begs the question what the hell is up with the album?

“The album’s finished. I had a title but it got mentioned on the radio the other day and I decided I didn’t like it coming out of someone else’s mouth.

“Lyrically it’s the usual. I like doing two line phrases about something then moving on so there’s a bit of that in the later recordings on it. And the earlier ones are more storyboard based with a beginning, a middle and an end.”

So what’s next for Mr. T? “I wanna get back in the studio and record my second album, I’d love to - if I can.

I’ve got a lot of songs for it. When I’m out playing gigs I miss sitting in the studio and fucking round but when I’m sitting in a studio, bored out of my arse, I want to go out and play gigs. It’s a kind of never-finished rivalry between the two. But I suppose that’s kind of good in a way - it always wants to make you do something else.”

JAMIE T Barfly 20th October

A

pparently young James Treays only got a ‘U’ in his Music Technology A-level. The examiners should be made to crawl back to him, tails between legs, and mutter an apology because, after denting the UK top 40 with his last single, Sheila, he’s currently in the middle of a UK tour and tonight he’s playing a sold out show.

Admittedly the crowd is a little less NME and a bit more Radio 1 than when he’s previously played here but that doesn’t diminish the energy level. Now backed by a band, Jamie effortlessly bashes out the steady stream of singles that have circulated the internet, featured on his mix tapes and been released by his major label.

Having already played an acoustic in-store at Spillers earlier in the day, he’s ranged from playing quiet acoustic tunes to pounding indie anthems in just a few hours.

What a true troubadour the London boy is. Matt Hitt PHOTO: James Perou

PHOTO: James Perou

MUSIC

JAMIE T: Not a thief. No, really

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

THE GUILLEMOTS Solus 26th October

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY BIG BA ND

O

Talybont Social 16th October

ver the last month a number of gigs have sprung up in the name of charity, no not LIVE 8 but Oxfam, or rather OXjam.

Putting the suffering of the world aside for a moment, the gigs have acted as just another excuse to see some damn great Cardiff based jazz music. Held at the less than perfect

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

PHOTO: James Perou

T

THE YOUNG KNIVES: Baby Forks

PHOTO: Sarah Day

he main element behind the rise of the Guillemots is how out of the ordinary they are.

But there is nothing sinister behind this band’s novelty. Some critics have labelled their vague vein of euphoric jazz pop a tad pretentious.

But any sense of posturing was soon dispelled by the Guillemots’ warm sense of harmony, the band’s roadies and manager join in on amateur percussion for the rhythm of Annie Let’s Not Wait and the keyboard technician from Norway celebrates his birthday on-stage withsome Scandinavian folk songs.

The opening notes to the night set a slightly dark, hypnotic tone, but by the time Made Up Love Song #43 kicks in, the floor is bouncing. After that karaoke number comes the treat of new material, featuring phases of new-age chilled blues, some slumbering piano solos, and the comic interlude of Fyfe dancing with zeal to the techno riff on his keyboard.

As the night draws to a close the show arguably reaches its zenith with a well-blended rendition of Annie Let’s Not Wait. Trains from Brazil is both the most natural and best conclusion to a tight yet occasionally extravagant set. Though the Guillemots’ performance exposes at times a young rawness and a freshfaced chaos, the energy put into their buoyant bundle of musical layers more than compensates for any inexperience. Andy Rennison

YOUNG KNIVES Barfly 21st October

F

THE GUILLEMOTS: Sea Birds venue of Talybont social this didn't affect the ever vibrant mood of the evening with the dark dank Jazz club feel replaced by the warm glowing of the ITBOX, lurking ever temptingly in the corner of the room. The newly formed University Jazz band seem as accomplished as though they'd been playing together for years, blasting out all number of Jazz standards with utter confidence. Much drink was consumed, much gaeity was had much merriment was made, all in all then the evening was a resounding success, and to top it all off we got to save some Africans. Will Hitchins

irst & foremost, as a fat, sweaty man with glasses who loves quirky art-pop, it is entirely refreshing to see a band of equally fat, sweaty men with glasses performing quirky art-pop.

Armed with catchier-than-herpes hooks, the kinetic energy of the energiser bunny in a trampoline shop and an endearing charm usually associated with wonky-eyed kittens and 3 legged puppies, The Young Knives are a live force to be reckoned with.

Self-proclaimed ‘Fat Proclaimers,’ The Young Knives are brimming with self-depreciating humour which immediately put the audience at ease. However, all this would amount to nothing without the tunes to back it up, thankfully, The Young Knives have these in abundance.

Songs like Rumour Mill and Hot Summer threatened to rock the Barfly off its very foundations and with a set list riddled with other offkilter masterpieces, The Young Knives proved they have a cutting edge.

I promise that if drug dealers could distil the pure elation and instant sense of addiction you get from these boys then we’d have no more need for heroin. And that, dear readers, is a very good thing.

Ben Marshall

FORTYTHREE

MUSIC

singles singles singles singles singles singles singles JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE My Love

SIXNATIONSTATE Fire

GNARLS BARKLEY Who Cares?

Remixes, ten of them, but none sound any good. As usual JT is falsettoing his way to your hearts with that R’n’B good time, but for the love of all high-pitched boys leave the original, it’s alright as it is.

7/10 EK

It’s rockabilly disco time again.

Gravel and honey vocals, soldered to countrified guitars wrapped up in a punk melange. It’s evident SixNationState are definite contenders for two-stepping glory.

8/10 AB

A disappointing follow-up to recent success. Boring, repetitive, and forgettable. This latest offering from Gnarls Barkley won't be making you crazy with enthusiasm. 3/10 CL

Jive/Zomba Records

Jeepster

PET SHOP BOYS Numb

KASABIAN

Dear Pet Shop Boys, You can write amazing songs, á la West End Girls, so why must you release such turgid Radio 2 bollocks like Numb?

Love Ben, Cardiff Xxx 3/10 BM

With lyrics such as “bang, bang away with my chang” and those annoyingly repetitive hooks, it looks like Kasabian's latest offering from album Empire, Shoot the Runner, has all the characteristics to be the next overplayed version of Club Foot.

Except less anthemic and far more irritating.

7/10 FJ

Parlaphone Records

MOBY FEAT. DEBBIE HARRY New York, New York Pomona

The sound of a bald middle-aged man who has run out of ideas and must rely on famous friends. Harry’s vocals are the track’s saving grace as Moby’s beats sound like they were found on the Vengaboy’s cutting room floor. It’ll probably be massive though.

4/10 GF

Baked and bladdered

The FUN way to fill your fortnight...

17

Friday

Mr. Scruff at The Great Hall (Only two more shows untill he gets Squatters’ Rights)

21

Tuesday

Salsa Lessons at Cuba (Friday night and the lights are low, looking out for a place to go...)

FORTYFOUR

14

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS Snow (Hey Ho) Warner Bros Records

This painfully boring excuse for a song confirms what we’ve all been thinking. The Chilis know they can release anything and it will sell just by virtue of having their name attached to it. 3/10 TV

Julliette Lewis and The Licks at Solus (Check out cool support Fortune Drive. Hansome devils...)

18

Saturday

Spanish, Salsa an d South American DJ at La Tasca

22

Wednesday

Cal Newman at Jazz Cafe (Dirty slide-blues. Knock back a Wild Turkey, spark a Dunhill and chill)

15

GRAHAM COXON What You Gonna Do Now? EMI

Shoot The Runner Columbia Records

Tuesday

Warner Bros Records

Well, I might buy the album Graham; this was a catchy punk-pop single that grows faster than the mould on a supermarket loaf. Coxon at his post-Blur best, album looks promising 8/10 LR

THREATMANTCS

Don’t Care/Stoogie/Little Bird

Virgin Local types provide your ears with a gem. Unsigned but like a welsh Kings of Leon, fusing barndance with Jarvis Cocker wit, not to mention they sing in Welsh and follow it with the line “I don't know what you just said/and I don't care” make them entirely irresistible. Find them on MySpace and love them as you never wanted to love that kid with sweaty hands during country dancing.

8/10 EK

Wednesday

Esmond Selwyn Trio at Jazz Cafe (Fast-fingered, fret-fondling, funky fun.

Fantastic)

19

sunday

16

Thursday

Salsa Lessons at Club Risa (You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life, ooh hoo..)

20

Monday

Damo Suzuki at Clwb Ifor Bach (Japaneese man with a guitar)

Genghis Tron at Barfly (Crazy-bastard electro crazyness)

23

24

Thursday

Breakfast Club at Clw Ifor Bach (The first b ever showing of the mo vie starring Emilio E)

Friday

Salsa Lessons at St Peter’s Social Club (Where they play the right music, getting in the swing)

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC MUSICAL METROPOLIS

LONDON

L

aaandaan town to use the correct pronunciation is by far one of the best musical cities in the world. A city of concrete, violence and hard drugs has spurned some of the most musically creative minds in the country such as the Who, Rolling Stones, Sex Pistols...the list goes on.

Not only is it home to decent rock and roll and the charms of indie – pop, it also harbours an ever thriving urban scene with artists such as Sway and Dizzee Rascal. The musical genres co-exist in a makeshift harmony, sometimes intertwining in this magical city where anything can happen. We did after all revive the rave scene.

The diverse and fast paced nature of the city is mirrored in the music scene, nothing lasts forever and that’s the beauty of it. The next big thing, for the next 15 minutes is brewing in a filth strewn alley waiting to be discovered.

BLUR

Behind The Music

Blur pioneered the Britpop revolution with their stunning album Parklife which challenged the conventions of dominating Madchester. They also paved the way for bands such as Pulp and Supergrass. Blur may be on

permanent hiatus but Coxon and Albarn are still churning out the hits in their respective solo projects.

THE LIBERTINES

What the Libertines achieved in their short- lived existence is short of a miracle. In between ingesting copious amounts of crack, they revived the flagging indie scene and destroyed the boundaries between band and fan. Doherty for all his flaws (and there are many) is a brilliant songwriter and front man.

THE HOLLOWAYS

The Holloways despite their rough surroundings (Holloway is like Talybont North but replace the trees with pimps) deliver good natured guitar pop at its best. With lyrics like “I can’t really dance but baby won’t you dance with me”, you’ll be bopping along like a fool in no time. representation of my personal taste. I'm keen on bringing bands to Cardiff that, pre-Forecast, didn't have an audience here.

O Carl F

ST RECA

WHAT DO YOU DO? Forecast put on gigs of a leftfield and underground nature in Cardiff. From small intimate gigs to large ones with established acts such as The Super Furry Animals and Mogwai.

WHY DO YOU DO IT? I love the bands I am putting on.

Forecast is really just a selfish

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

HOW DID YOU GET STARTED? When I moved to Cardiff from North Wales, where not much happens, I thought I’d be spoilt for choice musically in the Capital. Not so! I started Forecast because I wanted some gigs to go to that I didn't have to travel to London or Bristol to see!

WHATS COMING UP THAT I SHOULD SEE? I am incredibly excited about our Christmas gig at Clwb Ifor Bach on Dec 11th. The line-up is just awesome. Four of my favourite

THE KLAXONS

Klaxons have done the impossible; they made the rave scene cool again. By infusing guitar riffs with classic rave mixes, they have transformed guitar music into something you can actually dance to. The lyrics are witty and exciting; lacking the sombre realism that get Keane fans hot under the collar.

Venue: KOKO

KOKO is the glamorous heart of Camden; it stands as a monument to good, alternative music. It has become a rite of passage to play in this small yet prestigious venue with acts like Madonna and Coldplay passing through. Not just a live venue, it is home to club nights including Club NME. Split into two floors, there is room for everyone so being soaked in man sweat is easily avoided. Mariam Bashorun current artists are playing - Six Organs Of Admittance,Sunburned Hand Of The Man, Josephine Foster and Richard James. This is the best Christmas present I could have got this year.

WHATS THE BEST GIG YOU’VE PUT ON? Putting on Marissa Nadler’s first show in Cardiff (at the tiny Millers Tavern), then seeing her go on to tour the UK and Europe twice more and sign with Peacefrog Records, home to Jose Gonzalez WHAT’S YOUR CURRENT OR ALLTIME FAVOURITE RECORD? Judee Sill – Heartfood. Talking Heads - Remain in light. Muddy Waters - Electric Mud.

FORTYFIVE

ARTS Fresh new talent and flawless technique...shame about the space

RICHARD ALSTON DANCE COMPANY Sherman Theatre 2 - 3 November

R DANCE: a primitive human activity

ONE IN THE OTHER

G39 Gallery 20 October - 6 November neither one nor the other

O

ne in the Other season: three guest curated exhibitions at g39. The door was shut and the room was almost empty: this is the latest exhibition at g39.

One guest curator: Sean Edwards.

Three artists: Melanie Counsell, Sarah Mclaren and George Henry Longly. This display of art certainly breaks the mould. It crosses all those lines and boasts freedom to take risks and experiment. Yet the exhibition’s sparse content means the pieces of ‘art’ are easily missed and misinterpreted. One in the Other’s titling image is, confusingly, no where to be found, leaving the viewers to accidentally stumble upon Counsell’s tiny cup in the corner of the ground floor room.

The celebrated fluidity of this unthemed collection of works is muddled, haphazard and hugely bewildering. The exhibition offers the viewer a chance to explore the spatial arrangement freely and, provocatively, reflects back to the audience asking for the viewer to attach individual meaning to the pieces.

However with so little to see or experience, the muddy footprints on the floor are more noticeable and tell of the disappointment of the exiting public.

Jenny Williams

FORTYSIX

COMEDIANS CF10 29 October

C

just for laughs

omedians isn’t all fun and games. The show’s blurb tells us: ‘humour is a deadly serious business that involves anger, pain and truth’. Oh God. The first half was clear and amusing, with a focus on male camaraderie and education not dissimilar to productions like The History Boys.

The actors showed real talent too.

Peter Cotell (as George McBrain) delivered his lines with immense energy and easily got the most laughs. Ceri Murphy (as Gethin Price) had a more challenging role and contributed a great deal with his natural stage presence and an obvious awareness for theatrical skill.

The second half was very different.

Here the boys delivered their ‘acts’ to a threatening agent from London.

The actors completely grasped their roles and some even improvised over their mistakes, adding further to the humorous atmosphere.

However, there was an inescapable negative. Although I enjoyed the sardonic, masculine humour of the production, the more political and serious dynamic was, regrettably, dull. I usually enjoy the deeper meaning to any quip but when it’s so laboriously agonised over I get bored and unfortunately, I did.

Rachel Phillips

dancing queens

ichard Alston’s dance company has received worldwide acclaim since its beginnings in 1994, and with reason; their performance involved flawless technique and admirable vivacity.

The show began with Red Run, in which the dancers were dressed in dazzling magenta and tangerine. It featured a range of tempos, from dancers bounding energetically across the stage, to more contemplative, intimate movements. The overtones of homosexual love, with men writhing over each other and twirling their partner around, closely entwined, added a quirky touch.

The performance was very organic, emphasising humankind’s relation to nature; the dancers moved sinuously and seemed to figuratively grow out from the ground. The second piece, About-Face, was similar in style, but less energetic, more enigmatic. The dancers’ attire was cream and green, endowing them with an ethereal and haunting quality, rather like the figures in the classic ballet Gisèle.

My one criticism is that the music of the first two pieces sounded too alike; Red Run was supposed to encompass rock and jazz, yet this promise arguably wasn’t fulfilled.

The sparse, acoustic strings sounded more reminiscent of a court in Chaucer’s day. However, the piece to really capture the audience’s attention was the final dance, The Devil in the Detail, featuring a live accompaniment on a grand piano. We were transported back to the ragtime era of the early 20th century, witnessing old school exuberance and humour in the dances. The music was clearly Joplin-inspired, and the pianist even played the instantly recognisable tune, The Entertainer.

Dance is one of the most primitive human activities; Alston’s company proved that the elegance and grace of the human body continues to be celebrated in the 21st century.

Tasha Prest-Smith

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

What’s all the song and dance about?

M

usicals, love them or hate them, apparently they’re here to stay.

Those of us who are not fans may be excused for feeling somewhat annoyed at the abundance of extended runs and new shows appearing in the West End and on Broadway, not to mention the deluge of musicals being turned into films and viceversa. It appears that the world has gone musicals mad. But what is it that makes these all-singing, alldancing shows so popular?

I’ll start things off by admitting I am a closet fan of musicals (or at least was). What more could you want in a show? When life is treating you badly, problems are solved by spontaneous outbreaks of song and even the odd dance sequence thrown in for good measure. Life seems simpler somehow. I just can’t get enough of the ‘let’s turn everything into a song’ type action that a musical brings. But, I am prepared to admit, this is also some people’s idea of hell.

Some musicals have managed to gain a cult status; after all, the stereotypical Christmas idea of sitting around with the family watching The Sound of Music must have come from somewhere right?

But why are musicals so popular?

Musicals are a chance for us to escape from reality for a few hours, to go to a place where people sing about their problems and dance their troubles away.

This is also why a large number of musicals have been made into films, Chicago being a prime example. In order to keep up with the demand for newer, more exciting stage shows and the development of new types of media, film producers and stage directors alike have latched onto this idea of creating musicals for the big screen, making the theatre more accessible and trying to attract a wider audience.

However, this idea of ‘accessible’ theatre has its limits. That musicals are still only really popular among women is that the stereotypical male reaction is that the shows are too

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ARTS What’s on The History Boys @ New Theatre 14 - 18 November The History Boys tells the tale of a bunch of bright, funny sixth-form boys in pursuit of sex, sport and a place at university.

In Alan Bennett’s new play, staffroom rivalry and the anarchy of adolescence provoke questions about history and how you teach it, about education and its purpose.

Simultaneously tragic, shocking and hilarious The History Boys is sure to go down in theatrical history as one of Bennett’s finest works.

From the National Theatre in London, via Broadway, a cinematic adaptation and prior to a major West End run, The History Boys comes to Cardiff for one week only.

Tickets start from £7. Contact the box office on: 029 2087 8889

AY CARMELA @ Sherman Theatre 22 - 23 November

MUSICALS: These are a few of my favourite things girly for them to like. The stereotype is changing bit by bit however. For example, I know a few guys who openly admit to having enjoyed Guys and Dolls in the Wales Millennium Centre when they went to see it with their girlfriends. But for the foreseeable future, musicals are likely to stay a love mainly of women.

The appeal of musicals has been extended to TV as well, in programmes such as How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? which was recently on the BBC and allowed the viewing public an input in the casting of The Sound of Music stage produc-

Amidst the fury of Spain's Civil War, cabaret artistes Carmela and Paulino must perform their vaudeville routine knowing tomorrow one half of their audience will be dead. Yet this deadly and extraordinary show must go on. tion. Directors of stage and screen seem to be trying their best to convert a nation of sceptics.

Musicals are the most adaptable of all theatre forms. As modern attitudes and wants change, so too does the singing, dancing world of musicals. The content of musicals has changed over time, going from the sickeningly sweet types such as Anything Goes in the 1930s to the musicals of today such as Avenue Q, whose tagline reads “Warning: full puppet nudity!”

Who could ask for anything more?

Rhiannon Doe

FORTYSEVEN

DIGITAL

Tantalising top three

Dating and mail order websites Mail order husbands: http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/

We all hear about the mail order bride craze sweeping the nation (in our opinion indebted to the famous Mr Lou Carpenter of Ramsey Street) but what about some eye-candy for the ladies looking for a ready made husband? This dream is in fact realised on ‘mailorderhusbands.net’ where you can browse to your hearts content at America’s finest bachelors. Take Stephen from New Mexico; he certainly knows how to treat a lady: “I'm definitely a classic romantic. I like a candlelight dinner, some quiet background music, and a couple hits of ether”. Buy your new husband today

Iraqi Wives http://www.unclemelon.com /iraqi_brides.html Taking a step away from the young Russian bride fad, this website offers something none of you hot blooded men can refuse – a used bride from… IRAQ. Meet Marie: “Marie makes a very tasty falafel and is famous throughout Tikrit for her "Steaming Mustafah” So…“Don't settle for just any old used bride, make your next wife a

top-of-the-line IraqiBride.com previously-owned bride”.

Real life bad girls looking for love: http://www.ladiesofthepen.c om Our personal favourite, it contains an unlimited amount of thieving, stabbing, crack-taking hotties. This website will take you on an emotional journey as you learn that “These women honestly receive almost no mail.” If you’re worried about picking up a psycho bitch don’t be; from what we’ve read they’re the most morally upstanding people in America (although that’s not saying much), with the repeated theme of “I'm a lover not a fighter” and “I dislike people who lie”. Ironic ay? Far from being a bunch of pikeys, they even read and interpret Einstein; Amanda ends her profile with this quote: “Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature into its beauty.” Who would have thought Einstein was writing in reference to the women of Texas State prison all along.

Lucy Reader and Jaqui Polley

d wantle ine editors

Deputy on m o c . d d y h r r i a for www.gebsites? Want to get involvoemd in

Internet Scandal www.thesmokinggun.com

T

he Best section on this website in my opinion is ‘Mugshot Mania’, with real mugshots of – well – a minimal amount of A-listers and multiple Z-listers.

Most shocking was the mugshot of Hayley Joel Osment (the little dude from sixth sense – I thought he was like 9?!) who’d been charged with drink driving and – wait for it – MARIJUANA possession. Probably the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to him (he’s smiling in the shot) I bet he had fun recalling it to MaryKate & Ashley and Miss Lohan at the Mini-Millionaire’s club over a glass of cherryade and some cheese puffs.

Funniest of all was probably Vanilla Ice (real name Robert Van Winkle… seriously!) who was arrested in 2001 for pulling his wife’s hair during an argument.

Definitely worth a look I’d say.

Also worthy of a mention on this website is ‘backstage pass’ where we get a glimpse into the weird and wonderful demands of celebs on tour. One of the biggest divas I’ve found is Fiddy. Mr cent demands, amongst many other things, ‘two boxes of lifestyles and Rough Rider condoms’ (that must be one hell of a ‘candy shop’ backstage) ‘assorted munchies for 20 people’ – wonder what he has planned?

Weirdest has to be the Chili’s, who demand four pairs of black cotton button fly boxer shorts…

WTF? Lucy Reader

airrhydd.c g about w Know anythin ydd site? Email editor@g the new gair rh

FORTYEIGHT

DIGITAL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

In Review Tiger Woods PGA Tour‘07 All Formats

I

f it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Praise Jehovah that the top boys at EA sports have taken this on board when making Tiger Woods Golf ’07 by doing so, they have avoided the otherwise inevitable scenario of me bursting into their office brandishing a rusty bear trap, ramming a live crab into the mouth of their chief executive and screaming through hot tears “Leave him alone!!!”.

Yes, sometimes less is more, and the few tweaks that have blessed this edition of Tiger Woods actually improve the game without being intrusive or unnecessary. For those unfamiliar with this great series of games – A) You don’t deserve

In Review Call of Juarez Format: Pc

F

or a long time the genre that sold itself to millions of youngsters on it's flagrant disregard for political correctness and morality (whilst embracing shoot outs, prostitution, gambling induced fist fights, show downs…..ahem……….hoe downs, train hold ups, out dated cuss words and panto-esque racial stereotypes) has been surprisingly unexploited by the gaming community at large.

Recently however, possibly in part due to the success of darker, broodier western fare such as Deadwood, and of previous Western themed titles such as Red Dead Revolver and Gun, the industry is tripping over itself to secure publishing rights for the next deluge of lucrative Western titles. Techland’s newly released Call of Juarez is one such game hoping to convince you to part with your hard earned pesos and keep you off the cold Cardiff streets in favour of gunning down gringos and horse rustlers from the comfort of your buttock warmed chair.

DIGITAL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

DIGITAL thumbs, and B) Let me enlighten you. This is quite simply one of the best sports games ever made (including Sensible Soccer). The main play mode is Tour and as expected you start with a lowly golfer of your choice and take on the pros, Gilmore style, to earn cash, stats, and other good shit. Most people will want to create their very own golfer.

This function is so in depth, I was able to make an exact replica of musical pig-scarer Andrew Lloyd Webber and release the monster onto the greens to do battle. The putting has been improved, and there is even more emphasis on skill and shot/club selection, as opposed to just twatting it out of the rough as per some of the earlier versions.

This time around there are more courses, more game modes and the improved create-a-player function – tasteful modifications, I’m sure you’ll agree.

If you’re still not convinced, and

maybe it’s golf’s nerdy image that’s clouding your judgment, then consider this. What other high profile sport has a brilliant drinking version of it?

Which other televised sporting contest regularly features comedic fatties smoking their way around the course? And which other so called “sports” have the nuts to blatantly attempt to ban half the world (ie women) from participating? Anyway, you don’t need to appreciate the finer points of car theft to enjoy Grand Theft Auto, do you? Shut up!

Just buy it. Thomas Birts

One of this game's major selling points are it’s graphics - you’ll be hard pressed to find anything this good-looking on the PC at the moment. In shootouts it is all too easy to get yourself killed because you’re too busy admiring the scenery.

Also in a realistic touch, during gunfights clouds of smoke generated by your nineteenth century hand cannons fills the air, obscuring enemies and adding immensely to the feeling of being immersed in a time when all etiquette and grace was removed from altercations in favour of a western themed St Mary’s Street drunken brawl (with guns).

The games story manages to be both engrossing and emotive, without turning to the tried and tested clichés of this long running genre.

The game is played from the viewpoint of two vastly different protagonists Billy: a snivelling failure, and his uncle Reverend Ray: a killing machine turned preacher, turned killing machine ordained by Christ.

The story centres on the murder of the leading protagonists mother/step sister and father/brother. Reverend Ray holds Billy responsible and being a good Christian asks himself what would Jesus do?

His conclusion: kill every thing with a pulse that enters his field of vision.

Billy however spends the majority of his time cowering in bushes as far as possible from Ray justifying his yellow belly antics through frequent frustrating soliloquies, swinging from hiding place to hiding place using his trusty yet unbearably naff bullwhip.

By the end of the game you find yourself praying along with Reverend Ray that he can find the rock young Bill is hiding under. These points are grumble inducing at best however, overall this is an enjoyable and engrossing FPS. Well worth a look.

Dom Mukwamba-Sendall

FORTYNINE

GOING OUT

What’s the alternative?

Rachel Clare and Kayleigh Excell offer a guide to the most popular alternative nights out in Cardiff Monday Fun Factory @ The Union

Metal, Hip Hop, Ska, Punk, Drum 'n' Bass and Indie. Rumoured to be the best free alternative night Wales has to offer. Cardiff NUS free, Non-Cardiff uni NUS £2, Non-NUS £3. Time: 10pm - 2am

Wednesday Panic @ Barfly

Free entry every Wednesday with all the latest indie anthems from the likes of We Are Scientists, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Ladytron, Futureheads, Blur, British Sea Power, The Go Team!, White Stripes, Pulp, and The Ramones.

Popscene @ The Welsh Club

This is the only night that Clwb Ifor Bach opens all three floors for and at just one door price for everyone. As a result, there's something for you all - from funk, disco and all the classic floor fillers, to the best new music - rawkus 'indie' and such like, heavily-laden with guitars throughout.

Thursday Twisted by Design @ The City Arms

Every Thursday playing indie classics and more obscure alternative tracks from Joy Division to PJ Harvey. Twisted also do nights at Dempsey’s on Saturdays and at The Welsh Club on Fridays.

The Breakfast Club @ The Welsh Club

Kicks off at 10.00pm; entry is £3. Every month The Breakfast Club serves up Synthpop, Electro and Hi-Energy classics from the 80s!

Friday Access All Areas @ The Union

A playlist which includes: The Killers, The Kooks, The Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Hot Chip, Razorlight, Dirty Pretty Things, Oasis, Franz Ferdinand, The Strokes, Kasabian, White Stripes, We Are Scientists, The Fratellis, Rage Against the Machine and many, many more. 10pm @ Solus; £3 in advance.

Saturday Bogiez @ The Point

West Bute Street, Cardiff Bay. Open on the 1st and 3rd Saturday of every month. Entry is £4 from 9pm till 3am plus one selected beer for £1!

Bogiez claims to be the absolute best rock, metal and alternative night out.

FIFTY

Don’t miss...

Oddsoc ball Event: ODDSOC Ball Location: Callaghans Date: Thursday, November 16 Time: 7:30pm-2am (live music 8:00-12:30) Entry price: free Line up: Kids In Glass Houses, Robots Talk In Twos, Mr Maggs, They Made Me Do It, Showing Off To Thieves, Phillip Barebones (Acoustic) Rach from the Oddsoc says: “It’s a formal event, but there’s no strict-dress code. All the bands that are playing are wearing suits and we’re going to decorate the venue. We are working on getting some circusbased fire action going on in the garden too. There aren’t any tickets so it’s on a firstcome-first-served basis and it’s going to be rather large. The venue can hold 300 people.”

GOING OUT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

CULT CLASSICS

And our survey said...

Degree or game-shows? When it comes to priorities, Cult Classics knows best The Crystal Maze

Family Fortunes

Takeshi’s Castle

I

L

T

t’s quite possible to say that The Crystal Maze was one of the greatest ever TV shows. What reason do I have to believe this?

There are plenty.

Firstly, there was the great Richard O’Brien. During show’s 1991-93 heyday, the reason it was so popular was down to the eccentric nature of the shows presenter. O’Brien would often step aside from the hectic challenge and approach the camera to engage in conversation with the viewer.

Due to its popularity amongst students, one could argue it was the Deal or No Deal of its time. However, in 1993, O’Brien left, along with his ‘Mumsy’. A new presenter took over, Edward Tudor-Pole, former member of punk group Tenpole Tudor. As expected, the ratings dropped and the show came to a close in 1995.

In 2006 The Crystal Maze was named the greatest UK game show of all time by a game show website.

Although O’Brien was a big draw, the show’s fast-paced challenges and different game types amde sure the show was a such a success. Failure in any of the challenges meant contestants got locked in the room of the challenge. Remember the classic moment when a contestant broke down in tears after a lock in only to be comforted by an equally emotional O’Brien?

This show was genius. If you have never seen it, make it your mission in life.

Gareth Mogg

O’BRIEN: Dome

CLASSICS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ong before Les Dennis’s star turn in Extras he was famous for a show which, in my view, was vastly superior. That show was, of course, the gem that was Family Fortunes.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show, it pits two families against each other who then attempt to guess the public’s most popular answers to various questions. For example, one might be ‘a building which every town has’ and the most popular answer might be Town Hall.

Now, so far you may not be dizzy with excitement, but the beauty of the show is that it’s nearly impossible not to play along. I challenge anyone to watch without shouting answers at the TV. Even more fun is the chance to laugh at some of the utterly ridiculous answers, which have to be heard to be believed.

DENNIS: Hero Dennis is a classic host, reeling off endless rubbish gags, putting on a mock Scouse accent for every Liverpudlian and displaying a sleazy side by insisting that every woman puts her arm round him during the tense ‘Big Money Round’. Perhaps his greatest skill is coaxing so-called ‘funny stories’ from family members, and having the courtesy to laugh at the non-existent punch lines.

One memorable day the show’s genius was confirmed to me when a Norfolk family broke into a traditional song entitled I’ve Never Seen A Farmer On A Bike. Completely bizarre TV, but also completely brilliant.

Ed Pitchforth

here is a thought that keeps me awake for nights on end.

It’s not the threat of terrorism, global warming or the terrifying popularity of Catherine Tate. No, somewhere in the world there are people who have never seen nor heard of Takeshi’s Castle.

This surreal Japanese game show revolves around a small army of contestants who, every week, attempt to beat challenges set by Count Takeshi, played by cinema legend Takeshi Kitano. Every challenge has one basic principle - don’t give yourself a concussion. The contestants then run into walls, wrestle with monsters and traverse rope bridges while oddly-dressed ‘soldiers’ shoot them with a cannon.

The show transformed from quirky to brilliant after introducing an occasional format change. After all, what’s better than seeing a young man, wearing a smile that suggests he eats nothing but Prozac, fall 20 feet into a muddy puddle? How about a young man, wearing a smile that suggests he eats nothing but Prozac, and his equally Prozac-addled children all falling 20 feet into a muddy puddle. Some would call that sadistic, I’d call it painfully funny.

Takeshi’s finale is perhaps its only fault, simply because nobody wins.

Some claim to have seen people overcome the final challenge, sparking wild rumours as to what the prize may be, suggestions include sacrifice to a fire breathing sex demon or a Fiat Punto.

So don’t let the weight of the world get you down, Takeshi’s Castle is here to make everything better.

Tom Brookes

Cult Classics recommends

Anything on Challenge TV FIFTYONE

BLIND DATE One venue, one charity and a handful of one-liners: Blind Date goes speed dating with Save the Children

Go on, pull my finger

Doing it for the kids A

bunch of losers locked in a room, sharing tips on stampcollecting? Or a chance to meet lots of sexy singletons without the worry of who settles the bill?

With the ever-increasing demand for fast-service, fast-food, and fastInternet connections, Blind Date sends two singles to mingle in the three-minute miracle world of speed dating.

Scary or sexy?

Hannah Davies shares her speed dating experiences

S

o‌ speed dating; dating at speed. To me, that sounded like fabulous fun, so when I heard about a session held in aid of Save the Children, I jumped at the chance! Indeed, why should a girl date one guy, when she could just as easily date a handful all on one night?

After persuading one of my single mates to accompany me, we sat down in a group of 12 and got started - boys with their awkward body language opposite girls giggling profusely, myself included. Each boy had three minutes to impress each girl, before a loud signal told them to move on.

The male daters consisted of three UWIC students, one Spaniard,

FIFTYTWO

“

Why should a girl date one guy when she could just as easily date a handful all in one night? one ballroom dancer, and a gair rhydd sports editor, so plenty of choice for us lucky ladies. When the time was up I noticed a few couples chatting away - perhaps the beginnings of some blossoming friendships? Not quite sure about that, but my friend and I certainly had a giggle anyway.

So all in all, an interesting

night to say the least, and although I didn't end up leaving with a new man, I had a really fun night and donated a little money to charity at the same time. I'd definitely recommend speed dating to anyone who just wants to have a laugh - plus it's an awesome way to test out those all important chat up lines ready for a night out on the razzle dazzle.

Email: blinddate@gairrhydd.com and let Little Miss Blind Date search for your perfect partner

BLINDDATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BLIND DATE

Sports editor Dave Menon takes time out from football to try and score somewhere else

T

hey always say that life is too short. There's not enough time to tidy your room, go to lectures, get pissed with your mates and earn money. And in the world of speed dating, I discovered that time is of the essence.

Although I have the ability to talk incessantly for hours on end, I felt three minutes was not long enough.

There wasn't enough time to speak of my vast umbrella collection, or find out whether LA is better than San Francisco.

There wasn't enough time to tell the worst possible jokes (probably a good thing) and speak of my brief meeting with Z-list celebrities. When the conversation became interesting, I was forced to move on.

But despite all this, I thought it was an awesome experience. Speed dating is a far better way of spending your Sunday evening than watching gash telly, like Torchwood for example.

Even if each date is only three minutes long, the night gave me the opportunity to meet new faces and chat up random women. Surely, that's not a bad thing. You will get no better chance to try out new material (code for chat-up lines).

And at least you don't have to play the waiting game. Speed dating is more convenient than forcing your way through hordes of people, just to get a brief chat with an attractivelooking girl at the other end of a crowded pub.

However, rather than asking the girls what course they were doing (boring) or where they were from (yawn), I decided to ask more interesting questions.

Such a question was: “If you can't get to sleep one night, what would you do?” Or another classic I asked was: “What was the most bizarre

BLINDDATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

thing you have ever drawn in art lessons at school?”Although those questions were incredibly random (and weird), the answers are more likely to trigger off funny anecdotes and memories, as opposed to the number of lectures your date has in a week.

And believe it or not, I strongly recommend playing a different character. It allows you to be creative and escape from the dull, real world that we live in. You can become Robin Hood, Peter Pan or you could make

“

It’s a better way of spending your Sunday evening than watching gash telly But most importantly, speed dating is simply a form of socialising with people. It is no different to meeting your housemates and other random people on the first night of Freshers Week.

Essentially, it's a bit of fun. I can't understand why some people think that speed dating is a seedy session of desperate loners looking for love.

You know what they say: “Don't knock it until you've tried it”.

www.quench.gairrhydd.com

Menon on the matchmaking

up a person on the spot. I had great fun trying to make my character geekier than my date's alter ego.

And at least in this scenario, you are less likely to say something that may offend your date. Actually, that probably won't apply to you.

FIFTYTHREE

BACKCHAT T unnel Vi s i o n TV Gareth Ngngngngngng

S

o, once upon a time I had this girlfriend. Which, as anyone will tell you, is great for a while.

Those things that used to be considered mundane suddenly get instilled with a new lease of life.

Shopping for food is an all-new exciting adventure when trying to squeeze down the aisles of Co-Op at twice the width you have ever been before. But sure enough, eventually this becomes tiresome, and you long for the days when the smallest gap between mother and child and trolley would see you slink between them to join the queue at the checkout, seconds before they did (much like the way Ryan Giggs skipped past the Everton side in the opening credits of Match Of The Day in the mid-90s).

Of course, this girlfriend I speak of was ace. But there’s only so much you want to know about a person, and she was no Jeremy Paxman, so inevitably conversation eventually became tiresome. And when you’re spending every second of every day together, there’s nothing left to talk about because, obviously, you’re both there when the particular talking point would occur.

There’s only so much intellectual stimulus in explaining to your partner what adverts they missed while they popped to the loo.

The perfect relationship would be like one long chorus to an Arab Strap song, but that’s certainly not going to happen, is it.

So, things naturally progressed to an end, and people cry but probably mostly just because it saves talking about things.

FIFTYFOUR

Anyway, I saw her again about a year or so later. And she seemed pleased to see me. It was pleasant enough but there seemed to be pining and I couldn’t really remember how things were before, just how things were a bit like. It was as though I was seeing her through fog, which was convenient, because I was actually seeing her through smoke. I assume all cigarettes are Marlboro Lights so I guess she was smoking one of those. It struck me as a self conscious attempt at being cool. I know she was brutally offended when I suggested she’d gotten dull. It was more a reflection on myself I suppose. And she tried a little too hard. She could quite clearly remember a lot of the things that made me laugh. Private jokes or catchphrases that eventually lost all meaning, reduced to mere slobber-ridden comfort blankets. They were nice quirks, but when something like that has attention drawn to it, it’s far too obvious.

In a lot of ways, that one postrelationshp chance meeting had gone a long way to ruining a lot of what we had before. Not that that really mattered I guess; it’s all in the past, and surely she was happy with how she is now. Otherwise there’d be no point. And that’s what matters.

ever seen. Worse even than SudoQ. It comes across half-gameshow, half-This-Is-Your-Sodding-Life, with unimportant family members of easily less important celebrities telling banal anecdotes about their stageschool educated testicle of a sibling falling off a trampoline.

The whole reason that game shows were invented was to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education. So when you’re as uneducated as fatty Moyles of course, all you can rely on is deliberately answering questions with crazy, odd-ball answers to make sure people are clear that you’re an entertainer.

Conveniently, the whole reason that Vernon Kay was invented was to make me feel better about my painful, pitiful existence. All his jokes are triple entendres with all the subtlety of Henry Rollins disagreeing with a heckler, and all while his jazz hands move independently from his gangly body.

Family Fortunes, I loved you, but it’s never going to be the same again.

“

The reason that game shows were invented was to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education Actually, that’s not what bastarding matters, and when some idiot thinks it’s a good idea to tarnish your most sweetly-held memories just to ensure theirs or other peoples’ happiness, then heads should most definitely roll.

So, I present to you the new All Star Wanky Wank Celebrity Family Fortunes. Or whatever the toss it’s called. Because I have some issues here. This is the most diabolical attempt at entertainment I have

Henry Rollins: just because

TELEVISION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

® IN UNDERSEXED CITY THE

The Downward Spiral, or how the pain of unrequited love can be paralleled with Danteʼ’s Nine Stages of Hell.

S

aying “don’t fall for someone you shouldn’t” is a bit like saying “don’t get stabbed tonight”, in that unless you’re Elliot Smith after one too many aphrodisiacal whiskey chasers, you don’t get a lot of choice in the matter.

Like swingball, Pets Win Prizes, and half-decent singles, unrequited love has become a very dated commodity since the age of swagger took over. The dawning of a time where nobody keeps secret diaries about their undying deification of rugby playing wacks called Darkus Lingenberry or creative writing club founders called Jessica Lustface anymore because it’s easier to just spew forth your emotives at your coursemates Halloween house party, is a sad one. It got me thinking, do people still suffer unrequited love, now it’s even less socially acceptable than it was ten years ago. I found it does, and Dante had it spot on.

You have to presume the chick he sat next to in philosophy with the Mogwai pencil tin really didn’t like his t-shirt.

Limbo is the easiest secret crush to identity, and luckily for all of us who have found ourselves gazing woozily at our Geography teachers, it’s also the most fleeting. Limbo is the questioning stage, more for five minutes of gooey-eyes than a lifetime of gooey trousers.

Lust is for someone you think is speed-dial to happiness and thus end up with a one way ticket to Spurnedville City Limits. A recent example from my annals of personal suffering is the Rebounder.

Remember, just because they carp on for hours about their massive

hatred for their ex, they’re still going to gobble up any shit laid on a plate by them before they’ll even raise a glass of piss in your honour.

Gluttony is shopper’s remorse gained from wasting time, money and emotional stability on someone who isn’t worth it. For

example, you want an excuse to talk to the assistant in the key cutters and shoe repair? Don’t pretend to get locked out of your house every weekend. It makes you look like a squatter.

Material Goods is a form of hell everyone has dallied with at least once. The insanely attractive, sex-ona-stick flowing-locked hot piece of ass, the one who’s an utter sexist bigot / ridiculous slag etc, but you still want to fall at their feet and lick the shit from their shoes? You remember now.

Wrath represents a best friend, a housemate or co-worker. Or, all three in the same week. The person you already have an emotional

commitment to, so in order to save your decrepit soul, you ‘fess up when drunk, and kick start sixteen devilshaped arguments. Things are never the same again.

Herecy Ever fancied someone from the wrong side of the tracks? Like Lisa Simpson and Nelson Muntz, or this very columnist and the girl with the glass eye at secondary school, it’s a surefire disaster. There was a reason why the Montagues and Capulets were meant to be kept apart, after all.

Ev eryone died!

Violence This is for when you think you’ve got an easy ride with a vulnerable human equivalent of a twitchy foal, only to find “oh no! They’re a nymphomaniac, pyromaniac serial polygamist with a Joy Division t shirt”.

Fraud. The stage of hell where all desperation and a brief common sense bypass results in your joining a gym, or going to a Fratellis gig in order to spend an extra five seconds breathing in your loved ones ignorance. It’s only when you catch your eye in the bottom of your glass you visualise your horror.

Treachery. The dangerous ground where innocent little ‘oh he/she is so cute!’ at the bus stop becomes ‘uhoh, that girl who’s one of my good friend’s girlfriend is sending me text messages about my genitals’ This stage usually results in ritualistic suicide, but luckily I’m only halfway through it, so I guess I’ll see you next week.

Jean Paul Satre once famously scrawled ‘Hell is other people’. What he meant, surely, was “Hell is other people you secretly want to sleep with”.